Speaker 1: Welcome to men, sex and tantra.
Speaker 2: Discover where your parents, porn and religion never taught you
Speaker 2: about being a man and having extraordinary sex. Get ready
Speaker 2: to have your mind blown and your world rocked. We
Speaker 2: are back and I still have Jay Matthias Bennett, the
Speaker 2: one and only JAYI has been it with us back
Speaker 2: and this topic such a favorite of everybody. That's kind
Speaker 2: of a sarcastic thing that I just said, because I
Speaker 2: would think that vulnerability probably the least favorite topic for
Speaker 2: the majority of men on the planet. You can remember it. It
Speaker 2: goes something like this, You've just had this uncomfortable, kind
Speaker 2: of raw conversation with your partner, and your partner just
Speaker 2: is like emoting and having that back to you, and
Speaker 2: all of a sudden you realize she looks like she
Speaker 2: wants to have sex, and you're kind of like, WHOA
Speaker 2: hold up here, I just like laid myself out here.
Speaker 2: This is the last thing I want to do. I
Speaker 2: want to run for the I want to go like
Speaker 2: watch football or do something like completely like but no, no, no, no,
Speaker 2: not all this stuff. I get it that stereotypical. Most
Speaker 2: of the men that are listening to this probably don't
Speaker 2: feel that way, or maybe do in a little bit.
Speaker 2: But I think every single one of us has a
Speaker 2: ceiling on vulnerability for sure, and pushing those envelopes, pushing
Speaker 2: that edge can be scary and uncomfortable. You can have
Speaker 2: physical symptoms like feeling sick. So many different things coming
Speaker 2: up with this. But though every single person really, since
Speaker 2: they want to belong, and since they want to be seen,
Speaker 2: and since they want to be known and want to
Speaker 2: be heard, somehow though we are holding back from the
Speaker 2: very thing that we want.
Speaker 1: What say you, Matthias, Well, it's hard to disagree.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I as you may be where I think I actually,
Speaker 3: I don't think i'd mentioned in the last episode. I'm
Speaker 3: probably by the time you listen to this, I will
Speaker 3: have sent the manuscript off for the second time to
Speaker 3: my editor on my upcoming book Leading from Courageous Vulnerability,
Speaker 3: the Nine Leadership Lessons to consciously co Create Change.
Speaker 1: And so.
Speaker 3: Vulnerability I think is in and to clarify in this context,
Speaker 3: I would say, quite, you know, simply emotional vulnerability where
Speaker 3: you are not necessarily to everyone, to people who are trusted,
Speaker 3: who have who have demonstrated a.
Speaker 1: A level of.
Speaker 3: Ability that they can hold whatever it is that you
Speaker 3: want to share. So I would not recommend necessarily, you know,
Speaker 3: just saying a bunch of stuff that's vulnerable publicly per
Speaker 3: se just to say it. But I think if an
Speaker 3: as someone shares vulnerably, then one of the things is
Speaker 3: is that that creates connection. And actually I think that
Speaker 3: that's a quote from Brene Brown, who obviously has spoken
Speaker 3: wrote a lot about vulnerability, is vulnerability is required for connection,
Speaker 3: and so it's no surprise if after a vulnerable moment,
Speaker 3: let's say with a partner, she's like, oh my gosh,
Speaker 3: she's like feeling really turned on. Brene also has this
Speaker 3: term that in that scenario that you described, Tanya' is like,
Speaker 3: oh man, I feel nauseous. That would be an example
Speaker 3: of a vulnerability hangover. Of course, in this case, hangover
Speaker 3: is in quotes, but there's you know, there there still
Speaker 3: is a chemical a chemical thing that's happening, and you're
Speaker 3: just like, oh my gosh, like what happened?
Speaker 1: Like and I don't know.
Speaker 3: And part of this dynamic is is that you it's
Speaker 3: it's like, I guess what's coming to mind about how
Speaker 3: to describe that? Is like sharing a truth that is
Speaker 3: deeply important to you. But part of that context is
Speaker 3: is that you actually don't know how that's going.
Speaker 1: To be received from that other person.
Speaker 3: So maybe it the whole thing might just totally blow
Speaker 3: up in your face, you know.
Speaker 1: So that and and that.
Speaker 3: Really is is is uh, you know, is taking a risk. Now,
Speaker 3: it doesn't mean you can't make calculated risks or and.
Speaker 1: You know, but.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I think it's definitely a skill that many people,
Speaker 3: especially I would say, in the Western world, and leaders
Speaker 3: could do more of and just so that they are
Speaker 3: able to, yeah, just better connect with the people that
Speaker 3: they care about in their life.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Well, so I have a couple of things around that.
