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<v Speaker 1>This is Pod Popular Podcast for the People, The Great

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<v Speaker 1>Love Debate. It's the Great Love Debate, the Great Love Debate.

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<v Speaker 1>It's a Great Love Debate. Hi again, Everyone's Brian Howie.

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to The Great Love Debate, the world's number one

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<v Speaker 1>dating or relationship podcast since twenty fifteen. I am back

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<v Speaker 1>here in the very fine studios of Pod Popular Podcast

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<v Speaker 1>for the People. I am at the one in Cleveland, Ohio, Lynnhurst, Ohio,

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<v Speaker 1>slightly outside of Cleveland, and I'm gonna do quickie today.

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<v Speaker 1>It's just something I wanted to talk about because somebody

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<v Speaker 1>brought it up and I had something to think about.

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<v Speaker 1>So forgive the quickie. And it's just me because my

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<v Speaker 1>guest flaked. And if if a guest flakes, you got

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<v Speaker 1>to be prepared to talk about whatever you want to

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<v Speaker 1>talk to talk about. And this is what I'm going

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<v Speaker 1>to talk about. So first things, first, little order of business.

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<v Speaker 1>I think the last episode of this show, the one

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<v Speaker 1>I did with our long time producer, the two time

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<v Speaker 1>Emmy Award winning Kiko, I did a quick little announcement

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<v Speaker 1>of promo at the end for a new podcast that

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<v Speaker 1>I launched and I am hosting, and it is about estrangement,

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<v Speaker 1>which is a strange topic to dive into, but those

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<v Speaker 1>of you who know me know that I have a

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<v Speaker 1>little bit of a fascination with estrangement. And after that show,

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<v Speaker 1>Keiko reached out and she said, I don't like the

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<v Speaker 1>name that you announced. You should change it. And I said,

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<v Speaker 1>what should I change it to? And she said, you

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<v Speaker 1>need to change it to Dead to Me? And I

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<v Speaker 1>thought that's so harsh, so I pushed back a little

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<v Speaker 1>on it, but you know what, She's right. The subject

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<v Speaker 1>matter is harsh, and if we're gonna get into some

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<v Speaker 1>rough areas, I think we need a rough name. And

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<v Speaker 1>that's the name. And so the show is called Dead

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<v Speaker 1>to Me. It's an estrangement podcast, and it is live,

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<v Speaker 1>so Keiko is right. She usually is, hence the the

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<v Speaker 1>the Emmys, So it's live on all the platforms. It's

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<v Speaker 1>called Dead to Me, an estrangement podcast, and it is

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<v Speaker 1>hosted by me. And if you listen to the first episode,

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<v Speaker 1>which is live, and by the time you listen to this,

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<v Speaker 1>there might be many episodes live. But I'd like it

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<v Speaker 1>if you did, because you'll learn way more about me

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<v Speaker 1>than you ever thought you would know. And I'm sharing

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<v Speaker 1>way more about myself than I ever thought I would share,

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<v Speaker 1>and not that that show is really about me, but

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<v Speaker 1>I think the more you understand what makes me tick

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<v Speaker 1>and what I like to talk about and why I

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<v Speaker 1>like to talk about and the subject matter, I just

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<v Speaker 1>think it feeds into this show a lot too. So

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<v Speaker 1>you know, the hope and the healing and the trauma

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<v Speaker 1>and the pain and all of that that goes into

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<v Speaker 1>hopefully finding that special person in that special relationship, You'll

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<v Speaker 1>understand a lot of what we do here on the

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<v Speaker 1>Great Love Debate. So give Dead to Me a listen, please,

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<v Speaker 1>and or email Dead to Me Show Dead to Me

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<v Speaker 1>Show at gmail dot com if you have an estrangement

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<v Speaker 1>story or a situation of your own. So that was

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<v Speaker 1>a slight tangent, but not a total one, because I

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<v Speaker 1>want to talk a little bit about past or broken

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<v Speaker 1>relationships that did not work out for a second, not

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<v Speaker 1>necessarily in a bad way. We're not here to bash

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<v Speaker 1>the exes, but I want to talk about how much

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<v Speaker 1>contact is healthy and how to navigate between that loss

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<v Speaker 1>and moving ahead. So I have two opinions on this,

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<v Speaker 1>and they're both I think a little bit unusual and

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<v Speaker 1>might not be what you expect First of all, I

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<v Speaker 1>think it is healthy to communicate with your exes. I

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<v Speaker 1>do you know if you're calling them every day and

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<v Speaker 1>screaming I fucking hate you, No, that's not healthy. But

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<v Speaker 1>you also shouldn't be in a new relationship at that

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<v Speaker 1>point anyway. I'm talking about when you're in a new relationship,

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<v Speaker 1>how much is too much and how much is too little?

