Speaker 1: Well, well, well, welcome back, besties, Welcome to Monday. I
Speaker 1: hope you guys had a great weekend. I missed you
Speaker 1: so much. I hope everything is going amazing in your world.
Speaker 1: If you're in Phoenix this weekend, I have shows the
Speaker 1: seventeenth or the eighteenth and nineteenth at the Stand Up Live,
Speaker 1: So please come see me because I'm doing a new
Speaker 1: hour and I'm having a lot of fun with it.
Speaker 1: I've been running around New York City and I think
Speaker 1: these jokes are gonna be some of the best yet.
Speaker 1: Are they a little raw? Yeah? Is my heart still
Speaker 1: kind of on fire?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: But you know what, that's what makes the best comedy. Baby,
Speaker 1: So come see me at Stand Up Live in Phoenix
Speaker 1: on the eighteenth and nineteenth. See you there, besties. Also,
Speaker 1: real quick, if you guys are not subscribed to my Patreon,
Speaker 1: come subscribe to the patreon because the tea over there
Speaker 1: is piping and I'm gonna catch you guys up on
Speaker 1: my week over on the Patreon because we had a
Speaker 1: really great episode this week with my friend Emma Willman,
Speaker 1: and I want to hop right into that, so please
Speaker 1: enjoy the episode Manifesting Manifesting, and we're manifesting. That's what
Speaker 1: we're doing this year. What are you manifesting this year?
Speaker 3: You know, I haven't had a clearer like manifestation picture
Speaker 3: in a while, and I need to get one. But
Speaker 3: I have a fear about manifesting. Okay, I'd be curious
Speaker 3: if you relate to this at all.
Speaker 2: So I've got a very vivid.
Speaker 3: Imagination, I think, okay, and sometimes I'll picture worst case
Speaker 3: scenarios and then I get scared that I'm manifesting a
Speaker 3: worst case scenario. So I just gotta not even be
Speaker 3: manifesting because I'll start picturing something really good. But then
Speaker 3: almost like an intrusive thought, I get this vision and
Speaker 3: it's a very the negative vision is very clear, and
Speaker 3: then I get scared. So I have kind of taken a.
Speaker 2: Break from manifesting.
Speaker 1: Sport mission. Yeah, I get that. I think one is
Speaker 1: just anxiety and the other is manifesting.
Speaker 2: Yes, okay, thank you. I need a new air fant.
Speaker 2: Why hasn't she said that?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: I think manifesting is when you envisioned the big dream, right,
Speaker 1: but the intrusive thoughts of you being like, no, your house,
Speaker 1: your beautiful house with your wife is going to burn
Speaker 1: into the.
Speaker 2: Crowd like, that's that's anxiety.
Speaker 1: That's anxiety.
Speaker 2: Well, my anxiety vision is very clear.
Speaker 1: Okay, good, So what is that?
Speaker 3: Okay, I'm drunk in Florida. Okay, hammered out of my mind.
Speaker 3: That's sober too. So it's drunk in Florida. But I'm
Speaker 3: not sober in this vision.
Speaker 1: I'm drunk in Florida.
Speaker 2: I'm at this like dive bar and I'm watching the TV.
Speaker 3: And I turned to the person next to me, who
Speaker 3: doesn't give a fuck, and they're like, and I go.
Speaker 2: Oh, I could have been something.
Speaker 3: And then I just smashed my head into the into
Speaker 3: the bar, and then I got.
Speaker 1: Cherries go flying everywhere, and.
Speaker 2: They're like, your card doesn't work, and I go, that's
Speaker 2: my do you have a scar?
Speaker 1: You have no money, no.
Speaker 3: No money, no nothing, no friends in Florida for some
Speaker 3: god knows reason, which I even.
Speaker 1: Like Florida watching cable TV. No, that's a dark day.
Speaker 1: It's a dark day. And do you have actually saw
Speaker 1: that exact thing happen to a very famous comedian. Really,
Speaker 1: I was in South Carolina with my exes family and
Speaker 1: we were at lunch and it was dead. There was
Speaker 1: no one in there, it's this beach bar.
Speaker 2: Yes, no one in there.
Speaker 1: Except for us. And then I look at the bar
Speaker 1: and I was like, I is that I'm gonna say
Speaker 1: sleep it? Nick Sword said no, this was years ago,
Speaker 1: and by himself, slouched over, red faced watching the TV
Speaker 1: in the corner of the bar, just hammered, that's sad.
Speaker 1: And I was like it was one of those moments
Speaker 1: where like I had been newly sober at the time,
Speaker 1: and I was like, Oh, that's like God showing me
Speaker 1: what it can look like if you don't stop. Because
Speaker 1: that is a wildly famous and successful person sitting alone
Speaker 1: day drinking at a bar with nobody so talented.
Speaker 3: And also it's like talking about something of your own
Speaker 3: design just there. It's like these outside things weren't me
Speaker 3: making them happy, and there they are at the same
Speaker 3: place as you. I had a similar thing where it
Speaker 3: felt like a sign from the universe when I first
Speaker 3: stopped drinking. I was in a relationship with someone and
Speaker 3: we went to like their grandmother or grandmother had passed away,
Speaker 3: so we went to the grandmother's house to clear stuff
Speaker 3: out and she goes, my aunts are twins, and she
Speaker 3: was like, one thing you should know about them. They
Speaker 3: both went to rehab at the same time, and one
Speaker 3: of them, when they got out of rehab, went to
Speaker 3: an AA meeting and the other one went and got high.
Speaker 3: The aunt that got high was the one that opened
Speaker 3: the door, because it was like, whoa, it.
Speaker 1: Was just just a human tornado.
Speaker 2: Exactly chaos, just screaming, she's red, she's.
Speaker 1: Just got a fucking cigarette in her hair.
Speaker 2: Out of it.
Speaker 3: And then the sober one came with like coffees for
Speaker 3: everybody and was to get and I remember, and I
Speaker 3: was lying to that person. She didn't know that because
Speaker 3: I was like back and forth with recovery. She didn't
Speaker 3: know that I was thinking of getting sober more. And
Speaker 3: so that was such like a like a yeah, I
Speaker 3: guess I felt like a moment of clarity, like a
Speaker 3: god shot.
Speaker 1: Yeah. No, totally.
Speaker 2: Were you always comfortable with the language of saying like God, okay, no, I.
Speaker 1: That was actually the thing that made me not want
Speaker 1: to go to AA.
Speaker 3: Real because I appreciate that you say it, because in
Speaker 3: New York City a lot of times people don't say,
Speaker 3: oh I felt God and this more work, yeah, which
Speaker 3: is fair.
Speaker 2: You know, we each have our activities.
Speaker 3: But I appreciate it when people feel comfortable enough with
Speaker 3: their spirituality to use those.
Speaker 1: Yeah, at this point, I there's something bigger than me
Speaker 1: at work, and it's easy to call it God. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's just easy. It's a shortcut. If you don't think
Speaker 1: it's God, if you think it's the universe, if you
Speaker 1: think it's a planet's, if you think it's Sadder's rings,
Speaker 1: whatever you fucking think it is, I don't really care.
Speaker 1: I'm calling it God totally because there's something greater at
Speaker 1: play always.
Speaker 3: You know, it's like it's like the words were man made,
Speaker 3: but we're trying to get something that's bigger than made
Speaker 3: by humans. And for me, that placeholder feels like something
Speaker 3: that rings true. So then I'll also say but I'll
Speaker 3: say yeah, God, higher power, like whatever, yeah, whatever.
Speaker 1: Yeah, what was one of your like rock bottoms.
Speaker 2: Oh God, oh my God, or even.
Speaker 1: Like something that should have been a rock bottom that
Speaker 1: you didn't think was a rock bottom and you just
Speaker 1: kept going.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 3: It's so recently I have I felt like I had
Speaker 3: a rock bottom like.
Speaker 1: This podcast, like this podcast had a rough morning rock bottom.
Speaker 2: I had a what felt like a rock bottom the
Speaker 2: other week.
Speaker 3: So it's like the first thing that comes to mind.
Speaker 3: But that was more like a digestive rock bottom.
Speaker 2: But it was so bad.
Speaker 3: I feel like it kind of bumps out like problems
Speaker 3: that I like ones, I would say rock bottom.
Speaker 2: Sobriety wise was like just I mean.
Speaker 3: When I look back at pictures of myself, I'm so unhappy,
Speaker 3: so unhealthy.
Speaker 1: So did you get the chin bloat?
Speaker 2: Yeah? I did.
Speaker 1: Oh, I had horrible chin bloat, Like I don't even
Speaker 1: have a is just alcohol is sitting right here like
Speaker 1: a cambel.
Speaker 3: It's like a cambel tom for alcohol in case you
Speaker 3: need to dip in your tequila right here pops into
Speaker 3: your mouth, Thank god, thank god.
Speaker 2: Getting I did used to get that. Yeah, exactly where
Speaker 2: are they going like this? Trying to get the last
Speaker 2: help I had?
Speaker 3: That's so bad And I was just but it was
Speaker 3: like so many things that they're connected, Like I had
Speaker 3: no idea how to like regulate my nervous is, have
Speaker 3: no idea how to deal with life?
Speaker 1: Did you figure that out?
Speaker 2: You know?
Speaker 1: Here's what I was hoping.
Speaker 3: You know, no, But and I was trying back then too,
Speaker 3: But it's like you don't know what you don't know?
Speaker 3: So at least now I have some sense of like
Speaker 3: clues and stuff. But no, no, no, no, but it's
Speaker 3: but it's like, you know, I'm more grateful than I
Speaker 3: ever was.
Speaker 2: Doesn't mean so I do feel like it.
Speaker 1: Does change everything. It does change, it changes everything, and
Speaker 1: I hate it so much that it changes everything.
Speaker 2: Live gratitude.
Speaker 1: It's just blow my fucking brains out.
Speaker 2: I couldn't I couldn't agree more.
Speaker 3: How annoying is that that being hydrated, taken a freaking walk.
Speaker 1: Journaling, journaling, some sunshine, meditating, I'm out there rip Pausing
Speaker 1: while agitated. Pausing while agitated has not been my strength
Speaker 1: this year. I struggle, but my god, is it good
Speaker 1: when I do it?
Speaker 2: But would you say that you're better at it than
Speaker 2: you were in the past.
Speaker 1: Yeah, But this year has been a little bit of
Speaker 1: This year's been a little bit of a slippery slope.
Speaker 1: It's so because there's the instant gratification in the moment
Speaker 1: of being like I'm fucking big dog, yes, and I'm
Speaker 1: gonna tell you about yourself and fuck you. But there's
Speaker 1: long term gratification in being calm, coal and collected, which
Speaker 1: I mean, why do I need long term gratification? If
Speaker 1: I don't want to be here long term.
Speaker 3: I hear you and I feel you, but also we
Speaker 3: got to reroute that. But also then we're told to
Speaker 3: keep things in the day. So it's like, how am
Speaker 3: I supposed to play in long term and society twenty
Speaker 3: four hours at a time.
Speaker 1: If right now it feels good to be big dogs.
Speaker 2: You don't have like an age, you want to live
Speaker 2: towards like you don't have like a No.
Speaker 1: I mean, I went to a psychic the other day
Speaker 1: and they told me horrible news, which is that I
Speaker 1: have a long and healthy lifelife. Oh good, No, that's
Speaker 1: horrible news. For really, I really thought I wasn't gonna
Speaker 1: make it past thirty thirty thirty, and unfortunately I'm seven
Speaker 1: years past the barometer.
Speaker 3: So when you but could you imagine being like eighty
Speaker 3: and like no, But it's also.
Speaker 1: One thing that seems to my tits are already sagging
Speaker 1: too much. You can fix that, No, we can't.
Speaker 2: You can fix it.
