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Speaker 1: Hi, everybody, and welcome to my podcast Drunkish. I'm Stephanie

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Wilder Taylor. Last year I published a book called Drunkish,

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where I told my story about quitting drinking. But now

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I have a podcast where I get to talk to

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other people about quitting drinking. So whether you're sober, sober curious,

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or you just like hearing stories about winos and addicts,

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you are welcome here and I am really excited for

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you to hear today's episode. I got to interview my

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friend Suzanne Whare I whose podcast The Sober Mom Life

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I was on when my book came out, and we

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had the best time. She made me feel right at home.

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I wanted to make her my best friend. Her interview

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with me today is honest and unfiltered and vulnerable, and

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I feel like this is going to help a lot

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of women.

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Speaker 2: And before we.

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Speaker 1: Start, please please follow, like, subscribe, do all the things

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review I knew podcast because you can help me grow.

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And now let's get to the interview.

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Speaker 2: How are you? Oh my gosh, look at that. That

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was good. I want to Yeah, I'm going to replay

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that like when I'm feeling down, I'm just gonna go

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back and I'm be like, what did Stephanie say about me? Again?

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That was good?

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Speaker 1: Well, you're very You're you're on fire right now. Oh

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we have been for a while, so you got sober?

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How long between? I want to hear your whole story.

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I'm going to take you back through it. But then

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you just started this podcast. I guess, like, I guess

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that's just what I do.

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Speaker 2: I just kind of yeah, I didn't have a plan

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even and I was just like, Okay, I guess we'll

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do this. I think I was maybe too years sober

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when I started the podcast, and I was terrified to

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start it because I thought, I was like, you know what,

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I think the bullies in like middle school are just

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going to come on and like give me horrible reviews.

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And so that stopped me for a little bit. And

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then I was like, you know what, just fuck them

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if they do. Oh well I did that happen? No,

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But now that I say it, they might. I don't know. No.

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Speaker 1: Oh god, I have gotten so first of all, you

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have a book coming out, and just be ready because not.

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Speaker 2: Every review people people love.

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Speaker 1: To shit on people on the internet. It's just how itpens. No,

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it's so true.

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Speaker 2: I feel like because I started influencing. I hate that term,

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but I guess that it's true. I know, I guess

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that's what we're calling it. So I started it ten

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years ago, and so I have heard like the worst

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things about me, and I think that made me pretty

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specifically ready to kind of take on this variety influencer thing,

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because I was like, Oh, you've already talked about like

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what a horrible mom I am with thunderousighs, like literally

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like all of the things, and I'm like, oh, I

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can do this.

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Speaker 1: And so I guess, yeah, so you were already influencing. Yeah,

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and then take me take me back to that. Okay, okay,

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I'll take you back.

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Speaker 2: So I started influencing in twenty fifteen and kind of

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before it was totally popular, and I didn't know what

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I was doing. But I had just had my first daughter,

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and I had her in twenty fourteen, and I was

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battling what I thought was postpartum anxiety, but it turned

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out to be OCD that I guess I had had

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all my life. I didn't know that that's what those

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intrusive thoughts were, and so I needed something and I

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needed to just feel like myself again. I came from

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being a sales manager at Bloomingdale's and so I was like,

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let me just like get dressed again and take photos

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of myself in my driveway like neighbors be damned. And

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I started doing that. Yeah, I started doing that, and

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it was fun and I liked it, and I gained,

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you know, a loyal following. But then I opened up

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about my postpartum OCD and my OCD when I got

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on medication. And that's when I really saw like, oh, actually,

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when we're vulnerable and when we like really put ourselves

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out there and not just talk about you know, how

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cute the sweater is, like it really creates a connection

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even online. So I had that kind of foundation of

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being like, Okay, I think I'm starting to understand this

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online world. Yeah, and then fast forward. So I did

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that for I did that for a while before I

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quit drinking. And so it was like campaigns with Mordstrums

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and Bloomingdale's and Kettle One Botanicals and and you know

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a lot of wine brands, and so I was I

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was the mom glamorizing wine and alcohol and not really

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pushing it but just kind of weaving it into motherhood.

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Speaker 1: It's so funny because, as you might remember from our interview,

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I was the cocktail mom, cocktail playdate mom going on

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the Today Show talking about how wonderful it is and

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taking that time for ourselves and what's wrong with having

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some wine with our friends while we're watching our kids.

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So yeah, I think we had a similar I can't

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wait to hear about when you made the change.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's yeah, it's funny because I remember when you

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shared that and I was like, okay, that's so, that's

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just so similar. And when you just don't know, right,

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I just had. I just had no idea, and I

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think mine was actually even worse because I wasn't Actually

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I didn't drink kettle one botanical. I didn't, so I

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it was kind of like no, no, no, look at

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I'll make this look pretty. And then I poured it

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down the sink because I didn't like vodka, and so

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it was even worse. It was me saying like no, no, no,

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come and drink this and your life can look like this.

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But I wasn't drinking it, which is I think what

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a lot of influencers are doing now with this, like

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saying like, isn't it cute? That I'm drinking wine in

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the morning and you're they're not, or they are, but

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also probably they're not, but their followers are. And so

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so my drinking in motherhood, I think my story's a

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little different than than a lot because I didn't really

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drink a lot in motherhood. I think probably because of

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my OCD. It wasn't I didn't really fall into the

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mommy wine culture that much. But you know, I had

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come from a binge drinking like I was a binge

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drinking party girl in my in college for sure, and

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then in my twenties and I still thought like, well,

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obviously I'm not going to quit drinking because that's insane,

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Like I'm not that right, and so I have to

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make this work. And so I really like crushed moderation.

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Like I was like, so so good at moderation. I

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was so good at the rules, the will power. I

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think probably because of my OCD. I was like, yes,

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I'm doing this.

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Speaker 1: But how old? At what where are we when you're

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starting to moderate post college? I mean no, no, oh,

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in college okay, So when you were bitch no no, no, no,

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no okay, So binge drinking all through college? What did

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that look like for you though, were you blacking out?

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Were you waking up in the strangers rooms?

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Speaker 2: Yes? All all of the above, blacking out.

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Speaker 1: All the time because it's it's so interesting because I

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have a kid in college yea, and to hear about

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sort of the it's such a drinking culture that I

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wonder if almost similar to And this is something I'm

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only interested in as of late because of having a

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kid in college, because I didn't go to college, so

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I don't relate to it. But now that I have

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a kid in college and I hear about every party,

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they're all the pregaming, the pre pregaming, the gaming before

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the pregaming, then you know, the waking up drunk and

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then going to some but all and I can't imagine

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that kind of pressure. And know, how do you know

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that your drinking is different than other people's drinking if

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everybody's drinking.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't think you do, because it's not different,

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which doesn't mean it's not a problem. It's just for me,

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it really wasn't drinking or I mean, it wasn't different.

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It was like we would all go, we would drink,

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you know, the solo cups, the it was just a

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that was just what we did. It was the binge

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drinking and then kind of piecing it together the next

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morning and being like, oh my god, I think probably

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I did it more. And I also was more careless

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with who I was with and who I went home

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with and who you know. The walk of shame, which

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is very aptly named, but also what about do we

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have a name for what he does? Right?

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Speaker 1: Like?

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Speaker 2: The shame is solely reserved for us as we're walking

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home with my heels in my hand, the laying out bed,

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not feeling shame, I guess, I guess right, feeling victorious yeah,

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and being like yeah, got that map of victory right, yes,

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And then we're like, oh my god again right like again.

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That was for me in college and then in my twenties,

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and I didn't really grow out of that. So in

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my twenties, I graduated, I went to college in Wisconsin,

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where I was from, and then I graduated and I

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moved to Atlanta, and it kind of just continued because

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it was partying. It was now we're working, but we're

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still you know, partying, going out to clubs, and it

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was definitely a cycle of Okay, we're going to party.

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What a Thursday, Friday, Saturday, recover, then for the rest

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of the week, you know. And I'm twenty three, twenty four,

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and so hangovers they sucked, but they weren't like horrible,

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and so it was I was stuck in that for

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a long time. And so I really always hated my

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relationship with alcohol, like that was the foundation of it.

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And I hated it because it was unpredictable. I wouldn't

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get wasted every time. My god, I'm just hearing my story.

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Speaker 1: This is the This is what I love about this

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community is when you hear if I heard you at

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a meeting, I don't I don't know if you even

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do that, but I would be like.

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Speaker 2: Ah, I have to go talk to her afterwards. Yeah,

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when you just hear totally.

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Speaker 1: It's we have all this shame about how we did it,

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and then we hear somebody else and we go, Yes,

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unpredictability was my main thing.

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Speaker 2: Yes, And it was just kind of like, Okay, let

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me just close my eyes and jump into this because

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I don't know. And it was like that for me

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in my in my twenties, I got I I met

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my husband when I was thirty. We got married. I

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was thirty thirty two, had our first kid at thirty three,

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so later, and I really made a decision. I was like,

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I'm okay, I'm not going to do that anymore, which,

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you know, I think the OCD and the post part

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of OCD and just how haunted I was by intrusive

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thoughts played a big part in it. That I really had.

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Speaker 1: Learn about that, Like, what was it right away after

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you had your baby?

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Speaker 2: It was so she was born in August and it

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was January fifth was the first, like intrusive thoughts and

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if you have if you have OCD, you understand intrusive

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thoughts aren't there's just and medication was the only thing

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that helped me. They don't go away, and they haunt

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you and they're a liar. But for me, it was

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always worst case scenario, right, like what's the worst case scenario?

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And up until January fifth, twenty fifteen, the worst case

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scenario after she was born was that something bad would

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happen to her, like I would drop her, I would

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fall down the stairs, right, there would be some sort

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of accident. And on January fifth, it was very clearly

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changed from oh, that's not the worst thing. The worst

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thing would be that I would do it, and so

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I was then haunted by these thoughts about how could

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I possibly be having these thoughts that I would do this?

