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<v Speaker 1>To resolve the conflict is to face it. You can't

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<v Speaker 1>go around it, over it, underneath it, behind it. You've

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<v Speaker 1>got to go through it. And I'm going to teach

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<v Speaker 1>you how to do this with the minimal amount of

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<v Speaker 1>pain you have to make the decision. I'm going to

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<v Speaker 1>resolve the issue. Guys Men, maybe the most manly masculine

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<v Speaker 1>thing you do this week is man up and deal

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<v Speaker 1>with a conflict that's been brewing that you know you

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<v Speaker 1>need to deal with. So after I've made the decision

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<v Speaker 1>to make the first move and I've asked God for help,

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<v Speaker 1>now we get to the real practical stuff, and that's

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<v Speaker 1>number three. I begin with what's my fault? When we

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<v Speaker 1>get together and we have this peace conference. I don't

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<v Speaker 1>start with what you've done wrong. I don't start with

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<v Speaker 1>a bunch of accusations. I don't start with the ways

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<v Speaker 1>I've been hurt. We'll get to that, but you start

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<v Speaker 1>with beginning with what's my fault. Now, the conflict maybe

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<v Speaker 1>ninety nine point their fault, but you can find something

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<v Speaker 1>to confess. You can find something that was your mistake,

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<v Speaker 1>even if it was in your poor response, maybe even

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<v Speaker 1>in your defensiveness. But you begin with what is your fault?

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<v Speaker 1>And instead of accusing, and instead of excusing yourself, and

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<v Speaker 1>instead of attacking, and instead of blaming other people, I

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<v Speaker 1>first look at what's going on inside me. Now, I

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<v Speaker 1>want you to listen to very important. The Bible says

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<v Speaker 1>there are two causes of conflict, and the first cause

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<v Speaker 1>of conflict is self centeredness. It's what's going on inside

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<v Speaker 1>of me. See. If I'm filled with peace, almost nothing

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<v Speaker 1>abcepts me. If I'm filled with love, almost nothing irritates me.

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<v Speaker 1>If I'm filled with Jesus, almost nothing ticks me off.

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<v Speaker 1>On the other hand, if I'm filled with me ego, pride,

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<v Speaker 1>self centatives, anything can tick me off. Anything can make

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<v Speaker 1>me mad, anything can irritate me. You can do the

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<v Speaker 1>smallest little thing. And if I'm full of myself, you

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<v Speaker 1>can hurt my feelings very very quick. And so it

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<v Speaker 1>all depends on what's inside me. And if I'm at

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<v Speaker 1>peace with me, and I'm at peace with God, other

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<v Speaker 1>things just don't upset me. Here's what the Bible says, James,

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<v Speaker 1>Chapter four, Verse one. What causes fights? What causes fights

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<v Speaker 1>and quarrels? You know, conflict among you? They are caused

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<v Speaker 1>by the selfish desires that are continually at war inside you.

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<v Speaker 1>The conflict that you're having with other people is inside you.

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<v Speaker 1>It actually starts in you. As I said, why don't

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<v Speaker 1>you write this down? When I'm at peace inside, what's

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<v Speaker 1>outside doesn't upset me. When I'm at peace inside inside me,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm at peace with God. I'm at peace with myself.

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<v Speaker 1>But outside me just doesn't kick me off. Now, it

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<v Speaker 1>doesn't mean I don't agree with everything that I see.

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<v Speaker 1>There's a lot I disagree with. It just doesn't upset me.

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<v Speaker 1>It doesn't mean I don't think there are things that

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<v Speaker 1>need to be changed. There are a lot that needs

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<v Speaker 1>to be changed around me and in my relationships. It

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<v Speaker 1>just means I don't get distressed. I can disagree without

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<v Speaker 1>being distressed. And you are distressed not by the people

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<v Speaker 1>around you. You were distressed by what's going on inside

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<v Speaker 1>you and that response to the people around you. You

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<v Speaker 1>can disagree without being distressed. You know, when I used

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<v Speaker 1>to do marriage counseling, and I couldn't count the number

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<v Speaker 1>of marriages I helped and tried to help the number

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<v Speaker 1>one reason people gave for divorcing was this pastor we're

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<v Speaker 1>just quote incompatible that was their reason. We're just incompatible, friends.

