Speaker 1: The two cent stamp by Ellis Parker Butler. The house
Speaker 1: in Tenth Street where Filo Gubb was doing a job
Speaker 1: of paper hanging when he made the happy error of
Speaker 1: capturing the dynamiters while seeking the un burglars was the
Speaker 1: home of Aunt Martha Turner, a member of the Ladies
Speaker 1: Temperance League of Riverbank. The members of the Ladies Temperance League,
Speaker 1: and Aunt Martha Turner particularly, had recently begun a movement
Speaker 1: to have City Attorney Mullen impeached and thrown out of office,
Speaker 1: for they claimed that while he had been elected by
Speaker 1: the Prohibition Republican Party and had pledged himself to close
Speaker 1: every saloon, he had not closed one single saloon. Aunt
Speaker 1: Martha Turner and her associates believed this was because Attorney
Speaker 1: Mullen was himself a drinker of beer, and it was
Speaker 1: to get proof of this that the hot headed Ladies
Speaker 1: had engaged a youth named Slippery Williams to make a
Speaker 1: raid on his home. Detective Gubb was, however, quite unconscious
Speaker 1: of all this when he proceeded to the home of
Speaker 1: Aunt Martha to complete his work. There, he was in
Speaker 1: an unhappy frame of mind, for he had in his
Speaker 1: pocket nothing but one two cent stamp, and he had
Speaker 1: immediate need for one hundred dollars. Mister Gubb had early
Speaker 1: that morning visited the home of mister Meadowbrook, from whom
Speaker 1: he hoped to have news of Cyrilla. But the colored
Speaker 1: butler informed him that mister Meadowbrook had been called to Chicago.
Speaker 1: He don't left wood. How some deva said the butler
Speaker 1: that if you come and was willing to pay thirty cents,
Speaker 1: you could have his telegraph what come from miss Cyrilla,
Speaker 1: And he left this note for you what you can have,
Speaker 1: whether you pay or not. Mister Gubb quite willingly gave
Speaker 1: the negro thirty cents, the very last money he possessed,
Speaker 1: and read the telegram. It said, hope on hope ever
Speaker 1: have given up wheat bread, corn bread, rye bread, homemade bread,
Speaker 1: baker's bread, biscuit and rolls have lost six pounds more
Speaker 1: love to Gubby. This would have sent mister Gubb to
Speaker 1: his work in a happy frame of mind, had it
Speaker 1: not been for the note mister Meaderbrook had left. This
Speaker 1: note said, called to Chicago suddenly, I must have one
Speaker 1: hundred dollars payment on account of the gold stock immediately.
Speaker 1: Cannot let my daughter marry a man who puts off
Speaker 1: paying for gold stock forever. Unless I hear from you
Speaker 1: with the money tomorrow, all is over between us. Such
Speaker 1: a letter would have made any lover, said mister Gubb.
Speaker 1: Had no idea where he could raise one hundred dollars
Speaker 1: during the day, and he saw his promising romance cut
Speaker 1: short just when Marilla was beginning to lose weight handsomely.
Speaker 1: The greeting he received when he reached Aunt Martha Turner's
Speaker 1: was not of a sort to cheer him. Missus Turner
Speaker 1: met him with a sour face. No, you can't go
Speaker 1: ahead with putting the wallpaper on this kitchen ceiling today,
Speaker 1: mister Gubb, she said, I'd like to if I could,
Speaker 1: said Filo Gubb wistfully. My financial condition ain't such as
Speaker 1: to allow me to waste a day. I'm very low
Speaker 1: in a monetary shape right now. Aunt Martha Turner seemed
Speaker 1: worried well. She said reluctantly. I guess if that's the case,
Speaker 1: you might as well go ahead. I expect I'll have
Speaker 1: to be out of the house most all day if
Speaker 1: you get done before I get back. Lock the kitchen
Speaker 1: door and put the key behind a shutter. She departed,
Speaker 1: and Philo Gubb set up his trestle, unrolled and trimmed
Speaker 1: a strip of sealing paper, pasted it, and climbed his ladder.
Speaker 1: At the top, he seated himself a moment and shook
Speaker 1: his head. He sighed and picked up the paste covered
Speaker 1: strip of sealing paper, but before he could get to
Speaker 1: his feet, the kitchen door opened, and Snooks Turner put
Speaker 1: his head in cautiously. Say Gub, where's Aunt Martha, he
Speaker 1: asked in a whisper. He's gone out, said Filo Gubb.