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But I love her, like this is not what I

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thought being a mom would feel like, And it was

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just I struggled in that for far too long, for

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far too long, can you tell anybody? Kind of But

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it's also it's also hard to I didn't know it

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was OCD. I didn't know I had always had OCD,

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and so it's really hard. Like I told my mom,

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who's a therapist, and she was like, oh, yeah, everyone

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has those thoughts, right, and kind of just like thinking

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that that would help. And I'm thinking, but not every

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not everyone has the thoughts like this, like that they

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won't go away. In every waking minute, I'm like afraid

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of knives and my husband has to get rid of knives,

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which then makes it even bigger, and like I'm thinking

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about these it was it was just it was all encompassing.

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Speaker 1: So why didn't you tell your husband he had to

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get rid of the knives.

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Speaker 2: I mean, he knew, he we just all we didn't

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know what it was. We didn't we just we just knew.

240
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I thought I was going crazy. He knew I was

241
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battling these thoughts, and he thought that that would help.

242
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Right when getting was he.

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Speaker 1: If you told him you have to get rid of

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knives because I'm scared I might do something with a knife.

245
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Was he at all like, oh shit, Like are you

246
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really thinking about hurting our baby?

247
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Speaker 2: Yes, he was. He was like that, And then he

248
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was like, but I know you won't you know, which

249
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actually was really important for me because and I would

250
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be really vigilant in like, how is he going to

251
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react to this? Because if he's freaked out, oh my god,

252
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that means I could, right, And so he was like, yeah,

253
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but you're not going what like this is insane? Of

254
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course you're not going to write. So I was like, okay,

255
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but we'd never really like put a spoke in the

256
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wheels to be like stop, like this is actually not normal,

257
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Like did he ever try to talk to your mom? Yep,

258
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they talked. I also think I was very good because

259
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my compulsions were mental, and so I was very good,

260
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And he didn't know nearly the extent of how much

261
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it was it was ruling my life, and like, you know,

262
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we think about OCD compulsions being like counting or knocking

263
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or cleaning or but you can have just mental compulsions,

264
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which is almost really scary because no one can tell, right, Like,

265
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no one could tell that, And so I was, Yeah,

266
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I struggled for a year and a half until finally

267
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the thought I finally had like a light bulb moment,

268
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and I was like, oh my god, oh my god. Obviously,

269
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like the answer is that I could take care of myself,

270
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like I could, you know, I had suicidal thoughts and

271
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that felt and that felt like, oh my god, duh,

272
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why didn't I think of as before? Because if it's

273
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her or me, it's me, right like obviously, and I

274
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had the wherewithal, thank god to I had those thoughts

275
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for probably like a week and was feeling like, yeah,

276
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this is a great idea, like and then I had

277
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the thoughts just to be like I don't think that's

278
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supposed to feel like a relief, Like I don't think

279
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I was supposed to be relieved by this idea, And

280
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so then I was terrified. And then I told my

281
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mom I need major help and so and actually it

282
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didn't turn you know, I think when when we're stuck

283
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in those intrusive thoughts, we are terrified that if we

284
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say these thoughts out loud, we're gonna be locked away

285
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and we're going to be treated as a threat, and

286
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or that if we you know, if you spend all

287
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day long trying not to think of something, you're not

288
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going to say it because I'm trying not to think

289
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it right right right.

290
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Speaker 1: I was just feeling worried right now, like is this

291
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triggering for you to even talk about?

292
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Speaker 2: Oh no, not at all. Yeah, no, I've really really

293
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I mean, and this is you know, March twenty sixteen

294
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is when I finally felt like, oh my god, because

295
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actually it didn't take I thought I would have to

296
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go away and it it was like comically simple what

297
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I needed to do. And I had a therapist and

298
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who I said, that crazy horrible thought. And she said,

299
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the way that this like just totally guts you and

300
00:17:55,960 --> 00:17:57,880
panics you, and the fact that you're freaking out about

301
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this thought tells me that you're not You're not gonna

302
00:18:01,480 --> 00:18:03,880
do it. You're not a threat to your daughter. And

303
00:18:03,960 --> 00:18:08,680
also when I saw then a psychiatrist, she said, OCD

304
00:18:08,799 --> 00:18:14,480
is actually pretty easily treated with medication. And she said,

305
00:18:14,480 --> 00:18:16,839
it's you know, and this isn't scientific but she's like,

306
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it is like a like a switch in your brain.

307
00:18:19,839 --> 00:18:22,920
And I started, So I was in therapy and I

308
00:18:22,960 --> 00:18:29,599
started a low dose of antidepressant which also works for OCD,

309
00:18:30,039 --> 00:18:35,759
and within two weeks the thoughts And it's not like

310
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it's not like you don't have the thoughts, because we

311
00:18:38,359 --> 00:18:40,759
all have crazy thoughts all day long. They just don't

312
00:18:40,799 --> 00:18:44,599
stick like they did. And I'm not like haunted. And

313
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so I will be on meds forever and I'm so

314
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grateful for them because they saved my life. And now

315
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I always you know, I love talking about it because

316
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I think if I would have heard this podcast and

317
00:18:56,279 --> 00:19:00,759
heard this story, you know, I'm like furiously googling, like

318
00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:03,400
oh what happens? And so we need to hear these

319
00:19:03,400 --> 00:19:06,160
stories of like no, no, no, this is your brain

320
00:19:06,319 --> 00:19:10,119
is wrong. There's something going on with your brain biologically.

321
00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:13,160
This isn't you as a mom, This isn't a failure

322
00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:16,759
of yours in some way. And you also can't talk

323
00:19:16,839 --> 00:19:20,640
yourself out of it, you know, talk therapy, CBT, it's

324
00:19:21,559 --> 00:19:25,359
it's it's it's kind of like I always say, it's

325
00:19:25,359 --> 00:19:28,279
like a type one diabetic trying to heal that in

326
00:19:28,359 --> 00:19:31,240
the gym right, like we need more and that's okay,

327
00:19:31,359 --> 00:19:34,759
Like our brains are part of our body and it's

328
00:19:34,799 --> 00:19:37,680
okay if our brains need need help, and mine definitely did.

329
00:19:37,799 --> 00:19:41,440
So Yeah, And so while all this was going on

330
00:19:41,519 --> 00:19:45,079
as a new mom, I alcohol. I just could. I

331
00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:53,039
just had no bandwidth or alcohol. I think this probably

332
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saved me in a lot of ways and really like

333
00:19:56,839 --> 00:20:02,039
put a stop to my you know cyclical like weird,

334
00:20:02,920 --> 00:20:06,920
the over drinking, the not necessarily blacking out at that point,

335
00:20:06,960 --> 00:20:10,400
but really getting drunk, and then the shame spiral because

336
00:20:10,440 --> 00:20:16,440
it really like caused me not only to be aware

337
00:20:16,640 --> 00:20:20,559
of how things affect my brain, because I think when

338
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you have OCD you have a very specific relationship with

339
00:20:23,599 --> 00:20:28,000
your brain and just like feel like how how things

340
00:20:28,039 --> 00:20:32,599
affect me and my mental health. And so that shifted

341
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everything for me.

342
00:20:36,839 --> 00:20:39,519
Speaker 1: And so say more about you didn't have the bandwidth

343
00:20:39,599 --> 00:20:42,480
for drinking, meaning what so you lost interest in it?

344
00:20:42,720 --> 00:20:46,079
Speaker 2: Or yeah, I didn't have I had zero interest in

345
00:20:46,119 --> 00:20:49,000
anything when you're when you're in a battle with their thoughts.

346
00:20:49,640 --> 00:20:55,000
I just had no space for anything except for like eating,

347
00:20:56,200 --> 00:20:59,680
couldn't stomach you know, I was teeny teeny tiny because

348
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I the only thing I would do. I would work

349
00:21:03,279 --> 00:21:06,200
out a lot to try to which I I guess

350
00:21:06,319 --> 00:21:09,240
I could have turned to alcohol, and I don't you know,

351
00:21:09,319 --> 00:21:11,880
I don't know why I didn't, but I think I

352
00:21:11,960 --> 00:21:15,200
was just so I just didn't trust myself already as

353
00:21:15,200 --> 00:21:20,200
someone with OCD undiagnosed OCD that then bringing alcohol into it,

354
00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:24,480
knowing that then for sure I didn't trust myself. It

355
00:21:24,559 --> 00:21:27,640
was just a no go, like I'm not going to

356
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do that.

357
00:21:28,039 --> 00:21:31,079
Speaker 1: So then what made you decide to quit drinking as

358
00:21:31,079 --> 00:21:34,599
opposed to like, now you could easily moderate if you're

359
00:21:34,599 --> 00:21:36,759
not even interested in it. What would make you go,

360
00:21:36,920 --> 00:21:38,160
I'm never going to drink again.

361
00:21:38,680 --> 00:21:41,680
Speaker 2: Well, and I didn't get there yet, and so okay, yeah,

362
00:21:41,839 --> 00:21:45,319
so that was okay, like buckle up, well and I

363
00:21:45,559 --> 00:21:51,079
you know this. Okay, So I got the OCD under control,

364
00:21:51,200 --> 00:21:54,920
and then I had two more babies. My second baby,

365
00:21:55,079 --> 00:21:57,799
a Breeze, loved it, like I was like, okay, this

366
00:21:58,000 --> 00:22:01,640
is what it should be. Now life is back to normal.

367
00:22:01,759 --> 00:22:05,200
Right now now my brain is fine and I feel

368
00:22:05,759 --> 00:22:08,839
I feel pretty stable. And so I did invite alcohol

369
00:22:08,880 --> 00:22:12,640
back in And did you send like a written invitation

370
00:22:12,920 --> 00:22:16,319
or did you? I was like, you're come over alcohol,

371
00:22:16,519 --> 00:22:19,640
your alcohol. I missed you. I missed you. What have

372
00:22:19,720 --> 00:22:25,079
you been up to? Your alcohol? You're so cool.

