Speaker 1: All right, so Emily the cancer uh person loses her
fucking hat. Well said, but puts it in a context
of tits. You remember the scene? Yeah, yeah, if the
wind blows your tits off, you need to find a
new plastic surgeon.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, I mean I would say find a hospital first,
because you have two gaping wounds on you. It's right
on you.
Speaker 3: Bad work, bad all around, Hillo.
Speaker 2: Welcome aboard another brands bang new episode of bad television.
Speaker 1: You know who it is? Fuck yeah, permission to come aboard.
Speaker 2: Yeah, let's rock, Let's fucking do it. Let's rock out.
You know what?
Speaker 1: A lot of energy out front, Dell. This episode was
the worst one of the season. You think this, I
think our recap it's going to be fourteen minutes.
Speaker 2: Nah, And if I have anything to say about it,
I got a lot of stuff to say on this episode.
I thought it was a pretty good episode. And I'm
really jacked up for this. I might even dare I
say slug back a buzzball? That's how excited? What flavor
is it? Uh line? Toss it over? Should we do
a little buzzbone review? I mean, look at how disgusting
this is. Oh, it's beautiful, Well, definitely not beautiful. It
literally looks like some kind of grenade. You'd find a
halo and go to the YouTube TV pod. Oh great,
thank you.
Speaker 1: You know dyll. Once grocery stores started allowing pre made
cocktails in a.
Speaker 2: Can or in this case, your life really changed.
Speaker 1: Oh big time? I got really fat last year?
Speaker 2: Thank you for Is that what you were going to say? Though?
I feel like I cut you off, like when grow No,
were you gonna say that your life change? Or were
you gonna say something else?
Speaker 1: I thought for the better because I wasn't drinking wine anymore,
so I started drinking this brand called June Shine. They
made Margarita's.
Speaker 2: This is disgusting.
Speaker 1: It's disgusting.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you don't like it, You're not gonna drink it?
Speaker 1: Right, Well, I'm gonna drink it. It's Friday. I'm having
a good time.
Speaker 2: It's fifteen percent alcohol.
Speaker 1: I don't give a fuck. Give it to me. That's
like a beer.
Speaker 2: Give it to me. No, no, no, it's not like
a beer.
Speaker 1: It's like three beers, three light beers. Give it to me.
I feel like Kyle.
Speaker 2: We love Kyle. I do.
Speaker 1: I really like that guy. We're kindred spirits. He's Scottish.
I'm Irish. I sometimes we're both Irish. Well, yes we are.
Speaker 2: Do the Irish like the Scots. They have a common
enemy in the fucking English. Yeah, so I think they're
fine with your Yeah, fucking English.
Speaker 1: Evolution hasn't moved that much. Like my grandmother when she
was a little girl, she had to get like go
to the bathroom in and outhouse. Look how far we've
come in one generation, yeah or two.
Speaker 2: Although I tell you what I mean, I'd take an
outhouse over this racket we've got going on now. Really,
Oh yeah, Oh, definitely gives you a little time to
go outside, kind of reorient touch grass. As the kids
would say, you don't have your cell phone.
Speaker 1: I don't want to get graphic, but there's a clean
up process.
Speaker 2: No, I understand it's abysmal, but I don't want to
get graphic. But think about when you're sitting down and
shit sliding out of you. You're on your phone. You're
not even present with the movement, right, you're scrolling through
I don't know, people fighting each other in food courts
and stuff like that. You know, I'd much rather, you know,
take some time and sit in a poorly insulated wooden
shack and smell my own shit. You that you're alive. Yeah,
so listen, we're here to talk about below Deck. You
know it. It's about TV and I eschewed your your
reviews on Housewives, but I do want to get to wetews.
Speaker 1: This review from get us to two thousand by the way,
that yeah, get in the look. I don't care if
it's a one star review and you hate us, now
give us a review. It's fine.
Speaker 2: Yeah, get it in. Uh. This from Max Slang, who
is uh oh boy. Yeah, Max Slang is a big
fan of the show, has been for years. We know
who this person is, no faceless, faceless creature. But I
will say Max Slang is an incredible person because for
years they've been trying to find the right cocktail and
still have not found it. And you just have to
talk to your doctor about dosages and what's working and
not working. It can't take this long, you know, So
now charging So now below Deck is only a preview
on the other channel. Been thinking long and hard about.
Speaker 1: Well, first off, till Zone is what what star?
Speaker 2: Oh it's a one star?
Speaker 1: Okay, you know what?
Speaker 2: This is stupid? This doesn't even make sense. I don't
even know what's going on. There's a great review here
from Linda Yoga Girl. She's still blocked on Patreon. I
don't know what's going on, locker. I went to the block.
I did it the other day to try to find
out how we could get Linda Yoga Girl, you crazy bat,
you know, back behind the pay well. But I can't
figure it out. Come on, So just signed Hey, create
a new email. We know you have aliases, we know
you're catfishing people left and right. Just use one of
those emails and sign up for Patreon again. We're covering
zet tritas, we're covering aps, we're doing PMZ, We're doing
all the stuff at patreon dot com, Slash another podcast network.
