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<v Speaker 1>Do you two have memories that are not memories, like

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<v Speaker 1>you leaved a certain stage of life, but when they

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<v Speaker 1>ask you about that stage.

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<v Speaker 2>Like you don't have a memory of it.

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<v Speaker 1>I guess that's my childhood, mainly my earliers in school.

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<v Speaker 2>I feel like they were.

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<v Speaker 1>So traumatizing and painful that my brain blocked out. Like

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<v Speaker 1>I don't have a lot of memories there, seriously, but

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<v Speaker 1>there are some that stand out.

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<v Speaker 2>I remember that my dad beat me every day.

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<v Speaker 1>I remember each and every scar that I have on

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<v Speaker 1>my body, how it came about what he used to

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<v Speaker 1>put it on my body. You know.

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<v Speaker 2>I remember the words he used to tell me.

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<v Speaker 1>I remember his eyes, how he looked at me with rage,

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<v Speaker 1>with head It's like I had done something. I remember

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<v Speaker 1>every time he knocked on the door whenever he came

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<v Speaker 1>back home.

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<v Speaker 2>I remember how.

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<v Speaker 3>My heart used to pump so fast.

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<v Speaker 1>Like it wanted to leave my body. Yeah, I have

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<v Speaker 1>this first memory on match kindergarten level.

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<v Speaker 2>I was at school. I remember it was a Friday.

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<v Speaker 1>Every Friday we had a general cleaning of the school,

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<v Speaker 1>like every every class used to clean. Every class, you like,

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<v Speaker 1>used to clean their own classroom, like you know, so

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<v Speaker 1>that Friday, we took out the benches like the ones.

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<v Speaker 2>We sit on school.

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<v Speaker 1>So because I was a quite weird child when they

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<v Speaker 1>took out the benches, so I went and I sat

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<v Speaker 1>on the benches as other pupils of students. So kids

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<v Speaker 1>cleaned the classroom. I remember this senior came, this boy

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<v Speaker 1>from up a class like I think I was around

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<v Speaker 1>either six and he was around fourteen fifteen. He looked

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<v Speaker 1>at me, pulled me into the disks, undressed me, and

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<v Speaker 1>started touching me, and he made me touch him. He

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<v Speaker 1>did weird things to me. I don't remember most of them.

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<v Speaker 2>That I remember.

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<v Speaker 1>He made me touch him until.

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<v Speaker 2>He can.

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<v Speaker 1>I really didn't understand what was happening. After that, he

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<v Speaker 1>cleaned himself and left, and I was just there, very confused,

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<v Speaker 1>half naked. You see, when a child experiences such a thing,

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<v Speaker 1>the first thing they think about is to tell their

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<v Speaker 1>parents that with all the trouble that was going on

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<v Speaker 1>at home, I didn't know how to start to tell

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<v Speaker 1>who my mom she walks, she comes back so tired,

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<v Speaker 1>my dad, come on, every time he talks to me,

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<v Speaker 1>he's slapping, misbeating me, he's drunk, he's kicking me. So

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<v Speaker 1>how do I start telling him what happened. I don't

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<v Speaker 1>even understand what happened, you know, well, I thought that

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<v Speaker 1>would be the last time that happened. Happens now, whenever

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<v Speaker 1>I was at school, that boy could take me different

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<v Speaker 1>places in school, toilet behind the classroom, play with my

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<v Speaker 1>private parts, make me touch him. Yeah, I remember him morning.

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<v Speaker 1>So we lived in the same town, so every time.

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<v Speaker 2>Once in a while we could meet on the way.

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<v Speaker 1>And the way he looked at me, his eyes reminded

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<v Speaker 1>me of how my dad looked at me with anger

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<v Speaker 1>and rage.

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<v Speaker 4>You know.

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<v Speaker 1>So, I think there isn't a one of the the

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<v Speaker 1>reason that was why I never like talked about that,

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<v Speaker 1>It's because I was afraid of this boy.

