Speaker 1: Here take my advice, you have to be very careful
Speaker 1: if you call out to one of the dead, all
Speaker 1: of them can hear you down.
Speaker 2: Throw them down down the living.
Speaker 3: Hello, and welcome to the brand new mini series where
Speaker 3: we will be traveling into the Further. So get your
Speaker 3: lanterns and follow me. My nose is still a little
Speaker 3: bit stuffed up. I've been dealing with some type of
Speaker 3: congestion shit. Sorry to sound like Frian pressure, but we're.
Speaker 4: Gonna get through it together. So I was inspired by my.
Speaker 3: Love of the Insidious movies and hearing about my husband's
Speaker 3: terrifying encounters with sleep paralysis to create this series. But
Speaker 3: we're going to go all the way into the Further.
Speaker 3: Not only are we going to dive into sleep paralysis,
Speaker 3: We're also gonna listen to some of the craziest paranormal
Speaker 3: experiences I've ever heard, and I've got some crazy ass
Speaker 3: clips lined up for us to discuss. But before we
Speaker 3: do that, let's lay.
Speaker 4: Some groundwork here.
Speaker 3: Okay, I've never personally experienced sleep paralysis, thank god, but
Speaker 3: I understand that science has done a great job, like
Speaker 3: with literally everything else, making it sound like a biological
Speaker 3: issue and not a spiritual one. I personally would categorize
Speaker 3: sleep paralysis into.
Speaker 4: The paranormal realm.
Speaker 3: And for those of you who disagree, maybe by the
Speaker 3: end of this series I can persuade you others wise,
Speaker 3: so we all know what they say, right. Sleep paralysis
Speaker 3: is what happens when you wake up out of your dream,
Speaker 3: but your body doesn't know you're awake yet, and you
Speaker 3: remain in a state of paralysis for several minutes, which
Speaker 3: is usually accompanied by hallucinations quote unquote, And I actually
Speaker 3: want to talk about a couple of those different types
Speaker 3: of hallucinations. You got your visual hallucinations. People may see
Speaker 3: flashing lights, colors, or even physical figures, including shadowy figures, demons,
Speaker 3: or intruders. Then you have your auditory hallucinations. These can
Speaker 3: include sounds like whispers, screams, or the sound of Then
Speaker 3: you have tactile hallucinations. People may feel a sense of
Speaker 3: pressure on their chest or a feeling of being touched
Speaker 3: or held down. That's gotta be the worst fucking one.
Speaker 3: And then some other hallucinations include that some may experience
Speaker 3: out of body sensations or feelings.
Speaker 4: Of movement, like I can only imagine.
Speaker 3: What it would feel like to wake up and see
Speaker 3: some fucked up dementor looking motherfuckers from Harry Potter standing
Speaker 3: over your bed. But besides just regular shadow people, it
Speaker 3: seems like there are a few entities that appear to
Speaker 3: almost every experiencer at some point or another, including the hag,
Speaker 3: the hat man, or the creature like entity that literally
Speaker 3: sits on your chest.
Speaker 4: I mean, think about that.
Speaker 3: How can this be a shared delusion seen by so
Speaker 3: many people? Going all the way back in time, There
Speaker 3: are recorded accounts as early as sixteen sixty four and
Speaker 3: even earlier of these night demons. If this is something
Speaker 3: that can be explained away as just a simple biological response,
Speaker 3: why are the same demons popping up over and over
Speaker 3: and over again. You would think it would be individual
Speaker 3: to the person experiencing these hallucinations quote unquote.
Speaker 4: But it's not.
Speaker 2: So.
Speaker 3: The first known clinical description of paralysis, referred to as
Speaker 3: incubus or the knight mayor, was published in sixteen sixty
Speaker 3: four by Dutch physician Ibrend van Demmerbrock. I think is
Speaker 3: how you pronounced the last name in his case histories right.
Speaker 3: This description documented a woman's experience of feeling like something
Speaker 3: was pressing on her and preventing her from moving while.
Speaker 4: She was asleep.
Speaker 3: And while the Dutch physician's account is considered the earliest
Speaker 3: written medical description, there are even earlier mentions of this
Speaker 3: phenomenon in folklore and medical texts from ancient civilizations like
Speaker 3: Mesopotamia and Persia. The concept of the incubus or old
Speaker 3: hag quote unquote as a demon causing sleep paralysis in
Speaker 3: nightmares actually has roots in ancient cultures. So I want
Speaker 3: to open us up by playing a super short clip
Speaker 3: here that I came across on YouTube of this very thing,
Speaker 3: and it's a lady talking about her experience, and we'll
Speaker 3: be back right after this.
Speaker 4: Hang on, tell me about a time you experienced sleep paralysis.
Speaker 5: I had a nightmare. I literally called my mom because
Speaker 5: I thought my room was haunted. It was in a hotel.
Speaker 5: I was stuck and something held me down and it
Speaker 5: had four feet. I literally googled sleep paralysis. There's an
Speaker 5: illustration from like the eighteen hundreds of this little demon
Speaker 5: that was exactly what I saw, and I had never
Speaker 5: seen that picture before. Are you sure it wasn't your cat?
Speaker 5: That's what I thought at first. I was like, what's
Speaker 5: just a cat ghost, It's fine, And then I realized, no,
Speaker 5: this is terrifying. Google sleep paralysis demon.
Speaker 4: It will come up and we'd back.
Speaker 3: So it's like I said, why are the same demons
Speaker 3: popping up over and over and over again? You would think,
Speaker 3: like I said before, it would be individual to the person,
Speaker 3: but it's not.
Speaker 4: Was the hotel this.
Speaker 3: Woman was staying at some kind of a portal, cause
Speaker 3: it looks like this was probably a thirty year old
Speaker 3: woman and it sounds like this was her first experience
Speaker 3: with sleep paralysis at this random ass hotel.
Speaker 4: So what's going on here?
Speaker 3: She's never experienced sleep paralysis before this in probably thirty
Speaker 3: years of being alive. She stays at this random ass place,
Speaker 3: and then all of a sudden, she's got this demon
Speaker 3: sitting on her chest that people have been seeing since
Speaker 3: the beginning of time.
