WEBVTT 1 00:00:03.520 --> 00:00:06.200 The views and opinions expressed by individuals on the following 2 00:00:06.200 --> 00:00:09.599 program do not necessarily reflect those of the network, Guys 3 00:00:09.599 --> 00:00:15.119 Guy Radio and its platforms. 4 00:00:15.800 --> 00:00:22.719 It's Guys Guy Radio. Here's your host, Robert Manny. 5 00:00:24.679 --> 00:00:27.920 Welcome to Guys Guys Radio. This is your host, Robert Manny, 6 00:00:28.039 --> 00:00:30.679 welcoming you to the place where men and women can 7 00:00:30.719 --> 00:00:34.119 be at their best and everyone wins. Guys Guys Radio. 8 00:00:34.560 --> 00:00:38.039 We're here to inform you, inspire you, empower you, and 9 00:00:38.119 --> 00:00:41.359 get you to think, feel, and who knows, maybe even 10 00:00:41.399 --> 00:00:45.520 act by virtue of the journeys, stories, experiences and insights 11 00:00:45.560 --> 00:00:47.679 of the guests I bring you each and every week 12 00:00:47.679 --> 00:00:50.359 to the show, and once again this week is no exception. 13 00:00:50.439 --> 00:00:52.399 Today we're going to talk about the new rules of 14 00:00:52.439 --> 00:00:56.439 attraction for those who are dating and over fifty years old. 15 00:00:57.200 --> 00:00:59.280 You know, if you're over fifty and single, you've probably 16 00:00:59.280 --> 00:01:03.679 heard plenty of advice. Download the apps, write a better profile, 17 00:01:03.960 --> 00:01:07.319 be authentic, don't settle all good advice. But today we're 18 00:01:07.400 --> 00:01:10.840 taking a different approach. Instead of focusing on how to date, 19 00:01:11.239 --> 00:01:15.040 we're going to talk about how dating itself is changing. 20 00:01:15.480 --> 00:01:19.120 What does attraction really look like today? Why are couples 21 00:01:19.200 --> 00:01:22.879 choosing to live apart while staying deeply committed, how do 22 00:01:22.920 --> 00:01:26.319 you balance independence with intimacy? And perhaps the biggest quest 23 00:01:26.359 --> 00:01:30.000 of all, what does a successful relationship look like at 24 00:01:30.040 --> 00:01:32.760 this stage of life when you're over fifty? Joining us 25 00:01:32.760 --> 00:01:34.400 once again is going to be one of my favorite 26 00:01:34.439 --> 00:01:37.640 return guests. Silka Schwartzkov, Founder and host of Second activ 27 00:01:37.760 --> 00:01:41.439 a media platform dedicated to helping people thrive in the 28 00:01:41.480 --> 00:01:44.359 second half of life. Silka has become a trusted voice 29 00:01:44.359 --> 00:01:49.239 on topics ranging from relationships and wellness to reinvention and longevity, 30 00:01:49.400 --> 00:01:53.280 and she always brings a fresh mix of wisdom, curiosity, 31 00:01:53.280 --> 00:01:55.719 and common sense to the conversation. Today, we're going to 32 00:01:55.840 --> 00:01:59.480 leave behind the tired dating cliches and explore what's really 33 00:01:59.480 --> 00:02:03.760 happening for mature singles in today's world. Whether you're actively dating, 34 00:02:03.920 --> 00:02:07.920 happily partnered, or simply curious about the evolving dating landscape 35 00:02:07.959 --> 00:02:12.639 and modern relationships, I think you'll find plenty of useful takeaways. 36 00:02:12.840 --> 00:02:15.280 So settle in because we're about to have a lively 37 00:02:15.360 --> 00:02:20.039 conversation about love, connection, and creating relationships that truly fit 38 00:02:20.560 --> 00:02:21.879 the life you've built. 39 00:02:22.479 --> 00:02:24.080 It's guys Guy Radio. 40 00:02:25.759 --> 00:02:27.479 Okay, guys, guys Radio. 41 00:02:27.560 --> 00:02:30.199 It is the interview portion of our show, and I 42 00:02:30.240 --> 00:02:33.520 am delighted to welcome back our friend Silka Schwartzkoff. 43 00:02:33.840 --> 00:02:36.639 She is the creator and host of the wildly. 44 00:02:36.280 --> 00:02:40.960 Successful Second Act TV YouTube program that is just a 45 00:02:41.039 --> 00:02:43.919 runaway sensation. And I'm fortunate enough to be a frequent 46 00:02:43.960 --> 00:02:46.000 guest on the show and because of that, I got 47 00:02:46.000 --> 00:02:48.800 my own Second Act merch Here, I've got my Second. 48 00:02:48.439 --> 00:02:49.879 Act TV mug. 49 00:02:50.159 --> 00:02:54.120 Yes, thank you, Robert. 