Speaker 1: All right, my babes, welcome back to Vanity Fair. My
name is Chris Fair. This is part two of my
recap of ninety Day Fiance Season twelve, episode seven, The.
Speaker 2: Ball and Chain.
Speaker 1: Honey Ball and Chain, let's talk about our favorite beach
bunnies and yours, Paula and Thomas. So we get a
lot of like b shots of La, the Randy Donuts,
like the Hollywood, you know, Hollywood Boulevard, and then we
are firmly back in the LBC, which is not really
Long LA. Doesn't feel at all like LA culture. I
don't know why they didn't do more like Long Beach culture.
There's the aquarium, it's so big. There's just so many
like gorgeous parts of Long Beach, and like they don't
even give us like fun beach style b footage to
just never show us LA unless they're going to be
in LA, Like unless they're going to do a day trip,
no need to show us. Mel's driving and shit, that's
a different place.
Speaker 2: But here we are. So they are hot.
Speaker 1: On the heels of the perfume debacle and she's still
upset and they're going to a car and she's like,
you know what I would like, just for once, one time,
for you to be a goddamn gentleman and open my door.
Now he hates that, and he's defensive, like he's mad
that he should do anything for her. When he had
to make her breakfast, he was like, you better fucking
make breakfast for me.
Speaker 2: So he's like, well, you know, I'm driving.
Speaker 1: She's like I want to drive, and he's like no,
So I'm going to be the one that's going to drive,
and I'm driving, and you just open your stupid own door.
He seems to like have lived as like a sort
of sad Peter Panny type male who like gives mild
in cell behavior, like he doesn't feel like he wants
to respect women in like a gentlemanly.
Speaker 2: You know, I don't know that kind of.
Speaker 1: Chivalrous moments that happen that like make a man feel
like they can take care of someone and that brings
them joy. He doesn't have that chip in him. So, uh,
they're gonna go like on a walk or hike. But
he's wearing jeans, so she's confused by that, and that's accurate.
He's just like, I just don't feel good. I don't
know how to dress myself. My nose is running, you
know why my mouth is itchy. She's like, oh okay.
He's like, you just don't care about these allergies, and
we're just like, well, I mean, if they're that bad,
we just also assume that you'll take like a zertech
or you know, get some shots as well. Like, if
they're that bad all the time, you can't just I'm
assuming that you go out into society and people wear perfumes.
Speaker 2: How do you deal with that?
Speaker 1: I went to an opera and the lady in front
of me was wearing like, I mean such it was
like cocoed Mademoiselle. It was so much perfume that it
almost was unlipable. But God bless it happens. He gets
into a yoga position because he's Shay just kidding, No,
he gets in a yoga position, he's like asks for
a kiss, and she's like okay. After they kind of
like walk and talk about their differences in cultures. She's
being remarkably more lenient than we thought, Like we thought
that she was gonna be the one that's like militant, like,
you know, don't cook meat around me and allow space
for my miniatures. But then when she got there, he's
the one that's like, here is two feet of a
bar for your closet, and she's like upset about that.
She's like can I I'm sorry, I'm gonna need a dresser.
He's like, why just hang everything up. She's like, how
the fuck do you hang underwear?
Speaker 2: Asshole? How do you hang socks?
Speaker 1: He's like, ough, here's one drawer.
Speaker 2: Here's one bin. She's like, no, I need multiple bins.
Speaker 1: I have socks, I have underwear, I have bras, and
even in my bras, I have workout bras. I have
bras with underwires. Like he's like, no, just put all
of it into this one thing and then just sipped
through like a lost and found for all those three
things you need every day. Yeah, He's like Katie, like
you don't need to live, well, you can just live
how I live. And then like Paula's like the Josh
being like, no, back in my civilized home, back where
I lived, we had separate drawers, asshole. You know, like
it's so interesting. She's like, I just want what I
had in Brazil. We're like, I get it. But also
in Brazil you had your own like ink business where
you seemingly put a bunch of little emojis all over
your arm. She hased to get some of those tats gone.
I don't know, like its tats. He's never lived with
a woman, which she recognizes and we also can see.
And that also gives Katie vibes because he's like, and
I really don't want to and she's like, well, too late.
