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Speaker 1: All right, y'all, Hey, come on, ha ha. This is

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No Abuse No More with your host, doctor and evangelist

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kal Rich, help you to admit.

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Speaker 2: What you feel is under your feel from the.

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Speaker 1: Effects of narcissistic abuse, because your feelings do matters.

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Speaker 2: How y'all doing today on.

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Speaker 1: This cold Friday morning, and this is January the thirtieth

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of twenty twenty six. I pray that you I've had

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a blessed stress free, narcissistic free, abuse free weeks so far,

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and that the remainder of this week will continue to

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be so as well. But if not, we're gonna be

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talking about a few things today again. My name is

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doctor k o richmard Nock Abuse No More, where we're

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here to help you admit what you feel in order

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to heal from the facts of narcissistic abuse, because your

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feelings do matter, Yes they do. But before we go

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on with today's podcast, I like to invite you to

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visitors on our website at www. Dot Nock Abuse No

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More dynet. That's www Dot No Abuse No More dyn Net.

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And I want to let you know that you can

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actually listen to us every Monday, Wednesday and Friday at

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ten am Eastern Standard Time, not am Central, and that

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it's on Spreaker, our Heart Radio, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and

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other platforms. And the good thing about podcasts is that

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if you're not able to tune in at the time

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that we actually air, all you have to do is

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listen to us at the time of your choice, and

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that's every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday or whatever day is

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beneficial for you. All right, what are we talking about today?

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We're talking about key steps to recovery when you're when

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you have been abused by narcissists, So recovering from narcissistic abuse.

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Steps to recovering from narcissistic abuse, and we're gonna go

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through eight steps today. These are not limited to these steps,

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but these are some steps that were gonna talk about

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today for us being being able to be in recovery.

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And actually, you know, if you have been in it,

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you have survived it. You have survived it. You're here

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to still talk about it. You have survived it. But

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we want to just help you alone that healing path

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so that you can be the most peaceful and best

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person that God would have you to be. Because guess what,

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you know, God God did not make us to be abused.

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Many people feel like, oh, well, that you know me

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being abused is part of the process of me being

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a Christian for those of us who are Christians. But

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God did not give us give us the ability or

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should I said, he did not make us to be abused. Okay,

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so even though you may have gone through, it doesn't

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mean that that was in God's plan for you. And

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I want to give a scripture for today and two

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Timothy chapter one, verse seven, and it says, for God

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did not give us the spirit of fear, but of power,

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love and a sound mind. So God has not given

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us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and

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a sound mind. And it's hard to be in a

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sound mind when you're living in fear. Okay. What I

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mean is if you're being controlled and manipulated by the narcissists,

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you're walking on eggshells around the narcissists.

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Speaker 2: It is hard to not have a spirit of fear.

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Speaker 1: And then when you're fearful, then you don't feel powerful,

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being able to have control over your life, and therefore

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it affects your mind. But in this particular verse two

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Timothy chapter one, verse seven, it says, for God has

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not given us the spirit of fear, but of power,

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and I'm sorry, but of power and of love in

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a cell mind. Okay, so we need a sound mind.

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That means that we got to get rid of the

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fear of the narcissists and be able to gain that,

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regain control, regain power of our lives. All right, So

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we're talking about steps to recovering from narcissistic abuse, and

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one of those steps, the first step we're gonna talk

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about today, is acknowledging the abuse. Acknowledging the abuse. So

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the first step that you want to deal with when

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you're trying to recover from narcissistic abuse is recognizing that

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you were abused, accepting that you experience abuse from the narcissists.

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Speaker 2: And this is not as easy as it sounds.

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Speaker 1: You might say, well, okay, that's the easy one, me

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saying and acknowledging, But sometimes it's difficult to acknowledge that

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you were actually being abused.

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Speaker 2: By someone who was supposed to love you.

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Speaker 1: This could be This could be a family member, This

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could be a person.

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Speaker 2: That you are married.

