WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.400 --> 00:00:03.080 Welcome to men, sex and tantra. 2 00:00:03.680 --> 00:00:06.759 Discover where your parents, porn and religion never taught you 3 00:00:06.799 --> 00:00:10.439 about being a man and having extraordinary sex. Get ready 4 00:00:10.439 --> 00:00:15.960 to have your mind blown and your world rocked. We 5 00:00:16.079 --> 00:00:18.879 are back and I still have Jay Matthias Bennett, the 6 00:00:18.879 --> 00:00:22.640 one and only JAYI has been it with us back 7 00:00:23.199 --> 00:00:28.120 and this topic such a favorite of everybody. That's kind 8 00:00:28.120 --> 00:00:32.280 of a sarcastic thing that I just said, because I 9 00:00:32.280 --> 00:00:35.679 would think that vulnerability probably the least favorite topic for 10 00:00:35.759 --> 00:00:38.880 the majority of men on the planet. You can remember it. It 11 00:00:39.200 --> 00:00:43.039 goes something like this, You've just had this uncomfortable, kind 12 00:00:43.079 --> 00:00:47.320 of raw conversation with your partner, and your partner just 13 00:00:47.479 --> 00:00:50.240 is like emoting and having that back to you, and 14 00:00:50.280 --> 00:00:52.119 all of a sudden you realize she looks like she 15 00:00:52.159 --> 00:00:54.600 wants to have sex, and you're kind of like, WHOA 16 00:00:54.600 --> 00:00:57.439 hold up here, I just like laid myself out here. 17 00:00:57.479 --> 00:00:59.119 This is the last thing I want to do. I 18 00:00:59.159 --> 00:01:01.200 want to run for the I want to go like 19 00:01:01.439 --> 00:01:06.439 watch football or do something like completely like but no, no, no, no, 20 00:01:06.480 --> 00:01:10.239 not all this stuff. I get it that stereotypical. Most 21 00:01:10.239 --> 00:01:11.799 of the men that are listening to this probably don't 22 00:01:11.799 --> 00:01:13.920 feel that way, or maybe do in a little bit. 23 00:01:13.959 --> 00:01:18.359 But I think every single one of us has a 24 00:01:18.560 --> 00:01:25.439 ceiling on vulnerability for sure, and pushing those envelopes, pushing 25 00:01:25.480 --> 00:01:30.079 that edge can be scary and uncomfortable. You can have 26 00:01:30.480 --> 00:01:35.640 physical symptoms like feeling sick. So many different things coming 27 00:01:35.719 --> 00:01:38.920 up with this. But though every single person really, since 28 00:01:38.959 --> 00:01:41.920 they want to belong, and since they want to be seen, 29 00:01:42.239 --> 00:01:43.879 and since they want to be known and want to 30 00:01:43.920 --> 00:01:48.159 be heard, somehow though we are holding back from the 31 00:01:48.280 --> 00:01:49.439 very thing that we want. 32 00:01:49.879 --> 00:01:55.519 What say you, Matthias, Well, it's hard to disagree. 33 00:01:55.799 --> 00:02:02.640 Yeah, I as you may be where I think I actually, 34 00:02:02.719 --> 00:02:05.280 I don't think i'd mentioned in the last episode. I'm 35 00:02:05.879 --> 00:02:08.319 probably by the time you listen to this, I will 36 00:02:08.360 --> 00:02:11.800 have sent the manuscript off for the second time to 37 00:02:11.840 --> 00:02:17.159 my editor on my upcoming book Leading from Courageous Vulnerability, 38 00:02:17.840 --> 00:02:24.199 the Nine Leadership Lessons to consciously co Create Change. 39 00:02:25.759 --> 00:02:26.599 And so. 40 00:02:28.719 --> 00:02:34.360 Vulnerability I think is in and to clarify in this context, 41 00:02:34.400 --> 00:02:38.960 I would say, quite, you know, simply emotional vulnerability where 42 00:02:39.240 --> 00:02:44.919 you are not necessarily to everyone, to people who are trusted, 43 00:02:44.960 --> 00:02:54.080 who have who have demonstrated a. 44 00:02:50.639 --> 00:02:51.520 A level of. 45 00:02:53.639 --> 00:02:57.919 Ability that they can hold whatever it is that you 46 00:02:58.000 --> 00:03:02.199 want to share. So I would not recommend necessarily, you know, 47 00:03:02.400 --> 00:03:07.000 just saying a bunch of stuff that's vulnerable publicly per 48 00:03:07.080 --> 00:03:12.199 se just to say it. But I think if an 49 00:03:12.319 --> 00:03:19.000 as someone shares vulnerably, then one of the things is 