Speaker 1: She won't be back for quite some time. I guess,
Speaker 1: snooksy good, said Snooks, and he entered the kitchen. Some
Speaker 1: weeks before he had met Nan Kilfilian. He was deeply
Speaker 1: in love with Nan, and Nan was a good girl,
Speaker 1: although Aunt Martha Turner did not approve of her because
Speaker 1: she was hired girl to city Attorney Mullen before she
Speaker 1: had met Snooks. Nan had done her best to make
Speaker 1: something of Slippery Williams, who was courting her then, but
Speaker 1: that task was beyond even NaN's powers. Snooks held a
Speaker 1: job on the Eagle as city reporter with the dignified
Speaker 1: title of city editor, and he was making good. He
Speaker 1: got the news. He seemed able to smell news. When
Speaker 1: there was big news in the air, he would become
Speaker 1: uneasy and feel nervous. I got the twitches again. He
Speaker 1: would say to the editor of the Eagle, there's some
Speaker 1: big item around. I've got to get it, and he
Speaker 1: would get it. She's gone out, has she said Snooks
Speaker 1: When he had entered his aunt's kitchen and asked Philo
Speaker 1: Gub about Aunt Martha. That's good. I wanted to see
Speaker 1: you on a matter of business, detective business. He put
Speaker 1: his hand in his pocket and drew out a small
Speaker 1: roll of bills. He was not the usually neat Snooks.
Speaker 1: One eye was blackened and one side of his face
Speaker 1: was scratched. His clothes were badly torn and soiled. He
Speaker 1: looked as if someone had tried to murder him. There,
Speaker 1: he said, holding the bills up to Filo Gub. After
Speaker 1: counting them, there's twenty five dollars. You take that and
Speaker 1: find out what I have done and what's the matter
Speaker 1: with me and all about it? What do you want
Speaker 1: me to find out? Asked mister Gubb, fondling the bills.
Speaker 1: If I knew I wouldn't ask you, said Snooks, peevishly.
Speaker 1: I don't know what it is. I'd go and find
Speaker 1: out myself. But I'm in jail. Where did you say you?
Speaker 1: Was asked Filo gob in jail, said Snooks. I'm in
Speaker 1: jail and I'm in bad. When the Marshal put me
Speaker 1: in last night, I gave him my word i'd stay
Speaker 1: in all day today. And it ain't right for me
Speaker 1: to be here now, dog gone you, snooks, He says,
Speaker 1: you ain't got no consideration for me at all. Here.
Speaker 1: I figured that there wouldn't be no wave of crime
Speaker 1: strike town for some days, and I went and took
Speaker 1: the jail door down to the blacksmith to have a
Speaker 1: panel put in where the one rusted out. And my
Speaker 1: wife made me promise to drive out to the farm
Speaker 1: with her tomorrow. And now you come and spoil everything.
Speaker 1: I got to stay in town and watch you go on,
Speaker 1: I says, and take your drive. I'll stay in jail.
Speaker 1: I got a strong imagination. I'll imagine there's a door.
Speaker 1: Honor Bright. He says, yes, Honor Bright. I says, So
Speaker 1: he went, said Snooks, and he's trusting me, and here
Speaker 1: I am you can see it wouldn't do for me
Speaker 1: to be running all over town when by rights I'm
Speaker 1: locked and barred and bolted in jail. I locked and
Speaker 1: barred and bolted in jail, and well started on my
Speaker 1: way to the penitentiary as a burglar. As a burglar,
Speaker 1: exclaimed Gub. That's it, said Snookes. I can't see headner
Speaker 1: tail of it. You got to help me out, Gub,
Speaker 1: see if you can make any sense of this. Last
Speaker 1: night I went out for a walk with Nan. She's
Speaker 1: my girl, you know, and she's going to marry me.
Speaker 1: Maybe she won't now, but she was going to. She
Speaker 1: works for Mullen. We got back to Mullen's house about
Speaker 1: eleven o'clock and Missus Mullen always locks the door at
Speaker 1: half past ten, whether Nan is in or not, so
Speaker 1: being late, we had to ring the doorbell and mister
Speaker 1: Mullen came to the door to let Nan in, and
Speaker 1: when he saw I was with her, he shook hands
Speaker 1: with me and asked me to come in and have
Speaker 1: a cigar and sit awhile. But I told him I
Speaker 1: had to hustle up some news for today's paper, and
Speaker 1: he let me go. That's how pleasant he was. So
Speaker 1: I went downtown. Then the first fellow I met was
Speaker 1: Sammy Wilmerton, widow Wilmerton's boy asked Philo Gub exactly, said Snooks,
Speaker 1: feeling his eye with his finger, and he says, Snooks,
Speaker 1: did you hear what the Ladies Temperance League did last night?
Speaker 1: I hadn't heard. I heard ma say, says Sammy. But
Speaker 1: don't say I told you. They got up a petition
Speaker 1: to have city Attorney Mullen impeached by the city council.