373
00:22:25,319 --> 00:22:27,680
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I like didn't make time.

374
00:22:27,519 --> 00:22:31,960
Speaker 2: For you before. That's on me. Yeah, let's catch up.

375
00:22:33,440 --> 00:22:37,759
I did. And actually I would say I don't have

376
00:22:37,759 --> 00:22:39,759
a rock bottom. But if I did, this is it

377
00:22:39,960 --> 00:22:46,880
because my daughter was young young enough. Number two number

378
00:22:46,960 --> 00:22:49,400
one still so this is even before number two. So

379
00:22:49,519 --> 00:22:52,839
number one back then and when I was like, okay,

380
00:22:52,960 --> 00:22:56,720
I you know, I had my OCD under control, and

381
00:22:56,720 --> 00:22:59,279
my friend and I were gonna do a lady's who

382
00:22:59,359 --> 00:23:03,000
lunch kind of thing with our babes, and uh we

383
00:23:03,039 --> 00:23:06,400
had champagne at the country club, which you do, and

384
00:23:06,440 --> 00:23:10,279
then it we just yeah, right, so fancy, and then

385
00:23:10,519 --> 00:23:14,880
it just continued and and I blacked out. You know,

386
00:23:15,279 --> 00:23:18,480
our babies fell asleep, just on the on the couch.

387
00:23:18,640 --> 00:23:23,799
Nothing happened. We were you at home or at a

388
00:23:23,839 --> 00:23:27,680
country club? At home? Okay, we continued our drinking, you know,

389
00:23:27,759 --> 00:23:29,599
I was like, well, come over, we could walk to

390
00:23:29,720 --> 00:23:33,200
my house and then continue the after party right with

391
00:23:33,240 --> 00:23:37,400
our baby. Yeah yeah. And then I blacked out, and

392
00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:41,880
and that like rarified me, I think because I was

393
00:23:41,920 --> 00:23:46,920
on the other side of this o CD battle and

394
00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:50,799
nothing happened, but the idea that it could have. And

395
00:23:50,839 --> 00:23:54,720
I had this, you know, but I didn't stop drinking

396
00:23:54,799 --> 00:24:00,519
then for I don't know, six more years, five more years,

397
00:24:00,720 --> 00:24:01,480
but that was.

398
00:24:03,039 --> 00:24:06,039
Speaker 1: I don't love it, but I mean it's so relatable.

399
00:24:06,319 --> 00:24:09,400
I can't. I mean, I mean, you know, I tell

400
00:24:09,599 --> 00:24:12,880
everybody knows that, and they will know that my bottom

401
00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:15,519
was driving with my kids in the car and nothing

402
00:24:15,599 --> 00:24:18,720
happened for me too. But I always say, like, I

403
00:24:18,759 --> 00:24:20,720
don't want to make it sound prettier than it was,

404
00:24:20,839 --> 00:24:22,680
because I had a lot of things that could have

405
00:24:22,680 --> 00:24:26,640
been a bottom. They just weren't right, and I didn't

406
00:24:26,720 --> 00:24:30,640
see I had a lot of humiliating even post kids.

407
00:24:30,680 --> 00:24:32,920
Speaker 2: It's not like that's the first and.

408
00:24:33,039 --> 00:24:35,559
Speaker 1: Only thing that ever, you know what I'm saying, Like, yes,

409
00:24:35,799 --> 00:24:38,160
getting really drunk and going trick or treating with my

410
00:24:38,240 --> 00:24:41,519
kids and then waking up and realizing I don't remember

411
00:24:41,559 --> 00:24:43,880
anything about the night before, and that was a bit

412
00:24:43,920 --> 00:24:46,279
of a bottom. I tried to quit drinking, but I didn't.

413
00:24:46,519 --> 00:24:50,200
So it's always good to hear like, no, it wasn't

414
00:24:50,200 --> 00:24:52,039
the first thing that you did that you were like.

415
00:24:52,119 --> 00:24:56,079
Speaker 2: That's it, right, right, because We're not like robots, right,

416
00:24:56,200 --> 00:24:59,079
We're not like, Okay, check that off and then we're done. No.

417
00:24:59,319 --> 00:25:03,799
It's and also in a world that pushes alcohol and everything,

418
00:25:03,880 --> 00:25:07,039
especially new moms, you're like, well, obviously, I just have

419
00:25:07,119 --> 00:25:07,880
to drink better.

420
00:25:08,039 --> 00:25:10,319
Speaker 1: And so I think that.

421
00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:15,319
Speaker 2: My store is a little bit different because I did

422
00:25:15,839 --> 00:25:20,960
quote unquote drink better, and that doesn't mean that I

423
00:25:21,000 --> 00:25:22,799
just don't think there's a better way to drink. And

424
00:25:23,359 --> 00:25:28,160
I did then really get pretty strict, like my kids

425
00:25:28,799 --> 00:25:32,640
never saw me drunk. I was like, yes, I will

426
00:25:32,680 --> 00:25:35,640
have one glass of wine or two glasses of wine,

427
00:25:36,119 --> 00:25:40,160
you know, if I'm coming home to the kids. When

428
00:25:40,200 --> 00:25:42,519
my husband and I went on trips, then yeah we'd

429
00:25:42,599 --> 00:25:45,640
tie one on and I would, you know. But as

430
00:25:45,680 --> 00:25:50,200
far as like being a mom, but still I hated it.

431
00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:55,480
It felt like hell like moderating alcohol because even when

432
00:25:55,640 --> 00:25:59,839
I successfully and I'm saying that in huge quotes, because

433
00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:04,960
even when I successfully drank and followed my moderation rules,

434
00:26:05,880 --> 00:26:08,559
I still had so much shame. It was like the

435
00:26:08,680 --> 00:26:13,519
shame was the same and so I but I did

436
00:26:13,559 --> 00:26:18,480
that for you know, then five more years until then

437
00:26:18,519 --> 00:26:21,079
the last night I drank, I had just had my

438
00:26:21,240 --> 00:26:24,119
third baby, and he was three months old and I

439
00:26:24,160 --> 00:26:27,359
was breastfeeding. But you know that didn't stop me because

440
00:26:28,359 --> 00:26:31,359
I was like, yeah, no, I didn't pump and dump

441
00:26:31,440 --> 00:26:34,279
or anything. I was like, you know what, it's an art,

442
00:26:34,359 --> 00:26:36,759
it's not a science. Like he'll be fine, I know

443
00:26:37,359 --> 00:26:38,079
it sounds bad.

444
00:26:38,400 --> 00:26:43,039
Speaker 1: No, No, I'm just smiling because yeah, who these people

445
00:26:43,039 --> 00:26:45,319
that pump and dump. It's like, well now also, and

446
00:26:45,359 --> 00:26:48,039
I bet you were like me. I never thought I

447
00:26:48,119 --> 00:26:51,039
was buzzed. So in my mind, I was always drinking

448
00:26:51,160 --> 00:26:53,519
fancier than I was. I was always like sipping the

449
00:26:53,640 --> 00:26:56,359
loss of wine even though it was my third you

450
00:26:56,440 --> 00:26:58,200
know what I mean. But in my mind it was

451
00:26:58,319 --> 00:27:00,960
super fancy. It was like just having a few SIPs

452
00:27:01,000 --> 00:27:02,279
of wine while I breastfeed.

453
00:27:03,000 --> 00:27:06,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's fine. I remember like we had a mom's

454
00:27:06,920 --> 00:27:08,880
group and we all had babies at the same time,

455
00:27:08,960 --> 00:27:12,160
and we were like out at a brewery, which one

456
00:27:12,240 --> 00:27:15,039
is after you have a baby in your breastfeeding, and

457
00:27:15,079 --> 00:27:18,359
we were all breastfeeder a baby's while drinking beer because

458
00:27:18,359 --> 00:27:20,480
we were like, no, that's what it says, because then

459
00:27:20,799 --> 00:27:23,720
they're not getting the beer breast milk. They're getting the

460
00:27:23,720 --> 00:27:27,519
breast milk. That's in there now, right, and so to

461
00:27:27,599 --> 00:27:30,319
trick the system, like drink while you guys, I do

462
00:27:30,480 --> 00:27:34,240
not recommend this, but this is this is what. Yeah,

463
00:27:34,359 --> 00:27:36,920
I was in that kind of Yeah.

464
00:27:37,079 --> 00:27:41,160
Speaker 1: Our books are full of tips like these, yeah, and

465
00:27:41,279 --> 00:27:42,359
stay tuned for the book.

466
00:27:43,960 --> 00:27:48,359
Speaker 2: Yeah. But then the last night I drank, I okay,

467
00:27:48,400 --> 00:27:51,400
so I had I had just had him. I was breastfeeding,

468
00:27:51,599 --> 00:27:54,960
and you know, after after all the pregnancies I had

469
00:27:55,039 --> 00:27:57,440
like this like hump I had to get over where

470
00:27:57,480 --> 00:28:01,279
I'm like, ugh, alcohol tastes like elko and like ooh.

471
00:28:01,400 --> 00:28:03,119
But I was like I just got to get over

472
00:28:03,200 --> 00:28:06,160
this hump so that I can like enjoy it again.

473
00:28:06,200 --> 00:28:08,039
And so this was the first time I was drinking

474
00:28:08,079 --> 00:28:12,039
in a year, and it was at like a fancy party.