50 00:03:19.000 --> 00:03:24.280 is that that creates connection. And actually I think that 51 00:03:24.520 --> 00:03:28.120 that's a quote from Brene Brown, who obviously has spoken 52 00:03:28.240 --> 00:03:34.360 wrote a lot about vulnerability, is vulnerability is required for connection, 53 00:03:35.639 --> 00:03:38.960 and so it's no surprise if after a vulnerable moment, 54 00:03:39.039 --> 00:03:41.840 let's say with a partner, she's like, oh my gosh, 55 00:03:41.879 --> 00:03:47.479 she's like feeling really turned on. Brene also has this 56 00:03:51.080 --> 00:03:56.280 term that in that scenario that you described, Tanya' is like, 57 00:03:56.319 --> 00:03:59.719 oh man, I feel nauseous. That would be an example 58 00:04:00.319 --> 00:04:05.240 of a vulnerability hangover. Of course, in this case, hangover 59 00:04:05.360 --> 00:04:08.560 is in quotes, but there's you know, there there still 60 00:04:08.639 --> 00:04:13.319 is a chemical a chemical thing that's happening, and you're 61 00:04:13.319 --> 00:04:15.639 just like, oh my gosh, like what happened? 62 00:04:15.680 --> 00:04:16.720 Like and I don't know. 63 00:04:16.800 --> 00:04:21.240 And part of this dynamic is is that you it's 64 00:04:21.360 --> 00:04:24.360 it's like, I guess what's coming to mind about how 65 00:04:24.399 --> 00:04:29.160 to describe that? Is like sharing a truth that is 66 00:04:29.199 --> 00:04:34.519 deeply important to you. But part of that context is 67 00:04:34.519 --> 00:04:38.120 is that you actually don't know how that's going. 68 00:04:38.079 --> 00:04:41.279 To be received from that other person. 69 00:04:42.839 --> 00:04:46.160 So maybe it the whole thing might just totally blow 70 00:04:46.240 --> 00:04:48.639 up in your face, you know. 71 00:04:48.680 --> 00:04:50.560 So that and and that. 72 00:04:50.480 --> 00:04:56.199 Really is is is uh, you know, is taking a risk. Now, 73 00:04:56.199 --> 00:05:00.920 it doesn't mean you can't make calculated risks or and. 74 00:05:02.600 --> 00:05:03.079 You know, but. 75 00:05:05.199 --> 00:05:10.720 Yeah, yeah, I think it's definitely a skill that many people, 76 00:05:10.879 --> 00:05:13.560 especially I would say, in the Western world, and leaders 77 00:05:14.480 --> 00:05:17.959 could do more of and just so that they are 78 00:05:18.040 --> 00:05:23.839 able to, yeah, just better connect with the people that 79 00:05:23.879 --> 00:05:25.600 they care about in their life. 80 00:05:26.120 --> 00:05:29.120 Yeah. Well, so I have a couple of things around that. 81 00:05:29.319 --> 00:05:33.040 So you said, you know somebody that's relatively like trusted, 82 00:05:33.240 --> 00:05:35.319 you know, you're not just going to be vulnerable out 83 00:05:35.319 --> 00:05:37.240 in the public world. I want to note that on 84 00:05:37.279 --> 00:05:41.680 this podcast, I am vulnerable to freaking everybody that listens 85 00:05:41.680 --> 00:05:44.360 to this damn thing. So here's what I have to 86 00:05:44.399 --> 00:05:49.480 say about trusted safety. One, there is no person that 87 00:05:49.560 --> 00:05:52.759 is one hundred percent trustworthy. People are trustworthy till they're not. 88 00:05:53.680 --> 00:05:56.720 That is just how life is. There is no getting 89 00:05:56.759 --> 00:06:01.160 around that. So what I determinedly and earlier in my 90 00:06:01.279 --> 00:06:05.360 life was that if I trusted myself back to the 91 00:06:05.399 --> 00:06:08.600 four pillars of self love. So by committing or creating 92 00:06:08.800 --> 00:06:13.480 self trust, I trust the fact that if I am 93 00:06:13.600 --> 00:06:16.800 vulnerable and it doesn't get received, if I am vulnerable 94 00:06:16.959 --> 00:06:19.720 and it gets used against me, if I am vulnerable 95 00:06:19.759 --> 00:06:24.680 and it creates chaos, I will survive. I will be 96 00:06:24.759 --> 00:06:29.639 okay because I trust myself to know that ultimately I 97 00:06:29.680 --> 00:06:33.040 am the holder of all my safety. I am the 98 00:06:33.079 --> 00:06:35.399 person I have to trust the most. I am the 99 00:06:35.439 --> 00:06:37.160 person I have to respect the most, and I have 100 00:06:37.199 --> 00:06:39.759 to love myself the most. And when I have those 101 00:06:39.800 --> 00:06:43.480 things in place, it is amazing how I am able 102 00:06:43.519 --> 00:06:46.639 to move in the world. That doesn't make it less scary. 