WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.160 --> 00:00:08.759 This is Pod Popular podcast for the people, the. 2 00:00:08.759 --> 00:00:12.960 Great Love Debate. It's the Great Love Debate. 3 00:00:13.640 --> 00:00:18.160 The Great Love Debate, It's a great love to be Hi. 4 00:00:18.239 --> 00:00:22.199 Get everyone, It's Brian Howie. Welcome to The Great Love Debate, 5 00:00:22.199 --> 00:00:26.039 the world's number one dating and relationship podcast since twenty fifteen. 6 00:00:26.480 --> 00:00:30.640 I am here outside the studios of Pod Popular. I 7 00:00:30.719 --> 00:00:32.479 am in the one in Boga Raton, Florida. And because 8 00:00:32.560 --> 00:00:35.399 this time of year is so nice in Boca Raton, Florida, 9 00:00:35.840 --> 00:00:38.960 I wanted to sit outside and have a conversation on 10 00:00:39.039 --> 00:00:41.640 a nice sunny day, which gives you a relaxed feel, 11 00:00:41.679 --> 00:00:44.119 because we're gonna get into some things that may or 12 00:00:44.159 --> 00:00:46.960 may not be so relaxing. And when I asked my 13 00:00:47.039 --> 00:00:49.399 guest to be on my podcast, she kind of wanted 14 00:00:49.399 --> 00:00:51.399 to know what we were talking about. And I made 15 00:00:51.399 --> 00:00:53.359 the comment like I make with all my guests, like 16 00:00:53.439 --> 00:00:55.200 if we were going to brunch your dinner, you wouldn't 17 00:00:55.240 --> 00:00:57.079 say what are we going to talk about? Or maybe 18 00:00:57.079 --> 00:00:59.600 you would. I don't know what we were going to 19 00:00:59.600 --> 00:01:01.960 get into. Is a is a subject matter that we 20 00:01:02.000 --> 00:01:04.840 have touched on on this podcast before. It is about 21 00:01:04.879 --> 00:01:08.760 a very specific time in someone's life when they have 22 00:01:08.799 --> 00:01:10.879 to date. So if you're not quite to that time, 23 00:01:11.560 --> 00:01:13.879 this is sort of the ghost of dating future. And 24 00:01:13.920 --> 00:01:15.680 if you're past that time, you're gonna be like, oh, yeah, 25 00:01:15.680 --> 00:01:17.400 that was rough for me. And if you're in that time, 26 00:01:17.760 --> 00:01:20.799 you might want to take some notes on this. It 27 00:01:20.879 --> 00:01:23.319 is about what it is like, particularly as a woman 28 00:01:23.719 --> 00:01:26.680 to date in your fifties. So I am not an 29 00:01:26.719 --> 00:01:28.920 expert on dating as a woman in your fifties, but 30 00:01:28.959 --> 00:01:31.319 I brought in somebody who knows a lot more about 31 00:01:31.319 --> 00:01:33.359 this than just about anybody I know. She is the 32 00:01:33.400 --> 00:01:39.439 host of the very very popular fifties af podcast, The 33 00:01:39.560 --> 00:01:41.159 Lovely Nicole Channis. How are you? 34 00:01:41.680 --> 00:01:43.439 I'm great, Thank you for having me. 35 00:01:43.680 --> 00:01:45.319 So you heard me kind of bring that up. I 36 00:01:45.359 --> 00:01:49.799 think that, for a variety of reasons, dating in your 37 00:01:49.840 --> 00:01:55.319 fifties is the toughest. So let me go big picture first. 38 00:01:55.599 --> 00:01:57.439 Assuming you're in your fifties. 39 00:01:57.000 --> 00:01:58.560 Fifty five and damn proud of it. 40 00:01:58.879 --> 00:02:00.359 So if you dated in your tea means, and you 41 00:02:00.400 --> 00:02:02.239 dad in your twenties and January thirties to date forties, 42 00:02:02.280 --> 00:02:04.359 you you are at least stuck your toe in the 43 00:02:04.359 --> 00:02:08.719 waters of five different decades of dating all have their 44 00:02:08.759 --> 00:02:11.719 own feel forties not forties. All have their own feel 45 00:02:11.840 --> 00:02:14.840 all have their own challenges, all have their own pluses, 46 00:02:14.879 --> 00:02:18.159 All have their own sort of body of information. Now, 47 00:02:19.879 --> 00:02:24.000 with wisdom, we should improve just about in any aspect 48 00:02:24.000 --> 00:02:26.680 of life. I'm not sure that dating necessarily gets better 49 00:02:26.719 --> 00:02:30.520 when we get to certain in terms of our skill set, 50 00:02:30.520 --> 00:02:32.879 in terms of how good we are at it. How 51 00:02:32.919 --> 00:02:34.199 do you look at if you just had to sum 52 00:02:34.319 --> 00:02:37.360 up dating in your fifties in one sentence, how would 53 00:02:37.400 --> 00:02:38.159 you describe that? 54 00:02:38.639 --> 00:02:41.400 Well, everybody's journey is different, Bryan, to be honest with you, 55 00:02:41.840 --> 00:02:43.879 so I'm kind of digging it. 56 00:02:45.319 --> 00:02:47.280 Well, if you're digging it, you're going to do well. 57 00:02:47.280 --> 00:02:47.960 That is a good thing. 