Speaker 1: Welcome to the two seventeen Recovering Broadcast. If you don't
Speaker 1: make mistakes, you don't learn. With your host Corey Winfield,
Speaker 1: you know how you know fish is bad if you
Speaker 1: can't put it on pizza and special guests Justin Burke
Speaker 1: um Nail totally does not dictate the movie at all.
Speaker 1: Jesse Smoker. I called the string and take the Tama
Speaker 1: Mitchell O'Brien, he goes you record new o sleep big.
Speaker 1: I was like nope, and goes Winfield dead. You got
Speaker 1: this terror in his eyes.
Speaker 2: And I was like nope, and then he's like it
Speaker 2: was stoke.
Speaker 3: Here got your wat.
Speaker 2: It is the eighteenth of December twenty twenty four. My
Speaker 2: name is Cory Winfield, and none of those people on
Speaker 2: the podcast today.
Speaker 1: It's just the button I hit for the open and
Speaker 1: that's what you get.
Speaker 2: Jesse Smoker actually is in the building today, but my
Speaker 2: guests in the studio it's Tim go out.
Speaker 1: Do you mind if I use your last name?
Speaker 3: No, that's fine.
Speaker 1: So how you doing today?
Speaker 3: Pretty?
Speaker 1: How are you doing well? Man?
Speaker 2: We're having a little holiday party here at the office
Speaker 2: and you came in to partake in the festivities. We
Speaker 2: got some meatballs and some sandwiches, some cookies. There's a
Speaker 2: meeting going on right now. I think you didn't want
Speaker 2: to interrupt it.
Speaker 3: No, No, I knows the doors closed.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well because it's a dharma meeting and you're familiar
Speaker 2: with those, and they do like meditation at the beginning.
Speaker 2: And I had to go out there because actually, yes,
Speaker 2: he came in and he saw all the food and he.
Speaker 1: Was just like hell, yeah, well I'm talking.
Speaker 2: He was at level twelve outside level twelve, you know,
Speaker 2: and we're inside of needing it too. Yeah, and the
Speaker 2: meeting room is right there, So I had to go
Speaker 2: out there. I'm like, hey, guys, there's a meeting going on.
Speaker 1: They're like what. I was like, there's a meeting going on.
Speaker 1: They're like, oh, there's a meeting.
Speaker 2: I was like, I appreciate the excitement, that's how cool
Speaker 2: and all, but like you got to bring it down
Speaker 2: to inside voices though. But because they didn't know, you know,
Speaker 2: they were just excited the holiday food and it just
Speaker 2: brings out the best in people sometimes, you know, just
Speaker 2: the Christmases next week, do you have big plans.
Speaker 4: I'm going to Cadillact spend the time with my family.
Speaker 4: Gonna go to my dad's and I'm gonna go to
Speaker 4: my mom's.
Speaker 1: Okay. Is that where you grew up? Cadillact? Yeah, yep,
Speaker 1: you graduated from high school there?
Speaker 3: Yep? Sure did How many people were.
Speaker 1: In your graduating class? Ballpark?
Speaker 4: It?
Speaker 3: Three hundred? Maybe it's a big ass school. M M.
Speaker 3: Maybe a little less, Okay, it's pretty I mean it's
Speaker 3: pretty big.
Speaker 2: Well bigger than my school. Who was the class clown?
Speaker 2: Did you guys have to vote for that?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 3: I'm sure we did.
Speaker 2: I don't know though, were you not active in school
Speaker 2: stuff or just like, hey, I went there, did my work.
Speaker 3: And no I got voted best smile?
Speaker 2: Okay, there you go. Yeah, and you were in school?
Speaker 2: Were you part of the the sport guys, the book club,
Speaker 2: the drama club, the fire with everybody?
Speaker 3: No, I really didn't do any like extra creakers like that.
Speaker 3: I took for we did foreign language and stuff, you know,
Speaker 3: for a language week and things like that.
Speaker 1: But see we oh you know French, Oh my god, dang, bro.
Speaker 3: No, I was friends with everybody.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 2: And is that when you started partying, because you're a
Speaker 2: person in recovery, and is that when the partying started
Speaker 2: or what did you?
Speaker 4: So, my my drug use started with like marijuana drinking occasionally.
Speaker 4: It wasn't really like school related like a lot of people's,
Speaker 4: you know, Mine was kind of like more at outside
Speaker 4: of school.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, I mean that's why I did it most
Speaker 2: of my I don't think I drink much in school.
Speaker 3: Well no, I mean like more of my.
Speaker 1: Personal like after you graduated.
Speaker 3: No, I mean like home life kind of you know diuse.
Speaker 2: Your parents are divorced. You mentioned, yeah, without mentioning it,
Speaker 2: but you did.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I don't know if they wanted to be put on blast,
Speaker 1: but they are.
Speaker 3: Yeah, No, they're divorced. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I don't know why they couldn't make it work, but
Speaker 1: they couldn't.
Speaker 3: No, that's okay. Sometimes people just need to.
Speaker 2: But sometimes like because having it, do you have a stepfather, stepmother,
Speaker 2: so I'm adopted?
Speaker 4: I had my my mom is my mom, and then
Speaker 4: her second husband adopted my sister and I sister me.
Speaker 2: Because that can throw a wrench to a lot of
Speaker 2: people's psyche, and it's hard to address it because you
Speaker 2: just think, well, that's what happened, and that's fine, and
Speaker 2: that's how I grew up, and this is where it's
Speaker 2: supposed to be okay, this way it's happening. But to
Speaker 2: actually go through the emotions of it all, and you know,
Speaker 2: being adopted, does that bring any kind of like, oh,
Speaker 2: I wasn't wanted or because I'm not adopted, I don't
Speaker 2: know these things.
Speaker 4: No, you know, I mean, you know, growing up there's
Speaker 4: always that sense of like, you know, our real dad
Speaker 4: didn't want anything to do with us, this and that.
Speaker 4: But you know what comes along with recovery is you
Speaker 4: learn that addiction isn't a you know, it's not a choice.
Speaker 3: It's a disease. And our our biological dad is an alcoholic.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 4: So you know, I remember being very little on my
Speaker 4: grandma telling me like, you know, he's sick.
Speaker 3: It's not that he doesn't love you, he's just sick.
Speaker 3: You know. I accepted that then.
Speaker 4: And then once I got older and you know, became
Speaker 4: an adict myself and learned about the ins and outs
Speaker 4: of it, you know, it became you know, it wasn't
Speaker 4: as a devastating blow, you know what I mean, it
Speaker 4: kind of softened.
Speaker 2: It, like, Okay, Well that's good to know for people
Speaker 2: out there listening, because they might be like, hey, he's
Speaker 2: struggling through some of the same stuff. But back to
Speaker 2: the outside of schools, at the family life and stuff
Speaker 2: like that. Like I used the drinking to like fit in,
Speaker 2: Like I didn't want to be known as someone who
Speaker 2: wasn't cool, you know, Like I wanted to fit in.