103 00:06:47.000 --> 00:06:49.519 Maybe that makes it more scary because quite frankly, if 104 00:06:49.560 --> 00:06:51.959 I was like, oh, I trust you, and I throw 105 00:06:51.959 --> 00:06:54.199 all my trust there and it's like you're gonna hold 106 00:06:54.240 --> 00:06:59.680 that container perfectly never a minute will you not be trustory, 107 00:06:59.720 --> 00:07:06.240 that's like ridiculous. I mean, I am undoubtedly most people 108 00:07:06.279 --> 00:07:08.879 would say I am the most trustworthy person you could 109 00:07:08.920 --> 00:07:12.680 probably ever say anything vulnerable to until I'm fucking not. Now. 110 00:07:12.720 --> 00:07:16.199 I don't know what that not looks like, but I 111 00:07:16.360 --> 00:07:19.399 use the story of my horse this amazing horse, and 112 00:07:19.439 --> 00:07:22.439 I would take him out to, you know, a bunch 113 00:07:22.480 --> 00:07:25.439 of grass anywhere. We were at a showground wherever, and 114 00:07:25.480 --> 00:07:27.879 I would drop his lead rope out there, like he's free. 115 00:07:28.000 --> 00:07:30.680 He just dropped out there to eat grass. And people 116 00:07:30.720 --> 00:07:33.040 would walk by and they'd go, wow, how did you 117 00:07:33.160 --> 00:07:37.199 train him to do that? And I said, he'll be 118 00:07:37.279 --> 00:07:42.519 there till he isn't. I have no idea what could 119 00:07:42.560 --> 00:07:46.360 set him off one day to decide that he was 120 00:07:46.959 --> 00:07:49.120 more scared of the thing than he was interested in 121 00:07:49.160 --> 00:07:57.680 eating the grass. Okay, So from my perspective, waiting to 122 00:07:58.160 --> 00:08:02.279 maybe find somebody safe, waiting to feel like whatever that is, 123 00:08:02.319 --> 00:08:05.639 that that's going to take you a lot longer. I mean, 124 00:08:06.360 --> 00:08:09.000 and you know there's risk assess when I think that's great. 125 00:08:09.040 --> 00:08:11.639 You know, business people will say makes you imagine walking 126 00:08:11.639 --> 00:08:13.639 in and being vulnerable to your staff and all of 127 00:08:13.680 --> 00:08:18.079 a sudden you're not quote unquote inauthority anymore. There's so 128 00:08:18.319 --> 00:08:21.000 many ways that we do. Yeah, jump in your I 129 00:08:21.000 --> 00:08:23.199 can see you, like, you should see his face. He's 130 00:08:23.240 --> 00:08:25.000 like yes, and then he's like wait, wait, let me talk. 131 00:08:25.120 --> 00:08:27.560 Go sure. 132 00:08:27.720 --> 00:08:32.720 I mean, and maybe maybe that's a reason why I 133 00:08:33.360 --> 00:08:37.080 just totally love you. Tanya, because both of us, I 134 00:08:37.120 --> 00:08:41.440 would say, have that quality and characteristic of a high 135 00:08:41.519 --> 00:08:44.679 level of trust and a high level of vulnerability. 136 00:08:45.200 --> 00:08:47.279 And so what that does is. 137 00:08:47.240 --> 00:08:49.320 That when you have two people with a high level 138 00:08:49.360 --> 00:08:53.320 of trust and a high level of vulnerability, actually a 139 00:08:53.360 --> 00:08:55.200 lot of shit can get done really quickly. 140 00:08:55.519 --> 00:08:58.720 It is amazing. A lot of clarity, a lot of 141 00:08:58.720 --> 00:09:02.399 clarity happens, a lot of like resonance happens. Absolutely, there's 142 00:09:02.480 --> 00:09:05.879 like you're cutting through years of fucking most people. Do 143 00:09:05.879 --> 00:09:09.799 you know, the average couple it's seven years before they 144 00:09:09.840 --> 00:09:16.720 completely reveal it themselves. Seven freaking years before somebody says 145 00:09:16.720 --> 00:09:19.279 something that's really like them vulnerable. 146 00:09:20.600 --> 00:09:23.279 It's it's crazy. Yeah, I totally agree. 