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Speaker 1: Hi everybody, and welcome to the Kylie Cast. I'm Kylie Griswold,

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Managing editor at The Federalist. Please like and subscribe wherever

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you get your podcasts. We have a brand new channel

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on Spotify and Apple podcast that is just for the

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Kylie Cast, So to make sure you never miss an episode,

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be sure to go like and subscribe there. If you're

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only subscribed to The Federalist Radio Hour, or you're wrong

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with Molly Hemingway and David Harsani, two of our other

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wonderful Federalist podcasts, be sure to go over and like

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and subscribe to the Kylie Cast as well. And even

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better yet, if you're just listening to the show, go

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check out the full video version on my personal YouTube

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channel or the Federalist channel on Rumble, and then of

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course like and subscribe there too. As always, if you'd

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like to email the show, you can do so at

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radio at the Federalist dot com. I would love to

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hear from you today. I am so honored to be

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welcoming to the show Walt Hire. Walt Hire has more

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life experience in his little finger than most people have

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in their entire bodies. Walt is in his eighties. He's

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just an incredible man and he has a wild story

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to tell. Walt lived for eight years as a woman

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before realizing the air of his ways, regretting his transgender

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identifying path and reclaiming the God given design, becoming a Christian,

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and living out his days as a man. Walt is incredible.

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I had such an awesome time talking to him, and

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I cannot wait for you to hear his story. You

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can find him at Waldhire dot com. He's also written

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a number of books, He's spoken a number of times.

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Definitely go check him out. You can also read more

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of his work on the Federalist dot com. But for now,

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please welcome to the Kylie Cast. Walt Hire. All right, Walt, welcome.

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It is so good to see you.

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Speaker 2: Yeaht great to see you. I've been waiting for this

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for a long time. So this is a thrill for me.

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Speaker 1: You finally got the Federalist invite. It is truly an

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honor to have your first Federalist appearance beyond the Kyli Cast.

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I'm thrilled to have you.

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Speaker 2: So it took me ten years, you know, after the

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first article I wrote.

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Speaker 1: But you know what, there, that's way too long. If

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you ask me, I don't know what happened there. I

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think we dropped the ball on that one. So or

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honored to have you writing for us from time to time.

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So I hope we see another article from you again soon. Well,

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I was telling it coming awesome, awesome, I'll look forward

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to it. My inbox is open. So I was mentioning

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to you, Walt before we started rolling here that at

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the first time I heard your story was actually when

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I was in college researching for a gender revolution project

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and I came across your story. And that was a

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handful of years ago, now, before the gender craze really

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took off and became quite the mess that it is today.

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But so it's really really a privilege to get to

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sit down with you and talk face to face with

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you about your story. I never thought i'd get the

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chance to do that. So, and frankly, I mean, your

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story is long before, it long predates the gender craze

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that we find ourselves into. So I want to hear

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as much of your story as you're willing to tell today,

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and specifically your testimony. But why don't we just rewind

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all the way back to the very beginning. Can you

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just give me a sense of where you grew up,

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what your environment was like, what your family was like,

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if you have siblings. Just kind of set the stage

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for the beginning of Walt's life.

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Speaker 2: Sure, I was born in nineteen forty, so we're right

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now eighty five years since that started. And then my

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dad was an industrial good salesman. My mom was She

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worked in a factory, a sewing factory, so they were

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both very busy. There wasn't a lot of money. We

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were pretty pretty poor family actually at the time we

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were growing up in the forties. Of course, the war

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was on. My dad's father lived around the corner from us.

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He was a super guy, really nice guy. He at

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times would preach at church. He was a believer, and

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my dad kind of distanced himself from that. I think,

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you know a lot of sons and daughters kind of

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when their fathers does pastor work, they sort of separate

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themselves a little bit. So he didn't follow that real hard.

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But so a good family on that side. On my

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mom's side, they were really dirt poor, unbelievably poor family

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that my mom came out of, which was kind of

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contrasted with my dad's side. So my mom and dad

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got married. My mom was only eighteen when they got married,

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had my brother. They got married in thirty eight, had

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my brother in thirty nine, and had me in nineteen forty,

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so that's pretty quick go. But my so, I was

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being babysat by my mom's mother, who was a drinker, smoker,

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and quite robust woman. Actually, she was quite large, and

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she would like the women back in those days, they

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did a lot of knitting, didn't they. I mean that

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was kind of a thing, knitting and.

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Speaker 1: Sewing and kind of back around.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, And so she was would try to make clothing

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for people and try to make some money, you know,

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they think they called them bazaars where that people would

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get together and show their goods, and she would try

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to make some money doing that. So the contrast was

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really kind of remarkable between my mom and dad's family.

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So anyway, how it all got started for me and

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I had a brother that was eighteen months older than

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I was still do but what happened was a lot

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of babysitting. I was at my grandmother's house. My mom's

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mom and her stepdad only had one leg and he

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was a drinker, so it was kind of a unusual environment.

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You know. My brother got to stay with my dad's dad,

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which was a whole different thing. It was a very

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nice three bedroom, two bath house, three car garage. It

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was kind of high end versus I stayed in my

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grandmother's house and grandfather's house, which was behind a junkyard

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in Los Angeles, because we grew up in Los Angeles

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in a low town called Highland Park, and so it

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was a really rough The house was kind of a

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ramshackled old place. If you looked out the front door,

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as you saw it was broken down. Cars had been

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towed in from the junkyard. So my dad and mom

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would do a lot of fishing, and they would take

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off on the weekend. They dropped my brother off at

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my dad's parents' house and then dropped me off at

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my mom's parents and they'd take off for the weekend.

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And so my grandmother was making women's clothing. I'm four

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years old, three four years old at this time, and

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I would just kind of lean on the sewing machine

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because there was nobody else around. I mean, it was desolate. There,

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there were no kids, There's really nothing to play with,

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and she was uninterested in entertaining me, not that she

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was even capable, but so I got interested in just

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watching her make clothing. And she decided, and I to

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this day can't tell you how or why, but she

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decided to make me a full length evening dress and

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purple chiffon dress. And so she made that for me,

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had me stand on this little cushion and made it

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for me, and told me how cute I looked in it,

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and how wonderful I looked in it. And so I

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think this is kind of the start of where the

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confusion came. And I think this is so instructive for

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us to talk about because this is not gendered as

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for you, and people will oftentimes migrate well that's you know,

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that's a trans kid or something. You know, in nineteen

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forty four, there were no words, right, we didn't know

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your grandma's just cross dressing a kid, and we don't

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know what that's about. And so, but what I really

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think it is is when you take a young child

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in cross dress, and like my grandma did me, it

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has this effect on me as what's wrong with me?

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How come Grandma's only talking about how wonderful I am

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when I'm in a dress. So you're planning these very

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contrasting seeds. So you begin as a child to want

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to be affirmed and liked and so forth. So you're

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going to migrate to wherever you're going to get the

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most feedback that's positive. And that feedback happened to be

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when I was wearing the purple dress, right right, Just

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what happened, and so that built within me this whole thing.

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And then she then remarkably she said, don't tell your parents.

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This is our little secret. Well, you know, what's a

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four year old kid?

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Speaker 3: You know?

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Speaker 2: Today, I would know if somebody said this is a secret,

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you'd automatically know there's something wrong, right. I mean, that's

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a big red flag right there.

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Speaker 1: Right.

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Speaker 2: What that means is your parents aren't going to approve

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of what I'm doing and I shouldn't be doing it,

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but we're going to do it in secret.

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Speaker 1: Right, which sadly is a pattern now. I mean that

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happens a lot in public schools and elsewhere. Just the secrecy.

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It's one of the hugest red flags I think about

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this whole movement.

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Speaker 2: That's why it's so important. I think that's why the

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Lord had me go through this so that I could

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talk about this at eighty five years old. I mean,

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this is eighty one years ago, and to be able

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to reflect on that, I think is so instructive and

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even brilliant on the Lord's part to have me be

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able to document that real life experience which we're seeing

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with schools today, so we know if you take a

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child in a firm them and do this to them

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before their brains are fully developed, which takes to twenty

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five or thirty. For me, it may take even longer

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than eighty five. Is still working on getting it there,

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but I think this is I believe they know that

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by cross dressing kids at a young age, they can

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affect their long term behavior. And so they and my

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grandma didn't know that, but so I'm learning through this process.

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So anyway, two and a half years of doing this

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at Grandma's house, and I decided that I got so

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accustomed to that purple dress that I decided I was

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going to sneak the dress home, even though it was

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a secret. I put it in a brown paper bag,

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and when Dad picked me up, I took it home

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and put it in my bottom dresser drawer.

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Speaker 1: So a perpetual thing this was happening every time you

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would go over there, or most of the times you

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would go over there.

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Speaker 2: One hundred percent time. I was going out, Yeah, for

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two and a half years, So you're building something there, right,

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And she never talked about the fact that, you know,

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I like to wear cowboy boots, that I had blue jeans,

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that I was kind of a scruffy kid. I don't

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I didn't ever see myself as being a feminine kid.

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I was small, but you know, I liked bicycles, I

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liked sliding in the dirt. I was gruffy, I was

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dirty all the time. So was what she was doing

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was kind of the opposite I believe of where I was,

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but it was It just shows you what you can

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do to a young child in their early development by

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doing these things. So I went on for two and

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a half years, took the dress home and thinking that

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I would wear it when I had a chance, when

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I could hide and do it, and then sort of

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feel what I was getting from grandma, because you know,

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in a typical household in the forties, parents aren't affirming

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their kids as a boy or girls. It was you know,

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you just grew up, you know, you know, you weren't

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waiting for daddy. Well, you're a really cool guy, you know.

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And then right, so, so you had this grandma who

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was doing this, and dad was a great guy. But

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when my mom found that purple dress in my dress

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or drawer when she was putting clothes away, she pulls

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it out and she goes, where'd this come from? I said, well,

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grandma made it. Grandma made it. I mean she was

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like shocked. And then my dad heard that, and that

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caused this huge explosion and major fight, screaming and yelling,

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and so what I realized then, if.

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Speaker 1: You were with your mother or with your grandma, my mom.

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Speaker 2: And dad going at it. Look what your mom's doing

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to my boy? What you know that kind of thing,

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And he's slamming doors and she's yelling and they're yelling.

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And here's the other thing that happened there. I was

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told to keep a secret and I didn't, right, I

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broke the secret. So now I'm feeling bad because I

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feel like I caused them to have this. Arguments like

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now it's my fault.

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Speaker 1: Right, secret that you never should have had to keep

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in the first place, and now you're feeling shame for

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having shared it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, because I didn't keep it, and now I'm seeing

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the consequences, which I don't like looking at of breaking

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the promise or the secret. So as my dad then,

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nineteen forty six, he didn't know what to do, right.

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He's an auxilary policeman for the Los Angeles Police Department.

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He's a judo expert, he's a strong man, he's a

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man's man, he's fantastic guy, and he didn't know what

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to do. So he decided that any infraction or anything

246
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that I did at that time that required some discipline

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or he felt needed to be disciplined, was done with

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a hardwood floorplank, and he beat the crap out of me,

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be honest with you. Pardon me for saying that, but

250
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I mean it was he left welts on my little

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butt at six years old. So you got the cross dressing,

252
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then you got the hardwood floorplank. And then he had

253
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an adopted older brother, actually it was a teenager younger

254
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brother that was adopted Uncle Fred. And because of the

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purple dress, Uncle Fred decided that I was fair game

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to be sexually molested when I was eight and nine

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years old.

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Speaker 1: So sorry, So you see.

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Speaker 2: This is not particularly uncommon by the way, is this

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is not this is not. This story I believe is

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so instructive for the Lord Jesus Christ to allow me

262
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to speak through it and to it this many years later,

263
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because this is happening every day in our country. That's

264
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happening every day in households, and we need to understand

265
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when we talk about these things, the damage that's being

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done not just to the child, but to their long

267
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term development as a child is there's a term for it,

268
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and you've probably heard of because I've written articles about.

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It's called adverse childhood experiences. And adverse childhood experiences are

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the result of causes trauma. It causes PTSD, dissociative disorders,

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a group of things, obsessive, compulsive, and all these things

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are sort of the underlying issues when you suffer trauma

273
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as a child, and that's trauma. It seems Grandma did

274
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psychological and emotional abuse by cross dressing.

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Speaker 3: Man.

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Speaker 2: I want people to hear that when you cross dress

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a child, you're doing psychological and emotional abuse. It's not

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just cross dressing a.

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Speaker 1: Kid, right right.

280
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Speaker 2: And then my dad did physical abuse, and then my

281
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uncle did sexual abuse. Now there's not too many abuses

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left in the box to lay on a kid before

283
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they're nine.

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Speaker 1: Years old, that's the trifecta. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, So I'm trying to work through all this stuff

286
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and I'm not doing real well with it. So just

287
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to be kind of humorous. That was the way I

288
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sort of buried my pain was. I was always trying

289
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to be a jokester in humors, although I found myself

290
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isolating from others because I felt awkward. And I remember

291
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a day. I don't know how old I was, but

292
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I remember one day I could not stop crying. I

293
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just could not stop crying. I was in so much pain.

294
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And my dad and mom were going to go to

295
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dinner and they decided, you know, I'm only like nine

296
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years old at the time, maybe ten. They decided to

297
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leave me at home and said, I don't want to

298
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bring this kid. They just left me at home. They

299
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went out to dinner and left me in the house

300
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by myself at ten because I was crying. But you see,

301
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they didn't and again these are important things to consider.

302
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They didn't reach out and sit down with me and

303
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say why are you in pain? Wouldn't that have been nice? Right?

304
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Sometimes parents as good as my dad was good as

305
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my mom was. Some things we miss and I'm sure

306
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I did that when I was raising my kids too,

307
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So I'm not saying I'm perfect. It's just something we

308
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can go through these processes and kind of instruct ourselves

309
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to have these little things we look for and make

310
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sure that we don't make those mistakes. And instead of

311
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telling me to sit home and they take off and

312
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go to dinner, find out what's wrong.

313
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Speaker 1: Right, Well, it's so important for kids to have a

314
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safe adult to talk to about these things because whether

315
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it's you know, a child in a Christian home who

316
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doesn't feel that they can talk to their parents about

317
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same sex attraction, or a child who's struggling with their

318
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identity that doesn't talk to their parents, somebody's going to

319
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talk to them about it. So the question is, you know,

320
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who is that person going to be? And it's really

321
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important that a child can talk to his or her

322
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parents about it. So it's not from the school counselor

323
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who says, okay, now let's keep this conversation a secret

324
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from your parents, for instance.

325
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Speaker 2: Right, And so when I told him what uncle did,

326
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Uncle Fred did about molesting me, there was another blow

327
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where they said well, we asked Uncle Fred, and Uncle

328
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Fred said, he didn't do that, so you must be

329
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lying to us. So, you know, you start accumulating these things.

330
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And all of a sudden, now because I said that,

331
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because you had mentioned child needs a safe adult to

332
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talk to, right, I can't talk to anybody because they

333
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don't think I'm telling the truth. Right because Uncle Fred

334
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said no, he's lying. I didn't do that. So and

335
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I understand Uncle Fred wanted to protect himself. I get that.

336
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So anyway, by the time I'm thirteen years old, I

337
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am really confused. I don't there's no words like genderness

338
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for you, transgender, any of that stuff. And so I

339
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took on a kind of a secret identity called Crystal West,

340
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probably in my early teens, and I would secretly go

341
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out in the backyard or places I could go cross

342
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dressed than when I knew my parents weren't going to

343
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be around. And if the car started coming in the

344
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driveway at a place, I could go hide and undo

345
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the cross dressing. And so all these things were What

346
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was the cross dress about? Well, I was trying to

347
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recapture what Grandma was talking about about this nice kid. Right,

348
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this is how wonderful I was, because that's what she talked.

349
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So I'm trying to find out why how do I

350
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get to be in wonderful right? And the only place

351
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that that seemed to be was inside this with this

352
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stress over me.

353
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Speaker 1: So even though you're not looking for outside affirmation or

354
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validation anymore when you're cross dressing, that was the one

355
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time when you felt that I'm accepted, I'm praised, I'm

356
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liked this way. Is that what you mean? Is that

357
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what was going on psychologically?

358
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Speaker 2: Or I think what you know? I've thought through that

359
00:19:39,480 --> 00:19:44,279
a million times, and I can't say definitively exactly why

360
00:19:44,319 --> 00:19:47,319
I was doing it, whether it became an addiction or

361
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a habit or an obsession. Maybe more in line with

362
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what it was I in my mind, I think, well,

363
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maybe I was just trying to recapture hearing what grant

364
00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:01,759
Emma was saying. If I put on the dress, I

365
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could then replay in my head how cute I was,

366
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or how nice I was, or how wonderful I was

367
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because I was in pain. You know, when you're in pain,

368
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you want people to tell you how wonderful. Yard has

369
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an effort to try to get out of the pain.

370
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So I'm cross dressing at thirteen and taking on a

371
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name Crystal West. I'm telling one or two real close

372
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friends that I have about what I'm dealing with and

373
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finding that in the fifties that's not safe thing to

374
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do because they would immediately abandon me and kind of

375
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shun me. And I understood that later on. But then

376
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there was this thing Christine Jorgensen hit the headlines. Was

377
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a marine soldier I forget which branch of the service

378
00:20:45,240 --> 00:20:49,160
that they called, went through the surgery and became a transsexual.

379
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That was the first terminology that was done. And so

380
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they called it a transsexual. And the surgery, who apparently

381
00:20:56,799 --> 00:21:00,240
was done somewhere in Europe, Germany or somewhere I'm not

382
00:21:00,279 --> 00:21:00,680
even sure.

383
00:21:00,720 --> 00:21:03,559
Speaker 1: And when you first heard this term, was it an

384
00:21:03,599 --> 00:21:06,799
immediate oh, that's that's what I am or want to be,

385
00:21:07,119 --> 00:21:09,759
or just finally give language to how you were feeling

386
00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:10,240
or what?