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Speaker 1: This could be someone that you dated, someone that you

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were friends with. It doesn't matter sometimes it's difficult just

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accepting that this person was abusive in your life, Okay,

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So it can be challenging. And therefore, when you have

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dealt with someone that has been abusive, someone that gas

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lit you, that to make you doubt your reality, someone

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that manipulated you, then understanding that you were not the

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fault of this abuse is sometimes difficult. And it's also

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difficult to admit that, you know what I didn't really understand.

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I really didn't know that this person was what I

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was dealing with was this with this person was abuse.

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But that's the first step, is that there was abuse,

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acknowledging that you were the recipient of that abuse, and

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accepting that this is my reality. Number two, Set boundaries,

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set boundaries. When you're trying to be on that road

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to recovery, it is so important to set boundaries, establish

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clear boundaries. Okay. So sometimes this may involve cutting a

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person off all together because that person is so toxic

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that any interaction with them will take you into a

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spiral downhill. Or it may involve you limiting contact with

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that individual, especially if it's a family member or someone

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that you cannot completely avoid. Now, sometimes you may be

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in a situation where you can't completely cut that person

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off because because it's other issues involved. For example, you

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might have children with this person, so it's difficult to

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totally be able to cut that person off until that

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child gets eighteen. Or you might have another family member

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and because of other family members you're in relationship with,

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you might have a difficult time of completely cutting that

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person off. But the thing is you still can set boundaries.

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That means that I only go around this person if

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and when I have to. I will not be picking

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up the phone to talk to this person because they're

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so toxic. I'm gonna limit as much interaction with this person.

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I will only go around this person with other people around,

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because that's another way to protect yourself. Oftentimes, narcissists do

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not want to show their true colors around other people.

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They're at their best with other people all around because

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they often wear that facade. They often wear that mask,

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so they don't want others to truly know who they are.

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So you may have to say, Okay, I will only

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go around this person when there's other people around. Now,

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this is not to say that narcissists will not covertly

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do things for as sarcasm or something like that, but

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you may be able to deal with it better when

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you're around other people. But do not allow yourself to

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be alone with that narcissist if this is your experience,

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all right, So basically setting boundaries, you have to set boundaries.

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If you don't set boundaries, then you're gonna keep getting

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abuse over and over again with this person. So remember

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that if boundaries are important. Number three, seek professional help.

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Sometimes when you're dealing with trying to be on that

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road to recovery, it is best to get someone that

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you that can help you, a therapist, a counselor a

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support group that can give valuable information, someone that can

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give guidance, someone where you can that can help you

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to rebuild your self esteem, someone that can help you

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develop coping strategies for as you know, leaving that particular

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relationship and the dynamics that were involved in your unique situation.

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So do not be afraid to seek professional help. You

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might say, you know, I want to keep this between

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me and my therapists, and that's fine. You know, you

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don't have to announce that one I'm going to therapy

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on going to counseling if you want to keep that private.

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Speaker 2: That's okay, do.

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Speaker 1: What works for you.

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Speaker 2: Number four, practice self care.

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Speaker 1: Oftentimes when you are dealing with narcissists, it's all about them,

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you know, and they make you feel like they're the

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center of the universe and everything has to float around

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them and you have to cater to their needs. But

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prioritize yourself. This is not being selfish. This is saying,

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you know what, I have put everybody else ahead of me,

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and now it's time for me to take care of

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my physical and my emotional health. This could be a

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join in a gym. This could be taking you some walks.

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It could be join a book club. It can be journaling.

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Whatever you find that helps you to have that piece

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of mind, to rebuild your sense of self, work to

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know your value, value yourself by taking care of yourself. Okay,

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that means that I need to prioritize mind self care.

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All right, We're going to take a quick break and

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we'll be back in just a moment.

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Speaker 3: When I saw you, I knew my waiting worster. Every

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prayer of is for leading me straight.

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Speaker 4: You've more than my dream, more than I her live

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and reflection of His love so true.

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Speaker 3: You take my hand.

