Speaker 1: So I was at the therapist's office the other day.
Speaker 1: We say, we all boosed amongst us, and I was
Speaker 1: like talking to her about like wanting to live in
Speaker 1: the moment more and not being so afraid all the
Speaker 1: time and blah blah blah. And I don't know why
Speaker 1: I mentioned she's she's clearly younger than me, which I
Speaker 1: don't hold against her because she's a very good therapist.
Speaker 1: I was like, you know that play Art Town. Yeah, no, no,
Speaker 1: I said to her, and she was like no. And
Speaker 1: I was like, so at the end of Our Town,
Speaker 1: there's like a scene right where a bunch of the
Speaker 1: characters have died and now they're they're in heaven or whatever.
Speaker 1: It's some liminal space, and this one girl gets to
Speaker 1: go back for a day. And I acted out the
Speaker 1: entire last scene of Our Town to her, where I
Speaker 1: was like, hot coffee in beds. Is it possible we
Speaker 1: missed all of this while it was really happening, And
Speaker 1: like she and I swear to god, I almost had
Speaker 1: her crying. I was crying. She was in tears. She
Speaker 1: was like that play sounds amazing, you know, like it's
Speaker 1: on Broadway right now. You could go see it.
Speaker 2: Sheldon's in it. The first stage manager to say, bazinga.
Speaker 1: It's amazing. Hey on Paul in America and this is
Speaker 1: that aged well, yesterday's pop culture.
Speaker 2: Today it's January. It's a new year.
Speaker 1: It's twenty twenty five, baby, that's.
Speaker 2: Right, And for January twenty twenty five, we're doing nighttime soaps.
Speaker 1: They're steamy, they're sexy, they make no fucking sense.
Speaker 2: They have casts that are no fewer than seventeen people
Speaker 2: at any given taken and.
Speaker 1: All of them are blondes, all of them. It's for you.
Speaker 1: Daphne's gonna go. We see you girls.
Speaker 2: There's one brunette and she's either she's either the smart
Speaker 2: one or like the unattractive one, yeah, or.
Speaker 1: Usually both or usually both. Yeah. Yeah, she's the villain.
Speaker 1: Maybe I don't sometimes something, yeah, a Redheads villain if
Speaker 1: you're the Brenda, for example, and then a two and
Speaker 1: oh you're you're you're the lead, but also kind of
Speaker 1: the villain.
Speaker 2: Of the show. Before we get to today's nighttime soap Erica,
Speaker 2: we do have a couple of five star Apple podcast reviews.
Speaker 2: Shall I read?
Speaker 1: Sure?
Speaker 2: All right? So this is from Kathia eighty and they
Speaker 2: write love it. I've said it before, and I feel
Speaker 2: the need to say it again in such a stressful time.
Speaker 2: What are you talking about?
Speaker 1: I don't know what you're talking about. I feel great. Yeah, nothing,
Speaker 1: nothing terrible is happening.
Speaker 2: It is so fun to listen to the movie recaps
Speaker 2: and laugh along. I thoroughly enjoyed Drop Dead, Fred and Mermaids.
Speaker 2: Thank you for doing the Urbs. It's one of my favorites. Suggestion.
Speaker 2: One of my favorite lesser known and reviewed movies Welcome
Speaker 2: Home Roxy Carmichael.
Speaker 1: Ooh, okay, this is at least the second review we've
Speaker 1: read that's done, that's requested. Welcome Home Roxy Car Michel
Speaker 1: is someone a writer joint? Yes, it is Jeff Daniels
Speaker 1: when on a writer. I saw it when I was
Speaker 1: a kid. I kind of remember liking this movie. I
Speaker 1: think I think we should do Welcome Home Rocks the
Speaker 1: Car Michael.
Speaker 2: I wonder if I may have actually seen it. I'd
Speaker 2: like the vaguest memories.
Speaker 1: I feel like it should have been a hit, but
Speaker 1: that that title hamstrung it. Sure like no one wanted
Speaker 1: to see it.
Speaker 2: Well, as soon as you find out that Winona Ryder
Speaker 2: is not playing Roxy Carmichael, You're like, what the fuck
Speaker 2: are we doing?
Speaker 1: Why? But what why do you lie to me? Shall
Speaker 1: I read our second review?
Speaker 2: Please do?
Speaker 1: Second review comes from thank you five.
Speaker 2: Thank you five, Thank you five, Thank you theater kids.
Speaker 1: The theater kid. This the theater kid. Love this show.
Speaker 1: I haven't left this hard in my car ever. Well,
Speaker 1: you've never committed vehicular homicide.
Speaker 2: Remember Erica. Not everyone thinks that's hysterical.
Speaker 1: It's hilarious of the time. This funny and informative show
Speaker 1: about pop culture hits and missus is amazing. Such a
Speaker 1: pick me up. I highly recommend the episode on Casper
Speaker 1: had me in tears. I kind of remember. There's a
Speaker 1: lot of splooge jokes.
Speaker 2: There was a lot of splooge jokes. There was there
Speaker 2: was a perennial that age. Well favorite Kathy Moriarty scream
Speaker 2: speaking all of her lines.
Speaker 1: To a poor Eric Idol.
Speaker 2: Eric Idol, Yeah, I can't remember his lawyers that the
Speaker 2: characters name he was are lawyer liar.
Speaker 1: Amazing?
Speaker 2: All right, So, Kathia eighty, thank you five. Thank you
Speaker 2: so much for these reviews. If you would like aid that, hwell,
Speaker 2: topeag go ahead and contact us. I will send it
Speaker 2: off for you right away, Erica, what is our inaugural
Speaker 2: nighttime soap that we're kicking off January with?
Speaker 1: We're kicking it off with a bang, y'all. Today, we're
Speaker 1: covering an episode of melrose Place.
Speaker 2: So this was requested by Robin Don, Jan Miggey, Shannon Luis,
Speaker 2: Aurelian Camille, Kevin, Mike, William, Vanessa and Adam so. Melrose
Speaker 2: Place was a primetime soap and part of the Beverly
Speaker 2: Hills nine two one zero Expanded.
Speaker 1: Universe created by Darren Stott.
Speaker 2: I didn't know that there was a Beverly Hills nine
Speaker 2: two universe until extend Universe, until I started researching the show.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, wait a minute, aside, I guess because stuff
Speaker 1: span spun off from melrose Place, but nothing else. I'll
Speaker 1: ink nothing else spun off of nine two and oh
Speaker 1: did they? Or did California Dreams spin off from nine
Speaker 1: o two?
Speaker 2: And oh?
Speaker 1: California Dreams was another one in this era that had
Speaker 1: Jamie Walters in it, and I had such a crush
Speaker 1: and had that song how Do You Talk to an Angel?
Speaker 1: Which I could sing today to this day. Every lyric,
Speaker 1: every goddamn lyric, but I think that might have also
Speaker 1: been a spinoff of nine to two. And oh, don't
Speaker 1: quote me on that exit thing, but I do remember
Speaker 1: it's Grant Show. Is the connective tissue between this show and.
Speaker 2: Because Kelly had a crush on Grant Show, Jake.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think they may have maybe dated, which would
Speaker 1: have been less than kosher given Kelly was underage. But whatever,
Speaker 1: moving on.
Speaker 2: We didn't really worry about that this time. So Melrose
Speaker 2: Place aired from nineteen ninety two to nineteen ninety nine.
Speaker 2: We will be discussing season two, episode twenty eight, entitled
Speaker 2: the Bitches Back.
Speaker 1: Okay, there were thirty one episodes in season two. They
Speaker 1: were banging this shit out yep like it was a
Speaker 1: fucking fact, Like it was a tears and slap factory.
Speaker 2: Like tears and slap factory.
Speaker 1: I cannot believe the amount of episodes that we used
Speaker 1: to watch on television. Yeah, if I watch a show
Speaker 1: that has more than six episodes, now, I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: we get a whole eight episodes of this.
Speaker 2: I know. Yeah, it's really more of a tears and
Speaker 2: slap and sex.
Speaker 1: Factory, tears slaps and sex slap and tickle slap and
Speaker 1: Tickle and Tears Factory.
Speaker 2: Okay, so this episode was written by Frank South. It
Speaker 2: stars Josie Bissett, Thomas Calabro, Doug Savant, Grant Show, Andrew Schue,
Speaker 2: Courtney Thorne Smith, Daphne's A Niga, Heather Locklear, Laura Layton,
Speaker 2: and Marsha Cross.
Speaker 1: The Great Marshacross, Truly, Truly, the Great the Great marsh Across.
Speaker 1: Like so fucking goodness, we'll get to it.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Heather Tylo was originally cast in melrose Place, but was
Speaker 1: fired by producer Aaron Spelling prior to filming because she
Speaker 1: was pregnant.
Speaker 2: Future Paul Here, listen, I'm here to say that that
Speaker 2: actress's name was Hunter Tylo, not Heather Tylo. That's on me.
Speaker 2: Read the whole thing. Didn't get that right. I don't
Speaker 2: know what to tell you. I was drunk. Hunter Tylo
Speaker 2: is that person's name.
Speaker 1: Tylo suit Spelling for discrimination and one four point eight
Speaker 1: million work. The case was very important in establishing performers'
Speaker 1: rights to work while pregnant. I have to admit I've,
Speaker 1: prior to reading this, I've never heard of Heather Tylo.
Speaker 2: She was a daytime soap actress. Apparently, and I think
Speaker 2: this was her big break and then it didn't happen.
Speaker 1: Oh bummer, bummer, bummer. I do love when pregnant women
Speaker 1: are on TV shows and they just have them holding
Speaker 1: bags of groceries for a whole year. I know, we're
Speaker 1: standing behind a wall.
Speaker 2: We're not writing this in, we're not doing that. I
Speaker 2: just thought that was really interesting because we're going to
Speaker 2: get into the show. The show is very silly.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, so silly.
Speaker 2: These nighttime soaps are kind of like groundbreaking lots of
Speaker 2: times in their ways, and it's kind of interesting.
Speaker 1: This one, uh, which surprised me the most about Melrose Place,
Speaker 1: because I have not seen it in a long time,
Speaker 1: is how cheap it looks like it really. I mean,
Speaker 1: you can tell they're cranking out thirty one episodes at
Speaker 1: a time, and like the costumes are just whatever the
Speaker 1: fuck people had laying around, frankly, and the sets look
Speaker 1: like it looked like a high school production of a team. Like,
Speaker 1: it's just so cheap looking.
Speaker 2: I was so surprised, totally, it like extremely unexpectedly cheap looking.
Speaker 2: And I don't even mean that as an insult, It
Speaker 2: just I wasn't expecting.
Speaker 1: It I wasn't expected, and well I think too, because
Speaker 1: again TV has changed and so more money is being
Speaker 1: put into it, and it's the cheapest, cheapest show you
Speaker 1: watch now does not look as cheap as melrose Place, which,
Speaker 1: to be clear, was a humongous, giant hit. So it's
Speaker 1: not like it's not like they were doing this like
Speaker 1: as a cheap as a passion project.
Speaker 2: It's cheap.
Speaker 1: No money was being put into this.
Speaker 2: All right, Erica. So melrose Place season two has an
Speaker 2: eighty percent critical rating on Rotten Tomatoes.
Speaker 1: That's so that's surprising, Paul.
Speaker 2: It is.
Speaker 1: That's very surprising.
Speaker 2: It is because you know, we still have nighttime soaps now,
Speaker 2: we do like like they still have like it. I mean,
Speaker 2: I don't think they've had a really big hit in
Speaker 2: a while, but like I think of like Revenge.
Speaker 1: Oh I loved Revenge.
Speaker 2: Like the first season of Revenge was so fun, and yeah,
Speaker 2: that show.
Speaker 1: Got bonkers raise anatomy. Like the whole Shonda universe. Those
Speaker 1: are all night time soaps and they're exceless scandal.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they're fantastic and as bonkers as they got. Nothing
Speaker 2: like this. This is truly like a step between those
Speaker 2: Shonda shows and like Days of Our Lives, like you.
Speaker 1: Can see bonkers.
Speaker 2: It's insane what happens in this episode, you guys. I'm
Speaker 2: fine with the eighty percent critical rating. I don't think
Speaker 2: it holds up now, but I can understand that. I
Speaker 2: don't think it looked cheap in the eighties. I don't
Speaker 2: think anyone would like it, or in the nineties. I mean,
Speaker 2: I don't think it would have. People would not have
Speaker 2: looked at it and been like, that's not what TV
Speaker 2: looks like.