387
00:21:10,599 --> 00:21:12,799
Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah, it did all of those things. It gave

388
00:21:12,920 --> 00:21:15,839
language to it. It said that must be what I am.

389
00:21:17,039 --> 00:21:21,640
And see, here's the thing. I can say it today,

390
00:21:21,720 --> 00:21:24,200
But I can say that must be what I am

391
00:21:24,279 --> 00:21:27,079
without being able to process the fact that I've been abused.

392
00:21:28,519 --> 00:21:31,799
See this was this whole thing was about abuse. I

393
00:21:31,839 --> 00:21:36,240
was trying to escape abuse, right, And I can tell

394
00:21:36,240 --> 00:21:39,000
you definitively, I never really wanted to be a woman.

395
00:21:39,039 --> 00:21:41,839
That was never what it was about. I just did

396
00:21:41,880 --> 00:21:45,680
not want to be in pain. How do I escape paint?

397
00:21:45,720 --> 00:21:49,079
I spent my life trying to escape pain, right, and

398
00:21:50,079 --> 00:21:53,799
I did it in numerous ways. Cross dressing was supposedly

399
00:21:53,880 --> 00:21:57,279
one of the relief things, you know, and so I anyway,

400
00:21:57,279 --> 00:21:59,759
I took on that identity. I kept that secret. I

401
00:22:00,079 --> 00:22:03,440
had a girlfriend. I never had same sex attraction. I

402
00:22:03,599 --> 00:22:05,759
never had the homosexual part. I don't even know what

403
00:22:05,839 --> 00:22:10,160
that's about. And ninety percent, frankly, more than ninety percent

404
00:22:10,200 --> 00:22:12,720
of the thousands of people I've worked with were not

405
00:22:12,799 --> 00:22:17,400
homosexual or had same sex attraction. So it's usually what

406
00:22:17,440 --> 00:22:21,240
I found. Like with me, it's usually a broken identity.

407
00:22:23,119 --> 00:22:25,680
In helping somebody, you need to find out how it

408
00:22:25,720 --> 00:22:28,839
got broken, what caused it to be broken, what caused

409
00:22:28,839 --> 00:22:32,279
you to not like who you are? Is the message

410
00:22:32,279 --> 00:22:33,160
that I always work with.

411
00:22:33,240 --> 00:22:38,480
Speaker 1: So I went on girlfriend. Did you share any of

412
00:22:38,519 --> 00:22:40,440
this with the girlfriend at the time or was it

413
00:22:40,480 --> 00:22:42,000
all very private and secret?

414
00:22:42,160 --> 00:22:44,640
Speaker 2: Yeah? It was private for a while until I started

415
00:22:44,640 --> 00:22:48,960
building trust with her. And her name was Loulah Joey Phipps,

416
00:22:49,200 --> 00:22:54,720
your redhead, amazing sharp gal. And so I finally had

417
00:22:54,839 --> 00:22:58,640
the nerve to tell her, and she was so wiped

418
00:22:58,680 --> 00:23:01,599
out about me telling me. I've realized I can never

419
00:23:01,680 --> 00:23:06,519
tell anybody ever again because it just destroyed her, you know.

420
00:23:07,319 --> 00:23:11,319
And and so these these events that you have really

421
00:23:11,359 --> 00:23:14,599
shape how you go through life, who you can talk to,

422
00:23:14,680 --> 00:23:16,559
and what you do, and how you live, and where

423
00:23:16,599 --> 00:23:20,000
your what your secrets are, and and and and so

424
00:23:20,079 --> 00:23:23,519
they they shape all the pathways you take. And many

425
00:23:23,559 --> 00:23:30,160
times the pathways are unhealthy and they're destructive. And so anyway,

426
00:23:31,279 --> 00:23:34,680
I went on through that, and I had a few

427
00:23:34,680 --> 00:23:36,960
more girlfriends, but nothing real serious.

428
00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:40,880
Speaker 1: And then and since you said you didn't actually uh

429
00:23:41,400 --> 00:23:44,079
think that you were a woman or necessarily even wanted

430
00:23:44,119 --> 00:23:47,359
to be a woman, or maybe that's not how you

431
00:23:47,359 --> 00:23:49,759
would characterize it, but there was no feeling of like

432
00:23:50,720 --> 00:23:53,480
resentment or jealousy about these girlfriends and the lives they

433
00:23:53,480 --> 00:23:56,640
were living, right because it wasn't ultimately a sex a

434
00:23:56,759 --> 00:23:59,599
sex thing, It was just an identity thing. You didn't

435
00:23:59,599 --> 00:24:00,839
want to be Walt.

436
00:24:01,920 --> 00:24:04,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, I didn't want to be the guy who was

437
00:24:04,920 --> 00:24:09,160
cross dressed by grandma, beat up by my dad, and

438
00:24:09,599 --> 00:24:11,599
sexually abused by my uncle. I did not want to

439
00:24:11,640 --> 00:24:14,759
be that guy. I didn't have too many other choices

440
00:24:15,000 --> 00:24:18,920
on where I could go with that, right, And so.

441
00:24:20,880 --> 00:24:24,039
Speaker 1: Back up just a second. Was your experience with your

442
00:24:24,079 --> 00:24:28,400
grandmother is? Are those your earliest memories? Do you remember

443
00:24:29,640 --> 00:24:32,200
childhood before being cross dressed?

444
00:24:33,039 --> 00:24:38,640
Speaker 2: I do. I had an event before that with my

445
00:24:38,759 --> 00:24:42,039
mother when I was probably two and a half inch

446
00:24:42,640 --> 00:24:46,359
and I wasn't sure about what this was. And it

447
00:24:46,440 --> 00:24:48,799
was probably only eight or ten years ago that I

448
00:24:48,839 --> 00:24:51,920
found out that my memory was true about it. But

449
00:24:52,599 --> 00:24:54,759
I knew something when I was maybe two or two

450
00:24:54,799 --> 00:24:57,240
and a half three years old with my mother happened

451
00:24:57,680 --> 00:25:01,519
and it was a very painful thing, and I didn't

452
00:25:01,559 --> 00:25:04,960
know how to deal with it. And we finally had

453
00:25:04,960 --> 00:25:07,319
a chance to talk about it. My mom admitted to

454
00:25:07,359 --> 00:25:10,880
me just before she passed away that when I was

455
00:25:11,480 --> 00:25:14,119
two three years old, somewhere in there, that she almost

456
00:25:14,240 --> 00:25:17,079
killed me from shaking me so hard because she was

457
00:25:17,119 --> 00:25:17,920
so angry at me.

458
00:25:18,440 --> 00:25:21,440
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, like she she tried to kill you,

459
00:25:21,599 --> 00:25:23,359
or she accidentally almost.

460
00:25:23,319 --> 00:25:27,000
Speaker 2: She accidentally almost did it by just shaking the daylights

461
00:25:27,039 --> 00:25:30,519
out of me. And I do have a vague rememory

462
00:25:30,559 --> 00:25:36,240
of that. And yeah, she she remembered it, brought it

463
00:25:36,279 --> 00:25:38,880
back and we talked about it. When a lady I

464
00:25:38,920 --> 00:25:43,680
think in Minnesota or somewhere was convicted of shaking a

465
00:25:43,720 --> 00:25:47,319
baby to death. Yes, and that was probably how many

466
00:25:47,400 --> 00:25:49,759
years ago it was. She said, that could have been me,

467
00:25:50,160 --> 00:25:55,160
you know, and so and I had some recollection. But

468
00:25:55,279 --> 00:25:57,640
you know, when you don't have all the pieces, you know,

469
00:25:57,680 --> 00:25:59,319
your brain at two year old two and a half

470
00:25:59,400 --> 00:26:02,480
year old brain put all the pieces together. I never

471
00:26:02,519 --> 00:26:04,920
confronted her about it, but she finally confessed it to

472
00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:09,480
me and to my wife, my current wife, and so

473
00:26:10,279 --> 00:26:13,920
and so she said, yeah, I almost killed you and

474
00:26:13,920 --> 00:26:19,480
and and as devastated you know that. And and here's

475
00:26:19,519 --> 00:26:22,119
the thing. This was the one thing too, that I

476
00:26:22,200 --> 00:26:26,039
realized about my mom. She never and she lived to

477
00:26:26,039 --> 00:26:28,079
be eighty six years old, never said she loved me.

478
00:26:30,319 --> 00:26:34,240
Speaker 1: Wow, Never, not even late in life, like as she's

479
00:26:34,279 --> 00:26:36,319
confessing these things to you.

480
00:26:36,359 --> 00:26:39,920
Speaker 2: No, she was so upset with all the things I

481
00:26:39,960 --> 00:26:45,119
went through, my struggles that she only saw that as

482
00:26:45,160 --> 00:26:50,319
her big burden, not she you know, my life gave

483
00:26:50,359 --> 00:26:53,279
her a big burden. That's why she saw it. I

484
00:26:53,359 --> 00:26:59,480
ruined her life, basically, Wow, so so, But she really

485
00:26:59,519 --> 00:27:03,440
cared for my brother, who was older, and so I

486
00:27:03,519 --> 00:27:06,240
know I was trying in the best way. I think

487
00:27:06,279 --> 00:27:09,160
there's also the element of me trying maybe if I

488
00:27:09,319 --> 00:27:10,960
was a girl, maybe mom would like me.

489
00:27:11,960 --> 00:27:15,759
Speaker 1: Sure? Sure, I think yeah, Oh sorry, I was just

490
00:27:15,799 --> 00:27:17,799
going to ask was there an element of that with

491
00:27:17,880 --> 00:27:21,279
your grandmother? I mean, you probably can't psychoanalyze your grandmother

492
00:27:21,359 --> 00:27:24,440
or her intentions, but do you know why the repeated

493
00:27:24,559 --> 00:27:28,279
cross dressing and the you know, all of this, you're

494
00:27:28,319 --> 00:27:31,319
so wonderful, you're so cute with the dress, Like, was

495
00:27:31,359 --> 00:27:34,759
there a sexual component to that? Was there? Or wish

496
00:27:34,960 --> 00:27:37,119
for a girl component? Like do you know if there was?

497
00:27:37,400 --> 00:27:40,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, there might have there might have been. Yeah. I

498
00:27:40,039 --> 00:27:43,920
don't have the why she was a drinker. She wasn't

499
00:27:43,960 --> 00:27:50,359
she was not bright. She was raised in the dust

500
00:27:50,440 --> 00:27:53,160
bowl and all that stuff. She had a terrible life.

501
00:27:54,119 --> 00:27:57,079
Her first husband divorced, her second husband only had one leg.

502
00:27:57,160 --> 00:28:01,119
I mean, they lived in a trailer park. It was

503
00:28:01,319 --> 00:28:05,160
you know, it was low lolo go. So I don't

504
00:28:05,200 --> 00:28:07,680
know where she came up with this, and I don't

505
00:28:07,720 --> 00:28:11,279
know if she was trying to make me into a

506
00:28:11,319 --> 00:28:16,839
girl or whatever. But the damage, it lasts a lifetime.

507
00:28:17,839 --> 00:28:21,000
Isn't that amazing? It lasts a lifetime. Yeah, you can,

508
00:28:22,079 --> 00:28:23,839
you can get healed through the power and grace of

509
00:28:23,920 --> 00:28:26,279
Jesus Christ and move on with your life. But there's

510
00:28:26,319 --> 00:28:29,039
still battle scars, you know.

511
00:28:29,200 --> 00:28:35,519
Speaker 1: So yeah, And then how long did the abuse with

512
00:28:35,559 --> 00:28:39,160
your uncle last? Was that very prolonged or was it

513
00:28:39,200 --> 00:28:40,880
a one episode type of thing or.

514
00:28:41,119 --> 00:28:46,440
Speaker 2: Oh, it lasted for probably a year or so, not frequently,

515
00:28:47,160 --> 00:28:48,720
but it lasted for a while.

516
00:28:49,119 --> 00:28:52,480
Speaker 1: But there was no adult that believed you.

517
00:28:52,519 --> 00:28:56,880
Speaker 2: No. No, And even when I told my older brother,

518
00:28:57,559 --> 00:28:59,559
you know, when we're both in our twenties, he said, no,

519
00:28:59,720 --> 00:29:02,559
that now, wrap and you're making that up. His dad

520
00:29:02,559 --> 00:29:06,200
told me, you made it up? Okay, So I had.

521
00:29:07,440 --> 00:29:08,640
Speaker 1: Yeah.

522
00:29:08,960 --> 00:29:11,279
Speaker 2: It just made things a little bit more challenging. It

523
00:29:11,319 --> 00:29:13,359
didn't make them impossible. It just meant that I had

524
00:29:13,359 --> 00:29:16,720
to I had to build the one word that I

525
00:29:16,759 --> 00:29:21,559
really love. I had to build resilience. That's the word

526
00:29:21,599 --> 00:29:24,880
that kept me. Resilience. And you just keep If you

527
00:29:24,880 --> 00:29:27,279
don't have resilience, man, you're gonna you're going to crash.

528
00:29:27,319 --> 00:29:29,359
I didn't have the best. I've got it. I've got

529
00:29:29,400 --> 00:29:31,240
it now, but it took me a while to build

530
00:29:31,240 --> 00:29:34,759
that resilience. So, you know, I went on went on,

531
00:29:34,920 --> 00:29:40,119
and then I was identifying as some other female, probably

532
00:29:40,119 --> 00:29:43,720
in my teens, and I was actually going to I

533
00:29:43,799 --> 00:29:46,359
had a car. Then I would go to these dress

534
00:29:46,440 --> 00:29:49,200
up balls they had, you know, they would have a

535
00:29:49,519 --> 00:29:51,720
queen for a day, which is a guy dressing up,

536
00:29:51,799 --> 00:29:53,839
and they'd have and they were pretty big in LA.

537
00:29:53,960 --> 00:29:55,920
They had, you know, a few hundred people in a

538
00:29:55,960 --> 00:30:02,039
theater and they'd have these people, probably more I really

539
00:30:02,079 --> 00:30:04,200
couldn't associate him with because I think they were more

540
00:30:04,319 --> 00:30:10,839
drag like. And I think the drag group was homosexual.

541
00:30:11,000 --> 00:30:14,279
I wasn't. I never partnered with any of them. I

542
00:30:14,359 --> 00:30:16,640
never got to be friends with any of them. I

543
00:30:16,680 --> 00:30:22,119
was an observer and watched this happening and I found

544
00:30:22,160 --> 00:30:26,559
it interesting, but I couldn't put the pieces together for me.

545
00:30:26,759 --> 00:30:29,000
You know, why am I drawn to that? Why am

546
00:30:29,000 --> 00:30:30,759
I going to They're doing the same thing I am,

547
00:30:30,880 --> 00:30:34,799
And what are they about? What are they doing? So?

548
00:30:35,400 --> 00:30:38,759
And then I, you know, and I was going to church.

549
00:30:38,960 --> 00:30:42,680
I was really trying to find a relationship with Christ through.

550
00:30:42,519 --> 00:30:45,400
Speaker 1: This, and how old were you at the time.

551
00:30:46,240 --> 00:30:51,000
Speaker 2: Well, I'm nineteen by this time, okay, twenty, and I started.

552
00:30:52,240 --> 00:30:55,680
I was very interested in aerospace, and I started working

553
00:30:55,640 --> 00:30:59,680
in the aerospace industry and worked on I eventually became

554
00:30:59,720 --> 00:31:02,519
in a OHIAD design engineer on the Apollo Space Missions

555
00:31:02,559 --> 00:31:07,039
one and for North American Aviation. I worked on the

556
00:31:07,119 --> 00:31:11,599
area of cryogenics. I helped develop cryogenic connectors that couldn't

557
00:31:11,640 --> 00:31:14,119
withstand the three hundred and fifty two degree below zero

558
00:31:15,079 --> 00:31:18,960
temperature in the tanks. And so I was making really

559
00:31:19,000 --> 00:31:21,960
good money. I was, you know, I was wearing these

560
00:31:22,799 --> 00:31:25,680
one hundred and twenty five dollars shoes and seventy dollars

561
00:31:25,680 --> 00:31:30,640
slacks and thirty dollars ties when I'm in my twenties, right.

562
00:31:30,960 --> 00:31:33,279
Speaker 1: And are you living with or near your parents at

563
00:31:33,319 --> 00:31:36,160
this point or when did you break away from there?

564
00:31:37,240 --> 00:31:43,079
Speaker 2: Yeah? Well, unfortunately, my dad passed away from cancer when

565
00:31:43,079 --> 00:31:43,400
I was.

566
00:31:43,359 --> 00:31:47,839
Speaker 1: Twenty oh which sorry to hear was and I was.

567
00:31:47,839 --> 00:31:52,759
Speaker 2: At his bedside. And the story behind that was he

568
00:31:52,799 --> 00:31:55,880
got cancer. In those days, they just sent people home,

569
00:31:56,440 --> 00:31:59,240
and he had lung cancer. And so I was actually

570
00:31:59,759 --> 00:32:04,880
we're working during the daytime and going to my mom's house.

571
00:32:04,920 --> 00:32:06,960
We'd take shifts where she would be up all night

572
00:32:07,000 --> 00:32:10,559
caring for him because he had to have morphine and

573
00:32:10,599 --> 00:32:13,839
he was in these braces. He was just really sick.

574
00:32:14,480 --> 00:32:17,440
And then I would go to work and come back

575
00:32:17,559 --> 00:32:19,920
and work, stay up with him all night. So we

576
00:32:20,119 --> 00:32:23,000
just trade these things. And at the end of a month,

577
00:32:23,440 --> 00:32:27,160
I'm working at this aerospace industry on the polic space missions.

578
00:32:27,160 --> 00:32:31,599
And my boss I can still remember his name, Katsumi Wakamatsu,

579
00:32:32,000 --> 00:32:34,519
So kats if you're out there, baby, he's a cool guy.

