Speaker 1: Round about our coal fire, or Christmas entertainments of mirth
and jollity, Christmas gambols, eating, drinking, kissing, and other diversions
of the Holy days. First acknowledging the sacredness of the
holy time of Christmas, I proceed to set forth the
rejoicings which are generally made at that great festival. You
must understand, good people, that the manner of celebrating this
great course of Holy Days is vastly different now to
what it was in former days. There was once upon
a time hospitality in the land. An English gentleman, at
the opening of the Great Day, had all his tenants
and neighbors entered his hall. By daybreak, the strong beer
was broached, and the black jacks went plentifully about with toast, sugar, nutmeg,
and good chesha cheese. The rooms were embowered with holly,
ivy site, Presby's laurel and mistletoe, and a bouncing Christmas
log in the chimney, glowing like the cheeks of a
country milk maid. Them was the pewter as bright as Clorinda,
and every bit of brass as polished as the most
refined gentleman. The servants were running here and there with
merry hearts and jolly countenances. Everyone was busy in welcoming
of guests, and looked as smug as new licked puppies.
The Lusses were blithe and buxom as the maids in
good Queen Bess's days. When they eat surloins of roast
beef for breakfast, Peg would scuttle about to make a
toast for John, while Tom run harum scareum to draw
a jug of ale for Marjorie. Gaffer Spriggins was bid
thrice welcome by the Squire, and goody Goose did not
fail of a smacking bust from his worship in memory
of past favors, while his son and heir was mouseling
and tousling the blooming beauties of the tenant's daughters. In
a word, the spirit of generosity ran through the whole house.
In these times, all the spits were sparkling. The hacking
must be boiled by daybreak, or else. Two young men
took the maiden by the arms and run around the
market place till she was ashamed of her laziness. And
what was worse than this, she must not play with
the young fellows that day, but stand neuter like a
girl in a winding sheet at a church door for
a bastard child. But now let us inquire a little
father to arrive at the sense of the thing. This
great festival was in former times kept with so much
freedom an openness of heart, that every one in the
country where a gentleman resided possessed at least a day
of pleasure. In the Christmas Holy Days, the table were
all spread, from the first to the last. The surloins
of beef, the mince pies, the plum porridge, the capean's turkeys,
geese and plum puddings were all brought upon the board,
and those who had sharp stomachs and sharp knives ate
heartily and were welcome, which gave rise to the proverb
merry in the hall when beards wag all. There were
then turnspits employed, who, by the time dinner was over,
would look as black and as greasy as a Welsh
porridge pot. But the jacks have since turned them all
out of doors. The geese, which used to be fattened
for the honest neighbors, have been of late sent to London,
and the quills made into pens to convey away the
landlord's estate. The sheep are drove away to raise money
to answer the loss at a game at dice or cards,
and their skins made into parchments for deeds and indentures. Nay,
even the poor innocent bee, who was used to pay
its tribute to the lord once a year at least
in good Messeglin for the entertainment of the guests, and
its wax converted into beneficial plasters for sick neighbors, is
now used for the sealing of deeds to his disadvantage.
But give me the man who has a good heart
in his belly and has spirit enough to keep up
the old way of hospitality, feeds his people till they
are plump as partridges and as fat as porpoises. That
every servant may appear as jolly as the late Bishop
of Winchester's porter at Chelsea, and not keep a parcel
of sneaking looking wretches about them, whose ribs are as
apparent as those of a gridiron. What an honor it
is to a master to hear the fulks about him
praising his generosity, and such a character is a help
to him. Sometimes at an election, for servants who are
kept under a good natured direction, must love their master
and make the country folks admire him more from their
praise of him. For there is always one or other
of them setting forth his goodness. It makes the greater
impression on those who never saw him, or ever have
been at his house. When I speak this, I recollect
the fable of the mouse who help the lion out
of the toil he was caught in, And likewise the
common opinion that a mouse may destroy an elephant, besides
another observation that a mouse may creep where an elephant
cannot go, and do good when some people least expected.
Then let all your folks live briskly, and at such
a time of rejoicing, enjoy the benefit of good beef
and pudding. Let the strong beer be unlocked, and let
the piper play all the hills and far away, and
also strike up drowsy gut scrapers. Gallants be ready, each
with his lady, et cetera. For there must be a
dance now and then, by way of exercise and wit
or else. I am sure Herlow's thrombo was in the
wrong box, as well as the old ballad woman who
gave you a song and a dance, and all for
the price for hate meey, I have now buy me
two squires and a sir, who say I am mad
to write in this manner, for they are jealous. I
hint at them. One says to me, when did you
ever find me stingy? I believe you have a mind
to reflect on my character? A second says, when did
I make away my estate by my goose quills, the
parchment from my sheep's back, and the wax of my bees?
