WEBVTT 1 00:00:36.960 --> 00:00:39.719 Welcome to today's episode of the Breakthrough Lab. At your 2 00:00:39.719 --> 00:00:43.920 next Breakthrough starts here today, I have a returning guess. 3 00:00:43.960 --> 00:00:46.600 I think. I think it's my first returning guest and 4 00:00:47.240 --> 00:00:50.600 the first time around. She was a big hit social 5 00:00:50.640 --> 00:00:56.159 media influencer, remarkable woman who was hurt by the masculine 6 00:00:56.240 --> 00:01:00.159 energy and decided to run to it and created the 7 00:01:00.200 --> 00:01:06.400 social media following defending men and just exploring masculinity online. 8 00:01:07.000 --> 00:01:10.040 And her following is like four and a half million 9 00:01:10.359 --> 00:01:13.959 across three different platforms, and ninety percent are men, if 10 00:01:14.000 --> 00:01:17.319 you can believe that. But today we're going to explore 11 00:01:17.519 --> 00:01:21.040 her healing journey, the things that she's had to heal, 12 00:01:21.519 --> 00:01:25.560 how she's become this super powerful human being and now 13 00:01:25.599 --> 00:01:31.200 dedicating her time to heal others, couples, males, females, and 14 00:01:31.319 --> 00:01:34.719 transforming the space and the field around herself to be 15 00:01:34.760 --> 00:01:38.040 able to take people to the other side, from people 16 00:01:38.079 --> 00:01:42.239 that are in the dark to creating a space where 17 00:01:42.359 --> 00:01:45.719 they can come and see the light. Today, we welcome 18 00:01:45.840 --> 00:01:50.239 to the Breakthrough Lab again. Bella and Estrosa of Yosoi 19 00:01:50.319 --> 00:01:54.439 Bella so Bella. We're back here at the Breakthrough Lab. 20 00:01:54.840 --> 00:01:58.719 Thank you again. Lots of changes lots of changes, lots 21 00:01:58.719 --> 00:02:03.319 of transformation, lots of I don't know, so much has 22 00:02:03.599 --> 00:02:09.719 happened between the last episode back in May and now 23 00:02:10.199 --> 00:02:12.280 and so welcome again to the Break to Lab. Let 24 00:02:12.280 --> 00:02:15.199 me get a little high five here boom. I love 25 00:02:15.240 --> 00:02:17.080 the bright colors on you. You look so beautiful. 26 00:02:17.360 --> 00:02:19.800 What a beautiful introduction you. Thank you so much. 27 00:02:19.960 --> 00:02:22.800 Thank you. I mean, like it's all you I could say, 28 00:02:23.400 --> 00:02:25.479 I could maybe spend another hour introducing you. 29 00:02:25.599 --> 00:02:30.199 Yeah, it's been a beautiful journey this couple of months. 30 00:02:30.560 --> 00:02:36.000 I think I don't know when healing ends. It seems 31 00:02:36.120 --> 00:02:41.319 like there is so many layers of things, and I 32 00:02:41.439 --> 00:02:46.199 have been thinking lately, what a journey I chose man. 33 00:02:47.039 --> 00:02:52.199 Yes, big journey. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you definitely have. You know, 34 00:02:52.280 --> 00:02:56.479 the journey of you being a human being on planet 35 00:02:56.520 --> 00:03:00.199 Earth has been quite remarkable. And the more I get 36 00:03:00.280 --> 00:03:03.319 to know you personally, the more I find out all 37 00:03:03.400 --> 00:03:07.159 these things that you've been through and how daring, how 38 00:03:07.240 --> 00:03:11.439 amazing it is that you've decided to dedicate your time 39 00:03:11.560 --> 00:03:14.319 to help others see the other side. You know what 40 00:03:14.439 --> 00:03:18.400 that other side is, the light right from the darkness. 41 00:03:18.479 --> 00:03:22.199 So yeah, so it's kind of hard to start somewhere 42 00:03:22.800 --> 00:03:25.719 we start with a child. Let's start with the child, yeah, 43 00:03:25.719 --> 00:03:28.000 because I mean that's kind of where everything goes a 44 00:03:28.039 --> 00:03:29.439 little crazy for everybody. Right. 