So let's get into this episode what you've deemed the
worst of the season. Why do you go ahead and
give us your pots?
Speaker 1: Well, I didn't like the episode that much because I
don't feel like we got there. Was way too much
just being upset and kind of losing her mind.
Speaker 2: You know. I mean, we're gonna get there, We're gonna
get I mean, we're gonna get there. But the elderly
often perish from cancer. I mean, they do often perish
from cancer.
Speaker 1: And in her case, morbid obesity might have had a
part time.
Speaker 2: I mean.
Speaker 1: Decade.
Speaker 2: I don't think it was morbid obesity. I think it
was a plumpness, a nice Rubenesque pump plumpness. Is that
the is that the word?
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 2: I can't believe you're fucking drinking that.
Speaker 1: Why not? It's Friday. I'm having a good time. I'm
enjoying myself on an I said this on another podcast.
My kids are back in school. Summer is over. And
anybody that has kids understands this. The work is done
when you're an adult and you have kids, don't You
don't know this yet. Summer is not a vacation. It's
more work. Oh yeah, the fall is summer.
Speaker 2: That's the sweet. Fall is summer, Yes, fall of summer.
But yeah, I thought it was fun. Jess is mentally
not there. But we've got a lot of ball of
snake stuff. We've got a lot of fun stuff with Rainbow,
who was driven to the brink of unearthing old behaviors
this episode.
Speaker 1: Well, when she was yelling that she may have to
go back in old habits based upon her past with
her sisters. Beware Ole solen. Oh, there is a mace
or a trident under her bed and you may be
bludgeoned to death.
Speaker 2: Well and depending on what Rainbow has at her disposal. Right, so,
she has baking soda, she has vinegar. There may be
some kind of propellant that she could find. There are
spoons and butter knives. So I'm thinking, hear me out,
those kill two, Well, those kill two. I mean, if
you get a garbage bag full of kitchen ware and
throw a couple of espresso pods in there, you never
know what can what shrapnel can out of that, you know,
throw some bacon powder in and then you know. Celenne
is in the middle of the night, sleeping her little
French TUTSI away and before you know it, boom and eruption.
Carrie walks in. What's going on? There's blood and spoons
all over the place.
Speaker 1: Who knows?
Speaker 2: Who knows? And Rainbow knows how to clean up her tracks?
Speaker 1: Yes she does.
Speaker 2: So I thought this was a great episode. One hundred
and fifty thousand pots and that's the most I think
I've ever given.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna give it zero, Okay, can I kick it off?
Speaker 2: You're well within your right too.
Speaker 1: Okay. It was an interesting start of the episode because
all the Sea Rats are sitting at the table, Kyle
has just given that insane speech.
Speaker 2: Yes, and Fraser has just erupted in French profanity. He's
left hid table, he's pissed.
Speaker 1: And at this point I was like, wow, there has
been quite a turn of events, because there was a
unanimous like calling that Kyle was making life decisions.
Speaker 2: Yes, right, a downward spiral.
Speaker 1: And then four seconds later everyone announces, well, let's get
wasted at a bar.
Speaker 2: Yeah, definitely. But Kyle stands up and he makes this
accusation that Fraser and he said that he was taking
the piss but it sounded, you know, and we love Kyle,
but it was delivered with a venomous quality to it.
And it's strange because you know, Kyle is the one
that said that he was on Epstein's Island when he
wasn't on Epstein's island. That's right, you know, So that
wasn't Fraser.
Speaker 1: I believe you were referring to. He was bragging about
having sex with a whir.
Speaker 2: Gotta bleep that you do? Yes, okay, So Patrick, come on,
all right, fine, I'm gonna get it together. Talk about
the hair, right, let's just say heavy metal hair.
Speaker 1: I don't think people would know what we're talking about.
They would, well, Hugo Boss, Yeah, who is the most
respected person I've ever seen on this series, is now slurring.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, Hugo's really ripping it up.
Speaker 1: Everyone has to rip it up. Everyone has to. They're
fucking sea rats. I know, but he fooled me. I
thought he was.
Speaker 2: No, no, no, no, listen Patrick, Patrick, Patrick, Hugo is
a responsible sea rat in a leadership position. But find
the operative word in that sentence. It's s rat. It
doesn't matter if you're an h O D your c rat.
Speaker 1: Good point.
Speaker 2: So we hit the club, Rainbow grabs Demo's ass, and
Babs and Jess neck each other off, and Kyle's confused
about losing his relationship with Fraser. How could you be confused?
You just accused him of being a a snake in
the grass. I mean, clearly he's gonna get upset about that.
Now we hit the vans and everyone's going after everyone's
going after it.
Speaker 1: Can I get deuce?
Speaker 2: Leigh is all up in Kyle's armpits.