Speaker 1: Well that was news. I went into the Eagle's office
Speaker 1: and called up Mullen. Hello, is that Attorney Mullen? I
Speaker 1: says yes. He says, well, something happened last night. I says,
Speaker 1: and I'd like to see you about it. How do
Speaker 1: you know what happened? He says, no matter. I says,
Speaker 1: can I come up after half a minute. He says, oh, yes,
Speaker 1: come up, come right away. I'll be waiting for you.
Speaker 1: So I went. Nothing strange about that, said Philo Gubb,
Speaker 1: shifting himself on the lane. So I went, continued Snooks.
Speaker 1: I rang the doorbell, and the moment it rang, the
Speaker 1: door flew open, and Bliff down came a bed blanket
Speaker 1: over me, and somebody grabbed me in his arms and
Speaker 1: lugged me into the house. I guess it was a
Speaker 1: turning Mullen. You know how big and husky he is.
Speaker 1: But I couldn't see him. I couldn't see anything. Only
Speaker 1: every two seconds bump. He hit me at my head
Speaker 1: through the blanket. That's how I got this eye. And
Speaker 1: all the time he was talking to me mad as
Speaker 1: a hatter, and I couldn't hear a word he said.
Speaker 1: But I could hear his wife screaming at the top
Speaker 1: of the stairs, and I could hear Nan screaming, and
Speaker 1: I heard a window go up. Stop that yelling, says
Speaker 1: Mullen in a voice I could hear. And then he
Speaker 1: picked me up again and carried me to the back
Speaker 1: door and opened it and threw me all the way
Speaker 1: down the eight steps. I chucked off the blanket and
Speaker 1: I was going up the steps again to show him
Speaker 1: he couldn't treat me that way, when Bing somebody next
Speaker 1: door took a shot at me with the revolver. Thought
Speaker 1: I was a burglar, I guess. I started to run
Speaker 1: for the back gate when Bing somebody shot at me
Speaker 1: from the other house. What do you think of that?
Speaker 1: For a few minutes, it sounded like the Battle of
Speaker 1: San Juan. And I can't understand yet why I didn't
Speaker 1: suffer an awful loss of life. But you didn't, asked
Speaker 1: Filo Gub No, sir ree, I made a dive for
Speaker 1: the cellar door just as they got the range. I
Speaker 1: stayed in the cellar way with the bullets pattering on
Speaker 1: it like hail, until the cop came. Tim Fogerty was
Speaker 1: the cop. He ordered cease firing, and the shower stopped,
Speaker 1: and I let him capture me. He took me to
Speaker 1: the calaboose, and this morning early he had me before
Speaker 1: the judge and I'm held for the grand jury and
Speaker 1: the charges burglary and pettit larceny. Now what is the answer?
Speaker 1: Being pulled into a house and thrown out the other door?
Speaker 1: Isn't burglary, said Filo gub Burglary is breaking in or
Speaker 1: breaking out? Maybe a turney and mistook you for some
Speaker 1: one else. Mistook nothin, said Snooks. He was in the
Speaker 1: court room this morning. He handed the case against me.
Speaker 1: Who's that some one was climbing the back steps and
Speaker 1: Snooks made one dive for the cellar door and slipped inside.
Speaker 1: He knew how to get out through the cellar, for
Speaker 1: he was familiar with it. He did not wait now,
Speaker 1: but opened the outside cellar door, and, after looking to
Speaker 1: see that the way was clear, hurried back to jail.
Speaker 1: Filo Gubb did not have time to descend from his
Speaker 1: ladder before the kitchen door opened. The visitor was Policeman Fogerty. Mornin,
Speaker 1: he said, removing his hat and wiping the sweatband with
Speaker 1: his red handkerchief. Don't ye get down, mister gubbsort, I
Speaker 1: want but a word with ye. I seen Stooksy Turner
Speaker 1: here but a second ago me lookin in at the
Speaker 1: windy an you at him conversin'. Maybe he was speakin'
Speaker 1: to ye of his arrest. He was conversing with me
Speaker 1: of that occurrence, said Philo gub He was consulting me
Speaker 1: in my professional capacity, and a fine young lad he is,
Speaker 1: said Policeman Fogerty, reaching into his pocket. I got the
Speaker 1: devil for arresting him. Twas that dark, ye see, mister Gubb,
Speaker 1: I could not see who I was arrestin'. Maybe he
Speaker 1: was consulting yee about getting clear of the charge against him.
Speaker 1: He retained my detecative services, said Filo Gub. Poor young man,
Speaker 1: said Fogerty, I'll warrant he has none too much money.
Speaker 1: Me heart bleeds for him. You'll have no InVID trailin
Speaker 1: and shadow and another detective work to do on the case.