580
00:32:35,079 --> 00:32:39,119
So I was driving forty miles to work because my

581
00:32:39,200 --> 00:32:41,119
mom needing me at home where dad was, and it

582
00:32:41,200 --> 00:32:43,559
was a long race for so forty miles each way

583
00:32:43,720 --> 00:32:47,720
was pretty intense. And so I went to work one

584
00:32:47,799 --> 00:32:50,680
day and the boss, he says, come into the office

585
00:32:50,799 --> 00:32:54,079
and I said, what's up? I want to talk to you.

586
00:32:54,319 --> 00:32:57,880
So he said, you know, you're usually really high energy,

587
00:32:57,960 --> 00:33:00,839
you're usually really on the ball, but there's something something

588
00:33:00,880 --> 00:33:03,720
not going right. What's up? And then I told him

589
00:33:03,720 --> 00:33:07,079
about my dad and about taking care of him because

590
00:33:07,119 --> 00:33:09,920
he's sick. I'm up all night and so a month

591
00:33:09,920 --> 00:33:12,880
for many hours. You know, if you're you're up a

592
00:33:12,880 --> 00:33:15,000
whole day in a night and then going to work

593
00:33:15,240 --> 00:33:18,000
the next day. And so he said, go get your

594
00:33:18,039 --> 00:33:20,039
time card. I actually thought he was going to fire me.

595
00:33:20,400 --> 00:33:22,079
And so I went and got my time card and

596
00:33:22,079 --> 00:33:24,200
he held the time card he says, you go take

597
00:33:24,240 --> 00:33:26,720
care of your dad. I will fill your time card

598
00:33:26,720 --> 00:33:29,000
in every day. You don't have to worry about money.

599
00:33:29,880 --> 00:33:33,720
You feel about your dad. Wow, that was what an

600
00:33:33,759 --> 00:33:36,079
impression that made. I mean, I wept all the way home.

601
00:33:36,799 --> 00:33:39,599
Speaker 1: Yeah, so was John. I mean, maybe this is maybe

602
00:33:39,599 --> 00:33:41,359
this is reading too much into it, but was that

603
00:33:41,519 --> 00:33:45,480
the one of the first expressions of real love and

604
00:33:45,519 --> 00:33:47,880
care that you had received in your life?

605
00:33:48,039 --> 00:33:53,640
Speaker 2: Or I mean, now that was powerful and to actually

606
00:33:54,039 --> 00:33:57,680
actuate that point I missed the word. But anyway, yes,

607
00:33:58,160 --> 00:34:03,200
because look I can remember it today and talk about

608
00:34:03,200 --> 00:34:06,920
it today like it happened today, because that was such

609
00:34:06,960 --> 00:34:10,719
a nobody else has ever done anything like that in

610
00:34:10,760 --> 00:34:13,079
my life. That was powerful. Just go home when you

611
00:34:13,079 --> 00:34:14,880
come back, you're good.

612
00:34:14,519 --> 00:34:17,840
Speaker 1: Yep, and so so sacrificial and giving and yeah, just

613
00:34:17,880 --> 00:34:19,519
love an action in a way that you hadn't seen.

614
00:34:19,559 --> 00:34:23,960
Speaker 2: I'm sure man, that was something. So and my dad

615
00:34:23,960 --> 00:34:26,400
did pass and then I went back to work, and

616
00:34:26,800 --> 00:34:29,480
then I went to work at a different facility with

617
00:34:29,559 --> 00:34:32,960
a different bus, and and I grew through the ranks.

618
00:34:33,000 --> 00:34:37,599
I was there for five years working on electronic things

619
00:34:37,760 --> 00:34:41,440
and had a great job. But here's where the things

620
00:34:41,440 --> 00:34:45,519
started to go a little haywire. You know, I couldn't

621
00:34:45,719 --> 00:34:50,280
get the abuses. I couldn't handle them. They were affecting me.

622
00:34:50,320 --> 00:34:54,920
And I started drinking. Okay, you know, you go after work,

623
00:34:55,000 --> 00:34:58,119
you're you're in your twenties, and you know the people

624
00:34:58,159 --> 00:34:59,760
you work with, come on over and have a drink.

625
00:34:59,800 --> 00:35:01,320
You come on over, and I have a drink, do

626
00:35:01,400 --> 00:35:04,519
this and that. So I got I was drinking way

627
00:35:04,599 --> 00:35:12,559
too much, and I was having res I hit things,

628
00:35:12,719 --> 00:35:16,880
rec cars. I was having a bad time because I

629
00:35:16,920 --> 00:35:19,760
couldn't I didn't know where could I go with this

630
00:35:19,880 --> 00:35:23,119
bucket of pain that I had from my childhood. Here

631
00:35:23,159 --> 00:35:26,800
I am at this level as a youngster, working in

632
00:35:26,800 --> 00:35:30,599
an environment where I can really be successful. But I

633
00:35:30,639 --> 00:35:34,239
have this big, huge baggage that I don't know what

634
00:35:34,280 --> 00:35:36,079
to do with and I don't even want to frankly

635
00:35:36,199 --> 00:35:37,480
talk about with anybody.

636
00:35:37,519 --> 00:35:40,360
Speaker 1: Right, And what did that look like? I mean, day

637
00:35:40,400 --> 00:35:42,800
to day, hour to hour. Was it something that you

638
00:35:42,920 --> 00:35:46,280
just thought about constantly? Is it something that work distracted

639
00:35:46,320 --> 00:35:48,480
you from? Like what did that look like in practice?

640
00:35:48,480 --> 00:35:50,639
What were you thinking and feeling you know while you

641
00:35:50,639 --> 00:35:52,880
were at work and while you were driving, and you know,

642
00:35:52,920 --> 00:35:55,880
while you were drinking, Like, yeah, what was I was like.

643
00:35:55,920 --> 00:35:59,280
Speaker 2: I'd get to work. I was super responsible, always on time,

644
00:35:59,400 --> 00:36:03,960
never late, no matter what. I always did fantastic work.

645
00:36:04,079 --> 00:36:08,840
I was dedicated to my I was a perfectionist. After

646
00:36:08,880 --> 00:36:11,079
I got off work, I started drinking on the way home.

647
00:36:11,400 --> 00:36:15,599
And so I was married at the time, having children.

648
00:36:15,599 --> 00:36:19,440
I had two children. I was becoming very, very irresponsible,

649
00:36:20,840 --> 00:36:25,639
and I was really not liking who I was. I

650
00:36:25,679 --> 00:36:28,920
really I didn't like who I was. It's bad enough

651
00:36:28,960 --> 00:36:31,039
I didn't like who I was as a kid. Now

652
00:36:31,119 --> 00:36:35,800
I've got this duality in life where I'm continuing to

653
00:36:35,840 --> 00:36:40,199
cross dress secretly throughout my life. You know, so these

654
00:36:40,360 --> 00:36:42,639
I would go sneak off to a hotel and do this.

655
00:36:43,400 --> 00:36:47,679
So I spent my entire life, from the first time

656
00:36:47,920 --> 00:36:50,840
Grandma cross dressed me, my entire life struggling with this

657
00:36:50,920 --> 00:36:57,079
whole identity thing and who was I? And so as

658
00:36:57,079 --> 00:37:03,840
I went went on, and eventually I started doing cocaine.

659
00:37:05,960 --> 00:37:10,559
You know, I got divorced. I ended up having the surgery.

660
00:37:12,199 --> 00:37:15,519
I went to a therapist and told him Doctor Paul

661
00:37:15,559 --> 00:37:19,360
Walker in San Francisco. Doctor Paul Walker is no lightweight.

662
00:37:19,639 --> 00:37:25,559
He actually wrote the original WPATH Standards of Care. Oh wow,

663
00:37:26,199 --> 00:37:28,960
he drafted him. When he first drafted him, they were

664
00:37:28,960 --> 00:37:32,840
called the Harry Benjamin International Standards of Care. And he

665
00:37:33,000 --> 00:37:36,800
was the caretaker of those standards that became WPATH in

666
00:37:36,880 --> 00:37:41,920
the nineties, and he massaged those standards all through that.

667
00:37:42,360 --> 00:37:45,039
He diagnosed me in nineteen eighty one when I went

668
00:37:45,079 --> 00:37:48,159
to his office because I was making money, and they said, Oh,

669
00:37:48,159 --> 00:37:50,559
this guy's the big, big boy Huna, this is the

670
00:37:50,559 --> 00:37:52,679
guy you need to go to. I went there. I

671
00:37:52,760 --> 00:37:56,199
was intoxicated. When I showed up in his office. I'm

672
00:37:56,280 --> 00:37:59,360
dressed up as a female and I don't even remember.

673
00:37:59,400 --> 00:38:02,480
I think I had Lola. I don't know what name

674
00:38:02,519 --> 00:38:05,960
I was even using then. And the first session he

675
00:38:06,039 --> 00:38:08,960
diagnosed me with genderness for you, and he says, come

676
00:38:08,960 --> 00:38:10,920
back next week and I'll have a letter of approval

677
00:38:11,000 --> 00:38:11,679
for surgery.

678
00:38:12,199 --> 00:38:15,199
Speaker 1: Wow. Never asked about your past, never asked me.

679
00:38:15,199 --> 00:38:18,039
Speaker 2: I told him about my past. I told him everything

680
00:38:18,079 --> 00:38:21,000
I've told you. I told him, and he said.

681
00:38:20,880 --> 00:38:25,760
Speaker 1: Wow, Wow, Okay, so let's let's rewind for just a second.

682
00:38:26,000 --> 00:38:30,239
So let's go back to how did you meet your

683
00:38:30,639 --> 00:38:33,840
first wife and what did that look like. Did she

684
00:38:34,039 --> 00:38:37,480
know anything about your struggles about your cross dressing? How

685
00:38:37,559 --> 00:38:39,519
much did she know about your past and about your

686
00:38:39,920 --> 00:38:41,679
the pain that you were dealing with.

687
00:38:42,360 --> 00:38:44,440
Speaker 2: I met her at the time. I was driving. I

688
00:38:44,519 --> 00:38:47,760
was going back and forth to work and helping my

689
00:38:47,840 --> 00:38:49,760
mom in La and.

690
00:38:49,719 --> 00:38:51,639
Speaker 1: So I went to church when your dad was sick.

691
00:38:52,440 --> 00:38:55,960
Speaker 2: My dad was sick, so I would take the opportunity

692
00:38:56,000 --> 00:38:58,000
to go to church on Sunday night. It was a

693
00:38:58,039 --> 00:39:01,880
Young Young Person's group and I was with my friend Steve,

694
00:39:02,000 --> 00:39:05,000
and I told Steve when Sue walked across the floor,

695
00:39:05,000 --> 00:39:06,440
I said, I'm going to marry her. He said, well,

696
00:39:06,639 --> 00:39:09,360
you are a nut. You can't. You can't do that,

697
00:39:09,440 --> 00:39:13,480
you know. So after the after church, I said, did

698
00:39:13,519 --> 00:39:15,599
you like to go for some ice cream? And so

699
00:39:15,639 --> 00:39:18,679
she said yeah. So I took her to ice cream

700
00:39:18,719 --> 00:39:23,880
and we built a relationship. Her dad was very wealthy

701
00:39:25,719 --> 00:39:32,320
executive at Disney Studios. Yeah, and so we built a

702
00:39:32,360 --> 00:39:37,079
relationship and I was, you know, she knew the struggle

703
00:39:37,079 --> 00:39:39,000
I was having with my dad. And I think that

704
00:39:39,159 --> 00:39:43,239
was you know, she felt that she wanted to comfort me,

705
00:39:44,719 --> 00:39:48,800
and she knew that I was traveling back and forth.

706
00:39:49,000 --> 00:39:52,079
But we ended up getting married in nineteen sixty one,

707
00:39:52,639 --> 00:39:57,039
and we were married for about fifteen years. But during

708
00:39:57,079 --> 00:40:02,239
those fifteen years was the most tumultuous, most Oh my gosh,

709
00:40:02,280 --> 00:40:04,760
bless her heart. You know, she's a believer. We went

710
00:40:04,800 --> 00:40:10,880
to church, but I was absolute tragic mess because there

711
00:40:10,960 --> 00:40:16,000
was there really was nothing and no one that anyone

712
00:40:16,039 --> 00:40:18,840
knew what to do with people who struggled with this stuff.

713
00:40:20,280 --> 00:40:23,079
Speaker 1: So she knew you were struggling with these Yes.

714
00:40:23,280 --> 00:40:26,599
Speaker 2: I told her right off the bat, and then she said, well,

715
00:40:26,639 --> 00:40:30,159
we'll work through this, you know. And I was pretty

716
00:40:30,199 --> 00:40:31,800
confident I could work through it. I thought, well, if

717
00:40:31,840 --> 00:40:34,320
I if I got if I had a good job,

718
00:40:34,320 --> 00:40:36,559
it would go away. If I had kids, it would

719
00:40:36,559 --> 00:40:38,440
go away. If I got married, it would go away.

720
00:40:38,960 --> 00:40:40,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, all these things would fix it.

721
00:40:41,199 --> 00:40:44,039
Speaker 2: Everything would fix it. Right if I just you know,

722
00:40:44,159 --> 00:40:46,800
had two parking places, two cars, and I was a

723
00:40:46,800 --> 00:40:49,679
big shot at work, that would fix it. Nothing fixed it,

724
00:40:50,400 --> 00:40:55,920
and so they when I then was approved for surgery,

725
00:40:56,159 --> 00:40:59,360
I told her, you know, about the fact that I

726
00:40:59,400 --> 00:41:02,320
was going to have this surgery and course that ended

727
00:41:02,320 --> 00:41:07,280
our marriage, as it should. And so my daughter then

728
00:41:07,360 --> 00:41:12,000
at the time was enter teens and she didn't speak

729
00:41:12,039 --> 00:41:16,000
to me for eight years, and that, rightfully, I totally

730
00:41:16,039 --> 00:41:18,320
supported her not speaking to me for eight years. I

731
00:41:18,320 --> 00:41:19,280
think she did the right thing.

732
00:41:20,400 --> 00:41:23,400
Speaker 1: Was the dration of you living as a woman, which

733
00:41:23,480 --> 00:41:25,800
we know, we know you can't actually change your sex,

734
00:41:25,880 --> 00:41:29,159
but right, okay, that was the direction of that.

735
00:41:29,239 --> 00:41:32,320
Speaker 2: Okay, So she was waiting for me to find my

736
00:41:32,360 --> 00:41:35,519
way back. So and my son, he took it a

737
00:41:35,559 --> 00:41:38,960
little different because he would just say, when when I

738
00:41:39,039 --> 00:41:42,280
was having these struggles, you know, yeah, I know this

739
00:41:42,360 --> 00:41:44,559
thing about what's on the outside, but I know who

740
00:41:44,559 --> 00:41:47,639
you are on the inside. Kind of the brightest bulb

741
00:41:47,679 --> 00:41:50,639
and the chandelier really when you think about it.

742
00:41:51,000 --> 00:41:53,320
Speaker 1: So, and how old was he at the time.

743
00:41:53,880 --> 00:42:00,320
Speaker 2: I think he was about twelve, Okay, yeah, so so.

744
00:42:00,320 --> 00:42:06,400
So the truth is I struggled for forty six years

745
00:42:07,599 --> 00:42:10,920
with cross dressing, transgend or whatever you want to call it.

746
00:42:10,960 --> 00:42:15,320
I don't call it transgenderism. There's no such thing. That's

747
00:42:15,360 --> 00:42:18,559
one of the things that pains me so deeply. There

748
00:42:18,639 --> 00:42:21,519
is no such thing as a transgender I was never

749
00:42:21,599 --> 00:42:27,880
a transgender. I never detransition. There's no transitioning. All these

750
00:42:27,960 --> 00:42:32,440
words are. The thing that probably pain me the most

751
00:42:33,079 --> 00:42:35,440
is that when I read an article and says, you know,

752
00:42:35,559 --> 00:42:37,559
a trans runner, there is no such thing as a

753
00:42:37,559 --> 00:42:41,119
trans runner. It's a guy identifying as a female. I

754
00:42:41,119 --> 00:42:43,559
don't know why we can't write this way. You know,

755
00:42:44,440 --> 00:42:50,119
we're doing such a disservice to the whole nation by

756
00:42:50,159 --> 00:42:52,119
calling these people trans.

757
00:42:52,199 --> 00:42:54,559
Speaker 1: And well, it works to the benefit of the industry.

758
00:42:54,880 --> 00:42:58,719
You know, it's all euphemism, it's all yeah, it's all propaganda.

759
00:42:58,760 --> 00:43:03,000
It's language manipulation tended to achieve this desired outcome. What

760
00:43:03,079 --> 00:43:06,239
kind of language do you suggest that people use. Give

761
00:43:06,280 --> 00:43:08,320
them some tools to put in their toolbox to refer

762
00:43:08,320 --> 00:43:09,079
to some of the outings.

763
00:43:09,719 --> 00:43:13,559
Speaker 2: Well, you know, I say, you're struggling with your identity.

764
00:43:13,599 --> 00:43:16,239
It's an identity issue. It's not even about gender. I

765
00:43:16,239 --> 00:43:18,400
have any you know, As you know, I've worked with

766
00:43:18,440 --> 00:43:21,719
thousands of people. I haven't found one of them and

767
00:43:21,800 --> 00:43:24,360
had genderdice for you, even though they were all diagnosed

768
00:43:24,360 --> 00:43:26,440
with genderdice for you, when you spend time with them

769
00:43:26,719 --> 00:43:29,599
and get to what caused them to not like who

770
00:43:29,639 --> 00:43:33,159
they are, and deal with the underlying issue. It's never

771
00:43:33,280 --> 00:43:37,400
about gender. It's not even a gender issue. It's all

772
00:43:37,480 --> 00:43:41,719
kinds of other issues. And I've written many articles in

773
00:43:41,760 --> 00:43:47,079
The Federalist about that, and in fact, that's a good segue.

774
00:43:55,239 --> 00:43:58,880
Speaker 3: The Treasury just made a huge announcement regarding illegal immigrants.