45 00:03:29.960 --> 00:03:35.919 Actually, last wake up, I was thinking like into a 46 00:03:35.960 --> 00:03:38.800 speech that I had to do and just kind of 47 00:03:38.800 --> 00:03:43.879 remembering the journey, and something came out. As to be 48 00:03:44.000 --> 00:03:46.919 able to heal others, first of all, you have to 49 00:03:48.840 --> 00:03:52.280 walk through all the wounds that I ever existed on 50 00:03:52.360 --> 00:03:58.639 planet Earth, understand them, heal them so you can help 51 00:03:58.680 --> 00:04:03.080 others to heal. So that has been my journey. Yeah. 52 00:04:03.159 --> 00:04:07.159 Yeah, And I mean let's get into the big kahuna one. Right, 53 00:04:07.639 --> 00:04:09.599 this is the one that's probably one of the most 54 00:04:09.680 --> 00:04:15.400 traumatic wounds, and it's when someone takes from you without permission, right, 55 00:04:16.079 --> 00:04:20.160 and so it's the one that you know books therapy, 56 00:04:20.800 --> 00:04:23.920 so many things happen when this happens to a young child. 57 00:04:23.959 --> 00:04:27.879 But I know that you suffered through sexual abuse in 58 00:04:27.920 --> 00:04:31.199 your very early years. I think between in the years 59 00:04:31.240 --> 00:04:34.480 between one and ten, right, or did it go further 60 00:04:34.519 --> 00:04:34.759 than that. 61 00:04:36.360 --> 00:04:40.079 I mean, let's start with a childhood so I can 62 00:04:40.160 --> 00:04:43.279 tell you my whole story. So before I came to Earth, 63 00:04:43.319 --> 00:04:46.120 I chose a father who was in a wheelchair, he 64 00:04:46.240 --> 00:04:50.519 never actually, I think he stopped walking when he was eight, 65 00:04:51.680 --> 00:04:57.000 And what a journey my mom chose marrying a guy 66 00:04:57.040 --> 00:05:01.879 who never walked. So because my father was surviving, you know, 67 00:05:01.959 --> 00:05:04.959 he was he did what he had to do in 68 00:05:05.040 --> 00:05:09.279 the best that he called. And my mom it was busy, 69 00:05:09.319 --> 00:05:12.879 you know, raising all these kids. So I kind of 70 00:05:12.920 --> 00:05:17.639 grew up very lonely. And I was remembering recently how 71 00:05:17.680 --> 00:05:22.000 lonely I felt that probably I didn't feel loved by 72 00:05:22.040 --> 00:05:26.319 my parents. So that created the first one before we 73 00:05:26.399 --> 00:05:31.000 go into the sexual trauma, the wound of abandonment, and 74 00:05:31.160 --> 00:05:34.199 how that I showed up later in my life. It 75 00:05:34.240 --> 00:05:40.879 was me attracting the wrong man, you know, because when 76 00:05:40.920 --> 00:05:45.839 you abandon yourself, you attract people who they can love 77 00:05:45.879 --> 00:05:47.279 you because you don't love yourself. 78 00:05:47.600 --> 00:05:54.199 You know, I don't know, but yeah, there's so much 79 00:05:54.240 --> 00:05:58.160 to explore, right, because a wound occurs and then there's 80 00:05:58.519 --> 00:06:05.079 an equal or opposite reaction, right, So each wound creates 81 00:06:05.079 --> 00:06:07.920 a different behavior or a very similar behavior in different people. 82 00:06:08.000 --> 00:06:10.759 Sometimes there's like two or three behaviors that come from 83 00:06:10.800 --> 00:06:13.839 each wound. Right, So the wound of abandonment, you start 84 00:06:13.920 --> 00:06:18.480 choosing men that are not for you. Or you don't 85 00:06:18.560 --> 00:06:20.279 choose any men at all, right, if you're a woman 86 00:06:20.519 --> 00:06:25.079 or a guy or the opposite energy. Right, and so 87 00:06:25.199 --> 00:06:29.319 everyone behaves. There's like distinct patterns that everybody adapts depending 88 00:06:29.319 --> 00:06:31.759 on the wound. Right. And so when the wound of 89 00:06:31.800 --> 00:06:36.319 abandonment showed up for you, how is that like? Tell 90 00:06:36.360 --> 00:06:40.360 me what does the wound of abandonment feel like? You know, 91 00:06:40.639 --> 00:06:45.399 when that emotion, when that wave enters your body, how 92 00:06:45.439 --> 00:06:47.480 does this feel like for you? Can you walk the 93 00:06:47.519 --> 00:06:52.040 audience through that feeling, that emotion, that energy that overcomes 94 00:06:52.040 --> 00:06:53.120 your body, so. 95 00:06:53.040 --> 00:06:57.720 It can manifest in two ways, protecting yourself not to 96 00:06:57.800 --> 00:07:02.199 feel you always don't allow people to actually get closer 97 00:07:02.240 --> 00:07:05.800 to you. So you close your heart, you close everything 98 00:07:05.959 --> 00:07:10.240 you know, you don't open your heart to love. And 99 00:07:10.800 --> 00:07:14.759 for the same reason, you choose people who are inavailable, 100 00:07:15.040 --> 00:07:20.759 because you save space for men not to enter, you know. 101 00:07:21.319 --> 00:07:24.480 And or it can be that you feel very lonely. 