Speaker 1: Barbs and Jess makeout. Yeah, Damo and Rainbow coz Yeah, yeah, uh,
and this was kind of fun because I always like
insight into what people are actually thinking when they're being
intimate with the other. Sa Rat Rainbow says she's not
a fan of Damo's kissing. Yeah, yeah, apparently. Uh it's
very wet. Yeah right. Yeah. It's like when a dentist
hooks that fucking.
Speaker 2: Straw on your can't stand that. I don't like that either,
And then you hear though, I don't like anything enough dentistry. No,
I think dentistry is uh. I think it's soul harvesting.
I think that. I think it's a fucking dark entity. Dude.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but we have to have it because we hurts.
You got to pull one of them out.
Speaker 2: I just I feel as though we've really let dentists
off the hook. I mean, we've discussed it before. They've
not progressed in any way. Really, mh. They have completely
delusional expectations of people. I need you to flost twice.
Nobody has time for that, I do, nobody has time
for that.
Speaker 1: No One's ever told me I have bad breath.
Speaker 2: I've told you you have bad breath before.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm making that up. No, you're making you're making that. No,
you're making that up. I floss like every five minutes.
Speaker 2: But with the picks.
Speaker 1: Yeah, with the picks.
Speaker 2: Now see a lot. My dentist will and I have.
Speaker 1: No more teeth. Every time one of my teeth goes south,
I go pull it.
Speaker 2: How many teeth do you have?
Speaker 1: Dell? Have you seen my fucking face? Let me see.
Speaker 2: You. It looks like you have all your teeth.
Speaker 1: Whenever a tooth goes south, I go pull it. You
only have two teeth.
Speaker 2: It looks like you just got your wisdom teeth taken out.
Speaker 1: It's like middle teeth.
Speaker 2: No, it's not. You're making that up. You're presenting yourself
as some kind of road house bartender right now. But
I think you just got your wisdom teeth pulled. Well.
I gotta say your breath is absolutely fantastic, and I
ever offer you gum. I want you to know that
I'm just offering you a treat because I really like them. Okay,
the trident squares, holy shit, those are really slapping right now.
So everyone is sucking off and it's all popping off.
And then we get to the boat and the snakes
continue to slither Kyle and so so hit the cabin.
They bang it out. Then Jess and Babbs hop in.
They're freaking playing now that Isa's we.
Speaker 1: Never get conclusive evidence that. I guess it's just assumed.
Speaker 2: That Kyl and Yeah, it's a little bit like h
Lucy and Ricky and they wake up in the morning
and a daisy opens or something like that. Oh yeah, okay,
yeah they Well, Lucy and Ricky just had missionary sex.
Kyle and Selene, we're spitting in each other's faces and stuff.
Speaker 1: Dyl. Are you of the age where you've ever walked
into a married couple's bedroom and seen two beds?
Speaker 2: No? Oh god, no, fucking oh. That was the thing.
I wasn't alive in the seventeen hundred.
Speaker 1: Seventeen hundreds. It's literally like the nineties and early two thousands.
People would get so old and get so done. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
I saw it multiple times. Well, two beds.
Speaker 2: I gotta tell you, I understand it because I got
into bed late last night, the slightest brush, the slightest
change in the the plane of the bed, and my
wife is doing this.
Speaker 1: What do you want me to do?
Speaker 2: You want to be a ghost.
Speaker 1: I'm a man, My wife two days ago told me
to shut up.
Speaker 2: When you were getting in bed.
Speaker 1: I was sleeping. I guess I was making too much noise. Yeah,
at like three in the morning, said shut up.
Speaker 2: Separate beds would solve that, so listen, and it wouldn't.
It wouldn't obliterate sex. I don't think, Well, do you.
Speaker 1: Feel like you're visiting like your your roommate. Yeah, it's
kind of hot when you think about it.
Speaker 2: Well, I know, but it really does eliminate the thing
that leads to most sex, which is laying next to
the big spoon. It's the big spoon time, whether it's
a humper, a pushback, that's pretty much how That's how
I think ninety five percent of married sex is initiated.
Speaker 1: Wouldn't you say, ah, well, I only have sex once
a month.
Speaker 2: Okay, all right, we wake the next morning. Rainbow's got
her wits together, slow play, careful play. She's not being
in a she's not gonna be in a gross boy's bed. Okay,
I dig that. And this is the kind of wisdom
that you acquire when you've slaughtered your entire family. Okay,
you've been through the ringer and back. So Kyle calls
his mom. He says, I've been drinking too much, evidently,
and joking about banging charter guests that have a look
like they're in the band's Slayer.
Speaker 1: See that's how it's done.
Speaker 2: See come on, no, you're right. All right. So we
talked about a very important thing, and that's matching kissing techniques.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, can I break down the game film?
Speaker 2: All right?
Speaker 1: So Damo and Hugo Boss talk about kissing styles and
Damo apparently dates a Brazilian catfish that taught him how
to kiss. You know, I thought it was weird when
I was making out with my ALF doll. ALF was
a TV show in the people know they do okay
alien life for him, and I had that doll even
with the moles on his cheek, and I would make
out with him kissing.
