Speaker 1: Connie Gallo row Dirty.
Speaker 2: Conny can.
Speaker 1: Join the Questing is charted, join the icy Blast Six
writers face off Quiet roll of the dice felt quite dirty,
leaving nothing behind but fingerprits and a tall tail.
Speaker 3: Stealing hearts, breaking fats with plenty of time to kill.
Speaker 1: The icy.
Speaker 2: Maasters tis always.
Speaker 1: Icy and you know the cabby tasty Fasts. Come and
join the Dice Faster.
Speaker 3: Hey, there're in Devin's Junior Adventures and friends. Welcome to
the next episodes of The Dicey Bassar Season two. I'm
MK Gibson, author dungeon Master and host of hosts of
such books. Though I wrote these books shadow Master series
and TEXTI Manser series, no one cares. Let's talk to
people who actually matter. Robert Bevan, how you doing, sir?
Speaker 2: Great? Hello friends?
Speaker 3: How's your shower doing?
Speaker 4: Still not not fixed yet working on it work in progress.
Speaker 3: Oh.
Speaker 2: I am is Robert pav and I roll no Hi
play the role of Juser, the Sorcerer, the Sorcerer with.
Speaker 4: The Musserer, and I write the coverage and creature series
of comedy fantasy novels and short stories. Go get those
critical failures books now.
Speaker 3: Like the rest of the people in the audience. I
roll with your sir, Rick Walteriery, how are you doing, sir?
Speaker 5: I am fan fuppy, fucking fabulous. Oh I'm not, but
I'm just trying to be upbeat anyway. But I am
his when I am Miss Rick Caulier, and I play
face Eater in real life. I write several several different
series Toma Bill tells it The Crypto Hunter High Moon,
but definitely check out the audiobooks for bor War and
Time Chaser, which are both both coming out in March.
Speaker 3: Awesome, dude, Drew Hayes on a scale of zero to two,
Wong Fou, how fantabulous are you?
Speaker 2: I am the infoet anyway, I'm also true Hayes. I
write books such as Superpowers NPCs for the Vampire Counting
five Inute shock List, of which the Case the Filoni's
Fare is out in kindle and has been out in
audio for a while. And I play Cupert the Expedient
Like this intro, bam wrapped it back around.
Speaker 3: Well done with a nice little bow in the end
of it, Miss Kaplan, I want you to do better
to Drew go, can't You're doing great?
Speaker 2: That's a that's a very specific Patreon tier at Drew's top.
Speaker 6: Now go, Hello, friends and people in our live studio audience.
Thanks for joining us today. I am i M Kaplan
and today I'm playing Koalitia. Our raging rage is.
Speaker 3: The opposite of inspiration, Like you get a penalty for
that one.
Speaker 6: Yeah, well, Claudia the raging Koala. Yeah, that's it.
Speaker 3: I love it.
Speaker 1: Steve, whether are you doing, sir, I'm doing okay, gibbeh
the audience listening. You know it may be for you
a couple of weeks since our last episode, but due
to the magic of editing, I am still hungover. You
can fuy my books online. I'm playing stab Dan Deliver.
He's a he stabbed the crocodile last time. It's good.
It's a good time. It was really good.
Speaker 3: It was a really good audience. Other than we want
to thank the audience for being here live. But this
is always I don't want to point out every time
I ask every how they're doing, they tell me they're
doing well. No one ever asks me how I am,
And I'm getting mad with it. Anyway, Before we get
into all that, I'm want to mund everybody that if
you're not a part of the a D family. Then
you're missing out, So head over to Patreon dot com
slash Authors and Dragons, check out the various tears, check
out the various perks. Bucks a month you get to
join our discord and hang out with all the fans
that talk to the author authors themselves. Five bucks and
months gets you to access to the other discord chantels,
plus the live of audio chats. Next week for example,
we're doing a hangout where you just say hang out.
We all hang out with each other, play games and
have a great old time. There's higher tiers with more self.
But that's not poor right now. What is import right
now is our merch Mister wall Terry, what's up with
our merch store?
Speaker 5: Well, we have a brand new merch store up at
Authors and Dragons dot Dashery dot com. If you head
over there, you'll get the same great service and great
great quality that you get from Tea Public because it's
run by Tea Public. I mean, you get the same products,
the same T shirt. It's the same.
Speaker 3: Then why should we switch over because we told them
to gibbe, Oh god, you got to do it last time.
I'm didn't give you shit.
Speaker 5: Yeah, because we said so no, because because it helps
the podcast that much that much more. TEA Public set
up this new, this new branded store for us and
basically said, hey, here's this new branded store, and if
people buy from your branded store as opposed to from us,
you'll make a lot more money, which we can then
invest into the podcast and bring you more awesome things.
What those awesome things are? I have no freaking idea yet,
because well I don't have that money yet.
Speaker 3: We just started. When it give us time.
Speaker 1: Also, if you're listening, I don't think I don't have
that on you and I want music, so I will.
You know, We've got your IP address, we know who
I'm talking to, you know who you are. Buy a
T shirt, buy two t shirts.
Speaker 3: And if you have no money to spend our throw
our away. Just make sure if you're listen to this
on audio services are even on YouTube like subscribe, share,
leave notifications, leave comments. Do all those things. Those help
out the algorithm more than you could possibly know. Okay,
with all the shilling out of the way, is everybody ready?
Speaker 2: Who greetings?
Speaker 3: All, this is Connie Stan's conscience. How are you when
last we left off?
Speaker 1: The icy bastards?
Speaker 3: We're in the middle of a crocodile pit filled with
crocodile tears and crocodile blood, and it was amazing. Claudia
the bear Woman for the first time shifted her form
and became a barbarian and shifting into a ghostly apparition
of a faceless skinned Koala take murdering a crocodile on
her known and nearly crushing her friends George with her
Sorcerer Will Moog face Eater bonded with her son Hanzo,
a long lost child of Moog's hand and Jorceer's loins,
which greatly helped out the team by keeping him out
of the fight. Cabert ran the fuck away smartly. I
have to say it. He did the best. And Stan,
you know what he danced in, He danced out. He's stung,
he stabbed, and he is old. We love him anyway.
