WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.040 --> 00:00:02.240 Hi everyone, and welcome back to other podcast episode. My 2 00:00:02.319 --> 00:00:03.960 name is Lisha Gogin, the host of the Globe So 3 00:00:03.960 --> 00:00:06.280 You Guts Podcast. Why I help you expand your mind 4 00:00:06.360 --> 00:00:08.400 and become more self awares that you can glow up 5 00:00:08.560 --> 00:00:12.679 into the best version of yourself. Hello, how are we doing? 6 00:00:13.039 --> 00:00:15.800 Happy June? I feel like I'm pretty tan right now 7 00:00:15.800 --> 00:00:20.039 because I have been out in the sun, vibing, having 8 00:00:20.079 --> 00:00:23.640 a good summer, and I really do think partly the 9 00:00:23.679 --> 00:00:26.559 reason why I'm thriving in so many ways this summer 10 00:00:27.280 --> 00:00:30.640 is one of them being I have released and freed 11 00:00:30.719 --> 00:00:34.039 myself from I would say, like a low to mid 12 00:00:34.119 --> 00:00:38.000 level quote unquote addiction that I have been working through 13 00:00:38.159 --> 00:00:41.799 getting out of in many years of my life. But 14 00:00:42.000 --> 00:00:44.960 like here and there throughout the past few years, and 15 00:00:45.600 --> 00:00:49.880 this thing has not completely destroyed my life. It has 16 00:00:49.920 --> 00:00:54.079 not stopped me from doing my work or taking care 17 00:00:54.119 --> 00:00:57.479 of myself, but I will say it definitely has wasted 18 00:00:57.479 --> 00:01:00.520 a lot of my free time. It also has taken 19 00:01:00.560 --> 00:01:03.119 away some of my capacity to show up in the 20 00:01:03.159 --> 00:01:05.120 way that I want when it comes to my health 21 00:01:05.400 --> 00:01:09.280 or my wellness, or even socializing and even just being 22 00:01:09.599 --> 00:01:13.000 with myself emotionally. In all of those things, and so 23 00:01:13.400 --> 00:01:17.079 I want to talk about my personal experience with kind 24 00:01:17.120 --> 00:01:21.239 of like low to mid level even like high functioning addictions. 25 00:01:21.280 --> 00:01:23.120 In a way, I want to talk about getting to 26 00:01:23.200 --> 00:01:25.319 the root of some of these things that really. 27 00:01:25.079 --> 00:01:26.040 Do control us. 28 00:01:26.079 --> 00:01:27.519 And I also want to talk about some things that 29 00:01:27.560 --> 00:01:29.840 have helped me when it comes to practical ways of 30 00:01:29.920 --> 00:01:33.200 moving away from things that might not serve us, whether 31 00:01:33.280 --> 00:01:35.280 it's bad habits, addictions, whatever. 32 00:01:35.000 --> 00:01:36.599 You kind of want to call it. 33 00:01:36.719 --> 00:01:38.079 And at the end of the episode, I do want 34 00:01:38.079 --> 00:01:40.920 to talk about two things that I absolutely think are crucial. 35 00:01:40.920 --> 00:01:42.280 And I think that people who. 36 00:01:42.159 --> 00:01:45.359 Struggle with any form of addiction, which honestly is a 37 00:01:45.400 --> 00:01:47.040 lot of us in all different ways, and we can 38 00:01:47.079 --> 00:01:50.480 get into that what people are missing when it comes 39 00:01:50.519 --> 00:01:52.879 to breaking free from these things. And if we do 40 00:01:52.920 --> 00:01:55.920 not have these mindsets and these ways of living, then 41 00:01:56.000 --> 00:01:59.439 it can be very hard to break these habits and 42 00:01:59.480 --> 00:02:02.680 these addiction And not only have I seen that in myself, 43 00:02:02.760 --> 00:02:04.920 but if you guys are new here, this is the 44 00:02:04.959 --> 00:02:08.360 first time I've ever watched my content. Addiction runs in 45 00:02:08.439 --> 00:02:12.400 my family. Both of my parents have passed away from addictions, 46 00:02:12.400 --> 00:02:15.840 so I've seen it firsthand. And when I'm talking about 47 00:02:15.840 --> 00:02:19.039 addictions when it comes to like my parents, these were. 48 00:02:19.199 --> 00:02:21.719 Very hard drug addictions. 