58 00:02:48.319 --> 00:02:49.000 No, I'm digging it. 59 00:02:49.039 --> 00:02:50.960 But when I say that, I had to have a 60 00:02:51.080 --> 00:02:54.479 journey before I was digging it, And you know, part 61 00:02:54.479 --> 00:02:57.240 of that starts out. Look, Look, if you're single in 62 00:02:57.280 --> 00:02:59.840 your fifties, it's either your widow or your. 63 00:02:59.719 --> 00:03:03.400 Divorce worst right, or you never married or you never married. 64 00:03:03.560 --> 00:03:05.919 Okay, all have their own stories. 65 00:03:05.479 --> 00:03:11.400 Absolutely, which comes baggage and also a ton of information knowledge. 66 00:03:12.000 --> 00:03:14.280 But you kind of you have to be able to 67 00:03:14.319 --> 00:03:15.879 evolve continuously. 68 00:03:16.560 --> 00:03:18.560 And so I had to go on my own journey 69 00:03:18.599 --> 00:03:21.400 to become my own strong individual before I was going 70 00:03:21.439 --> 00:03:23.719 to be out in a dating world and like be 71 00:03:24.759 --> 00:03:27.199 at all successful. If I want to use that word, 72 00:03:28.120 --> 00:03:29.599 you know it doesn't happen overnight. 73 00:03:29.960 --> 00:03:32.360 You have to define what success means. Success dating in 74 00:03:32.400 --> 00:03:35.000 your twenties means a little bit different in your thirty fourth. 75 00:03:35.199 --> 00:03:38.680 Everything is about where I think there are three unique 76 00:03:38.800 --> 00:03:42.120 challenges for a woman when you are dating in your fifties, 77 00:03:42.159 --> 00:03:44.280 and some of the best women I know are in 78 00:03:44.319 --> 00:03:47.400 their fifties. Women in their fifties look better than they 79 00:03:47.400 --> 00:03:50.479 have ever looked in the history of mankind. They look great. 80 00:03:51.080 --> 00:03:53.400 The three unique challenges, and you can either agree with them, 81 00:03:53.439 --> 00:03:56.240 disagree with them, or whatever it is. From my perspective 82 00:03:56.240 --> 00:03:58.039 of talking to a lot of women in their fifties, 83 00:03:59.520 --> 00:04:02.599 if you want how to date somebody your age, those 84 00:04:02.639 --> 00:04:05.840 guys still have a large pool of thirties and forties 85 00:04:07.000 --> 00:04:09.560 to chase around if they want to. If you want 86 00:04:09.599 --> 00:04:12.280 to date older than your age, the women in their 87 00:04:12.280 --> 00:04:16.240 fifties have way more energy than the men in their sixties. 88 00:04:16.879 --> 00:04:19.720 The men in their sixties and seventies tend to poop out. 89 00:04:20.360 --> 00:04:22.680 The third, and I think the biggest challenges for the 90 00:04:22.720 --> 00:04:25.920 women in their fifties is there is no group of 91 00:04:26.000 --> 00:04:30.279 women or men that is more set in their ways 92 00:04:30.839 --> 00:04:32.920 than women in their fifties. I know what I like, 93 00:04:33.000 --> 00:04:34.600 I know what I want, I know what I deserve. 94 00:04:34.680 --> 00:04:40.000 I don't need a man. That mindset at any age 95 00:04:40.040 --> 00:04:43.839 is going to make it a challenge that is uniquely ingrained. 96 00:04:43.959 --> 00:04:46.040 It's easier to change a man who's fifty eight than 97 00:04:46.079 --> 00:04:48.839 it is to change a woman who's fifty eight. Yeah, 98 00:04:48.920 --> 00:04:51.639 she's a lot more like. I know what I deserve, 99 00:04:51.800 --> 00:04:54.399 which is good. I know what I want, I know 100 00:04:54.480 --> 00:04:57.240 what I don't want to and there's these very hard 101 00:04:57.279 --> 00:05:03.120 and fast rules lists things that make the possibilities I 102 00:05:03.120 --> 00:05:04.199 think a bit narrowed. 