Speaker 4: Almost. I mean, it just doesn't.
Speaker 3: Seem like you can explain it away as some type
Speaker 3: of like scientific or biological thing that's going on. On.
Speaker 3: So I know, I covered the ancient history of sleep paralysis,
Speaker 3: but how about something a.
Speaker 4: Little bit more recent.
Speaker 3: In nineteen seventy seven, it was discovered more than one
Speaker 3: hundred previously healthy people from various Southeast Asian communities had
Speaker 3: died mysteriously in their sleep. The individuals affected were dying
Speaker 3: from something that they called sudden unexplained nocturnal death syndrome.
Speaker 3: No underlying cause was ever found, only that subsequent studies
Speaker 3: revealed a high rate of sleep paralysis and the belief
Speaker 3: in the dab song or nightmare spirit amongst members of
Speaker 3: the community.
Speaker 4: What's the kicker.
Speaker 3: Most died at the age of thirty three. But remember
Speaker 3: this is just supposed to be some kind of biological thing, right,
Speaker 3: even though people are dying a basically sudden unexplained nocturnal
Speaker 3: death syndrome sounds a lot like the SIDS sudden infant
Speaker 3: death syndrome, which I also think is spiritual. So let's
Speaker 3: just say, for the rest of this series, I want
Speaker 3: you to maintain an open mind as we search for
Speaker 3: the truth behind sleep paralysis. So we're gonna take another
Speaker 3: quick break, actually, and I'm gonna play a clip from
Speaker 3: this guy.
Speaker 4: His name is Isaiah, and.
Speaker 3: I've been following him on YouTube for a while. And yeah,
Speaker 3: this guy's voice gets on my fucking nerves. But I
Speaker 3: really like what he's saying. And literally, right as I
Speaker 3: decided to create this series. He posted this video, and
Speaker 3: there are no such thing as coincidences, so I definitely
Speaker 3: had to throw this one in there. So let's take
Speaker 3: another quick break and we'll be back right after this.
Speaker 6: Hey, guys, today I want to talk to you about nightmares,
Speaker 6: night terrors, and sleep paralysis. If you ever wondered if
Speaker 6: sleep paralysis is demonic, that's what we're going to talk
Speaker 6: about in this video. Please do me a favor. Stop
Speaker 6: what you're doing in like the video from you, guys.
Speaker 6: The question I'm always getting is are these encounters with
Speaker 6: sleep paralysis a demon or a natural phenomenon? Now, before
Speaker 6: you see Isaiah, I read an article it's what happens
Speaker 6: when you wake up while dreaming. You're just hallucinating. It's
Speaker 6: when you open your eyes while you're dreaming.
Speaker 7: Guess what.
Speaker 6: I read the same article. But let me just explain
Speaker 6: something to you. The world is always going to try
Speaker 6: to find natural ways to describe supernatural experiences. Now, if
Speaker 6: you've ever been attacked by a demon at night, or
Speaker 6: had a sleep paralysis or a night demon attack you,
Speaker 6: you'll know that the only word you can't say is
Speaker 6: the name of Jesus. So if it's just natural, and
Speaker 6: it's your body waking up while you're dreaming, and it's
Speaker 6: what happens when you wake up in the middle of
Speaker 6: the night because you're stressed or you're sleeping on your back.
Speaker 7: Why is it Jesus is the only name you can't.
Speaker 6: Say, And I'm gonna tell you why, because it's not
Speaker 6: natural or just sleep paralysis. It's a demonic attack. And
Speaker 6: there is power in the name of Jesus. So I
Speaker 6: get the science with it and the health things and
Speaker 6: the articles that you read. But guys, this is not
Speaker 6: just hallucinating. You're telling me that you wake up while
Speaker 6: you're dreaming and your body hallucinates demons and the only
Speaker 6: word you can't say is Jesus. And that's a natural phenomenon.
Speaker 6: That's what the devil wants you to believe. I'm telling you, guys,
Speaker 6: these are demonic spirits that are attacking or manifesting at night.
Speaker 6: Often symptoms of these demonic night terrors that we call
Speaker 6: sleep paralysis are a weight on your chest, not being
Speaker 6: able to speak the name of Jesus, seeing dark figures
Speaker 6: or dark or dark dark objects in the corners of
Speaker 6: your room. That's a very very common one, or feeling
Speaker 6: like you're being suffocated, only like somebody's suffocating you and
Speaker 6: you can't breathe. These are all symptoms of night terrors
Speaker 6: night demons.
Speaker 7: Now think about this.
Speaker 6: The word nightmare is derived from the Old English word mayor,
Speaker 6: so night mayor and the word mayor is a means
Speaker 6: this literally, the actual word comes from a mythological demon
Speaker 6: or a goblin who torments others with frightening dreams. So
Speaker 6: this is not a Christian description. This is literally where
Speaker 6: the word nightmare comes from. You can find this on Wikipedia.
Speaker 6: It's a goblin or a night demon. So even the
Speaker 6: world recognizes nightmares are night demons. The sleep paralysis is
Speaker 6: just a certain type of demonic attack. It's not always
Speaker 6: a demon where you're having nightmares, but it also can
Speaker 6: be things you're watching or things you're letting in your mind.
Speaker 6: And I would say this, be very careful with what
Speaker 6: you're watching before bed, because you have to understand there's
Speaker 6: three sources of dreams. There's a holy spirit gives you dreams,
Speaker 6: the human spirit could dream, and a demonic spirit. So
Speaker 6: today we're talking about demonic spirits attacking at night. But
Speaker 6: other way is your human spirit have giving you these
Speaker 6: dreams because what you've opened up the doors, or what
Speaker 6: you've been.
Speaker 7: Watching before bed.
Speaker 6: It could be a horror movie, it could be sexual things,
Speaker 6: and now you're getting these dreams and you're like, why
Speaker 6: am I getting these nightmares? It's not necessarily a demon
Speaker 6: attacking you. It could also be, like I said, what
Speaker 6: you've been watching before bed. Now you need to know
Speaker 6: the devil does prey on us at night. We as
Speaker 6: believers know the devil's always looking for a way in,
Speaker 6: and if a demon cannot gain access through the day,
Speaker 6: they're gonna try to gain access at night. Psalms ninety
Speaker 6: one to five says to not fear the terrors of
Speaker 6: the night. So there are terrors that come in the night.