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<v Speaker 1>There's no such thing as incompatibility. It's a term made

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<v Speaker 1>up by divorce attorneys to justify divorce. We're all incompatible

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<v Speaker 1>because we're all different. Nobody is going to be completely

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<v Speaker 1>compatible with you, because nobody's exactly like you. So no

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<v Speaker 1>matter who you're with and who you're married, you're going

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<v Speaker 1>to be incompatible. The truth is, you can get along

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<v Speaker 1>with anybody that you choose to get along with, and

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<v Speaker 1>you can choose to love anybody that you choose to love. Now,

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<v Speaker 1>if I were to summarize thousands of hours of marriage

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<v Speaker 1>counseling in two words, this is going to save you

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<v Speaker 1>a lot of money. Here are the two words you

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<v Speaker 1>need to hear that will make your marriage a success.

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<v Speaker 1>Grow up, Stop being irritating little immature. I won't say

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<v Speaker 1>the word. It's immaturity that causes marriage to die. It's

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<v Speaker 1>not incompatibility. It's inflexibility. I want what I want and

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<v Speaker 1>I want it now, and you want what you want.

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<v Speaker 1>And neither of us are old enough, mature enough, smart enough,

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<v Speaker 1>spiritual enough to change. And I am willing to let

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<v Speaker 1>this thing die. Then then change, and you're willing to

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<v Speaker 1>let this thing die. Then change has nothing to do

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<v Speaker 1>with incompatibility. If incompatibility was actually a concept, then exhibit A.

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<v Speaker 1>Are Rick and k Warren because we are the exact

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<v Speaker 1>opposite in every DNA cell in our body. We it's oh,

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<v Speaker 1>bladd old blad die. You say hi, I say low,

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<v Speaker 1>you say why, I say I don't know. It's just

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<v Speaker 1>we are on the opposite extremes in every area. We

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<v Speaker 1>have different backgrounds, we have different you know, look at

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<v Speaker 1>life differently, different temperaments. We are so opposite each other. Now, Actually,

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<v Speaker 1>the marriages that are hardest are where people are too

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<v Speaker 1>much alike, because after a while they get bored with

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<v Speaker 1>each other. The greater your differences in your marriage, the

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<v Speaker 1>greater your potential for growth. I'll say it again, the

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<v Speaker 1>greater your differences in marriage, the greater your potential for growth.

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<v Speaker 1>And the primary purpose of marriage is not to make

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<v Speaker 1>you happy, but to make you holy, to make you

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<v Speaker 1>like Jesus. And I have learned more from my wife

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<v Speaker 1>because she's so different from me than anybody else. You

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<v Speaker 1>can learn from anybody. If you're willing to be humble,

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<v Speaker 1>you can grow, and you can love, and you can

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<v Speaker 1>learn to love anybody It's not a matter of incompatibility.

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<v Speaker 1>It's a matter of maturity. Am I willing to grow up?

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<v Speaker 1>Am I willing to be unselfish? Am I willing to

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<v Speaker 1>be flexible? And am I willing to learn? Or would

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<v Speaker 1>I rather die than do that? I want you to

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<v Speaker 1>write this sentence down. Okay, write this down. It's always

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<v Speaker 1>more rewarding. Write this down. It's always more rewarding to

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<v Speaker 1>resolve a conflict than to dissolve a relationship. It's always

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<v Speaker 1>more rewarding to resolve a conflict than dissolve a relationship.

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<v Speaker 1>Kay and I had so many problems in our early

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<v Speaker 1>years of marriage. We would be divorced if it weren't

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<v Speaker 1>for Jesus. And what would have happened if we had

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<v Speaker 1>given in to those desires to divorce in our early years.