Speaker 2: But uh, I don't think people know r less Arless.
Speaker 1: I loved Darling. I don't think people know Sports Agent.
That was one of the early HBO shows.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think people know ALF. I don't think they
know r Less.
Speaker 1: I would say that was a early curb your enthusiasm.
Speaker 2: You know, you don't think so. Now, so they're talking
about this and this is something where you know these
are tragic exchanges sometimes, right, Because let's say one goes fish,
one goes Galapago's bird.
Speaker 1: Right, you're still on the kissing styles.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, one goes fish, one goes pecky little bird. Right.
That could be a sign from the universe saying this
is not gonna work out. But no, no, no, no, no, no,
no no, it's just it's just a bad exchange. You
pick the rock back up and you go again for
second down right now, if you don't get it the
second third time, and maybe this is not it. But
Damo and Damon and Rainbow, I don't ship them forever,
but I ship them at sea. Rats aboard this vessel.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna give ats for an aps where mines are
going to be blown.
Speaker 2: Oh wow, are you ready for this? I was. Now,
you're pretty bad with teases. You usually just say the
whole thing.
Speaker 1: Well, I'm not going to do that.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 1: So we have people that come here for swim class
in our backyard and I haven't. Uh, there's a couple
that shows up here and I recognize the wife and
we finally talked and she said, oh, in the early
two thousands, I was a party girl, and I kind
of recognized her, and I think we slept together in
two thousand and two. I'm waiting for one piece of
information because this girl had said I'm going up to Vancouver,
and this girl, twenty years later is now in my backyard,
and it's crazy. Whoa, whoa, And I will get that information.
Speaker 2: You such a party boy, and she was such a
party girl. You have I actually remember a collection of it.
Speaker 1: Remember it? How could this be?
Speaker 2: How could this be? Guesswork?
Speaker 1: I mean, I kind of remember her, and when I
saw her, I was like, I think we hooked up
twenty years ago. Jesus fucking Christ.
Speaker 2: Wow, yeah, are you gonna do it?
Speaker 1: Well? Uh, there's a back back tack too, which I remember.
Speaker 2: Oh you know, I know it. She had a cheeseburger
on her butt. Crack nope, pegasus, coyfish something was there.
Speaker 1: Okay, back to the pot. That's a tease.
Speaker 2: You don't you're not gonna kill her. You don't need
to kill her. No, Okay, I'm just saying I could
see your mind going there, and I think it's ridiculous.
You don't have to kill her, all right, So listen,
Catnus sees Celene eating wheaties. We're not doing that now, Darling.
We're working, We're not eating wheaties.
Speaker 1: I know. But how do you feel about the ratting out?
Speaker 2: I love the ratting out. I'm so sick of so
So trading this boat like her her her ticket to
another reality see rat We're here to work too.
Speaker 1: To be fair, Frasier did say if Sole worked on
any other boat that he ever worked on, she would
be firedly talking.
Speaker 2: About this all the time. This is this is what
below Deck is for, Okay. And so I can't give
Celene too hard a time because I do think that
Selene has been great TV this season. She's been great TV,
so I would say keep eating wheaties. But also I'm
not I'm not too terrified of the diming either, because
that's just adding tension, and what does tension net us drama?
Speaker 1: That's right, great TV? All right, So we're gonna get
to the little chit chat of Jesse.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so Jess and Selene chat. Jaws music plays. After
the radio call has made, they sit in tac chat
and it's time to talk. Selene says, Now, we discussed
this last week where you can't seed moral ground to
somebody like Selene right, because she'll take it and ring
that rag dry. And that's exactly what she does. She
is the snake, the world eater. Okay, so if you
treat her poorly, she's going to instantaneously craft this Benedict
cumberbatched kind of illusion that she is the victim here. Okay.
Oh yeah, what's his name?
Speaker 1: Doctor time, doctor something? Yeah, I hate those, it's crazy
so much.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but yeah, doctor Strange, Yeah, doctor Strange.
Speaker 1: She'll swallow the world and do it in quite a
hypocritical fashion. Sole pull Kyle's puba care out of your
teeth while you're finishing the sentence. Well, didn't you sleep
with him four hours earlier? Did be a fucking break?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Well, Selene says she act like the opposite of honest.
She's very coward. And I would say, Selene, woll whoa
we coward? We don't need to go drive turkey. Don't
say she's very coward.
Speaker 1: There she said it wasn't fair what you did.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, there's no coming back from this. But listen,
we got to get to the meeting. It's time for
the shake made egg. Okay. So the big thing is
that we have to med more in Saint Mart's and
I don't know what those words meant parts, but it
sounds out St. Bart's. I thought it was St.
Speaker 1: Mart's, Uh, Saint Marks Sat Bart's. So we have the
Kentucky Derby dinner, which we uh see this episode. Then
we are gonna have a hard time parking that boat
at Bart's Marts parts and then a quick turnaround and
the charter guest has cancer.