Speaker 1: You know, Yes, I so I was recently watching just
Speaker 1: like an episode of My so called life randomly, and
Speaker 1: like that looked better than this show. Like that looks cinematic.
Speaker 2: But they only did sixteen episodes, to be clear, to.
Speaker 1: Be clear, they had Yeah, they use their money more wisely.
Speaker 1: It's just shocking like this. There's just such an old
Speaker 1: timiness to the way this is filmed. It's filmed like
Speaker 1: a regular soap opera. I think that's what it is.
Speaker 1: So it's got like regular soap opera, like running on
Speaker 1: the Fly. It's cheap. It's like they're doing this really quick.
Speaker 1: They're putting upsets and taking them down really fast.
Speaker 2: Like I was just surprisedes all like totally all right, Erica,
Speaker 2: when did you first see Melrose Place?
Speaker 1: I watched it from the beginning, poll, I didn't stick
Speaker 1: with it. I like a knife time soap, but I
Speaker 1: bail very early on. I've never completed a knife time soap. Okay,
Speaker 1: I've never ever completed I've watched the first two seasons
Speaker 1: of Everything, of This, of Nanta to Andero, of Revenge,
Speaker 1: of Gossip Girl, of the oc of Grey's Anatomy, Like
Speaker 1: I will watch the first two seasons of anything, and
Speaker 1: in the minute it starts to like there's a tipping
Speaker 1: point where it's like, Okay, I have to bail now
Speaker 1: because the last.
Speaker 2: Passing underneath the show is that a shark? Okay out the.
Speaker 1: Last one I remember watching that. I was like, I
Speaker 1: really had high hopes for it. I was like, I'm
Speaker 1: going to watch the shit out of this. I'm going
Speaker 1: to watch this to the end. And I bailed literally
Speaker 1: after two seasons. Was Riverdale? Okay, that's the last one
Speaker 1: I could remember watching. Okay, how about.
Speaker 2: You, I've never seen melrose Place.
Speaker 1: That was your first episode ever of melrose.
Speaker 2: First episode Holy Shure of mel I was absolutely not
Speaker 2: have been allowed to watch this in nineteen ninety two.
Speaker 1: Absolutely in the first season, Michael's a nice guy, and
Speaker 1: then they just decided, I guess the actor was like,
Speaker 1: can you do something fun with me because I'm so
Speaker 1: boring on this show? And they're like, done, done?
Speaker 2: What was that you said?
Speaker 1: Great, we're turning you into the worst person. The first
Speaker 1: season of Melrose Place, Michael and Josie Bissett are married
Speaker 1: and they just are just like the boring couple. Yeah
Speaker 1: in the show.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So I was watching this. I did a lot
Speaker 2: of research while doing it, trying to understand, like these
Speaker 2: relationships and all of the insanity that has gone on
Speaker 2: in the in the fifty episode that these characters have
Speaker 2: existed on this on this television show. I enjoyed it
Speaker 2: as like an insane forty five minutes. It's really very,
Speaker 2: very entertaining. The acting is there's one person I know
Speaker 2: we agree on, one person, who Marshacross, who.
Speaker 1: Is unimpeachable so fucking good.
Speaker 2: I'm like, maybe she should have an oscar, Like I'm
Speaker 2: not like if she's making this seem so real, natural
Speaker 2: and natural and no one else and like some of
Speaker 2: the some of the actors really have very little to
Speaker 2: do in this episode, so I don't feel.
Speaker 1: Qualified to like Daphne's Nigga has nothing to do.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm like she might. She also maybe is an
Speaker 2: incredible actress. I can't tell based on this because she
Speaker 2: has two scenes and she's just tasked to like look concerned.
Speaker 1: Josie Bassett has like one scene.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but like Marcia Cross makes this shit work.
Speaker 1: She's so good. You're absolutely right. Actually, her career should
Speaker 1: have taken like a turn at some point, Like I
Speaker 1: know she she was like the queen of nighttime soaps
Speaker 1: for a while, but like she is, she really should
Speaker 1: have like jumped into movies one point and come yeah yeah,
Speaker 1: and had like a more The word I want to
Speaker 1: say is dignified. That's not fair, It's not fair. But
Speaker 1: a more dignified career is what I want to say.
Speaker 1: And you know what, I can't think of a better
Speaker 1: way to say it.
Speaker 2: Right now. It's early, y'all, it's the morning. Uh okay, Erica.
Speaker 2: The tagline from melrose Place was lying, cheating, stealing, seduction, betrayal, jealousy, greed, murder,
Speaker 2: It's just another day at melrose Place.
Speaker 1: No. The saurus Thesaurus the saurus, seduction, betrayal, murder, It's
Speaker 1: just another day at Melrose Place. Boom, you get three,
Speaker 1: you get three, you have to pick three. You cannot
Speaker 1: you cannot be redundant.
Speaker 2: Can I's a question since you've seen the show. I
Speaker 2: thought melrose Place was the street. Is melrose Place actually
Speaker 2: the name of their.
Speaker 1: Apartment apartment complex they all live in.
Speaker 2: Oh they live at Melrose Place?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Oh interesting?
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I guess it's on Melrose I've never really
Speaker 1: thought about it, but yeah, it's so when they're they
Speaker 1: actually will be like, I'm going back to Melrose Place
Speaker 1: like blah blah blah.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Do you want to read the iTunes synopsis for
Speaker 2: the Bitch Is Back?
Speaker 1: Sure?
Speaker 2: I'm a bitch. I'm a bitch. I'm a bitch, and
Speaker 2: I'm back.
Speaker 1: Michael is astonished when Kimberly pays him a late night visit.
Speaker 1: She reveals that she was in a coma for months
Speaker 1: and that her mother claimed she had died to keep
Speaker 1: Michael away from her. A lot of other stuff happens, Yeah,
Speaker 1: none of it matters the.
Speaker 2: Fact that this actually does ruin. Like the beginning of
Speaker 2: this episode, when I tell you this happens in the
Speaker 2: first ten minutes in this episode. Yeah, and you have
Speaker 2: another thirty to go. Yeah, we are climbing up a hill. Erica,
Speaker 2: do you have an actual synopsis for this episode of
Speaker 2: melrose Place?
Speaker 1: That guy?
Speaker 2: Oh? Yeah, ah yeah, him, him.
Speaker 1: We're doing all this for him, for him. That guy.
Speaker 2: This one, we're.
Speaker 1: Lying, cheating, murdering, betraying for that guy.
Speaker 2: This guy. Okay, okay, okay, no judgment, I mean a
Speaker 2: little Judgment's fine.
Speaker 1: He's fine, but he's fine looking, I guess. But that guy,
Speaker 1: that guy, Okay, the amount of ass this man gets
Speaker 1: on this show. He gets more asked than like Grant
Speaker 1: show does I think? And I'm like, but I don't understand.
Speaker 1: He gets way more asked. Andrews Shoe, who's legit hot?
Speaker 2: All right, everyone, so stick around. We're gonna play some commercials.
Speaker 2: If don't want to hear commercials, you can go to
Speaker 2: our Patreon, Patreon dot com, slash do age Weel podcast.
Speaker 2: You sign up for any paid tier and you get
Speaker 2: ad free episodes. If you don't want to do that, that's
Speaker 2: cool too. You can just sit down here, listen to
Speaker 2: a couple of commercials, and then we will come back
Speaker 2: and we will take you through season two, episode twenty
Speaker 2: eight of melrose Place, entitled the Bitch Is It Back?
Speaker 1: And We're Back.
Speaker 2: We open with a ninety second opening credit sequence.
Speaker 1: They had a lot of real estate back in the day,
Speaker 1: so much real estate they had thirty one episodes to
Speaker 1: write one season alone.
Speaker 2: Like Jesus, there's I mean, someone is absolutely wailing on
Speaker 2: the saxophone. We eventually get to melrose Place. We pan
Speaker 2: up to the door. There's a very kind of sad
Speaker 2: looking pool in the courtyard at Melrose Place.
Speaker 1: Okay, that's the other thing when I remember watching this
Speaker 1: the first time and that it seems so sexy. There
Speaker 1: was like a pool in the courtyard and they could
Speaker 1: watch each other swim, and like it was. I can't
Speaker 1: tell you enough how sad this set looks down, how depressing.
Speaker 1: Also like like some of these people make a good
Speaker 1: amount of money, and I'm like, you could do better
Speaker 1: than this place. Yeah, you could definitely live in a
Speaker 1: better part of la if you wanted to.
Speaker 2: One hundred percent. We go into the apartment of the
Speaker 2: affiance to Billy Campbell played by Andrew Shoe incredibly like
Speaker 2: nineties hot. It's like that long face.
Speaker 1: I kind him very attractive.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm knowing.
Speaker 1: Get it to Andrew Shoe Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 2: And Alison Parker played by Courtney thorn Smith. It is morning.
Speaker 2: Bill is still in bed. Alison brushes her hair in
Speaker 2: the bathroom mirror and a thought occurs to her. She
Speaker 2: heads back into bed and she crawls up next to Billy.
Speaker 2: She kisses him on the shoulder. She wakes him up
Speaker 2: and she initiates a bone sash and he says that
Speaker 2: he thought she wanted to wait until they're married. Now
Speaker 2: before we even get going. I want everyone to understand,
Speaker 2: because I look this up. They have had sex, They
Speaker 2: have had sex before, so this is one of those
Speaker 2: I'm sorry. Look, if you don't want to have sex
Speaker 2: prior to marriage, that is your choice. It is absolutely
Speaker 2: a valid choice. If you do want to have sex
Speaker 2: before you're married, that is your choice. It is absolutely
Speaker 2: valid choice. I'm sorry. It is stupid to have sex
Speaker 2: with someone prior to getting engaged and then decide at
Speaker 2: some point during the engage we're not going to have
Speaker 2: sex again until we're.
Speaker 1: Married, just to make it fun on the wedding night,
Speaker 1: make it special.
Speaker 2: And I'm not sorry if you did it and you're offended, Like, look.
Speaker 1: If you need to, if you need to hold off
Speaker 1: for six months to make it quote unquote special, you're
Speaker 1: not thinking outside the box.
Speaker 2: That's right.
Speaker 1: There are other things you can do to make it
Speaker 1: special and different on your wedding night if you want to.
Speaker 1: I don't be gross. I know what you're all thinking
Speaker 1: of talking about, and I'm not talking about that. I'm
Speaker 1: talking about another thing.
Speaker 2: I am talking about very calmly. If we're not going
Speaker 2: to have sex before marriage, let's sit in these two
Speaker 2: armchairs across room for each other and absolutely go to
Speaker 2: town on ourselves while we're watching.
Speaker 1: Oh that is romantic. That's so sweet. I'm picturing like,
Speaker 1: I know you don't like sexophone of fireplaces, but how
Speaker 1: do you feel about masturbating in front of a fireplace.
Speaker 2: I'm more okay with that because it's only one person's
Speaker 2: body heat.
Speaker 1: I feel like that. I feel like there's they're sitting
Speaker 1: in like leather settee is next to a fireplace masturbating. Yeah,
Speaker 1: mutually masturbating.
Speaker 2: Hopefully with a towel down, just we don't want to
Speaker 2: ruin the leather. Yeah, you know sweet, So.
Speaker 1: That's not what I was thinking of. But i you
Speaker 1: know what. I like that that's where your mind went.
Speaker 1: Can we talk for a quick second about those the
Speaker 1: opening credit sequence?
Speaker 2: Oh please?
Speaker 1: And how unbelieved it is a a fondue pot of
Speaker 1: velvet to chase the cheesiest fucking thing.
Speaker 2: I think you're calling it a cheese product, just to be.
Speaker 1: Clear, But she's a pr product. It is it is.
Speaker 1: It is a heartbreaking ninety seconds of actors like doing
Speaker 1: a random activity like catching a frisbee and then turning
Speaker 1: to a camera and smiling.
Speaker 2: I feel like it's literally what the Saturday Live credits
Speaker 2: are making fun of.
Speaker 1: It is so hard to watch, It is so embarrassing
Speaker 1: to watch.
Speaker 2: All Right, So Billy says, I thought you want to
Speaker 2: wait until we're married, And she says, the nightmares have stopped. Erica,
Speaker 2: you watch the show. Do you remember what Allison's nightmares
Speaker 2: are about?
Speaker 1: Is this the building exploding? I remember the building buildings later,
Speaker 1: the building explode. Okay, so that hasn't happened yet.