Speaker 2: I wanted to make people laugh. And that's why I
Speaker 2: started making people laugh, you know. I was just like, hey,
Speaker 2: I can make people laugh, and that makes me cool,
Speaker 2: you know. But then like we go to a party,
Speaker 2: and of course I would want to drink, you know,
Speaker 2: and because all the other cool kids were doing it, yeah,
Speaker 2: I need to drink too, And it just kind of
Speaker 2: became a thing before I knew it. I was drinking
Speaker 2: because it was Friday. I was drinking because it was Sunday.
Speaker 2: I was drinking little football, the Cubs weren I mean,
Speaker 2: whatever it was, there was always drinking involved.
Speaker 1: And it was a very slippery slope for me. But
Speaker 1: your drug of choice wasn't.
Speaker 4: Alcohol, No, No, It started with I think the first
Speaker 4: drug outside of marijuana that de abused was probably viking
Speaker 4: in then adderall and then meth okay, and then was
Speaker 4: I found math. It was you know, nothing else mattered,
Speaker 4: so Yeah.
Speaker 2: Some people will say, oh, but I'm just going to
Speaker 2: drink now, because that wasn't my thing. I'm just going
Speaker 2: to smoke some weed because it's legal now here in Michigan.
Speaker 2: And yeah, that's fine. My doctor gave to me because
Speaker 2: my back hurt. They'll make some excuse.
Speaker 5: Up, you know.
Speaker 3: Yeah, absolutely, And I always.
Speaker 2: Say to them because I tried it too, Oh I'll
Speaker 2: just smoke weed. I'll just do that. It was never
Speaker 2: good enough for what my brain had already been like boom, yeah,
Speaker 2: stamp approved. This is what I need, which for me
Speaker 2: was alcohol. So you're saying the same thing, just a
Speaker 2: different drug of choice.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 4: You know, there's been times where I've gone to treatment
Speaker 4: and thought to myself, oh, when I hit a year clean,
Speaker 4: I'll smoke some weed because it's not dangerous. But for me,
Speaker 4: I know that it wouldn't be enough. And the second
Speaker 4: I smoke weed, my clean time's gone. So why not
Speaker 4: put a needle in my arm?
Speaker 5: You know?
Speaker 3: And that's kind of where I'm at today.
Speaker 2: But you're in recovery. When you say you're in recovery, man,
Speaker 2: I don't know what. And those people can live their life,
Speaker 2: how are they want? But for me because I just
Speaker 2: had six years the other day, and gradually I put
Speaker 2: on there that you know, today, mark's my six years sober.
Speaker 2: And somebody was like, though it's supposed to be you're
Speaker 2: in recovery when you say you are. I didn't respond
Speaker 2: to him because you just kind of trolled me a
Speaker 2: little bit, trying to troll me and whatever people want
Speaker 2: to believe, do what you need to do. But I'm
Speaker 2: just saying for me, I once was of the mindset
Speaker 2: of all smoke weed. You don't know, but every time
Speaker 2: I would smoke weed, it would let my guard down
Speaker 2: and then I would think, well, just a half pint's fine,
Speaker 2: but I can't even drink a drop. I can't do
Speaker 2: a shot. Like it's not enough for me. My brain
Speaker 2: will I want more? Yeah, you know, And I think
Speaker 2: what you said too is the same thing. You know,
Speaker 2: like your brain is going to bemediately want more because
Speaker 2: it's not what you're wanting. It might be cool a
Speaker 2: couple of days, Sure, you do it here there, but
Speaker 2: in the long run, why would you take that risk
Speaker 2: of baiting yourself, setting yourself up for a trap?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 4: Yeah, And for me, a lot of what my addiction
Speaker 4: is is also sex. So I know last year, after
Speaker 4: I left treatment and went to the tea house and relapsed,
Speaker 4: that started with sex and it just.
Speaker 3: Opened the door to doing math. So it's been a
Speaker 3: long road trying to separate too.
Speaker 1: But oh, because you mean the two together were just.
Speaker 4: Yeah, so I can probably count on one hand the
Speaker 4: amount of times I've ever had sex without math, you
Speaker 4: know what I mean, Because definitely today, like where I
Speaker 4: am in my recovery, like if you were to offer
Speaker 4: me sex, it's it's offering me math. It's the same
Speaker 4: thing for me because they're so intertwined. So it's been
Speaker 4: a lot of working with my therapist to try and
Speaker 4: unravel those two because one is a basic human need.
Speaker 4: The other is you know, it's okay to say I
Speaker 4: can never do drugs again. It's probab probably not realistic
Speaker 4: to say that I'm never going to not have sex again.
Speaker 2: Right, and maybe and I don't know how your therapist
Speaker 2: brings it up like this or maybe they do, maybe
Speaker 2: they don't, but just finding that person to have that
Speaker 2: intimate relationship with as opposed to just like hey, let's
Speaker 2: look up, you're hot, you know.
Speaker 4: Right, Yeah, And that's terrifying to me the idea of
Speaker 4: you know, like romantic intimacy, Like I can be into
Speaker 4: like this conversation, I can be intimate, I can be
Speaker 4: intimate with the guys in the house, you know, like
Speaker 4: in rehab.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 4: I love that, you know, developing that relationship you know,
Speaker 4: on a deeper level like that. But when it comes
Speaker 4: to romance or anything like that, it's that's terrifying.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well because you haven't done it.
Speaker 3: No, yeah, exactly, it's all foreign.
Speaker 2: If I was the fly a plane today, everybody'd be
Speaker 2: terrified first of all. Yeah, but I'll be terrified, so
Speaker 2: I don't want to help I'm doing yeah.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 2: And that's just because you got to get that under
Speaker 2: your belt, which you could look at like, oh my god,
Speaker 2: that's the scariest thing, or you could look at it
Speaker 2: as exciting.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yes, true, Like.
Speaker 2: You're gonna get to experience this one day, tim Yeah,
Speaker 2: and it's gonna be magical and you're gonna be like,
Speaker 2: oh my god, that's what it's about. Yeah, and you're
Speaker 2: gonna have so much more appreciation for it. And I
Speaker 2: can't wait for you to get there because it will happen, right,
Speaker 2: you know, You're gonna meet that person and it's going
Speaker 2: to be special and you're just it's gonna blow your mind.
Speaker 1: You can be like, oh my god, like that's what
Speaker 1: that is.
Speaker 2: Yep, that's what it's like, waking up next to somebody,
Speaker 2: you know, like it'll be special and you'll love it. Yeah,
Speaker 2: you know, so just wait for it, you know, don't
Speaker 2: pull yourself out. And obviously you don't want to do
Speaker 2: that because that does lead to other stuff too.
Speaker 4: And yeah, I know because and that's also a big,
Speaker 4: big part of my addiction story, is that very thing.
Speaker 2: So well, I'm rooting for you, Tim, Thank you. So
Speaker 2: I'd like to hire you one day too until seventeen recovery.
Speaker 1: I think you'd be great man.
Speaker 4: Yeah, well, you know I went and got that uh
Speaker 4: that nimbsas training done and they got my chauffeur's license.
Speaker 3: I'm working on it obviously.