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 1: That's when we get into the seat history of jess
uh till Look, we don't have production until Kaylin comes back.
Speaker 2: I'll oh, by the way, we shill have to fancy.
Speaker 1: Come.
Speaker 2: So excited to have Klein back in here. You know,
he drives a hard negotiation. I was talking to him.
I said, listen, we want we want to wrap you
into the fold here. He said, listen, I want to
be on one show. I don't want to be on
your other.
Speaker 1: His hand down at the table.
Speaker 2: Though, Yeah, Kayle, it is so funny. I don't want
to be on your other fucking show. It's okay, listen
to me. You're gonna I'm gonna be on below Deck.
That's it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he said, no ninety eight bullshit, No, No, I
don't want that other fucking ship.
Speaker 2: Okay, I'll do this for you, all right, but yeah, no,
it's gonna be great.
Speaker 1: I want three. Are you offering workers comp?
Speaker 2: No, fine, listen, you better not pay me anymore than
a Bangladeshi slave. Okay, only then will I work for you.
Speaker 1: Well then we Dylan and I turned to our agents
and we said, we got.
Speaker 2: A lot to think about. We got a lot to
think about. Let's take the weekend. I don't think this
is going well. We're very far away.
Speaker 1: Yeah, all right, Harry, We're not even close. All right,
Sea red history.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 1: Jess is touched by the fact that this charter gas
has the sea word. Yeah, big c because both her.
Speaker 2: Hey, god damn it, man, we didn't even see a
picture of the grandma.
Speaker 1: Okay, yeah we did. It wasn't because of clogged arteries
or eating.
Speaker 2: Patrick carnivals, Patrick Patrick regardless. You know, imagine if we
go it was. It was around back then. They could
have really helped. But listen, they were plump and ribbonesque. Okay,
they were not morbidly abase Okay, and it's very sad
that they passed away. People love their grandparents.
Speaker 1: Okay, they died.
Speaker 2: They do die. There's there's a couple of things things
that grandparents do. Okay, they love they water color, and
they die and you just have to be ready for
all of that. Right.
Speaker 1: They decorate Christmas trees.
Speaker 2: Sometimes their wrists are pretty bad towards the en end.
So anyways, Lindy room, No, well, we're all over the place. No, no, no,
so so So and Kyle they're kissing. They're like, you know,
I know that I said that that girl I banged
on that pistoak floor was better than you. But so
So says, listen, what do we live for?
Speaker 1: Pleasure?
Speaker 2: Pleasure? Incorrect? So, so that is not what we live for.
That's how you wind up in fucking hades.
Speaker 1: You know what a sea rat thing.
Speaker 2: It's the most sea rat thing to say I've ever heard.
All of these people are a hedonic treadmill running away
from something that they need to just step off and face.
But no, no, no, we wouldn't have a show if that. No, no,
come on, Kyle says. Kyle follows it up with some
more sea rat shit. He goes, we shit, we eat,
we fuck, and we sleep. That's it. That's what we do.
Oh my, I mean listen, these sea rats. They are
on the surface level of deep waters, but they do
not go beneath. Okay, there is no depth to be
had here.
Speaker 1: Hopefully they do that when they're older.
Speaker 2: They're young. They're young. Come on, have fun, guys. So
the primaries arrive. I like them. They seem sweet. We
leave the doc en route to Phillipsburg, and Fraser and
the gang made quite a few jokes about wide set
vaginas and tight slips. That was inappropriate. Jess fails to
relay info in the appropriate time frame, and Captain brings
her up to the wheelhouse to say, hey, I need
you to speak quicker, and then she gets really fired up.
Speaker 1: Well that's because she was distracted. She's been thinking about
a lot of things, and.
Speaker 2: Say her fat grandparents.
Speaker 1: No, no, no, okay, her head has been somewhere else.
Speaker 2: What are you looking at me like that? For?
Speaker 1: It's been a lays uh. Olais beaver? Yeah, it's been alas.
I was gonna say something more offensive.
Speaker 2: But I realize Bola is the name beaver. Although I
will say, in terms of the derogatory terms used to
describe Genitalia, Beaver's not bad. Beavers are cute. The otters
are I mean, my god, is there anything cuterer than
a sea otter? But but beavers are great. They're industrious
little animals.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but they block damns and shut off water to
people that need it.
Speaker 2: Well, I mean, think about how much we learn from
the natural world. I mean think about you know, we're
the the you know, kind of the primordial versions of ourselves.
When we're walking around, we're like, oh God, I hope
I don't get fucking gored to death by something today, right.
I think you stumble across up this little rodent in
this little uh this swim you're swimming around. You go,
hang on a second, I think this little fuckers diverting water.
This guy's setting up a goddamn irrigation. Here's what you do.
What the fuck? I don't even know you could your.
Speaker 1: Friends, but every once in a while you need to
choke a friend and go. If you do that again, oh.
Speaker 2: Yeah, oh yeah. You can't give a beaver too much leash,
they'll just completely take advantage of you. All right.