147 00:09:23.399 --> 00:09:26.440 So I even as I was kind of sharing that, 148 00:09:26.559 --> 00:09:32.480 it was almost hmm, yeah, I how do I how 149 00:09:32.519 --> 00:09:36.559 do I put this? Maybe I wanted to have it 150 00:09:37.200 --> 00:09:41.720 be accessible for somebody, you know, if you're listening where 151 00:09:41.759 --> 00:09:44.120 you're like, oh man, this idea of vulnerability, it's like 152 00:09:44.159 --> 00:09:47.440 it's totally crazy, you know, to start to kind of 153 00:09:47.480 --> 00:09:51.639 tytrate yourself into it. Once you've been doing it actually 154 00:09:51.679 --> 00:09:57.039 for a while, then then you then it's actually not 155 00:09:57.440 --> 00:10:01.399 difficult or not as difficult to kind of do what 156 00:10:02.519 --> 00:10:08.840 Tanya is talking about, and that also I do as 157 00:10:08.879 --> 00:10:11.759 a natural extension of my being as well. So I 158 00:10:11.799 --> 00:10:16.279 think in a certain way what we're talking about and 159 00:10:16.320 --> 00:10:19.679 how Tanya is talking and sharing is like that is 160 00:10:19.799 --> 00:10:22.919 part of the the if you want to call it fruit, 161 00:10:23.679 --> 00:10:27.799 or part of what you could look forward to. Is 162 00:10:28.799 --> 00:10:31.720 having a level of vulnerability is oh my gosh, Like 163 00:10:32.200 --> 00:10:36.559 I have the possibility and potential to go really really 164 00:10:36.960 --> 00:10:38.159 deep with. 165 00:10:38.000 --> 00:10:39.960 Someone in a short amount of time. 166 00:10:40.559 --> 00:10:46.159 And they're like, there could be possibilities and opportunities that 167 00:10:46.320 --> 00:10:49.919 could open up that you could never even even conceive 168 00:10:50.039 --> 00:10:54.559 of or even dream of before you meet this person. 169 00:10:55.159 --> 00:11:02.000 Yeah. Yeah, there are people listening that are like, I'd 170 00:11:02.039 --> 00:11:03.480 rather go to the dentist and now have all my 171 00:11:03.519 --> 00:11:06.440 freaking teeth pulled than stuff into the space of fucking 172 00:11:06.519 --> 00:11:10.360 vulnerability and and you know what, here, here's where I 173 00:11:10.360 --> 00:11:13.000 want to, like, I want to if there's a woman 174 00:11:13.120 --> 00:11:16.799 listening to this, let's get real here. You women want 175 00:11:16.879 --> 00:11:20.000 men to be vulnerable. We hear it all the fucking time, Like, 176 00:11:20.080 --> 00:11:21.720 I just want him to be vulnerable with me, to 177 00:11:21.759 --> 00:11:23.039 share it, and then you would you know what, most 178 00:11:23.039 --> 00:11:25.480 women do, you fucking emasculate the shit out of your 179 00:11:25.480 --> 00:11:28.080 man when he does that. So I is where I 180 00:11:28.120 --> 00:11:30.480 get pissed at women and I call them out in 181 00:11:30.559 --> 00:11:33.440 my couple stuff and it's like, you know, you're like, oh, 182 00:11:33.480 --> 00:11:35.399 I want you to do this, be this, oh that, 183 00:11:35.559 --> 00:11:37.200 And then he shows up and he does that, and 184 00:11:37.600 --> 00:11:41.440 you're all like, oh are you crying? Oh wait, do 185 00:11:41.519 --> 00:11:45.080 you feel weak? I mean so, or you use it 186 00:11:45.120 --> 00:11:49.759 against him. Worst thing ever, somebody gets vulnerable with you 187 00:11:50.120 --> 00:11:56.480 and then you weaponize that. Shit like that is the 188 00:11:56.559 --> 00:11:59.679 anti kindness. That is the anti woke, That is the 189 00:11:59.720 --> 00:12:01.559 anti I have. Every fucking thing you can do is 190 00:12:01.600 --> 00:12:07.000 like literally take somebody's soft underbelly and like shred it 191 00:12:07.080 --> 00:12:11.360 open because you're scared of what it means they're vulnerable, 192 00:12:11.399 --> 00:12:16.399 because that's what that's. Somebody gets vulnerable with you and 193 00:12:16.440 --> 00:12:19.200 you use that against them. I want you to feel 194 00:12:19.240 --> 00:12:21.320 fucking guilty right now. You don't need to feel clean 195 00:12:21.360 --> 00:12:24.120 because that's cyclical. Shame is stupid, but I want you 196 00:12:24.159 --> 00:12:25.960 to feel guilty. I want you to feel this. I 197 00:12:26.000 --> 00:12:29.679 am calling you the fuck out for the man or woman. 