Speaker 2: Yeah, take me minute to find that drop is going
Speaker 2: to hit a different one first. But yeah, the plans
Speaker 2: that you have for your future seemed bright. You know,
Speaker 2: you don't know exactly what they hold. Does that bother you?
Speaker 2: You know, you don't know exactly what's coming down the road.
Speaker 4: I think that it's uh you know, because I just
Speaker 4: in a few days, I'll have eat months clean and
Speaker 4: that'll be the most clean time I've ever had. So
Speaker 4: anything beyond Thursday, it's like or Friday is like a
Speaker 4: you know, uncharted territory for me. So as long as
Speaker 4: I continue on the path and the trajectory that I'm on,
Speaker 4: I'm confident that the unknown, you know.
Speaker 3: What's to come, is going to be good for me. Yeah,
Speaker 3: I just can't.
Speaker 2: Use That's number one. That's what I tell I had
Speaker 2: a guy coming earlier. His name is Jamie, and he
Speaker 2: was my roommate back the last time I went to treatment,
Speaker 2: and there was something that was told to us, and
Speaker 2: it was like, just don't take the first drink, you know,
Speaker 2: stay away from the first one. Stay away from that,
Speaker 2: because once you take the first one, you're done, and
Speaker 2: then the guilt you know, from it, and then the
Speaker 2: shame that you've caused yourself, and it just builds right
Speaker 2: down to a hole of God.
Speaker 1: Just keep going.
Speaker 4: Yeah, And I'm just I'm so interested in burning my
Speaker 4: life to the ground again.
Speaker 1: You've had enough.
Speaker 4: I've rebuilt my life so many times. It's I can't
Speaker 4: even count how many cars I've traded how many times
Speaker 4: I've you know, just had two pairs of pants, one
Speaker 4: pairs of shoes, like nothing to my name, you know.
Speaker 4: And it's hard work building that back, you know, and
Speaker 4: it's expensive building that back, you know.
Speaker 1: Stay away from the first one.
Speaker 2: And then somebody was tell me or asked me yesterday,
Speaker 2: how come I keep picking people?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 2: Okay, it was somebody that works for us, but it
Speaker 2: was like, how come I keep picking people up? And
Speaker 2: the first thing they'll say is, well, I stopped going
Speaker 2: to meetings. So when I went to ship from there,
Speaker 2: I was like, well, there's some to that. But at
Speaker 2: the same time, if that's all you're doing is going
Speaker 2: to meetings, you good luck.
Speaker 5: You know.
Speaker 2: I had to change my entire life, you know it.
Speaker 2: I was told people places things, places things, and I'm
Speaker 2: sitting on my couch in Arkansas about ready to open
Speaker 2: another bottle, and I'm like.
Speaker 1: People places things. I don't go anywhere. I don't hang
Speaker 1: out with people who drink, Like who are we supposed
Speaker 1: to do?
Speaker 2: And then I had a guy who I was giving
Speaker 2: a rounde to is giving me the same thing that
Speaker 2: I used to spit to myself. And it's like, well,
Speaker 2: here's the problem man. And here's what I didn't get
Speaker 2: the time. You have to go find those people. You
Speaker 2: have to find those places. You have to get off
Speaker 2: the couch. Opportunities not just come knocking on your door.
Speaker 2: Hey you want some great stuff, here you go. It's
Speaker 2: not gonna happen. You have to get off the couch.
Speaker 2: You have to get out in. Those people you can
Speaker 2: find at meetings. You know, you can find those people
Speaker 2: at church, you can find those people in library, the gym, wherever.
Speaker 5: You know.
Speaker 2: But making those connections and being places with people and
Speaker 2: making yourself a part of the community is I think
Speaker 2: was huge for me. So people that are just going
Speaker 2: to meetings, sure it can be done. I don't think
Speaker 2: I would be happy just going to meetings. Yeah, you know.
Speaker 2: I had to go to five or seven meetings a
Speaker 2: week or something like that when I was in sober living,
Speaker 2: which was fine, but it got me into a routine,
Speaker 2: and it got me into knowing what I needed out
Speaker 2: of those meetings. And it was just, you know, a
Speaker 2: chance to vent get stuff off my chest. And those
Speaker 2: are fine. I like doing that. But it wasn't just
Speaker 2: me going to meetings. It was me going to school,
Speaker 2: you know. It was what I was doing outside of.
Speaker 1: All of that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, building a network, Yeah.
Speaker 2: Creating a nonprofit, you know, having goals, finding a hot wife,
Speaker 2: you know, has plans now, but it's beyond just going
Speaker 2: to meetings.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 2: That's in my opinion as a professional radio broadcaster anyway, Like,
Speaker 2: that's that's what worked for me, and that's what I see,
Speaker 2: And that was my answer to him.
Speaker 1: You know, it's like, yeah, you know, like you're going
Speaker 1: to hear.
Speaker 2: It a lot, and I've heard a lot and you
Speaker 2: probably heard it a lot too, but that is one
Speaker 2: of the first things that kind of goes like and
Speaker 2: if you go back to my past and my return
Speaker 2: to use, I think that's what themstance calls it, my
Speaker 2: relapse is I would stop going to meetings you know sometimes,
Speaker 2: but I don't know it all leads to whatever it is.
Speaker 2: But so you're a manager at a place now, which
Speaker 2: is great, yep. Is that something that you see in
Speaker 2: your future? Are you just like, hey, I'm holding it
Speaker 2: down today.
Speaker 4: You know, I've been a manager in the past at
Speaker 4: other places that I've worked, and I always get a
Speaker 4: really nice sense of fulfillment out of it. You know,
Speaker 4: I like affecting change and like leading a team, you know, inspiring.
Speaker 3: Other people to like do their job well. So I
Speaker 3: enjoy management.
Speaker 4: And you know, the trajectory that this company has right now,
Speaker 4: and like their business plans for the future, there's a
Speaker 4: lot of room for growth, you know, if I play
Speaker 4: my cards right and I just keep doing what I'm doing,
Speaker 4: you know, there's definitely career in it for me right now.
Speaker 4: But I also know that, you know, there's a few
Speaker 4: things that've been missing in my recovery. You know, this
Speaker 4: was my ninth time in rehab, and every time I
Speaker 4: do something a little different each time. And I think
Speaker 4: one of the big changes that I need to do
Speaker 4: is I need to work in recovery in order to
Speaker 4: maintain long term recovery. But you know, I've never had
Speaker 4: long term recovery, so I've never gotten to a point
Speaker 4: where somebody would hire me, you know, because I can't
Speaker 4: be trusted, you know, And that's just the fact. You know,
Speaker 4: you relapse every who you relapse every few months, you know,
Speaker 4: because that's my pattern. I used for six seven months,
Speaker 4: I go to rehab for three months. I used for
Speaker 4: six seven months, I go to rehab. You know, it's
Speaker 4: just it's been this NonStop cycle, you know, so this time,
Speaker 4: I'm trying to do a few things different. You know
Speaker 4: that you mentioned church. That's one of the big changes
Speaker 4: that I've made this time.