50 00:02:54.159 --> 00:02:55.560 Welcome back to the show. Silka. 51 00:02:56.280 --> 00:02:59.280 Thank you. It's always fun talking with you, and I 52 00:02:59.719 --> 00:03:01.319 like on this side every now. 53 00:03:03.400 --> 00:03:07.000 Well, listen, you have spoken to and kind of picked 54 00:03:07.000 --> 00:03:09.879 the brains of so many dating experts male, female and 55 00:03:09.960 --> 00:03:12.319 other people, and kind of the over fifty wellness field, 56 00:03:12.360 --> 00:03:14.080 if you will. That I thought it would be great 57 00:03:14.080 --> 00:03:17.120 to bring you back and we get into dating after fifty, 58 00:03:17.159 --> 00:03:20.159 but a fresh angle, which is kind of since everything's changed. 59 00:03:20.199 --> 00:03:22.039 And I was talking to my wife yesterday, I said, 60 00:03:22.120 --> 00:03:23.840 you know, I'm going to be talking with Silk about 61 00:03:23.919 --> 00:03:24.919 dating over fifty. 62 00:03:24.960 --> 00:03:26.080 What's your take on that. 63 00:03:26.319 --> 00:03:29.599 My wife's over fifty now, and she said, you know what, 64 00:03:29.719 --> 00:03:32.159 I'm I can imagine it must be really tough now 65 00:03:32.360 --> 00:03:35.360 because I'm so out of that mind space, but with 66 00:03:36.000 --> 00:03:38.599 everything's so complicated now, so I thought we'd frame this. 67 00:03:38.639 --> 00:03:42.039 As the new rules for dating after fifty. 68 00:03:42.319 --> 00:03:44.680 So I think that's true. I think that's terrific. I 69 00:03:44.680 --> 00:03:50.759 think that you know, Uni is right. It does seem overwhelming, 70 00:03:50.840 --> 00:03:54.520 but it's more overwhelming the longer you've been away from it, 71 00:03:55.520 --> 00:03:59.000 and you know, if you're just starting, it gets easier 72 00:03:59.080 --> 00:04:03.240 and easier once you just understand the world, the new 73 00:04:03.400 --> 00:04:07.360 new dating world. So that's what the channel does. 74 00:04:07.680 --> 00:04:11.960 Okay, So let's well have this convo on this, and 75 00:04:12.080 --> 00:04:13.919 you tell me what you think and what some of 76 00:04:13.919 --> 00:04:16.759 the experts that you've interviewed have told you, and I'll 77 00:04:16.800 --> 00:04:19.560 share what I've heard from some of the experts that 78 00:04:19.600 --> 00:04:22.800 I've interviewed, and also my own practical experience as a 79 00:04:22.800 --> 00:04:25.279 guys guy on this whole thing, and from my experience 80 00:04:25.720 --> 00:04:28.160 and appearances on Second Act TV. 81 00:04:28.319 --> 00:04:29.480 So let's start right at the top. 82 00:04:30.079 --> 00:04:33.279 New rules of attraction for twenty twenty six, like what 83 00:04:33.560 --> 00:04:37.680 people over fifty are finding attractive today versus ten years ago, 84 00:04:37.720 --> 00:04:39.519 and we've both been doing this about that time. 85 00:04:39.839 --> 00:04:40.560 What do you think? 86 00:04:40.920 --> 00:04:43.040 What's your what comes to mind first when you hear 87 00:04:43.800 --> 00:04:47.199 how attraction has changed for people over fifty now versus 88 00:04:47.240 --> 00:04:47.959 ten years ago. 89 00:04:48.839 --> 00:04:52.560 Well, I think one thing we've learned is that chemistry 90 00:04:52.600 --> 00:04:55.199 isn't the most important thing. And while I say that, 91 00:04:56.160 --> 00:04:59.800 let me just really make that clear. Chemistry is extreme 92 00:05:00.240 --> 00:05:04.519 important that I mean, you have to have chemistry. However, 93 00:05:05.120 --> 00:05:08.560 chemistry isn't what keeps a relationship together. And I think 94 00:05:08.600 --> 00:05:11.959 after fifty, because we have had we're older, we're older, 95 00:05:11.959 --> 00:05:14.959 we have had more experience. We may not be wiser, 96 00:05:15.839 --> 00:05:18.759 but we've had a lot more experience, and we realize 97 00:05:18.800 --> 00:05:24.360 that relationships that start strong with chemistry can easily end 98 00:05:24.439 --> 00:05:27.040 in divorce and have So I think that would were 99 00:05:27.040 --> 00:05:30.839 becoming more conscious of that. And we discussed that, you 100 00:05:30.839 --> 00:05:34.519 know on the show a lot too. And I think 101 00:05:35.160 --> 00:05:39.839 another overarching topic would be chemistry or just the whole 102 00:05:39.879 --> 00:05:44.759 attraction to excitement, you know, is we've learned that excitement 103 00:05:45.160 --> 00:05:49.639 is not always the guiding principle of a relationship, that 104 00:05:49.680 --> 00:05:53.120 we really appreciate peace and believe it or not. A 105 00:05:53.160 --> 00:05:56.319 lot of men express that. So I think those are 106 00:05:56.360 --> 00:06:00.000 maybe some of the bigger, the bigger areas fascinating. 