198 00:12:30.320 --> 00:12:33.080 Stop that shit. There's just never a reason to do 199 00:12:33.159 --> 00:12:37.639 that to anybody. And uh, that's why. Also, you're scared 200 00:12:37.639 --> 00:12:39.480 because if you've done that to other people, you are 201 00:12:39.559 --> 00:12:42.080 scared to death to get vulnerable because you don't want 202 00:12:42.120 --> 00:12:45.200 that done to you. So let's just let's all clean 203 00:12:45.279 --> 00:12:47.480 that shit up. So that was a vulnerable statement from 204 00:12:47.519 --> 00:12:54.759 Tanya to you. But okay, yeah, why are we so afraid? 205 00:12:54.799 --> 00:12:54.960 So? 206 00:12:55.039 --> 00:12:59.159 Why are we so afraid of the very thing that 207 00:12:59.279 --> 00:13:04.720 is going to get us known, belonged, seen, understood, clarity, 208 00:13:05.360 --> 00:13:07.840 all the beautiful things that we could want. Why the 209 00:13:07.879 --> 00:13:08.919 hell is that so scary? 210 00:13:13.159 --> 00:13:15.480 What arises for me right now? Is an answer to 211 00:13:15.480 --> 00:13:16.000 that question? 212 00:13:16.799 --> 00:13:21.240 Is I think that it is well, first of all, fear, 213 00:13:21.919 --> 00:13:28.120 and I think it's a it's a deep survival response 214 00:13:30.320 --> 00:13:34.360 that humans have had for thousands and thousands of years, 215 00:13:34.360 --> 00:13:38.840 ten thousand years plus, probably back when we were living 216 00:13:39.000 --> 00:13:43.679 in let's say, tribes or smaller groups. For example, the 217 00:13:43.759 --> 00:13:47.600 Dunbar number of one hundred and sixty, where I think 218 00:13:47.799 --> 00:13:50.799 is this researcher named Dunbar and he did some research 219 00:13:50.840 --> 00:13:53.440 and he figured out, okay, well, seems like about one 220 00:13:53.480 --> 00:13:55.320 hundred and sixty maybe it was one hundred and sixty 221 00:13:55.320 --> 00:13:59.320 five something like that is the maximum amount of people 222 00:13:59.600 --> 00:14:04.840 that one person can actually kind of maintain continuous relationships 223 00:14:04.840 --> 00:14:07.200 with Now, obviously. 224 00:14:07.159 --> 00:14:09.200 That's a lot of people, that's right. 225 00:14:09.519 --> 00:14:11.720 But then and you know now these days with the 226 00:14:11.720 --> 00:14:15.399 Internet and all this, maybe that's expanded to a degree. 227 00:14:15.399 --> 00:14:18.000 But of course, how many are like super close. You 228 00:14:18.039 --> 00:14:21.480 may have a thousand Facebook friends whatever, but like could 229 00:14:21.519 --> 00:14:24.519 you really call them up and and really be close 230 00:14:24.559 --> 00:14:26.600 with him or ask him? You know, if it's a guy. 231 00:14:26.759 --> 00:14:28.600 Let's say you're a guy, like, hey, would you help 232 00:14:28.639 --> 00:14:29.080 me move? 233 00:14:29.200 --> 00:14:29.440 Man? 234 00:14:30.000 --> 00:14:32.600 That's like you know, asking like sexs of the woman? 235 00:14:32.720 --> 00:14:38.759 Could that's like the most vulnerable you know, can you 236 00:14:38.840 --> 00:14:39.720 help me move? 237 00:14:39.840 --> 00:14:47.159 How How many words is that? But like five words? 238 00:14:47.639 --> 00:14:48.080 But like. 239 00:14:49.519 --> 00:14:52.919 I am bro in there and it's six bro right. 240 00:14:56.639 --> 00:14:59.799 But yeah, I mean it's it's so it's so the dunbar. 241 00:15:00.240 --> 00:15:03.120 It's like we you know, in a certain way, this 242 00:15:03.240 --> 00:15:07.480 whole idea of fear of rejection and and when you 243 00:15:07.600 --> 00:15:11.120 are in this back in the day, if you were 244 00:15:11.200 --> 00:15:15.440 rejected from your tribe, that meant death. Yeah yeah, and 245 00:15:15.519 --> 00:15:20.600 so uh and and now it kind of gets transmitted 246 00:15:20.639 --> 00:15:23.200 and converging in. 247 00:15:25.360 --> 00:15:29.360 Uh in in other in other ways. 248 00:15:30.840 --> 00:15:33.759 No financial resources, if you've screw up at work or 249 00:15:34.039 --> 00:15:37.320 or you get vulnerable at work, and it's the wrong thing, you. 250 00:15:37.279 --> 00:15:41.159 Know, right, get vulnerable or even you know, in terms 251 00:15:41.159 --> 