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<v Speaker 1>The most powerful thing you can do verbally on a

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<v Speaker 1>first date is tell a woman she's sexy, and tell

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<v Speaker 1>her why, as long as though why is a trait

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<v Speaker 1>a quality, not about her physical appearance or her body.

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend Podcast.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm your host, dating coach Connell Barrett. I'm an author,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm a dating coach of fourteen years, and i want

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<v Speaker 1>to help you flirt with confidence, authenticity, to know what

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<v Speaker 1>to say, get girls giggling and women into you so

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<v Speaker 1>we can get you a great girlfriend. And to do

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<v Speaker 1>this with authenticity, not a bunch of sketchy, weird pickup

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<v Speaker 1>artist moves. Women want you, the authentic you. Your mom

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<v Speaker 1>is right. Women like you for you, or they will.

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<v Speaker 1>And today's episode is for you if you struggle on

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<v Speaker 1>dates with flirting and what to say and how to

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<v Speaker 1>say it. So many men deal with awkward pauses on dates,

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<v Speaker 1>or they have good logical, analytical conversations and they think

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<v Speaker 1>the date went well, and then you get those four

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<v Speaker 1>or five words that you hate hearing from women. I

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<v Speaker 1>didn't feel a connection. Oh that sucks. I remember a

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<v Speaker 1>first date I had where I thought it went well.

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<v Speaker 1>I thought I was funny. I thought we had a good, deep,

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<v Speaker 1>fun conversation, and then she texted me just not feeling it, Connell,

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<v Speaker 1>but we can be friends. And I came home and

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<v Speaker 1>I was so disappointed and frustrated, not at her, but

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<v Speaker 1>just at my frustration and being stuck, that I took

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<v Speaker 1>this stapler on my desk and threw it across the room,

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<v Speaker 1>smashed right into this giant wicker chair that my roommate had,

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<v Speaker 1>and she was not happy. She was like, why are

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<v Speaker 1>you throwing shit at my wicker chair? And this was

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<v Speaker 1>way back when I struggled with dating. So today I'm

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<v Speaker 1>going to give you thirty seven things to say on

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<v Speaker 1>first dates. Thirty seven flirty things to say. Now, one

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<v Speaker 1>little caveat before I run through these thirty seven And

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<v Speaker 1>I'm going to crank through these in like fifteen twenty

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<v Speaker 1>minutes tops. But before I give you these thirty seven things,

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<v Speaker 1>think of this list as ideas to have germinating in

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<v Speaker 1>your mind, not things to memorize. I don't want you

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<v Speaker 1>memorizing things on a date. I don't want you to

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<v Speaker 1>feel like you have to go into the date with

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<v Speaker 1>literally thirty seven things ready to say. You don't want

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<v Speaker 1>to sound scripted and robotic women like a present, authentic

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<v Speaker 1>guy who's in the moment with her. That said, it

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<v Speaker 1>is good to have a few things in your back pocket,

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<v Speaker 1>so to speak, not maybe not literally. So here's what

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<v Speaker 1>not to do for this episode. Don't do what I

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<v Speaker 1>did many years ago. I once had a first date

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<v Speaker 1>and I was so nervous and so unsure about what

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<v Speaker 1>to say and how to flirt that I had a

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<v Speaker 1>print out of like fifteen twenty things to say, like

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<v Speaker 1>this cocky line, this funny story, this teasing nag type thing,

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<v Speaker 1>which was a thing at the time, and Hi, sweety,

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<v Speaker 1>my cat parme is crawling up on my lap right now.

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<v Speaker 1>Hold on, hey, sweety okay. I have a little orange

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<v Speaker 1>ginger tabby cat on my lap. Hi baby, heiy sweety okay.

