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Speaker 1: All right, y'all, Hey, come on, come on, this is

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not because you'se no more with your host doctor and evangelist,

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Hey home rich, help you to a bit what you

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feel in order to feel from the effects of thoughts

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and mist.

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Speaker 2: Because your feelings due.

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Speaker 3: Man, how y'all doing out there today on this cold

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Monday more?

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Speaker 1: This is January the twenty six of twenty twenty six,

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with your host on narth abuse now more.

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Speaker 2: I am doctor kol Ridge. Oh it is a cold,

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cold morning.

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Speaker 1: Now, there was a lot of there were a lot

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of what you call it storm warnings over the weekend

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and everything to let you know that, hey, it might

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be some eyes and wintry mix and some states I

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know have some snow and everything. But I pray that

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you all or warm out there. I prayed at your safe.

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I pray that you have been stress free, narcissistic free,

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abuse free last week and that this week will continue.

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But if not, we're going to be talking about some

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things today. Okay, just like let me just say this,

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Just like the meteorlogists, we're sending out warnings that of

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things that you need to avoid or do because a

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storm was on the horizon. Then you also need to

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be warned about the storms that the narcissists bring into

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your life.

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Speaker 2: All right, so we're gonna be talking about that today.

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Speaker 1: And actually today we're talking about mistakes to avoid when

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you go low or no contact with a narcissist. Mistakes

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to avoid when you go low or no contact with

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a narcissist. But before we go on with today's topic,

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I want to invite you to visit us on our

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website at www dot Narcabuse, No More dot net.

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Speaker 2: This www dot nark Abuse.

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Speaker 1: No More dot net and on our website you'll find

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valuable information regarding narcissism.

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Speaker 2: Now, I want to also let.

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Speaker 1: You know that we're on every Monday, Wednesday and Friday

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at ten a m.

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Speaker 2: Eastern Standard time, non am.

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Speaker 1: Central, and that is on Spotify, our Heart Radio, Apple

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Podcasts Spreaker. You have a variety of different platforms, whichever

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is your choice to listen to us from, or you

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can go directly to the website as well. All right,

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whether we talking about again, we're talking about going no

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contact and low contact with a narcissism, mistakes people make

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when going low or no contact and how to avoid

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those mistakes. Now you may wonder, okay, what exactly is

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going low contact or no contact?

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Speaker 2: So basically, when.

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Speaker 1: You have been in an abusive situation with a narcissist,

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rather it's physical, verbal, emotional, spiritual, sexual, whatever type of

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abuse you have gone through with this person, and you

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might decide, you know, what is time for me to

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sever tisee or it's time for me to make sure

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I reduce the amount of interaction with this person in

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order to maintain your piece or at least get as

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much piece as you can.

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Speaker 2: Then that's what's called low contact.

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Speaker 1: So basically you're either reducing or limiting your interaction.

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Speaker 2: With them in person, or you.

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Speaker 1: Stop accepting gifts or invitations from them. You may not

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call them as much, or or you might even block

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the calls all together, calls and text messages. You unfollow

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them on social media, and also don't follow them on

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social media. It's one thing to unfollow them or block

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them on social media, but you're also not if you're

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going no contact, you also not trying to read what's

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on their page as well. So these are different things

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that you do when you're going low or no contact.

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You basically turning them off emotionally, physically and spiritually excuse me.

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And so I want to just today we're taking this

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from toxicties dot com toxicties dot com and learning how

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to break those toxic ties to individuals.

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Speaker 2: When you're going low to no.

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Speaker 1: Contact, that means that you're not constantly remembering or reminiscing

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over the good old days. Okay, you're gonna leave those

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good old days back, because when it's come to this

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point where you're having to decide about going low and

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no contact, that means that the bad is outweighing the good.

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And let me just say this, even let me just

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say this, even if, even if, even if you had

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a lot of good days with this person, that one

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day that you go through emotional, physical, sexual, spiritual, whatever

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type of abuse you've gone through, can override all of

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the good days. And what do I mean by that?

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You might have, for example, been in this relationship with

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someone and then one day they have a bad day

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and they decide to beat you to a pope.

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Speaker 2: Regardless of all the good days that you.

