Speaker 1: P r Oblem by Alan Edward Norse. The letter came
Speaker 1: down the slot too early that morning to be the
Speaker 1: regular mail run. Pete Greenwood eyed the new Philly photo
Speaker 1: cancel with a dreadful premonition. The letter said, Peter, can
Speaker 1: you come east chop chop urgent gerdzyth problem getting to
Speaker 1: be a p r oblem need expert icebox salesman to
Speaker 1: get gaiters out of hair fast. Yes, math boys hot
Speaker 1: on this citizen's not so hot. Please come Tommy. Pete
Speaker 1: tossed the letter down the gulper with a sigh. He
Speaker 1: had lost a bet to himself because it had come
Speaker 1: three days later than he expected. But it had come
Speaker 1: all the same, just as it always did when Tommy
Speaker 1: Hines got himself into a hole. Not that he didn't
Speaker 1: like Tommy. Tommy was a good PR man as p
Speaker 1: R men go, He just didn't know his own depth.
Speaker 1: PR album and a beady gerdzanth eye. What Tommy needed
Speaker 1: right now was a bezuk of a Italian, not a
Speaker 1: p R man. Pete settled back in the eastbound rocket
Speaker 1: jet with a sigh of resignation. He was just dozing
Speaker 1: off when the fat lady up the aisle let out
Speaker 1: a scream. A huge reptilian head had materialized out of
Speaker 1: nowhere and was hanging in air, peering about uncertainly. A
Speaker 1: scaly green body followed four feet away, complete with long
Speaker 1: razor talons, heavy hind legs, and a whip lash tail
Speaker 1: with a needle at the end. For a moment, the
Speaker 1: creature floated upside down, legs thrashing. Then the head and
Speaker 1: body joined, executed a horizontal pirouette, and settled gently to
Speaker 1: the floor like an eight foot circus balloon. Two rows down,
Speaker 1: a small boy let out a muffled howl and tried
Speaker 1: to bury himself in his mother's coat collar. An indignant
Speaker 1: wail arose from the fat lady. Someone behind. Pete groaned
Speaker 1: aloud and quickly retired behind a newspaper. The creature coughed apologetically.
Speaker 1: Terribly sorry, he said, in a coarse rumble. So difficult
Speaker 1: to control, you know, terribly sorry. His voice trailed off
Speaker 1: as he lumbered down the aisle towards the empty seat
Speaker 1: next to Pete. The fat lady gasped, and an angry
Speaker 1: murmur ran up and down the cabin. Sit down, Pete
Speaker 1: said to the creature. Relax cheerful reception these days, eh,
Speaker 1: you don't mind, said the creature, not at all. Pete
Speaker 1: tossed his briefcase on the floor. At a distance, the
Speaker 1: huge beast had looked like a nightmare combination of large
Speaker 1: alligator and small tyrannosaurus. Now at close range, Pete could
Speaker 1: see that the scales were actually tiny wrinkles of satiny
Speaker 1: green fur. He knew, of course, that the gurdsom were mammals, docile,
Speaker 1: peace loving mammals. Tommy's p R blast had declared emphatically,
Speaker 1: but with one of them sitting about a foot away,
Speaker 1: Pete had to fight down a wave of horror and revulsion.
Speaker 1: The creature was most incredibly ugly. Great yellow pouches hung
Speaker 1: down below flat reptilian eyes, and a double row of
Speaker 1: long curved teeth glittered sharply. In spite of himself. Pete
Speaker 1: gripped the seat as the gourdzanth breathed at him wetly
Speaker 1: through damp nostrils. Misgaged, said Pete. The gourdzanth nodded sadly.
Speaker 1: It's horrible of me, but I just can't help it.
Speaker 1: I always mis gage. Last time it was the chancel
Speaker 1: of Saint John's Cathedral. I was nearly stampeded in morning prayer.
Speaker 1: He paused to catch a breath. What an effort the
Speaker 1: energy barrier, you know, frightfully hard to make the jump.
