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Speaker 1: This is an audiobook that I recorded three years ago.

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I think it is. It's not a bigfoot story, not

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a dog man's story. It's just a normal story set

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in the Civil War. Centers around a man who deserts

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the Confederate army and he becomes a hermit in the woods,

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and it's about his life in the woods. And it's

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pretty good. It's a pretty good story. The author is

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Jeff Crawford, who is a fantastic writer, has a great imagination.

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This audiobook's been laying around gathering dust for three years,

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and I thought I would share it with my audience exclusively,

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at least for now, exclusively on your podcast out. It

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will not be on YouTube for now, so I thought

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it uploaded for everyone to listen to. If you just

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want to listen to a good, relaxing story, here it is.

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I'm going to upload it in four different parts, four

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consecutive days. It's a pretty good book. You guys enjoy one.

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It came as a shock and it frightened him. He

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thought himself long past being frightened anew, but he'd been wrong.

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It was the sadness of the quiet that threatened to

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undo him. For two days, there had been noise, horrible, terrible,

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unrelenting noise, And then it was no longer pounding in

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his ears. It was still going on because he could

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feel the reverberation shaking in his body with each blast,

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with each pop, his body jumped a little, but he

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no longer heard the dreadful noise. He briefly considered the

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possibility that he had gone deaf, but that wasn't the case.

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Little things like a branch snapping or a bird winging

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its way to perch in a tree that loomed above

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him still registered, but all the other was gone. No,

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not exactly gone. It was still there, but now it

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was as if it had been wrapped around and around

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with swaths of cotton and placed underwater. It could be

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heard if you were listening specifically for it, but you

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really had to try to hear it. Now. He didn't

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want to try. He didn't want to hear it. He

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never wanted to hear those sounds again, but he knew

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that they were out there, just beyond him, waiting. He

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would have thought that it would have been the screaming,

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or the pleading, or the crying that would have bothered

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him the most, but it wasn't. At some point he

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had numb to almost all of that, never all of it.

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There was no way a person could set himself apart

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from all of that, Even when it wasn't going on

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beside and near, it would always be there, And he

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believed this more than believed. He was certain of it.

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There was so much of it, nearly all the time

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that it had soaked through his clothing into his skin,

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and it kept going. The sounds of wailing and weeping

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was hard set into his bones. Now he would never

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be able to distance himself from it. But it was

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the other that threatened to tear him from his frame. Constantly,

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seemed as if it would separate his muscle and sinew

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until he fell completely apart, never to be rejoined. The

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sounds that had been the precursor and cause of all

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the screaming and wailing and weeping, That was what was

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still there, only now for a moment it had been

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mercifully muffled for a time. What was the need for

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all the terrible sound? He asked himself, as he held

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hands cup tightly over his ears. What was the need

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of any of it? Some part of him understood, or

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at least understood as much as he knew about it

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had understood before, else he would have never come The

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reasoning behind all of this awfulness had been just, But

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that had been before. Now it just kept going, long

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past the point where it should have had a halt called.

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Now it was all just senseless, senseless, relentless, continuous, and

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he was right in the middle of it. He tried

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not to make mistakes. He had been brought up to

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try not to make mistakes. They had spent hour upon

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hour training him not to make mistakes. Everyone was going to,

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but the goal was to try not to. If you

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did that which they had taught you, then the number

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of mistakes would be significantly lessened. So he had done

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as he had been brought up, and he had done

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as he had been instructed, and it had worked since arriving.

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The mistake, however, had been in coming at all. Early on,

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before it all became real, he had been questioned he

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was sure that his decision to do this thing wasn't

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a mistake. He had smiled back in a knowing sort

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of way and walked on. It had been a huge mistake,

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and he had realized that as soon as it all

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began in earnest. He wanted to go back, return to

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where he had been before all of this, admitt that

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he had made the mistake, and be safe where it

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was quiet. That was impossible. Some things can never be undone,

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and some mistakes can be apologized for, but you still

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have to live with and through them. He was sure

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that coming here was one of those type mistakes, and

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as long as he lived, he would know that this

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was the biggest mistake he had ever made. But the

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problem was that by making the mistake, his time to

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live would undoubtedly be severely lessened. This was no way

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to live. On the contrary, it was good for nothing

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other than dying. He shuddered and tried to make himself

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smaller as the noises returned. They hadn't actually returned, because

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they had never actually gone away. They were always there.

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Sometimes they were far away, and sometimes they were right

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there beside you. But they were always somewhere. That was

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the problem with them. They were relentless and never ceasing.

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There was never a stopping, not even for a moment,

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it seemed, obviously, there were times when it was once

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again quiet, but the echoes of those sounds, the pounding,

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the sizzling, the horrendous thuds, the screams. They were all

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embedded into his memory and played over and over. When

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the actual sounds were at rest for a moment, he

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looked over and the man beside him that he did

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not know, was mouth wide open, screaming in agony and terror.

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But no sound was there to be heard. He was

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not holding the pose until his breath could be caught

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so that he might start again. He was frozen that

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way for time eternal. His release from all of this

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horror had finally come, But it had come in the

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way that so many here feared. Everyone was afraid of

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going the way that man beside him had gone. All

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but the most insane were afraid to stay, just like

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he himself was afraid of staying. There was no in between,

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no place in the middle to think and evaluate. There

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was only fear of staying in the fear of going.

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So many had gone since his arriving, and they had

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all gone badly. He took the man's water, and he

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drank it greedily. His own had run out earlier, and

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the man had no further use for his. It was

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the way things were done in this place. It was

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another of the things that he had not been adequately

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prepared for when he was being adequately prepared, The fact

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that it was acceptable to steal the last morsels of

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food and the last drops of water from the dead

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and dying. He had seen those things being taken from

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the alive and not nearly dying. But he had not

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gone so far himself, and he had passed no judgments

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on those that had. They had been here and at

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places just like here, longer than he had. You could

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read the days and months in their eyes. You could

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read the months and seasons they had been here and

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at the places just like here, in their gaunt frames.

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He had looked away when he had borne witness to

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these things, not because he was full of disgust, but

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because he wished to induce no further shame than what

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the looters must already be feeling. Ask him again in

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a month, if he had acted as those he had

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watched it acted, He might tell you a different story. No, no,

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he wouldn't. He would not be here, nor would he

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be in another place just like here to ask such questions.

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He would either be gone or he would be dead.

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He was close tonight caring, which he could not remain

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not in this place or another just like it. His

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mind and his nerves would betray him if he remained,

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and he could feel them trying to even now. That

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is why death would be considered a relief. He had

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not been raised to think of death in those terms,

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but neither had he been raised to ever expect himself

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to be in the position he now found himself. He

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had been raised to want to live at all costs,

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to squeeze every ounce of life from each day, not

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to go running headlong to death so that death could

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find him without any bother. Or he would to help

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someone across the way find death just that much sooner

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than he should have. That is what you do in

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this place or another place just like this one. You die,

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or you insist that someone from across the way take

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your place on death's tally sheep. He could see no

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reason for either. That only left leaving, and he was

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afraid to do that, almost as afraid of doing that

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as he was of dying, or seeing to it that

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someone did in his place. There were only three choices

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for him, and he feared all of them. Two of

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the choices were merely temporary. The other would mean a

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hardship of a very different nature. If he left, he

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would be alone, after being surrounded by so very many.

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He feared being alone. He thought about the quiet, and

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how he would relish and treasure it, But it would

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come with a cost. It would be quiet where he

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wanted to go, and it must remain so else he

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would be brought back to this place or a place

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just like it, quiet, always quiet there? How long before

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that began to weigh on him and prey upon his

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fractured nerves the way that the sounds were doing. Now

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would he become accustomed to the quiet, the way that

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he had not been able to do with the opposite

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of quiet. He didn't know. He could not hazard a guess,

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but he believed he must find out. There seemed to

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be no ending to all of this to be foreseen.

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He would not last. He would not endure, not to

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the end, if there ever was to be an end,

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maybe not even until this time tomorrow. Nothing had ever

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seemed so wrong to him as this place and the

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one that would come after it would be no better.

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He would understand it, no clear, and adjust to it

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no better. He knew that much. At least. He raised

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his head and looked around as much as he dared.

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It came as no surprise, but it was disheartening to

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see that all looked as it had the last time

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he had observed all around him, some were running, some

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were hiding in earthen depressions as he was. Most were

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lying as they had fallen. A few were crawling or

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pulling themselves along, but most were lying very still. The

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still ones were the ones who'd had the choice made

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for them. It was easy in this place to believe

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that they had been the lucky and fortunate ones. He

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lowered himself again and drank more water. The vessel was

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almost empty. That didn't concern him. There was plenty of

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water that would never be used lying around. The fact

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that they would never again take a drink of their

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own water was what concerned him. It should not be

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that way. That was what he did not want for himself.

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If he stayed in this place, soon someone would be

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checking his water container. They would take it with no

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more thought than he had given when he had taken

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the water from the man beside him. He did not

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want to end up like him. He would not allow

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himself to end up that way. It was wrong to

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end up like that. The light around him was changing

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slowly and subtly, but it was changing, changing in that

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way that it does every day. A day's in. It

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would be dark soon if he could hold out, if

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he could will himself to exist until dark, he would

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leave this place and return again. Never. There should be

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annoying deep inside him for leaving, but there wasn't. When

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they had trained him, they had talked repeatedly about protecting

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those on either side of you, because those on either

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side of you were protecting you. He had seen none

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of that, and neither did he feel any obligation. If

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everyone would do as he was planning to do, then

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there would be no need for anyone to be protecting anyone.

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It was that simple. But if mine's wiser than his

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could not figure that out, then they would stay and die.

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He was not responsible for all of them. He was

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only to ensure his own survival. He remembered being told

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that before leaving home to come here. This was not

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a place of brotherhood and loyalty, as they had said.

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It was a place of death, and he intended on living.

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He laid himself beside the man beside him and refused

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to move even an eyelash. While he waited two the

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men on top of the hill sat rigidly upon their horses.

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The sun was sinking behind them. He used that scene

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as his gauge, so as long as they didn't move

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and he could accurately measure the coming dark. They hadn't

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moved for nearly two or so hours, and he was

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betting much on the fact that they would remain as

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they were for a while. Yet, when he had started

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watching the men, they had been merely dark outlines against

242
00:15:29,320 --> 00:15:32,720
the bright and intense sun. But now as the sun

243
00:15:32,879 --> 00:15:37,240
was sinking, details could be made out. He knew who

244
00:15:37,279 --> 00:15:40,159
most of them were. He didn't know them, but he

245
00:15:40,279 --> 00:15:43,159
knew who they were. They were the men that he

246
00:15:43,279 --> 00:15:45,679
and all those around him were supposed to give their

247
00:15:45,799 --> 00:15:49,720
all four simply because those men had said for them too.

248
00:15:51,120 --> 00:15:54,320
Those men had promised to lead them all and deliver

249
00:15:54,519 --> 00:15:59,039
under them victory followed by victory. He looked all about

250
00:15:59,080 --> 00:16:01,840
and saw the numbers of the dead and dying exceeding

251
00:16:01,879 --> 00:16:05,200
the numbers of those still moving forward. He felt no

252
00:16:05,360 --> 00:16:10,200
obligations or allegiances to the men atop their horses. At

253
00:16:10,200 --> 00:16:13,639
one time he did, but no longer they had not

254
00:16:13,799 --> 00:16:17,000
handed him a victory as promised, they had led him

255
00:16:17,080 --> 00:16:21,399
and so many others into a valley of death. He

256
00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:26,399
watched as the sun sank even lower. He knew enough

257
00:16:26,440 --> 00:16:29,000
to know that all the blame he wanted to place

258
00:16:29,080 --> 00:16:31,120
could not be laid at the feet of those men,

259
00:16:31,279 --> 00:16:34,600
but some of it could. Right now. If he knew

260
00:16:34,639 --> 00:16:37,200
where even a little of it could be laid, then

261
00:16:37,240 --> 00:16:41,200
he would lay what he could and feel better. There

262
00:16:41,240 --> 00:16:44,559
was so much fear and anger insight of him that

263
00:16:44,639 --> 00:16:47,480
he had to cast at least some of the blame somewhere,

264
00:16:47,639 --> 00:16:50,360
just to relieve the burden that was weighing on him.