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<v Speaker 1>And on this first date, I had an eight and

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<v Speaker 1>a half by eleven print out of all these funny, witty,

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<v Speaker 1>cool things to say, and I would excuse myself during

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<v Speaker 1>the date and I would say, hey, I'll be right back,

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<v Speaker 1>and I would go into the men's room and like,

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<v Speaker 1>look at the list. This was before iPhones, by the way,

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<v Speaker 1>and like, oh, let me say this cool funny line

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<v Speaker 1>to her so I don't want you to think of

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<v Speaker 1>today's episode as things I want you to memorize. Just

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<v Speaker 1>integrate them, just listen to them if you would. Thirty

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<v Speaker 1>seven funny flirty things to say, and I think number

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<v Speaker 1>twenty six is especially powerful if you really want to

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<v Speaker 1>get out of the friend zone. And most of these

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<v Speaker 1>things you're about to hear are playful. They're almost all

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<v Speaker 1>light and playful, and playfulness is really what flirting is about.

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<v Speaker 1>Flirting is about play And as my cat licks my

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<v Speaker 1>right arm, I'm getting a cat bath right now while

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<v Speaker 1>recording the podcast. Anyway, So let's get to it. Let's

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<v Speaker 1>rock through these thirty seven things to say on first dates.

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<v Speaker 1>Let's rock through it. Why do I sound like a

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<v Speaker 1>FM Classic rock DJ. Let's rock through these things. Here

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<v Speaker 1>we go, thirty seven flirty things to say. Number one,

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<v Speaker 1>If this goes well tonight, we can name our first

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<v Speaker 1>child hinge algorithm rolls off the tongue, right. That's something

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<v Speaker 1>you could say early in the date. You could also

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<v Speaker 1>text that beforehand, if you like. Or two, thank you

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<v Speaker 1>for actually looking like your photos. I've known you for

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<v Speaker 1>three minutes and this is already the healthiest relationship I've had.

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<v Speaker 1>That's a really good thing to have ready to say,

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<v Speaker 1>because we all know what it's like. Most of us

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<v Speaker 1>know what it's like to be on a date and

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<v Speaker 1>the other person just does not look like their photos.

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<v Speaker 1>Flirty thing to say. Number three. I confess I was

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<v Speaker 1>nervous every time somebody walked in, and I kept wondering,

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<v Speaker 1>is that her. I discover what a good thing this

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<v Speaker 1>was to say on many first dates. Really owning your vulnerability,

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<v Speaker 1>being honest about feeling nervous is really disarming and a

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<v Speaker 1>lot of women really like it. Number four, let's make

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<v Speaker 1>a deal. If the next song is terrible, we'll go

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<v Speaker 1>somewhere better, and if it's a banger, you tell me

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<v Speaker 1>your most embarrassing high school story. Now. The idea behind

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<v Speaker 1>this one is you're looking for moments on first dates

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<v Speaker 1>to turn the interaction playful, raising the stakes right, so

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<v Speaker 1>you can literally grab a song that's we're not grab it,

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<v Speaker 1>but listen to the song that's playing if it's a

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<v Speaker 1>you know, if you're at a bar where there's a

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<v Speaker 1>lot of music playing, and turn it into a fun

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<v Speaker 1>little get to know you game. Okay, flirty thing to say.

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<v Speaker 1>Number five, here's a good one. Here's a classic a'connell classic.

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<v Speaker 1>Let's say she looked down, looks down at your shirt

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<v Speaker 1>and your outfit, which of course will happen at some point.

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<v Speaker 1>You could say, and you have to say this with

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<v Speaker 1>a very fake, arrogant cheekiness to it, You say, excuse me,

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<v Speaker 1>my eyes are up here. Please don't treat me like

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<v Speaker 1>a piece of meat. So you're this is a misinterpretation,

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<v Speaker 1>an old school pickup move that I learned back in

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<v Speaker 1>the day that I still like. You're misinterpreting what she's

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<v Speaker 1>doing as her looking at you like you are a

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<v Speaker 1>sex object. Think how different that is. Most women are

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<v Speaker 1>used to being objectified or treated like a piece to me.

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<v Speaker 1>So you are flipping the script there. Okay, let's go

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<v Speaker 1>to number six. If we could teleport together anywhere in

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<v Speaker 1>the world, where would we go. It's a good one.