Speaker 1: He broke off, sharply, staring at the window. Dear me,
Speaker 1: are we going east? I'm afraid so, friend, Oh dear,
Speaker 1: I wanted Florida. Well, you seem to have drifted through
Speaker 1: into the wrong aeroplane, said Pete, Why Florida. The Gourdzoth
Speaker 1: looked at him reproachfully. The wives, of course, the climate
Speaker 1: is so much better, and they mustn't be disturbed, you know,
Speaker 1: of course, said Pete, in their condition. I'd forgotten, and
Speaker 1: I'm told that things have been somewhat unpleasant in the
Speaker 1: east just now, said the Gurdzoth. Pete thought of Tom,
Speaker 1: red faced and frantic, beating off hordes of indignant citizens.
Speaker 1: So I hear, he said, how many more of you
Speaker 1: are coming through? Oh? Not many, not many at all,
Speaker 1: Only the wives half a million or so and their spouses.
Speaker 1: Of course, the creature clicked his talons nervously. We haven't
Speaker 1: much more time, you know, only a few more weeks,
Speaker 1: a few months, at the most. If it couldn't have
Speaker 1: stopped over here, I just don't know what we'd have done.
Speaker 1: Think nothing of it, said Pete indulgently. I've it's been
Speaker 1: great having you. The passengers within earshot stiffened, glaring at Pete.
Speaker 1: The fat lady was whispering indignantly to her seek companion Junior.
Speaker 1: It half emerged from his mother's collar. He was busy
Speaker 1: sticking his tongue out at the gurdsonth The creature shifted uneasily. Really,
Speaker 1: I think perhaps Florida would be better. Going to try
Speaker 1: it again? Now, don't rush off, said Pete. Oh, I
Speaker 1: don't mean to rush. It's been lovely. But already the
Speaker 1: gurd something was beginning to fade out. Try four miles
Speaker 1: down in thousand miles southeast, said Pete. The creature gave
Speaker 1: him a toothy smile, nodded at once, and grew more indistinct.
Speaker 1: In another five seconds, the seat was quite empty. Pete
Speaker 1: leaned back, grinning to himself as the angry rumble rose
Speaker 1: around him like a wave. He was a public relations
Speaker 1: man to the Corps, but right now he was off duty.
Speaker 1: He chuckled to himself and the passengers avoided him like
Speaker 1: the plague all the way to New Philly. But as
Speaker 1: he walked down the gangway to hail a cab, he
Speaker 1: wasn't smiling so much. He was wondering just how high
Speaker 1: Tommy was hanging him. This time. The lobby of the
Speaker 1: Public Relations Bureau was swarming like an upturned ant hill.
Speaker 1: When Pete disembarked from the taxi, he could almost smell
Speaker 1: the desperate tension of the place. He fought his way
Speaker 1: past scurrying clerks and preoccupied poll takers toward the executive elevators.
Speaker 1: In the rear, on the newly finished seventeenth floor, he
Speaker 1: found Tommy Hines pacing the corridor like an expectant young father.
Speaker 1: Tommy had lost wait since Pete had last seen him.
Speaker 1: His ruddy face was paler, his hair thin and ragged,
Speaker 1: as though chunks had been torn out from time to time.
Speaker 1: He saw Pete step off the elevator and ran forward
Speaker 1: with open arms. I thought you'd never get here, he groaned,
Speaker 1: when you didn't call. I was afraid you'd let me
Speaker 1: down me, said Pete. I'd never let down a pal.
Speaker 1: The sarcasm didn't dent Tommy. He led Pete through the
Speaker 1: anteroom into the plush director's office, bouncing about excitedly, his
Speaker 1: words tumbling out like a waterfall. He looked as though
Speaker 1: one gentle shove might send him yodling down Market Street
Speaker 1: in his under drawers. Hold it, said Pete. Relax, I'm
Speaker 1: not going to leave for a while. Your girl screened
Speaker 1: something about a senator as we came in. Did you
Speaker 1: hear her? Tommy gave a violent start. Senator Oh dear,
Speaker 1: He flipped a desk switch. What senator is that? Senator Stokes?
