WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.040 --> 00:00:03.520 And that's why I never read the comment. I just 2 00:00:03.520 --> 00:00:06.000 want to like, I'm not even gonna look amazing tonight. 3 00:00:06.080 --> 00:00:10.640 I love what you're wearing. Said, Oh my god, you're 4 00:00:10.640 --> 00:00:14.080 all I have an angry clows. 5 00:00:14.080 --> 00:00:15.119 That is life. 6 00:00:15.119 --> 00:00:17.320 But that's hard, like unless it's like an NBA team 7 00:00:17.399 --> 00:00:18.000 or something. 8 00:00:18.079 --> 00:00:26.399 Like whoa, hello everyone, Welcome back to Holly Randall Unfiltered. 9 00:00:26.879 --> 00:00:29.039 First of all, a word from the sponsor that keeps 10 00:00:29.039 --> 00:00:32.840 this show going. Of course, I'm talking about strip chat now. 11 00:00:32.880 --> 00:00:35.880 If you're a creator of strip chat, is the biggest 12 00:00:35.960 --> 00:00:38.880 cam platform in the world and one of the best 13 00:00:38.880 --> 00:00:42.399 places to actually get discovered and get paid. Thousands of 14 00:00:42.439 --> 00:00:45.679 models live at any moment, a built in global audience 15 00:00:46.000 --> 00:00:49.359 and the tools to turn viewers into real income. And 16 00:00:49.439 --> 00:00:51.719 if you're just the one who wants to go watch, 17 00:00:52.200 --> 00:00:55.479 it's free to browse and someone's online right now waiting 18 00:00:55.479 --> 00:00:58.880 to meet you. Go check them out online. You can 19 00:00:58.920 --> 00:01:03.320 follow them on Instagram and YouTube at scworld dot official 20 00:01:03.719 --> 00:01:06.480 to see how creators are actually using it. Make sure 21 00:01:06.519 --> 00:01:09.120 that you tell them I sent you. My guests today 22 00:01:09.200 --> 00:01:12.079 are something that you don't see that often in this industry. 23 00:01:12.159 --> 00:01:15.480 A real married couple who actually make content together and 24 00:01:15.560 --> 00:01:18.159 have been together for nearly twelve years. To prove it, 25 00:01:18.239 --> 00:01:20.400 they met at a rave in southern California and when 26 00:01:20.400 --> 00:01:22.640 one of them was still in college did the long 27 00:01:22.680 --> 00:01:27.040 distance thing, got married, and somewhere along the way, both 28 00:01:27.079 --> 00:01:31.799 coming from tech backgrounds, decided to point that same analytical 29 00:01:32.000 --> 00:01:36.799 business minded brain at adult content. Cookie launcher of in 30 00:01:36.879 --> 00:01:40.239 twenty twenty one, and they've shot for browsers, Naughty America 31 00:01:40.280 --> 00:01:44.519 and Vixen's Slade line, landed in Browser's twentieth anniversary Coffee 32 00:01:44.519 --> 00:01:48.400 table book, and have now launched their own studio. She crumbled. 33 00:01:48.920 --> 00:01:51.480 They even built their own AI to run the business. 34 00:01:51.920 --> 00:01:54.280 Please welcome Cookie and Cookie Daddy. 35 00:01:54.560 --> 00:01:55.319 Yay. 36 00:01:57.319 --> 00:02:01.519 So so I do have to ask first, just because 37 00:02:03.439 --> 00:02:06.799 it's on your shirts. Yes, So, for those of you 38 00:02:06.840 --> 00:02:09.639 who are not watching this on YouTube, a Cookie is 39 00:02:09.639 --> 00:02:12.520 wearing a shirt that says I love my autistic husband, 40 00:02:13.159 --> 00:02:17.400 and Cookie Daddy is wearing a shirt that says autism 41 00:02:17.919 --> 00:02:21.960 with a skeleton who's like blasting and coming out of 42 00:02:21.960 --> 00:02:23.520 like a firebomb. 43 00:02:22.879 --> 00:02:26.479 With like this is how people view met it. 44 00:02:28.080 --> 00:02:30.879 We were looking at outfits and our assistant was like, 45 00:02:30.960 --> 00:02:33.719 let's get whimsy with this, and then she's like, wear 46 00:02:33.719 --> 00:02:36.039 your autism shirts, and so we are like, we. 47 00:02:36.080 --> 00:02:39.199 Are, it's better than wearing that. Do you remember, like 48 00:02:39.319 --> 00:02:41.240 that shirt that was really popular for a long time. 49 00:02:41.280 --> 00:02:47.000 I was stupid, yes, and it had like yes, yes, no, 50 00:02:47.439 --> 00:02:50.280 that's sometinitely not us, but this is more we like 51 00:02:50.280 --> 00:02:51.639 to be a little silly whimsy with us. 52 00:02:52.240 --> 00:02:55.599 So talk to me a little bit about living with autism, 53 00:02:55.639 --> 00:02:58.400 because I'm going to assume that the shirts are not 54 00:02:58.599 --> 00:02:59.240 just jokes. 