265
00:16:51,240 --> 00:16:55,399
When the sun finally sank, he would feel better. Still,

266
00:16:55,559 --> 00:16:58,759
he was readying himself to do what he knew he shouldn't.

267
00:16:59,440 --> 00:17:02,240
It was the thing that was despised most by the

268
00:17:02,279 --> 00:17:04,759
men that sat on the horses, and by the men

269
00:17:04,799 --> 00:17:08,720
that were crawling ever forward, inch by treacherous inches. Well,

270
00:17:10,559 --> 00:17:15,519
the shadows were no longer lengthening, they were disappearing, and

271
00:17:15,599 --> 00:17:21,200
the falling darkness a secession was taking place. Also. Not all,

272
00:17:21,240 --> 00:17:24,000
but most of what made all the terrible noise and

273
00:17:24,079 --> 00:17:28,000
destruction found it difficult to carry out their assignments in

274
00:17:28,079 --> 00:17:31,400
the dark. It was much quieter now because of it.

275
00:17:32,559 --> 00:17:35,359
Now the moans and the begging for either help or

276
00:17:35,440 --> 00:17:39,920
death could be plainly heard in every direction. It was

277
00:17:39,960 --> 00:17:42,880
the knowing that those men were lying out there in

278
00:17:42,920 --> 00:17:46,720
the black, pleading to die, and doing so while all alone.

279
00:17:47,160 --> 00:17:50,400
That was what seamen in his decision to leave this place.

280
00:17:51,640 --> 00:17:54,799
The noise had been all but his undoing, but it

281
00:17:54,880 --> 00:17:57,839
was these sounds that he could no longer bear to hear.

282
00:17:59,039 --> 00:18:02,839
He would breathe the absolute quiet if need be, and

283
00:18:02,920 --> 00:18:05,400
he would do it willingly if it meant that he

284
00:18:05,519 --> 00:18:08,680
never had to hear the agony voiced by so many

285
00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:15,200
men again. Darkness continued to fall, slowly but steadily. It

286
00:18:15,279 --> 00:18:18,960
was falling. As far as he knew. His rifle was

287
00:18:19,039 --> 00:18:22,160
still in good working order. He had fired it very

288
00:18:22,160 --> 00:18:26,640
few times. He had not acted as everyone else. It

289
00:18:26,799 --> 00:18:29,640
made the noise that he detested so very much, but

290
00:18:29,720 --> 00:18:31,559
he would need it with him if he was going

291
00:18:31,599 --> 00:18:35,920
to survive. Killing something to eat was different than what

292
00:18:36,160 --> 00:18:39,119
most men on horses atop the hill had intended him

293
00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:42,880
to do with it. He had been raised using a rifle,

294
00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:46,319
but not in the killing of men, and to his knowledge,

295
00:18:46,359 --> 00:18:50,680
he had not killed a man since arriving. He wanted

296
00:18:50,720 --> 00:18:53,680
to leave before he could no longer say that honestly,

297
00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:57,519
It crossed his mind to take the rifle from the

298
00:18:57,559 --> 00:19:00,839
man lying beside him as well, But then he remembered

299
00:19:00,839 --> 00:19:04,319
that the man's weapon was as broken and useless as

300
00:19:04,359 --> 00:19:08,359
its owner. It had been an eight pound ball fired

301
00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:11,000
from a cannon that had been the undoing for both

302
00:19:11,039 --> 00:19:14,079
of them. He had heard the ball whistling as it

303
00:19:14,160 --> 00:19:18,119
flew through the air. For the briefest of instances, he

304
00:19:18,160 --> 00:19:21,920
had seen the ball coming toward them. Maybe there had

305
00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:24,119
been time to grab the sleeve of him who had

306
00:19:24,160 --> 00:19:27,200
been standing alongside and pull him out of arm's way.

307
00:19:27,960 --> 00:19:31,160
Maybe there had been, but he had chosen instead to

308
00:19:31,279 --> 00:19:33,920
drop to the ground and cover his head with his arms.

309
00:19:35,279 --> 00:19:37,839
He had not seen the ball make contact with the man,

310
00:19:38,319 --> 00:19:41,200
but when he had uncovered his eyes, he had seen

311
00:19:41,240 --> 00:19:45,960
the aftermath. For nearly two hours, he had lain in

312
00:19:46,200 --> 00:19:49,960
what was generously being called a ditch and stared at

313
00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:51,720
what was left of the man that he had been

314
00:19:51,839 --> 00:19:55,680
talking with earlier. The patch that the man had sewn

315
00:19:55,759 --> 00:19:59,480
into his pants to cover a terror was recognizable, but

316
00:19:59,519 --> 00:20:01,640
that was the only way he could have told who

317
00:20:01,680 --> 00:20:05,519
the man was. After the ball had found him, he

318
00:20:05,599 --> 00:20:08,359
lay there for the longest, thinking about who might be

319
00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:11,400
at home, wondering when they might get a letter from

320
00:20:11,480 --> 00:20:14,480
him saying that he was still doing well and fighting

321
00:20:14,519 --> 00:20:18,240
the good fight. He supposed it might be quite a

322
00:20:18,279 --> 00:20:20,880
while before those at home finally gave up hope of

323
00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:25,680
ever hearing from him again. Maybe they would resign themselves

324
00:20:25,680 --> 00:20:28,559
to thinking that, after all the battles, he had simply

325
00:20:28,599 --> 00:20:32,680
decided to continue his life somewhere else. It would be

326
00:20:32,839 --> 00:20:36,559
easier believing that he was alive, just in a new place,

327
00:20:37,640 --> 00:20:40,480
but down deep, they would know the truth, even if

328
00:20:40,519 --> 00:20:44,880
they never allowed themselves to think it. The man's weapon

329
00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:49,640
was useless, but he had other things that could be used. Slowly,

330
00:20:49,839 --> 00:20:52,400
he went through what was left of the man's pockets,

331
00:20:52,480 --> 00:20:56,680
and possible bag. Shot and powder were there, as was

332
00:20:56,720 --> 00:21:00,319
a knife. He had lost his own somewhere, and he

333
00:21:00,440 --> 00:21:04,319
greedily took this new one from the dead man. He

334
00:21:04,359 --> 00:21:07,240
did not know the man's name and did not want to.

335
00:21:08,079 --> 00:21:11,039
It was easier stealing from just a corpse than it

336
00:21:11,079 --> 00:21:13,119
would have been if he had been compelled to grief

337
00:21:13,119 --> 00:21:17,000
for him first. The man had nothing else of use.

338
00:21:17,759 --> 00:21:20,319
No one in this field had much of use, and

339
00:21:20,519 --> 00:21:24,400
hadn't for some time, as they had less each day,

340
00:21:24,519 --> 00:21:27,839
but were still being told to move forward. The glory

341
00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:31,759
and honor they had been promised seemed tarnished and unreachable.

342
00:21:32,759 --> 00:21:35,359
It was that, along with the noise, that made him

343
00:21:35,359 --> 00:21:39,839
decide to do as he had Dying nobly is still dying,

344
00:21:40,440 --> 00:21:42,720
and no one knowing who they were pushing into a

345
00:21:42,759 --> 00:21:46,240
grave with a hundred other mangled and unknown men was

346
00:21:46,279 --> 00:21:49,440
a future he could not willingly allow himself to be

347
00:21:49,519 --> 00:21:53,640
a part of. He did not harbor plans for greatness

348
00:21:53,680 --> 00:21:57,440
in his mind or heart, but he did intend on living.

349
00:21:58,440 --> 00:22:01,440
There was too little chance of that happening if he stayed.

350
00:22:03,039 --> 00:22:07,279
Men carrying stretchers were coming in pairs. He could hear

351
00:22:07,319 --> 00:22:11,799
them talking. They were searching for the wounded. Most of

352
00:22:11,839 --> 00:22:15,119
those that they found would not be alive this time tomorrow,

353
00:22:15,279 --> 00:22:17,759
but the effort had to be made out of decency,

354
00:22:18,119 --> 00:22:22,119
if for no other reason, those collecting the dead would

355
00:22:22,160 --> 00:22:25,119
come later. He pulled what was left of the man

356
00:22:25,160 --> 00:22:28,200
beside him atop his own body and lay very still

357
00:22:28,720 --> 00:22:33,200
and barely breathing. He heard them as they neared, He

358
00:22:33,359 --> 00:22:37,559
listened as they passed by him. He breathed easier when

359
00:22:37,599 --> 00:22:40,519
they had walked on. They could not see so well

360
00:22:40,559 --> 00:22:45,319
in the darkness. They were searching for men by sound, too.

361
00:22:45,359 --> 00:22:48,720
Many were everywhere pleading for help for a merciful release.

362
00:22:49,680 --> 00:22:52,920
They were concentrating their efforts on getting to those men.

363
00:22:54,359 --> 00:22:57,000
The men that would come later could worry about those

364
00:22:57,039 --> 00:23:00,680
that no longer made any sounds at all. Intended to

365
00:23:00,799 --> 00:23:05,480
leave before that later group arrived. He listened until it

366
00:23:05,519 --> 00:23:08,759
was all finally so quiet that nightbirds could be heard

367
00:23:08,839 --> 00:23:13,000
singing their songs. All of those near him that had

368
00:23:13,039 --> 00:23:16,279
been pleading for help had been found or they had died.

369
00:23:16,960 --> 00:23:19,799
Either way, they had gone silent, and now he could

370
00:23:19,839 --> 00:23:23,880
hear nothing. He looked up and saw that what moon

371
00:23:24,039 --> 00:23:26,319
was there was as high as it was going to

372
00:23:26,359 --> 00:23:30,279
get that evening. Every minute he waited now was just

373
00:23:30,359 --> 00:23:34,799
a minute closer to the eventual sunrise. Now was the

374
00:23:34,839 --> 00:23:37,720
time he had been waiting for. He could not afford

375
00:23:37,799 --> 00:23:41,480
to wait any longer. He checked to make sure that

376
00:23:41,559 --> 00:23:44,799
he had everything he intended to take with him. The

377
00:23:44,880 --> 00:23:48,079
list was a short one. He rolled over to his

378
00:23:48,200 --> 00:23:50,680
knees and began to crawl in the opposite direction of

379
00:23:50,680 --> 00:23:54,559
where sporadic flickers of firelight could be seen in the distance.