Speaker 1: What am I get to have a boob job at eighty?
Speaker 1: If you if that's actually Jane Fonda looks.
Speaker 2: I was just gonna say, Jane Fonda does look great, Jane, but.
Speaker 1: She also was exercising twenty four to seven throughout her
Speaker 1: entire Also.
Speaker 2: Are not Jane fond. This is true. This is true.
Speaker 1: It's a drug addict for fifteen years, damn.
Speaker 3: But there are ways now, like if like the fear
Speaker 3: is like cosmetic stuff, there's stuff we can do, but
Speaker 3: it's all really expensive.
Speaker 1: So that totally kind of like to make the money.
Speaker 1: That's this, here's the thing, here's what's gonna happen. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna do this entertainment thing until it sucks the will
Speaker 1: to live out of my ass, which is right two
Speaker 1: years from now, it's hard, and then I'm gonna go
Speaker 1: to the woods or Sodona and I love Sadona, return
Speaker 1: to the earth. I love Sadana, magic fucking energy, vortext
Speaker 1: and I'll just like be a old Clay lady with
Speaker 1: no work done and just tits down to my fucking knees.
Speaker 2: And I'm struck because I have a similar fantasy.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I say it's it's so all or nothing
Speaker 3: where it's like I'll be like I'm gonna do entertainment
Speaker 3: and then say, in like four or five years, I'm
Speaker 3: going off the grid.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm going off the like an off the grid.
Speaker 1: I mean like not, I'm gonna have a landline. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna have a landline and if you're lucky, you get
Speaker 1: that number. But you're probably not gonna be too lucky.
Speaker 2: It'll be so nice.
Speaker 1: There's gonna be four people with my phone number.
Speaker 3: Don't you think you get bored? You just pray all
Speaker 3: day and cook in your kitchen and have a garden.
Speaker 2: I think it.
Speaker 1: I think humans. Here's the thing, and I know this
Speaker 1: to be true because I go on this trip with
Speaker 1: my dad every summer to Canada. We'll go off the grid.
Speaker 1: There's no running water, no electricity. We fish for our food,
Speaker 1: really and yeah, it's like a hardcore.
Speaker 2: Do you guys use spearfishing or no, neither.
Speaker 1: We jigfish jig you just drop a jig down, Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: or you can lure. We troll for northerns, but they're
Speaker 1: not really good to eat, so for you. But anyway,
Speaker 1: what happens is for the first four days, For the
Speaker 1: first four days, your body is riddled with anxiety because
Speaker 1: you're not You're so used to the over stimulus, the
Speaker 1: checking the phone, talking to people, getting the notifications that
Speaker 1: this that that, So your brain has to rewire, and
Speaker 1: I'm sure it takes more than four days, but my
Speaker 1: experience on this trip is that it takes four days
Speaker 1: and then you start to your body starts to calm down,
Speaker 1: and you get on a sleep schedule with the sun
Speaker 1: and like you allow yourself to pull yourself out of
Speaker 1: the met and we've it's a myth, it's a rumor.
Speaker 1: I've heard of the.
Speaker 2: I've heard of it. I believe, though I am a believer.
Speaker 2: That makes sense.
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, it's logical. But then the last three days
Speaker 1: I never feel better the entire year. The last three
Speaker 1: days of the trip are the best three days of
Speaker 1: my entire year. Every year I go because I have
Speaker 1: returned to how humans are supposed to exist, Like we're
Speaker 1: not supposed to exist flooded with technology and terror and
Speaker 1: fear mongering and you know, all the stimulus in the
Speaker 1: street in the world, Like that's not how we're supposed
Speaker 1: to exist. So I do think I would be bored
Speaker 1: for probably a month. I would genuinely have to get
Speaker 1: rid of my phone, yes, and then huge culprit there
Speaker 1: and then I would have to still have purpose, yes,
Speaker 1: Like I would have to be writing or creating or
Speaker 1: being artistic in some capacity. I would still have to
Speaker 1: have purpose because that's the thing that moves you forward
Speaker 1: in life. But I don't think I would be bored.
Speaker 3: It's also the and boredom is such a weird word too,
Speaker 3: because like I love having nothing, and boredom to me,
Speaker 3: when I am scrolling, that's me. I hate using the
Speaker 3: word board because it's like like, who are you? But
Speaker 3: I that's me fighting. It's boredom. But it's like a
Speaker 3: fear almost of where my mind will go when I'm
Speaker 3: not just having these like constant inputs.
Speaker 2: But it's okay.
Speaker 3: When I don't do it, then I feel great and
Speaker 3: there's a moment of panic and then I go, I
Speaker 3: just kind of release it.
Speaker 2: But I mean, I'm I'm addicted to my phone.
Speaker 3: When you said you were going to do a thirty
Speaker 3: day no social media, the first thing I did, and
Speaker 3: we were texting about that. The first thing I did,
Speaker 3: I went on social media almost cause I went three
Speaker 3: days on social media, like I needed to hit the
Speaker 3: reaction to that. So I'm really addicted. But I truly,
Speaker 3: truly also believe that all of that. Our brains are
Speaker 3: not made to filter a cat video asaiatic a video
Speaker 3: and then like my algorithm now is like hunting down pedophiles.
Speaker 1: Yeah great, oh that's good.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but it's like because I had a video boo
Speaker 2: boom pedophile mini pancakes like gets so much.
Speaker 1: Well, and I've taken substantial social media breaks like sixty
Speaker 1: days really days. Yeah, like because I have a social
Speaker 1: media girl that runs my stuff, then you don't have
Speaker 1: to post. And when I was going through my divorce,
Speaker 1: I was having a really tough time mentally and I
Speaker 1: just was like, I need a break because it was
Speaker 1: a weird time in my life where my career was
Speaker 1: blowing up, like my clips were going and then my
Speaker 1: personal life was a mess.
Speaker 2: Isn't that the way sometimes always? And yes, but it.
Speaker 1: Was just so painful for people to like judge me
Speaker 1: my looks, my relationship whatever, on top of what I
Speaker 1: was already going through. So I was like, I don't
Speaker 1: need this. I got off. And then an interesting thing
Speaker 1: happens when you're when you stop doing the let me
Speaker 1: go look, because that will happen like six let me
Speaker 1: go look, let me go look a lie, sixteen to
Speaker 1: twenty times a day, let me go look, Yeah, me,
Speaker 1: I need.
Speaker 3: To see how because people go, I say, I haven't
Speaker 3: dike social media to go, Well, you have to work.
Speaker 3: I go, that's not what I'm talking about. No, I
Speaker 3: can post and get up. I have hired social media
Speaker 3: people too. I'm still just addicted to it. Yeah, it's
Speaker 3: let me go, let.
Speaker 2: Me go look, let me go look.
Speaker 1: And then also your life disappears because you look and
Speaker 1: you're like, oh, I was on my phone for six hours.
Speaker 1: Do the map? How many days that was this year? Like,
Speaker 1: I'm like, we are giving our lives away to these things.
Speaker 1: So when I have taken the breaks, I feel so
Speaker 1: much better, so much more centered, so much more whatever.
Speaker 1: And then I get back on it and it almost
Speaker 1: feels foreign, like especially instagrams eating chemicals. Yeah, it's like
Speaker 1: it's like alcohol actually, Like drinking alcohol can feel so
Speaker 1: normal and needed and necessary when you're doing it, and
Speaker 1: then when you stop for a while and you start again,
Speaker 1: you taste the poison.
Speaker 2: Yes. Have you had it where you've accidentally taken a
Speaker 2: sip of something? Yes?
Speaker 1: So when I was in Santrapez, I ordered this drink. No,
Speaker 1: I ordered this drink. Yes, Like very recently, I ordered
Speaker 1: this drink. They had a strawberry nine alcoholic drink on
Speaker 1: the menu. Obviously there's a language barrier. So I said
Speaker 1: to him, I was like, I want the Strawberry nine
Speaker 1: alcoholic drink. And he was like what. I was like,
Speaker 1: the strawberry no alcohol drink. I said, Like everyone at
Speaker 1: the table heard me say no alcohol.
Speaker 2: No emphasis on the no alcohol, no alcohol.
Speaker 1: Three times, no matter of fact, three times. He comes,
Speaker 1: he puts the drink down. I take a drink, drink
Speaker 1: because I'm thirsty.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 1: It was so we were there, We were there during
Speaker 1: the heat wave. It was like ninety five degrees and
Speaker 1: it was swallow, a gulp and a swallow, and it
Speaker 1: was mescal, which is the worst liquor in the world. Like, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's like that smoky tequila and like, I don't know
Speaker 1: what it tastes like you mixed an ash tray with tequila.
Speaker 1: And I'm just like, who is this even for? Like,
Speaker 1: actually what you're talking about? Yeah, an avid drinker?
Speaker 2: Offended?
Speaker 1: I hate this.
Speaker 2: Yeah. One thing.
Speaker 1: And then it was so funny because one of the
Speaker 1: girls that I was with, she's a lawyer, and she's like,
Speaker 1: you know, we could make a really big deal out
Speaker 1: of it that one of those around I love to
Speaker 1: have a lawyer around. She's like, this is a really
Speaker 1: big problem. Like you're sober. You said no alcohol three
Speaker 1: times we all heard it.
Speaker 2: Did you freak?
Speaker 1: Were you like no, I just put it down and
Speaker 1: I was like, there's alcohol in that. I needed the
Speaker 1: other drink.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: I wasn't gonna like make a big deal out of it,
Speaker 1: but like it was so disgusting to me that I
Speaker 1: was like yes, Like afterwards, I was like.
Speaker 3: That's good you didn't because I have had it twice.
Speaker 3: One time I didn't freak, but it was because I
Speaker 3: was around. I was at this event and there was
Speaker 3: a round and it was kind of that time was
Speaker 3: a little less jarring because I there was a drink
Speaker 3: that looked just like mine and I like just kind
Speaker 3: of like grabbed it and I didn't do a big goal.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: The other time, I think I was.
Speaker 3: In Spain and I went to one of like a
Speaker 3: prefixed menu and it was the dessert said something liqueur whatever,
Speaker 3: and I was like how much liqueurs in this? And
Speaker 3: they were like none, zero, it's cooked off. And I
Speaker 3: was like great and there and I was like just
Speaker 3: so just again, I was like I don't drink I
Speaker 3: have an allergy. They're like none, zero, great, whatever, great
Speaker 3: or great. So I take a bite of it, and
Speaker 3: I don't know how much was in it, but the
Speaker 3: flavor was pud and so it shocked me.
Speaker 2: So I take it. I do a bite and a
Speaker 2: swallow and then I go ah, being like I'm not
Speaker 2: I have a flare drum. I don't think I'm dramatic,
Speaker 2: but I've heard that as feedback. So I do it.
Speaker 3: I go a and then now that I'm remembering it,
Speaker 3: I go, that is alcoholic.
Speaker 2: That is alcoholic. That alcoholic. I go and they were
Speaker 2: like someone ran over goes everything okay, and I go,
Speaker 2: I have an allergy. I'd had that. Next thing, you know,
Speaker 2: I'm gonna do.
Speaker 3: Crack in a dumpster was like, and I've like, I've
Speaker 3: never done crack before, but it was just like where
Speaker 3: my mind went.
Speaker 2: The night, but tonight's the night.
Speaker 1: But tonight's the night. The rum cake got us to
Speaker 1: cracking a dumpster. Baby call the dude.
Speaker 2: I lost it and then I went.
Speaker 1: Up to be doing cracking a dumpster and I'm going
Speaker 1: to fucking dude, A weird made me cracking it.
Speaker 3: They're like Jesus, and I ran in the bathroom. I
Speaker 3: tried to make myself throw up and it couldn't.
Speaker 1: You are like drama.
