Speaker 1: Do you two have memories that are not memories, like
Speaker 1: you leaved a certain stage of life, but when they
Speaker 1: ask you about that stage.
Speaker 2: Like you don't have a memory of it.
Speaker 1: I guess that's my childhood, mainly my earliers in school.
Speaker 2: I feel like they were.
Speaker 1: So traumatizing and painful that my brain blocked out. Like
Speaker 1: I don't have a lot of memories there, seriously, but
Speaker 1: there are some that stand out.
Speaker 2: I remember that my dad beat me every day.
Speaker 1: I remember each and every scar that I have on
Speaker 1: my body, how it came about what he used to
Speaker 1: put it on my body. You know.
Speaker 2: I remember the words he used to tell me.
Speaker 1: I remember his eyes, how he looked at me with rage,
Speaker 1: with head It's like I had done something. I remember
Speaker 1: every time he knocked on the door whenever he came
Speaker 1: back home.
Speaker 2: I remember how.
Speaker 3: My heart used to pump so fast.
Speaker 1: Like it wanted to leave my body. Yeah, I have
Speaker 1: this first memory on match kindergarten level.
Speaker 2: I was at school. I remember it was a Friday.
Speaker 1: Every Friday we had a general cleaning of the school,
Speaker 1: like every every class used to clean. Every class, you like,
Speaker 1: used to clean their own classroom, like you know, so
Speaker 1: that Friday, we took out the benches like the ones.
Speaker 2: We sit on school.
Speaker 1: So because I was a quite weird child when they
Speaker 1: took out the benches, so I went and I sat
Speaker 1: on the benches as other pupils of students. So kids
Speaker 1: cleaned the classroom. I remember this senior came, this boy
Speaker 1: from up a class like I think I was around
Speaker 1: either six and he was around fourteen fifteen. He looked
Speaker 1: at me, pulled me into the disks, undressed me, and
Speaker 1: started touching me, and he made me touch him. He
Speaker 1: did weird things to me. I don't remember most of them.
Speaker 2: That I remember.
Speaker 1: He made me touch him until.
Speaker 2: He can.
Speaker 1: I really didn't understand what was happening. After that, he
Speaker 1: cleaned himself and left, and I was just there, very confused,
Speaker 1: half naked. You see, when a child experiences such a thing,
Speaker 1: the first thing they think about is to tell their
Speaker 1: parents that with all the trouble that was going on
Speaker 1: at home, I didn't know how to start to tell
Speaker 1: who my mom she walks, she comes back so tired,
Speaker 1: my dad, come on, every time he talks to me,
Speaker 1: he's slapping, misbeating me, he's drunk, he's kicking me. So
Speaker 1: how do I start telling him what happened. I don't
Speaker 1: even understand what happened, you know, well, I thought that
Speaker 1: would be the last time that happened. Happens now, whenever
Speaker 1: I was at school, that boy could take me different
Speaker 1: places in school, toilet behind the classroom, play with my
Speaker 1: private parts, make me touch him. Yeah, I remember him morning.
Speaker 1: So we lived in the same town, so every time.
Speaker 2: Once in a while we could meet on the way.
Speaker 1: And the way he looked at me, his eyes reminded
Speaker 1: me of how my dad looked at me with anger
Speaker 1: and rage.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 1: So, I think there isn't a one of the the
Speaker 1: reason that was why I never like talked about that,
Speaker 1: It's because I was afraid of this boy.
Speaker 2: I got tired of school, but I could not say
Speaker 2: why I head at school.
Speaker 1: But I couldn't say why. Of course, I used to
Speaker 1: say I had school because my dad beats me. My
Speaker 1: dad beats me whenever he looks at my school report.
Speaker 1: You know. I remember, in a town like a school
Speaker 1: term like it used to take like three and a
Speaker 1: half months, and in those three months we did exams
Speaker 1: like three times. So in the first month you could
Speaker 1: do exams and they give you a report and you
Speaker 1: take it home. Let's call them like tests. But my
Speaker 1: dad used to beat me for each and every test
Speaker 1: done well. I was not the brightest student, and his
Speaker 1: way of beating me was not like, hey has slapped
Speaker 1: me on the cheek.
Speaker 2: Hey, I saw me lie down. I beat you.
Speaker 3: No.
Speaker 1: When he was holding like a cop a glass, he
Speaker 1: could throw it at you. Get anything close to him,
Speaker 1: whatever it is, whether it's a big stick, whether it's
Speaker 1: a knife, try to beat you with it.
Speaker 2: He used to carry There.
Speaker 1: Was this small table that we used to put his food,
Speaker 1: his water. He used to carry it and throw it
Speaker 1: to me and threw it at me. I always wondered
Speaker 1: what I did to him.
Speaker 2: It was so bitter to me.
Speaker 1: One of the things that gave me headaches was that
Speaker 1: I had a young sister who was loved so much
Speaker 1: that for the time I leaved at home I never
Speaker 1: saw my dad back at her slave her.
Speaker 3: Now the story of my life.
Speaker 1: I can still remember the face of that boy to
Speaker 1: this day. He's scaring brown eyes. I remember I try
Speaker 1: to cry, but he could put my He could put
Speaker 1: his fingers on on my mouth and tell me to
Speaker 1: stop crying.
Speaker 2: If if not, he'll beat me.
Speaker 1: I felt powerless, just like how I felt every time
Speaker 1: my dad used to keeek and stump me. He took
Speaker 1: his time to do whatever he wanted to do with me.
Speaker 1: I remember I used to make me suck his private parts.
Speaker 1: I didn't know what to do. He used to push
Speaker 1: my head like to swallow it. Oh my god, I
Speaker 1: felt terrible. I got scared of school, but I was
Speaker 1: also afraid of home. You know, he did it several times.
Speaker 1: I remember he was in his last year at school,
Speaker 1: so after that year he left. Next year, it never
Speaker 1: happened again, but still I could see him on the street.
Speaker 1: It's so weird that when now I talk about it,
Speaker 1: I remember some things. It was like it's like my
Speaker 1: brain had blacked out. Oh, I had suppressed certain things.
Speaker 2: I always thought.
Speaker 1: That this boy would look for me at home, but no,
Speaker 1: he only did that at school. He only approached me
Speaker 1: when we were at school, But outside school he never
Speaker 1: even when we were we met on the way, he
Speaker 1: could just bypast me as if he doesn't know me.
Speaker 1: And when he looked at me, he gave me those
Speaker 1: devilish eyes.
Speaker 2: Hm hm. The story of my life.
Speaker 4: Now that I've grown, do I have something to say
Speaker 4: to him.
Speaker 2: I don't think so.
Speaker 1: A lot has happened in my life. It feels my
Speaker 1: mind is so twisted. Well, see you next time.