Speaker 6: There's a spiritual war friend going on right now, and
Speaker 6: it doesn't stop at night.
Speaker 7: It doesn't go on pause.
Speaker 6: Just because your natural man is sleeping doesn't mean your
Speaker 6: spirit man is not still awake. I pray the Arm
Speaker 6: of God on every night before bed because I know
Speaker 6: that when I go to bed, the battle continues. So
Speaker 6: you need to realize the battle doesn't just stop because
Speaker 6: you go to bed, but it rages on even after
Speaker 6: you go to sleep. That's why you can also pray
Speaker 6: in the Spirit while sleeping. If you've ever woken up
Speaker 6: at night and you're praying the Holy Spirit while sleeping,
Speaker 6: it's because the Holy Spirit is using your body at
Speaker 6: night to pray through you, and your body stays awake.
Speaker 6: The Bible says that although your body's asleep, your heart
Speaker 6: is still awake, so this is definitely possible. People don't
Speaker 6: realize this, and oftentimes one of the reasons why you're
Speaker 6: attacked by demons at night or it's abnormal demonic activity
Speaker 6: at night, is because you already had demons, and in
Speaker 6: the daytime you might think, oh, it's just my thought
Speaker 6: or just my desire.
Speaker 7: But at night, as you're.
Speaker 6: Having these reoccurring sexual dreams or traumatic dreams or nightmares
Speaker 6: over and over again, it's revealing a demon that's in you,
Speaker 6: that has access to you in your dreams. So you
Speaker 6: might in the daytime say that's just my thoughts, that's
Speaker 6: not me. But then at night, because you're not conscious
Speaker 6: or awake, those demons are manifesting through you and they're
Speaker 6: being revealed in your dreams over and over. I've seen
Speaker 6: people have done deliverance on that had constant nightmares after deliverance.
Speaker 6: They never had another nightmare. Why because it was the
Speaker 6: demon giving them nightmares.
Speaker 3: And we're back really powerful clip. Isaiah said some really
Speaker 3: cool things, So let's talk about a few of them. First,
Speaker 3: not being able to say the name of Jesus while
Speaker 3: in sleep paralysis. I've actually never heard this one, and
Speaker 3: like I said, I'm very grateful that I've never needed to.
Speaker 4: But if it's true, what the fuck right?
Speaker 3: That's very interesting to me. That's the one name that
Speaker 3: you cannot say. Another thing that he mentioned is be
Speaker 3: careful what you watch before bed. Now, this one struck
Speaker 3: a chord for me because story time, my mom was
Speaker 3: a horror movie slash true crime fanatic, and she started
Speaker 3: me from a very very very very young age watching
Speaker 3: stuff that I had no business watching at all. And
Speaker 3: one of the most traumatic moments I can remember as
Speaker 3: a kid, I was probably in third grade or even younger.
Speaker 3: My mom were into a Jeffrey Dahmer docu movie and
Speaker 3: there were scenes of him drugging and raping and dismembering
Speaker 3: and eating dudes, and I remember watching it and that night,
Speaker 3: I legit woke.
Speaker 4: Up in the middle of the most.
Speaker 3: Horrible nightmare I've ever had and I had sweats, cold chills,
Speaker 3: and I actually ended up throwing up that night, and
Speaker 3: I will never forget that. It was almost as if
Speaker 3: my body was purging whatever evil I consumed watching that movie.
Speaker 3: And so so yeah, I do think what you consume,
Speaker 3: especially because the TV in itself, When you consume something
Speaker 3: through this magic box, if you will, it.
Speaker 4: Goes straight inside of you. There's no filter.
Speaker 3: It just goes in straight through your eyes and into
Speaker 3: your soul almost.
Speaker 4: And there was even.
Speaker 3: A movie that me and my husband watched recently called
Speaker 3: Bone Tomahawk, and it got to this detainting scene where
Speaker 3: this guy was getting you know, jawboned tomahawk to the
Speaker 3: taint and I had horrible nightmares that night too. And
Speaker 3: it okay, this brings me to my next point. Right,
Speaker 3: doorways you can open is another thing that he mentioned.
Speaker 3: Sometimes I believe we are completely unaware of these doorways
Speaker 3: we are creating on even a daily, hourly basis. I know,
Speaker 3: because of the darkness I have plunged myself into doing
Speaker 3: this research that I am not the same human being
Speaker 3: I was a few years ago when I started this podcast.
Speaker 3: The problem is when we create these doorways, we have
Speaker 3: no control over what comes in and out of these
Speaker 3: doorways using drugs drinking as another one that I've heard before.
Speaker 3: The spirits, you know, and our lifestyle choices can open
Speaker 3: up new doorways all the time. I've seen it in
Speaker 3: my own family with drug addicts. They became vessels for
Speaker 3: demonic entities to reside in, and it's probably one of
Speaker 3: the scariest things I've ever witnessed personally in my life,
Speaker 3: which of course leads us to the next point of
Speaker 3: spiritual warfare. Whether you want to believe it or not,
Speaker 3: or whether you are aware of it or not, each
Speaker 3: and every one of us are constantly in the middle
Speaker 3: of a spiritual war. Luckily, for me, my grandpa was
Speaker 3: a pastor and my family was very involved in our church,
Speaker 3: and I was made aware from a very early age
Speaker 3: that we must defend our spirit from unseen forces that
Speaker 3: seek to destroy us. Put up a spiritual hedge of
Speaker 3: protection around you and your kids, and where the armor
Speaker 3: of God.
Speaker 4: These are things.
Speaker 3: That were repeated to me throughout my entire life, and yes,
Speaker 3: like literally everyone else, I've struggled with what I actually
Speaker 3: believe in and sifting through dogma and lies and cover up.
Speaker 3: But I always end up coming back to the same conclusion.
Speaker 3: There is light and there is dark, and we make
Speaker 3: choices knowingly and unknowingly every minute of every day to
Speaker 3: what side we are subscribing to.