Speaker 2: One of the my times which it kind of stuck,
Speaker 2: but it didn't. And I learned a lot. And you've learned.
Speaker 2: You said, you've been nine times a treatment. You've learned,
Speaker 2: and you could probably still remember some of the stuff
Speaker 2: that you learned that you still hold on to today
Speaker 2: from the.
Speaker 1: First time you went.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like, just because we go so many times doesn't
Speaker 2: mean we didn't learn anything in those other times. It's
Speaker 2: just we were still trying to do it our way,
Speaker 2: or we were put ourselves in a situation that we
Speaker 2: didn't expect the next thing. You know, we're saying yes,
Speaker 2: we wanted to say no, but next and then you're off.
Speaker 2: And it just takes that one split decision of the
Speaker 2: attic brain to come back and you're off. And if
Speaker 2: you're not grounded, you're not set, it can hit you
Speaker 2: sideways really quick. So my point here is, but going
Speaker 2: to all those times, and some people would say, oh
Speaker 2: my god, and I've heard it.
Speaker 1: We can't believe nothing.
Speaker 2: No, no, no, We're learning things along the way, But I
Speaker 2: think that you would be an asset because of that.
Speaker 2: As for people like myself, you know, fifteen times is stupid,
Speaker 2: you know, like it wasn't exactly treatment fifteen times when
Speaker 2: I count the mental institutions, the mental health places as well,
Speaker 2: because my drinking led me there, so they're all in there.
Speaker 2: But I think, you know, going so many times and
Speaker 2: not giving up kind of shows something. And I think
Speaker 2: that a lot of people will kind of look up
Speaker 2: to that. Even you know, if you just went one
Speaker 2: do I want to treat it one time? And I
Speaker 2: would raise an eyebrow like, oh, you had a problem
Speaker 2: or you just didn't want to go to jail anymore,
Speaker 2: like right, because jail didn't scare me. Jail didn't scare
Speaker 2: you either, you know, like not I don't even know
Speaker 2: if you've been to jail, but I'm just saying, like
Speaker 2: the thought of going to jail, you were like, oh,
Speaker 2: I'm not doing that drug.
Speaker 1: Let me put it down.
Speaker 3: Right, Yeah.
Speaker 5: No.
Speaker 4: What drives me to get clean a lot of times is, uh,
Speaker 4: I get so far away from being human, you know
Speaker 4: what I mean, Like the isolation and the hallucinations and
Speaker 4: the dirty shit that I do, you know, selling my body.
Speaker 4: You know, it's just you know, being around people who
Speaker 4: are just not interested in doing anything good. You know,
Speaker 4: And for me, a lot of times, the decision to
Speaker 4: go to rehab is because I need, you know, I
Speaker 4: just have this overwhelming need to reconnect again, you know.
Speaker 4: Going to rehab for me is learning how to be
Speaker 4: around people, learning how to eat food around people, learning
Speaker 4: how to you know, talk to people, and I can
Speaker 4: make those connections and not just see people as like
Speaker 4: sex objects or myself as a sex object. You know,
Speaker 4: I need to, you know, more than anything, I need
Speaker 4: to get some distance between me and that last use.
Speaker 4: You know, if I decide that I'm going to get clean,
Speaker 4: you know, while i'm you know, I'm out there using,
Speaker 4: I decide IM going to get clean. If I don't
Speaker 4: go to treatment, I'm not I'm not going to stop using,
Speaker 4: right you know. I may stop for a couple of weeks,
Speaker 4: you know, but then the pain of it, you know,
Speaker 4: gets to be just so much that I you know,
Speaker 4: I want to use so I don't feel that anymore.
Speaker 4: And being in treatment, you have that really nice option
Speaker 4: of having therapy twenty four seven. You know, you've got
Speaker 4: twenty other addicts to talk to. You're in a place
Speaker 4: that's you know, safe for you to reach out and connect.
Speaker 4: And yeah, and you know what, I really like rehab.
Speaker 1: I do fun. It is a kind of like I
Speaker 1: wish I could go on a rehab vacation.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and you know, rehab has always been an exceptional
Speaker 4: human experience for me. I'm a reheab rock star because
Speaker 4: I've done it so many times and I really enjoy it.
Speaker 4: And I had a friend tell me this last time,
Speaker 4: you know, when I said to him that I enjoyed
Speaker 4: going to rehab, He's like, you know what, I think,
Speaker 4: maybe that's part of the problem, you know what I mean,
Speaker 4: Like you're not building a life or a network or
Speaker 4: a foundation where you feel that connected in real life.
Speaker 4: So you use you know, meth is my shortcut too, intimacy.
Speaker 4: That's the long and short of it, you know what
Speaker 4: I mean. So yeah, it's just you know, I tell
Speaker 4: the guys all the time, and I go to de Caskie,
Speaker 4: bring the meeting, and you know, that brotherhood you feel
Speaker 4: here doesn't stop here, right, you know, there's a there's
Speaker 4: AA you know, there's these tea houses. You know, you
Speaker 4: can come here, you know, to Dow seventeen Recovery, Like
Speaker 4: there are so many options in Traverse City to stay connected.
Speaker 4: You know, it doesn't stop when you leave rehab.
Speaker 2: No, and that's something I never wanted to get into.
Speaker 1: And I would.
Speaker 2: I like to rehab, but I'd only be there for
Speaker 2: a week. And I'm like, all right, I figured it out.
Speaker 2: See yeah, you know, because I thought i'd figured it out. Oh,
Speaker 2: I'm smarter than you people, And you know that that
Speaker 2: takes a while for some people to get over that
Speaker 2: you're not smarter than other people.
Speaker 1: You're not. Oh it didn't work for him, Well he's stupid.
Speaker 1: It hadn't work for me, you know.
Speaker 2: Okay, you know it took me a long time to
Speaker 2: figure that out, that I was probably actually dumber than
Speaker 2: most people.
Speaker 1: But when you do.
Speaker 2: Start to kind of figure that out and realize, Okay,
Speaker 2: what they're saying is probably true and I should listen,
Speaker 2: And then you know, I had to realize it wasn't
Speaker 2: a game anymore. When I got a duy and I
Speaker 2: don't remember driving, like I could have killed people. I
Speaker 2: didn't want to become that person. So what do I
Speaker 2: need to do to fix this? You know, like what
Speaker 2: do I do? What am I missing? And then I
Speaker 2: started digging into my past. It's like, okay, a relationship
Speaker 2: with my father and I didn't know it affected me
Speaker 2: as much as it did because I'm a guy.
Speaker 1: I'm just supposed to get over it and blah blah blah.