Let's pick up there with the middle of this bloody
field where the icy bastards are now reuniting with Moog's
missing hand and Jorceer's whang.
Speaker 1: Stan will look at the aftermath of the exploited crocodile
pile say well, that would fucked up. Then you'll look
over at Gewcer and say, ah, the horrors persist, move
will get up.
Speaker 3: Uh, just give me a favorite, Just give me just
a constitution role. I want to see how you're feeling
right now, because you did have many tons of fun
you up laying on top of you. So just a
standard constitution role twelve do with that, as you will
barely above average.
Speaker 2: So Stan will.
Speaker 1: Cast healing word on Moog. The healing work will be
cheer up Moog.
Speaker 2: Wor No.
Speaker 1: I don't know how, but it could be.
Speaker 4: I could do some healing words as well.
Speaker 1: You please play with your hand the beast.
Speaker 2: It's his head, beast too.
Speaker 3: An apparition, a glowing apparition hand comes in underneath Moog
and lifts him off the ground.
Speaker 2: Sorry about that, half, Thanks for giving Moog a hand, son.
Speaker 3: Why did you leave me? Fathers?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, no words now, Claudia, After the time goes by,
your rage ends and you shift back into a standard Claudia.
Speaker 6: Ford, God, damn, I need a snack.
Speaker 3: Oh you are stupidly hungry.
Speaker 5: That was true.
Speaker 6: She wants to to try to skin some of the
crocodile because she heard Cobert say he wants to saddle.
Speaker 3: All right, Well, it's thirty feet below you, So you
gotta climb down that ladder and get some crocodile.
Speaker 1: So, okay, you get seven hit points. By the way,
Rick nice, you get a warm glow of encouragement.
Speaker 4: There's enough skin to go around. Dreiser wouldn't mind some
alligator clothes as well. Son, Yeah yeah, Dad, How would
you like a hand a job?
Speaker 3: Ah? That is awrus, I would.
Speaker 2: Like you to skin one of those crocodiles for me.
Speaker 3: Ah, okay, I can try. Uh Hanzo waves his stumps
and the hand that like the mystical hand that picked
up Rick comes over. Claudia's coming in your direction and
it tries to attempt to tear into the crocodile and
Ripet's flesh off. So let's let's see how this goes.
Three plus his loveless, so a total of eight.
Speaker 1: So it's just striking a crocodile.
Speaker 3: It's like it kind of like there's a there's a
big tear down it. It's like, I'm not very stressed
with it just yet. I'm still learning you boys.
Speaker 5: So mooch, let's say an answer to question. Son, moog
not want to leave you, but but we had your
other father's political career to think.
Speaker 7: Of control your son. He's fisting a dead crocodile. Now
I have the fish power too. When you say that
a glowing fist appears.
Speaker 3: Have you been a planchet her fist? And I can
do that too?
Speaker 1: Oh God, just that before this, before the blame game
starts with this parental debate. We know that the alf
kid is fucked off. He escaped, right you?
Speaker 3: Karen reports back, Yeah, Karen reports back that it disappear
the elf kid fucked off and went disappeared and couldn't
find it, and you have not seen him since. Even
though he's on the map, he's not there.
Speaker 1: So let the krama versus kram of drama begin. Stand
to relax.
Speaker 2: Yeah, sorry, we don't. We don't. Weren't for smokes there.
Speaker 1: Let's say to Claudia, Claudia, don't think I didn't spot
you turning into a giant, murderous kohala bear with no face.
I did. I'm not going to bring it up now,
because like.
Speaker 2: You are bringing it up now? Is this not what
bringing it up now looks like?
Speaker 1: I just wanted to know that I saw it. It
sucked up, and we're gon we're gonna have a chat
about that later. You can't just do that. You can't
just spring that on an old man.
Speaker 3: Kyle the goof calls Claw the Barbarian, and Queen Crush
points out that there's a lot of unpaid shout support.
So and Kyle asked, did you guys remember to get
the milk when you went out for his cigarettes?
Speaker 2: So? Who smokes a cigarette? WHI drinking a glass of milk?
Speaker 1: A man who's living the best life.
Speaker 4: Jesus, it balances each other out right.
Speaker 6: I'm gonna have to assume it's someone who's lactose intolerant.
Speaker 2: Fuck you body you again today. It's strong teeth and
bones and says nothing about lungs.
Speaker 3: Well, what happened was I came out of the US
and I short fished, and there I was made of
your hand and two gems, and I had some of
your memories and some of father's memories in your father's memories,
and I know that I hate elves, and I like
to show my my my weenerd things. And I got
these cool clothes and magic. It don't like there's a
gem in the back of my hair, on my back,
and there.
Speaker 2: Is a a a bomb.
Speaker 3: Magic, magic, thing attached to this part of my leg.
So I came to look for you. But then the
turtles called me a mutant and came at me, and
they look very scary, so I beat the shit out
of them and they're dead.
Speaker 2: Mook.
Speaker 5: Have a question, Yes, if you hate elves like Moog,
then why did you not kill elf child?
Speaker 2: Why did you listen to elf child?
Speaker 3: I hated to you nothing, No, you didn't, actually you
left me. I hated you. This elf kid he he
teamed up with the totally initient party to get them
onto a ship, and he says, come with me and
I'll help you get revenge on your father's for abandoning you,
because he said he hated you because you killed his family.
So I was a real catch twenty two situation for
hands Off.
Speaker 5: Well, yes, Muke hated his family, but you unfortunately were
forced to give you up because well, we just couldn't
afford to care for you, which I will point out
to DM well is not a lie, because, like you know,
because we were pretty god damn poor.
Speaker 2: At that point.
Speaker 3: I guess you have to start fighting again. This magical
fist appears in front of you.
Speaker 2: But fortunately our situations have have changed, and now we
can afford to be the loving family you deserve.
Speaker 3: This open hand comes out in front of you.
Speaker 1: Claudia, I don't want to pay his loving family.
Speaker 6: It sounds like the mom was the ooze. So Claudia
is over here like elbow deep in crocodile.
