Speaker 1: All right, y'all, Hey, come on, ha ha. This is
No Abuse No More with your host, doctor and evangelist
kal Rich, help you to admit.
Speaker 2: What you feel is under your feel from the.
Speaker 1: Effects of narcissistic abuse, because your feelings do matters.
Speaker 2: How y'all doing today on.
Speaker 1: This cold Friday morning, and this is January the thirtieth
of twenty twenty six. I pray that you I've had
a blessed stress free, narcissistic free, abuse free weeks so far,
and that the remainder of this week will continue to
be so as well. But if not, we're gonna be
talking about a few things today again. My name is
doctor k o richmard Nock Abuse No More, where we're
here to help you admit what you feel in order
to heal from the facts of narcissistic abuse, because your
feelings do matter, Yes they do. But before we go
on with today's podcast, I like to invite you to
visitors on our website at www. Dot Nock Abuse No
More dynet. That's www Dot No Abuse No More dyn Net.
And I want to let you know that you can
actually listen to us every Monday, Wednesday and Friday at
ten am Eastern Standard Time, not am Central, and that
it's on Spreaker, our Heart Radio, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and
other platforms. And the good thing about podcasts is that
if you're not able to tune in at the time
that we actually air, all you have to do is
listen to us at the time of your choice, and
that's every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday or whatever day is
beneficial for you. All right, what are we talking about today?
We're talking about key steps to recovery when you're when
you have been abused by narcissists, So recovering from narcissistic abuse.
Steps to recovering from narcissistic abuse, and we're gonna go
through eight steps today. These are not limited to these steps,
but these are some steps that were gonna talk about
today for us being being able to be in recovery.
And actually, you know, if you have been in it,
you have survived it. You have survived it. You're here
to still talk about it. You have survived it. But
we want to just help you alone that healing path
so that you can be the most peaceful and best
person that God would have you to be. Because guess what,
you know, God God did not make us to be abused.
Many people feel like, oh, well, that you know me
being abused is part of the process of me being
a Christian for those of us who are Christians. But
God did not give us give us the ability or
should I said, he did not make us to be abused. Okay,
so even though you may have gone through, it doesn't
mean that that was in God's plan for you. And
I want to give a scripture for today and two
Timothy chapter one, verse seven, and it says, for God
did not give us the spirit of fear, but of power,
love and a sound mind. So God has not given
us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and
a sound mind. And it's hard to be in a
sound mind when you're living in fear. Okay. What I
mean is if you're being controlled and manipulated by the narcissists,
you're walking on eggshells around the narcissists.
Speaker 2: It is hard to not have a spirit of fear.
Speaker 1: And then when you're fearful, then you don't feel powerful,
being able to have control over your life, and therefore
it affects your mind. But in this particular verse two
Timothy chapter one, verse seven, it says, for God has
not given us the spirit of fear, but of power,
and I'm sorry, but of power and of love in
a cell mind. Okay, so we need a sound mind.
That means that we got to get rid of the
fear of the narcissists and be able to gain that,
regain control, regain power of our lives. All right, So
we're talking about steps to recovering from narcissistic abuse, and
one of those steps, the first step we're gonna talk
about today, is acknowledging the abuse. Acknowledging the abuse. So
the first step that you want to deal with when
you're trying to recover from narcissistic abuse is recognizing that
you were abused, accepting that you experience abuse from the narcissists.
Speaker 2: And this is not as easy as it sounds.
Speaker 1: You might say, well, okay, that's the easy one, me
saying and acknowledging, But sometimes it's difficult to acknowledge that
you were actually being abused.
Speaker 2: By someone who was supposed to love you.
Speaker 1: This could be This could be a family member, This
could be a person.
Speaker 2: That you are married.
Speaker 1: This could be someone that you dated, someone that you
were friends with. It doesn't matter sometimes it's difficult just
accepting that this person was abusive in your life, Okay,
So it can be challenging. And therefore, when you have
dealt with someone that has been abusive, someone that gas
lit you, that to make you doubt your reality, someone
that manipulated you, then understanding that you were not the
fault of this abuse is sometimes difficult. And it's also
difficult to admit that, you know what I didn't really understand.
I really didn't know that this person was what I
was dealing with was this with this person was abuse.
But that's the first step, is that there was abuse,
acknowledging that you were the recipient of that abuse, and
accepting that this is my reality. Number two, Set boundaries,
set boundaries. When you're trying to be on that road
to recovery, it is so important to set boundaries, establish
clear boundaries. Okay. So sometimes this may involve cutting a
person off all together because that person is so toxic
that any interaction with them will take you into a
spiral downhill. Or it may involve you limiting contact with
that individual, especially if it's a family member or someone
that you cannot completely avoid. Now, sometimes you may be
in a situation where you can't completely cut that person
off because because it's other issues involved. For example, you
might have children with this person, so it's difficult to
totally be able to cut that person off until that
child gets eighteen. Or you might have another family member
and because of other family members you're in relationship with,
you might have a difficult time of completely cutting that
person off. But the thing is you still can set boundaries.