103 00:05:04.800 --> 00:05:07.879 Okay, I mean, you know I talk about this obviously. 104 00:05:07.920 --> 00:05:09.959 This is what my podcast is is about the shit 105 00:05:10.040 --> 00:05:14.680 show dating in your fifties. And I think women today 106 00:05:15.199 --> 00:05:18.040 in their fifties is way different than ten twenty years 107 00:05:18.040 --> 00:05:21.399 ago if you were single. And I think women in 108 00:05:21.399 --> 00:05:25.680 their fifties struggle with dating for various. 109 00:05:25.560 --> 00:05:27.800 Reasons, hormonal reasons. 110 00:05:28.079 --> 00:05:31.600 Our body has changed, which makes our you know, we 111 00:05:31.639 --> 00:05:35.199 don't feel confident sometimes, and you're dealing with a lot 112 00:05:35.199 --> 00:05:37.279 of times when you're dating in your fifties. 113 00:05:37.360 --> 00:05:38.040 Just what you said. 114 00:05:38.720 --> 00:05:40.480 If you were a woman in your fifties and you 115 00:05:40.560 --> 00:05:43.079 do want to date in your fifties, good luck, because 116 00:05:43.160 --> 00:05:44.759 the guys in the fifties do you want the thirty 117 00:05:44.800 --> 00:05:48.920 forty year old? Right, very very true. And for me though, 118 00:05:49.560 --> 00:05:52.560 you know, I like to date older. So mine is 119 00:05:52.639 --> 00:05:56.800 dating in their sixties, and I have not run across 120 00:05:56.879 --> 00:05:57.399 guys that. 121 00:05:57.560 --> 00:05:59.120 Okay, they want to go to bed at eight o'clock, 122 00:05:59.360 --> 00:06:01.399 a lot of them, especially where we are, They want 123 00:06:01.399 --> 00:06:03.040 to golf, they want to poop out. Trust me, I 124 00:06:03.079 --> 00:06:04.600 don't want to go out till I'm not my sixties, 125 00:06:04.600 --> 00:06:05.720 but I don't want to go out to two o'clock 126 00:06:05.759 --> 00:06:08.199 in the morning anymore. The women tend to have a 127 00:06:08.240 --> 00:06:10.560 second wind that a lot of the men don't have. 128 00:06:11.000 --> 00:06:13.279 Deep into their fifties. A lot of women have more energy. 129 00:06:13.319 --> 00:06:16.680 A lot of women do feel better about themselves physically. Again, 130 00:06:16.720 --> 00:06:18.480 they go through hormonal they go through life changes, but 131 00:06:18.480 --> 00:06:20.439 they're able to put a face out there that he 132 00:06:20.839 --> 00:06:23.720 doesn't necessarily have. And a lot of times the man 133 00:06:23.800 --> 00:06:26.519 is looking to date younger because dating younger makes him 134 00:06:26.519 --> 00:06:29.160 feel confident again in a way that dating somebody whose 135 00:06:29.240 --> 00:06:32.120 own age, she can buy her own shit, she's been 136 00:06:32.120 --> 00:06:35.000 on a trip like this, she's eating dinner at this restaurant. 137 00:06:35.040 --> 00:06:37.759 For she's a little harder to impress, and so that 138 00:06:37.879 --> 00:06:39.560 is a little bit harder of a wall for the 139 00:06:39.600 --> 00:06:41.480 man to break down, and the men are always trying 140 00:06:41.519 --> 00:06:42.600 to find a crack in the wall. 141 00:06:42.959 --> 00:06:44.920 Well, I think so, and I think I talk a 142 00:06:44.920 --> 00:06:48.720 lot about, you know, empowering women being empowered in their fifties. 143 00:06:48.839 --> 00:06:51.040 So you have like two sides of the fence, correct. 144 00:06:51.079 --> 00:06:54.199 You have the insecure women in their fifties like I'm 145 00:06:54.279 --> 00:06:56.319 just done, I'm over it, I don't want to date. 146 00:06:56.920 --> 00:07:00.199 And when I talk to them, I'm like, well, have 147 00:07:00.279 --> 00:07:03.439 you ever thought about changing what you're doing? Or do 148 00:07:03.480 --> 00:07:05.959 you feel like the same hamster wheel is going to 149 00:07:06.199 --> 00:07:08.839 lead to success? Do you think a guy's just going 150 00:07:08.920 --> 00:07:10.920 to fall in your lap? So you have to be 151 00:07:10.959 --> 00:07:13.279 a little proactive. I mean, you can't just be laid 152 00:07:13.319 --> 00:07:15.279 back and be like, well I haven't met the right guy. 153 00:07:15.759 --> 00:07:18.279 And I think then the other flip side is you 154 00:07:18.360 --> 00:07:23.399 have very alpha fifty year old women and men sometimes 155 00:07:23.480 --> 00:07:24.160 don't know what to. 156 00:07:24.120 --> 00:07:24.480 Do with that. 157 00:07:24.800 --> 00:07:24.959 Right. 