107 00:06:00.000 --> 00:06:00.959 Well, let's follow up on that. 108 00:06:01.040 --> 00:06:06.480 So you think emotional maturity has become the new chemistry. 109 00:06:06.800 --> 00:06:09.199 No, I won't say it's a new one. I think 110 00:06:09.240 --> 00:06:13.240 that we I think chemistry. And the reason I say this, Robert, 111 00:06:13.319 --> 00:06:18.600 is because we are still you know, the visual is 112 00:06:18.639 --> 00:06:22.199 the first impression, especially especially for men. Women are a 113 00:06:22.240 --> 00:06:25.319 little bit more open to understanding that that isn't everything. 114 00:06:25.720 --> 00:06:29.000 So I don't want to just underline, you know, emotional 115 00:06:29.000 --> 00:06:32.759 maturity is the new chemistry. I want to clearly differentiate 116 00:06:33.399 --> 00:06:37.040 that that's what keeps a relationship together. And if we 117 00:06:37.519 --> 00:06:40.959 understood that from the start, we may give somebody who 118 00:06:41.920 --> 00:06:43.920 who are not like you know, we don't have the 119 00:06:43.959 --> 00:06:46.560 butterflies going, we might give them more of a chance 120 00:06:46.600 --> 00:06:50.680 because we realize that's how real, lasting chemistry develops. 121 00:06:50.720 --> 00:06:53.079 If that makes sense, it makes perfect sense, you know 122 00:06:53.120 --> 00:06:55.480 what I think Back in high school and college and 123 00:06:55.519 --> 00:06:58.439 when we're dating and stuff, and even after that, when 124 00:06:58.480 --> 00:07:01.680 I was in New York City and marketing and advertising business, 125 00:07:02.759 --> 00:07:07.480 I never thought that status was the ultimate decider in 126 00:07:07.560 --> 00:07:12.439 terms of dating. But now it seems like there's a 127 00:07:12.480 --> 00:07:15.480 whole eighty twenty thing where you know, eighty percent of 128 00:07:15.519 --> 00:07:17.240 the women are after twenty percent of the guys who 129 00:07:17.279 --> 00:07:21.279 were super successful. It seems from a distance that seems 130 00:07:21.279 --> 00:07:23.480 to be the case now more than ever. It didn't 131 00:07:23.519 --> 00:07:26.399 seem to be as important. Status didn't seem to be 132 00:07:26.480 --> 00:07:30.399 quite the differentiator or driver then than it is now. 133 00:07:30.439 --> 00:07:32.800 It's like, it's not about having a dream, it's having 134 00:07:32.800 --> 00:07:37.120 your dream fulfilled. Do you think that nowadays and for 135 00:07:37.199 --> 00:07:41.240 people over fifty, that confidence is a form of status 136 00:07:41.279 --> 00:07:43.920 now or is it still all about money and power 137 00:07:43.959 --> 00:07:44.519 and position. 138 00:07:46.160 --> 00:07:48.160 Okay, so, first of all, I would agree with you 139 00:07:48.199 --> 00:07:51.600 that even when I was younger that yes, it's part 140 00:07:51.639 --> 00:07:53.360 of it. I mean, you don't want a day to 141 00:07:53.480 --> 00:07:56.480 lose or man or woman or whatever that meant at 142 00:07:56.519 --> 00:08:02.160 the time. But I think it's largely superficial. It really 143 00:08:02.240 --> 00:08:08.639 is largely superficial unless it somehow displays confirms whatever you know, 144 00:08:08.759 --> 00:08:11.560 that you've accomplished something in life. I think that's more. 145 00:08:11.879 --> 00:08:16.160 Maybe that's where the difference is between younger and now older. 146 00:08:16.439 --> 00:08:20.879 That if the the the cars, the whatever, you know, 147 00:08:20.959 --> 00:08:26.240 the vacations, the houses, it means that you have accomplished something. 148 00:08:26.319 --> 00:08:30.279 You're not guessing that you know whether or not you can. 149 00:08:30.879 --> 00:08:33.399 Does that make sense how? 150 00:08:34.240 --> 00:08:34.480 I mean? 151 00:08:34.519 --> 00:08:37.879 The accomplishment is one thing, but having those toys if 152 00:08:37.919 --> 00:08:40.440 you will, whether it's the home or the car or 153 00:08:40.480 --> 00:08:45.440 the ability to travel, are they after fifty? Now, do 154 00:08:45.480 --> 00:08:49.159 you think those are more important than kindness and compatibility? 