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<v Speaker 1>I wouldn't have the children I've got, I wouldn't have

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<v Speaker 1>the grandchildren I've got. There would be no saddle backed church,

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<v Speaker 1>and many of you would still not be headed for heaven.

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<v Speaker 1>I think of the blessings in the world that would

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<v Speaker 1>have been missed if I had listened to my fears,

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<v Speaker 1>or Kay listen to her fears. It's always more rewarding

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<v Speaker 1>to resolve the conflict than to dissolve of the relationship.

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<v Speaker 1>So our nature is natural to be self centered. I

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<v Speaker 1>don't think about me, are you? I think about me?

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<v Speaker 1>And by the way, you don't think about me, you're

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<v Speaker 1>thinking about you. You're thinking about you. Right now, what

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<v Speaker 1>does this mean to me? It isn't really helpful to me.

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<v Speaker 1>And the point is, oh, you're getting that all right.

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<v Speaker 1>It's my nature to be self centered, and it's my

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<v Speaker 1>nature to be stubborn. And if I'm going to have

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<v Speaker 1>a good relationship, friendship, work relationship, client relationship, marriage relationship,

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<v Speaker 1>parenting relationship, I gotta think less about me and more

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<v Speaker 1>about you. So the first cause of conflict, the Bible

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<v Speaker 1>makes it very clear, is self centered as selfishness. The

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<v Speaker 1>second cause of conflict is pride and pride. I'm stubborn,

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<v Speaker 1>and in pride, I get my feet feelings hurt easily.

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<v Speaker 1>Humble people don't get their feelings hurt. Prideful people do.

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<v Speaker 1>They get their feelings hurt all the time. And so

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<v Speaker 1>when my wound and my ego gets wounded, then we

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<v Speaker 1>have conflict. Look at this verse up on the screen.

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<v Speaker 1>Proverbs thirteen ten says this pride, let's read it aloud together.

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<v Speaker 1>Pride only leads to arguments? And where is that verse found?

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<v Speaker 1>Proverbs thirteen ten. Now that's such a short verse. That's

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<v Speaker 1>gonna be our memory verse this week. So we can

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<v Speaker 1>learn this one. You can use this one. So let's

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<v Speaker 1>say it aloud together. Proverbs thirteen ten. Pride only leads

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<v Speaker 1>to arguments? And where's that? Proverbs thirteen ten. You're gonna

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<v Speaker 1>need this one, by the way, what's this Proverbs thirteen ten? Say,

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<v Speaker 1>pride only leads to arguments? And where's that found? Proverbs

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<v Speaker 1>thirteen ten. That was the first verse that Kay and

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<v Speaker 1>I memorized in our marriage. We memorized it on the honeymoon.

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<v Speaker 1>Why because we needed it on the honeymoon. We were

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<v Speaker 1>already at each other's throats fighting on the honeymoon. We

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<v Speaker 1>are so different. I want to do this and I

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<v Speaker 1>want to do that, and you want to do this,

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<v Speaker 1>you want to do that, And we had to memorize

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<v Speaker 1>that verse before a week of our marriage was up. Hi, everybody,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm pastor Rick Warren. You know when I started Saddleback

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<v Speaker 1>Church over forty years ago, just a handful of people

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<v Speaker 1>in our living room. I also began writing a simple

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<v Speaker 1>devotional just for the people in our church to help

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<v Speaker 1>them start each day with hope and with truth and

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<v Speaker 1>with peace that comes from Jesus Christ. Well, you know

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<v Speaker 1>that little devotional grew and grew and grew in Today,

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<v Speaker 1>Daily Hope is one of the largest email devotions in

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<v Speaker 1>the whole world, and each day people all around the

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<v Speaker 1>globe are reconnecting with God's promises and finding fresh strength

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<v Speaker 1>in his word to face whatever comes their way. Now

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<v Speaker 1>here's the best part. It's absolutely free. Okay, we don't

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<v Speaker 1>have any charge for this. Every day you'll get a

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<v Speaker 1>quick devotional read and a podcast that you can listen