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<v Speaker 1>It's a fun different way to ask about travel. It's

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<v Speaker 1>a great question that allows her to imagine herself with

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<v Speaker 1>you traveling, which now we're asserting her and your togetherness.

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<v Speaker 1>A flirty thing. Number seven to say, on a date,

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<v Speaker 1>who should play you in the movie of your life? Now,

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<v Speaker 1>just by the way, for all of these, for any

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<v Speaker 1>of these that are questions. Be ready to answer the

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<v Speaker 1>question yourself, because a lot of women will answer. And

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<v Speaker 1>then she'll say, what about you? Who should play you

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<v Speaker 1>in the movie of your life? And I like this

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<v Speaker 1>question because it gives a woman a chance to really think.

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<v Speaker 1>That's a question she's almost certainly never been asked before.

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<v Speaker 1>Most every other guy is saying, or would you go

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<v Speaker 1>to school? Would you grow up? You know how many

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<v Speaker 1>brothers and sisters do you have? There's nothing wrong with

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<v Speaker 1>those questions, but it's nice to keep things playful, keep

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<v Speaker 1>it fun. And then her answer would be really interesting,

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<v Speaker 1>who would play her in the movie of her life?

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<v Speaker 1>And then ask her why? Ask her why? I don't

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<v Speaker 1>remember if I asked my girlfriend Jes that on our

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<v Speaker 1>first date. I might have. But if I had, she

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<v Speaker 1>might have said something like Aubrey Plaza. My girlfriend is

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<v Speaker 1>a big Aubrey Plaza fan, or at least has a

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<v Speaker 1>very dry, snarky personality like Aubrey Plaza does. So who knows.

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<v Speaker 1>So anyway, her answer to this question could really help

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<v Speaker 1>her open up to you and have her show aside

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<v Speaker 1>to you that you might not know about number eight.

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<v Speaker 1>Just so you know, I never kiss until the sixteenth date.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm not easy. Number nine, What is something that you're

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<v Speaker 1>weirdly good at? Number nine is a really good back

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<v Speaker 1>pocket question to have ready if there is a lull

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<v Speaker 1>in the conversation and you're trying to avoid a long,

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<v Speaker 1>awkward pause. Because everybody has things they're secretly or they're

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<v Speaker 1>weirdly good at. Everybody has something. Number ten, I'm actually

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<v Speaker 1>pretty introverted, but you're making this feel easy. If you're introverted,

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<v Speaker 1>which many men are, let her know that you're introverted,

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<v Speaker 1>but she's making this date go. Well, that'll make her

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<v Speaker 1>feel so good. All right, let's go to number eleven.

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<v Speaker 1>Flirty thing to say number eleven on first dates? So

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<v Speaker 1>who's the weirdest guy you've ever had a date with?

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<v Speaker 1>If you say me, I'm leaving. This is a really

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<v Speaker 1>good way to talk about dating in a way that's

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<v Speaker 1>not boring and too meta, too analytical. What you don't

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<v Speaker 1>want to do do not talk about dating too much

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<v Speaker 1>on first dates. So how is bumble treating you? Oh,

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<v Speaker 1>here's my bumble experience, here's my hinge experience. Talking about

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<v Speaker 1>dating too much on a first date. It's too meta.

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<v Speaker 1>It's like talking about why a joke is funny. If

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<v Speaker 1>you overly analyze it, it stops being funny. But if you

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<v Speaker 1>ask her about the weirdest dude she had a date with,

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<v Speaker 1>she'll have a story. Every woman has a weird first

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<v Speaker 1>date story about a guy, and that's actually a fun

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<v Speaker 1>way to talk about dating for a little bit, especially

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<v Speaker 1>in the first ten or fifteen minutes of a date,

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<v Speaker 1>when you're trying to just get comfortable in each other's company.