Speaker 4: And this also takes us to the.
Speaker 3: Next point I wanted to talk about, which is that
Speaker 3: they come for you at night. Whatever these entities are,
Speaker 3: this is one of the points he made that gave.
Speaker 4: Me full body chills.
Speaker 3: Dude, at night, weird thoughts pop up in my head. Okay,
Speaker 3: I'm definitely more melancholy at night, and I actually have
Speaker 3: this weird doom and gloom thing I do at night
Speaker 3: where I imagine all the absolute worst outcomes for every
Speaker 3: possible situation, and it's like I take on a completely
Speaker 3: different personality at times, and then I wake up in
Speaker 3: the morning and everything seems so much better. But it's
Speaker 3: like a switch has been flipped. Some might call this depression,
Speaker 3: some might call this opression, but either way, it's something
Speaker 3: that I've always struggled with. While I was working at
Speaker 3: my nine to five job, which really was more like
Speaker 3: uh seven to seven job because we worked like crazy shifts.
Speaker 4: Anyways, I would literally crave rainy, cloudy.
Speaker 3: Miserable days because for some reason it made me feel
Speaker 3: better about having to be at work. I guess like
Speaker 3: the outside matched my inside at a know, it's just
Speaker 3: an interesting thought.
Speaker 4: But also when it comes.
Speaker 3: To the doorways that we open without even knowing it,
Speaker 3: I think forms of childhood trauma are doorways that can
Speaker 3: be opened for not just victims of SRA or something
Speaker 3: like that, but just your average person.
Speaker 4: Like for me, I grew up with a drug addict father, and.
Speaker 3: I do believe that he was a host for some
Speaker 3: type of demon, whether it was residing in him or
Speaker 3: oppressing him. And I spent eighteen years of my life
Speaker 3: battling this demon that surrounded him, let's just say. And
Speaker 3: one of my other family members also had this same
Speaker 3: issue going on.
Speaker 4: My mom was always.
Speaker 3: Showing me horror movies and forensic files this and kids
Speaker 3: getting cut up, And like I do think, just based
Speaker 3: on those small little things throughout my childhood that doorways
Speaker 3: could have been opened. I know that I've experienced kind
Speaker 3: of a high level of paranormal activity throughout my life,
Speaker 3: maybe more than the average person. Obviously, all of these
Speaker 3: subjects intrigue me to a high degree, especially sleep paralysis.
Speaker 3: Like I said, thank God, I've never had it, but
Speaker 3: I know people who do have it, and it sounds horrific.
Speaker 4: But at the end of it, I think that.
Speaker 3: There's always some type of spiritual issue going on that's
Speaker 3: created a doorway for these demons to try to get in.
Speaker 4: And so.
Speaker 3: I do want to take another quick break, and we're
Speaker 3: actually going to take a break from sleep paralysis actually okay,
Speaker 3: and we're going to play a clip. This one comes
Speaker 3: from a very unlikely source. It's actually Bubba from Forrest Gump.
Speaker 3: His real name is michelth Williamson, and he has one
Speaker 3: of the craziest paranormal experiences I've ever heard, and surprisingly
Speaker 3: it's not shrimp related. So let's actually take a listen
Speaker 3: and we'll be back right after this.
Speaker 8: There's only three or four people in my life that
Speaker 8: call me Michael, because I hate being called that. And
Speaker 8: right off the bat, I knew his voice. It was
Speaker 8: him here, and he said, help.
Speaker 2: Me, help me.
Speaker 9: You know how to help me, amen, And I was like, Adrian,
Speaker 9: where are you? He said, they're trying to take me inside.
Speaker 9: I ran away.
Speaker 7: Help me. You got to help me right now before
Speaker 7: they get back.
Speaker 8: And then I can hear all these voices screaming at him
Speaker 8: for being on the phone. I can hear some sound
Speaker 8: behind him that sounded like I'm only reminded of when
Speaker 8: I'm near a roaring fireplace or a barbecue pit, when
Speaker 8: you can hear that he cut through the air, but
Speaker 8: it was magnified, and I could hear people screaming and
Speaker 8: arguing with him, and then I could hear him begin.
Speaker 7: To fight, and.
Speaker 8: I could hear that he was overpowering, and he kept screaming, no,
Speaker 8: let me go, No, no, no, no, I'm not going,
Speaker 8: I'm not going going.
Speaker 2: Even where are you?
Speaker 7: And he was screaming my name.
Speaker 3: Fucking scary as fuck, right, I mean, okay. I couldn't
Speaker 3: find the entire clip that explains why this is pairs normal,
Speaker 3: but I'll sum.
Speaker 4: It up for you.
Speaker 3: So Bubba would later find out that his mysterious phone
Speaker 3: call from his friend Adrian occurred hours after his friend
Speaker 3: Adrian had been pronounced dead at the scene of a
Speaker 3: car crash.
Speaker 4: If I'm not mistaken, and Bubba.
Speaker 3: Was literally getting a phone call from hell, and I
Speaker 3: believe him because I know everything there is to know
Speaker 3: about the disembodied phone call in business, you got demon
Speaker 3: calls dead, Grandma calls, calls from the Gates of Hell,
Speaker 3: calls from the graveyard.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think that's all of them.
Speaker 3: But so yeah, that's probably one of the craziest paranormal
Speaker 3: stories from such an unlikely source that I've heard. I
Speaker 3: think the full episode is on celebrity ghost stories. There's
Speaker 3: also one for Marilyn Manson that's kind of interesting, but
Speaker 3: I think he's kind of full of shit, so take
Speaker 3: it for what you will, But that one got me
Speaker 3: so In the past, I used to release a random
Speaker 3: Friday episode called Phantom Friday, interviewing regular people like you
Speaker 3: and me about their paranormal experiences, and it was definitely entertaining.