Speaker 1: Sorry, sorry, sorry, there there's an important part that we
didn't touch upon here. One of the charter guests, Emily,
has gone through chemo.
Speaker 2: You know, well she's getting him a set. Well, she yes,
she hasn't, she's getting him a sect to me with yeah.
Speaker 1: That's right. I want to point out, and we said
this on another podcast, So fucking AIDS got cured in
twenty years, right, what the fuck's up with cancer? Dude?
You know, I walked around my entire adult young life, Yeah,
concerned that I would die if I had sex. Right,
It wasn't until I did a little research and understood
that i'd you know, you'd have to do quite a
bit of butt fucking.
Speaker 2: You know, not just butt fucking Patrick, It's not it's
not just butt fucking.
Speaker 1: Well, I scratched that off my Bengal card and it
was game on.
Speaker 2: You know, but what do you mean you scratched it
off your Benga No butt fuck it? Oh? I thought
you meant you fucked a butt. No, and you scratched it,
because that's usually what that would imply.
Speaker 1: Right, No, I was like, I don't need butt fucking.
I'm gonna have a regular sex and I'll live.
Speaker 2: Mm hmmm hmm. But yeah, that's not h You know
that was a homophobic trope that was trotted around at
that time. Oh really, Yes, definitely. And AIDS can scratch
and catch and kill anybody, but they did cure it.
You know who cured it?
Speaker 1: Uh? Fauci watched Dallas Buyers Club. He's the villain in
that he is, isn't he? Yeah he didn't like Oh yes,
watch that with Matthew McConaughey. He tried to stop people
from uh finding other ways that you could end AIDS.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, aids aids. Yeah, no, we can cure cancer.
Speaker 1: Thanks, thank you.
Speaker 2: And this is what I don't get about these fucking reptiles,
these lizards. It's like, listen, I don't care if you
want to make your money, make your money, but let's
just progress while we make money, right, you know?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: I mean, look at what China is doing with these
electric cars. We got these fat cats, these fat fucking
Enchilada eaters over in Texas going well, I don't know
about that. We gotta stop. It's like, just fucking figure
it out, just make money off of it. Wait, let's
cure cancer.
Speaker 1: I mean enough, I want to live to be one
hundred and twenty.
Speaker 2: I know Pat loves life, so listen, let's get to lunch.
Well before we do, I gotta say Angela is a
very funny drunk. I like her a lot.
Speaker 1: I do too.
Speaker 2: It's my kind of buddy, me too, she'd be a
great buddy.
Speaker 1: Tease. By the way, Frasier is coming in here.
Speaker 2: Don't even say that. No, he's a ghost in the dark.
Speaker 1: I talked to him. And I'm trying to get up
Patreon numbers. We might allow a new Patreon member to
have dinner with dyl pat in freezer. No, no, I'm
saying it.
Speaker 2: No, yes, we're not, and stop with the the We
gotta get Patreon numbers up. The Patreon numbers are fine.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna quit the show.
Speaker 2: Deal listen, Angela goes. Angela goes, Oh, poor a little more.
That's it's for you. I don't want to have to
come back here.
Speaker 1: I tell bartenders that all the time.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, And Rainbow comes around. Fucking goddamn square. It's
important to hydrate. It's important to hydrate. It's a hot day,
Angela goes. That's why I put ice in my drinks. Okay,
I like her. She's a good buddy. So let's get
to lunch. It's fish and chicken tacos, your favorite. You
love a chicken taco.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't I tell you something.
Speaker 2: I was so mad at you the other day, a
couple of weeks ago. You are, yeah, Oh my god.
So my wife has purged dairy from her eat her right,
So we I go, I want taketos. You go, Pokito
Moss has got teketo's. See, he goes, I can have teketos.
I go. I don't want to go to Pokitto I
but doubt they have teketo's. You go, No, they have taketos.
I get them there all the time. I drive over
to Pekino Moss, which location, the one across the street
from In and Out by Universal Harry Potter.
Speaker 1: I don't have tektos there?
Speaker 2: Okay, Well, why don't you tell me that? Why don't
you tell me?
Speaker 1: Why didn't you call me and say I want taketos
and we're going to Poketo Moss. I told you in
here they make it at the Sherman Oaks location.
Speaker 2: Dude, all right, I don't know. I don't even know
that's true. I think no.
Speaker 1: I think my wife used to send me there.
Speaker 2: All right. Damo and Jazz makeup, and I love both
of them. Damo is such a good dude, he's been
my favorite sea rat the whole season. I gotta say,
water off a duck's back. He's a true sea rat, right.
He gets to work, he doesn't get too involved in
the melodrama. He sucks, he fucks. He's just a good
guy to have on the team.
Speaker 1: So listen.
Speaker 2: Fredze tells us, sir could do that. She's got a
bunch of stuff to do and all this sea red stuff.
He says, heads, beds, canopies, whatever question. She goes and smokes.