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Speaker 1: All have had, that one time of physical violence is

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enough to say no more. But you have to be

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the one to determine and make that decision to say,

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you know what, you did this once, but I'm not

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going to allow you to be to do it again.

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That's something that you're gonna have to decide. And so

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when you're going no contact or low contact, you also

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want to try to If this is your plan to

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go low contact or no contact, that means that you

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might have to distance yourself from even some of the

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people that you all used to hang around together, because

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talking to the friends about the narcissists is not gonna

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mean that they're gonna be on your side. Because many

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of them are what we call flying monkeys. That means

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that they do the evil bidding of the narcissists, even

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sometimes if they don't know that they are, and some

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do actually know that they are, so you don't want

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to try to keep updated with what the narcissist is doing.

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If you decide that, hey, I'm gonna go low contact

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or no contact, then part of that means that you're

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having to even sometimes choose new people to be around

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so that you won't be constantly placing yourself in the

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proximity of the narcissism, even if it's not physically emotionally

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you're being there. Another thing is don't. You don't want

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to make excuses for the narcissist behavior where you're trauma

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bonding with that particular person also known a stop having

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Stockholm syndrome, just because that person may have gone through

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a lot of things. Because sometimes you may tend to

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make excuses, Oh, well, they've had a hard life, they've

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had rough times, they whatever the case may be. We

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often have possibly finding excuse for the way that the

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narcissist behaves. However, that does not give them the license

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to abuse you. Therefore, don't make excuses for the narcissists

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because we all have choices. We all make choices, and

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they choose to abuse you, regardless of what type of

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abuse it is.

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Speaker 2: They choose to abuse you.

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Speaker 1: Another thing, when you're dealing with the narcissists, you don't

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want to keep receiving gifts or other things from the narcissists. Uh,

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The narcissist loves to love bomb. They're victims, especially if

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they think they're in the risk category of losing them,

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so they would buy gifts, they would be extra nized,

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they would do all these what we would normally call

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loving things.

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Speaker 2: But then love bomb.

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Speaker 1: Remember the second half of that compound word is bomb.

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That means it's gonna explode.

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Speaker 2: They will do.

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Speaker 1: These things to get you all sucked in and then

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eventually you're gonna get the explosion, all right.

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Speaker 2: Another thing is when you're trying to.

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Speaker 1: Get over the narcissists, you don't want to keep replaying,

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replaying conversations that you all have had. You would keep

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going over and over and over, and this, you know,

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can sometimes it be a little hard to do. But

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every day that you take one step is a is

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a day that you're getting closer to that emotional breakthrough

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in your head. And you don't want to keep having

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these mental conversations, these uh, reliving the the moments of

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the narcissists, because it would keep Actually, let me let

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me use this example.

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Speaker 2: If you've ever received.

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Speaker 1: A cut, if you ever cut, have accidentally cut yourself, Okay,

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you can be unscraped your knee or whatever.

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Speaker 2: Well, if you keep rubbing it and rubbing it and rubbing.

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Speaker 1: It, guess what you're gonna You're gonna cause it to

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not be able to heal properly.

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Speaker 2: All right. You might even call us some infection. It's

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the same.

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Speaker 1: Thing when you're dealing with reliving the past with the narcissists,

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or replaying conversations with the narcissists.

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Speaker 2: You're you're you've.

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Speaker 1: Already been wounded, but you keep your What you're doing

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with that is you keep rubbing it and rubbing it

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and rubbing it, and you that wound would never be

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able to heal properly if you keep replaying these events

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in your mind. Another thing, when you get ready to

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go low on no contact with the narcissists, don't plot revenge.

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I've often seen on social media platforms all want to

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get revenge on the narcissists. How do I get revenge

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on the narcissists? You get revenged by not giving a

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care about getting revenge. That's what you do. What do

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I mean by that? That I mean you live your life.

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Don't try to seek to hurt the narcissists. You live

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your life because that's really basically what they can't stay

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in anyways, when you go and you live your life,

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that irks them more than anything.

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Speaker 2: So don't even worry about it. Just do you.