49 00:02:21.759 --> 00:02:23.800 Okay, so my experience and what I'm going to be 50 00:02:23.840 --> 00:02:27.080 talking about is not as high as what I have seen, 51 00:02:27.759 --> 00:02:30.759 and so I'm just also saying that because this episode 52 00:02:30.960 --> 00:02:35.080 isn't going to be a one size fits all for everyone, 53 00:02:35.199 --> 00:02:37.240 and at the end of the day, I'm sharing my experience. 54 00:02:37.280 --> 00:02:38.319 I am not a therapist. 55 00:02:38.400 --> 00:02:41.039 If you are really really struggling, then you might need 56 00:02:41.080 --> 00:02:43.199 to go, you know, get extra help and things like that, 57 00:02:43.240 --> 00:02:45.639 which we will talk about in this episode anyway, But 58 00:02:45.719 --> 00:02:48.439 depending on where you're at with any sort of bad habit, addiction, 59 00:02:48.680 --> 00:02:50.800 anything like that, my hope is that you get something 60 00:02:50.919 --> 00:02:53.479 out of this episode. So whether you struggle with binge, 61 00:02:53.479 --> 00:02:58.479 eating on healthy relationships with food, or even drinking, partying 62 00:02:58.680 --> 00:03:02.319 or even smoking weed or you know, dabbling in other 63 00:03:02.439 --> 00:03:05.879 party favors, I don't know, there's other addictions and bad 64 00:03:05.879 --> 00:03:08.639 habit that we all can have, and obviously there's a 65 00:03:08.719 --> 00:03:12.759 spectrum for everything. But with that said, I just want 66 00:03:12.800 --> 00:03:14.840 to dive into some of the things that I have 67 00:03:15.000 --> 00:03:18.599 been really able to help myself move out of in 68 00:03:18.719 --> 00:03:21.199 my life. So firstly, I'll just quickly share some of 69 00:03:21.199 --> 00:03:22.919 the things that I have struggled with in my life, 70 00:03:22.960 --> 00:03:26.280 and I've kind of already mentioned this one for sure 71 00:03:26.719 --> 00:03:31.280 was a really bad relationship with food AKA and ed. 72 00:03:32.439 --> 00:03:34.639 I would binge eat a lot. This would, I would say, 73 00:03:34.680 --> 00:03:39.159 like started maybe like you know, end of high school, 74 00:03:39.280 --> 00:03:42.879 moving through college, and like even after college a little bit. 75 00:03:42.960 --> 00:03:45.520 It happened through a span of many years in the 76 00:03:45.560 --> 00:03:49.000 height of me going through a lot of turmoil with 77 00:03:49.120 --> 00:03:53.280 a parent who was addicted. And also it was pivotal 78 00:03:53.360 --> 00:03:56.080 years of my life college. I had body image issues 79 00:03:56.159 --> 00:03:59.039 things like that. So I was really in the state 80 00:03:59.159 --> 00:04:03.280 of of eating and dieting and in the fitness and 81 00:04:03.319 --> 00:04:06.639 health world, but then also really struggling with being able 82 00:04:06.759 --> 00:04:10.439 to eat well and move my body well and you know, 83 00:04:10.479 --> 00:04:13.080 have good mental health. And I was a really big perfectionist, 84 00:04:13.199 --> 00:04:16.600 So I would go to very big extremes and I 85 00:04:16.600 --> 00:04:18.879 would always crash out. I would be binge eating all 86 00:04:18.920 --> 00:04:21.279 the time. I would also bring up that food as 87 00:04:21.319 --> 00:04:24.399 well sometimes when I thought it was really bad that. 88 00:04:24.399 --> 00:04:26.040 I ate so much food. 89 00:04:26.160 --> 00:04:29.759 And I also had this thing called orthorexia, which is 90 00:04:29.920 --> 00:04:33.720 a obsession of eating really clean and like healthy food. 91 00:04:34.480 --> 00:04:38.079 So I was really into like the health and wellness 92 00:04:38.079 --> 00:04:41.759 like holistic, you know, clean everything. So anytime I veered 93 00:04:41.800 --> 00:04:45.040 off of eating a certain way, like I couldn't live 94 00:04:45.120 --> 00:04:47.160 my life like I was just like couldn't go out 95 00:04:47.199 --> 00:04:48.279 and eat with my friends. 