Speaker 1: No doubt tis expensive work that I was thinkin. Maybe
Speaker 1: ye'd permit me to contribute a five dollar bill for
Speaker 1: the work, for I'm that sad to have had a
Speaker 1: hand and arrest in him. Foggerty held up the bill
Speaker 1: and Philo Gubb took it. Contingent expenses are always numerously
Speaker 1: present in detecative operations, he said. Right ye are, said Foggarty,
Speaker 1: And you'll remember, if any one asks ye, that I
Speaker 1: expressed me contrition for a rest in Snooksy. Whist, he said,
Speaker 1: putting his hand alongside his mouth and whispering. Some one
Speaker 1: wanted me to search the house here to see did
Speaker 1: Snooksy have seven bottles of beer and a silver beer
Speaker 1: opener in his room. Philo Gubb sat on the ladder
Speaker 1: and contemplated the five dollar bill until he heard Fogerty returning.
Speaker 1: Hist Foggerty said, I did not see him mind ye
Speaker 1: Foggerty slipped out of the back door and was gone,
Speaker 1: and Filo Gubb, after a thoughtful moment, decided that the
Speaker 1: five dollar bill was rightfully his and slipped it into
Speaker 1: his pocket. To earn it, however, he must get to
Speaker 1: work on the case. He raised the pasted strip of paper,
Speaker 1: but before he could place the loose ends on the ceiling,
Speaker 1: some one tapped at the kitchen door. Come in, he called,
Speaker 1: and the door opened. Slippery Williams glided into the room,
Speaker 1: his crafty eyes sought finally, Oh, Gubbllo, Gubby, what you
Speaker 1: doin up there? Where's miss Turner? He asked? Miss Turner
Speaker 1: is out on business, I presume, said the correspondent school
Speaker 1: detective coldly, And I am pursuing my professional duties in
Speaker 1: the detectting line. You are, hey, said Slippery. Who you
Speaker 1: detecting for now? Snooks Turner said Philo Gub I'm solving
Speaker 1: a case for him. Instantly, Slippery's manner changed from rough,
Speaker 1: he became smooth from bold. He became cringing. Why I'm
Speaker 1: Snooky's friend, he said? You know me and Snooksy was
Speaker 1: always chums, don't you, Gubby, Yes, sir, I think a
Speaker 1: lot of snooksy, he says, Slippery, you go up to
Speaker 1: my room and get me a bundle of clean clothes.
Speaker 1: These are all torn and dirty, and well, I guess
Speaker 1: I'll get him and get back snooks is waitin for me.
Speaker 1: He turned to the hall, but Philo Gubb called him back.
Speaker 1: You can't go up there, said Phile Gub from his
Speaker 1: ladder top. There's been enough folks up there already. Who
Speaker 1: was up, asked Slippery hastily. Policeman Fogerty was, said Filo Gub.
Speaker 1: What did he find up there, asked Slippery anxiously, nothing,
Speaker 1: said Filo Gub. He told me he couldn't find seven
Speaker 1: bottles of beer and a beer opener. Look here, said
Speaker 1: Slippery sweetly. If I gave you five dollars to hire
Speaker 1: you to hunt for them, could you find them seven
Speaker 1: bottles of beer and that beer opener for me? Straight
Speaker 1: detective work? Could you? I could try to find them,
Speaker 1: said Filo Gub. Well that's all I want, said Slippery.
Speaker 1: I don't want to do nothing with them. All I
Speaker 1: want to know is where they are. Here's five dollars.
Speaker 1: Filo Gub took the money, all right, said Slippery. Now
Speaker 1: you find them. They're upstairs in missus Turner's bed, between
Speaker 1: the quilt and the mattress. Go find them, Not until
Speaker 1: miss Turner comes home, said Filo firmly. It's her house.
Speaker 1: Why you long legged stork, you said Slippery. She knows
Speaker 1: I'm here for that beer she sent me. I thought
Speaker 1: you said Snook sent you for his clothes, said Filo,
Speaker 1: Never you mind who sent me for? What? Said Slippery angrily.
Speaker 1: You're a dandy detective, ain't you sitting on top of
Speaker 1: a ladder and not letting a friend of Snook's help
Speaker 1: him out. Say listen, Gubby, everybody's going to get into
Speaker 1: worse trouble if I don't get away with that beer. Understand.
Speaker 1: Come on, let me take it away when miss Turner
Speaker 1: comes back, said Filo Gubb. A new knock on the
Speaker 1: door interrupted them, and Slippery glided to the cellar door
Speaker 1: through which Snooks had so recently fled. The kitchen door
Speaker 1: opened to admit Attorney Smith. He was a thin man,
Speaker 1: but intelligent, looking, as thin men quite frequently are. Don't
Speaker 1: get down, mister Gubb, don't get down, he said. I
Speaker 1: came in the back way hoping to find miss Turner.
Speaker 1: She is not here. She's out, said Filo Gubb. Too bad,
Speaker 1: said Attorney Smith. I wanted to see her about her nephew.