Speaker 2: So you said, you know somebody that's relatively like trusted,
Speaker 2: you know, you're not just going to be vulnerable out
Speaker 2: in the public world. I want to note that on
Speaker 2: this podcast, I am vulnerable to freaking everybody that listens
Speaker 2: to this damn thing. So here's what I have to
Speaker 2: say about trusted safety. One, there is no person that
Speaker 2: is one hundred percent trustworthy. People are trustworthy till they're not.
Speaker 2: That is just how life is. There is no getting
Speaker 2: around that. So what I determinedly and earlier in my
Speaker 2: life was that if I trusted myself back to the
Speaker 2: four pillars of self love. So by committing or creating
Speaker 2: self trust, I trust the fact that if I am
Speaker 2: vulnerable and it doesn't get received, if I am vulnerable
Speaker 2: and it gets used against me, if I am vulnerable
Speaker 2: and it creates chaos, I will survive. I will be
Speaker 2: okay because I trust myself to know that ultimately I
Speaker 2: am the holder of all my safety. I am the
Speaker 2: person I have to trust the most. I am the
Speaker 2: person I have to respect the most, and I have
Speaker 2: to love myself the most. And when I have those
Speaker 2: things in place, it is amazing how I am able
Speaker 2: to move in the world. That doesn't make it less scary.
Speaker 2: Maybe that makes it more scary because quite frankly, if
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, I trust you, and I throw
Speaker 2: all my trust there and it's like you're gonna hold
Speaker 2: that container perfectly never a minute will you not be trustory,
Speaker 2: that's like ridiculous. I mean, I am undoubtedly most people
Speaker 2: would say I am the most trustworthy person you could
Speaker 2: probably ever say anything vulnerable to until I'm fucking not. Now.
Speaker 2: I don't know what that not looks like, but I
Speaker 2: use the story of my horse this amazing horse, and
Speaker 2: I would take him out to, you know, a bunch
Speaker 2: of grass anywhere. We were at a showground wherever, and
Speaker 2: I would drop his lead rope out there, like he's free.
Speaker 2: He just dropped out there to eat grass. And people
Speaker 2: would walk by and they'd go, wow, how did you
Speaker 2: train him to do that? And I said, he'll be
Speaker 2: there till he isn't. I have no idea what could
Speaker 2: set him off one day to decide that he was
Speaker 2: more scared of the thing than he was interested in
Speaker 2: eating the grass. Okay, So from my perspective, waiting to
Speaker 2: maybe find somebody safe, waiting to feel like whatever that is,
Speaker 2: that that's going to take you a lot longer. I mean,
Speaker 2: and you know there's risk assess when I think that's great.
Speaker 2: You know, business people will say makes you imagine walking
Speaker 2: in and being vulnerable to your staff and all of
Speaker 2: a sudden you're not quote unquote inauthority anymore. There's so
Speaker 2: many ways that we do. Yeah, jump in your I
Speaker 2: can see you, like, you should see his face. He's
Speaker 2: like yes, and then he's like wait, wait, let me talk.
Speaker 1: Go sure.
Speaker 3: I mean, and maybe maybe that's a reason why I
Speaker 3: just totally love you. Tanya, because both of us, I
Speaker 3: would say, have that quality and characteristic of a high
Speaker 3: level of trust and a high level of vulnerability.
Speaker 1: And so what that does is.
Speaker 3: That when you have two people with a high level
Speaker 3: of trust and a high level of vulnerability, actually a
Speaker 3: lot of shit can get done really quickly.
Speaker 2: It is amazing. A lot of clarity, a lot of
Speaker 2: clarity happens, a lot of like resonance happens. Absolutely, there's
Speaker 2: like you're cutting through years of fucking most people. Do
Speaker 2: you know, the average couple it's seven years before they
Speaker 2: completely reveal it themselves. Seven freaking years before somebody says
Speaker 2: something that's really like them vulnerable.
Speaker 1: It's it's crazy. Yeah, I totally agree.
Speaker 3: So I even as I was kind of sharing that,
Speaker 3: it was almost hmm, yeah, I how do I how
Speaker 3: do I put this? Maybe I wanted to have it
Speaker 3: be accessible for somebody, you know, if you're listening where
Speaker 3: you're like, oh man, this idea of vulnerability, it's like
Speaker 3: it's totally crazy, you know, to start to kind of
Speaker 3: tytrate yourself into it. Once you've been doing it actually
Speaker 3: for a while, then then you then it's actually not
Speaker 3: difficult or not as difficult to kind of do what
Speaker 3: Tanya is talking about, and that also I do as
Speaker 3: a natural extension of my being as well. So I
Speaker 3: think in a certain way what we're talking about and
Speaker 3: how Tanya is talking and sharing is like that is
Speaker 3: part of the the if you want to call it fruit,
Speaker 3: or part of what you could look forward to. Is
Speaker 3: having a level of vulnerability is oh my gosh, Like
Speaker 3: I have the possibility and potential to go really really
Speaker 3: deep with.
Speaker 1: Someone in a short amount of time.