Speaker 1: The girl said wearily. He had an appointment. He's ready
Speaker 1: to have you fired. All I need now is a senator.
Speaker 1: Tommy said, what does he want? Guess? Said the girl.
Speaker 1: Oh that's what I was afraid of. Can you keep
Speaker 1: em there? Don't worry about that, said the girl. He's
Speaker 1: growing roots. They swept around him last night and dusted
Speaker 1: him off this morning. His appointment was for yesterday. Remember remember,
Speaker 1: of course, I remember Senator Stokes something about a riot
Speaker 1: in Boston. He started to flip the switch, then added,
Speaker 1: see if you can get Charlie down here with his giz.
Speaker 1: He turned back to Pete with a frantic light in
Speaker 1: his eye. Good old Pete, just in time, just eleventh hour, reprieve,
Speaker 1: have a drink, have a cigar. You want my job,
Speaker 1: it's yours. Just speak up. I failed to see, said Pete.
Speaker 1: Why you just had to drag me all the way
Speaker 1: from l A to have a cigar. I've got work
Speaker 1: to do selling movies, right, said Tommy, check to people
Speaker 1: who don't want to buy them, right in a manner
Speaker 1: of speaking, said Pete, testily. Exactly, said Tommy, hittering some
Speaker 1: of the movies you've been selling. You should be able
Speaker 1: to sell anything to anybody, any time, at any price. Please.
Speaker 1: Movies are getting better by the day, yes, I know.
Speaker 1: And the gourds in they're getting worse by the hour.
Speaker 1: They're coming through in battalions a thousand a day. The
Speaker 1: more goods Inth come through, the more they act as
Speaker 1: though they own the place. Not nasty, hear anything. It's
Speaker 1: that infernal politeness that people hate most. I think. Can't
Speaker 1: get them mad, can't get them into a fight. But
Speaker 1: they do anything they please and go anywhere they please.
Speaker 1: And if the people don't like it, the gourds Inth
Speaker 1: just go right ahead anyway. Pete pulled at his lip.
Speaker 1: Any violence, Tommy gave him a long look. So far
Speaker 1: we've kept it out of the papers, but there have
Speaker 1: been some incidents. Didn't hurt the Gourds in the bit.
Speaker 1: They have personal protective force fields around them. A little
Speaker 1: point they didn't bother to tell us about. Anybody who
Speaker 1: tries anything fancy gets thrown like a bolt of lightning
Speaker 1: hit him. Rumors are getting wild, people saying they can't
Speaker 1: get killed and they're just moved in to stay. Pete
Speaker 1: nodded slowly. Are they I wish I knew? I mean
Speaker 1: for sure? The psych docs say no. The gourdsonth agreed
Speaker 1: to leave it a specified time, and something in their
Speaker 1: cultural background makes them stick strictly to their arguments. But
Speaker 1: that's just what the psych docs think, and they've been wrong,
Speaker 1: and they've been known to be wrong in the appointed time.
Speaker 1: Tommy spread his hands helplessly. If we knew, you'd still
Speaker 1: be in LA roughly six months and four days plus
Speaker 1: or minus a month for the time differential that's strictly tentative.
Speaker 1: According to the math boys, it's a parallel universe, one
Speaker 1: of several thousand already explored. According to the Goods and
Speaker 1: scientists working with Charlie Carnes. Most of the parallels are analogous,
Speaker 1: and we happen to be analogous to the Gourds, a
Speaker 1: point we've admitted from our pr blasts. They have an
Speaker 1: eight planet system around the hot Sun, and it's going
Speaker 1: to get lots hotter any day now. Pete's eyes widened. No, apparently,
Speaker 1: nobody knows how they predicted it, but they did spotted
Speaker 1: it coming several years ago. Say they'd been romping through
Speaker 1: parallel after parallel trying to find one they can migrate to.