96 00:04:48.319 --> 00:04:51.480 I you know, was always consumed by food, Like it 97 00:04:51.800 --> 00:04:52.639 was just a lot. 98 00:04:52.680 --> 00:04:55.160 So like I really struggled with that for a very 99 00:04:55.240 --> 00:04:57.120 very long time. I didn't really even know what to 100 00:04:57.120 --> 00:05:00.000 do about that. But I have come such a far away, 101 00:05:00.120 --> 00:05:04.279 like I don't even resonate with that version of me 102 00:05:04.399 --> 00:05:07.759 in the nicest, most loving way anymore. To like my 103 00:05:07.879 --> 00:05:11.360 past self, I have a completely different relationship with food. 104 00:05:11.360 --> 00:05:13.800 It's insane, but it took many years for me to 105 00:05:14.319 --> 00:05:16.959 come to a lot of realizations of what was happening 106 00:05:17.000 --> 00:05:19.439 with that. And then another thing that I've also kind 107 00:05:19.439 --> 00:05:22.079 of talked about a little bit on the podcast throughout 108 00:05:22.079 --> 00:05:24.800 my years, and I've had like many years where like 109 00:05:24.879 --> 00:05:28.519 I didn't even do this at all, would be smoking weed. 110 00:05:28.560 --> 00:05:32.120 And for the podcast, like you know, algorithm stuff, I'm 111 00:05:32.120 --> 00:05:36.720 just gonna say gardening, Okay, gardening marijuana, smoking weed. I 112 00:05:36.759 --> 00:05:40.600 had like a phase after high school where like I 113 00:05:40.680 --> 00:05:41.759 was smoking with my friends. 114 00:05:41.759 --> 00:05:43.800 Like I had this friend group and we would smoke 115 00:05:43.839 --> 00:05:44.519 a lot. 116 00:05:44.680 --> 00:05:48.319 And I look back and it definitely like was an 117 00:05:48.319 --> 00:05:51.759 addiction though, and I didn't even necessarily know it, but 118 00:05:51.800 --> 00:05:52.720 it just didn't help me. 119 00:05:52.800 --> 00:05:54.560 Like I definitely was suppressing a lot. 120 00:05:54.360 --> 00:05:58.399 And basically like needing, not kneeding, but like always wanting 121 00:05:58.439 --> 00:06:01.920 to smoke to do anything. So there was that period 122 00:06:01.959 --> 00:06:03.639 of my life, and then I went in a period 123 00:06:03.639 --> 00:06:05.319 of life where like I was into health and wellness 124 00:06:05.399 --> 00:06:07.839 and I didn't smoke and this that. But I guess 125 00:06:08.040 --> 00:06:12.160 when I think about myself and my relationship to things, 126 00:06:12.360 --> 00:06:15.720 I would kind of like move from maybe like smoking 127 00:06:15.759 --> 00:06:18.360 to then I was like obsessed with healthy eating and 128 00:06:18.360 --> 00:06:21.360 stuff like that, but it also wasn't a good relationship 129 00:06:21.439 --> 00:06:23.680 with that as well. So I think it went back 130 00:06:23.759 --> 00:06:25.959 and forth through those things. And those are the big 131 00:06:26.000 --> 00:06:28.040 things that I struggled with. I never struggled with like 132 00:06:28.279 --> 00:06:31.160 partying like too heavily or anything like that. Never dabbled 133 00:06:31.160 --> 00:06:33.920 in any other drugs or anything like that, probably because 134 00:06:33.959 --> 00:06:39.240 I've seen it so firsthand with my mom essentially and 135 00:06:39.319 --> 00:06:41.639 so like I never like went as far as that, 136 00:06:42.439 --> 00:06:46.800 but I still struggled a lot. And you know, throughout 137 00:06:46.800 --> 00:06:49.959 the years, I think, like I'm gonna just get real here. 138 00:06:50.279 --> 00:06:53.720 The past few years of my life has been a 139 00:06:53.759 --> 00:06:57.959 lot different than I would say my early twenties into 140 00:06:58.000 --> 00:07:01.720 even late but twenties and even like teens. I'm twenty 141 00:07:01.839 --> 00:07:03.240 nine now, I'm going to be turning thirty at the 142 00:07:03.319 --> 00:07:07.920 end of this year. And I completely transformed myself and 143 00:07:08.040 --> 00:07:08.480 my life. 144 00:07:08.519 --> 00:07:11.319 Like I healed a lot. I healed my relationship with food, 145 00:07:11.360 --> 00:07:12.639 my relationship. 146 00:07:12.079 --> 00:07:15.800 To myself, Like I expanded and I evolved so much 147 00:07:15.839 --> 00:07:18.360 from like the old version of me and many many aspects. 