Speaker 1: The most powerful thing you can do verbally on a
Speaker 1: first date is tell a woman she's sexy, and tell
Speaker 1: her why, as long as though why is a trait
Speaker 1: a quality, not about her physical appearance or her body.
Speaker 1: Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend Podcast.
Speaker 1: I'm your host, dating coach Connell Barrett. I'm an author,
Speaker 1: I'm a dating coach of fourteen years, and i want
Speaker 1: to help you flirt with confidence, authenticity, to know what
Speaker 1: to say, get girls giggling and women into you so
Speaker 1: we can get you a great girlfriend. And to do
Speaker 1: this with authenticity, not a bunch of sketchy, weird pickup
Speaker 1: artist moves. Women want you, the authentic you. Your mom
Speaker 1: is right. Women like you for you, or they will.
Speaker 1: And today's episode is for you if you struggle on
Speaker 1: dates with flirting and what to say and how to
Speaker 1: say it. So many men deal with awkward pauses on dates,
Speaker 1: or they have good logical, analytical conversations and they think
Speaker 1: the date went well, and then you get those four
Speaker 1: or five words that you hate hearing from women. I
Speaker 1: didn't feel a connection. Oh that sucks. I remember a
Speaker 1: first date I had where I thought it went well.
Speaker 1: I thought I was funny. I thought we had a good, deep,
Speaker 1: fun conversation, and then she texted me just not feeling it, Connell,
Speaker 1: but we can be friends. And I came home and
Speaker 1: I was so disappointed and frustrated, not at her, but
Speaker 1: just at my frustration and being stuck, that I took
Speaker 1: this stapler on my desk and threw it across the room,
Speaker 1: smashed right into this giant wicker chair that my roommate had,
Speaker 1: and she was not happy. She was like, why are
Speaker 1: you throwing shit at my wicker chair? And this was
Speaker 1: way back when I struggled with dating. So today I'm
Speaker 1: going to give you thirty seven things to say on
Speaker 1: first dates. Thirty seven flirty things to say. Now, one
Speaker 1: little caveat before I run through these thirty seven And
Speaker 1: I'm going to crank through these in like fifteen twenty
Speaker 1: minutes tops. But before I give you these thirty seven things,
Speaker 1: think of this list as ideas to have germinating in
Speaker 1: your mind, not things to memorize. I don't want you
Speaker 1: memorizing things on a date. I don't want you to
Speaker 1: feel like you have to go into the date with
Speaker 1: literally thirty seven things ready to say. You don't want
Speaker 1: to sound scripted and robotic women like a present, authentic
Speaker 1: guy who's in the moment with her. That said, it
Speaker 1: is good to have a few things in your back pocket,
Speaker 1: so to speak, not maybe not literally. So here's what
Speaker 1: not to do for this episode. Don't do what I
Speaker 1: did many years ago. I once had a first date
Speaker 1: and I was so nervous and so unsure about what
Speaker 1: to say and how to flirt that I had a
Speaker 1: print out of like fifteen twenty things to say, like
Speaker 1: this cocky line, this funny story, this teasing nag type thing,
Speaker 1: which was a thing at the time, and Hi, sweety,
Speaker 1: my cat parme is crawling up on my lap right now.
Speaker 1: Hold on, hey, sweety okay. I have a little orange
Speaker 1: ginger tabby cat on my lap. Hi baby, heiy sweety okay.
Speaker 1: And on this first date, I had an eight and
Speaker 1: a half by eleven print out of all these funny, witty,
Speaker 1: cool things to say, and I would excuse myself during
Speaker 1: the date and I would say, hey, I'll be right back,
Speaker 1: and I would go into the men's room and like,
Speaker 1: look at the list. This was before iPhones, by the way,
Speaker 1: and like, oh, let me say this cool funny line
Speaker 1: to her so I don't want you to think of
Speaker 1: today's episode as things I want you to memorize. Just
Speaker 1: integrate them, just listen to them if you would. Thirty
Speaker 1: seven funny flirty things to say, and I think number
Speaker 1: twenty six is especially powerful if you really want to
Speaker 1: get out of the friend zone. And most of these
Speaker 1: things you're about to hear are playful. They're almost all
Speaker 1: light and playful, and playfulness is really what flirting is about.