Speaker 1: You have heard he is in jail. Why, yes, said Filo,
Speaker 1: crossing one leg over the other. He hired me to
Speaker 1: do some detect ting. I'm sort of in charge of
Speaker 1: that case. I'm just going to start and looking it up.
Speaker 1: Attorney Smith took a turn to the end of the
Speaker 1: room and back. He was known in Riverbank as the
Speaker 1: unsuccessful competitor against Attorney Mullen for the city attorneyship, and
Speaker 1: was supposed to be the counselor of the liquor interests.
Speaker 1: You have done nothing yet, he asked, suddenly stopping below
Speaker 1: Filo Gubb's elevated seat. No, I'm just about beginning to commence,
Speaker 1: said Filo. Then you know nothing regarding the articles young
Speaker 1: Turner is charged with stealing. Well, maybe I do know
Speaker 1: something about that, said Filo. If you mean seven bottles
Speaker 1: of beer and a beer opener, I do Where are they?
Speaker 1: Asked Attorney Smith in the sharp tone he used in
Speaker 1: addressing a witness for the other side when he was
Speaker 1: trying a case. I guess I've told about all I'm
Speaker 1: going to tell about them, said Filo thoughtfully. I don't
Speaker 1: want to be disobliging, mister Smith, but I look on
Speaker 1: them bottles of beer as a clue, and that beer
Speaker 1: opener is a clue, and they're about the only clue
Speaker 1: I've got. I got to save up my clues. Are
Speaker 1: they in this house, asked mister Smith. Sharply, If they ain't,
Speaker 1: they're somewheres else, said Filo. Mister Gubb, said mister Smith, impressively.
Speaker 1: There are large interests at stake in this case, larger
Speaker 1: interests than you can imagine. We are all interested at
Speaker 1: this moment in clearing your client of the suspicion, which
Speaker 1: I hope is an unjust suspicion now resting over it
Speaker 1: and upon him. I need not say what the interests are,
Speaker 1: but they are very powerful. I feel confident that those
Speaker 1: interests could succeed in clearing Snook's turner. Well. I guess
Speaker 1: if I was left alone long enough to get down
Speaker 1: from this ladder, I could clear him myself. I didn't
Speaker 1: study in the Rising Sun Detecative Agencies Correspondence School of
Speaker 1: Detecting for nothing, said Filo Gubb. Snooks hired me, and
Speaker 1: he did well, said Attorney Smith, heartily. I praise his acumen.
Speaker 1: I wonder if I might be permitted on behalf of
Speaker 1: the powerful interests I represent to contribute to the expense
Speaker 1: of the work you will do. I guess you might,
Speaker 1: said Philo Gubb, detecting runs into money the interests I represent,
Speaker 1: said mister Smith, taking out his wallet, will contribute ten dollars,
Speaker 1: and they did. They put a crisp ten dollar bill
Speaker 1: in Philo Gubb's hands. And now, having shown our unity
Speaker 1: of interest with him, young mister Turner, there can be
Speaker 1: no harm in telling us where that beer is? Can there?
Speaker 1: He turned toward the kitchen door, for Nan Kilpilian stood there.
Speaker 1: Her eyes were red and swollen. Attorney Smith hastily excused
Speaker 1: himself and went away, and Nan came into the kitchen. Oh,
Speaker 1: mister Gubb, she exclaimed, you will get Snooks out of jail,
Speaker 1: won't you. It would break my heart if he was
Speaker 1: sent to the penitentiary. And I know he has done
Speaker 1: nothing wrong. He is depending on you, mister Gubb. I
Speaker 1: brought you ten dollars. It is all I have left
Speaker 1: of last month's wages. But it will help a little,
Speaker 1: won't it? Thank you? Said Filo Gubb, taking the money.
Speaker 1: I cannot estimate in advance what the cost of his
Speaker 1: clearance will be. It may be more and it may
Speaker 1: be less. It is a complicated case. I am just
Speaker 1: about going to get down from this ladder and start
Speaker 1: working on it vigorously. If you, he stopped, if you
Speaker 1: wish to help us in this case, miss Kilfilly, And
Speaker 1: he said, will you go to the jail and ask
Speaker 1: Snooks where is the beer and the beer opener? Where
Speaker 1: is her? Face went white? What beer and what beer opener?
Speaker 1: She asked tensely. Seven bottles and a beer opener, said
Speaker 1: Philo Gub. Oh, she moaned, and he said he didn't
Speaker 1: do it. He swore he didn't do it. Oh, Snooks,
Speaker 1: how could you? How could you? Now? Don't you weep
Speaker 1: like that? Said Philo Gub soothingly. You go and ask him.
Speaker 1: I'll have my things ready for my immediate departure on
Speaker 1: to the case by the time you get back. Nan
Speaker 1: hurried away, and Philo Gub waited only to count the
Speaker 1: money he had so far received. It amounted to fifty
Speaker 1: five dollars. He slipped it into his pocket and stood
Speaker 1: up on the step ladder. He had even proceeded so
Speaker 1: far as to put one foot on a lower step.