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<v Speaker 1>to on the go. Now, you know, in a world

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<v Speaker 1>it's more distracted and uncertain than ever, I want to

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<v Speaker 1>help you start your day centered on what never changes,

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<v Speaker 1>and what never changes is a God's love, is unconditional

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<v Speaker 1>love for you and his promises to you. You know,

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<v Speaker 1>if you'll just spend just a few minutes a day

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<v Speaker 1>in the morning with the Lord, it can bring so

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<v Speaker 1>much more clarity, more purpose, more peace to everything that

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<v Speaker 1>happens in your day. Particularly, a psychologist has said that

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<v Speaker 1>what you do with the first five minutes of your

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<v Speaker 1>day pretty much sets the tone so, friend, you were

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<v Speaker 1>never meant to go through life alone. I want to

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<v Speaker 1>personally invite you to just sign up for the Daily

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<v Speaker 1>Hope devotional. Do it today. I think it's going to

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<v Speaker 1>bring fresh encouragement to your walk in God, God bless you.

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<v Speaker 1>Would you like to sign up for Pastor Rick's email devotional.

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<v Speaker 1>You can just scan the QR code or go to

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<v Speaker 1>dailyhopetv dot com. I am going to give you a

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<v Speaker 1>secret miracle sentence that will break any logjam in any argument. Guaranteed.

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<v Speaker 1>I guarantee you this. This is a secret sentence that

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<v Speaker 1>will break a logjam in any conflict if you'll use it.

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<v Speaker 1>Are you ready? Here it is I'm sorry, I was

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<v Speaker 1>only thinking of myself. Now, when your spouse wakes up

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<v Speaker 1>from fainting, you can say it again, I'm sorry, I

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<v Speaker 1>was only thinking of myself, And they'll faint again when

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<v Speaker 1>they wake up. Then you can actually start dealing. When

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<v Speaker 1>was the last time you said that to somebody? Have

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<v Speaker 1>you ever said that in your marriage? No? And yet

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<v Speaker 1>how many times were you only thinking of yourself on

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<v Speaker 1>a daily basis? That is a miracle phrase. You need

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<v Speaker 1>to memorize and get over your pride, which causes conflict

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<v Speaker 1>and begin to say in. Somebody, your husband or your

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<v Speaker 1>wife says something to you and you start to get

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<v Speaker 1>defensive about it and distant and demanding. You just say,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm sorry, I was only thinking of myself, and you

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<v Speaker 1>watch the balloon, the air come out of that balloon,

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<v Speaker 1>and the pride and the ego just kind of shrinks down. Now,

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<v Speaker 1>the reason you need to learn to say that is

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<v Speaker 1>because you have what's called blind spots in your life.

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<v Speaker 1>The blind spots are the weaknesses you don't see in

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<v Speaker 1>your life. You have a lot of weaknesses that you

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<v Speaker 1>know about, and you know about those weaknesses in your life.

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<v Speaker 1>Those aren't blind spots because you can see them. The

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<v Speaker 1>blind spots are the weaknesses you can't see. That's why

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<v Speaker 1>they're called blind spots, because you can't see them. You

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<v Speaker 1>have weaknesses in your life you have never seen. Now

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<v Speaker 1>we all see them. We can see them real clearly.

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<v Speaker 1>We can see your weaknesses really clear. You don't have

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<v Speaker 1>to defend them because you don't even know they're there.

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<v Speaker 1>They are your blind spots, and that's why you need

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<v Speaker 1>other people in your life who can actually point out

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<v Speaker 1>to you what you cannot see. Your blind spots. Those

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<v Speaker 1>are weaknesses. You don't even have any idea, your clue

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<v Speaker 1>that you have that weakness. That's why you need to

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<v Speaker 1>come to conflict with a humble heart, and you begin

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<v Speaker 1>with your own faults. Here's what Jesus says. Notice this

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<v Speaker 1>verse Matthew seven, Verses three and five. He says, why

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<v Speaker 1>do you notice the little speck of dust in your

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<v Speaker 1>friend's eye, but you don't notice the big piece of

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<v Speaker 1>wood in your own eye? First take the wood out

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<v Speaker 1>of your own eye and then you'll be able to

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<v Speaker 1>see clearly. That's the blind spots. To take the dust

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<v Speaker 1>out of your friend's eye. Now, guys, you don't understand

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<v Speaker 1>this because two thousand years later we don't understand Hebrew humor.