380
00:23:55,880 --> 00:24:00,519
He crawled quietly but rapidly. Isn't that what deserves and

381
00:24:00,799 --> 00:24:06,240
cowards do? Don't they crawl? He didn't care. Each foot

382
00:24:06,279 --> 00:24:09,319
of distance he put between himself and all the horrendous

383
00:24:09,359 --> 00:24:13,000
and never ending wreckage made him feel safer and more

384
00:24:13,039 --> 00:24:15,400
in control of his own life than he had felt

385
00:24:15,440 --> 00:24:20,480
in so very long. Nettles pierced his palms, and he

386
00:24:20,519 --> 00:24:24,559
continued to crawl. Rocks broke the flesh of his hands

387
00:24:24,640 --> 00:24:28,759
and knees, and he continued to crawl. Where a face

388
00:24:28,799 --> 00:24:31,839
had once covered the front of a skull, now there

389
00:24:32,000 --> 00:24:35,519
was just a cavity full of cool, soft jell, And

390
00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:38,640
because of the darkness, into this he placed one of

391
00:24:38,680 --> 00:24:42,759
his hands, and with disgust, he flung the remnants of

392
00:24:42,839 --> 00:24:47,000
some poor soul's mind from his fingers, and continued to crawl.

393
00:24:48,559 --> 00:24:51,400
Only when he left the field and duck quickly behind

394
00:24:51,400 --> 00:24:54,200
a tree did he stand and breathe deeply and slowly.

395
00:24:55,240 --> 00:24:58,079
It was dark in the trees, but no voices could

396
00:24:58,119 --> 00:25:02,640
be heard, and no flickers of firelight were detected. As

397
00:25:02,680 --> 00:25:06,160
softly but as rapidly as he could, he darted from

398
00:25:06,240 --> 00:25:09,640
tree to tree, always stopping with his back against it

399
00:25:09,720 --> 00:25:12,480
so he could listen for a moment before continuing on.

400
00:25:14,160 --> 00:25:16,799
When the spider leapt from the bark of the tree

401
00:25:16,960 --> 00:25:19,000
to the area between the back of his neck and

402
00:25:19,039 --> 00:25:22,599
his collar, he stifled a scream and through the creature

403
00:25:22,720 --> 00:25:25,400
as far as he could once his hand had closed

404
00:25:25,400 --> 00:25:28,599
around it. He did not think he had been bitten.

405
00:25:29,519 --> 00:25:32,119
If he did not fall down, sick, or begin to swell,

406
00:25:32,200 --> 00:25:35,160
then he would know that he had been correct. He

407
00:25:35,240 --> 00:25:39,960
moved deeper into the trees. Now that he had made

408
00:25:40,000 --> 00:25:42,720
the decision to run away and had taken the first

409
00:25:42,759 --> 00:25:45,720
steps toward that end, he wanted to be as far

410
00:25:45,759 --> 00:25:49,799
away as quickly as was possible. He had walked and

411
00:25:49,960 --> 00:25:54,559
darted from tree to tree, and then just darted. Eventually,

412
00:25:54,839 --> 00:25:58,960
in spite of the darkness, he began to run. He

413
00:25:59,079 --> 00:26:02,680
ran even while the stitch grabbed and burned in his side,

414
00:26:03,279 --> 00:26:05,359
and he ran with one hand out in front of

415
00:26:05,440 --> 00:26:09,440
him to push away vines and limbs and webs. He

416
00:26:09,559 --> 00:26:12,839
ran until he was halted by his hand colliding with

417
00:26:12,960 --> 00:26:16,279
a tree. He used the same hand to push himself

418
00:26:16,359 --> 00:26:18,720
away from the tree, and then he continued to run.

419
00:26:19,839 --> 00:26:23,079
He ran until there was no more ground beneath his feet,

420
00:26:23,400 --> 00:26:28,240
and he rolled. The hill had been an impressive one.

421
00:26:28,319 --> 00:26:31,359
He had descended it quickly, but not without a cost.

422
00:26:32,359 --> 00:26:36,680
Now everything hurt. He did not think that anything was broken,

423
00:26:36,759 --> 00:26:39,400
but he was sure that everything was bruised and tender.

424
00:26:40,759 --> 00:26:43,599
Several times he spat, but the taste of dirt and

425
00:26:43,680 --> 00:26:47,680
leaves remained inside his mouth. He was not sure if

426
00:26:47,680 --> 00:26:51,240
his rifle had survived the fall intact, and wouldn't know

427
00:26:51,559 --> 00:26:55,720
until there was again light to see by. He wished

428
00:26:55,799 --> 00:26:59,559
he knew now he would appreciate not worrying all night

429
00:26:59,640 --> 00:27:03,319
if it still usable, and if it wasn't, he would

430
00:27:03,359 --> 00:27:06,559
like to have thrown it aside. It was heavy and

431
00:27:06,680 --> 00:27:11,279
cumbersome to run with. He spat again and started to

432
00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:14,119
run once more, in the same general direction that he

433
00:27:14,160 --> 00:27:19,160
had been traveling before the tumble. He was scared. Running

434
00:27:19,240 --> 00:27:22,559
toward a future that he had no preconceived notions about

435
00:27:22,640 --> 00:27:26,839
frightened him. How he was going to survive and where

436
00:27:26,960 --> 00:27:31,079
he was to survive was an unknown. Simply running in

437
00:27:31,119 --> 00:27:34,680
the dark frightened him. Trip over a log, or step

438
00:27:34,720 --> 00:27:36,319
in a hole, and run off the edge of a

439
00:27:36,440 --> 00:27:39,519
ridge or ledge, and all of his worrying days would

440
00:27:39,599 --> 00:27:43,960
soon be over with. Not running fast enough frightened him.

441
00:27:45,039 --> 00:27:47,920
He knew what those men on horses would do to

442
00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:50,839
him if he didn't run far enough or fast enough.

443
00:27:51,759 --> 00:27:55,000
He knew because they had told him, had told all

444
00:27:55,039 --> 00:27:58,960
of them. It was bad enough that those wearing the

445
00:27:59,000 --> 00:28:02,079
blue coats want to kill him simply because he was

446
00:28:02,119 --> 00:28:05,119
wearing a gray coat, and the men on the horses

447
00:28:05,160 --> 00:28:09,039
with cleaner gray coats would kill him also, just because

448
00:28:09,079 --> 00:28:11,279
he had run away from a fight that he did

449
00:28:11,319 --> 00:28:15,039
not want to be a part of. He was frightened,

450
00:28:15,319 --> 00:28:18,599
but he was no coward. It would have been hard

451
00:28:18,640 --> 00:28:22,359
to explain the difference. He wasn't even sure he could

452
00:28:22,359 --> 00:28:25,640
make a reasonable or rational separation of the two in

453
00:28:25,680 --> 00:28:30,000
his own mind. But there was one. He had known

454
00:28:30,079 --> 00:28:32,319
what it was earlier, as he had laid among the

455
00:28:32,359 --> 00:28:35,240
dead and dying, But he could not recall the right

456
00:28:35,319 --> 00:28:39,920
words now as he was running away. He just knew

457
00:28:40,000 --> 00:28:43,640
that he had to keep running. That was his only thought.

458
00:28:44,240 --> 00:28:46,880
He knew that if he slowed or stopped, they would

459
00:28:46,920 --> 00:28:49,519
find him, and they would execute him after making an

460
00:28:49,599 --> 00:28:53,079
example out of him in front of everyone. They would

461
00:28:53,079 --> 00:28:56,160
not be gracious to allow him time to reclaim the

462
00:28:56,240 --> 00:29:00,759
difference between running away and cowardice from his memories, even

463
00:29:00,960 --> 00:29:08,559
if there was one. Three. When the blackness began to

464
00:29:08,640 --> 00:29:12,279
morph into grayness, he feared traveling onward as he had been.

465
00:29:13,519 --> 00:29:15,799
The ones that sat on the horses were keen on

466
00:29:15,920 --> 00:29:20,200
dispatching and posting snipers, as did those from the opposing

467
00:29:20,319 --> 00:29:24,920
view as well, or so he had to assume. Running

468
00:29:25,160 --> 00:29:28,359
by himself through the forest made him an immediate target

469
00:29:28,400 --> 00:29:33,079
for either side. He searched in the ever lightening woods

470
00:29:33,160 --> 00:29:36,119
until he found two fallen trees, not so far apart

471
00:29:36,160 --> 00:29:39,960
from each other. A wind sheer ahead of an oncoming

472
00:29:40,000 --> 00:29:43,640
storm sometime in the recent past had toppled the trees,

473
00:29:44,160 --> 00:29:47,799
or at least that was his guests. He laid himself

474
00:29:47,839 --> 00:29:50,720
between the two and gathered as many leaves and small

475
00:29:50,799 --> 00:29:53,519
branches as he could reach to pull over himself like

476
00:29:53,559 --> 00:29:58,359
a blanket. He wasn't cold, He just wanted the concealment.

477
00:29:59,359 --> 00:30:01,039
He could only I hope that he had done an

478
00:30:01,079 --> 00:30:04,680
adequate job. He would not know if he had until

479
00:30:04,759 --> 00:30:08,319
someone passed him by without noticing that he was lying there,

480
00:30:09,119 --> 00:30:12,559
as still as those men he had left lying dead

481
00:30:12,599 --> 00:30:17,160
in that field. Miles behind him. He lay, He could

482
00:30:17,160 --> 00:30:20,640
see nothing, aside from the darkness around him, turning less

483
00:30:20,720 --> 00:30:24,160
and less dark. He would not allow himself to move

484
00:30:24,279 --> 00:30:28,799
until the black had swallowed everything once again. For how

485
00:30:28,799 --> 00:30:30,880
many days he would have to do what he was

486
00:30:30,960 --> 00:30:35,359
doing now he had no idea. Today, he would rely

487
00:30:35,480 --> 00:30:39,640
on his hearing instead of his eyes. He would lie

488
00:30:39,640 --> 00:30:42,079
and listen for any sound that would indicate that he

489
00:30:42,200 --> 00:30:45,880
was no longer alone. It wasn't enough that someone walked

490
00:30:45,960 --> 00:30:49,359
near to him without noticing that he was there. What

491
00:30:49,440 --> 00:30:53,279
if someone from a distance saw something peculiar and chose

492
00:30:53,319 --> 00:30:56,279
to wait and watch. If they were good at what

493
00:30:56,359 --> 00:30:59,440
they did, then they might sit still for hours watching

494
00:30:59,480 --> 00:31:03,240
the unusual looking pile of leaves between the two fallen trees,

495
00:31:03,880 --> 00:31:05,920
just to see if there was more to it than

496
00:31:06,000 --> 00:31:10,599
immediately met the eye. Walking up and poking at the

497
00:31:10,599 --> 00:31:12,759
pile of leaves with a rifle barrel was a good

498
00:31:12,799 --> 00:31:15,480
way to get shot, and the one doing the watch

499
00:31:15,480 --> 00:31:19,559
and would know this. Instead, he would bide his time

500
00:31:19,640 --> 00:31:23,319
and watch. Then if the pile moved wrongly, or if

501
00:31:23,359 --> 00:31:25,880
a man emerged from it, then he would put a

502
00:31:25,920 --> 00:31:31,160
ball through the until recently concealed man's chest. No, it

503
00:31:31,279 --> 00:31:34,039
was too dangerous to try moving it all before night

504
00:31:34,079 --> 00:31:37,920
fell again. He'd like to sleep, but he needed to listen.

505
00:31:39,400 --> 00:31:41,640
If nothing else, it gave him the time that he

506
00:31:41,720 --> 00:31:44,880
needed to think, not to think about what he should

507
00:31:44,920 --> 00:31:48,119
have done. That had already been decided and there wasn't

508
00:31:48,160 --> 00:31:51,759
any going back. Now was the time for thinking about

509
00:31:51,759 --> 00:31:55,720
what to do next. As far as surviving, the correct

510
00:31:55,759 --> 00:31:59,039
decision had been made. Least in his mind, it had

511
00:31:59,079 --> 00:32:05,000
been correct. Now the decisions concerning living lay ahead of him.