Speaker 3: But it's actually harder than you'd think to find willing
Speaker 3: individuals who want to speak about their experience. But what
Speaker 3: I've come to find out is at some point in
Speaker 3: everyone's life they will peer through the very thin veil
Speaker 3: that separates us from the unknown. They may pass it
Speaker 3: off as something else, but this realm is all around
Speaker 3: us all the time. And as some of you know,
Speaker 3: I grew up in a haunted house. More accurately, my
Speaker 3: family is just kind of haunted, more so than just
Speaker 3: the house that I'm talking about. So I've always been
Speaker 3: fascinated by the supernatural forces that surround us all the time,
Speaker 3: and in this series, I hope to explore and expose
Speaker 3: the many layers of the unexplainable. Thanks so much for
Speaker 3: taking this journey with me into the further and I'll
Speaker 3: catch you on the next one.
Speaker 10: So when I was fifteen, I ended up getting sent
Speaker 10: to a rehab in Utah.
Speaker 7: It was a two part program.
Speaker 10: The first two months was in the Moab Desert. It
Speaker 10: was a wilderness program, so you basically hike like five
Speaker 10: miles each day. Let you make your own tent, you
Speaker 10: know what I mean, like, and you hike to your
Speaker 10: food spots. So I went to that, and then you
Speaker 10: transition to a like impatient rehab, and so I went there.
Speaker 7: And when I went there, I think, you know what happened.
Speaker 7: When I was in the.
Speaker 10: Wilderness, something hit my spirit. It was weird because it
Speaker 10: was real freeing in one sense, because I was out
Speaker 10: in this beautiful place. Man, these mountains, we would hike,
Speaker 10: these mountains. I mean, it was really it was honestly
Speaker 10: one of.
Speaker 7: The best experiences of my life.
Speaker 10: And once I accepted it, I took on this you
Speaker 10: know this idea of like you're on your own now,
Speaker 10: you know what I mean, Like your parents don't want
Speaker 10: you really anymore, like they love you, but like you're.
Speaker 7: Out here on your own. When I got there, I
Speaker 7: got into Buddhism.
Speaker 10: And when I got into it, I got really sucked
Speaker 10: into it because I was I was prescribed as medicine
Speaker 10: was like an adderall type of medicine, and so I
Speaker 10: would spend all my time meditating.
Speaker 7: That's when I began to do poetry.
Speaker 10: I started writing, and you know, so I spent all
Speaker 10: this time in Buddhism, and it really opened me up
Speaker 10: to the spiritual realm. I started having these enlightening encounters,
Speaker 10: or so I thought.
Speaker 7: It was the first time I had become aware I
Speaker 7: think of my soul in a sense.
Speaker 10: And so I got real sucked into it, and I
Speaker 10: noticed some type of progression and but mixed with the medication,
Speaker 10: it started messing with my mind. And so when I
Speaker 10: came home, I wasn't the same person. It was like
Speaker 10: I had severe psychosis. All my friends were like, dude,
Speaker 10: what happened to you?
Speaker 7: You know what I mean?
Speaker 10: Like I just cause I was very I used to
Speaker 10: be real outgoing and really you know what I mean.
Speaker 10: And so when I came back, I was shut down.
Speaker 10: Back in the rehabit I started having sleep rouses and
Speaker 10: I would have There was one where like a devil
Speaker 10: appeared to me and the dream and basically told me
Speaker 10: you can't you can't escape from me that easy. And
Speaker 10: so I started having all these sleeprowses things. I started
Speaker 10: thinking that like demons were my friends. It just and
Speaker 10: so at the same time, I'm getting into drugs more,
Speaker 10: you know what I mean. I ended up getting on
Speaker 10: probation when I was sixteen, So I come home at sixteen.
Speaker 10: A couple months later, I get my first like legal trouble.
Speaker 10: It was all these things just piling up. And at
Speaker 10: that point it was like I was just over life,
Speaker 10: man Like it was like my one friend I thought
Speaker 10: I had was gone.
Speaker 7: My everything was just terrible.
Speaker 10: And so one night I was sitting there and I
Speaker 10: was just outside where I lived was like a house
Speaker 10: and it was a it was it was on the
Speaker 10: Manassa's battlefield and Civil War land or whatever, and so
Speaker 10: we had the it was like a fence of the
Speaker 10: Civil War post and then it was this big drop
Speaker 10: off cliff and then it was a river, like a
Speaker 10: stream and then it was a river. And so one
Speaker 10: night I was just like, yeah, I think I'm done,
Speaker 10: you know, like there was no emotion like I I
Speaker 10: there was no like, it was just I'm done. And
Speaker 10: so I went inside and I got a microphone cord
Speaker 10: tied around my neck, tied it to the Civil War post,
Speaker 10: and just walked over to the you know, the edge
Speaker 10: of the cliff and just stepped off, like didn't even
Speaker 10: think about it.
Speaker 7: I just did it.
Speaker 10: And as soon as the cord pulled and tightened, it
Speaker 10: was like my first thought.
Speaker 7: Was like, oh man, what'd you do? Like this? This
Speaker 7: wasn't the right move.
Speaker 10: And then next thing I know, I'm just it felt
Speaker 10: like I was in some type of dream. And then
Speaker 10: the dream, I'm freezing cold, but I can't move either.
Speaker 10: So I'm in this like dream state where I'm not
Speaker 10: conscious of what I did. It's like I'm somewhere else
Speaker 10: and I'm fighting and I can't move.
Speaker 7: I'm cold, I feel like I'm in water. I don't
Speaker 7: know what's going on. And then like my.
Speaker 10: Attention moves and it's like this little light is coming
Speaker 10: towards me, and so this light is moving towards me
Speaker 10: next thing, I know, as it gets closer, I just
Speaker 10: found myself free, Like I just found myself like popping
Speaker 10: up from the water and it all hit me what happened.
Speaker 10: And I had fallen all the way into the water
Speaker 10: and I climb up and like the crazy thing was
Speaker 10: it wasn't untied for my neck until that moment when
Speaker 10: I went to the top, I'm thinking it broke or
Speaker 10: broke off.
Speaker 7: It's still tied to the fence.
Speaker 10: So I'm like, look, you know what I mean, I'm
Speaker 10: looking at the length. It's double the length of the
Speaker 10: fall and everything. It's still tied to both ends.
Speaker 7: How did this? But I mean I was wrecked.