Speaker 1: Yeah. She starts to lose it. What did you think
of Hugo being out of character teasing? Uh? Jess, not Jess, Rainbow.
Speaker 2: Well, we'll get to that.
Speaker 1: Oh okay, we'll get thought we were there.
Speaker 2: No, okay, are you all fucking buzzballed up right now?
Speaker 1: I'm buzzballed up. I don't know where I am.
Speaker 2: I told you did not drink that goddamn buzzball.
Speaker 1: Drink it all?
Speaker 2: You did, drink it all?
Speaker 1: Yeah? I did, I did. I did. Sorry. Now I
need to hide under her pillow.
Speaker 2: Well, I mean it's a nuclear green, I know, I know.
So it's a summer Friday. So Rainbow sees that stirk
to Soelan as outside smoke and Rainbow drops a dome
and so So is subsequently reprimanded. She says, Rainbow is
the very bitch, and it's like, so, so, how many
times are we going to say things that we can't
come back from? The very bitch? I mean, what are
you doing saying these things to people? It's just too much.
Speaker 1: How do you feel about her dropping a dime? Because
as kids were taught to not be a rat, but
I'd argue when people are engaging in criminality, yeah, sure,
you need to call it out.
Speaker 2: She's a time thief right now, She's a goddamn time thief,
so you do need to call it out. Also, we're
on a reality television, so well, Rainbow's got to do this.
And I don't know what happened to my tongue there,
but I do think that Rainbow's got to do this
for the sake of TV. Also, my favorite thing about
Sos is that she genuinely doesn't care. Now, this is like,
this is like trying to get Donald Trump to pay
for the building materials. I'm not doing it, not gonna
do it. I'm going on a smoke break. Sorry, sorry,
I don't know that story.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do a couple meanwhiles because I think we've
been going along. Yeah all right, So Emily the cancer
person loses her fucking hat, well said, but puts it
in a context of tits. Remember the scene. Yeah, yeah,
if the wind blows your tits off, you need to
find a new plastic surgeon. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I would say find a hospital first,
because you have two gaping wounds on you. It's right
on you.
Speaker 1: Bad work, bad all around.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Jess accidentally drops that anchor, but admits that her head's
not here. It's buried in Ole's beaver. I might repeating
bad jokes.
Speaker 2: Okay, no, no, no, it's compounding mistakes. Oh, yesss victim too.
And you have to keep your head afloat and out
of beavers when you're compounding mistakes, because if your head
is gone, that's when things just start your tits.
Speaker 1: Yeah all right, And then Jess weeps in her cabin
because the cancer thing is triggering because her grandfather he
got her on the path to being a sea rat. Yeah,
it's not every day a loved one can ash you
into an occupation ripe with danger, sexual misconduct and mediocre pay. Thanks, Grampy.
Speaker 2: Well, well, okay, you're now you're being very cynical about this.
This is a very very beautiful thing, and I understand
that Chess is very impacted by it. And there's this
really sweet moment where Carrie comes in and he knows
Jess is a really good worker, so he knows that
there's something up with her and she's clearly emotional. And
I know I'm gonna sound like a pussy, but I
did really tear up at this. It was really really sweet.
Now Carrie says, I'm not sure what's going on with her,
and I think that if he found out, he'd be like,
what the fuck what? Your grandparents died of cancer?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: No, he Uh.
Speaker 1: He's a smart guy because you never acknowledge what the
person is actually going through.
Speaker 2: Yeah, just let I would go through.
Speaker 1: You'd have to laugh. He just ushers her into a
dark room in her thoughts.
Speaker 2: That's leadership, right right. One guy's pie is another guy's cake.
I think is the saying or something?
Speaker 1: I love That saying means a lot, you know, Derby
Night one thought on because I have actually been to
the Derby.
Speaker 2: What do you mean?
Speaker 1: I went one year the Kentucky, Kentucky Derby eight years ago.
Speaker 2: Do you have any mint jewels?
Speaker 1: Ah, I'm glad you brought that up. That is a
disgusting drink. Well I ordered five of them because I
thought that it would be good. It's not. I hate whiskey,
I hate simple syrup, and I forget whatever.
Speaker 2: There's nothing else in the drink. So that's the thing
about the mint Julip that people don't understand. The MinJe
min Julip is very doctored up. It's very dulled up
in this specific class with the mint sprig sticking out
of the top and the crush dice. But it's just
whiskey whiskey. It's just whiskey.
Speaker 1: Order that never never wear the funny fucking hat. But
don't you know what I mean?
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, definitely one of the funny. Yeah yeah. So
we get to Derby night, the motorcycle or the motor
yacht Saint Derby is sorry, sorry, I'm gonna slow down
the motor yacht Saint David Derby. And that's a little
bit of a world salad, but exciting. Nonetheless, I cannot talk.
So Kyle and Celen are slamming away at each other's chests,
and we get to dinner and we get some slowo
shots of the asparagus and shallots being cut. But how
does it taste?
Speaker 1: A celebration of life?