Speaker 2: But no, no, I I had a great stepdad, but
Speaker 2: I never had that father son relationship growing up, and
Speaker 2: I think that led to a lot of it. So
Speaker 2: to look in the mirror and actually go through that
Speaker 2: and process it, it really helped. And I thought, wow,
Speaker 2: that is something that I need to address, and I
Speaker 2: address it as an adult, not a drunk person texting
Speaker 2: your dad f off you, piece of shit. Yeah you know,
Speaker 2: I'm not proud of it, but you know I wouldn't
Speaker 2: change it, you know, Like I had to tell my dad,
Speaker 2: you know, like, hey, sorry if I hurt your feelings,
Speaker 2: but not sorry I sent it, you know, because that's
Speaker 2: how I was feeling at that time, whether I was
Speaker 2: drunk or not. Now, I told him I will address
Speaker 2: it differently now that I because I think when I
Speaker 2: reached out of two years sober, I have two years sober.
Speaker 2: I will address this with you in a different manner.
Speaker 2: But and then to actually talk to him and hear
Speaker 2: his side and it's like, oh, okay, everybody has story.
Speaker 2: You know, there's two sides of her story, and to
Speaker 2: actually hear his and kind of okay and rationally think
Speaker 2: about it.
Speaker 1: You know, I had to be two years sober.
Speaker 2: If I was three months sober, I would have been
Speaker 2: like sh whatever, dude, and I probably would start drinking again.
Speaker 2: But to know when you're ready to tackle those issues
Speaker 2: and yours is intimacy.
Speaker 1: You know, one of them. I don't know how many
Speaker 1: you have, But how do you tackle it? I don't know.
Speaker 2: I mean, you don't know either, but you're working through it. Yeah,
Speaker 2: and a little bit better today, but then yesterday.
Speaker 1: Is kind of my motto.
Speaker 2: But if you can go through treatment lots of times,
Speaker 2: and if you can go have fun there and learn
Speaker 2: about yourself and grow, I think that's that's huge. And
Speaker 2: at the end, when I was forced to be there
Speaker 2: ninety days was like I did sixty. But it was
Speaker 2: a huge thing for me because I couldn't just leave
Speaker 2: after a week. And the people I've met along the way,
Speaker 2: I mean, there's a guy I think he said he
Speaker 2: was a Meschigan now. But I met him in Grand
Speaker 2: Rapids and he reached out to me and was like, hey, man,
Speaker 2: me and my girl, we got thirty days clean, you know.
Speaker 2: And this was probably a month or two ago. I
Speaker 2: told him I was like checking with me every week,
Speaker 2: and that he did one week later and then hasn't.
Speaker 1: Ever heard from him. So I'm like, oh Jesus, you
Speaker 1: know it.
Speaker 2: I'm not going to go track him down or anything
Speaker 2: and tell me he's a bad person, but it's probably
Speaker 2: not good. But the fact that he still reaches out
Speaker 2: to me, you know, it's huge. And I just met
Speaker 2: some really, really cool ass people in treatment. It was
Speaker 2: a guy that we picked up the other day that
Speaker 2: I know, and it was his first time going to treatment,
Speaker 2: and we told him to go to Dakowski. That's what
Speaker 2: I recommended. I was like, you know, go to ATS
Speaker 2: here in Trevor City. He's like, man, I'm really nervous,
Speaker 2: and I told him. I was like, dude, You're going
Speaker 2: to meet some really cool ass people in there, and
Speaker 2: he just kind of looked at me and I and
Speaker 2: it took me back to the very first time I
Speaker 2: jumped on a plane went to LA and I'm just
Speaker 2: remember like what kind of weirdos am I gonna meet?
Speaker 2: And you just like, because you watch TV and you
Speaker 2: see movies and oh, these drug people are really bad
Speaker 2: And I'm gonna be in there with some people who
Speaker 2: do meth and heroin.
Speaker 1: I'm just a drinker ID better.
Speaker 2: Than them because you have that mentality that I did,
Speaker 2: and when I first went in and quickly realized I
Speaker 2: could have been hooked on any of those other drugs
Speaker 2: just as easily.
Speaker 5: You know.
Speaker 2: But it was funny because he just looked at me,
Speaker 2: you know, like, what are you talking about, dude? Like
Speaker 2: it was over the phone too, so it was just
Speaker 2: like I see his eyebrows raised up, like I'm gonna
Speaker 2: meet some cool people, Like I'm gonna meet a bunch of.
Speaker 1: Drug addicts, bro.
Speaker 5: You know.
Speaker 2: It's like, nah, you'll understand when you get there, I
Speaker 2: told them. But I think he's in a good spot.
Speaker 2: And the people over there at ATS, you know, especially
Speaker 2: the men's program and maybe the women's too. I don't
Speaker 2: know it as much obviously or as well, but the
Speaker 2: men's program, the people that run it, the people that
Speaker 2: work there, they're in recovery.
Speaker 5: Man.
Speaker 1: That's huge.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, yeah, Dave g he fucking he.
Speaker 4: You know, I in rehab many times before I went
Speaker 4: to ATS, and uh, when I went to Dakowski, that's
Speaker 4: kind of when my mentality about recovery shifted. It was
Speaker 4: the first time I ever went that I followed through
Speaker 4: without patient, the first time I ever went to a
Speaker 4: tea house.
Speaker 3: You know. When I met Dave g the way he.
Speaker 4: Just the way he carries himself and like talks about
Speaker 4: recovery and just the way that he breaks it down
Speaker 4: for you, it changed my whole, my whole perspective. Like
Speaker 4: he you know, like the way he treated us. It
Speaker 4: changed my life, you know. And you know, I've always
Speaker 4: wanted to recovery, but I until I came to ATS,
Speaker 4: you know, it was just I'm going to go to
Speaker 4: rehab because I got to save my job. Like my
Speaker 4: parents are pissed I got to go to rehab or
Speaker 4: I'm trying to save this relationship. Like if I go
Speaker 4: to treatment, like maybe they'll take me back.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 4: It's it's always been that, you know, and but these
Speaker 4: last few years it's it's been about me, you know.
Speaker 4: And I've always wanted recovery, you know, and once you
Speaker 4: go to a or NA enough when you relapse, there's
Speaker 4: not a lot of fun.
Speaker 3: Because they've they've ruined it. Okay, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3: You have twelve steps running through your head. You know
Speaker 3: there's a better way.
Speaker 4: You know, all the people that you've met and all
Speaker 4: the friends that you've made, and everyone who's been rooting for.
Speaker 3: You is now you know, disappointed.
Speaker 4: And like whenever every time I relapse, I always tell
Speaker 4: them like, don't worry, I'll be back. I always come back.
Speaker 4: There's just some things that I think I have to
Speaker 4: do while i'm high before I can stop.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's I mean.
Speaker 2: Because I've known you for a few years now, and
Speaker 2: you went to Lansing with us to the U fam Ryla.
Speaker 1: That was a good time. That was fun. I was
Speaker 1: freaked out because I'm.
Speaker 2: Like, oh my god, we're bringing all these people, they
Speaker 2: are sober living and somebody's gonna screw up. It's gonna
Speaker 2: be on us.
Speaker 1: But nobody did. It was great.
Speaker 3: No, yeah, it was great.
Speaker 2: And you know I've seen you go back out and
Speaker 2: I've talked to them with Marnie about it too.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 1: It's just like, man, I wish she would just call
Speaker 1: us and ask us give him a ride or something.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 2: But you know as well as I know, if I
Speaker 2: would have called you, you just would have been like, well,
Speaker 2: not tucking to him, you know, like I don't know
Speaker 2: when you're in the zone.