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Speaker 5: Shuday. Oh the ways God, It's been prepareding.

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Speaker 3: Me for every hard way, every tear.

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Speaker 5: Was needing me to be by your side.

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Speaker 3: And now we spend.

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Speaker 2: Before his grace.

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Speaker 3: He's written Asto.

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Speaker 6: In the same cripp place, I make a thousand promises

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to love you through the too hard to close, the laughter,

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through every single toy. If God, as I said, center

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never fall hard.

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Speaker 5: I love you forever never. The worship of Verse heart

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a thousands.

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Speaker 3: And everyone since he in his home present, I'll keep

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them mighty.

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Speaker 2: When the storms come, we'll standing handed.

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Speaker 5: Our faith in Jesus will help us wisted.

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Speaker 3: I'll pray for you today.

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Speaker 5: I'll cover your soul.

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Speaker 3: Together and purvet together.

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Speaker 5: Made home.

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Speaker 6: My lesson, my co moppiece, the melody in my heart

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that never will see.

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Speaker 2: And when it is turned out hand grace, I'll.

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Speaker 3: Still thank God for you every day.

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Speaker 2: So let this love be more than just one please see.

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Speaker 3: Let it be worship in the every.

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Speaker 6: Way, and make a thousand proses to love you through.

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Speaker 3: That's a holding coast to land and love.

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Speaker 5: Through every single But God has a sensor ever will

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never fall. But I love you for rap ever.

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Speaker 3: The worship birst.

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Speaker 5: Come a thousand promises.

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Speaker 3: And everyone since he.

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Speaker 5: It is holy presence, I'll.

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Speaker 6: Keep them mighty, everybound, big seal and prayer.

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Speaker 5: Every police had with a say too.

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Speaker 1: It's not just fast life.

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Speaker 5: It's a comment written by the end of crowd.

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Speaker 6: Make a thousand promises.

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Speaker 5: To love through the years, to set.

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Speaker 6: To call me.

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Speaker 3: With these sun.

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Speaker 5: How they kill Pomus in my heart in the gifty

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thousand thousand.

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Speaker 1: The shoe, and that is a thousand promises leads me

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back to you. All right, all right, so we're talking

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about steps to recovering from narcissistic abuse. Number four, Number five,

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Actually surround yourself with support. That means that you need

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to have a support team, a support network, just like

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the narcissists has their flying monkeys. Okay, do not build

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your support around the narcissist flying monkeys. When we talk

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about flying monkeys. This comes from the Wizard of Oz

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where the wicked Witch of the West had her little

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monkeys to go out and do her evil bitting.

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Speaker 2: All right, So the narcissists has people.

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Speaker 1: Around them surrounding them. Some may know they're narcissist and

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some may not. However, they feed off of these flying

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monkeys because they go and do their bidding. Okay, so

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you don't want to try to convince those that are

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supportive of the narcissists that, hey, this person's been doing

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you harm, this person has been abusive. They don't normally

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believe you. And the reason they don't believe you is

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because this is not the person who they see. Remember,

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a narcissist is normally in camouflage. A narcissist has a

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mask on. You think about those masquerade balls, okay, where

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they have the mask in front of them and you

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may not know who's behind it. This is what everyone

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else is seeing. They're not seeing the raw person behind

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the mask. If often mentioned the movie series V. It

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was originally in the eighties and they did a remake

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in early two thousands, and these were these alien creatures

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who had come to Earth and on the outside they

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look like human beings, but underneath the skin they were

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lizard like creatures.

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Speaker 2: Okay, this is the same way the narcissist is.

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Speaker 1: They look and they act, and they may seem as

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they're giving, loving, self sacrificing, because this is how they

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portray themselves to others, and this is why they are

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so injured when.

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Speaker 2: Someone actually removes the veil and show who they really are.

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Because other people don't see it, they're not.