Speaker 2: I was very dark. I was under that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, scared and scared that's the word, thank you. Yeah,
Speaker 3: because I also like I had done the emphasis.
Speaker 2: I said how much hamache?
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's the that's the frustrating thing when you're like no, no, no,
Speaker 1: and then they're like alcohol exactly.
Speaker 2: And then they got it drink and I was so yeah,
Speaker 2: I was.
Speaker 1: Scared, but also I was scared. Also, I think European
Speaker 1: cultures are so like la fare.
Speaker 3: The person came out and they go, oh, there's no
Speaker 3: alcohol only amount. I don't know what accent I'm doing,
Speaker 3: but it's like is it only an amount a child
Speaker 3: would have? And I went oh, and I was like, well,
Speaker 3: I'm a child with a drinking prop and they were
Speaker 3: kind of like what. And then they comped the whole
Speaker 3: thing and we were like okay because it was just
Speaker 3: like a really it was a really fancy restaurant too.
Speaker 3: So then after that, you know, no matter how if
Speaker 3: some thing I'm wrong in any way like that, it
Speaker 3: takes such that was a really nice customer service. Then
Speaker 3: I love like kind of good customer service. Yeah, like
Speaker 3: I was at a hotel room. I think this was
Speaker 3: like maybe a year ago. I'm in bed, drinking coffee,
Speaker 3: watching the TV. And it was the afternoon. I like
Speaker 3: checked in. I'm like getting rid of the show, drinking
Speaker 3: coffee in bed, and a I want to say, maybe
Speaker 3: a thirteen year old girl unlocks it and opens the door.
Speaker 2: She looks at me. I look at her and I
Speaker 2: go ho ho, And then she closes it and I
Speaker 2: get up and I go.
Speaker 1: What the fuck was Yeah?
Speaker 2: So I called down.
Speaker 3: And I go, hey, I was like someone with a
Speaker 3: key that was not worked. That was the key that worked.
Speaker 3: Someone with a key that worked. That was a thirteen
Speaker 3: year old girl. I said, God forbid.
Speaker 2: I was a seventy five year old man in here
Speaker 2: jerking off.
Speaker 1: You're like, God forbid. My alter ego was up, which
Speaker 1: is who I am on the inside.
Speaker 2: Right, Yeah, that was right where my mind.
Speaker 1: My friend Harvey was it here.
Speaker 2: God forbid. I was here with Harvey tried to a roll. Yeah,
Speaker 2: you know he's doing He's jerking off all over the place.
Speaker 2: I said, God forbid.
Speaker 3: You know I was some you know, a Satanist was
Speaker 3: in here doing a Satanic ritual.
Speaker 2: We don't know. Anything could be happening, and.
Speaker 1: I could be doing a blood ritual right now, you
Speaker 1: don't know, make a baby's blood all over the wall.
Speaker 1: And now this girl's life is fucked up forever because
Speaker 1: I'm a bad person.
Speaker 2: I was way too much true crime.
Speaker 1: I wasn't way too much true crime.
Speaker 2: For bid.
Speaker 1: I'm splitting a baby's throat.
Speaker 2: That's where my brain goes because I'm like, I'm in
Speaker 2: Rendingking coffee. But you know what I mean, Like people are.
Speaker 1: Crazy, not me, No, no, people are brain And.
Speaker 2: They go, oh, We're so sorry, miss woman. Would you like,
Speaker 2: do you like coffee?
Speaker 1: And then you want a coffee?
Speaker 3: I said, yeah, I do, and they said, well, we'll
Speaker 3: have a fresh pot of coffee for you in the morning,
Speaker 3: and any any other coffees.
Speaker 2: You have tonight are on us. I said, thank you
Speaker 2: so much. So it just takes a little bit of
Speaker 2: customer service.
Speaker 1: So that pick of coffee cuts it on that one.
Speaker 2: I know.
Speaker 3: That's what someone el said. The said you should ask
Speaker 3: for more. Yeah, but it's like it was so quick
Speaker 3: that and I was I.
Speaker 1: Never really wanted a coffee.
Speaker 3: I didn't want more coffe. But that is a big one,
Speaker 3: like having someone just open open the door, and it
Speaker 3: was like a Hilton.
Speaker 1: That's happened to me before I went Resorts World in
Speaker 1: Vegas and my friend Claudia got there before I got there,
Speaker 1: and Claudia like got in and set everything up, and
Speaker 1: then just like a fucking bachelorette party, came in and
Speaker 1: was like, it's crazy to stay have the key, and
Speaker 1: I was just like, what in the sam Hill's going
Speaker 1: on in.
Speaker 2: The same hell. That's part of why you get a
Speaker 2: hote that you get go to a hotel.
Speaker 3: Because you're like, how are you're not going to suck
Speaker 3: it up? How is that not popping up in the computer?
Speaker 1: Yeah. This episode of Talking spitt is brought to you
Speaker 1: by Berber Hair Oil. Berber hair Oil is my bitch Lover.
Speaker 1: I just did a treatment last night and then I
Speaker 1: got to blow out today and listen, is my hair
Speaker 1: where it used to be still now? But you know,
Speaker 1: sometimes it takes three fucking years to grow your hair
Speaker 1: out after your extensions red out. But it's doing good.
Speaker 1: It's feeling healthy, it's glossy, it's shiny, it's stronger than ever.
Speaker 1: I know. I noticed all the hair growth at the root.
Speaker 1: If you get the Derma roller, do the oil twice
Speaker 1: a week if you can. It is just a toy,
Speaker 1: mean little treatment for yourself, like just a moment to
Speaker 1: be like, I love you, head and brain and everything
Speaker 1: that's under my hair. I love you. Excuse my code
Speaker 1: Britt Britt at Burber dot com for fifteen percent off
Speaker 1: your first order and enjoy. And if you guys are
Speaker 1: loving that product, dammy, because I love it so much
Speaker 1: and I just want us all to be on the
Speaker 1: same journey together. Also, one other announcement. If you guys
Speaker 1: have been doing an artists Way with me, I know
Speaker 1: we're taking a two week break. I'm sorry, let's call
Speaker 1: it summer break. We're gonna come back next week. I promise,
Speaker 1: I promise, I promise. I frankly. Oh, my vocabulary app
Speaker 1: popped up. My vocabulary app. You guys will do word
Speaker 1: of the Week right now, just because it just popped up. Also,
Speaker 1: some of you guys on the Patreon have been kicking
Speaker 1: my ass and scrabble and that's really hurting my feelings.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna get into that more on the Patreon, but
Speaker 1: right now, let's do Word of the Week because a
Speaker 1: lot of people are like, you need to bring it back?
Speaker 1: Is your stupid?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 1: I can't. Of course. It's a word I can't even say.
Speaker 1: Ab negation, denial to confront, denial of Jesus am I okay, No,
Speaker 1: I'm not okay. Abnegation, denial of comfort to oneself, abnegationbnegation, abnegation, abnegation.
Speaker 1: We remix it like a DJ abnegation abnegation, Yeah, boone
Speaker 1: boone a gift or a blessing. I like that one
Speaker 1: omniscient knowing everything, the opposite of me. I don't know shit.
Speaker 1: All right, you guys, I hope you enjoy this episode.
Speaker 1: I love you so much and join the Patreon because
Speaker 1: I'm telling you the tea and I'm gonna be honest,
Speaker 1: it's fucking It's not scalding, but it's like way above
Speaker 1: room tentph this week. Okay, love you bye.
Speaker 2: Do you like Vegas because I love Vegas.
Speaker 4: I hate Vegas really, but I have been ill many
Speaker 4: times because I used to live in La a lot
Speaker 4: and I did like a lot of ho shit, okay,
Speaker 4: and then I also did like it's not even that,
Speaker 4: it's just like I've done it to the absolute zenith,
Speaker 4: Like I have been in the Penthouse on Mollie with
Speaker 4: you know the people like doing the thing.
Speaker 1: I have done.
Speaker 3: Vegas, Vegas to the Mac And also I could imagine
Speaker 3: that type of place that vibe when you're doing that
Speaker 3: version of Vegas.
Speaker 2: It's so fake because Vegas is already so fake. Yeah,
Speaker 2: it's so fake. So if you're doing that, it's just
Speaker 2: like so artificial.
Speaker 1: But I've done like every version of it because I've
Speaker 1: also been back sober, I haven't done it. Like my
Speaker 1: ex was a gambling atdict, so we went a few
Speaker 1: times and like, I just I don't like losing money.
Speaker 1: I don't like casino culture. I don't really love the shows.
Speaker 1: I just don't really care. I just don't think it's
Speaker 1: a city for me. I'm I'm at the place with
Speaker 1: Vegas now. I will not go back unless I'm getting paid.
Speaker 2: So my Vegas experience is like so alternate.
Speaker 3: That's what I was picturing, right, So I'm like, oh,
Speaker 3: I don't like Vegas, Like I don't know about this,
Speaker 3: so I get there. When was the first time I
Speaker 3: went to Vegas. I think it was the commedy seller
Speaker 3: as a room in Vegas.
Speaker 1: Okay, they did, they did. I did their last and.
Speaker 3: They still have that room. They still have a room
Speaker 3: in Vegas. They've got a hole.
Speaker 1: It was okay, I didn't there. There's another club that
Speaker 1: was a shoot off of something. Maybe it was Comedy Works.
Speaker 2: Was it that there? Or the laugh At There was
Speaker 2: some other one.
Speaker 1: There was another one that closed down. I did the
Speaker 1: last night there, so I should know, yes, but I
Speaker 1: don't remember.
Speaker 2: I know what you're talking.
Speaker 1: I thought that was the Seller, but I guess it's not.
Speaker 2: That was was that at the Tropicana?
Speaker 1: It was an old Vegas. Oh, I am not.
Speaker 2: Who's to say, it's none of our business. Anyway, I
Speaker 2: went and I remember it was like August.
Speaker 3: It was such dry heat. But it was like I
Speaker 3: don't know what who I was with or what it prompt.
Speaker 3: This is the other thing besides my memory is just bad.
Speaker 3: I gotta take more fishal, I gotta do something. Yeah,
Speaker 3: But it was like I remember going out into the
Speaker 3: desert and it was just so I love like the
Speaker 3: dry heat. I love the desert. They had all because
Speaker 3: there's so many UFC fighters there. The health and wellness
Speaker 3: stuff there is so advanced. So I'm doing like biohacking,
Speaker 3: hyperbaric oxygen therapy. I'm doing red light therapy. I was
Speaker 3: doing like I think I got botox while I was there.
Speaker 3: You can do so many advanced health things. And I
Speaker 3: love a deal you even I'll spend so much more
Speaker 3: if you tell me I'm getting a deal than you
Speaker 3: know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2: Or a point you go. Oh, if you do this treatment,
Speaker 2: you get points. It's like, give me some points, give
Speaker 2: me some point, some points. So I would go to Vegas.
Speaker 1: I'll never be back, but I want a punch card
Speaker 1: that I can hold with me until the day I die.
Speaker 1: When I die, put my punch cards in the fucking
Speaker 1: urn with me. Don't cremate them, don't don't touch those
Speaker 1: punch cards.
Speaker 2: I might come back and I want those punch cards.
Speaker 2: Give me where is my card?
Speaker 3: My first thought upon awakening. And I'd never actually cashed
Speaker 3: in a punch card. We've got, I've got them all
Speaker 3: over the apartment because I'll go to the massage places
Speaker 3: and like I did the feet in the back plates
Speaker 3: of punch it. Yeah, and then I just want that car.
Speaker 3: I love credit. I love points and credit EI. There's
Speaker 3: a knowledgement, knowledgement, Yes, customer serve whole puncher.
Speaker 2: That's a good idea. It's a really good idea.