775
00:43:58,960 --> 00:44:01,960
Speaker 4: The Washed Out a Wash podcast with Chris Markowski. Every

776
00:44:02,000 --> 00:44:04,760
day Chris helps unpack the connection between politics and the

777
00:44:04,800 --> 00:44:06,519
economy and how it affects your wallet.

778
00:44:06,639 --> 00:44:09,400
Speaker 3: The Treasury says illegal immigrants will be removed from the

779
00:44:09,480 --> 00:44:12,599
financial system completely. If you can't get a job here

780
00:44:12,599 --> 00:44:14,719
and you can't get benefits, you're not going to come.

781
00:44:14,840 --> 00:44:16,480
This should have been done years ago.

782
00:44:16,639 --> 00:44:18,719
Speaker 4: Whether it's happening in DC or down on Wall Street,

783
00:44:18,719 --> 00:44:19,880
it's affecting you financially.

784
00:44:20,000 --> 00:44:20,519
Speaker 2: Be informed.

785
00:44:20,599 --> 00:44:22,760
Speaker 3: Check out the Watchdot on Wall Street podcast.

786
00:44:22,360 --> 00:44:25,039
Speaker 4: With Chris Markowski on Apples, Spotify, or wherever you get

787
00:44:25,079 --> 00:44:29,360
your podcasts.

788
00:44:30,679 --> 00:44:32,199
Speaker 1: Yes, I was going to ask you about your new

789
00:44:32,199 --> 00:44:34,119
book for Pete. This is also a good reminder for

790
00:44:34,159 --> 00:44:36,679
anyone who is just listening to the podcast. It will

791
00:44:36,719 --> 00:44:38,519
be a great time to go over to YouTube or

792
00:44:38,599 --> 00:44:42,320
Rumble and watch this episode there so you can see

793
00:44:42,320 --> 00:44:44,719
the full video version of my conversation with Walt and

794
00:44:44,760 --> 00:44:46,559
see his book that he just flashed on the screen

795
00:44:46,639 --> 00:44:49,599
Embracing God's Design. Can you tell us about that?

796
00:44:49,679 --> 00:44:54,159
Speaker 2: Well, yeah, and this book is really I wrote it

797
00:44:54,159 --> 00:44:57,119
with doctor Jennifer Balance, who is a trauma therapist, because

798
00:44:57,159 --> 00:45:00,159
I suffered trauma, and I want people to understan and

799
00:45:00,800 --> 00:45:04,519
that you don't have gender dysphoria. You've been suffering from

800
00:45:04,559 --> 00:45:09,239
adverse childhood experiences, or you've got addicted on the internet,

801
00:45:09,440 --> 00:45:13,960
or it was a social contagion, and these social contagents

802
00:45:14,000 --> 00:45:18,480
are just as powerful. I've had teachers tell me that

803
00:45:18,559 --> 00:45:21,440
they have students that have come to them and confessed

804
00:45:21,480 --> 00:45:24,599
I'm afraid to not identify as a transgender or I

805
00:45:24,679 --> 00:45:27,840
will be bullied. It's just the opposite of what people think.

806
00:45:27,920 --> 00:45:30,719
You know, I'm being bullied because I'm a transgender. No,

807
00:45:30,800 --> 00:45:35,519
you're being bullied because you're not. And so there's a

808
00:45:35,559 --> 00:45:38,519
lot of things to unpack in this. So the language

809
00:45:38,639 --> 00:45:42,159
I use is when somebody writes me, and I actually

810
00:45:42,199 --> 00:45:43,679
have fun doing this, and they write me and they

811
00:45:43,719 --> 00:45:46,360
say I'm transgender, I transition, I have gender dys for you,

812
00:45:47,480 --> 00:45:50,920
and I have a gender therapist. Right in back, I say, well,

813
00:45:50,920 --> 00:45:55,039
your gender therapist is a quack. You're not a transgender,

814
00:45:55,159 --> 00:45:57,639
you've never transitioned. And if you work with me, I'll

815
00:45:57,639 --> 00:46:00,480
bet you find out you never had gender dysphia. And

816
00:46:00,559 --> 00:46:03,119
so we have we open the door up. And and

817
00:46:03,199 --> 00:46:06,400
what's interesting is in working with the people that I've

818
00:46:06,440 --> 00:46:10,840
worked with who reach out to me, when when they

819
00:46:10,880 --> 00:46:13,960
find out that they're not when I don't address them

820
00:46:13,960 --> 00:46:18,159
as transgender, that's a relief to them mm hm, and

821
00:46:18,519 --> 00:46:22,920
I don't use their pronouns. You know you it is

822
00:46:23,280 --> 00:46:28,400
on any level. You can't biologically change anybody. You can't

823
00:46:29,039 --> 00:46:32,920
medically change anybody's gender. You can't sign. I don't care

824
00:46:33,000 --> 00:46:36,360
what you do. All you can do is cosmetic work.

825
00:46:36,679 --> 00:46:41,480
And in this book, Embracing God's Design is a document

826
00:46:42,400 --> 00:46:47,480
by the surgeon who did my surgery and undersigned by

827
00:46:47,559 --> 00:46:50,920
doctor Walker, who wrote the Standards of Care, where they

828
00:46:50,960 --> 00:46:56,320
say you cannot change Get this the word inter morphology.

829
00:46:56,599 --> 00:46:58,800
What is that? That's who, that's what you're made of.

830
00:47:00,360 --> 00:47:03,159
You can't change who you are. That was a clever

831
00:47:03,280 --> 00:47:07,840
way for them to dodge saying you can't change your gender.

832
00:47:07,880 --> 00:47:13,840
They just used inter morphology and to cover themselves, give

833
00:47:13,880 --> 00:47:16,280
themselves cover for doing the surgery because they were still

834
00:47:16,320 --> 00:47:20,679
in business. It's the hormones themselves are over a four

835
00:47:20,760 --> 00:47:23,960
billion dollar business. It's probably four point four bill I

836
00:47:24,000 --> 00:47:28,360
don't know what it is today. So it's a money game.

837
00:47:28,679 --> 00:47:31,960
And the people who advocate for this, if we look

838
00:47:32,000 --> 00:47:34,519
at them, they're the same people who tear down statues.

839
00:47:34,559 --> 00:47:36,880
They're the same people who kill babies in the womb.

840
00:47:37,440 --> 00:47:41,719
They destroy things. The only thing that this is my

841
00:47:41,920 --> 00:47:49,840
line on transgenderism. It only devalues, dehumanizes, and destroys everybody

842
00:47:49,880 --> 00:47:55,760
it touches. Devalue, dehumanize, destroy because under God's design, you

843
00:47:55,840 --> 00:48:00,440
have purpose as a identifying as a transgender. Leave me,

844
00:48:00,639 --> 00:48:04,840
there's no purpose there. God gives you a purpose. You

845
00:48:04,920 --> 00:48:08,199
can no longer when you have all these surgeries, become

846
00:48:08,199 --> 00:48:12,599
a father or bear a child. They're destroying things. This

847
00:48:12,679 --> 00:48:16,199
is to me, this is you know, I'm eighty five.

848
00:48:16,280 --> 00:48:18,599
I know I don't have a ton of years left.

849
00:48:18,639 --> 00:48:20,760
The sand is coming out of this, and for me,

850
00:48:20,880 --> 00:48:24,760
the most important thing is for people to stop this

851
00:48:25,039 --> 00:48:30,760
absolute insane nonsense of calling people transgender. There are none.

852
00:48:31,480 --> 00:48:35,039
You know, they're cross dressers or they're struggling with their

853
00:48:35,079 --> 00:48:42,599
identity and so they're strictly. You know, I've called it

854
00:48:42,719 --> 00:48:44,559
even in the Federals. I think I had one where

855
00:48:44,559 --> 00:48:49,360
I called it folklore, you know, so it's phony. I've

856
00:48:49,400 --> 00:48:51,800
tried to the truth is, I've tried to come up

857
00:48:51,800 --> 00:48:55,960
with every way to help people identify this in such

858
00:48:56,000 --> 00:48:58,239
a different way. Well, I just don't get why we

859
00:48:58,360 --> 00:49:01,800
continue saying they trans I don't even like D transition,

860
00:49:01,840 --> 00:49:04,360
I get. I get really upset. Well, you're a D transition.

861
00:49:04,519 --> 00:49:08,440
No I'm not. I never transition. They got body parts

862
00:49:08,480 --> 00:49:11,199
of I was on hormones for twelve years. I was

863
00:49:11,239 --> 00:49:12,960
an idiot, you know, I.

864
00:49:12,880 --> 00:49:17,360
Speaker 1: Was mutilated and I regret it. Yes, and so right.

865
00:49:18,159 --> 00:49:23,679
Speaker 2: I just hope and pray that we can start using

866
00:49:24,719 --> 00:49:28,320
the language and be more instructive to people to stop

867
00:49:28,599 --> 00:49:33,079
calling people transgender. I say transgender identifying person.

868
00:49:33,480 --> 00:49:37,480
Speaker 1: Yes, yep, yeah, that's the kind of language we use

869
00:49:37,559 --> 00:49:40,760
at the Federalists too. We're very careful. We even try

870
00:49:40,800 --> 00:49:44,800
to use sex instead of gender wherever we can, because

871
00:49:44,840 --> 00:49:47,679
sex is, you know, your physical embodiment, like things are gender.

872
00:49:48,719 --> 00:49:51,719
Language has a gender, but human beings have an embodiment.

873
00:49:51,760 --> 00:49:55,280
They have a physical biological sex, and it goes all

874
00:49:55,280 --> 00:49:57,119
the way down to your chromosomes. I mean, this is

875
00:49:57,159 --> 00:49:59,840
not even just determined by your genitalia, and it's certainly

876
00:49:59,840 --> 00:50:02,239
not something that's assigned at birth. It's something that is

877
00:50:02,239 --> 00:50:06,400
inherent to who you are. And you know, especially as Christians,

878
00:50:06,400 --> 00:50:11,079
we know we're not just a physical body either. It's body, soul, spirit, mind,

879
00:50:11,119 --> 00:50:15,440
it's all of these things and they're not they're not disconnected.

880
00:50:15,519 --> 00:50:18,679
You cannot just change your body and therefore change change

881
00:50:18,760 --> 00:50:21,159
your change who you are at your core. And it's

882
00:50:21,440 --> 00:50:24,000
it's such a lie. And I love that you said,

883
00:50:24,039 --> 00:50:26,119
you know how freeing it is for people to actually

884
00:50:26,159 --> 00:50:29,320
hear you say you are not transgender, or to correct

885
00:50:29,800 --> 00:50:34,039
you know, these patterns of language manipulation, because you cannot

886
00:50:34,119 --> 00:50:37,280
be freed of these of these things unless you're you're

887
00:50:37,320 --> 00:50:39,960
willing to tell the truth about them. And I think

888
00:50:39,960 --> 00:50:44,639
it's such a lie that it's a kindness to use

889
00:50:44,679 --> 00:50:47,440
people's preferred pronouns, for instance. And I mean, we know

890
00:50:47,599 --> 00:50:50,159
as Christians that we don't wrestle against flesh and blood.

891
00:50:50,199 --> 00:50:53,480
We wrestle against principalities and powers and the enemy, meaning

892
00:50:53,840 --> 00:50:57,599
the devil. And when we engage in these kind of

893
00:50:57,719 --> 00:51:01,800
language games, we're believing the lies of the enemy, that

894
00:51:01,800 --> 00:51:06,679
that truth is malleable, that human beings are, that God

895
00:51:06,760 --> 00:51:08,639
makes mistakes, that you know, I mean, there's so many

896
00:51:08,800 --> 00:51:10,760
lies wrapped up in this that we just fall for

897
00:51:10,840 --> 00:51:15,039
hook line and sinker by letting, letting trans ideologues define

898
00:51:15,039 --> 00:51:17,480
what is kind and good and true and beautiful. And

899
00:51:17,519 --> 00:51:17,880
it's just.

900
00:51:18,039 --> 00:51:21,119
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, and and and when you think about it,

901
00:51:21,199 --> 00:51:24,440
when I've said this a million times, my wife's heard me,

902
00:51:24,679 --> 00:51:27,280
Oh well just stay quiet, you keep You've said that

903
00:51:27,320 --> 00:51:29,599
a million times. I'm going to say it again. Uh,

904
00:51:30,480 --> 00:51:34,360
is a woman nothing more than a man with full

905
00:51:34,400 --> 00:51:36,320
of hormones with his genitals cut off?

906
00:51:38,519 --> 00:51:40,079
Speaker 1: Are you asking me? Is a woman that?

907
00:51:40,280 --> 00:51:44,199
Speaker 2: Yeah? I mean I think that absolutely not. That's my point.

908
00:51:44,719 --> 00:51:48,039
And so this is what they're trying to push on society,

909
00:51:48,239 --> 00:51:53,400
and they've successfully done so for a long time. And

910
00:51:53,400 --> 00:51:56,679
and we could get into the fact that there's there's

911
00:51:56,760 --> 00:51:59,840
other factors involved here, like auto gnaphilia that nobody to

912
00:52:00,000 --> 00:52:05,280
talk about, which is a huge issue. And Leah Thomas

913
00:52:05,480 --> 00:52:09,119
had gone public with being auto gynophilia. Well, if you

914
00:52:09,519 --> 00:52:13,039
identify as autogilia, you're not transgender. Sorry, that's a sexual

915
00:52:13,079 --> 00:52:15,800
fetish disorder. Let's get honest about it. You have a

916
00:52:15,840 --> 00:52:17,039
sexual fetish, Come.

917
00:52:16,880 --> 00:52:20,400
Speaker 1: Clean, right, right? Can you explain what autogonophilia is for

918
00:52:20,440 --> 00:52:22,320
people who maybe haven't heard that term before.

919
00:52:22,840 --> 00:52:28,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, a man dresses up in feminine clothing and looks

920
00:52:28,960 --> 00:52:33,599
in the mirror. He sees the object of his affection.

921
00:52:33,880 --> 00:52:37,519
This is what brings him to sexual arousal. So it's

922
00:52:37,559 --> 00:52:42,800
a sexual fetish disorder. And for transvestic fetish disorder, it's

923
00:52:42,840 --> 00:52:48,559
a piece of clothing, shoes, other objects. And so these

924
00:52:48,599 --> 00:52:54,039
are mental disorders. These are absolute disorders. And to give

925
00:52:54,119 --> 00:52:59,639
them the title of transgender and give them some special

926
00:52:59,719 --> 00:53:06,239
play in society just absolutely infuriates me. And so you know,

927
00:53:07,599 --> 00:53:09,760
this whole thing about honesty. I love the fact to

928
00:53:09,840 --> 00:53:12,239
what the Federals does. That's why I've stayed with them

929
00:53:12,280 --> 00:53:17,639
for so long. And so I just I'm really trying

930
00:53:18,199 --> 00:53:20,719
to finish out my life getting this language right and

931
00:53:20,760 --> 00:53:25,119
getting people, everybody who writes and publishes articles to stop

932
00:53:25,320 --> 00:53:28,920
talking about trans people trans You know, parents say I've

933
00:53:28,920 --> 00:53:31,960
got a transcitt. You don't have a transkit. You got

934
00:53:32,280 --> 00:53:36,320
a kid who somebody's told was trans. I was a

935
00:53:36,400 --> 00:53:38,679
kid at four years old. I know what happens, and

936
00:53:38,679 --> 00:53:43,000
it didn't good right. And I think telling somebody their

937
00:53:43,039 --> 00:53:47,400
trans well it may make them feel good is also abusive.

938
00:53:47,760 --> 00:53:50,719
Or using their pronouns does not honor and glorify Jesus.

939
00:53:50,760 --> 00:53:55,000
Because that's the place where my dividing point comes. I

940
00:53:55,039 --> 00:53:58,239
don't want to say anything that doesn't honor and glorify Jesus.

941
00:53:58,920 --> 00:54:01,760
So sorry, buddy. You know, somebody just wrote me yesterday

942
00:54:01,800 --> 00:54:05,480
and says, talk to her. You know she just I said, Well,

943
00:54:05,519 --> 00:54:08,159
when mister White wants to talk to me, he can

944
00:54:08,159 --> 00:54:10,239
write me and I'll talk to him about it. But

945
00:54:11,000 --> 00:54:14,320
I don't. I don't play those games. And I think

946
00:54:14,360 --> 00:54:17,840
there's some place we have to start. And and for me,

947
00:54:19,199 --> 00:54:22,320
the most beautiful part was when I got sober and

948
00:54:22,400 --> 00:54:27,239
I started going to a a and I spent a

949
00:54:27,280 --> 00:54:30,400
lot of times. I went into a woman's recovery center.

950
00:54:32,000 --> 00:54:35,119
I was still struggling, and and I started going to

951
00:54:35,239 --> 00:54:39,400
church as Laura and and I started going to the church.

952
00:54:39,519 --> 00:54:42,039
When I talked to the senior pastor there, Jeff Ferraar,

953
00:54:43,199 --> 00:54:45,199
I told him, you know, I'm struggling with this stuff

954
00:54:45,880 --> 00:54:47,800
I had this childhood. And he said, well, we have

955
00:54:47,840 --> 00:54:53,000
a PhD Christian therapist here that I'll talk to him

956
00:54:53,000 --> 00:54:54,440
and see if he wants to talk to you. So

957
00:54:55,760 --> 00:55:00,639
doctor Arnold in Samontao, California, he he just kind of

958
00:55:00,679 --> 00:55:03,000
gave himself to me in terms. He said, here's my

959
00:55:03,039 --> 00:55:05,599
phone number, call me anytime. I'll meet with you anytime.