Speaker 3: And they're like, there could be possibilities and opportunities that
Speaker 3: could open up that you could never even even conceive
Speaker 3: of or even dream of before you meet this person.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, there are people listening that are like, I'd
Speaker 2: rather go to the dentist and now have all my
Speaker 2: freaking teeth pulled than stuff into the space of fucking
Speaker 2: vulnerability and and you know what, here, here's where I
Speaker 2: want to, like, I want to if there's a woman
Speaker 2: listening to this, let's get real here. You women want
Speaker 2: men to be vulnerable. We hear it all the fucking time, Like,
Speaker 2: I just want him to be vulnerable with me, to
Speaker 2: share it, and then you would you know what, most
Speaker 2: women do, you fucking emasculate the shit out of your
Speaker 2: man when he does that. So I is where I
Speaker 2: get pissed at women and I call them out in
Speaker 2: my couple stuff and it's like, you know, you're like, oh,
Speaker 2: I want you to do this, be this, oh that,
Speaker 2: And then he shows up and he does that, and
Speaker 2: you're all like, oh are you crying? Oh wait, do
Speaker 2: you feel weak? I mean so, or you use it
Speaker 2: against him. Worst thing ever, somebody gets vulnerable with you
Speaker 2: and then you weaponize that. Shit like that is the
Speaker 2: anti kindness. That is the anti woke, That is the
Speaker 2: anti I have. Every fucking thing you can do is
Speaker 2: like literally take somebody's soft underbelly and like shred it
Speaker 2: open because you're scared of what it means they're vulnerable,
Speaker 2: because that's what that's. Somebody gets vulnerable with you and
Speaker 2: you use that against them. I want you to feel
Speaker 2: fucking guilty right now. You don't need to feel clean
Speaker 2: because that's cyclical. Shame is stupid, but I want you
Speaker 2: to feel guilty. I want you to feel this. I
Speaker 2: am calling you the fuck out for the man or woman.
Speaker 2: Stop that shit. There's just never a reason to do
Speaker 2: that to anybody. And uh, that's why. Also, you're scared
Speaker 2: because if you've done that to other people, you are
Speaker 2: scared to death to get vulnerable because you don't want
Speaker 2: that done to you. So let's just let's all clean
Speaker 2: that shit up. So that was a vulnerable statement from
Speaker 2: Tanya to you. But okay, yeah, why are we so afraid?
Speaker 1: So?
Speaker 2: Why are we so afraid of the very thing that
Speaker 2: is going to get us known, belonged, seen, understood, clarity,
Speaker 2: all the beautiful things that we could want. Why the
Speaker 2: hell is that so scary?
Speaker 1: What arises for me right now? Is an answer to
Speaker 1: that question?
Speaker 3: Is I think that it is well, first of all, fear,
Speaker 3: and I think it's a it's a deep survival response
Speaker 3: that humans have had for thousands and thousands of years,
Speaker 3: ten thousand years plus, probably back when we were living
Speaker 3: in let's say, tribes or smaller groups. For example, the
Speaker 3: Dunbar number of one hundred and sixty, where I think
Speaker 3: is this researcher named Dunbar and he did some research
Speaker 3: and he figured out, okay, well, seems like about one
Speaker 3: hundred and sixty maybe it was one hundred and sixty
Speaker 3: five something like that is the maximum amount of people
Speaker 3: that one person can actually kind of maintain continuous relationships
Speaker 3: with Now, obviously.
Speaker 2: That's a lot of people, that's right.
Speaker 3: But then and you know now these days with the
Speaker 3: Internet and all this, maybe that's expanded to a degree.
Speaker 3: But of course, how many are like super close. You
Speaker 3: may have a thousand Facebook friends whatever, but like could
Speaker 3: you really call them up and and really be close
Speaker 3: with him or ask him? You know, if it's a guy.
Speaker 3: Let's say you're a guy, like, hey, would you help
Speaker 3: me move?
Speaker 1: Man?
Speaker 3: That's like you know, asking like sexs of the woman?
Speaker 3: Could that's like the most vulnerable you know, can you
Speaker 3: help me move?
Speaker 1: How How many words is that? But like five words?
Speaker 1: But like.
Speaker 2: I am bro in there and it's six bro right.
Speaker 3: But yeah, I mean it's it's so it's so the dunbar.
Speaker 3: It's like we you know, in a certain way, this
Speaker 3: whole idea of fear of rejection and and when you
Speaker 3: are in this back in the day, if you were
Speaker 3: rejected from your tribe, that meant death. Yeah yeah, and
Speaker 3: so uh and and now it kind of gets transmitted
Speaker 3: and converging in.
Speaker 1: Uh in in other in other ways.
Speaker 2: No financial resources, if you've screw up at work or
Speaker 2: or you get vulnerable at work, and it's the wrong thing, you.