Speaker 2: No, Okay, this is these nightmares are about. It's seating
Speaker 2: a plot that will ultimately stop Billy and Allison's wedding
Speaker 2: before it can happen, which is that Allison was sexually
Speaker 2: molested by her father growing up, and she starts having
Speaker 2: nightmares about it and remembers it on her wedding day
Speaker 2: when her father hugs her.
Speaker 1: Oh no, that's intense.
Speaker 2: That's too much.
Speaker 1: That's a lot.
Speaker 2: That's a lot evil twins murder, No problem, that shit
Speaker 2: is too real.
Speaker 1: It's too real. Yeah, oh weird. Okay, that seeds a
Speaker 1: lot of what's happening in this episode with her with that,
Speaker 1: like her wedding planner being like, your dad wants you
Speaker 1: to have the best wedding ever.
Speaker 2: So Alison is tired of dwelling in the past, even
Speaker 2: though at this point she doesn't know that what that
Speaker 2: passage she's dwelling it is. And they bone down.
Speaker 1: Okay, cool question. They live right in front of that pool.
Speaker 1: Does their house smell like chlorine? They must all those
Speaker 1: ground floor apartments just reek of chlorine.
Speaker 2: Or possibly urine, depending on who's been in the pool
Speaker 2: most recently.
Speaker 1: I feel like these people don't urinate in the pool.
Speaker 1: These people haven't had anything to eat or drink in days.
Speaker 2: Grant show only urinates.
Speaker 1: Doug Savant because he will never get a love interest.
Speaker 1: Is the only one who eats on this show. Ever,
Speaker 1: we cut to a beach house in La because Michael
Speaker 1: lived in melrose Place but also owns a Malibu beach house.
Speaker 1: Why do you live in melrose Place?
Speaker 2: How much money do you have?
Speaker 1: You have money, just live in your Malibu beach house.
Speaker 1: We cut to the beach house where married couple married.
Speaker 1: At this point, doctor Michael Mancini, Thomas Collaboro just pulling
Speaker 1: like you would not believe on the show, kicking ass.
Speaker 1: Well done, Thomas Collabroo. The poor man's Michael. Imperially, it's
Speaker 1: true everyone's but he like like he turns his face
Speaker 1: a certain way, and I'm like, Christopher, is that you?
Speaker 1: Christopha and Sydney Andrews played by Laura Leeton. They were
Speaker 1: walking arm in arm on the beach with their good
Speaker 1: morning coffee, happy newlyweds. Nothing could go wrong, nothing could
Speaker 1: ever possibly go wrong for old Michael and Sidney.
Speaker 2: We are pictured, by the way, the picture you're painting
Speaker 2: is like this beautiful like beach house. It's really not
Speaker 2: like attractive, like it's the beach is it's kind of
Speaker 2: a gray day and there's like La sprawl is very
Speaker 2: visible in the background. Like it's not a beautiful picturesque
Speaker 2: beach house.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I think I think it's just nineties attractive.
Speaker 1: It's the best they could do. It's beg It's so
Speaker 1: funny because there are no fewer than like three beach
Speaker 1: scenes in this episode, and they clearly just got a
Speaker 1: shitty week where it just was like gray and overcast
Speaker 1: all week. There's I'm just gonna spoil it now. There's
Speaker 1: a scene later where there's this photographer taking photos and
Speaker 1: you a photo shoot on the beach and someone's like,
Speaker 1: we're losing the light and I'm like, there is no light. No,
Speaker 1: you have no light. They could not write themselves out
Speaker 1: of this hole. They're like, fuck, we already booked the beach.
Speaker 1: We just have to film here, even though it's drizzling
Speaker 1: the entire time we're here. So okay, Sidney declares that,
Speaker 1: so casual, so nungchalant. Imagine okay, imagine you're me audience, Huh.
Speaker 1: You probably don't have to because you're in the same
Speaker 1: boat I'm in. You have not watched this show since
Speaker 1: it aired in nineteen ninety three, and now and now
Speaker 1: you're trying to remember what's going on and catch up,
Speaker 1: and then all of a sudden, the character just turns
Speaker 1: to another character and says, I think I'm gonna get
Speaker 1: out of the hooker business for good.
Speaker 2: For good? What the hook business like?
Speaker 1: It's the most casual fucking thing in the world to
Speaker 1: say I think we can get out of the hooker
Speaker 1: business for good, this time to.
Speaker 2: Her husband, who does not react at all.
Speaker 1: I actually say that's quite progressive for him to be like, girl,
Speaker 1: do you do you stay in the hooker business? Don't
Speaker 1: stay in the hooker business. I'm good either way. I
Speaker 1: actually was like, really impressed with that.
Speaker 2: Less impressive when you remember the backstory of this marriage,
Speaker 2: which I will fill you in on in Justice.
Speaker 1: I did not remember, and I was like, okay, so
Speaker 1: I remember sort of these two being married. Okay, I
Speaker 1: guess this is happening. So she's like, I want to
Speaker 1: get out of the hooker business and just be your wife,
Speaker 1: which sounds regressive, but honestly, I would rather just be
Speaker 1: a rich guy's wife than fuck a bunch of random's.
Speaker 1: So yeah, well done for you. Sydney. Michael is thrilled.
Speaker 1: He's he wants that little trad wife he's always dreamed of.
Speaker 1: He says, no one's ever done that for me before,
Speaker 1: no one's ever given up their career.
Speaker 2: What a dream, What a dream?
Speaker 1: And he hugs her and kisses her. She says, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna just do one more party tonight, and that's it.
Speaker 2: The number of scenes they don't show in this episode.
Speaker 2: This is check off hooker party.
Speaker 1: It does not come.
Speaker 2: It does we do not orgasm, It does not throw
Speaker 2: down the tarp.
Speaker 1: We never see it.
Speaker 2: It doesn't deliver the fifty gallon drum of lube.
Speaker 1: To the point where I was like, is she a madam?
Speaker 1: Like it seems so nonplussed, Like so he's She's like,
Speaker 1: I'll just have one more party at a hotel tonight,
Speaker 1: and then that's it. He's like, cool, excellent, wonderful love
Speaker 1: that for everyone in this room. What is happening?
Speaker 2: What a great beach day, What a.
Speaker 1: Great beach day we're having. And then they both throw
Speaker 1: their mugs on the beach and make out, like what
Speaker 1: the fuck is happening? So they're kissing, and the camera
Speaker 1: swirls around them and a piano softly plays in the background,
Speaker 1: and then a figure catches Michael's eye, a tall woman
Speaker 1: on the on the deck of their house. Yes, in
Speaker 1: the distance, a portentous note sounds in the soundtrack, and
Speaker 1: the figure is walking out onto the front porch in
Speaker 1: a satin negligee. Yep, he blinks and she's gone. It's
Speaker 1: a ghost.
Speaker 2: A ghost.
Speaker 1: It would have been more It would have actually made
Speaker 1: more sense if this was a ghost. Ghost makes sense.
Speaker 1: What happens makes less sense than that.
Speaker 2: This figure has the powers of Michael Myers from Halloween,
Speaker 2: in the sense that this person can teleport.
Speaker 1: Can just fucking disappear at will.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, So let me give you the backstory on
Speaker 2: this marriage.
Speaker 1: I don't want any honestly, I'm good. I'm good. The
Speaker 1: audience probably needs something.
Speaker 2: But let me tell you something you want it. So
Speaker 2: the show. When the show started, as you said, Michael
Speaker 2: was married to Jane. That's Josie Bissett. Will meet her later.
Speaker 2: During the course of the first season, he has an
Speaker 2: affair with doctor Kimberly Shaw we will also meet her later.
Speaker 2: Breaks up his marriage. He gets engaged to Kimberly. He's
Speaker 2: drunk driving one night, gets into a car accident. Kimberly dies.
Speaker 2: Oh no, oh no. He's very upset about this. Sydney
Speaker 2: finds out about it, and she blackmails him into marrying
Speaker 2: her or else she'll go to the police and tell
Speaker 2: her tell the police that he's essentially guilty of vehicular manslaughter.
Speaker 1: So did he have an affair with Sidney also while
Speaker 1: he was married to Jane? Oh? I remember it wrong.
Speaker 1: I remembered him having an affair with Sydney while he
Speaker 1: was like while she was living with them.
Speaker 2: I believe that had a very contentious relationship. There was
Speaker 2: a lot of sexual tension.
Speaker 1: Got it okay?
Speaker 2: All right? So okay, So she blackmails him into marrying her.
Speaker 2: Throughout their whole courtship. It's very it's very difficult. Right.
Speaker 2: They go on their honeymoon camping trip where I believe
Speaker 2: he tries to kill her twice.
Speaker 1: But it just doesn't take.
Speaker 2: It just doesn't take.
Speaker 1: You know what, He's used to saving lives, not taking them.
Speaker 1: He doesn't know what he's doing.
Speaker 2: He's apparently, from what I read, about to push her
Speaker 2: off a cliff when he realizes that he actually loves
Speaker 2: her tool And that happened two episodes ago. They have
Speaker 2: not had a long and happy marriage. In case anyone's wondering.
Speaker 1: This is the happiest these two ever have been or
Speaker 1: ever will be again. Yep, she shouldn't get out of
Speaker 1: that hooker business. So fast, Not so fast, Not so
Speaker 1: fast girl.
Speaker 2: All right. So we cut to Michael at the hospital
Speaker 2: and his friend and coworker Matt Fielding played by Doug Savant.
Speaker 1: Another resident of Melrose playing Ye the.
Speaker 2: Gay one, so the one who will have nothing to
Speaker 2: do in this episode.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I remember an old SNL sketch where they made
Speaker 1: fun of him. Yeah, well we were making fun of
Speaker 1: mel Respis was when Heather Lockley was on on SNL.
Speaker 1: And I can't remember who plays this character. I think
Speaker 1: it's David's paid. He just like walks out and goes
Speaker 1: and I'm the gay one and then just leaves you.
Speaker 2: So Michael is rattled, and he says he's seeing Kimberly everywhere.
Speaker 2: So this figure that he saw on the porch he's
Speaker 2: identifying as Kimberly, his fiancee who died in the drunk
Speaker 2: driving accident of which he was guilty. He's worried. He's
Speaker 2: cracking up. He wonders if Kimberly could still be alive.
Speaker 2: But Matta shreson, he's just tired. After all. Michael and
Speaker 2: Sidney had a quote unquote fairly exhausting courtship, which I've
Speaker 2: just described for you a few moments ago. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 2: involved no fewer than two murder.
Speaker 1: Attempts and so much blackmail, so much blackmail. I love
Speaker 1: how he's like, I think I'm seeing ghosts, and the
Speaker 1: other for the friends, like it's just stress. Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: what he's not. Yes, ending I'm guess hand you. By
Speaker 1: the way, if you were like, I'm seeing ghosts, I'd
Speaker 1: be like, tell me every thing. Yeah, I mean I
Speaker 1: would think you were crazy.
Speaker 2: Don't.
Speaker 1: Don't get me wrong, I would think you were an idiot.
Speaker 1: But I would yes, and a shit out of that.
Speaker 2: You would report me to my husband behind my back
Speaker 2: like a real friend.
Speaker 1: Like a real friend, I wouldn't to your face be like,
Speaker 1: you are stressed out. You need to you need to
Speaker 1: take some clonapin and chill.
Speaker 2: You would be like, tell me who the ghost is,
Speaker 2: what's their backstory? Why have they not left this plane?
Speaker 1: How naked are they? Meanwhile in crossover land, because we are.
Speaker 1: It's only the second season in Melrose's Place, and already
Speaker 1: Aaron Spelling's like, I got a third show. I got
Speaker 1: a third show, cooking another hit. It's called Models Inc.
Speaker 2: It was not a hit.
Speaker 1: It was not a hit. Hang on, guys, I gotta
Speaker 1: look something up.
Speaker 2: It's not trying to catch your phone.
Speaker 1: Okay, we're back, Paul, and I looked something up. I
Speaker 1: was wrong. California Dreams is not the name of the
Speaker 1: show I was thinking of. It was The Heights. And
Speaker 1: it was not a spinoff of nine O two one zero.
Speaker 1: Jamie Walters was just in both shows, and can you
Speaker 1: believe it? He just didn't have the range for me
Speaker 1: to remember that it was two different characters completely. So
Speaker 1: Models In is the only spin off of Melrose Place. Yes,
Speaker 1: it was not a hit. We had to look this
Speaker 1: all up because it was driving me crazy that I
Speaker 1: could not remember.
Speaker 2: And we're back, and we're back.