Speaker 1: They found one, sort of a desperation choice. It's cold
Speaker 1: and arid and full of impassable mountain chains. With an
Speaker 1: uphill fight, they can make it support a fraction of
Speaker 1: their population. Tommy shook his head helplessly. They picked a
Speaker 1: very sensible system for getting a good, strong Gurdzynth population
Speaker 1: on the new parallel as fast as possible. The males
Speaker 1: were picked for brains, education, ability, and adaptability. The females
Speaker 1: were chosen largely according to how pregnant they were. Pete
Speaker 1: grinned gourdsynth in utero. Are's something poetic about it? Just
Speaker 1: one hitch, said Tommy. The girls can't gestate in that climate,
Speaker 1: at least not until they've been there long enough to
Speaker 1: get their glands adjusted. Seems they have just the right
Speaker 1: climate here for gestating gourdsinth, even better than at home.
Speaker 1: So they came begging for permission to stop here on
Speaker 1: the way through, to rest and peturiate, so Earth becomes
Speaker 1: a glorified incubator. Pete got to his feet thoughtfully. This
Speaker 1: is all very touching, he said, but it just doesn't wash.
Speaker 1: If the gourd simth is so unpopular with the masses,
Speaker 1: why did we let them here in the first place.
Speaker 1: He looked narrowly at Tommy to be very blunt. What's
Speaker 1: the parking fee plenty, said Tommy heavily. That's the trouble,
Speaker 1: you see. The fee is so higher that just can't
Speaker 1: afford to lose it. Charlie Karnes will tell you why.
Speaker 1: Charlie Karn's from Math section was an intense skeleton of
Speaker 1: a man with a long jaw and long white coat
Speaker 1: drooping over his shoulders like a shroud. In his arms,
Speaker 1: he clutched a small black box. It's the parallel universe business,
Speaker 1: of course, he said to Pete, with Tommy beaming over
Speaker 1: his shoulder. The gourdsymth can cross through. They've been able
Speaker 1: to do it for a long time. According to our figuring,
Speaker 1: this must involve complete control of mass, space and dimension
Speaker 1: all three and time into one of the three. We
Speaker 1: aren't sure which. The mathematicians set the black box on
Speaker 1: the desktop and released the lid like a jack in
Speaker 1: the box. Two small white plastic spheres popped out and
Speaker 1: began chasing each other about in the air six inches
Speaker 1: above the box. Presently, a third sphere rose up from
Speaker 1: the box and joined the fun. Pete watched it with
Speaker 1: his jaw sagging until his head began to spin. No wires, strictly,
Speaker 1: No wires, said Charlie, glumly. No nothing. He closed the
Speaker 1: box at the click. This is one of their children's toys,
Speaker 1: and theoretically it can't work. Among other things, it takes
Speaker 1: null gravity to operate. Pete sat down, rubbing his chin. Yes,
Speaker 1: he said, I'm beginning to see they're teaching you this.
Speaker 1: Tommy said, they're trying to. He's been working for weeks
Speaker 1: with their top mathematicians, him and a dozen others. How
Speaker 1: many computers have you burned out, Charlie. Four, there's a
Speaker 1: differential factor, and we can't spot it. They have the
Speaker 1: equations all right, it's a matter of translating them into constants.
Speaker 1: That makes sense. But we haven't cracked the differential. And
Speaker 1: if you do, then what Charlie took a deep breath.
Speaker 1: We'll have interdimensional control, a practical utilizable trans matter. We'll
Speaker 1: have null gravity, which means the greatest advance in power
Speaker 1: utilization since fire was discovered. It might give us an
Speaker 1: opening to a concept of time travel, but makes some
Speaker 1: kind of sense and power if there's an energy differential
Speaker 1: of any magnitude. He shook his head sadly. We'll also
Speaker 1: know the time differential, said Tommy, hopefully, and how long
Speaker 1: the gourds and gestation period will be. It's a fair exchange,
Speaker 1: said Charlie. We keep them until all the girls have
Speaker 1: their babies. They teach us the abcs of space, mass
Speaker 1: and dimension. Pete nodded. That is, if you can make
Speaker 1: the people put up with them for another six months
Speaker 1: or so. Tommy sighed in a word, yes, so far
Speaker 1: have you gotten nowhere? At a thousand miles an hour?