475
00:28:12,240 --> 00:28:15,599
My glass was never empty, you know, like topping it off,

476
00:28:16,559 --> 00:28:20,960
and I blacked out and I woke up the next

477
00:28:20,960 --> 00:28:24,880
morning and while none of my kids saw me blacked out,

478
00:28:24,960 --> 00:28:27,559
I had to have nursed him in the night. I

479
00:28:27,640 --> 00:28:30,599
had to have because he was three months old and

480
00:28:30,640 --> 00:28:33,759
my babies all you know, never slept through the night

481
00:28:33,839 --> 00:28:38,599
until they were like five, and so I'm still nursing him,

482
00:28:38,599 --> 00:28:43,480
no kidding, but so I so then it hit me

483
00:28:43,839 --> 00:28:47,480
like holy shit, you nursed your baby in a blackout,

484
00:28:47,920 --> 00:28:52,400
like and just seeing myself walk down the hall and

485
00:28:52,480 --> 00:28:55,799
like or like stumble down the hall and like pick

486
00:28:55,880 --> 00:29:01,519
up his little body, and I I was just like

487
00:29:01,680 --> 00:29:04,559
you know what, And that whole day I felt like

488
00:29:05,200 --> 00:29:07,519
just shit. I was thirty nine years old and you

489
00:29:07,519 --> 00:29:10,279
know the hangover, oh, and I hadn't had it so

490
00:29:10,400 --> 00:29:15,559
long because being pregnant. And I just said to my husband,

491
00:29:15,599 --> 00:29:18,680
I'm done, and I think he was like that's cute,

492
00:29:18,759 --> 00:29:23,839
you know, he said, like okay, but something inside me

493
00:29:23,880 --> 00:29:25,720
and I don't know, you know, we talked about like

494
00:29:25,759 --> 00:29:28,119
the click or like the moment and like you don't

495
00:29:28,160 --> 00:29:31,079
know why it's that moment. But I was like, I'm

496
00:29:31,119 --> 00:29:35,359
going to do everything in me so that what I

497
00:29:35,599 --> 00:29:38,720
just said was not a lie, Like I'm going to

498
00:29:38,759 --> 00:29:41,960
make sure that's true. And so then I just was

499
00:29:42,039 --> 00:29:45,960
like obsessed. It was I think it's this one my

500
00:29:46,000 --> 00:29:49,200
OCD treated. You know, it came in handy. But I

501
00:29:49,279 --> 00:29:53,440
was like, okay, I'm going to learn all about what

502
00:29:53,519 --> 00:29:58,319
I'll call is. I didn't know what it does, and

503
00:29:58,359 --> 00:30:01,839
like how I have you, Like I'm finally going to

504
00:30:01,880 --> 00:30:05,359
start to tell the truth and Yeah, that was that

505
00:30:05,440 --> 00:30:07,480
was the quest. I have chills.

506
00:30:08,079 --> 00:30:15,240
Speaker 1: Honestly, You're so good at expressing yourself and it's so

507
00:30:15,400 --> 00:30:18,759
clear and I think and so relatable. I mean, I

508
00:30:18,799 --> 00:30:21,400
had that moment too. It was when I woke up

509
00:30:21,839 --> 00:30:26,160
the next morning after driving. And for me, in the moment,

510
00:30:27,359 --> 00:30:29,160
like when I came home and my husband was like,

511
00:30:29,160 --> 00:30:32,839
you're drunk and you were driving a car, I was like,

512
00:30:33,440 --> 00:30:34,640
what is wrong with you?

513
00:30:34,680 --> 00:30:36,440
Speaker 2: No, obviously I'm not getting drunk.

514
00:30:36,519 --> 00:30:39,880
Speaker 1: I feel fine. In the morning I had when I

515
00:30:39,960 --> 00:30:43,319
woke up and was like, oh my god. I mean

516
00:30:43,519 --> 00:30:46,640
I didn't I hadn't blacked out. I remember the evening,

517
00:30:47,079 --> 00:30:49,160
but I was very very drunk. I know I was

518
00:30:49,240 --> 00:30:51,480
drunk because it was all blurry and it was like

519
00:30:51,519 --> 00:30:54,039
I had to kind of piece together, like I sort

520
00:30:54,079 --> 00:30:56,559
of remember him trying to call me a lot of times.

521
00:30:56,640 --> 00:30:59,799
And so when I had that, I had a moment well,

522
00:30:59,839 --> 00:31:02,000
for I was super sick, but I had that same

523
00:31:02,200 --> 00:31:06,039
the clique where I was like, yeah, oh this is

524
00:31:06,200 --> 00:31:10,000
far from normal. This is terrible. I don't want to

525
00:31:10,039 --> 00:31:14,440
ever ever feel this feeling again. Yeah, yes, And was

526
00:31:14,480 --> 00:31:18,359
your son was he okay? Like did you fine?

527
00:31:18,759 --> 00:31:19,279
Speaker 2: Like he was?

528
00:31:19,839 --> 00:31:23,160
Speaker 1: But still you don't know, so you're like, that could

529
00:31:23,160 --> 00:31:25,319
have gone another way totally.

530
00:31:25,400 --> 00:31:29,480
Speaker 2: And that was always you know, it's hard not to

531
00:31:29,599 --> 00:31:32,440
think about my OCD and when I quit drinking, because

532
00:31:32,440 --> 00:31:35,599
it was always like, well what if? Right, Like yeah,

533
00:31:35,839 --> 00:31:39,319
this time he was fine, but what if next time

534
00:31:39,400 --> 00:31:43,799
it's not? And that's the thing about when we invite alcohol,

535
00:31:43,880 --> 00:31:47,400
and when we write alcohol our pen pal and say like, hey,

536
00:31:47,480 --> 00:31:50,920
come on, come and join me in this. We are

537
00:31:51,240 --> 00:31:55,880
no matter if you are you know, the moderation rock star,

538
00:31:56,000 --> 00:32:00,960
which also is hell so it sucks. Yeah, we are.

539
00:32:01,079 --> 00:32:04,279
We are just inviting in a lot of uncertainty and

540
00:32:04,359 --> 00:32:08,599
saying like well I don't know what's gonna happen, but

541
00:32:08,640 --> 00:32:13,279
I'm going to cross my fingers. Yeah, And that that

542
00:32:13,559 --> 00:32:17,519
just terrified me enough. You know, a good, healthy fear

543
00:32:17,599 --> 00:32:22,000
of alcohol is just good sense, I think. So did

544
00:32:22,079 --> 00:32:22,839
you reach.

545
00:32:22,640 --> 00:32:25,440
Speaker 1: Out for any like traditional kind of help, like what

546
00:32:25,599 --> 00:32:28,759
or do you just read like did you get support?

547
00:32:29,000 --> 00:32:31,799
Speaker 2: What did you do? I just okay, so this was

548
00:32:31,960 --> 00:32:40,200
January twenty twenty. Okay, yeah, uh bad timing? Bad? Bad

549
00:32:40,400 --> 00:32:43,880
or good? I guess how do you look at it? Yeah,

550
00:32:43,880 --> 00:32:47,359
because you know, women's drinking went up something like forty

551
00:32:47,359 --> 00:32:50,240
three percent during COVID because of course, right, we're like

552
00:32:50,440 --> 00:32:52,720
what else you're going to do, right, Yeah, and we're

553
00:32:53,000 --> 00:32:58,079
scared and we need to Yeah. And so I I

554
00:32:58,160 --> 00:33:01,480
was terrified of going to AA only because of what

555
00:33:01,559 --> 00:33:06,200
I've heard, and I just always thought. I was like,

556
00:33:06,359 --> 00:33:10,279
I it just I don't want to. I don't want

557
00:33:10,279 --> 00:33:13,039
this label on me. And I was like, you know,

558
00:33:13,279 --> 00:33:16,160
and I know AA has helped so many people, and

559
00:33:16,200 --> 00:33:20,079
I think that that's wonderful and that it's there. I

560
00:33:20,240 --> 00:33:24,200
was just I never like saw myself there and saw

561
00:33:24,240 --> 00:33:26,960
myself going. And so what I did was then I

562
00:33:27,039 --> 00:33:32,880
just kind of focused on really really learning the truth,

563
00:33:32,920 --> 00:33:34,519
like first of all, and so I had like one

564
00:33:34,559 --> 00:33:40,279
AirPod in every day, like I became obsessed and listened

565
00:33:40,279 --> 00:33:43,119
to you know, we are the luckiest, like a woman

566
00:33:43,200 --> 00:33:46,119
the snaked mind. Like constantly I was like, just give me,

567
00:33:46,319 --> 00:33:49,279
give me, like all of the information that I knew.

568
00:33:49,400 --> 00:33:51,880
I knew the fried egg was, this is my brain

569
00:33:51,920 --> 00:33:55,240
on drugs, but like give me that version. Like let's

570
00:33:55,279 --> 00:34:00,400
start like rudimentary. What is alcohol and like how does

571
00:34:00,440 --> 00:34:04,279
it affect us? Yeah? And so then I started doing

572
00:34:04,319 --> 00:34:09,119
that and I really just slowly then just on my

573
00:34:09,239 --> 00:34:13,519
own started being like, how okay, because I had so

574
00:34:13,679 --> 00:34:18,559
many stories of when alcohol showed me, you know, what

575
00:34:18,599 --> 00:34:21,360
it could do and what it could take and steal

576
00:34:21,440 --> 00:34:25,480
from me, and I just had never been honest about

577
00:34:25,480 --> 00:34:29,480
those stories until I quit. And you know, it is

578
00:34:29,519 --> 00:34:32,199
helpful that my mom's a therapist. I also went to therapy,

579
00:34:33,239 --> 00:34:36,159
and I started just talking about these times and this

580
00:34:36,400 --> 00:34:40,800
shame that I had carried through, and a lot a

581
00:34:40,840 --> 00:34:45,360
lot of the shame was tied to, you know, having

582
00:34:45,400 --> 00:34:49,360
sex with men I didn't know and waking up in

583
00:34:49,400 --> 00:34:54,119
their bed and really like how could you and what's

584
00:34:54,159 --> 00:34:59,599
wrong with you? And that always kept me. I don't know.