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Speaker 1: Any type of fixation on the narcissists can keep you

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from being able to properly go low or no contact. Now,

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let me when it comes to low contact, sometimes you

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are not able to completely cut the court with the narcissists, because,

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for example, if you have children with this person, then

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at some point you might you all might have to

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interact if it's about dropping even dropping the children off

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to a court appointed mediator or something. But the thing

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is is that you when you're going low contact, that

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means that I'm limiting my time, my interactions with this

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particular person as much as humanly possible.

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Speaker 2: That means I'm only called.

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Speaker 1: If I call, it's only about the children, or if

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I interact, it's only regarding the children. But even with that,

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you have to be very careful with that because narcissists

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will use for example, they will use children to try

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to draw you in. So you have to be wise

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and smart as to the tactics that narcissists will use

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to draw you in. When you're going no contact, that

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means that I'm not talking about them, I'm not talking

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to them, I'm not dealing with them. I've totally cut ties.

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I've gone on them with my life. I know some

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people have even had to move thousands of miles so

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they can break free from that narcissistic hole. But the

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whole first you have to break free is in your mind. Now,

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these are some things that you don't want to do

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when going no contact with the narcissists. Don't underestimate them.

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Number one, don't underestimate them. They will do any and

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everything to get you back as part of their supply.

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That means they gonna uh plead on your empathy, they

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gonna pull on your heartstrings, They're gonna manipulate you, especially

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when you're dealing with a spiritual narcissist. They will throw

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even a Bible with you in quote scripture to try

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to get you back into their toxicity. But the thing

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is is that you do not need to fall for

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know what they're gonna do before they do it, such

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as you know, reading, talking to a therapist, listen to

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programs like this, and so that you can familiarize yourself

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with what they will do before they do it, and

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you'll already be aware of it so that you'll know

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when it's happening how not to fall forward.

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Speaker 2: Number two.

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Speaker 1: Another mistake that people make when going no contact is

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they break the no contact to reinforce it.

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Speaker 2: You don't have to.

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Speaker 1: Call the person and say, oh, I'm not talking to

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you anymore. Just don't do it. Just don't just don't call.

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Speaker 2: You don't have to respond to them. You don't have

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to say, oh it's over and please don't send me. No.

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What you do is you just cut the ties.

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Speaker 1: You don't have to break the no contact to let

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them know that you're going no contact. Trust me, when

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you stop calling, when you stop responding, when you stop

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being available, they'll know exactly what that means. Number three,

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one other mistake that people make when going no contact

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is needing closure. Let me just say this, when you're

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dealing with an abuser, you really would never get the

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kind of closure that you want. Oftentimes, people when they

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talk of closure, they want the person to admit that

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they did wrong. They want to hear that person say

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I was wrong, I was I'm sorry. They want them

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to acknowledge what they did to you. And when you're

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dealing with the narcissist, a narcissist truly don't acknowledge anything.

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A narcissist is truly not sorry about anything. A narcissist

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does not even see the error of their ways. They

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do not want to see their error of their ways.

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So therefore, when you're thinking that I'm gonna get this

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closure that I've been looking for. Well, why did you

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cheat on me? And why did you hit me? And

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why did you say this to me? And why did

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you You're not gonna get normally the answers that you

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want from this person, and if anything, is gonna leave

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you with more questions than answers. So you have to

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it's best when you go on low contact no contact

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to resolve that within yourself. You know what, I'm not

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gonna get what I want from the person with closure,

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so they're therefore I have to be my own sense

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of closure. Number four, This mistake people make when going

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no contact is they fall for the lives of the

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flying monkeys. Now, these sometimes flying monkeys and also known

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as enablers. Sometimes these enablers think they're doing the right thing.

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They're trying to get you all back together and get

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you know, high peace, and and they try to suck

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you in and and oh they're not really that bad.

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Oh well, can't you work it out? Oh well, you know,

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they're they're really having a hard time, and they try

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to really suck.

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Speaker 2: On your empathy. But this is this is what the

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problem is with that.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes the flying monkeys don't see that, the flying monkeys,

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and so therefore they don't really know the true character

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of the narcissists they because we've often talked about that

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narcissists were camouflage. Okay, they were a facade. They wore

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a mask most people, and when you're dealing with a

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covert narcissist, a lot of people don't actually see them

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as being narcissists because they don't show that to the world.