Speaker 10: I mean I sat and just was just crying, just
Speaker 10: sitting in the bathtub. It was a middle winter or so,
Speaker 10: I'm like sitting there freezing, And at that point that
Speaker 10: was a shift because I knew there was a God
Speaker 10: at that point. I don't even know what happened or why,
Speaker 10: but for whatever reason, at one of those points, I
Speaker 10: just started thinking about Jesus like he was my God,
Speaker 10: Like I just you know what I mean, Like I
Speaker 10: just would talk about God and be like, yeah, Jesus.
Speaker 7: And so when I got out of jail.
Speaker 10: I was like, all right, we're going to do things
Speaker 10: different this time, Josh, like this is you know, we're
Speaker 10: in change. And so I started going to church and
Speaker 10: that was like it was real change because it was
Speaker 10: just it was like this one day week I could
Speaker 10: be somebody else, you know what I mean. It's like
Speaker 10: Monday through Saturday like you're, you know, this drug addict
Speaker 10: trying to clean up his life. But Sunday like you
Speaker 10: can be like you can go to this church, no
Speaker 10: one knows you and just like be like a normal person.
Speaker 7: That's how it felt, and so I would go.
Speaker 10: So at this point, I don't have any friends, I
Speaker 10: don't have not I have nothing, absolutely nothing. I didn't
Speaker 10: have Costy with my daughter. I mean, it was just
Speaker 10: everything was gone. And so I was just you know,
Speaker 10: sleeping sleeping in the woods I had. I was at
Speaker 10: one of the you know, homeless camps and manassas and.
Speaker 7: And so.
Speaker 10: I got a job at TGF Fridays and I was
Speaker 10: just sleeping in the woods behind Fridays, and so that's
Speaker 10: what I did for a while. Mind you, this whole time,
Speaker 10: I'm crying out to Jesus like and this for anybody
Speaker 10: watching that like you feel like you're crying to Jesus
Speaker 10: and he doesn't hear, Like I'm crying out to Jesus
Speaker 10: with all my heart. I'm all my way to get drugs,
Speaker 10: like please stop me, please like like help me help,
Speaker 10: Like my heart for a whole year was burning for
Speaker 10: Jesus to save me. I just couldn't do, like I
Speaker 10: couldn't stop. So so you know, I'm doing that and
Speaker 10: nothing was happening. And so one night I went to Eerie, Pennsylvania.
Speaker 10: While I'm homeless, my dad's like, hey, you want to
Speaker 10: come and see your uncles and your grand My grandma
Speaker 10: was sick at the time. I'm laying down to bed.
Speaker 10: I'll never forget. I'm watching American Pickers. My uncle we
Speaker 10: were sharing a bed, so he's lying next to me,
Speaker 10: and I'm like falling asleep, and I start going into
Speaker 10: sleep proussis. I'm like trying to fight it, like I
Speaker 10: feel like something's going into my body.
Speaker 7: And at the same time, the TV, the voice the
Speaker 7: guys are talking.
Speaker 10: All of a sudden, their voices changed the demonic voices,
Speaker 10: and they start talking about me and the one guy
Speaker 10: one so they're both of my voices. The one demon
Speaker 10: says the other one. He says, his name is Josh,
Speaker 10: He's from Virginia. We have to destroy him. And I'm
Speaker 10: hearing this like this is not happening right now, but
Speaker 10: I know it's happening, and I'm fighting. I still feel
Speaker 10: like something's trying to get in my body. I'm in
Speaker 10: sleep proalyssis though, and next thing I know, I'm like
Speaker 10: off the beds hearing myself screaming, wake up the whole house.
Speaker 10: My dad comes down, my Grandma's like what's going on?
Speaker 10: And I'm like nothing, nothing, I don't know, you know,
Speaker 10: and I lay back down. But then all of a sudden,
Speaker 10: I start something's telling me to kill my uncle. And
Speaker 10: I'm laying there like what, Like something is really telling
Speaker 10: me this right now. But I at the same time,
Speaker 10: I'm telling myself, no, I don't need to do this,
Speaker 10: I don't want to do this. I'm talking myself out
Speaker 10: doing I find myself getting up and doing it, like
Speaker 10: going to do it, and someone telling me just crushed
Speaker 10: his head, like just just squeezing.
Speaker 7: You know.
Speaker 10: And so I stand up and I'm standing over my
Speaker 10: uncle and he's sleeping, and I'm like trying to fight it.
Speaker 10: But I'm doing it, and so I'm like going towards
Speaker 10: his head and then he wakes up and he's like
Speaker 10: and he looks up and sees me. He freaks out
Speaker 10: and he's like, what the heck is what are you doing?
Speaker 10: Like and he goes and sleeps like on another couch,
Speaker 10: and I end up falling asleep. So that happens. I
Speaker 10: come back home. I'm back in the you know, my
Speaker 10: homeless situation. And a week later I go and I'm
Speaker 10: these guys at the camp would smoke this stuff K
Speaker 10: two and I thought it was a joke. Like I
Speaker 10: was like, there's no because they would lose their minds
Speaker 10: off this stuff. And I'm like, there's no way this
Speaker 10: stuff does that, and so they're like, just take one hit.
Speaker 10: And I took a couple of hits, like two or three,
Speaker 10: and then next thing I know, I feel myself like overdosing, and.
Speaker 7: I hear them say he's going out.
Speaker 10: And when I fall out, like the last thing, I
Speaker 10: remember just falling out and crawling towards my tent and
Speaker 10: then it was just I was gone.
Speaker 7: And next thing I knew, I'm in a hallway and
Speaker 7: in the hallway there.
Speaker 10: Was demons on my left side and demons on my
Speaker 10: right side.
Speaker 7: They all had these like weird little.
Speaker 10: Robes and they were like short ish and just ugly,
Speaker 10: like what you would see in a movie, like these
Speaker 10: hideous like laughing. They thought it was like they were
Speaker 10: all laughing, like there was some inside.
Speaker 7: Joke I was unaware of.
Speaker 10: It was just it was it was weird, but I
Speaker 10: wasn't really scared. I was just so confused, like where
Speaker 10: am I? And I'm following one and as I'm following it,
Speaker 10: we're walking up to this big door and I'm just
Speaker 10: walking towards the door, like what is going on?
Speaker 7: Where am I?