158 00:07:25.079 --> 00:07:28.399 They've ramped up their masculine energy, they've ramped up their independence. 159 00:07:28.399 --> 00:07:30.319 They ramped up a well, I got rid of a guy. 160 00:07:30.399 --> 00:07:32.079 I'm out here on my own. Oh but I want 161 00:07:32.079 --> 00:07:34.319 to go in a romantic setting and he is not 162 00:07:34.920 --> 00:07:38.839 feeling that. And a lot of the women of age 163 00:07:38.839 --> 00:07:42.000 in their fifties they're like, I shouldn't have to quote 164 00:07:42.040 --> 00:07:44.519 unquote train a guy. I shouldn't have to tell him 165 00:07:44.560 --> 00:07:46.319 what to do. And I'm like, you absolutely should train 166 00:07:46.360 --> 00:07:49.000 a guy. He wants to be trained. He can be trained. 167 00:07:49.040 --> 00:07:51.839 He needs to be trained in what you want, like, 168 00:07:52.160 --> 00:07:55.439 because every woman is different. Some women, and I agree, 169 00:07:55.639 --> 00:07:58.319 in their fifties still want to be picked up, still 170 00:07:58.319 --> 00:08:00.480 want to be called up, asked out, picked up their house. 171 00:08:00.680 --> 00:08:02.519 That's the way they dated back in the twenties. They 172 00:08:02.519 --> 00:08:05.079 don't have twenty years of oh my god, everybody's crazy, 173 00:08:05.120 --> 00:08:07.720 they're gonna kill me. They want that. Some women are like, 174 00:08:08.120 --> 00:08:10.480 you got to be kidding me. Everybody's a psycho or whatever. 175 00:08:10.959 --> 00:08:13.800 Telling the man this is what I feel like. I 176 00:08:14.120 --> 00:08:16.240 don't use the word deserve, but if they say this 177 00:08:16.279 --> 00:08:18.839 is what I want, this is what I need, this 178 00:08:18.879 --> 00:08:20.519 is what makes me feel good, and this is how 179 00:08:20.519 --> 00:08:23.000 you can find a space in my world, the guy 180 00:08:23.040 --> 00:08:24.959 will jump up, however high he's got to jump up 181 00:08:24.959 --> 00:08:26.639 to get the cheese. If that is set in a 182 00:08:26.720 --> 00:08:29.759 positive in fashion, A lot of women are just like 183 00:08:30.040 --> 00:08:32.279 he could tell you can't tell no. 184 00:08:32.759 --> 00:08:35.240 So I will say one of the things I define is, 185 00:08:35.919 --> 00:08:39.480 you know, really important a relationship is communication. If you're 186 00:08:39.519 --> 00:08:43.200 a guy and you're a woman, women, you think he's 187 00:08:43.240 --> 00:08:46.320 going to reach your mind? No, I mean like you 188 00:08:46.519 --> 00:08:48.759 do have to say, hey, this is my love language, 189 00:08:48.799 --> 00:08:50.919 this is what I need now. It doesn't mean he's 190 00:08:50.919 --> 00:08:52.799 going to be able to do it, but I do 191 00:08:52.960 --> 00:08:55.080 think you need to be bendable. I don't like the 192 00:08:55.120 --> 00:08:58.559 word training. I like the word bendable more and evolving 193 00:08:59.080 --> 00:08:59.879 the way I look at it. 194 00:09:00.200 --> 00:09:01.039 And I do. 195 00:09:01.000 --> 00:09:03.799 Find that men in their sixties are very set in 196 00:09:03.840 --> 00:09:05.679 their ways. I gotta be honest, I don't know about 197 00:09:05.720 --> 00:09:09.240 training now. Well, he dressed the way you might want 198 00:09:09.279 --> 00:09:11.279 to maybe, but. 199 00:09:11.840 --> 00:09:14.600 I think he will. I think if you if, however 200 00:09:14.639 --> 00:09:16.919 you want him to dress, it's not just how I 201 00:09:16.919 --> 00:09:18.519 want him to dress for the world to see him. 202 