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The world is seeing, as I mentioned before, doctor Juko,

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when behind closed doors, that narcissists is mister High. If

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you remember the story of doctor Juko, mister High, where

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doctor Juko was this doctor, he was loved by the community.

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He was an upstanding citizen, citizen, he was known to

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be caring.

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Speaker 2: This lovable, likable person.

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Speaker 1: But then when he started drinking at juice at night,

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he became doctor High, I mean mister High, mister Hide.

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And then mister Hyde was going killing people at night.

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So by day, doctor Jugo, at night the murderers, unempathetic.

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Speaker 2: Crewe mister Hyde.

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Speaker 1: And this is how narcissists operate. So their flying monkeys

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sometimes don't even see that the person is who this

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person is and in other times they do. They know

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quite well who the person is. This can be friends,

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this can be family members. They will try to talk

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you out of going no contact, and especially when you're

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dealing with spiritual flying monkeys, spiritual enablers, they will try

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to guilt you into being in relationship with that person, saying, oh,

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well you need to forgive, Oh you need to reconcile,

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Oh you need And the thing is, and we talked.

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Speaker 2: About this on the last program.

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Speaker 1: Forgiveness does not mean that you give somebody re entry

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or or allow them to gain regain access to harm

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or hurt you.

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Speaker 2: Again.

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Speaker 1: You can forgive someone without allowing them re entry or

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or gain and reaccess to regain access to your life.

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That means that when because when you're dealing with narcissistic individuals,

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they when a person doesn't truly see that they've done

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wrong to you, when true, and a person doesn't care

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that they've done wrong to you, When a person doesn't

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care about your feelings, when it's all about them, Guess what,

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when you put yourself back into that toxic situation, they're

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gonna do it over and over and over again. And

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this is how you often have a cycle of a

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b because by reentering that toxic situation, when there's been

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no repentance, there's been no acknowledgment, true genuine knowledgement of

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their wrong or true intentions for them to turn from.

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Speaker 2: Their evil ways. Then they're gonna do it.

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Speaker 1: You can guarantee they're gonna do it again and again

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and again, and then you're gonna remain on this cycle

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of abuse, this roller coaster of abuse, until you decide

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to jump off. We're gonna take a quick break and

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we'll be back in just a moment.

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Speaker 4: I was told total gasing role, tot of chase and feet.

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Speaker 2: That didn't last long.

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Speaker 4: Hurlay my heart down, told God I was done, said

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if it's ninety, Lord.

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Speaker 2: I don't want one. I watched Season's.

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Speaker 4: Change learning and stand still, learn silence can shop the faith,

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and with him, every delay was shaping mind you. So

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I recognized, Lord, and I fatky. I stopped fussing dark,

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start begging signs, started trusting you a hard time. I

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was chosen without reship, love, without sending it.

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Speaker 2: God lone the heart, no passion.

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Speaker 4: Told dead fail and it teased her.

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Speaker 2: To distend abon that try. A step is say true

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the show. I was chosen the russ and no shoes.

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Speaker 4: She returned ship. She came already for shoot. See here

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hos one guy, no games, no fee, no need to approve,

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just graz silay, will choose to move most patient than

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this is Pruvis.

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Speaker 2: You heard a story with castle truths hospitus.

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Speaker 4: Now rest my lonely nest, not feel bad, built aphae

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and played at sea adviscy.

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Speaker 5: I was so said about say notting perfectly side line,

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no personal opression, no men be pray you heard to result, Jesus,

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are you didn't send a bar.

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Speaker 4: To the ad.

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Speaker 3: Stage.

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Speaker 4: I was chosen without lesson and I read again, didn't

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issue the issue, hadn't me issue, had amision?

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Speaker 2: I didn't missus in mession.

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Speaker 4: I was then prepared for you. I didn't missussion. I

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didn't Missuemson. I didn't miss you. I did mission.

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Speaker 1: And that is chosen without Russians, chosen without Russian.

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Speaker 2: And these are Christian love songs.