148 00:07:18.399 --> 00:07:21.480 And I got my dream job, I became a YouTuber 149 00:07:21.560 --> 00:07:24.439 and a podcaster, and I you know, really got aligned 150 00:07:24.439 --> 00:07:26.240 and I feel like I'm really on purpose and all 151 00:07:26.240 --> 00:07:29.839 of those things. And I even got financially like out 152 00:07:29.879 --> 00:07:31.959 of debt, Like I did the things that I needed 153 00:07:32.000 --> 00:07:34.920 to do, and I worked myself out of really crazy 154 00:07:34.959 --> 00:07:37.800 places in my life. And I think like when I 155 00:07:37.839 --> 00:07:41.399 moved to the city. I live in Toronto Downtown. When 156 00:07:41.439 --> 00:07:44.959 I moved, I think that I started like having this 157 00:07:45.800 --> 00:07:48.560 entire life where it was like great and it's like 158 00:07:48.639 --> 00:07:50.839 my dream life and my dream job, and I had 159 00:07:50.879 --> 00:07:53.639 so much freedom and I have like more money. Kind 160 00:07:53.680 --> 00:07:55.639 of I'm not saying like I'm like super rich guys. 161 00:07:55.639 --> 00:07:57.959 Like I'm not like I need to like be good 162 00:07:57.959 --> 00:07:59.360 with my money and I have to make money and 163 00:07:59.360 --> 00:08:03.279 this that. But from what I used to live, it's 164 00:08:03.279 --> 00:08:03.879 a lot better. 165 00:08:04.360 --> 00:08:05.720 And so like. 166 00:08:06.000 --> 00:08:09.560 I had a lot of free time, and there's a 167 00:08:09.560 --> 00:08:11.759 lot of things that I didn't need to work on anymore. 168 00:08:11.959 --> 00:08:15.079 Like I learned so much about healing and all the 169 00:08:15.079 --> 00:08:17.759 stuff that I talk to you guys about, and even 170 00:08:17.920 --> 00:08:22.000 now what I am living out is kind of just 171 00:08:22.519 --> 00:08:24.759 anytime like I get a trigger or anytime that like 172 00:08:24.800 --> 00:08:26.399 my perfectionist part of me wants. 173 00:08:26.199 --> 00:08:26.879 To come online. 174 00:08:26.920 --> 00:08:28.639 Like I have the tools, I know what to do, 175 00:08:28.680 --> 00:08:30.759 and I kind of work through them and I turn 176 00:08:30.800 --> 00:08:33.639 over very quickly. And you know, now it's really about 177 00:08:33.679 --> 00:08:35.279 like how do I want to live the rest of 178 00:08:35.320 --> 00:08:37.360 my life in terms of, you know, all the things 179 00:08:37.399 --> 00:08:39.840 that I wasn't able to live out when it comes 180 00:08:39.840 --> 00:08:43.440 to like healthy friendships and you know, being happy in 181 00:08:43.480 --> 00:08:45.840 my life and allowing myself to like want more from 182 00:08:45.840 --> 00:08:48.120 my life and you know, be more in the present 183 00:08:48.159 --> 00:08:51.279 moment and enjoy and experience life and go on trips 184 00:08:51.279 --> 00:08:52.960 and like do all of these like fun things that 185 00:08:53.000 --> 00:08:54.759 I wasn't really able to do when I was living 186 00:08:54.799 --> 00:08:57.519 in survival mode. So that's like my life right now. 187 00:08:57.559 --> 00:08:59.759 But when I moved down here, I feel like I 188 00:08:59.799 --> 00:09:02.200 had a lot of free time and I didn't really 189 00:09:02.240 --> 00:09:05.039 know what to do with it, and I was not 190 00:09:05.360 --> 00:09:09.799 used to not living in survival mode essentially, And so 191 00:09:10.120 --> 00:09:14.159 I found myself sometimes and mind you, like I have 192 00:09:14.360 --> 00:09:17.440 been single basically, like I was dating here and there, 193 00:09:17.840 --> 00:09:20.879 and we can have a relationship episode. We'll definitely have 194 00:09:20.879 --> 00:09:23.840 a relationship episode coming out soon, but I wasn't in 195 00:09:24.080 --> 00:09:29.360 any sort of like solid healthy relationship really dating here 196 00:09:29.360 --> 00:09:32.320 and there. Definitely learning a lot of lessons on that 197 00:09:32.440 --> 00:09:36.919 journey as well. So I was like living alone, and 198 00:09:37.279 --> 00:09:40.039 I still was also coping with my mom and her 199 00:09:40.080 --> 00:09:43.360 addictions and things like that. And I started finding myself 200 00:09:43.679 --> 00:09:47.080 having periods of time where I would go into phases 201 00:09:47.120 --> 00:09:49.919 of gardening. And I'll quickly say