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<v Speaker 1>And I'm actually okay with it. I would want my

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<v Speaker 1>girlfriend or wife to be on friendly, cordial, communicative terms

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<v Speaker 1>with whomever was in their past. I mean, I don't

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<v Speaker 1>want to in court every Wednesday morning, but having some

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<v Speaker 1>sort of lined them Happy Birthday, Happy Father's Day, congratulations.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean even to like, hey, I was in Cape

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<v Speaker 1>Cod and I remember that time you caught that big

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<v Speaker 1>dumb fish and you were so happy. I think that's

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<v Speaker 1>good because I want people to err on the side

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<v Speaker 1>of good memories. I think that leads to a happier person,

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<v Speaker 1>the gratitude that came from it, the positivity of the experience.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm personally not the jealous type. I honestly would rather

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<v Speaker 1>have the person I am with in contact with someone

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<v Speaker 1>who did not work out with than someone who it

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<v Speaker 1>might still work out with. You know, I don't rather

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<v Speaker 1>have them talk to an X than someone in their office.

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<v Speaker 1>I just think it's a positive mindset. You know, everyone

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<v Speaker 1>has a past, everyone has had relationships that didn't work out.

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<v Speaker 1>I just think it's healthier than them completely forgetting anything

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<v Speaker 1>that ever happened and walling it off completely. That would

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<v Speaker 1>scare me. That is unresolved feelings. And here's another layer

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<v Speaker 1>to that that I am also okay with. And some

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<v Speaker 1>of you are going to disagree. A lot of you

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<v Speaker 1>might disagree. I think the pet names can remain. I

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<v Speaker 1>think if you call your present girlfriend honey, you probably

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<v Speaker 1>shouldn't go back and call your ex honey. But that's

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<v Speaker 1>also because I think every relationship deserves its own unique name.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't think there should be two honeys. I think

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<v Speaker 1>you used honey and you have to find something else.

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<v Speaker 1>There can only be one baby, you know. But if

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<v Speaker 1>I called my ex, my ex Shelley, Hi, Shelly, she

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<v Speaker 1>would never in a million years listening to this show,

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<v Speaker 1>and she answered the phone, I think I would say, hey, Pickle,

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<v Speaker 1>because that's what I called her. And I think she

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<v Speaker 1>would say what's up, toad because she called me toady

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<v Speaker 1>for some reason, and I'm not sure why she was Pickle.

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<v Speaker 1>But anyway, I've never known her by her actual name, Like,

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<v Speaker 1>I've never really called her actual name to her face.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't think I ever did that. So it seems

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<v Speaker 1>strange to call her that, and it would seem hostile

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<v Speaker 1>to call her that. And I get that that's not

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<v Speaker 1>for everyone. I get that some people might say, wait,

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<v Speaker 1>that is too familiar, bordering on flirty. The pet names

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<v Speaker 1>die with the relationship. I don't know, that's who they

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<v Speaker 1>were to me, And you might be like, no, it's not.

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<v Speaker 1>You know, they're no longer, you're no longer in relationship,

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<v Speaker 1>in that relationship, I get it. And you know, I

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<v Speaker 1>always noticed the way and how people call each other stuff.

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<v Speaker 1>I always think couples are in trouble when I hear

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<v Speaker 1>them call each other by their If somebody's like, hey, Doug,

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<v Speaker 1>it's Connie and I'm picking up John from soccer at

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<v Speaker 1>five point thirty, I'm like, yikes, they hate each other.