00:09:18.679 --> 00:09:20.759 And you let him know if you dress this way, 203 00:09:21.000 --> 00:09:23.440 I want to rip your clothes off. He'll put it 204 00:09:23.440 --> 00:09:24.799 on a clown suit. 205 00:09:25.399 --> 00:09:27.679 Nope, guess what they will have a lot of them. 206 00:09:27.879 --> 00:09:30.279 Well I think that. Then then it's about the information 207 00:09:30.600 --> 00:09:32.639 because if you ask one hundred men, are they open 208 00:09:32.679 --> 00:09:34.279 to that? And they're like, it depends on what I'm 209 00:09:34.279 --> 00:09:36.519 getting out of it. And yeah, if you're just saying 210 00:09:36.519 --> 00:09:39.039 I want you to wear this with no context and 211 00:09:39.120 --> 00:09:41.600 know anything, they will change because they will change for 212 00:09:41.639 --> 00:09:42.639 the right women's situation. 213 00:09:43.320 --> 00:09:45.600 And like it was an issue and it was like 214 00:09:45.639 --> 00:09:50.639 a long term dating and he's just found it incredibly offensive, Like, 215 00:09:50.720 --> 00:09:52.519 why aren't you accepted me the way I am. 216 00:09:53.120 --> 00:09:55.120 I'm not talking about long term, I'm talking about early on, 217 00:09:55.519 --> 00:09:58.240 because what the women tend to do is this, They're 218 00:09:58.320 --> 00:10:01.559 okay with it a certain way. You're out there, you know, 219 00:10:01.679 --> 00:10:04.320 wearing your Dan Marino jersey to dinner or whatever, and 220 00:10:04.360 --> 00:10:07.519 then once you feel comfortable enough in the relationship, then 221 00:10:07.600 --> 00:10:10.720 you decide to make the change. And he's like, she's crazy, 222 00:10:10.799 --> 00:10:12.960 she changed suddenly. She wanted me to be something that 223 00:10:12.960 --> 00:10:16.960 I'm not. If it's early on, saying even you know, 224 00:10:17.000 --> 00:10:19.320 first couple days, you would look amazing in a blue 225 00:10:19.360 --> 00:10:21.200 suit because you have amazing eyes and it would really 226 00:10:21.200 --> 00:10:22.799 come out put on the blue suit. 227 00:10:22.879 --> 00:10:23.320 I like it. 228 00:10:23.399 --> 00:10:27.000 That is the trae. That is nuancing because once you 229 00:10:27.080 --> 00:10:29.960 do it three months in, then it says I don't 230 00:10:30.200 --> 00:10:33.519 like this about you. It's what needs to be different 231 00:10:33.559 --> 00:10:36.480 about you. When you do it early on, it's wow, 232 00:10:36.559 --> 00:10:37.279 that would turn me on. 233 00:10:37.559 --> 00:10:41.360 So I definitely, well, I subscribe to something that you don't, 234 00:10:41.639 --> 00:10:44.399 which is predating, which we can get into at any time. 235 00:10:44.799 --> 00:10:47.720 But I believe, well, what is it pre dating? To me, 236 00:10:47.799 --> 00:10:50.840 it's very simple. If you're meeting people like on social 237 00:10:50.879 --> 00:10:55.120 app for example Facebook dating app, usually you start off 238 00:10:55.120 --> 00:10:58.600 with a little texting, not texting, like chatting, whatever it is, 239 00:10:58.960 --> 00:11:02.559 and then you move on to a little texting and 240 00:11:02.840 --> 00:11:05.440 I will not go on a date until I've done 241 00:11:05.480 --> 00:11:08.840 a FaceTime And I wonder why. And this is men 242 00:11:08.879 --> 00:11:12.320 and women. They're both in the wrong about this. I 243 00:11:12.399 --> 00:11:14.960 don't know the percentage. Maybe you do. How many have 244 00:11:15.120 --> 00:11:18.879 fake old pictures and they lie about their age and 245 00:11:19.200 --> 00:11:21.320 it's so annoying because like people, we could see the 246 00:11:21.360 --> 00:11:23.559 picture posts from twenty nineteen. 247 00:11:23.799 --> 00:11:26.879 That is so you don't really need the conversation, you 248 00:11:27.039 --> 00:11:29.159 just need some verification this is what they look like. 249 00:11:29.279 --> 00:11:31.600 I want to know for real that they are putting 250 00:11:31.600 --> 00:11:34.240 forth because if you start a relationship on a lie. 251 00:11:34.279 --> 00:11:35.240 Where's it going to go from there? 