this, I am not 202 00:09:50.039 --> 00:09:52.840 really afraid of falling into any sort of deep levels 203 00:09:53.039 --> 00:09:56.879 of either even depression or any form of diction things 204 00:09:56.919 --> 00:09:58.360 like that, because I just know that I can pull 205 00:09:58.399 --> 00:10:00.639 myself out. I've been through so much, through so many 206 00:10:00.679 --> 00:10:04.559 hard times that I just I know that sometimes I'll 207 00:10:04.559 --> 00:10:07.480 have deeper moments in life where it's hard, but I 208 00:10:07.519 --> 00:10:10.200 know I'll come out of that. So I think like 209 00:10:10.600 --> 00:10:14.399 sometimes when I would garden, I wasn't really afraid of 210 00:10:14.519 --> 00:10:17.759 like getting into any sort of unhealthy relationship with it 211 00:10:19.000 --> 00:10:21.159 because I was like, for the most part, still in 212 00:10:21.200 --> 00:10:23.159 a good place and I've done a lot of work 213 00:10:23.159 --> 00:10:25.039 on my mental health and things like that, so it 214 00:10:25.120 --> 00:10:27.159 kind of became this thing where it's just like I'm 215 00:10:27.159 --> 00:10:28.600 bored and there's. 216 00:10:28.399 --> 00:10:29.039 Not much to do. 217 00:10:29.120 --> 00:10:32.480 And I do like gardening sometimes, like I'm listen guys, 218 00:10:32.559 --> 00:10:35.720 like it's it's a nice, like relaxing thing sometimes, but 219 00:10:36.200 --> 00:10:39.039 I would always end up finding myself. 220 00:10:38.600 --> 00:10:41.039 Kind of doing it a little bit longer. 221 00:10:40.559 --> 00:10:44.919 Than I was anticipating or had the intention to, and 222 00:10:44.960 --> 00:10:46.480 then I was kind of getting. 223 00:10:46.200 --> 00:10:49.720 Into these like ruts of week after week. 224 00:10:49.759 --> 00:10:51.759 I kind of felt like it wasn't that I was 225 00:10:51.799 --> 00:10:55.080 reliant on it, but I would fall back into doing 226 00:10:55.159 --> 00:10:57.240 it a little bit more and like why am I 227 00:10:57.320 --> 00:11:00.480 even smoking? And yeah, maybe I'll just do this time. 228 00:11:00.519 --> 00:11:02.279 And I felt like I was doing that a lot, 229 00:11:02.440 --> 00:11:05.480 and then I would get into these like mood ruts 230 00:11:05.519 --> 00:11:07.759 because you know, it can't affect your mood, at least 231 00:11:07.759 --> 00:11:10.000 for me, Like I think like my mental health is 232 00:11:10.080 --> 00:11:13.039 very sensitive, probably just because of everything that I've gone through. 233 00:11:13.080 --> 00:11:16.200 And I think with any sort of like addiction, whether 234 00:11:16.279 --> 00:11:19.519 it's like food or sugar or obviously like hard drugs 235 00:11:19.519 --> 00:11:22.080 and stuff, and I can't really speak to that completely, 236 00:11:22.159 --> 00:11:26.279 but that can also really start to change your neurochemistry 237 00:11:26.279 --> 00:11:27.879 and your brain to the point where you actually are 238 00:11:27.879 --> 00:11:30.000 a little bit more reliant on that or your mood 239 00:11:30.000 --> 00:11:33.000 dips and things like that. So I was going into 240 00:11:33.080 --> 00:11:36.759 these cycles to the point where I did feel a 241 00:11:36.879 --> 00:11:39.759 sense of like, ugh, I don't even want to be 242 00:11:39.799 --> 00:11:41.759 doing this, but I'm kind of doing it anyways type 243 00:11:41.799 --> 00:11:44.039 of thing. And then I would pull myself out of 244 00:11:44.080 --> 00:11:46.600 them and then I would be fine and then back 245 00:11:46.639 --> 00:11:49.440 into it and things like that. And so that's like 246 00:11:49.519 --> 00:11:52.120 my experience when it comes to gardening. And so after 247 00:11:52.200 --> 00:11:55.279 like a few phases of doing that, and I had 248 00:11:55.559 --> 00:11:58.159 one phase a little bit of doing that this year 249 00:11:58.240 --> 00:12:01.639 after I was grieving the laws to my mom and 250 00:12:02.279 --> 00:12:05.120 mind you have said this in a past episode, I 251 00:12:05.240 --> 00:12:10.039 like typically will stay absolutely like far away from any 252 00:12:10.080 --> 00:12:14.039 sort of anything when I am going through any sort 253 00:12:14.039 --> 00:12:17.919 of breakup or hard challenging thing in my life, and 254 00:12:18.320 --> 00:12:21.399 or like grieving anything like that, because I just know, 255 00:12:21.720 --> 00:12:23.759 like it's so forefront in my mind that that would 256 00:12:23.799 --> 00:12:25.600 be me suppressing and I don't want to go there. 