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<v Speaker 1>But that sentence is a joke. It's humor. You may

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<v Speaker 1>not realize this, but the Sermon on the Mount is

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<v Speaker 1>filled with laughlines. Jesus told a lot of jokes, and

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<v Speaker 1>he used a lot of humor in his preaching. We

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<v Speaker 1>just don't understand it because we don't think in he

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<v Speaker 1>Brew humor from two thousand years ago. Hebrew humor is

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<v Speaker 1>humor by exaggeration, and so Jesus is when he would

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<v Speaker 1>tell stuff, he would awfully throw in a laughline. The

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<v Speaker 1>sermon mounts filled with some funny stuff. We just don't

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<v Speaker 1>get it. For instance, when Jesus says, you've heard this one.

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<v Speaker 1>It's easier for the camel, a camel to go through

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<v Speaker 1>an eye of a needle than for a rich man

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<v Speaker 1>to hold onto his money and to get into heaven. Now,

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<v Speaker 1>when Pete when Jesus said that, they died laughing, they go, oh, Lord,

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<v Speaker 1>that's a good one. A camel going through an eye

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<v Speaker 1>of a needle. Yeah, right, that's you know, that's obviously impossible, Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>And they're like, oh Lord, that you're too funny. That's hilarious.

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<v Speaker 1>You know. When Jesus says, hey, you know those religious

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<v Speaker 1>leaders over there, they strain at a gnat and then

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<v Speaker 1>they swallow a camel. Oh Lord, you're killing me. Lord,

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<v Speaker 1>that's him much. This guy should be on comedy club

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<v Speaker 1>in a try the liver. I'm here on Friday. I

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<v Speaker 1>mean it's great, you know. Oh Lord, that's just you've

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<v Speaker 1>unstrained it a gnat and swallow again. It's a funny line.

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<v Speaker 1>Now we don't get it. We're going now the meaning

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<v Speaker 1>Greek meaning of the word nash right over our heads.

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<v Speaker 1>Totally oblivious to what Jesus is using humor and sarcasm

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<v Speaker 1>to make a point. And here he's saying, hey, guys,

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<v Speaker 1>before you get the speck of sawdust out of your

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<v Speaker 1>wife's eye, why don't you get the telephone poll out

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<v Speaker 1>of yours? Oh Lord, you're telling me, oh too much?

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<v Speaker 1>Please stop. I'm dying. I'm dying. You know he's telling humor.

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<v Speaker 1>Now here's the point. He's saying, you need to confess

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<v Speaker 1>your part of the conflict first. So I need to

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<v Speaker 1>say when I come to you in this piece thing,

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<v Speaker 1>I don't start with you. I don't start with all

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<v Speaker 1>the ways you've hurt me. I don't. We'll get to that,

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<v Speaker 1>get to that, But I just start with me, and

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<v Speaker 1>I go, have I been unrealistic? And now I'm asking myself.

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<v Speaker 1>Am I being insensitive? That's caused conflict? Am I being oversensitive?

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<v Speaker 1>And that's caused conflict? Am I being ungrateful? And I

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<v Speaker 1>just haven't showed gratitude to this person? And that's hurting?

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<v Speaker 1>Am I being over demanding? You just do an honest evaluation?

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<v Speaker 1>Is what are my blind spots? All? Right? Then once

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<v Speaker 1>you've done that, you've confessed you're part of the problem.