Speaker 1: I can't do it, the cosmetician wailed, hurling himself down
Speaker 1: on a chair and burying his face in his hands.
Speaker 1: I've failed failed. The gourds and sitting on the stool,
Speaker 1: looked regretfully from the cosmetician to the public relations men.
Speaker 1: I say, I am sorry. His coarse voice trailed off
Speaker 1: as he peeled a long strip of cake makeup off
Speaker 1: his satiny green face. Pete Greenwood stared at the cosmetician,
Speaker 1: sobbing in the chair. What's eating him? Professional pride, said Tommy.
Speaker 1: You can take twenty years off the face of any
Speaker 1: woman in Hollywood, but he's not getting to first base
Speaker 1: with gorgeous over there. This is only one thing we've tried,
Speaker 1: he added, as they moved on down the corridor. You
Speaker 1: should see the field reports. We've tried selling the advances.
Speaker 1: Earth will have the wealth, the power, no dice. The
Speaker 1: man on the street reads our p R blasts and
Speaker 1: then looks up to see one of the nasty things
Speaker 1: staring over his shoulder at the newspaper. So he can't
Speaker 1: make them beautiful, said Pete. Can't you make them cute
Speaker 1: with those teeth, those eyes? Huh? How about the jolly
Speaker 1: company approach? Tried it. There's nothing jolly about them. They
Speaker 1: pop out of nowhere anywhere, in church, in bedrooms, and
Speaker 1: rush hour traffic through Lincoln Tunnel. Look Pete peered out
Speaker 1: the window with the traffic jam below. Carls were snarled
Speaker 1: up for blocks on either side of the intersection. A
Speaker 1: squad of traffic cops were converging angrily on the center
Speaker 1: of the mess, where a stream of green reptilian figures
Speaker 1: seemed to be popping out of the street and lumbering
Speaker 1: through the jammed autos like General Sherman Tanks. Ulcers said, Tommy,
Speaker 1: City traffic isn't enough of a mess as it is,
Speaker 1: and they don't do anything about it. They apologize profusely,
Speaker 1: but they keep coming through. The two started on for
Speaker 1: the office. Things are getting to the breaking point. The
Speaker 1: people are wearing thin from sheer annoyance, to say nothing
Speaker 1: of the nightmares the kids are having and the trouble
Speaker 1: with women fainting. The signal light on Tommy's desk was
Speaker 1: a flashing scarlet. He dropped into a chair with a
Speaker 1: sigh and flipped a switch. Okay, what is it now?
Speaker 1: Just another senator said a furious male voice. Mister Hines,
Speaker 1: my arthritis is beginning to win this fight. Are you're
Speaker 1: going to see me now or aren't you. Yes, yes,
Speaker 1: come right in. Tommy turned white. Senator Stokes, he muttered,
Speaker 1: had completely forgotten. The Senator didn't seem to like being forgotten.
Speaker 1: He walked into the office, looked disdainfully at the p
Speaker 1: R men, and sank to the edge of a chair,
Speaker 1: leaning on his umbrella. You have just lost your job,
Speaker 1: he said to Tommy, with an icy edge to his voice.
Speaker 1: You may not have heard about it yet, but you
Speaker 1: can take my word for it. I personally will be
Speaker 1: delighted to make the necessary arrangements, but I doubt if
Speaker 1: I'll need to. There are at least a hundred senators
Speaker 1: in Washington who are ready to press for your dismissal,
Speaker 1: mister Hines, and there's been some off the record talk
Speaker 1: about a lynching. Nothing official, of course, Senator. Senator hanged.
Speaker 1: We want somebody in this office who can manage to
Speaker 1: do something, do something. You think I'm a magician. I
Speaker 1: can just make them vanish. What do you want me
Speaker 1: to do? The senator raises eyebrows. You needn't shout, mister Hines.
Speaker 1: I'm not the least interested in what you do. My
Speaker 1: interest is focused completely on a collection of five thousand letters, telegrams,
Speaker 1: and visiphone calls I've received in the past three days alone.
