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Speaker 1: Well, well, well, welcome back, besties, Welcome to Monday. I

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hope you guys had a great weekend. I missed you

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so much. I hope everything is going amazing in your world.

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If you're in Phoenix this weekend, I have shows the

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seventeenth or the eighteenth and nineteenth at the Stand Up Live,

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So please come see me because I'm doing a new

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hour and I'm having a lot of fun with it.

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I've been running around New York City and I think

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these jokes are gonna be some of the best yet.

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Are they a little raw? Yeah? Is my heart still

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kind of on fire?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: But you know what, that's what makes the best comedy. Baby,

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So come see me at Stand Up Live in Phoenix

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on the eighteenth and nineteenth. See you there, besties. Also,

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real quick, if you guys are not subscribed to my Patreon,

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come subscribe to the patreon because the tea over there

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is piping and I'm gonna catch you guys up on

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my week over on the Patreon because we had a

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really great episode this week with my friend Emma Willman,

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and I want to hop right into that, so please

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enjoy the episode Manifesting Manifesting, and we're manifesting. That's what

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we're doing this year. What are you manifesting this year?

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Speaker 3: You know, I haven't had a clearer like manifestation picture

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in a while, and I need to get one. But

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I have a fear about manifesting. Okay, I'd be curious

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if you relate to this at all.

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Speaker 2: So I've got a very vivid.

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Speaker 3: Imagination, I think, okay, and sometimes I'll picture worst case

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scenarios and then I get scared that I'm manifesting a

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worst case scenario. So I just gotta not even be

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manifesting because I'll start picturing something really good. But then

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almost like an intrusive thought, I get this vision and

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it's a very the negative vision is very clear, and

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then I get scared. So I have kind of taken a.

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Speaker 2: Break from manifesting.

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Speaker 1: Sport mission. Yeah, I get that. I think one is

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just anxiety and the other is manifesting.

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Speaker 2: Yes, okay, thank you. I need a new air fant.

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Why hasn't she said that?

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Speaker 3: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: I think manifesting is when you envisioned the big dream, right,

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but the intrusive thoughts of you being like, no, your house,

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your beautiful house with your wife is going to burn

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into the.

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Speaker 2: Crowd like, that's that's anxiety.

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Speaker 1: That's anxiety.

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Speaker 2: Well, my anxiety vision is very clear.

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Speaker 1: Okay, good, So what is that?

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Speaker 3: Okay, I'm drunk in Florida. Okay, hammered out of my mind.

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That's sober too. So it's drunk in Florida. But I'm

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not sober in this vision.

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Speaker 1: I'm drunk in Florida.

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Speaker 2: I'm at this like dive bar and I'm watching the TV.

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Speaker 3: And I turned to the person next to me, who

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doesn't give a fuck, and they're like, and I go.

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Speaker 2: Oh, I could have been something.

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Speaker 3: And then I just smashed my head into the into

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the bar, and then I got.

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Speaker 1: Cherries go flying everywhere, and.

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Speaker 2: They're like, your card doesn't work, and I go, that's

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my do you have a scar?

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Speaker 1: You have no money, no.

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Speaker 3: No money, no nothing, no friends in Florida for some

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god knows reason, which I even.

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Speaker 1: Like Florida watching cable TV. No, that's a dark day.

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It's a dark day. And do you have actually saw

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that exact thing happen to a very famous comedian. Really,

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I was in South Carolina with my exes family and

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we were at lunch and it was dead. There was

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no one in there, it's this beach bar.

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Speaker 2: Yes, no one in there.

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Speaker 1: Except for us. And then I look at the bar

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and I was like, I is that I'm gonna say

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sleep it? Nick Sword said no, this was years ago,

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and by himself, slouched over, red faced watching the TV

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in the corner of the bar, just hammered, that's sad.

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And I was like it was one of those moments

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where like I had been newly sober at the time,

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and I was like, Oh, that's like God showing me

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what it can look like if you don't stop. Because

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that is a wildly famous and successful person sitting alone

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day drinking at a bar with nobody so talented.

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Speaker 3: And also it's like talking about something of your own

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design just there. It's like these outside things weren't me

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making them happy, and there they are at the same

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place as you. I had a similar thing where it

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felt like a sign from the universe when I first

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stopped drinking. I was in a relationship with someone and

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we went to like their grandmother or grandmother had passed away,

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so we went to the grandmother's house to clear stuff

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out and she goes, my aunts are twins, and she

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was like, one thing you should know about them. They

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both went to rehab at the same time, and one

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of them, when they got out of rehab, went to

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an AA meeting and the other one went and got high.

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The aunt that got high was the one that opened

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the door, because it was like, whoa, it.

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Speaker 1: Was just just a human tornado.

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Speaker 2: Exactly chaos, just screaming, she's red, she's.

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Speaker 1: Just got a fucking cigarette in her hair.

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Speaker 2: Out of it.

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Speaker 3: And then the sober one came with like coffees for

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everybody and was to get and I remember, and I

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was lying to that person. She didn't know that because

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I was like back and forth with recovery. She didn't

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know that I was thinking of getting sober more. And

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so that was such like a like a yeah, I

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guess I felt like a moment of clarity, like a

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god shot.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. No, totally.

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Speaker 2: Were you always comfortable with the language of saying like God, okay, no, I.

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Speaker 1: That was actually the thing that made me not want

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to go to AA.

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Speaker 3: Real because I appreciate that you say it, because in

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New York City a lot of times people don't say,

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oh I felt God and this more work, yeah, which

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is fair.

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Speaker 2: You know, we each have our activities.

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Speaker 3: But I appreciate it when people feel comfortable enough with

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their spirituality to use those.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, at this point, I there's something bigger than me

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at work, and it's easy to call it God. Yeah,

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it's just easy. It's a shortcut. If you don't think

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it's God, if you think it's the universe, if you

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think it's a planet's, if you think it's Sadder's rings,

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whatever you fucking think it is, I don't really care.

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I'm calling it God totally because there's something greater at

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play always.

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Speaker 3: You know, it's like it's like the words were man made,

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but we're trying to get something that's bigger than made

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by humans. And for me, that placeholder feels like something

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that rings true. So then I'll also say but I'll

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say yeah, God, higher power, like whatever, yeah, whatever.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, what was one of your like rock bottoms.

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Speaker 2: Oh God, oh my God, or even.

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Speaker 1: Like something that should have been a rock bottom that

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you didn't think was a rock bottom and you just

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kept going.

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Speaker 2: You know.

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Speaker 3: It's so recently I have I felt like I had

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a rock bottom like.

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Speaker 1: This podcast, like this podcast had a rough morning rock bottom.

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Speaker 2: I had a what felt like a rock bottom the

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other week.

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Speaker 3: So it's like the first thing that comes to mind.

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But that was more like a digestive rock bottom.

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Speaker 2: But it was so bad.

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Speaker 3: I feel like it kind of bumps out like problems

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that I like ones, I would say rock bottom.

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Speaker 2: Sobriety wise was like just I mean.

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Speaker 3: When I look back at pictures of myself, I'm so unhappy,

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so unhealthy.

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Speaker 1: So did you get the chin bloat?

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Speaker 2: Yeah? I did.

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Speaker 1: Oh, I had horrible chin bloat, Like I don't even

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have a is just alcohol is sitting right here like

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a cambel.

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Speaker 3: It's like a cambel tom for alcohol in case you

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need to dip in your tequila right here pops into

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your mouth, Thank god, thank god.

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Speaker 2: Getting I did used to get that. Yeah, exactly where

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are they going like this? Trying to get the last

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help I had?

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Speaker 3: That's so bad And I was just but it was

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like so many things that they're connected, Like I had

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no idea how to like regulate my nervous is, have

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no idea how to deal with life?

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Speaker 1: Did you figure that out?

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Speaker 2: You know?

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Speaker 1: Here's what I was hoping.

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Speaker 3: You know, no, But and I was trying back then too,

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But it's like you don't know what you don't know?

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So at least now I have some sense of like

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clues and stuff. But no, no, no, no, but it's

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but it's like, you know, I'm more grateful than I

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ever was.

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Speaker 2: Doesn't mean so I do feel like it.

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Speaker 1: Does change everything. It does change, it changes everything, and

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I hate it so much that it changes everything.

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Speaker 2: Live gratitude.

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Speaker 1: It's just blow my fucking brains out.

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Speaker 2: I couldn't I couldn't agree more.

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Speaker 3: How annoying is that that being hydrated, taken a freaking walk.

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Speaker 1: Journaling, journaling, some sunshine, meditating, I'm out there rip Pausing

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while agitated. Pausing while agitated has not been my strength

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this year. I struggle, but my god, is it good

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when I do it?

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Speaker 2: But would you say that you're better at it than

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you were in the past.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, But this year has been a little bit of

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This year's been a little bit of a slippery slope.

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It's so because there's the instant gratification in the moment

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of being like I'm fucking big dog, yes, and I'm

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gonna tell you about yourself and fuck you. But there's

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long term gratification in being calm, coal and collected, which

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I mean, why do I need long term gratification? If

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I don't want to be here long term.

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Speaker 3: I hear you and I feel you, but also we

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got to reroute that. But also then we're told to

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keep things in the day. So it's like, how am

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I supposed to play in long term and society twenty

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four hours at a time.

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Speaker 1: If right now it feels good to be big dogs.

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Speaker 2: You don't have like an age, you want to live

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towards like you don't have like a No.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I went to a psychic the other day

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and they told me horrible news, which is that I

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have a long and healthy lifelife. Oh good, No, that's

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horrible news. For really, I really thought I wasn't gonna

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make it past thirty thirty thirty, and unfortunately I'm seven

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years past the barometer.

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Speaker 3: So when you but could you imagine being like eighty

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and like no, But it's also.

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Speaker 1: One thing that seems to my tits are already sagging

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too much. You can fix that, No, we can't.

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Speaker 2: You can fix it.

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Speaker 1: What am I get to have a boob job at eighty?

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If you if that's actually Jane Fonda looks.

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Speaker 2: I was just gonna say, Jane Fonda does look great, Jane, but.

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Speaker 1: She also was exercising twenty four to seven throughout her

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entire Also.

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Speaker 2: Are not Jane fond. This is true. This is true.

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Speaker 1: It's a drug addict for fifteen years, damn.

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Speaker 3: But there are ways now, like if like the fear

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is like cosmetic stuff, there's stuff we can do, but

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it's all really expensive.

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Speaker 1: So that totally kind of like to make the money.

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That's this, here's the thing, here's what's gonna happen. I'm

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gonna do this entertainment thing until it sucks the will

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to live out of my ass, which is right two

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years from now, it's hard, and then I'm gonna go

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to the woods or Sodona and I love Sadona, return

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to the earth. I love Sadana, magic fucking energy, vortext

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and I'll just like be a old Clay lady with

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no work done and just tits down to my fucking knees.

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Speaker 2: And I'm struck because I have a similar fantasy.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I say it's it's so all or nothing

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where it's like I'll be like I'm gonna do entertainment

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and then say, in like four or five years, I'm

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going off the grid.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm going off the like an off the grid.

243
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I mean like not, I'm gonna have a landline. I'm

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gonna have a landline and if you're lucky, you get

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that number. But you're probably not gonna be too lucky.

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Speaker 2: It'll be so nice.

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Speaker 1: There's gonna be four people with my phone number.

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Speaker 3: Don't you think you get bored? You just pray all

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day and cook in your kitchen and have a garden.

250
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Speaker 2: I think it.

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Speaker 1: I think humans. Here's the thing, and I know this

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to be true because I go on this trip with

253
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my dad every summer to Canada. We'll go off the grid.

254
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There's no running water, no electricity. We fish for our food,

255
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really and yeah, it's like a hardcore.

256
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Speaker 2: Do you guys use spearfishing or no, neither.

257
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Speaker 1: We jigfish jig you just drop a jig down, Oh yeah,

258
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or you can lure. We troll for northerns, but they're

259
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not really good to eat, so for you. But anyway,

260
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what happens is for the first four days, For the

261
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first four days, your body is riddled with anxiety because

262
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you're not You're so used to the over stimulus, the

263
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checking the phone, talking to people, getting the notifications that

264
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this that that, So your brain has to rewire, and

265
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I'm sure it takes more than four days, but my

266
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experience on this trip is that it takes four days

267
00:11:30,360 --> 00:11:33,759
and then you start to your body starts to calm down,

268
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and you get on a sleep schedule with the sun

269
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and like you allow yourself to pull yourself out of

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the met and we've it's a myth, it's a rumor.

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I've heard of the.

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Speaker 2: I've heard of it. I believe, though I am a believer.

273
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That makes sense.

274
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Speaker 1: Yeah, no, it's logical. But then the last three days

275
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I never feel better the entire year. The last three

276
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days of the trip are the best three days of

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my entire year. Every year I go because I have

278
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returned to how humans are supposed to exist, Like we're

279
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not supposed to exist flooded with technology and terror and

280
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fear mongering and you know, all the stimulus in the

281
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street in the world, Like that's not how we're supposed

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to exist. So I do think I would be bored

283
00:12:19,679 --> 00:12:21,840
for probably a month. I would genuinely have to get

284
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rid of my phone, yes, and then huge culprit there

285
00:12:24,720 --> 00:12:26,919
and then I would have to still have purpose, yes,

286
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Like I would have to be writing or creating or

287
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being artistic in some capacity. I would still have to

288
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have purpose because that's the thing that moves you forward

289
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in life. But I don't think I would be bored.

290
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Speaker 3: It's also the and boredom is such a weird word too,

291
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because like I love having nothing, and boredom to me,

292
00:12:45,600 --> 00:12:49,000
when I am scrolling, that's me. I hate using the

293
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word board because it's like like, who are you? But

294
00:12:51,360 --> 00:12:55,000
I that's me fighting. It's boredom. But it's like a

295
00:12:55,039 --> 00:12:56,879
fear almost of where my mind will go when I'm

296
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not just having these like constant inputs.

297
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Speaker 2: But it's okay.

298
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Speaker 3: When I don't do it, then I feel great and

299
00:13:01,919 --> 00:13:04,759
there's a moment of panic and then I go, I

300
00:13:04,840 --> 00:13:05,799
just kind of release it.

301
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Speaker 2: But I mean, I'm I'm addicted to my phone.

302
00:13:07,480 --> 00:13:08,879
Speaker 3: When you said you were going to do a thirty

303
00:13:08,919 --> 00:13:12,480
day no social media, the first thing I did, and

304
00:13:12,639 --> 00:13:14,360
we were texting about that. The first thing I did,

305
00:13:14,480 --> 00:13:16,120
I went on social media almost cause I went three

306
00:13:16,200 --> 00:13:18,759
days on social media, like I needed to hit the

307
00:13:18,840 --> 00:13:22,000
reaction to that. So I'm really addicted. But I truly,

308
00:13:22,639 --> 00:13:25,240
truly also believe that all of that. Our brains are

309
00:13:25,240 --> 00:13:28,360
not made to filter a cat video asaiatic a video

310
00:13:28,480 --> 00:13:32,279
and then like my algorithm now is like hunting down pedophiles.

311
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Speaker 1: Yeah great, oh that's good.

312
00:13:33,360 --> 00:13:35,519
Speaker 2: Yeah, but it's like because I had a video boo

313
00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:39,480
boom pedophile mini pancakes like gets so much.

314
00:13:39,840 --> 00:13:44,320
Speaker 1: Well, and I've taken substantial social media breaks like sixty

315
00:13:44,399 --> 00:13:47,279
days really days. Yeah, like because I have a social

316
00:13:47,279 --> 00:13:49,080
media girl that runs my stuff, then you don't have

317
00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:51,000
to post. And when I was going through my divorce,

318
00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:53,600
I was having a really tough time mentally and I

319
00:13:53,679 --> 00:13:55,039
just was like, I need a break because it was

320
00:13:55,080 --> 00:13:58,000
a weird time in my life where my career was

321
00:13:58,039 --> 00:14:00,960
blowing up, like my clips were going and then my

322
00:14:01,039 --> 00:14:02,159
personal life was a mess.

323
00:14:02,759 --> 00:14:08,320
Speaker 2: Isn't that the way sometimes always? And yes, but it.

324
00:14:08,240 --> 00:14:10,559
Speaker 1: Was just so painful for people to like judge me

325
00:14:10,679 --> 00:14:13,000
my looks, my relationship whatever, on top of what I

326
00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:14,279
was already going through. So I was like, I don't

327
00:14:14,279 --> 00:14:16,440
need this. I got off. And then an interesting thing

328
00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:18,480
happens when you're when you stop doing the let me

329
00:14:18,519 --> 00:14:20,759
go look, because that will happen like six let me

330
00:14:20,799 --> 00:14:23,279
go look, let me go look a lie, sixteen to

331
00:14:23,320 --> 00:14:26,279
twenty times a day, let me go look, Yeah, me,

332
00:14:26,279 --> 00:14:26,559
I need.

333
00:14:26,519 --> 00:14:28,399
Speaker 3: To see how because people go, I say, I haven't

334
00:14:28,399 --> 00:14:30,039
dike social media to go, Well, you have to work.

335
00:14:30,080 --> 00:14:31,360
I go, that's not what I'm talking about. No, I

336
00:14:31,360 --> 00:14:33,519
can post and get up. I have hired social media

337
00:14:33,559 --> 00:14:36,080
people too. I'm still just addicted to it. Yeah, it's

338
00:14:36,159 --> 00:14:36,679
let me go, let.

339
00:14:36,639 --> 00:14:38,000
Speaker 2: Me go look, let me go look.

340
00:14:38,080 --> 00:14:41,559
Speaker 1: And then also your life disappears because you look and

341
00:14:41,600 --> 00:14:43,320
you're like, oh, I was on my phone for six hours.

342
00:14:43,360 --> 00:14:45,320
Do the map? How many days that was this year? Like,

343
00:14:45,519 --> 00:14:47,679
I'm like, we are giving our lives away to these things.

344
00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:50,200
So when I have taken the breaks, I feel so

345
00:14:50,320 --> 00:14:52,639
much better, so much more centered, so much more whatever.

346
00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:56,000
And then I get back on it and it almost

347
00:14:56,080 --> 00:15:00,440
feels foreign, like especially instagrams eating chemicals. Yeah, it's like

348
00:15:00,519 --> 00:15:04,080
it's like alcohol actually, Like drinking alcohol can feel so

349
00:15:04,399 --> 00:15:07,799
normal and needed and necessary when you're doing it, and

350
00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:09,799
then when you stop for a while and you start again,

351
00:15:09,879 --> 00:15:10,799
you taste the poison.

352
00:15:10,919 --> 00:15:13,120
Speaker 2: Yes. Have you had it where you've accidentally taken a

353
00:15:13,159 --> 00:15:14,000
sip of something? Yes?