Speaker 1: Flirting is about play And as my cat licks my
Speaker 1: right arm, I'm getting a cat bath right now while
Speaker 1: recording the podcast. Anyway, So let's get to it. Let's
Speaker 1: rock through these thirty seven things to say on first dates.
Speaker 1: Let's rock through it. Why do I sound like a
Speaker 1: FM Classic rock DJ. Let's rock through these things. Here
Speaker 1: we go, thirty seven flirty things to say. Number one,
Speaker 1: If this goes well tonight, we can name our first
Speaker 1: child hinge algorithm rolls off the tongue, right. That's something
Speaker 1: you could say early in the date. You could also
Speaker 1: text that beforehand, if you like. Or two, thank you
Speaker 1: for actually looking like your photos. I've known you for
Speaker 1: three minutes and this is already the healthiest relationship I've had.
Speaker 1: That's a really good thing to have ready to say,
Speaker 1: because we all know what it's like. Most of us
Speaker 1: know what it's like to be on a date and
Speaker 1: the other person just does not look like their photos.
Speaker 1: Flirty thing to say. Number three. I confess I was
Speaker 1: nervous every time somebody walked in, and I kept wondering,
Speaker 1: is that her. I discover what a good thing this
Speaker 1: was to say on many first dates. Really owning your vulnerability,
Speaker 1: being honest about feeling nervous is really disarming and a
Speaker 1: lot of women really like it. Number four, let's make
Speaker 1: a deal. If the next song is terrible, we'll go
Speaker 1: somewhere better, and if it's a banger, you tell me
Speaker 1: your most embarrassing high school story. Now. The idea behind
Speaker 1: this one is you're looking for moments on first dates
Speaker 1: to turn the interaction playful, raising the stakes right, so
Speaker 1: you can literally grab a song that's we're not grab it,
Speaker 1: but listen to the song that's playing if it's a
Speaker 1: you know, if you're at a bar where there's a
Speaker 1: lot of music playing, and turn it into a fun
Speaker 1: little get to know you game. Okay, flirty thing to say.
Speaker 1: Number five, here's a good one. Here's a classic a'connell classic.
Speaker 1: Let's say she looked down, looks down at your shirt
Speaker 1: and your outfit, which of course will happen at some point.
Speaker 1: You could say, and you have to say this with
Speaker 1: a very fake, arrogant cheekiness to it, You say, excuse me,
Speaker 1: my eyes are up here. Please don't treat me like
Speaker 1: a piece of meat. So you're this is a misinterpretation,
Speaker 1: an old school pickup move that I learned back in
Speaker 1: the day that I still like. You're misinterpreting what she's
Speaker 1: doing as her looking at you like you are a
Speaker 1: sex object. Think how different that is. Most women are
Speaker 1: used to being objectified or treated like a piece to me.
Speaker 1: So you are flipping the script there. Okay, let's go
Speaker 1: to number six. If we could teleport together anywhere in
Speaker 1: the world, where would we go. It's a good one.
Speaker 1: It's a fun different way to ask about travel. It's
Speaker 1: a great question that allows her to imagine herself with
Speaker 1: you traveling, which now we're asserting her and your togetherness.
Speaker 1: A flirty thing. Number seven to say, on a date,
Speaker 1: who should play you in the movie of your life? Now,
Speaker 1: just by the way, for all of these, for any
Speaker 1: of these that are questions. Be ready to answer the
Speaker 1: question yourself, because a lot of women will answer. And
Speaker 1: then she'll say, what about you? Who should play you
Speaker 1: in the movie of your life? And I like this
Speaker 1: question because it gives a woman a chance to really think.
Speaker 1: That's a question she's almost certainly never been asked before.
Speaker 1: Most every other guy is saying, or would you go
Speaker 1: to school? Would you grow up? You know how many
Speaker 1: brothers and sisters do you have? There's nothing wrong with
Speaker 1: those questions, but it's nice to keep things playful, keep
Speaker 1: it fun. And then her answer would be really interesting,
Speaker 1: who would play her in the movie of her life?
Speaker 1: And then ask her why? Ask her why? I don't
Speaker 1: remember if I asked my girlfriend Jes that on our
Speaker 1: first date. I might have. But if I had, she
Speaker 1: might have said something like Aubrey Plaza. My girlfriend is
Speaker 1: a big Aubrey Plaza fan, or at least has a
Speaker 1: very dry, snarky personality like Aubrey Plaza does. So who knows.