585
00:34:59,679 --> 00:35:01,840
This was like the first time that I was like,

586
00:35:01,920 --> 00:35:05,119
you know what, I don't think there's anything wrong with

587
00:35:05,559 --> 00:35:07,760
I think I've been turning to alcohol for a lot

588
00:35:07,760 --> 00:35:09,840
of things that it's never going to give me, and

589
00:35:09,880 --> 00:35:11,880
so I need to look at that and I need

590
00:35:11,920 --> 00:35:15,119
to figure out better ways to do this stuff.

591
00:35:16,320 --> 00:35:20,199
Speaker 1: You feel like you ever used alcohol. I ask you

592
00:35:20,239 --> 00:35:23,320
this because it was true for me to allow you

593
00:35:23,639 --> 00:35:27,760
access to like your sexual self for intimacy, Like I

594
00:35:27,800 --> 00:35:30,360
feel like I was very uptight and scared all the time,

595
00:35:30,400 --> 00:35:34,159
and alcohol helped me to feel like what I love sex'.

596
00:35:34,519 --> 00:35:37,400
Speaker 2: Yes, and like yeah, I want to be sexy too,

597
00:35:37,440 --> 00:35:40,400
but I don't my body like what in my vagina?

598
00:35:40,559 --> 00:35:44,119
What like it's that I don't write like yes. In

599
00:35:44,239 --> 00:35:47,440
order for like a man to have sex with me,

600
00:35:47,599 --> 00:35:51,079
I need to be like out of my mind, right,

601
00:35:51,159 --> 00:35:54,960
that's what. That's how it felt. And interestingly, because when

602
00:35:54,960 --> 00:35:57,960
my husband and I were dating, you know, there was alcohol,

603
00:35:58,320 --> 00:36:01,559
and in our marriage there was alcohol and so sober

604
00:36:02,679 --> 00:36:06,000
sober sex. Right even with my husband it was like Okay,

605
00:36:07,320 --> 00:36:09,920
let's do this, and like I'm gonna be I'm going

606
00:36:10,000 --> 00:36:12,360
to be awkward and like I might be a little

607
00:36:12,360 --> 00:36:15,679
bit uncomfortable, and you know, thank God for him and

608
00:36:16,320 --> 00:36:19,280
you know he's amazing and he's like yeah, let's ye,

609
00:36:19,719 --> 00:36:25,239
let's do it. And so it was like really untangling

610
00:36:25,840 --> 00:36:28,679
the role that alcohol played and my sexual life was

611
00:36:28,800 --> 00:36:33,480
a big part of my sobriety and also like a

612
00:36:33,519 --> 00:36:37,320
way just to just to love myself and to say

613
00:36:37,360 --> 00:36:40,199
like no, no, like all of that stuff that you

614
00:36:40,280 --> 00:36:43,800
thought you had to be, you know you don't and

615
00:36:44,199 --> 00:36:46,239
this is it. You're good.

616
00:36:46,679 --> 00:36:49,880
Speaker 1: I feel like we're lucky that we had partners that

617
00:36:50,159 --> 00:36:53,239
we already felt safe with and trusted because I always

618
00:36:53,239 --> 00:36:56,199
feel I always feel awful for people that then have to.

619
00:36:56,119 --> 00:37:00,400
Speaker 2: Go date, I know know, and like sober dating, right,

620
00:37:00,519 --> 00:37:05,400
like that dating is scary enough, but then also like

621
00:37:05,519 --> 00:37:08,960
alcohol with dating, that was a true like I am

622
00:37:09,239 --> 00:37:13,239
lucky that I, you know, came out of it unscathed.

623
00:37:13,559 --> 00:37:17,599
Like I'm always like, how did I get through that?

624
00:37:17,800 --> 00:37:19,880
How did I come home? How did I not get

625
00:37:20,239 --> 00:37:22,679
you know, how did it? How was it not worse?

626
00:37:22,960 --> 00:37:25,239
And so yeah, yeah.

627
00:37:24,960 --> 00:37:28,079
Speaker 1: So now I want to hear about the transition in

628
00:37:28,119 --> 00:37:31,920
your business life. So now you quit drinking and you're

629
00:37:32,000 --> 00:37:37,760
this like lifestyle blogger, lifestyle influencer, but now you suddenly

630
00:37:37,840 --> 00:37:39,000
made this big decision.

631
00:37:39,920 --> 00:37:45,519
Speaker 2: Yeah. I So in between there, while I was figuring

632
00:37:45,559 --> 00:37:48,119
out like what I thought about my sobriety, what I

633
00:37:48,199 --> 00:37:51,119
wanted it to be, what I what didn't feel good,

634
00:37:51,639 --> 00:37:54,519
I was kind of like formulating these things. And then

635
00:37:54,559 --> 00:37:57,519
actually my dad passed away pretty tragically, like just over

636
00:37:57,559 --> 00:38:03,559
a year into my sobriety, which really like cemented my

637
00:38:03,679 --> 00:38:08,800
sobriety for me, because I you know, it was a

638
00:38:08,800 --> 00:38:11,400
lot of complicated grief. We were in a fight when

639
00:38:11,480 --> 00:38:15,280
he died, and after like being really really close to

640
00:38:15,400 --> 00:38:18,760
my whole life, and so it was very complicated and

641
00:38:18,840 --> 00:38:22,599
every I had green lights all around like hey, you

642
00:38:22,639 --> 00:38:25,800
know this sobriety thing, yes, of course, but also like

643
00:38:26,159 --> 00:38:28,920
if you want to drink to deal with this, like

644
00:38:29,840 --> 00:38:33,320
you know, everyone would understand, like it's fine, and I

645
00:38:33,559 --> 00:38:37,599
was like, you know, no I don't because I didn't

646
00:38:37,639 --> 00:38:40,800
want to. I didn't want to miss the grief because

647
00:38:40,840 --> 00:38:42,639
I felt like I missed the end of his life.

648
00:38:42,679 --> 00:38:44,360
And so I was like, no, no, this is actually

649
00:38:45,199 --> 00:38:47,239
a way to honor him. And so then that really

650
00:38:47,440 --> 00:38:50,440
kind of catapulted it into like, Okay, this is this

651
00:38:50,519 --> 00:38:55,000
is a thing. This isn't just an experiment, this is

652
00:38:55,079 --> 00:39:00,800
actually now. I have felt some pretty gnarly things in sobriety,

653
00:39:00,920 --> 00:39:04,880
and I like survived the feelings. The grief didn't take

654
00:39:05,000 --> 00:39:09,199
me down. And I was like, all right, I think

655
00:39:09,239 --> 00:39:13,159
I've got this. And so about I had started in

656
00:39:13,159 --> 00:39:16,480
Instagram because that's what I knew best, and I started

657
00:39:16,559 --> 00:39:19,239
just the sober mom life Instagram, but I didn't share

658
00:39:19,280 --> 00:39:20,920
it and I didn't tell anybody, and I was like,

659
00:39:21,039 --> 00:39:23,119
let me just like work this out on my own.

660
00:39:23,440 --> 00:39:27,800
And then after my dad, you know, after I went

661
00:39:27,840 --> 00:39:30,440
to therapy for that, a lot of therapy, a whole

662
00:39:30,440 --> 00:39:33,320
lot of therapy. We love therapy, we love it.

663
00:39:34,719 --> 00:39:34,920
Speaker 1: Yeah.

664
00:39:34,920 --> 00:39:38,719
Speaker 2: After that, then I was like, Okay, I think I

665
00:39:38,719 --> 00:39:42,039
think it's time then to because it started to feel

666
00:39:42,039 --> 00:39:44,519
like I don't want to hide this and I just

667
00:39:44,679 --> 00:39:48,239
I don't want to just talk about sweaters anymore.

668
00:39:48,880 --> 00:39:51,519
Speaker 1: And I think, are you getting any offers from alcohol

669
00:39:51,599 --> 00:39:52,480
brands at this time?

670
00:39:54,199 --> 00:39:58,039
Speaker 2: Probably I don't even remember. I probably was, and I

671
00:39:58,400 --> 00:40:01,159
didn't take them. I didn't take any any offers from

672
00:40:01,199 --> 00:40:04,679
alcohol brands once I stopped drinking. But I also didn't

673
00:40:04,719 --> 00:40:07,800
tell my my audience, my main audience on my on

674
00:40:07,880 --> 00:40:10,760
my main page, what I was doing, and it started

675
00:40:10,760 --> 00:40:16,320
to feel and authentic. I was like, I can't tell

676
00:40:16,360 --> 00:40:19,119
you about the fit of these genes anymore. Like, ugh,

677
00:40:19,360 --> 00:40:23,480
I don't want to. I don't like I love affiliated

678
00:40:23,519 --> 00:40:27,480
links as much as the next girl. But oh so

679
00:40:27,480 --> 00:40:31,400
so then I I after some kind of back and forth,

680
00:40:31,480 --> 00:40:33,960
and actually my friend Katie Rexing, who has a podcast

681
00:40:34,000 --> 00:40:35,960
and she had stopped drinking right after I did, she

682
00:40:36,119 --> 00:40:39,039
was like, why aren't you bringing this over here? And

683
00:40:39,079 --> 00:40:42,159
you know, and my manager at the time, because the

684
00:40:42,239 --> 00:40:46,000
influencers have managers to manage all of the campaigns, and stuff.

685
00:40:47,159 --> 00:40:49,159
You know, we had been talking about it because it

686
00:40:49,199 --> 00:40:53,280
would really mean me saying I'm not going to do

687
00:40:53,400 --> 00:40:56,119
any of these campaigns anymore, because if you're not talking

688
00:40:56,119 --> 00:40:58,559
about fashion and clothes and stuff, they're not gonna want

689
00:40:59,039 --> 00:41:01,800
campaigns from you. And so I was like, yeah, I

690
00:41:01,840 --> 00:41:04,079
think that this is it and this is what I

691
00:41:04,119 --> 00:41:06,000
want to do. And so then I kind of I

692
00:41:06,119 --> 00:41:08,599
just made I always say I just jump and then

693
00:41:08,639 --> 00:41:11,159
I just pray to God someone's gonna catch me. And

694
00:41:12,039 --> 00:41:16,280
they did, and so then I started I started bringing

695
00:41:16,360 --> 00:41:19,960
Sobriety over to the main Instagram page. I launched the podcast,

696
00:41:20,239 --> 00:41:22,960
not knowing what the hell I was doing, Like, I

697
00:41:23,000 --> 00:41:25,000
got an editor and I was like, can you help me?