354
00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:16,639
Speaker 1: So when I was in Santrapez, I ordered this drink. No,

355
00:15:16,720 --> 00:15:19,840
I ordered this drink. Yes, Like very recently, I ordered

356
00:15:19,840 --> 00:15:22,039
this drink. They had a strawberry nine alcoholic drink on

357
00:15:22,080 --> 00:15:24,840
the menu. Obviously there's a language barrier. So I said

358
00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:26,480
to him, I was like, I want the Strawberry nine

359
00:15:26,480 --> 00:15:28,360
alcoholic drink. And he was like what. I was like,

360
00:15:28,399 --> 00:15:31,799
the strawberry no alcohol drink. I said, Like everyone at

361
00:15:31,879 --> 00:15:34,080
the table heard me say no alcohol.

362
00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:36,000
Speaker 2: No emphasis on the no alcohol, no alcohol.

363
00:15:36,200 --> 00:15:39,000
Speaker 1: Three times, no matter of fact, three times. He comes,

364
00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:41,759
he puts the drink down. I take a drink, drink

365
00:15:41,759 --> 00:15:43,039
because I'm thirsty.

366
00:15:43,240 --> 00:15:43,399
Speaker 2: Right.

367
00:15:43,440 --> 00:15:45,720
Speaker 1: It was so we were there, We were there during

368
00:15:45,759 --> 00:15:47,960
the heat wave. It was like ninety five degrees and

369
00:15:48,039 --> 00:15:50,279
it was swallow, a gulp and a swallow, and it

370
00:15:50,440 --> 00:15:57,279
was mescal, which is the worst liquor in the world. Like, yeah,

371
00:15:57,320 --> 00:15:59,279
it's like that smoky tequila and like, I don't know

372
00:15:59,519 --> 00:16:02,600
what it tastes like you mixed an ash tray with tequila.

373
00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:05,080
And I'm just like, who is this even for? Like,

374
00:16:05,440 --> 00:16:07,840
actually what you're talking about? Yeah, an avid drinker?

375
00:16:08,279 --> 00:16:08,759
Speaker 2: Offended?

376
00:16:08,879 --> 00:16:10,080
Speaker 1: I hate this.

377
00:16:10,200 --> 00:16:10,679
Speaker 2: Yeah. One thing.

378
00:16:12,080 --> 00:16:13,600
Speaker 1: And then it was so funny because one of the

379
00:16:13,600 --> 00:16:15,399
girls that I was with, she's a lawyer, and she's like,

380
00:16:15,399 --> 00:16:16,799
you know, we could make a really big deal out

381
00:16:16,799 --> 00:16:18,759
of it that one of those around I love to

382
00:16:18,759 --> 00:16:20,320
have a lawyer around. She's like, this is a really

383
00:16:20,320 --> 00:16:22,679
big problem. Like you're sober. You said no alcohol three

384
00:16:22,679 --> 00:16:23,440
times we all heard it.

385
00:16:23,759 --> 00:16:24,240
Speaker 2: Did you freak?

386
00:16:24,279 --> 00:16:26,799
Speaker 1: Were you like no, I just put it down and

387
00:16:26,840 --> 00:16:28,960
I was like, there's alcohol in that. I needed the

388
00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:29,559
other drink.

389
00:16:29,799 --> 00:16:30,000
Speaker 2: You know.

390
00:16:30,120 --> 00:16:32,440
Speaker 1: I wasn't gonna like make a big deal out of it,

391
00:16:32,519 --> 00:16:36,200
but like it was so disgusting to me that I

392
00:16:36,279 --> 00:16:38,639
was like yes, Like afterwards, I was like.

393
00:16:39,320 --> 00:16:41,559
Speaker 3: That's good you didn't because I have had it twice.

394
00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:43,519
One time I didn't freak, but it was because I

395
00:16:43,559 --> 00:16:45,840
was around. I was at this event and there was

396
00:16:45,879 --> 00:16:47,559
a round and it was kind of that time was

397
00:16:47,679 --> 00:16:50,320
a little less jarring because I there was a drink

398
00:16:50,320 --> 00:16:52,240
that looked just like mine and I like just kind

399
00:16:52,240 --> 00:16:54,159
of like grabbed it and I didn't do a big goal.

400
00:16:54,279 --> 00:16:54,440
Speaker 2: Yeah.

401
00:16:54,519 --> 00:16:54,679
Speaker 1: Yeah.

402
00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:56,320
Speaker 2: The other time, I think I was.

403
00:16:56,240 --> 00:16:57,639
Speaker 3: In Spain and I went to one of like a

404
00:16:57,679 --> 00:17:01,440
prefixed menu and it was the dessert said something liqueur whatever,

405
00:17:01,799 --> 00:17:03,720
and I was like how much liqueurs in this? And

406
00:17:03,720 --> 00:17:06,279
they were like none, zero, it's cooked off. And I

407
00:17:06,319 --> 00:17:08,319
was like great and there and I was like just

408
00:17:08,359 --> 00:17:10,240
so just again, I was like I don't drink I

409
00:17:10,279 --> 00:17:12,920
have an allergy. They're like none, zero, great, whatever, great

410
00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:14,960
or great. So I take a bite of it, and

411
00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:17,160
I don't know how much was in it, but the

412
00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:18,799
flavor was pud and so it shocked me.

413
00:17:18,839 --> 00:17:20,559
Speaker 2: So I take it. I do a bite and a

414
00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:24,559
swallow and then I go ah, being like I'm not

415
00:17:25,039 --> 00:17:27,920
I have a flare drum. I don't think I'm dramatic,

416
00:17:28,279 --> 00:17:30,480
but I've heard that as feedback. So I do it.

417
00:17:30,519 --> 00:17:34,039
Speaker 3: I go a and then now that I'm remembering it,

418
00:17:34,079 --> 00:17:35,160
I go, that is alcoholic.

419
00:17:35,240 --> 00:17:37,200
Speaker 2: That is alcoholic. That alcoholic. I go and they were

420
00:17:37,200 --> 00:17:38,960
like someone ran over goes everything okay, and I go,

421
00:17:39,119 --> 00:17:40,559
I have an allergy. I'd had that. Next thing, you know,

422
00:17:40,559 --> 00:17:41,039
I'm gonna do.

423
00:17:41,119 --> 00:17:45,119
Speaker 3: Crack in a dumpster was like, and I've like, I've

424
00:17:45,119 --> 00:17:46,920
never done crack before, but it was just like where

425
00:17:46,920 --> 00:17:47,759
my mind went.

426
00:17:47,960 --> 00:17:49,519
Speaker 2: The night, but tonight's the night.

427
00:17:49,400 --> 00:17:51,839
Speaker 1: But tonight's the night. The rum cake got us to

428
00:17:51,960 --> 00:17:54,799
cracking a dumpster. Baby call the dude.

429
00:17:55,079 --> 00:17:56,480
Speaker 2: I lost it and then I went.

430
00:17:56,440 --> 00:17:58,039
Speaker 1: Up to be doing cracking a dumpster and I'm going

431
00:17:58,119 --> 00:18:02,680
to fucking dude, A weird made me cracking it.

432
00:18:03,519 --> 00:18:05,440
Speaker 3: They're like Jesus, and I ran in the bathroom. I

433
00:18:05,440 --> 00:18:07,759
tried to make myself throw up and it couldn't.

434
00:18:08,680 --> 00:18:09,720
Speaker 1: You are like drama.

435
00:18:09,920 --> 00:18:14,480
Speaker 2: I was very dark. I was under that.

436
00:18:14,799 --> 00:18:17,119
Speaker 3: Yeah, scared and scared that's the word, thank you. Yeah,

437
00:18:17,119 --> 00:18:19,119
because I also like I had done the emphasis.

438
00:18:19,160 --> 00:18:20,200
Speaker 2: I said how much hamache?

439
00:18:20,319 --> 00:18:23,839
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's the that's the frustrating thing when you're like no, no, no,

440
00:18:24,079 --> 00:18:27,160
and then they're like alcohol exactly.

441
00:18:26,640 --> 00:18:30,279
Speaker 2: And then they got it drink and I was so yeah,

442
00:18:30,279 --> 00:18:30,480
I was.

443
00:18:30,480 --> 00:18:33,000
Speaker 1: Scared, but also I was scared. Also, I think European

444
00:18:33,039 --> 00:18:35,200
cultures are so like la fare.

445
00:18:36,119 --> 00:18:38,400
Speaker 3: The person came out and they go, oh, there's no

446
00:18:38,480 --> 00:18:41,720
alcohol only amount. I don't know what accent I'm doing,

447
00:18:41,839 --> 00:18:45,759
but it's like is it only an amount a child

448
00:18:45,799 --> 00:18:48,799
would have? And I went oh, and I was like, well,

449
00:18:48,799 --> 00:18:50,599
I'm a child with a drinking prop and they were

450
00:18:50,680 --> 00:18:52,359
kind of like what. And then they comped the whole

451
00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:53,599
thing and we were like okay because it was just

452
00:18:53,720 --> 00:18:56,039
like a really it was a really fancy restaurant too.

453
00:18:56,440 --> 00:18:59,799
So then after that, you know, no matter how if

454
00:18:59,799 --> 00:19:01,839
some thing I'm wrong in any way like that, it

455
00:19:01,880 --> 00:19:04,359
takes such that was a really nice customer service. Then

456
00:19:04,559 --> 00:19:07,160
I love like kind of good customer service. Yeah, like

457
00:19:07,200 --> 00:19:08,799
I was at a hotel room. I think this was

458
00:19:08,839 --> 00:19:12,119
like maybe a year ago. I'm in bed, drinking coffee,

459
00:19:13,039 --> 00:19:15,039
watching the TV. And it was the afternoon. I like

460
00:19:15,119 --> 00:19:17,400
checked in. I'm like getting rid of the show, drinking

461
00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:20,000
coffee in bed, and a I want to say, maybe

462
00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:22,799
a thirteen year old girl unlocks it and opens the door.

463
00:19:23,160 --> 00:19:24,480
Speaker 2: She looks at me. I look at her and I

464
00:19:24,519 --> 00:19:28,799
go ho ho, And then she closes it and I

465
00:19:28,839 --> 00:19:29,599
get up and I go.

466
00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:31,799
Speaker 1: What the fuck was Yeah?

467
00:19:31,839 --> 00:19:32,680
Speaker 2: So I called down.

468
00:19:32,559 --> 00:19:34,880
Speaker 3: And I go, hey, I was like someone with a

469
00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:38,279
key that was not worked. That was the key that worked.

470
00:19:38,559 --> 00:19:40,279
Someone with a key that worked. That was a thirteen

471
00:19:40,319 --> 00:19:41,640
year old girl. I said, God forbid.

472
00:19:41,920 --> 00:19:43,960
Speaker 2: I was a seventy five year old man in here

473
00:19:44,039 --> 00:19:44,680
jerking off.

474
00:19:45,759 --> 00:19:49,160
Speaker 1: You're like, God forbid. My alter ego was up, which

475
00:19:49,200 --> 00:19:52,160
is who I am on the inside.

476
00:19:53,680 --> 00:19:56,480
Speaker 2: Right, Yeah, that was right where my mind.

477
00:19:56,559 --> 00:19:57,960
Speaker 1: My friend Harvey was it here.

478
00:19:58,039 --> 00:20:00,920
Speaker 2: God forbid. I was here with Harvey tried to a roll. Yeah,

479
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:03,519
you know he's doing He's jerking off all over the place.

480
00:20:03,960 --> 00:20:04,960
I said, God forbid.

481
00:20:05,160 --> 00:20:07,920
Speaker 3: You know I was some you know, a Satanist was

482
00:20:07,920 --> 00:20:09,519
in here doing a Satanic ritual.

483
00:20:09,559 --> 00:20:11,640
Speaker 2: We don't know. Anything could be happening, and.

484
00:20:12,039 --> 00:20:14,880
Speaker 1: I could be doing a blood ritual right now, you

485
00:20:14,920 --> 00:20:17,359
don't know, make a baby's blood all over the wall.

486
00:20:17,519 --> 00:20:20,480
And now this girl's life is fucked up forever because

487
00:20:20,519 --> 00:20:21,599
I'm a bad person.

488
00:20:21,960 --> 00:20:23,519
Speaker 2: I was way too much true crime.

489
00:20:23,960 --> 00:20:25,640
Speaker 1: I wasn't way too much true crime.

490
00:20:25,680 --> 00:20:25,960
Speaker 2: For bid.

491
00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:27,400
Speaker 1: I'm splitting a baby's throat.

492
00:20:27,680 --> 00:20:29,920
Speaker 2: That's where my brain goes because I'm like, I'm in

493
00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:32,200
Rendingking coffee. But you know what I mean, Like people are.

494
00:20:32,119 --> 00:20:36,079
Speaker 1: Crazy, not me, No, no, people are brain And.

495
00:20:36,039 --> 00:20:38,000
Speaker 2: They go, oh, We're so sorry, miss woman. Would you like,

496
00:20:38,279 --> 00:20:38,880
do you like coffee?

497
00:20:38,880 --> 00:20:39,720
Speaker 1: And then you want a coffee?

498
00:20:39,720 --> 00:20:41,519
Speaker 3: I said, yeah, I do, and they said, well, we'll

499
00:20:41,559 --> 00:20:44,039
have a fresh pot of coffee for you in the morning,

500
00:20:44,160 --> 00:20:46,680
and any any other coffees.

501
00:20:46,279 --> 00:20:47,640
Speaker 2: You have tonight are on us. I said, thank you

502
00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:49,480
so much. So it just takes a little bit of

503
00:20:49,559 --> 00:20:50,400
customer service.

504
00:20:50,559 --> 00:20:52,359
Speaker 1: So that pick of coffee cuts it on that one.

505
00:20:52,440 --> 00:20:52,599
Speaker 2: I know.

506
00:20:52,640 --> 00:20:53,960
Speaker 3: That's what someone el said. The said you should ask

507
00:20:53,960 --> 00:20:56,599
for more. Yeah, but it's like it was so quick

508
00:20:56,599 --> 00:20:57,839
that and I was I.

509
00:20:57,920 --> 00:20:59,039
Speaker 1: Never really wanted a coffee.

510
00:20:59,119 --> 00:21:01,480
Speaker 3: I didn't want more coffe. But that is a big one,

511
00:21:01,480 --> 00:21:03,440
like having someone just open open the door, and it

512
00:21:03,480 --> 00:21:04,160
was like a Hilton.

513
00:21:04,839 --> 00:21:07,400
Speaker 1: That's happened to me before I went Resorts World in

514
00:21:07,480 --> 00:21:10,240
Vegas and my friend Claudia got there before I got there,

515
00:21:10,680 --> 00:21:12,960
and Claudia like got in and set everything up, and

516
00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:15,599
then just like a fucking bachelorette party, came in and

517
00:21:15,720 --> 00:21:18,039
was like, it's crazy to stay have the key, and

518
00:21:18,079 --> 00:21:19,960
I was just like, what in the sam Hill's going

519
00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:20,319
on in.

520
00:21:20,279 --> 00:21:21,640
Speaker 2: The same hell. That's part of why you get a

521
00:21:21,640 --> 00:21:23,200
hote that you get go to a hotel.

522
00:21:22,880 --> 00:21:25,079
Speaker 3: Because you're like, how are you're not going to suck

523
00:21:25,079 --> 00:21:27,319
it up? How is that not popping up in the computer?

524
00:21:27,440 --> 00:21:30,680
Speaker 1: Yeah. This episode of Talking spitt is brought to you

525
00:21:30,720 --> 00:21:34,240
by Berber Hair Oil. Berber hair Oil is my bitch Lover.

526
00:21:34,359 --> 00:21:36,039
I just did a treatment last night and then I

527
00:21:36,039 --> 00:21:38,480
got to blow out today and listen, is my hair

528
00:21:38,519 --> 00:21:41,559
where it used to be still now? But you know,

529
00:21:41,759 --> 00:21:46,200
sometimes it takes three fucking years to grow your hair

530
00:21:46,279 --> 00:21:49,480
out after your extensions red out. But it's doing good.

531
00:21:49,519 --> 00:21:52,799
It's feeling healthy, it's glossy, it's shiny, it's stronger than ever.

532
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I know. I noticed all the hair growth at the root.

533
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If you get the Derma roller, do the oil twice

534
00:21:58,359 --> 00:22:00,880
a week if you can. It is just a toy,

535
00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:04,119
mean little treatment for yourself, like just a moment to

536
00:22:04,160 --> 00:22:08,279
be like, I love you, head and brain and everything

537
00:22:08,279 --> 00:22:12,680
that's under my hair. I love you. Excuse my code

538
00:22:12,720 --> 00:22:16,079
Britt Britt at Burber dot com for fifteen percent off

539
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your first order and enjoy. And if you guys are

540
00:22:18,839 --> 00:22:21,119
loving that product, dammy, because I love it so much

541
00:22:21,119 --> 00:22:22,319
and I just want us all to be on the

542
00:22:22,319 --> 00:22:26,920
same journey together. Also, one other announcement. If you guys

543
00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:28,559
have been doing an artists Way with me, I know

544
00:22:30,200 --> 00:22:32,119
we're taking a two week break. I'm sorry, let's call

545
00:22:32,160 --> 00:22:34,519
it summer break. We're gonna come back next week. I promise,

546
00:22:34,559 --> 00:22:39,799
I promise, I promise. I frankly. Oh, my vocabulary app

547
00:22:39,799 --> 00:22:43,720
popped up. My vocabulary app. You guys will do word

548
00:22:43,720 --> 00:22:46,680
of the Week right now, just because it just popped up. Also,

549
00:22:47,640 --> 00:22:49,519
some of you guys on the Patreon have been kicking

550
00:22:49,519 --> 00:22:52,839
my ass and scrabble and that's really hurting my feelings.

551
00:22:52,839 --> 00:22:54,680
I'm gonna get into that more on the Patreon, but

552
00:22:56,119 --> 00:22:57,519
right now, let's do Word of the Week because a

553
00:22:57,519 --> 00:22:59,119
lot of people are like, you need to bring it back?

554
00:23:00,079 --> 00:23:00,720
Is your stupid?

555
00:23:02,319 --> 00:23:02,480
Speaker 2: Oh?

556
00:23:02,559 --> 00:23:04,240
Speaker 1: I can't. Of course. It's a word I can't even say.

557
00:23:04,359 --> 00:23:11,960
Ab negation, denial to confront, denial of Jesus am I okay, No,

558
00:23:12,160 --> 00:23:20,240
I'm not okay. Abnegation, denial of comfort to oneself, abnegationbnegation, abnegation, abnegation.