Speaker 3: Know, right, get vulnerable or even you know, in terms
Speaker 3: of like social moras and things like that. I mean,
Speaker 3: it's it's uh, it's crazy, as you know, as you know, Tanya,
Speaker 3: what's immediately coming to my mind is is a dear friend,
Speaker 3: Nicole Ddon, who you know, was was declared guilty for
Speaker 3: quote unquote conspiracy to commit forced labor, and she pioneered
Speaker 3: this practice called home orgasmic meditation and is like a
Speaker 3: staunch supporter for essentially supporting women's empowerment in various ways.
Speaker 3: But the thing is is that it's like, in a
Speaker 3: certain way, it's like that scarlet letter. It's like that
Speaker 3: rejection from society, and and how how powerful is like
Speaker 3: can society's reaction be quote unquote of the system, especially
Speaker 3: when when you literally like put it all out there unapologetically.
Speaker 2: Well, yep, that that'll bring me to my vulnerable statement,
Speaker 2: which is like I am finally writing, Oh yeah, I'm
Speaker 2: saying it out loud so that.
Speaker 3: I have Okay, I'll pause, continue go on.
Speaker 2: So I have been holding back, I am. You know,
Speaker 2: everybody has their edge. How far are they willing to go?
Speaker 2: And For most people, I am like so vulnerable. It's like,
Speaker 2: oh that's tmi, tanya to fucking much share, don't do that,
Speaker 2: And so've I ride that edge. But everybody has that
Speaker 2: little piece or two or thing they get up against it,
Speaker 2: and it's like, oh so one of the most epic
Speaker 2: the reason I am who I am, and the most
Speaker 2: epic things I've ever done in my life are things
Speaker 2: that I have never shared with anybody. There are things
Speaker 2: that I've literally never said to a living person of
Speaker 2: row close whatever, never have come from my lips. And
Speaker 2: there's a book I need to write and I've needed
Speaker 2: to write it for thirty years. Well maybe I couldn't
Speaker 2: write it till now, but whatever it is, and it's
Speaker 2: a book that makes me feel like when I put
Speaker 2: it out there, there is going to be rejection. I
Speaker 2: am known as practical strategy. You know, land the Plane,
Speaker 2: the most practical woo woo person anybody knows whatever. And
Speaker 2: the majority of my clients are super smart. They come
Speaker 2: to me for strategy, tell them what to do, get
Speaker 2: it done, let's do it. And I'm about to put
Speaker 2: out a book that really pretty well blows the fucking
Speaker 2: roof off of that shit in a different way. And
Speaker 2: I have tried to start this, and I have tried
Speaker 2: to start this, and partly with Matthias's help. Here I
Speaker 2: am five freaking chapters into this thing, and I am
Speaker 2: feeling the discomfort. I am feeling the almost want to
Speaker 2: throw up pieces and even more than the ten song
Speaker 2: album I just put out this year, I decided to
Speaker 2: do every year I do something brand new. This year
Speaker 2: it was create ten songs, never written songs, never done
Speaker 2: music for him, blah blah blah. Put that out in
Speaker 2: the first one I put out. I was so scared.
Speaker 2: It was great. I mean, but that was a great scared.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna put this out. People are gonna hate it.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, doesn't matter. Okay, this is bigger than this.
Speaker 2: This is like the biggest vulnerabilities piece that I've ever
Speaker 2: done is this book. But so I stepped in. I'm
Speaker 2: I'm doing this. Find your edge. So anything you have
Speaker 2: to say about that other than your breathing, he's breathing
Speaker 2: for me here.
Speaker 1: All right.
Speaker 3: Well, yeah, you're kind of inspiring me to kind of
Speaker 3: do a similar similar share.
Speaker 1: All right.
Speaker 3: So uh and and I did do a little bit
Speaker 3: of this before, but Basically it has to do with.
Speaker 1: An alter ego of mine yep.
Speaker 3: Yep yep uh and uh and his name is Hans
Speaker 3: uh and uh.
Speaker 1: Yeah. So hello, I am Hans.
Speaker 4: I am a black sheep from one of the setting
Speaker 4: ruling families of the Van So I'm originally from Austria.
Speaker 4: But I have this this desire and commitment to create
Speaker 4: the new s s S the selfish jep society. So
Speaker 4: I want you to embrace your deepest desires for yourself
Speaker 4: on the planet.
Speaker 1: If you're into that kind of thing. I am not.
Speaker 4: Actually, I My vision is to decentralize the darkness.
Speaker 1: So I think those of us that are in control,
Speaker 1: they would like to go the centralization, right. I do
Speaker 1: not believe this. I do not think we are in
Speaker 1: the webs three era. We must evolve. So that is
Speaker 1: a little bit of.
Speaker 2: Thank you for charing. We are laying down the better
Speaker 2: ability here.
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, So and you know's and you know as
Speaker 3: as me and Matthiasis hands is basically like what I
Speaker 3: what I call service to all in service to self.