698
00:41:25,039 --> 00:41:28,880
And then I just googled. And then once I saw

699
00:41:28,920 --> 00:41:33,719
the response of women being like, oh my god, I

700
00:41:33,719 --> 00:41:37,840
thought I was the only one who played these like

701
00:41:37,960 --> 00:41:41,320
mental games and from the outside really looks like I'm

702
00:41:41,360 --> 00:41:47,079
a successful drinker in quotes, but I hate it and

703
00:41:47,760 --> 00:41:52,519
that I don't want to wait for something to happen. Yeah,

704
00:41:52,519 --> 00:41:54,760
as soon as I as soon as I started hearing

705
00:41:54,760 --> 00:41:57,000
from all of these women, I was like, oh, well,

706
00:41:58,079 --> 00:42:01,360
now this feels a little bit less scary, like they

707
00:42:01,440 --> 00:42:06,199
made it. They made it not easy but possible.

708
00:42:06,760 --> 00:42:11,840
Speaker 1: It's amazing when you realize, you know, I think, right

709
00:42:11,880 --> 00:42:16,000
before you quit, it feels like you're the only person

710
00:42:16,119 --> 00:42:18,960
who thinks these thoughts. And I'm sure you probably felt

711
00:42:18,960 --> 00:42:21,000
this way about the OCD as well, Like I'm the

712
00:42:21,039 --> 00:42:24,639
only person who thinks these dark thoughts and thinks about

713
00:42:24,800 --> 00:42:27,559
hurting my baby, and you know, and when we're drinking,

714
00:42:27,599 --> 00:42:30,679
we go, I am the only person who cannot control

715
00:42:31,320 --> 00:42:35,079
And how is it possible that I can't just say no?

716
00:42:35,320 --> 00:42:37,360
Like why don't I know when I've had too much?

717
00:42:37,440 --> 00:42:40,719
Like what is wrong with me? There's something defective about me?

718
00:42:41,239 --> 00:42:45,599
And like, to me, it's similar with sugar and with

719
00:42:45,760 --> 00:42:48,119
you know, the food issues that I've had since I

720
00:42:48,159 --> 00:42:51,400
was a kid. And it's almost worse with food because

721
00:42:51,599 --> 00:42:54,079
it's this weird message in your mind when you're like,

722
00:42:54,280 --> 00:42:57,719
why can't I stop eating cookies? Very negative, it's like, God,

723
00:42:57,760 --> 00:43:01,119
you're such a pig, You're so gross, Like what's wrong

724
00:43:01,159 --> 00:43:03,760
with you? Just stop eating the fucking cookies? You know.

725
00:43:03,840 --> 00:43:06,199
But I also had that with the alcohol, even though

726
00:43:06,239 --> 00:43:08,559
alcohol wasn't my first love. But it was the same

727
00:43:08,599 --> 00:43:11,800
thing with like what's wrong with you? If I swush

728
00:43:11,840 --> 00:43:14,440
to drink, your engage it's dangerous. You're gonna then you're

729
00:43:14,440 --> 00:43:17,519
gonna drink. Then you drive your car, like why, what's

730
00:43:17,519 --> 00:43:20,679
wrong with you? And then you quit, and all of

731
00:43:20,719 --> 00:43:25,239
a sudden you realize how we're not alone. There's so

732
00:43:25,599 --> 00:43:27,679
many of us that look normal on the outside and

733
00:43:27,719 --> 00:43:31,880
are having the same thoughts about about food, about alcohol,

734
00:43:32,000 --> 00:43:33,360
about sex, about whatever.

735
00:43:33,800 --> 00:43:38,519
Speaker 2: We're not alone, yes, and that, you know, that's always

736
00:43:39,320 --> 00:43:42,079
I started a membership community just to be like, hey,

737
00:43:42,119 --> 00:43:44,960
can we just all come and talk about like all

738
00:43:45,000 --> 00:43:46,639
of the thoughts that we thought we were the only

739
00:43:46,679 --> 00:43:51,000
ones having about drinking and doubts about our drinking. And

740
00:43:51,119 --> 00:43:55,480
that's just I always think that's the most freeing, freeing

741
00:43:55,519 --> 00:43:58,199
part of it. I imagine all of our all of

742
00:43:58,199 --> 00:44:02,000
our little homes in COVID aspect, right, and when like

743
00:44:02,039 --> 00:44:05,920
we're just all, you know, all in our houses and

744
00:44:06,039 --> 00:44:08,280
like in our bodies, in our minds, and all of

745
00:44:08,280 --> 00:44:10,800
these thoughts, and like, what's wrong with me? Why can't

746
00:44:10,840 --> 00:44:13,559
I all of this stuff? And then all I did

747
00:44:13,639 --> 00:44:15,920
was just like flipped on my light and I was like,

748
00:44:16,559 --> 00:44:19,559
do you think anybody anybody else? And then all of

749
00:44:19,599 --> 00:44:22,000
these lights in the home started like coming on and

750
00:44:22,039 --> 00:44:25,920
they were like, oh my god, and really we've been

751
00:44:26,000 --> 00:44:29,199
taught not to talk about alcohol, like we have been

752
00:44:29,199 --> 00:44:32,800
taught like, don't talk about alcohol, don't talk about your

753
00:44:32,960 --> 00:44:37,079
doubts about your drinking because otherwise, Right then you're like,

754
00:44:37,719 --> 00:44:40,440
I don't know, you're destined to this, like life without

755
00:44:41,440 --> 00:44:44,360
it's like wait, but what if like the life without

756
00:44:44,400 --> 00:44:48,320
alcohol is actually like really fucking good and you get

757
00:44:48,360 --> 00:44:53,400
back to like yourself and you pick up that girl

758
00:44:53,440 --> 00:44:56,199
who you know when I started drinking at like fifteen,

759
00:44:56,280 --> 00:44:57,960
and I get to like go back to her and

760
00:44:58,000 --> 00:45:01,239
be like, hey, what do we like? Like, what do

761
00:45:01,280 --> 00:45:03,719
we like to do? Remind me like where are we?

762
00:45:04,400 --> 00:45:07,280
You know, when we get to like bring her along

763
00:45:07,480 --> 00:45:10,519
and it's just it's my favorite.

764
00:45:11,159 --> 00:45:14,559
Speaker 1: Did you worry that you just wouldn't have fun or

765
00:45:14,559 --> 00:45:17,280
that you wouldn't be able to be an influencer? Did

766
00:45:17,360 --> 00:45:19,280
you worry like this was gonna end everything?

767
00:45:19,920 --> 00:45:21,000
Speaker 2: Yeah? Totally.

768
00:45:21,199 --> 00:45:21,559
Speaker 1: Yeah.

769
00:45:21,679 --> 00:45:25,400
Speaker 2: I thought At first I thought, Okay, obviously my life

770
00:45:25,440 --> 00:45:27,840
is over. This sucks, like I'm not gonna be invited

771
00:45:27,880 --> 00:45:32,719
to anything. Yeah, how am I gonna have fun? What

772
00:45:32,760 --> 00:45:36,559
am I gonna? What about that? You know? I have

773
00:45:36,639 --> 00:45:40,039
been the one hashtag ad with the wine, like oh

774
00:45:40,039 --> 00:45:44,960
my god, what am I gonna do? And anytime anytime

775
00:45:45,119 --> 00:45:48,440
like those thoughts, because you know me and my thoughts,

776
00:45:48,960 --> 00:45:51,679
anytime those thoughts came up, I just was. I am

777
00:45:51,719 --> 00:45:55,880
like very compassionate with my brain and with my thought,

778
00:45:56,000 --> 00:46:00,239
which I think really helped me, because anytime those thoughts

779
00:46:00,280 --> 00:46:03,039
came up, I was like, well not yet, let's just wait,

780
00:46:03,159 --> 00:46:07,880
let's wait and see, like let's really and so yeah,

781
00:46:07,920 --> 00:46:13,199
I worried about all of it, and you know, now

782
00:46:13,280 --> 00:46:16,559
sitting here, I'm like, man, man, if you only knew,

783
00:46:17,000 --> 00:46:20,599
like I always assumed that alcohol was like the fast

784
00:46:20,679 --> 00:46:23,239
track to connection, and I was like, let's just get

785
00:46:23,280 --> 00:46:26,920
wasted and like tell each other everything right, and like

786
00:46:27,519 --> 00:46:31,639
then we'll be best friends. Cocaine too, I never tried it.

787
00:46:31,920 --> 00:46:34,360
I never tried cocaine because I knew I would love it,

788
00:46:35,079 --> 00:46:36,639
Like that would be my speech.

789
00:46:36,719 --> 00:46:39,639
Speaker 1: Yeah, you would have absolutely loved it for twenty minutes.

790
00:46:39,719 --> 00:46:43,079
But it's different because cocaine is like, for the first

791
00:46:43,159 --> 00:46:45,559
twenty minutes, you're like, oh my god, tell me your

792
00:46:45,559 --> 00:46:49,360
life story. You are so interesting, and then twenty minutes

793
00:46:49,360 --> 00:46:51,679
and you're like, I really need a little more cocaine

794
00:46:51,719 --> 00:46:53,519
to hear more of this story.

795
00:46:53,599 --> 00:46:57,719
Speaker 2: You're like, oh wait, you're not that interesting. Actually yeah yeah.