252 00:11:35.399 --> 00:11:36.639 What if it's not a lie? What if it's just 253 00:11:36.679 --> 00:11:39.080 a picture that doesn't quite make them look? What if? 254 00:11:39.559 --> 00:11:41.879 What if she just doesn't have a picture from the 255 00:11:41.919 --> 00:11:45.399 waist down? What if she just doesn't or hate What 256 00:11:45.480 --> 00:11:47.639 if you just don't have that in one of your pictures. 257 00:11:47.919 --> 00:11:49.559 I don't think face time is gonna help that either. 258 00:11:49.679 --> 00:11:51.320 No, no, but I will tell you. 259 00:11:51.320 --> 00:11:53.399 You know, I just had a conversation with somebody last 260 00:11:53.480 --> 00:11:56.159 night who's my age, but dating with a ten year 261 00:11:56.200 --> 00:12:00.879 old so different. She definitely has some different obstacles and 262 00:12:01.120 --> 00:12:04.200 most of us, and part of what we were talking about, 263 00:12:04.279 --> 00:12:05.639 she's like, I just wanted to meet a guy that 264 00:12:05.679 --> 00:12:06.159 I'm hot for. 265 00:12:06.240 --> 00:12:08.320 I want to jump and run away. And I'm like, 266 00:12:08.919 --> 00:12:10.519 what turns me on is not. 267 00:12:10.519 --> 00:12:13.399 Just the physical that at this age, at this time, 268 00:12:13.440 --> 00:12:16.559 with my experience, there's so much more than you could 269 00:12:16.600 --> 00:12:20.840 actually find chemistry past the first day. Sometimes it's a 270 00:12:20.960 --> 00:12:21.639 mental connection. 271 00:12:21.799 --> 00:12:24.000 I agree. Or you're nervous, but you know you're also 272 00:12:24.039 --> 00:12:26.039 not tired chasing around a ten year old. Maybe she 273 00:12:26.120 --> 00:12:28.360 just wants to get her bones jumped. You know, she 274 00:12:28.480 --> 00:12:31.159 might have different needs. But when you if you're saying 275 00:12:31.240 --> 00:12:34.240 that I really just need some verification and validation of 276 00:12:34.279 --> 00:12:37.440 what this person looks like physically, that's fine. If you're 277 00:12:37.480 --> 00:12:39.360 saying I need to have a conversation with them, and 278 00:12:39.399 --> 00:12:41.879 it feels to me like a in an interview, I 279 00:12:42.000 --> 00:12:44.960 think that that doesn't tell you anything about that person 280 00:12:45.279 --> 00:12:47.320 other than they may or may not be good at FaceTime. 281 00:12:47.840 --> 00:12:49.240 Well I'll tell you one time. Mm hmm. 282 00:12:49.600 --> 00:12:53.320 So like this one guy that seems really good and 283 00:12:54.080 --> 00:12:56.639 we do FaceTime and he had like them also doing 284 00:12:56.840 --> 00:13:00.519 needs all kind of I'm like done, not happening, Like 285 00:13:00.639 --> 00:13:02.799 I just you know what, everything was good leading up. 286 00:13:02.679 --> 00:13:05.919 To that, and I get it, I know. But then 287 00:13:05.960 --> 00:13:08.799 you're letting one red flag or one thing you don't 288 00:13:08.879 --> 00:13:11.279 like get in the way of the possibilities that if 289 00:13:11.320 --> 00:13:13.840 you met and maybe in real life he doesn't sound 290 00:13:13.840 --> 00:13:16.320 that way, or maybe he has so many other attributes 291 00:13:16.360 --> 00:13:18.960 that you would forget about that. I think you you 292 00:13:19.080 --> 00:13:21.320 really don't know if you're going to click with somebody 293 00:13:21.480 --> 00:13:25.000 until you are face to face. So I think you're 294 00:13:25.279 --> 00:13:27.720 you might be ruling in some people, but I think 295 00:13:27.759 --> 00:13:29.600 if you do that, you're ruling out a lot of 296 00:13:29.639 --> 00:13:32.600 people that if you met them, maybe they're not good 297 00:13:32.600 --> 00:13:34.360 on the phone because we don't talk on the phone 298 00:13:34.360 --> 00:13:36.879 as much. It's a skill, it's a muscle. I can't 299 00:13:36.879 --> 00:13:38.120 I don't want to talk on the phone anybody. 300 00:13:38.159 --> 00:13:41.279 But again, so like I'll be dating somebody now and 301 00:13:41.639 --> 00:13:42.759 you know what, he's honest. 