55 00:02:59.280 --> 00:03:02.319 Yeah, well truth, yes, no one told me about it 56 00:03:02.360 --> 00:03:04.800 for the first thirty years. And then we were watching 57 00:03:05.360 --> 00:03:08.000 Love on the Spectrum on the Spectrum and they have it. 58 00:03:08.080 --> 00:03:10.039 There's like levels of it right and right, of course, 59 00:03:10.120 --> 00:03:13.560 clearly the high functioning everything's fine kind of level. But 60 00:03:13.919 --> 00:03:18.919 we were watching these people and she was like. 61 00:03:17.960 --> 00:03:21.439 Wow, it's so interesting that people feel this way and 62 00:03:21.560 --> 00:03:24.719 behave this way. Because I have a background in communications 63 00:03:24.719 --> 00:03:26.840 from college, and I was like, this is just something 64 00:03:26.879 --> 00:03:29.280 I've never like witnessed firsthand, and like dating and things 65 00:03:29.280 --> 00:03:31.759 I didn't expect. And and then you know, I was like, 66 00:03:31.759 --> 00:03:32.599 what do you think, babe? 67 00:03:33.280 --> 00:03:36.479 And I was like, Okay, they haven't definitely way more severe, 68 00:03:36.599 --> 00:03:38.439 but I'm like, you know, I kind of relate to this, 69 00:03:38.759 --> 00:03:41.199 especially when I was younger, Right, it's you kind of 70 00:03:41.240 --> 00:03:43.560 like learning. You can grow through a lot of this 71 00:03:43.719 --> 00:03:46.360 and work around it. But when I was young, I'm 72 00:03:46.360 --> 00:03:48.280 like a lot of the frustrations they run into I'm like, 73 00:03:48.280 --> 00:03:51.039 you know, I used to feel that way, So yeah, 74 00:03:51.159 --> 00:03:52.879 that's what kind of like set it off my head. 75 00:03:52.879 --> 00:03:56.319 I'm like I didn't know anything about it, digging into 76 00:03:56.400 --> 00:03:58.240 it some more, and then just like a light bulb 77 00:03:58.240 --> 00:03:59.960 went off. I'm like, oh my god, that's me. Explain 78 00:04:00.240 --> 00:04:00.680 so much. 79 00:04:01.080 --> 00:04:03.919 Can you tell me like some of the early warning 80 00:04:03.919 --> 00:04:05.199 signs that you had as a child. 81 00:04:07.039 --> 00:04:09.599 I mean there's like little silly things like parents would 82 00:04:09.599 --> 00:04:13.919 have to use special average software, they'd have to cut 83 00:04:13.919 --> 00:04:19.120 the tags off. I was always solo. All my friends 84 00:04:19.120 --> 00:04:24.199 are nowaday virgins ADHD everywhere. Wife got in the computers, 85 00:04:24.240 --> 00:04:25.519 went to computer camp when I was. 86 00:04:25.720 --> 00:04:28.920 He like went to robotics club at like what what 87 00:04:29.040 --> 00:04:33.959 at Berkeley when he was like a child. 88 00:04:32.360 --> 00:04:38.399 To stereotypical like this kid, you know, there's your clue. 89 00:04:38.399 --> 00:04:40.319 A lot of things and then like I know, you've 90 00:04:40.319 --> 00:04:44.839 shared like growing up, like his ability to like communicate 91 00:04:45.040 --> 00:04:49.279 with people was always like a huge challenge for him, right, 92 00:04:49.360 --> 00:04:51.800 Like whether it was getting convincing a big group of 93 00:04:51.839 --> 00:04:53.600 people to like go and do things and then not 94 00:04:53.800 --> 00:04:55.839 understanding like when it would fall apart or how it 95 00:04:55.879 --> 00:04:58.519 fell apart. Right, Like say, like you know, you throw 96 00:04:58.519 --> 00:05:00.879 a party and you're like, okay, day time, and then 97 00:05:00.959 --> 00:05:03.920 like he doesn't follow up or do anything, but he's 98 00:05:03.959 --> 00:05:05.319 just like