He's like, I'll give you another bin when this one's filled.
She only gets that one awkward foldable square. So then
she brings out honey, a crystal that's black turmaline, and
she's like, I'm going to save the shit out of
this place because this place is toxic. And he's like,
how much have you spent on that rock? She's like,
well more than you probably spend on any rock that's
going to be on my finger. Two hundred and fifty
dollars and yeah again, and Josh Katie vibes if he's
the Katie. He's like, I don't trust you with money.
That's why I can't buy a dresser for you. What
are you gonna put in the dresser?
Speaker 2: More rocks? He's like, you just waste money. So the
thing I gotta do for you get you a credit card.
Speaker 1: Now this I'm going to give you, know, Timothy props
for Thomas is his name, Thomas.
Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: Thomas does this and we don't see this a lot,
and this makes me happy. He's like in America, it's
a casual society. Some places don't take cash. I want
you to come here and feel like you can do
your own thing. You can maneuver around and if you
need to buy yourself something, you can. So here's a
credit card in your name that I will pay off
and you can use it. And she's like, can I
buy a car? And we're like, girl, you've seen him,
how much do you think this man is? No, he's
like you guys. I didn't tell her this, but I
got the cheapest limit possible, which I asked, is twenty
five hundred. I called them back and was like, can
you do a thousand? And they were like no, but
that is nice and I'm happy for her. She can
go buy her twenty dollars sandwiches or burritos everywhere, you know,
and like live her life. So I do want to
give him grace because it's nice of him to do
that for her, and like to take care of the
bill in his own way. But she's also going to
need transportation. I don't know how walkable the area of
where he lives is. I need to know, like what
her favorite vegan restaurant is around where she lives.
Speaker 2: She at one point says that.
Speaker 1: In typical Katie Josh fashion, he's the Katie in that
he's like cheap and weird and perpetually single and should
be that and should be that situation forever. But how
Katie opens up doors for the boring men in her life.
That's what Palla did for him. He wouldn't live without her, Honey.
She's cultured, She's shown him like fun things.
Speaker 2: If it wasn't for her, he would never have had
a grape. He never would have tried to. He hadn't
had a grape.
Speaker 1: A grape, she said, were like, he's never had a grape, Honey.
Speaker 2: Without her, he would have never conquered grapes. Do you
see what I did there?
Speaker 1: It's conquered. I conquered grapes. How do you not have
a grape? Grape is like a basic as fruit. In
every supermarket there's grapes, and grapes are greape. You can
freeze them. You just wash them and put them in
a plastic thing. There's green ones, there's red ones. I'm
just like, grapes are just like on every tricuterie platter
where you're allergic to grapes.
Speaker 2: I like the smell of grapes.
Speaker 1: That crazy for him, that was I'm like, I don't
understand what world he never had a grape.
Speaker 2: Everyone has apples, bananas, and grapes everyone. I mean, you know,
probably you've had watermelon.
Speaker 1: I just I really I couldn't even deal with that
and make any good sense. You never went over to
a friend's house whose mom was like, here's some grapes.
Through the easiest things to give a kid. Okay, she
calls him stupid and aggressive, which was funny. He is stupid, aggressive,
kind of weird. Also, the other thing about her which
I find hilarious is throughout one whole scene, she's wearing
overalls and like a squirt ensemble overalls, one hanging down
and a scort side buttoned squirt. That is so nineties
to me, like aughts, early aughts, nineties. I like loved it.
Lo KEI was like, oh no, should I buy that again?
It's something I would have worn. I wore a lot
of sports. Anyway, I'm excited to see what she does
with that credit card. I'm assuming she's going to hit
that limit real fucking fast. I'm assuming that going to
go to like the miniature slash Crystal store and just
buy the whole thing out. Is there a miniature store
around I got to look it up. Okay, my loves,
let's move on to Mallory and Rashid. I'll tell you
right now, Rashid is coming for Sarper's crown of being
a hilarious Turkish man. I mean, there are so many
Rashet jokes. It was like great. So obviously he had
the Welcome you know, to America party where he tried
to confront Brandy and like you know, it went nowhere.