102 00:07:25.040 --> 00:07:27.839 You know, even if you are around by people and 103 00:07:27.879 --> 00:07:31.240 people love you, it's still deep inside of you you 104 00:07:31.360 --> 00:07:35.120 feel not loved. It doesn't matter what people express in 105 00:07:35.199 --> 00:07:40.160 the outside. So the second layer, because we're going to 106 00:07:40.240 --> 00:07:43.839 talk about how did I heal the masculine energy within me. 107 00:07:44.560 --> 00:07:48.680 The second layer of that was because in Latin America 108 00:07:48.720 --> 00:07:54.800 it's very common more than what you think. All those 109 00:07:54.839 --> 00:08:01.839 secrets stays in family, you know, they're within this family circle. 110 00:08:02.399 --> 00:08:04.800 There are a lot of sexual abuse is not only 111 00:08:04.839 --> 00:08:10.079 from you know, from men to men, you know, men 112 00:08:10.160 --> 00:08:13.279 to boys, and also men to women, you know, And 113 00:08:13.360 --> 00:08:19.360 I am pretty sure that it's coming generations before until 114 00:08:19.600 --> 00:08:24.240 a brave soul like me decided to this needs to stop. 115 00:08:24.639 --> 00:08:27.000 I'm gonna heal them. I'm going to just express it 116 00:08:27.079 --> 00:08:32.919 to the world because what we cover, it just stays cover, 117 00:08:33.360 --> 00:08:35.919 you know, and it just repeats the partter itself. 118 00:08:36.759 --> 00:08:40.200 Yeah. So with that being the case, right here, you're 119 00:08:40.399 --> 00:08:47.360 here's a young lady, young girl who's obviously things are 120 00:08:47.399 --> 00:08:52.000 happening without her permission and correct me if I'm wrong. 121 00:08:52.039 --> 00:08:54.600 There was like a structure where it's like it's almost 122 00:08:54.600 --> 00:08:57.679 like you got to reward to stay quiet. Right, How 123 00:08:57.679 --> 00:09:00.759 did that show up later in life? Right as you 124 00:09:01.039 --> 00:09:04.720 here's this young woman now who's you know, become the teenager, 125 00:09:05.080 --> 00:09:09.200 and she goes through her hormonal changes, puberty, and now 126 00:09:09.399 --> 00:09:14.120 she's starting to have certain feelings, right like, were there 127 00:09:14.200 --> 00:09:18.039 anything for you that that like that came about between 128 00:09:18.039 --> 00:09:21.440 that age of puberty to you know, becoming a young adult, 129 00:09:22.279 --> 00:09:25.200 whether anything that you felt was being impacted by these 130 00:09:25.279 --> 00:09:28.200 experiences that you had as a younger girl. 131 00:09:28.600 --> 00:09:31.440 I actually don't remember much, but I can tell you 132 00:09:32.080 --> 00:09:36.440 what was the consequences. First of all, not trusting the masculine. 133 00:09:36.600 --> 00:09:40.600 You know, that was the one thing then that created 134 00:09:40.600 --> 00:09:45.279 another trauma right there. The second was this connection from 135 00:09:45.320 --> 00:09:51.480 our own body, because my soul left the body to 136 00:09:51.519 --> 00:09:54.399 be able to, I guess, to handle the pain. And 137 00:09:54.440 --> 00:09:58.279 it's so hard to connect the body with the feelings 138 00:09:58.320 --> 00:10:01.759 again because there is so many layers to heal sexual trauma. 139 00:10:02.240 --> 00:10:06.279 So the first layer for me was understanding the lesson 140 00:10:06.399 --> 00:10:11.120 behind that. To me, that was just a breakthrough that 141 00:10:11.200 --> 00:10:16.159 I had, Just what did I went through this and 142 00:10:16.240 --> 00:10:19.519 I went I remember that I went one time to 143 00:10:19.639 --> 00:10:24.399 healing trauma retreat. It was like a shamanic retreat. Of course, 144 00:10:24.519 --> 00:10:30.279 they you know, they do the forgiveness and you know 145 00:10:30.639 --> 00:10:35.600 they let go forgive yourself And that is just one layer. 146 00:10:35.759 --> 00:10:40.360 But one thing that I actually do remember is the 147 00:10:40.399 --> 00:10:45.480 person who hurt you the most is your teacher and 148 00:10:45.600 --> 00:10:50.240 that because it wasn't just one man there were many 149 00:10:50.360 --> 00:10:55.399 men involved within the family circle. I would say maybe 150 00:10:55.440 --> 00:10:59.480 eight people you know who actually took advantage of me. 151 00:11:00.879 --> 00:11:05.759 But those men, they were there for me to learn something. 