Speaker 3: But yeah, do me a favor, Give me a couple
of performances, like slide of hand rolls for you, Claudia,
because like the big hand towarps and big holes in
that thick, thick hide. So that's fine. Actually, give you
a starting point, So give me several slight of hand
rolls in the nine last ones and't so good? Give
me two more?
Speaker 2: Hey, getting more?
Speaker 3: Yeah, you started off great in the land. You didn't
end up so well. So this first, this first flank
of a crocodile skin started good. But then now it's
all wet and pulpy. It's not the back ends not
so good. But you've got several good feet of Again,
I'm gonna remind you all, you are not other workers.
You're not tanners, you have bloody flesh.
Speaker 1: You're just a woman, a crocodile.
Speaker 6: She's also distracted by the soap opera going on over there.
Speaker 1: Do not even pretending to do, because it's a whole quid.
I'm just doing whatever it is I'm doing this crocodile.
You guys carry on all right?
Speaker 4: Are they just big enough to where I feel like
I can actually squeeze myself?
Speaker 2: I'll a direct him.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, one more time, Bob, because I didn't
quite hear that.
Speaker 1: One will do anything to get out of a little
bit of parental responsibility.
Speaker 3: The crocodiles like kloaca. Yes, well, you know what you are.
You know, let's say between five eight and six foot
medium sized creature, and this is a fifteen foot creature,
so you could probably get a leg up there. I
don't know if you're gonna get yourself.
Speaker 2: Up there a torso or nothing.
Speaker 3: Well, you know, you won't know until you try. So
go over there and give me an athletics roll and
see what happens. We'll see how deep you get into.
Uh just just remember rerectum stretch.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he says, move, never told you nothing.
Speaker 2: Well, I'm about to teach my son something.
Speaker 3: Okay, of zero, you got it? Two? So uh you've
got okay, So you got your fort you're about you're
about eyebrows deep and that's where you stopped.
Speaker 2: So does anyone have any butter?
Speaker 3: I can push you rush of the way in father,
if you want that.
Speaker 5: What the fuck is going on? Moog will turn to
stand what time? What time boat leaved? Leave?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: I was just about to say, we've actually got stuff
to do.
Speaker 2: You know that's true. I'll take my head out of
the crocs ass Hanzo, Moog think we should play game
Hanzo to spend quality time together. Right, So name of
game is who can kill most elves in next twenty
four hours?
Speaker 3: Oh no, I was only born a few days ago.
But I'm not that stupid. You just found you. You're
not getting rid of me.
Speaker 2: I honestly, a part of it was wondering if I
was like I would extend it's a brush off technique
from anyone else. Genuinely, this might be a thing. Move
is trying to start.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, and soo if you're only a couple of
days old.
Speaker 3: Well it's about a month. It's about because when you
guys left these talk about a month old.
Speaker 1: Legally you can't follow us into the casinos. You'll have
the way outside.
Speaker 3: That's what the guy here. When I try to go
in and find you, he said. One, you're discussing. Two,
you're scaring every three.
Speaker 1: You're not just going You're a minor. So you know
we're gonna What we're going to do is this is
a holiday resort. There's going to be some sort of
organized playpen or something.
Speaker 2: Are we going to dump him in the kids club? Yeah?
Speaker 3: I think we're standing in it.
Speaker 1: Well, you know, we'll find a way to entertain. You'll
keep your mood while we sought out the boring paperwork
of getting on the on the boat and possibly gambling preys.
Speaker 2: I mean, or we could just send hands o to
go get our tickets from the justin time party and
spend that time gambling. That's not the worst idea I've heard.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we have to do even less. That's great, all right.
Speaker 3: So Cobert, Uh, you in the couple of games back,
you sent out a call to some of your the
animal companions, like to the various monkeys and birds and
things like that.
Speaker 2: Uh.
Speaker 3: And we use this time to say they've been sweeping
swooping by to give you updates. You just want to
look for this particular guy, they said, look for a
guy who looks a lot like Stan as you said,
you gave stans.
Speaker 2: Yeah, very much stands description without the limps.
Speaker 3: Okay, So like a couple of them are arriving and
pointing their wings like he's right there.
Speaker 2: I found him.
Speaker 3: I found him right there at Boston.
Speaker 2: Like, no, that's the limping one. I need the healthy one,
the young, spry, not not moments away from death.
Speaker 1: Gobee, Why the animals keep pointing at me? It's just
a few birds.
Speaker 3: Are trying to poop on stands feather Uh you know
they're flying by.
Speaker 2: They I think you're someone younger and healthier. Oh, if moves.
Speaker 5: But lovett Son can lift up sixteen ton crocodile with
with spell. Why can't he just lift all of us
up and deposit us on boat after boat leaves.
Speaker 3: Coats, not into the harbor. It's too big to park here.
You have to take another ship out to the other,
to the main whimsie boat. That's a couple of miles
off shore. It's out of my range.
Speaker 2: Well, that's disappointing.
Speaker 1: I'm shy. He his face, get to zoom back in,
still proud of you. There you go there?
Speaker 3: Yes, he lowers his stump face. He's like, oh, I'm sorry, father.
Speaker 1: Oh only a monthfold and you've already disappointed you there
all day.
Speaker 3: Well, Georgier just said he loved him, so he's gonna
move a little closer to that number one. I guess
two one.
Speaker 2: I don't know, so it based on the ranking, it
sounds like Georgier is number one. Yeah right now.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Well he's the first one to play with him.
So right now, you know, I guess he's he's he's.
Speaker 2: The for to play with him. He didn't want to.
Speaker 1: He gets the number one, that you get the number
two available in the office and dragons.
Speaker 3: I don't think that's not coming. I stand with hands out.
Uh so yeah, another one of the birds comes by,
uh Drew, and let's compare and know he's like, you
know the guy you're looking for, he's on the boat.
It's off shore. It's the pelican like it's one of
the pelicans and seagulls like, it's a couple of miles
off shore. He's he's on the he's on the they're
playing shuffle board, shuffle board.
Speaker 1: That's bastards.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'll pass that along. How how far off shore?
Speaker 3: About two miles off shore?