512
00:32:05,079 --> 00:32:08,000
It should have been thought through already, but it had not.

513
00:32:09,079 --> 00:32:12,000
He had been raised to be a planner. His father

514
00:32:12,200 --> 00:32:16,119
had been a tenacious one from the time. As far

515
00:32:16,160 --> 00:32:19,279
back as he could remember, his father had all the

516
00:32:19,359 --> 00:32:23,000
time been explaining why he was doing a particular something

517
00:32:23,240 --> 00:32:27,440
in a particular way. Do this thing in this certain

518
00:32:27,480 --> 00:32:29,720
way because it gets you ready to do this other

519
00:32:29,880 --> 00:32:33,400
thing six months from now. He had been raised to

520
00:32:33,440 --> 00:32:36,319
think about life in those terms, but he had not

521
00:32:36,440 --> 00:32:38,960
done any of that. During his time of making the

522
00:32:39,039 --> 00:32:43,480
decision to run. All he had thought about was getting away.

523
00:32:44,680 --> 00:32:47,200
What to do next and where to live and how

524
00:32:47,240 --> 00:32:50,759
to live would need to be considered and considered thoughtfully.

525
00:32:51,240 --> 00:32:54,319
But as he lay under all those leaves and twigs,

526
00:32:54,599 --> 00:32:58,920
a different thought concerned him, the father that he had

527
00:32:59,000 --> 00:33:01,960
just been remembering, the father that he was so very

528
00:33:02,000 --> 00:33:05,000
proud of. What would he think of the decision that

529
00:33:05,079 --> 00:33:08,880
his son had made. He didn't have to wonder. He

530
00:33:08,960 --> 00:33:12,839
knew what his father would think. Too. Many years growing

531
00:33:12,920 --> 00:33:15,559
up under the man's roof had taught him to honor

532
00:33:15,599 --> 00:33:18,920
his word when he had given it. How many times

533
00:33:18,920 --> 00:33:22,319
his father had said something along the lines of, once

534
00:33:22,359 --> 00:33:25,359
you give a man your word about anything, it doesn't

535
00:33:25,400 --> 00:33:28,920
matter what it is. You keep your word. It matters

536
00:33:29,039 --> 00:33:31,519
not how hard you have to work to do it

537
00:33:31,960 --> 00:33:34,920
or how much money you lose doing it. If you

538
00:33:35,039 --> 00:33:37,319
say that you will do a thing, then you must

539
00:33:37,359 --> 00:33:41,400
do the thing. That was why he knew what his

540
00:33:41,480 --> 00:33:43,920
father would think if he knew of the decision he

541
00:33:44,000 --> 00:33:47,240
had made. It was also why he knew now he

542
00:33:47,279 --> 00:33:51,400
could never go home again. Showing up maimed or dead

543
00:33:51,440 --> 00:33:55,440
would be preferable to showing up a disgrace. His father

544
00:33:55,559 --> 00:33:57,839
had always told him that he would be loved no

545
00:33:57,880 --> 00:34:00,720
matter what he did or had done, but his son

546
00:34:01,000 --> 00:34:03,680
being a deserter from a war had never crossed the

547
00:34:03,759 --> 00:34:07,799
man's mind as a possibility. Now he knew that he

548
00:34:07,839 --> 00:34:12,000
could never go home again. He simply could not force

549
00:34:12,039 --> 00:34:15,960
an honorable man like his father into a lie. His

550
00:34:16,000 --> 00:34:18,920
father saying that he still loved him even after hearing

551
00:34:18,960 --> 00:34:21,159
how he had abandoned the men that he was serving

552
00:34:21,199 --> 00:34:26,119
with and fighting alongside, would be a lie. Much better

553
00:34:26,239 --> 00:34:28,840
that the man never became aware of what really happened

554
00:34:28,880 --> 00:34:32,039
to his son. Allow the old man to live out

555
00:34:32,079 --> 00:34:34,960
the rest of his days in dignity. Let him go

556
00:34:35,039 --> 00:34:38,400
to his grave believing his son had stood without faltering

557
00:34:38,559 --> 00:34:41,960
when the time came for him to stand. Let him

558
00:34:42,039 --> 00:34:45,440
never know of how his brave son had hidden beneath

559
00:34:45,519 --> 00:34:51,079
corpses and then slunk away in the darkness. The day

560
00:34:51,199 --> 00:34:56,400
passed agonizingly slow. He was spent from lying perfectly still

561
00:34:56,519 --> 00:35:00,000
and listening with earnest and as a result felt complet

562
00:35:00,000 --> 00:35:03,320
deletely exhausted, more than he had ever been during the

563
00:35:03,360 --> 00:35:06,880
forced marches or running from ditch to stump in order

564
00:35:06,920 --> 00:35:11,599
to avoid being shot. He supposed that not eating anything

565
00:35:11,679 --> 00:35:14,960
for two days had something to do with that, and

566
00:35:15,000 --> 00:35:17,440
even though no one had ever made mention of it

567
00:35:17,480 --> 00:35:20,800
to him, he was fully aware of how worry and

568
00:35:21,000 --> 00:35:25,920
anxiousness can tax the body. Just because he had escaped

569
00:35:25,960 --> 00:35:28,159
the battlefield, did not mean that he had left his

570
00:35:28,239 --> 00:35:31,840
troubles behind him. He had simply traded them for a

571
00:35:31,880 --> 00:35:36,119
different batch of new ones. He did not believe that

572
00:35:36,239 --> 00:35:38,599
he had veered very far from the direction he had

573
00:35:38,679 --> 00:35:42,639
chosen when leaving the battlefield. He didn't know exactly where

574
00:35:42,639 --> 00:35:45,480
he was, but he had an idea. More or less,

575
00:35:46,599 --> 00:35:49,280
he knew that he hadn't traveled as far as he'd

576
00:35:49,360 --> 00:35:53,199
like to allow himself to believe that he had. Running

577
00:35:53,199 --> 00:35:55,400
for your life in the dark, while trying to hear

578
00:35:55,480 --> 00:35:58,719
every detectable sound that wasn't native to the deep woods,

579
00:35:59,039 --> 00:36:01,599
not to mention, work quite hard, not to trip and

580
00:36:01,719 --> 00:36:05,719
fall over every fallen branch, or stumble on every depression

581
00:36:05,760 --> 00:36:09,480
in the earth. All of these things exhausted you enough

582
00:36:09,519 --> 00:36:12,320
so that it would be easy to convince yourself that

583
00:36:12,440 --> 00:36:17,199
you had gone considerably farther than you actually had. He

584
00:36:17,280 --> 00:36:20,719
knew where he had been when the fighting started, and

585
00:36:20,800 --> 00:36:23,599
he was still in that same place when the running began.

586
00:36:24,920 --> 00:36:27,760
Some had called it one thing, while others used a

587
00:36:27,800 --> 00:36:32,320
different name. It didn't matter. They were one and the same,

588
00:36:32,800 --> 00:36:36,320
that dreadful place, and he never wanted to hear either

589
00:36:36,480 --> 00:36:40,960
name for it mentioned again. Most of those he had

590
00:36:41,000 --> 00:36:45,119
been fighting alongside called the place Sharpsburg, while those they

591
00:36:45,159 --> 00:36:49,559
were actually fighting called it a Teetum, and Tetum had

592
00:36:49,599 --> 00:36:52,159
been the name of the pretty fair sized creek that

593
00:36:52,239 --> 00:36:56,480
wandered through the hills peacefully. He supposed it still did,

594
00:36:56,519 --> 00:36:58,880
but now it was littered with bodies of men from

595
00:36:58,920 --> 00:37:02,400
both sides, and the water that had been so clear

596
00:37:02,480 --> 00:37:07,920
before now ran red in the aftermath. They had been

597
00:37:07,960 --> 00:37:11,239
in Maryland when the fighting began that morning. He was

598
00:37:11,320 --> 00:37:15,519
well aware of his proximity to West Virginia. It wasn't

599
00:37:15,559 --> 00:37:17,719
so far away from the sight of the battle, and

600
00:37:17,800 --> 00:37:20,400
they had traveled through the state to get the Antietam.

601
00:37:21,159 --> 00:37:23,400
He didn't think that he had run so far as

602
00:37:23,440 --> 00:37:27,039
to be in West Virginia yet, but was almost positive

603
00:37:27,159 --> 00:37:30,760
he would be by dawn tomorrow, assuming he lived through

604
00:37:30,800 --> 00:37:35,280
the day. He didn't especially like West Virginia. It was

605
00:37:35,320 --> 00:37:37,960
too dark and shadowy for him to warm up to,

606
00:37:39,079 --> 00:37:41,800
but he had only seen a narrow portion of the state,

607
00:37:41,920 --> 00:37:44,480
and he was being pushed and rushed the whole time.

608
00:37:44,519 --> 00:37:48,280
At that He didn't think that he wanted to spend

609
00:37:48,280 --> 00:37:50,559
the remainder of his life there, but he would be

610
00:37:50,679 --> 00:37:53,000
satisfied for the time being if he could find a

611
00:37:53,039 --> 00:37:55,960
place that offered a measure of safety so that he

612
00:37:56,000 --> 00:37:58,880
could rest and think about the days in years that

613
00:37:58,960 --> 00:38:03,079
lay ahead of him. The more he thought about what

614
00:38:03,239 --> 00:38:07,000
all he would need just to survive, the gloomier it

615
00:38:07,159 --> 00:38:11,440
seemed the struggle would be real, and every thought led

616
00:38:11,519 --> 00:38:13,920
him to the conclusion that the struggle would be no

617
00:38:14,119 --> 00:38:17,719
short amount of time either. The men he had been

618
00:38:17,719 --> 00:38:22,360
fighting alongside had been doggedly resilient and almost fanatical in

619
00:38:22,440 --> 00:38:26,280
their persistence, and those on the other side, while maybe

620
00:38:26,320 --> 00:38:29,920
not quite so enthusiastic about the whole thing, made up

621
00:38:29,960 --> 00:38:33,840
for it in numbers that never seemed to lessen. What

622
00:38:33,920 --> 00:38:37,320
that told him was that all of this horrible nonsense

623
00:38:37,559 --> 00:38:42,280
might not be over with anytime soon. As long as

624
00:38:42,280 --> 00:38:45,519
it was going on, someone would be looking for him.

625
00:38:46,440 --> 00:38:50,519
They had people that did just that. One thing. He

626
00:38:50,599 --> 00:38:53,440
knew because some of those that sat on the horses

627
00:38:53,519 --> 00:38:56,679
had told them so as a way of discouraging actions

628
00:38:56,719 --> 00:39:01,079
like he had taken the evening before. So it wasn't

629
00:39:01,119 --> 00:39:03,800
as if he could just wander into the nearest town,

630
00:39:04,360 --> 00:39:07,480
find himself a job and house, and begin the blending in.

631
00:39:08,519 --> 00:39:11,159
He had no money to even live on until work

632
00:39:11,280 --> 00:39:14,840
started paying up. He had no clothes other than the

633
00:39:14,880 --> 00:39:18,199
gray uniform that so many in the country now recognized.

634
00:39:19,159 --> 00:39:22,599
A broke drifter in uniform away from his troop and

635
00:39:22,679 --> 00:39:25,119
in no hurry to get back, was going to stick

636
00:39:25,159 --> 00:39:29,239
out like a sore thumb. If he went near a town,

637
00:39:29,559 --> 00:39:32,159
it wouldn't be but a short time until the searchers

638
00:39:32,199 --> 00:39:35,639
were hot on his trail. He knew that they would

639
00:39:35,679 --> 00:39:37,760
be on the lookout for him when he didn't appear

640
00:39:37,800 --> 00:39:42,639
in formation and nobody matching his description could be accounted for.