152 00:11:06.519 --> 00:11:10.399 And when I realized that makes so much sense because 153 00:11:11.159 --> 00:11:13.799 that's what I'm here, that's what I can help other 154 00:11:13.799 --> 00:11:19.399 people to heal, exactly the wound. So you learn that 155 00:11:19.840 --> 00:11:23.720 those men who hurt you. Yes, it was painful. Yes 156 00:11:23.759 --> 00:11:26.320 I had to go through the journey, but I learned 157 00:11:26.320 --> 00:11:30.000 to be so thankful for the lesson because otherwise, without them, 158 00:11:30.000 --> 00:11:32.360 I couldn't go through this journey. 159 00:11:32.799 --> 00:11:38.320 Yeah, it's quite a remarkable experience when when you start 160 00:11:38.360 --> 00:11:42.480 seeing as people that hurt you intentionally or non intentionally, 161 00:11:43.039 --> 00:11:46.519 or hurt people, hurt other people right, hurt people, hurt people, 162 00:11:47.600 --> 00:11:51.840 and so when you start seeing them as teachers almost 163 00:11:51.879 --> 00:11:56.639 like guides, like annoying guides, right at least in their 164 00:11:56.679 --> 00:12:00.480 three D brain, they're unknowingly guiding you, but you have 165 00:12:00.519 --> 00:12:04.720 they're taking you through a dark path so you can 166 00:12:04.759 --> 00:12:07.120 come to your your own light, whether you get it 167 00:12:07.360 --> 00:12:09.720 on your own or you you go into something like 168 00:12:09.720 --> 00:12:13.360 a shamanic retreat where you where you learn about forgiveness. 169 00:12:13.399 --> 00:12:16.159 And I'm covering those things that are that are stopping 170 00:12:16.200 --> 00:12:20.159 your growth. It's it's a framework. It's a completely different 171 00:12:20.200 --> 00:12:23.080 framework to see life right where it doesn't take you 172 00:12:23.799 --> 00:12:28.720 into victimhood. It takes you into like, hey, if I 173 00:12:28.759 --> 00:12:32.480 went through this and I get my lesson, then I'm 174 00:12:32.480 --> 00:12:36.120 a victor and I'm victorious and I'm more powerful and 175 00:12:36.240 --> 00:12:39.279 I'm more wise. And it seems like you've gone down 176 00:12:39.320 --> 00:12:42.799 that route. And I admire that about you a lot. 177 00:12:43.240 --> 00:12:47.679 It's it's such a beautiful, attractive quality. So you know 178 00:12:47.919 --> 00:12:52.120 that being the case, Now, do you feel pretty whole 179 00:12:52.320 --> 00:12:53.960 at least in those areas of life? 180 00:12:54.120 --> 00:12:54.240 Uh? 181 00:12:54.480 --> 00:12:56.600 And we're gonna go into more because there's you know, 182 00:12:56.639 --> 00:13:01.600 there's so much to uh discover underneath the service service 183 00:13:01.679 --> 00:13:04.559 with you, but how how good do you film in 184 00:13:04.559 --> 00:13:07.480 those two areas of your life? Like addressing the wound 185 00:13:07.480 --> 00:13:11.000 of abandonment and also you know, there's what would you 186 00:13:11.039 --> 00:13:14.200 call it when when it comes to sexual abuse, like 187 00:13:15.039 --> 00:13:17.559 you know, the wound of someone taking something that shouldn't 188 00:13:17.559 --> 00:13:21.159 have been taken, you know, without permission, without that maturity. 189 00:13:21.360 --> 00:13:25.960 I mean, I think I healed every layer of it, 190 00:13:26.039 --> 00:13:29.799 and it's still recently I've been hitting different part of it, 191 00:13:30.440 --> 00:13:36.320 but I find I recently find found out that because 192 00:13:36.399 --> 00:13:41.159 the way I was being abused, I'll say it wasn't 193 00:13:41.399 --> 00:13:46.240 like with violence. It was more like, you know, like 194 00:13:46.279 --> 00:13:48.799 a little kid. I remember that they used to give 195 00:13:48.840 --> 00:13:53.679 it like one pestel, you know, or a candy in exchange. Right, 196 00:13:54.480 --> 00:13:58.080 So I don't say anything, just keep quiet myself. So 197 00:13:58.200 --> 00:14:03.559 the first memories for me in terms of my sexual energy, 198 00:14:03.759 --> 00:14:07.879 it was about any exchange of something, and that shut 199 