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Speaker 1: I have been looking on YouTube, and I don't know

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the individual artists of these songs, but these have been

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some beautiful songs. If you notice these last since we've

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started back this year on this podcast. I've been playing

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a lot of these uh Christian love songs and they

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are absolutely wonderful and you can listen to them on YouTube.

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All right, so we're talking about mistakes people make when

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they go lower no contact with a narcissist. Number five,

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00:25:43,599 --> 00:25:49,119
you have to be very careful when you are spying.

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Speaker 2: On them on social media. When you're wanting to go

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lower no contact.

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Speaker 1: That means that you do not want to be trying

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to see what they're doing or what they're saying on

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their social media page, because the narcissists will put things

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on social media just so that you can see it,

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and you.

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Speaker 2: Don't want to play into that game they're expecting you

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to look and see or whatever.

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Speaker 1: Say, for instance, you and a narcissist, we're dating, y'all

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break up. Well, guess what the narciss is gonna do.

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They're gonna find someone that they can take pictures with,

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put all over social media, whatever, expecting you to go

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on their page and see. One of the things that

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if you are really serious about going low on a contact,

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you may want to follow block make sure that that

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person doesn't have access to your page, and vice versa.

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So this is something that you want to take into

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00:26:55,960 --> 00:27:00,960
consideration because narcissists they love to fly their new love

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interests with the intent to try to make you jealous,

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and you do not want to play into that.

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00:27:09,720 --> 00:27:12,599
Speaker 2: If they were so great, then you would still be

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with them.

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00:27:14,079 --> 00:27:16,079
Speaker 1: And this is for any It could be a friendship,

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00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:21,480
it could be anything, whatever abusive situation you found yourself in,

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00:27:22,000 --> 00:27:25,160
just make sure that you do what you need to

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00:27:25,319 --> 00:27:27,960
do to heal from that relationship.

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Speaker 2: Number six.

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Speaker 1: Another mistake that people make when going low or no

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00:27:34,000 --> 00:27:39,480
contact is thinking that that person has changed, thinking that

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00:27:39,720 --> 00:27:44,480
they have changed. And I'm not saying that people can

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00:27:44,720 --> 00:27:47,680
change people can you know, if they allow Jesus to

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00:27:47,759 --> 00:27:50,319
come into their heart, if they go to therapy, there

397
00:27:50,440 --> 00:27:54,880
can be changes. But when you're dealing with narcissists, narcissists

398
00:27:55,680 --> 00:28:00,799
will at this if they have changed they've learned from

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00:28:00,799 --> 00:28:05,279
their mistakes, when the actuality they haven't. And that's just

400
00:28:05,400 --> 00:28:07,640
another way for them to get you back on the

401
00:28:07,759 --> 00:28:12,000
hook in order to pull you back in so that

402
00:28:12,279 --> 00:28:16,880
you can get more of their abuse. Do not be

403
00:28:17,079 --> 00:28:19,680
food by them saying, oh, I've changed, or I've learned

404
00:28:19,680 --> 00:28:20,519
from my mistakes.

405
00:28:20,599 --> 00:28:21,799
Speaker 2: Oh I'll never do it again.

406
00:28:22,559 --> 00:28:29,079
Speaker 1: You better use caution, use wisdom, You better pray, you

407
00:28:29,240 --> 00:28:32,720
better know what you're getting into, because narcissists normally don't

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00:28:32,799 --> 00:28:37,200
change their stripes. So be very very careful when you're

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00:28:37,240 --> 00:28:38,480
dealing with the narcissists.

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00:28:39,000 --> 00:28:39,799
Speaker 2: Number seven.

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00:28:42,519 --> 00:28:48,519
Speaker 1: We talked about this earlier, about being overly analyzing or

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00:28:48,720 --> 00:28:54,920
re constant replaying you and events and conversations that you've

413
00:28:54,960 --> 00:28:58,559
had with the narcissists. Do not run a movie marathon

414
00:28:58,759 --> 00:29:03,079
in your head with regards to you and pastimes with

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00:29:03,240 --> 00:29:08,799
the narcissists. It can become obsessive, and then you're still,

416
00:29:09,400 --> 00:29:12,720
even though you may not even be around this person anymore,

417
00:29:12,759 --> 00:29:17,039
you're still tangled to them, tied to them because you're

418
00:29:17,160 --> 00:29:23,640
playing this movie marathon in your head about the past conversations,

419
00:29:23,799 --> 00:29:26,839
things that took place. You have to let go.