155 00:08:50.080 --> 00:08:54.360 Absolutely not? No, No, I mean I can say that 156 00:08:54.919 --> 00:08:59.200 absolutely not, because we also realize that doesn't make a relationship, 157 00:08:59.679 --> 00:09:04.440 you know, it doesn't. The toys mean nothing to a relationship. 158 00:09:04.919 --> 00:09:07.360 U let's say the other kind of toys, but not 159 00:09:07.480 --> 00:09:10.080 the car, nothing like. 160 00:09:13.879 --> 00:09:17.000 How about authenticity then? Do you think then in the 161 00:09:17.039 --> 00:09:23.360 same kind of area we're talking about, has authenticity replaced perfection? 162 00:09:23.559 --> 00:09:23.720 Then? 163 00:09:23.960 --> 00:09:27.440 So it's not all about your achievements and your position 164 00:09:27.559 --> 00:09:31.200 and your wallet, but being real. You think that's something 165 00:09:31.240 --> 00:09:34.240 that people that you've talked to for the over fifty 166 00:09:34.240 --> 00:09:36.720 crowd find really attractive nowadays. 167 00:09:37.399 --> 00:09:40.360 You know what I find super interesting one about the question, 168 00:09:40.480 --> 00:09:43.559 and two about what I'm starting to read and hear 169 00:09:44.320 --> 00:09:47.960 is that, you know, the vulnerability is now a big buzzword. 170 00:09:48.000 --> 00:09:52.000 You know, everybody more vulnerable meaning authentic, show the real you. 171 00:09:53.759 --> 00:09:59.080 And what happens sometimes is that being more authentic almost 172 00:09:59.200 --> 00:10:03.000 becomes a show of its own because it's been so 173 00:10:03.240 --> 00:10:07.440 pushed in our faces. So it's really super important that 174 00:10:07.519 --> 00:10:11.919 you actually are authentic and not falling into another trap 175 00:10:12.000 --> 00:10:15.000 of pretending you are. Does that make sense? I mean 176 00:10:15.039 --> 00:10:18.039 I thought that was so interesting when somebody pointed that 177 00:10:18.120 --> 00:10:21.240 out to me. I mean, that makes total sense to me. 178 00:10:21.919 --> 00:10:22.120 Yeah. 179 00:10:22.320 --> 00:10:26.000 I think authenticity is super important, and I think nowadays 180 00:10:26.039 --> 00:10:30.720 people are still over fifty two concerned about what other 181 00:10:30.799 --> 00:10:33.519 people think of them instead of just being themselves. They're 182 00:10:33.519 --> 00:10:36.320 always filtering in how do I answer this? And I 183 00:10:36.320 --> 00:10:39.120 guess when you're meeting for somebody, a potential partner for 184 00:10:39.159 --> 00:10:40.879 the first time, you want to you want to say 185 00:10:40.879 --> 00:10:43.080 the right thing, and you don't want to get that X. 186 00:10:43.279 --> 00:10:44.039 You know, you don't want to. 187 00:10:44.000 --> 00:10:46.159 Get the X mark right off the bat, so you're 188 00:10:46.200 --> 00:10:49.080 going to be careful about that. But to me, ultimately, 189 00:10:49.279 --> 00:10:52.759 it's all about authenticity. It's all about being who you 190 00:10:52.799 --> 00:10:55.879 are and not trying to be somebody you're not, particularly 191 00:10:55.919 --> 00:10:59.159 for folks over fifty, because who has time to play, 192 00:10:59.360 --> 00:11:01.840 you know, Chara at that point. I can see maybe 193 00:11:01.840 --> 00:11:03.600 when you're younger a little bit you want to you 194 00:11:03.639 --> 00:11:06.279 want to play the game a little bit differently, But 195 00:11:06.399 --> 00:11:08.639 I think for folks over fifty, you want to. 196 00:11:08.879 --> 00:11:09.960 You don't want to waste time. 197 00:11:10.120 --> 00:11:12.440 There is a clock, it's not ticking that loudly for 198 00:11:12.559 --> 00:11:15.840 some people, but it's it's ticking and you don't want 199 00:11:15.840 --> 00:11:18.440 to waste your time. So I think authenticity like, you 200 00:11:18.440 --> 00:11:20.919 want to get to who this person really is and 201 00:11:21.519 --> 00:11:24.159 ultimately how do you feel when you are around them? 202 00:11:24.240 --> 00:11:26.480 And you can't