302 00:13:42.840 --> 00:13:44.679 I'm not a good communicator. I don't like talking on 303 00:13:44.720 --> 00:13:47.440 the phone. Not a good text. Just be honest so 304 00:13:47.519 --> 00:13:49.320 people don't take it the wrong way. 305 00:13:49.799 --> 00:13:51.559 I'd be like I have an android. I don't even 306 00:13:51.600 --> 00:13:52.200 have face time. 307 00:13:52.399 --> 00:13:55.240 Sorry, no, though, like I bet my own rules. 308 00:13:55.279 --> 00:13:58.120 Don't misunderstand because if I get a good vibe and 309 00:13:58.600 --> 00:14:00.759 you know, maybe I met him out or all of 310 00:14:00.759 --> 00:14:04.279 a sudden, I don't need that. But but like I 311 00:14:04.320 --> 00:14:06.360 definitely want to know more than a just a high 312 00:14:06.759 --> 00:14:08.679 on a on a dating app and hey, can I 313 00:14:08.720 --> 00:14:11.200 take you off for drinks that we didn't. 314 00:14:11.080 --> 00:14:12.879 Used to have a whole lot more to go on 315 00:14:12.960 --> 00:14:15.080 and we'd see somebody we were kind of drunk and 316 00:14:15.080 --> 00:14:17.519 it was loud in a bar and let's go out 317 00:14:17.600 --> 00:14:18.440 and then you went out. 318 00:14:18.519 --> 00:14:21.240 Yeah, but that's chemistry got to lead. Now, it's not 319 00:14:21.320 --> 00:14:22.360 chemistry leading. 320 00:14:22.120 --> 00:14:24.799 Any I don't know if it's chemistry, it's alcohol or 321 00:14:24.840 --> 00:14:27.240 it's wow, she's hot. You know, I've met a lot 322 00:14:27.240 --> 00:14:28.480 of people that I met in a bar and then 323 00:14:28.480 --> 00:14:29.799 I asked him out, and I was like, it's the 324 00:14:29.840 --> 00:14:32.360 same thing, Like, oh, that's not what I remember. Her 325 00:14:32.440 --> 00:14:34.720 pictures in my brain were different because of my alcohol 326 00:14:35.039 --> 00:14:36.960 or vice versa. I met a girl once at a 327 00:14:37.000 --> 00:14:39.559 Halloween party. I thought she was the hottest thing ever 328 00:14:39.600 --> 00:14:42.559 in her Cruel a Deville costume. And then I asked 329 00:14:42.600 --> 00:14:43.919 her out and then I picked her up, and I'm like, 330 00:14:43.960 --> 00:14:47.320 where's the costume? She looked so much better in the 331 00:14:47.399 --> 00:14:50.600 costume that I was. That's not her fault. That was 332 00:14:50.720 --> 00:14:53.399 my weird thing. But I'm like a lot of people 333 00:14:53.440 --> 00:14:55.320 look better on Halloween. A lot of people's a little 334 00:14:55.320 --> 00:14:57.480 sexier and whatever. The makeup was better and a lot 335 00:14:57.519 --> 00:15:00.240 of people did. I was like, that's not her fault, 336 00:15:00.679 --> 00:15:03.799 that's just my weirdness. Like she was perfectly lovely and fine, 337 00:15:03.840 --> 00:15:06.039 but I was like, she doesn't look as good as 338 00:15:06.080 --> 00:15:08.879 she looked that night, right, that's not good either. Like, 339 00:15:08.960 --> 00:15:10.559 I think we got to give everybody a shot. I 340 00:15:10.600 --> 00:15:12.600 think we got to work through the awkwardness and a 341 00:15:12.600 --> 00:15:15.840 lot of things to that end. Way too many people, 342 00:15:16.360 --> 00:15:20.120 especially as we get older. If we are not fee 343 00:15:20.240 --> 00:15:23.279 because we have had those magical dates and we've had 344 00:15:23.320 --> 00:15:26.679 those magical experiences, and if we're not feeling the way 345 00:15:26.720 --> 00:15:28.879 we know it is possible in the first fifteen minutes, 346 00:15:29.039 --> 00:15:30.960 we pull the parachute and we're out of there for 347 00:15:31.159 --> 00:15:33.440 just working through the ick till we can get to 348 00:15:33.480 --> 00:15:36.440 that place. When you're twenty three, you know you're not 349 00:15:36.519 --> 00:15:38.000 dating that much anyway. You're going to barge're hook it 350 00:15:38.080 --> 00:15:40.519 up or whatever, and so you don't have this memory 351 00:15:40.559 --> 00:15:42.759 bank of what a good date should feel like. And 352 00:15:42.799 --> 00:15:44.799 so now when you're in your forties and fifties and sixties, 353 00:15:44.840 --> 00:15:47.240 you're like, I know what my best dates have felt 354 00:15:47.240 --> 00:15:50.440 like and this isn't that. That doesn't mean the relationship couldn't. 355 00:15:50.120 --> 00:15:53.120 Se So do you know statistically what when men and 356 00:15:53.159 --> 00:15:57.480 women want in dating in their fifties, there is actually like, 357 00:15:57.600 --> 00:16:01.000 are three things Companionship? 