everyone said they would come, and then the 99 00:05:05.399 --> 00:05:06.920 day and time come and then like only a couple 100 00:05:06.959 --> 00:05:09.680 of people showed up, and he's like, well, why why 101 00:05:09.720 --> 00:05:11.040 did only a couple of people show up? It's like 102 00:05:11.040 --> 00:05:13.279 we got to like follow up and send reminders and 103 00:05:13.360 --> 00:05:16.199 check in and like all the things that like I'm 104 00:05:16.240 --> 00:05:19.240 really good at in our current you know, relationship. Now 105 00:05:19.639 --> 00:05:21.000 that's kind of like my role. We call it the 106 00:05:21.000 --> 00:05:23.639 fun committee, where he's like, Babe, this would be fun. 107 00:05:23.720 --> 00:05:25.439 I'm like fun Committee's on it. And then I'm like 108 00:05:25.560 --> 00:05:27.319 planning it and doing it and like, you know, because 109 00:05:27.360 --> 00:05:29.399 I'm the I'm the people person. But just certain things 110 00:05:29.399 --> 00:05:31.399 like that that were really hard for him and that 111 00:05:31.480 --> 00:05:34.240 he shared over the years of us being together. 112 00:05:34.519 --> 00:05:37.639 Interesting. Yeah, we were talking a little bit earlier and 113 00:05:37.680 --> 00:05:39.519 you were saying that, you know, you've had trouble in 114 00:05:39.519 --> 00:05:42.480 the past of understanding like at what time or what 115 00:05:42.600 --> 00:05:45.839 like group of people you could say certain things to 116 00:05:46.120 --> 00:05:49.639 like strangers versus like acquaintances versus like close fronts. 117 00:05:49.399 --> 00:05:51.360 And yeah, levels of disclosure, which most. 118 00:05:51.240 --> 00:05:53.720 People learn intuitively and I learn as well, but I 119 00:05:53.720 --> 00:05:56.959 need to be explicitly told this is why you do 120 00:05:57.120 --> 00:05:59.759 or don't do something right, because there's usually an emotional 121 00:06:00.199 --> 00:06:02.319 component and that part of my brain is just a 122 00:06:02.360 --> 00:06:03.240 little sleepier. 123 00:06:03.600 --> 00:06:07.360 Yeah, So do you find yourself like emotionally detached? And 124 00:06:07.439 --> 00:06:10.000 is that like something? I mean you guys, having your relationship. 125 00:06:09.680 --> 00:06:12.079 Can be like especially in work, Like I have a 126 00:06:12.120 --> 00:06:16.319 really good it's easy for me to separate work versus emotion. 127 00:06:16.680 --> 00:06:19.639 Okay, right, And I would definitely say we used to 128 00:06:19.720 --> 00:06:22.800 joke like my husband has the emotional intelligence of a rock, 129 00:06:22.959 --> 00:06:25.399 because like sometimes he would just like it was the 130 00:06:25.439 --> 00:06:29.000 words I was using that we needed to bridge the 131 00:06:29.279 --> 00:06:32.720 disconnect for him to know, like I have to be 132 00:06:32.800 --> 00:06:36.800 very explicit. That hurt my feelings and this is why, right, 133 00:06:36.920 --> 00:06:38.639 And so it was just things that we've had to 134 00:06:38.720 --> 00:06:42.079 learn on how to communicate the message because it's not 135 00:06:42.120 --> 00:06:45.720 that we're speaking completely different languages. We're just kind of 136 00:06:45.720 --> 00:06:50.240 maybe having different dialects of a language and they're not connecting, 137 00:06:50.319 --> 00:06:52.240 and so we have to just make sure we have 138 00:06:52.360 --> 00:06:57.519 explicit phrases that trigger his attention to be like, oh, 139 00:06:57.600 --> 00:06:59.680 I'm locked in. This is an emotional thing, right, because 140 00:06:59.680 --> 00:07:02.120 he would just go analytical if I said something, it 141 00:07:02.160 --> 00:07:04.959 would be, you know, problem solve, problem solve, problem solve, 142 00:07:05.000 --> 00:07:07.519 And sometimes it's like, I'm just expressing my feelings and 143 00:07:07.560 --> 00:07:09.720 my emotions and I want those to be validat most. 144 00:07:09.600 --> 00:07:12.439 Guys fall into anyways. For sure, it's a little bit. 145 