get to how do you feel when 203 00:11:26.519 --> 00:11:29.399 you're around them unless you know who they are? 204 00:11:30.039 --> 00:11:32.840 So one hundred percent agree with you. That's why I 205 00:11:32.840 --> 00:11:35.519 thought this one thought leader that brought us up was 206 00:11:35.519 --> 00:11:38.480 so interesting because we do realize how important it is 207 00:11:38.559 --> 00:11:40.559 and now we have to really pay attention to showing 208 00:11:40.600 --> 00:11:43.200 who we are. This is who we are, we're not 209 00:11:43.720 --> 00:11:47.679 and God that this is. I know it almost sounds juvenile, 210 00:11:47.679 --> 00:11:50.600 but even at this age, and again when you're starting 211 00:11:50.639 --> 00:11:53.559 over it's been a long time, you do think about, 212 00:11:53.799 --> 00:11:56.679 you know, how what does he or she want? You know? 213 00:11:56.720 --> 00:12:00.080 How should I blah blah. You can't help but think that. 214 00:12:00.919 --> 00:12:04.559 And that's when it's more important than ever to show 215 00:12:05.120 --> 00:12:11.039 who you are and balance that with not over sharing 216 00:12:11.320 --> 00:12:14.440 or showing who you are maybe too soon or certain areas, 217 00:12:14.519 --> 00:12:16.320 and that becomes a whole other conversation. 218 00:12:16.759 --> 00:12:20.200 Okay, my special guest on Guys Guys Radio is the 219 00:12:20.240 --> 00:12:22.799 one and only Silka Sports Cup of the runaway hit 220 00:12:23.120 --> 00:12:26.320 Second ACTV all over YouTube. Make sure you subscribe and 221 00:12:26.360 --> 00:12:28.879 make sure you catch me as a frequent guest on 222 00:12:29.320 --> 00:12:31.639 Silka's show and get your merch too. Here we go, 223 00:12:31.960 --> 00:12:35.399 So let's move to another topic, which because you explore 224 00:12:35.440 --> 00:12:38.279 a lot of real niche topics on Second Act TV 225 00:12:38.559 --> 00:12:41.000 in terms of relationships, that a lot of times with 226 00:12:41.080 --> 00:12:43.559 the women guests, and it's really fascinating for me as 227 00:12:43.559 --> 00:12:46.080 a guy to see them. Like, there's these new concepts 228 00:12:46.159 --> 00:12:50.799 like lat living apart together the relationship trend nobody saw 229 00:12:50.919 --> 00:12:55.320 coming couples committed to one another while maintaining separate homes 230 00:12:55.519 --> 00:12:58.600 or separate bedrooms, or separate beds or a lot of separation. 231 00:12:58.799 --> 00:13:01.159 Talk to us about that and why become so important, 232 00:13:01.320 --> 00:13:03.000 particularly for folks over fifty. 233 00:13:04.039 --> 00:13:07.679 Well, because we both have lives. You know, chances are 234 00:13:07.840 --> 00:13:10.840 that that when you meet after fifty, you both have 235 00:13:11.480 --> 00:13:15.519 a very established existence already. You know, you either have 236 00:13:15.600 --> 00:13:19.559 a house, you have children, you have maybe you're still working, 237 00:13:19.600 --> 00:13:24.000 maybe you're not, but you're you're likely entrenched somewhere that 238 00:13:24.080 --> 00:13:26.360 you don't really want to leave. You know, the best 239 00:13:26.399 --> 00:13:28.759 example of that was the Golden bachelor thing. I mean, 240 00:13:28.840 --> 00:13:32.559 I won't get off on it on that tangent, but 241 00:13:32.639 --> 00:13:36.240 that was the perfect demonstration that you really have to 242 00:13:36.240 --> 00:13:39.679 think about, Okay, if we if we're going to couple up, 243 00:13:39.879 --> 00:13:43.159 what does that mean to our daily to our daily living. 244 00:13:43.639 --> 00:13:46.200 And a lot of us have figured out that it's 245 00:13:46.320 --> 00:13:50.399 okay to have a committed long term relationship and not 246 00:13:50.559 --> 00:13:54.840 give up what you what you've already established, but you 247 00:13:54.840 --> 00:13:58.519 go back and forth whatever that means. And that might 248 00:13:58.600 --> 00:14:01.159 sound weird, but I have Paul and I actually did 249 00:14:01.159 --> 00:14:03.440 that for like ten years. You know. It wasn't like 250 00:14:03.480 --> 00:14:06.879 a conscious decision, it was it just happened that way. 251 00:14:06.919 --> 00:14:10.399 We met, we lived an hour apart, and it just 252 00:14:10.440 --> 00:14:12.840 went on for ten years like that. And I think 253 00:14:12.879 --> 00:14:15.679 that that is what kept us together actually quite frankly, 254 00:14:16.039 --> 00:14:18.519 you know, we're fifteen years now, we've been living together. 