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00:29:27,640 --> 00:29:35,160
Speaker 2: Let go. Number eight. When you are going low or

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00:29:35,240 --> 00:29:39,079
no contact, you need a good support system.

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00:29:39,759 --> 00:29:44,039
Speaker 1: You need a good support system, someone that will be

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00:29:44,359 --> 00:29:50,279
honest with you, someone that's not gonna try to entice

424
00:29:50,440 --> 00:29:56,839
you to get back involved in that toxic relationship. Someone

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00:29:56,960 --> 00:29:59,359
that's gonna be a good support system to hold you

426
00:29:59,400 --> 00:30:01,160
account of well, to say no, you know.

427
00:30:01,359 --> 00:30:03,759
Speaker 2: Don't fall for this anymore.

428
00:30:04,200 --> 00:30:08,240
Speaker 1: No, you've been you know you've been hurt already. Someone

429
00:30:08,359 --> 00:30:12,079
that's gonna be there not to push you into a relationship.

430
00:30:12,160 --> 00:30:15,240
Of course, you have to make the final determination. You

431
00:30:15,440 --> 00:30:18,240
have to be the warden of your own prison if

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00:30:18,279 --> 00:30:21,440
you decide to put yourself back into that situation. But

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00:30:21,680 --> 00:30:25,319
the thing is is that you need a good support system,

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00:30:25,359 --> 00:30:28,480
because when you have a good support system, it can

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00:30:29,200 --> 00:30:34,000
help you to not fall back into old habits. We're

436
00:30:34,000 --> 00:30:36,039
gonna take another quick break and we'll be back.

437
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Speaker 2: In just a moment.

438
00:30:55,319 --> 00:30:57,319
Speaker 3: When up get you loved.

439
00:30:58,599 --> 00:30:59,839
Speaker 4: And I can hear him up.

440
00:31:02,160 --> 00:31:05,680
Speaker 2: You're the calm that quiets.

441
00:31:05,240 --> 00:31:11,480
Speaker 4: The dark, every prayer, whisper.

442
00:31:12,480 --> 00:31:14,839
Speaker 2: Alone and place.

443
00:31:16,359 --> 00:31:23,559
Speaker 4: You should have never never been saved. You love me

444
00:31:23,839 --> 00:31:31,359
like grace on rain. Any day you owe me calls

445
00:31:31,559 --> 00:31:41,839
in the field, phase way, my safe faith, magetor son

446
00:31:43,119 --> 00:31:59,119
in my face, straw in your cau's face, your mad piece,

447
00:32:00,119 --> 00:32:02,519
your mercive place.

448
00:32:04,079 --> 00:32:06,039
Speaker 2: When life feels heavy.

449
00:32:07,559 --> 00:32:14,960
Speaker 6: And dreams fun, you remind me these gods ared.

450
00:32:17,400 --> 00:32:28,160
Speaker 4: Evy scar head, you choose with face everywhere you right there.

451
00:32:30,920 --> 00:32:34,680
Speaker 6: We don't have a perfect boy've god is playing two

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00:32:34,759 --> 00:32:37,240
broken souls, hell tied his hand.

453
00:32:38,000 --> 00:32:38,680
Speaker 2: Indeed a was.

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00:32:38,920 --> 00:32:43,640
Speaker 6: Stars time already will still be present through the rain

455
00:32:44,799 --> 00:32:55,240
for the saved race, my sholder rain, I see heavy wine.

456
00:32:57,000 --> 00:33:13,720
Speaker 1: Face my safe.

457
00:33:24,799 --> 00:33:30,880
Speaker 2: And that is you're my safe place, all right. So

458
00:33:32,240 --> 00:33:33,960
we're still talking about.