796
00:46:57,800 --> 00:47:01,159
I always was like you know, I really really wanted

797
00:47:01,199 --> 00:47:04,519
to connect, like that's always been That's why I love

798
00:47:04,920 --> 00:47:07,880
doing this. That's why I like, just tell me, don't

799
00:47:07,920 --> 00:47:10,480
I don't care about like the sports your kids are in,

800
00:47:10,519 --> 00:47:12,480
but like tell me about your trauma. And I'm like

801
00:47:12,840 --> 00:47:16,639
in like yes, yeah. And so I always thought alcohol

802
00:47:16,719 --> 00:47:22,440
was like the key when like in sobriety, Like the deepest,

803
00:47:22,599 --> 00:47:27,800
most meaningful connection that I have ever found has been

804
00:47:27,800 --> 00:47:29,920
in sobriety. And it's kind of it's kind of like,

805
00:47:30,280 --> 00:47:32,880
you know, you meet a sober woman and you're not

806
00:47:32,920 --> 00:47:35,239
at like from zero to one hundred, you're like at

807
00:47:35,519 --> 00:47:38,159
a thousand, and then you're like great, I see you

808
00:47:38,280 --> 00:47:40,880
like you and I like we're like, no, yeah, I

809
00:47:40,960 --> 00:47:45,079
get you, you get me, like yeah, oh yeah.

810
00:47:45,119 --> 00:47:47,440
Speaker 1: And when I did your podcast, I was like I

811
00:47:47,559 --> 00:47:50,360
need to make this woman my best friend. And they

812
00:47:50,360 --> 00:47:53,239
we're also busy, so but in my mind I was

813
00:47:53,239 --> 00:47:56,079
like I'm coming back to her. Yes, it's so fun.

814
00:47:56,199 --> 00:47:58,960
I love talking to sober people. And let me just

815
00:47:59,000 --> 00:48:03,639
ask you this with your husband. So at first, when

816
00:48:03,639 --> 00:48:05,920
you got sober. He was like, uh huh, yeah, we'll

817
00:48:05,920 --> 00:48:06,360
see about that.

818
00:48:06,679 --> 00:48:06,880
Speaker 2: Yeah.

819
00:48:07,000 --> 00:48:08,760
Speaker 1: Now it was like I've heard that because I know

820
00:48:08,840 --> 00:48:13,159
with my husband, he was supportive of me. You know,

821
00:48:13,239 --> 00:48:15,639
he saw the pain that I was in of like

822
00:48:15,840 --> 00:48:18,320
I can't have this happen again. But he was very

823
00:48:18,360 --> 00:48:20,880
much like, you got to be gentle with yourself, like

824
00:48:20,920 --> 00:48:23,639
you're not an alcoholic, Like you don't need to grab ever,

825
00:48:23,880 --> 00:48:26,079
like you just need to you just need to be

826
00:48:26,159 --> 00:48:29,159
mindful and not drink and drive, you know. And I

827
00:48:29,239 --> 00:48:33,719
was like, bitch, if I could be mindful, I wouldn't.

828
00:48:34,639 --> 00:48:36,840
I just don't think he understood the extent of what

829
00:48:37,000 --> 00:48:39,760
was going on in my brain, that's it. And he

830
00:48:39,800 --> 00:48:42,599
didn't under understand that I just can't help it if

831
00:48:42,639 --> 00:48:44,760
I have some and that I really just didn't trust

832
00:48:44,840 --> 00:48:50,280
myself with alcohol. But once I really stopped, he adjusted.

833
00:48:50,760 --> 00:48:52,840
But it took a little while because I think he

834
00:48:52,880 --> 00:48:56,239
felt a little a little bit alone without like a

835
00:48:56,320 --> 00:48:58,880
drinking buddy at first. And I'm wondering how.

836
00:48:58,719 --> 00:48:59,320
Speaker 2: That was for you.

837
00:49:00,119 --> 00:49:00,519
Speaker 1: Totally.

838
00:49:00,679 --> 00:49:03,159
Speaker 2: I think it is like we flip the script right

839
00:49:03,320 --> 00:49:05,519
and it's like, wait, okay, so this thing that we

840
00:49:05,599 --> 00:49:08,159
do together, you're not doing anymore. And I always think

841
00:49:08,199 --> 00:49:10,199
of it as like, oh, I have to like catch

842
00:49:10,239 --> 00:49:12,639
you up because there's a lot in my head that

843
00:49:12,719 --> 00:49:17,000
happened during while I was drinking, even before I met you,

844
00:49:17,039 --> 00:49:18,920
that you don't know, and so let me let me

845
00:49:18,960 --> 00:49:20,960
catch you up and let me really tell you, like

846
00:49:21,880 --> 00:49:25,000
how all the shame that was tied to drinking for me?

847
00:49:26,480 --> 00:49:30,079
He was It's so funny because everyone asked this, and

848
00:49:30,239 --> 00:49:33,639
I like, what did your husband think I was? When

849
00:49:33,639 --> 00:49:35,840
I tell you I was obsessed. He didn't even like

850
00:49:35,920 --> 00:49:41,159
really factor into my to my decision, which is insane

851
00:49:41,320 --> 00:49:43,400
as a as a wife and a mom, being like, no,

852
00:49:43,519 --> 00:49:46,000
I was so focused on myself because when are we

853
00:49:46,039 --> 00:49:49,079
ever that focused on ourselves? But I really was that.

854
00:49:49,199 --> 00:49:52,559
I was like, this is something I'm doing, Like I'm

855
00:49:52,599 --> 00:49:54,719
not going to ask you what you think about it

856
00:49:54,840 --> 00:49:58,480
or if you're okay with it, because right now it

857
00:49:58,519 --> 00:50:00,480
doesn't matter, Like this is just what I I'm doing

858
00:50:00,599 --> 00:50:04,639
and I don't do that, like I'm not normally like that,

859
00:50:04,880 --> 00:50:10,239
right And then he thank God, like he's amazing, and

860
00:50:10,639 --> 00:50:14,480
he still drank. He was still you know, he was

861
00:50:14,519 --> 00:50:18,920
a party guy too. And then and then his drinking

862
00:50:19,079 --> 00:50:22,280
was just you know, two beers and then he was done.

863
00:50:22,760 --> 00:50:25,480
I don't think I've ever seen him drunk. He was

864
00:50:25,480 --> 00:50:30,960
definitely drunk before me, but I don't think I like, yeah, yeah,

865
00:50:31,000 --> 00:50:34,840
and so I I you know, we we had to.

866
00:50:34,960 --> 00:50:37,199
I had to figure out what I felt comfortable with

867
00:50:37,280 --> 00:50:40,800
and what my boundary was because I I didn't want

868
00:50:40,880 --> 00:50:44,679
him also coming home and like smelling like liquor that

869
00:50:45,280 --> 00:50:47,440
I hated. And so I was like, you could have

870
00:50:47,519 --> 00:50:50,559
two not you can have, but like I feel comfortable

871
00:50:51,199 --> 00:50:54,079
and like two beers and it's like Amstell lights and

872
00:50:54,119 --> 00:50:58,400
he's a huge guy, so that's what he liked with golf,

873
00:50:58,719 --> 00:51:00,280
and I was like, yeah, that feels good. I'm like,

874
00:51:00,320 --> 00:51:03,400
it feels scary if it's like a martini and two beers.

875
00:51:03,440 --> 00:51:06,519
I don't like that. Like not that he's scary, but

876
00:51:06,679 --> 00:51:10,280
I just don't like being on different levels. And so

877
00:51:10,400 --> 00:51:15,280
we did that for probably three and a half years,

878
00:51:15,639 --> 00:51:18,760
and then just last April he was decided to go

879
00:51:18,840 --> 00:51:23,800
a year without alcohol, and so he's been sober for

880
00:51:23,880 --> 00:51:24,679
almost a year.

881
00:51:24,960 --> 00:51:25,199
Speaker 1: Wow.

882
00:51:25,519 --> 00:51:29,719
Speaker 2: You know, I know it's killing me not to be like, so,

883
00:51:30,840 --> 00:51:35,440
what's the plan, because you know, and we'll talk about it,

884
00:51:35,480 --> 00:51:41,800
but I'm I'm very careful not to prosthetize or push

885
00:51:42,239 --> 00:51:45,440
or you know, I think as soon as we start

886
00:51:45,440 --> 00:51:49,679
pushing and saying like, hey, you know, this is what happens.

887
00:51:50,400 --> 00:51:53,400
I put him in a position to defend alcohol and

888
00:51:53,440 --> 00:51:56,000
I don't want to do that, right. I want him

889
00:51:56,079 --> 00:51:59,800
to but since I've quit, my brother stopped right after I.

890
00:52:00,280 --> 00:52:03,679
Oh wow, I know my mom quit at sixty nine

891
00:52:03,760 --> 00:52:06,800
years old, and then my husband. And not like I

892
00:52:06,840 --> 00:52:10,079
promised you guys, I wasn't like you guys got to stop.

893
00:52:10,119 --> 00:52:14,480
Did you know that alcohol causes you know, I wasn't annoying. Well,

894
00:52:14,960 --> 00:52:17,960
let me get a little, but I wasn't over like annoying.

895
00:52:18,840 --> 00:52:21,519
Speaker 1: You're creating PSAs and you're like, I just want to

896
00:52:21,519 --> 00:52:24,320
invite everybody over. I'm going to just show you something

897
00:52:24,320 --> 00:52:25,960
I've been working on. I just put it on the

898
00:52:26,000 --> 00:52:31,280
speakers and what's what's new? There's a PowerPoint knowing do.

899
00:52:33,440 --> 00:52:37,559
Speaker 2: Yeah, well that's awesome. We'll tell everybody.

900
00:52:37,760 --> 00:52:42,239
Speaker 1: So so this, the community that you created, helps a

901
00:52:42,320 --> 00:52:45,440
lot of people. I came and did my when I

902
00:52:45,480 --> 00:52:47,199
was doing my book, I came and you have like

903
00:52:47,239 --> 00:52:47,880
a book club.