Speaker 2: Okay, Now I have to do math. God damn it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so Hans will let you all know like your
way the way the elf boy told me that. It's like, yeah,
he was part of he was there, he was invisible.
He heard you, guys, is your your team pen and gave
it to the guy and ahead of time, and so
he got your boarding passes. So the entire innocent party
is already on the ship and you can't get on
the You can't get on the ship without the passes.
Speaker 1: So they did stay.
Speaker 2: It sounds like we have to go kill them and
get the passes off there.
Speaker 3: But but you can't. You got to go out to
the ship to do it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's why I'm doing the mathsh shut up.
Speaker 3: I'm sorry horse, I'm sorry, stumpid. He starts slapping himself
in his stump.
Speaker 2: Cabert is too far away to have in game conversation.
Speaker 3: Oh no, this is happening. You married child?
Speaker 1: Cry while we think about this? Why didn't we get
out of this crocodile pitch? And they would most somewhere
I'm a bit more comfortable. Where would you like to
go somewhere? Hans out can't go with us? What do
you leave them outside? They'd be like dogs and horses
tied up.
Speaker 3: Well, there was an outdoor bar by the beach that
that Colaudia and Cobert visited briefly.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, guys, but I just hate it when they
let children into bus. I I know it sounds bad.
I know you've got to take the kids somewhere, but.
Speaker 2: Oh, okay, I can. I should be able to reach
the boat in plenty of time. So all we have
to do is hook up some sort of raft system
and I can run us out.
Speaker 3: There a raft you want two miles of raft?
Speaker 2: No, I just want a little boat and Kober can
run down and just run across the water because I
have both long strider and water walking active. So all
all we need is a little row boat for me
to pull them in like a cart, and I can
reach the boat. Oh yeah, we could do that.
Speaker 4: Or I was thinking he could just pull out one
of his big hand things and push us out there.
Speaker 2: That's fine, that works too.
Speaker 1: I love your plan purely because of the whimsical aspect
of a horse running over the sea, but I think,
you know, we could probably be a little bit more
stealthy for that. I think they've seen that coming.
Speaker 3: The Shun's not down. Yeah they are guys. Yeah, I come,
and there are other options apparently, I guess the green
boy said. In case they had to get it, sneak
onto the boat. You can get into the the there's
a place where they put all the crates for all
the supplies and stuff that get loaded onto the ships
to transporter. You can hide inside the crates if you
wanted to. That was their backup plan.
Speaker 2: Son, adults are talking. I'm sorry A quick question here.
Why do we have to hide our approach? They illegally
sol our identities. We should board declare them thieves and
kill them.
Speaker 1: That's a bit of an escalation. That's just a little
bit of friendly rivalry between bastards.
Speaker 3: But I will I will remind I will remind you
Drew specifically, like when I give you guys the history
this this sounds fairly lawless unless it's something very obviously murder.
They don't give a shit.
Speaker 1: You imagine like the opening episodes of Pokemon, and that's
just fucking snaps Team rockets neck.
Speaker 2: Ye show.
Speaker 3: Also, I want to point out here, you won't you
won't kill a thirteen year old elf. We starting to
murder you, but now you want to go just let's
just go kee hall some motherfuckers.
Speaker 2: So do you mean we no?
Speaker 3: Drew? He's like, I have a moral compass. I can't
shoot this elf boy, So I'm gonna walk over here.
Speaker 2: Hey, they're adults. They made adult decisions, and now they're
going to face adult consequence.
Speaker 6: Could we make some fake tickets to get on board?
Speaker 1: See now we're talking a little bit of rogue shit.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and we can still kill them. Yeah. I think
gutting them in the night is more rogue shit. Actually,
I'll turn hands though. How many how many of these
big hands can you?
Speaker 3: Oh, I'm no talk again.
Speaker 5: Well, yes, now that adults are talking to you, you
answer how many?
Speaker 2: How many of big hands can you conture?
Speaker 3: I conjured three total, by one at a time, but
that the more there are, the less they tap out.
I'm starting to get tired too. I'm starting to reach
my allotment for.
Speaker 5: The because I'm thinking if he conjures one hand for
us to all stand in and one hand upright to
act as a sale, it's pretty much an instant roboat.
Speaker 1: I'm impressed with how much us you're putting into this
weird hand monster we just met.
Speaker 3: Uh move, give me a quick favor and give me
a give me a history, give me a history check
with advantage, because this is something you're talking directly about.
A history check with advantage.
Speaker 2: Sixteen good.
Speaker 3: When you went down to murder that one l from
the beach, there was a leftover rowboat on there. I
left this specifically in case you need it. Guys needed
a rowboat so you know where the war one is.
That is like just left on the beach. Mook suddenly
remembers that there is rowboat. We can steal that horse
man can then pull us to ship over two miles.
Speaker 4: Hollow out one of these crocs and there's a boat.
Speaker 2: I don't hate the idea of bringing a crocodile corpse
with us. I feel like there's got to be something
we can do with that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it seems a shame to waste it.
Speaker 5: Well, actually, if you think about it, if we hollowed
out one of the crocodiles and put its skin over
us in the rowboat, then they wouldn't see us coming.
Speaker 2: Hey, you know, and we were supposed to try and
wait until nightfall. Anyway, gives us something to do.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a shame that two tons, you know, I.
Speaker 2: Did look up a different a different metric, and it
said that they capped out at around forty two hundred
pounds for huge creature. Still two tons, still two tons,
but not sixteen tons. Very different.
Speaker 1: You've already been under a giant crocodile today. It didn't
go well. Why do you want to try it again?
Speaker 3: I like the idea that you guys are like going
to put to like put a canvas top, which of
the canvas hop happens to be a giant crocodile head
and torso swim it through the water as it's coming
towards the ship. In no way anyone on this boat's
gonna think anything bad is going to happen.
Speaker 2: It's just nature in action. Yeah, it's nature coming to kill.
The people who still learned that it's in the.
Speaker 1: Form of the securiity on the boat won't be just like, oh,
never mind, it's a dead giant crocodile.