960
00:55:05,800 --> 00:55:08,440
Never charge me a time. He said, I'm really interested

961
00:55:08,480 --> 00:55:11,480
in just learning your struggle. And so we didn't have

962
00:55:11,559 --> 00:55:14,719
a formal weekly thing. We just had from time to

963
00:55:14,760 --> 00:55:20,000
time getting together. But in that process and then going

964
00:55:20,079 --> 00:55:25,039
through AA and getting four or five years of recovery

965
00:55:25,079 --> 00:55:29,239
by nineteen ninety. I had just written a poem in

966
00:55:29,320 --> 00:55:32,079
nineteen eighty nine that was called who Am I? And

967
00:55:32,119 --> 00:55:34,880
I was struggling, and the poem was I'm reaching out

968
00:55:34,960 --> 00:55:37,239
to you. Can you reach down to me? Can you

969
00:55:37,280 --> 00:55:42,239
pull me up? And I didn't use the word God

970
00:55:42,320 --> 00:55:45,760
or Jesus, but that's who I was reaching out to.

971
00:55:46,559 --> 00:55:50,519
And I was writing that poem because I'd been standing

972
00:55:50,519 --> 00:55:53,559
on top of a building rate to commit suicide, and

973
00:55:55,159 --> 00:55:59,159
the cops, the crowd called, and the cops got me down,

974
00:55:59,199 --> 00:56:03,840
and I sat, after going to jail, sat in my

975
00:56:03,880 --> 00:56:06,960
car and wrote the poem who Am I? But then

976
00:56:07,440 --> 00:56:12,079
going through the twelve step program of alcoholics anonymous and

977
00:56:12,159 --> 00:56:16,159
working with another therapist and going through I had twenty

978
00:56:16,199 --> 00:56:20,679
one line papers, twenty one pages have line paper, and

979
00:56:20,719 --> 00:56:23,800
I just kept writing things down, resentments. You know, my

980
00:56:23,880 --> 00:56:26,159
mom didn't believe me. My mom did this, my mom

981
00:56:26,199 --> 00:56:28,960
did Dad did that, all these resentments and things, and

982
00:56:29,000 --> 00:56:31,920
I came to this point in meeting with this therapist

983
00:56:32,000 --> 00:56:33,920
for three and a half hours where I just took

984
00:56:34,079 --> 00:56:36,800
everything out of the trunk and threw it in front

985
00:56:36,800 --> 00:56:40,920
of Jesus and asked for forgiveness. I no longer blamed

986
00:56:40,920 --> 00:56:43,920
anybody but myself. I didn't blame you know, the doctor

987
00:56:43,960 --> 00:56:46,679
for diagnosed me with gender just for you, the doc

988
00:56:46,760 --> 00:56:48,960
that cut all the body part. I didn't do that anymore.

989
00:56:49,480 --> 00:56:51,400
I gave it up and just took it on and said,

990
00:56:51,400 --> 00:56:53,599
you know, this is mine, You own it. You take

991
00:56:53,639 --> 00:56:56,880
it from here. And when I was done with that,

992
00:56:58,360 --> 00:57:01,920
the therapist said, well, we need to go pray about this.

993
00:57:02,119 --> 00:57:05,320
So we went to his office and we started praying.

994
00:57:06,480 --> 00:57:09,840
And during that during that prayer, it took me a

995
00:57:09,880 --> 00:57:11,760
while to kind of get connected in the prayer. I

996
00:57:11,840 --> 00:57:15,039
was really exhausted. Ever, three and a half hours of

997
00:57:15,159 --> 00:57:19,920
therapy and I'm in prayer, and so all of a sudden,

998
00:57:19,920 --> 00:57:23,000
I couldn't hear him praying. It just went totally silent,

999
00:57:23,599 --> 00:57:27,239
and I and in my vision, I looked up and

1000
00:57:27,280 --> 00:57:32,480
there was Jesus looking at me, coming down, and he

1001
00:57:32,599 --> 00:57:34,440
was he had his arm he was actually on a

1002
00:57:34,480 --> 00:57:37,599
trajectory coming down, and he had his arms stretched out.

1003
00:57:37,599 --> 00:57:40,400
And I looked, he's actually coming for a little baby

1004
00:57:40,440 --> 00:57:43,280
sitting in front of me, and I'm looking at that baby,

1005
00:57:43,280 --> 00:57:46,599
and I want that baby's me. He's coming for me

1006
00:57:47,239 --> 00:57:50,360
as a little baby when I was first born. And

1007
00:57:50,440 --> 00:57:52,480
he picked that baby up and held the baby in

1008
00:57:52,840 --> 00:57:56,159
his arms, and he looked at me straight away and said,

1009
00:57:56,480 --> 00:57:59,320
you are now safe with me forever. And he disappeared.

1010
00:58:00,039 --> 00:58:03,119
And I realized he didn't just come when I was

1011
00:58:03,159 --> 00:58:05,800
fifty years old. He didn't just come at fifty. I've

1012
00:58:05,840 --> 00:58:09,039
been struggling for forty six years. He came to me

1013
00:58:09,519 --> 00:58:12,840
and redeemed my life from day one. Yeah.

1014
00:58:12,920 --> 00:58:15,000
Speaker 1: He had his hand on you and brought him to

1015
00:58:15,039 --> 00:58:16,800
yourself since the beginning.

1016
00:58:16,880 --> 00:58:21,400
Speaker 2: Yeah. And so it took me probably a year to

1017
00:58:21,440 --> 00:58:23,920
even be able to talk to anybody about it. It seemed

1018
00:58:23,960 --> 00:58:27,280
so powerful. I had to process what happened. I didn't

1019
00:58:27,320 --> 00:58:30,000
even tell the therapist I was working with what happened.

1020
00:58:30,039 --> 00:58:33,719
I was, what is it? Gobsmack, dumbfounded. I don't even

1021
00:58:33,800 --> 00:58:37,719
know what worked. I was blown away. I mean, yeah,

1022
00:58:37,760 --> 00:58:40,559
it was beyond anything that I've ever had or ever

1023
00:58:40,639 --> 00:58:43,800
will have again. And it was probably about a year

1024
00:58:43,880 --> 00:58:47,719
later I was thinking about it, and there was I

1025
00:58:47,760 --> 00:58:50,000
had a big decision. I don't remember what that was.

1026
00:58:50,400 --> 00:58:52,800
And I kept getting this little nudge in my shoulder,

1027
00:58:52,920 --> 00:58:56,199
you know, and I'm driving down Highway for in California,

1028
00:58:56,840 --> 00:58:59,480
and it dawned on me that nudge, that little thing

1029
00:58:59,480 --> 00:59:02,800
I'm getting my shoulder, its Holy Spirit trying to get

1030
00:59:02,840 --> 00:59:04,960
my attention to tell me what I needed to do.

1031
00:59:05,639 --> 00:59:08,800
And when I made that connection, when I get that nudge,

1032
00:59:08,880 --> 00:59:11,599
I know the Holy Spirit is right there with me,

1033
00:59:12,159 --> 00:59:14,719
and it happens. It's been happening ever since.

1034
00:59:15,000 --> 00:59:18,119
Speaker 1: So wow, what a beautiful picture just of the freedom

1035
00:59:18,480 --> 00:59:22,559
and the importance of repentance because this followed your you know,

1036
00:59:22,679 --> 00:59:25,920
owning so much of this as your own sin and

1037
00:59:25,960 --> 00:59:28,239
your own baggage, and you know, as much as you

1038
00:59:28,400 --> 00:59:31,920
were abused by other people and you were traumatized to

1039
00:59:31,960 --> 00:59:35,440
be able to not only forgive others as Christ forgave you,

1040
00:59:35,519 --> 00:59:37,800
but also own it as you know, the things that

1041
00:59:37,840 --> 00:59:40,599
were also separating you from God, and just be able

1042
00:59:40,639 --> 00:59:43,760
to lay that at his feet and then experience such redemptions,

1043
00:59:43,840 --> 00:59:46,519
just such a beautiful picture of the gospel and of

1044
00:59:46,639 --> 00:59:49,199
what it looks like to actually become a follower of Christ's.

1045
00:59:49,320 --> 00:59:49,400
Speaker 3: Ye.

1046
00:59:50,840 --> 00:59:53,639
Speaker 2: It proved to me that until you let go of things,

1047
00:59:53,679 --> 00:59:58,079
He's not going to come, not full force, not holding

1048
00:59:58,159 --> 00:59:59,760
in his arms. I mean, he might come, he might

1049
00:59:59,800 --> 01:00:03,239
read em you, But for me, I had to get

1050
01:00:03,320 --> 01:00:08,840
rid of absolutely everything. Forty six years of garbage, yeah,

1051
01:00:09,239 --> 01:00:12,440
that had been stored up, brokenness and horrible things that

1052
01:00:12,480 --> 01:00:15,320
had happened, alcoholism, drug addiction. Man, I was going through

1053
01:00:15,320 --> 01:00:17,800
it today. I've got thirty nine years sober.

1054
01:00:18,440 --> 01:00:19,840
Speaker 1: Oh wow, congratulations.

1055
01:00:20,159 --> 01:00:23,880
Speaker 2: So it took yeah.

1056
01:00:24,119 --> 01:00:27,480
Speaker 1: Yeah. So okay, let's rewind a little bit again, because

1057
01:00:27,480 --> 01:00:29,159
there's part of your story that we kind of breezed

1058
01:00:29,199 --> 01:00:31,159
over that I want to make sure I have the details,

1059
01:00:31,199 --> 01:00:35,000
and I'm sure as a significant part. So okay, So

1060
01:00:35,559 --> 01:00:38,679
you get the note from your doctor to have these

1061
01:00:38,760 --> 01:00:43,440
medical interventions or whatever terminology you're going to use, And

1062
01:00:43,679 --> 01:00:46,360
I mean, was this something that you immediately pursued and

1063
01:00:46,679 --> 01:00:49,360
what did that look like? Was it hormones, Was it surgery?

1064
01:00:49,440 --> 01:00:52,920
Like what types of things were you pursuing in order

1065
01:00:53,000 --> 01:00:54,360
to change your identity?

1066
01:00:54,800 --> 01:00:58,199
Speaker 2: Yeah, I had actually been on hormones for about four

1067
01:00:58,280 --> 01:01:03,079
years before I went there. Okay, but and i'd got

1068
01:01:03,159 --> 01:01:06,280
him secretly. You know, everything I was doing was secret.

1069
01:01:06,840 --> 01:01:08,760
Speaker 1: From your wife? Also, did she know at the time

1070
01:01:08,760 --> 01:01:10,199
that you were on the roads? Okay? Okay?

1071
01:01:10,280 --> 01:01:14,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, And so so then I had the official thing.

1072
01:01:14,360 --> 01:01:17,639
It's like, okay, there's that almost a validation that I

1073
01:01:17,719 --> 01:01:21,639
was on the right track right, which I wasn't. But

1074
01:01:22,960 --> 01:01:27,679
so I set the time to go have the surgery

1075
01:01:28,920 --> 01:01:30,880
during the summer, and I told my wife I was

1076
01:01:30,920 --> 01:01:34,800
going on a business trip with I was working for

1077
01:01:34,840 --> 01:01:39,199
American Honda Motor Company by then, and so I lied

1078
01:01:39,239 --> 01:01:40,960
to her about where I was going, what I was doing.

1079
01:01:41,000 --> 01:01:43,199
I'd set it up to go have the surgery. I

1080
01:01:43,239 --> 01:01:47,559
went to Trinidad, Colorado, paid doctor Biber seven thousand or

1081
01:01:47,599 --> 01:01:51,400
eight thousand dollars for the quote surgery, and went to

1082
01:01:51,480 --> 01:01:54,360
the hospital and signed into the hospital. I remember standing

1083
01:01:54,400 --> 01:01:57,800
at the desk at summer day and signing in at

1084
01:01:57,840 --> 01:02:00,480
the desk, and I looked around and I just given

1085
01:02:00,559 --> 01:02:03,519
the doctor money and I'm ready to go in the

1086
01:02:03,519 --> 01:02:06,960
hospital to be prepared for surgery in the morning. And

1087
01:02:08,559 --> 01:02:10,920
I turned around and walked out, and I started walking

1088
01:02:11,039 --> 01:02:15,199
every single street in Trinidad, Colorado. I was going up

1089
01:02:15,239 --> 01:02:18,079
and down, up and down. I was. I didn't know

1090
01:02:18,119 --> 01:02:19,960
what to do. I didn't know where to go or

1091
01:02:20,000 --> 01:02:23,639
what to do. And I went back finally went back

1092
01:02:23,639 --> 01:02:25,679
to his office, said I want my money back. I'm

1093
01:02:25,719 --> 01:02:28,320
not going to do this. This is crazy. And so

1094
01:02:28,679 --> 01:02:31,880
he gave me the money back, and I got on

1095
01:02:31,920 --> 01:02:34,880
a bus and went back to Denver, Colorado, flew back

1096
01:02:34,960 --> 01:02:40,800
while and I took the money. And my son at

1097
01:02:40,840 --> 01:02:44,679
the time was, I don't know, maybe thirteen, I don't know, young,

1098
01:02:44,840 --> 01:02:47,480
young teenager. And I said, you know, you and I

1099
01:02:47,559 --> 01:02:50,239
are going to build a car together. And so I

1100
01:02:50,239 --> 01:02:51,920
took the money I was going to use for surgery

1101
01:02:51,920 --> 01:02:54,519
and went and bought a Camaro and made it our

1102
01:02:54,800 --> 01:02:59,320
little project, a little orange Camaro. And I was trying, man,

1103
01:02:59,360 --> 01:03:04,280
I was to pull my life out of this desperate

1104
01:03:05,119 --> 01:03:07,559
pit that I was in. I didn't want things to

1105
01:03:07,639 --> 01:03:13,440
go south, you know, And it's painful, and it's even

1106
01:03:13,480 --> 01:03:16,880
painful thinking about it today. So I tried, but I

1107
01:03:17,000 --> 01:03:21,280
kept collapsing you know, the evil of that whole stuff

1108
01:03:21,559 --> 01:03:25,519
is just pure evil. It's like a cancer, man, It's

1109
01:03:25,639 --> 01:03:28,559
like a cancer that just kill you. And so I

1110
01:03:29,719 --> 01:03:33,239
went back to uh doctor Walker, who wrote the w

1111
01:03:33,400 --> 01:03:35,400
PAT Standards of Care, told me what I went through,

1112
01:03:35,440 --> 01:03:37,960
and I said, he said, I'll write you another letter

1113
01:03:38,360 --> 01:03:41,079
of approval for surgery.

1114
01:03:41,320 --> 01:03:44,400
Speaker 1: So there was no there was no response of oh,

1115
01:03:44,400 --> 01:03:46,320
maybe this isn't the right course of action for you.

1116
01:03:46,559 --> 01:03:49,559
Speaker 2: Yeah. No, I got two letters. I didn't get one.

1117
01:03:49,599 --> 01:03:53,599
I got two, and so that one I told the

1118
01:03:53,599 --> 01:03:55,280
wife I was doing it. I went and did it.

1119
01:03:56,119 --> 01:04:02,079
I became I did, and so she knew. She said, well,

1120
01:04:02,119 --> 01:04:05,239
when you're done, don't come home. And I understood that.

1121
01:04:05,360 --> 01:04:10,880
So that was the beginning of the end of the marriage.

1122
01:04:10,880 --> 01:04:13,000
And and you know.

1123
01:04:13,239 --> 01:04:16,840
Speaker 1: And that surgery was it was it just castration or

1124
01:04:17,519 --> 01:04:19,480
plastic surgery or what did that like? What was the

1125
01:04:19,840 --> 01:04:23,599
course of carey unquote was Yeah.

1126
01:04:22,960 --> 01:04:28,320
Speaker 2: It was the typical vaginal plasty that they do. I

1127
01:04:28,400 --> 01:04:31,960
had I had already set up to have implants put

1128
01:04:32,000 --> 01:04:35,480
in and do all that stuff, and I was still working.

1129
01:04:36,400 --> 01:04:39,079
I hadn't told Honda at the time that I was

1130
01:04:39,119 --> 01:04:42,079
going through this, and so I was getting a lawyer

1131
01:04:42,119 --> 01:04:45,440
together to kind of protect myself on the employment side,

1132
01:04:46,079 --> 01:04:50,760
and started working with the lawyer, and the lawyer kind

1133
01:04:50,800 --> 01:04:54,679
of bailed on me, and so I went and told Honda,

1134
01:04:55,239 --> 01:04:57,920
you know that I was getting my birth record changed

1135
01:04:57,960 --> 01:05:02,280
to Laura Jensen, female. And I was an executive and

1136
01:05:02,440 --> 01:05:05,920
I was like in the top tier management there. I

1137
01:05:06,000 --> 01:05:11,440
had been helping develop the accurate division for Honda. Okay,

1138
01:05:12,840 --> 01:05:19,599
no small, small job, right, And they came to me,

1139
01:05:19,719 --> 01:05:22,159
opened my desk up, took all my stuff in it,

1140
01:05:22,280 --> 01:05:24,199
put it in a box, walked me to the gate,

1141
01:05:24,239 --> 01:05:29,280
and I was done. I was finished. And from October

1142
01:05:29,320 --> 01:05:38,679
twenty fifth, nineteen eighty three, until probably the end of

1143
01:05:40,000 --> 01:05:43,559
the nineteen eighties or in the nineteen nineties, before I

1144
01:05:43,760 --> 01:05:47,000
got a good job again, I didn't have it. I

1145
01:05:47,039 --> 01:05:52,239
was doing. I had a hundred different jobs. I was homeless.

1146
01:05:53,079 --> 01:05:57,440
I lived in a camper show I worked doing dishes

1147
01:05:57,480 --> 01:06:01,840
for a restaurant to get food. I lived at a

1148
01:06:02,360 --> 01:06:04,280
guide that owned a restaurant. I lived at his house,

1149
01:06:04,400 --> 01:06:06,960
feeding his cat so i'd have a place to live.

1150
01:06:07,000 --> 01:06:09,519
I mean, I was. I was on the margins man.

1151
01:06:09,559 --> 01:06:13,360
I had two years where my income was less than

1152
01:06:13,400 --> 01:06:14,960
forty five hundred dollars a year.