Speaker 10: And then it says to me. The one in front
Speaker 10: of me had its hood up and it said one
Speaker 10: more step, You're almost there. And when it says that,
Speaker 10: it turns around, it has this big smile and it
Speaker 10: all clicked, Like what was going on? I said, oh,
Speaker 10: hell no?
Speaker 7: I and I turned around, and when I turned around,
Speaker 7: I woke.
Speaker 10: Up and back on my tent and I was just
Speaker 10: like soaking wet and sweat, and so at this point
Speaker 10: I'm like, I was like that was almost it, Like
Speaker 10: I was about to go to hell, I think, you know,
Speaker 10: And it scared me because at this point I had
Speaker 10: faith in Jesus, like I believed him, but he just
Speaker 10: wasn't showing up for me.
Speaker 7: So I kind of felt like there's nothing I can
Speaker 7: do about it. You know.
Speaker 10: Fast forward like another week and I'm at work one
Speaker 10: night and this lady comes up to me and she says, hey,
Speaker 10: God says you need to see him, and I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 10: I know, he needs to see me, you know, like
Speaker 10: how do we get in contact?
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 10: So, like the next day or two or something, I
Speaker 10: go to this AA meeting and I'm sitting in the meeting.
Speaker 10: I'm like, something just pulled me to go to the
Speaker 10: chapel of the church. And so I go and I
Speaker 10: stand in the altar and I say, hey, here I
Speaker 10: am God, like here I came to see you.
Speaker 7: Like what's going on? And you know, nothing really happened.
Speaker 10: So but I sit down and I just open a
Speaker 10: Bible Russian Roulette, and I just read the page and
Speaker 10: that's it.
Speaker 7: Go home or back to my tent.
Speaker 10: And a week later, I do the exact same thing,
Speaker 10: the exact same place, the exact same way, and I
Speaker 10: read and while I'm reading, I get halfway through I'm like,
Speaker 10: i've read this before. Well it's the exact same thing
Speaker 10: I read the week before or saw I'm eighteen, and
Speaker 10: so that really like hit me where I was like,
Speaker 10: that's crazy, Like I can't explain this is you know
Speaker 10: what I mean. So at this time, it's like I
Speaker 10: feel like my life is coming to an end. There
Speaker 10: was just like the feeling of like this can't go
Speaker 10: on anymore. It just can't. Like something's got to give.
Speaker 10: Either I'm gonna die or something's gonna change. And I
Speaker 10: was dating this girl at the time who was like
Speaker 10: really trying. Her mom would always talk to me about
Speaker 10: God and was, you know, be supportive of me or
Speaker 10: try to be and she was trying to get me
Speaker 10: to go to a rehab and so I'm like, I'm
Speaker 10: gonna go.
Speaker 7: I'm gonna go.
Speaker 10: And so there was this one night where I was like,
Speaker 10: I'm gonna go the next day. And so what I
Speaker 10: did is I got some dope and I hadn't done
Speaker 10: that for like three months, and so I get it,
Speaker 10: and I'm like this my last time. And so when
Speaker 10: I get it, I'm like the amount that I had
Speaker 10: was it was too much to do all at once.
Speaker 10: But it wasn't enough to do twice, you know what
Speaker 10: I mean? And I just I was reminded me of
Speaker 10: where I was in twenty twelve. I just didn't care,
Speaker 10: like I was, just like, you know what, I don't
Speaker 10: even care if I die, then I die. And so
Speaker 10: what I did, man, is I put it all in there,
Speaker 10: and I had this moment with God that was so sincere,
Speaker 10: and everything got quiet, and I said, Jesus, I don't
Speaker 10: know what you want from me. I said, this is
Speaker 10: all I know. I'm looking at these drugs. I'm like,
Speaker 10: this is all I know. Like what do you expect
Speaker 10: from me? Like I've called on your name, I've done
Speaker 10: all the things. This is all I know. And so
Speaker 10: I started loading up the needle and while I was
Speaker 10: putting it on my arm, everything I said the Lord's prayer,
Speaker 10: I said, our Father, who aren't heaven? And while I'm
Speaker 10: doing it, and at the end, I said forgive me.
Speaker 10: And I just did it because like I knew, I'm
Speaker 10: going to overdose. And as soon as I did it,
Speaker 10: my guess, my body went into fight mode where it's
Speaker 10: like you're going to overdose. And I said, get up
Speaker 10: and run, and so I got I jumped straight up
Speaker 10: and went to run out the door, and next thing
Speaker 10: I know, I'm an ambulance and so I'm waking up
Speaker 10: in the ambulance like, oh no, like because I have
Speaker 10: these charges, I'm out on two bonds, I have eight
Speaker 10: years of my head like, and.
Speaker 7: They're like, all right, your revived, Like do you want
Speaker 7: to go to the hospital.
Speaker 10: I said no, get me out here. And when I
Speaker 10: went to leave, the cop was like, all right, now
Speaker 10: you can come to jail. And so I'm like, man,
Speaker 10: and I was, you know, I was so frustrated with
Speaker 10: the cop because I'm like, dude, like, look what just happened, man, Like,
Speaker 10: I don't need this right now, you know, like you're
Speaker 10: gonna ruin my life. And uh, he saved it. I
Speaker 10: guess he played a part in saving it. But he
Speaker 10: takes me to jail, and you know, I said some
Speaker 10: of the cop like you should just.
Speaker 7: Let me die, like why'd you revive me? Man like?
Speaker 10: And he said, oh, you're suicidal. So he said he's like,
Speaker 10: we're gonna put you on suicide watch. So they put
Speaker 10: me in the suicide watch, which it just makes the
Speaker 10: jail experience fifty times worse because they take you don't blankets,
Speaker 10: you don't get the food that anyone else will get.
Speaker 10: You can't have like they put your juice and milk
Speaker 10: in a bag. You can't have that because you might
Speaker 10: try to swamp. Like they just they take everything from me,
Speaker 10: and they put this big oven min it's like the
Speaker 10: oven mint material over you. So anyways, I'm in the cell,
Speaker 10: I'm going through withdrawals and I think my life's over.
Speaker 7: I get one phone call.