Speaker 3: That's nature. Look, hey, Bob, look it's beautiful. Come here
look at this. Yeah, but on the crossbill it's gorgeous.
Speaker 2: Juris, do you actually have any like concealment spells or
a loose spells or anything.
Speaker 4: I have got minor illusion. What if we found a
giant manatee?
Speaker 2: I have why I feel like to make me making
more work for ourselves.
Speaker 1: If anybody should happen to see a giant manatee, please
do speaker. I've got the guy self and minor illusion.
I also have a forgery kit.
Speaker 5: All right, you have minor illusion. So we take the
dead crocodile. You make it look like a croile.
Speaker 1: I think we're putting unnecessary steps in this point.
Speaker 3: I think you guys a going to job of the hut.
Speaker 1: This thing.
Speaker 3: You're a Jamaican animals, run of crocodile and swim it
out there.
Speaker 1: I know we don't want to waste the crocodile corpses.
Speaker 2: I agree with you.
Speaker 1: It's a shame, but it feels like we're trying to
leverage them into a plan when we don't really need
a two ton crocodile corpse.
Speaker 6: Clod is now up to her shoulders in one of them.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you've been working this whole time, class, so give
me some more, give me some more sleight of hand.
Speaker 6: Yeah, nineteen great, twenty seven is fantastic?
Speaker 3: Or don't that's fine? What about the nineteen that's really sorry?
At fifteen not bad.
Speaker 6: Yeah, one another, yeah, give me one more. Twenty.
Speaker 3: You you have basically like the first bit on the
one flank, not so much the entire from the basically
from its lips down its back. The scaly back is
now all peel off perfectly. You have like the armored
back of that that first crocodile peeled off.
Speaker 2: All right, so we already have our disguise.
Speaker 3: You probably and you're probably holding two hundred and fifty
pounds of animal. You're holding a moog's worth of like
just rough, unwieldy, spiked skin.
Speaker 6: She's got some like tailor's chalk in her mouth. Okay,
co there uh saddle or weird raft piggee?
Speaker 2: Oh, let's go with saddle. It sounds like you've got
a rowboat or something to stow away.
Speaker 3: And nothing's more comfortable than a spiked alligator's saddle for
your anothers.
Speaker 2: What about what about Kaver makes you think I want
people to ride him? There's a purpose of this is.
Speaker 1: Not going to be saying on the side that. Okay,
see sounds like we have a rowboat option and we
have to wait a little while for the sun to
go down. That's abandoned hands and have a drink.
Speaker 2: Should we talk about the crate smuggling plan as an option?
Just laying around does seems to be one of our strengths.
We could do a hybrid, all right.
Speaker 4: We we got the rowboat and we rode out there
with a giant cake like we're delivering it and we're
all holding the cake.
Speaker 1: It's a fantastic plan.
Speaker 3: Hanzo knows the direction to the where they keep the storeroom.
Thing has got the big cranes that pulled the crates
up and down from ships. I know where. I know
where that's at. It's it's down the.
Speaker 5: Coast, Hanzo. Which, okay, so we're going to do We're
going to do two plants, both plants. So you go
hide in crates. Oh Jesus rope boats.
Speaker 3: And Hanso never saw his dad's.
Speaker 2: Again, I don't. Oh we will come get go.
Speaker 3: Tell the elf boy that you here's no doubt on
the ship. By now they know his friends. You know
that you're coming.
Speaker 2: Fast. The little bastard move. Oh my god, what the
fuck is this? What wrap did he take?
Speaker 3: What do you mean? The warlock who has been more
advance since moved since the day when he met him, Yeah,
he has been gleveling up ahead of you guys this
whole time. He's got skills.
Speaker 2: Wasn't a fucking flight were a little I guess that
guy would have smoked. I guess you should have killed
that kid. Jesus Christ.
Speaker 3: It's almost like I built an empty here's the thing.
He was hitting Moog in the very first episode where
you guys met with repelling blast, which doesn't I only
think something starts to like the level six, Like the
green Tree family were trying to like kill this kid
for a while now, and he's like he's been growing
in power. So yeah, I gave Moog wanted a nemesis.
He wanted to kill a family. You got a nemesis.
Now you have a son.
Speaker 1: Well, this is awkward and uncomfortable. If anybody does see
a giant cake by all means point it out.
Speaker 6: What if you all dress up like really attractive women
and go whistle at the sailors.
Speaker 1: Ah, that sounds hilarious. I want to see Jece. Actually,
I think jewsh probably would look all right. I don't
know what it is about him, Mush, that's probably it.
Speaker 2: Actually, I mean Hensl's got that big mouth in the
middle of his stomach. That's got appealed to somebody.
Speaker 3: Ango Judge get attention from people. It makes him uncomfortable.
Speaker 1: I think we're starting to scrape the bottom of the
barrel when it comes to plans.
Speaker 2: Judy, you love highlighting that character.
Speaker 3: I spent hours building and so yeah, you're damn right,
I do so.
Speaker 1: I don't think we should pinput hanso yet. We'll put
that in the backup plans pile so steal a robot,
steal a robott.
Speaker 5: You know what, since everything Mooch says seems to have
set hands up, because obviously he's a particularly trusting hand,
Mooughle ask, so what do you want to do?
Speaker 3: He was my father who left me.
Speaker 2: Well, that's what we're trying to do. We're tried to
make you part of plan.
Speaker 3: Whatever you want to do. I mean, we can go
to the rowboat. We can, you know, we can do
the crate whatever you want.
Speaker 5: To Why don't we do crates and we make sure
that all of us are sealed tightly in crates.
Speaker 3: We still have to use the rowboat to get to
the crate. Show it's potato, potato.
Speaker 1: Potato potato excellent?
Speaker 2: All right, all right, I guess I'm gonna go get
a get a rowboat.
Speaker 3: All right, Well, I'll put you guys on the roadboat.
Speaker 1: Now with how much time do we have till sun down?
Speaker 3: Let me see today, you guys had breakfast, you gambled,
you ran around because you got into town this morning.
Actually you gambled for a while. I had lunch. They
went for lunch. So it's I would say it's probably
like four or five in the evening, so the sun's
going down a couple hours.