559
00:23:20,319 --> 00:23:24,400
We remix it like a DJ abnegation abnegation, Yeah, boone

560
00:23:24,839 --> 00:23:27,400
boone a gift or a blessing. I like that one

561
00:23:28,079 --> 00:23:31,799
omniscient knowing everything, the opposite of me. I don't know shit.

562
00:23:32,559 --> 00:23:35,079
All right, you guys, I hope you enjoy this episode.

563
00:23:35,200 --> 00:23:39,160
I love you so much and join the Patreon because

564
00:23:39,200 --> 00:23:41,880
I'm telling you the tea and I'm gonna be honest,

565
00:23:41,880 --> 00:23:46,160
it's fucking It's not scalding, but it's like way above

566
00:23:46,200 --> 00:23:48,599
room tentph this week. Okay, love you bye.

567
00:23:48,839 --> 00:23:51,000
Speaker 2: Do you like Vegas because I love Vegas.

568
00:23:51,440 --> 00:23:57,279
Speaker 4: I hate Vegas really, but I have been ill many

569
00:23:57,319 --> 00:24:00,400
times because I used to live in La a lot

570
00:24:00,559 --> 00:24:02,680
and I did like a lot of ho shit, okay,

571
00:24:02,960 --> 00:24:05,079
and then I also did like it's not even that,

572
00:24:05,200 --> 00:24:08,920
it's just like I've done it to the absolute zenith,

573
00:24:09,079 --> 00:24:12,920
Like I have been in the Penthouse on Mollie with

574
00:24:13,839 --> 00:24:16,079
you know the people like doing the thing.

575
00:24:16,119 --> 00:24:17,000
Speaker 1: I have done.

576
00:24:17,039 --> 00:24:20,519
Speaker 3: Vegas, Vegas to the Mac And also I could imagine

577
00:24:20,680 --> 00:24:23,720
that type of place that vibe when you're doing that

578
00:24:23,839 --> 00:24:24,720
version of Vegas.

579
00:24:24,759 --> 00:24:28,559
Speaker 2: It's so fake because Vegas is already so fake. Yeah,

580
00:24:28,599 --> 00:24:30,759
it's so fake. So if you're doing that, it's just

581
00:24:30,799 --> 00:24:31,839
like so artificial.

582
00:24:31,920 --> 00:24:33,640
Speaker 1: But I've done like every version of it because I've

583
00:24:33,640 --> 00:24:37,000
also been back sober, I haven't done it. Like my

584
00:24:37,119 --> 00:24:38,960
ex was a gambling atdict, so we went a few

585
00:24:38,960 --> 00:24:41,680
times and like, I just I don't like losing money.

586
00:24:41,720 --> 00:24:46,079
I don't like casino culture. I don't really love the shows.

587
00:24:46,279 --> 00:24:48,880
I just don't really care. I just don't think it's

588
00:24:48,880 --> 00:24:50,799
a city for me. I'm I'm at the place with

589
00:24:50,880 --> 00:24:53,079
Vegas now. I will not go back unless I'm getting paid.

590
00:24:53,559 --> 00:24:56,359
Speaker 2: So my Vegas experience is like so alternate.

591
00:24:56,640 --> 00:24:58,880
Speaker 3: That's what I was picturing, right, So I'm like, oh,

592
00:24:58,960 --> 00:25:00,920
I don't like Vegas, Like I don't know about this,

593
00:25:01,359 --> 00:25:03,480
so I get there. When was the first time I

594
00:25:03,519 --> 00:25:05,160
went to Vegas. I think it was the commedy seller

595
00:25:05,160 --> 00:25:05,960
as a room in Vegas.

596
00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:08,880
Speaker 1: Okay, they did, they did. I did their last and.

597
00:25:08,920 --> 00:25:11,039
Speaker 3: They still have that room. They still have a room

598
00:25:11,039 --> 00:25:12,799
in Vegas. They've got a hole.

599
00:25:12,960 --> 00:25:15,319
Speaker 1: It was okay, I didn't there. There's another club that

600
00:25:15,480 --> 00:25:18,319
was a shoot off of something. Maybe it was Comedy Works.

601
00:25:18,599 --> 00:25:20,200
Speaker 2: Was it that there? Or the laugh At There was

602
00:25:20,200 --> 00:25:20,640
some other one.

603
00:25:20,680 --> 00:25:22,759
Speaker 1: There was another one that closed down. I did the

604
00:25:22,839 --> 00:25:25,599
last night there, so I should know, yes, but I

605
00:25:25,599 --> 00:25:26,079
don't remember.

606
00:25:26,359 --> 00:25:27,160
Speaker 2: I know what you're talking.

607
00:25:27,400 --> 00:25:28,839
Speaker 1: I thought that was the Seller, but I guess it's not.

608
00:25:29,119 --> 00:25:31,519
Speaker 2: That was was that at the Tropicana?

609
00:25:31,920 --> 00:25:34,319
Speaker 1: It was an old Vegas. Oh, I am not.

610
00:25:35,640 --> 00:25:40,279
Speaker 2: Who's to say, it's none of our business. Anyway, I

611
00:25:40,359 --> 00:25:42,839
went and I remember it was like August.

612
00:25:42,920 --> 00:25:45,880
Speaker 3: It was such dry heat. But it was like I

613
00:25:45,880 --> 00:25:48,720
don't know what who I was with or what it prompt.

614
00:25:49,039 --> 00:25:51,119
This is the other thing besides my memory is just bad.

615
00:25:51,279 --> 00:25:53,359
I gotta take more fishal, I gotta do something. Yeah,

616
00:25:53,400 --> 00:25:55,759
But it was like I remember going out into the

617
00:25:55,759 --> 00:25:59,000
desert and it was just so I love like the

618
00:25:59,079 --> 00:26:01,200
dry heat. I love the desert. They had all because

619
00:26:01,200 --> 00:26:04,240
there's so many UFC fighters there. The health and wellness

620
00:26:04,279 --> 00:26:07,799
stuff there is so advanced. So I'm doing like biohacking,

621
00:26:07,880 --> 00:26:10,920
hyperbaric oxygen therapy. I'm doing red light therapy. I was

622
00:26:10,960 --> 00:26:13,400
doing like I think I got botox while I was there.

623
00:26:13,680 --> 00:26:17,920
You can do so many advanced health things. And I

624
00:26:17,960 --> 00:26:20,960
love a deal you even I'll spend so much more

625
00:26:20,960 --> 00:26:22,599
if you tell me I'm getting a deal than you

626
00:26:22,599 --> 00:26:23,160
know what I'm saying.

627
00:26:23,559 --> 00:26:25,200
Speaker 2: Or a point you go. Oh, if you do this treatment,

628
00:26:25,240 --> 00:26:26,720
you get points. It's like, give me some points, give

629
00:26:26,720 --> 00:26:28,799
me some point, some points. So I would go to Vegas.

630
00:26:28,839 --> 00:26:30,359
Speaker 1: I'll never be back, but I want a punch card

631
00:26:30,400 --> 00:26:32,880
that I can hold with me until the day I die.

632
00:26:33,359 --> 00:26:35,599
When I die, put my punch cards in the fucking

633
00:26:35,960 --> 00:26:39,640
urn with me. Don't cremate them, don't don't touch those

634
00:26:39,640 --> 00:26:40,200
punch cards.

635
00:26:40,200 --> 00:26:42,000
Speaker 2: I might come back and I want those punch cards.

636
00:26:42,240 --> 00:26:44,400
Give me where is my card?

637
00:26:44,680 --> 00:26:48,680
Speaker 3: My first thought upon awakening. And I'd never actually cashed

638
00:26:48,720 --> 00:26:50,599
in a punch card. We've got, I've got them all

639
00:26:50,599 --> 00:26:52,559
over the apartment because I'll go to the massage places

640
00:26:52,599 --> 00:26:54,880
and like I did the feet in the back plates

641
00:26:54,880 --> 00:26:57,039
of punch it. Yeah, and then I just want that car.

642
00:26:57,160 --> 00:26:59,880
I love credit. I love points and credit EI. There's

643
00:26:59,880 --> 00:27:04,839
a knowledgement, knowledgement, Yes, customer serve whole puncher.

644
00:27:05,880 --> 00:27:09,160
Speaker 2: That's a good idea. It's a really good idea.

645
00:27:09,359 --> 00:27:11,960
Speaker 3: The place I get coffee out every almost every morning

646
00:27:11,960 --> 00:27:13,720
because it gets me to like just get out and

647
00:27:13,799 --> 00:27:15,960
get son of my eyes. They don't do punch cards,

648
00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:17,799
but I should like start bringing one in real passive

649
00:27:17,799 --> 00:27:20,119
aggressive and go just for keeping track of myself.

650
00:27:20,200 --> 00:27:20,599
Speaker 2: Click.

651
00:27:21,000 --> 00:27:23,119
Speaker 1: How's that like a door guy?

652
00:27:23,279 --> 00:27:25,039
Speaker 2: You didn't drink coffee for a very long time.

653
00:27:25,279 --> 00:27:28,160
Speaker 1: Well, here's the thing. I've been, like, like everything in

654
00:27:28,160 --> 00:27:29,440
my life, I go on and off. I had a

655
00:27:29,480 --> 00:27:31,519
whole year off of caffeine and then.

656
00:27:31,559 --> 00:27:34,079
Speaker 3: I I did six months and I felt very good.

657
00:27:34,160 --> 00:27:37,119
Speaker 1: It's great, I felt very good. Thing Ever, this better sleep.

658
00:27:37,359 --> 00:27:40,839
I had a coffee two weeks ago and somebody in

659
00:27:40,880 --> 00:27:43,640
my comment said it sounded like I snorted a vibance

660
00:27:43,680 --> 00:27:46,400
and then also did maths. And you can't snort vibance.

661
00:27:46,440 --> 00:27:49,240
Just yeah, and you shouldn't and you shouldn't. It'll burn,

662
00:27:49,640 --> 00:27:50,759
it'll burn, and it won't work.

663
00:27:51,039 --> 00:27:52,079
Speaker 2: It'll burn and it won't work.

664
00:27:52,160 --> 00:27:54,519
Speaker 3: Yeah, So you can get at at all, not to

665
00:27:54,559 --> 00:27:56,079
police someone's math exactly.

666
00:27:56,079 --> 00:27:56,480
Speaker 2: You can start.

667
00:27:56,519 --> 00:27:58,200
Speaker 3: We've got a whole list that We've got a power

668
00:27:58,200 --> 00:27:59,559
point in the back of the things that you can

669
00:27:59,640 --> 00:28:02,759
snort but vibance literally not to promote snorty stuff in

670
00:28:02,759 --> 00:28:04,119
any way, but they really truly will not work.

671
00:28:04,200 --> 00:28:06,160
Speaker 2: And I did. I prescribed it. I did.

672
00:28:06,359 --> 00:28:08,279
Speaker 3: I do think I tried it like years ago. Yeah,

673
00:28:08,319 --> 00:28:09,440
but yeah it does nothing.

674
00:28:09,519 --> 00:28:12,039
Speaker 1: Yeah, you can't snort it, snort it. So anyway, I

675
00:28:12,039 --> 00:28:14,160
didn't do that. But they're like, you sound like, take

676
00:28:14,160 --> 00:28:16,279
a breath. You sound crazy, and I was like, you're right,

677
00:28:16,319 --> 00:28:18,400
I do sound crazy. And then this morning, just because

678
00:28:18,400 --> 00:28:21,279
I had a really rough night sleep and I had

679
00:28:21,319 --> 00:28:23,079
to take some sleeping pills, which I haven't been doing,

680
00:28:23,200 --> 00:28:25,039
especially since I got back from Europe because I like

681
00:28:25,119 --> 00:28:27,400
the jet leg was like, just got me back on schedule.

682
00:28:28,359 --> 00:28:29,720
But I had a rough one and I was like,

683
00:28:29,759 --> 00:28:31,599
if I don't have a little bit of coffee, So

684
00:28:31,640 --> 00:28:33,960
I did half caffeine, half decaf. I have my little

685
00:28:34,160 --> 00:28:36,920
espresso one hundred. Yeah it's like a half half and half.

686
00:28:36,960 --> 00:28:38,839
But it's still going to fuck my sleep up tonight.

687
00:28:38,880 --> 00:28:40,559
Speaker 2: So it helps me concentrate, is the thing.

688
00:28:41,160 --> 00:28:44,319
Speaker 1: And but you have ADHD on you, Yeah, so I

689
00:28:44,359 --> 00:28:47,759
don't have an excuse I might have. Well, yeah, it

690
00:28:47,839 --> 00:28:49,759
just gives me like energy. But then I'm like kind

691
00:28:49,759 --> 00:28:52,160
of like a little fruit fly and like energy to

692
00:28:52,200 --> 00:28:53,640
do what and I have so many things to do,

693
00:28:53,680 --> 00:28:55,359
but there's nothing I want to do with this energy.

694
00:28:55,400 --> 00:28:57,440
I'm like, this energy is special, and I hear it

695
00:28:57,480 --> 00:28:58,880
has to go to spiral.

696
00:28:58,960 --> 00:29:00,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, I know.

697
00:29:00,680 --> 00:29:06,240
Speaker 1: I just I think circle the drain and circle the

698
00:29:06,319 --> 00:29:07,759
drain on something that's been done.

699
00:29:07,880 --> 00:29:09,960
Speaker 2: I feel like existential dread hits more in New York

700
00:29:10,000 --> 00:29:12,799
a little bit because we're around so many people. So

701
00:29:12,839 --> 00:29:15,279
then it like pushes you almost like I when I'm

702
00:29:15,279 --> 00:29:19,480
in New York City, I feel more like I'm safeguarding

703
00:29:19,519 --> 00:29:22,440
my energy, and then that makes me almost be more

704
00:29:22,480 --> 00:29:24,240
in my thoughts than when I'm anywhere else, if that

705
00:29:24,279 --> 00:29:26,640
makes any sense at all, because there's so many people around.

706
00:29:26,680 --> 00:29:28,880
So then I'm kind of like I retreat to to

707
00:29:30,240 --> 00:29:30,519
you have.

708
00:29:30,480 --> 00:29:31,640
Speaker 1: To do some protective spell.

709
00:29:31,759 --> 00:29:33,640
Speaker 2: Protective spell. Serious, you gotta.

710
00:29:33,400 --> 00:29:35,680
Speaker 1: Do witchcraft here, because there is.

711
00:29:35,599 --> 00:29:37,000
Speaker 2: Some I've never done witchclass.

712
00:29:37,000 --> 00:29:37,680
Speaker 1: I get very.

713
00:29:37,559 --> 00:29:38,519
Speaker 2: Scared of the dark arts.

714
00:29:38,680 --> 00:29:41,200
Speaker 1: Okay, well it's not that dark. Okay, I'm just it's

715
00:29:41,279 --> 00:29:43,440
actually not dark at all. Witchcraft was the wrong word

716
00:29:43,480 --> 00:29:46,519
for it. But like I do like like an energy

717
00:29:46,559 --> 00:29:49,640
protection love that prayer every morning I love that where

718
00:29:49,680 --> 00:29:54,279
it's I'm a believer. Yeah, it crystals, Yeah, praying to

719
00:29:54,319 --> 00:29:56,920
the arch angels to like ward off any bad energies,

720
00:29:56,960 --> 00:29:59,440
bad spirits, anything that comes my way. If anyone's sending

721
00:29:59,480 --> 00:30:02,480
me bad g returned to sender, Yes, and like, may

722
00:30:02,559 --> 00:30:04,720
my my day be filled with love and light Amen,

723
00:30:04,799 --> 00:30:06,680
like that kind of love that Yeah.

724
00:30:06,359 --> 00:30:08,559
Speaker 3: Because that type of intention. I think that then it

725
00:30:08,680 --> 00:30:09,720
just like breeds more of that.

726
00:30:09,920 --> 00:30:10,319
Speaker 1: Yeah.

727
00:30:10,359 --> 00:30:12,200
Speaker 2: And that is a great way to start your day

728
00:30:12,279 --> 00:30:13,599
versus going on the.

729
00:30:13,559 --> 00:30:17,319
Speaker 1: Phone, which I have been for well this morning I

730
00:30:17,359 --> 00:30:19,480
also fucked up, but for like a week, I was

731
00:30:19,519 --> 00:30:22,039
putting my phone in the other room. I'm in a studio,

732
00:30:22,079 --> 00:30:25,039
but like in the kitchen, And it's so much better

733
00:30:25,039 --> 00:30:27,920
if you can wake up with your thoughts they might

734
00:30:27,960 --> 00:30:33,680
be crazy stone. That is a journal, go to the bathroom,

735
00:30:34,079 --> 00:30:36,519
do your little supplements whatever. If you can go on

736
00:30:36,599 --> 00:30:38,240
a walk and then get to the phone. I have

737
00:30:38,279 --> 00:30:40,279
not done the walk portion of it, but like it

738
00:30:40,440 --> 00:30:43,839
really changes your day if you don't immediately, like I

739
00:30:43,920 --> 00:30:46,319
was so activated this morning and I wanted.

740
00:30:46,119 --> 00:30:48,119
Speaker 2: To like it is exactly the word. Yeah, I think

741
00:30:48,160 --> 00:30:51,079
you do it. You see something. Yeah, Oh I'm up now.

742
00:30:51,200 --> 00:30:53,000
Speaker 1: And now I'm not up in a good way. I'm

743
00:30:53,039 --> 00:30:55,559
fucking angry. My demons are up. We gotta get them dressed.

744
00:30:55,599 --> 00:30:58,319
They're going to work. My demons need to put.

745
00:30:58,119 --> 00:31:02,200
Speaker 3: On They're ready to go because they're like.

746
00:31:02,559 --> 00:31:05,039
Speaker 1: Doing fucking pull ups, chin ups.

747
00:31:05,319 --> 00:31:08,000
Speaker 2: They haven't been called on, so this is their big moments.

748
00:31:08,119 --> 00:31:11,559
Speaker 1: They've been in prison, they've been doing prison exercises.

749
00:31:10,880 --> 00:31:13,839
Speaker 2: They've been in they're ready to Yeah, they gotta get out.

750
00:31:13,920 --> 00:31:17,920
Speaker 1: And now me and my demons are up and I'm like, hey,

751
00:31:19,079 --> 00:31:20,440
I gotta get them ready for the day.

752
00:31:20,720 --> 00:31:23,200
Speaker 2: But they're like, we've been waiting for you to let it.

753
00:31:23,200 --> 00:31:25,480
Speaker 3: If that's what it feels like sometimes, because I'll feel

754
00:31:25,519 --> 00:31:27,000
a little bit like of a comfort when if I

755
00:31:27,000 --> 00:31:28,960
do go back to scrolling because I didn't, and it

756
00:31:29,000 --> 00:31:31,880
almost feels like I used to feel this, not necessarily

757
00:31:31,880 --> 00:31:33,400
with drinking, but I used to growing up.