Speaker 3: The place I get coffee out every almost every morning
Speaker 3: because it gets me to like just get out and
Speaker 3: get son of my eyes. They don't do punch cards,
Speaker 3: but I should like start bringing one in real passive
Speaker 3: aggressive and go just for keeping track of myself.
Speaker 2: Click.
Speaker 1: How's that like a door guy?
Speaker 2: You didn't drink coffee for a very long time.
Speaker 1: Well, here's the thing. I've been, like, like everything in
Speaker 1: my life, I go on and off. I had a
Speaker 1: whole year off of caffeine and then.
Speaker 3: I I did six months and I felt very good.
Speaker 1: It's great, I felt very good. Thing Ever, this better sleep.
Speaker 1: I had a coffee two weeks ago and somebody in
Speaker 1: my comment said it sounded like I snorted a vibance
Speaker 1: and then also did maths. And you can't snort vibance.
Speaker 1: Just yeah, and you shouldn't and you shouldn't. It'll burn,
Speaker 1: it'll burn, and it won't work.
Speaker 2: It'll burn and it won't work.
Speaker 3: Yeah, So you can get at at all, not to
Speaker 3: police someone's math exactly.
Speaker 2: You can start.
Speaker 3: We've got a whole list that We've got a power
Speaker 3: point in the back of the things that you can
Speaker 3: snort but vibance literally not to promote snorty stuff in
Speaker 3: any way, but they really truly will not work.
Speaker 2: And I did. I prescribed it. I did.
Speaker 3: I do think I tried it like years ago. Yeah,
Speaker 3: but yeah it does nothing.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you can't snort it, snort it. So anyway, I
Speaker 1: didn't do that. But they're like, you sound like, take
Speaker 1: a breath. You sound crazy, and I was like, you're right,
Speaker 1: I do sound crazy. And then this morning, just because
Speaker 1: I had a really rough night sleep and I had
Speaker 1: to take some sleeping pills, which I haven't been doing,
Speaker 1: especially since I got back from Europe because I like
Speaker 1: the jet leg was like, just got me back on schedule.
Speaker 1: But I had a rough one and I was like,
Speaker 1: if I don't have a little bit of coffee, So
Speaker 1: I did half caffeine, half decaf. I have my little
Speaker 1: espresso one hundred. Yeah it's like a half half and half.
Speaker 1: But it's still going to fuck my sleep up tonight.
Speaker 2: So it helps me concentrate, is the thing.
Speaker 1: And but you have ADHD on you, Yeah, so I
Speaker 1: don't have an excuse I might have. Well, yeah, it
Speaker 1: just gives me like energy. But then I'm like kind
Speaker 1: of like a little fruit fly and like energy to
Speaker 1: do what and I have so many things to do,
Speaker 1: but there's nothing I want to do with this energy.
Speaker 1: I'm like, this energy is special, and I hear it
Speaker 1: has to go to spiral.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I know.
Speaker 1: I just I think circle the drain and circle the
Speaker 1: drain on something that's been done.
Speaker 2: I feel like existential dread hits more in New York
Speaker 2: a little bit because we're around so many people. So
Speaker 2: then it like pushes you almost like I when I'm
Speaker 2: in New York City, I feel more like I'm safeguarding
Speaker 2: my energy, and then that makes me almost be more
Speaker 2: in my thoughts than when I'm anywhere else, if that
Speaker 2: makes any sense at all, because there's so many people around.
Speaker 2: So then I'm kind of like I retreat to to
Speaker 2: you have.
Speaker 1: To do some protective spell.
Speaker 2: Protective spell. Serious, you gotta.
Speaker 1: Do witchcraft here, because there is.
Speaker 2: Some I've never done witchclass.
Speaker 1: I get very.
Speaker 2: Scared of the dark arts.
Speaker 1: Okay, well it's not that dark. Okay, I'm just it's
Speaker 1: actually not dark at all. Witchcraft was the wrong word
Speaker 1: for it. But like I do like like an energy
Speaker 1: protection love that prayer every morning I love that where
Speaker 1: it's I'm a believer. Yeah, it crystals, Yeah, praying to
Speaker 1: the arch angels to like ward off any bad energies,
Speaker 1: bad spirits, anything that comes my way. If anyone's sending
Speaker 1: me bad g returned to sender, Yes, and like, may
Speaker 1: my my day be filled with love and light Amen,
Speaker 1: like that kind of love that Yeah.
Speaker 3: Because that type of intention. I think that then it
Speaker 3: just like breeds more of that.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: And that is a great way to start your day
Speaker 2: versus going on the.
Speaker 1: Phone, which I have been for well this morning I
Speaker 1: also fucked up, but for like a week, I was
Speaker 1: putting my phone in the other room. I'm in a studio,
Speaker 1: but like in the kitchen, And it's so much better
Speaker 1: if you can wake up with your thoughts they might
Speaker 1: be crazy stone. That is a journal, go to the bathroom,
Speaker 1: do your little supplements whatever. If you can go on
Speaker 1: a walk and then get to the phone. I have
Speaker 1: not done the walk portion of it, but like it
Speaker 1: really changes your day if you don't immediately, like I
Speaker 1: was so activated this morning and I wanted.
Speaker 2: To like it is exactly the word. Yeah, I think
Speaker 2: you do it. You see something. Yeah, Oh I'm up now.
Speaker 1: And now I'm not up in a good way. I'm
Speaker 1: fucking angry. My demons are up. We gotta get them dressed.
Speaker 1: They're going to work. My demons need to put.
Speaker 3: On They're ready to go because they're like.
Speaker 1: Doing fucking pull ups, chin ups.
Speaker 2: They haven't been called on, so this is their big moments.
Speaker 1: They've been in prison, they've been doing prison exercises.
Speaker 2: They've been in they're ready to Yeah, they gotta get out.
Speaker 1: And now me and my demons are up and I'm like, hey,
Speaker 1: I gotta get them ready for the day.
Speaker 2: But they're like, we've been waiting for you to let it.
Speaker 3: If that's what it feels like sometimes, because I'll feel
Speaker 3: a little bit like of a comfort when if I
Speaker 3: do go back to scrolling because I didn't, and it
Speaker 3: almost feels like I used to feel this, not necessarily
Speaker 3: with drinking, but I used to growing up.
Speaker 2: I was a big binge eater.
Speaker 3: I would say my first thing that I used to
Speaker 3: comfort myself was definitely food sugar, which is fairly very
Speaker 3: common with add people like dope mean seeking. But I
Speaker 3: remember like when I wouldn't do it, but I would
Speaker 3: just be like white knuckling it. Then when I would
Speaker 3: do it again. It would be like.
Speaker 2: Yes, like we're fucking we're fucking back. We're back, like
Speaker 2: you tried and it didn't, but I'm still here for you.
Speaker 2: And I just remember, like I remember it really clearly, actually,
Speaker 2: because I remember after my parents got divorce, my dad
Speaker 2: would kind of like get we would have all these
Speaker 2: foods my mom wouldn't have happen, and I remember, I
Speaker 2: don't know, of course you remember remember skippy peanut butter.
Speaker 1: Still of course, yeah.
Speaker 3: I used to put my hand in the jar late
Speaker 3: at night, and I remember being like, I'm back.
Speaker 1: The bitch is bad. The bitch is covered in peanut butter,
Speaker 1: which is viscous and hard to get off your hands.
Speaker 1: But I don't even know if that's the right word.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I've never heard that word, but it feels right.
Speaker 1: It's viscous, it's hard to get off your hands, like
Speaker 1: it's you gotta really.
Speaker 3: And it's clumped up in your throat, and I remember
Speaker 3: being like, can't, can't breathe. I'm this is how I'm
Speaker 3: gonna die, just like like Elvis, Like Elvis just shakes.
Speaker 1: The free had a banana in there for some potastic
Speaker 1: eating a banana it was a banana peanut butter sandwich.
Speaker 1: You're kidding, banana peanut butter sandwich on the That's hilarious.
Speaker 1: I knew he was on the toylet, but that's so funny.
Speaker 2: He did. He cut up the freaking bananas and make
Speaker 2: himself a little sandwich.
Speaker 1: Came he came so hard. Yeah, no, banana peanut. What
Speaker 1: her sandwich is?
Speaker 2: Like?
Speaker 3: Very I did not, but there was I remember being like, yeah, like,
Speaker 3: we're back, and I feel like if you start your
Speaker 3: day with the scrolling, it's like we're we're it's the.
Speaker 1: Comfort, but like the thing that's back is is the
Speaker 1: lack of control.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like.
Speaker 1: We're back in a really bad way.
Speaker 2: We're back and it's bad.
Speaker 1: We're back in it.
Speaker 2: Then you have a baseline to compare it to, which
Speaker 2: is such a beautiful thing. We're going. Oh, but that's
Speaker 2: not how I am all the time.
Speaker 3: Now, So now I know I have something that's not
Speaker 3: just my constant state.
Speaker 2: It's like there was this book I was reading.
Speaker 3: It was called it was like something had to unfuck
Speaker 3: your brain or something I should get that if I
Speaker 3: get yourself?
Speaker 2: Was that it?
Speaker 1: There was a there was a book title I think
Speaker 1: called unfuck yourself. Yes, I forget if it was like
Speaker 1: there was unfucking the title the.
Speaker 3: Title, but it was just talking like this neuroscience stuff
Speaker 3: that you hear a lot where it's like you were
Speaker 3: not your thoughts, like separate yourself from the emotion. But
Speaker 3: that made me be like, Okay, I am not this.
Speaker 3: I am not the person. I am not the person
Speaker 3: reacting all these things like I'm the person observing it
Speaker 3: and I.
Speaker 1: Can choose not to.
Speaker 3: But with social media stuff, I don't know how you
Speaker 3: are with like comments if I go and look on
Speaker 3: my YouTube and see comments like great great.
Speaker 2: Great, like I love ha heart hear heart. But then
Speaker 2: if someone if I go to jail for anything, it's
Speaker 2: gonna be pushing it too far in a comment.
Speaker 3: Finally, and that is really embarrassing. That's really like, that's
Speaker 3: that's human.
Speaker 1: I'm forty because we're wounded, right and when anyone causes
Speaker 1: us additional pain, sure we want to hurt them more
Speaker 1: than they hurt us.
Speaker 3: And I feel so because I'm like, who are you
Speaker 3: to comment and assume something out of context?
Speaker 2: They are me because I do that too, It's.
Speaker 1: Totally and I do that on the internet, who's bored
Speaker 1: with their life commenting on a stranger's post, like their
Speaker 1: life is way more bleak than your life. Like if
Speaker 1: they want to sit around and comment nasty shit like
Speaker 1: go off Nancy and fucking Oconomo, let me have it.
Speaker 2: I don't know you.
Speaker 3: I don't know if you are, I don't know what
Speaker 3: you're going through, and like me saying like, how can
Speaker 3: you like whatever the thing was. I posted this video
Speaker 3: of my friend talking about how she used to put
Speaker 3: p's on the TV so it would cool down so
Speaker 3: her mom would know that they were watching TV. She
Speaker 3: was talking about it, she was eight, and she's like,
Speaker 3: my mom was a teacher and she should come back
Speaker 3: from working.
Speaker 2: To do that.
Speaker 3: And then people were commenting things about her mom. So,
Speaker 3: because now I'm a little bit trained robic, don't respond
Speaker 3: or something. Someone was like your mom, like clearly her mom.
Speaker 2: Was like a like a dumb bitch or something.
Speaker 3: And I was at this, it's like nine a m.
Speaker 3: So I see that in my eyes pop right up. Yeah,
Speaker 3: But I go her mother, who she says is a teacher.
Speaker 3: I was like, how can you make that assumption about that?
Speaker 3: And then I go, you monster, like that and then
Speaker 3: I post it, and then I go on to the
Speaker 3: next one.