00:07:12.480 --> 00:07:15.160 I'm also just a normal guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, so's 146 00:07:15.199 --> 00:07:15.879 there's a string hit. 147 00:07:16.040 --> 00:07:17.360 I was going to say, I think that that is 148 00:07:17.399 --> 00:07:20.759 a super common disconnect between men and women because my 149 00:07:20.800 --> 00:07:22.680 husband's the same way. Like I'll tell him something and 150 00:07:22.680 --> 00:07:24.600 he's like, do this, do this, do this. I'm like, 151 00:07:24.680 --> 00:07:27.040 first of all, I know what I'm doing. Yes, I 152 00:07:27.120 --> 00:07:30.319 got it. I don't need your advice. I just want 153 00:07:30.319 --> 00:07:30.800 a bitch. 154 00:07:30.879 --> 00:07:31.160 Yeah. 155 00:07:31.199 --> 00:07:32.920 It took me years to learn that, But now I 156 00:07:32.959 --> 00:07:34.839 go to her and like I can sniff it out now. 157 00:07:34.839 --> 00:07:37.079 I'm like, do you want a solution or you just 158 00:07:37.079 --> 00:07:39.720 want to vent? Yeah, and I want to vent. I'm like, yeah, 159 00:07:39.759 --> 00:07:40.399 fuck that bitch. 160 00:07:40.480 --> 00:07:43.600 Yeah, He's like I'm on board. 161 00:07:43.839 --> 00:07:46.480 It just took some time for us to learn how 162 00:07:46.480 --> 00:07:49.120 to talk through that and just to be able to 163 00:07:49.199 --> 00:07:53.519 learn like how to express emotions properly back and forth. 164 00:07:54.199 --> 00:07:56.560 Okay, so let's start at how you guys met. You 165 00:07:56.600 --> 00:07:57.639 met at a rave, right. 166 00:07:57.639 --> 00:07:59.000 We did. We met at a rave. 167 00:07:59.439 --> 00:08:01.480 It was a lot minute thing. My friend had a 168 00:08:01.480 --> 00:08:04.720 ticket last minute, invited me to go. His friend invited 169 00:08:04.759 --> 00:08:07.480 him last minute. He was living in the Bay. I 170 00:08:07.560 --> 00:08:10.560 was living in La It was in San Bernardino and 171 00:08:10.600 --> 00:08:13.759 it was a camping event and we you know, go 172 00:08:13.879 --> 00:08:17.120 in and I remember that rave. I was like girls 173 00:08:17.120 --> 00:08:19.839 only like with my friends, like yeah, this and that, 174 00:08:19.959 --> 00:08:22.399 and then I see this man and I still remember 175 00:08:22.480 --> 00:08:27.879 he had a Yoshi backpack, shirtless welder goggles and these 176 00:08:27.920 --> 00:08:32.720 like tan cactus shorts, and I was like, oh my god. 177 00:08:33.039 --> 00:08:36.799 I was like my guys and did like the little 178 00:08:37.240 --> 00:08:40.039 host little like creep up thing. 179 00:08:40.159 --> 00:08:42.440 I'm more of like a I'm like a tease where 180 00:08:42.759 --> 00:08:46.240 I'm like, she's you know, like notice me, but I'm 181 00:08:46.240 --> 00:08:48.159 gonna make some serious eye contact at you. 182 00:08:48.679 --> 00:08:50.279 Like I was like staring him down. 183 00:08:51.039 --> 00:08:52.960 And even I could read that. I'm like, oh man, 184 00:08:53.039 --> 00:08:54.879 I like and it was like, you know, like a 185 00:08:54.919 --> 00:08:56.879 horror film where every time you like turn your head, 186 00:08:57.279 --> 00:08:59.039 she's a couple of feet closer, and the next thing 187 00:08:59.080 --> 00:09:01.200 you know, she's like under my chin. I'm like, okay, 188 00:09:01.960 --> 00:09:03.600 I think I need to talk to her. She wants 189 00:09:03.639 --> 00:09:04.240 me to talk to her. 190 00:09:05.200 --> 00:09:05.600 Yeah. 191 00:09:05.679 --> 00:09:08.639 It wasn't you know, it wasn't scary, but like she 192 00:09:08.720 --> 00:09:11.600 just kept magically getting closer coming. I'm like, okay, I 193 00:09:11.639 --> 00:09:13.000 have to say something. At that point, I was a 194 00:09:13.000 --> 00:09:15.200 little panicked and I had no game. Still don't have 195 00:09:15.200 --> 00:09:17.399 a game, right, yeah, I was not in my skill set. 196 00:09:17.919 --> 00:09:19.200 Also like the autism too. 197 00:09:19.399 --> 00:09:22.519 Yeah, I'm like, man, like small talk do I say 198 00:09:22.519 --> 00:09:25.000 to this girl? I'm like, I just said something dumb 199 00:09:25.039 --> 00:09:27.120 and she was like that's weird. She ran off, and. 200 00:09:27.279 --> 00:09:28.480 Can I say what you actually? 