758
00:31:33,440 --> 00:31:34,559
Speaker 2: I was a big binge eater.

759
00:31:34,599 --> 00:31:37,359
Speaker 3: I would say my first thing that I used to

760
00:31:37,359 --> 00:31:40,799
comfort myself was definitely food sugar, which is fairly very

761
00:31:40,799 --> 00:31:43,519
common with add people like dope mean seeking. But I

762
00:31:43,599 --> 00:31:46,039
remember like when I wouldn't do it, but I would

763
00:31:46,039 --> 00:31:47,680
just be like white knuckling it. Then when I would

764
00:31:47,720 --> 00:31:49,720
do it again. It would be like.

765
00:31:50,160 --> 00:31:53,599
Speaker 2: Yes, like we're fucking we're fucking back. We're back, like

766
00:31:53,799 --> 00:31:55,960
you tried and it didn't, but I'm still here for you.

767
00:31:56,000 --> 00:31:58,680
And I just remember, like I remember it really clearly, actually,

768
00:31:58,680 --> 00:32:01,960
because I remember after my parents got divorce, my dad

769
00:32:01,960 --> 00:32:03,640
would kind of like get we would have all these

770
00:32:03,680 --> 00:32:06,440
foods my mom wouldn't have happen, and I remember, I

771
00:32:06,440 --> 00:32:08,880
don't know, of course you remember remember skippy peanut butter.

772
00:32:08,880 --> 00:32:10,680
Speaker 1: Still of course, yeah.

773
00:32:10,880 --> 00:32:13,359
Speaker 3: I used to put my hand in the jar late

774
00:32:13,400 --> 00:32:17,960
at night, and I remember being like, I'm back.

775
00:32:18,680 --> 00:32:21,160
Speaker 1: The bitch is bad. The bitch is covered in peanut butter,

776
00:32:21,240 --> 00:32:24,240
which is viscous and hard to get off your hands.

777
00:32:24,640 --> 00:32:26,079
But I don't even know if that's the right word.

778
00:32:26,119 --> 00:32:28,920
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I've never heard that word, but it feels right.

779
00:32:29,079 --> 00:32:32,160
Speaker 1: It's viscous, it's hard to get off your hands, like

780
00:32:32,240 --> 00:32:33,319
it's you gotta really.

781
00:32:33,200 --> 00:32:35,200
Speaker 3: And it's clumped up in your throat, and I remember

782
00:32:35,200 --> 00:32:38,119
being like, can't, can't breathe. I'm this is how I'm

783
00:32:38,160 --> 00:32:42,160
gonna die, just like like Elvis, Like Elvis just shakes.

784
00:32:42,160 --> 00:32:43,880
Speaker 1: The free had a banana in there for some potastic

785
00:32:43,960 --> 00:32:46,480
eating a banana it was a banana peanut butter sandwich.

786
00:32:46,559 --> 00:32:49,440
You're kidding, banana peanut butter sandwich on the That's hilarious.

787
00:32:49,559 --> 00:32:51,640
I knew he was on the toylet, but that's so funny.

788
00:32:52,000 --> 00:32:54,799
Speaker 2: He did. He cut up the freaking bananas and make

789
00:32:54,839 --> 00:32:55,839
himself a little sandwich.

790
00:32:55,880 --> 00:33:00,119
Speaker 1: Came he came so hard. Yeah, no, banana peanut. What

791
00:33:00,160 --> 00:33:00,720
her sandwich is?

792
00:33:00,759 --> 00:33:00,799
Speaker 2: Like?

793
00:33:00,960 --> 00:33:06,279
Speaker 3: Very I did not, but there was I remember being like, yeah, like,

794
00:33:06,359 --> 00:33:08,799
we're back, and I feel like if you start your

795
00:33:08,880 --> 00:33:13,039
day with the scrolling, it's like we're we're it's the.

796
00:33:12,960 --> 00:33:15,599
Speaker 1: Comfort, but like the thing that's back is is the

797
00:33:15,680 --> 00:33:16,440
lack of control.

798
00:33:16,680 --> 00:33:18,720
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like.

799
00:33:18,759 --> 00:33:20,240
Speaker 1: We're back in a really bad way.

800
00:33:20,240 --> 00:33:21,279
Speaker 2: We're back and it's bad.

801
00:33:21,480 --> 00:33:22,039
Speaker 1: We're back in it.

802
00:33:22,480 --> 00:33:24,680
Speaker 2: Then you have a baseline to compare it to, which

803
00:33:24,680 --> 00:33:27,519
is such a beautiful thing. We're going. Oh, but that's

804
00:33:27,559 --> 00:33:28,640
not how I am all the time.

805
00:33:28,720 --> 00:33:32,519
Speaker 3: Now, So now I know I have something that's not

806
00:33:32,559 --> 00:33:33,519
just my constant state.

807
00:33:34,119 --> 00:33:35,880
Speaker 2: It's like there was this book I was reading.

808
00:33:37,079 --> 00:33:39,920
Speaker 3: It was called it was like something had to unfuck

809
00:33:39,960 --> 00:33:41,759
your brain or something I should get that if I

810
00:33:41,759 --> 00:33:42,440
get yourself?

811
00:33:43,000 --> 00:33:43,519
Speaker 2: Was that it?

812
00:33:43,680 --> 00:33:45,400
Speaker 1: There was a there was a book title I think

813
00:33:45,440 --> 00:33:49,200
called unfuck yourself. Yes, I forget if it was like

814
00:33:49,279 --> 00:33:51,319
there was unfucking the title the.

815
00:33:51,240 --> 00:33:54,480
Speaker 3: Title, but it was just talking like this neuroscience stuff

816
00:33:54,480 --> 00:33:56,000
that you hear a lot where it's like you were

817
00:33:56,000 --> 00:33:59,119
not your thoughts, like separate yourself from the emotion. But

818
00:33:59,240 --> 00:34:01,960
that made me be like, Okay, I am not this.

819
00:34:02,519 --> 00:34:04,440
I am not the person. I am not the person

820
00:34:04,480 --> 00:34:06,599
reacting all these things like I'm the person observing it

821
00:34:06,599 --> 00:34:06,880
and I.

822
00:34:06,799 --> 00:34:08,159
Speaker 1: Can choose not to.

823
00:34:08,519 --> 00:34:11,719
Speaker 3: But with social media stuff, I don't know how you

824
00:34:11,800 --> 00:34:15,920
are with like comments if I go and look on

825
00:34:15,960 --> 00:34:17,760
my YouTube and see comments like great great.

826
00:34:17,639 --> 00:34:20,480
Speaker 2: Great, like I love ha heart hear heart. But then

827
00:34:20,519 --> 00:34:22,880
if someone if I go to jail for anything, it's

828
00:34:22,920 --> 00:34:25,559
gonna be pushing it too far in a comment.

829
00:34:25,599 --> 00:34:30,679
Speaker 3: Finally, and that is really embarrassing. That's really like, that's

830
00:34:31,039 --> 00:34:31,519
that's human.

831
00:34:31,639 --> 00:34:36,679
Speaker 1: I'm forty because we're wounded, right and when anyone causes

832
00:34:36,760 --> 00:34:39,360
us additional pain, sure we want to hurt them more

833
00:34:39,400 --> 00:34:40,119
than they hurt us.

834
00:34:40,119 --> 00:34:41,719
Speaker 3: And I feel so because I'm like, who are you

835
00:34:41,840 --> 00:34:44,480
to comment and assume something out of context?

836
00:34:44,840 --> 00:34:46,800
Speaker 2: They are me because I do that too, It's.

837
00:34:46,679 --> 00:34:49,440
Speaker 1: Totally and I do that on the internet, who's bored

838
00:34:49,440 --> 00:34:52,400
with their life commenting on a stranger's post, like their

839
00:34:52,440 --> 00:34:54,840
life is way more bleak than your life. Like if

840
00:34:54,880 --> 00:34:57,679
they want to sit around and comment nasty shit like

841
00:34:57,800 --> 00:35:01,239
go off Nancy and fucking Oconomo, let me have it.

842
00:35:01,400 --> 00:35:02,039
Speaker 2: I don't know you.

843
00:35:02,119 --> 00:35:03,679
Speaker 3: I don't know if you are, I don't know what

844
00:35:03,719 --> 00:35:06,599
you're going through, and like me saying like, how can

845
00:35:06,639 --> 00:35:09,760
you like whatever the thing was. I posted this video

846
00:35:09,880 --> 00:35:12,079
of my friend talking about how she used to put

847
00:35:12,159 --> 00:35:14,800
p's on the TV so it would cool down so

848
00:35:14,880 --> 00:35:16,440
her mom would know that they were watching TV. She

849
00:35:16,519 --> 00:35:17,840
was talking about it, she was eight, and she's like,

850
00:35:17,880 --> 00:35:20,559
my mom was a teacher and she should come back

851
00:35:20,559 --> 00:35:21,119
from working.

852
00:35:20,960 --> 00:35:21,199
Speaker 2: To do that.

853
00:35:21,239 --> 00:35:24,440
Speaker 3: And then people were commenting things about her mom. So,

854
00:35:24,679 --> 00:35:27,000
because now I'm a little bit trained robic, don't respond

855
00:35:27,039 --> 00:35:30,239
or something. Someone was like your mom, like clearly her mom.

856
00:35:30,159 --> 00:35:32,320
Speaker 2: Was like a like a dumb bitch or something.

857
00:35:32,719 --> 00:35:34,840
Speaker 3: And I was at this, it's like nine a m.

858
00:35:34,960 --> 00:35:37,719
So I see that in my eyes pop right up. Yeah,

859
00:35:37,719 --> 00:35:40,199
But I go her mother, who she says is a teacher.

860
00:35:40,239 --> 00:35:42,079
I was like, how can you make that assumption about that?

861
00:35:42,960 --> 00:35:47,199
And then I go, you monster, like that and then

862
00:35:47,239 --> 00:35:48,960
I post it, and then I go on to the

863
00:35:48,960 --> 00:35:49,360
next one.

864
00:35:49,400 --> 00:35:53,400
Speaker 1: But then it's like, the return on investment isn't so high,

865
00:35:53,599 --> 00:35:58,239
not so hot, but not so hot. Here's the thing.

866
00:35:58,360 --> 00:36:00,639
Speaker 3: Yeah, if we're looking at your portfolio, Yeah, so what's

867
00:36:00,639 --> 00:36:01,920
the return on investment on that?

868
00:36:02,440 --> 00:36:06,519
Speaker 1: You get nothing except for the rage that it holds

869
00:36:06,519 --> 00:36:09,960
in your brain all day, knowing that you stooped to

870
00:36:10,000 --> 00:36:13,360
the level of a fucking loser of someone I don't

871
00:36:13,400 --> 00:36:13,800
even know.

872
00:36:14,000 --> 00:36:17,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I got kicked off of TikTok.

873
00:36:17,039 --> 00:36:18,719
Speaker 3: I think I got I think it was like a year,

874
00:36:19,920 --> 00:36:22,400
and I was so pleased with my This was this

875
00:36:22,519 --> 00:36:23,840
was such an embarrassing one.

876
00:36:24,039 --> 00:36:28,079
Speaker 2: It was like someone commented something about how I looked.

877
00:36:28,159 --> 00:36:32,320
Speaker 3: Right, whatever, it's TikTok. I'm putting myself out there. Sure,

878
00:36:33,920 --> 00:36:36,400
it was like two am. Whatever, I'm making excises to

879
00:36:36,440 --> 00:36:36,760
what I'm.

880
00:36:36,679 --> 00:36:39,280
Speaker 1: About to go. Yeah. So, but two am is an

881
00:36:39,320 --> 00:36:42,159
hour where your brain chemistry has changed.

882
00:36:41,840 --> 00:36:43,280
Speaker 2: It's alter vulnerable.

883
00:36:43,320 --> 00:36:45,880
Speaker 1: According to the circadian rhythm, you should be asleep.

884
00:36:46,039 --> 00:36:49,320
Speaker 2: I should have been asleep my circadian eyes. It was

885
00:36:49,360 --> 00:36:50,360
a moment of weakness.

886
00:36:52,719 --> 00:36:56,920
Speaker 3: I go to this person's page and I start commenting

887
00:36:56,960 --> 00:36:59,119
on how they look yeah.

888
00:36:59,159 --> 00:37:01,559
Speaker 1: So here's the thing. A losing battle.

889
00:37:01,639 --> 00:37:04,039
Speaker 2: This is a one, it's a losing battle. Two what

890
00:37:04,079 --> 00:37:07,119
are you? It was? I don't know how old is.

891
00:37:07,280 --> 00:37:08,079
And here's the other thing.

892
00:37:08,800 --> 00:37:10,679
Speaker 3: You know, I think so much a beauty comes from

893
00:37:10,679 --> 00:37:13,639
within and there's an energy vibration and like I'm big

894
00:37:13,679 --> 00:37:16,639
into vibes, right, And this was like a younger guy.

895
00:37:16,760 --> 00:37:19,840
So and if someone had said this about someone, like

896
00:37:19,840 --> 00:37:21,199
if we were just walking by and someone said this

897
00:37:21,239 --> 00:37:23,679
about them, I'd be like, what's your problem? But because

898
00:37:23,719 --> 00:37:25,639
he had done something meat whatever, I ripped him apart.

899
00:37:25,920 --> 00:37:28,679
And okay, I don't know how to say this. It

900
00:37:28,760 --> 00:37:31,840
was an easy thing to rip apart based on you know,

901
00:37:32,440 --> 00:37:36,639
he had five four heads okay maybe fIF fifteen to

902
00:37:36,679 --> 00:37:38,480
twenty And if and if someone else does that is

903
00:37:38,480 --> 00:37:40,559
a beautiful I'd never want a body shame anybody, And.

904
00:37:43,559 --> 00:37:46,039
Speaker 1: Which is something he's been getting his whole life. Yes,

905
00:37:46,239 --> 00:37:51,840
so you hit him right on the head, you hit

906
00:37:51,920 --> 00:37:55,000
him square, and so I was going for the stomach,

907
00:37:55,039 --> 00:37:55,719
but it was right there.

908
00:37:56,360 --> 00:37:59,159
Speaker 3: But I started going on his thing, making fun of

909
00:37:59,239 --> 00:38:03,000
him and all this, and then I got shadow band

910
00:38:03,599 --> 00:38:05,719
and my girlfriend was like, you work so hard on

911
00:38:05,760 --> 00:38:07,639
building because there was like six months where I was

912
00:38:07,639 --> 00:38:09,800
really selling tickets for TikTok. She was like, you spent

913
00:38:09,920 --> 00:38:11,679
so much time and you work so hard in this,

914
00:38:11,920 --> 00:38:12,400
and I was like.

915
00:38:12,320 --> 00:38:14,360
Speaker 2: I don't care. I'm sick of people saying this and that.

916
00:38:14,880 --> 00:38:16,840
Speaker 3: And then I think it was like nine months later.

917
00:38:16,880 --> 00:38:19,280
I had this general meeting with someone from TikTok and

918
00:38:19,280 --> 00:38:22,079
I mentioned I was like, I've actually been shadow band.

919
00:38:21,920 --> 00:38:24,440
Speaker 2: And she was like, oh, like why and I was

920
00:38:24,480 --> 00:38:25,320
like and.

921
00:38:25,239 --> 00:38:26,599
Speaker 3: Then I told her what I said and she was like,

922
00:38:26,599 --> 00:38:28,639
that'll do it, and I was like I deserved it, yeah,

923
00:38:28,800 --> 00:38:32,079
and that I had to be like when I looked

924
00:38:32,119 --> 00:38:33,880
back at it, and I had this friend of mine, Andrew,

925
00:38:33,880 --> 00:38:34,960
he hit me up. He was like, hey, I don't

926
00:38:34,960 --> 00:38:36,719
know how I came across his threat. He was like,

927
00:38:36,760 --> 00:38:39,159
I saw this person commented on your thing, and whatever reason,

928
00:38:39,199 --> 00:38:41,199
I clicked on his thing and he like screen grabbed.

929
00:38:41,239 --> 00:38:44,840
He was like, this person has like one comment from.

930
00:38:44,679 --> 00:38:48,039
Speaker 2: His mom and then there's you under it, just boom,

931
00:38:48,480 --> 00:38:50,039
and he was like this is bad.

932
00:38:50,280 --> 00:38:53,639
Speaker 3: Yeah, and he's my friend. But I was so embarrassed

933
00:38:53,639 --> 00:38:55,360
that even he saw that. Yeah, and he was kind

934
00:38:55,360 --> 00:38:57,280
of like lol, and I was.

935
00:38:58,960 --> 00:39:02,840
Speaker 2: Reeling in. It's embarrassing. It doesn't look good. Low bite.

936
00:39:02,880 --> 00:39:05,880
Speaker 1: It's a that's a but you know what, we can't

937
00:39:05,920 --> 00:39:09,000
always be high vibes. And yes, here's what I'm saying.

938
00:39:09,079 --> 00:39:11,760
Like everyone's like to take the high road. I get

939
00:39:11,760 --> 00:39:15,000
dizzy up there. Sometimes I get vertigo. I don't want

940
00:39:15,000 --> 00:39:15,880
to be on the high road.

941
00:39:15,880 --> 00:39:16,599
Speaker 2: I love that.

942
00:39:16,679 --> 00:39:18,360
Speaker 1: I don't want to be on the high road. I

943
00:39:18,440 --> 00:39:22,239
just don't. It's get nosebleeds up here. I gotta get

944
00:39:22,280 --> 00:39:25,440
down off the horse. Yeah, let me get in the

945
00:39:25,480 --> 00:39:27,519
fucking mud for a second. Let me get shadowy and

946
00:39:27,679 --> 00:39:30,480
let me ruined my own career to the high road.

947
00:39:31,159 --> 00:39:33,800
Speaker 2: That's a good one. That's a good one. Did you

948
00:39:33,800 --> 00:39:35,800
read that's air? Is that an original one? That's a

949
00:39:35,800 --> 00:39:39,679
good one. That's funny. That's funny. Yeah, that's funny.

950
00:39:39,719 --> 00:39:42,960
Speaker 3: I get dizzy on the high it is getting the

951
00:39:43,000 --> 00:39:44,639
nose up here, Like.

952
00:39:44,719 --> 00:39:46,960
Speaker 1: I just everyone's like, rise above it, rise above it.