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<v Speaker 2>I got tired of school, but I could not say

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<v Speaker 2>why I head at school.

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<v Speaker 1>But I couldn't say why. Of course, I used to

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<v Speaker 1>say I had school because my dad beats me. My

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<v Speaker 1>dad beats me whenever he looks at my school report.

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<v Speaker 1>You know. I remember, in a town like a school

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<v Speaker 1>term like it used to take like three and a

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<v Speaker 1>half months, and in those three months we did exams

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<v Speaker 1>like three times. So in the first month you could

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<v Speaker 1>do exams and they give you a report and you

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<v Speaker 1>take it home. Let's call them like tests. But my

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<v Speaker 1>dad used to beat me for each and every test

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<v Speaker 1>done well. I was not the brightest student, and his

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<v Speaker 1>way of beating me was not like, hey has slapped

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<v Speaker 1>me on the cheek.

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<v Speaker 2>Hey, I saw me lie down. I beat you.

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<v Speaker 3>No.

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<v Speaker 1>When he was holding like a cop a glass, he

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<v Speaker 1>could throw it at you. Get anything close to him,

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<v Speaker 1>whatever it is, whether it's a big stick, whether it's

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<v Speaker 1>a knife, try to beat you with it.

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<v Speaker 2>He used to carry There.

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<v Speaker 1>Was this small table that we used to put his food,

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<v Speaker 1>his water. He used to carry it and throw it

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<v Speaker 1>to me and threw it at me. I always wondered

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<v Speaker 1>what I did to him.

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<v Speaker 2>It was so bitter to me.

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<v Speaker 1>One of the things that gave me headaches was that

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<v Speaker 1>I had a young sister who was loved so much

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<v Speaker 1>that for the time I leaved at home I never

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<v Speaker 1>saw my dad back at her slave her.

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<v Speaker 3>Now the story of my life.

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<v Speaker 1>I can still remember the face of that boy to

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<v Speaker 1>this day. He's scaring brown eyes. I remember I try

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<v Speaker 1>to cry, but he could put my He could put

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<v Speaker 1>his fingers on on my mouth and tell me to

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<v Speaker 1>stop crying.

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<v Speaker 2>If if not, he'll beat me.

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<v Speaker 1>I felt powerless, just like how I felt every time

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<v Speaker 1>my dad used to keeek and stump me. He took

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<v Speaker 1>his time to do whatever he wanted to do with me.

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<v Speaker 1>I remember I used to make me suck his private parts.

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<v Speaker 1>I didn't know what to do. He used to push

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<v Speaker 1>my head like to swallow it. Oh my god, I

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<v Speaker 1>felt terrible. I got scared of school, but I was

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<v Speaker 1>also afraid of home. You know, he did it several times.

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<v Speaker 1>I remember he was in his last year at school,

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<v Speaker 1>so after that year he left. Next year, it never

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<v Speaker 1>happened again, but still I could see him on the street.

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<v Speaker 1>It's so weird that when now I talk about it,

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<v Speaker 1>I remember some things. It was like it's like my

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<v Speaker 1>brain had blacked out. Oh, I had suppressed certain things.

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<v Speaker 2>I always thought.

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<v Speaker 1>That this boy would look for me at home, but no,

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<v Speaker 1>he only did that at school. He only approached me

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<v Speaker 1>when we were at school, But outside school he never

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<v Speaker 1>even when we were we met on the way, he

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<v Speaker 1>could just bypast me as if he doesn't know me.

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<v Speaker 1>And when he looked at me, he gave me those

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<v Speaker 1>devilish eyes.

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<v Speaker 2>Hm hm. The story of my life.

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<v Speaker 4>Now that I've grown, do I have something to say

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<v Speaker 4>to him.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't think so.

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<v Speaker 1>A lot has happened in my life. It feels my

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<v Speaker 1>mind is so twisted. Well, see you next time.