Speaker 2: Deal?
Speaker 1: We only saw two plates a fle mignon.
Speaker 2: I believe in that it was a New York strip,
something that Anthony calls a New York steak, which is fine.
The ring molds are out to well. First there's a
guest streak of black cherry rosemary asparagus, which is, uh,
that's an odd Can I tell you something?
Speaker 1: I thought it looked odd?
Speaker 2: Can I tell you something? I think my least favorite
herb is rosemary.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I like the way it smells, but but it's it's
too it's too woody. It's very overpowering. I'll take a tarragon,
of course, I'll take I'll take what the Brits call
a coriander. Hmm, you know, I'll take a I'll take
a margarine, you know, but rosemary margerum, I'll take a Martin,
whatever the fuck you call it. But rosemary is just
what were.
Speaker 1: The guests supposed to do with those three cherry tomatoes?
Speaker 2: That's another thing. This this cherry tomato on the vine.
You know, we have this this rustic, romantic presentation. Uh
what am I supposed to do? Excavate this with my
fork and knife off of this thing?
Speaker 1: It's just I am so happy. I go to I
hoop now and they've completely rank Uh what is the word?
They've gotten rid of the orange slice on the side
of the plate right right, with a little bit of
fucking garnish there, Get that off my plate, right right right,
that's where toast should be.
Speaker 2: Yeah, what do we do wasting oranges and parsley? Okay,
we don't need to do this, but listen, the Ringwolds
are out for a sweet potato mash. Now, this is
the most disgusting part of the dinner because why why
why go away from a palm puree in favor of
something that Guy Fieri would serve at a chicken wing place.
You know what I'm saying. The next dish is a perfederal,
a classic dessert.
Speaker 1: Do you know what that name is? Of course?
Speaker 2: Of course do tell well. They can be be they
small or large. You know, often around the holidays people
tower perferles together. Pat, you would love a Have you
never had a cream puff? Never?
Speaker 1: It's a cream puff like a twinkie.
Speaker 2: No no, no, no, imagine like a bad doughnut filled
with cream. Okay, yeah, crunchy, flaky doughnut filled with cream.
So anyways, this was a solid dinner. It was what
the dinner needed to be. You know, these chefs get
a little too big for their breeches. They start doing
all this freaking and soouv ing and all of this
molecular astronomy and stuff. It's like served steak and potatoes
and let's get out of here now. Hugo gets in
the mix with Rainbow and so so and this is
out of character, so out of character for Hugo.
Speaker 1: Bo So he's slurring. No, I'm saying previous night slurring.
You know, sometimes when I'm confused about these people on
these boats, I'm like, he's not a sea rat, but
ultimately you are, Patrick.
Speaker 2: Every person aboard this vessel is a sea rat.
Speaker 1: He called her a joke, which was flammatory.
Speaker 2: It was inflammatory. And we love Hugo. Hugo's great, but
this is out a character.
Speaker 1: I do. But maybe if we spend a little bit
more time with him, he'll be having sex with a
crew member and will I think we will.
Speaker 2: That's why we got to get him back next season
so he can completely destroy his reputation. That's right, all right?
Next up, Well we talked about it Federals with ice
cream and whoop criam. Now Rainbow Insulin and this episode
this was crazy. This was a big whoa wow fest.
Speaker 1: Okay, so Oley cuts her finger, and I believe Rainbow
points out that that's karma that did that to you
because you're a horrible team member.
Speaker 2: She I mean, she might as well have called her
a sea right, she might as well have called her
a very cut Now.
Speaker 1: I don't like Olay's work ethic and I would not
like to work with her. Imagine if she was my
co host on this podcast, she would never show up.
Speaker 2: Show up.
Speaker 1: But the way that she is okay with basically saying
like the universe is saying that you should be hurt
because you're a horrible person.
Speaker 2: Rainbow's Yeah, that was a little bit that was in
an intense moment from Rainbow, but Rainbow's had it. And
when Selene, the problem with Rainbow and Selene is that
Rainbow cares, Selene doesn't. So Rainbow is always going to
be in the passenger seat with all of these disputes.
Speaker 1: She's making good TV. Yeah, and Rainbow wants to make
sure that toilets are clean. They're in opposition with one another.
Speaker 2: One hundred. These are two different polls. And listen, Rainbow
is driven back into that heart of darkness wherein she
had to claim the lives of people she loved in
order to survive, and she's just wondering. Boy, do I
want to see Rainbow throw a punch? Mmm? I mean,
think about it.
Speaker 1: I don't think she'd hurt her wrists. I think she'd
grab a mace from under her cow.
Speaker 2: Dad, that's a good point. That's a really Goodall.
Speaker 1: The brains would be on the side of the wall.
Speaker 2: Get in the comments, let us know what instrument do
you think Rainbow would use to take down Saline? What
did you think of the episode? Getting the reviews five stars,
kind words, We love you very much for listening. We'll
be back next week. I'm doing thinking bye, Pat later Dad.
Speaker 1: At Distances