Speaker 3: You may have heard of the terms from let's say
Speaker 3: law of one channel material from from raw uh and
Speaker 3: so essentially there's as a kind of negatively polarized per
Speaker 3: person or being or service to self. Hans can say
Speaker 3: certain things about deep spiritual topics that I couldn't necessarily
Speaker 3: say or say in that in that way and.
Speaker 1: Say in a humorous way.
Speaker 3: And then of course the idea is is that whatever
Speaker 3: advice I give, if somebody does that, actually what that
Speaker 3: would serve is to help raise consciousness regardless. Sorry, So
Speaker 3: that's that's that's part of the that is parts of
Speaker 3: the genius.
Speaker 2: Exactly exactly, so whether or not you're leading from your
Speaker 2: own personal vulnerability or you're creating an author ego for it.
Speaker 2: But you know what I like, I like the idea
Speaker 2: of that. I mean, you know, when people role play,
Speaker 2: it's a little bit of that kind of thing, like
Speaker 2: when stepping out of their normal kind of space allows
Speaker 2: them to maybe do things that feel more vulnerable or
Speaker 2: edgy than they would, you know, being themselves quote unquote
Speaker 2: uh you know, and you could have no, you could
Speaker 2: be totally vulnerable in one area and completely locked up
Speaker 2: in another area. And so when you're looking at your
Speaker 2: vulnerability quotient or what would we call that your vulnerability level?
Speaker 2: What what would we call your vulnerability?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, vulnerability level seems kind of as good
Speaker 3: as good as a descriptor as anything.
Speaker 2: I think probably, so I need to create this. I
Speaker 2: think so the vulnerability level, like you can assess yourself
Speaker 2: and your vulnerability on certain on the ladder or certain areas.
Speaker 2: I was told a long time ago never to be
Speaker 2: vulnerable in a coaching call. I tell stories about myself
Speaker 2: all the time. What my clients say is, oh my god,
Speaker 2: I just feel like I know you, and so their
Speaker 2: trust level rises. They'll tell me stuff they wouldn't tell
Speaker 2: anybody else. The podcast is a perfect example. You all
Speaker 2: that listen to me or like, man, should I know
Speaker 2: more about you than I ever not needed to? Yeah? Fine,
Speaker 2: use it for good. My housemate, my new housemate, is like,
Speaker 2: uh yeah. He had to take a moment because I'm like,
Speaker 2: I'm down there talking about my sex machine that you know.
Speaker 2: I bought this sex machine because people kept asking me
Speaker 2: have you ever tried one? And I'm like, no, I
Speaker 2: love to fucking try one. Bought it my daughter, My
Speaker 2: twenty one year old daughter put it together for me.
Speaker 2: She's like, Mom, are you kidding me? Why do I
Speaker 2: need to put this thing together for you? I'm like,
Speaker 2: because your hands are better, haven't used it? Sat on
Speaker 2: the dining room table. My housemate walks in to look
Speaker 2: at this thing, thinks, hmm, is it for her daughter?
Speaker 2: Is it for her? Is this being monetized? And then
Speaker 2: she's like, yeah, that's what it's like to live in
Speaker 2: this household and just walked on by. But you know,
Speaker 2: I was talking to my house my new housemate about it,
Speaker 2: and he's looking at me for a moment and then
Speaker 2: he realizes, Oh, this is what it means to live
Speaker 2: with Tanya. Basically, everything is talked about. Everything is talked about,
Speaker 2: but with consent. If I have a partner or anything
Speaker 2: like that. I'm not revealing those kind of things. But
Speaker 2: when it comes to me, I think the more vulnerable
Speaker 2: I am, the more people feel more normalized. Like if
Speaker 2: I lead the way just having you know, conversations in
Speaker 2: a bank that talk about you know, arousal or what
Speaker 2: I mean. I have outrageous conversations in every place there is,
Speaker 2: And the one thing I always get back is like, wow,
Speaker 2: I wish I could be you, or I wish I
Speaker 2: could say that, or you know, my Facebook posts recently
Speaker 2: all stories about my life. You know, I'm just throwing
Speaker 2: that shit out there, and people are resonating with that, like,
Speaker 2: oh my god, you put into words what I never could.
Speaker 2: So maybe they're taking that and that's inspiring them or
Speaker 2: enabling some courage, yes, to get out there. So and
Speaker 2: then if you resonate like what we were talking about,
Speaker 2: you find somebody that actually resonates on that, that actually
Speaker 2: can go there with you. It's like serious freaking magic
Speaker 2: because you're not shielding, like having to break through your
Speaker 2: fucking barriers to get to the gold.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I mean that the energy that it takes to try
Speaker 2: to get heard or you know, try to all of
Speaker 2: that stuff is this takes so much energy.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and it takes energy to shield. It takes your
Speaker 1: freaking massive amounts of energy to shield.