201 00:09:28.679 --> 00:09:33.440 No, no, that's not we don't need to relive it. 202 00:09:33.679 --> 00:09:34.559 Maybe off camera. 203 00:09:34.879 --> 00:09:36.639 Yeah, yeah, that's the other thing. I'm like, can I 204 00:09:36.639 --> 00:09:37.120 say that here? 205 00:09:37.279 --> 00:09:37.519 Yeah? 206 00:09:37.600 --> 00:09:39.480 So it was like you know this and that. I 207 00:09:39.519 --> 00:09:41.240 was like I don't know about that. I'm gonna leave, 208 00:09:42.120 --> 00:09:43.720 and then I don't know. At some point we ended 209 00:09:43.799 --> 00:09:47.039 up just like kind of like coming back together. And 210 00:09:47.039 --> 00:09:48.600 and then the next thing I know, like I'm like 211 00:09:48.679 --> 00:09:52.320 talking to him and he just like starts kissing me. 212 00:09:52.320 --> 00:09:55.240 I'm like, wow, this guy's really into me, like super 213 00:09:55.279 --> 00:09:58.000 into me. And then come to find out that, you know, 214 00:09:58.200 --> 00:10:02.399 he had gone to moon a little too hard and I 215 00:10:02.399 --> 00:10:04.080 didn't really knew what was happening. 216 00:10:04.519 --> 00:10:06.120 My first time going to the moon too, and I 217 00:10:06.159 --> 00:10:08.559 took two moons, so it was it was a lot. 218 00:10:08.679 --> 00:10:10.600 It was. It was yeah, rocket ship. 219 00:10:10.519 --> 00:10:13.080 And I looked for her. I'm like, hey, my friends 220 00:10:13.120 --> 00:10:15.840 just waved me goodbye and I can't form words right now. 221 00:10:16.320 --> 00:10:17.480 I need you to not leave me. 222 00:10:17.919 --> 00:10:19.639 And I was like, I've never gone to the moon, 223 00:10:19.679 --> 00:10:21.960 and I was like, okay, do you need water? 224 00:10:22.039 --> 00:10:23.200 Do you need this? Like do we need to go 225 00:10:23.200 --> 00:10:23.639 on a walk? 226 00:10:23.720 --> 00:10:25.559 Like I start panicking and he's like he's just like, 227 00:10:25.639 --> 00:10:28.399 uh huh sure, and like he you know, in his 228 00:10:28.399 --> 00:10:30.159 money he told me after he's like I just knew 229 00:10:30.200 --> 00:10:32.440 like once he reacted that way that it was just 230 00:10:32.559 --> 00:10:34.519 kind of like I was going to be okay because 231 00:10:34.600 --> 00:10:35.919 this person was going to take care of me. 232 00:10:36.159 --> 00:10:38.200 Until you went and went to get some water. 233 00:10:38.679 --> 00:10:41.639 Yeah, And then I was like, brow your phone. 234 00:10:41.720 --> 00:10:44.440 And then time dilation happens, so I'm like this girl's 235 00:10:44.480 --> 00:10:46.360 being up for like thirty minutes she stole my phone. 236 00:10:46.399 --> 00:10:48.039 I was gone for like five minutes, and I'm like, 237 00:10:48.240 --> 00:10:49.600 I like, come back to where he is. 238 00:10:49.639 --> 00:10:52.720 And I'm like running through the crowd. Has anybody seeing 239 00:10:52.759 --> 00:10:53.799 a guy in this and this? 240 00:10:53.840 --> 00:10:56.919 And everyone's looking at me like that, Yeah, everyone's like bitch, 241 00:10:56.960 --> 00:10:58.000 that's like every guy here. 242 00:10:58.200 --> 00:11:00.480 And I'm like, I'm like, oh my god. 243 00:11:00.720 --> 00:11:02.440 And then i'd come to find out he was just 244 00:11:02.480 --> 00:11:05.440 making these like figure eights like he would just. 245 00:11:05.360 --> 00:11:07.200 Because I would start walking like maybe she's over here, 246 00:11:07.200 --> 00:11:11.200 and then I'd like, oh, I've walked too far, walk back, 247 00:11:11.240 --> 00:11:13.559 So I just sat down. Eventually I'm like this, I'm 248 00:11:13.559 --> 00:11:15.480 not getting anywhere. I'll just hang here. 249 00:11:15.720 --> 00:11:18.399 Yeah. So at the end of it, he was you know, 250 00:11:18.440 --> 00:11:21.919 he came out of space and was like, let me 251 00:11:21.960 --> 00:11:24.240 walk you back to your campsite. And we ended up 252 00:11:24.480 --> 00:11:27.759 like being like tent right next Our tents were right 253 00:11:27.799 --> 00:11:28.480 next to each other. 