That means that I only go around this person if
and when I have to. I will not be picking
up the phone to talk to this person because they're
so toxic. I'm gonna limit as much interaction with this person.
I will only go around this person with other people around,
because that's another way to protect yourself. Oftentimes, narcissists do
not want to show their true colors around other people.
They're at their best with other people all around because
they often wear that facade. They often wear that mask,
so they don't want others to truly know who they are.
So you may have to say, Okay, I will only
go around this person when there's other people around. Now,
this is not to say that narcissists will not covertly
do things for as sarcasm or something like that, but
you may be able to deal with it better when
you're around other people. But do not allow yourself to
be alone with that narcissist if this is your experience,
all right, So basically setting boundaries, you have to set boundaries.
If you don't set boundaries, then you're gonna keep getting
abuse over and over again with this person. So remember
that if boundaries are important. Number three, seek professional help.
Sometimes when you're dealing with trying to be on that
road to recovery, it is best to get someone that
you that can help you, a therapist, a counselor a
support group that can give valuable information, someone that can
give guidance, someone where you can that can help you
to rebuild your self esteem, someone that can help you
develop coping strategies for as you know, leaving that particular
relationship and the dynamics that were involved in your unique situation.
So do not be afraid to seek professional help. You
might say, you know, I want to keep this between
me and my therapists, and that's fine. You know, you
don't have to announce that one I'm going to therapy
on going to counseling if you want to keep that private.
Speaker 2: That's okay, do.
Speaker 1: What works for you.
Speaker 2: Number four, practice self care.
Speaker 1: Oftentimes when you are dealing with narcissists, it's all about them,
you know, and they make you feel like they're the
center of the universe and everything has to float around
them and you have to cater to their needs. But
prioritize yourself. This is not being selfish. This is saying,
you know what, I have put everybody else ahead of me,
and now it's time for me to take care of
my physical and my emotional health. This could be a
join in a gym. This could be taking you some walks.
It could be join a book club. It can be journaling.
Whatever you find that helps you to have that piece
of mind, to rebuild your sense of self, work to
know your value, value yourself by taking care of yourself. Okay,
that means that I need to prioritize mind self care.
All right, We're going to take a quick break and
we'll be back in just a moment.
Speaker 3: When I saw you, I knew my waiting worster. Every
prayer of is for leading me straight.
Speaker 4: You've more than my dream, more than I her live
and reflection of His love so true.
Speaker 3: You take my hand.
Speaker 5: Shuday. Oh the ways God, It's been prepareding.
Speaker 3: Me for every hard way, every tear.
Speaker 5: Was needing me to be by your side.
Speaker 3: And now we spend.
Speaker 2: Before his grace.
Speaker 3: He's written Asto.
Speaker 6: In the same cripp place, I make a thousand promises
to love you through the too hard to close, the laughter,
through every single toy. If God, as I said, center
never fall hard.
Speaker 5: I love you forever never. The worship of Verse heart
a thousands.
Speaker 3: And everyone since he in his home present, I'll keep
them mighty.
Speaker 2: When the storms come, we'll standing handed.
Speaker 5: Our faith in Jesus will help us wisted.
Speaker 3: I'll pray for you today.
Speaker 5: I'll cover your soul.
Speaker 3: Together and purvet together.
Speaker 5: Made home.
Speaker 6: My lesson, my co moppiece, the melody in my heart
that never will see.
Speaker 2: And when it is turned out hand grace, I'll.
Speaker 3: Still thank God for you every day.
Speaker 2: So let this love be more than just one please see.
Speaker 3: Let it be worship in the every.
Speaker 6: Way, and make a thousand proses to love you through.
Speaker 3: That's a holding coast to land and love.
Speaker 5: Through every single But God has a sensor ever will
never fall. But I love you for rap ever.
Speaker 3: The worship birst.
Speaker 5: Come a thousand promises.
Speaker 3: And everyone since he.
Speaker 5: It is holy presence, I'll.
Speaker 6: Keep them mighty, everybound, big seal and prayer.
Speaker 5: Every police had with a say too.
Speaker 1: It's not just fast life.
Speaker 5: It's a comment written by the end of crowd.
Speaker 6: Make a thousand promises.
Speaker 5: To love through the years, to set.
Speaker 6: To call me.
Speaker 3: With these sun.