Speaker 3: So if you take you know, imagine like trying to
Speaker 3: connect to the internet with like sixty four hey bod
Speaker 3: modem right versus.
Speaker 1: A T one line. So do you want the sixty
Speaker 1: four k bod.
Speaker 3: Modem of information and experience that's going between you and
Speaker 3: the world or you and other people, or do you.
Speaker 2: Want that you got that in fifteen firewalls up.
Speaker 3: Right right and and then or do you want the
Speaker 3: T one line respectively and and you know that's in
Speaker 3: a certain way, like that's how, that's how in a
Speaker 3: certain way, like and I guess what comes to mind is,
Speaker 3: you know, like very well known people who really let
Speaker 3: out their inner genius, people like Robin Williams or Jim
Speaker 3: Carrey where they are they really like reveal parts of themselves.
Speaker 3: And you you know, like you're saying, like, uh, you know,
Speaker 3: for you, like it's you can you you were experiencing
Speaker 3: the fruit and the benefit of just being so so
Speaker 3: authentically raw and real. And the thing is is that
Speaker 3: you know, this whole thing altered, you know, Hans a
Speaker 3: little bit of a deeper cut cut on that figuratively
Speaker 3: and literally.
Speaker 2: Is the genesis by the way.
Speaker 3: Yeah, the genesis of the Hans story is back in
Speaker 3: two thousand and nine. And I was I had this
Speaker 3: kind of sketch. I didn't haunt the name Hans, didn't
Speaker 3: drop in, but this sketch that I was coming about
Speaker 3: this kind of series of jokes from this kind of perspective,
Speaker 3: and I was like totally laughing my head off.
Speaker 1: I was like, I.
Speaker 3: Felt the most creative I'd ever felt in my entire life.
Speaker 3: And I was kind of rehearsing this stuff in front
Speaker 3: of the bathroom mirror, and then I felt I had
Speaker 3: this sense that something was kind of watching me, something
Speaker 3: like a spiritual like I was being watched. And I
Speaker 3: got that sense. I'm like, ah no, don't worry about it.
Speaker 3: Next day there was this unusual cat. It was a
Speaker 3: regular cat, but I didn't see it before. And he
Speaker 3: came up and I, oh, a pet, pet pet, and
Speaker 3: then it bit me on the finger. It did not
Speaker 3: break the skin, but that basically started led to an
Speaker 3: experience where I was in the hospital for five days.
Speaker 3: My hand right hand swelled up, went into my arm.
Speaker 3: It felt like it was an alternating between plunging and
Speaker 3: boiling water and getting slammed in a door. And then
Speaker 3: that went down and I actually was going to get
Speaker 3: skin graft surgery. I was inspired. I kind of felt
Speaker 3: like I shouldn't get it. Two months later, the doctor said, hey,
Speaker 3: if you see tendon, come on back, and I was like, okay,
Speaker 3: long short.
Speaker 2: Meaning that his finger was like deteriorating.
Speaker 3: Right, yeah, yeah, so long story short. Two years two
Speaker 3: months later I saw tendon.
Speaker 1: I went back.
Speaker 3: I finally got the surgery, and and you know that
Speaker 3: that was like in a certain way, the genesis or
Speaker 3: or some of the if you will, I think fallout
Speaker 3: of of that that feeling creative. I have no doubt
Speaker 3: that there was some type of malevolent spiritual influence that
Speaker 3: that that had to do with that cat coming and
Speaker 3: biting my finger in the subsequent events, because I've had
Speaker 3: similar things previous like this, so you know, I'm it's yeah,
Speaker 3: so this is kind of like personal and close to home,
Speaker 3: and also.
Speaker 1: The whole idea of of.
Speaker 3: Really sharing stuff with humor, because it's like, if there's
Speaker 3: one thing that evil cannot stand, it's humor.
Speaker 2: Hm. Oh, this must be why they, you know, stay
Speaker 2: out of my zone most of the time.
Speaker 3: Right right, because you get it's like, oh, you know,
Speaker 3: like if you if you resist, if you're like, we
Speaker 3: are going to create a revolution against you evil, and
Speaker 3: then oh, no problem, please bring it at you, you know, come,
Speaker 3: come bring it.
Speaker 1: And then but if you're like, oh, you wouldn't want
Speaker 1: to laugh at you, it's like no, I'm important.
Speaker 3: Really we can't understand this, you know, I mean, then
Speaker 3: you can see the emperor truly has no clothes because obviously,
Speaker 3: well not maybe not obviously to most people, but those
Speaker 3: that are quote unquote in power, or they appear to
Speaker 3: be in power really are largely there because of the
Speaker 3: illusion of power.
Speaker 1: Mhm.
Speaker 3: And and I think it was Gandhi that said, when
Speaker 3: the people lead, the leaders will follow.