Speaker 1: When Missus Wilmerton entered the kitchen, she was a stout woman,
Speaker 1: and she was almost out of breath. She had to
Speaker 1: stand a minute before she could speak. But as she stood,
Speaker 1: she made gestures with her hands, as if that much
Speaker 1: of her delivery could be given at any rate, and
Speaker 1: the words might catch up with their appropriate gestures if
Speaker 1: they could. Mister Gubb, Mister Gubb, she gasped, Oh, this
Speaker 1: is terrible, terrible, Miss Turner should never have dared it.
Speaker 1: Oh my breath? Do you do you know where the
Speaker 1: beer is? I wouldn't advise you to take beer for
Speaker 1: shortness of breath, said Philo Gub. Just rest a minute,
Speaker 1: but guesped. Poor missus Wilmerton. I told miss Turner it
Speaker 1: was folly. She's so stubborn. Ah, I thought I'd never
Speaker 1: get a full breath again as long as I lived.
Speaker 1: How can we get rid of the beer? There's plenty
Speaker 1: that want to take it, said mister Gubb. Attorney Smith.
Speaker 1: Oh I knew it, I knew it, moaned Missus Wilmerton.
Speaker 1: He threatened it threatened, what asked Filo Gub that he
Speaker 1: would find the beer in this house, cried Missus Wilmerton.
Speaker 1: He threatened Aunt Martha that if she did not give
Speaker 1: it to him freely, he would have it found here
Speaker 1: and make a scandal. Beer hidden in between the quilt
Speaker 1: and the mattress of Aunt Martha's bed, and she secretary
Speaker 1: of the Lady's Temperance League. It's awful. Martha is so headstrong,
Speaker 1: she's getting herself in an awful fix. She never should
Speaker 1: have had a thing to do with that slippery fellow.
Speaker 1: With Who with slippery Williams? Asked Filo Gubb, intensely surprised
Speaker 1: Aunt Martha Turner. What did she have to do with
Speaker 1: slippery Williams? Well, she had plenty and enough and more
Speaker 1: than that to do with him, said Missus Wilmerton, angrily
Speaker 1: getting bottles of beer in her bed and robbing houses
Speaker 1: at her time of life, and wanting the ladies temperance
Speaker 1: lead to have a special meeting this morning to approve
Speaker 1: of burglary and larceny at her age. Now, Missus Wilmerton,
Speaker 1: said Philo Gub from the top of the ladder. I'd
Speaker 1: ought to warn you before you go any farther that
Speaker 1: Snooks Turner has engaged me and my services to detect
Speaker 1: for him in this burglar case. If Aunt Martha Turner
Speaker 1: burgled the burglary that Snooks is in jail for, maybe
Speaker 1: you ought not to say anything about it to me.
Speaker 1: I got to do what I can to free Snooksy,
Speaker 1: no matter who gets into trouble, mister Gubb, exclaimed Missus Wilmerton. Suddenly,
Speaker 1: mister Gubb, I'm not authorized to do so, but I'll
Speaker 1: warrant I'll get the other ladies to authorize, or I'll
Speaker 1: know why. If I was to give you twenty dollars
Speaker 1: on behalf of the Ladies Temperance League to help you
Speaker 1: get Snookie out of jail, and Land only knows why
Speaker 1: he is in jail, would you be so kind as
Speaker 1: to beg and plead with Snooxie to leave Attorney Mullin
Speaker 1: alone in the eagle. After this, she held four or
Speaker 1: five dollars bills up to Filo Gubb, and he took them.
Speaker 1: From what I saw of his eye, said mister Gubb,
Speaker 1: I guess Snooks will be willing to leave Attorney alone
Speaker 1: in every shape and form from now on. Now, maybe
Speaker 1: you can tell me how Snooks got into this business.
Speaker 1: I haven't the slightest idea in the world, said Missus Wilmerton.
Speaker 1: All I know about is Both Missus Wilmerton and Philo
Speaker 1: Gubb turned their heads towards the door. The greater duskiness
Speaker 1: of the kitchen was caused by the large form of
Speaker 1: City Attorney Mullen. He bowed ceremoniously to Missus Wilmerton, who
Speaker 1: turned bright red with embarrassment, probably because of her part
Speaker 1: in the efforts of the League to have mister Mullen
Speaker 1: impeached by the City council. Attorney Mullen was not, however, embarrassed.