Speaker 1: So okay. Photographer Joe Reynolds, played by Daphne Zunega aka
Speaker 1: Princess Vespa from Spaceballs, sets up a shoot with Sarah,
Speaker 1: a model from the.
Speaker 2: Model Zing.
Speaker 1: Here's where we're setting up our third TV show. Joe
Speaker 1: gets Sarah and the other models into these I mean,
Speaker 1: like gross, Laura Ashley, like the nineties were sexless.
Speaker 2: We have come down really hard on Beige on this
Speaker 2: podcast in the nineties, but if these are the colors
Speaker 2: the nineties has to offer.
Speaker 1: Bea up, baby, go back to beaje, bea up.
Speaker 2: This is off. The front of this woman's dress looks
Speaker 2: like a lace apron.
Speaker 1: It's a pastel lavender.
Speaker 2: Like compound wife dress.
Speaker 1: Chloral, Yeah, it's the I mean, this is a gorgeous woman, gorgeous,
Speaker 1: and they are making her look so depressing, like she's
Speaker 1: about to churn some butter. That's what she's here for.
Speaker 2: She is. She is an actress who is so gorgeous
Speaker 2: that she was cast as the lead in a TV
Speaker 2: show about.
Speaker 1: Models, models in This is the lead of Models, Inc.
Speaker 2: That's how good looking this woman is.
Speaker 1: So okay, So Sarah is just dressing in these nasty
Speaker 1: asque like potato sacks that they're putting her in. But
Speaker 1: she shines. She's got it. She's a star. Unfortunately, who
Speaker 1: should appear midshoot. But Amanda Woodward Heather Locklear.
Speaker 2: Walking on the beach in a pair of pumps. I'm like,
Speaker 2: how are you even doing that?
Speaker 1: How are you doing that? She does it so well
Speaker 1: you would not even know. You have not even noticed.
Speaker 1: She is stomping on those heels. Look, she's not the
Speaker 1: greatest actress ever, But fucking Heather Locklear is a star,
Speaker 1: is just a star. She angrily informs Joe that D
Speaker 1: and D, the advertising agency that she and Courtney Thorne
Speaker 1: Smith work at, would never never use Models Inc. To
Speaker 1: cast their shootes. This is the last time I let
Speaker 1: you cast a shoot by yourself, Joe. You ignorant sluts,
Speaker 1: ignorant slat. I'm like, guys, maybe don't work with your neighbors. Yeah,
Speaker 1: this is it seems like a real bad mix of
Speaker 1: like work life balance not working out.
Speaker 2: This is Los Angeles, there's it's famously sprawling.
Speaker 1: You kids, many nooks and crannies from which to hide
Speaker 1: from your colleagues. Don't live in the same apartment complex. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think these who even dated the same guy. I
Speaker 1: think Grant Show was with Joe for a minute, or
Speaker 1: he was with Heather Locklear. So She's like, we never
Speaker 1: use Models Inc. You have to fire that girl. And
Speaker 1: then Joe's like, but she's wonderful, she's got it, she's
Speaker 1: a star. Why should I fire her? Doesn't make any sense.
Speaker 1: And a man is like, don't ask questions, you photographer,
Speaker 1: And Joe's like, if I didn't need the money, I'd
Speaker 1: walk out right now, excellent, all of this is wonderful. Basically,
Speaker 1: she has to fire that girl. Actually she doesn't even
Speaker 1: do it like Heather Locklear, takes great pleasure and being
Speaker 1: like you you're.
Speaker 2: Out, get out.
Speaker 1: And then the girl's like but why, and she's like,
Speaker 1: you went to the wrong agency.
Speaker 2: How just how it works.
Speaker 1: That's how everything works. That's how modeling works, that's how
Speaker 1: TV works. This is how beaches work. Yep.
Speaker 2: After a long day of work, Billy returns home to
Speaker 2: find Allison on the phone with her wealthy parents, who,
Speaker 2: it turns out good news, want to help them pay
Speaker 2: for their upcoming wedding. Unfortunately, Allison's parents are not in
Speaker 2: La so instead they've hired a quote unquote Beverly Hill's
Speaker 2: wedding planner to take care of everything.
Speaker 1: Oh what a dream, What a dream?
Speaker 2: Alison asks Billy if that would be okay, After all,
Speaker 2: the bride's family is supposed to pay, and Billy says
Speaker 2: all right. And then rather than eating their clams and
Speaker 2: cream sauce, well, is that what she's making? Or clams
Speaker 2: in the linguinilauce.
Speaker 1: Or something not look good? It's so funny because she's
Speaker 1: Cordy Thorne Smith has clearly never cooked anything in her
Speaker 1: entire life. She's just like poking at it with a spoon,
Speaker 1: and Billy comes in and he's like, smells amazing, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, she did not cook that, Billy, she did
Speaker 1: not cook. She poured that from a can into the
Speaker 1: pan and was inserted poking.
Speaker 2: At a spoon. They make out on the kitchen counter.
Speaker 1: What does Billy do for a living? Do you know?
Speaker 1: I don't know either.
Speaker 2: I just imagining that my feeling it's could be one
Speaker 2: of those business business business, business business.
Speaker 1: Because there's something so unserious about Andrew Shoe that I
Speaker 1: just cannot imagine him in an office setting.
Speaker 2: He seems like an eighteen year old.
Speaker 1: She's also a frat boy at all times, like a
Speaker 1: very nice frat boy, to be clear. He seems like
Speaker 1: a like a lovely person like the character I don't
Speaker 1: even know. I don't know anything about Andrew's you but
Speaker 1: super into soccer.
Speaker 2: But he was he was the husband of the woman
Speaker 2: who had on Morning TV, who had that affair. He
Speaker 2: was that he was the husband who got left. Amy
Speaker 2: was married to Andrew Shoe and then had an affair
Speaker 2: with her.
Speaker 1: Coworker scanniness scandero. I know he he left acting to
Speaker 1: get into like major league soccer because he's as like
Speaker 1: a manager or something, because he's he was going to
Speaker 1: be a soccer player, but then decided it the last
Speaker 1: minute when he was a teenager to turn to acting.
Speaker 1: And then I guess he was like, oops, I would
Speaker 1: have actually been a much better soccer player than.
Speaker 2: My sister is much better at this than me.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so now he went back to soccer. That's all
Speaker 1: I know about him. That's actually a lot more than
Speaker 1: I would have thought when I started talking that. When
Speaker 1: I started that sentence, I was like, I don't know
Speaker 1: anything about Andrew Shoe except his blood type, his social
Speaker 1: Security number, where he lives, what his ex wife is doing, where.
Speaker 2: That mole on his body is.
Speaker 1: Check that out, clearly, I know, Like that all came
Speaker 1: from the back of my brain. There are other more
Speaker 1: salient facts that I have forgotten.
Speaker 2: That's where algebra's supposed to be.
Speaker 1: That's where like my social Security number is, and instead
Speaker 1: it's like, oh, were you looking for this? All I
Speaker 1: have here is Andrew Sho's life that night while Sydney
Speaker 1: is off doing quote unquote hooker stuff. Don't worry about it.
Speaker 2: You guys, don't worry about it.
Speaker 1: At her party, I cannot stress enough how little the
Speaker 1: show gives a shit that she is a prostitute. It
Speaker 1: is absolutely excellent that the show could not care less.
Speaker 1: Michael lies in bed reading and then thunder crashes. He
Speaker 1: here's the door open and close. He goes Sydney, Sidney.
Speaker 1: He is in Janeare. He is just like this actor
Speaker 1: is like I am in my gothic era. This is
Speaker 1: what I'm doing. He is fully acting like he is
Speaker 1: in Janeare. He walks slowly in the pitch dark living room.
Speaker 1: I'm like, pitch, turn on the lights, yep, calling for Sydney, Sydney, Sydney.
Speaker 1: Are you home by home from your hooker stuff? It's
Speaker 1: only nine p I guess the hook her stuff didn't
Speaker 1: go that well.
Speaker 2: The party was a real flopping.
Speaker 1: The party was a real bummer man lightning crashes, illuminating
Speaker 1: the figure of his presumed dead ex fiance, doctor Kimberly Shaw,
Speaker 1: played by the luminous and Amazing and too good for
Speaker 1: this world Marcia Cross.
Speaker 2: Uh huh.
Speaker 1: He turns on the lights and Kimberly in tones, nice
Speaker 1: to see you. Again, Michael, She's alive.
Speaker 2: He's alive. I want I want everyone to know that
Speaker 2: this show is so confident in itself. This is not
Speaker 2: a commercial break. They don't like see her editing cut
Speaker 2: to commercial. They just keep going. That is incredible. So
Speaker 2: Michael pretty wildly underreacts to someone he thought was dead
Speaker 2: appearing in his living room. He doesn't scream shit, holy shit,
Speaker 2: none of that.
Speaker 1: Does it throw something at her to see if it
Speaker 1: falls goes through her. That's what the first thing I
Speaker 1: would do if it was a ghost of someone I loved,
Speaker 1: like my mother or something, I'd be like, I'd just
Speaker 1: throw something at the torso to see if it went through.
Speaker 2: He asks, is it really you? And Kimberly asks, do
Speaker 2: you want to touch me to see if I'm real?
Speaker 2: She walks towards him, and she holds up her hands
Speaker 2: and they clasp hands. She tells him that she was
Speaker 2: in a coma for months and that her mother reported
Speaker 2: her dead because she was trying to protect Kimberly from Michael.
Speaker 1: Marsha Cross is so fucking just so good. She says
Speaker 1: this insane nonsense and it works. She just makes it work,
Speaker 1: and I can't. Paul was doing the gesture. I cannot
Speaker 1: tell you, guys enough, how fucking weird. She holds up
Speaker 1: her hands like two high fives, and Michael like they
Speaker 1: do that thing where they're they caress high fives for
Speaker 1: a moment.
Speaker 2: They hop palm each other.
Speaker 1: They hop on each other's palms and then like lays
Speaker 1: their hands together. But they're both like like doing the
Speaker 1: thriller dance at each other. And they were just standing
Speaker 1: there while Marsha cross dead eyes. Look this man looks
Speaker 1: this man in the face and is like I was
Speaker 1: in a coma for four months and my mother kept
Speaker 1: me hidden from you, even though you are a doctor,
Speaker 1: and like presumably no people in the medical profession who
Speaker 1: can tell you whether or not I am dead. We
Speaker 1: are colleagues. We work together. If one of my colleagues
Speaker 1: died in a fucking car accident tomorrow, we would be
Speaker 1: talking about it at work. And I'm not even a doctor.
Speaker 2: It's true.
Speaker 1: I know a lot of people think I am because
Speaker 1: I'm so smart and I'm so good at doctor stuff.
Speaker 1: It's like her being good with hook her stuff. I'm
Speaker 1: really good at doctor stuff. I'm gonna quit the doctor
Speaker 1: stuff actually to do this podcasting thing, full.
Speaker 2: Full time, full time. It pays better, all right. So
Speaker 2: Michael says if he had known, he would have been
Speaker 2: there for her, and Kimberly tells him, it's all right.
Speaker 2: I'm fine. Good news.
Speaker 1: They're still clasping hands, you guys, it's so weird.
Speaker 2: Lightning crashes. And he says he's sorry for his mistakes,
Speaker 2: and she kisses him, and she shows him her engagement
Speaker 2: ring and says, I still have this, and that means
Speaker 2: I still have you.
Speaker 1: Him that guy. You came back from the dead for
Speaker 1: that guy.
Speaker 2: This seems like an easy exit strategy, are you Frankly.
Speaker 1: This is an amazing way to just like moon walk
Speaker 1: out of his legs and find someone better.
Speaker 2: No picture her doing the Drew Barrymore thing. Charlie's angels
Speaker 2: and he says he has to tell her something, but
Speaker 2: she brings her hand to her head as if she's
Speaker 2: in pain, and she says, not now, I have to go.
Speaker 2: Like she came back to her, she came back from
Speaker 2: the dead, but she is booked and busy.
Speaker 1: Also she's like she's like hold clutching her head like ouch,
Speaker 1: and both doctors. I cannot stress enough how both of
Speaker 1: these people are doctors, and he's not, like, what's going
Speaker 1: on with your head? Do I need to examine your
Speaker 1: head that you're clutching?
Speaker 2: Came in for three minutes and it's like I have
Speaker 2: to go know where is she going.
Speaker 1: At eleven pm? How does she get into the house?
Speaker 1: Do they not lock their door? Where is in Los Angeles?
Speaker 1: I've always heard that at Los Angeles it was kind
Speaker 1: of a dodgy place. You might want to lock your doors.