254 00:11:28.639 --> 00:11:30.759 Oh wow, yeah, like two tents away from each other. 255 00:11:31.159 --> 00:11:32.919 I was like, the next day we went to the 256 00:11:32.919 --> 00:11:34.200 beach and well, we had a. 257 00:11:34.120 --> 00:11:36.279 One night stand in the back of his friend's car, 258 00:11:36.799 --> 00:11:38.600 and I never had a one night stand before. I 259 00:11:38.639 --> 00:11:41.039 was like, this guy lives in the bay. He seems 260 00:11:41.159 --> 00:11:43.600 very nice, like, let me just try this, let's see 261 00:11:43.600 --> 00:11:44.080 how it goes. 262 00:11:44.840 --> 00:11:45.799 And it was fantastic. 263 00:11:47.080 --> 00:11:47.240 You know. 264 00:11:47.279 --> 00:11:49.399 After he got off, he like was like, do you 265 00:11:49.440 --> 00:11:51.039 want me to like, you know, can I do you 266 00:11:51.039 --> 00:11:51.879 want me to go down on you? 267 00:11:51.960 --> 00:11:54.639 And I was like, I've just been raving for like 268 00:11:54.799 --> 00:11:58.039 seven hours in the desert and I don't want anyone 269 00:11:58.200 --> 00:11:59.960 to like venture down there. I don't know what's going on, 270 00:12:00.080 --> 00:12:03.919 so like we'll table that. But I super appreciate the offer. 271 00:12:04.039 --> 00:12:07.960 That's like very heartwarming, thank you. But then we spent 272 00:12:08.000 --> 00:12:09.759 the next day at the beach. He's like, I'll call 273 00:12:09.799 --> 00:12:12.840 you when I get home, and then he did, and 274 00:12:12.879 --> 00:12:14.039 then came back down the next day. 275 00:12:14.039 --> 00:12:16.080 Five days later. We started dating long distance. 276 00:12:16.240 --> 00:12:16.600 Wow. 277 00:12:16.679 --> 00:12:18.840 And then you guys dated long distance for like a year. 278 00:12:18.799 --> 00:12:19.480 A yeah, yeah. 279 00:12:19.519 --> 00:12:21.039 And then she came and moved in yep. 280 00:12:21.200 --> 00:12:23.360 And then I transferred to school up in the Bay 281 00:12:24.519 --> 00:12:25.879 and finished out college up there. 282 00:12:26.000 --> 00:12:27.879 Wow. It was serious. 283 00:12:28.039 --> 00:12:29.919 Yeah, Yeah, it went extremely quick. 284 00:12:30.080 --> 00:12:33.840 Yeah. I always say that I can remember this distinct. 285 00:12:33.840 --> 00:12:36.000 We would be on FaceTime all the time, and I 286 00:12:36.039 --> 00:12:39.919 remember this phone call where we were talking really late 287 00:12:40.039 --> 00:12:42.639 and we both just said when we were dating people, 288 00:12:42.679 --> 00:12:44.600 it always just felt like there was this piece of 289 00:12:44.600 --> 00:12:47.240 a puzzle that was always missing, and we were just like, 290 00:12:47.279 --> 00:12:49.159 maybe this is just like how it's supposed to be 291 00:12:49.240 --> 00:12:52.159 and then you know, that puzzle eventually comes together. But 292 00:12:52.320 --> 00:12:54.919 when we were together, it never felt that way. It 293 00:12:55.120 --> 00:12:59.000 just like every piece of the puzzle like just fit. Yeah, 294 00:12:59.039 --> 00:13:02.279 it was perfect. You know, obviously relationships all have their 295 00:13:02.279 --> 00:13:05.440 bumps and stuff, but like that was never pretty perfect. 296 00:13:05.559 --> 00:13:08.000 Yeah, it's a pretty cute story. And I'm usually not 297 00:13:08.080 --> 00:13:10.080 the romantic kind of Yeah, I'm like, yeah, that it's 298 00:13:10.120 --> 00:13:12.120 a good story. Like we got we got real lucky. 