257 00:12:25.639 --> 00:12:27.440 And I actually just think that it makes me feel 258 00:12:27.440 --> 00:12:32.440 worse anyway, even when it comes to drinking. So in 259 00:12:32.480 --> 00:12:36.320 my life right now, I don't use any form of 260 00:12:36.559 --> 00:12:41.399 anything for those reasons. Typically it's the boredom and the 261 00:12:41.840 --> 00:12:46.200 maybe not living in alignment and not being fulfilled or 262 00:12:46.360 --> 00:12:48.679 maybe even suppressing things like that. But I'm just saying 263 00:12:48.679 --> 00:12:51.919 that just so you guys know. So anyways, it kind 264 00:12:51.919 --> 00:12:54.039 of came back online a little bit though, like after 265 00:12:54.399 --> 00:12:59.080 it was probably springtime, and at first it was you know, 266 00:12:59.240 --> 00:13:02.240 an enjoyable experience. You know, I'm gonna like smoke here 267 00:13:02.279 --> 00:13:03.000 in there or whatever. 268 00:13:03.080 --> 00:13:03.559 It's fun. 269 00:13:03.600 --> 00:13:05.519 And then I got into that like ruh again and 270 00:13:05.559 --> 00:13:09.159 I was like, Okay, I need to address this. I 271 00:13:09.200 --> 00:13:13.679 don't want to be doing this anymore, and I feel 272 00:13:13.720 --> 00:13:18.279 like I am really almost neglecting myself. And I came 273 00:13:18.320 --> 00:13:22.000 to this realization that I just like was operating as 274 00:13:22.039 --> 00:13:27.000 somebody who doesn't love themselves and who doesn't want more 275 00:13:27.000 --> 00:13:30.519 for themselves and doesn't even believe that I should have 276 00:13:30.559 --> 00:13:33.399 a better quality of life or equality experience, because I 277 00:13:33.399 --> 00:13:35.240 started to feel like I was just kind of living 278 00:13:35.320 --> 00:13:38.080 a low quality of life because it did impact my 279 00:13:38.120 --> 00:13:41.000 sleep a little bit, it did impact my work in 280 00:13:41.039 --> 00:13:43.279 the sense of like maybe I was kind of drained 281 00:13:43.320 --> 00:13:45.639 that week if I did smoke here or there, or 282 00:13:45.679 --> 00:13:48.480 I was eating a little bit more food than I 283 00:13:48.519 --> 00:13:51.360 typically would if I wasn't smoking, things like that, And 284 00:13:51.399 --> 00:13:54.600 I was like, why am I doing this? Like why 285 00:13:54.639 --> 00:13:58.480 am I treating myself this way? When I don't deserve this? 286 00:13:58.600 --> 00:14:01.120 And I just want to say this like an opening, Okay, 287 00:14:01.159 --> 00:14:03.399 when it comes to this, like I really hope that 288 00:14:03.639 --> 00:14:06.279 you start to look at yourself as if you are 289 00:14:06.320 --> 00:14:09.279 worthy of more of this treatment that you're giving to yourself. 290 00:14:09.360 --> 00:14:12.519 And listen, we're talking about like low to mid level, 291 00:14:12.679 --> 00:14:16.279 like high functioning type of things, right. So I feel 292 00:14:16.279 --> 00:14:19.799 like sometimes we don't even realize that we might be 293 00:14:19.879 --> 00:14:22.960 doing some form of I wouldn't say self hate, but 294 00:14:23.039 --> 00:14:25.960 like not treating ourselves the best when yeah, I'll smoke 295 00:14:26.000 --> 00:14:28.879 here and there, you know, maybe I'm drinking here and there, 296 00:14:28.919 --> 00:14:30.320 and like I have a little bit of a hangover, 297 00:14:30.360 --> 00:14:32.080 but you're like not going. 298 00:14:31.840 --> 00:14:32.559 Off the walls. 