Speaker 1: My constituents, mister Hines, are making themselves clear. If the
Speaker 1: gerdzinth do not go, I go. That would never do,
Speaker 1: of course, murmured Pete. The Senator gave Pete a cold,
Speaker 1: clinical look. Who is this person, he asked Tommy, an
Speaker 1: assistant on the job. Tommy said, quickly, a very excellent
Speaker 1: pr man. The Senator sniffed audibly, full of ideas, no
Speaker 1: doubt brimming, said Pete. Enough ideas to get your constituents
Speaker 1: off your neck for a while at least. Indeed, indeed,
Speaker 1: said Pete, tell me how fast can you get a
Speaker 1: p R blast to penetrate? How much medium do you control? Plenty?
Speaker 1: Tommy gulped, And how fast can you simple response and
Speaker 1: analyze it. We can have pre lambs six hours after
Speaker 1: the p R blast, Pete, if you have an idea,
Speaker 1: tell us. Pete stood up, facing the senator. Everything else
Speaker 1: has been tried, but it seems to me one important
Speaker 1: factor has been missed, one that will take your constituents
Speaker 1: by the ears. He looked at Tommy pityingly. You've tried
Speaker 1: to make them lovable, but they aren't lovable. They aren't
Speaker 1: even passibly attractive. There's one thing that they are, though,
Speaker 1: at least half of them. Tommy's jaw sag pregnant, he said.
Speaker 1: Now see here, said the senator. If you're trying to
Speaker 1: make a fool out of me to my face, sit
Speaker 1: down and shut up, said Pete. If there's one thing
Speaker 1: the man in the street reveres, my friend, it's motherhood.
Speaker 1: We've got several hundred thousand pregnant Gerdzinth just waiting for
Speaker 1: all the little Gurdzinth to arrive, and nobody's given them
Speaker 1: a side glance. He turned to Tommy. Get some copywriters
Speaker 1: down here, Get a Gerdzenth opsatrician or two. We're going
Speaker 1: to put together a pr blast that would twang the
Speaker 1: people's heart strings like a billion harps. The color was
Speaker 1: back in Tommy's cheeks, and the Senator was forgotten as
Speaker 1: a dozen intercom switches began snapping. We'll need t V
Speaker 1: hookups and plenty of newscasts space, he said eagerly. Maybe
Speaker 1: a few photographs. Do you suppose maybe baby Gurdzinth are lovable.
Speaker 1: They probably look like salamanders, said Pete. But tell the
Speaker 1: people anything you want for we're going to get across
Speaker 1: the sanctity of Gerdzinth's motherhood. My friend, anything goes, it's genius,
Speaker 1: chortled Tommy. Sheer genius if it sells, The senator added, dubiously,
Speaker 1: it'll sell. Pete said. The question is for how long
Speaker 1: the planning revealed the mark of genius? Nothing sodden, harsh
Speaker 1: or crude. But slowly, in a radio comment here or
Speaker 1: a newspaper story there, the emphasis began to shift from
Speaker 1: Gurdznth in general to Gurdzinth as mothers. A Rutger's professor
Speaker 1: found his TV discussion on motherhood as an experience suddenly
Speaker 1: shifted from six thirty Monday evening to ten thirty Saturday night.
Speaker 1: Copy rolled by the ream from Tommy's office, refined copy,
Speaker 1: hyper sensitively edited copy, finding its way into the light
Speaker 1: of day through devious channels. Three days later, a Gurdzinth
Speaker 1: miscarriage threatened and was averted. It was only a page
Speaker 1: four item, but it was a beginning determined movements to
Speaker 1: expel the Gourdsinth faltered, trembled with indecision. The Gourdzinth were ugly,
Speaker 1: They frightened little children. They were a trifle overbearing in
Speaker 1: their insufferable, stubborn politeness. But in a civilized world, you
Speaker 1: just couldn't turn expectant mothers out in the rain, not
Speaker 1: even expectant gurdzinth mothers. By the second week, the blast
Speaker 1: was going at full tilt in the public relations bureau.