1153
01:06:15,280 --> 01:06:19,679
Speaker 1: Wow, And did you think during this time, despite this hardship,

1154
01:06:19,719 --> 01:06:21,519
that you were on the right track, that you were

1155
01:06:21,519 --> 01:06:23,280
doing the right thing? I mean, was there you know,

1156
01:06:23,360 --> 01:06:26,079
I know a lot of people who identify as transgender

1157
01:06:26,199 --> 01:06:29,880
describe a feeling of euphoria when they cross dress or

1158
01:06:29,880 --> 01:06:33,360
when they when they pursue you know, a medical intervention

1159
01:06:33,519 --> 01:06:36,079
or something. And as we know, I mean often that

1160
01:06:36,119 --> 01:06:40,360
fades and actually is worse for self harm and suicidal

1161
01:06:40,400 --> 01:06:42,800
ideation and such. But I mean, was there did you

1162
01:06:42,880 --> 01:06:46,039
have that sense of you know, quote unquote euphoria? Was it?

1163
01:06:46,239 --> 01:06:48,239
Did you think this is this? Is it like it's

1164
01:06:48,239 --> 01:06:49,760
going to it's hard now, but it's it's going to

1165
01:06:49,800 --> 01:06:50,159
be better.

1166
01:06:50,559 --> 01:06:52,960
Speaker 2: Well, when when I was in the hospital and had

1167
01:06:52,960 --> 01:06:56,039
the surgery, I had that euphoric feeling in the hospital

1168
01:06:56,320 --> 01:06:59,519
and I thought, yeah, okay, now you know this is

1169
01:06:59,519 --> 01:07:04,519
going to be Everything's going to be okay. And I

1170
01:07:04,559 --> 01:07:07,679
had a friend that I worked with who she's a

1171
01:07:07,679 --> 01:07:10,079
dear friends still a dear friend today, that let me stay.

1172
01:07:10,119 --> 01:07:11,559
She had a big house. She let me stay in

1173
01:07:11,599 --> 01:07:15,199
the room there and she cared for me and for

1174
01:07:15,239 --> 01:07:19,800
a while until it just became unbearable for her to

1175
01:07:20,760 --> 01:07:24,079
see just to see Walt go to Laura. That was

1176
01:07:24,440 --> 01:07:31,119
puzzling for her, and she tried, and so I think

1177
01:07:31,159 --> 01:07:33,519
I tried. You know, that's seven years. I mean I

1178
01:07:34,320 --> 01:07:38,840
worked for FDIC and banking. I had some good jobs.

1179
01:07:38,840 --> 01:07:43,599
I worked for the postal Service. I went to school

1180
01:07:43,960 --> 01:07:47,639
at that time. I was studying psychology. I took numerous

1181
01:07:47,639 --> 01:07:52,159
courses on psychology, and I actually got a counseling certificate

1182
01:07:52,199 --> 01:07:55,000
to become a counselor because I thought I could help

1183
01:07:55,079 --> 01:08:00,760
people with this issue, not realizing that that was going

1184
01:08:00,800 --> 01:08:02,840
to help me more than anything. I was going to

1185
01:08:03,119 --> 01:08:05,880
help myself far more than I was at the time.

1186
01:08:06,480 --> 01:08:10,800
So I was working my way back and then at church,

1187
01:08:10,840 --> 01:08:14,280
and I decided that, you know, I needed to help

1188
01:08:14,320 --> 01:08:17,680
more people. So I decided to start the website sexchange

1189
01:08:17,760 --> 01:08:21,359
regret dot com to find out if I was the

1190
01:08:21,359 --> 01:08:23,760
only one that went through this and regretted it and

1191
01:08:23,840 --> 01:08:27,920
had the kind of childhood that I had that may

1192
01:08:27,920 --> 01:08:30,920
be responsible for what was going on. At that time,

1193
01:08:31,000 --> 01:08:33,960
I knew nothing, you know, I just trained in how

1194
01:08:34,000 --> 01:08:37,960
to execute a good session with somebody to do counseling.

1195
01:08:39,039 --> 01:08:41,399
So I just started a website. My wife's a geek.

1196
01:08:41,479 --> 01:08:44,720
So she started the website sex change regret dot com.

1197
01:08:44,760 --> 01:08:48,720
The first year, I think we had about seven hundred

1198
01:08:48,760 --> 01:08:54,039
people come to the site, and by wow, by March

1199
01:08:54,279 --> 01:09:00,359
of twenty fifteen, which was about eight years after it

1200
01:09:00,399 --> 01:09:03,279
got started, I think I don't remember all those states,

1201
01:09:03,319 --> 01:09:07,520
but by twenty fifteen we were getting three hundred and

1202
01:09:07,600 --> 01:09:12,199
fifty thousand people a year. Wow, twenty thousand a month.

1203
01:09:13,359 --> 01:09:17,359
Speaker 1: That's remarkable because when you consider, I mean, how much

1204
01:09:17,520 --> 01:09:21,000
less of a phenomenon and how much less social contagion

1205
01:09:21,159 --> 01:09:24,520
there was around this issue at that time, I mean,

1206
01:09:24,520 --> 01:09:27,039
that is an astronomical number when you consider how much

1207
01:09:27,039 --> 01:09:28,800
smaller this was at the time. Yeah.

1208
01:09:28,800 --> 01:09:31,920
Speaker 2: And I wrote my first article in February twenty fifteen

1209
01:09:31,960 --> 01:09:34,960
that was published in The Federalist, and it was about

1210
01:09:35,039 --> 01:09:38,800
protecting kids, and so that started my journey, and then

1211
01:09:39,039 --> 01:09:43,960
I published them in USA today newspapers all over the world.

1212
01:09:45,760 --> 01:09:50,640
And so I've been grateful to be an award winning

1213
01:09:51,399 --> 01:09:55,760
author and award winning speaker as well worldwide. And so

1214
01:09:56,680 --> 01:09:59,680
that is only by the grace of God, not because

1215
01:09:59,720 --> 01:10:01,760
I'm good. Somebody who wrote me a note and says

1216
01:10:01,760 --> 01:10:03,119
you have a lot of wisdom, I said, I have

1217
01:10:03,159 --> 01:10:05,239
a lot of experience wisdom. I think I'm probably a

1218
01:10:05,279 --> 01:10:06,199
little short on but.

1219
01:10:08,199 --> 01:10:10,119
Speaker 1: So the Lord's clearly given you quite a lot of

1220
01:10:10,159 --> 01:10:13,079
it as well. Can you tell me what your personal

1221
01:10:13,359 --> 01:10:18,199
regret journey looked like? What was what was the breaking

1222
01:10:18,239 --> 01:10:20,439
point for you? I mean, were you still identifying as

1223
01:10:20,520 --> 01:10:24,640
Laura when you had your encounter with the Lord or

1224
01:10:24,680 --> 01:10:28,479
had you already transitioned to Walt or I was not

1225
01:10:28,560 --> 01:10:30,640
de transition, But were you going I was.

1226
01:10:31,279 --> 01:10:36,239
Speaker 2: Yeah, I was probably right in the I was in

1227
01:10:36,279 --> 01:10:38,720
the zone. I was kind of I was going back

1228
01:10:38,760 --> 01:10:42,800
and forth. Okay, I lived in days as Laura days

1229
01:10:42,800 --> 01:10:46,319
as well, and at that time with the Lord solidified it.

1230
01:10:46,399 --> 01:10:51,479
But okay, yeah, I was working as Laura selling carpet

1231
01:10:51,520 --> 01:10:56,399
in Monterey, California, Okay, And it came just came to me.

1232
01:10:56,439 --> 01:11:01,399
I thought, do you really want your idea identity to

1233
01:11:01,479 --> 01:11:06,279
be that of a transgender? And that's when I wanted

1234
01:11:06,319 --> 01:11:10,199
to drop this whole transgender thing. Is that your purpose

1235
01:11:10,239 --> 01:11:14,439
in life? And I realized that that's no purpose at all.

1236
01:11:15,159 --> 01:11:18,079
That is like the most empty thing that you could

1237
01:11:18,119 --> 01:11:23,079
possibly have, to just be identifying as a transgender. I mean,

1238
01:11:23,119 --> 01:11:26,720
that is nothing you have. It's as empty as life

1239
01:11:26,840 --> 01:11:31,800
can get. There's no substance to that. You've destroyed your body,

1240
01:11:32,279 --> 01:11:35,439
you've destroyed your family. You have a daughter who's not

1241
01:11:35,560 --> 01:11:39,279
talking to you. You don't have the career you once had.

1242
01:11:39,920 --> 01:11:42,560
And although you're selling carpet and you're able to make

1243
01:11:42,680 --> 01:11:44,680
ends meet living in a six hundred dollars a month

1244
01:11:44,720 --> 01:11:49,239
apartment in Monterey, California, this is not a life. And so,

1245
01:11:50,479 --> 01:11:53,840
and I'm working on my recovery, and so I think

1246
01:11:53,920 --> 01:11:57,239
this was where I started to connect. I went to

1247
01:11:57,279 --> 01:12:03,399
a pastor, Jeff Ferraur, and started going to church, and

1248
01:12:05,359 --> 01:12:08,920
I think it just took a long time. It took

1249
01:12:08,960 --> 01:12:13,159
about two years for all this stuff to gell out,

1250
01:12:13,199 --> 01:12:17,359
whether it was you know, write in the poem and

1251
01:12:17,439 --> 01:12:20,760
or meeting Jesus. I say that because I don't want

1252
01:12:20,800 --> 01:12:23,199
people because I hear this, people say, well, you just

1253
01:12:23,239 --> 01:12:26,359
pray it away. Well, nobody prays anything away. There's a

1254
01:12:26,359 --> 01:12:32,079
lot of work. Yeah, prayer is significant and absolutely essential,

1255
01:12:32,640 --> 01:12:35,479
but don't expect three or four prayers to cut through this.

1256
01:12:35,720 --> 01:12:39,199
I have probably had, you know, ten thousand prayers before

1257
01:12:39,199 --> 01:12:41,600
I ever got to where I was. But I think

1258
01:12:41,640 --> 01:12:45,359
you pointed out something earlier. I had to give it

1259
01:12:45,399 --> 01:12:48,399
all up, right, I mean I had to take responsibility.

1260
01:12:48,680 --> 01:12:51,399
And I think that's when the Lord he can enter

1261
01:12:51,439 --> 01:12:54,960
in and begin to guide you down that path of

1262
01:12:55,039 --> 01:12:56,640
frustoration and redemption.

1263
01:12:57,680 --> 01:13:01,239
Speaker 1: Absolutely. So what did the for lack of a better word,

1264
01:13:01,319 --> 01:13:05,199
reversal process look like? Were you? Were you able to

1265
01:13:05,279 --> 01:13:08,439
undo many of the changes that you'd undergone, and I

1266
01:13:08,439 --> 01:13:10,880
mean did you did you just can you stop taking

1267
01:13:11,520 --> 01:13:14,319
wrong sex hormones cold turkey or what did that look like?

1268
01:13:14,600 --> 01:13:17,680
Speaker 2: Yeah? I had to go through that where they started

1269
01:13:17,680 --> 01:13:20,359
to do a mix where it was half to stosterone.

1270
01:13:20,359 --> 01:13:23,279
And so this was a process of about two years

1271
01:13:23,319 --> 01:13:27,039
working with an indo chronologist to break this process down.

1272
01:13:27,159 --> 01:13:31,880
So it was very deliberate, very precise. It wasn't done

1273
01:13:31,880 --> 01:13:35,720
over the internet, which is nonsense, and there was there

1274
01:13:35,800 --> 01:13:38,880
was no attempt to get any of the body parts

1275
01:13:40,000 --> 01:13:48,720
reversed because I'm I believe that taking body parts off

1276
01:13:49,199 --> 01:13:51,479
does not change you into a woman. Putting him back

1277
01:13:51,520 --> 01:13:53,520
on is not going to make me. I'm a man.

1278
01:13:54,439 --> 01:13:59,720
I'm a man that was mutilated, and and what it

1279
01:13:59,760 --> 01:14:03,039
really did was didn't change my gender, changed my ability

1280
01:14:03,119 --> 01:14:08,680
to function, It changed my functionality, It didn't change my gender.

1281
01:14:08,680 --> 01:14:11,960
And I think that's a more honest way of saying.

1282
01:14:11,960 --> 01:14:14,680
What we're doing with these women and with these men

1283
01:14:14,800 --> 01:14:18,199
is changing their ability to function as they were designed.

1284
01:14:18,840 --> 01:14:23,159
And so anytime you take any piece of equipment, I

1285
01:14:23,159 --> 01:14:25,800
don't care whether it's a microphone or a TV or anything,

1286
01:14:26,079 --> 01:14:30,600
and you start changing its function, it goes, it becomes

1287
01:14:30,640 --> 01:14:37,680
worth it, it ends up in the scrap file. And so, yeah,

1288
01:14:38,399 --> 01:14:41,800
I was just I was. Probably the deepest pain that

1289
01:14:41,880 --> 01:14:43,640
I have is what I did to my wife and

1290
01:14:43,680 --> 01:14:49,840
my children. I quite honestly still struggle with forgiving myself

1291
01:14:49,880 --> 01:14:51,760
for what I did. I know the Lord's forgiven me.

1292
01:14:51,840 --> 01:14:56,439
I married for almost twenty eight years and sober all

1293
01:14:56,439 --> 01:15:01,600
these years. My life is fantastic. I'm very blessed. But

1294
01:15:02,760 --> 01:15:07,000
the harm that was done is why I'm so passionate

1295
01:15:07,640 --> 01:15:10,880
about making sure that people don't get hormones. I don't

1296
01:15:10,920 --> 01:15:15,119
care how old you are, and stop this nonsense. I mean,

1297
01:15:16,279 --> 01:15:19,640
it's just it makes me weep. I mean, some of

1298
01:15:19,640 --> 01:15:21,640
these letters I get from people. I'm working with a

1299
01:15:21,680 --> 01:15:25,960
guy from Mumbai, India, and I get people from all

1300
01:15:25,960 --> 01:15:30,000
over the world that I work with, and we're making progress,

1301
01:15:30,159 --> 01:15:37,079
but it's tough, you know, And so the restoration. They

1302
01:15:37,079 --> 01:15:41,439
didn't change me. They hurt me and they mutilated me,

1303
01:15:42,239 --> 01:15:46,199
but they didn't take away my resilience, and they didn't

1304
01:15:46,199 --> 01:15:51,000
take away my relationship with Jesus Christ. And they didn't.

1305
01:15:52,720 --> 01:15:55,920
You know, I'm still here. I'm eighty five, I'm kicking

1306
01:15:55,920 --> 01:15:59,680
some booty and I'm just getting started and I want

1307
01:15:59,720 --> 01:16:02,920
to do it. There's a worship song called that was

1308
01:16:02,960 --> 01:16:04,520
Made for More. I don't know if you've heard that,

1309
01:16:04,640 --> 01:16:07,520
but it's it's fantastic. It's kind of my song.

1310
01:16:08,680 --> 01:16:09,000
Speaker 1: Okay.

1311
01:16:09,039 --> 01:16:11,359
Speaker 2: It says I'm not made for the grave, I'm made

1312
01:16:11,439 --> 01:16:14,239
for more. And so I'm going to keep singing that

1313
01:16:14,319 --> 01:16:15,720
song and keep going.

1314
01:16:16,960 --> 01:16:20,960
Speaker 1: I love that. I love that. I'm going way over time,

1315
01:16:21,000 --> 01:16:22,880
and I'm so sorry. But I have a couple more questions,

1316
01:16:22,920 --> 01:16:28,159
if you'll allow me to pick. I would love to

1317
01:16:28,279 --> 01:16:31,560
hear some of your thoughts on therapy, because I'm curious

1318
01:16:31,560 --> 01:16:34,399
what you think about. I've heard you talk a lot

1319
01:16:34,439 --> 01:16:41,119
about here and elsewhere about trauma therapy versus finding a

1320
01:16:41,239 --> 01:16:43,960
gender therapist, for instance, that people who are struggling with

1321
01:16:44,000 --> 01:16:46,960
their identity don't need gender therapy. They need to deal

1322
01:16:47,039 --> 01:16:49,880
with childhood traumas because that contributes to so much of

1323
01:16:50,319 --> 01:16:53,319
so many of these issues. But at the same time,

1324
01:16:53,439 --> 01:16:57,880
I've seen so much of a cultural trend of people

1325
01:16:59,239 --> 01:17:03,600
basically you saying trauma as childhood trauma, as a crutch

1326
01:17:03,720 --> 01:17:08,159
or as an excuse for you know, setting boundaries with

1327
01:17:08,239 --> 01:17:12,399
their parents and just for familial estrangement and other kinds

1328
01:17:12,439 --> 01:17:16,880
of very self absorbed and self centered behaviors. And people

1329
01:17:16,920 --> 01:17:19,920
will call things trauma that are really just you know, oh,

1330
01:17:20,000 --> 01:17:23,239
I was raised in a religious environment, or oh, you know,

1331
01:17:23,319 --> 01:17:25,319
I was spanked as a child, And I'm not talking

1332
01:17:25,359 --> 01:17:27,720
about being hit, you know, with a wooden plank. I'm

1333
01:17:27,720 --> 01:17:31,840
talking about like normal, you know, faithful parenting. And so

1334
01:17:33,039 --> 01:17:36,640
I'm curious how you feel about this culture of you know,

1335
01:17:37,000 --> 01:17:40,880
over over emphasis of childhood trauma when you have people

1336
01:17:40,880 --> 01:17:43,960
like you who have experienced real childhood trauma that has

1337
01:17:44,960 --> 01:17:49,520
dramatically affected your life. And also like, how do we

1338
01:17:49,560 --> 01:17:51,520
differentiate there and what do you think about that?