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<v Speaker 1>They definitely hate each other if they call each other

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<v Speaker 1>by their first names. I asked my ex girlfriend what

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<v Speaker 1>her ex husband called her when they were married, and

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<v Speaker 1>she said he called me wife. He said, hey, wife,

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<v Speaker 1>and I could have told you right then that never

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<v Speaker 1>had a prayer of working out. I don't know you

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<v Speaker 1>guys know who Michelle Beadle is. She was on ESPN

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<v Speaker 1>for a while. She floated around since she's a sports

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<v Speaker 1>entertainment and she said once in an interview, she said,

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<v Speaker 1>most of her guy friends call her Beatle, and I

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<v Speaker 1>get that. A lot of people call me Howie. But

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<v Speaker 1>and then she started dating one of these guy friends,

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<v Speaker 1>and he continued to call her Beetle, which would have

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<v Speaker 1>been a cute nickname if it wasn't her actual name.

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<v Speaker 1>I've always hated girls who kept my name in their

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<v Speaker 1>phone as Howie. I always hated that I want something

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<v Speaker 1>else in the phone contacts. So I want love of

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<v Speaker 1>my life, something like that. So anyway, as I've said,

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<v Speaker 1>add infinitum on this show, my job's to raise the questions,

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<v Speaker 1>and I give you the answers. These are some of

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<v Speaker 1>my answers. But I have another part to this to

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<v Speaker 1>raises a question that you also may not like. We

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<v Speaker 1>have to take a quick break to pay for things

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<v Speaker 1>around here. We will be back right after this. And

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<v Speaker 1>we are back, and we were talking about this sometimes

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<v Speaker 1>tenuous thread and treacherous waters of relating to an X.

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<v Speaker 1>And so here is something I've said before that I

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<v Speaker 1>feel even more strongly about. And people are gonna give

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<v Speaker 1>me a ton of pushback on this one, but here

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<v Speaker 1>are my thoughts. I know, I just said, I think

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<v Speaker 1>it's fine and healthy to have a congenial relationship with

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<v Speaker 1>the past partner. But however, caveat if he or she

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<v Speaker 1>the new person, especially as she but the new person,

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<v Speaker 1>if she says, you know what, I don't want you

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<v Speaker 1>talking to them, it makes me feel uncomfortable. I think

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<v Speaker 1>they have every right to say that I do, and

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<v Speaker 1>you shut it down. That's what I think. The new

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<v Speaker 1>person has the keys to the house. The old one

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<v Speaker 1>has to give up the keys. And so many of

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<v Speaker 1>you are like, no, they have to accept that this

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<v Speaker 1>person is a part of my life still, and I

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<v Speaker 1>consider that my friend and I have to deal with it.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't think they do. I don't and I'm not

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<v Speaker 1>talking about you know, and this can't even get into

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<v Speaker 1>social media. I don't want you liking and I don't

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<v Speaker 1>want you, you know, Facebook friends with these people. I

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<v Speaker 1>think they have the right to do that. You know,

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<v Speaker 1>as soon as that person and you know, not somebody

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<v Speaker 1>you dated three times, but somebody who's like now your

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<v Speaker 1>boyfriend girlfriend. I think they have that right. And I'm

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<v Speaker 1>not talking about an ex wife or an ex husband,

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<v Speaker 1>because obviously they're sometimes some legal and financial and custodial things.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm talking about an ex boyfriend or girlfriend. So if

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<v Speaker 1>you're easily jealous, even if the person isn't an ex

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<v Speaker 1>but a close friend, I think you have the right

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<v Speaker 1>to ask them to just shut it down. You know,

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<v Speaker 1>maybe not forever, but until they really get in a

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<v Speaker 1>comfort zone with you. I just think it is your

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<v Speaker 1>job to make the new person comfortable with you, and

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<v Speaker 1>a lot of times that means your comfort zone has

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<v Speaker 1>to change. I mean, is that an absolute and no exceptions. No.

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<v Speaker 1>I just think it's a good thing to speak up on,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, because it's better than saying nothing and having

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<v Speaker 1>these issues are jealousy creep in, Like you have got

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<v Speaker 1>to give the new ones a shot and the old

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<v Speaker 1>ones have to be put to the side, which is

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<v Speaker 1>something else I've said before. These people are like, no,

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<v Speaker 1>you need to serial day, You need to eight five

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<v Speaker 1>or six people at a time to find out who

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<v Speaker 1>the one you like. I don't think you do I

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<v Speaker 1>think you're not giving one a shot. You don't order

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<v Speaker 1>five or six bottles of wine and drink them wald

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<v Speaker 1>Or I think you order a bottle of wine and

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<v Speaker 1>if you like it, you keep drinking it until you

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<v Speaker 1>don't like it, and then you order a different wine.