Speaker 1: Building machines worked on into the night as questionnaires came back,
Speaker 1: spot candid films and street corner interview tapes ran through
Speaker 1: the projectors on a twenty four hour schedule. Tommy Hines
Speaker 1: grew thinner and thinner, while Pete nursed sharp post prandial
Speaker 1: stomach pains. Why don't people respond to me? Asked plaintively
Speaker 1: on the morning the third week started. Haven't they got
Speaker 1: any feelings? The blast is washing over them like a wave,
Speaker 1: and there they sit. He punched the private wire to
Speaker 1: analysis for the fourth time that morning. He got a
Speaker 1: man with a hag ridden look in his eye? How
Speaker 1: soon you want rut? Yesterday's rushes? What do you think
Speaker 1: I want? Any sign of a lag? Not a hint?
Speaker 1: Last night's panel drew like a magnet. The d day tag,
Speaker 1: he suggested, has them by the nose. How about the
Speaker 1: President's talk? The man from Analysis grinned he should be campaigning.
Speaker 1: Tommy mopped his forehead with his shirt sleeve. Okay, now, listen,
Speaker 1: we need a special run on all response data we
Speaker 1: have for tolerance levels. Got that. How soon can we
Speaker 1: have it? Analysis took his head. We could only make
Speaker 1: a guess with the data so far, fine, said Tommy,
Speaker 1: make a guess. Give us three hours, said Analysis, You've
Speaker 1: got thirty minutes. Get going. Turning back to Pete, Tommy
Speaker 1: rubbed his hands eagerly. It's starting to sell. Boy. I
Speaker 1: don't know how strong or how good, but it's starting
Speaker 1: to sell with the tolerance levels. To tell us how
Speaker 1: long we can expect this program to quiet things down.
Speaker 1: We can give Charlie a deadline to crack his differential factor,
Speaker 1: or it's the axe for Charlie, He chuckled to himself
Speaker 1: and paced the room in an overflow of nervous energy.
Speaker 1: And see it now, open shafts instead of elevators, A
Speaker 1: quick hop to Honolulu for an afternoon on the beach
Speaker 1: and back in time for supper, A hundred miles to
Speaker 1: the gallon for the Sunday driver. When people begin seeing
Speaker 1: what the goods in there giving us, they'll welcome them
Speaker 1: with open arms. Hmm, said Pete. Well why won't they
Speaker 1: The people just didn't trust us, that was all. What
Speaker 1: does the man in the street know about trans matters?
Speaker 1: Nothing but give 'em one and then try to take
Speaker 1: it away. Sure, sure, said Pete. It sounds great, just
Speaker 1: a little bit too great. Tommy blinked at him, too great.
Speaker 1: Are you crazy? Not crazy? Just getting nervous. Pete jammed
Speaker 1: his hands into his pockets. Do you realize where we're
Speaker 1: standing in this thing? We're out on a limb, way out,
Speaker 1: fighting for time, time for Charlie and his gang to
Speaker 1: crack the puzzle, time for the Girdzinth girls to gestate.
Speaker 1: But what are we hearing from Charlie, Pete? Charlie can't
Speaker 1: just that's right, said Pete. Nothing is what we're hearing
Speaker 1: from Charlie. We've got no trans matter, no null gy,
Speaker 1: no power, nothing except a whole lot of gourdz inth
Speaker 1: and more coming through just as fast as they can.
Speaker 1: I'm beginning to wonder what the gourdsynth are giving us. Well,
Speaker 1: they can't gestate forever, maybe not, but I still have
Speaker 1: a burning desire to talk to Charlie. Something tells me
Speaker 1: they're going to be gestating a little too long. They
Speaker 1: put through the call, but Charley wasn't answering. Sorry, the
Speaker 1: operator said, nobody's gotten through there for three days. Three days,
Speaker 1: cried Tommy, what's wrong? Is he dead? Couldn't be. They
Speaker 1: burned out two more machines yesterday, said the operator killed
Speaker 1: the switchboard for twenty minutes. Get 'em on the wire.