299 00:13:12.279 --> 00:13:14.360 Yeah, that was a good story. I know exactly what 300 00:13:14.399 --> 00:13:16.919 you mean. Before I met my husband, I was really 301 00:13:16.960 --> 00:13:19.000 bad at like I was kind of commitment phobic. I 302 00:13:19.039 --> 00:13:21.440 had I've been married before for four years, which was 303 00:13:21.480 --> 00:13:23.960 like miserable the whole time. But before that, like I 304 00:13:23.960 --> 00:13:25.919 couldn't do more than like a year, you know, I 305 00:13:26.000 --> 00:13:29.080 get bored. And I remember my mom telling me, She's like, 306 00:13:29.120 --> 00:13:30.639 when you meet the right person and you'll just know, 307 00:13:30.720 --> 00:13:32.440 And I'm like, what the fuck does that mean? 308 00:13:32.519 --> 00:13:32.679 Yeah? 309 00:13:32.720 --> 00:13:34.919 Literally, and you always like try to force it right yea, 310 00:13:35.000 --> 00:13:37.960 like okay, well this guy's this, this and this, and 311 00:13:38.000 --> 00:13:40.159 then yeah, I just always thought it was me. Yeah, 312 00:13:40.240 --> 00:13:41.600 you know, and I was like, well, maybe I'm just 313 00:13:41.639 --> 00:13:43.840 like not that kind of person who like falls in love. 314 00:13:43.919 --> 00:13:47.120 Maybe like that's just not for me. And yeah, and 315 00:13:47.120 --> 00:13:48.600 then I met my husband and I was like, oh, 316 00:13:48.600 --> 00:13:52.519 oh oh this makes sense. And yeah, we've been together 317 00:13:52.600 --> 00:13:56.840 for ten yearsh shit, our anniversary is coming up. We've 318 00:13:56.840 --> 00:13:59.519 been together for ten years and I've never ever for 319 00:13:59.600 --> 00:14:01.720 a second questioned if I was with the right person. 320 00:14:01.799 --> 00:14:02.320 Not once. 321 00:14:02.399 --> 00:14:04.039 That's amazing and that happened to me all the time. 322 00:14:04.039 --> 00:14:06.519 So I'm sure you guys probably feel the same way. Yep, yeah, 323 00:14:06.600 --> 00:14:09.799 very similar. Cool it makes things easier, yeah, yeah, love 324 00:14:09.879 --> 00:14:14.679 can come for you too, guys. Yes, Okay, So how 325 00:14:14.720 --> 00:14:18.600 did you guys make this relationship work long term? Because 326 00:14:18.840 --> 00:14:21.039 you were you've been together for twelve years, so like 327 00:14:21.759 --> 00:14:26.519 for those people who are maybe struggling with relationships, what 328 00:14:26.639 --> 00:14:29.200 is like the solid glue that really keeps you guys together. 329 00:14:29.320 --> 00:14:30.159 It's a great question. 330 00:14:30.840 --> 00:14:34.879 So it's ironic because when we first started dating, we 331 00:14:34.879 --> 00:14:39.440 were super monogamous right as like most people are, but 332 00:14:39.519 --> 00:14:44.320 we just seemed to keep attracting swingers everywhere that we went, 333 00:14:44.759 --> 00:14:48.159 and not like we ever swing ever, ever, thought about 334 00:14:48.159 --> 00:14:48.519 any of that. 335 00:14:48.559 --> 00:14:50.000 We really didn't know what swinging was. 336 00:14:50.440 --> 00:14:53.000 But like every time we'd go out, like there would 337 00:14:53.000 --> 00:14:55.200 be this couple, and the couple would be all like, oh, 338 00:14:55.519 --> 00:14:58.600 you know, raves are like on a cruise, and we're 339 00:14:58.639 --> 00:15:01.399 just like, what are we putting some vibe out there? 340 00:15:01.440 --> 00:15:03.679 Because like we're not trying to sleep with anybody, but 341 00:15:03.759 --> 00:15:07.399 like we you know, it just kept happening. And then 342 00:15:07.440 --> 00:15:09.960 we met this couple and they work together for so 343 00:15:10.039 --> 00:15:12.279 long and they just had the most beautiful marriage. And 344 00:15:12.320 --> 00:15:13.799 I was just like, you can tell they were just 345 00:15:14.039 --> 00:15:17.200 disgustingly in love with each other. And I was like, 346 00:15:17.360 --> 00:15:20.080 remember one night having a conversation with them, saying, your 347 00:15:20.080 --> 00:15:22.840 relationship is so beautiful, get you sleep with other people? 