358 00:16:01.120 --> 00:16:06.080 Yes, is this from men or women? Is the same list? 359 00:16:06.480 --> 00:16:09.879 Uh uh? 360 00:16:10.399 --> 00:16:10.759 Sex? 361 00:16:11.360 --> 00:16:12.440 That was not on the list. 362 00:16:12.600 --> 00:16:13.679 I don't know, stimulation. 363 00:16:14.240 --> 00:16:18.679 So it's love, companions, love you, and looking for somebody 364 00:16:18.720 --> 00:16:21.200 to go through the rest of their life on a journey. 365 00:16:21.320 --> 00:16:24.799 Those are the three things that people men and women Statistically, 366 00:16:24.840 --> 00:16:28.159 most look for in a partner after fifty because you've 367 00:16:28.200 --> 00:16:31.000 moved on to a different stage. If you've had kids, 368 00:16:31.080 --> 00:16:34.559 you're done, sir, you're an empty nester. And men upper 369 00:16:34.600 --> 00:16:37.799 fifties sixties, they're heading towards retirement if they're not. 370 00:16:37.919 --> 00:16:40.799 So where's the room for magic in that equation? None 371 00:16:40.879 --> 00:16:44.799 of those three things sound terribly fireworky Oh, I agree 372 00:16:44.840 --> 00:16:46.759 with you. I think those probably are. I think the 373 00:16:46.799 --> 00:16:49.240 people who want that are like I don't believe in 374 00:16:49.279 --> 00:16:51.039 it anymore because a lot of people, once you get 375 00:16:51.039 --> 00:16:54.639 I've never been married, so the fantasy of happily ever 376 00:16:54.720 --> 00:16:55.840 after still exists for me. 377 00:16:56.240 --> 00:16:58.480 Everybody define happily ever after them for. 378 00:16:58.440 --> 00:17:01.200 You that there's that once we get married and we 379 00:17:01.240 --> 00:17:04.119 say I do, it's happily ever after. There's no end date, 380 00:17:04.200 --> 00:17:06.200 so you want to get married still, I still am 381 00:17:06.200 --> 00:17:08.920 open to the possibility of married because it hasn't been spoiled. 382 00:17:08.960 --> 00:17:11.319 To me. Its the bubble asm averse. The people who 383 00:17:11.319 --> 00:17:14.839 have gotten divorced or God forbid, widow or widower that 384 00:17:15.000 --> 00:17:18.480 didn't happen, so they're a lot less likely to jump 385 00:17:18.519 --> 00:17:20.519 into the fairy tale that they had in their mind 386 00:17:20.640 --> 00:17:24.599 as people who've never been married. We all have that. Yeah, 387 00:17:24.640 --> 00:17:26.519 So anyway, we're gonna agree and disagree with a lot 388 00:17:26.559 --> 00:17:28.039 more things. I gotta take a quick break because we've 389 00:17:28.039 --> 00:17:29.880 got to pay for the fairy tale around here. I'm 390 00:17:29.920 --> 00:17:32.480 with the cole Channas. She's from fifties AF. We will 391 00:17:32.519 --> 00:17:39.680 be back right after this, and we are back forgive 392 00:17:39.720 --> 00:17:42.759 the the background noise. People. It's booming here in Florida. 393 00:17:42.759 --> 00:17:43.400 They're building things. 394 00:17:43.480 --> 00:17:44.079 That's my unit. 395 00:17:45.000 --> 00:17:47.720 There's also you gotta be careful here. This is like 396 00:17:47.799 --> 00:17:51.559 Jurassic Park. There's like all sorts of critters at best 397 00:17:51.680 --> 00:17:55.640 critters crawling around here. So how do you bring that 398 00:17:55.680 --> 00:17:57.680 back in your fifties? How do you tell your your 399 00:17:57.720 --> 00:18:01.720 friends or women to still believe in not necessarily the 400 00:18:01.799 --> 00:18:03.160 fairy tale, but magic. 401 00:18:03.480 --> 00:18:05.880