299 00:14:32.559 --> 00:14:37.720 But like, still, I feel like we should feel the 300 00:14:37.759 --> 00:14:40.200 best we've ever felt, and I just don't think that 301 00:14:40.399 --> 00:14:44.159 some of these habits are giving us that feeling. And 302 00:14:44.200 --> 00:14:46.879 I think that sometimes maybe we are lying to ourselves 303 00:14:47.039 --> 00:14:51.000 or we're brushing it off. But if you're watching this episode, 304 00:14:51.080 --> 00:14:54.039 then it probably is something that needs to be addressed. 305 00:14:54.080 --> 00:14:56.080 So I want to talk about some of like the 306 00:14:56.120 --> 00:14:59.519 practical things that I have done personally for me to 307 00:14:59.600 --> 00:15:02.879 kind of move myself away from this like cycle that 308 00:15:02.919 --> 00:15:05.679 I was in and a big realization that I had 309 00:15:05.720 --> 00:15:08.639 to come to when it came to actually changing before 310 00:15:08.639 --> 00:15:12.480 even doing any practical tips. And I think for me, 311 00:15:12.600 --> 00:15:15.240 I've kind of already done this work, and I've also 312 00:15:15.440 --> 00:15:17.679 again I've seen this in my parents and I've really 313 00:15:17.679 --> 00:15:19.759 dissected this, and I also go to therapy and all 314 00:15:19.759 --> 00:15:22.879 these things. And I think the first thing that we 315 00:15:22.960 --> 00:15:26.320 all need to come to a realization of is like 316 00:15:26.879 --> 00:15:30.919 there's something deeper that is going on, and you need 317 00:15:30.960 --> 00:15:33.279 to be very aware of why it is that you 318 00:15:33.360 --> 00:15:36.720 are doing this bad habit because there is a reason, 319 00:15:36.919 --> 00:15:39.960 and it could be an extreme reason. You know, maybe 320 00:15:40.000 --> 00:15:42.200 you're running away from like all of the trauma that 321 00:15:42.240 --> 00:15:44.320 you have not worked on yet in your life, or 322 00:15:44.840 --> 00:15:48.039 you know, a really bad breakup, or you're feeling lost 323 00:15:48.039 --> 00:15:50.440 in life, whatever it is, or it could just simply 324 00:15:50.519 --> 00:15:53.879 just be burnout, or it could be boredom, or it 325 00:15:53.879 --> 00:15:57.200 could be you not living on purpose or being aligned anymore. 326 00:15:57.240 --> 00:15:58.840 And that's kind of like where I was at. 327 00:15:58.919 --> 00:16:02.840 It was kind of like all this time and you know, 328 00:16:02.879 --> 00:16:04.720 there was actually a few things that maybe I wasn't 329 00:16:04.759 --> 00:16:08.600 like on purpose with, but then there is so it's 330 00:16:08.639 --> 00:16:10.480 like I got all this time and this freedom, and 331 00:16:10.480 --> 00:16:12.480 I kind of bored. But I will say when it 332 00:16:12.519 --> 00:16:14.639 comes to relationships, which I'm going to talk about at 333 00:16:14.639 --> 00:16:17.759 the end, like I wasn't really feeling fulfilled in them. 334 00:16:17.919 --> 00:16:20.000 And you know, when you don't feel fulfilled and you 335 00:16:20.080 --> 00:16:21.919 don't have like a full life and you're not really 336 00:16:21.960 --> 00:16:25.320 like on anything, you could definitely be susceptible to these 337 00:16:25.440 --> 00:16:28.600 habits one hundred percent, but you know, maybe you're not 338 00:16:28.679 --> 00:16:31.320 there and maybe it is something that's deeper. Like for me, 339 00:16:31.399 --> 00:16:33.960 I think about when I had my relationship with food 340 00:16:34.000 --> 00:16:35.960 that was not healthy at all. I was living in 341 00:16:36.000 --> 00:16:38.840 a household that was not healthy for me. It was 342 00:16:39.120 --> 00:16:41.879 genuinely the most toxic environment that I've ever seen, and 343 00:16:42.200 --> 00:16:44.919 I was dealing with all of these feelings that I 344 00:16:44.919 --> 00:16:47.000 didn't know how to deal with when it came to 345 00:16:47.360 --> 00:16:50.039 my mom, and you know, seeing her take a certain 346 00:16:50.080 --> 00:16:53.120 path in her life, and I was young and I 347 00:16:53.200 --> 00:16:56.000 needed her and I was going through pivotal years. 348 00:16:56.039 --> 00:16:58.000 So there were so many things. 