Speaker 2: Would we have time to go buy some say, industrial
strength nails in case we wanted to say, seal one
of these creates really really well before pushing it overboard.
Speaker 3: Uh, that's do you know what? I'm not exactly sure,
you know.
Speaker 1: Hans though you've been around time. Where can we find
some industrial nails just in case we want to seal
one of these craters?
Speaker 3: Yeah, Adventuring Gil that's where they sell all the magic
items and potions and things like for water walking, And
that's where you get the stuff that that that's cedar guy.
Speaker 6: Just think of the fingernail scratches on the handside.
Speaker 3: All right, So I'll put you all, including Hanso, onto
the road.
Speaker 1: Can I get stress again that we're not going to
just immediately murder some people in a boat just because
they stole our identities.
Speaker 2: Movie's okay with that. I'm glad that you have that played.
Have you read it past, Claudia.
Speaker 1: I'm just saying we're trying to We're trying to make
a bit of whimsical legend here for the non powerful
chaps to to have someone to look up to, not
mass murders.
Speaker 2: Mook seems to recall at least one of two members
of that party giving us bad looks.
Speaker 3: One of us murder that party, slap Quaudi in the
face for killing her father.
Speaker 2: There's sound to be an elf in the mix somewhere,
so I'm pretty sure we can justify this to move now.
Speaker 1: Always raisings the massacre people, I'm just saying, maybe we
don't do that, and then you're not.
Speaker 5: But here's the thing. If we killed them and we
take their name, then we'll be the totally innocent party,
and thus nobody can blame us.
Speaker 2: Gregs is a point. Here's the thing you have to
understand about nature, Stan, Nature's mean as fucked. A lot
of a lot of animals eat their young just out
of the gate. Welcome to Earth. Time to fucking die.
Speaker 1: So you hear that Hanso.
Speaker 2: Move, not eating anything that's part of josher.
Speaker 3: I know that's why murdered. That's why there's I killed
those totals and ate them right on my first day.
Speaker 2: See nature mean as fuck.
Speaker 3: I can bite things in half really well, I've gotten
really talented at that.
Speaker 2: All right, well we have for you on the ship,
horse guy. I'm pretty sure that once you do that
to one of the totally gests, the party will get
the rest of them to confess to their crimes.
Speaker 6: I bet there's an endless buffet on the ship now.
Speaker 3: One guy, justin Tom does not like Stan at all.
He wanted to, but he just got pushed away. He
doesn't like the Claudia. Who else is on that team?
Jack Huban, he's that guy, and well Matt Demon.
Speaker 2: Yeah. These these almost sound like jobbers who've been placed
here specifically for us to mow through like a like
a hot blade.
Speaker 3: Hanso shrugs. It's like sure, or like.
Speaker 2: Hanzo's teeth through turtle flesh. You want them more apt.
Speaker 3: It was pretty tasty.
Speaker 1: All I wanted was a whimsical tail and a nice
bug ride.
Speaker 3: Well, you guys can try. I mean you could always
have to try to just like like sang Hi the
Grand Whimsy, try to climb like our old Flynn do
that at night.
Speaker 2: You almost certainly once the fighting starts, I'm sure pretty
positive we're gonna end up killing the entire crew. I'm
calling that shot.
Speaker 3: Do the dicey bastards have the ability to row a
ship meant for three hundred employees.
Speaker 2: Look, we've got a super telicate at a can guy
who can grab it and move it.
Speaker 3: Oh, now I'm around, Now I'm part of the team.
Speaker 1: There's a boat.
Speaker 3: There is a boat, a rowboat down there that moved,
remembered and it fits six normal sized people.
Speaker 1: And as if we're thinking that far ahead.
Speaker 3: So the question is, do you want to like do
some boat practice or do you want to see a
comparat takes you to that one spot where you have
because you're going to have to get on into the warehouse.
Speaker 1: We need to take the rowboat to the warehouse. Yes, yes,
stay that way. All right, Well we'll figure this out.
Speaker 3: I actually have a map just for that.
Speaker 2: It seems pretty handy.
Speaker 3: I call this the rowboat. You should all be able
to see everything on this map. Yes, okay, cool, you
all have access to the rowboat. This is what we
call the robot practice. How many of you have got
a naught because right now, like it looks like it
looks like a bear like who could walk on water
and lands?
Speaker 2: Right? Oh?
Speaker 3: No, he he got a bird, Call his attention. He'll
catch up with you guys in a little bit. The
rest of you all, how much seafaring practice do you have?
Who's got a who's got a nautical background?
Speaker 2: Movie has drowned some elves? M h, I have drowned.
Speaker 3: That is true.
Speaker 6: I can walk through water then.
Speaker 1: It's definitely got some experience in that.
Speaker 5: But it's been a whah Okay, okay, so okay, you
were born in ooze.
Speaker 1: That's kind of like water basically a quatic all.
Speaker 3: Right, So for for my for the fun of the audience,
and definitely from my where would you all like to
sit on this robot to get a little bit of
practice going. Let's see if you can get this rowboat
going because without a background, so we're gonna need at
least two oarsmen, a guide, and someone to call the cadence.
Speaker 2: I want to sit in the middle whatever position that is.
Muk is a relatively high strength. He'll be an oorsman. Okay,
be an oorsman.
Speaker 6: Why don't we have Hanzo sit in the back and
use fingers to propel us.
Speaker 3: He's running low on spills his hand his hands per day.
Speaker 4: I think you meant like like behind the boat kicking
or something.
Speaker 3: Yes, what like cabin boy?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, I was thinking like the end of Jaws
when they're gone back to the shore.
Speaker 1: But yeah, that's fine. Stan will presumptuously take the lead
on being the guide, okay.
Speaker 6: Claudia doesn't have a preference, so she'll just take an
empty place.
Speaker 3: Well, you're a strong person as well, so we're gonna
put you as the other oarsman.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 3: So I would like to see this stand. Give me
a nature roll, okay. Is your goal right now is
to go from the right side of the screen to
the left side of the sky.
Speaker 1: Well, when you put it like that, it sounds easy.
Speaker 3: But it does sound easy, all.