904
00:52:48,480 --> 00:52:51,719
Speaker 2: I came to s and that was amazing. How like

905
00:52:51,800 --> 00:52:54,400
we loved you, We loved and and so many of

906
00:52:54,400 --> 00:52:56,119
the women and their love you and they were like

907
00:52:56,239 --> 00:52:58,360
I remember her first books and I was so glad

908
00:52:58,440 --> 00:53:01,000
when I saw drunkish come out like they they love you.

909
00:53:01,000 --> 00:53:03,400
You have you have major fans in that. Oh that's

910
00:53:03,440 --> 00:53:04,039
so nice.

911
00:53:04,079 --> 00:53:07,360
Speaker 1: So how do people join your community? Give give me

912
00:53:07,400 --> 00:53:08,239
all the promo.

913
00:53:08,880 --> 00:53:12,000
Speaker 2: Okay, So it's called the Sober Mom Wife Cafe. Really

914
00:53:12,039 --> 00:53:13,639
just because I love coffee. You have to bring your

915
00:53:13,679 --> 00:53:17,519
own coffee, like we don't. We don't buy it. It's

916
00:53:17,719 --> 00:53:20,760
it's a community. We have about four hundred women and

917
00:53:21,079 --> 00:53:24,679
it's all like it's open to sober, curious and sober.

918
00:53:25,039 --> 00:53:28,000
It's a place for you to come and finally start

919
00:53:28,039 --> 00:53:32,559
telling the truth about alcohol and you know, hopefully find

920
00:53:32,760 --> 00:53:36,760
freedom from it. We have zoom peer support meetings to

921
00:53:37,320 --> 00:53:42,000
three times a day. Oh wow, yeah yeah, and it's

922
00:53:42,119 --> 00:53:44,800
led by you know, my mom who's a therapist, leads

923
00:53:44,840 --> 00:53:47,320
a couple of them. Although it's not it's not therapy,

924
00:53:47,320 --> 00:53:51,519
it's just peer support. We have some like sobriety influencers

925
00:53:51,679 --> 00:53:56,000
who lead some I lead one every Friday, and it's

926
00:53:56,280 --> 00:54:00,079
just a place like it's you could be five if

927
00:54:00,079 --> 00:54:03,039
you're sober, ten years sober, two weeks sober, and you

928
00:54:03,119 --> 00:54:08,599
will find that it's just helpful. It's helpful for life stuff.

929
00:54:08,920 --> 00:54:13,679
You know, we often say so much about sobriety. It's

930
00:54:13,760 --> 00:54:17,400
not just not drinking, right, the not drinking part. You

931
00:54:18,079 --> 00:54:20,880
get that down and like I don't crave alcohol anymore.

932
00:54:20,880 --> 00:54:23,960
I don't think about it. But it's like wait, yeah,

933
00:54:24,000 --> 00:54:27,360
like sober sex with my husband, Like okay, how am I?

934
00:54:27,400 --> 00:54:30,519
How do I deal with feeling awkward on a date

935
00:54:30,599 --> 00:54:33,599
with my husband when I'm used to drinking? Right? And

936
00:54:33,639 --> 00:54:36,039
so we talk about everything. We talk about mothers in

937
00:54:36,119 --> 00:54:39,920
law a lot, because you know, when they come to visit,

938
00:54:40,039 --> 00:54:43,199
what do we do? And even though I love my

939
00:54:43,280 --> 00:54:46,719
mother's and the LIAW if you're listening, yeah, we talk

940
00:54:46,760 --> 00:54:48,800
about all of it. And so you can. Yeah, I'll

941
00:54:48,800 --> 00:54:50,639
give I'll give you a link to share for a

942
00:54:50,679 --> 00:54:54,119
week free and you can try the meetings. I always say,

943
00:54:54,159 --> 00:54:59,960
like just come camera on camera off talk like don't

944
00:55:00,039 --> 00:55:03,039
wait until you're not scared. It's probably like a A right,

945
00:55:04,079 --> 00:55:06,800
I'm terrified to talk. And that's that's kind of a

946
00:55:06,800 --> 00:55:10,320
good sign. That's like a little nudge that that yeah

947
00:55:10,559 --> 00:55:12,480
you should so yeah, real.

948
00:55:12,480 --> 00:55:14,519
Speaker 1: Okay, and then your Instagram.

949
00:55:14,880 --> 00:55:17,559
Speaker 2: My Instagram is zan ware I and it's w A

950
00:55:17,719 --> 00:55:20,360
R y e. It's it's it's hard, guys, it's like

951
00:55:20,480 --> 00:55:23,360
wear clothes and I that's how I remember it.

952
00:55:24,800 --> 00:55:26,800
Speaker 1: I'm pictured me picture it in my head. When you

953
00:55:26,840 --> 00:55:28,519
told me how to pronounce it, I just had to

954
00:55:28,559 --> 00:55:29,880
pick a picture.

955
00:55:30,079 --> 00:55:34,599
Speaker 3: W e A r I but yes, yes, but exactly

956
00:55:34,639 --> 00:55:40,119
it is w A R y I E yes, yep, yep.

957
00:55:40,239 --> 00:55:44,000
Speaker 2: And that's where I share, Yeah, the bright side of sobriety.

958
00:55:44,480 --> 00:55:46,960
And you know, sometimes I get called out that I

959
00:55:47,039 --> 00:55:49,760
make it look like too pretty, and I'm like, great, no,

960
00:55:49,920 --> 00:55:53,840
that's great because like they've been glamorizing alcohol for a

961
00:55:53,880 --> 00:55:55,159
really long time.

962
00:55:55,360 --> 00:56:00,400
Speaker 1: And so yeah, I love that, glamorizing sobriety. Yeah, yeah,

963
00:56:00,400 --> 00:56:04,480
you dozing sobriety right. And the book is coming out

964
00:56:04,559 --> 00:56:05,400
in September.

965
00:56:05,679 --> 00:56:08,920
Speaker 2: Okay, it's coming out here Octember. We haven't we haven't

966
00:56:08,920 --> 00:56:12,199
announced the name and everything yet. But if you're if

967
00:56:12,199 --> 00:56:15,159
you're like in the cafe, you'll get you'll get first

968
00:56:15,239 --> 00:56:19,280
exclusive everything, and then Instagram you'll you'll get to see

969
00:56:19,280 --> 00:56:19,639
that too.

970
00:56:19,920 --> 00:56:22,719
Speaker 1: You don't have the name. I have the book on Amazon.

971
00:56:22,840 --> 00:56:25,079
Speaker 2: No, we have the name, but we haven't like rolled it.

972
00:56:25,239 --> 00:56:29,000
Speaker 1: Oh okay, but you're like, wait, we can just google it?

973
00:56:29,599 --> 00:56:32,800
Speaker 2: Well you know you can't. Okay, do that. Okay, this

974
00:56:32,880 --> 00:56:34,599
is why I need a publicist. They're did it to

975
00:56:34,639 --> 00:56:37,079
tell me? Like when to? I don't know, it's definitely,

976
00:56:37,119 --> 00:56:37,519
I don't know.

977
00:56:37,760 --> 00:56:40,440
Speaker 1: Pre Orders are our pre orders are where it's at.

978
00:56:40,559 --> 00:56:42,440
People can go pre order your book?

979
00:56:42,800 --> 00:56:43,159
Speaker 2: I know.

980
00:56:43,280 --> 00:56:47,719
Speaker 1: Can I say what it's called. It's called The Sober Shift. Listen,

981
00:56:47,800 --> 00:56:49,320
I've got an author to I know how this.

982
00:56:49,920 --> 00:56:50,679
Speaker 2: You do it?

983
00:56:51,039 --> 00:56:55,000
Speaker 1: Just Sober Shift and uh you it is available right

984
00:56:55,039 --> 00:56:56,159
now for pre order, and.

985
00:56:56,119 --> 00:56:58,599
Speaker 2: It will help her. It will help her to get

986
00:56:58,639 --> 00:57:02,719
some pre orders. Okay, do that, especially closer to.

987
00:57:02,679 --> 00:57:04,440
Speaker 1: When it gets released. So if you want to wait

988
00:57:04,440 --> 00:57:06,480
a few months, that's fine too. But this is going

989
00:57:06,559 --> 00:57:08,960
to be a great book. And there's some mocktail recipes

990
00:57:09,000 --> 00:57:09,400
in there.

991
00:57:09,840 --> 00:57:12,559
Speaker 2: Yeah, we've got ten mocktail recipes and it is every

992
00:57:12,639 --> 00:57:16,880
chapter is a shift from you know, day one to

993
00:57:19,400 --> 00:57:22,079
sober first and like kind of a new way to

994
00:57:22,159 --> 00:57:25,199
think about sobriety. And so everyone always asks me how,

995
00:57:25,440 --> 00:57:27,039
like okay, but how did you do it? This is

996
00:57:27,159 --> 00:57:28,679
this is how I love that.

997
00:57:29,440 --> 00:57:32,119
Speaker 1: Well, thank you so so much for sharing your story.

998
00:57:32,199 --> 00:57:33,760
This is going to help a lot of people, and

999
00:57:33,800 --> 00:57:35,159
it was just fun hanging.

1000
00:57:34,840 --> 00:57:36,679
Speaker 2: Out with you. Oh my god. Can we do it

1001
00:57:36,679 --> 00:57:39,079
again tomorrow? Yes, we don't even have to record it.

1002
00:57:39,119 --> 00:57:41,760
Speaker 1: Well, we can definitely do it again soon before your

1003
00:57:41,800 --> 00:57:42,519
book comes out.

1004
00:57:42,760 --> 00:57:46,400
Speaker 2: Yes, I'll look in to that. Okay, bye, everybody that's

1005
00:57:46,559 --> 00:58:01,119
not live again for this time.

1006
00:58:01,440 --> 00:58:02,440
Speaker 1: You don't it to