349 00:16:57.639 --> 00:17:01.440 That I didn't even know how to deal with, and 350 00:17:01.519 --> 00:17:04.039 so I would go to food because it was a 351 00:17:04.119 --> 00:17:06.440 sense of feeling like I was in control of my life. 352 00:17:06.680 --> 00:17:09.640 But it also helped me suppress these deep emotions that 353 00:17:09.680 --> 00:17:12.359 I was feeling. So whether it was sadness or loss, 354 00:17:12.400 --> 00:17:16.279 or frustration or anger towards my mom or even towards myself, right. 355 00:17:16.400 --> 00:17:17.440 Any of those things. 356 00:17:17.759 --> 00:17:20.680 If I came home from a long day after work 357 00:17:20.880 --> 00:17:23.240 or school or whatever, and I was eating ice cream 358 00:17:23.319 --> 00:17:26.480 and whatever, like that was helping me get through the moment. 359 00:17:26.880 --> 00:17:29.839 But underneath all that, there was a lot more going on. 360 00:17:30.119 --> 00:17:35.440 And you know, I've created this entire podcast channel or 361 00:17:35.440 --> 00:17:39.559 if you're listening on Spotify and Apple my podcast to 362 00:17:40.079 --> 00:17:43.279 help you really continue to dive into these things. Right, Like, 363 00:17:43.359 --> 00:17:45.599 this is a healing journey that you're going to. 364 00:17:45.559 --> 00:17:46.200 Have to go on. 365 00:17:46.799 --> 00:17:50.559 If you realize that you are suppressing, running away or 366 00:17:51.079 --> 00:17:55.079 masking certain things, you have to go deeper within yourself 367 00:17:55.119 --> 00:17:58.319 and the relationship that you have towards yourself, and why 368 00:17:58.480 --> 00:18:01.200 is it that you are going to these things? What 369 00:18:01.279 --> 00:18:03.720 are you suppressing? What are you running away from? What 370 00:18:03.799 --> 00:18:06.440 can't you handle? And that's okay that you can't write, 371 00:18:06.480 --> 00:18:09.000 but it really is like looking at these things, like 372 00:18:09.079 --> 00:18:14.279 what does eating or smoking or any other thing, what 373 00:18:14.440 --> 00:18:16.960 is that doing for you in the moment? And for me, 374 00:18:17.039 --> 00:18:20.519 it definitely was, you know, taking away some boredom. And 375 00:18:20.960 --> 00:18:23.119 you know, I was definitely burnt out, so I didn't 376 00:18:23.119 --> 00:18:24.960 really want to go and do anything in my life. 377 00:18:25.400 --> 00:18:27.799 But then I wanted to do something, and I wanted 378 00:18:27.839 --> 00:18:30.640 to feel something and I wanted to feel better whatever, 379 00:18:30.759 --> 00:18:31.680 So then I would do. 380 00:18:31.599 --> 00:18:33.119 Something like smoking. 381 00:18:33.240 --> 00:18:36.640 But then the consequences of that were not consequences that 382 00:18:36.720 --> 00:18:37.599 I really wanted. 383 00:18:37.400 --> 00:18:38.720 To deal with realistically. 384 00:18:38.759 --> 00:18:41.599 It was actually in a very big contradiction to the 385 00:18:41.640 --> 00:18:43.799 life that I want to live, which is a very 386 00:18:43.839 --> 00:18:46.559 healthy lifestyle. I want to get proper sleep, I want 387 00:18:46.559 --> 00:18:49.519 to be productive, I want to feel clear minded, and 388 00:18:49.880 --> 00:18:52.039 when I'm doing certain things like that that is not 389 00:18:52.240 --> 00:18:55.559 in alignments at all. Same thing goes with even drinking, 390 00:18:55.680 --> 00:18:57.680 Like you know, I can't do these things when I'm 391 00:18:57.720 --> 00:18:58.359 hung over. 392 00:18:58.200 --> 00:18:58.839 The next day. 393 00:18:58.880 --> 00:19:02.160 And the thing is this, when we're talking about boredom 394 00:19:02.279 --> 00:19:05.640 or overwhelm or even like if you have social anxiety 395 00:19:05.680 --> 00:19:07.319 and you're going out and you're always feeling like you 396 00:19:07.359 --> 00:19:10.640 have to drink, or you have anger or frustration, whatever 397 00:19:10.680 --> 00:19:15.799 that is, those feelings, usually we go to things to 398 00:19:15.880 --> 00:19:18.640 help suppress that or to deal with that because we've 399 00:19:18.720 --> 00:19:22.759 actually never learned how to be or how to be 400 00:19:22.920 --> 00:19:28.480 in relation, or how to deal with loneliness or boredom 401 00:19:28.680 --> 00:19:31.759