255 00:14:19.200 --> 00:14:22.360 But it is a different adjustment. There is a lot 256 00:14:23.000 --> 00:14:26.039 that you know, there's a lot of compromise, and you 257 00:14:26.080 --> 00:14:29.320 don't necessarily have to do that from the start when 258 00:14:29.360 --> 00:14:32.480 there might be so many things that you compromise about. 259 00:14:32.559 --> 00:14:37.720 So yeah, LAT has become LAT has become almost not 260 00:14:37.879 --> 00:14:42.679 common terminology perhaps, but yeah, something that is very beneficial, 261 00:14:42.799 --> 00:14:46.679 especially to the older people like USh Soka. 262 00:14:46.720 --> 00:14:48.879 Do you find that this is happening with couples that 263 00:14:48.919 --> 00:14:51.879 are already together and even married couples that they're finding 264 00:14:52.440 --> 00:14:56.679 they're using lat to make to strengthen the relationship by 265 00:14:57.080 --> 00:15:01.279 creating a space for more personal freedom, just realizing that, hey, 266 00:15:01.320 --> 00:15:03.399 we're mature, we're together, but we don't have to be 267 00:15:03.440 --> 00:15:06.919 physically together all the time. I mean, I'm personally old school. 268 00:15:06.960 --> 00:15:09.600 I didn't get married until I was in my early fifties. 269 00:15:09.600 --> 00:15:11.080 But then when I got married, I want to sleep 270 00:15:11.080 --> 00:15:13.080 in the same bed as my wife. I don't get 271 00:15:13.120 --> 00:15:15.080 a king bed. Then you don't have to be hear 272 00:15:15.120 --> 00:15:17.639 me all the time. But I know a lot of 273 00:15:17.639 --> 00:15:20.440 people they have separate bedrooms, separate beds and all that stuff. 274 00:15:20.759 --> 00:15:23.200 And then you know, the more you separate, it becomes 275 00:15:23.279 --> 00:15:26.600 your you know, there's a lot of separation, and maybe 276 00:15:26.639 --> 00:15:30.159 the separation over arches the togetherness. 277 00:15:30.759 --> 00:15:32.120 So it's a slippery slope there. 278 00:15:32.360 --> 00:15:36.279 Yeah, it is a slippery slope. And here's where yes, 279 00:15:36.639 --> 00:15:41.159 there's a big distinction in my opinion going into it, 280 00:15:41.279 --> 00:15:43.159 Like like Paul and I did you know we met 281 00:15:43.360 --> 00:15:46.159 and you know, we started spending more time together, but 282 00:15:46.240 --> 00:15:49.279 it was commuting to each other's places and then you know, 283 00:15:49.600 --> 00:15:53.080 I mean, it's going that way if you're married or 284 00:15:53.120 --> 00:15:58.919 you're already established a relationship together. I think, and I've 285 00:15:58.919 --> 00:16:02.600 heard this, this comes up a lot in lap discussions. 286 00:16:03.600 --> 00:16:06.000 That's a tough one to manage because there is something 287 00:16:06.000 --> 00:16:09.159 wrong at that point. In my opinion, you are dealing 288 00:16:09.240 --> 00:16:13.759 with rescuing perhaps a relationship instead of just saying, you 289 00:16:13.799 --> 00:16:17.399 know what, we're just sick of each other. Right, And 290 00:16:18.200 --> 00:16:21.799 maybe it can, but I think one person's going to 291 00:16:21.840 --> 00:16:24.279 want it more than the other, and I think that 292 00:16:24.480 --> 00:16:29.080 is indicative of you know something more. You're dealing with 293 00:16:29.440 --> 00:16:33.200 something that's wrong, not creating something that's right for both 294 00:16:33.240 --> 00:16:33.480 of you. 295 00:16:33.679 --> 00:16:36.159 In my opinion, how about this whole notion. 296 00:16:36.279 --> 00:16:38.399 And I don't know if it's an over fifty crowd thing, 297 00:16:38.440 --> 00:16:41.519 but this whole lot you get this whole pass. I mean, 298 00:16:41.639 --> 00:16:43.960 I think it's a younger thing where yeah, you can 299 00:16:44.000 --> 00:16:47.080 go if you meet somebody very special, you can you 300 00:16:47.120 --> 00:16:49.879 can have a sexual relationship with them. Maybe it's just 301 00:16:49.879 --> 00:16:52.960 a one time or thing, but that's okay. But I 302 00:16:53.000 --> 00:16:54.960 don't know, I don't think that's going to help. I 303 00:16:54.960 --> 00:16:57.159 don't see how that helps a relationship if I know, 304 00:16:57.519 --> 00:17:00.919 like my wife's out there getting it from somebody else, like, yeah, 305 00:17:00.919 --> 00:17:02.720 I feel so much better about our relationship. 