Speaker 1: But then it's like, the return on investment isn't so high,
Speaker 1: not so hot, but not so hot. Here's the thing.
Speaker 3: Yeah, if we're looking at your portfolio, Yeah, so what's
Speaker 3: the return on investment on that?
Speaker 1: You get nothing except for the rage that it holds
Speaker 1: in your brain all day, knowing that you stooped to
Speaker 1: the level of a fucking loser of someone I don't
Speaker 1: even know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I got kicked off of TikTok.
Speaker 3: I think I got I think it was like a year,
Speaker 3: and I was so pleased with my This was this
Speaker 3: was such an embarrassing one.
Speaker 2: It was like someone commented something about how I looked.
Speaker 3: Right, whatever, it's TikTok. I'm putting myself out there. Sure,
Speaker 3: it was like two am. Whatever, I'm making excises to
Speaker 3: what I'm.
Speaker 1: About to go. Yeah. So, but two am is an
Speaker 1: hour where your brain chemistry has changed.
Speaker 2: It's alter vulnerable.
Speaker 1: According to the circadian rhythm, you should be asleep.
Speaker 2: I should have been asleep my circadian eyes. It was
Speaker 2: a moment of weakness.
Speaker 3: I go to this person's page and I start commenting
Speaker 3: on how they look yeah.
Speaker 1: So here's the thing. A losing battle.
Speaker 2: This is a one, it's a losing battle. Two what
Speaker 2: are you? It was? I don't know how old is.
Speaker 2: And here's the other thing.
Speaker 3: You know, I think so much a beauty comes from
Speaker 3: within and there's an energy vibration and like I'm big
Speaker 3: into vibes, right, And this was like a younger guy.
Speaker 3: So and if someone had said this about someone, like
Speaker 3: if we were just walking by and someone said this
Speaker 3: about them, I'd be like, what's your problem? But because
Speaker 3: he had done something meat whatever, I ripped him apart.
Speaker 3: And okay, I don't know how to say this. It
Speaker 3: was an easy thing to rip apart based on you know,
Speaker 3: he had five four heads okay maybe fIF fifteen to
Speaker 3: twenty And if and if someone else does that is
Speaker 3: a beautiful I'd never want a body shame anybody, And.
Speaker 1: Which is something he's been getting his whole life. Yes,
Speaker 1: so you hit him right on the head, you hit
Speaker 1: him square, and so I was going for the stomach,
Speaker 1: but it was right there.
Speaker 3: But I started going on his thing, making fun of
Speaker 3: him and all this, and then I got shadow band
Speaker 3: and my girlfriend was like, you work so hard on
Speaker 3: building because there was like six months where I was
Speaker 3: really selling tickets for TikTok. She was like, you spent
Speaker 3: so much time and you work so hard in this,
Speaker 3: and I was like.
Speaker 2: I don't care. I'm sick of people saying this and that.
Speaker 3: And then I think it was like nine months later.
Speaker 3: I had this general meeting with someone from TikTok and
Speaker 3: I mentioned I was like, I've actually been shadow band.
Speaker 2: And she was like, oh, like why and I was
Speaker 2: like and.
Speaker 3: Then I told her what I said and she was like,
Speaker 3: that'll do it, and I was like I deserved it, yeah,
Speaker 3: and that I had to be like when I looked
Speaker 3: back at it, and I had this friend of mine, Andrew,
Speaker 3: he hit me up. He was like, hey, I don't
Speaker 3: know how I came across his threat. He was like,
Speaker 3: I saw this person commented on your thing, and whatever reason,
Speaker 3: I clicked on his thing and he like screen grabbed.
Speaker 3: He was like, this person has like one comment from.
Speaker 2: His mom and then there's you under it, just boom,
Speaker 2: and he was like this is bad.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and he's my friend. But I was so embarrassed
Speaker 3: that even he saw that. Yeah, and he was kind
Speaker 3: of like lol, and I was.
Speaker 2: Reeling in. It's embarrassing. It doesn't look good. Low bite.
Speaker 1: It's a that's a but you know what, we can't
Speaker 1: always be high vibes. And yes, here's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: Like everyone's like to take the high road. I get
Speaker 1: dizzy up there. Sometimes I get vertigo. I don't want
Speaker 1: to be on the high road.
Speaker 2: I love that.
Speaker 1: I don't want to be on the high road. I
Speaker 1: just don't. It's get nosebleeds up here. I gotta get
Speaker 1: down off the horse. Yeah, let me get in the
Speaker 1: fucking mud for a second. Let me get shadowy and
Speaker 1: let me ruined my own career to the high road.
Speaker 2: That's a good one. That's a good one. Did you
Speaker 2: read that's air? Is that an original one? That's a
Speaker 2: good one. That's funny. That's funny. Yeah, that's funny.
Speaker 3: I get dizzy on the high it is getting the
Speaker 3: nose up here, Like.
Speaker 1: I just everyone's like, rise above it, rise above it.
Speaker 1: I'm like, I kind of feel like, did you ever
Speaker 1: see that clip of Cardi B when she's doing like
Speaker 1: this healing hell, Yeah, she's like, well push push him
Speaker 1: well in hell.
Speaker 2: I love Cardi B.
Speaker 1: I love her, and I feel like she's so g
Speaker 1: you were so real with how like stick it to him?
Speaker 1: Fuck yeah she is. And I'm like, I actually don't
Speaker 1: think she feels bad about it, because like, you know
Speaker 1: what we were just saying, like we were like stick
Speaker 1: it to him, and then we feel bad afterwards. I
Speaker 1: don't think. I think CARDI just fucking.
Speaker 2: Because if you can do that, I mean, well, I.
Speaker 1: Think her life has just set her up to be
Speaker 1: that kind of person, right, where like she's had so
Speaker 1: much shit.
Speaker 3: Hardened, hardened and perspective on it and you know, one
Speaker 3: another thing. I think it's like and I mean I
Speaker 3: can't speak for her, but it's like I think once
Speaker 3: you have kids, that's like instant perspective too, because you're
Speaker 3: like I don't have the time. I mean maybe I
Speaker 3: have the times to comment and say these things, but
Speaker 3: then it's like you don't necessarily have the same amount
Speaker 3: of time to dwell. I babysat for two days last week,
Speaker 3: and it's changed my help person. Yeah, because I'm like,
Speaker 3: when you have kids, you're.
Speaker 1: Like kids you don't have to have to rupidate about
Speaker 1: the past.
Speaker 3: I literally for those two days because I had never
Speaker 3: I have a two nieces and a nephew, and I
Speaker 3: was watching the three year old for let's say six
Speaker 3: hours on Monday and five hours, and I've never spent
Speaker 3: that much time with a three year old alone, and
Speaker 3: it's like I was like, oh my god, one, I mean,
Speaker 3: I'm so amazed. I'm so impressed my parents and it's
Speaker 3: such an amazing thing to do. But that's like instant perspective.
Speaker 3: So she's got three kids, yea, four kids, so it's like,
Speaker 3: you're not gonna be sick, So we need to have kids.
Speaker 3: I have a little bit, tiny bit been thinking about it,
Speaker 3: but also so scared.
Speaker 2: Of that too.
Speaker 1: No, like it's obviously terrifying, but like I guess we've
Speaker 1: tried everything else to get out of our heads. What
Speaker 1: could go wrong? So this is actually actually my dad, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I need a baby.
Speaker 2: Could ever go wrong? I was thinking of getting a
Speaker 2: baby that fixed me.
Speaker 3: A lot of people do it, they do, and I
Speaker 3: would not want to do it for that reason.
Speaker 2: No, of course, for sure, this losing.
Speaker 1: No, I was talking to my dad about this. So
Speaker 1: my dad and my mom went through like a hell
Speaker 1: fire acid bath of a divorce with my years, like
Speaker 1: it was so.
Speaker 3: Seven years, so much guardian atletem. Yes, like I had
Speaker 3: all these like appointed things.
Speaker 1: You had to go to court and like stand trial,
Speaker 1: and like I was never ended up going did you
Speaker 1: go into court? I went into court and they put
Speaker 1: me on the stand and then someone and I'm so sorry,
Speaker 1: someone interfered. They're like, I'm so sorry. They're like, this
Speaker 1: child cannot be that's terrible.
Speaker 3: They ended up we never got to that point where
Speaker 3: we went into court to testify. But it was like
Speaker 3: just an insane legal battle. But I know for me
Speaker 3: with my parents, they were doing it at each other.
Speaker 3: I mean, it's nothing to do with that's.
Speaker 1: With the kids.
Speaker 2: I mean eight years old. That is so you're a baby.
Speaker 3: You're literally a baby trying to then process and understand adults.
Speaker 2: And I feel like that.
Speaker 3: Made me see the complexities of people from such a
Speaker 3: young age, because I was like, how can someone be
Speaker 3: like my dad who I love so much and do
Speaker 3: such wonderful things too, but then also be terrible in
Speaker 3: the same regard.
Speaker 2: And that doesn't mean they're all good or all bad.
Speaker 3: But it's like from a young age because to be
Speaker 3: put on even potentially on the stand at eight years
Speaker 3: old and then you need to like trust these people,
Speaker 3: and yeah.
Speaker 1: No, it was bad. I mean, it's it made me
Speaker 1: learn quickly how people operate, though, because I was like,
Speaker 1: my mom was like bribing me to testify against my dad.
Speaker 1: It was like this like wicked, manipulative thing. But anyway,
Speaker 1: the point of that is, like when I was talking
Speaker 1: to my dad about, you know, I struggle with depression
Speaker 1: and like the loneliness whatever we all struggle with, and
Speaker 1: I have this passion that I'm working toward, but it
Speaker 1: does not take up all the hours of my day.
Speaker 1: I was talking to my dad and he's like, you know,
Speaker 1: if you would have just had a kid, you want
Speaker 1: to have time to think about all this. He's like,
Speaker 1: because when I was going through that fucking horrible divorce
Speaker 1: and he like lost all of his houses and didn't
Speaker 1: have a place to live, he was literally like squatting
Speaker 1: in one of my mom's speck houses, sleeping enough close. Yeah,
Speaker 1: she took them to the fucking cleaners. But he's like,
Speaker 1: I didn't even have time to be depressed because I
Speaker 1: had to figure out how to survive and and you
Speaker 1: have to take care of the kids. And I'm like,
Speaker 1: that's why. And I don't think it's necessarily a good thing,
Speaker 1: but I think That's why our parents' generation never dealt
Speaker 1: with their own shit because they all had kids so young.
Speaker 1: And when you have kids, you just have to focus
Speaker 1: on the kids if you're a good parent.
Speaker 3: People are having kids later and later and later and later,
Speaker 3: especially in cities like New York or like the urban
Speaker 3: like people are having you know, we're defying medicals. I
Speaker 3: mean it's truly because like when I go back to
Speaker 3: like I'm from a small town and may went back
Speaker 3: in main Like, sure, there's people I went to high
Speaker 3: school with that probably had kids at like twenty three
Speaker 3: twenty four to twenty five.
Speaker 2: Me at twenty three, twenty four, twenty five, I.
Speaker 1: Was asked bag of coke. Like I was not on
Speaker 1: the I was not on the high road. I was
Speaker 1: on the back roads with the drug.
Speaker 3: I was on the back roads, seriously serious, like and
Speaker 3: I had no cons And when I look back and
Speaker 3: I'm like twenty three to me, that is so it's
Speaker 3: almost like any age that's like at least six years
Speaker 3: younger than me.
Speaker 2: Now I'm like, oh, you're a baby brain for baby
Speaker 2: a suberber.
Speaker 3: Because it's truly fec Yeah, they're like I cann't wait
Speaker 3: for what you're coming to me for advice about something.
Speaker 2: I'm a paralegal, and.