953
00:39:47,039 --> 00:39:48,840
I'm like, I kind of feel like, did you ever

954
00:39:48,840 --> 00:39:50,559
see that clip of Cardi B when she's doing like

955
00:39:50,599 --> 00:39:54,199
this healing hell, Yeah, she's like, well push push him

956
00:39:54,239 --> 00:39:55,199
well in hell.

957
00:39:56,960 --> 00:39:57,920
Speaker 2: I love Cardi B.

958
00:39:58,079 --> 00:39:59,800
Speaker 1: I love her, and I feel like she's so g

959
00:40:00,079 --> 00:40:03,760
you were so real with how like stick it to him?

960
00:40:03,760 --> 00:40:06,079
Fuck yeah she is. And I'm like, I actually don't

961
00:40:06,119 --> 00:40:08,440
think she feels bad about it, because like, you know

962
00:40:08,440 --> 00:40:09,800
what we were just saying, like we were like stick

963
00:40:09,800 --> 00:40:11,639
it to him, and then we feel bad afterwards. I

964
00:40:11,679 --> 00:40:14,760
don't think. I think CARDI just fucking.

965
00:40:16,639 --> 00:40:19,440
Speaker 2: Because if you can do that, I mean, well, I.

966
00:40:19,440 --> 00:40:21,719
Speaker 1: Think her life has just set her up to be

967
00:40:21,800 --> 00:40:23,840
that kind of person, right, where like she's had so

968
00:40:23,960 --> 00:40:24,599
much shit.

969
00:40:24,760 --> 00:40:28,199
Speaker 3: Hardened, hardened and perspective on it and you know, one

970
00:40:28,199 --> 00:40:31,159
another thing. I think it's like and I mean I

971
00:40:31,159 --> 00:40:33,280
can't speak for her, but it's like I think once

972
00:40:33,280 --> 00:40:35,840
you have kids, that's like instant perspective too, because you're

973
00:40:35,840 --> 00:40:37,039
like I don't have the time. I mean maybe I

974
00:40:37,039 --> 00:40:38,880
have the times to comment and say these things, but

975
00:40:38,880 --> 00:40:40,519
then it's like you don't necessarily have the same amount

976
00:40:40,559 --> 00:40:43,800
of time to dwell. I babysat for two days last week,

977
00:40:44,239 --> 00:40:46,599
and it's changed my help person. Yeah, because I'm like,

978
00:40:46,639 --> 00:40:48,440
when you have kids, you're.

979
00:40:48,239 --> 00:40:50,199
Speaker 1: Like kids you don't have to have to rupidate about

980
00:40:50,199 --> 00:40:50,480
the past.

981
00:40:50,519 --> 00:40:52,920
Speaker 3: I literally for those two days because I had never

982
00:40:53,599 --> 00:40:56,039
I have a two nieces and a nephew, and I

983
00:40:56,079 --> 00:40:59,519
was watching the three year old for let's say six

984
00:40:59,559 --> 00:41:03,400
hours on Monday and five hours, and I've never spent

985
00:41:03,440 --> 00:41:06,519
that much time with a three year old alone, and

986
00:41:06,559 --> 00:41:09,079
it's like I was like, oh my god, one, I mean,

987
00:41:09,119 --> 00:41:10,960
I'm so amazed. I'm so impressed my parents and it's

988
00:41:10,960 --> 00:41:13,840
such an amazing thing to do. But that's like instant perspective.

989
00:41:13,880 --> 00:41:16,679
So she's got three kids, yea, four kids, so it's like,

990
00:41:16,719 --> 00:41:18,400
you're not gonna be sick, So we need to have kids.

991
00:41:19,159 --> 00:41:21,519
I have a little bit, tiny bit been thinking about it,

992
00:41:21,559 --> 00:41:23,039
but also so scared.

993
00:41:22,679 --> 00:41:23,199
Speaker 2: Of that too.

994
00:41:23,440 --> 00:41:25,840
Speaker 1: No, like it's obviously terrifying, but like I guess we've

995
00:41:25,880 --> 00:41:28,079
tried everything else to get out of our heads. What

996
00:41:28,159 --> 00:41:32,320
could go wrong? So this is actually actually my dad, Yeah,

997
00:41:32,599 --> 00:41:33,599
I need a baby.

998
00:41:33,880 --> 00:41:35,639
Speaker 2: Could ever go wrong? I was thinking of getting a

999
00:41:35,639 --> 00:41:36,679
baby that fixed me.

1000
00:41:38,199 --> 00:41:40,440
Speaker 3: A lot of people do it, they do, and I

1001
00:41:40,480 --> 00:41:42,280
would not want to do it for that reason.

1002
00:41:42,360 --> 00:41:46,920
Speaker 2: No, of course, for sure, this losing.

1003
00:41:48,280 --> 00:41:49,840
Speaker 1: No, I was talking to my dad about this. So

1004
00:41:49,880 --> 00:41:51,840
my dad and my mom went through like a hell

1005
00:41:51,920 --> 00:41:54,719
fire acid bath of a divorce with my years, like

1006
00:41:54,760 --> 00:41:55,719
it was so.

1007
00:41:56,159 --> 00:42:00,599
Speaker 3: Seven years, so much guardian atletem. Yes, like I had

1008
00:42:00,599 --> 00:42:01,880
all these like appointed things.

1009
00:42:01,920 --> 00:42:03,920
Speaker 1: You had to go to court and like stand trial,

1010
00:42:04,039 --> 00:42:06,360
and like I was never ended up going did you

1011
00:42:06,440 --> 00:42:08,199
go into court? I went into court and they put

1012
00:42:08,239 --> 00:42:11,000
me on the stand and then someone and I'm so sorry,

1013
00:42:11,079 --> 00:42:13,480
someone interfered. They're like, I'm so sorry. They're like, this

1014
00:42:13,559 --> 00:42:15,000
child cannot be that's terrible.

1015
00:42:15,599 --> 00:42:17,760
Speaker 3: They ended up we never got to that point where

1016
00:42:17,760 --> 00:42:20,360
we went into court to testify. But it was like

1017
00:42:21,400 --> 00:42:23,639
just an insane legal battle. But I know for me

1018
00:42:23,719 --> 00:42:26,000
with my parents, they were doing it at each other.

1019
00:42:26,079 --> 00:42:27,119
I mean, it's nothing to do with that's.

1020
00:42:27,000 --> 00:42:27,599
Speaker 1: With the kids.

1021
00:42:27,920 --> 00:42:30,800
Speaker 2: I mean eight years old. That is so you're a baby.

1022
00:42:31,119 --> 00:42:35,920
Speaker 3: You're literally a baby trying to then process and understand adults.

1023
00:42:35,920 --> 00:42:37,320
Speaker 2: And I feel like that.

1024
00:42:37,239 --> 00:42:40,840
Speaker 3: Made me see the complexities of people from such a

1025
00:42:40,880 --> 00:42:43,840
young age, because I was like, how can someone be

1026
00:42:44,000 --> 00:42:45,880
like my dad who I love so much and do

1027
00:42:46,039 --> 00:42:48,960
such wonderful things too, but then also be terrible in

1028
00:42:49,000 --> 00:42:49,559
the same regard.

1029
00:42:49,599 --> 00:42:51,519
Speaker 2: And that doesn't mean they're all good or all bad.

1030
00:42:51,320 --> 00:42:53,280
Speaker 3: But it's like from a young age because to be

1031
00:42:53,320 --> 00:42:55,880
put on even potentially on the stand at eight years

1032
00:42:55,880 --> 00:42:59,000
old and then you need to like trust these people,

1033
00:42:59,119 --> 00:43:00,440
and yeah.

1034
00:43:00,239 --> 00:43:02,119
Speaker 1: No, it was bad. I mean, it's it made me

1035
00:43:02,199 --> 00:43:04,480
learn quickly how people operate, though, because I was like,

1036
00:43:04,519 --> 00:43:07,000
my mom was like bribing me to testify against my dad.

1037
00:43:07,039 --> 00:43:10,000
It was like this like wicked, manipulative thing. But anyway,

1038
00:43:10,280 --> 00:43:11,920
the point of that is, like when I was talking

1039
00:43:11,960 --> 00:43:14,159
to my dad about, you know, I struggle with depression

1040
00:43:14,239 --> 00:43:17,800
and like the loneliness whatever we all struggle with, and

1041
00:43:17,840 --> 00:43:19,960
I have this passion that I'm working toward, but it

1042
00:43:20,000 --> 00:43:22,239
does not take up all the hours of my day.

1043
00:43:22,719 --> 00:43:24,280
I was talking to my dad and he's like, you know,

1044
00:43:24,480 --> 00:43:26,519
if you would have just had a kid, you want

1045
00:43:26,519 --> 00:43:28,280
to have time to think about all this. He's like,

1046
00:43:28,320 --> 00:43:30,719
because when I was going through that fucking horrible divorce

1047
00:43:30,760 --> 00:43:33,280
and he like lost all of his houses and didn't

1048
00:43:33,320 --> 00:43:35,199
have a place to live, he was literally like squatting

1049
00:43:35,239 --> 00:43:38,639
in one of my mom's speck houses, sleeping enough close. Yeah,

1050
00:43:38,639 --> 00:43:40,679
she took them to the fucking cleaners. But he's like,

1051
00:43:40,719 --> 00:43:43,000
I didn't even have time to be depressed because I

1052
00:43:43,039 --> 00:43:45,840
had to figure out how to survive and and you

1053
00:43:45,840 --> 00:43:47,119
have to take care of the kids. And I'm like,

1054
00:43:47,559 --> 00:43:50,719
that's why. And I don't think it's necessarily a good thing,

1055
00:43:50,760 --> 00:43:52,960
but I think That's why our parents' generation never dealt

1056
00:43:52,960 --> 00:43:55,719
with their own shit because they all had kids so young.

1057
00:43:55,760 --> 00:43:57,960
And when you have kids, you just have to focus

1058
00:43:58,000 --> 00:43:59,760
on the kids if you're a good parent.

1059
00:44:00,000 --> 00:44:01,760
Speaker 3: People are having kids later and later and later and later,

1060
00:44:01,960 --> 00:44:05,719
especially in cities like New York or like the urban

1061
00:44:06,039 --> 00:44:09,719
like people are having you know, we're defying medicals. I

1062
00:44:09,760 --> 00:44:12,159
mean it's truly because like when I go back to

1063
00:44:12,199 --> 00:44:13,639
like I'm from a small town and may went back

1064
00:44:13,679 --> 00:44:16,519
in main Like, sure, there's people I went to high

1065
00:44:16,559 --> 00:44:18,559
school with that probably had kids at like twenty three

1066
00:44:18,599 --> 00:44:19,559
twenty four to twenty five.

1067
00:44:20,639 --> 00:44:24,199
Speaker 2: Me at twenty three, twenty four, twenty five, I.

1068
00:44:24,079 --> 00:44:27,039
Speaker 1: Was asked bag of coke. Like I was not on

1069
00:44:27,119 --> 00:44:28,599
the I was not on the high road. I was

1070
00:44:28,639 --> 00:44:29,599
on the back roads with the drug.

1071
00:44:29,679 --> 00:44:33,119
Speaker 3: I was on the back roads, seriously serious, like and

1072
00:44:33,159 --> 00:44:35,000
I had no cons And when I look back and

1073
00:44:35,199 --> 00:44:38,800
I'm like twenty three to me, that is so it's

1074
00:44:38,840 --> 00:44:40,760
almost like any age that's like at least six years

1075
00:44:40,800 --> 00:44:41,239
younger than me.

1076
00:44:41,239 --> 00:44:44,039
Speaker 2: Now I'm like, oh, you're a baby brain for baby

1077
00:44:44,639 --> 00:44:45,719
a suberber.

1078
00:44:45,840 --> 00:44:49,280
Speaker 3: Because it's truly fec Yeah, they're like I cann't wait

1079
00:44:49,320 --> 00:44:52,559
for what you're coming to me for advice about something.

1080
00:44:52,599 --> 00:44:53,440
Speaker 2: I'm a paralegal, and.

1081
00:44:53,400 --> 00:44:57,199
Speaker 3: You're like, wowuck, but it's like I just had no

1082
00:44:57,960 --> 00:45:01,519
I couldn't. But now, I mean, for okay, I have

1083
00:45:01,599 --> 00:45:03,760
thought of I don't know, because I wouldn't be ready

1084
00:45:03,800 --> 00:45:05,079
to have I wouldn't even know how to feel like

1085
00:45:05,119 --> 00:45:06,440
necessarily ready to have kids.

1086
00:45:06,559 --> 00:45:08,079
Speaker 2: Is this something you seriously are considering?

1087
00:45:08,119 --> 00:45:10,599
Speaker 1: Maybe no, okay, I mean I froze my eggs.

1088
00:45:10,639 --> 00:45:11,000
Speaker 2: Good for you.

1089
00:45:11,239 --> 00:45:14,039
Speaker 1: And then you know it's like I got, I got divorced,

1090
00:45:14,079 --> 00:45:15,519
I was single for three years. I was in a

1091
00:45:15,519 --> 00:45:19,360
relationship for a year where it was like it was

1092
00:45:19,400 --> 00:45:23,039
a conversation but one of like down the road, you know,

1093
00:45:23,360 --> 00:45:26,480
like when we're both ready, and he wouldn't have been

1094
00:45:26,519 --> 00:45:30,320
ready for a while, and I also, you know, I

1095
00:45:30,360 --> 00:45:33,480
just I didn't really see it with him, and and

1096
00:45:33,559 --> 00:45:37,360
I think, you know, I just and now it's just

1097
00:45:37,400 --> 00:45:39,679
not a priority, like I just got I got billed

1098
00:45:39,679 --> 00:45:42,559
for my eggs. You get build annually a thousand dollars

1099
00:45:42,639 --> 00:45:44,199
to freeze them, and I'm like.

1100
00:45:45,000 --> 00:45:46,920
Speaker 2: Oh, these old things do I want to keeping?

1101
00:45:47,639 --> 00:45:49,679
Speaker 1: Exactly? I'm like, you just want to throw them in

1102
00:45:49,719 --> 00:45:52,280
the fucking trash, Like I want to keep them because

1103
00:45:52,280 --> 00:45:54,000
I want to keep the option open and who knows.

1104
00:45:54,039 --> 00:45:56,800
But like I do think women are fertile into their forties.

1105
00:45:56,800 --> 00:45:58,480
I think it's kind of like a lie of science

1106
00:45:58,480 --> 00:45:59,039
that you're not.

1107
00:45:59,159 --> 00:46:01,239
Speaker 3: I think it's almost like worst case scenario. Yeah, my

1108
00:46:01,320 --> 00:46:03,039
mom had me, I think at forty two.

1109
00:46:03,199 --> 00:46:05,119
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think naturally too.

1110
00:46:05,239 --> 00:46:06,159
Speaker 2: Naturally yeah.

1111
00:46:06,239 --> 00:46:08,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, So it's like it's kind of a little bit

1112
00:46:08,280 --> 00:46:10,199
of a lie of science. There are definitely women who

1113
00:46:10,280 --> 00:46:12,679
fall into the category of like, unfortunately they're right in

1114
00:46:12,719 --> 00:46:14,280
thirty six and they can't have a kid, and that's

1115
00:46:14,320 --> 00:46:16,400
like so fucking heartbreaking because usually those are the ones

1116
00:46:16,400 --> 00:46:17,159
that want them the most.

1117
00:46:17,239 --> 00:46:17,760
Speaker 2: Absolutely.

1118
00:46:17,800 --> 00:46:19,559
Speaker 1: And I also think in order to be a parent,

1119
00:46:19,719 --> 00:46:22,599
you should, like, you know, how some people are born

1120
00:46:22,639 --> 00:46:24,239
and they're like I was born to be a.

1121
00:46:24,199 --> 00:46:26,880
Speaker 3: Mom totally, and I'm I'm like, what a blessing to

1122
00:46:26,920 --> 00:46:29,880
have that clarity. Yeah, and I genuinely have that me neither,

1123
00:46:30,039 --> 00:46:32,519
like I kind of about anything almost actually, no.

1124
00:46:32,639 --> 00:46:34,119
Speaker 1: Like when I was like playing with dolls and like

1125
00:46:34,159 --> 00:46:36,599
that my sister's dolls would have like a family. Mine

1126
00:46:36,679 --> 00:46:39,800
was like a single Barbie doll in like a fucking penthouse,

1127
00:46:40,320 --> 00:46:41,159
just fucking.

1128
00:46:40,880 --> 00:46:42,199
Speaker 2: Ken you're like having it to work.

1129
00:46:42,320 --> 00:46:44,559
Speaker 1: I don't even know what it is. Yeah, yeah, just

1130
00:46:44,599 --> 00:46:48,360
saying send fucking stream cheap to go, get me a

1131
00:46:48,400 --> 00:46:51,440
pack of barb lights, give me some bar blights.

1132
00:46:52,000 --> 00:46:53,960
Speaker 2: My barbies, and like ken dolls like have sex too.

1133
00:46:54,039 --> 00:46:54,280
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1134
00:46:54,400 --> 00:46:57,239
Speaker 2: My parents would be like stop, stop bagging them together,

1135
00:46:57,280 --> 00:46:58,280
and then.

1136
00:46:58,199 --> 00:47:01,079
Speaker 1: You're just and then you just grabbed two barbi Yeah.

1137
00:47:00,960 --> 00:47:04,199
Speaker 3: And they're like wait a minute, wait a minute on

1138
00:47:04,280 --> 00:47:07,000
the wall. I kind of remember actually doing stuff like that.

1139
00:47:07,559 --> 00:47:08,440
What if we played house.

1140
00:47:08,480 --> 00:47:11,440
Speaker 1: Well, I think there's just something angry about dolls in general,

1141
00:47:11,760 --> 00:47:13,880
to do things to them that you're like, I don't know,

1142
00:47:13,920 --> 00:47:16,480
there's some sort of weird experimentation that kids have with

1143
00:47:16,519 --> 00:47:18,800
dolls that's like a little probably should oh. Yeah.

1144
00:47:19,039 --> 00:47:21,000
Speaker 3: That made me think if I remember my dad like

1145
00:47:21,559 --> 00:47:23,920
at some benefit thing, he like bet on this like

1146
00:47:24,039 --> 00:47:26,239
China doll, and it was life like for me at

1147
00:47:26,239 --> 00:47:29,119
the time because I was like a kid, But I

1148
00:47:29,199 --> 00:47:33,440
remember I would like gole kiss it, which is so weird,

1149
00:47:33,440 --> 00:47:35,159
Like I remember I like sneaks up like kind of

1150
00:47:35,199 --> 00:47:38,239
like kiss this China doll. I hope that that's hidden

1151
00:47:38,239 --> 00:47:41,599
away that thing. Yeah, And I would like it's kind

1152
00:47:41,599 --> 00:47:43,840
of it's grow. It's weird, it's really but I remember

1153
00:47:43,880 --> 00:47:46,719
being like really young and doing that. But my sister

1154
00:47:46,760 --> 00:47:48,679
always knew she wanted to have kids. Yeah, she was

1155
00:47:48,679 --> 00:47:50,079
always like, I want to have kids. And now she's

1156
00:47:50,079 --> 00:47:51,559
got three kids, and I'm like, do.