Speaker 2: So he protests, but she says that she has a
Speaker 2: big day at the hospital tomorrow. What now you might
Speaker 2: think that she has to go to the hospital to
Speaker 2: be tree.
Speaker 1: Surgery for follow up, for some kind of therapy for
Speaker 1: these jolting head gnes. She's having.
Speaker 2: No it's Kimberly's first day back at work tomorrow.
Speaker 1: They're colleagues. If a colleague of mine died in a
Speaker 1: car accident and then showed up four months later and
Speaker 1: got rehired, and turns out they weren't dead, they were
Speaker 1: in a coma and their mother lied to everyone about
Speaker 1: it to keep them away from my job, and then
Speaker 1: people at my job saw them, there would be confirmation.
Speaker 1: How does Michael not know any of this? There is
Speaker 1: no one at the hospital talk to Michael. Is Michael
Speaker 1: the ghost?
Speaker 2: Maybe Michael's a ghost.
Speaker 1: Michael's a ghost, and only Dougs a man can see him.
Speaker 2: That's it, that makes sense. So she says she has
Speaker 2: a big day at the hospital tomorrow, she'll see him there.
Speaker 2: And she turns around and she's like high heels and
Speaker 2: it is a downpour thunder outside. She has a trench
Speaker 2: coat just you know how they just drape them over
Speaker 2: your shoulders, so it's not like attached in any way.
Speaker 2: And she starts walking towards a glass door, like leaning
Speaker 2: out onto the porch.
Speaker 1: She thinks she was gonna go through the door. One
Speaker 1: hundred thought she was gonna walk through. I knew she was,
Speaker 1: because I knew she was not a ghost, but like
Speaker 1: I still didn't. I couldn't help it. I was like,
Speaker 1: she's gonna walk through that door. She's gonna walk through
Speaker 1: the door.
Speaker 2: So it cuts away before she can get to the
Speaker 2: before she can get to the door, and we just
Speaker 2: see Michael's face and the lightning and thunder crashes again
Speaker 2: as he watches her walk away. At no point is
Speaker 2: he like, but I have.
Speaker 1: Questions, Wait, you're going back to work. Are you, okay,
Speaker 1: do you have the cognitive skills to doctor people? The
Speaker 1: next morning, Sydney kisses Michael awake. How Michael fell asleep
Speaker 1: after that? I don't know. I don't know. Not enough
Speaker 1: volume in the world. Nope, Michael is still overcome from
Speaker 1: the events of the prior evening. Sydney is trying to
Speaker 1: have a little, a little afternoon delight but in the morning,
Speaker 1: and Michael's like, wait, wait, what's the word morning glory?
Speaker 1: She's trying to have a little morning glory with Michael.
Speaker 1: Michael's not having it. Michael's had a fucking night, Sydney.
Speaker 2: Not now, Not now, Sydney, I could not get hard
Speaker 2: if my ex ex fiancee, I mean no, my ex
Speaker 2: fiancee did not walk in.
Speaker 1: Here, not walking here last night. How was your sex
Speaker 1: stuff last night? How was your hooker stuff? Did the
Speaker 1: hooker stuff go well?
Speaker 2: How many men did you sleep with last night? Tell
Speaker 2: me graphically, in detail, tell me everything.
Speaker 1: About the hooker stuff you did last night. And he's like,
Speaker 1: I gotta go to work, and he gets out of bed,
Speaker 1: and Sydney looks upset. The amount of upset she looks
Speaker 1: is so ridiculous. Given like, yeah, you woke him up
Speaker 1: from a dead sleep. He is canonically a doctor. Yeah,
Speaker 1: Like he has to go to work and he's like,
Speaker 1: I gotta go to work, and she's like, he didn't
Speaker 1: want to fuck me. What happened? What's going on? Is
Speaker 1: it is dead ex fiancee.
Speaker 2: Also, if she's not a madam, how much sex did
Speaker 2: she have last night that she wants to have sex again?
Speaker 1: You know what, she's a workaholic, Paul. She brings it home,
Speaker 1: she brings out. She's not one of those. She's not
Speaker 1: a work life balanced type. That's why she has to
Speaker 1: quit it all together. Cold turkey on the hooker staff.
Speaker 1: Michael's about to get more sex than he could possibly handle.
Speaker 1: We cut to D and D, which is an advertising
Speaker 1: agency in this universe and not Dungeons and Dragons.
Speaker 2: I wish it was both.
Speaker 1: I wish it was both. That is how that is
Speaker 1: how little like Aaron Spelling knows about anything in the
Speaker 1: world other than soap operas. He named something D and
Speaker 1: D and had no idea that he was accidentally name
Speaker 1: means it's something D and D. Amanda is called into
Speaker 1: a meeting with her boss, who is wearing an unforgivably
Speaker 1: ugly tie I would have taken I could, I would
Speaker 1: not have been able to meet with that person until
Speaker 1: I took a pair of scissors and just cut the
Speaker 1: tie off at the neck and be like, you can't
Speaker 1: wear this in front of me. It's gonna cause a seizure.
Speaker 2: This is a personal boundary.
Speaker 1: She gets chewed out for her vendetta against Models Inc.
Speaker 1: Turns out it's not company policy, it's Amanda Woodward policy.
Speaker 1: He tells her that she has to apologize to the
Speaker 1: Models Inc. Own or not just apologize. I want you
Speaker 1: to grovel because you have cost us potentially the ability
Speaker 1: to work with this up and coming, super strong agency forever.
Speaker 2: So at the hospital, Kimberly and Michael meet at the
Speaker 2: lockers as they get ready for their day. Look, not
Speaker 2: everyone at the hospital knew Kimberly was back. How is
Speaker 2: she just walking through the halls of the hospital and
Speaker 2: like the nurses.
Speaker 1: Aren't like, oh my god, she's alive.
Speaker 2: Michael tells her that he got married to Sydney, and
Speaker 2: he's even honest about why. He says she she blackmailed
Speaker 2: me into it. Doesn't tell her why how she blackmailed
Speaker 2: him into it, but does tell her she blackmailed me.
Speaker 2: Kimberly slams the locker door and tells him it doesn't
Speaker 2: matter why, You'll just have to get rid of her,
Speaker 2: and she kisses him and smiles.
Speaker 1: Him him that guy, mars Cross.
Speaker 2: I'm so sorry. I know you're not in your greatest
Speaker 2: mind right now, but have you seen you?
Speaker 1: You're gonna fight another girl for that guy? Yeah, just
Speaker 1: let her have him? Yeah, that guy? All right. We
Speaker 1: cut to Billy and Allison. They're so boring and they're
Speaker 1: meeting their wedding planner, Sheila, played by Susan Lee.
Speaker 2: Hoffman, who almost single handedly rescues this entire plot line.
Speaker 2: Almost This is a fantastic performance.
Speaker 1: Look, I don't mean to be mean, but I'm about
Speaker 1: to be so mean. Yeah, Courtney Thorn Smith and Andrew
Speaker 1: Schue are a black hole of charisma. Mean does that mean?
Speaker 2: I mean? It wasn't nice?
Speaker 1: Needs to have You have to pair these two people
Speaker 1: with better, more charismatic actors. You cannot put these two
Speaker 1: together as a couple on this show. It does not work.
Speaker 1: They are they are so boring together. They have absolutely
Speaker 1: no chemistry between the true of them, and like they're
Speaker 1: they're terrible they're just terrible together.
Speaker 2: I was, having not watched other episodes of this show.
Speaker 2: I had the same reaction of view as being like this,
Speaker 2: these two are quite boring.
Speaker 1: These like the long like star cross lovers of the show. Yeah,
Speaker 1: they meet in the first episode and they're like the
Speaker 1: they're the people that we're supposed to be like so
Speaker 1: thrilled when they get together at the end, and think
Speaker 1: these actors are They're not good. They're not good actors
Speaker 1: and they cannot make this work.
Speaker 2: I was just I was presuming that, Like I'm like,
Speaker 2: this is a bad episode for them because they're like
Speaker 2: they're not having any of the fun crazy stuff. Like
Speaker 2: they are a little boring in this episode, somewhat on
Speaker 2: purpose because they're bouncing off this great wedding planner performance
Speaker 2: and like there's plenty going on and the other storylines.
Speaker 2: We don't need this to be bonkers as well. So
Speaker 2: I my reaction was like, they're a little boring, but
Speaker 2: I'm sure in other episodes they're more interesting, but you're
Speaker 2: telling me not.
Speaker 1: So chackle of charisma. Okay, both of these actors look
Speaker 1: maybe another episode, I'm just remembering it wrong. But I
Speaker 1: just they're so boring. So Sheila the wedding planner is overbearing.
Speaker 1: She shows no actual interest in what Billy and Allison wants.
Speaker 1: She's she keeps saying, we have two days. I've never
Speaker 1: been married, Paul, you have, Yeah, let's let's discuss wedding
Speaker 1: planning for a second. Here they don't have a venue,
Speaker 1: so their date is fairly arbitrary at this point, I
Speaker 1: would say, so it's like the freak out that this
Speaker 1: woman is having is that they have literally two days
Speaker 1: to put an entire wedding together. They push it out
Speaker 1: a month, Give yourself a fucking month, give yourself seven months.
Speaker 1: You have time. Although these two now, well no, because
Speaker 1: they fuck this morning, so that clock is no longer
Speaker 1: taking either. There's no time clock here, There's no they're
Speaker 1: not pregnant. There's no reason these to like have to
Speaker 1: get married fast, Like what is happening? So this woman
Speaker 1: is she shows no interest in them. She just hurts
Speaker 1: them along to her chosen path towards their nuptials. Alison
Speaker 1: immediately can't stand her. Billy is a little less like
Speaker 1: he's like, she seems okay, he's such a guy. He's like,
Speaker 1: I don't care as long as long as I don't
Speaker 1: have to look at napkins, I'm fine with it. But
Speaker 1: he keeps she keeps calling him William h and that
Speaker 1: does get under his skin. He's like, it's Billy. Yeah,
Speaker 1: no problem, William, it's Billy. And that's that's the little
Speaker 1: crack in his armor.
Speaker 2: They're at this restaurant and it's it's the restaurant. She's
Speaker 2: chosen to do the food and she's like, well, what
Speaker 2: do you think of the food here? And she's like,
Speaker 2: you must like it, Michael, and he goes, yeah, it
Speaker 2: was good.
Speaker 1: Meaty, meaty, meaty. There.
Speaker 2: Really, what a compliment.
Speaker 1: The writers don't like this. This these actors, they're just
Speaker 1: not giving them. Doug's event has two seconds in the show,
Speaker 1: and he makes them sing like Doug spant however that's
Speaker 1: his name, is pronounced like. He's really funny, Like you.
Speaker 1: You are the other comedic relief on this in this episode.
Speaker 1: You've got to be funnier than this. You totally step
Speaker 1: it up.
Speaker 2: So Michael heads home in the middle of the day
Speaker 2: because doctors don't need to be at the hospital all
Speaker 2: the time when they're working.
Speaker 1: Doctoring is notoriously an easy job.
Speaker 2: Yep, he finds Sidney eating lunch at the kitchen counter.
Speaker 2: She has a buffet.
Speaker 1: Shot an enormous like like punch bowl full of tuna salad.
Speaker 1: It's like, what is happening?
Speaker 2: You're making it for one open one can of tuna?
Speaker 1: Why did you put four cans of tuna into this
Speaker 1: fucking bowl?
Speaker 2: Michael? Now, I can't stress enough. Before this, like Michael
Speaker 2: and Sidney seemed happy on the beach, and then he.
Speaker 1: Saw Kimberly excited. Yeah, she's gonna make his dreams come true.
Speaker 2: He's gonna be just a doctor's wife who's there to
Speaker 2: take care of him Kimberly. Appea, He's taken aback by
Speaker 2: Kimberly's appearance. He doesn't. I mean, he's happy that she's
Speaker 2: not dead, but he's not like fully on board. He's confused, understandably,
Speaker 2: so he comes in and he breaks up with Sidney
Speaker 2: with glee.
Speaker 1: The cruelest fucking thing he can way he can.
Speaker 2: He tells her to get out of his house, and
Speaker 2: Sydney tries to protest. She even brings up you know
Speaker 2: I can make things go bad for you. Remember how
Speaker 2: we got together in the first place. I blackmailed you
Speaker 2: into marrying me and he's unmoved. He tells her to
Speaker 2: pack her bags and she loses it. She yells, he's
Speaker 2: going to prison where he's going to be the wife.
Speaker 2: How do you like that?