But he did get drunk that night on whiskey and
his own drinks, and that night cuddled in bed with
Opal and she was like, I saw you. You thought
it was me, but it was Opal. All those dogs
are in that bed. He was like, no, I didn't,
but yes you did. In the morning, he's going to
make his own breakfast. He's like, what is oil something?
She's like, let me come out and help you. She does,
and she's like, you know what, last night they have
a lot of fun and confessionals. She's like, last night,
I'll tell you what you did. You got white girl wasted.
And he's like, what does these She's like, white girl wasted?
And then so he tries to say it now. When
he tries to say it, he says it in such
a way that I thought about trying to recreate it
for you, but if I did, it would look like
or sound like I was making fun of someone who's
maybe like hearing impaired, which I would never do. I also,
I'm not making fun of him for saying this in
his accent. I'm saying it was truly delightful. This is
how he said it wasted. I'm just one more time.
Oh why, that's how he says it.
Speaker 2: Mm hmmm, uh huh. Yeah.
Speaker 1: He makes a traditional Turkish breakfast because he's like, listen,
you need spicy foods after a hangover. We're like spicy,
I need No, I need like salty ass, like bready
ass foods.
Speaker 2: And she's like, that's, you know, interesting, and she says
all right. No.
Speaker 1: She lets him say when you eat hot, your butthole
is hot. There's pain, you cry. This is good now.
I immediately thought of like Jake from Reality Gaze. I was like,
this is gonna be made into a meme for them.
This is how Poodle would feel. You know, I'm saying, like,
you know, I'm just like, I can't believe it's find
out what they make from that. He knows what he's
doing and he's he is hilarious. He is sort of
like to me, a better Sorper. He's hot, He's hotter
to me than Sorper, and he has like a better
heart than Sarper to me, he has just like he's like,
I like him better again, both men from Turkey. They
talk about Brandy and he's like, I am angry at
Brandy and I don't want you to be friends with
the guy. He was like when I went to go
talk to him, get off from my truck, and I
wanted to punch him and say, who are you beachh
And Mallory god bless just has to sit and listen
to all of that and then just like keep a
straight face, and she does. I like the you know,
Mallory has such interesting coloring. She's of course like pe
duce and cream and she has like amber eyes.
Speaker 2: That also like.
Speaker 1: Go very well with her hair color. Mallory is like, okay, well,
let me tell you. I get that you want to
be the man in the household, and I want you
to feel good about yourself and like feel like you
can call the shots in your way the way I
want them. But at the same time, Brandy is best
friends with my best friend's husband, So in my fantasy
of fantasies, we're all just two couples hanging out and
then his best friend comes over and we're like, you know,
a big, happy family. He doesn't want this, but I
think would be better is if, like Brandy gets a
girlfriend and then they all three couples hang out and
then you know, here's the thing.
Speaker 2: Rashid and Malory love each other.
Speaker 1: It's not hard to see the love and like fun
they have between them, so he shouldn't be.
Speaker 2: Insecure about that now.
Speaker 1: Unfortunately, we get a trope of tropes, which is Mallory's like,
I don't understand why he's being this way, because if
he wanted to be with someone who's going to let
him do whatever he wants, maybe he should have been
with a Turkish woman.
Speaker 2: And the amount of times we've had like the American
be like, I don't.
Speaker 1: Know why he's being this way. He should have been
if he wanted to with a Nigerian woman. I don't
know why he's being this way. He should have been
with an Egyptian woman. I don't know why he's being
this way. He should have been with the Brazilian, you know,
like Dominican, Like there could be any person that is like,
he could have been this way. But at the same time,
it also feels like, well, then you could have been
with a wait for it, American man.
Speaker 2: Couldn't you have? But why didn't you? Because he fell
in love with this person.
Speaker 1: You want to make it work and you feel like
this is your forever person, right you feel like maybe
like you'll come to some compromise over things and the
two cultures will blend.
Speaker 2: Is that what you thought? Weird? So did he hmm?
Just of interest? I don't know.
Speaker 1: So let's move on to Asia and Maxwell. Honey, this
is messy and really Julia stealing the show. So right
now Maxwell is having you know, Asha in the car
with Juliet and they're going to driving home and he's
just like, you look so beautiful and to Asia, and
Asha's mom is like looking around and she like seems
to be like, you know, one of the like old
people in a car where she's just calling out things.