Speaker 1: Right, and you o a hand six fantastic?
Speaker 3: All right? So uh a Moog and Claudia both give
me athletics roles.
Speaker 1: Okay, Pete with.
Speaker 3: A six, they're with penalties, so give me their their
disadvantage athletic roles.
Speaker 6: Disadvantage.
Speaker 3: Disadvantage was a twenty for you and ten for you.
So move you pull really strong on Claudia, you not
so much.
Speaker 2: So move.
Speaker 3: They also say you on this one. So you guys
are turned slightly this direction and you did not go
to the left side of the screen, but you did
go down a little bit. Georser, what are you doing
to help that? Give me give me a performance check
to get the rhythm going.
Speaker 4: All right, one of the one of the shouts and
the crew tunes like pull or.
Speaker 3: Whatever you want. Whatever Georser wants to shallow.
Speaker 2: All right, I'll show poo pooh pooh.
Speaker 4: Okay, what am I? Persuasion check or performance performance?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Performance poo hm, I got seven?
Speaker 1: Okay, so yeah, everybody's faking Jewish residents shouldn't say that.
Speaker 3: Stan, give me another, Give me another. You're trying to
guide these guys, so give me another. Uh, give me
leadership or persuasion. What if you feel more comfortable with
your excuse me nature, nature, you're trying to guide the water.
You're trying to see the water or the guide.
Speaker 1: So it's like, guys, we're going in circles, which would
be great if that's what we're supposed to be doing,
but we want to go straight.
Speaker 3: Fantastic, hey, so with that now, you guys don't get
advantage on it because of the pool pool pool. So
weeks of Claudia and George Claudia and uh uh mood
give me athletics rules standard no disadvantage of time ninef
not good fourteen Uh you guys go down a little
bit and then turn it. Because of Claudia is now
on this side. You pull a little bit stronger. But
actually because of that way, you are now tilted in
this direction. But you're almost running a ground of this ship,
of this beach of the small island.
Speaker 1: Again, if we were supposed to be going to this island,
this would be fantastic, but we have very much not George.
Speaker 6: Rd anyone have a piece of beef jerky?
Speaker 4: You know, I'll try again different ying Ying declared that
to be dead Elf Island.
Speaker 3: At twenty one. That's pretty good, okay, So stand give
you a give me with advantage, give me a nature.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 3: So with advantage, uh no, because George Rodd did so well,
you get advantage.
Speaker 1: He's inspiring yep. Eighteen.
Speaker 3: Now with Claudia and moved with everybody doing really well.
Now you guys get athletics roll with advantage ten twenty six.
Claudia does so well, she pulls very hard on hers.
You do not so much. And now you are now
you go four quite a bit, but you are now
turned in this direction, going slightly out to deeper ce
so through the George er, let me hear it.
Speaker 2: Wiggle wiggle wo.
Speaker 3: Give me a performance with your wiggle wiggle boo. Seven.
You're not as those stay in standard roll for you.
Speaker 1: You're just you're just confusing.
Speaker 2: Free.
Speaker 1: So what the fuck are you talking about?
Speaker 3: Claudia and move athletics rolls with disadvantage eight and Claudia
is a twenty seven or disadvantage fourteen eight and fourteen.
So you guys start to turn slightly back this way
and you go off the map. You go down a
bit and go So you started up here, went down,
went that way, and now you're kind of going back
the way you came. You're going off the map and
now you're onto this map here.
Speaker 1: Okay, I had that fig with doing this right everything.
Speaker 3: Or for the folks listening like they have gone they're
going from like the shallow waters, like you know, like
it was good off coastal waters maybe like you know,
twelve thirteen feet deep, not too bad. But now they're
starting to go into the deep blue water a little bit.
And at the bottom of the map there does seem
to be a bit of a sucking whirlpool down that direction,
which may or may not be good. We'll see what happens. Uh, Georser,
give me give me a wiggle, wiggle woo or whatever
you feel like.
Speaker 2: Sir, Well, no, no, that one didn't work for shit
you it would.
Speaker 4: Let me try. I hear the sucking, and I don't
want to go to word the sucking. So I'm going
to do the opposite.
Speaker 2: Blue blue, blue.
Speaker 3: Stan Actually first, like Georser, give me twenty three three
stand nature with the advantage.
Speaker 1: Baby, all right, blew me down. That's with advantage seventeen.
Speaker 3: Good. You clearly see that that's coming. So Claudia and
uh moog, please give me a athletic roles with advantage.
Speaker 1: I think this is the fast time George is wanted
to avoid a suck hall.
Speaker 6: Claudia is twenty five.
Speaker 3: Hey, do me a favorite just standing. He did very well,
which which part of the map do you want them
to go? Ping that direction for me?
Speaker 1: Away from dune.
Speaker 2: Okay, maybe we shouldn't have done our practice run so
close to the swirling VORTEXX.
Speaker 3: Hey, I have a couple of maps, so.
Speaker 1: I have to confess to you. Feel its I was
a little bit of confidence you.
Speaker 3: Say about that direction. Let's go over that direction.
Speaker 2: Hey, guys, let's learn how to mountain climb on mountain doom.
Speaker 3: Here all right, so you guys are turned away from
the suck for now. Okay, give me we have a
little bit time left in this episode because I want
I know where I want you guys to get to.
Let's see if you can get there. So Joriser like,
let's blow the man down.
Speaker 2: Dude, that works for me. Blue the man down, Blue
the man.
Speaker 3: You are all without, Chevy Skollie wag. I think because
I think it was the little emphasis on the back end.
You put the on the little bit. I think that's
what brought it down. Stand standard nature role no advantage
for you.
Speaker 1: Twenty one.
Speaker 3: You still know that is a whirlpool and it is bad.
So Claudia, do it through.
Speaker 1: I'm just not listening to you. Anymore.
Speaker 3: Okay, Claudia Moog advantage, strength, advantage, athletics roles twenty two.
Speaker 6: All right, twenty three.
Speaker 3: You guys are clearly pushed off the map.
Speaker 1: Not a problem.