00:15:43.679 of like social moras and things like that. I mean, 252 00:15:43.720 --> 00:15:47.600 it's it's uh, it's crazy, as you know, as you know, Tanya, 253 00:15:47.639 --> 00:15:50.639 what's immediately coming to my mind is is a dear friend, 254 00:15:50.720 --> 00:15:55.639 Nicole Ddon, who you know, was was declared guilty for 255 00:15:56.639 --> 00:16:02.279 quote unquote conspiracy to commit forced labor, and she pioneered 256 00:16:02.399 --> 00:16:05.639 this practice called home orgasmic meditation and is like a 257 00:16:05.639 --> 00:16:10.799 staunch supporter for essentially supporting women's empowerment in various ways. 258 00:16:11.279 --> 00:16:14.120 But the thing is is that it's like, in a 259 00:16:14.159 --> 00:16:16.679 certain way, it's like that scarlet letter. It's like that 260 00:16:16.759 --> 00:16:24.679 rejection from society, and and how how powerful is like 261 00:16:25.639 --> 00:16:32.240 can society's reaction be quote unquote of the system, especially 262 00:16:32.320 --> 00:16:37.000 when when you literally like put it all out there unapologetically. 263 00:16:37.919 --> 00:16:41.759 Well, yep, that that'll bring me to my vulnerable statement, 264 00:16:41.919 --> 00:16:47.960 which is like I am finally writing, Oh yeah, I'm 265 00:16:47.960 --> 00:16:49.320 saying it out loud so that. 266 00:16:49.279 --> 00:16:53.600 I have Okay, I'll pause, continue go on. 267 00:16:54.200 --> 00:16:57.279 So I have been holding back, I am. You know, 268 00:16:57.679 --> 00:17:01.080 everybody has their edge. How far are they willing to go? 269 00:17:01.200 --> 00:17:04.319 And For most people, I am like so vulnerable. It's like, 270 00:17:04.440 --> 00:17:07.680 oh that's tmi, tanya to fucking much share, don't do that, 271 00:17:08.480 --> 00:17:12.759 And so've I ride that edge. But everybody has that 272 00:17:13.119 --> 00:17:16.119 little piece or two or thing they get up against it, 273 00:17:16.640 --> 00:17:21.079 and it's like, oh so one of the most epic 274 00:17:21.519 --> 00:17:23.680 the reason I am who I am, and the most 275 00:17:23.759 --> 00:17:26.519 epic things I've ever done in my life are things 276 00:17:26.880 --> 00:17:31.079 that I have never shared with anybody. There are things 277 00:17:31.079 --> 00:17:34.440 that I've literally never said to a living person of 278 00:17:34.599 --> 00:17:38.559 row close whatever, never have come from my lips. And 279 00:17:39.759 --> 00:17:41.640 there's a book I need to write and I've needed 280 00:17:41.640 --> 00:17:44.079 to write it for thirty years. Well maybe I couldn't 281 00:17:44.079 --> 00:17:46.480 write it till now, but whatever it is, and it's 282 00:17:46.480 --> 00:17:48.759 a book that makes me feel like when I put 283 00:17:48.799 --> 00:17:53.319 it out there, there is going to be rejection. I 284 00:17:53.359 --> 00:17:57.640 am known as practical strategy. You know, land the Plane, 285 00:17:57.720 --> 00:18:01.519 the most practical woo woo person anybody knows whatever. And 286 00:18:01.559 --> 00:18:04.279 the majority of my clients are super smart. They come 287 00:18:04.319 --> 00:18:06.160 to me for strategy, tell them what to do, get 288 00:18:06.160 --> 00:18:08.319 it done, let's do it. And I'm about to put 289 00:18:08.359 --> 00:18:11.400 out a book that really pretty well blows the fucking 290 00:18:11.440 --> 00:18:13.759 roof off of that shit in a different way. And 291 00:18:13.839 --> 00:18:17.000 I have tried to start this, and I have tried 292 00:18:17.000 --> 00:18:21.680 to start this, and partly with Matthias's help. Here I 293 00:18:21.720 --> 00:18:25.359 am five freaking chapters into this thing, and I am 294 00:18:25.519 --> 00:18:32.920 feeling the discomfort. I am feeling the almost want to 295 00:18:32.920 --> 00:18:37.240 throw up pieces and even more than the ten song 296 00:18:37.319 --> 00:18:39.839 album I just put out this year, I decided to 297 00:18:39.880 --> 00:18:42.119 do every year I do something brand new. This year 298 00:18:42.160 --> 00:18:44.440 it was create ten songs, never written songs, never done 299 00:18:44.519 --> 00:18:46.680 music for him, blah blah blah. Put that out in 300 00:18:46.759 --> 00:18:48.480 the first one I put out. I was so scared. 