Speaker 1: You're in the zone.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's it's gonna be when Tim wants to go.
Speaker 2: But all we can do is sit back and pray
Speaker 2: and be like, well, we can just pray. They got
Speaker 2: to get some back sooner than later, because the more
Speaker 2: you're out there, the more stuff you burned down, you know.
Speaker 4: And eventually I always call you, guys, you know, what
Speaker 4: are you doing Tuesday?
Speaker 1: No, We're always like excited to see that you're back
Speaker 1: in there.
Speaker 5: You know.
Speaker 2: When Martie would work in the treatment center whatever, she
Speaker 2: would see who comes in, and she would you know,
Speaker 2: she would or maybe wouldn't tell me, oh so and
Speaker 2: so is in here, and I'm like, oh, okay, yeah,
Speaker 2: or maybe I think most of the time i'd see
Speaker 2: it events, I'm like, oh shit, you're back in there,
Speaker 2: all right, cool Tim, Glad to see you back. And
Speaker 2: that's how I see most of the people, you know,
Speaker 2: if we do like a volleyball or whatever kind of
Speaker 2: event we're doing and got going on and somebody will
Speaker 2: come up. Hey, we had a recovery Stories event. I
Speaker 2: came up to me last time, and I heard from
Speaker 2: him in a while. Last time I saw he was
Speaker 2: posting videos of his interaction with the police getting arrested.
Speaker 1: I'm like, wow, would you post that?
Speaker 2: But you know, but he's in there, and he was
Speaker 2: just like, man, I'm doing good and told me to
Speaker 2: come see me. I don't know if he's even out
Speaker 2: of treat me yet, but he is. I expect him
Speaker 2: to come see us. But but it's cool to see
Speaker 2: people again go back through there. And some people think, oh,
Speaker 2: you've been there eight times, nine times, it's easy for
Speaker 2: you to go back there. It's actually kind of harder sometimes.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you know, this last time, I when I graduated Dakoski.
Speaker 4: The last time last year, you know, it was pretty
Speaker 4: much made clear to me that, you know, if I
Speaker 4: need a treatment again, it wouldn't be at Dakoski. And
Speaker 4: that wasn't because you know, ATS loves me. I love them,
Speaker 4: you know, great relationship. You know, it's always a fantastic
Speaker 4: experience with them. But it got to the point where
Speaker 4: you know, they told me, like, we're enabling you. At
Speaker 4: this point, you just continue to allow you to come here,
Speaker 4: do the program that you already know by heart. You
Speaker 4: can walk in here, and you know you can walk
Speaker 4: right through it because you know what to expect. You know,
Speaker 4: if we don't start saying no to you, you know,
Speaker 4: it's not you know, we're just enabling you. So they
Speaker 4: told me they helped me get into treatment and I
Speaker 4: could utilize out patient services and all that stuff, but
Speaker 4: they wanted me to try it somewhere else, you know,
Speaker 4: And I took that advice and I went up to
Speaker 4: Great Lakes and the zoo and that was that was
Speaker 4: terrifying going somewhere that wasn't because the last four times
Speaker 4: before that I had been at Dakaski, you know, and
Speaker 4: it was terrifying being that far away from home. You know,
Speaker 4: I'd never been across the bridge before. So really no, no,
Speaker 4: but it was a great experience.
Speaker 3: And one of my one of my one of my
Speaker 3: friends works up there.
Speaker 4: He he was a person that I just never I
Speaker 4: never thought would get clean ever. You know, he started
Speaker 4: as my drug dealer, then became one of my best friends.
Speaker 4: You know, we got lost in Florida together. You know,
Speaker 4: we used to use a lot of drugs together and
Speaker 4: he got clean and he works up there and he's
Speaker 4: a recovery coach and he works in the outpatient building.
Speaker 4: He does he works at the m AT clinic. You know,
Speaker 4: he's his life is completely changed. And you know, I
Speaker 4: always think about you know, or like my my buddy Jeff,
Speaker 4: like if they can do it, I can do it
Speaker 4: because we were the same type of addict, you know
Speaker 4: what I mean.
Speaker 2: And not to put Josh on blast or anything, but
Speaker 2: he does listen to the podcast. He's a big fan
Speaker 2: of what we do. So I'm going to put him
Speaker 2: on blast. But he you know, one time I was
Speaker 2: taking somebody up there and he was like, man, we
Speaker 2: gotta get Tim back, you know, And I was like yeah,
Speaker 2: and I kind of I think I might have talked
Speaker 2: to Jeff about it, and then there was like, oh,
Speaker 2: he might not want to go.
Speaker 1: There, you know what.
Speaker 2: I'm like, Okay, so I think he went through ats
Speaker 2: that time. But then to see you actually go up
Speaker 2: there and it's a good little program, I think. You know,
Speaker 2: they showed me around, gave me a tour. It's like
Speaker 2: an old church that they built into a treatment center.
Speaker 2: Like the bottom part is all dorms and the go
Speaker 2: get one roommate, which is cool. Yeah, yeah, you know,
Speaker 2: the bed seemed decent. You get a little night stand,
Speaker 2: a little dresser to put your stuff on.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it was nice. It was you could tell that
Speaker 4: it was newly renovated. And the kitchen was The kitchen
Speaker 4: was great. The furniture was nice. You know, it was
Speaker 4: very it was very homey.
Speaker 3: I liked it.
Speaker 4: It was different then other treatment centers that I've been
Speaker 4: to in the way that it's more peer led. Like
Speaker 4: we had a we had a peer leader, you know.
Speaker 4: Towards my last month there, I was the peer leader
Speaker 4: and like you you know, you round the guys up
Speaker 4: and you make sure that we're doing our you know,
Speaker 4: we're doing our morning papers and goals and like you
Speaker 4: ground people up for dinner and lunch, and you know,
Speaker 4: like and you're someone they can look up to, you know,
Speaker 4: and go to, you know, the new guys can go
Speaker 4: to them and stuff.
Speaker 5: You know.
Speaker 3: At the other treatment centers I've been at, it's it's
Speaker 3: not like that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, you're just like that's been here the longest,
Speaker 2: as opposed to like, I mean, you're supposed to lead
Speaker 2: back sample but still Yeah, somebody's not sweeping the floor
Speaker 2: doing their chore. It's not your it's not your worry. Yeah,
Speaker 2: you know. And part of that I can see, and
Speaker 2: there's a good thing. Part of it I can see
Speaker 2: is that's not a good thing because the person who's
Speaker 2: not doing their chore there.
Speaker 1: There's something still going on there. You know.
Speaker 2: That's that's a huge red flag to sweep the floor.
Speaker 2: I'm not sweeping the floor, why, you know. And I
Speaker 2: would when I would come to t CASKEI, I would
Speaker 2: tell the guys like, if you walk past the trash
Speaker 2: and you see some paper on the floor, pick it up,
Speaker 2: put it in the trash. Can that little thing or
Speaker 2: just walking past it? What are you going to do?