Speaker 2: Hmm, yeah, don't think about that. And when people when
Speaker 2: the people lead with when the people lead, the leaders
Speaker 2: will follow. Yeah, well, how should they not be given
Speaker 2: the fact, you know, yeah, if you do so. I
Speaker 2: always think if you do not like the political climate
Speaker 2: of something, I want you to know that you're the
Speaker 2: cause of it. Is kind of that because we're anti leading,
Speaker 2: we're gonna let other people lead us into spaces, or
Speaker 2: we're like supporting all that stuff, right, which goes into
Speaker 2: an entirely different topic. You know. The one thing with
Speaker 2: theist as I can do is pretty well arranged some
Speaker 2: radically different topics in one conversation. So I'm actually proud
Speaker 2: of both those. We're like staying pretty succact.
Speaker 1: Well, and I'll tie it in.
Speaker 3: I'll tie it in too, just because, let's say, in
Speaker 3: that larger scale, you know, let's say, on a societal level,
Speaker 3: if somebody like the powers that be whatever that looks like,
Speaker 3: are banking on.
Speaker 1: You not saying anything right there and so and so.
Speaker 3: Then that actually ties into the importance of vulnerability, of
Speaker 3: really standing up and saying, hey, you know, whatever it is,
Speaker 3: whether it's on a personal standpoint, whether it's on a
Speaker 3: you know, a social standpoint.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, well look at you. Thank you, the artfulice,
Speaker 2: artfully together, save by the ball. All right, So vulnerability
Speaker 2: we're wrapping up this episode. Uh, it's a you know,
Speaker 2: I will say since my one of my number one
Speaker 2: values is courage, that that is why I can step
Speaker 2: into that space. It's not that I'm not scared. There
Speaker 2: are times I share things that I'm like, i feel
Speaker 2: like I'm so grim. I'm standing on the edge of
Speaker 2: the freaking cliff and I'm so gripped, and I'm like,
Speaker 2: just fucking job, you know, Like that is what I
Speaker 2: have to do. Sometimes throw myself off the cliff before
Speaker 2: I can think. There's the five second rule that and
Speaker 2: her name is like now just mysteriously disappeared out of
Speaker 2: my brain. But if you look up five second rule,
Speaker 2: you'll find the woman who coin that, And it's like,
Speaker 2: you have five seconds to do something before you feel
Speaker 2: something that keeps you from doing it. Mel Robbins, and
Speaker 2: so five second rule. So sometimes when I'm faced with
Speaker 2: that vulnerable moment, when I know that I can go there,
Speaker 2: I don't give myself the five seconds. I jump off
Speaker 2: the cliff in two and then I think about the
Speaker 2: repercussions of it on the way down. And has that
Speaker 2: gotten me into trouble? Sometimes? I don't know. It depends
Speaker 2: what you consider trouble. Has that lost me things before? Absolutely?
Speaker 2: Has that been misinterpreted used against me? Yes, more times
Speaker 2: than I can count. But I'm never going to stop
Speaker 2: because part of my mission is showing up and inspiring
Speaker 2: by showing by actually walking the talk and not just
Speaker 2: talking about it, but literally doing the thing. Is part
Speaker 2: of my mission. My purpose is leading that courageous way
Speaker 2: and showing other people that that you can do that
Speaker 2: and you're not going to die. Well maybe you'll die,
Speaker 2: but you know that's a different story. So I say
Speaker 2: that if you want to practice vulnerability first, you're going
Speaker 2: to be fucking uncomfortable. You just have to know that
Speaker 2: that's the way it is. And it's a practice, like confidence,
Speaker 2: like everything else. You train that part of your brain
Speaker 2: and your body to just say I'm going to say
Speaker 2: this thing. Yes, yes, you could stand to lose who
Speaker 2: knows what. But the reality is by keeping it back,
Speaker 2: by not leading in that space, you lose so much
Speaker 2: more you don't even know. So yeah, loss is part
Speaker 2: of life. Rejection is part of life. I love to
Speaker 2: get rejected as fast as possible. Boom.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 2: The one hundred and fifty dates I did in one
Speaker 2: month was all about me sitting at a dinroom table
Speaker 2: and getting rejected as fast as I fucking could lay
Speaker 2: out the most horrifict thing I could say, watch them walk,
Speaker 2: and that was a great practice for me. So practice
Speaker 2: leaning into those things. Start small. It's okay to start small,
Speaker 2: Start to build it up, say something a little edge.
Speaker 2: You don't have to lay it all out there, but
Speaker 2: you have to practice. You have to. You can't wait
Speaker 2: to be ready. It's a practice. So you do it.
Speaker 2: Start small, keep doing it, keep leaning in. Put a container.
Speaker 2: If you're with your partner and you want to practice vulnerability,
Speaker 2: literally set up the container. You're going to have a
Speaker 2: two minute timer. Right. The container is, hey, babe, I
Speaker 2: want to unless she hates the word babe or he
Speaker 2: hates So we're going to do a two minute container
Speaker 2: of vulnerability. We're going to set a timer. I'm going
Speaker 2: to say something I haven't said or feels edg to me,
Speaker 2: but we're not going to process it. When that timer
Speaker 2: goes off. Game over, that's it. I'm gonna step away.