641
00:39:44,199 --> 00:39:46,679
Maybe West Virginia was the best place he could be,

642
00:39:46,800 --> 00:39:50,599
after all. The darker and more shadowy the better, as

643
00:39:50,639 --> 00:39:55,800
far as he could tell for now. Anyway, it was

644
00:39:55,840 --> 00:39:58,360
getting late in the afternoon, and he just knew that

645
00:39:58,400 --> 00:40:02,239
if someone even as close two ridges away listened, they

646
00:40:02,280 --> 00:40:06,280
could hear his stomach growling. He had a biscuit in

647
00:40:06,320 --> 00:40:08,960
his pocket that he had saved from the day before.

648
00:40:09,119 --> 00:40:12,800
If it wasn't crumbled into dust by now, he was

649
00:40:12,840 --> 00:40:14,760
sure that he could get it out of his pocket

650
00:40:14,840 --> 00:40:17,960
and into his mouth without disturbing the blanket of leaves

651
00:40:18,000 --> 00:40:21,199
too very much. But he also wondered if he might

652
00:40:21,280 --> 00:40:24,360
need the ration more later on. Than he did now.

653
00:40:26,119 --> 00:40:29,679
His hand closed around a couple of acorns, and using

654
00:40:29,719 --> 00:40:32,559
his thumbnail, he managed to remove all of the shell

655
00:40:33,840 --> 00:40:37,320
glacially slow, he moved his hand until he could drop

656
00:40:37,360 --> 00:40:40,760
one of the acorns into his mouth. As he chewed

657
00:40:40,800 --> 00:40:44,679
on the grainy but not terribly unpleasant tasting fair, he

658
00:40:44,760 --> 00:40:50,239
began the slow process of stripping the second acorn. There

659
00:40:50,320 --> 00:40:53,280
is a time that comes each day when the daytime

660
00:40:53,360 --> 00:40:57,079
birds and the small animals become quiet, and the night

661
00:40:57,159 --> 00:41:02,360
creatures began to stir listen. As he heard this take place,

662
00:41:03,360 --> 00:41:05,480
he knew that it wouldn't be long before he would

663
00:41:05,519 --> 00:41:08,840
be able to start running again. He was dreading the

664
00:41:08,960 --> 00:41:11,920
night long adventures of getting slapped in the face with

665
00:41:12,039 --> 00:41:16,599
limbs and eating mouthfuls of spiderwebs and bumping into things.

666
00:41:17,320 --> 00:41:19,760
But he was ready to do more than just lie

667
00:41:19,880 --> 00:41:24,360
still under a pile of leaves with the same precise

668
00:41:24,519 --> 00:41:27,719
movement that those men in the Orient used when they

669
00:41:27,840 --> 00:41:30,639
moved one varied grain of sand at a time to

670
00:41:30,719 --> 00:41:34,559
create those displays of art. He began to move leaves

671
00:41:34,599 --> 00:41:39,280
from his face so that he could observe his surroundings.

672
00:41:39,360 --> 00:41:42,719
He needed to be absolutely sure that no one was

673
00:41:42,760 --> 00:41:46,840
near enough to notice his leaving. He waited until it

674
00:41:46,920 --> 00:41:50,119
was full on dark, and then forced himself to wait

675
00:41:50,159 --> 00:41:54,440
a few moments longer. Perhaps all he was doing was

676
00:41:54,519 --> 00:41:57,039
too much, but he knew that he would never feel

677
00:41:57,159 --> 00:42:01,199
safe about moving if he didn't take every precaution he

678
00:42:01,199 --> 00:42:04,719
would need to be always looking forward. There was no

679
00:42:04,840 --> 00:42:07,480
time for looking over his shoulders and wondering if he

680
00:42:07,519 --> 00:42:11,960
had missed something. Only after he was as sure as

681
00:42:12,000 --> 00:42:14,480
he thought he could be that no one was in

682
00:42:14,519 --> 00:42:18,599
the neighborhood watching him. Only then did he rise himself

683
00:42:18,639 --> 00:42:22,000
from the tomb of leaves and branches to stand very

684
00:42:22,119 --> 00:42:27,000
still and listen before proceeding. South was all he had

685
00:42:27,000 --> 00:42:30,239
ever known, so that was the direction he started in

686
00:42:33,519 --> 00:42:37,880
four Sometimes there were rocky overhangs to be found and

687
00:42:37,960 --> 00:42:42,119
crawl up under, and twice there had been catastrophic deadfalls

688
00:42:42,159 --> 00:42:45,480
of trees to weave his way inside for protection. But

689
00:42:45,639 --> 00:42:49,199
mostly each day during those first ten or so days,

690
00:42:49,679 --> 00:42:52,440
he did each day as he had done the first day.

691
00:42:53,519 --> 00:42:56,639
He lay motionless under whatever he could gather to cover

692
00:42:56,800 --> 00:43:02,760
himself until darkness came once again. Reuben Miller was beginning

693
00:43:02,760 --> 00:43:05,239
to wonder if there would ever again be a day

694
00:43:05,280 --> 00:43:07,800
when he could sit with a full belly and take

695
00:43:07,880 --> 00:43:10,800
his ease without worrying if someone was watching him from

696
00:43:10,800 --> 00:43:14,559
the shadows. It was beginning to feel as if there

697
00:43:14,599 --> 00:43:19,960
wouldn't be the near constant running in near constant fasting

698
00:43:20,199 --> 00:43:22,800
had begun to show on his frame. But he had

699
00:43:22,800 --> 00:43:25,800
been lucky and had been able to run across solitary

700
00:43:25,880 --> 00:43:30,519
farmsteads every couple of three days. It was wartime and

701
00:43:30,760 --> 00:43:34,320
no one had much of anything, much less plenty to spare,

702
00:43:34,880 --> 00:43:37,760
but he had taken from the smokehouses and root sellers

703
00:43:37,960 --> 00:43:41,000
only that which would keep him alive, instead of all

704
00:43:41,039 --> 00:43:44,760
that he wanted. Reuben hated that he had been forced

705
00:43:44,800 --> 00:43:48,440
into thievery, but he would not allow greed in selfishness

706
00:43:48,480 --> 00:43:52,559
to be heaped among his misdoings. What he was going

707
00:43:52,599 --> 00:43:55,400
through now was of his own making, and he could

708
00:43:55,400 --> 00:43:59,360
not allow others to support it. He was thinking about

709
00:43:59,400 --> 00:44:02,119
that very thing when he felt himself began to fall.

710
00:44:02,960 --> 00:44:06,280
He had not become entangled in anything, nor had he

711
00:44:06,360 --> 00:44:10,639
tripped over something. The ground was simply no longer beneath him,

712
00:44:10,800 --> 00:44:15,039
and he began to fall quickly, roughly, and in near

713
00:44:15,079 --> 00:44:20,320
complete darkness. He fell outside. It had been dark, as

714
00:44:20,320 --> 00:44:23,760
he had run and then fell. Now, as he lay there,

715
00:44:23,880 --> 00:44:29,079
there was nothing but blackness. Everything hurt, but he lay

716
00:44:29,239 --> 00:44:34,079
very still, taking mental stock of himself and evaluating his condition.

717
00:44:35,400 --> 00:44:38,199
He could not see, but as near as he could tell,

718
00:44:38,400 --> 00:44:43,119
nothing was broken or cut severely. He was aware that

719
00:44:43,159 --> 00:44:46,719
there were some scrapes and minor lacerations, but nothing to

720
00:44:46,800 --> 00:44:50,599
be concerned about. He didn't think, well, that was fortunate.

721
00:44:51,079 --> 00:44:53,760
He had no way to address a major injury and

722
00:44:53,920 --> 00:44:57,760
couldn't see to do it if he'd received one. That

723
00:44:57,840 --> 00:45:00,280
didn't mean that he wasn't going to hurt for a

724
00:45:00,320 --> 00:45:04,000
few days. Though. The fall into this place had not

725
00:45:04,119 --> 00:45:08,000
been on clean sandy ground. It had been over rock

726
00:45:08,039 --> 00:45:11,360
strewn ways, and they had done damages he had fallen.

727
00:45:12,559 --> 00:45:15,239
He held his breath as he forced his eyes to

728
00:45:15,280 --> 00:45:19,079
take in every ounce of light that was available. A

729
00:45:19,119 --> 00:45:23,760
faint lightning revealed how he had entered this place. It

730
00:45:23,840 --> 00:45:26,719
was still much too dark to know any details about

731
00:45:26,760 --> 00:45:29,119
where he was, but he could at least tell that

732
00:45:29,199 --> 00:45:32,159
his fall had seemed much longer than it actually was.

733
00:45:33,599 --> 00:45:36,239
The opening that he had fallen through was not directly

734
00:45:36,320 --> 00:45:40,360
above him, and for that he was grateful. The fact

735
00:45:40,360 --> 00:45:43,000
that he had fallen down an incline as compared to

736
00:45:43,039 --> 00:45:46,199
falling straight down a hole, probably meant that the way

737
00:45:46,239 --> 00:45:50,119
out would be easier than it could have been. He

738
00:45:50,199 --> 00:45:54,280
started to force himself to sit up, but numerous points

739
00:45:54,280 --> 00:45:58,840
of injured soft tissue screamed and outraged at him. He

740
00:45:58,960 --> 00:46:02,239
lay back down and reminded himself that he had been

741
00:46:02,320 --> 00:46:05,199
nowhere in the past twelve days where he had been

742
00:46:05,280 --> 00:46:10,360
so safe from discovery as he was now likely he

743
00:46:10,360 --> 00:46:12,559
would have been forced to lay still for a day

744
00:46:12,679 --> 00:46:16,159
or so to recover from the fall. But now he

745
00:46:16,239 --> 00:46:19,039
lay with a contented smile on his face as it

746
00:46:19,079 --> 00:46:22,199
dawned on him that he need not bother with running

747
00:46:22,199 --> 00:46:25,599
again until he wanted to. He would not be found

748
00:46:25,639 --> 00:46:29,840
in this place. He slept soundly for the first time

749
00:46:29,960 --> 00:46:35,039
since deserting. As Reuben Miller snored softly and his dreamless

750
00:46:35,039 --> 00:46:38,320
sleep began to restore him, he had no idea what

751
00:46:38,519 --> 00:46:43,119
finding this place was actually going to mean for him,

752
00:46:43,159 --> 00:46:46,159
not entirely sure if he had been feeling the growling

753
00:46:46,280 --> 00:46:49,519
in his stomach that had awakened him or the sound

754
00:46:49,559 --> 00:46:52,559
of the growling that had but one of them had

755
00:46:53,639 --> 00:46:57,280
there were both symptoms of the same affliction that needed remedy.

756
00:46:58,480 --> 00:47:02,280
Hungry as he was, though he still smiled. He had

757
00:47:02,320 --> 00:47:05,840
expected to wait, being sore as arising, but his first

758
00:47:05,880 --> 00:47:08,760
thoughts had been of eating, and that told him that

759
00:47:08,840 --> 00:47:11,519
he likely wasn't going to experience the pain he had

760
00:47:11,559 --> 00:47:16,480
been preparing himself for. He sat up and winced. He

761
00:47:16,599 --> 00:47:19,800
was definitely sore and stove up, but only at a

762
00:47:19,840 --> 00:47:24,199
tolerable level, especially considering how he had entered this place.