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<v Speaker 1>Number twelve, you're either the coolest woman I've met in

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<v Speaker 1>a long time or the weirdest. I'm just not sure

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<v Speaker 1>which one yet. This is a classic old school move

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<v Speaker 1>called the push pull. You are giving her a little

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<v Speaker 1>bit of a push, a tease. She might be weird,

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<v Speaker 1>but you're also giving her a pull, as in pulling

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<v Speaker 1>her towards you figuratively. But you also might be the coolest,

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<v Speaker 1>but I'm not sure which. I said this to my

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<v Speaker 1>girlfriend on one of our first couple of dates, and

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<v Speaker 1>she really liked it. She later told me how much

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<v Speaker 1>she likes that Number thirteen. You have this way of

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<v Speaker 1>pausing before you answer that makes the next thing you

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<v Speaker 1>say sound important. Ooh, notice that. Say it if you

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<v Speaker 1>want to number fourteen, who is your middle school crush

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<v Speaker 1>and she likes that question. Follow up with number fifteen,

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<v Speaker 1>what was your first kiss, like, first ever kiss? Was

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<v Speaker 1>it adorable or was it super awkward? A good thing

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<v Speaker 1>to talk about in the first half of a first

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<v Speaker 1>date is bringing up the topic of childhood, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>teenage innocent loves and crushes and first kisses. Most people

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<v Speaker 1>have either a cute story or an awkward story. Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>Number sixteen. Oh, by the way, my mom and dad

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<v Speaker 1>are coming later, They're so excited to meet you. Speaks

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<v Speaker 1>for itself as just a silly, fun, dumb thing to say.

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<v Speaker 1>Number seventeen. If you could go back in time and

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<v Speaker 1>relive the best day of your life, which day would

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<v Speaker 1>you choose? That's a thinker. Now we're getting into more

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<v Speaker 1>thoughtful questions that are a little bit deeper, but still

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<v Speaker 1>intellectually and emotionally compelling to a lot of women. It's

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<v Speaker 1>a powerful question. Again, be ready to answer that yourself.

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<v Speaker 1>If I could go back in time and relive the

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<v Speaker 1>best day of my life, I would probably go back

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<v Speaker 1>to my dad's surprise eighty fifth birthday party Halloween two

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<v Speaker 1>thousand and fourteen. And my mom was still alive at

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<v Speaker 1>the time. She was there. I co planned the party

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<v Speaker 1>with my sisters, and it was just an amazing day.

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<v Speaker 1>My dad cried, my mom cried, everybody was just so happy.

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<v Speaker 1>It was an amazing night. My dad's birthday is Halloween. Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>number nineteen. I had a feeling this was either going

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<v Speaker 1>to be awkward or really fun. I'm relieved it's the

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<v Speaker 1>second one. Number twenty huge question that will determine whether

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<v Speaker 1>or not we fall madly in love Pineapple on pizza,

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<v Speaker 1>Yes or no. Number twenty one. I think I might

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<v Speaker 1>have to give you the rose I brought tonight. It's

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<v Speaker 1>between you and one other girl. She'll be here in

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<v Speaker 1>a few minutes. So you're cracking a joke about how

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<v Speaker 1>there's another woman coming to the date, you're basically making

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<v Speaker 1>a joke about being on a group date with her. Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>quick pause. By the way, if you would like to

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<v Speaker 1>learn more about how my coaching works, if you want

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<v Speaker 1>personalized one on one help to help you have better

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<v Speaker 1>first dates and approach women and get a great girlfriend,

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<v Speaker 1>then go to my website, dating transformation dot com. I

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<v Speaker 1>make myself available to take on new clients from time

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<v Speaker 1>to time, So go at dating transformation dot com. If

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<v Speaker 1>that appeals to you. If you're not looking for coaching,

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<v Speaker 1>no worries, here's something else you can do. I want

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<v Speaker 1>to send you a free copy of my book if

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<v Speaker 1>you would like. I wrote a pretty successful book called

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<v Speaker 1>Dating Side but you don't. It's all about my best

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<v Speaker 1>dating advice as of a few years ago when it

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<v Speaker 1>came out. So if you'd like a free copy of

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<v Speaker 1>my book, just email me Connell at Datingtransformation dot com

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<v Speaker 1>subject free book, and I will email you a free book. Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>let's go back to first date questions. Number twenty two.