Speaker 1: So anyway, her answer to this question could really help
Speaker 1: her open up to you and have her show aside
Speaker 1: to you that you might not know about number eight.
Speaker 1: Just so you know, I never kiss until the sixteenth date.
Speaker 1: I'm not easy. Number nine, What is something that you're
Speaker 1: weirdly good at? Number nine is a really good back
Speaker 1: pocket question to have ready if there is a lull
Speaker 1: in the conversation and you're trying to avoid a long,
Speaker 1: awkward pause. Because everybody has things they're secretly or they're
Speaker 1: weirdly good at. Everybody has something. Number ten, I'm actually
Speaker 1: pretty introverted, but you're making this feel easy. If you're introverted,
Speaker 1: which many men are, let her know that you're introverted,
Speaker 1: but she's making this date go. Well, that'll make her
Speaker 1: feel so good. All right, let's go to number eleven.
Speaker 1: Flirty thing to say number eleven on first dates? So
Speaker 1: who's the weirdest guy you've ever had a date with?
Speaker 1: If you say me, I'm leaving. This is a really
Speaker 1: good way to talk about dating in a way that's
Speaker 1: not boring and too meta, too analytical. What you don't
Speaker 1: want to do do not talk about dating too much
Speaker 1: on first dates. So how is bumble treating you? Oh,
Speaker 1: here's my bumble experience, here's my hinge experience. Talking about
Speaker 1: dating too much on a first date. It's too meta.
Speaker 1: It's like talking about why a joke is funny. If
Speaker 1: you overly analyze it, it stops being funny. But if you
Speaker 1: ask her about the weirdest dude she had a date with,
Speaker 1: she'll have a story. Every woman has a weird first
Speaker 1: date story about a guy, and that's actually a fun
Speaker 1: way to talk about dating for a little bit, especially
Speaker 1: in the first ten or fifteen minutes of a date,
Speaker 1: when you're trying to just get comfortable in each other's company.
Speaker 1: Number twelve, you're either the coolest woman I've met in
Speaker 1: a long time or the weirdest. I'm just not sure
Speaker 1: which one yet. This is a classic old school move
Speaker 1: called the push pull. You are giving her a little
Speaker 1: bit of a push, a tease. She might be weird,
Speaker 1: but you're also giving her a pull, as in pulling
Speaker 1: her towards you figuratively. But you also might be the coolest,
Speaker 1: but I'm not sure which. I said this to my
Speaker 1: girlfriend on one of our first couple of dates, and
Speaker 1: she really liked it. She later told me how much
Speaker 1: she likes that Number thirteen. You have this way of
Speaker 1: pausing before you answer that makes the next thing you
Speaker 1: say sound important. Ooh, notice that. Say it if you
Speaker 1: want to number fourteen, who is your middle school crush
Speaker 1: and she likes that question. Follow up with number fifteen,
Speaker 1: what was your first kiss, like, first ever kiss? Was
Speaker 1: it adorable or was it super awkward? A good thing
Speaker 1: to talk about in the first half of a first
Speaker 1: date is bringing up the topic of childhood, you know,
Speaker 1: teenage innocent loves and crushes and first kisses. Most people
Speaker 1: have either a cute story or an awkward story. Okay,
Speaker 1: Number sixteen. Oh, by the way, my mom and dad
Speaker 1: are coming later, They're so excited to meet you. Speaks
Speaker 1: for itself as just a silly, fun, dumb thing to say.
Speaker 1: Number seventeen. If you could go back in time and
Speaker 1: relive the best day of your life, which day would
Speaker 1: you choose? That's a thinker. Now we're getting into more
Speaker 1: thoughtful questions that are a little bit deeper, but still
Speaker 1: intellectually and emotionally compelling to a lot of women. It's
Speaker 1: a powerful question. Again, be ready to answer that yourself.
Speaker 1: If I could go back in time and relive the
Speaker 1: best day of my life, I would probably go back
Speaker 1: to my dad's surprise eighty fifth birthday party Halloween two
Speaker 1: thousand and fourteen. And my mom was still alive at
Speaker 1: the time. She was there. I co planned the party
Speaker 1: with my sisters, and it was just an amazing day.
Speaker 1: My dad cried, my mom cried, everybody was just so happy.