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Speaker 1: And so this is why it's hard for people to

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accept that these people are narcissists. Now, you the obvious narcissists,

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they're you know, you have those that are obviously narcissists, okay,

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But when you're dealing with the covert ones, these are

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the ones behind the scenes. You have overt narcissists and

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covert narcissists. The overt that they're the obvious ones that

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you could obviously tell, but the covert ones, they're smooth

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and slick. It's I don't know way that you cannot

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hardly tell that they are. So you need to surround

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yourself with people who can give you that emotional support

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in your particular situation, sharing your experiences with others who

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may have also gone through things. And this is why

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I mentioned earlier about getting us going to therapy or

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support group with other people who may have been in

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the same situation who can help validate your feelings and

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reduce you from feelings so isolated because oftentimes you're made

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to feel crazy, You're made to feel like it's you're

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being the one that's the problem when you're dealing with

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the narcissist. They will make you feel like you're the

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narcissist or you're the one that's having issues when it's

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actually been them all the time. This is part of

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that manipulative process of them devaluing you, demeaning you, and

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gas lighting you, which is a horrible manipulative tactic because

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it makes you feel like you can't trust your own instincts.

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And yes, you can.

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Speaker 2: Number six process your emotions.

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Speaker 1: Don't just throw it under the rug. Sin It's easy

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for the flying monkeys and the codependence and those around

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the narcissists to just have you just push things under

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the rug, and what happens is you wind up putting

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yourself back into that situation and being re injured again.

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So allow yourself to greet the loss of the relationship

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and the impact of the abuse.

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Speaker 2: That means that it's okay for me to say that this.

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Speaker 1: Is how it makes me feel, or this is how

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this person made me feel, this is how I.

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Speaker 2: Felt when I was in this relationship.

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Speaker 1: And you may experience different types of emotions, such as

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confusion about the whole thing. You might experience anger. You

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might experience sadness because you're grieving the loss of that

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relationship or what could have been. Okay, what could have been.

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You also grieving what you wanted it to be. See,

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we oftentimes get into relationships thinking well, this is what

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I want to have and to take out of this relationship.

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So you invest in, invest in investing, and then when

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the investment, investment doesn't give a return, okay, then your loss.

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You're grieving the loss of what you wanted it, what

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you thought that it was going to be, what the

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narcissists promised in so many words, what the relationship was

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going to be, but you wind up coming out with

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the short end of the stick.

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Speaker 2: And and is it fair. No, it's not.

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Speaker 1: It's not fair.

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Speaker 2: But the thing is, you can be fair to yourself.

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You can be fair.

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Speaker 1: Come on, now, you can be fair to yourself. You

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no longer have to allow that narcissist to be controlling

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of you, and be fair to yourself. All right, we're

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gonna take another quick break and we'll be back in

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just a moment.

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Speaker 7: House Jason shod running from the truth, looking for heavy

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open door.

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Speaker 8: Let me back to pain. I can't blame her, but

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he was fearing my name. I was tired of the noise,

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tired of the noise.

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Speaker 9: God'sking, God for peace, fighting his advice. Then I laid

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it down, every problem him. Stop running from him, and.

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Speaker 3: He's send me.

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Speaker 9: When I gave my heart to Heaven's hand. That's what

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I loved finding Mason.

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Speaker 6: I stopped running, and God said, you had all the time,

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like he always do every pon ever.

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Speaker 3: He answered them anyway.

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Speaker 5: I stop run.

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Speaker 6: Let grace come through my personality to say love, to

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say who incident is to?

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Speaker 3: I stop running, And God, see you don't love me loud,

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You love me right.

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Speaker 8: You point me to him in the middle.

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Speaker 3: Of the fights. When I doubt myself, you speak his

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word from mommy and chosen for Mimmy.

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Speaker 1: I'm her.

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Speaker 5: You don't need to fix me.

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Speaker 3: Pray for my proof, cover me in patience.

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Speaker 4: Cover us both.

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Speaker 3: Now I see what God said, wait it out.

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Speaker 6: You're the guess.

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Speaker 3: And he was talking about Oh, I was looking loved.