301 00:18:48.720 --> 00:18:50.640 It was great. I mean, but that was a great scared. 302 00:18:50.680 --> 00:18:52.359 I'm gonna put this out. People are gonna hate it. 303 00:18:52.400 --> 00:18:55.400 Oh my god, doesn't matter. Okay, this is bigger than this. 304 00:18:55.519 --> 00:18:57.839 This is like the biggest vulnerabilities piece that I've ever 305 00:18:57.839 --> 00:19:00.960 done is this book. But so I stepped in. I'm 306 00:19:01.759 --> 00:19:06.240 I'm doing this. Find your edge. So anything you have 307 00:19:06.279 --> 00:19:08.319 to say about that other than your breathing, he's breathing 308 00:19:08.359 --> 00:19:09.119 for me here. 309 00:19:11.359 --> 00:19:11.759 All right. 310 00:19:11.799 --> 00:19:14.880 Well, yeah, you're kind of inspiring me to kind of 311 00:19:15.119 --> 00:19:18.039 do a similar similar share. 312 00:19:20.640 --> 00:19:21.000 All right. 313 00:19:21.839 --> 00:19:24.960 So uh and and I did do a little bit 314 00:19:25.000 --> 00:19:28.880 of this before, but Basically it has to do with. 315 00:19:30.680 --> 00:19:35.680 An alter ego of mine yep. 316 00:19:37.039 --> 00:19:40.839 Yep yep uh and uh and his name is Hans 317 00:19:42.000 --> 00:19:42.920 uh and uh. 318 00:19:44.400 --> 00:19:46.519 Yeah. So hello, I am Hans. 319 00:19:46.960 --> 00:19:49.759 I am a black sheep from one of the setting 320 00:19:50.119 --> 00:19:54.319 ruling families of the Van So I'm originally from Austria. 321 00:19:54.799 --> 00:19:59.079 But I have this this desire and commitment to create 322 00:19:59.279 --> 00:20:07.720 the new s s S the selfish jep society. So 323 00:20:07.920 --> 00:20:12.279 I want you to embrace your deepest desires for yourself 324 00:20:12.759 --> 00:20:13.440 on the planet. 325 00:20:13.480 --> 00:20:15.839 If you're into that kind of thing. I am not. 326 00:20:15.960 --> 00:20:21.119 Actually, I My vision is to decentralize the darkness. 327 00:20:21.839 --> 00:20:25.039 So I think those of us that are in control, 328 00:20:25.240 --> 00:20:28.160 they would like to go the centralization, right. I do 329 00:20:28.200 --> 00:20:30.359 not believe this. I do not think we are in 330 00:20:30.400 --> 00:20:34.319 the webs three era. We must evolve. So that is 331 00:20:34.359 --> 00:20:35.039 a little bit of. 332 00:20:38.160 --> 00:20:44.559 Thank you for charing. We are laying down the better 333 00:20:44.680 --> 00:20:45.400 ability here. 334 00:20:47.960 --> 00:20:51.279 Yeah yeah, So and you know's and you know as 335 00:20:51.319 --> 00:20:55.799 as me and Matthiasis hands is basically like what I 336 00:20:55.839 --> 00:20:58.359 what I call service to all in service to self. 337 00:20:59.079 --> 00:21:01.039 You may have heard of the terms from let's say 338 00:21:01.119 --> 00:21:07.640 law of one channel material from from raw uh and 339 00:21:09.519 --> 00:21:13.559 so essentially there's as a kind of negatively polarized per 340 00:21:13.759 --> 00:21:16.640 person or being or service to self. Hans can say 341 00:21:16.640 --> 00:21:21.799 certain things about deep spiritual topics that I couldn't necessarily 342 00:21:22.000 --> 00:21:24.519 say or say in that in that way and. 343 00:21:24.680 --> 00:21:25.599 Say in a humorous way. 344 00:21:25.640 --> 00:21:28.720 And then of course the idea is is that whatever 345 00:21:28.759 --> 00:21:32.759 advice I give, if somebody does that, actually what that 346 00:21:32.799 --> 00:21:38.720 would serve is to help raise consciousness regardless. Sorry, So 347 00:21:38.799 --> 00:21:42.400 that's that's that's part of the that is parts of 348 00:21:42.440 --> 00:21:43.640 the genius. 