1339
01:17:51,880 --> 01:17:54,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, I think that's a great question. And certainly

1340
01:17:56,119 --> 01:17:59,680
kids are brilliant, right, and they can use things against parents,

1341
01:18:00,239 --> 01:18:03,600
and I think it's what we put I'll do it again,

1342
01:18:03,920 --> 01:18:08,880
you know, in the book. In the book, because this

1343
01:18:09,079 --> 01:18:12,479
was written co written by me, and doctor Jennifer Bowence,

1344
01:18:12,479 --> 01:18:15,239
a trauma therapist. There is a thing called little Tea

1345
01:18:15,399 --> 01:18:21,239
and big T and little T can be traumatizing in it.

1346
01:18:21,680 --> 01:18:25,680
And I think it's important to understand that sometimes trauma

1347
01:18:25,920 --> 01:18:29,079
is perceived that never happened.

1348
01:18:31,279 --> 01:18:32,680
Speaker 1: Can you give an example.

1349
01:18:33,039 --> 01:18:35,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, I believe my mom is being mean to me,

1350
01:18:36,039 --> 01:18:38,439
or I believe you know they're doing this, or you

1351
01:18:38,800 --> 01:18:43,279
believe something like you believe you're transgender. It's false, but

1352
01:18:43,560 --> 01:18:46,359
you can believe something that you can say that I'm

1353
01:18:46,399 --> 01:18:50,600
in I'm living in a hurtful environment and it may

1354
01:18:50,640 --> 01:18:55,399
not be. But then there's there's there's so many different

1355
01:18:56,119 --> 01:18:59,880
important steps in dealing with somebody who's struggling. Is not

1356
01:19:00,079 --> 01:19:04,159
all trauma. There's a lot of Internet addiction issues. I mean,

1357
01:19:04,159 --> 01:19:08,159
we've got kids doing furries. We've got kids identifying, you know,

1358
01:19:08,920 --> 01:19:11,960
as some character of female character on the internet. These

1359
01:19:11,960 --> 01:19:17,199
are serious addictions pornography. So I want to make sure

1360
01:19:17,199 --> 01:19:19,560
that we don't put everything into trauma because it's not.

1361
01:19:20,239 --> 01:19:25,119
I think there's simple things such as social contagion, kids

1362
01:19:25,319 --> 01:19:29,279
joining kids because they want to be in a group,

1363
01:19:29,359 --> 01:19:34,279
and the kids there's a group conscience thing and they'll

1364
01:19:34,319 --> 01:19:38,279
do that hole I'm transgender thing to go along and

1365
01:19:38,319 --> 01:19:42,520
get along. I've got a network of people. So I

1366
01:19:42,560 --> 01:19:48,319
think anytime we work with somebody that's struggling, as I do,

1367
01:19:49,439 --> 01:19:54,359
I keep digging until I find what the little nugget is,

1368
01:19:54,720 --> 01:19:57,560
you know, and you can work through talking with somebody.

1369
01:19:57,560 --> 01:20:00,359
I've worked with people for three years, you know, like

1370
01:20:00,880 --> 01:20:03,479
just two or three email. I've had some I've been

1371
01:20:03,520 --> 01:20:06,680
able to resolve in three emails, but sometimes it takes

1372
01:20:06,680 --> 01:20:09,720
a long time. So I think if somebody is pulling

1373
01:20:09,760 --> 01:20:12,279
the wool over your eyes, you've got to be careful

1374
01:20:12,319 --> 01:20:14,680
with that too, because they can use these things to

1375
01:20:14,760 --> 01:20:19,399
manipulate people and right and people. And I think there's

1376
01:20:19,479 --> 01:20:26,760
another issue that is there's kids today want labels. They

1377
01:20:26,800 --> 01:20:29,159
want to have a label. This is this is why

1378
01:20:29,479 --> 01:20:31,680
I want to be a D transitioner. Well you're not well,

1379
01:20:31,680 --> 01:20:33,560
but I want to be a D. You know, I

1380
01:20:33,600 --> 01:20:36,760
want this identity. That's why they have all these different

1381
01:20:37,000 --> 01:20:40,319
gender identities. They want to label. They want attached to something.

1382
01:20:40,600 --> 01:20:44,159
There's only two genders, male and female, but they want

1383
01:20:44,239 --> 01:20:49,279
something else. So they invented. And so I think we

1384
01:20:49,279 --> 01:20:51,159
were I was going to actually go out on the

1385
01:20:51,239 --> 01:20:54,239
stage sometime and just have a coat on with all

1386
01:20:54,279 --> 01:20:56,600
these labels on it, and then start peeling them off

1387
01:20:56,640 --> 01:20:58,720
and reading them and going, we need to throw all

1388
01:20:58,720 --> 01:21:01,720
this stuff away. There's only one lebel you need to wear,

1389
01:21:02,199 --> 01:21:05,920
and that's your identity is in Christ and your function

1390
01:21:06,439 --> 01:21:09,239
is the way God designed you, and and to live

1391
01:21:09,319 --> 01:21:14,000
up to that and not let anybody deter you. And

1392
01:21:13,199 --> 01:21:16,520
I feel the need to once again say, keep in

1393
01:21:16,560 --> 01:21:21,800
mind that the gender stuff is only for the purpose

1394
01:21:22,000 --> 01:21:28,680
of destroying you. Mm hmm. The value to humanize and destroy.

1395
01:21:28,760 --> 01:21:34,600
That's anytime we think about this whole gender clinic thing.

1396
01:21:34,840 --> 01:21:38,359
Remember they they aren't there with a Bible reading scripture

1397
01:21:38,399 --> 01:21:41,880
to you. They're there to take your genitals off and

1398
01:21:42,000 --> 01:21:44,640
make sure that your breasts are cut off, make sure

1399
01:21:44,640 --> 01:21:47,840
that you can never function as God designed you. That

1400
01:21:49,000 --> 01:21:51,479
is a poke in the eye to the Lord Jesus Christ,

1401
01:21:51,840 --> 01:21:54,800
and it destroys your ability to function for the rest

1402
01:21:54,840 --> 01:21:59,039
of your life as you were designed for life.

1403
01:22:00,000 --> 01:22:02,359
Speaker 1: It excerciation for life, that lines their pockets for life.

1404
01:22:02,600 --> 01:22:05,000
It guarantees that you will need to continue to see

1405
01:22:05,039 --> 01:22:08,319
them and get quote unquote care for the rest of

1406
01:22:08,359 --> 01:22:10,720
your life. And it's not caring, it's it's evil.

1407
01:22:10,840 --> 01:22:16,640
Speaker 2: It's demonic, it's absolutely destructive, destroys people. So I just

1408
01:22:16,720 --> 01:22:20,880
think that in working with people, I've learned there's there's

1409
01:22:20,920 --> 01:22:23,359
so many ways to navigate this. And I never put

1410
01:22:23,399 --> 01:22:25,279
it all in a trauma box. I don't put it

1411
01:22:25,279 --> 01:22:27,800
all in the internet box. I don't put it all

1412
01:22:27,840 --> 01:22:31,920
in you know, the social contagion, because I've gone to

1413
01:22:32,520 --> 01:22:35,560
a doctor's house who struggled with one of his kids

1414
01:22:35,600 --> 01:22:38,079
and sat down and you could just see the dynamic

1415
01:22:38,159 --> 01:22:41,680
in the room. The father was very domineering and the

1416
01:22:41,760 --> 01:22:45,800
son was scared to death of his dad, and he

1417
01:22:45,880 --> 01:22:48,199
was starting to identify as a female. And then my

1418
01:22:48,279 --> 01:22:51,399
wife went with the mother and then we've got together

1419
01:22:51,479 --> 01:22:54,439
and talked about it, and the daughter was getting all

1420
01:22:54,479 --> 01:23:00,520
the attention, and he decided that if I did as

1421
01:23:00,560 --> 01:23:02,760
a female, I would get the level of attention my

1422
01:23:02,840 --> 01:23:08,960
daughter's getting. This is so common. I've actually read stories

1423
01:23:08,960 --> 01:23:14,560
in UK where a daughter will commit suicide because the

1424
01:23:14,640 --> 01:23:17,479
boys are getting the attention that she's not getting and

1425
01:23:17,560 --> 01:23:20,479
she can't get. And one of them she even changed

1426
01:23:20,560 --> 01:23:25,359
genders to become a boy to try to get said

1427
01:23:25,359 --> 01:23:30,279
she changed genders. She didn't, but it cost her her life.

1428
01:23:30,479 --> 01:23:32,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, you see because it's just heartbreaking.

1429
01:23:33,399 --> 01:23:36,239
Speaker 2: And we talked about that. My mom never told me

1430
01:23:36,279 --> 01:23:42,159
she loved me, so, so did Walt ever get the level?

1431
01:23:42,159 --> 01:23:45,439
I mean, maybe we pointed out somewhere a guy says,

1432
01:23:45,520 --> 01:23:47,920
you just go take care of your dad and I'll

1433
01:23:47,960 --> 01:23:50,720
take care of this. I mean, maybe that was kind

1434
01:23:50,720 --> 01:23:56,279
of the first glimmer, you know, And so it's just

1435
01:23:57,319 --> 01:24:01,760
I think we have to be really careful about when

1436
01:24:01,800 --> 01:24:04,920
we work with people and understand they don't have genderdice

1437
01:24:05,000 --> 01:24:09,520
for you. They have dysphoria. I'll go with that. They

1438
01:24:09,520 --> 01:24:11,960
don't have gendernice for you, because there's a thing called

1439
01:24:12,079 --> 01:24:16,800
generalized asphoria. It's clinical. You can look it up. Generalized

1440
01:24:16,800 --> 01:24:19,479
as for you is right there, and so it can

1441
01:24:19,520 --> 01:24:23,560
be a but if you talk about generalized as for you,

1442
01:24:23,560 --> 01:24:26,119
you can't give somebody hormones and cut body parts off,

1443
01:24:26,159 --> 01:24:26,880
can you?

1444
01:24:26,960 --> 01:24:31,680
Speaker 1: Right? Right? Exactly? And what what? Oh god?

1445
01:24:31,920 --> 01:24:33,880
Speaker 2: No, I was just going to say, when when you

1446
01:24:34,239 --> 01:24:41,960
have everyone, every single person, without exception, it's diagnosed with

1447
01:24:42,039 --> 01:24:48,079
gendernice for you, you know, it's bogus mhm right as

1448
01:24:48,119 --> 01:24:53,800
categorically impossible diagnose everybody with gender is for you, because

1449
01:24:53,840 --> 01:24:57,600
it that makes the whole thing just a fraud. It's

1450
01:24:57,640 --> 01:25:01,880
the biggest medical fraud of my lifetime. This whole thing

1451
01:25:02,239 --> 01:25:06,840
is bogus, is plastic bananas, and it ruins people's lives.

1452
01:25:07,039 --> 01:25:09,119
Nobody should be doing. I want to sit in front

1453
01:25:09,119 --> 01:25:12,199
of the President of the United States and say you

1454
01:25:12,600 --> 01:25:18,119
get this stop today, mm hmm right, and he understands it.

1455
01:25:19,359 --> 01:25:22,800
Speaker 1: Right. I think there are very few people in positions

1456
01:25:22,800 --> 01:25:25,159
to do much about this who understand the gravity of

1457
01:25:25,159 --> 01:25:25,760
the situation.

1458
01:25:26,680 --> 01:25:27,399
Speaker 2: I agree.

1459
01:25:27,720 --> 01:25:30,880
Speaker 1: What what advice do you have for people who maybe

1460
01:25:30,920 --> 01:25:34,479
are struggling with this and are looking for a therapist

1461
01:25:34,479 --> 01:25:36,640
who's going to lead them in truth and not just

1462
01:25:36,720 --> 01:25:39,960
write them a prescription for hormones and a you know,

1463
01:25:41,159 --> 01:25:44,239
a care plan quote unquote that involves them going in

1464
01:25:44,279 --> 01:25:46,119
for surgery. How do you how do you know how

1465
01:25:46,159 --> 01:25:50,279
to find the right therapist who shares the worldview that's

1466
01:25:50,279 --> 01:25:52,600
based on truth and who's actually going to counsel you

1467
01:25:52,720 --> 01:25:55,960
into alignment with what is true and good and beautiful

1468
01:25:55,960 --> 01:25:58,159
and not just make you, you know, put you in

1469
01:25:58,199 --> 01:26:02,399
the patient for life pipeline. We go toute people good therapists.

1470
01:26:02,640 --> 01:26:05,319
Speaker 2: We go into great detail in that book embracing Guy's

1471
01:26:05,399 --> 01:26:07,119
design about how to do that, but I'll give you

1472
01:26:07,159 --> 01:26:09,720
the kind of the overview you need to interview a therapist,

1473
01:26:10,560 --> 01:26:14,319
and if they are a gender affirming care therapist, run

1474
01:26:14,359 --> 01:26:19,039
the other way. If they're a therapist who is looking

1475
01:26:19,079 --> 01:26:21,920
to diagnose something like if you go in and meet

1476
01:26:21,920 --> 01:26:25,399
a therapist and say, well, let's first test you on

1477
01:26:25,439 --> 01:26:28,960
the trauma scale, Let's see if there's anything there. Let's

1478
01:26:28,960 --> 01:26:34,439
look somebody who's actually looking somewhere else. You want someone

1479
01:26:34,479 --> 01:26:37,239
who isn't buying into the gender thing.

1480
01:26:38,840 --> 01:26:41,920
Speaker 1: Which gender affirming care is another great example of a

1481
01:26:41,960 --> 01:26:44,800
euphemism that doesn't mean anything like the word says. It's

1482
01:26:44,840 --> 01:26:48,319
not it's not affirming of your actual gender or your sex,

1483
01:26:48,359 --> 01:26:50,279
and it's certainly not caring. So that's another way they

1484
01:26:50,319 --> 01:26:50,560
get you.

1485
01:26:50,920 --> 01:26:53,279
Speaker 2: Yeah, in the true if they were doing gender affirming care,

1486
01:26:53,359 --> 01:26:55,239
they would never give them hormones and then never.

1487
01:26:55,119 --> 01:26:58,119
Speaker 1: Do surgery, right exactly erectly.

1488
01:26:58,279 --> 01:27:00,000
Speaker 2: I mean it's like they flip all this stuff up

1489
01:27:00,079 --> 01:27:00,600
side down.

1490
01:27:01,840 --> 01:27:06,279
Speaker 1: H yep, yep. So walt, before I let you go.

1491
01:27:06,560 --> 01:27:09,479
You've been running this nonprofit? Is it still called sex

1492
01:27:09,560 --> 01:27:11,960
change regret? Is that where people can find find you

1493
01:27:12,000 --> 01:27:12,479
if they have.

1494
01:27:12,479 --> 01:27:16,000
Speaker 2: Questions Because it got so big and there were so

1495
01:27:16,079 --> 01:27:20,680
many things, and I was up working answering emails seven

1496
01:27:20,720 --> 01:27:23,079
days a week, three hundred and sixty five days a year.

1497
01:27:24,039 --> 01:27:26,199
And because I'm the only I'm the only one here.

1498
01:27:27,359 --> 01:27:32,720
I contacted Lucas Miles that influenced church in Granger, Indiana.

1499
01:27:33,399 --> 01:27:36,680
Lucas is part of Turning Point USA. He's on the

1500
01:27:36,680 --> 01:27:39,840
pastor side of that, and I trained people at his

1501
01:27:40,039 --> 01:27:44,119
church to take over sexchange regret dot com. So now

1502
01:27:44,960 --> 01:27:48,880
what I have is walt Hire dot com that has

1503
01:27:49,239 --> 01:27:53,600
uh That's that's where I live today, and there's a

1504
01:27:53,680 --> 01:27:56,279
lot more people that go to sex change Regret dot com.

1505
01:27:56,800 --> 01:28:03,039
But I'm working to speak to more churches and to

1506
01:28:03,119 --> 01:28:06,319
have more conversations like this, which I think are essential

1507
01:28:06,359 --> 01:28:10,239
in helping. I've tried to start a podcast. I've done

1508
01:28:10,239 --> 01:28:14,600
a few. I'm not great at starting things like that.

1509
01:28:14,720 --> 01:28:20,079
My wife is, but so so at Waldhired dot Com,

1510
01:28:20,119 --> 01:28:22,960
I'm still here. I think the most important thing for

1511
01:28:23,000 --> 01:28:26,520
me to do next year is get out and talk

1512
01:28:26,640 --> 01:28:34,039
and try to really get people to start waning away

1513
01:28:34,079 --> 01:28:39,079
from transgender runner transgender with the Air Force, they got

1514
01:28:39,119 --> 01:28:44,079
the Air Force got seventeen transgender They're not They're men

1515
01:28:44,119 --> 01:28:50,439
and women identifying. Yes, yes, so I'm trainable. You know,

1516
01:28:50,479 --> 01:28:52,800
I'm not stuck on It's just I'm stuck on not

1517
01:28:52,880 --> 01:28:56,399
calling them transgender. I'm stuck on not saying they transitioned

1518
01:28:56,479 --> 01:29:00,840
or de transition, and I'm stuck on the fact that

1519
01:29:00,920 --> 01:29:04,039
it's not about gender, And I'm stuck on the fact

1520
01:29:04,079 --> 01:29:06,199
that your gender was not assigned to birth by the way,

1521
01:29:06,239 --> 01:29:09,239
it was innate and fixed when at conception. Sorry you

1522
01:29:09,239 --> 01:29:09,960
can't fix.

1523
01:29:10,880 --> 01:29:15,640
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, Can you just share maybe one of the

1524
01:29:15,640 --> 01:29:19,640
most miraculous or impactful stories that you have seen over

1525
01:29:19,680 --> 01:29:22,560
your many years of work in this with somebody who's

1526
01:29:22,560 --> 01:29:25,119
contacted you or that you've gotten to meet or I mean,

1527
01:29:25,119 --> 01:29:27,279
I'm sure there are way too many to count, but

1528
01:29:27,279 --> 01:29:29,720
can you just share one to maybe give some hope

1529
01:29:29,720 --> 01:29:32,720
to somebody who is struggling and just you know, for

1530
01:29:32,760 --> 01:29:35,479
people who are maybe watching a loved one struggle with

1531
01:29:35,520 --> 01:29:38,600
this or pursue a path that is contrary to God's design,

1532
01:29:38,680 --> 01:29:41,239
like I'm sure they would love to hear a story

1533
01:29:41,279 --> 01:29:42,359
of hope and change.