763
00:47:25,199 --> 00:47:27,519
The sun was up a while already, and he could

764
00:47:27,599 --> 00:47:31,440
make out more of his surroundings now. Where he was

765
00:47:31,480 --> 00:47:35,119
at wasn't spacious enough to be considered a cavern, but

766
00:47:35,239 --> 00:47:38,519
it was much more than just a hole. It wasn't

767
00:47:38,559 --> 00:47:41,119
a cave either, or at least not one like he

768
00:47:41,159 --> 00:47:45,039
had ever heard about. It wasn't a room, but that

769
00:47:45,239 --> 00:47:47,719
was how he saw the place and would refer to

770
00:47:47,760 --> 00:47:52,400
it often as that. The room was almost round or

771
00:47:52,599 --> 00:47:56,199
circular in shape, with some sort of gritty covering along

772
00:47:56,280 --> 00:47:59,960
with the rocks on the floor. The walls were almost black,

773
00:48:00,159 --> 00:48:03,599
like everywhere that he could see. Not black because of

774
00:48:03,639 --> 00:48:06,360
the darkness, but black because the room was not a

775
00:48:06,400 --> 00:48:10,880
hollow inside of a rock formation, black because the walls

776
00:48:10,920 --> 00:48:15,519
were made of coal. He walked all around the edges.

777
00:48:16,079 --> 00:48:20,000
It took twenty nine steps to travel at all. He

778
00:48:20,079 --> 00:48:22,320
ran his hand across the surface of the wall and

779
00:48:22,400 --> 00:48:25,280
thought to himself that until he knew what he should do,

780
00:48:25,800 --> 00:48:28,960
this place offered security from the weather as well as

781
00:48:28,960 --> 00:48:33,199
those who might be looking for him. It was well concealed,

782
00:48:33,280 --> 00:48:36,719
but had plenty of fresh air available. Not to mention,

783
00:48:36,920 --> 00:48:40,360
there was a nearly inexhaustible source of fuel for heat

784
00:48:40,400 --> 00:48:44,079
and for cooking. Now all he needed was a water

785
00:48:44,199 --> 00:48:48,119
source and some food. His stomach was still growling, but

786
00:48:48,239 --> 00:48:50,360
he laid down once. He had used the toe of

787
00:48:50,360 --> 00:48:52,719
his shoe to kick some of the larger stones away,

788
00:48:53,400 --> 00:48:55,880
and he felt safer than at any time over the

789
00:48:55,960 --> 00:48:59,719
past nearly two weeks. He wanted to sleep and didn't

790
00:48:59,760 --> 00:49:04,000
care if he didn't wake until this time tomorrow. He

791
00:49:04,119 --> 00:49:07,280
was up before the sun was Even though he felt

792
00:49:07,320 --> 00:49:10,079
safe and secure in this new place, he made a

793
00:49:10,119 --> 00:49:13,199
point of not abandoning the measures of caution he had

794
00:49:13,239 --> 00:49:17,960
adopted since deciding to leave the war behind him. With

795
00:49:18,159 --> 00:49:21,480
calculated motions, he emerged from the coal mine and stood

796
00:49:21,480 --> 00:49:25,920
outside listening. The sky was just beginning to lighten, and

797
00:49:26,000 --> 00:49:28,480
he had to stare for long moments at things to

798
00:49:28,519 --> 00:49:32,559
be sure what he was seeing. But aggravating as that was,

799
00:49:33,079 --> 00:49:36,639
it was still smarter than just walking around in broad daylight.

800
00:49:38,239 --> 00:49:41,119
He heard nothing unusual, and in truth, he had not

801
00:49:41,280 --> 00:49:43,920
expected to hear anything out of the way, but he

802
00:49:43,960 --> 00:49:48,000
had to make sure. Food was a priority, but water

803
00:49:48,119 --> 00:49:51,639
was a must. It had been more than twenty four

804
00:49:51,679 --> 00:49:53,760
hours since he had had a drink, and he was

805
00:49:53,800 --> 00:49:58,960
feeling the effects. Reuben was still thinking clearly, but he

806
00:49:58,960 --> 00:50:02,679
could feel hazy, the walls closing in, and he supposed

807
00:50:02,719 --> 00:50:04,719
it would be partly due to the tumble he had

808
00:50:04,719 --> 00:50:07,599
taken into the coal shaft, but it didn't feel like

809
00:50:07,679 --> 00:50:12,000
an injury related effect. It felt like if he could

810
00:50:12,039 --> 00:50:15,840
just have a cool drink, he would feel completely himself again.

811
00:50:16,760 --> 00:50:19,480
And he stumbled as he tried to turn, but kept

812
00:50:19,519 --> 00:50:23,920
his balance and continued in his search. Unless he just

813
00:50:24,039 --> 00:50:27,079
happened up on a spring, the chances of him finding

814
00:50:27,199 --> 00:50:31,000
water up on this ridge were almost nil. The coal

815
00:50:31,039 --> 00:50:35,320
shaft was ideally located for his purposes. He gave him

816
00:50:35,360 --> 00:50:38,519
a clear view of everything around him, aside from directly

817
00:50:38,599 --> 00:50:43,159
behind him. The opening was overgrown and unless you knew

818
00:50:43,199 --> 00:50:45,360
to look for it, the eyes would never see it.

819
00:50:46,639 --> 00:50:49,039
But so far, it didn't seem as if water was

820
00:50:49,079 --> 00:50:53,320
close to hand, and that was a problem. He had

821
00:50:53,320 --> 00:50:55,760
his canteen as well as the one he had taken

822
00:50:55,800 --> 00:50:58,960
from the dead soldier that had fallen beside him, so

823
00:50:59,079 --> 00:51:02,079
if he found water, he could carry it back with him.

824
00:51:02,519 --> 00:51:05,000
But if the water ended up being too far away,

825
00:51:05,480 --> 00:51:08,719
he would have to evaluate whether the effort was worth it.

826
00:51:10,079 --> 00:51:12,159
He guessed that it would have been too much to

827
00:51:12,199 --> 00:51:14,920
ask for the perfect place to hide to also have

828
00:51:15,000 --> 00:51:19,039
a water supply. Nothing is ever perfect in this world,

829
00:51:19,039 --> 00:51:23,840
he thought to himself as he walked. Reuben walked slowly

830
00:51:24,079 --> 00:51:27,960
and methodically for two hours, stopping every few feet to

831
00:51:28,039 --> 00:51:31,599
listen for any sounds of running water. The more he

832
00:51:31,719 --> 00:51:35,239
tried to hear in e, the thirstier he found himself becoming.

833
00:51:36,400 --> 00:51:39,239
He couldn't understand how everything could be so thick and

834
00:51:39,320 --> 00:51:43,719
lush and green without adequate water nearby. Maybe it was

835
00:51:43,760 --> 00:51:47,079
because of the shape of the land. The coal shaft

836
00:51:47,199 --> 00:51:50,599
and everywhere he had been walking was on sidling ground.

837
00:51:51,519 --> 00:51:54,159
It was all part of a high hardwood ridge that

838
00:51:54,239 --> 00:51:57,559
he had been skirting back and forth. And maybe all

839
00:51:57,599 --> 00:52:00,719
the foliage took its moisture from the rainfall that slowly

840
00:52:00,719 --> 00:52:04,119
bled its way down the ridge and dispersed itself evenly

841
00:52:04,239 --> 00:52:08,280
among every bush and tree. Maybe there wasn't any water

842
00:52:08,400 --> 00:52:12,320
to be found. He was becoming dizzier with each step

843
00:52:12,360 --> 00:52:14,239
and was about to sit down in the hope that

844
00:52:14,280 --> 00:52:17,119
some rest would help clear his head. When he saw

845
00:52:17,159 --> 00:52:20,920
the movement from the corner of his eye. He jerked

846
00:52:20,920 --> 00:52:23,719
his head in that direction and studied the landscape for

847
00:52:23,760 --> 00:52:27,599
any sign of something moving. He was beginning to think

848
00:52:27,639 --> 00:52:30,400
he had imagined it all when further away he finally

849
00:52:30,440 --> 00:52:34,920
saw a pair of raccoons chasing each other. They scampered

850
00:52:35,000 --> 00:52:38,320
as if they were enjoying themselves, just having the best

851
00:52:38,360 --> 00:52:42,519
times playing with each other. He followed them and refused

852
00:52:42,519 --> 00:52:45,800
to allow the pair to escape his sight. He knew

853
00:52:45,880 --> 00:52:49,360
that where there were coons, there was water that didn't

854
00:52:49,400 --> 00:52:52,800
stray too far from it. If he kept his eyes

855
00:52:52,840 --> 00:52:56,559
on them, then eventually they would lead him to it. Patiently,

856
00:52:56,719 --> 00:53:01,679
he followed them while they chattered and rustled. Twice, he stopped,

857
00:53:01,800 --> 00:53:04,920
leaning his head against a tree until the world stopped spinning.

858
00:53:05,480 --> 00:53:08,559
Then he continued on while all the while he kept

859
00:53:08,599 --> 00:53:11,119
as precise a track as he could of where he

860
00:53:11,280 --> 00:53:15,960
was in relation to the coal shaft until he discovered

861
00:53:16,000 --> 00:53:20,039
that it simply wasn't logical or practical. He would continue

862
00:53:20,079 --> 00:53:22,880
to consider the coal shaft as the center from which

863
00:53:22,880 --> 00:53:27,159
he would function. The two raccoons looked up and stared

864
00:53:27,199 --> 00:53:31,280
at him as he laughed out loud. The sound startled them,

865
00:53:31,320 --> 00:53:34,760
but they apparently didn't see him as a threat. They

866
00:53:34,800 --> 00:53:38,000
continued swishing their front palls in the cool water, while

867
00:53:38,039 --> 00:53:41,920
Reubens sat on the ground chuckling. The raccoons had led

868
00:53:42,000 --> 00:53:46,000
him on a merry and quite exhaustive march through the woods,

869
00:53:46,000 --> 00:53:48,280
only to land him less than a couple of hundred

870
00:53:48,320 --> 00:53:51,119
yards from where he had crawled out of the shaft.

871
00:53:51,480 --> 00:53:54,159
There was no corner to the ridge, but if there

872
00:53:54,199 --> 00:53:57,440
had been, then just around the left one and just

873
00:53:57,559 --> 00:54:01,960
down the way lay the pool of water, fed by

874
00:54:01,960 --> 00:54:05,880
a narrow creek and emptying into a much more narrow one.

875
00:54:06,199 --> 00:54:09,039
The pool was neither wide nor deep, but it was

876
00:54:09,079 --> 00:54:14,400
full of clear fresh water. The raccoon's bark before scurrying away.

877
00:54:14,440 --> 00:54:17,599
As he approached, they sat and watched as he fell

878
00:54:17,639 --> 00:54:21,000
to his knees and lapped at the water. They tilted

879
00:54:21,039 --> 00:54:23,559
their heads as he thanked them for showing him the way.

880
00:54:24,400 --> 00:54:26,360
It was the first time that he had heard the

881
00:54:26,400 --> 00:54:29,519
sound of his own voice in nearly two weeks. He

882
00:54:29,599 --> 00:54:32,960
told himself that though he must remain cautious and vigilant,

883
00:54:33,360 --> 00:54:36,719
he must remember to speak on occasion, lest he fall

884
00:54:36,800 --> 00:54:40,440
deeper and deeper into that place of isolation from which

885
00:54:40,599 --> 00:54:43,559
there may not be any way to escape from once

886
00:54:43,639 --> 00:54:47,199
fully there. It was bad enough that he must be

887
00:54:47,280 --> 00:54:52,480
physically isolated, to be mentally isolated from the world was worse.