Speaker 5: How they kill Pomus in my heart in the gifty
thousand thousand.
Speaker 1: The shoe, and that is a thousand promises leads me
back to you. All right, all right, so we're talking
about steps to recovering from narcissistic abuse. Number four, Number five,
Actually surround yourself with support. That means that you need
to have a support team, a support network, just like
the narcissists has their flying monkeys. Okay, do not build
your support around the narcissist flying monkeys. When we talk
about flying monkeys. This comes from the Wizard of Oz
where the wicked Witch of the West had her little
monkeys to go out and do her evil bitting.
Speaker 2: All right, So the narcissists has people.
Speaker 1: Around them surrounding them. Some may know they're narcissist and
some may not. However, they feed off of these flying
monkeys because they go and do their bidding. Okay, so
you don't want to try to convince those that are
supportive of the narcissists that, hey, this person's been doing
you harm, this person has been abusive. They don't normally
believe you. And the reason they don't believe you is
because this is not the person who they see. Remember,
a narcissist is normally in camouflage. A narcissist has a
mask on. You think about those masquerade balls, okay, where
they have the mask in front of them and you
may not know who's behind it. This is what everyone
else is seeing. They're not seeing the raw person behind
the mask. If often mentioned the movie series V. It
was originally in the eighties and they did a remake
in early two thousands, and these were these alien creatures
who had come to Earth and on the outside they
look like human beings, but underneath the skin they were
lizard like creatures.
Speaker 2: Okay, this is the same way the narcissist is.
Speaker 1: They look and they act, and they may seem as
they're giving, loving, self sacrificing, because this is how they
portray themselves to others, and this is why they are
so injured when.
Speaker 2: Someone actually removes the veil and show who they really are.
Because other people don't see it, they're not.
Speaker 1: And so this is why it's hard for people to
accept that these people are narcissists. Now, you the obvious narcissists,
they're you know, you have those that are obviously narcissists, okay,
But when you're dealing with the covert ones, these are
the ones behind the scenes. You have overt narcissists and
covert narcissists. The overt that they're the obvious ones that
you could obviously tell, but the covert ones, they're smooth
and slick. It's I don't know way that you cannot
hardly tell that they are. So you need to surround
yourself with people who can give you that emotional support
in your particular situation, sharing your experiences with others who
may have also gone through things. And this is why
I mentioned earlier about getting us going to therapy or
support group with other people who may have been in
the same situation who can help validate your feelings and
reduce you from feelings so isolated because oftentimes you're made
to feel crazy, You're made to feel like it's you're
being the one that's the problem when you're dealing with
the narcissist. They will make you feel like you're the
narcissist or you're the one that's having issues when it's
actually been them all the time. This is part of
that manipulative process of them devaluing you, demeaning you, and
gas lighting you, which is a horrible manipulative tactic because
it makes you feel like you can't trust your own instincts.
And yes, you can.
Speaker 2: Number six process your emotions.
Speaker 1: Don't just throw it under the rug. Sin It's easy
for the flying monkeys and the codependence and those around
the narcissists to just have you just push things under
the rug, and what happens is you wind up putting
yourself back into that situation and being re injured again.
So allow yourself to greet the loss of the relationship
and the impact of the abuse.
Speaker 2: That means that it's okay for me to say that this.
Speaker 1: Is how it makes me feel, or this is how
this person made me feel, this is how I.
Speaker 2: Felt when I was in this relationship.
Speaker 1: And you may experience different types of emotions, such as
confusion about the whole thing. You might experience anger. You
might experience sadness because you're grieving the loss of that
relationship or what could have been. Okay, what could have been.
You also grieving what you wanted it to be. See,
we oftentimes get into relationships thinking well, this is what
I want to have and to take out of this relationship.
So you invest in, invest in investing, and then when
the investment, investment doesn't give a return, okay, then your loss.
You're grieving the loss of what you wanted it, what
you thought that it was going to be, what the
narcissists promised in so many words, what the relationship was
going to be, but you wind up coming out with
the short end of the stick.
Speaker 2: And and is it fair. No, it's not.
Speaker 1: It's not fair.
Speaker 2: But the thing is, you can be fair to yourself.
You can be fair.
Speaker 1: Come on, now, you can be fair to yourself. You
no longer have to allow that narcissist to be controlling
of you, and be fair to yourself. All right, we're
gonna take another quick break and we'll be back in
just a moment.
Speaker 7: House Jason shod running from the truth, looking for heavy
open door.
Speaker 8: Let me back to pain. I can't blame her, but
he was fearing my name. I was tired of the noise,
tired of the noise.
Speaker 9: God'sking, God for peace, fighting his advice. Then I laid
it down, every problem him. Stop running from him, and.