1534
01:29:42,680 --> 01:29:45,079
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, I was This is how long ago I

1535
01:29:45,159 --> 01:29:47,760
was watching Tucker Carlson on Fox. I don't know how

1536
01:29:47,800 --> 01:29:50,680
long he's been off there that long ago, and I

1537
01:29:50,720 --> 01:29:52,800
was in my office, which is my reclining chair. I

1538
01:29:52,840 --> 01:29:55,640
don't have an office, and I was working on my company.

1539
01:29:56,000 --> 01:29:56,560
Speaker 1: Lie that up.

1540
01:29:56,960 --> 01:29:59,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, So I got an email from a guy who says,

1541
01:30:00,399 --> 01:30:06,000
I'm seventy three years old. I transitioned when I was thirteen.

1542
01:30:07,079 --> 01:30:13,039
I have a gender therapist. I'm I transitioned. I'm transgender.

1543
01:30:13,079 --> 01:30:16,239
I have a gender therapist. I was looking at your website,

1544
01:30:16,319 --> 01:30:18,840
sex change Regret that comments when I had it back then,

1545
01:30:19,840 --> 01:30:23,800
and I just wanted to know what you think about

1546
01:30:23,840 --> 01:30:26,600
my situation. I'm going I haven't even heard anything except

1547
01:30:26,680 --> 01:30:29,640
you just said that you transition and you had a

1548
01:30:29,680 --> 01:30:33,279
gender therapist. So I sat there and looked at that

1549
01:30:33,319 --> 01:30:36,239
and go, why is a guy looking at sex change

1550
01:30:36,239 --> 01:30:41,640
regret dot com a little clue? So I wrote him

1551
01:30:41,680 --> 01:30:45,800
back and I politely said, well, and I said this

1552
01:30:45,840 --> 01:30:48,399
earlier because I love this. When I did this, I said, well,

1553
01:30:48,399 --> 01:30:51,319
your a therapist is a quack. You're not a transgender,

1554
01:30:51,359 --> 01:30:54,760
you've never transitioned, and you don't have genderice for you.

1555
01:30:54,800 --> 01:30:56,239
If you work with me, we're going to find out

1556
01:30:56,239 --> 01:30:58,560
what really happened. Would you like to do that? You

1557
01:30:58,600 --> 01:31:02,520
just contact me and will work on it. So I

1558
01:31:02,560 --> 01:31:04,119
turned to my wife and I said, well, I sent

1559
01:31:04,199 --> 01:31:06,359
that one and we'll see what happens. And he wrote

1560
01:31:06,439 --> 01:31:08,840
back the next day and said, well, that's kind of

1561
01:31:08,840 --> 01:31:10,920
curious what you had to say. What is it that

1562
01:31:10,960 --> 01:31:13,359
you want to know about me? And I said, well,

1563
01:31:13,359 --> 01:31:16,680
you said you transitioned to thirteen. Also I want to

1564
01:31:16,720 --> 01:31:19,199
know is what was your home environment like? What was

1565
01:31:19,199 --> 01:31:22,399
your life like? Was what was happening when you were

1566
01:31:22,439 --> 01:31:27,600
thirteen years old? Just tell me mom, dad, brother's, sister's, uncle, ant, whatever.

1567
01:31:28,439 --> 01:31:30,039
And so I wrote back and he says, well, my

1568
01:31:30,159 --> 01:31:33,600
mom was a raging alcoholic and she would get a

1569
01:31:33,600 --> 01:31:36,000
butcher knife about three times a week and chase my

1570
01:31:36,079 --> 01:31:37,800
dad around the house trying to murder him.

1571
01:31:38,560 --> 01:31:39,359
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness.

1572
01:31:40,119 --> 01:31:43,079
Speaker 2: And so I got a little smile on my face

1573
01:31:43,119 --> 01:31:45,640
and I wrote him back and said, well, I'm not

1574
01:31:45,680 --> 01:31:49,920
a therapist. I'm not a doctor, but I think you

1575
01:31:50,039 --> 01:31:54,800
may have suffered from some trauma maybe. And I said,

1576
01:31:54,840 --> 01:31:58,319
the next time you go back to your wackoed gender therapist,

1577
01:32:00,119 --> 01:32:02,680
tell him that Waldhire told you that you need a

1578
01:32:02,680 --> 01:32:05,920
trauma therapist. And don't wear your little red pumps, don't

1579
01:32:06,000 --> 01:32:09,159
dress up like a girl, go as a guy. And

1580
01:32:09,760 --> 01:32:13,239
go for therapist like you normally wouldn't. And so I

1581
01:32:13,279 --> 01:32:15,000
didn't hear from him for a couple of days, and

1582
01:32:15,359 --> 01:32:18,399
I thought, you know, tellingm a therapist Waldhire told me

1583
01:32:18,439 --> 01:32:20,319
to tell you this, I thought that would just make

1584
01:32:20,359 --> 01:32:24,359
their head explode. And so he wrote back and he says, well,

1585
01:32:24,399 --> 01:32:26,840
I went in and told my gender therapist I needed

1586
01:32:26,880 --> 01:32:29,640
a trauma therapist. Waldhire told me, in fact, I needed

1587
01:32:29,680 --> 01:32:33,119
a trauma therapist. And my trauma therapist turned around and said, well,

1588
01:32:33,159 --> 01:32:39,119
isn't that interesting? She says, I'm also a trauma therapist. Okay,

1589
01:32:39,439 --> 01:32:42,239
you're in luck. I'm going to find out if mister

1590
01:32:42,319 --> 01:32:44,840
Hire is right. I'm going to test you on the

1591
01:32:44,880 --> 01:32:47,640
trauma scale. And so instead of the.

1592
01:32:47,640 --> 01:32:52,680
Speaker 1: Usual why on earth is a trauma therapist and also

1593
01:32:52,720 --> 01:32:55,640
a gender therapist not starting with trauma? There's a red flag?

1594
01:32:55,680 --> 01:32:57,520
But sorry, continue, you think.

1595
01:33:00,079 --> 01:33:03,239
Speaker 2: The money, baby. So this is why this one really

1596
01:33:03,439 --> 01:33:05,800
was so interesting to me. So she tested him on

1597
01:33:05,840 --> 01:33:09,039
the trauma scale and he came out seven out of ten,

1598
01:33:09,079 --> 01:33:13,520
which is extraordinarily high. And he talked in terms in

1599
01:33:13,560 --> 01:33:16,039
his email to me about how wonderful therapy was with

1600
01:33:16,119 --> 01:33:19,560
his therapist. Anybody who's ever been in therapy. Therapy is

1601
01:33:19,600 --> 01:33:22,760
not wonderful if you're getting any work done, It's terrible.

1602
01:33:23,159 --> 01:33:24,840
And so the next one he came back, he said,

1603
01:33:24,840 --> 01:33:26,920
it was the worst session I ever had. It was terrible,

1604
01:33:26,920 --> 01:33:29,680
it was painful, and went on and on. He said,

1605
01:33:29,720 --> 01:33:32,600
she gave me a two hour session. I had emd

1606
01:33:32,840 --> 01:33:35,960
R therapy. And I'm not an advocate. I'm not speaking.

1607
01:33:36,159 --> 01:33:39,279
It's just this is a case of what happened. So

1608
01:33:40,319 --> 01:33:47,399
and he says, Walt, guess what, I'm free one session

1609
01:33:48,880 --> 01:33:53,159
with somebody who was a gender therapist who treated used

1610
01:33:53,159 --> 01:33:56,600
the skills as a trauma therapist to treat him, and

1611
01:33:56,680 --> 01:33:59,680
he was free. And so I wrote him back and said,

1612
01:33:59,720 --> 01:34:03,840
I out it. I'm not buying. I said, I'm going

1613
01:34:03,840 --> 01:34:05,479
to write you back in a few days. I wrote

1614
01:34:05,520 --> 01:34:08,199
him back in a week and I said, hey, how

1615
01:34:08,239 --> 01:34:11,399
you doing. He said, I'm free't I've done? And I've

1616
01:34:12,279 --> 01:34:14,119
So I wrote him back. I wrote him back four

1617
01:34:14,159 --> 01:34:18,119
weeks in a row, and on the fourth one, I said,

1618
01:34:18,199 --> 01:34:20,279
I want to write a story and publish it in

1619
01:34:20,319 --> 01:34:25,680
the Federalist about your story. And he went berserk. You know,

1620
01:34:25,760 --> 01:34:29,399
he said, I am so angry about being mistreated for

1621
01:34:29,439 --> 01:34:32,520
so long, and destroying my life this way. I don't

1622
01:34:32,520 --> 01:34:34,880
want anybody to know. I don't even want to talk

1623
01:34:34,880 --> 01:34:37,039
about it, and I don't ever want you to contact

1624
01:34:37,039 --> 01:34:41,600
to me again. He was upset, and rightfully, so, you know,

1625
01:34:42,479 --> 01:34:44,680
he said, this is not something he said, I can

1626
01:34:44,720 --> 01:34:46,960
celebrate the fact that I'm off the hook, but I

1627
01:34:47,000 --> 01:34:49,520
can't celebrate the fact that sixty years in my life

1628
01:34:49,520 --> 01:34:53,479
went down the drain, right, right, That's what he was

1629
01:34:53,520 --> 01:34:57,560
dealing with, right, And I'm trying to and I was

1630
01:34:57,560 --> 01:35:01,079
trying to benefit from the law of his sixty years

1631
01:35:01,079 --> 01:35:03,119
of life by writing an article, and he saw me

1632
01:35:03,199 --> 01:35:05,800
as as kind of an enemy at that point. I

1633
01:35:05,880 --> 01:35:08,720
get and it was insensitive for me to do that,

1634
01:35:08,760 --> 01:35:11,560
but I thought it was so interesting, so that one,

1635
01:35:12,079 --> 01:35:15,039
you know, and that all happened within from the time

1636
01:35:15,079 --> 01:35:17,439
that I got his email until the time he was

1637
01:35:17,479 --> 01:35:18,960
free was four days.

1638
01:35:19,680 --> 01:35:24,840
Speaker 1: Wow, after six days, truly remarkable. I'm sure she didn't,

1639
01:35:24,920 --> 01:35:27,079
but I hope that therapists found a new line of

1640
01:35:27,079 --> 01:35:32,039
work after misleading a client for sixty years.

1641
01:35:32,119 --> 01:35:34,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's three hundred and twenty bucks a week for

1642
01:35:35,600 --> 01:35:37,319
just sitting there making.

1643
01:35:37,199 --> 01:35:41,600
Speaker 1: Happy, but also how encouraging that you know, it truly

1644
01:35:41,720 --> 01:35:44,520
is never too late to be free from the lives

1645
01:35:44,520 --> 01:35:47,000
that have you in bondage. And that's really just a

1646
01:35:47,000 --> 01:35:48,920
beautiful story of coming out of that.

1647
01:35:49,039 --> 01:35:51,119
Speaker 2: So Amen, And you know, the people I've worked with

1648
01:35:51,119 --> 01:35:53,560
for twenty years, I want to say that, and people

1649
01:35:53,680 --> 01:35:55,720
reach out to me. I've never asked for money. I've

1650
01:35:55,720 --> 01:35:59,239
never asked for donations. I've never asked people to buy books.

1651
01:36:00,159 --> 01:36:04,640
I've been doing this because of the pain that I've suffered.

1652
01:36:04,680 --> 01:36:07,760
I don't want people to go through that. If you struggle,

1653
01:36:07,800 --> 01:36:09,720
I want it to end quickly, and I want you

1654
01:36:09,760 --> 01:36:12,000
to get the help you need and find the right

1655
01:36:12,039 --> 01:36:15,199
person to do it. I don't do the therapy. I

1656
01:36:15,279 --> 01:36:18,239
just guide you to the kind of help. You see,

1657
01:36:18,279 --> 01:36:20,199
the kind of therapy that is going to help you.

1658
01:36:20,800 --> 01:36:23,640
And certainly in every case you need the Lord Jesus

1659
01:36:23,760 --> 01:36:27,159
Christ to be there alongside you to bring good healing

1660
01:36:27,520 --> 01:36:29,159
and redemption and restoration.

1661
01:36:30,520 --> 01:36:33,439
Speaker 1: That's right, and that work is clearly resonating with people,

1662
01:36:33,560 --> 01:36:37,199
as evidenced by the thousands upon thousands who have reached

1663
01:36:37,199 --> 01:36:41,039
out and found you and found freedom and found Christ

1664
01:36:41,199 --> 01:36:45,640
and just yeah, from that life that is just so destructive. Well,

1665
01:36:45,680 --> 01:36:46,920
this is the last thing, and then I'm going to

1666
01:36:47,000 --> 01:36:48,840
let you go if anyone is listening to this, who

1667
01:36:48,960 --> 01:36:52,039
might be struggling with this right now, Who's who's trying

1668
01:36:52,039 --> 01:36:54,479
to figure out where to turn or has maybe been

1669
01:36:54,520 --> 01:36:56,960
dealing with this for years, or has maybe just just

1670
01:36:57,039 --> 01:37:00,359
fell down an internet rabbit hole and is can fuse

1671
01:37:02,159 --> 01:37:05,079
What is one thing, one piece of advice, one piece

1672
01:37:05,079 --> 01:37:08,000
of wisdom? What would you say to a person who

1673
01:37:08,039 --> 01:37:10,159
might be listening and is in that boat right now?

1674
01:37:14,039 --> 01:37:18,880
Speaker 2: Get that book and read it embracing God's design. Read it.

1675
01:37:19,000 --> 01:37:23,039
Don't just use it as a doorstop. Read it. It

1676
01:37:24,199 --> 01:37:29,039
is absolutely chock full. It's not just a book to

1677
01:37:29,319 --> 01:37:32,560
read and enjoy. This is a book that deals with

1678
01:37:32,960 --> 01:37:36,479
how you need to navigate these things. It's for parents

1679
01:37:36,720 --> 01:37:39,840
who have a childhos struggling, is for the individual who's struggling.

1680
01:37:40,079 --> 01:37:44,159
Is for pastors who is guided toward pastors and churches

1681
01:37:44,199 --> 01:37:47,560
so that they could even have small group study. Thing

1682
01:37:47,760 --> 01:37:52,560
on the website, it's called embrace thedesign dot com. Go

1683
01:37:52,680 --> 01:37:57,439
to embrace thedesign dot com. This uh, these give you

1684
01:37:57,520 --> 01:38:01,319
the tools. This is toolbox that you can get and use.

1685
01:38:01,960 --> 01:38:04,680
And if you still have questions or anything, you can

1686
01:38:04,760 --> 01:38:07,760
certainly write me I'll be happy to answer you. And

1687
01:38:09,119 --> 01:38:12,840
and so I think this is This was just published

1688
01:38:12,840 --> 01:38:19,960
in May, and Joey Pullman did a fantastic article on it.

1689
01:38:20,119 --> 01:38:23,359
Speaker 1: Awesome, awesome, Well, thank you so much for all of

1690
01:38:23,399 --> 01:38:25,039
your time today. I took way more of it than

1691
01:38:25,079 --> 01:38:27,239
I intended to, but it was truly a pleasure to

1692
01:38:27,279 --> 01:38:30,079
hear your story and to talk with you. And like

1693
01:38:30,119 --> 01:38:33,680
you said, everybody go read Embracing God's Design. Go to

1694
01:38:34,359 --> 01:38:37,960
Embrace God's Design dot com, findrace dot.

1695
01:38:37,760 --> 01:38:41,399
Speaker 2: Com, Embrace the Design dot com.

1696
01:38:41,319 --> 01:38:45,039
Speaker 1: And the Design dot Com. Sorry about that, yeah, critical, Yes,

1697
01:38:45,319 --> 01:38:47,680
I'm leading the listeners astray. I'm so sorry.

1698
01:38:47,960 --> 01:38:51,239
Speaker 2: It's okay, listen. It was just real and a pleasure

1699
01:38:51,279 --> 01:38:52,960
for me to be on. I can't tell you how

1700
01:38:53,039 --> 01:38:54,920
much I enjoyed it.

1701
01:38:55,039 --> 01:38:57,199
Speaker 1: Oh wonderful. It was so great for me to truly

1702
01:38:57,239 --> 01:38:59,520
the pleasure was all mine. So thanks so much, Walt,

1703
01:38:59,560 --> 01:39:01,880
and everybody go find him online. And also you can

1704
01:39:01,920 --> 01:39:03,840
read more of his work at the Federalists. There's plenty

1705
01:39:03,840 --> 01:39:05,760
of it there. So thanks so much. Well, I hope

1706
01:39:05,760 --> 01:39:13,279
to have you back again, you bet, thank you, thank

1707
01:39:13,319 --> 01:39:15,640
you so much for tuning into this week's episode of

1708
01:39:15,840 --> 01:39:18,680
The Kylie Cast. Once again if you have not done

1709
01:39:18,720 --> 01:39:21,920
so before, please like and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts.

1710
01:39:22,079 --> 01:39:25,520
Subscribe to the specific Kylie Cast channel on Spotify and

1711
01:39:25,560 --> 01:39:28,439
Apple Podcasts so you never miss an episode. If you

1712
01:39:28,560 --> 01:39:31,239
haven't yet, next time, check out the full video version

1713
01:39:31,239 --> 01:39:35,159
on my personal YouTube channel or the Federalist channel on Rumble,

1714
01:39:35,359 --> 01:39:38,159
And of course go check out Walt Hire's website at

1715
01:39:38,159 --> 01:39:43,279
Walthhire dot com and read his new book, Embracing God's Design.

1716
01:39:44,119 --> 01:39:46,359
I will be right back here next week with more

1717
01:39:46,479 --> 01:39:49,239
so until then, just remember the truth hurts, but it

1718
01:39:49,279 --> 01:39:56,640
won't kill you