Speaker 1: Okay, look, the joke doesn't age well. Yeah, but this
Speaker 1: actress really nails it. She nails it.
Speaker 2: Michael smirks, he's unconcerned, and Sydney grabs her person storms
Speaker 2: out of the beach house.
Speaker 1: He's skipping. He is so happy, Yeah, to break up
Speaker 1: with this woman that he was madly in love with
Speaker 1: twenty four hours ago.
Speaker 2: Yep.
Speaker 1: We cut back to billionaire Sheila to the home of
Speaker 1: their fashion designer friend Jane Josie Bissett, who's another full
Speaker 1: character on this show. Don't worry about it. She's making
Speaker 1: Allison's really truly hideous wedding dress.
Speaker 2: So I was okay, I was like, this looks really ugly,
Speaker 2: and then I was.
Speaker 1: Like, it's nineties ugly, and you look at what Josie
Speaker 1: Bissett is wearing and you're like, oh, I see, I
Speaker 1: get it.
Speaker 2: But I looked up the actual wedding episode because I
Speaker 2: was like, because they have this big bow that's just
Speaker 2: sitting on the on the top of the neck of
Speaker 2: the dress form. I'm like, is that supposed to go
Speaker 2: in her hair? It's not. It goes on her ass,
Speaker 2: which is somewhat better. But I only saw the top
Speaker 2: of the dress. It wasn't hideous. It was like it
Speaker 2: was like a rhinestone bustier. Not my taste, but not
Speaker 2: like not like the toilet paper roll dress from Golden Girls, right, Like.
Speaker 1: That's truly the pinnacle of bad wedding dresses.
Speaker 2: That's the pinnacle of bed everything.
Speaker 1: So okay, So this didn't have like epaulets. I swear
Speaker 1: to god I saw epilet.
Speaker 2: I'm not certain it's actually the same dress.
Speaker 1: Okay, that makes a lot a lot of sense. That
Speaker 1: makes a lot of sense, got it? Okay, So Sheila
Speaker 1: compliments Jane on her work. Jane's like thrilled. I'm so
Speaker 1: happy to make the dress to these two people that
Speaker 1: I love and live twenty feet away from.
Speaker 2: And it's also like, potentially, Jane is a fashion designer
Speaker 2: and it's potentially a really good connection for her if
Speaker 2: this wedding planner is someone who might like refer clients
Speaker 2: to her in the future.
Speaker 1: As soon as it go outside, Sheila's like, yuck, right,
Speaker 1: that dress? Am I right? You guys? That was gross
Speaker 1: And she says to Alison the line you said your
Speaker 1: dress was white, that was practically eggshell?
Speaker 2: Are you are? Actress is leaning in so much and
Speaker 2: it's so good.
Speaker 1: She has her five minutes Paul, Yeah, and she has
Speaker 1: her one seat more one episode star from this she
Speaker 1: got to do in nineteen ninety three. Allison's like, I
Speaker 1: like the dress. I picked out that dress. I'd helped
Speaker 1: her design it. And she's like, oh, okay, then well,
Speaker 1: if she's your friend and you want to use it,
Speaker 1: that's fine. But then she bulldozes them about tuxes. She's like, Billy,
Speaker 1: meet me at ARMANI tomorrow. I'm sharp and he's like, oh,
Speaker 1: but I don't want to wear them. She's like, you
Speaker 1: worry our money. Bye, and it just leaves thank you,
Speaker 1: William and he goes, my name is Billy.
Speaker 2: We cut to d and d Amanda is pacing nervously
Speaker 2: waiting to be called into the meeting with models. Inc. Okay,
Speaker 2: so this is this is just a dumb staging thing.
Speaker 2: But like she's pacing outside of this one office, there's
Speaker 2: a guy in the office that like stands up. He's
Speaker 2: like he's like in a cubicle, he's facing a wall.
Speaker 2: Uh huh. He stands up, he walks out. He's like,
Speaker 2: they're ready for you, Amanda, and she's like great, and
Speaker 2: then she walks away from him, like through the whole
Speaker 2: office to get so, like ny all out of the
Speaker 2: conference room? Did that guy that guy to tell her
Speaker 2: to come rather than simply having her like be in
Speaker 2: her office and then buzz her whatever?
Speaker 1: Whatever, You're right, that makes no sense. Why why did
Speaker 1: they do that?
Speaker 2: So we cut to the Model's Inc. Meeting where Hillary
Speaker 2: Michael's played by Linda Gray, the Dallas alum, who is excellent.
Speaker 1: I have to say I saw her name pop up
Speaker 1: in the credits at the beginning of the episode, and
Speaker 1: I was, like, Linda Gray is in this episode of
Speaker 1: Meloe's plays.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah. First of all, let me tell let's start here.
Speaker 2: I love a business meeting where the most important person
Speaker 2: is sitting on the conference table, fully facing away from everybody.
Speaker 1: Else's the vill tearing out the window.
Speaker 2: And just dictating what's going on exactly how all business
Speaker 2: meetings have ever been happened? Anyway, Hillary is refusing any apologies.
Speaker 2: She's insisting that she wants the person responsible, and Amanda
Speaker 2: enters and the two women meet eyes and Hillary is
Speaker 2: surprised and she says Amanda, and Amanda says, hello, mother,
Speaker 2: done dun dum.
Speaker 1: This is a commercial break, right, let's get a commercial break.
Speaker 1: That's a good that's a good commercial break. We cut
Speaker 1: to after the meeting as Amanda and Hillary leave the
Speaker 1: Dungeons and Dragon offices.
Speaker 2: They've defeated they've defeated the the Orc King, and they're
Speaker 2: headed back to the Keep.
Speaker 1: They've defeated the Demi Gorgon. Hillary tries to make small talk,
Speaker 1: but Amanda is not interested. She says she may have
Speaker 1: to do business with her mother, but she wants no
Speaker 1: further relationship, not after Hillary left Amanda and her father
Speaker 1: years ago. Hillary protests, you don't know the whole story.
Speaker 1: Does anyone ever know any of the whole stories? But
Speaker 1: you don't know the whole story. What's the whole story?
Speaker 1: I left? Oh? You know what? You did know those
Speaker 1: that was it?
Speaker 2: You know what?
Speaker 1: I thought there was more story, but as I said
Speaker 1: it out loud, I left. Yeah, No, that was the
Speaker 1: whole story. You gotta telled it. I didn't want to
Speaker 1: be a mom. You were a terrible kid. Yeah, glad,
Speaker 1: I said that aloud. Amanda's like, I don't want to
Speaker 1: hear your whole story, and she cuts her off and leaves.
Speaker 2: I wouldn't have left, but I actually really disliked you.
Speaker 2: You were the problem. We cut that.
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, excited, I'm so excited to talk about this scene.
Speaker 2: We cut back to the hospital. The setting for this
Speaker 2: scene is deranged, so we cut back the hospital. Standing
Speaker 2: in a line are doctor Michael Mancini, then Sidney, his
Speaker 2: soon to be.
Speaker 1: Ex wife, he's a strange ext wife.
Speaker 2: Then Matt Fielding Gay the gay. They're standing in line
Speaker 2: in like an examining room in the hospital. The door
Speaker 2: is wide open. Also in the room is a police
Speaker 2: detective just.
Speaker 1: Our hands on hips being all detectivey.
Speaker 2: He's interrogating Michael about accusations made by Sidney. This is
Speaker 2: exactly where police usually choose to discuss potential vehicular homicides.
Speaker 1: Ha.
Speaker 2: So Michael says that Sydney is crazy. He doesn't even
Speaker 2: know what she's talking about, and she's like, no, like
Speaker 2: I have proof, my sister will will testify, blah blah,
Speaker 2: and on cue Kimberly enters. She says Hi, they're sid
Speaker 2: and Sidney faints and then Kimberly dead pans. Finally, the
Speaker 2: reaction I've been looking for.
Speaker 1: Amazing, amazing.
Speaker 2: The reason Matt is in this scene is to catch
Speaker 2: Sydney when she faints.
Speaker 1: His reaction shot is very good. Is very very good.
Speaker 2: I mean, they paid Doug Savant for this episode, so
Speaker 2: they might as well have him come in for the sea.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Look, if you have a comedic like assassin on
Speaker 1: your hands, like Doug Savant, you're using him basically Michael's
Speaker 1: then like, uh, there can't be a murder if there's
Speaker 1: no murder victim. Dun, dun, dun. We cut to Hillary
Speaker 1: knocking on Amanda's apartment door. Here's the problem with soap operas, too,
Speaker 1: is it like there's five plots in this episode and
Speaker 1: only one of them do I give a shit about? Yeah,
Speaker 1: And so every time they cut away and I look,
Speaker 1: this is Linda Gray that like, I'm all in on
Speaker 1: this one too, I guess. But like every time they
Speaker 1: cut to something else that's not the insane thing happening
Speaker 1: with Michael, I'm like, just do the insane thing happening
Speaker 1: with Michael for a whole episode, please.
Speaker 2: Well, because everything else is cresting, right This is it's peaking.
Speaker 2: This storyline is peaking right now, everything else is building.
Speaker 2: So there's another I'm sure next episode it's gonna be
Speaker 2: Daphne's Aniga figuring out that model has been abused, and
Speaker 2: we're gonna a lot of drama that.
Speaker 1: I mean, it has to be like a Linda Gray
Speaker 1: Heather Lockleyer food fight right at some point, like in
Speaker 1: a fancy restaurant somewhere like that has to have happened,
Speaker 1: So I get it. But that is my problem with
Speaker 1: soap operas, where I'm just like, just stick to the
Speaker 1: thing that's really interesting, you guys. Hillary knocks in Amanda's door.
Speaker 1: Amanda isn't there, but the door is answered by her boyfriend,
Speaker 1: Jake Hansen played by.
Speaker 2: Grant Show, another person on the show.
Speaker 1: Like legitimately thirty five minutes into this episode and he
Speaker 1: finally shows up. Yeah, Jake invites Hillary in, despite having
Speaker 1: at least some idea of the state of her relationship
Speaker 1: with Amanda. He's like, Oh, you're her a strange mother
Speaker 1: that she hates. Yeah, do you want to come in?
Speaker 1: To be clear, he does not live there. He is
Speaker 1: like making dinner for Amanda before Amanda gets home from work,
Speaker 1: because I.
Speaker 2: Get marinating steaks because he's a man. That's all you
Speaker 2: can do.
Speaker 1: Because apparently Jake doesn't have a job. I don't know
Speaker 1: what Jake does.
Speaker 2: Here's the secret, kids. If you can marinate steaks, you
Speaker 2: can marinate literally anything else.
Speaker 1: Wait, hang on to write this one down. What can
Speaker 1: you marinate chicken?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Huh?
Speaker 1: Can you marinate salmon? Can you marinate donkey? Could you
Speaker 1: marinate vegetables?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Hang on, guys, I have like fifteen more? And then
Speaker 1: I'm not I sweart. Can you marinate?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 1: Like, yeah, it's so well, it's anyway. So he's just
Speaker 1: visiting Amanda's house. She's she's given him a key to
Speaker 1: her house, and he's like, yeah, sure, Ald, invite your
Speaker 1: estrange mother right on in. Yeah, PSA for this episode.
Speaker 1: Don't do that.
Speaker 2: Don't do that.
Speaker 1: He offers her a glass of wine, and Hillary is
Speaker 1: overcome with pride for her daughter, who has made such
Speaker 1: an amazing life for herself. She's taken two steps into
Speaker 1: this woman's living room seeing furniture, Yeah, just basic furniture,
Speaker 1: and is like, oh my god, she made it. She survived.
Speaker 2: But you know what, Lindic Gray makes it work. She
Speaker 2: does that woman knows her way around a soap opera script. Like,
Speaker 2: I feel like so many soap opera actors get a
Speaker 2: bad rapper or they don't get the respect they deserve
Speaker 2: because they are particularly on the daytime soap, so they're
Speaker 2: churning out five fucking episodes a week. Yeah, that is
Speaker 2: a work horse, Like you are learning lines and somehow
Speaker 2: getting through scenes like that's hard.
Speaker 1: Scenes that were written fifteen minutes ago by exhausted writers
Speaker 1: who are like, I don't know, Yeah, just hit him
Speaker 1: across the face and walk away.
Speaker 2: Yeah, make sure that you can cry and go do
Speaker 2: it like and there's they deserve their props.