00:14:07.960 --> 00:14:11.279 up in my life that I didn't even realize how 200 00:14:11.320 --> 00:14:16.159 I behave with partners. So you know, in that sexual 201 00:14:16.320 --> 00:14:19.960 you know, it's always been like I need to give 202 00:14:21.399 --> 00:14:24.960 to be able to receive, and it didn't come from homeness, 203 00:14:25.120 --> 00:14:25.440 you know. 204 00:14:25.879 --> 00:14:29.639 Yeah yeah, yeah, And so like this this pattern that 205 00:14:32.120 --> 00:14:36.399 I must give something and then and I also need 206 00:14:36.440 --> 00:14:40.200 to get something back. Right, So it's a it has 207 00:14:40.240 --> 00:14:42.600 to be like almost an even exchange or like it 208 00:14:42.639 --> 00:14:45.840 has to have an exchange. It just can't be from heart, right, 209 00:14:46.960 --> 00:14:50.399 I can't give unless I give get something back. I 210 00:14:50.440 --> 00:14:53.320 will only give something if they give to me, right, Yeah, 211 00:14:53.519 --> 00:14:56.159 And only then do you allow yourself to go into 212 00:14:56.200 --> 00:14:59.799 that space. Yeah? Yeah, So is there a story where 213 00:14:59.799 --> 00:15:03.519 that were in your life, an example or that that 214 00:15:03.679 --> 00:15:07.039 like whether one percent showed up and it became this 215 00:15:07.159 --> 00:15:11.440 sort of like cycle of just exchange exchange, exchange, and 216 00:15:12.279 --> 00:15:16.039 were love wasn't involved or like or it prevented love 217 00:15:16.039 --> 00:15:17.240 from being birthed. 218 00:15:17.840 --> 00:15:20.360 Yeah, I think. I mean, all the relationship that I 219 00:15:20.399 --> 00:15:22.919 had in the past, it was always like that, you know, 220 00:15:23.240 --> 00:15:27.639 like I give my body, but I also got something 221 00:15:27.679 --> 00:15:32.120 in return in terms either dinners or money or something else, 222 00:15:32.360 --> 00:15:35.840 you know, and without me realizing there was the same 223 00:15:35.879 --> 00:15:38.799 partn as I learned as a child. Yeah. 224 00:15:39.000 --> 00:15:41.960 Remarkable, Huh. It's these things stay with us, you know, 225 00:15:42.320 --> 00:15:45.120 as little kids were soaking up so much of the 226 00:15:45.159 --> 00:15:50.679 world and we're creating ideas with yet not fully understanding 227 00:15:50.720 --> 00:15:52.200 what's happening in the world. 228 00:15:52.279 --> 00:15:58.399 Right. Yeah, I want to say something. It seems like 229 00:15:59.399 --> 00:16:03.919 when men do all these things, we think that it's bad. 230 00:16:04.080 --> 00:16:06.679 You know, it might seem bad, but when you go 231 00:16:06.799 --> 00:16:09.519 through the journey, you heal it and you get the lesson. 232 00:16:10.639 --> 00:16:13.600 I just have so much compassion. That's what probably I 233 00:16:13.639 --> 00:16:17.399 have so many males that follows me because I don't 234 00:16:17.879 --> 00:16:21.159 judge people. I actually don't. I understand that they wound, 235 00:16:21.440 --> 00:16:25.519 you know, because they also come from wounded families, you know. 236 00:16:25.639 --> 00:16:27.519 And it's the same part and repeats itself. 237 00:16:28.440 --> 00:16:32.120 Yeah, it reminds me that you and I had gone 238 00:16:32.120 --> 00:16:37.159 to an event and you know, regarding individuals going to jail, 239 00:16:37.879 --> 00:16:42.120 and how seventy percent of mostly males, had had sexual 240 00:16:42.120 --> 00:16:47.639 abuse occur from the you know, same sex or the 241 00:16:47.679 --> 00:16:52.960 opposite sex, and seventy percent had this terrible experience and 242 00:16:53.279 --> 00:16:56.399 no one had ever addressed it. And you know, like 243 00:16:56.440 --> 00:17:00.240 you said, in a lot of these communities, everything is hush, 244 00:17:00.320 --> 00:17:04.759 everything is underneath the surface. And these young males and 245 00:17:05.039 --> 00:17:08.759 some females too that commit crime are forced to live 246 00:17:08.799 --> 00:17:13.799 with this and it shows up obviously in ways that 247 00:17:13.839 --> 00:17:16.279 are negative for their life, right where they end up 248 00:17:16.319 --> 00:17:19.359 in jail or doing crime or having like angry or 249 00:17:19.440 --> 00:17:24.039 violent outbursts. Right. So yeah, it's it's really incredible that 250 00:17:25.759 --> 00:17:28.480 you know, these things happen to us and how they 251 00:17:28.519 --> 00:17:32.519 affect us, and also how it affects the female energy 252 00:17:32.640 --> 00:17:38.359 versus the male energy. Right, so big different reactions based 253 00:17:38.359 --> 00:17:40.200 on sexes and based on experiences. 