Speaker 1: It was an amazing night. My dad's birthday is Halloween. Okay,
Speaker 1: number nineteen. I had a feeling this was either going
Speaker 1: to be awkward or really fun. I'm relieved it's the
Speaker 1: second one. Number twenty huge question that will determine whether
Speaker 1: or not we fall madly in love Pineapple on pizza,
Speaker 1: Yes or no. Number twenty one. I think I might
Speaker 1: have to give you the rose I brought tonight. It's
Speaker 1: between you and one other girl. She'll be here in
Speaker 1: a few minutes. So you're cracking a joke about how
Speaker 1: there's another woman coming to the date, you're basically making
Speaker 1: a joke about being on a group date with her. Okay,
Speaker 1: quick pause. By the way, if you would like to
Speaker 1: learn more about how my coaching works, if you want
Speaker 1: personalized one on one help to help you have better
Speaker 1: first dates and approach women and get a great girlfriend,
Speaker 1: then go to my website, dating transformation dot com. I
Speaker 1: make myself available to take on new clients from time
Speaker 1: to time, So go at dating transformation dot com. If
Speaker 1: that appeals to you. If you're not looking for coaching,
Speaker 1: no worries, here's something else you can do. I want
Speaker 1: to send you a free copy of my book if
Speaker 1: you would like. I wrote a pretty successful book called
Speaker 1: Dating Side but you don't. It's all about my best
Speaker 1: dating advice as of a few years ago when it
Speaker 1: came out. So if you'd like a free copy of
Speaker 1: my book, just email me Connell at Datingtransformation dot com
Speaker 1: subject free book, and I will email you a free book. Okay,
Speaker 1: let's go back to first date questions. Number twenty two.
Speaker 1: There's a fire at your house, All pets and people
Speaker 1: are safe. You can grab one item beside your phone
Speaker 1: to save. What do you go in and save? I
Speaker 1: had so many great conversations start with that question. Number
Speaker 1: twenty three. I have a theory that everyone has one
Speaker 1: specific opinion that they'd argue with strangers about. What's yours?
Speaker 1: Number twenty four. I have to admit I have a
Speaker 1: really nerdy side. What's the nerdiest thing that you're into?
Speaker 1: I'll go first if it helps, and again, be ready
Speaker 1: to go first. Have a nerdy thing that you're into.
Speaker 1: My nerdy thing is improv comedy, musical, theater, my nerd
Speaker 1: out on podcasts, history stuff. That's me. Don't be afraid
Speaker 1: to show your nerdy side. Okay, number twenty five. Let's
Speaker 1: pick a random person here and decide what their secret
Speaker 1: hobby is. That's fun. You get to look around the
Speaker 1: room and make up backstories about people. What this does
Speaker 1: is it puts you in her in collaboration. You're now
Speaker 1: doing something together, which is good for a first date.
Speaker 1: And here's number twenty six. If you do nothing else
Speaker 1: from this, if you use no other flirty statement or
Speaker 1: line or question from this list, I definitely recommend number
Speaker 1: twenty six. You know what's really sexy about you? You're
Speaker 1: so smart and funny. I'm just trying to keep up.
Speaker 1: The most powerful thing you can do verbally on a
Speaker 1: first date is tell a woman she's sexy and tell
Speaker 1: her why, as long as though why is a trait
Speaker 1: a quality, No about her physical appearance or her body. Okay,
Speaker 1: so feel free to make yours more personalized. Then you're
Speaker 1: smart and funny. Find something very specific you find sexy
Speaker 1: about her, but yeah, lay it out there. It's hard
Speaker 1: to get friend zoned. It's hard to get friend zoned
Speaker 1: if you look her in the eye and say, damn,
Speaker 1: this is really sexy about you. Okay. Number twenty seven,
Speaker 1: explain TikTok to me like I'm your grandfather. Go Number
Speaker 1: twenty eight. You're very present when you talk to people.
Speaker 1: Most people are in their heads, but you're right here
Speaker 1: in the moment with me. Number twenty nine. I'm trying
Speaker 1: to figure out if you're actually this charming or if
Speaker 1: I'm just easily charmed. It's probably both. Number thirty Your
Speaker 1: eye contact tells me that you're thinking something devious. I
Speaker 1: really like this one. It's a good little bit of
Speaker 1: a cold read. Right. You can imagine that you know
Speaker 1: what she's thinking or what her icontact is telling you
Speaker 1: she might be thinking something devious. Or use the word
Speaker 1: naughty if you are feeling extra bold. Naughty is a
Speaker 1: good flirtatious word to use. Number thirty one. I like
Speaker 1: that I don't have to perform or be somebody else
Speaker 1: around you. Let me say that again. I screwed it up.