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<v Speaker 1>There's a fire at your house, All pets and people

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<v Speaker 1>are safe. You can grab one item beside your phone

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<v Speaker 1>to save. What do you go in and save? I

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<v Speaker 1>had so many great conversations start with that question. Number

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<v Speaker 1>twenty three. I have a theory that everyone has one

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<v Speaker 1>specific opinion that they'd argue with strangers about. What's yours?

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<v Speaker 1>Number twenty four. I have to admit I have a

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<v Speaker 1>really nerdy side. What's the nerdiest thing that you're into?

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<v Speaker 1>I'll go first if it helps, and again, be ready

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<v Speaker 1>to go first. Have a nerdy thing that you're into.

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<v Speaker 1>My nerdy thing is improv comedy, musical, theater, my nerd

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<v Speaker 1>out on podcasts, history stuff. That's me. Don't be afraid

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<v Speaker 1>to show your nerdy side. Okay, number twenty five. Let's

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<v Speaker 1>pick a random person here and decide what their secret

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<v Speaker 1>hobby is. That's fun. You get to look around the

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<v Speaker 1>room and make up backstories about people. What this does

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<v Speaker 1>is it puts you in her in collaboration. You're now

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<v Speaker 1>doing something together, which is good for a first date.

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<v Speaker 1>And here's number twenty six. If you do nothing else

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<v Speaker 1>from this, if you use no other flirty statement or

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<v Speaker 1>line or question from this list, I definitely recommend number

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<v Speaker 1>twenty six. You know what's really sexy about you? You're

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<v Speaker 1>so smart and funny. I'm just trying to keep up.

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<v Speaker 1>The most powerful thing you can do verbally on a

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<v Speaker 1>first date is tell a woman she's sexy and tell

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<v Speaker 1>her why, as long as though why is a trait

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<v Speaker 1>a quality, No about her physical appearance or her body. Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>so feel free to make yours more personalized. Then you're

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<v Speaker 1>smart and funny. Find something very specific you find sexy

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<v Speaker 1>about her, but yeah, lay it out there. It's hard

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<v Speaker 1>to get friend zoned. It's hard to get friend zoned

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<v Speaker 1>if you look her in the eye and say, damn,

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<v Speaker 1>this is really sexy about you. Okay. Number twenty seven,

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<v Speaker 1>explain TikTok to me like I'm your grandfather. Go Number

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<v Speaker 1>twenty eight. You're very present when you talk to people.

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<v Speaker 1>Most people are in their heads, but you're right here

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<v Speaker 1>in the moment with me. Number twenty nine. I'm trying

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<v Speaker 1>to figure out if you're actually this charming or if

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<v Speaker 1>I'm just easily charmed. It's probably both. Number thirty Your

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<v Speaker 1>eye contact tells me that you're thinking something devious. I

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<v Speaker 1>really like this one. It's a good little bit of

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<v Speaker 1>a cold read. Right. You can imagine that you know

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<v Speaker 1>what she's thinking or what her icontact is telling you

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<v Speaker 1>she might be thinking something devious. Or use the word

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<v Speaker 1>naughty if you are feeling extra bold. Naughty is a

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<v Speaker 1>good flirtatious word to use. Number thirty one. I like

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<v Speaker 1>that I don't have to perform or be somebody else

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<v Speaker 1>around you. Let me say that again. I screwed it up.

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<v Speaker 1>I like that I don't have to perform or be

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<v Speaker 1>somebody I'm not around you. It's a beautiful thing to

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<v Speaker 1>tell somebody. By the way, this should go without saying,

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<v Speaker 1>but I'll say it anyway, I want you to mean

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<v Speaker 1>any of these things that you use. Don't just use

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<v Speaker 1>these because dating coach Ginger O'Connell dude said too, really

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<v Speaker 1>mean them. What makes any quote unquote line or thing

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<v Speaker 1>you say work, It's not the words, it's not the syntax.

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<v Speaker 1>It's the emotion. It's the authenticity. It's the force, the

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<v Speaker 1>truth underneath it. That's really what makes it work. Okay.