254 00:17:40.279 --> 00:17:44.160 Right. I had a message yesterday that someone just text me. 255 00:17:44.359 --> 00:17:48.440 It was a male and he said to me, having 256 00:17:48.480 --> 00:17:54.319 heal my sexual trauma and in my own private time, 257 00:17:54.480 --> 00:18:00.079 I like to put to where women's stuff heals and 258 00:18:01.480 --> 00:18:04.599 like lingery and I don't know how to deal with this, 259 00:18:05.279 --> 00:18:10.079 you know, and it's sad, you know. And from alatta 260 00:18:10.119 --> 00:18:13.720 men that I talked, they also go to sexual abuse 261 00:18:13.759 --> 00:18:16.079 trauma more than what people know. 262 00:18:17.599 --> 00:18:21.880 Yeah, yeah, especially how men are, right, we're so naturally 263 00:18:22.039 --> 00:18:26.680 not communicative, and I think it's a pervasive thing in 264 00:18:26.759 --> 00:18:30.920 society where like men go through things and it's a 265 00:18:30.960 --> 00:18:33.480 silent thing that they carry for life and they don't 266 00:18:33.519 --> 00:18:36.599 understand how they're shutting one part of their life off, 267 00:18:37.039 --> 00:18:42.119 and it causes like a down downhill effect, like whether 268 00:18:42.160 --> 00:18:44.799 they're not open with their partner or not silent with 269 00:18:44.839 --> 00:18:48.319 their partner, shut down, run away from conflict, so many 270 00:18:48.319 --> 00:18:51.480 ways that it bubbles up in services. So one of 271 00:18:51.519 --> 00:18:53.839 the beautiful things I admire about you is that non 272 00:18:54.000 --> 00:18:59.400 judgmental where you're you understand that everyone's having a human experience. 273 00:18:59.440 --> 00:19:03.440 And if hurt people hurt people, and they hurt people 274 00:19:03.640 --> 00:19:07.000 and then they hurt people, then at some point somebody 275 00:19:07.039 --> 00:19:10.519 has to address that wound and then the beautiful things 276 00:19:10.559 --> 00:19:14.039 happened with new generations that are healed start to bubble 277 00:19:14.160 --> 00:19:15.799 up from there on out. 278 00:19:15.880 --> 00:19:17.880 Yeah, Yeah, for sure, I think I was the soul 279 00:19:17.960 --> 00:19:22.440 who said no more in my family. Yeah, and that 280 00:19:22.480 --> 00:19:25.119 creates a lot, a lot of it was hard for 281 00:19:25.200 --> 00:19:28.720 me also to trust the masculine. That's another journey there 282 00:19:28.759 --> 00:19:31.759 as well, you know now and the sexual trauma, but 283 00:19:31.839 --> 00:19:35.359 also if you have your father the wound of abandonment, 284 00:19:35.440 --> 00:19:38.640 it's hard to trust men and it's a journey to 285 00:19:39.160 --> 00:19:43.000 go back to. For me, it was more protecting myself, 286 00:19:43.240 --> 00:19:48.200 protecting my heart always I'm okay, I don't need hell 287 00:19:48.279 --> 00:19:51.279 from anybody. I can deal with my things alone. Which 288 00:19:51.319 --> 00:19:53.599 I learned how to do that because I just kept 289 00:19:53.599 --> 00:19:57.079 flying every single thing in my life. And I'm learning 290 00:19:57.119 --> 00:20:01.400 to even little by little too, you know, reminding myself 291 00:20:01.480 --> 00:20:06.079 it's okay, you're safe, and it's Jordaney. It takes time, you. 292 00:20:06.039 --> 00:20:10.200 Know, yeah, yeah, which I'll take it to the next thing. 