Speaker 1: I'm glad you are here, Missus Wilmerton, he said, for
Speaker 1: I wish a witness. I do not wish to have
Speaker 1: any stigma of bribery rest on me. I came here,
Speaker 1: he continued, taking a leather purse from the inner pocket
Speaker 1: of his coat, to give these twenty five dollars to
Speaker 1: mister Gubb. Mister Gubb, I have just visited Snooks, so
Speaker 1: called Turner, at the jail. I went there with the
Speaker 1: intention of bailing him out, pending the simple process of
Speaker 1: his ultimate and speedy release from the charges against him.
Speaker 1: I am convinced that I was wrong when I made
Speaker 1: the charge of burglary against him. I am convinced that
Speaker 1: no burglary was ever committed on my premises, oh, exclaimed
Speaker 1: Missus Wilmerton. Not even the seven bottles of beer and
Speaker 1: a beer opener, I suppose, atturning, Mullen turned on her
Speaker 1: like a flash. What do you know about beer and
Speaker 1: beer openers? He snapped. I may not know as much
Speaker 1: as Detective Gub, but I know what I know, she answered,
Speaker 1: and mister Mullen restrained himself sufficiently to hide the glare
Speaker 1: of hatred in his eyes by turning to Filo Gubb exactly,
Speaker 1: he said, with forced calmness, And perhaps I know more
Speaker 1: about them than mister Gubb knows. In fact, I do
Speaker 1: know more about them. I know they are upstairs between
Speaker 1: a blanket and a mattress. I know, Missus Wilmerton, he
Speaker 1: almost shouted, turning on her with an accusing forefinger, that
Speaker 1: they were stolen from a house in this town by
Speaker 1: some one representing the lady's temperance league. I know that
Speaker 1: burglary was committed by, or at least at the behest
Speaker 1: of some one representing the Lady's Temperance League. I know
Speaker 1: that if this matter is carried to the end, a
Speaker 1: respectable old lady, a leader in the Ladies Temperance League,
Speaker 1: will go behind bars, sentenced as a burglar. That's what
Speaker 1: I know. Oh my, gasped missus Wilmerton and sank into
Speaker 1: a chair. Now, then, said Attorney Mullen, turning to Filo
Speaker 1: Cub again and handing him the twenty five dollars. I
Speaker 1: give you this money as my share of the fund
Speaker 1: that is to pay you for the work you do
Speaker 1: for Snook's Turner. I make no request because of the
Speaker 1: money it is yours. But if you love justice for
Speaker 1: Heaven's sake, send word to him to come out of jail.
Speaker 1: Won't he come out, asked Philo Gub. Puzzled, No, he won't,
Speaker 1: said Attorney Mullen. I begged him too, but he said no,
Speaker 1: not until Philo Gub gets to the bottom of this case.
Speaker 1: But should we, as citizens and as members of the
Speaker 1: Prohibition Party, permit mister Gubb to land Aunt Martha Turner
Speaker 1: in the calaboose? Well, if what I find out when
Speaker 1: I get down from this ladder and start to work
Speaker 1: sends her there. I don't see that I can help it,
Speaker 1: said Filo Gub. Detecative work is a science as operated
Speaker 1: by them that has studied in the Rising Sun Detecative
Speaker 1: Agencies correspondence School of Detecating Snook says he don't know
Speaker 1: anything about any beer, said Nan Kill Philian, entering hastily
Speaker 1: and then pausing as she saw mister Mullen, did you
Speaker 1: tell him it was upstairs in bed, asked Philo Gub
Speaker 1: in his room in his bed, said Attorney Mullen eagerly.
Speaker 1: Why that puts an entirely different aspect on the matter.
Speaker 1: That gives me, as city Attorney, all the proof I
Speaker 1: shall need to convict the respectable Miss Martha Turner and
Speaker 1: her honorable nephew of the Eagle, And by the Gods,
Speaker 1: I will convict them, he glared at missus Wilmerton. Nan
Speaker 1: broke into sobs. Unless, he added gently, this whole matter
Speaker 1: is dropped. Philo Gubb took out all the money he
Speaker 1: had received and counted it, sitting cross legged on the ladder.
Speaker 1: I guess, he said, thoughtfully, you had better run up
Speaker 1: to the jail and tell snoosey, I want to see
Speaker 1: him right away, Miss Kilfilian, maybe he can stretch the
Speaker 1: jail that much again. Tell him, I'm just going to
Speaker 1: get down from this ladder and start to work. And
Speaker 1: I want to ask his advice. What do you want
Speaker 1: to ask him, inquired Attorney Mullen, as Nan hurried away.
Speaker 1: I want to ask him about those seven bottles of
Speaker 1: beer and that beer opener, said Philo Gubb. Mister Gubb
Speaker 1: said the city attorney. I can tell you about those
Speaker 1: bottles of beer. If those bottles of beer came from
Speaker 1: my house, Aunt Martha Turner goes to the penitentiary. If
Speaker 1: she does not go to the penitentiary, there are no
Speaker 1: bottles of beer, and there is no beer opener, and
Speaker 1: never were. I told her she had done a foolish thing.