1157
00:47:51,519 --> 00:47:53,159
Speaker 1: You have how is it? Did you ask her?

1158
00:47:53,480 --> 00:47:54,679
Speaker 2: Having three kids is tough?

1159
00:47:54,960 --> 00:47:58,960
Speaker 1: Too many? It's about too it's about it's about three

1160
00:47:59,000 --> 00:47:59,400
too many.

1161
00:47:59,480 --> 00:48:02,800
Speaker 3: When they had the other one, I noticed that seemed

1162
00:48:02,800 --> 00:48:05,920
to just make them so tired. Yeah, yeah, but they're

1163
00:48:05,960 --> 00:48:08,199
happy to but yeah, of course, talk about having no

1164
00:48:08,320 --> 00:48:10,639
time to I mean, it's like it's you also.

1165
00:48:10,760 --> 00:48:12,719
Speaker 1: You just don't get time to yourself until they're out

1166
00:48:12,760 --> 00:48:14,880
of the house, and then that's your times. They don't

1167
00:48:14,920 --> 00:48:15,239
leave the.

1168
00:48:15,159 --> 00:48:17,119
Speaker 3: House, and sometimes the don't leave the house. Sometimes they

1169
00:48:17,119 --> 00:48:18,519
don't leave the house, they stay in the house. Then

1170
00:48:18,519 --> 00:48:20,199
they do leave in the house and they hate you.

1171
00:48:20,239 --> 00:48:22,639
Speaker 1: And then or they stay in the house, they leave

1172
00:48:22,719 --> 00:48:23,920
and then they fucking come back.

1173
00:48:24,000 --> 00:48:24,199
Speaker 2: Right.

1174
00:48:25,119 --> 00:48:28,239
Speaker 1: That was never an option. My dad was like, you

1175
00:48:28,280 --> 00:48:29,159
have to go good bye.

1176
00:48:29,519 --> 00:48:31,440
Speaker 3: My mom would have let me continue to go back

1177
00:48:31,559 --> 00:48:34,039
to her, like I lived at her.

1178
00:48:34,079 --> 00:48:37,360
Speaker 2: She's a condo and Cambridge. No, but she was gone

1179
00:48:37,400 --> 00:48:37,719
a lot.

1180
00:48:37,880 --> 00:48:41,280
Speaker 3: Yeah, and it it uh, it babied me because it

1181
00:48:41,320 --> 00:48:43,280
was kind of like I had access to this really

1182
00:48:43,280 --> 00:48:46,360
cool condo and I use that for like years, Like

1183
00:48:46,400 --> 00:48:47,639
it would be like, wow, I was in college and

1184
00:48:47,639 --> 00:48:49,039
she would always be gone and I would have people

1185
00:48:49,039 --> 00:48:50,639
over to my mom. Yeah, and I would have like

1186
00:48:50,639 --> 00:48:52,280
little parties there and it was really fun and it

1187
00:48:52,320 --> 00:48:55,320
was like this really great condo. But then as I

1188
00:48:55,360 --> 00:48:57,639
was turning like twenty four to twenty five, people started

1189
00:48:57,639 --> 00:48:59,480
being like, who's where's your mom?

1190
00:48:59,599 --> 00:49:00,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, people started being.

1191
00:49:00,599 --> 00:49:02,679
Speaker 1: Like like I killed her for the class exactly.

1192
00:49:03,920 --> 00:49:07,800
Speaker 2: Tied up. But it made me the basement. My poor mom.

1193
00:49:09,039 --> 00:49:12,639
Speaker 3: She's she's a real character of a human being, but

1194
00:49:12,719 --> 00:49:15,079
she would be just let me have access to it,

1195
00:49:15,119 --> 00:49:16,239
and I could have stayed back.

1196
00:49:16,280 --> 00:49:18,519
Speaker 1: I mean yeah, yeah, yeah, but that's different than her

1197
00:49:18,599 --> 00:49:21,719
being there, you know. True. True, it's the one thing

1198
00:49:21,719 --> 00:49:23,480
if you have multiple properties and you let of kids.

1199
00:49:23,760 --> 00:49:25,719
Speaker 2: And I did live with her growing up. I live

1200
00:49:25,760 --> 00:49:26,199
with my dad.

1201
00:49:26,280 --> 00:49:28,639
Speaker 3: So the way they did their custody was I live

1202
00:49:28,679 --> 00:49:31,000
with my dad, my sister lived with my mom, and

1203
00:49:31,000 --> 00:49:33,079
then my brother lived with his mom. So my sister

1204
00:49:33,119 --> 00:49:34,880
and I are not close like we were complete, which

1205
00:49:34,880 --> 00:49:38,119
I know in retrospect is not normal and maybe not

1206
00:49:38,199 --> 00:49:40,119
a healthy way to do things. But it was one

1207
00:49:40,159 --> 00:49:42,519
hundred percent about them being mad at each other. I

1208
00:49:42,519 --> 00:49:43,760
get one with then you can get one.

1209
00:49:43,840 --> 00:49:46,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, totally. Yeah, Okay, I have a new segment on

1210
00:49:46,360 --> 00:49:48,880
the podcast that I'm so excited to do with you.

1211
00:49:48,960 --> 00:49:51,519
It's called What's wrong with You? And I want to

1212
00:49:51,559 --> 00:49:55,360
hear a few different perspectives of what you think is

1213
00:49:55,360 --> 00:49:58,679
wrong with you, what your therapist would say is wrong

1214
00:49:58,719 --> 00:50:01,760
with you, and then what your friends are loved ones

1215
00:50:01,800 --> 00:50:04,880
would say it okay with you. So start wherever you want.

1216
00:50:05,880 --> 00:50:08,079
Speaker 2: I think what my therapist, Barbara would say.

1217
00:50:08,159 --> 00:50:11,199
Speaker 1: Barbara, Babs, let's get on that phone, Babs.

1218
00:50:11,440 --> 00:50:13,320
Speaker 2: I really like her. She's seventy six.

1219
00:50:13,440 --> 00:50:17,639
Speaker 1: Oh that's a good age. She's a therapist. Although I know, well,

1220
00:50:17,679 --> 00:50:18,679
don't get too attached.

1221
00:50:18,840 --> 00:50:19,599
Speaker 2: Well so she didn't.

1222
00:50:19,760 --> 00:50:22,239
Speaker 3: She she's seventy six. She didn't build me for a

1223
00:50:22,320 --> 00:50:24,719
year and I was like, Barbara, you need to build me.

1224
00:50:25,039 --> 00:50:27,280
I was like, you have to build me, please. Yeah,

1225
00:50:27,599 --> 00:50:30,519
and she's seventy six. I'm not making this up. Her friend,

1226
00:50:30,559 --> 00:50:32,719
I swear her name was Dolores did her billing and

1227
00:50:32,760 --> 00:50:35,679
she passed away ripy So she says, I don't know.

1228
00:50:35,840 --> 00:50:37,159
Speaker 1: I wish her well, We wish her well.

1229
00:50:37,320 --> 00:50:38,400
Speaker 3: She says, I don't know how to do the building.

1230
00:50:38,440 --> 00:50:40,880
Dlorus is dead. What am I gonna say that? I said,

1231
00:50:40,920 --> 00:50:42,559
oh my god, I'm so sorry. No, you never have

1232
00:50:42,599 --> 00:50:44,840
to build me again. But then cut to she bills

1233
00:50:44,840 --> 00:50:45,559
me for a full year.

1234
00:50:45,760 --> 00:50:50,679
Speaker 1: Right, that's that's a nightmare. It was like three grand more.

1235
00:50:51,039 --> 00:50:53,119
Speaker 3: So now I'm like in a tizzy. I'm stressed about it.

1236
00:50:53,320 --> 00:50:54,920
So that's like damper therapy a little bit.

1237
00:50:55,000 --> 00:50:57,239
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, but I think what she would.

1238
00:50:57,039 --> 00:51:00,199
Speaker 3: Say, Well, that's the thing because also she's like get

1239
00:51:00,199 --> 00:51:01,639
away away.

1240
00:51:01,679 --> 00:51:04,320
Speaker 1: So I couldn't help but be like, can we do

1241
00:51:04,360 --> 00:51:04,880
a payment plan?

1242
00:51:04,920 --> 00:51:05,880
Speaker 2: Can we do a playment pan?

1243
00:51:07,360 --> 00:51:12,320
Speaker 1: She has health problems, but Klarna do a little Klarina.

1244
00:51:12,360 --> 00:51:13,960
Clarina is like, you know how when you're going to

1245
00:51:14,039 --> 00:51:15,760
check out on things now, if you can't afford the

1246
00:51:15,760 --> 00:51:17,639
whole thing, you literally can do like lay away. It's

1247
00:51:17,639 --> 00:51:19,920
a horrible really, it's a horrible thing. Okay, the Middle

1248
00:51:19,960 --> 00:51:24,159
America is sinking themselves into well it's yeah, it's tax

1249
00:51:24,239 --> 00:51:26,840
and it's like you can pay four hundred dollars now, yeah,

1250
00:51:26,880 --> 00:51:29,719
you can pay twenty dollars for the next twelve months.

1251
00:51:29,800 --> 00:51:30,639
It's it's not good.

1252
00:51:30,719 --> 00:51:31,280
Speaker 2: How they get you.

1253
00:51:31,320 --> 00:51:31,960
Speaker 1: That's how they get you.

1254
00:51:32,360 --> 00:51:34,119
Speaker 3: Get what Babs say is right. So what Babs would

1255
00:51:34,119 --> 00:51:38,559
say is I fixate and obsessed about the wrong things.

1256
00:51:38,599 --> 00:51:38,960
Speaker 1: Okay.

1257
00:51:39,079 --> 00:51:42,039
Speaker 3: So for example, like it would be for a long

1258
00:51:42,039 --> 00:51:44,719
time I was like really ruminating on I need to

1259
00:51:44,719 --> 00:51:47,239
be I would have the same It doesn't necessarily matter

1260
00:51:47,280 --> 00:51:48,760
what the problem is. But if it's a problem that

1261
00:51:48,800 --> 00:51:51,159
you don't take any action about, it goes Okay, is

1262
00:51:51,199 --> 00:51:53,719
this about this actual thing or are you just comfortable

1263
00:51:53,760 --> 00:51:56,320
beating yourself up about the same thing. So instead of

1264
00:51:56,639 --> 00:51:58,960
writing or listening to recordings or doing something I need

1265
00:51:58,960 --> 00:52:02,519
to do for my professional career, organizing my mailing list, whatever,

1266
00:52:03,320 --> 00:52:06,519
instead of that, I'll become very hyper fixated on wellness stuff.

1267
00:52:06,519 --> 00:52:09,199
That's what it's been recently. So she's like, you aren't

1268
00:52:09,199 --> 00:52:11,360
just doing an average amount of wellness suff You're obsessed

1269
00:52:11,400 --> 00:52:14,000
with all of these things, and like, what is that feeling?

1270
00:52:14,039 --> 00:52:16,679
So I would say, she would say, my focus is

1271
00:52:16,719 --> 00:52:17,400
on the wrong.

1272
00:52:17,199 --> 00:52:17,760
Speaker 1: Things, Okay.

1273
00:52:18,719 --> 00:52:23,840
Speaker 2: What I would say my problems are, well, well, I

1274
00:52:23,880 --> 00:52:29,559
have stomach problems pmdd TMJ and ADHD and I'm thinking

1275
00:52:29,599 --> 00:52:33,199
they're connected. I don't know what now, but I think

1276
00:52:33,239 --> 00:52:35,599
something's miss nervous system wise.

1277
00:52:36,119 --> 00:52:38,719
Speaker 1: Pm d D is a hell I wish on no one.

1278
00:52:38,800 --> 00:52:41,719
And I had that before I got my UTI. You

1279
00:52:42,440 --> 00:52:47,679
not my UTI, oh before I got back, before I

1280
00:52:45,559 --> 00:52:49,159
got no IUD.

1281
00:52:49,400 --> 00:52:51,440
Speaker 3: So I got one too and fixed me. And I'm

1282
00:52:51,440 --> 00:52:54,000
so grateful. Yes, I can't believe it because.

1283
00:52:53,880 --> 00:52:57,199
Speaker 1: It's like, I mean, I was for seven days a

1284
00:52:57,199 --> 00:52:59,159
month like I'm gonna blow my brains. I'm gonna blowin out.

1285
00:52:59,159 --> 00:53:01,199
I'm gonna blow my brains out. I hate myself. Everyone

1286
00:53:01,159 --> 00:53:02,679
hates it's me. I'm not good at my job. Everyone

1287
00:53:02,679 --> 00:53:04,639
but like the meanest thing.

1288
00:53:04,800 --> 00:53:08,079
Speaker 3: And it's so hard to pinpoint because I remember getting

1289
00:53:08,119 --> 00:53:10,280
extremely depressed and then I go, I just I have depression,

1290
00:53:10,800 --> 00:53:13,719
and then I remember it took me so many years

1291
00:53:13,760 --> 00:53:15,960
to start like actually tracking it where I'm like, wait

1292
00:53:16,000 --> 00:53:16,639
a minute.

1293
00:53:16,360 --> 00:53:18,360
Speaker 1: This is it's like very severe at a certain time

1294
00:53:18,360 --> 00:53:19,000
of the month.

1295
00:53:18,920 --> 00:53:20,639
Speaker 3: Very severe, and then you get your period and it's

1296
00:53:20,639 --> 00:53:23,199
like within a day you feel better. And I was

1297
00:53:23,480 --> 00:53:26,360
not clock in that, and so then when I did,

1298
00:53:26,440 --> 00:53:29,519
I remember being like, oh my, this is me.

1299
00:53:30,280 --> 00:53:32,280
Speaker 2: And then a lot of people haven't heard about it.

1300
00:53:32,360 --> 00:53:34,320
Speaker 1: The thing. They're like women's health.

1301
00:53:35,000 --> 00:53:39,800
Speaker 3: You get depressed around your period and you're like, this

1302
00:53:39,840 --> 00:53:42,079
is because it would be life altering.

1303
00:53:42,119 --> 00:53:42,840
Speaker 2: It's life altering.

1304
00:53:42,840 --> 00:53:45,480
Speaker 3: I felt like I would like undo progress I made

1305
00:53:45,519 --> 00:53:47,840
in those seven days every month.

1306
00:53:48,679 --> 00:53:51,119
Speaker 1: So I think, so explain how you think they're all connected.

1307
00:53:51,199 --> 00:53:54,400
Speaker 2: I think it's some type of nervous system problem. Okay,

1308
00:53:54,719 --> 00:53:56,320
I haven't figured it out yet.

1309
00:53:56,280 --> 00:53:58,639
Speaker 1: Of course, but obviously.

1310
00:53:58,440 --> 00:54:03,679
Speaker 3: Obviously I wish I But I also think another one

1311
00:54:03,679 --> 00:54:06,039
of my problems is maybe these problems have then made

1312
00:54:06,039 --> 00:54:06,559
me a little bit.

1313
00:54:06,480 --> 00:54:09,679
Speaker 2: Of a hypochondriac. Uh huh, because I'm like tracking everything.

1314
00:54:09,719 --> 00:54:11,760
I have a life alert now, Brittany.

1315
00:54:11,440 --> 00:54:15,639
Speaker 1: Oh it's I. I got a DNR? Was it? Do

1316
00:54:15,760 --> 00:54:17,800
Not Resuscitate? Are you serious?

1317
00:54:18,119 --> 00:54:18,440
Speaker 2: Really?

1318
00:54:19,119 --> 00:54:21,199
Speaker 1: When I was super depressed, I got a DNR, Oh

1319
00:54:21,280 --> 00:54:25,760
my god, which are like literally for elderly people bought

1320
00:54:25,800 --> 00:54:27,039
it and I was like, I should just wear that.

1321
00:54:27,079 --> 00:54:28,320
Speaker 2: I mean, that's that's actually really funny.

1322
00:54:28,320 --> 00:54:30,480
Speaker 1: It's funny. It's fun I'm just like choking.

1323
00:54:30,159 --> 00:54:34,280
Speaker 3: Slightly waving it around. You trip and You're like, do

1324
00:54:34,320 --> 00:54:36,400
not that I've never heard. I didn't even know you

1325
00:54:36,440 --> 00:54:38,880
could have those. This one is supposed to like you

1326
00:54:38,920 --> 00:54:41,039
scan it and it just like connects to my palmenogy.

1327
00:54:41,480 --> 00:54:43,159
But so I think that I have become a little

1328
00:54:43,159 --> 00:54:45,239
bit of a hypochondriac. I'd say I'm also neurotic. I

1329
00:54:45,280 --> 00:54:49,440
think I have a rejection sensitivity ADHD and I have

1330
00:54:49,480 --> 00:54:53,480
a hard time with them. Oh and sometimes I can

1331
00:54:53,480 --> 00:54:57,480
be awkward. I don't think so, but my girlfriends pointed

1332
00:54:57,519 --> 00:54:59,760
out she thinks that I can be a little awkward

1333
00:55:00,039 --> 00:55:02,360
in what way she says in social settings because she's like,

1334
00:55:02,360 --> 00:55:04,280
you're around comedians and the people in recovery all the time,

1335
00:55:04,280 --> 00:55:06,440
and you're not hanging out with enough normal people anymore.

1336
00:55:06,599 --> 00:55:08,199
And she's like, and I think that that's make it.

1337
00:55:08,239 --> 00:55:13,400
So in some party situations you're awkward. And I'm like,

1338
00:55:13,440 --> 00:55:15,639
I swear to god, I used to not be awkward.

1339
00:55:15,239 --> 00:55:17,039
Speaker 1: And you're like, I swear to god, I'm fucking cool and.

1340
00:55:17,159 --> 00:55:20,599
Speaker 3: Parties and I got close personality in high school and

1341
00:55:20,679 --> 00:55:21,960
she goes, you bring that up to weight.

1342
00:55:22,199 --> 00:55:26,000
Speaker 1: Yes, that's so funny. I was like the most hated

1343
00:55:26,039 --> 00:55:28,159
person in my high school, really hated most.

1344
00:55:28,199 --> 00:55:29,599
Speaker 2: But I went to Tin High School in Royal, Maine.