Speaker 10: My mom's ball in her eyes out saying you almost
Speaker 10: died again. This was like my six overdose, you know,
Speaker 10: And she's just like, you almost died again?
Speaker 7: Are you happy?
Speaker 10: And that was the call I got, you know that
Speaker 10: that and everything hit me. It was like my whole
Speaker 10: life hit me, like you you really ruined your life,
Speaker 10: like you made a complete mess of your life. And
Speaker 10: it was real sobering because there was no more like
Speaker 10: fighting me.
Speaker 7: Like I was just like it's done, You're done.
Speaker 10: And you know, I'm like I'm gonna I'm gonna be
Speaker 10: lucky if I do three years in prison, you know
Speaker 10: what I mean, Like that would be a blessing. And
Speaker 10: you know you're you're not a good dad, your daughter,
Speaker 10: You're not there for your dag, like all that stuff's
Speaker 10: hit me. And so for five days, I was just
Speaker 10: crying out to Jesus, like bro. The only prayer I
Speaker 10: knew it was a center prayer for me, you know,
Speaker 10: being baptized. And that's what I did for five days.
Speaker 10: That's all I said. And it was like every time
Speaker 10: I said it, I'd feel like this two percent increase
Speaker 10: of like hope or something.
Speaker 7: I don't you know what I mean.
Speaker 10: And it was like this mantra or something, and I
Speaker 10: was like obsessively saying it over and over and over
Speaker 10: and over. But I remember I said, God, if you
Speaker 10: get me out of this said, I said, I just
Speaker 10: want to be a good boy.
Speaker 7: Like that's it. I just want to be a good boy.
Speaker 7: And so I go to the pod.
Speaker 10: I'm sitting there and I'm like, I can't do this
Speaker 10: again there and I heard there was a Christian program.
Speaker 10: So I go to the I sign up to go,
Speaker 10: and everyone's telling me not to go. I'm like, I
Speaker 10: don't care, man, like I need a change. So I
Speaker 10: go to the program and within the first week I
Speaker 10: was about to leave because they would wake.
Speaker 7: You up early.
Speaker 10: There was all these like rules and they would stay
Speaker 10: up at night like, and they would like before bedtime,
Speaker 10: everyone would pray and read buy It.
Speaker 7: And I'm like this place is crazy.
Speaker 10: You know, Like I was like, this is a cult,
Speaker 10: you know, like I just wanted some God, but I
Speaker 10: don't want this. And so I was about to leave actually,
Speaker 10: and one of my friends that I knew there was like, man,
Speaker 10: just give it some time, you know, trust me. And
Speaker 10: then all of a sudden, I hear this voice one
Speaker 10: day say why don't you just try? It wasn't me,
Speaker 10: something said why don't you just try? And I said,
Speaker 10: all right, you know what, I'm gonna try.
Speaker 7: What I have to lose.
Speaker 10: So the funny thing is that like right after that,
Speaker 10: they had this time of day where everyone had to
Speaker 10: be on their bunks but you couldn't sleep, so it's
Speaker 10: like you had to read your Bible to do something.
Speaker 10: And I was like the kid was this guy, my bunkie,
Speaker 10: was like, you want a Bible? And I was like sure,
Speaker 10: So he went and got me a Bible and so
Speaker 10: I opened up What do you think I opened to
Speaker 10: SAWM eighteen, same thing I had read in the thing.
Speaker 10: So now I'm kind of hooked, like this this is
Speaker 10: too crazy. So basically what happens. Over the next week
Speaker 10: or two. I started listening when speakers would come in,
Speaker 10: I'd read my Bible. I was like genuinely trying. And
Speaker 10: then all of a sudden, one day there was no
Speaker 10: moment I didn't feel God's presence. I didn't nothing happened.
Speaker 10: I just looked up one day and I wasn't the same.
Speaker 10: Like I'd be in conversations with people talking about women
Speaker 10: or drugs, and I would feel like this, like uh
Speaker 10: like turn like and I would be like, all right,
Speaker 10: y'all have fun with this. And I'd go to my
Speaker 10: bunk and read my Bible. And I found that, like
Speaker 10: the more I did, every time I would call on Jesus,
Speaker 10: I would feel joy, like I'd feel his presence and
Speaker 10: it would just kept growing and growing. And at this time,
Speaker 10: I'm like, I don't even care if I'm doing time whatever,
Speaker 10: because now I had found Jesus. Like I'm so intrigued
Speaker 10: and like consumed with Jesus and like this is a good.
Speaker 10: I can't think of the word right now, but this
Speaker 10: is a good. Gives a good idea illustration of like
Speaker 10: the difference. When I got there, I wanted to leave.
Speaker 7: Because they would read the Bible and stuff.
Speaker 10: Like by the time I left the program, I was
Speaker 10: literally walking around all day trying to pray for everyone.
Speaker 7: Like you know what I mean. People are getting annoyed me.
Speaker 7: They're like, dude, we're Jesus out today, and I'm like,
Speaker 7: what do you mean? Like you know what I mean?
Speaker 10: So so like that's that's like shows like how serious
Speaker 10: this transition was. Like there would be break time and I,
Speaker 10: me and this other guy would be in the the
Speaker 10: the rumor they could go to play sports or whatever,
Speaker 10: and we would just be worshiping, and like you know
Speaker 10: what I mean, we'd look up. We'd be in our
Speaker 10: own worlds and we'd look up and it's like all
Speaker 10: other inmates from other pods like looking at like we're
Speaker 10: you know, we're in there.
Speaker 7: One dude's crying, I'm laughing, like and so I remember
Speaker 7: being like, God, you know I don't you don't owe
Speaker 7: me anything like this. I did this to myself. Thanks
Speaker 7: for saving me.
Speaker 10: And I told him, I said, but if you do
Speaker 10: get me out of here, I said, I'm gonna lay
Speaker 10: hands on every person I see, and I'm.
Speaker 7: Gonna preach the gospel. Le's like I was like I
Speaker 7: owe you everything, So I mean, that's I guess in
Speaker 7: a nutshell my testimony.
Speaker 2: Then into thank me, do you thank, and do thank
Speaker 2: and do thank me the bum thank into