Speaker 2: We're gonna step away. Whatever. Take your time, take your space,
Speaker 2: get get back to what you need to be grounded.
Speaker 2: But that's the only way you gotta start. You gotta
Speaker 2: do it. And why because wow, just let me tell
Speaker 2: you what you're You don't know what you're missing, but
Speaker 2: I'm telling you it's a lot. The thias. What do
Speaker 2: you have for the people listening? What can add to that?
Speaker 3: Or m hm hmm, yeah, yeah, there is boy that
Speaker 3: they're so, they're so, there's so much. I mean in
Speaker 3: a certain way, I would say in addition to because
Speaker 3: it's hard to be vulnerable with other people if you're
Speaker 3: not actually vulnerable with yourself.
Speaker 2: First love that.
Speaker 1: So one simple exercise would be to would be to.
Speaker 3: You know, if there's I think about some some area
Speaker 3: that you have discomfort around, and just do some journaling,
Speaker 3: do some journaling about what you think, what you feel.
Speaker 3: If it's if an area that it's important to you,
Speaker 3: maybe it's a goal, maybe maybe it's a relationship or
Speaker 3: something like that, and just like right down like all
Speaker 3: the things that maybe you're afraid of, maybe you feel
Speaker 3: that that could.
Speaker 1: Go wrong, or.
Speaker 3: Yeah, like all of those kind of negative scenarios potential
Speaker 3: scenarios that are in the air maybe but it's in
Speaker 3: the back of your mind and so that they're not
Speaker 3: really actually fully expressed. And if they're not fully expressed,
Speaker 3: then there's no really no way to kind of separate
Speaker 3: yourself from there. Those are they just kind of in
Speaker 3: there back. They're stewing, affecting your choices and decisions, but
Speaker 3: in a way where you really can't distinguish how or
Speaker 3: why they're affecting you and your decisions. So even just
Speaker 3: as the first simple step choose that topic, take go
Speaker 3: somewhere quiet where you won't be disturbed, ideally maybe in
Speaker 3: nature or something like that, or even just in a
Speaker 3: coffee shop somewhere or away from your normal place, and
Speaker 3: just start writing. Just start get it right as much
Speaker 3: do like a brain dump about much of those things,
Speaker 3: just so that you can get it out on paper.
Speaker 3: And then from there, once you've got it all on paper,
Speaker 3: that's probably actually the hardest part. Then I would say
Speaker 3: the next step is maybe to go and read through,
Speaker 3: give it some space, maybe just go back to it
Speaker 3: in a little bit, but go through and then ask yourself, okay, well,
Speaker 3: each this how how realistic is this thing actually could
Speaker 3: could happen this scenario? Or now that you've got it
Speaker 3: on paper, okay, well, what's maybe something we could do
Speaker 3: I could do to help help mitigate this or so
Speaker 3: on and so forth. I think that's that that it
Speaker 3: could be a really first helpful step at least just
Speaker 3: to get it on paper so that then you can
Speaker 3: have the separate outside of your head so you could
Speaker 3: have a little bit more clarity about how to move forward.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I love that. I love that. And interestingly you
Speaker 2: may or may not have have done that purposefully that
Speaker 2: it leads into our next thing that we're going to
Speaker 2: talk about, which actually curious about the truth. So I
Speaker 2: think that's pretty pretty brilliant.
Speaker 1: Well thanks, and in two weeks we'll be talking about courage.
Speaker 2: Yes, So yeah, we've got we've got more stuff coming up,
Speaker 2: and so just guys, get out there. People, get out there,
Speaker 2: do your thing. I hope when you're listening to this
Speaker 2: show that it isn't just a oh I'm listening to
Speaker 2: this show, not implementing anything. I mean, yes, great entertainings. Fine,
Speaker 2: you know some of you have written and say I
Speaker 2: just listened because of your voice. Thank you so much.
Speaker 2: I appreciate that. But really, to me, it's most important
Speaker 2: is that you are actually implementing some things. Don't just
Speaker 2: continue to consume information and input and input without ever
Speaker 2: outputting because yeah, I don't know why.
Speaker 1: Would you do that, but and I'll just jump into it.
Speaker 1: I'm feeling inspired.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I totally agree, and seriously do that and then
Speaker 3: just reach out, reach back, you know, reach out to me.
Speaker 3: I'd love to hear how it goes. Yeah, I'd love
Speaker 3: to hear like your your response or you know, if
Speaker 3: you got any like questions or things that you know.
Speaker 1: I mean, that's what it's all about.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Absolutely, he'll get vulnerable with you. Maybe you'll get
Speaker 2: Hans on the line. Then watch out, all right, LB
Speaker 2: back