She said, like look at that sign. She'll look at
these men just standing outside of the cars. He's like, yeah,
they work, you know, as guy.
Speaker 2: She's like, well, if there's no room in the car,
wasn't enough room and that's why they're outside.
Speaker 1: He's like, well, maybe Asha loves like a thick eyeliner
with like very demure lashes. Now he's like, listen, I
like them titties and that's yellow spaghetti strap tank top.
But you're gonna have to cover up for my family
and my family we realized the house that there's staying
in is a airbnb that I guess has been rented
for them, like a very nice modern airbnb. His parents
are Clement and Maria, And when she gets to the beautiful.
Speaker 2: Home, she's like Mama and daddy, which is the exact
opposite of what Edward was allowed to do. Did you
clock that I did?
Speaker 1: I was like, see that's what's nice calling someone else's
parents mama and daddy. Okay, now, because they've been there
for a whole last second. They've brought in foods, and
they bring out traditional cola, which is like a medicinal
spicy thing that they sort of open and eat. There's
like nuts and maybe it's this nut or a seed,
but there's a pit in the middle. I'm not quite sure,
but it's I guess not something that is like super yummy,
yet they eat it. She walks around this home and
she's like, yes, give me that master bedroom, honey. She
sees the bathroom, it is all kind of like modern glam.
She sees the tub, she's like, I love a free
standing tub. Now you know what I think about free
standing tubs. They're the work of Satan. Nothing says I'm
gonna fall on this marble slip to my death in
a free standing tub where I have to lift up
my like.
Speaker 2: Leg like knee high to get out of it. No bars,
nothing to hold on to.
Speaker 1: Okay. We also realize that he can't sleep in this
room because you know, all the parents are around, and
she's real godly, so he's like, I can sleep with you.
She's like, no, God, Sorry, I get to have.
Speaker 2: This big bed by myself.
Speaker 1: Sorry, I just get to ridicule you and your looks
and then go ahead and sleep comfortably at night, just
counting sheep, thinking about all the room I have to
toss intern all night like a baby. Her closets you,
She's like, He's like, don't worry, baby, I'll get a
closet for us like this.
Speaker 2: We're like, oh, we'll see now.
Speaker 1: She's worried about his sister Blaze, who she calls his
private investigator, which makes me happy because I think that
she doesn't have any heat on her. And I like
the idea of the American having heat on them because
of course, like the Nigerian person would have heat on
them or more. Mostly every foreigner person has heat on
them in some way, like what are their real intentions?
Are they just trying to get a green card or whatever?
So anytime the American can also like feel some need
to do well or like need to show up or
be respectable in some way or like have you know,
maybe if they have skeletons, they might come to light.
Speaker 2: I'm here for it.
Speaker 1: His family preps a lovely meal, a bunch of like
beautiful foods. My dad keeps calling me. I'm going to
call my back.
Speaker 2: And his sisters come out.
Speaker 1: They all hug, which is like nice, they're all obviously
liking each other.
Speaker 2: But she also, well, you.
Speaker 1: Know, realizes that Blaze that she's facetimed with, has gone
through her entire Facebook.
Speaker 2: Profile since the beginning of time.
Speaker 1: Like Asha had like started Facebook with her college account,
you know how it used to be, and she's never
deleted any post. So Blaize got a lot in it
was basically like a five hundred page novel that Blaze
went through it, you know, and then told Maxwell. And
for some reason, Asha finds this suspect. And we also
want to be like, well, why didn't God tell you
that was going to happen and for you to like,
you know, clean up that Facebook profile. Then she's like,
I'd be so embarrassed to admit that. And I'm like,
who cares what you think? That's neither here nor there
of her doing her thing.
Speaker 2: That's you. She's been embarrassed about things you would do.
So they have to like, you know.
Speaker 1: Wash their hands, like you know, one of the little bulls,
honey before they eat, and it's because you have to
eat with your hands, and like her mom, Juliet's like,
that's not for me, and she's like not super into
Nigerian food.