293 00:20:10.319 --> 00:20:13.880 I mean, because you're like a super powerful healer and 294 00:20:13.920 --> 00:20:17.400 you're always one of the things that I find about 295 00:20:17.400 --> 00:20:20.359 you that you're super curious right where. It's like if 296 00:20:20.440 --> 00:20:24.279 you see something, you start to scratch right and you 297 00:20:24.319 --> 00:20:26.240 start to paw at it like a little dog finding 298 00:20:26.279 --> 00:20:30.880 a bone. And so you've been able to find things 299 00:20:31.000 --> 00:20:34.799 and then address things, and so you know, one of 300 00:20:34.799 --> 00:20:37.480 the surprising things is when you and I were having 301 00:20:37.480 --> 00:20:41.160 a conversation and then you're like, yeah, I had Bolivia, 302 00:20:41.680 --> 00:20:44.480 Like I used to make myself throw up, So you 303 00:20:44.519 --> 00:20:49.599 had a whole evening disorder, which completely surprised me. And now, 304 00:20:49.759 --> 00:20:52.920 and so tell me where did that come from? 305 00:20:53.000 --> 00:20:53.039 You? 306 00:20:53.960 --> 00:20:58.640 Is that the directness of wounds of abandonment or is 307 00:20:58.680 --> 00:21:02.720 that like you know, you comparing yourself to other women, 308 00:21:02.920 --> 00:21:06.319 or what causes this thing where you were like, I'm 309 00:21:06.319 --> 00:21:09.240 gonna eat and then and then I'm gonna throw up 310 00:21:09.599 --> 00:21:12.000 and and that's gonna be a good thing for me. Right, 311 00:21:12.200 --> 00:21:16.000 That's what the body told itself, right, Like, well, uh, 312 00:21:16.119 --> 00:21:17.480 where did that derive from? 313 00:21:18.000 --> 00:21:20.319 I mean, Bolivia can come from many ways. I can 314 00:21:20.440 --> 00:21:23.440 have a little bit of everything in terms of as 315 00:21:23.440 --> 00:21:26.880 a teenager always being like a little bit shobby, you know, 316 00:21:28.319 --> 00:21:33.720 I always wanted to be skinny. First thing. Probably also 317 00:21:33.759 --> 00:21:37.599 the sexual trauma, I guess play a good part of it. 318 00:21:38.279 --> 00:21:40.240 And I think also, believe me, also has to do 319 00:21:40.359 --> 00:21:43.680 with the mother you know, I don't I don't remember, 320 00:21:44.000 --> 00:21:49.920 but if probably if I didn't feel accepted, I'll say 321 00:21:49.960 --> 00:21:54.440 in my mother moon, that will show up as well. 322 00:21:54.759 --> 00:21:59.359 You know somehow somewhere, and I think I deal with that. 323 00:22:00.759 --> 00:22:04.319 I don't think any of my family members even to 324 00:22:04.440 --> 00:22:09.160 this day knows, you know. And it took like twenty years, 325 00:22:09.680 --> 00:22:12.319 and the journey of now only Bolima is about just 326 00:22:12.400 --> 00:22:16.599 throwing up. It's about my body. I hated my body, 327 00:22:16.759 --> 00:22:19.759 you know. I wasn't happy the way I looked. I 328 00:22:19.799 --> 00:22:22.119 remember that it was so hard for me to even 329 00:22:22.960 --> 00:22:26.680 put a badding suit to go to the beach, you know, 330 00:22:26.720 --> 00:22:29.880 because I was shore a shame on my legs for 331 00:22:29.920 --> 00:22:33.839 so long. So how did I heal that? I think 332 00:22:33.880 --> 00:22:38.880 little by little, I started just touching myself and talking 333 00:22:38.920 --> 00:22:42.160 to my body and say it's okay. The mirror work, 334 00:22:42.519 --> 00:22:45.119 you know, looking at myself in the mirror and saying 335 00:22:45.160 --> 00:22:48.440 beautiful things even if I didn't believe it, in it, 336 00:22:49.319 --> 00:22:55.440 and doing rituals like body scrubs, creams, and until I 337 00:22:55.599 --> 00:22:59.279 reprogrammed my body and my head because I finally understood 338 00:22:59.319 --> 00:23:04.039 that this beautiful body God gave it to me to 339 00:23:04.279 --> 00:23:10.279 enjoy this earth. I can laugh, I can smell things, 340 00:23:10.400 --> 00:23:12.759 I can eat, I can love. There is no other 341 00:23:12.799 --> 00:23:17.000 way to experience this beautiful or experience without this body. 342 00:23:17.160 --> 00:23:20.119 So I learned how to honor it and accepting the 343 00:23:20.160 --> 00:23:20.680 way it is. 344 00:23:21.200 --> 00:23:24.400 Yeah, what was that moment, that breakthrough moment? It could 345 00:23:24.480 --> 00:23:26.640 have happened like, you know, maybe you saw a book, 346 00:23:26.680 --> 00:23:30.519 a movie, you had a conversation with someone. What was 347 00:23:30.599 --> 00:23:33.680 that breakthrough moment like when you when you said, no, 348 00:23:33.880 --> 00:23:35.880 I have to I have to accept this body. I 349 00:23:35.920 --> 00:23:38.359 have to love this vehicle, you know, I have to 350 00:23:38.440 --> 00:23:42.039 love this vessel, Like do you remember that moment or 351 00:23:42.480 --> 00:23:47.400 it was a gradual thing that just you know, kept calling, 352 00:23:47.559 --> 00:23:50.960 you know, whether a vision a dream. I'd love to 353 00:23:51.000 --> 00:23:52.759 hear that to unpack that for the audience. 