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God was looking wrong. God was writing us at less up.

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Speaker 6: Him percy, strong edge, every broke and roll less straight praise.

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Speaker 3: Let me right into your face.

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Speaker 5: I stopped riding.

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Speaker 3: Found something real that shit.

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Speaker 6: I love head is school, but got last time brun

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in and dies.

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Speaker 3: I met you be from my serriende.

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Speaker 9: I'm out of ruin.

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Speaker 3: What gotta change?

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Speaker 5: God?

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Speaker 3: He saved you for the heel version. Now I love

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looks like test Morty not perfect. Pray proof na rah

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spe gotta.

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Speaker 5: Proom my sil God said you live in all.

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Speaker 6: It's a strong astrup see living now faith is loud.

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Then my.

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Speaker 5: Stop still.

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Speaker 4: Didn't my.

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Speaker 5: Breaking through.

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Speaker 3: Time running and got see you. So if you ate,

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don't lose hope.

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Speaker 9: God knows exactly went open the door because we used

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to Hordy.

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Speaker 3: He knows.

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Speaker 1: And that is I stopped running and God sent you

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beautiful all right? So number seven, rebuild your identity. Rebuild

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your identity and you when you're dealing with someone that

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you have been abused by for so long, you lose

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You can lose a sense of who you are. So

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focus on your values, understanding your interests, whether your strengths.

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You may have found that your your hobbies, you your passions,

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those things were overshadowed by the abuse that you have

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gone through in this relationship. So you want to restore

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your self esteem, get to know yourself again. And this

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is why it's It is also important to for those

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who have been in romantic relationships with someone that was

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a narcissist to not jump immediately into another relationship. Take

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some time to get to know you again. Take some time,

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because what happens oftentimes is you wind up jumping from

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one relationship to the next, to the next to next,

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and then a lot of times you might wind up

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getting into that same type of relationship with just getting

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another narcissist and a different body with a different face

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because you haven't gotten a chance to know you. It's

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okay to be by yourself. It's okay to say, you

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know what, I need to halt all relationships until I

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just get to know me again. Last, but not least,

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learn and grow. Learning grow as you as you move

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forward and you progress in the recovery. You want to

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learn lessons. What lessons reflect on those lessons that you

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learned from your experiences, because you know what, life is

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a book of lessons, and we shall all have valuable

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lessons that we've learned in this journey called life.

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Speaker 2: And so therefore understand what what can I take from

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what I have learned?

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Speaker 1: What can I build on from what I have learned

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what will helped me in the future to not not

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to be involved in a similar situation from what I

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have already learned. See, if we go through life and

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we never have any lessons from life, then we haven't

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really accomplished what we need to accomplish to be the

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best person that we that God would have us to be.

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So what is it that I can take from what

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I have learned? You know, when we are those of

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us who are Christians who read the Bible, we are

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reading a testimony when we when we the Bible is

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broken up into two books for its two categories, the

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Old Testament and the New Testament. And when we read

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these the stories of what's in a what's in a Bible,

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we're actually reading testimonies of people's lives, okay, the lives

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that they live. So what do you want your testimony

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to be? When you have been able to survive and

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now thriving past this, this narcissistic relationship? What lessons can

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you take from it? What would you want someone else

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to take from what you have learned in your relationships?

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And then therefore you use that to say, you know

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what I am moving forward, I'm gonna grow I'm going

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to learn from this so that I would not allow

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myself to even be in anything similar, because I value

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who I am and it's a serious thing.

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Speaker 5: You know.

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Speaker 1: We need to always value who we are, who God

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made us to be, because as the Summer said, we

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are fearfully and we are wonderfully made, and we have

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to know that full well.

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Speaker 2: All right, we all bother here.

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Speaker 1: I pray to today's podcast has been a blessing to you,

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and that you would know guess what your feelings they

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do matter, Yes they do. This is doctor k or

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Richard Mark abuse the tail. Next time the

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Speaker 3: St