Speaker 1: Foolish thing, exclaimed missus Wilmington. Just so, and it was foolish,
Speaker 1: said attorneymwen if it was done, and if it was done,
Speaker 1: and Snooks Turner telephoned, and I thought he meant the burglary,
Speaker 1: I would naturally assault him. You hurt him bad, said
Speaker 1: Filo Gubb. And I meant to, said attorneing Mowen. All
Speaker 1: turned toward the door where policeman Foggerty entered with Snooksy
Speaker 1: and Nan. I have done everything I could to quiet
Speaker 1: up the matter, said Foggarty to Mullen, thus explaining his
Speaker 1: interest in the affair. I liked you, said Snooks cheerfully.
Speaker 1: I'm going to stay in jail. Aunt Martha Turner interrupted him.
Speaker 1: She came into the kitchen like a gust of wind,
Speaker 1: scattering the others like leaves, and threw her arms around
Speaker 1: her nephew, Snooksy. Oh my, Snooksy, my, Snooksy, She moaned,
Speaker 1: don't you love your old auntie anymore? Won't you be
Speaker 1: a good boy for your poor old auntie? Don't you
Speaker 1: love her at all anymore? Sure, said Snooks happily. A
Speaker 1: fellow can love you in jail, can't he? But won't
Speaker 1: you come out, she pleaded. Everybody wants you to come out,
Speaker 1: dear boy. See they all want you to come out,
Speaker 1: every last one of them. Please come out. Oh I
Speaker 1: like it in jail, said Snooks. It gives me time
Speaker 1: for meditation. Well, goodbye, folks, I'll be going back. His
Speaker 1: aunt grasped him firmly by the arm and wailed. So
Speaker 1: did Nan. But Snooksy begged missus Turner don't you know
Speaker 1: they'll send me to the penitentiary if you go back
Speaker 1: to that old jail. Yes, but don't you care, Auntie.
Speaker 1: They say the penitentiary is nicer than the jail, better doors,
Speaker 1: nobody can break in and steal things from you. Snuog's
Speaker 1: turner said his aunt You know as well as I
Speaker 1: do that mister Mullin will forgive and forget if you will.
Speaker 1: Would you rather see me go to prison suffer? No,
Speaker 1: of course not, Auntie, said Snooks, laughing. But you see,
Speaker 1: I've hired Detective Gub to work on this case, and
Speaker 1: if there's no case, it will not be fair to him.
Speaker 1: He's all worked up about it. He's so eager to
Speaker 1: be at it that he has almost come down from
Speaker 1: the top of that ladder. In another day or two,
Speaker 1: he would come down all the way down, and then
Speaker 1: there's no telling what would happen. No, I'm a newspaper man.
Speaker 1: I want Filo Gub to discover something we don't know
Speaker 1: anything about. I might start in trailing and shadowing somebody
Speaker 1: that hasn't anything to do with this case, suggested Philo Gubb.
Speaker 1: That wouldn't discommode none of you folks, and I'd sort
Speaker 1: of feel as if I was giving you your money's worth.
Speaker 1: Somebody has been writing on the front of the Methodist
Speaker 1: church with black chalk. I might try to detect who's
Speaker 1: done that, but that would be a very difficult job,
Speaker 1: said Snooks. It would be some hard admitted Philo Gubb.
Speaker 1: Then you ought to have more money, said Snooks. Aunt
Speaker 1: Martha ought to contribute to the fund. If Aunt Martha
Speaker 1: contributes to the fund, I'll be good. I'll come out
Speaker 1: of jail. Aunt Martha opened her shopping bag and fumbled
Speaker 1: in it with her old fingers. Filo Gubb took from
Speaker 1: his pocket the bills he had been given during the morning.
Speaker 1: He counted them. He had exactly one hundred dollars, just
Speaker 1: enough to send to mister Meadowbrook. How much should I
Speaker 1: give you, mister Gubb asked Aunt Martha tremulously, and Filo
Speaker 1: Gubb stared thoughtfully at the ceiling for a few minutes.
Speaker 1: When he spoke, his words were cryptic to all those
Speaker 1: in the room. Well, ma'am, he said, I guess ten
Speaker 1: cents will be about enough. I've got a two cent
Speaker 1: postage stamp myself. Ain't Detective's wonderful whispered Nan clinging two
Speaker 1: Snook's arm. You can't ever tell what they really mean.
Speaker 1: Nobody seemed to care what Filo Gub meant, but a
Speaker 1: week later Snook stopped him on the street and asked
Speaker 1: him why he had asked for ten cents for to
Speaker 1: register a letter, said Filo Gubb, A letter I had
Speaker 1: to send off, and of the two cents stamp by
Speaker 1: Ellis Parker Butler