And says the third, and pray, sir, how can you
censure me on any account? Have I not treated you
with many bottles of claret? And did I not laugh
as loud as any one when we were at Herlow's
thrombow together? And then I drop my subject, as many
noted preachers do, and summed up the matter in a
few words, viz. Gentleman, if I have told you of
your sins, mend if you come for the future. Let
the stingy be generous, Let the generous be wise, and
let him who is between one and another keep his claret
to himself if he will, and laugh less when there
is nothing to be laughed at. But then it is
said laugh and be fat, which words may be understood. Thus,
if a man has but a mean substance, he can
never have any great occasion to laugh, and much less
to be fat. But if he has plenty of provender,
then the proverb is right. He may laugh that winds
and be fat. Into the bargain. The newspapers inform us
that the spirit of hospitality has not quite forsaken us,
for three or four of them tell us that several
of the gentry are gone down to their respective seats
in the country in order to keep their Christmas in
the old way and entertain their tenants and trade folks
as their ancestors used to do. And I wish them
a merry Christmas accordingly. But I must also take notice
to the stingy tribe that if they don't at least
make their tenants or tradesmen drink when they come to
see them in the Christmas holy days, they have liberty
of pissing behind the door, which is a law or
very ancient date. A merry gentleman of my acquaintance desires
I will insert that the old folks in days of
yore kept open house at Christmas out of interest, for
then says he, they receive the greatest part of their
renting kind, such as wheat, barley or malt ox, and
carve sheeps, fine turkeys, capon's geese, and such like, And
they not having room enough to preserve their grain or
fodder enough to sustain their cattle or poultry, nor markets
to sell off the overplus, they were obliged to use
them in their own houses, and by treating of the
people of the country, gained credit amongst them, and riveted
the minds and goodwill of their neighbors so firmly in
them that no one durst venture to oppose them. The
squire's will was done whatever came on it. For if
he happened to ask a neighbor what it was a clock,
they returned with a low scrape, it is what your
worship pleases. The dancing and singing of the benchures in
the great inns of Court in Christmas is in some
sort foundered upon interest, For they hauled, as I am informed,
some privilege for dancing about the fire in the middle
of their hall, and singing the song rand about our
coal fire, et cetera. This time of year being cold
and frosty, generally speaking, or when Jack Frost commonly takes
us by the nose. The diversions are within doors, either
in exercise or by the fireside. Country dancing is one
of the chief exercises. Molpeakley and the Black Toque are
never forgot. These dances stir the blood and give the
males and females a fellow feeling of each other's activity,
ability and agility. Cupid always sits in the corner of
the room where these diversions are transacting and shoots quivers
full of arrows at the dancers and makes his own
game of them. Then comes mumming or masquerading, when the
squire's wardrobe is ransacked for dresses of all kinds, and
the coal holes searched around, or corks burnt to black
the faces of the fair or make deputy mustoches, and
everyone in the family except the squire himself must be
transformed from what they were. Then begins the freedom between
one and another to be sprinkled about the hall, and
everyone shows their wit according to their capacity. And then
a dance again, and a good hearty pull or two
at the silver tankored of strong beer made woody good
with sugar and nutmeg. Then Jenny gives you a jig,
which is proportionably good, as it gives her a band
in sweat. Doll in her way gives you a double kuron,
and turns round fifty times in a minute, till most
of them are drunk enough and real home. All lie
down in the barn or else there is a match
at blind man's buff. And then it is lawful to
set anything in the way for folks to tumble over.
Whether it beat a break, arms, legs or heads, tis
no matter for neck or nothing. The devil loves no cripples.
This play, i am told, was first set on foot
by the country bone, who, like some surgeons, when they
first set up business in the country, provide two or
three pickled hauls of figure to pox the parish, both
very necessary steps towards gaining good business. As for pussing
the corner, that is a very harmless sport, and one
may ramp at it as much as one will, For
at this game, when a man catches his woman, he
may kiss her till her ears crack, or she will
be disappointed if she is a woman of any spirit.
But if it is one who offers at a struggle
and blushes then be assured she is a prude, for
though she won't stand a bus in public, she'll receive
it with open arms behind the door, and you may
kiss her till she makes your heart ache. The next
game to this is questions and commands, when the commander
may oblige his subject to answer any lawful question and
make the same obey him in instantly under the penalty
of being smutted or paying such forfeit as may be
laid on the aggressor, but the forfeits generally fixed at
some certain price, such as a shilling, half a crown,
et cetera. To everyone knowing what to do if they
should be too stubborn to submit, make themselves easy at discretion.
At one of these entertainments, I remember a gentleman was
commanded to take a certain lady into the next room
and make her squeak. He took the lady according to order,
and was free enough in a modest way. But madam
says he, why don't you squeak? Sir answered the lady,
you are to make me squeak, But returned the gentleman,
if you don't squeak, I'm as forfeit. Why don't you
make me, says the lady, And though there was a
couch in the room, and he was put to the
last push, she would not squeak an. The poor gentlemen
was forced to pay the forfeit after he had taken
so much pains with her. Some would have made him
lay down double the money. I eat one part as
a forfeit and the other for socket money. As for
the game of hoop and hide, the parties have the
liberty of hiding where they will, in any part of
the house, and if it should prove to be a bed,
and if they even then happen to be caught, the
dispute ends in kissing, et cetera. Most of the other
diversions are cards and dice, but they are seldom set
on foot unless a lawyer is on hand to breed
some dispute for him to decide, or at least have
some party in. Now I come to another entertainment frequently used,
which is of the story telling order, viz. Of hobgoblins, witches, conjurers, ghosts, fairies,
and suchlike. Common disturbers