1345
00:55:29,639 --> 00:55:31,239
Speaker 1: It was like I went to a tiny high school too,

1346
00:55:31,280 --> 00:55:35,079
and every why because I was hot, and their boyfriend

1347
00:55:35,159 --> 00:55:38,039
wanted to exactly they were fucking.

1348
00:55:38,440 --> 00:55:43,239
Speaker 2: Versus me, who on the other end, I'm closeted.

1349
00:55:43,400 --> 00:55:50,000
Speaker 1: Like silly, so little zany going up. So I was like, but.

1350
00:55:50,239 --> 00:55:52,000
Speaker 2: Lexi's like, you bring that up way too much for

1351
00:55:52,079 --> 00:55:53,719
someone that's like a well adjusted adult.

1352
00:55:54,840 --> 00:55:56,679
Speaker 1: Up the high school thing. Yeah, yeah, you do have

1353
00:55:56,679 --> 00:55:59,320
to bring that up. It's like my ex step mom,

1354
00:55:59,320 --> 00:56:02,840
who was like a raging alcoholic. She would always say,

1355
00:56:03,840 --> 00:56:06,440
you know, I lost prom queen by one vote and

1356
00:56:06,559 --> 00:56:08,679
I voted for the other girl, And I was like,

1357
00:56:10,119 --> 00:56:14,000
for you, Si. Also, you're like trying to validate how

1358
00:56:14,119 --> 00:56:15,880
cool you are and then also tell people like what

1359
00:56:16,000 --> 00:56:18,559
a good person you are. But like, it doesn't it's

1360
00:56:18,639 --> 00:56:20,559
not even a real story.

1361
00:56:20,679 --> 00:56:23,000
Speaker 3: I don't want Yeah, I think you just think you

1362
00:56:23,199 --> 00:56:26,039
just yes, I think you lost problems totally.

1363
00:56:26,239 --> 00:56:28,079
Speaker 1: I don't think you lost my one vote voted for

1364
00:56:28,119 --> 00:56:28,360
the other.

1365
00:56:28,760 --> 00:56:31,719
Speaker 3: Would you know they're not gonna like yeah, but I

1366
00:56:31,760 --> 00:56:35,159
would say those are what I think my problems are,

1367
00:56:36,199 --> 00:56:38,400
and then what I would say loved ones would say,

1368
00:56:42,280 --> 00:56:43,960
I would say, probably.

1369
00:56:45,840 --> 00:56:47,880
Speaker 2: Like a follow through thing. I just have like a

1370
00:56:47,920 --> 00:56:51,519
really clear thing of my mom being like, you know,

1371
00:56:51,599 --> 00:56:54,519
you're very sweet, but you don't always say you don't

1372
00:56:54,519 --> 00:56:58,199
always do what you say you're gonna do, And that's true.

1373
00:56:58,079 --> 00:57:01,280
Speaker 1: And that come up for you in relationships also were

1374
00:57:01,360 --> 00:57:03,320
like you say and you mean well, but then you

1375
00:57:03,480 --> 00:57:06,360
just can't follow through on the actions you know.

1376
00:57:06,559 --> 00:57:09,599
Speaker 3: Now it doesn't really but I think definitely. But also

1377
00:57:09,679 --> 00:57:12,480
with relationships, I feel like your relationships most like your

1378
00:57:12,599 --> 00:57:15,679
romantic relationships, and I guess friends want to most clearly

1379
00:57:15,840 --> 00:57:19,119
reflect your relationship with yourself. So where the worst of

1380
00:57:19,159 --> 00:57:21,840
me would come out usually would actually be romantic relationships

1381
00:57:21,880 --> 00:57:24,800
in that I would put on such a show at

1382
00:57:24,840 --> 00:57:27,320
the beginning to try to win someone over, but I

1383
00:57:27,440 --> 00:57:29,480
never even I didn't know myself well enough to know

1384
00:57:29,559 --> 00:57:31,480
who I was, what I wanted, or if we were

1385
00:57:31,480 --> 00:57:33,320
even a good fit. So then I would spend so

1386
00:57:33,400 --> 00:57:35,440
much time doing that that then it would crash and

1387
00:57:35,519 --> 00:57:38,119
burn because I wasn't honest in the beginning. And I

1388
00:57:38,199 --> 00:57:40,079
had been in some relationships with some great people and

1389
00:57:40,119 --> 00:57:42,599
then also someones that I mean, who am I to

1390
00:57:42,639 --> 00:57:44,639
say who's great and not great? But my experience weren't great.

1391
00:57:44,679 --> 00:57:46,480
But it's like I was with some wonderful people that

1392
00:57:46,519 --> 00:57:49,159
I was terrible to and I do still feel really bad,

1393
00:57:49,199 --> 00:57:50,360
but I try to look back at that as like

1394
00:57:50,400 --> 00:57:53,079
you were a sick person. Yeah yeah, what's that sound learning?

1395
00:57:53,239 --> 00:57:55,239
And you're learning is you're a sick person. Who's you

1396
00:57:55,280 --> 00:57:57,280
weren't You're not a bad person. You're a sick person

1397
00:57:57,639 --> 00:57:59,679
trying to get well. If you heard that one, sure,

1398
00:58:00,000 --> 00:58:01,719
I remember someone said that once and I went.

1399
00:58:02,079 --> 00:58:04,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, I like that one, but that one because it

1400
00:58:04,440 --> 00:58:08,840
excuses all my bad exactly, I will say against have

1401
00:58:08,920 --> 00:58:09,760
you put on your bracelet?

1402
00:58:10,519 --> 00:58:11,119
Speaker 2: I am sick?

1403
00:58:11,199 --> 00:58:12,280
Speaker 1: Can you add that on there?

1404
00:58:12,480 --> 00:58:15,119
Speaker 2: I was thinking, literally, you scan it just.

1405
00:58:15,159 --> 00:58:17,440
Speaker 1: Comes up bad person persis, I was.

1406
00:58:17,519 --> 00:58:19,440
Speaker 3: I was thinking I should put hypochondriac on it, and

1407
00:58:19,519 --> 00:58:21,159
just as like a joke, just in case, because what

1408
00:58:21,239 --> 00:58:23,239
I have in here, bronchias, is a lung thing that

1409
00:58:23,360 --> 00:58:25,000
is not threatening at all. So it's like, I don't

1410
00:58:25,000 --> 00:58:26,639
even know what they would do with that in They're

1411
00:58:26,679 --> 00:58:29,719
just like okay, okay, sure, just like I say my

1412
00:58:29,840 --> 00:58:34,159
zodiac sie, but I would say, those are what people

1413
00:58:34,320 --> 00:58:34,760
say about me?

1414
00:58:34,840 --> 00:58:36,320
Speaker 2: Have you already said yours? No?

1415
00:58:36,440 --> 00:58:39,000
Speaker 1: It's a brand news Okay, we just started today. God,

1416
00:58:39,400 --> 00:58:42,960
what isn't wrong with me? What would I say is

1417
00:58:43,000 --> 00:58:44,760
wrong with me? I b OCD thinking, which is a

1418
00:58:45,000 --> 00:58:45,960
hell I wish on no one.

1419
00:58:46,039 --> 00:58:47,159
Speaker 2: So that's so interesting.

1420
00:58:46,800 --> 00:58:49,639
Speaker 3: Because I don't, but I it's I actually get along

1421
00:58:49,679 --> 00:58:51,639
really well with people that do, and I wonder why

1422
00:58:51,719 --> 00:58:52,039
that is.

1423
00:58:53,440 --> 00:58:55,800
Speaker 2: That's and people have been friends with and stuff.

1424
00:58:55,960 --> 00:58:59,199
Speaker 1: You might be a good companion for us because you,

1425
00:58:59,840 --> 00:59:03,079
you or ADHD distracts us. Oh that's so interesting because

1426
00:59:03,159 --> 00:59:04,800
like we would like to talk about the same thing

1427
00:59:04,880 --> 00:59:07,079
over and over again and like just beat it into

1428
00:59:07,159 --> 00:59:10,119
the fucking ground. And you're like you when I have

1429
00:59:10,199 --> 00:59:13,440
conversations with you, halfway through a conversation, you'll jump to

1430
00:59:13,519 --> 00:59:15,480
a different topic that you just got inspired by, and

1431
00:59:15,559 --> 00:59:17,639
then I'll go with you, and then you'll go somewhere else.

1432
00:59:17,679 --> 00:59:19,360
Speaker 2: Oh I appreciate that because I don't realize I'm doing it.

1433
00:59:19,400 --> 00:59:20,000
So I appreciate you.

1434
00:59:20,079 --> 00:59:21,760
Speaker 1: No, no, no, no, I like it because you just

1435
00:59:21,880 --> 00:59:23,760
like you jump in and then you're like, oh no,

1436
00:59:23,880 --> 00:59:25,119
I like that, and then I follow that and then

1437
00:59:25,119 --> 00:59:26,719
I go there and then I completely forgot that I

1438
00:59:26,760 --> 00:59:29,039
wanted to talk about something that was like damaging my soul?

1439
00:59:29,440 --> 00:59:30,039
Do you know what I mean?

1440
00:59:30,119 --> 00:59:32,199
Speaker 2: I know what you mean. So OCD, you'd be like

1441
00:59:32,639 --> 00:59:34,039
you just be like on a loop.

1442
00:59:34,239 --> 00:59:37,119
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's tough. It's a hamster wheel.

1443
00:59:37,480 --> 00:59:39,199
Speaker 2: It's kind of the opposite of add in a lot

1444
00:59:39,280 --> 00:59:39,599
of ways.

1445
00:59:39,719 --> 00:59:41,559
Speaker 1: It's a it's a hell I wish on no one.

1446
00:59:41,599 --> 00:59:44,239
And it's interesting too because like it really shows up

1447
00:59:44,239 --> 00:59:47,320
for me in rumination. Yeah, Like when I'll get out

1448
00:59:47,320 --> 00:59:50,880
of a situation, whether it's a job or a relationship

1449
00:59:51,199 --> 00:59:53,639
or whatever it is, I can get out of the

1450
00:59:53,719 --> 00:59:56,079
situation and then I all, you know how like sometimes

1451
00:59:56,119 --> 00:59:57,920
in the beginning of a relationship you have like rose

1452
00:59:58,000 --> 01:00:02,079
colored Of course I don't have those ever. In the relationship.

1453
01:00:02,159 --> 01:00:04,679
I always see everything very clearly for what it is.

1454
01:00:05,199 --> 01:00:07,400
But then when I get out of the relationship or

1455
01:00:07,440 --> 01:00:10,320
when I get out of that job, I look back

1456
01:00:10,480 --> 01:00:12,400
and I like make it into a fairy tale that

1457
01:00:12,480 --> 01:00:14,920
it never was. Which is why journaling for me is

1458
01:00:15,000 --> 01:00:17,199
so important, because I can look back and be like,

1459
01:00:17,280 --> 01:00:20,440
day by day, like I hate this job and sucking

1460
01:00:20,519 --> 01:00:23,000
the will to live out of my body. I hate

1461
01:00:23,159 --> 01:00:26,639
being on the road. I hate this man. I hate

1462
01:00:27,079 --> 01:00:29,960
I'm not getting I don't hate anyone or anything. It's

1463
01:00:30,000 --> 01:00:31,360
just exactly you know what I mean, Like, I'm not

1464
01:00:31,400 --> 01:00:33,079
getting along with this person. I don't like the way

1465
01:00:33,119 --> 01:00:35,679
this person's acting. And I'll do it with friendships too,

1466
01:00:35,679 --> 01:00:37,119
where I get out of the friendship and I'm like, oh,

1467
01:00:37,199 --> 01:00:39,320
were they that bad? You know? Did I have to

1468
01:00:39,360 --> 01:00:40,719
cut them off? Did I have to do that? And

1469
01:00:40,920 --> 01:00:42,920
like I'll look back and then I'll just go on

1470
01:00:43,119 --> 01:00:45,559
like and then I'll just go like information seeking about

1471
01:00:45,679 --> 01:00:47,960
like how now their life is so much better without

1472
01:00:48,039 --> 01:00:48,360
me in it?

1473
01:00:48,480 --> 01:00:49,199
Speaker 2: And that's tricky.

1474
01:00:49,800 --> 01:00:52,559
Speaker 3: It's just like a documenting what you're feeling in the moment,

1475
01:00:52,639 --> 01:00:53,760
so you can't romanticize.

1476
01:00:53,840 --> 01:00:55,239
Speaker 2: It does sound positive, it's great.

1477
01:00:55,280 --> 01:00:57,000
Speaker 1: I mean I was looking at my journals yesterday and

1478
01:00:57,039 --> 01:00:59,480
I was like, oh, I'm good, that's.

1479
01:00:59,320 --> 01:01:00,599
Speaker 2: Good, you know what I mean, I think a lot.

1480
01:01:00,599 --> 01:01:03,599
Speaker 3: I think that that's I mean, I know it's it's

1481
01:01:03,639 --> 01:01:05,360
definitely different for someone with OCD because it's going to

1482
01:01:05,400 --> 01:01:08,559
be more pronounced to an extreme, but I do know

1483
01:01:08,639 --> 01:01:10,360
there it's like part of the human condition where you

1484
01:01:10,440 --> 01:01:13,639
look back on stuff and you the romanticizing it, and

1485
01:01:13,719 --> 01:01:15,239
I think there's a word for that, but it's like

1486
01:01:15,400 --> 01:01:19,599
some cognition thing where then it's like it gets really tricky.

1487
01:01:19,719 --> 01:01:22,199
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it gets very like yeah, it just is

1488
01:01:22,280 --> 01:01:24,760
like you lose sight of the truth and like, that's

1489
01:01:24,760 --> 01:01:26,559
why it's so important that I've had the same therapists

1490
01:01:26,599 --> 01:01:28,519
for ten years, because she can remind me how I

1491
01:01:28,760 --> 01:01:31,639
was in the moment, how I felt. The therapists, the journals,

1492
01:01:31,679 --> 01:01:35,000
all of those things are really important that too, You're right, yeah,

1493
01:01:35,599 --> 01:01:38,360
And then the other thing that's wrong with me is

1494
01:01:38,800 --> 01:01:44,400
when people do me wrong. I speak about it truthfully

1495
01:01:44,559 --> 01:01:49,599
and publicly, and they get very hurt and offended by that.

1496
01:01:50,320 --> 01:01:53,519
And it's tough for me because I'm like, if you

1497
01:01:53,599 --> 01:01:55,920
don't want me to talk shit about you, then don't

1498
01:01:55,960 --> 01:01:56,679
do horrible shit.

1499
01:01:56,880 --> 01:01:59,199
Speaker 2: Mike. Taylor Swift said, yeah, yeah, yeah.

1500
01:01:59,360 --> 01:02:01,800
Speaker 1: I like act she I'm really starting to understand Taylor

1501
01:02:01,800 --> 01:02:04,320
Swift in her like villain era total like when she

1502
01:02:04,559 --> 01:02:06,920
was just like, I guess I'm the fucking problem, because

1503
01:02:06,960 --> 01:02:08,440
that's how I feel. I was like, I guess I'm

1504
01:02:08,480 --> 01:02:10,360
the fucking problem. If like, I'm all you guys can

1505
01:02:10,440 --> 01:02:12,320
talk about even though you guys fucked me over, you

1506
01:02:12,400 --> 01:02:13,920
did this to me, you did that to me, I

1507
01:02:14,039 --> 01:02:15,599
talked about it, So now I'm the problem.

1508
01:02:15,719 --> 01:02:18,280
Speaker 3: I think it's a balance because we'll see that's tough too,

1509
01:02:18,280 --> 01:02:21,000
because it's like, maybe maybe gets tricky if someone doesn't

1510
01:02:21,000 --> 01:02:22,400
have a platform then to respond on.

1511
01:02:22,760 --> 01:02:24,840
Speaker 2: So there's the power and balance. So that's tricky.

1512
01:02:25,199 --> 01:02:28,039
Speaker 3: But also then that's kind of like we're zooming in

1513
01:02:28,159 --> 01:02:30,639
here because it's like, right, but then I created this,

1514
01:02:30,800 --> 01:02:31,960
So if that's something you really want to do, you

1515
01:02:31,960 --> 01:02:35,400
could create that too. And would you say, you're I'm

1516
01:02:35,400 --> 01:02:37,239
an external processor? You an external process?

1517
01:02:37,320 --> 01:02:37,800
Speaker 1: What does that mean?

1518
01:02:37,920 --> 01:02:40,480
Speaker 2: It means like you process things like through speaking them out.

1519
01:02:40,920 --> 01:02:43,639
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah yeah. And I also think like it's the

1520
01:02:43,719 --> 01:02:46,159
podcast makes it tough, right because like every week it's

1521
01:02:46,280 --> 01:02:48,360
about my life, and I'm just like, well, this is

1522
01:02:48,400 --> 01:02:50,480
what's going on in my life. And I like I'm

1523
01:02:50,519 --> 01:02:53,400
also the world's worst liar. So if I were to

1524
01:02:53,480 --> 01:02:56,400
try and be like everything's fine, he he he. If

1525
01:02:56,440 --> 01:02:59,639
you said that, oh my god, I would record it.

1526
01:03:00,079 --> 01:03:02,480
Speaker 2: All of a sudden, you do that, I go, oh yeah,

1527
01:03:02,559 --> 01:03:03,239
wait a minute.

1528
01:03:04,840 --> 01:03:06,880
Speaker 1: You're like, she's in a full fledged lawsuit.

1529
01:03:07,400 --> 01:03:08,639
Speaker 2: Everything's good.

1530
01:03:08,920 --> 01:03:11,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I'm just like he he, I mean, you've

1531
01:03:11,480 --> 01:03:13,320
listened to the podcast, you know what. I'm like, this

1532
01:03:13,559 --> 01:03:14,280
is the worst.

1533
01:03:14,440 --> 01:03:18,119
Speaker 2: It's all bad life. That's what helps you people like relate.

1534
01:03:17,920 --> 01:03:19,639
Speaker 1: To stuff, right, And I'm just like, I also don't

1535
01:03:19,639 --> 01:03:20,639
want to be a dishonest person.

1536
01:03:20,639 --> 01:03:23,039
Speaker 3: I feel like you're cruel. Obviously I'm biased, like by

1537
01:03:23,079 --> 01:03:25,920
a sort, but but I don't ever feel like you're

1538
01:03:26,119 --> 01:03:26,880
I've been cruel.

1539
01:03:27,440 --> 01:03:30,199
Speaker 1: I've been ruthless, is what I've I've been ruthless with

1540
01:03:30,280 --> 01:03:32,320
the truth. Yeah, And that's the thing.