Speaker 3: He's send me.
Speaker 9: When I gave my heart to Heaven's hand. That's what
I loved finding Mason.
Speaker 6: I stopped running, and God said, you had all the time,
like he always do every pon ever.
Speaker 3: He answered them anyway.
Speaker 5: I stop run.
Speaker 6: Let grace come through my personality to say love, to
say who incident is to?
Speaker 3: I stop running, And God, see you don't love me loud,
You love me right.
Speaker 8: You point me to him in the middle.
Speaker 3: Of the fights. When I doubt myself, you speak his
word from mommy and chosen for Mimmy.
Speaker 1: I'm her.
Speaker 5: You don't need to fix me.
Speaker 3: Pray for my proof, cover me in patience.
Speaker 4: Cover us both.
Speaker 3: Now I see what God said, wait it out.
Speaker 6: You're the guess.
Speaker 3: And he was talking about Oh, I was looking loved.
God was looking wrong. God was writing us at less up.
Speaker 6: Him percy, strong edge, every broke and roll less straight praise.
Speaker 3: Let me right into your face.
Speaker 5: I stopped riding.
Speaker 3: Found something real that shit.
Speaker 6: I love head is school, but got last time brun
in and dies.
Speaker 3: I met you be from my serriende.
Speaker 9: I'm out of ruin.
Speaker 3: What gotta change?
Speaker 5: God?
Speaker 3: He saved you for the heel version. Now I love
looks like test Morty not perfect. Pray proof na rah
spe gotta.
Speaker 5: Proom my sil God said you live in all.
Speaker 6: It's a strong astrup see living now faith is loud.
Then my.
Speaker 5: Stop still.
Speaker 4: Didn't my.
Speaker 5: Breaking through.
Speaker 3: Time running and got see you. So if you ate,
don't lose hope.
Speaker 9: God knows exactly went open the door because we used
to Hordy.
Speaker 3: He knows.
Speaker 1: And that is I stopped running and God sent you
beautiful all right? So number seven, rebuild your identity. Rebuild
your identity and you when you're dealing with someone that
you have been abused by for so long, you lose
You can lose a sense of who you are. So
focus on your values, understanding your interests, whether your strengths.
You may have found that your your hobbies, you your passions,
those things were overshadowed by the abuse that you have
gone through in this relationship. So you want to restore
your self esteem, get to know yourself again. And this
is why it's It is also important to for those
who have been in romantic relationships with someone that was
a narcissist to not jump immediately into another relationship. Take
some time to get to know you again. Take some time,
because what happens oftentimes is you wind up jumping from
one relationship to the next, to the next to next,
and then a lot of times you might wind up
getting into that same type of relationship with just getting
another narcissist and a different body with a different face
because you haven't gotten a chance to know you. It's
okay to be by yourself. It's okay to say, you
know what, I need to halt all relationships until I
just get to know me again. Last, but not least,
learn and grow. Learning grow as you as you move
forward and you progress in the recovery. You want to
learn lessons. What lessons reflect on those lessons that you
learned from your experiences, because you know what, life is
a book of lessons, and we shall all have valuable
lessons that we've learned in this journey called life.
Speaker 2: And so therefore understand what what can I take from
what I have learned?
Speaker 1: What can I build on from what I have learned
what will helped me in the future to not not
to be involved in a similar situation from what I
have already learned. See, if we go through life and
we never have any lessons from life, then we haven't
really accomplished what we need to accomplish to be the
best person that we that God would have us to be.
So what is it that I can take from what
I have learned? You know, when we are those of
us who are Christians who read the Bible, we are
reading a testimony when we when we the Bible is
broken up into two books for its two categories, the
Old Testament and the New Testament. And when we read
these the stories of what's in a what's in a Bible,
we're actually reading testimonies of people's lives, okay, the lives
that they live. So what do you want your testimony
to be? When you have been able to survive and
now thriving past this, this narcissistic relationship? What lessons can
you take from it? What would you want someone else
to take from what you have learned in your relationships?
And then therefore you use that to say, you know
what I am moving forward, I'm gonna grow I'm going
to learn from this so that I would not allow
myself to even be in anything similar, because I value
who I am and it's a serious thing.
Speaker 5: You know.
Speaker 1: We need to always value who we are, who God
made us to be, because as the Summer said, we
are fearfully and we are wonderfully made, and we have
to know that full well.
Speaker 2: All right, we all bother here.
Speaker 1: I pray to today's podcast has been a blessing to you,
and that you would know guess what your feelings they
do matter, Yes they do. This is doctor k or
Richard Mark abuse the tail. Next time the
Speaker 3: St