Speaker 3: You're like, wowuck, but it's like I just had no
Speaker 3: I couldn't. But now, I mean, for okay, I have
Speaker 3: thought of I don't know, because I wouldn't be ready
Speaker 3: to have I wouldn't even know how to feel like
Speaker 3: necessarily ready to have kids.
Speaker 2: Is this something you seriously are considering?
Speaker 1: Maybe no, okay, I mean I froze my eggs.
Speaker 2: Good for you.
Speaker 1: And then you know it's like I got, I got divorced,
Speaker 1: I was single for three years. I was in a
Speaker 1: relationship for a year where it was like it was
Speaker 1: a conversation but one of like down the road, you know,
Speaker 1: like when we're both ready, and he wouldn't have been
Speaker 1: ready for a while, and I also, you know, I
Speaker 1: just I didn't really see it with him, and and
Speaker 1: I think, you know, I just and now it's just
Speaker 1: not a priority, like I just got I got billed
Speaker 1: for my eggs. You get build annually a thousand dollars
Speaker 1: to freeze them, and I'm like.
Speaker 2: Oh, these old things do I want to keeping?
Speaker 1: Exactly? I'm like, you just want to throw them in
Speaker 1: the fucking trash, Like I want to keep them because
Speaker 1: I want to keep the option open and who knows.
Speaker 1: But like I do think women are fertile into their forties.
Speaker 1: I think it's kind of like a lie of science
Speaker 1: that you're not.
Speaker 3: I think it's almost like worst case scenario. Yeah, my
Speaker 3: mom had me, I think at forty two.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think naturally too.
Speaker 2: Naturally yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So it's like it's kind of a little bit
Speaker 1: of a lie of science. There are definitely women who
Speaker 1: fall into the category of like, unfortunately they're right in
Speaker 1: thirty six and they can't have a kid, and that's
Speaker 1: like so fucking heartbreaking because usually those are the ones
Speaker 1: that want them the most.
Speaker 2: Absolutely.
Speaker 1: And I also think in order to be a parent,
Speaker 1: you should, like, you know, how some people are born
Speaker 1: and they're like I was born to be a.
Speaker 3: Mom totally, and I'm I'm like, what a blessing to
Speaker 3: have that clarity. Yeah, and I genuinely have that me neither,
Speaker 3: like I kind of about anything almost actually, no.
Speaker 1: Like when I was like playing with dolls and like
Speaker 1: that my sister's dolls would have like a family. Mine
Speaker 1: was like a single Barbie doll in like a fucking penthouse,
Speaker 1: just fucking.
Speaker 2: Ken you're like having it to work.
Speaker 1: I don't even know what it is. Yeah, yeah, just
Speaker 1: saying send fucking stream cheap to go, get me a
Speaker 1: pack of barb lights, give me some bar blights.
Speaker 2: My barbies, and like ken dolls like have sex too.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: My parents would be like stop, stop bagging them together,
Speaker 2: and then.
Speaker 1: You're just and then you just grabbed two barbi Yeah.
Speaker 3: And they're like wait a minute, wait a minute on
Speaker 3: the wall. I kind of remember actually doing stuff like that.
Speaker 3: What if we played house.
Speaker 1: Well, I think there's just something angry about dolls in general,
Speaker 1: to do things to them that you're like, I don't know,
Speaker 1: there's some sort of weird experimentation that kids have with
Speaker 1: dolls that's like a little probably should oh. Yeah.
Speaker 3: That made me think if I remember my dad like
Speaker 3: at some benefit thing, he like bet on this like
Speaker 3: China doll, and it was life like for me at
Speaker 3: the time because I was like a kid, But I
Speaker 3: remember I would like gole kiss it, which is so weird,
Speaker 3: Like I remember I like sneaks up like kind of
Speaker 3: like kiss this China doll. I hope that that's hidden
Speaker 3: away that thing. Yeah, And I would like it's kind
Speaker 3: of it's grow. It's weird, it's really but I remember
Speaker 3: being like really young and doing that. But my sister
Speaker 3: always knew she wanted to have kids. Yeah, she was
Speaker 3: always like, I want to have kids. And now she's
Speaker 3: got three kids, and I'm like, do.
Speaker 1: You have how is it? Did you ask her?
Speaker 2: Having three kids is tough?
Speaker 1: Too many? It's about too it's about it's about three
Speaker 1: too many.
Speaker 3: When they had the other one, I noticed that seemed
Speaker 3: to just make them so tired. Yeah, yeah, but they're
Speaker 3: happy to but yeah, of course, talk about having no
Speaker 3: time to I mean, it's like it's you also.
Speaker 1: You just don't get time to yourself until they're out
Speaker 1: of the house, and then that's your times. They don't
Speaker 1: leave the.
Speaker 3: House, and sometimes the don't leave the house. Sometimes they
Speaker 3: don't leave the house, they stay in the house. Then
Speaker 3: they do leave in the house and they hate you.
Speaker 1: And then or they stay in the house, they leave
Speaker 1: and then they fucking come back.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 1: That was never an option. My dad was like, you
Speaker 1: have to go good bye.
Speaker 3: My mom would have let me continue to go back
Speaker 3: to her, like I lived at her.
Speaker 2: She's a condo and Cambridge. No, but she was gone
Speaker 2: a lot.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and it it uh, it babied me because it
Speaker 3: was kind of like I had access to this really
Speaker 3: cool condo and I use that for like years, Like
Speaker 3: it would be like, wow, I was in college and
Speaker 3: she would always be gone and I would have people
Speaker 3: over to my mom. Yeah, and I would have like
Speaker 3: little parties there and it was really fun and it
Speaker 3: was like this really great condo. But then as I
Speaker 3: was turning like twenty four to twenty five, people started
Speaker 3: being like, who's where's your mom?
Speaker 2: Yeah, people started being.
Speaker 1: Like like I killed her for the class exactly.
Speaker 2: Tied up. But it made me the basement. My poor mom.
Speaker 3: She's she's a real character of a human being, but
Speaker 3: she would be just let me have access to it,
Speaker 3: and I could have stayed back.
Speaker 1: I mean yeah, yeah, yeah, but that's different than her
Speaker 1: being there, you know. True. True, it's the one thing
Speaker 1: if you have multiple properties and you let of kids.
Speaker 2: And I did live with her growing up. I live
Speaker 2: with my dad.
Speaker 3: So the way they did their custody was I live
Speaker 3: with my dad, my sister lived with my mom, and
Speaker 3: then my brother lived with his mom. So my sister
Speaker 3: and I are not close like we were complete, which
Speaker 3: I know in retrospect is not normal and maybe not
Speaker 3: a healthy way to do things. But it was one
Speaker 3: hundred percent about them being mad at each other. I
Speaker 3: get one with then you can get one.
Speaker 1: Yeah, totally. Yeah, Okay, I have a new segment on
Speaker 1: the podcast that I'm so excited to do with you.
Speaker 1: It's called What's wrong with You? And I want to
Speaker 1: hear a few different perspectives of what you think is
Speaker 1: wrong with you, what your therapist would say is wrong
Speaker 1: with you, and then what your friends are loved ones
Speaker 1: would say it okay with you. So start wherever you want.
Speaker 2: I think what my therapist, Barbara would say.
Speaker 1: Barbara, Babs, let's get on that phone, Babs.
Speaker 2: I really like her. She's seventy six.
Speaker 1: Oh that's a good age. She's a therapist. Although I know, well,
Speaker 1: don't get too attached.
Speaker 2: Well so she didn't.
Speaker 3: She she's seventy six. She didn't build me for a
Speaker 3: year and I was like, Barbara, you need to build me.
Speaker 3: I was like, you have to build me, please. Yeah,
Speaker 3: and she's seventy six. I'm not making this up. Her friend,
Speaker 3: I swear her name was Dolores did her billing and
Speaker 3: she passed away ripy So she says, I don't know.
Speaker 1: I wish her well, We wish her well.
Speaker 3: She says, I don't know how to do the building.
Speaker 3: Dlorus is dead. What am I gonna say that? I said,
Speaker 3: oh my god, I'm so sorry. No, you never have
Speaker 3: to build me again. But then cut to she bills
Speaker 3: me for a full year.
Speaker 1: Right, that's that's a nightmare. It was like three grand more.
Speaker 3: So now I'm like in a tizzy. I'm stressed about it.
Speaker 3: So that's like damper therapy a little bit.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, but I think what she would.
Speaker 3: Say, Well, that's the thing because also she's like get
Speaker 3: away away.
Speaker 1: So I couldn't help but be like, can we do
Speaker 1: a payment plan?
Speaker 2: Can we do a playment pan?
Speaker 1: She has health problems, but Klarna do a little Klarina.
Speaker 1: Clarina is like, you know how when you're going to
Speaker 1: check out on things now, if you can't afford the
Speaker 1: whole thing, you literally can do like lay away. It's
Speaker 1: a horrible really, it's a horrible thing. Okay, the Middle
Speaker 1: America is sinking themselves into well it's yeah, it's tax
Speaker 1: and it's like you can pay four hundred dollars now, yeah,
Speaker 1: you can pay twenty dollars for the next twelve months.
Speaker 1: It's it's not good.
Speaker 2: How they get you.
Speaker 1: That's how they get you.
Speaker 3: Get what Babs say is right. So what Babs would
Speaker 3: say is I fixate and obsessed about the wrong things.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 3: So for example, like it would be for a long
Speaker 3: time I was like really ruminating on I need to
Speaker 3: be I would have the same It doesn't necessarily matter
Speaker 3: what the problem is. But if it's a problem that
Speaker 3: you don't take any action about, it goes Okay, is
Speaker 3: this about this actual thing or are you just comfortable
Speaker 3: beating yourself up about the same thing. So instead of
Speaker 3: writing or listening to recordings or doing something I need
Speaker 3: to do for my professional career, organizing my mailing list, whatever,
Speaker 3: instead of that, I'll become very hyper fixated on wellness stuff.
Speaker 3: That's what it's been recently. So she's like, you aren't
Speaker 3: just doing an average amount of wellness suff You're obsessed
Speaker 3: with all of these things, and like, what is that feeling?
Speaker 3: So I would say, she would say, my focus is
Speaker 3: on the wrong.
Speaker 1: Things, Okay.
Speaker 2: What I would say my problems are, well, well, I
Speaker 2: have stomach problems pmdd TMJ and ADHD and I'm thinking
Speaker 2: they're connected. I don't know what now, but I think
Speaker 2: something's miss nervous system wise.
Speaker 1: Pm d D is a hell I wish on no one.
Speaker 1: And I had that before I got my UTI. You
Speaker 1: not my UTI, oh before I got back, before I
Speaker 1: got no IUD.
Speaker 3: So I got one too and fixed me. And I'm
Speaker 3: so grateful. Yes, I can't believe it because.
Speaker 1: It's like, I mean, I was for seven days a
Speaker 1: month like I'm gonna blow my brains. I'm gonna blowin out.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna blow my brains out. I hate myself. Everyone
Speaker 1: hates it's me. I'm not good at my job. Everyone
Speaker 1: but like the meanest thing.
Speaker 3: And it's so hard to pinpoint because I remember getting
Speaker 3: extremely depressed and then I go, I just I have depression,
Speaker 3: and then I remember it took me so many years
Speaker 3: to start like actually tracking it where I'm like, wait
Speaker 3: a minute.
Speaker 1: This is it's like very severe at a certain time
Speaker 1: of the month.
Speaker 3: Very severe, and then you get your period and it's
Speaker 3: like within a day you feel better. And I was
Speaker 3: not clock in that, and so then when I did,
Speaker 3: I remember being like, oh my, this is me.
Speaker 2: And then a lot of people haven't heard about it.
Speaker 1: The thing. They're like women's health.
Speaker 3: You get depressed around your period and you're like, this
Speaker 3: is because it would be life altering.
Speaker 2: It's life altering.