888
00:54:54,000 --> 00:54:56,559
It would be easy to just stop speaking as he

889
00:54:56,639 --> 00:55:00,199
went about his life do all that was required of

890
00:55:00,280 --> 00:55:02,960
him so that he could stay alive and do it

891
00:55:03,079 --> 00:55:07,800
in silence. Would be an easy trap to fall into,

892
00:55:07,920 --> 00:55:11,280
but he could not allow himself to do that. He

893
00:55:11,320 --> 00:55:15,039
would not allow himself to do that. Just to be

894
00:55:15,119 --> 00:55:21,480
alive had cost him too much already, maybe even his soul. Absolutely,

895
00:55:21,679 --> 00:55:24,760
it had already cost him his pride, his honor, and

896
00:55:24,840 --> 00:55:28,400
his dignity. Not to mention his family and the honor

897
00:55:28,440 --> 00:55:30,920
that came with the name as part of his birthright,

898
00:55:32,039 --> 00:55:35,280
he would not permit his sanity to be lost as well.

899
00:55:36,280 --> 00:55:38,719
It was something that he would have to always be

900
00:55:38,840 --> 00:55:42,079
on guard against. But there would always be the concern

901
00:55:42,320 --> 00:55:45,760
that insanity could sneak up on him and know his

902
00:55:45,880 --> 00:55:48,719
every move as easily as he had sneaked up on

903
00:55:48,800 --> 00:55:57,280
the raccoons. Five There were several meals of roasted frog

904
00:55:57,400 --> 00:56:01,480
legs and several failed attempts before he finally figured out

905
00:56:01,519 --> 00:56:05,159
how to make a snare function properly. Now, though he

906
00:56:05,280 --> 00:56:08,599
was eating more or less regularly, and had been for

907
00:56:08,639 --> 00:56:12,320
some time, at some point every day the pool was

908
00:56:12,440 --> 00:56:15,679
visited by a wide variety of small animals, and he

909
00:56:15,760 --> 00:56:18,760
caught something for his supper. Almost every time he laid

910
00:56:18,800 --> 00:56:22,960
a trap. Often deer came, and he knew this because

911
00:56:22,960 --> 00:56:25,679
he watched them come and go. But because he had

912
00:56:25,760 --> 00:56:28,920
damaged his rifle during the initial fall into the shaft,

913
00:56:29,159 --> 00:56:31,800
there was little he could do about the larger animals

914
00:56:31,840 --> 00:56:36,239
other than watch them drink and then leave. He had

915
00:56:36,280 --> 00:56:38,639
been living in the shaft for more than a month.

916
00:56:39,360 --> 00:56:42,400
While he couldn't honestly say that the days were pleasant,

917
00:56:42,840 --> 00:56:46,039
they had fallen into a routine that he found acceptable.

918
00:56:47,320 --> 00:56:50,280
The stock of small game that came continually to the

919
00:56:50,320 --> 00:56:54,840
pool somehow managed to keep replenishing itself, so there were

920
00:56:55,079 --> 00:56:57,719
very few days when he went without something to eat.

921
00:56:58,960 --> 00:57:01,360
In the hands of a gun smith, his rifle could

922
00:57:01,400 --> 00:57:04,280
have been made functional again with a little bother, but

923
00:57:04,440 --> 00:57:07,239
since that was very much out of the question, he

924
00:57:07,280 --> 00:57:09,880
put it to use in a different, but just as

925
00:57:09,960 --> 00:57:14,519
beneficial way. It bothered him to do it, but crashing

926
00:57:14,559 --> 00:57:17,199
the weapon against the wall so that he could dislodge

927
00:57:17,239 --> 00:57:19,719
the barrel from the stock was the only way he

928
00:57:19,719 --> 00:57:23,639
could get the heavy barrel loose. Starting the first fire

929
00:57:23,679 --> 00:57:27,079
had not been accomplished easily, but once it had been burning,

930
00:57:27,400 --> 00:57:29,840
he discovered that living in a room made of coal

931
00:57:30,079 --> 00:57:32,840
did not mean that fuel for the fire was always

932
00:57:32,920 --> 00:57:35,840
ready at hand. He needed a way to chip the

933
00:57:35,880 --> 00:57:38,360
coal from the wall, and the knife he had was

934
00:57:38,400 --> 00:57:41,360
too useful to take a chance of chipping or breaking it.

935
00:57:41,400 --> 00:57:45,079
By using it as a chisel with a hard stone

936
00:57:45,119 --> 00:57:48,079
from the pool, he pounded the steel barrel against the

937
00:57:48,119 --> 00:57:51,639
coal wall until pieces for him to burn broke free.

938
00:57:52,800 --> 00:57:55,519
It didn't take many sessions of doing this before he

939
00:57:55,639 --> 00:57:58,000
learned how to read the grain lines and veins and

940
00:57:58,039 --> 00:58:01,880
the coal. Chipping it away from the wall became easier

941
00:58:01,960 --> 00:58:05,960
once this had been learned. After that, he refused to

942
00:58:06,000 --> 00:58:09,079
allow the fire to go out. There wasn't any reason

943
00:58:09,159 --> 00:58:12,599
for him to let that happen. There was abundant fuel,

944
00:58:12,639 --> 00:58:14,960
and it had been too hard to get started in

945
00:58:14,960 --> 00:58:18,440
the first place. Now, even if it was a small one,

946
00:58:18,840 --> 00:58:21,760
a fire was all the time burning in his new home.

947
00:58:23,880 --> 00:58:26,840
Now he sat there, sat there, looking into the fire.

948
00:58:27,719 --> 00:58:30,480
His legs were criss crossed, and his back was against

949
00:58:30,480 --> 00:58:32,800
a section of log that he had slid into the

950
00:58:32,840 --> 00:58:36,840
shaft for just this purpose. He had grown tired of

951
00:58:36,960 --> 00:58:39,719
wanting to sit near to the fire, but having nothing

952
00:58:39,760 --> 00:58:43,000
to support his back while he did. Maybe he would

953
00:58:43,079 --> 00:58:46,920
start giving some consideration to trying to fashion a piece

954
00:58:47,000 --> 00:58:50,199
or two of usable furniture. He didn't know how he

955
00:58:50,239 --> 00:58:54,079
would accomplish that, having no tools and no experience, but

956
00:58:54,159 --> 00:58:57,760
he would think about it some. He could use the furniture,

957
00:58:57,960 --> 00:59:00,599
but if nothing else, then the thing thinking of how

958
00:59:00,599 --> 00:59:04,480
to construct it would fill several hours. This is what

959
00:59:04,559 --> 00:59:07,960
he mainly did now. Reuben looked for ways to fill

960
00:59:07,960 --> 00:59:12,280
the endless hours. Then he slept and awoke to begin again.

961
00:59:13,880 --> 00:59:17,119
Maybe he would think about the furniture tomorrow. He had

962
00:59:17,119 --> 00:59:21,000
already decided earlier to spend today thinking about what he

963
00:59:21,079 --> 00:59:23,559
was missing out on the most by living the way

964
00:59:23,639 --> 00:59:27,159
that he was. It was a dangerous thing to do,

965
00:59:27,519 --> 00:59:30,360
and he was well aware of it. A couple of

966
00:59:30,400 --> 00:59:33,599
times already he had allowed his mind to drift away

967
00:59:33,679 --> 00:59:36,519
to the life that could never be, and the mood

968
00:59:36,719 --> 00:59:39,440
it had left him with had not left him as

969
00:59:39,559 --> 00:59:42,320
easily as the tender thoughts that had played out in

970
00:59:42,440 --> 00:59:46,920
his mind. There was his father, of course, not that

971
00:59:47,000 --> 00:59:50,239
he had grown tired of remembering his father, just that

972
00:59:50,320 --> 00:59:53,000
he had thought extensively about all that he was doing

973
00:59:53,360 --> 00:59:56,360
was as much for the man as it was for himself.

974
00:59:57,440 --> 00:59:59,760
That sounded as if he were trying to make himself

975
01:00:00,239 --> 01:00:04,159
to be charitable in giving. That was a direct falsehood,

976
01:00:04,199 --> 01:00:07,119
and he would not allow himself to delude himself in

977
01:00:07,159 --> 01:00:11,480
that way. Bastardizing his reasons for living as he was

978
01:00:11,519 --> 01:00:14,519
into something other than his fear of being caught was

979
01:00:14,559 --> 01:00:18,199
a road that led to nowhere. Yes, he'd had his

980
01:00:18,320 --> 01:00:20,480
father in mind when he had found the place and

981
01:00:20,559 --> 01:00:23,840
decided to stay. He would not be the cause of

982
01:00:23,880 --> 01:00:26,039
any shame to be reigned on the man or the

983
01:00:26,119 --> 01:00:29,960
family name, but full no one. He was staying out

984
01:00:30,000 --> 01:00:33,559
of cowardice, afraid of what they would do to him

985
01:00:33,599 --> 01:00:36,480
if they caught him, and how the ridicule would pain

986
01:00:36,639 --> 01:00:42,440
inwardly while their punishments pained outwardly. The physical would be brief,

987
01:00:42,559 --> 01:00:45,119
for he was sure that he would be put to death,

988
01:00:45,559 --> 01:00:48,679
but it would still hurt. Of that, he was certain.

989
01:00:50,000 --> 01:00:52,280
But he had thought about all of this until he

990
01:00:52,400 --> 01:00:55,519
was tired of thinking about it. He was safe and

991
01:00:55,559 --> 01:00:59,000
secure here as far as he knew, and likely his

992
01:00:59,119 --> 01:01:02,079
father was grieving a son who had died with dignity

993
01:01:02,480 --> 01:01:05,960
but was buried in a mass grave somewhere. It was

994
01:01:06,000 --> 01:01:09,280
time to allow his mind to linger elsewhere for a time.

995
01:01:11,320 --> 01:01:14,519
Often he chied at himself when he caught himself wishing

996
01:01:14,599 --> 01:01:17,840
for things that could never be. It was a fruitless

997
01:01:17,880 --> 01:01:20,800
way to waste time that only led him into darkness

998
01:01:20,840 --> 01:01:24,639
that was sometimes very hard to escape from. Were he

999
01:01:24,760 --> 01:01:27,760
still back in the real world, then if he had

1000
01:01:27,800 --> 01:01:30,840
a wish that stayed with him until it became a goal,

1001
01:01:31,440 --> 01:01:34,800
then he could do something about it. He might try

1002
01:01:34,880 --> 01:01:38,760
and subsequently fail, might even tried numerous times with no

1003
01:01:38,840 --> 01:01:42,159
better luck. But out there, at least he could try.

1004
01:01:43,199 --> 01:01:45,719
In this place, where he had chosen to hide himself

1005
01:01:45,719 --> 01:01:49,039
away from everyone and everything, he could do nothing to

1006
01:01:49,119 --> 01:01:53,400
help a wish come to pass. So it was better

1007
01:01:53,440 --> 01:01:57,000
not even to think along those lines. He had found

1008
01:01:57,000 --> 01:02:01,480
this out in what some might call the hard way. Still,

1009
01:02:01,719 --> 01:02:04,360
there was that one thing that was impossible to think

1010
01:02:04,400 --> 01:02:09,159
about or even remember without wishes tagging along, so he

1011
01:02:09,199 --> 01:02:14,880
allowed them to without protestations. She was strong, but so

1012
01:02:15,159 --> 01:02:19,119
very delicate. She was a well of opinions that never

1013
01:02:19,159 --> 01:02:22,000
seemed to dry up, but she always wanted to hear

1014
01:02:22,039 --> 01:02:26,679
your thoughts first about everything. She was elegant, even when

1015
01:02:26,679 --> 01:02:29,320
there was an acre of dirt under her fingernails from

1016
01:02:29,320 --> 01:02:32,760
where she had been planting flowers or vegetables all day.