Speaker 1: It's true. That's why is when someone like Marcia Cross
Speaker 1: is like so good at it, it's like you are
Speaker 1: a genius actor. To make this seem natural. Hillary says
Speaker 1: she wants a chance to explain herself to Amanda, and
Speaker 1: Jake hugs Hillary because she's crying and he don't know
Speaker 1: what to do, so he kind of like hugs her
Speaker 1: and offers to talk to Amanda for her. He's like,
Speaker 1: let me be the bridge, let me fix this relationship
Speaker 1: between you and your daughter. Ye. I don't know how
Speaker 1: long Heather Lockley has been on this show, but these
Speaker 1: two could not have been together for more than a
Speaker 1: month before he was like, hang on, I got this.
Speaker 2: What exactly is going on with Grant Show's outfit.
Speaker 1: The mom jeans? This is they have put him in
Speaker 1: a chastity belt in denim form. It is so hideous.
Speaker 2: This is worse than the model stresses. I actually think
Speaker 2: the model stresses look better Grant Show. In the credits,
Speaker 2: Grant Show is shirtless. They know why Grant Show is there?
Speaker 1: And or white tank top with a leather jacket like classic,
Speaker 1: classic handsome. I'm sitting on top of a motorcycle. It's
Speaker 1: his job, motorcycle.
Speaker 2: I believe it's mechanic.
Speaker 1: Is that his his job's his job is motorcycles.
Speaker 2: Jobs, motorcycle. I said what I said?
Speaker 1: I said what I said. Yeah, okay, that makes a
Speaker 1: little more sense then okay, you no, this outfit is
Speaker 1: it's just the most sexless thing I've ever seen a
Speaker 1: man wear.
Speaker 2: It's like those eight that eighties wash of jeans or
Speaker 2: nineties washing jeans where it's like pale blue and then
Speaker 2: he has a shirt on that's almost the same color.
Speaker 2: It's not denim, but it's almost the same color. It's
Speaker 2: also quite baggy. I'm like, I know that's a good
Speaker 2: looking man, but I can't see past the the schmot
Speaker 2: that you have on him.
Speaker 1: It's like he's on the news and they've blurred out
Speaker 1: his body. There is like it's not his face but
Speaker 1: his body. They're like, we cannot show you this man's body,
Speaker 1: and they blurred him out. It's because you can't see
Speaker 1: any any definition anything.
Speaker 2: There's nothing that actually nude. And they added all his
Speaker 2: clothes posts.
Speaker 1: It's that's grant show only works in the nude. It's
Speaker 1: the only way he can remember his lines correct, so
Speaker 1: they have to they have to add on the clothes
Speaker 1: afters in post, I.
Speaker 2: Mean, get me a job on a Grand show show.
Speaker 1: Right now, it's a Grand show show.
Speaker 2: It's a Grand show show. We cut to Michael and
Speaker 2: Kimberly at dinner. Michael, who he must remember it has
Speaker 2: been freshly exonerated for a potential vehicular manslaughter due to
Speaker 2: his drunk driving, from which he has been emotionally suffering
Speaker 2: for I don't know, let's say six months. I have
Speaker 2: no idea what the time of the show is is.
Speaker 1: Four months, she says it for four months.
Speaker 2: He is sucking down drinks and wants to order another.
Speaker 1: He's like, whoah, let's party a free.
Speaker 2: Let's remember that while Kimberly did survive, she was still
Speaker 2: severely injured in a drunk driving accident that this man
Speaker 2: was responsible for. Kimberly stops him cold. This is where
Speaker 2: Marcia Cross is starting to come out right. She has
Speaker 2: no menus.
Speaker 1: He has had at least two cocktails before they've even
Speaker 1: gotten a menu, not their food, a menu, and she's like,
Speaker 1: She tells the waiter She's like, menus now, and the
Speaker 1: waiter looks at Michael is like, sorry, what a bit right.
Speaker 2: She holds the crown of her head again and she
Speaker 2: pulls out some pills and she explains that I have
Speaker 2: these for these headaches I've been getting.
Speaker 1: Yeah again he is a doctor. Yeah, he asks, no question,
Speaker 1: no follow up. No, he's not like, what meds are
Speaker 1: you on? Like? Who prescribed him for you? How many
Speaker 1: do you take in a day? Exactly where in your
Speaker 1: head are these headaches coming from? Nothing, no interests at
Speaker 1: all in his girlfriend's well being. We cut back to Amanda.
Speaker 1: Amanda is chewing Jake out for his impertinence and getting
Speaker 1: involved in her relationship with her mother. She is not wrong,
Speaker 1: Jake says, look like it or not. She is your
Speaker 1: mother and you can't just run away from that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And I'm like, Jake must be so good in bed.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, for her to eat, not just be like
Speaker 1: we're done. I can't with you. I can't with you.
Speaker 1: Put on something with definition and get out of here.
Speaker 2: Take off this blurring. I need to see his penis.
Speaker 2: I need to remember why he's here. We cut to Sydney.
Speaker 2: Remember Sydney when when we last saw her she was
Speaker 2: fainting into Matte Fielding's arm.
Speaker 1: Well, she is. She in the hook her business.
Speaker 2: She wasn't hooker business, but she left it for good, gotcha.
Speaker 1: Yeah, she's carrying I hope she didn't burn any bridges
Speaker 1: the way out. I hope she didn't do a Yeah,
Speaker 1: I hope she didn't do a Jerry Maguire last night
Speaker 1: and leave the hotel room being like, fuck you, fuck you,
Speaker 1: You're cool. I'm taking the goldfish with me.
Speaker 2: She's carrying a suitcase. She's walking up to Melrose Place
Speaker 2: and she knocks on Jane's door. Now, Erica do you
Speaker 2: know what these two characters are to each other?
Speaker 1: Sisters?
Speaker 2: These are sisters.
Speaker 1: I did know that. I remember that these are sisters.
Speaker 2: I did not know that until I looked it up.
Speaker 2: So these are two sisters. She knocks on Jane's door.
Speaker 2: Jane opens it. She is absolutely not interested in anything
Speaker 2: Sidney has to say. She very calmly tells her that
Speaker 2: blackmail just isn't a good building block for a relationship.
Speaker 1: I just just remind people who don't remember, Jane was
Speaker 1: married to Michael before all of this went down with
Speaker 1: Kimberly and Sydney.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Jane is the wife that Michael left for Kimberly.
Speaker 2: Jane is Sydney's sister. Sidney was married to Michael after
Speaker 2: she blackmailed him but accidentally killing Kimberly. Are we all together?
Speaker 2: There will be a test. Sidney tearfully asks if she
Speaker 2: can stay, and Jane says she'd rather set fire to herself.
Speaker 1: Harsh, Love you, Jane, love you, love you to pieces Jane.
Speaker 2: Sidney cries that she's having a nervous breakdown, and Jane says,
Speaker 2: and I wish you would have it someplace else and
Speaker 2: closes the door in her face.
Speaker 1: So good. Yeah, I have to say, I don't remember
Speaker 1: Josie Beset much from this show, and I don't know
Speaker 1: that she worked too much after this, because I don't
Speaker 1: know what I've seen her in. Frank she's really good
Speaker 1: in this episode. She's very little to do, but she's
Speaker 1: very very good, and like, I think she's one of
Speaker 1: the better actors on this show.
Speaker 2: Possibly, I mean this is my only Yeah, Like, she's good.
Speaker 2: In the scene, she has a very very good job
Speaker 2: of being funny, which is the job here.
Speaker 1: Kind of a bitch, but funny, And then yeah, I
Speaker 1: think she's great. We cut to Billionaires I fell asleep,
Speaker 1: were they're debating on where they want to have their reception.
Speaker 1: Allison wants to make a decision before Shela has chance
Speaker 1: and bulldoze them to wherever she wants them to go. Right,
Speaker 1: this conversation is insane. Allison's like, what if we have
Speaker 1: it at like a fancy hotel and Billy's like okay,
Speaker 1: And she's like, well you don't like that, clearly because
Speaker 1: I just said okay, And he's like, I don't know.
Speaker 1: He's like, how about that place where they have chicken
Speaker 1: wings that I like? And I'm like you two should
Speaker 1: not be getting married.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: There's a knock at the door and it's not Sheila
Speaker 1: the wedding planner, it's Jane. And Jane walks in upset
Speaker 1: and she's like, you know what, I really wish you
Speaker 1: had told me to my face you didn't like the
Speaker 1: wedding dress before you had that woman fire me. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and Allison's like, I never had anyone fire you, and
Speaker 1: I fully plan on wearing your dress, So what the
Speaker 1: hell's going on? And then right on cue, Sheila appears
Speaker 1: and she's like, oh good, we're all still friends even
Speaker 1: though this didn't work out right, and Allison's like, fuck you, you're fired.
Speaker 1: Get out of my house.
Speaker 2: By the way, Jane, I was thinking, do you do
Speaker 2: table clothes at all? What bitch?
Speaker 1: What a bitch? The wedding planner snaps that she's billing
Speaker 1: Alison's father for everything, and then they won't have enough
Speaker 1: money to get married in a bus station. What are
Speaker 1: you billing them for? Yeah, nothing has happened. You've worked
Speaker 1: with them for twenty four hours unless you charge two
Speaker 1: hundred thousand dollars an hour.
Speaker 2: We cut to Amanda and Jake and they are having
Speaker 2: dinner with Hillary and her boyfriend Chaz.
Speaker 1: Okay, so Amanda turned around on this right quick.
Speaker 2: Yep. Jake got through to her. He said, you can't
Speaker 2: pick your parents.
Speaker 1: He took his shirt off, and she was like, Okay, she's.
Speaker 2: The only mother you'll ever have. So Hillary tries to
Speaker 2: make overtures towards peace with her daughter while Chaz attempts
Speaker 2: to play foot seats with Amanda under the table. Amanda
Speaker 2: tells her mother to keep a leash on her boyfriend,
Speaker 2: but does agree to stay at dinner. So this is
Speaker 2: just set up for wherever this is going.
Speaker 1: I do love this scene because Aman is like, put
Speaker 1: a leisha on Chaz, and then Linda Gray says he
Speaker 1: won't speak for the rest of dinner, and the actor
Speaker 1: who plays Chaz just has to sit there and take it.
Speaker 1: I'm like, this is one.
Speaker 2: This is interesting.
Speaker 1: I want all of this. Give me more of this.
Speaker 1: Back at the Beach House, Michael and Kimberly have I
Speaker 1: can't believe you're not dead.
Speaker 2: If you're wondering what that's like, it involves satin sheets
Speaker 2: and a lot of soft lighting, A.
Speaker 1: Lot of soft lighting, satin sheets and.
Speaker 2: Cowgirl, cowgirl, and there's a lot of that hair had
Speaker 2: a cowgirl a lot of having to like kind of
Speaker 2: take your hair and take it from one side of
Speaker 2: your head and brush it all the way over the
Speaker 2: other side of your head.
Speaker 1: The Okay, I think most people who are listening to
Speaker 1: this know what episode we're talking about. Yeah, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: spoil something slightly real quick. No, you know what. I
Speaker 1: won't spoil anything because those of you who don't know,
Speaker 1: I don't want to spoil it. I'm just gonna tell you.
Speaker 1: There is Chekhov's hair pulling happening throughout the episode, where
Speaker 1: Marcia Cross continuously like like takes her hands and rubs
Speaker 1: them like vigorously through her hair. Yeah, and in this
Speaker 1: sex scene she's like doing it back and forth like
Speaker 1: she thinks it's a sexy maneuver. I don't know exactly why,
Speaker 1: except to show the audience that that hair is definitely
Speaker 1: her hair and definitely plant it on her head in
Speaker 1: a very straightforward and it doesn't make any sense. No
Speaker 1: one does anything like this, No one fucks like this,
Speaker 1: no one eats like this one, no one becomes a
Speaker 1: doctor like this. So they're having sex, she's she's rubbing
Speaker 1: her hair way too much. I founder Michael, I'd be like,
Speaker 1: do you have lice? Yeah, what's happening with your head?
Speaker 1: Do I have to get Light's shampoo? Look, the sex
Speaker 1: is worth it. I'll get the light shampoo.
Speaker 2: I'm fine with it.
Speaker 1: I'm fine with it. Afterwards, after the sex, Kimberly excuses
Speaker 1: herself to the bathroom to take more of her pills
Speaker 1: for her headache. Oh, the pills don't seem to help.