459
00:33:35,559 --> 00:33:39,160
Speaker 1: Things to not do, mistakes not to make when you

460
00:33:39,359 --> 00:33:46,160
are going lower no contact number nine, falling for or

461
00:33:46,319 --> 00:33:50,160
should I say, empathizing with the narcissists and and and

462
00:33:50,640 --> 00:33:55,119
let me clarify what do we mean by this? This

463
00:33:55,599 --> 00:33:58,559
This means that this doesn't mean that you're heartless or

464
00:33:58,640 --> 00:34:03,359
your cold. It means that the narcissist plays on your empathy.

465
00:34:04,400 --> 00:34:09,400
So you have to be careful with empathizing with the

466
00:34:09,639 --> 00:34:15,599
narcissists to not make you go back into that toxic situation.

467
00:34:16,199 --> 00:34:18,639
How do you empathize with them where you succumb to

468
00:34:18,719 --> 00:34:25,159
their love bombing, their gifts, their attention, all these things,

469
00:34:25,239 --> 00:34:28,159
Okay when it comes to them doing acts of kindness,

470
00:34:28,760 --> 00:34:31,039
and at the end, it's a bomb at the end.

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Speaker 2: So succumbing to love bombing.

472
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Speaker 1: Also being their source of narcissistic supply, that means you're

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00:34:39,000 --> 00:34:43,039
basically either being either being their punching bag or you're

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00:34:43,159 --> 00:34:48,199
giving them what they want to constantly be able to control, manipulate,

475
00:34:48,360 --> 00:34:52,639
devalue devalue, take away that supply, and by doing that,

476
00:34:52,840 --> 00:34:55,119
you were taking yourself out of that situation.

477
00:34:56,400 --> 00:35:00,559
Speaker 2: Overlooking red flags. There's a narcissists.

478
00:35:01,000 --> 00:35:03,000
Speaker 1: They have a lot of red flags that you can

479
00:35:03,159 --> 00:35:06,280
see when you're dealing with them, even to know when

480
00:35:06,320 --> 00:35:10,559
things are about to escalate. You can't fix the narcissists.

481
00:35:11,400 --> 00:35:14,119
So sometimes people instead of them leaving, they try to

482
00:35:14,239 --> 00:35:18,239
fix the narcissists. You can't fix them. You cannot fix them.

483
00:35:18,320 --> 00:35:22,320
They have to seek help for themselves. But first they

484
00:35:22,400 --> 00:35:24,960
have to recognize that they need help, and many of

485
00:35:25,039 --> 00:35:29,559
them don't. Another thing for is the empathy, is you're

486
00:35:29,679 --> 00:35:33,400
accepting their emotional abuse or whatever type of abuse it is.

487
00:35:34,079 --> 00:35:37,119
No you have to be the one to determine, you

488
00:35:37,199 --> 00:35:41,119
know what enough is enough and I will no longer

489
00:35:41,599 --> 00:35:48,079
take abuse or disrespect from this individual. Also, do not

490
00:35:48,320 --> 00:35:53,119
allow them to guilt you, because narcissists love to manipulate

491
00:35:53,280 --> 00:35:56,239
you with guilt. They also love to make you feel

492
00:35:56,320 --> 00:36:00,760
like you owe them something. You don't owe them anything.

493
00:36:01,639 --> 00:36:04,480
You do not have to be manipulated by them. Do

494
00:36:04,639 --> 00:36:07,760
not allow them to play the guilt card on you.

495
00:36:09,199 --> 00:36:12,719
That is something that they put in their in their arsenal.

496
00:36:13,360 --> 00:36:17,039
They will play hurt, they will play wounded. They want

497
00:36:17,119 --> 00:36:20,159
you to feel bad for them. They want they they're

498
00:36:20,280 --> 00:36:22,400
trying to do the best that they can to keep

499
00:36:22,440 --> 00:36:25,079
you from going low or no contact with them, and

500
00:36:25,239 --> 00:36:27,719
you have to be prepared for that and say, you

501
00:36:27,800 --> 00:36:32,199
know what, I'm already three steps ahead of how they

502
00:36:32,280 --> 00:36:35,679
play the game, and I will not fall into the

503
00:36:35,800 --> 00:36:43,039
pit of their traps. Last, but not least, defending yourself.

504
00:36:43,239 --> 00:36:48,320
Defending yourself. Narcissists love to back you into a corner.