354 00:23:53.079 --> 00:23:59.559 I think it was years and years of journaling affirmations 355 00:24:00.279 --> 00:24:03.599 onto every program I had. It wasn't just one to three. 356 00:24:04.319 --> 00:24:08.519 It was a long journey there. And what I finally 357 00:24:08.799 --> 00:24:11.559 was the last piece that I spoke with you before, 358 00:24:11.720 --> 00:24:15.559 is when my daughter had the opposite side that she 359 00:24:15.680 --> 00:24:20.039 had anorexia when she was a teenager, and I said, 360 00:24:20.119 --> 00:24:24.559 oh my god, looking back is the things that you 361 00:24:24.599 --> 00:24:28.480 don't heal pass it on. So dealing with her the 362 00:24:28.519 --> 00:24:33.000 opposite she just brought a different type of awareness, and 363 00:24:33.039 --> 00:24:37.440 I think that was the final breakthrough to the other side. 364 00:24:37.839 --> 00:24:40.359 Got it, got it? So you saw the next generation 365 00:24:40.880 --> 00:24:47.559 suffering from something similar, which there's bolimia with not loving 366 00:24:47.559 --> 00:24:49.720 the body, so you eat and then you feel sick 367 00:24:49.759 --> 00:24:52.440 and then you throw up, and then there's anorexia right 368 00:24:52.480 --> 00:24:55.599 where it's like starting, yeah, where you're like not eating 369 00:24:55.640 --> 00:24:57.920 at all, right, And you were starting to see that 370 00:24:58.079 --> 00:25:00.960 surface in your own family, and that became a mirror 371 00:25:01.000 --> 00:25:04.720 for you, like if I'm afraid for my own daughter, 372 00:25:05.559 --> 00:25:08.160 like why am I not? Why don't I take care 373 00:25:08.200 --> 00:25:10.720 of myself? Did your daughter know that you were suffering 374 00:25:10.759 --> 00:25:12.839 from bolimia or was it like even a secret for 375 00:25:12.920 --> 00:25:15.160 yourself entirely it. 376 00:25:15.079 --> 00:25:19.000 Was a secret before, but once she we went into 377 00:25:19.039 --> 00:25:21.599 the process, I had to talk to her, you know, 378 00:25:21.720 --> 00:25:25.240 because I always been open to it because all my journey, 379 00:25:25.319 --> 00:25:30.640 she knows and she understands other sign as well. And 380 00:25:30.680 --> 00:25:34.759 it's so hard for teenagers in this age with social media, 381 00:25:34.799 --> 00:25:38.559 there's a lot of compared you know, they compare two 382 00:25:38.640 --> 00:25:44.640 people and makeup and and we are just being programmed. 383 00:25:44.640 --> 00:25:47.359 The beauty has to look a certain way, which is 384 00:25:47.559 --> 00:25:49.359 we all beautiful in different ways? 385 00:25:49.960 --> 00:25:53.200 Yeah? Yeah, And I see that actually happening for males too, 386 00:25:53.319 --> 00:25:56.480 you know, like there's so many like good looking males 387 00:25:56.480 --> 00:25:59.839 and male models and superheroes, and they all look by 388 00:26:00.720 --> 00:26:02.880 and even guys now were like, hey, I don't know 389 00:26:02.880 --> 00:26:04.640 if I want to take off my shirt. When if 390 00:26:04.680 --> 00:26:07.119 you go look at guys in their seven back in 391 00:26:07.160 --> 00:26:10.519 the eighties and seventies, they had their shirt off, no muscles, 392 00:26:10.559 --> 00:26:15.279 the little tummies, and everybody was happy. Right, So it's 393 00:26:15.319 --> 00:26:19.279 starting not to also affect men as well. So, yeah, 394 00:26:19.319 --> 00:26:22.640 there's a lot of social pressure to look a certain way. Yeah, 395 00:26:23.000 --> 00:26:26.880 it's incredible. How you know, we all get impacted by 396 00:26:26.920 --> 00:26:32.359 the imagery, by the messages that we see. Yeah, it's incredible. Yeah. 397 00:26:32.400 --> 00:26:39.400 So how does it now feel to love your body? Right? Like, 398 00:26:39.640 --> 00:26:43.720 what kind of self expression does that allow you to 399 00:26:43.799 --> 00:26:47.200 do versus what you did before? In fact, let me 400 00:26:47.240 --> 00:26:49.839 take a step back, because you had believe me, but 401 00:26:49.880 --> 00:26:52.920