Speaker 3: I felt like I would like undo progress I made
Speaker 3: in those seven days every month.
Speaker 1: So I think, so explain how you think they're all connected.
Speaker 2: I think it's some type of nervous system problem. Okay,
Speaker 2: I haven't figured it out yet.
Speaker 1: Of course, but obviously.
Speaker 3: Obviously I wish I But I also think another one
Speaker 3: of my problems is maybe these problems have then made
Speaker 3: me a little bit.
Speaker 2: Of a hypochondriac. Uh huh, because I'm like tracking everything.
Speaker 2: I have a life alert now, Brittany.
Speaker 1: Oh it's I. I got a DNR? Was it? Do
Speaker 1: Not Resuscitate? Are you serious?
Speaker 2: Really?
Speaker 1: When I was super depressed, I got a DNR, Oh
Speaker 1: my god, which are like literally for elderly people bought
Speaker 1: it and I was like, I should just wear that.
Speaker 2: I mean, that's that's actually really funny.
Speaker 1: It's funny. It's fun I'm just like choking.
Speaker 3: Slightly waving it around. You trip and You're like, do
Speaker 3: not that I've never heard. I didn't even know you
Speaker 3: could have those. This one is supposed to like you
Speaker 3: scan it and it just like connects to my palmenogy.
Speaker 3: But so I think that I have become a little
Speaker 3: bit of a hypochondriac. I'd say I'm also neurotic. I
Speaker 3: think I have a rejection sensitivity ADHD and I have
Speaker 3: a hard time with them. Oh and sometimes I can
Speaker 3: be awkward. I don't think so, but my girlfriends pointed
Speaker 3: out she thinks that I can be a little awkward
Speaker 3: in what way she says in social settings because she's like,
Speaker 3: you're around comedians and the people in recovery all the time,
Speaker 3: and you're not hanging out with enough normal people anymore.
Speaker 3: And she's like, and I think that that's make it.
Speaker 3: So in some party situations you're awkward. And I'm like,
Speaker 3: I swear to god, I used to not be awkward.
Speaker 1: And you're like, I swear to god, I'm fucking cool and.
Speaker 3: Parties and I got close personality in high school and
Speaker 3: she goes, you bring that up to weight.
Speaker 1: Yes, that's so funny. I was like the most hated
Speaker 1: person in my high school, really hated most.
Speaker 2: But I went to Tin High School in Royal, Maine.
Speaker 1: It was like I went to a tiny high school too,
Speaker 1: and every why because I was hot, and their boyfriend
Speaker 1: wanted to exactly they were fucking.
Speaker 2: Versus me, who on the other end, I'm closeted.
Speaker 1: Like silly, so little zany going up. So I was like, but.
Speaker 2: Lexi's like, you bring that up way too much for
Speaker 2: someone that's like a well adjusted adult.
Speaker 1: Up the high school thing. Yeah, yeah, you do have
Speaker 1: to bring that up. It's like my ex step mom,
Speaker 1: who was like a raging alcoholic. She would always say,
Speaker 1: you know, I lost prom queen by one vote and
Speaker 1: I voted for the other girl, And I was like,
Speaker 1: for you, Si. Also, you're like trying to validate how
Speaker 1: cool you are and then also tell people like what
Speaker 1: a good person you are. But like, it doesn't it's
Speaker 1: not even a real story.
Speaker 3: I don't want Yeah, I think you just think you
Speaker 3: just yes, I think you lost problems totally.
Speaker 1: I don't think you lost my one vote voted for
Speaker 1: the other.
Speaker 3: Would you know they're not gonna like yeah, but I
Speaker 3: would say those are what I think my problems are,
Speaker 3: and then what I would say loved ones would say,
Speaker 3: I would say, probably.
Speaker 2: Like a follow through thing. I just have like a
Speaker 2: really clear thing of my mom being like, you know,
Speaker 2: you're very sweet, but you don't always say you don't
Speaker 2: always do what you say you're gonna do, And that's true.
Speaker 1: And that come up for you in relationships also were
Speaker 1: like you say and you mean well, but then you
Speaker 1: just can't follow through on the actions you know.
Speaker 3: Now it doesn't really but I think definitely. But also
Speaker 3: with relationships, I feel like your relationships most like your
Speaker 3: romantic relationships, and I guess friends want to most clearly
Speaker 3: reflect your relationship with yourself. So where the worst of
Speaker 3: me would come out usually would actually be romantic relationships
Speaker 3: in that I would put on such a show at
Speaker 3: the beginning to try to win someone over, but I
Speaker 3: never even I didn't know myself well enough to know
Speaker 3: who I was, what I wanted, or if we were
Speaker 3: even a good fit. So then I would spend so
Speaker 3: much time doing that that then it would crash and
Speaker 3: burn because I wasn't honest in the beginning. And I
Speaker 3: had been in some relationships with some great people and
Speaker 3: then also someones that I mean, who am I to
Speaker 3: say who's great and not great? But my experience weren't great.
Speaker 3: But it's like I was with some wonderful people that
Speaker 3: I was terrible to and I do still feel really bad,
Speaker 3: but I try to look back at that as like
Speaker 3: you were a sick person. Yeah yeah, what's that sound learning?
Speaker 3: And you're learning is you're a sick person. Who's you
Speaker 3: weren't You're not a bad person. You're a sick person
Speaker 3: trying to get well. If you heard that one, sure,
Speaker 3: I remember someone said that once and I went.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I like that one, but that one because it
Speaker 1: excuses all my bad exactly, I will say against have
Speaker 1: you put on your bracelet?
Speaker 2: I am sick?
Speaker 1: Can you add that on there?
Speaker 2: I was thinking, literally, you scan it just.
Speaker 1: Comes up bad person persis, I was.
Speaker 3: I was thinking I should put hypochondriac on it, and
Speaker 3: just as like a joke, just in case, because what
Speaker 3: I have in here, bronchias, is a lung thing that
Speaker 3: is not threatening at all. So it's like, I don't
Speaker 3: even know what they would do with that in They're
Speaker 3: just like okay, okay, sure, just like I say my
Speaker 3: zodiac sie, but I would say, those are what people
Speaker 3: say about me?
Speaker 2: Have you already said yours? No?
Speaker 1: It's a brand news Okay, we just started today. God,
Speaker 1: what isn't wrong with me? What would I say is
Speaker 1: wrong with me? I b OCD thinking, which is a
Speaker 1: hell I wish on no one.
Speaker 2: So that's so interesting.
Speaker 3: Because I don't, but I it's I actually get along
Speaker 3: really well with people that do, and I wonder why
Speaker 3: that is.
Speaker 2: That's and people have been friends with and stuff.
Speaker 1: You might be a good companion for us because you,
Speaker 1: you or ADHD distracts us. Oh that's so interesting because
Speaker 1: like we would like to talk about the same thing
Speaker 1: over and over again and like just beat it into
Speaker 1: the fucking ground. And you're like you when I have
Speaker 1: conversations with you, halfway through a conversation, you'll jump to
Speaker 1: a different topic that you just got inspired by, and
Speaker 1: then I'll go with you, and then you'll go somewhere else.
Speaker 2: Oh I appreciate that because I don't realize I'm doing it.
Speaker 2: So I appreciate you.
Speaker 1: No, no, no, no, I like it because you just
Speaker 1: like you jump in and then you're like, oh no,
Speaker 1: I like that, and then I follow that and then
Speaker 1: I go there and then I completely forgot that I
Speaker 1: wanted to talk about something that was like damaging my soul?
Speaker 1: Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 2: I know what you mean. So OCD, you'd be like
Speaker 2: you just be like on a loop.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's tough. It's a hamster wheel.
Speaker 2: It's kind of the opposite of add in a lot
Speaker 2: of ways.
Speaker 1: It's a it's a hell I wish on no one.
Speaker 1: And it's interesting too because like it really shows up
Speaker 1: for me in rumination. Yeah, Like when I'll get out
Speaker 1: of a situation, whether it's a job or a relationship
Speaker 1: or whatever it is, I can get out of the
Speaker 1: situation and then I all, you know how like sometimes
Speaker 1: in the beginning of a relationship you have like rose
Speaker 1: colored Of course I don't have those ever. In the relationship.
Speaker 1: I always see everything very clearly for what it is.
Speaker 1: But then when I get out of the relationship or
Speaker 1: when I get out of that job, I look back
Speaker 1: and I like make it into a fairy tale that
Speaker 1: it never was. Which is why journaling for me is
Speaker 1: so important, because I can look back and be like,
Speaker 1: day by day, like I hate this job and sucking
Speaker 1: the will to live out of my body. I hate
Speaker 1: being on the road. I hate this man. I hate
Speaker 1: I'm not getting I don't hate anyone or anything. It's
Speaker 1: just exactly you know what I mean, Like, I'm not
Speaker 1: getting along with this person. I don't like the way
Speaker 1: this person's acting. And I'll do it with friendships too,
Speaker 1: where I get out of the friendship and I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: were they that bad? You know? Did I have to
Speaker 1: cut them off? Did I have to do that? And
Speaker 1: like I'll look back and then I'll just go on
Speaker 1: like and then I'll just go like information seeking about
Speaker 1: like how now their life is so much better without
Speaker 1: me in it?
Speaker 2: And that's tricky.
Speaker 3: It's just like a documenting what you're feeling in the moment,
Speaker 3: so you can't romanticize.
Speaker 2: It does sound positive, it's great.
Speaker 1: I mean I was looking at my journals yesterday and
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, I'm good, that's.
Speaker 2: Good, you know what I mean, I think a lot.
Speaker 3: I think that that's I mean, I know it's it's
Speaker 3: definitely different for someone with OCD because it's going to
Speaker 3: be more pronounced to an extreme, but I do know
Speaker 3: there it's like part of the human condition where you
Speaker 3: look back on stuff and you the romanticizing it, and
Speaker 3: I think there's a word for that, but it's like
Speaker 3: some cognition thing where then it's like it gets really tricky.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it gets very like yeah, it just is
Speaker 1: like you lose sight of the truth and like, that's
Speaker 1: why it's so important that I've had the same therapists
Speaker 1: for ten years, because she can remind me how I
Speaker 1: was in the moment, how I felt. The therapists, the journals,
Speaker 1: all of those things are really important that too, You're right, yeah,
Speaker 1: And then the other thing that's wrong with me is
Speaker 1: when people do me wrong. I speak about it truthfully
Speaker 1: and publicly, and they get very hurt and offended by that.
Speaker 1: And it's tough for me because I'm like, if you
Speaker 1: don't want me to talk shit about you, then don't
Speaker 1: do horrible shit.
Speaker 2: Mike. Taylor Swift said, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1: I like act she I'm really starting to understand Taylor
Speaker 1: Swift in her like villain era total like when she
Speaker 1: was just like, I guess I'm the fucking problem, because
Speaker 1: that's how I feel. I was like, I guess I'm
Speaker 1: the fucking problem. If like, I'm all you guys can
Speaker 1: talk about even though you guys fucked me over, you
Speaker 1: did this to me, you did that to me, I
Speaker 1: talked about it, So now I'm the problem.
Speaker 3: I think it's a balance because we'll see that's tough too,
Speaker 3: because it's like, maybe maybe gets tricky if someone doesn't
Speaker 3: have a platform then to respond on.
Speaker 2: So there's the power and balance. So that's tricky.
Speaker 3: But also then that's kind of like we're zooming in
Speaker 3: here because it's like, right, but then I created this,
Speaker 3: So if that's something you really want to do, you
Speaker 3: could create that too. And would you say, you're I'm
Speaker 3: an external processor? You an external process?
Speaker 1: What does that mean?