306 00:17:02.799 --> 00:17:04.720 Now I don't. I don't see. 307 00:17:06.400 --> 00:17:09.440 No that. I think that's that's BS all the way around, 308 00:17:09.519 --> 00:17:12.319 including for the younger crowd. Now I get it. There's 309 00:17:12.440 --> 00:17:15.720 you know, people have, there's all kinds of alternative relationships, 310 00:17:16.000 --> 00:17:18.640 and it works for some people. Absolutely. You know, I'm 311 00:17:18.640 --> 00:17:21.480 not speaking for everybody here by by any means, but 312 00:17:21.559 --> 00:17:27.160 I do believe I'm speaking for the majority because it's 313 00:17:27.200 --> 00:17:29.559 just it's just you know, if you're together, if you're 314 00:17:29.559 --> 00:17:31.279 supposed to be together, you love each other, you're in 315 00:17:31.279 --> 00:17:36.480 a committed relationship. That sort of play it just causes 316 00:17:36.599 --> 00:17:39.119 concern and cause, I mean it does no, it doesn't. 317 00:17:39.200 --> 00:17:41.759 It does not help, and it is in my opinion, 318 00:17:41.880 --> 00:17:46.400 it's it's total BS. Now I have to say something else. 319 00:17:46.440 --> 00:17:47.759 I don't know if you want to go there or not. 320 00:17:48.000 --> 00:17:50.599 It's actually a segment that I'm thinking about doing. I 321 00:17:50.599 --> 00:17:54.759 think it's important that will be very controversial. Is if 322 00:17:54.839 --> 00:17:59.400 you are if your husband, your spouse, your significant other 323 00:18:00.200 --> 00:18:04.599 is becoming it like impaired, like with Alzheimer's, or you know, 324 00:18:04.759 --> 00:18:07.799 to where the mind just isn't there and you're married, 325 00:18:08.319 --> 00:18:12.920 is it okay too, you know, to establish a new 326 00:18:12.960 --> 00:18:16.400 relationship just to save your own sanity. And there's there's 327 00:18:16.440 --> 00:18:20.839 a lot of discussion about that that is super super interesting, 328 00:18:21.359 --> 00:18:23.480 and I think I want to explore that at some point. 329 00:18:23.519 --> 00:18:25.920 So that's where. But that's typically you know, for this 330 00:18:26.000 --> 00:18:29.519 is really an older person's discussion, and that doesn't apply 331 00:18:29.640 --> 00:18:30.400 to the undercrowd. 332 00:18:30.720 --> 00:18:33.359 It could it could be you know, flipped around also 333 00:18:33.519 --> 00:18:36.480 like oh my my wife became paralyzed or something. Can 334 00:18:36.519 --> 00:18:38.440 I go have sex with somebody else and I'll still 335 00:18:38.440 --> 00:18:39.119 take care of her? 336 00:18:39.240 --> 00:18:40.759 Right? So it can work both ways. 337 00:18:41.319 --> 00:18:44.839 Oh no, it can absolutely work male and female and 338 00:18:44.880 --> 00:18:47.759 with with the paralyzing. And that's I know, this is 339 00:18:47.759 --> 00:18:51.640 why work gets so controversial because to me, it's if 340 00:18:51.720 --> 00:18:53.920 the mind isn't there, then you're you don't have that 341 00:18:54.000 --> 00:18:57.839 person anymore, you know, physical physical disability where you know, 342 00:18:57.839 --> 00:19:02.480 we're getting off on another subject, but but it's interesting, 343 00:19:02.839 --> 00:19:04.240 it's super super interesting. 344 00:19:04.799 --> 00:19:08.240 Okay, let's switch gears again and go to like guys 345 00:19:08.240 --> 00:19:11.119 guys radio, Let's talk about the new masculinity meets the 346 00:19:11.160 --> 00:19:15.240 new feminine, how men and women over fifty are redefining relationships. 347 00:19:15.319 --> 00:19:18.400 So why do you think why are many traditional dating 348 00:19:18.519 --> 00:19:21.839 expectations they don't fit anymore when you're over fifty. And 349 00:19:21.920 --> 00:19:26.599 what modern women really appreciate about guys now versus in 350 00:19:26.640 --> 00:19:29.640 the past where there was certain expectations. You know how 351 00:19:29.680 --> 00:19:33.200 our culture gives us narratives, and over time those narratives change. 