Speaker 2: The producer's clock that, so they pull her aside.
Speaker 1: They're like, Juliette, tell us what you think and she's like, nope,
not for me. This meat is too tough. Can't do it. Also,
you can't swallow. I'm sorry, you can't chew. They just
want you to swallow things whole.
Speaker 2: I like to chew. I like to chew on things.
Speaker 1: It's so funny, like Nigerians have such a beautiful accent
and it's not a rootic accent.
Speaker 2: They just don't like an.
Speaker 1: R They're like, Asha, how many kids do you want
to have? She's like two and the mom's like nope,
not acceptable. She's like, well, we'll just say what God says.
Then what are you going to say to that and
go against God? Whatever God gives, whatever God provides, then
slash whatever I want God. Because I'm a prophet, I
realized works through me and whatever I want, God provides,
Like if I want an n Sync song, God provides
an n SYNC song, If I want two kids and
to stop, God provides what I want. You can tell
early on that Maxwell's mom doesn't like Asia.
Speaker 2: They're like, well are you will you be submissive?
Speaker 1: To our son, our firstborn son, firstborn boys, very important,
has all the blessings.
Speaker 2: Will you be submissive to him?
Speaker 1: She's like, well, I do want my opinions heard and
followed to the t. They're like, okay, well, if you
have opinions, how about his opinions. She's like, he doesn't
really have any knowledge to base any opinions on. He
doesn't know what he wants, so my opinions ride. They're
like you hearing the words coming out of your mouth.
He shows them pictures of his chemical peel.
Speaker 2: And then he's like yeah.
Speaker 1: And the other thing is that she wants my whites
of my eyes to be whiter.
Speaker 2: They're like what. He's like yeah.
Speaker 1: We're like what, First of all, how you gonna do that?
I don't know if it's a laser or whatever the fuck.
I'm like afraid to ask. We're like, can you just
get some lumifi eyedrops lumifi? But we're assuming that she
wants some sort of like surgery for that. Blaze is like, well,
shouldn't that be his decision? She's like, no, that should
be my decision. She's like, Nigerians have a protective coating
to their eyes because of the sun. She's like, yeah, you
know why he got that he did wrong by staring
at the sun too much. They're like, no, we all
have that, we're just in the sun. She's like, m m,
he stared at the sun. He did this to himself,
and only I can rectify it by getting I don't
know what she's gonna do. I didn't know there was
surgery to get the whites of your wide eyes. Sorry,
the whites of your eyes wider. That's he didn't bring
up the hair transplant bless. Also, you know what also
needs to be like a different like less yellow her foundation.
Speaker 2: Her foundation's too yellow.
Speaker 1: Again, this is someone who's like pointing a finger and
we're like, well you can, you can do something while
you're waiting.
Speaker 2: Let's get that foundation to an up to.
Speaker 1: A different color. Let's match everything. The sisters who have
good foundation are like Maxwell's mom knows that she's being
and weird and doesn't love her prized boy son, and
Maxwell is just like allowing this for whatever reason. Juliet
can't even come with any hard questions to Maxwell.
Speaker 2: She's out numbered again.
Speaker 1: I want to be like, where is acious friend that's
dating his friend? Right? Like the other one. I'm so
surprised we haven't met that woman yet. Oh my goodness, gracious.
Speaker 2: We have more coming.
Speaker 1: Okay, listen, I love you guys so much. Thank you
so much for being on this journey with me and
listening to me. Talk to you guys for as long
as I do about this season. I love it so
much and I can't wait for next week, truly, madly, deeply.
Also the Katie of Josh. Sorry Katie and Josh of
it all. If you want more of me, you can
absolutely get more of me. I'm at Chris sel Farah
on Instagram, on TikTok, I have a Facebook group, I
have a Facebook page, and I have a Patreon who
you give me five dollars a month and you get
even more of me. It's patreon dot com slash Chris Farah.
Please give me also five stars wherever you listen to podcasts.
Let's do our breaths and then send you guys on
your merry way. God bless and I love you, hand
on heart, feed on floor, sitting on my seatbones. All right,
my babes, take care of yourselves and one another, stand
up for what you believe and make art, and I'll
talk to you later Bye,