Speaker 3: Uh So I will call this a successful uh this,
we will call this a successful role. So what I'm
gonna do is, uh, I'm gonna put you guys at
the very bottom of the map on this on that,
on that rowbo. But you are not You're not that close.
This is just to give you a scale of what
you see as you come around the corner.
Speaker 2: Yay, you're all seamen.
Speaker 3: All right, there you go. You guys are on the
bottom of the map here. But I think it's shift
this thing. So as you uh, as you come down
the you row for a while. You go down the coastline,
leaving Pharamiah far enough behind, and there's a small island,
well small all relative that appears to be this what
used to be an old fort that has got these
this big sea wall and these big cranes that are
designed to lift a cargo up and out of ships
and put them into this holding area and relocate them
back down. You you're far enough away that they didn't
no one has noticed you yet. But this appears to
be where it is that you want to go. The
sea wall appears to be eighty to ninety feet tall,
and there's an additional the walls of that of that
fort up there. The old abandoned fort appears to be
an additional twenty field top of that, with the cranes
sticking out over the over the sea wall.
Speaker 1: Hmm. All right, so did anybody else think that this
was going to be a bit easier?
Speaker 2: We had dickens to ship. Normally you just get on
ship and go.
Speaker 1: That's true. Oh well we're here now, Hanso.
Speaker 3: Yes, sir, right, yes, sir.
Speaker 1: How do you feel about going in the box?
Speaker 2: First?
Speaker 3: We got right right now? We don't have a box.
I think we've got to get in.
Speaker 1: Shy, I know, I'm just talking about hypothetically.
Speaker 3: I guess show. I mean, I'm the biggest. It makes sense.
Speaker 1: It does make a lot of sense, doesn't it. Yeah, okay,
sneaky beaky time, everybody, We're going to sneak into this
warehouse somehow. Put Hanso in a box.
Speaker 3: And you guys are getting in a box shoe right.
Speaker 1: Yes, definitely, that's definitely going to happen as soon as
we put you.
Speaker 2: In a box.
Speaker 3: Inside check Hang on. Alnda wants to know this shit.
Hang on, he gets He gets a plus five his
insight because he's been full before. My best eard sill
and see here twenty if you're rying rolled exception check
and beat a twenty.
Speaker 2: Mmm what well, I'm sure we'll get into a box eventually,
our deception.
Speaker 1: Okay, here we'll go huh sixteen.
Speaker 3: He's ayeing you down, sir, like you're getting on the
box few right, You're not just abandoning me like my
father's did. I thought this would just be a touching moment.
Speaker 2: How dare you lie to my child?
Speaker 1: You're not helping?
Speaker 3: You won't leave me, daddy, George?
Speaker 2: H will you never?
Speaker 1: People will be getting in boxes at some point in
some order.
Speaker 3: Good geneknjos. Which boxes go on the grand whimsy and
you don't show?
Speaker 2: Uh? Yeah, there's that.
Speaker 1: Good point, Tanza. Let's get in there and find out
which box is irrelevant? How do you want to play
this team? What do you think we should do?
Speaker 2: These pulley things, this link with ladders or what is that?
Speaker 6: No?
Speaker 2: These are giants?
Speaker 3: Okay, so I know the map is a little weird.
So like the you can see this the sea wall
down here, which is like from the beach going up
the top. There's like I said, it's an old stone,
old fort made out of the stone. But there's these
big giant pulleys that stick all the way out and
they have these giant ropes that come down with cargo cranes.
So so a ship would ship will basically come up to
the edge of the water, they'll lower the cargo hooks down,
lift cargo up and out rotate them and put them
into the interior warehouse because it's a big open air thing.
Speaker 4: But there's no hooks or ropes dangling.
Speaker 3: Well at the moment, no, because there's no ship. There's
no major vessels in port to operate it.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: Hm, Well, fast step is ganging up that big wall.
I can't think of anything clever and climbing the wall.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's out of range of my misty step.
Speaker 1: Yeah. How about a hen by which I'm medial giant
mystical hands to lift us up the cliff.
Speaker 3: I've got a few of them left, that's what you
want them for. We can do that, but it's only
going to get up about halfway after fifty feet it
runs out of range for me.
Speaker 1: Oh, I think they're very powerful, but.
Speaker 3: Not as long as I sits on other things.
Speaker 2: Well, why I lift the whole boat and then you
would be with it.
Speaker 3: Well, it's it doesn't work kind of like that. I
can float on one hand from myself, but it's kind
of like I'm I can make my own personal flying carpet,
but unless you have a flying carpet, we're kind of screwed.
Speaker 2: Oh but we do have a flying carpet.
Speaker 3: It's almost like I gave you one a long time ago,
forgot about.
Speaker 1: We have a flying fucking carpet. Why doesn't everbody tell
me anything?
Speaker 2: We have a flying carpet and a bag of holding. Well,
we really didn't need the boat at all. Yeah, well,
it's like fuck you all hops in the flying carpet and.
Speaker 3: You have a one You have a one man flying carpet.
It is big enough for one person only.
Speaker 5: We can make it multiple Well, okay, that's difficult to
make multiple trips with it.
Speaker 1: We just fry the carpet.
Speaker 5: That right, as long as the wind doesn't take it
from if one, if everybody else gets in the bag
of holding.
Speaker 1: Hmm, that's right. I'll hold the bag of holdings.
Speaker 3: I figured that I know which tools I gave you,
I know which toys are and I've read all of
Bob's books, so I figured there'd be some Shenanigans of foots.
But I think we're going to find that out on
the next episode of Dicey Passers in the full casts back,
so they can figure out how they're going to scale
this wall, how they're gonna get into the warehouse, and
will they abandon a child I got. I personally don't
hope not, but you know, we'll see what happens.
Speaker 1: So absolutely abandoning that job.
Speaker 3: On behalf of Steve Weather or Robert Bevin, Rick Walterry, Emily,
Emily Kaplan and Drew Hayes, who's not with us at
the moment. God rest his soul. I'm MK Gibson. Where
the Dicey Passards and you've been great. Bye everybody.
Speaker 8: You've been listening to Dicey Bastards Cats see if wolf
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Speaker 1: For the horrors persist