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<v Speaker 1>Number four, I listen for their hurt and perspective. I

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<v Speaker 1>listen for their hurt and their perspective. Now it's very

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<v Speaker 1>important I listen for hurt, because there's always hurt in

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<v Speaker 1>a conflict. We think we argue over ideas, but we

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<v Speaker 1>actually argue over emotion. We argue over feelings. And anytime

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<v Speaker 1>there's a conflict, somebody got their feelings hurt, somebody felt abused,

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<v Speaker 1>somebody felt slighted. It's not the idea that causes the conflict,

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<v Speaker 1>it's the emotion behind the idea. How many times have

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<v Speaker 1>you heard me say, hurt people hurt people. In other words,

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<v Speaker 1>the more I'm hurting, the more I lash out at

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<v Speaker 1>everybody else. People aren't hurting, don't hurt others. People who

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<v Speaker 1>are filled with love are loving to others. People who

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<v Speaker 1>are filled with joy are joyful to others. People who

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<v Speaker 1>are at peace are at peace with everybody else. But

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<v Speaker 1>if I'm hurting inside, I'm going to hurt you. And

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<v Speaker 1>the more I hurt, the more I'm going to hurt you,

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<v Speaker 1>the more I'm gonna lash out. The people who need

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<v Speaker 1>love the most are those who deserve it the least.

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<v Speaker 1>The people who are the most obnoxious and irritating and

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<v Speaker 1>just you don't even want to be around them. Those

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<v Speaker 1>are people who need massive doses of love. Hurt people,

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<v Speaker 1>hurt people. I mean, well, my mom hurt me. Well

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<v Speaker 1>you need to know why she was hurting. My dad

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<v Speaker 1>hurt me. You need to know the hurt that caused

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<v Speaker 1>him to hurt you. Hurt people, hurt people. Now, I

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<v Speaker 1>want to tell you this principle. It doesn't matter if

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<v Speaker 1>it's in a marriage, or if it's in the marketplace,

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<v Speaker 1>or if it's in the Middle East. When people feel

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<v Speaker 1>they're not listened to, When people feel slighted, when people

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<v Speaker 1>are robbed of their dignity, they get mad. Doesn't matter

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<v Speaker 1>if it's on the border or if it's in Ukraine

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<v Speaker 1>or anywhere else that there's a conflict. When people feel

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<v Speaker 1>their dignity is destroyed. When people feel they're not being

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<v Speaker 1>listened to, they're not being paid attention to, they're not

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<v Speaker 1>being valued, they get mad like a cat pushed back

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<v Speaker 1>into a corner. And if you want to connect with people,

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<v Speaker 1>you must start with their needs, their hurts, and their interests.

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<v Speaker 1>You want to be a good salesman, you don't start

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<v Speaker 1>with your product. You start with their need, their hurts,

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<v Speaker 1>and their interests, interests. You want to be a good professor,

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<v Speaker 1>a pastor, or anything, you start with their needs, their hurts,

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<v Speaker 1>their interests, not what you have to share, but what

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<v Speaker 1>they need. And if you want to connect with people,

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<v Speaker 1>that's where it starts. So you listen for their hurt

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<v Speaker 1>and you're actually listening behind the words. It's not what

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<v Speaker 1>they say in an argument that you need to listen.

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<v Speaker 1>You need to listen to the emotion behind the words.

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<v Speaker 1>The emotion's far more important because people will say one thing,

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<v Speaker 1>but they're feeling something else, like how you doing, I'm fine,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm fine means I'm not fine in a lot of cases. Simes,

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<v Speaker 1>chapter one, verse nineteen says this be quick to listen,

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<v Speaker 1>slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Now, if

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<v Speaker 1>you do the first two, the third is automatic. If

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<v Speaker 1>you are quick to listen and you are slow to speak,

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<v Speaker 1>you will be slow to get angry. On the other hand,

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<v Speaker 1>if you have a trigger temper and you get angry

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<v Speaker 1>really fast, I'll tell you why. It's because you're not

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<v Speaker 1>quick to listen and you're not slow to speak. In fact,

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<v Speaker 1>you're quick to speak and slow to listen, and that's

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<v Speaker 1>why you get angry. How many times have I told

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<v Speaker 1>you God gave you two ears and one mouth. You