349 00:21:44.200 --> 00:21:49.160 Exactly exactly, so whether or not you're leading from your 350 00:21:49.160 --> 00:21:53.680 own personal vulnerability or you're creating an author ego for it. 351 00:21:54.759 --> 00:21:56.839 But you know what I like, I like the idea 352 00:21:56.839 --> 00:21:58.440 of that. I mean, you know, when people role play, 353 00:21:59.000 --> 00:22:01.160 it's a little bit of that kind of thing, like 354 00:22:01.200 --> 00:22:05.680 when stepping out of their normal kind of space allows 355 00:22:05.720 --> 00:22:08.319 them to maybe do things that feel more vulnerable or 356 00:22:08.400 --> 00:22:13.720 edgy than they would, you know, being themselves quote unquote 357 00:22:13.920 --> 00:22:17.720 uh you know, and you could have no, you could 358 00:22:17.759 --> 00:22:21.039 be totally vulnerable in one area and completely locked up 359 00:22:21.119 --> 00:22:25.359 in another area. And so when you're looking at your 360 00:22:25.480 --> 00:22:29.200 vulnerability quotient or what would we call that your vulnerability level? 361 00:22:29.240 --> 00:22:31.200 What what would we call your vulnerability? 362 00:22:34.000 --> 00:22:37.119 Yeah, I mean, vulnerability level seems kind of as good 363 00:22:37.119 --> 00:22:39.240 as good as a descriptor as anything. 364 00:22:39.279 --> 00:22:41.079 I think probably, so I need to create this. I 365 00:22:41.079 --> 00:22:44.039 think so the vulnerability level, like you can assess yourself 366 00:22:44.160 --> 00:22:48.400 and your vulnerability on certain on the ladder or certain areas. 367 00:22:49.160 --> 00:22:51.000 I was told a long time ago never to be 368 00:22:51.079 --> 00:22:54.640 vulnerable in a coaching call. I tell stories about myself 369 00:22:54.680 --> 00:22:58.440 all the time. What my clients say is, oh my god, 370 00:22:58.920 --> 00:23:01.240 I just feel like I know you, and so their 371 00:23:01.279 --> 00:23:04.400 trust level rises. They'll tell me stuff they wouldn't tell 372 00:23:04.400 --> 00:23:07.759 anybody else. The podcast is a perfect example. You all 373 00:23:07.759 --> 00:23:09.480 that listen to me or like, man, should I know 374 00:23:09.559 --> 00:23:12.279 more about you than I ever not needed to? Yeah? Fine, 375 00:23:12.640 --> 00:23:16.039 use it for good. My housemate, my new housemate, is like, 376 00:23:16.799 --> 00:23:19.559 uh yeah. He had to take a moment because I'm like, 377 00:23:19.599 --> 00:23:22.240 I'm down there talking about my sex machine that you know. 378 00:23:22.799 --> 00:23:25.559 I bought this sex machine because people kept asking me 379 00:23:25.599 --> 00:23:27.440 have you ever tried one? And I'm like, no, I 380 00:23:27.519 --> 00:23:30.559 love to fucking try one. Bought it my daughter, My 381 00:23:30.599 --> 00:23:32.240 twenty one year old daughter put it together for me. 382 00:23:32.279 --> 00:23:34.240 She's like, Mom, are you kidding me? Why do I 383 00:23:34.279 --> 00:23:35.920 need to put this thing together for you? I'm like, 384 00:23:36.039 --> 00:23:38.759 because your hands are better, haven't used it? Sat on 385 00:23:38.759 --> 00:23:41.880 the dining room table. My housemate walks in to look 386 00:23:41.920 --> 00:23:45.240 at this thing, thinks, hmm, is it for her daughter? 387 00:23:45.559 --> 00:23:48.079 Is it for her? Is this being monetized? And then 388 00:23:48.079 --> 00:23:49.920 she's like, yeah, that's what it's like to live in 389 00:23:49.960 --> 00:23:53.960 this household and just walked on by. But you know, 390 00:23:53.960 --> 00:23:56.240 I was talking to my house my new housemate about it, 391 00:23:56.279 --> 00:23:58.759 and he's looking at me for a moment and then 392 00:23:58.799 --> 00:24:00.880 he realizes, Oh, this is what it means to live 393 00:24:00.920 --> 00:24:07.839 with Tanya. Basically, everything is talked about. Everything is talked about, 394 00:24:08.000 --> 00:24:10.400 but with consent. If I have a partner or anything 395 00:24:10.440 --> 00:24:12.400 like that. I'm not revealing those kind of things. But 396 00:24:12.680 --> 00:24:16.440 when it comes to me, I think the more vulnerable 397 00:24:16.440 --> 00:24:21.839 I am, the more people feel more normalized. Like if 398 00:24:21.880 --> 00:24:26.599 I lead the way just having you know, conversations in 399 00:24:26.640 --> 00:24:29.440 a bank that talk about you know, arousal or what 400 00:24:29.519 --> 00:24:33.400 I mean. I have outrageous conversations in every place there is, 401 00:24:34.279 --> 00:24:36.799