Speaker 2: That little thing is the difference between are you going
Speaker 2: to be doing the right things or not? Yeah, because
Speaker 2: if you can take the extra second, oh lo, I
Speaker 2: did through it. There's don't worry about it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, the right thing no matter what.
Speaker 2: You know, like you have to live here too, do
Speaker 2: you want to be living like that? And that was
Speaker 2: hard for me when I went to sober living the
Speaker 2: first time, and I go downstairs and on the counter,
Speaker 2: so I had left their taco shells out and the
Speaker 2: cell phone. I took it and through it all outside
Speaker 2: and there was snow. I didn't give a shit. I
Speaker 2: just threw it all outside. And it took me a
Speaker 2: minute to realize that that is not my problem because
Speaker 2: they have a house manager. You know, that's not Corey's problem.
Speaker 2: And that's kind of like the the other treatment centers
Speaker 2: where they're like, hey, it's not your chore, don't worry
Speaker 2: about it. But the problem with that is is the
Speaker 2: treatments that I'm talking about, there's nobody going to that
Speaker 2: guy going, dude, we.
Speaker 1: Notice you didn't do your chorge to say like, what's
Speaker 1: going on? Like the bad back or you just.
Speaker 3: Laziness. There's always something else going on.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and what's going on?
Speaker 5: You know?
Speaker 2: Oh I forgot Okay, Well let's see. That's the problem
Speaker 2: is there's no one going to those people to talk
Speaker 2: to them. I know that firsthand, and that's the problem.
Speaker 2: And then all of a sudden, it builds resentments for
Speaker 2: the other people and you're like, well, what the fuck
Speaker 2: is this. Dude's not doing this, I'm not doing my function,
Speaker 2: and it can build like a whole like it spreads
Speaker 2: like a whole fire through the whole place, you know,
Speaker 2: and it's just like, oh, maybe I shouldn't use that
Speaker 2: word fire because I'm not shouting chings anything or nothing.
Speaker 2: But SOI it's candle going here.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 2: But but I can see the where the pier led
Speaker 2: way would be the kind of way to go to.
Speaker 1: Where it's like, okay, cool, Well.
Speaker 2: We do have to pick these people up and if
Speaker 2: he doesn't know how to do the throw, let me
Speaker 2: show them.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 4: You know, that's also a huge thing, is you Sometimes
Speaker 4: people just have never been showing how to clean a toilet.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know what I mean.
Speaker 4: And that's that's been a very common thing where someone
Speaker 4: just doesn't know how to do it, you know.
Speaker 2: And it blows our minds sometimes. But people are raised different.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and they're embarrassed to ask or you know, let
Speaker 3: you know that you know, that's not the case.
Speaker 5: You know.
Speaker 4: That was kind of the nice thing about the pure
Speaker 4: led part of Great Lakes is that you could have
Speaker 4: somebody at your own level that you could go to.
Speaker 3: I mean, you didn't have to go to staff. We
Speaker 3: didn't have to escalate it like that, right you know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, because like cleaning bathrooms isn't fun for some people.
Speaker 2: I mean, some people love it. I think maybe, I
Speaker 2: don't know sure, but there's a way to do it.
Speaker 2: You can put gloves on, you know, and you can
Speaker 2: get a little system down. And in sober living, I
Speaker 2: was like, please don't give me bathrooms with bathrooms. I
Speaker 2: was like, shit, but the gloves ain't no thing, you know.
Speaker 2: And people would leave their soap in the shower, which
Speaker 2: was against the rules.
Speaker 1: I gotta throw it away. It was fun.
Speaker 3: It was fun.
Speaker 1: It was to take my arm and just all the
Speaker 1: way down and be like, where's my soap.
Speaker 3: I'm sure you enjoyed that I did.
Speaker 2: I'm like, let's let's talk about at the house meeting,
Speaker 2: keeps doing away my stuff and the house owner would
Speaker 2: be like, they went into your bin that you had
Speaker 2: in your closet and they took it out and threw
Speaker 2: it away.
Speaker 3: No.
Speaker 1: I looked in the shower. He's like, oh.
Speaker 2: Good, then they're doing their job. They're not supposed to
Speaker 2: leave stuff in there. But I just bought that. Okay,
Speaker 2: well you have to go buy another one then, because
Speaker 2: I thought you're gonna go run to the trash to
Speaker 2: go look for it. But it gave me something to
Speaker 2: go haha. Gleat in the bathroom today, get all this
Speaker 2: stuff out of here. But you got to look at
Speaker 2: it in a different wacon. I could have been like,
Speaker 2: are you doing this? I could have moved them on
Speaker 2: and then just under my breath bitch about people aren't
Speaker 2: supposed to shooting shower. Yeah, nope, it's my job. I'm
Speaker 2: doing it, and I'm mnna have fun. I'll put the
Speaker 2: gloves on, I'm gonna get behind the toilet. I'm gonna
Speaker 2: clean it like I'm gonna clean my house, you know.
Speaker 2: And that's what I think people don't understand is you're not.
Speaker 1: Oh, I'm just cleaning note for the people.
Speaker 2: No, No, you're setting a standard for yourself, you know. And
Speaker 2: if you walk past trash in your house and you're
Speaker 2: good with it, okay. You know, sometimes, especially having a baby,
Speaker 2: I'll walk past someone I'm like, yeah, I'm gonna get
Speaker 2: that on the way back because I got thrown diaper
Speaker 2: away in a minute, you know. But a lot of
Speaker 2: times we'll just pick it up and take care of it.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 2: Like but if some people U said, don't really know
Speaker 2: how to do stuff like that, and it blows my mind.
Speaker 4: Yeah, And see that's what I love about being at
Speaker 4: Unity versus like the you know, I love ats, you know,
Speaker 4: and the tea houses.
Speaker 3: They serve their purpose in my life, you know.
Speaker 1: But I think something bad's going on. I heard the
Speaker 1: word but.
Speaker 3: No, no, no, no, obviously, But being at.
Speaker 4: Unity, it's just a different you know, it's a different atmosphere.
Speaker 4: It's a different.
Speaker 1: There's not a different level. When you say, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4: I think that that's I think that's fair to say
Speaker 4: because you know, we you know, when we interview people,
Speaker 4: you know, the guys, it's Unity is also very pure led.
Speaker 4: You know, there is a we have a house manager,
Speaker 4: you know, we just you know, someone to go to
Speaker 4: or someone to like be like, hey, the kitchen's not
Speaker 4: being cleaned, like we should all do it. We don't
Speaker 4: have a chort list, you know, we all maintain the
Speaker 4: house together. We all respect each.
Speaker 3: Other, you know, in our boundaries, and it's very it's
Speaker 3: a different level.
Speaker 4: Just like you said, you know, we like to get
Speaker 4: people around six months to a year clean to come
Speaker 4: to come to Unity. And the guys we interview the guys,
Speaker 4: we go through the applications, we pick who comes and goes.