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<v Speaker 1>Number thirty two, do you like a first kiss to

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<v Speaker 1>be a surprise or do you like to see it coming?

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<v Speaker 1>Now that's a flirtatious thing to say. Notice how this

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<v Speaker 1>is number thirty two, So it's late in our thirty

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<v Speaker 1>seven list, right toward the end of a date. As

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<v Speaker 1>you're leading to that first kiss, oh man, dialing up

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<v Speaker 1>the tension. Maybe you guys are touching a little bit,

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<v Speaker 1>being a little bit touchy feely, sitting closer, and then

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<v Speaker 1>you just say do you like the first kiss to

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<v Speaker 1>be a surprise or do you like to see it coming?

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<v Speaker 1>You're dialing up that romantic tension. Number thirty three, I'm

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<v Speaker 1>trying to figure out what your friends would tell me

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<v Speaker 1>about you if I bribed them. That's a good one.

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<v Speaker 1>Number thirty four, here's a really good way to ask

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<v Speaker 1>her out. Ask her out on date number two, but

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<v Speaker 1>you do it on date number one late in the date.

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<v Speaker 1>Here it is grab your phone and say, hey, chat GPT.

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<v Speaker 1>Should I ask this qute girl out for a second date?

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<v Speaker 1>Or should I leave right now for my own safety?

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<v Speaker 1>Really charming, very playful. Number thirty five. I was warned

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<v Speaker 1>about you by myself earlier today. Oh man, I didn't listen.

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<v Speaker 1>Or if you want to amp that up, I was

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<v Speaker 1>warned about how charming I thought you would be today

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<v Speaker 1>by myself earlier today, but I didn't listen. That's a

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<v Speaker 1>good one. Number thirty six. After the first kiss, if

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<v Speaker 1>you have, if you go for and get that first

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<v Speaker 1>kiss on a first date, which I certainly recommend to try,

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<v Speaker 1>if it was going pretty well, at least on a

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<v Speaker 1>nighttime date. After that first kiss, you say, wow, you're

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<v Speaker 1>a really good kisser and you pause almost as good

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<v Speaker 1>as me. It's so close. It's a cheeky line that

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<v Speaker 1>can you give for sincerity and tenderness and heart, which

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<v Speaker 1>women love. And then you add a little bit of

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<v Speaker 1>cheekiness which women tend to also love. And then number

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<v Speaker 1>thirty seven, This is a great way to end the date,

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<v Speaker 1>you say I don't like to play games, so I'm

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<v Speaker 1>just going to say it. I like you. Let's do

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<v Speaker 1>this again. Ask her out, let her know you like her,

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<v Speaker 1>let her know you want to see her again. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>that's just what works. Flirting can be complicated at times,

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<v Speaker 1>it can be scary, it can be confusing, but it

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<v Speaker 1>can also be as simple as I like you, I

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<v Speaker 1>want to see you again. All right, those are my

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<v Speaker 1>thirty seven things to say on first dates. Don't say

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<v Speaker 1>them all, don't memorize all thirty seven. Just integrate this

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<v Speaker 1>list and look for a moment on your next first

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<v Speaker 1>date when one or two of these phrases comes to you.

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<v Speaker 1>That's how you want to use this. And again, if

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<v Speaker 1>you are tired of hearing, oh I didn't feel a connection,

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<v Speaker 1>let's just be friends, or just having women meet you

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<v Speaker 1>for a date but not want to see you for

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<v Speaker 1>that second date, Dude, I remember how that felt. That

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<v Speaker 1>was a big pain point for me back in the day.

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<v Speaker 1>Then go to dating transformation dot com. You can book

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<v Speaker 1>a free call to talk with me about how my

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<v Speaker 1>coaching works and let's see if I can help you,

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<v Speaker 1>or just email me Connell at Dating Transformation dot com,

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<v Speaker 1>subject line free book, and I'll send you my book

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<v Speaker 1>for free, all right until next time. Thank you so

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<v Speaker 1>much for listening.