1541
01:03:32,400 --> 01:03:35,239
Speaker 3: It's like, that's different from being ruthless with something that

1542
01:03:35,320 --> 01:03:37,239
you want to be the truth, right, and so you're like,

1543
01:03:37,440 --> 01:03:39,280
this would serve my narrative better, So then I'm gonna

1544
01:03:39,280 --> 01:03:39,679
be ruthless.

1545
01:03:39,719 --> 01:03:40,400
Speaker 2: That's different.

1546
01:03:40,519 --> 01:03:43,079
Speaker 1: Now I'm ruthless with the truth. But people have done

1547
01:03:43,119 --> 01:03:45,119
some up ship to me, right, and they've caught wind

1548
01:03:45,159 --> 01:03:47,800
of me talking shit about it, and that's that is

1549
01:03:48,079 --> 01:03:49,639
something that's wrong with me and something I do have

1550
01:03:49,719 --> 01:03:52,400
to look at because if I want people in my life, yeah,

1551
01:03:52,960 --> 01:03:54,280
I have to knock it off.

1552
01:03:54,440 --> 01:03:57,320
Speaker 3: And the balance of everybody makes mistakes, so it's like, okay,

1553
01:03:57,519 --> 01:03:59,480
we have to figure out what's the amount what is

1554
01:03:59,800 --> 01:04:01,719
And I think it's a lot of learning just using

1555
01:04:01,800 --> 01:04:04,199
nastaatements like when you have when I think back on like, okay,

1556
01:04:04,199 --> 01:04:06,159
adults that wrong me as a kid. So then maybe

1557
01:04:06,199 --> 01:04:08,840
I'm hyper vigilant about if I sense that that's happening again.

1558
01:04:08,880 --> 01:04:10,199
I'm like, oh no, I got to get away from that.

1559
01:04:10,519 --> 01:04:12,800
But then the balance of being like, wait, but everyone

1560
01:04:12,840 --> 01:04:15,440
makes mistakes. What's in a And you learn that so

1561
01:04:15,519 --> 01:04:17,400
much in like relationships and friendships and be like, okay,

1562
01:04:17,440 --> 01:04:19,840
there's gonna be We're all going to have our stuff.

1563
01:04:19,920 --> 01:04:21,639
Speaker 2: So what am I willing? What right?

1564
01:04:21,719 --> 01:04:24,320
Speaker 1: And it's also like in my adult relationships and friendships,

1565
01:04:24,440 --> 01:04:26,960
I have made mistakes exactly what people were to go

1566
01:04:27,159 --> 01:04:29,599
on their fucking podcast and be like she did da

1567
01:04:29,679 --> 01:04:32,079
da da. Here's the thing about when I make mistakes,

1568
01:04:32,119 --> 01:04:34,280
I know pretty quickly, and I apologize very quickly, and

1569
01:04:34,320 --> 01:04:37,719
I take accountability. I think if any of the people

1570
01:04:38,079 --> 01:04:41,280
that had wronged me in just this calendar year had

1571
01:04:41,360 --> 01:04:44,519
taken any calendar alone, this calendar year alone, if anyone

1572
01:04:44,599 --> 01:04:47,280
had taken any responsibility, I would have been a lot chiller.

1573
01:04:47,400 --> 01:04:50,880
Speaker 3: I'm telling I self awareness and an apology to me,

1574
01:04:51,159 --> 01:04:53,360
I can pretty much forgive.

1575
01:04:54,960 --> 01:04:55,440
Speaker 1: Anything.

1576
01:04:55,840 --> 01:04:59,559
Speaker 3: I mean literally, yeah literally if someone goes head, you

1577
01:04:59,639 --> 01:05:01,480
know what reason I did this was? You know when

1578
01:05:01,480 --> 01:05:04,320
I was a kid, Yeah, you know whatever, got a

1579
01:05:04,400 --> 01:05:08,360
real apology, yeah, almost to a fault, but like truly

1580
01:05:08,480 --> 01:05:12,239
so same that same an apology is worth more than.

1581
01:05:12,159 --> 01:05:12,760
Speaker 1: Anything to me.

1582
01:05:13,639 --> 01:05:14,960
Speaker 3: Is it really a fault then that that you do

1583
01:05:15,079 --> 01:05:16,960
that or is it just I just I just think

1584
01:05:17,079 --> 01:05:20,880
it's a negative. It's called hattern and good.

1585
01:05:21,639 --> 01:05:24,880
Speaker 1: It's it's causing more spiritual heart. I see it because

1586
01:05:24,920 --> 01:05:27,079
it's like I'm like, it's that thing we were talking

1587
01:05:27,119 --> 01:05:29,480
about earlier where I'm like, I got ya, right, you know,

1588
01:05:29,599 --> 01:05:31,599
I got ya and I'm telling the truth and I'm

1589
01:05:31,639 --> 01:05:34,280
d d DA. But I'm just like, to what end?

1590
01:05:34,559 --> 01:05:35,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're like, I don't want to be alone in

1591
01:05:35,960 --> 01:05:36,320
a corner.

1592
01:05:36,519 --> 01:05:37,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's really tough.

1593
01:05:37,599 --> 01:05:40,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's tough because there's gotta be a balance with that,

1594
01:05:40,840 --> 01:05:42,559
because it is an important thing to do too, to

1595
01:05:42,639 --> 01:05:45,159
stand up for yourself. Yeah, but I guess, but I

1596
01:05:45,199 --> 01:05:46,480
see exactly what you mean, because it's like.

1597
01:05:47,360 --> 01:05:48,000
Speaker 1: There's a balance.

1598
01:05:48,000 --> 01:05:48,599
Speaker 2: There's a balance.

1599
01:05:48,639 --> 01:05:51,360
Speaker 1: There's a balance, and the balance is me just getting lawyers.

1600
01:05:52,480 --> 01:05:54,679
I'll just get the lawyers. I'll let the lawyers handle

1601
01:05:54,760 --> 01:05:57,159
everything and I don't need to say a fucking.

1602
01:05:56,880 --> 01:06:00,400
Speaker 2: Word off set it to them. Yeah, and then not

1603
01:06:00,679 --> 01:06:01,880
I guess, and then trusting them.

1604
01:06:01,920 --> 01:06:04,199
Speaker 3: It's not micro because that's a tough thing when you

1605
01:06:04,280 --> 01:06:05,960
have to fight so hard to speak for yourself too

1606
01:06:06,199 --> 01:06:08,199
then being like having people speak on your behalf.

1607
01:06:08,800 --> 01:06:09,320
Speaker 2: That's a truth.

1608
01:06:09,400 --> 01:06:11,559
Speaker 3: That's like something that's like an exercise, you know when

1609
01:06:11,599 --> 01:06:13,679
you work, start working with like you know people in

1610
01:06:13,679 --> 01:06:15,199
your life and they're speaking for you, being like, I'm

1611
01:06:15,239 --> 01:06:15,679
gonna trust you.

1612
01:06:15,800 --> 01:06:17,239
Speaker 1: I'm gonna trust you. I'm gonna trust you to do

1613
01:06:17,320 --> 01:06:19,519
your job. What my therapist would say is wrong with

1614
01:06:19,559 --> 01:06:20,679
me is clinical depression?

1615
01:06:21,000 --> 01:06:21,280
Speaker 2: Really?

1616
01:06:22,599 --> 01:06:24,760
Speaker 3: Do you think that if I always wondered this, Like

1617
01:06:25,000 --> 01:06:26,760
I know I felt depressed when I was a kid,

1618
01:06:26,800 --> 01:06:28,559
but it's like that would make a lot of sense.

1619
01:06:29,719 --> 01:06:33,719
Speaker 2: There's it was just chaos. But I also do think

1620
01:06:33,760 --> 01:06:36,559
I have I know by like clinical depression runs in

1621
01:06:36,599 --> 01:06:38,679
my family too. Do you think do you think.

1622
01:06:38,639 --> 01:06:42,199
Speaker 1: Yours is biological or socialized or bio do you think

1623
01:06:42,199 --> 01:06:44,320
if I think it's a combination of everything. But I

1624
01:06:44,400 --> 01:06:46,440
think it really showed up when I quit drinking, because

1625
01:06:46,440 --> 01:06:49,679
when I was drinking, I was almadic totally was working totally,

1626
01:06:50,000 --> 01:06:52,960
And so it's interesting it's a family disease. Yes, the

1627
01:06:53,000 --> 01:06:55,480
alcoholism is a family disease, and so is the depression.

1628
01:06:55,639 --> 01:06:59,119
And I you know, I don't want to speak too

1629
01:06:59,159 --> 01:07:00,800
much on this because it's someone else the situation. But

1630
01:07:00,880 --> 01:07:02,760
I was home recently in a family member was really

1631
01:07:02,800 --> 01:07:05,519
struggling and they had just quit drinking a year ago,

1632
01:07:05,840 --> 01:07:07,960
and I was like, this is a family disease, and

1633
01:07:08,199 --> 01:07:12,039
like this depression is why we engage in the disease

1634
01:07:12,079 --> 01:07:14,519
as hard as we do. So you taking a step

1635
01:07:14,599 --> 01:07:16,239
back from the alcohol is fine, but now you have

1636
01:07:16,320 --> 01:07:18,199
to look at the parts of you that were injured

1637
01:07:18,280 --> 01:07:20,119
enough to drink yourself into a blackout every week.

1638
01:07:20,239 --> 01:07:20,559
Speaker 2: Exactly.

1639
01:07:20,599 --> 01:07:22,199
Speaker 3: It's not the drinking, it's the thinking that it is

1640
01:07:22,239 --> 01:07:24,000
like such a thing where you're like, oh, when you

1641
01:07:24,119 --> 01:07:26,119
get down to like the what's called they call in

1642
01:07:26,320 --> 01:07:30,679
the community, like causes and conditions, and you go, damn true,

1643
01:07:30,840 --> 01:07:33,440
and depression is it is no joke because there's I

1644
01:07:33,599 --> 01:07:36,239
used to be like so set on when I would

1645
01:07:36,239 --> 01:07:39,400
be depressed, I would get so I think I would

1646
01:07:39,400 --> 01:07:41,079
be so it was so hard I was kicking and

1647
01:07:41,119 --> 01:07:43,199
screaming to admit that I had like a clinical depression,

1648
01:07:43,440 --> 01:07:45,679
because I would say, and it would especially be around

1649
01:07:45,679 --> 01:07:46,760
the PMDD help me realize it.

1650
01:07:46,840 --> 01:07:48,639
Speaker 2: It was very like clockwork. But I would go, when

1651
01:07:48,679 --> 01:07:51,239
I'm depressed, you know the shit's going now When he

1652
01:07:51,239 --> 01:07:52,880
says when I'm depressed. I see things clearly.

1653
01:07:53,079 --> 01:07:53,280
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1654
01:07:53,679 --> 01:07:55,719
Speaker 3: Oh, this depression is allowing me to see that this

1655
01:07:55,880 --> 01:07:57,960
is a dumpster fire and that's not working out. And

1656
01:07:58,000 --> 01:08:00,639
it's like, right, but it shouldn't be debilitating, right, it

1657
01:08:00,679 --> 01:08:04,239
should be everyone feels sad. But then, like you know,

1658
01:08:04,400 --> 01:08:06,000
you're f you're in a relationship with someone who doesn't

1659
01:08:06,000 --> 01:08:07,719
have clinical depression, and you see how they feel when

1660
01:08:07,719 --> 01:08:10,760
they're sad versus how I would react to it if I.

1661
01:08:10,840 --> 01:08:12,960
Speaker 2: Was in a depressive state. Right, it's just remembering to

1662
01:08:13,000 --> 01:08:14,760
take those goddamn will beutrin pills.

1663
01:08:14,840 --> 01:08:15,119
Speaker 3: I know.

1664
01:08:15,360 --> 01:08:16,640
Speaker 2: Oh, lexipro.

1665
01:08:16,760 --> 01:08:18,560
Speaker 1: I'm tight trading down on the lexapro right now.

1666
01:08:18,600 --> 01:08:20,560
Speaker 2: And I used to take that a while ago. Is

1667
01:08:20,560 --> 01:08:21,680
that anxiety or depression?

1668
01:08:21,760 --> 01:08:24,159
Speaker 1: It's both? Okay, okay, but it's I'm tight trading down.

1669
01:08:24,239 --> 01:08:25,479
Speaker 2: Oh I think I saw you say something about that

1670
01:08:25,479 --> 01:08:28,359
you could go down to five milligrams. Yeah, yes, yes, But.

1671
01:08:28,520 --> 01:08:30,560
Speaker 1: My god, I've never had one of the side effects,

1672
01:08:30,600 --> 01:08:34,439
which is crazy, is horrible anxiety and it only lasts

1673
01:08:34,479 --> 01:08:36,319
for two weeks. But it's like I feel like I

1674
01:08:36,399 --> 01:08:38,880
have anxiety shooting out of my fingertips. It's like going

1675
01:08:39,000 --> 01:08:41,399
up the back of my Eyeah, Like it's the worst.

1676
01:08:41,920 --> 01:08:43,479
It's one of the worst side effects I've ever heard.

1677
01:08:43,560 --> 01:08:45,680
Speaker 2: You trade down, that's what it is. Yeah, that's scary.

1678
01:08:45,880 --> 01:08:48,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's just my body was used to the ten milligrams.

1679
01:08:48,840 --> 01:08:51,119
So that's another sign of how sensitive I was to

1680
01:08:51,159 --> 01:08:53,800
the drug, because like, ten milligrams is technically the entry

1681
01:08:53,880 --> 01:08:56,479
level dose, and I was on five milligrams for a

1682
01:08:56,600 --> 01:08:58,199
year and it was working. I went up to ten

1683
01:08:58,239 --> 01:08:59,720
when I moved upon Beach in my life got very

1684
01:08:59,800 --> 01:09:01,960
child unging. And then I was only in Palm Beach

1685
01:09:02,039 --> 01:09:03,520
for three months and I thought I could come right

1686
01:09:03,560 --> 01:09:08,000
back down. And it's been like dizziness and like anxiety

1687
01:09:08,359 --> 01:09:10,720
and insomnia, and I'm like, oh, this is no buena.

1688
01:09:10,800 --> 01:09:12,880
Speaker 3: What these pills actually do too? Cause I had I've

1689
01:09:12,920 --> 01:09:14,720
been on Zola for like twenty years. Yeah, and then

1690
01:09:14,760 --> 01:09:15,800
I forgot to take it. I was like, I just

1691
01:09:15,800 --> 01:09:19,039
won't get it refilled, and then I can't not fine,

1692
01:09:19,079 --> 01:09:20,520
I know, and then I but then it made me

1693
01:09:20,600 --> 01:09:22,319
be like damn it. When I went on this stuff,

1694
01:09:22,359 --> 01:09:24,319
I had no idea how powerful these things were. But

1695
01:09:24,399 --> 01:09:25,840
also I went on it for a reason.

1696
01:09:25,680 --> 01:09:27,880
Speaker 1: And yeah, and it worked, and it does work. Works.

1697
01:09:28,159 --> 01:09:30,520
That's one thing. It's like, I guess it works like

1698
01:09:30,640 --> 01:09:33,119
I for me, I don't see a version of myself

1699
01:09:33,199 --> 01:09:35,399
getting off of it completely. I want to stay on

1700
01:09:35,479 --> 01:09:37,840
it because I remember myself before it and I was

1701
01:09:38,319 --> 01:09:42,800
in a dark place, like a very dark place, so.

1702
01:09:42,840 --> 01:09:43,800
Speaker 2: A clinical depression.

1703
01:09:43,800 --> 01:09:45,119
Speaker 3: I wish they would have kind of a way to

1704
01:09:45,159 --> 01:09:47,239
reframe it where it's like, it's not something wrong. I

1705
01:09:47,319 --> 01:09:49,199
guess it is something wrong, but it's like it's not

1706
01:09:49,279 --> 01:09:50,119
something you can help.

1707
01:09:50,560 --> 01:09:54,279
Speaker 1: It's like, yeah, I mean it. That is how it's framed.

1708
01:09:54,359 --> 01:09:54,479
Speaker 2: Right.

1709
01:09:54,520 --> 01:09:57,560
Speaker 1: It can't help it. It's right, it's a chemical lack

1710
01:09:57,560 --> 01:10:00,640
of serotonin in the brain. It's like another thing that

1711
01:10:01,560 --> 01:10:04,319
causes you know, another disease that's caused by that is

1712
01:10:04,359 --> 01:10:05,119
like Parkinson's.

1713
01:10:05,239 --> 01:10:07,920
Speaker 2: Nobody's like, you know, I didn't know that about it.

1714
01:10:07,920 --> 01:10:12,640
Speaker 3: That's interesting to walk right off off off this fucking

1715
01:10:12,720 --> 01:10:15,239
guy Parkinson's runs in my family.

1716
01:10:15,239 --> 01:10:15,800
Speaker 2: I didn't know that.

1717
01:10:15,960 --> 01:10:19,640
Speaker 1: Really. Yeah, so it's it's maybe it's lack of serotonin.

1718
01:10:19,279 --> 01:10:22,000
Speaker 3: Or do interesting check that same with twitchy leg because

1719
01:10:22,000 --> 01:10:23,279
I used to get twitchy leg and then when I

1720
01:10:23,319 --> 01:10:24,800
started at night, my leg wrestless.

1721
01:10:25,439 --> 01:10:26,479
Speaker 2: Thank you something.

1722
01:10:26,560 --> 01:10:28,840
Speaker 3: Call it the cool version, the nerd version, is like

1723
01:10:29,159 --> 01:10:31,880
a twitching legs. When I said my zo up, then

1724
01:10:31,920 --> 01:10:33,439
that just went away and they said, oh, yes, it's

1725
01:10:33,439 --> 01:10:36,199
because the serotonin and dopamine regulation.

1726
01:10:35,960 --> 01:10:39,359
Speaker 1: And all that thing. Yeah, okay, well you've been amazing.

1727
01:10:39,359 --> 01:10:40,079
Do you want to tell everyone?

1728
01:10:41,359 --> 01:10:45,640
Speaker 2: Yes? Please? I'm on Instagram, Instagram, Instagram, act on that Instagram.

1729
01:10:45,680 --> 01:10:47,000
You know about that one? You don't know about that one.

1730
01:10:47,279 --> 01:10:48,680
Speaker 1: It's in good Instagram Instagram.

1731
01:10:48,800 --> 01:10:52,199
Speaker 2: I wish how refreshly would that be? Please? Everything's like

1732
01:10:52,239 --> 01:10:57,840
in big fonts like fun. I'm on Instagram at Emma Wilman, amazing.

1733
01:10:57,920 --> 01:10:59,279
Speaker 1: I love you, I love you. Thank you for having me,

1734
01:10:59,359 --> 01:10:59,920
Thanks for coming

1735
01:11:04,479 --> 01:11:12,039
Speaker 2: To m