Speaker 4: You know, it's and that's another thing that I've done
Speaker 4: different is I didn't go to an ATS house. I
Speaker 4: went to Unity. And I feel like that's that's another
Speaker 4: huge shift in my recovery.
Speaker 2: Because you knew how to skate the system and get
Speaker 2: away with this and get away with that, you know.
Speaker 2: And and that's what I think. ATS was like, Yeah,
Speaker 2: I can't come back, you know, because you knew where
Speaker 2: the extra spoons were at, youknew where the ice cream,
Speaker 2: the good ice cream was was like, you knew the
Speaker 2: kitchen in the back, like it was just another home for.
Speaker 3: You, exactly. Yeah.
Speaker 4: And you know, last year I I tried to get
Speaker 4: into Unity, and I did. I did the interview of
Speaker 4: both the houses and I got accepted, and I was
Speaker 4: honest with them that I had relapsed a few weeks
Speaker 4: prior and just counted it as a slip, you know
Speaker 4: what I mean. ATS gave me a second chance for
Speaker 4: like the fifth time, you know, and they really valued
Speaker 4: that I was honest about.
Speaker 3: That and they let me in.
Speaker 4: And then I knew that Unity was going to be
Speaker 4: my last chance for recovery housing in Traverse City. And
Speaker 4: I knew at that point that I wasn't done getting high.
Speaker 4: So I got accepted. I did the drug test, did
Speaker 4: the walk through, and then I turned it down and said,
Speaker 4: you know, I guess I'm not going to come here.
Speaker 4: Sorry that I wasted your time or whatever, But because
Speaker 4: I knew in my heart that I wasn't done getting high,
Speaker 4: and it was true. Two weeks ater I got high,
Speaker 4: you know what I mean. Then I was gone for
Speaker 4: six months. So I was really I was happy that
Speaker 4: I listened to intuition, you know, and didn't you know,
Speaker 4: squander that opportunity. Because now this year I got accepted
Speaker 4: and it's working out really.
Speaker 3: Great for me. I even had my own room.
Speaker 4: Nice dem no roommate nice And that never happens in
Speaker 4: a tause No.
Speaker 2: So one time I was in the tea house and
Speaker 2: I didn't have a room at Like I moved into
Speaker 2: the house, I had a roommate and then he moved
Speaker 2: out the next day, and then I got drunk in
Speaker 2: the room. Yeah, but I wasn't there for the right reasons,
Speaker 2: you know, Like that's the whole different ballgame when you're
Speaker 2: not doing it for the right reasons. But like you said,
Speaker 2: you kind of you knew the heart of hearts. Nah,
Speaker 2: you weren't done yet. Yeah, and I was just there
Speaker 2: because they're like, oh scran rap as I'll be, you know,
Speaker 2: close to this person who's giving me money, and I'll
Speaker 2: do it because this is what they want. And then
Speaker 2: when the roommate left, I'm like, well, I guess I
Speaker 2: can get drunk up in here. I got my little
Speaker 2: tablet and the bathroom's right there. I even brought up
Speaker 2: like jugs. I think they were like milk jugs that
Speaker 2: would pee in so that I wouldn't have to have
Speaker 2: to keep going back to the bad So I would
Speaker 2: like take three of them there with me, dump them
Speaker 2: in the thing and use it and then sneak.
Speaker 1: Them back into the room. Stupid.
Speaker 2: But I got found out and kicked out, yep, because
Speaker 2: that's what happens. And I wasn't there for our reasons.
Speaker 2: It wasn't it wasn't where I was supposed to be,
Speaker 2: and I wasn't done yet, you know, I still needed
Speaker 2: more pain so to figure out. But I'm glad that
Speaker 2: you're doing good man, and I'm glad that you're here
Speaker 2: today for the holiday party. And I was just thinking
Speaker 2: the last night or this morning, I was like, because
Speaker 2: I saw you yesterday for the first time.
Speaker 3: In forever and work on Tuesday.
Speaker 2: I know it's Danny Sunday Tuesdays, so I know. But
Speaker 2: I was here and I saw you, and then I
Speaker 2: started thinking about, like, man, I haven't done a podcast,
Speaker 2: like a sit down one on want and you said
Speaker 2: to me, you know, I've been on your podcast.
Speaker 1: When I asked.
Speaker 2: Terry Ray, who's a local radio host here, what she
Speaker 2: likes most about hot dogs?
Speaker 1: Yeah, had you being a stunt boy?
Speaker 4: Yep, that was that was nerve wrecking because you were
Speaker 4: in my ear telling me what to say.
Speaker 1: That was. Yep, that's the best.
Speaker 2: Yeah, sending someone out when we're out doing live stuff
Speaker 2: on location, that's that's the best.
Speaker 1: Man.
Speaker 2: And yeah, so you have that on again. But I
Speaker 2: never had to sit down one on one with you,
Speaker 2: and I thought, man, I gotta get tim on. And
Speaker 2: then I see you today and I'm like, there's a
Speaker 2: meeting going on. I can see he doesn't really want
Speaker 2: to interrupt it, and pulled you in here and did
Speaker 2: the podcast.
Speaker 4: So yeah, I'm glad you did, because you know, every time,
Speaker 4: like I said, every time I listened to the podcast,
Speaker 4: I always.
Speaker 3: Think like what it would be like to be, you know,
Speaker 3: the person on there.
Speaker 2: I ruined it for you and you're like, it's nothing.
Speaker 2: No stupid fucking fireplace going going. I got this green
Speaker 2: red lights going Christmas spirit.
Speaker 3: My hands are sweatying, you know, my stomach is.
Speaker 1: Like, but it's okay.
Speaker 3: I enjoyed it.
Speaker 2: Oh oh all right, Well we'll have to have you
Speaker 2: on again. And I don't want to get your year. Yeah,
Speaker 2: you can talk about it, and like some people are like,
Speaker 2: oh babe, podcast dude. I'm like, all right, get your year,
Speaker 2: and they're like sometimes they tell them six months. But
Speaker 2: April twentieth, yeah, four twenty man, Yeah, April twentieth, will
Speaker 2: have you on and we'll do a little year celebration
Speaker 2: or something.
Speaker 1: All right, I'll give you your coin, Okay, a cool coin.
Speaker 3: Sounds good.
Speaker 1: It's a plan.
Speaker 2: So tune in April twentieth as Tim returns to the
Speaker 2: two seventeen recovery podcasts.
Speaker 1: And maybe we'll have those other guys on too. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Sometimes it makes it more interesting. You never know what
Speaker 1: Justin's gonna say.
Speaker 2: You never know, no, but but yeah, thanks for coming on, man,
Speaker 2: and check back and listen to the episode where Tim
Speaker 2: asked Herry Ray about her hot dog preferences and there's
Speaker 2: tons of episodes on the app and.
Speaker 1: Of course at two seventeen recovery dot com.
Speaker 5: Thanks for listening to the two seventeen Recovery podcast. Listen
Speaker 5: to over nine hundred episodes on the two seventeen recovery
Speaker 5: app that's free in your app store or online at
Speaker 5: two seventeen recovery dot com. Be