505
00:36:48,480 --> 00:36:51,719
Don't make the mistake of trying to defend yourself to

506
00:36:51,800 --> 00:36:55,679
get out of that corner. If you don't want to

507
00:36:56,719 --> 00:37:00,159
pick up the phone or accept any texts or or

508
00:37:00,239 --> 00:37:01,840
falling for their woes.

509
00:37:01,920 --> 00:37:08,039
Speaker 2: Again, don't do it. Don't do it. This is when

510
00:37:08,119 --> 00:37:09,159
you also see them.

511
00:37:09,199 --> 00:37:11,719
Speaker 1: When you decide to go low on no contact, they'll

512
00:37:11,800 --> 00:37:13,360
try to run a smear campaign.

513
00:37:13,719 --> 00:37:14,400
Speaker 2: They'll try to.

514
00:37:14,440 --> 00:37:17,880
Speaker 1: Get others to say to see, oh, well they're doing

515
00:37:18,000 --> 00:37:20,440
me wrong, and they're doing this to me, and they're

516
00:37:20,519 --> 00:37:24,039
doing that to me, and they'll run this smear campaign.

517
00:37:24,679 --> 00:37:25,880
Speaker 2: But they don't tell.

518
00:37:25,880 --> 00:37:30,679
Speaker 1: People what they did in order to make you or

519
00:37:30,920 --> 00:37:35,559
cause you to want to go low or no contact.

520
00:37:36,880 --> 00:37:40,000
Speaker 2: And so therefore the narcissist trying to discredit you.

521
00:37:40,840 --> 00:37:43,239
Speaker 1: Anything that you say that, hey, you know what, I

522
00:37:43,360 --> 00:37:46,920
had to pull myself out, they will try to discredit you.

523
00:37:47,719 --> 00:37:51,400
It's another form of emotional abuse to try to make

524
00:37:51,519 --> 00:37:55,000
you be the villain when they're the ones that actually

525
00:37:55,159 --> 00:37:59,920
did things to you. When you're trying to defend yourself,

526
00:38:00,400 --> 00:38:03,239
you're still engaging with the narcissists.

527
00:38:03,960 --> 00:38:04,559
Speaker 2: Don't do it.

528
00:38:05,639 --> 00:38:07,320
Speaker 1: If you think you're gonna go round and around with

529
00:38:07,400 --> 00:38:10,440
the narcissists and win that you just don't. It's not

530
00:38:10,559 --> 00:38:14,480
gonna work. And at the end of the day, you're

531
00:38:14,559 --> 00:38:18,800
the one that needs your peace. You're the one that

532
00:38:19,239 --> 00:38:23,280
needs to understand that, hey, I can go no contact

533
00:38:23,440 --> 00:38:28,760
or low contact because it brings me peace, and therefore

534
00:38:28,840 --> 00:38:31,760
you don't have to feel guilty about it. Some people

535
00:38:31,840 --> 00:38:36,280
you just can't get along with some people, it's just

536
00:38:36,719 --> 00:38:39,559
not going to work, and you don't have to feel

537
00:38:39,639 --> 00:38:42,199
guilty that, Hey, you know what, I gotta stay in

538
00:38:42,320 --> 00:38:48,280
this emotionally abusive relationship just because others want me to.

539
00:38:50,320 --> 00:38:52,360
Speaker 2: Do what's going to bring you peace.

540
00:38:52,519 --> 00:38:55,079
Speaker 1: As long as you've have forgiven them in your heart,

541
00:38:55,840 --> 00:39:00,119
you don't have to continue to take that of you

542
00:39:00,599 --> 00:39:04,920
from them. Forgiveness is for you, okay. Forgiveness is for

543
00:39:05,039 --> 00:39:08,079
you to have your peace and to be right with God.

544
00:39:09,559 --> 00:39:11,840
And they have to do so on their own terms.

545
00:39:13,119 --> 00:39:15,480
All right, We all bother here. I pray to today's

546
00:39:15,559 --> 00:39:19,800
podcast has been a blessing to you, and that you

547
00:39:19,920 --> 00:39:23,280
would know that guess what your feelings do matter. This

548
00:39:23,639 --> 00:39:26,960
is doctor ko Rich until next time.