348 00:15:23.440 --> 00:15:24.360 How does that work? 349 00:15:24.679 --> 00:15:26.879 Right? And not that at the time we were interested 350 00:15:26.960 --> 00:15:29.080 in swinging or getting into that. I was like, I 351 00:15:29.120 --> 00:15:32.720 want the foundational, Like what is the building blocks that 352 00:15:32.759 --> 00:15:35.840 make this work? And they told us that every day's 353 00:15:35.879 --> 00:15:38.600 a choice and every day you have to choose your 354 00:15:38.639 --> 00:15:39.720 partner no matter what. 355 00:15:40.679 --> 00:15:41.440 People change. 356 00:15:41.879 --> 00:15:46.159 People you know, grow distance, they change interests, right, all 357 00:15:46.159 --> 00:15:48.840 these different things can happen life. You know, when you 358 00:15:48.919 --> 00:15:51.720 were twenty when we when I met him versus I'm 359 00:15:51.720 --> 00:15:55.080 thirty two. Now I'm a completely different person, and like 360 00:15:55.440 --> 00:15:57.200 when I'm fifty, I'm going to be a completely different 361 00:15:57.200 --> 00:15:59.200 person again. Right, Like, people evolve all the time, but 362 00:15:59.320 --> 00:16:03.039 every day you have to choose your partner no matter what. 363 00:16:04.000 --> 00:16:06.320 And if you stop choosing your partner, that's okay, Like 364 00:16:06.360 --> 00:16:10.840 things happen, but that's usually I think the thing that like, 365 00:16:10.879 --> 00:16:11.279 you have. 366 00:16:11.240 --> 00:16:13.039 To be worried and you're not stuck. 367 00:16:13.159 --> 00:16:14.039 Yeah, you're not stuck. 368 00:16:14.080 --> 00:16:17.720 Otherwise you start resenting the person. You don't own the person. 369 00:16:18.080 --> 00:16:20.279 So I think it's just a good having the correct 370 00:16:20.399 --> 00:16:24.480 frame of mind and then solid communication because most people 371 00:16:24.480 --> 00:16:27.200 don't communicate well enough. They don't talk about things that 372 00:16:27.240 --> 00:16:29.480 are uncomfortable to talk about. So if you do all 373 00:16:29.519 --> 00:16:32.159 those uncomfortable things and you have the right frame of mind, 374 00:16:32.960 --> 00:16:35.799 it works out, or it can work out, or you're 375 00:16:35.799 --> 00:16:39.279 like this isn't for us, and then you leave something 376 00:16:39.399 --> 00:16:41.720 that would otherwise drag on your life. 377 00:16:41.799 --> 00:16:44.480 Yeah, Like obviously there's non negotiables for certain things, right 378 00:16:44.519 --> 00:16:46.279 Like if one person doesn't want kids and the other 379 00:16:46.320 --> 00:16:49.639 person want kids, that's like there's no making that work 380 00:16:49.720 --> 00:16:53.360 in my opinion. But you know, for things like lifestyle 381 00:16:54.279 --> 00:16:56.720 swinging that kind of stuff. Like for me, I'm I 382 00:16:56.759 --> 00:16:59.799 could be a monogamous girl and be totally chill. This 383 00:17:00.120 --> 00:17:02.440 wants to be in an orgy every single day, and 384 00:17:02.519 --> 00:17:05.440 so you know, we have to like make that work. 385 00:17:05.759 --> 00:17:07.480 And it was one of those things that like it 386 00:17:07.559 --> 00:17:11.480 was a trying time in our marriage to figure out 387 00:17:11.519 --> 00:17:13.160 how it works. But at the end of the day, 388 00:17:13.359 --> 00:17:16.640 I had to choose him in this marriage to make 389 00:17:16.640 --> 00:17:19.119 it work. And so we just have to like both 390 00:17:19.319 --> 00:17:23.720 consent into that new chapter of our life. 391 00:17:23.839 --> 00:17:24.960 And like, there are. 392 00:17:24.839 --> 00:17:26.359 Things that he's going to have to give up. Can't 393 00:17:26.400 --> 00:17:29.559 be in an orgy every single day, right, And then 394 00:17:29.599 --> 00:17:31.519 there's other things that I have to give up, which 395 00:17:31.559 --> 00:17:32.559 is like, you know. 396 00:17:32.720 --> 00:17:33.680 I have to. 397 00:17:35.319 --> 00:17:38.240 Change my mindset around how we engage with other people 398 00:17:38.319 --> 00:17:40.160 and how that becomes a safe and fun place for 399 00:17:40.240 --> 00:17:41.480 me to also explore. 400 00:17:41.599 --> 00:17:44.039 So how did you guys even start that conversation about 401 00:17:44.319 --> 00:17:46.359