Speaker 2: It means like you process things like through speaking them out.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah yeah. And I also think like it's the
Speaker 1: podcast makes it tough, right because like every week it's
Speaker 1: about my life, and I'm just like, well, this is
Speaker 1: what's going on in my life. And I like I'm
Speaker 1: also the world's worst liar. So if I were to
Speaker 1: try and be like everything's fine, he he he. If
Speaker 1: you said that, oh my god, I would record it.
Speaker 2: All of a sudden, you do that, I go, oh yeah,
Speaker 2: wait a minute.
Speaker 1: You're like, she's in a full fledged lawsuit.
Speaker 2: Everything's good.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I'm just like he he, I mean, you've
Speaker 1: listened to the podcast, you know what. I'm like, this
Speaker 1: is the worst.
Speaker 2: It's all bad life. That's what helps you people like relate.
Speaker 1: To stuff, right, And I'm just like, I also don't
Speaker 1: want to be a dishonest person.
Speaker 3: I feel like you're cruel. Obviously I'm biased, like by
Speaker 3: a sort, but but I don't ever feel like you're
Speaker 3: I've been cruel.
Speaker 1: I've been ruthless, is what I've I've been ruthless with
Speaker 1: the truth. Yeah, And that's the thing.
Speaker 3: It's like, that's different from being ruthless with something that
Speaker 3: you want to be the truth, right, and so you're like,
Speaker 3: this would serve my narrative better, So then I'm gonna
Speaker 3: be ruthless.
Speaker 2: That's different.
Speaker 1: Now I'm ruthless with the truth. But people have done
Speaker 1: some up ship to me, right, and they've caught wind
Speaker 1: of me talking shit about it, and that's that is
Speaker 1: something that's wrong with me and something I do have
Speaker 1: to look at because if I want people in my life, yeah,
Speaker 1: I have to knock it off.
Speaker 3: And the balance of everybody makes mistakes, so it's like, okay,
Speaker 3: we have to figure out what's the amount what is
Speaker 3: And I think it's a lot of learning just using
Speaker 3: nastaatements like when you have when I think back on like, okay,
Speaker 3: adults that wrong me as a kid. So then maybe
Speaker 3: I'm hyper vigilant about if I sense that that's happening again.
Speaker 3: I'm like, oh no, I got to get away from that.
Speaker 3: But then the balance of being like, wait, but everyone
Speaker 3: makes mistakes. What's in a And you learn that so
Speaker 3: much in like relationships and friendships and be like, okay,
Speaker 3: there's gonna be We're all going to have our stuff.
Speaker 2: So what am I willing? What right?
Speaker 1: And it's also like in my adult relationships and friendships,
Speaker 1: I have made mistakes exactly what people were to go
Speaker 1: on their fucking podcast and be like she did da
Speaker 1: da da. Here's the thing about when I make mistakes,
Speaker 1: I know pretty quickly, and I apologize very quickly, and
Speaker 1: I take accountability. I think if any of the people
Speaker 1: that had wronged me in just this calendar year had
Speaker 1: taken any calendar alone, this calendar year alone, if anyone
Speaker 1: had taken any responsibility, I would have been a lot chiller.
Speaker 3: I'm telling I self awareness and an apology to me,
Speaker 3: I can pretty much forgive.
Speaker 1: Anything.
Speaker 3: I mean literally, yeah literally if someone goes head, you
Speaker 3: know what reason I did this was? You know when
Speaker 3: I was a kid, Yeah, you know whatever, got a
Speaker 3: real apology, yeah, almost to a fault, but like truly
Speaker 3: so same that same an apology is worth more than.
Speaker 1: Anything to me.
Speaker 3: Is it really a fault then that that you do
Speaker 3: that or is it just I just I just think
Speaker 3: it's a negative. It's called hattern and good.
Speaker 1: It's it's causing more spiritual heart. I see it because
Speaker 1: it's like I'm like, it's that thing we were talking
Speaker 1: about earlier where I'm like, I got ya, right, you know,
Speaker 1: I got ya and I'm telling the truth and I'm
Speaker 1: d d DA. But I'm just like, to what end?
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're like, I don't want to be alone in
Speaker 2: a corner.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's really tough.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's tough because there's gotta be a balance with that,
Speaker 3: because it is an important thing to do too, to
Speaker 3: stand up for yourself. Yeah, but I guess, but I
Speaker 3: see exactly what you mean, because it's like.
Speaker 1: There's a balance.
Speaker 2: There's a balance.
Speaker 1: There's a balance, and the balance is me just getting lawyers.
Speaker 1: I'll just get the lawyers. I'll let the lawyers handle
Speaker 1: everything and I don't need to say a fucking.
Speaker 2: Word off set it to them. Yeah, and then not
Speaker 2: I guess, and then trusting them.
Speaker 3: It's not micro because that's a tough thing when you
Speaker 3: have to fight so hard to speak for yourself too
Speaker 3: then being like having people speak on your behalf.
Speaker 2: That's a truth.
Speaker 3: That's like something that's like an exercise, you know when
Speaker 3: you work, start working with like you know people in
Speaker 3: your life and they're speaking for you, being like, I'm
Speaker 3: gonna trust you.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna trust you. I'm gonna trust you to do
Speaker 1: your job. What my therapist would say is wrong with
Speaker 1: me is clinical depression?
Speaker 2: Really?
Speaker 3: Do you think that if I always wondered this, Like
Speaker 3: I know I felt depressed when I was a kid,
Speaker 3: but it's like that would make a lot of sense.
Speaker 2: There's it was just chaos. But I also do think
Speaker 2: I have I know by like clinical depression runs in
Speaker 2: my family too. Do you think do you think.
Speaker 1: Yours is biological or socialized or bio do you think
Speaker 1: if I think it's a combination of everything. But I
Speaker 1: think it really showed up when I quit drinking, because
Speaker 1: when I was drinking, I was almadic totally was working totally,
Speaker 1: And so it's interesting it's a family disease. Yes, the
Speaker 1: alcoholism is a family disease, and so is the depression.
Speaker 1: And I you know, I don't want to speak too
Speaker 1: much on this because it's someone else the situation. But
Speaker 1: I was home recently in a family member was really
Speaker 1: struggling and they had just quit drinking a year ago,
Speaker 1: and I was like, this is a family disease, and
Speaker 1: like this depression is why we engage in the disease
Speaker 1: as hard as we do. So you taking a step
Speaker 1: back from the alcohol is fine, but now you have
Speaker 1: to look at the parts of you that were injured
Speaker 1: enough to drink yourself into a blackout every week.
Speaker 2: Exactly.
Speaker 3: It's not the drinking, it's the thinking that it is
Speaker 3: like such a thing where you're like, oh, when you
Speaker 3: get down to like the what's called they call in
Speaker 3: the community, like causes and conditions, and you go, damn true,
Speaker 3: and depression is it is no joke because there's I
Speaker 3: used to be like so set on when I would
Speaker 3: be depressed, I would get so I think I would
Speaker 3: be so it was so hard I was kicking and
Speaker 3: screaming to admit that I had like a clinical depression,
Speaker 3: because I would say, and it would especially be around
Speaker 3: the PMDD help me realize it.
Speaker 2: It was very like clockwork. But I would go, when
Speaker 2: I'm depressed, you know the shit's going now When he
Speaker 2: says when I'm depressed. I see things clearly.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Oh, this depression is allowing me to see that this
Speaker 3: is a dumpster fire and that's not working out. And
Speaker 3: it's like, right, but it shouldn't be debilitating, right, it
Speaker 3: should be everyone feels sad. But then, like you know,
Speaker 3: you're f you're in a relationship with someone who doesn't
Speaker 3: have clinical depression, and you see how they feel when
Speaker 3: they're sad versus how I would react to it if I.
Speaker 2: Was in a depressive state. Right, it's just remembering to
Speaker 2: take those goddamn will beutrin pills.
Speaker 3: I know.
Speaker 2: Oh, lexipro.
Speaker 1: I'm tight trading down on the lexapro right now.
Speaker 2: And I used to take that a while ago. Is
Speaker 2: that anxiety or depression?
Speaker 1: It's both? Okay, okay, but it's I'm tight trading down.
Speaker 2: Oh I think I saw you say something about that
Speaker 2: you could go down to five milligrams. Yeah, yes, yes, But.
Speaker 1: My god, I've never had one of the side effects,
Speaker 1: which is crazy, is horrible anxiety and it only lasts
Speaker 1: for two weeks. But it's like I feel like I
Speaker 1: have anxiety shooting out of my fingertips. It's like going
Speaker 1: up the back of my Eyeah, Like it's the worst.
Speaker 1: It's one of the worst side effects I've ever heard.
Speaker 2: You trade down, that's what it is. Yeah, that's scary.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's just my body was used to the ten milligrams.
Speaker 1: So that's another sign of how sensitive I was to
Speaker 1: the drug, because like, ten milligrams is technically the entry
Speaker 1: level dose, and I was on five milligrams for a
Speaker 1: year and it was working. I went up to ten
Speaker 1: when I moved upon Beach in my life got very
Speaker 1: child unging. And then I was only in Palm Beach
Speaker 1: for three months and I thought I could come right
Speaker 1: back down. And it's been like dizziness and like anxiety
Speaker 1: and insomnia, and I'm like, oh, this is no buena.
Speaker 3: What these pills actually do too? Cause I had I've
Speaker 3: been on Zola for like twenty years. Yeah, and then
Speaker 3: I forgot to take it. I was like, I just
Speaker 3: won't get it refilled, and then I can't not fine,
Speaker 3: I know, and then I but then it made me
Speaker 3: be like damn it. When I went on this stuff,
Speaker 3: I had no idea how powerful these things were. But
Speaker 3: also I went on it for a reason.
Speaker 1: And yeah, and it worked, and it does work. Works.
Speaker 1: That's one thing. It's like, I guess it works like
Speaker 1: I for me, I don't see a version of myself
Speaker 1: getting off of it completely. I want to stay on
Speaker 1: it because I remember myself before it and I was
Speaker 1: in a dark place, like a very dark place, so.
Speaker 2: A clinical depression.
Speaker 3: I wish they would have kind of a way to
Speaker 3: reframe it where it's like, it's not something wrong. I
Speaker 3: guess it is something wrong, but it's like it's not
Speaker 3: something you can help.
Speaker 1: It's like, yeah, I mean it. That is how it's framed.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 1: It can't help it. It's right, it's a chemical lack
Speaker 1: of serotonin in the brain. It's like another thing that
Speaker 1: causes you know, another disease that's caused by that is
Speaker 1: like Parkinson's.
Speaker 2: Nobody's like, you know, I didn't know that about it.
Speaker 3: That's interesting to walk right off off off this fucking
Speaker 3: guy Parkinson's runs in my family.
Speaker 2: I didn't know that.
Speaker 1: Really. Yeah, so it's it's maybe it's lack of serotonin.
Speaker 3: Or do interesting check that same with twitchy leg because
Speaker 3: I used to get twitchy leg and then when I
Speaker 3: started at night, my leg wrestless.
Speaker 2: Thank you something.
Speaker 3: Call it the cool version, the nerd version, is like
Speaker 3: a twitching legs. When I said my zo up, then
Speaker 3: that just went away and they said, oh, yes, it's
Speaker 3: because the serotonin and dopamine regulation.
Speaker 1: And all that thing. Yeah, okay, well you've been amazing.
Speaker 1: Do you want to tell everyone?
Speaker 2: Yes? Please? I'm on Instagram, Instagram, Instagram, act on that Instagram.
Speaker 2: You know about that one? You don't know about that one.
Speaker 1: It's in good Instagram Instagram.
Speaker 2: I wish how refreshly would that be? Please? Everything's like
Speaker 2: in big fonts like fun. I'm on Instagram at Emma Wilman, amazing.
Speaker 1: I love you, I love you. Thank you for having me,
Speaker 1: Thanks for coming
Speaker 2: To m