Speaker 1: I like that I don't have to perform or be
Speaker 1: somebody I'm not around you. It's a beautiful thing to
Speaker 1: tell somebody. By the way, this should go without saying,
Speaker 1: but I'll say it anyway, I want you to mean
Speaker 1: any of these things that you use. Don't just use
Speaker 1: these because dating coach Ginger O'Connell dude said too, really
Speaker 1: mean them. What makes any quote unquote line or thing
Speaker 1: you say work, It's not the words, it's not the syntax.
Speaker 1: It's the emotion. It's the authenticity. It's the force, the
Speaker 1: truth underneath it. That's really what makes it work. Okay.
Speaker 1: Number thirty two, do you like a first kiss to
Speaker 1: be a surprise or do you like to see it coming?
Speaker 1: Now that's a flirtatious thing to say. Notice how this
Speaker 1: is number thirty two, So it's late in our thirty
Speaker 1: seven list, right toward the end of a date. As
Speaker 1: you're leading to that first kiss, oh man, dialing up
Speaker 1: the tension. Maybe you guys are touching a little bit,
Speaker 1: being a little bit touchy feely, sitting closer, and then
Speaker 1: you just say do you like the first kiss to
Speaker 1: be a surprise or do you like to see it coming?
Speaker 1: You're dialing up that romantic tension. Number thirty three, I'm
Speaker 1: trying to figure out what your friends would tell me
Speaker 1: about you if I bribed them. That's a good one.
Speaker 1: Number thirty four, here's a really good way to ask
Speaker 1: her out. Ask her out on date number two, but
Speaker 1: you do it on date number one late in the date.
Speaker 1: Here it is grab your phone and say, hey, chat GPT.
Speaker 1: Should I ask this qute girl out for a second date?
Speaker 1: Or should I leave right now for my own safety?
Speaker 1: Really charming, very playful. Number thirty five. I was warned
Speaker 1: about you by myself earlier today. Oh man, I didn't listen.
Speaker 1: Or if you want to amp that up, I was
Speaker 1: warned about how charming I thought you would be today
Speaker 1: by myself earlier today, but I didn't listen. That's a
Speaker 1: good one. Number thirty six. After the first kiss, if
Speaker 1: you have, if you go for and get that first
Speaker 1: kiss on a first date, which I certainly recommend to try,
Speaker 1: if it was going pretty well, at least on a
Speaker 1: nighttime date. After that first kiss, you say, wow, you're
Speaker 1: a really good kisser and you pause almost as good
Speaker 1: as me. It's so close. It's a cheeky line that
Speaker 1: can you give for sincerity and tenderness and heart, which
Speaker 1: women love. And then you add a little bit of
Speaker 1: cheekiness which women tend to also love. And then number
Speaker 1: thirty seven, This is a great way to end the date,
Speaker 1: you say I don't like to play games, so I'm
Speaker 1: just going to say it. I like you. Let's do
Speaker 1: this again. Ask her out, let her know you like her,
Speaker 1: let her know you want to see her again. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's just what works. Flirting can be complicated at times,
Speaker 1: it can be scary, it can be confusing, but it
Speaker 1: can also be as simple as I like you, I
Speaker 1: want to see you again. All right, those are my
Speaker 1: thirty seven things to say on first dates. Don't say
Speaker 1: them all, don't memorize all thirty seven. Just integrate this
Speaker 1: list and look for a moment on your next first
Speaker 1: date when one or two of these phrases comes to you.
Speaker 1: That's how you want to use this. And again, if
Speaker 1: you are tired of hearing, oh I didn't feel a connection,
Speaker 1: let's just be friends, or just having women meet you
Speaker 1: for a date but not want to see you for
Speaker 1: that second date, Dude, I remember how that felt. That
Speaker 1: was a big pain point for me back in the day.
Speaker 1: Then go to dating transformation dot com. You can book
Speaker 1: a free call to talk with me about how my
Speaker 1: coaching works and let's see if I can help you,
Speaker 1: or just email me Connell at Dating Transformation dot com,
Speaker 1: subject line free book, and I'll send you my book
Speaker 1: for free, all right until next time. Thank you so
Speaker 1: much for listening.