Speaker 1: Tommy said, that's orders, yes, sir, But first they want
Speaker 1: you an analysis. Analysis was a shambles, paper and tape
Speaker 1: piled knee deep on the floor. The machines clattered wildly,
Speaker 1: coughing out reams of paper to be gulped up by
Speaker 1: other machines. In a corner office, they found the analysis man,
Speaker 1: pale but jubilant the program. Tommy said, how's it going?
Speaker 1: You can count em the people staying happy for at
Speaker 1: least another five months. Analysis hesitated an instant if they
Speaker 1: see some baby gurdsint At the end of it all,
Speaker 1: there was a dead silence in the room. Baby gurdzumth
Speaker 1: Tommy said, finally, that's what I said, that's what the
Speaker 1: people are buying, that's what they better get. Tommy swallowed
Speaker 1: hard and if it happens to be six months analysis
Speaker 1: drew a finger across his throat. Tommy and Pete looked
Speaker 1: at each other, and Tommy's hands were shaking. I think
Speaker 1: he said, we'd better find Charlie Kahn's right now. Math
Speaker 1: section was like a tomb. The machines were silent in
Speaker 1: the office. At the end of the room, they found
Speaker 1: an unshaven Charlie gulping a cup of coffee with a
Speaker 1: very smug looking gurdsinth. The coffee pot was flowing gently
Speaker 1: about six feet above the desk. So were the gourdzenth
Speaker 1: and Charlie. Charlie. Tommy howled, we've been trying to get
Speaker 1: to you for hours. The operator I know, I know.
Speaker 1: Charlie waved a hand disjointedly. I told her to go away.
Speaker 1: I told the rest of the crew to go away too.
Speaker 1: Then you cracked the differential. Charlie tipped an imaginary hat
Speaker 1: towards the gurdzinth. Spike cracked it. He said, Spike is
Speaker 1: sort of a gourdzinth. Genius. You tossed the coffee cup
Speaker 1: over his shoulder and it ricocheted into graceful slow motion
Speaker 1: against the far wall. Now, why don't you go away too,
Speaker 1: Tommy turned purple. We've got five months, he said, hoarsely.
Speaker 1: Do you hear me? If they aren't going to have
Speaker 1: their babies in five months, we're dead men. Charlie chuckled.
Speaker 1: Five months, he says. He figured the babies come in
Speaker 1: about three months, right, Spike. Not that it'll make any
Speaker 1: much difference to us. Charlie sank slowly down to the desk.
Speaker 1: He wasn't laughing anymore. We're never going to see any
Speaker 1: guards in babies. It's going to be a little too
Speaker 1: cold for that. The energy factor, he mumbled. Nobody thought
Speaker 1: of that except him passing. Should have though long ago.
Speaker 1: Two completely independent universes, obviously two energy systems incompatible. We
Speaker 1: were dealing with mass, space and dimension. But the energy
Speaker 1: differential was the important one. What about the energy we're
Speaker 1: loaded with it supercharged, packed to the breaking point and
Speaker 1: way beyond. Charlie scribbled frantically on the desk pad. Look,
Speaker 1: it took energy for them to come through, immense quantities
Speaker 1: of energy. Every one that came through upset the balance,
Speaker 1: distorted our whole energy pattern. And they knew from the
Speaker 1: start that the differential was all on their side, A
Speaker 1: million of them unbalances, four billion of us. All they
Speaker 1: needed to overload us completely was time for enough crossings,
Speaker 1: and we gave it to them, Pete said, slowly, his
Speaker 1: face green like a rubber ball with a dent in
Speaker 1: the side. Push in one side, the other side pops out,
Speaker 1: and were the other side when any day now, maybe
Speaker 1: any minute. Charlie spread his hands helplessly. Oh won't be
Speaker 1: bad at all, Spikeyir was telling me. Mean temperature and
Speaker 1: only thirty nine below zero, Lots of good clean snow,
Speaker 1: thousands of nice jagged mountain peaks. A lovely place really,
Speaker 1: just a little too cold for girds of them. They
Speaker 1: thought Earth was much nicer for them, whispered Tommy for them,
Speaker 1: Charlie said. End of p r Odlum by Alan Edward
Speaker 1: Norris