1017
01:02:33,760 --> 01:02:36,679
She was soft spoken, but she could cut your throat

1018
01:02:36,719 --> 01:02:40,880
with her words if she chose to. Never once had

1019
01:02:40,880 --> 01:02:43,840
he ever heard her say anything in an attempt to

1020
01:02:43,880 --> 01:02:47,840
be hurtful, But her words carried emotion and passions that

1021
01:02:47,960 --> 01:02:52,440
fell on you resolutely and with impact. She was the

1022
01:02:52,519 --> 01:02:55,400
woman he had wanted to marry, the only woman he

1023
01:02:55,440 --> 01:02:58,039
had ever wanted to marry, and she was the woman

1024
01:02:58,079 --> 01:03:01,079
who wanted to be married to him. She was the

1025
01:03:01,079 --> 01:03:05,639
only daughter of a moderately successful tobacco and pecan farmer,

1026
01:03:06,039 --> 01:03:12,119
and her name was Story Storry Henderson. Although mister Henderson

1027
01:03:12,159 --> 01:03:15,400
had done reasonably well for himself and his family, he

1028
01:03:15,519 --> 01:03:19,840
wasn't wealthy by any measure. Every member of the family

1029
01:03:19,920 --> 01:03:22,960
had been expected to pitch in, and Storry was not

1030
01:03:23,239 --> 01:03:27,239
exempt simply because she was born a woman. She had

1031
01:03:27,239 --> 01:03:30,360
grown up working alongside her two brothers and could hold

1032
01:03:30,400 --> 01:03:34,960
her end of any detail. She wasn't an anomaly. Most

1033
01:03:35,079 --> 01:03:38,480
women around the area where Reuben was from had grown

1034
01:03:38,559 --> 01:03:42,280
up as Storry had, as girls and young women. They

1035
01:03:42,280 --> 01:03:45,679
had done their part just as she had. But story

1036
01:03:45,800 --> 01:03:48,559
was different from all the others that Rumind had ever known.

1037
01:03:49,280 --> 01:03:52,719
At least she was to him. There was something that

1038
01:03:53,000 --> 01:03:57,559
up until now had been unidentifiable about her, something that

1039
01:03:57,719 --> 01:03:59,960
raised her above all the others he had ever known.

1040
01:04:01,159 --> 01:04:03,599
He was well aware that his being in love with

1041
01:04:03,679 --> 01:04:06,280
her caused him to see her differently than he saw

1042
01:04:06,360 --> 01:04:09,639
everyone else. He had fallen head over heels for her

1043
01:04:09,719 --> 01:04:12,159
the first time he had seen her, and she was

1044
01:04:12,199 --> 01:04:16,320
only eleven at that time, but even his twelve year

1045
01:04:16,360 --> 01:04:19,800
old mind knew that she was special, at least to him.

1046
01:04:19,880 --> 01:04:24,000
She was at nineteen, he knew that he wanted to

1047
01:04:24,039 --> 01:04:26,559
spend every day of his life with her, and he

1048
01:04:26,639 --> 01:04:30,679
told her plainly. It came as a relief and a

1049
01:04:30,719 --> 01:04:32,960
little bit of a surprise to hear that she felt

1050
01:04:33,000 --> 01:04:36,519
the exact same way about him. But then the war

1051
01:04:36,599 --> 01:04:39,760
came along, and his feelings became muddled between wanting to

1052
01:04:39,840 --> 01:04:42,960
never ever leave her side and doing what he believed

1053
01:04:42,960 --> 01:04:46,480
at the time that he should. That one decision had

1054
01:04:46,599 --> 01:04:50,320
changed everything, and now there was no going back to

1055
01:04:50,360 --> 01:04:55,199
repair the damage. The war that was still raging somewhere

1056
01:04:55,239 --> 01:04:59,800
without him had completely altered his life. He supposed that

1057
01:04:59,840 --> 01:05:02,719
a great many would be able to make the same statement,

1058
01:05:03,079 --> 01:05:06,440
but not for the same reason. But if there was

1059
01:05:06,480 --> 01:05:09,039
a positive in any of this for him, it was

1060
01:05:09,119 --> 01:05:11,320
that he now had the time to think about and

1061
01:05:11,519 --> 01:05:16,360
understand those qualities that made stories so different from everyone else.

1062
01:05:17,280 --> 01:05:20,800
Forever he had known that they existed, and now he

1063
01:05:20,840 --> 01:05:24,079
would know what they were, even if he was never

1064
01:05:24,119 --> 01:05:30,119
again to experience them firsthand. Though he would undoubtedly absolutely

1065
01:05:30,239 --> 01:05:32,880
never again know the touch of her hand or the

1066
01:05:32,920 --> 01:05:36,280
sound of her voice upon his ear, it was important

1067
01:05:36,519 --> 01:05:39,119
to have clear in his mind why she had left

1068
01:05:39,159 --> 01:05:44,000
her mark carved so deeply on him, Perhaps more important

1069
01:05:44,039 --> 01:05:46,480
now than if he was right beside her for the

1070
01:05:46,519 --> 01:05:49,519
remainder of his life. It would be one thing to

1071
01:05:49,559 --> 01:05:53,360
be there and to appreciate her, but to be displaced

1072
01:05:53,360 --> 01:05:56,119
from her. It was necessary for him to know what

1073
01:05:56,239 --> 01:05:59,039
it was about her that caused him to miss her.

1074
01:05:59,159 --> 01:06:04,079
So he missed his family, he missed the life he

1075
01:06:04,119 --> 01:06:07,599
once had, He missed those he thought of his friends.

1076
01:06:08,239 --> 01:06:10,239
But there wasn't a word that he knew of that

1077
01:06:10,480 --> 01:06:14,000
told how he felt about being apart from her. He

1078
01:06:14,119 --> 01:06:17,000
needed to know what it was about her that made

1079
01:06:17,079 --> 01:06:21,519
him feel that way. He supposed poets since the invent

1080
01:06:21,639 --> 01:06:24,239
of the written word, had been trying to capture these

1081
01:06:24,280 --> 01:06:27,159
things with ink and parchment, but they didn't have the

1082
01:06:27,199 --> 01:06:31,079
time to focus on it that he now had. He

1083
01:06:31,119 --> 01:06:34,920
afforded himself a drink of water from the canteen and

1084
01:06:35,079 --> 01:06:37,599
sat back against the piece of log, and he closed

1085
01:06:37,639 --> 01:06:41,639
his eyes. Closing them didn't help him see her better.

1086
01:06:42,119 --> 01:06:45,880
It allowed him to see himself better. He saw the

1087
01:06:45,920 --> 01:06:49,039
conversations they'd had when he was a better man in

1088
01:06:49,119 --> 01:06:52,400
a better place, and with his eyes open, he could

1089
01:06:52,440 --> 01:06:55,800
still hear her words and see her face. But he

1090
01:06:55,880 --> 01:06:58,400
saw in this place where he was no longer the

1091
01:06:58,440 --> 01:07:01,559
man that he had tried to be for her. When

1092
01:07:01,559 --> 01:07:04,719
he closed his eyes, he was standing beneath those large

1093
01:07:04,800 --> 01:07:07,199
trees that grew near to the pool of water, not

1094
01:07:07,320 --> 01:07:10,480
far from where she lived. They often met there and

1095
01:07:10,519 --> 01:07:12,599
sat in the cool of the shade and watched the

1096
01:07:12,639 --> 01:07:16,719
water as they talked. They had stayed too long during

1097
01:07:16,760 --> 01:07:21,119
one of those conversations. It was on a Thursday. They

1098
01:07:21,119 --> 01:07:24,000
had known it was getting late. How could you not

1099
01:07:24,239 --> 01:07:26,880
know when you were outdoors in the light fading by

1100
01:07:26,920 --> 01:07:30,280
the minute, Yet they stayed and watched as they talked.

1101
01:07:31,360 --> 01:07:34,719
The light began as a thin golden ribbon outlining a

1102
01:07:34,760 --> 01:07:38,039
part of the opposite bank of the pool, and quickly

1103
01:07:38,199 --> 01:07:41,119
it grew until the small pool seemed to be filled

1104
01:07:41,119 --> 01:07:44,599
with the reflection of the moon. For some reason, the

1105
01:07:44,719 --> 01:07:47,800
image in the water was more appealing to stare at

1106
01:07:47,960 --> 01:07:51,599
than the real thing. The moon above was hanging, as

1107
01:07:51,599 --> 01:07:55,400
it does on occasion, so clearly and so golden brightly

1108
01:07:55,800 --> 01:07:57,960
that it seemed as if you could walk to the

1109
01:07:58,000 --> 01:08:00,280
top of the nearest hill and just reach out and

1110
01:08:00,360 --> 01:08:03,599
touch it. But the one in the water was the

1111
01:08:03,639 --> 01:08:06,840
one that they could see, the one that only they

1112
01:08:06,880 --> 01:08:10,599
could see. For a time, the moon and its light

1113
01:08:10,760 --> 01:08:14,000
belonged only to them, And he didn't know if she

1114
01:08:14,119 --> 01:08:16,600
felt the same way about what was in front of them.

1115
01:08:17,079 --> 01:08:20,680
He hadn't mentioned his thoughts. It wasn't the type of

1116
01:08:20,720 --> 01:08:23,479
thing that men are supposed to say, he didn't think.

1117
01:08:24,399 --> 01:08:27,439
The following morning, he had stepped outside to begin his

1118
01:08:27,560 --> 01:08:30,399
work for the day, and he found a note addressed

1119
01:08:30,399 --> 01:08:34,119
to him, affixed to one of the porch posts. It

1120
01:08:34,199 --> 01:08:37,039
said that all night long she had thought of sitting

1121
01:08:37,079 --> 01:08:40,560
beside that pool forever, with her head on his shoulder.

1122
01:08:41,520 --> 01:08:44,039
She wanted to spend the rest of her life hearing

1123
01:08:44,119 --> 01:08:47,000
him say that he loved her while they watched their moon.

1124
01:08:48,239 --> 01:08:51,399
He had carried that note and one other inside his

1125
01:08:51,560 --> 01:08:55,720
uniform for the longest. He read each one daily, but

1126
01:08:55,920 --> 01:09:00,399
nine straight days of rain had eventually destroyed them. The

1127
01:09:00,520 --> 01:09:03,880
rain destroyed the only words he had of hers. The

1128
01:09:03,920 --> 01:09:08,399
war had destroyed everything else. She hadn't wanted him to

1129
01:09:08,439 --> 01:09:12,239
go away. It wasn't that she disapproved of his decision.

1130
01:09:12,840 --> 01:09:15,760
It was just his being gone that she disapproved of.

1131
01:09:16,840 --> 01:09:19,319
She had promised to wait for him, But he guessed

1132
01:09:19,319 --> 01:09:21,880
that she had changed her thinking by now about that

1133
01:09:23,159 --> 01:09:27,520
she was smart. Storry was she would realize how fruitless

1134
01:09:27,520 --> 01:09:31,840
it was waiting for someone that would never return. Perhaps

1135
01:09:31,840 --> 01:09:34,840
she had grieved, though for a time it was as

1136
01:09:34,960 --> 01:09:37,840
much as he could have expected from her or ask

1137
01:09:37,960 --> 01:09:47,000
of her. Considering what he had done