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<v Speaker 1>But it's hard to give create an environment where a

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<v Speaker 1>new person gets a shot when there's stuff of the

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<v Speaker 1>old person. So you might be like, wait, what at

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<v Speaker 1>the beginning you said it's cool to talk to the

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<v Speaker 1>old person, and I said, I think it's fine unless

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<v Speaker 1>here's the exception. The new person does not, and maybe

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<v Speaker 1>the new person eventually be like, you know what, that

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<v Speaker 1>was stupid. I don't know. Feel free to talk to them.

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<v Speaker 1>I actually do. It's healthy. It's great, better than the

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<v Speaker 1>other way around, where they think it's all healthy from

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<v Speaker 1>the jump, and then they're like, wait, why are you

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<v Speaker 1>talking to Monica so much? Why are you talking to

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<v Speaker 1>David so much? Like, I don't know. I think this

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<v Speaker 1>involves communication, and I think there's obviously exceptions to this.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm not a ten on any of these things, from

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<v Speaker 1>one to ten on how strong this is generally how

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<v Speaker 1>I feel, though, I'll be like, oh, that's cool. She

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<v Speaker 1>wished her ex happy birthday, doesn't mean she's going out

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<v Speaker 1>with them. And I also think it's cool if you're like,

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<v Speaker 1>you know what, just limit it to a happy birthday.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't want any other contact with it. I think

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<v Speaker 1>all of that can work. And I think that's all

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<v Speaker 1>about communication. I think it's about healthy. I think it's

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<v Speaker 1>about moving forward. You know, we're all about positivity here,

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<v Speaker 1>and I think that is the positive outlook on both

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<v Speaker 1>that I'm going to devote myself to the new one,

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<v Speaker 1>and if it's okay, I'm gonna keep some ties that

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<v Speaker 1>are friendly and happy and good memories to the old one.

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<v Speaker 1>Two sides of the same coin, two sides of opposite coin,

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<v Speaker 1>two coins. I don't know a little bit of all

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<v Speaker 1>as far as us. Two sides of the coin here

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<v Speaker 1>dead to me. Podcasts like share follow review, great Love

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<v Speaker 1>Debate podcast like share Roller. I'm not cheating on you

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<v Speaker 1>guys with that podcast. It's just a little bit of

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<v Speaker 1>a it's either a bookend to this or it's the

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<v Speaker 1>flip side to this. I don't know yet, but we're

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<v Speaker 1>gonna do a lot of things on that, but a

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<v Speaker 1>little bit darker that we won't do on this. Show here,

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<v Speaker 1>so here, Great Loovedebate dot com. Check out our tour schedule,

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<v Speaker 1>our big show in book. We're tone Florida. The Boca

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<v Speaker 1>black Box Center for the Arts is on sale. I

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<v Speaker 1>think if they move the date to December, it's December third,

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<v Speaker 1>tickets around sale, go for that. Then that is our finale.

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<v Speaker 1>I believe that is one thing. I do believe strongly.

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<v Speaker 1>That is our live tour finale. This show, this podcast

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<v Speaker 1>will go on forever and ever, but that should be

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<v Speaker 1>the finale for the live shows. I think I got

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<v Speaker 1>one more in me. It's gonna be a big one.

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<v Speaker 1>Tickets on sale now. Boca Blackbox dot com shoots an

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<v Speaker 1>email Great Love Debate at gmail dot com if you

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<v Speaker 1>agree or disagree with any of this, or if you

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<v Speaker 1>have a third solution that I have not thought of yet,

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<v Speaker 1>because as always at the Great Love Debate, we never

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<v Speaker 1>stop making love. To see next time the Great Love Debate.

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<v Speaker 1>It's the Great Love Debate. Degreat Love Debate. It's a

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<v Speaker 1>Great Love Debase.