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<v Speaker 1>should always listen twice as much as you speak, and

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<v Speaker 1>this is the next step in conflict management. You listen

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<v Speaker 1>to their hurt and you listen to their perspective. Because

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<v Speaker 1>you don't know their perspective. That's why there's conflict. I

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<v Speaker 1>want you to write this down. Always listen before speaking, always, always, always, always, always, always,

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<v Speaker 1>always always listen before speaking. This is the key to

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<v Speaker 1>diffusing conflict. You listen before you speak, and then people

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<v Speaker 1>feel validated when you Your ears are actually love organs,

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<v Speaker 1>because when you speak, you're showing love by listening to them.

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<v Speaker 1>Philippians two four and five says this, Each of you

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<v Speaker 1>should look circle the word look. We'll come back to

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<v Speaker 1>that minute. Each of you should look not only to

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<v Speaker 1>your own interest, but also to the interests of others,

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<v Speaker 1>and your attitude should be the same as that of

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<v Speaker 1>Christ Jesus. That word look there said don't just look

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<v Speaker 1>at your own needs, look at the needs of the

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<v Speaker 1>person you're having a problem with. That word look is

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<v Speaker 1>the Greek word scopos. We get the word microscope. You

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<v Speaker 1>look at little things that you don't normally see telescope.

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<v Speaker 1>You look at stars you can't see up close. Scopos

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<v Speaker 1>means to focus, focus, and it says your attitude should

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<v Speaker 1>be the same as that of Jesus Christ. You are

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<v Speaker 1>most like Jesus when you're focusing on the hurts of

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<v Speaker 1>somebody else rather than your own. You are most like

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<v Speaker 1>Jesus when you're focusing on the hurts of somebody else,

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<v Speaker 1>your child, your wife, your dad, your client. When you're

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<v Speaker 1>focusing on somebody else's hurts and you steady your own,

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<v Speaker 1>that's when you're like Jesus. When Jesus is on the cross,

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<v Speaker 1>dying for the sins of all mankind, he's not focusing

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<v Speaker 1>on his pain. He's saying, Father, forgive them. They don't

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<v Speaker 1>know what they're doing. He's still focusing on us, even

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<v Speaker 1>in the middle of his pain. So he says focus scopos.

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<v Speaker 1>Try to see their perspective before you go mouthing off

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<v Speaker 1>on your hurt, your need. Those are legitimate, But go

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<v Speaker 1>ahead and first try to focus on their perspective. How

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<v Speaker 1>do you do that by paying attention? There's an old

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<v Speaker 1>Chinese parable, a proverb that says, seek to understand before

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<v Speaker 1>seeking to be understood. That's what Jesus is saying here.

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<v Speaker 1>He's staying before you see, we're so busy trying to

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<v Speaker 1>get the person we're in conflict with to see our position.

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<v Speaker 1>We're not listening to theirs. We're so busy speaking, we're

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<v Speaker 1>not listening to theirs, and where as a result, we

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<v Speaker 1>move further and further away. Now, let's just take an example,

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<v Speaker 1>the people that you work with. And you have some

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<v Speaker 1>people who work with and you think that one person,

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<v Speaker 1>they are so irritating to me. I just they Every

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<v Speaker 1>time I get around them, my blood starts to boil.

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<v Speaker 1>I just don't even like being around them. And the

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<v Speaker 1>reason why is you don't scope us. You don't see

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<v Speaker 1>their circumstance, you don't see their temper, and you don't

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<v Speaker 1>see their background. The people that you work with, the

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<v Speaker 1>more you understand them, the more patient you're going to be.

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<v Speaker 1>The less you understand the people you work with, the

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<v Speaker 1>more impatient you're going to be. Why, because it is

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<v Speaker 1>human nature when you're working with people that you tend

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<v Speaker 1>we tend to judge how far people have to go.

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<v Speaker 1>We look at it and go, man, they got a

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<v Speaker 1>long way to go before they start being mature. Instead

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<v Speaker 1>of looking at how far they've come,