352 00:19:33.240 --> 00:19:35.640 What's your sense from what you hear in terms of 353 00:19:36.440 --> 00:19:41.599 is there a new masculinity with women being self sufficient? 354 00:19:41.759 --> 00:19:44.680 Now they can take care, they can sustain, they can 355 00:19:44.720 --> 00:19:47.200 take care of themselves, they don't necessarily have to rely 356 00:19:47.839 --> 00:19:51.319 on the guy. There's so many more women in management positions. 357 00:19:51.359 --> 00:19:54.160 I mean, women are getting long overdue recognition, but it's 358 00:19:54.200 --> 00:19:56.160 just starting. It's going to be more and more. And 359 00:19:56.200 --> 00:19:58.279 guys are going to school. The younger guys are going 360 00:19:58.319 --> 00:20:00.759 to school college in all less than than the women. 361 00:20:01.119 --> 00:20:03.759 How does that affect the over fifty crowd or they 362 00:20:04.000 --> 00:20:08.200 are the male and female roles being redefined the same 363 00:20:08.200 --> 00:20:10.880 way they kind of are for the younger crowd. 364 00:20:11.279 --> 00:20:14.680 Yeah, yes, yes and no. Here here's what I find 365 00:20:14.759 --> 00:20:18.720 interesting in what I've gathered from conversations not just with 366 00:20:18.880 --> 00:20:22.000 people our age, but yes, the experts on the show, 367 00:20:22.119 --> 00:20:26.480 one of which being John Gray, who is highly has 368 00:20:26.519 --> 00:20:29.039 become highly controversial because you know, men of from what 369 00:20:29.279 --> 00:20:32.960 women are from venus. The fact is that, yes, women 370 00:20:33.039 --> 00:20:35.880 have needed the or have earned as you say, the 371 00:20:36.319 --> 00:20:39.599 recognitions was a long time in coming. Yes. What it's 372 00:20:39.640 --> 00:20:45.240 also done is really put stress on relationships and you know, 373 00:20:45.319 --> 00:20:49.839 with what maturity you bring to the relationship. Like from 374 00:20:49.839 --> 00:20:52.400 my personal opinion, of course, men and women are different. 375 00:20:52.759 --> 00:20:55.480 We're feminine, you know, we have a vagina and men 376 00:20:55.519 --> 00:20:59.720 are masculine, they have a I mean, we're different, and 377 00:21:00.039 --> 00:21:04.559 the hormones associated with that affect each other differently. One 378 00:21:04.599 --> 00:21:08.039 isn't better than the other, but there are certain roles 379 00:21:08.519 --> 00:21:11.599 that still compliment each other in the you know, in 380 00:21:11.640 --> 00:21:15.559 a heterosexual relationship. And that's I think where the where 381 00:21:15.599 --> 00:21:19.359 the issue start is how what kind of maturity do 382 00:21:19.400 --> 00:21:21.279 you bring you know to that is it oh, no 383 00:21:21.359 --> 00:21:23.279 women or not? How can you say that you know, 384 00:21:23.319 --> 00:21:26.359 women are different men blah blah blah. See that's that's 385 00:21:26.480 --> 00:21:30.200 the power play. It's acknowledging really what we bring to 386 00:21:30.279 --> 00:21:34.799 each other. And having said that, I think women though, 387 00:21:34.799 --> 00:21:37.960 what I found like women like myself and a lot 388 00:21:38.000 --> 00:21:42.480 of my colleagues and peers. We want a confident man. 389 00:21:43.440 --> 00:21:46.599 We want a man who is you know, who's in charge. 390 00:21:46.960 --> 00:21:49.279 I mean that that's part of being a woman. That 391 00:21:49.319 --> 00:21:54.119 doesn't mean it's overpowering or controlling, but but yeah, we 392 00:21:54.200 --> 00:21:57.039 want a strong man, most of us. Again, I'm not 393 00:21:57.079 --> 00:21:58.039 talking for everybody. 394 00:21:58.200 --> 00:22:01.680 So when you say that, you mean confident, not arrogant, 395 00:22:01.720 --> 00:22:06.279 and that large meaning capable, not really like domineering, right, 396 00:22:07.960 --> 00:22:11.039 exactly exactly what you don't want somebody like making all 397 00:22:11.039 --> 00:22:13.240 the decisions for you, but you want to know that, hey, 398 00:22:13.240 --> 00:22:15.880 I can rely this guy can take care of this stuff. 399 00:22:16.160 --> 00:22:16.319 Right. 400 00:22:17.200 --> 00:22:18.440 There's a fine line there. 401 00:22:18.319 --> 00:22:21.240