Speaker 1: She keeps rubbing her temples and she's she's grimacing in pain,
Speaker 1: and she continues to make quiet exclamations and and clutch
Speaker 1: her head. And then suddenly she she does another thing
Speaker 1: with her hand where she's like, looks like she's just
Speaker 1: rubbing her hands through her hair and like moving her
Speaker 1: hair to the side. But no, because if you look carefully, suddenly,
Speaker 1: all of a sudden, Marsia Cross has a lace front
Speaker 1: that was not clear in the whole rest of the episode,
Speaker 1: but suddenly you're like, I fucking know, ah, lace front
Speaker 1: when I see one. I have watched a lot of
Speaker 1: RuPaul's drag race. She has a late front and she
Speaker 1: rips off her hair. Guys, it was a wig. It
Speaker 1: was a wig. This whole time exposing her nearly bald head.
Speaker 1: She's got like scraggly bits of hair bling back and
Speaker 1: a vicious, curving scar running from her temples across her earline.
Speaker 1: Yeah it is gnarly. Yeah, the makeup person did an
Speaker 1: amazing job. We fade out on kimberly staring at herself
Speaker 1: in the mirror.
Speaker 2: End of show, end of episode. I mean, look made
Speaker 2: me want to hit play on the next one. I'll
Speaker 2: give it that.
Speaker 1: I'll give it that. Yeah, this was a seminal moment
Speaker 1: in Melro's Place. People who watched Melroe's Place remember where
Speaker 1: they were the night they saw the rip wig. In retrospect,
Speaker 1: it's not that crazy, Like, yeah, the woman was in
Speaker 1: a car accident. Yeah, she's gonna have a vicious scar
Speaker 1: across her head. I don't know why it seemed. I
Speaker 1: guess because it was shocking. It was surprised. I don't
Speaker 1: know why in real time I was. I remember being like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, as though it was a bigger reveal
Speaker 1: than it actually is.
Speaker 2: I wonder if it's something to do with with the
Speaker 2: actress appearing unattractive.
Speaker 1: Perhaps something, But like plot wise, you would think the
Speaker 1: the reaction would you would think the reveal was like,
Speaker 1: that's not Kimberly, it's her evil twin or you know,
Speaker 1: like or like that's not Kimberly, it's it's Dug's event,
Speaker 1: you know what I.
Speaker 2: Mean, Like, oh my god, what if they had done
Speaker 2: so he pulled off? It was Matt Matt Fielding.
Speaker 1: It was Matt Fielding, and like in like emission impossible,
Speaker 1: like mask, Like that's the amount of reaction. I remember
Speaker 1: this getting of people gasping, and in retrospect, I'm shocked.
Speaker 1: That's her only scar, Like she doesn't have like a like.
Speaker 2: Her face is pristine.
Speaker 1: Her face is pristine. Her body we've seen a lot
Speaker 1: of her torso in that sex scene looks fine. Like
Speaker 1: she doesn't have like jagged scars all over her body.
Speaker 1: So anyway, I just want to point that out because
Speaker 1: when you rewatch this episode, you're like, oh well, yeah,
Speaker 1: oh yeah, of course.
Speaker 2: Of course. Yeah. All right, So that is the end
Speaker 2: of the bitches. Back stick around. We'll be right back
Speaker 2: after these commercials to give you our random observations and
Speaker 2: final rankings.
Speaker 1: And we're back. Paul, give me some random sexy observations
Speaker 1: about Melrose Place betray me.
Speaker 2: My first one is so you know, there's a downpour
Speaker 2: in La on that first night, it's a downpour. Andrew
Speaker 2: shoe Billy gets home from work. He runs in, he
Speaker 2: takes his umbrella and just throws his umbrella on the
Speaker 2: living room floor. A right, and I'm like, leave it outside.
Speaker 1: What are you doing, buddy, what are you doing? Like?
Speaker 2: Close it outside, shake it off and bring it to
Speaker 2: the bathroom. Don't throw it on the carpet.
Speaker 1: That's like a director's fault. Like even if the actor
Speaker 1: is too too dumb to know to do that, Like
Speaker 1: the director should be like, well, why don't you fold
Speaker 1: it and just put it next to the door. It's
Speaker 1: not what normal people would do, but at least it's
Speaker 1: the closer to what normal people would do. He threw
Speaker 1: it on the carpet, open, right, it was still open.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: There was one line that had me cackling. And it's
Speaker 1: Kimberly and I think it's when Michael first sees her
Speaker 1: and she goes, rumors of my death, as they say,
Speaker 1: was premature. That's not the saying. That's not saying, you guys.
Speaker 1: She said it was such confidence. Rumors of my death,
Speaker 1: as they say, was premature. That's not that's a this
Speaker 1: bad grammar. B. That's not the saying.
Speaker 2: I didn't.
Speaker 1: Why are you saying it like that, you fucking weirdo?
Speaker 1: Is that one of the things you've forgotten during your coma?
Speaker 1: Is this very common expression?
Speaker 2: They were greatly exaggerated, I think is the words you're look.
Speaker 1: This very famous expression in American pop culture. Rumors of
Speaker 1: my death, as they say, was premature. They let her
Speaker 1: be a doctor, They let her doctor people. The next day.
Speaker 2: They made it pretty clear that she is the most
Speaker 2: intelligent person on this show.
Speaker 1: Yeah, she's under heavy sedation on whatever drug that is
Speaker 1: she is on. She does not understand words anymore. And
Speaker 1: yet she's like, let me fix that bone for you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, So Josie Bissett doesn't have a lot to
Speaker 2: do in this episode. Her first scene, and we've already
Speaker 2: made fun of the outfits that are putting around, particularly
Speaker 2: for someone who's a fashion designer. Great her first scene,
Speaker 2: sitting knocks on the door, She opens the door, and
Speaker 2: I couldn't tell you what she was wearing because I'm
Speaker 2: so distracted by her hair because she has this short
Speaker 2: bob right it's like right at her chin line, and
Speaker 2: it appears like, either either this was a look in
Speaker 2: the nineties and I don't remember it was a look
Speaker 2: in the nineties, I'll tell you right now, or the
Speaker 2: person she only had time to get half her hair
Speaker 2: done because the right side of her head is fully
Speaker 2: youmized on her on her hair, and the left side
Speaker 2: of her head is flat to the side of her head.
Speaker 1: Oh, I don't remember that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's weird.
Speaker 1: I did not notice that. To me. She has the
Speaker 1: Bridget Fonda haircut.
Speaker 2: See what if the two sides of her head agreed
Speaker 2: with each other.
Speaker 1: I do not remember. Okay, I believe you, but I
Speaker 1: think that's like just a mistake. They're just like quick, Josie,
Speaker 1: get on sets, like I'm not done, and they're like,
Speaker 1: we don't have time. We're losing We're losing the lights.
Speaker 2: We're losing the light's like, it's a set, what are
Speaker 2: you talking about?
Speaker 1: What if it's not a set? What if they just
Speaker 1: wandered into an apartment complex during the day and as
Speaker 1: people are coming home, they're like, shit, we gotta go home.
Speaker 1: Is my apartment complex? Melrose?
Speaker 2: Please?
Speaker 1: Maybe I just have one more And it's when Alison
Speaker 1: is asking Amanda, Alison and Amanda work together Alison. Amanda
Speaker 1: is Alison's boss on the show. Heather Locklear is in
Speaker 1: full bitch mode the entire episode. She starts at at ten,
Speaker 1: she ends it at nine, like she does not really
Speaker 1: climb down from bitch mode the whole episode. It is wonderful,
Speaker 1: and so Allison's like, Hey, Amanda, can I have two
Speaker 1: days off to plan my wedding? I literally have to
Speaker 1: have everything planned in the next forty eight hours to
Speaker 1: hit some random deadline that does not exist. She's so meaner.
Speaker 1: She's like no. He's like, well, can I can I
Speaker 1: just get one day off? One day? Please? Please?
Speaker 2: Sir?
Speaker 1: Like she's holding a cup of gruel in her hands,
Speaker 1: you can I have some more? I just I just
Speaker 1: need to plan my wedding. Can I can I not
Speaker 1: come to work tomorrow? I know I'm crucial to everything
Speaker 1: this company does, but I need I need forty eight
Speaker 1: hours to plan my life. And Amanda goes, Ugh, it's
Speaker 1: one day off or nothing, It's all you get. What
Speaker 1: is this company's policy on paid time off? Do they
Speaker 1: not have it? Does she not have a two week
Speaker 1: vacation she could take at some point during the year.
Speaker 2: Either has days or she doesn't.
Speaker 1: She either says her she doesn't. Is this indentured servitude?
Speaker 1: Did I miss a plot line? What is happening?
Speaker 2: She also makes it some comment about like you don't
Speaker 2: really have a lot left after all your relation, your relationship,
Speaker 2: chip drama or something like that.
Speaker 1: I'm like, wait, wasn't she assaulted? Like like it was?
Speaker 1: Didn't someone murder himself in front of her? I think
Speaker 1: you can have a little time off for that something.
Speaker 2: I only have one more. I'm going to do this
Speaker 2: one in the form of a question for you. Okay,
Speaker 2: doctor Kimberly Shaw, Marsha Cross, our favorite characters.
Speaker 1: Rumors of her death, as they say, are somewhat rumored
Speaker 1: to not be rumored, right, Yeah.
Speaker 2: Everything we know about this woman. What drink do you
Speaker 2: think she's drinking at the restaurant with Michael.
Speaker 1: Ooh fuck me. I only I remember his drink. I
Speaker 1: don't remember hers. Yeah, I'm gonna go with Pina Colada.
Speaker 2: Okay, closer than I expected, because I would have said,
Speaker 2: like Martine, why.
Speaker 1: I would have said wine, honestly, Martini, had I not
Speaker 1: known this show, I was watching.
Speaker 2: Maybe a margarita. Nope, it's an orange slushy. What she
Speaker 2: is drinking an orange frozen drink out of a straw
Speaker 2: from like one of those like, like it almost looks
Speaker 2: like a milkshake container. It's so weird. It's like, why
Speaker 2: was it just have for drink water?
Speaker 1: Just have a drink a glass of white wine? What
Speaker 1: are you doing? Like also like she's her whole thing
Speaker 1: is she has a headache. I don't think she should
Speaker 1: be drinking frozen drinks, not at all. They famously will
Speaker 1: give you headache. Yes, there's a whole thing about it.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I have to go back and look
Speaker 1: at it. I missed it. Well, his drink, I remember,
Speaker 1: was also in like a fucking milkshake glass.
Speaker 2: It's like a tropical They must be in some kind
Speaker 2: of tropical theme that.
Speaker 1: You can't they weren't, but they weren't. The restaurant was basic, normal,
Speaker 1: average nothing restaurant. This is a place that serves steak
Speaker 1: and bad pasta. Yeah, that's what this place does. Like
Speaker 1: why are they both drinking fucking my ties at this restaurant? Paul?
Speaker 1: How are we gonna rank this episode of Melrose Place?
Speaker 2: Uh? One to ten fun facts about Andrew Shoe.
Speaker 1: Did you know he was born in Wilmington, Delaware. Fuck,
Speaker 1: I don't know where my keys are now.
Speaker 2: It keeps crowding out other facts in your brain.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I'm like, hang on, hang on, hang on.
Speaker 1: My mother's birthday is Andrew Shoe played soccer in Zimbabwe?
Speaker 2: Fuck?
Speaker 1: He did? He played soccer in Zimbabwe. I know that now.
Speaker 1: I just know that it. Yeah, you know what it is.
Speaker 1: It's not that I'm remembering things about Andrew Shoes. Somehow
Speaker 1: they're coming in. They're coming in hot.
Speaker 2: It's like he has like a direct line to your brain.
Speaker 1: He heard me speaking about him from the ether. How
Speaker 1: about one to ten things you can marinate, Paul? Can
Speaker 1: you marinate a wrench?
Speaker 2: You could?
Speaker 1: Can you marinate a cat?
Speaker 2: I would not recommend that.
Speaker 1: Okay, they'll get very upset. He crossed that one off
Speaker 1: the list. I'm really glad. I asked first, ye, Fluffy,
Speaker 1: get out of.
Speaker 2: The pot, Get out of the tupperware fluffers.
Speaker 1: Get out of the tupperware fluffers. That's not for you.
Speaker 1: Don't track the vinegar on the counter being marinated. I
Speaker 1: don't know what your problem is.
Speaker 2: What t Grant show shows, show shows.
Speaker 1: I love watching a Grant show. Show me too, I
Speaker 1: go to Thailand to watch the shows one to ten
Speaker 1: wig rips, Yeah, iconic.
Speaker 2: Iconic rips. I mean, honestly, why hasn't a we come
Speaker 2: off on RuPaul's drag race to reveal this makeup job?
Speaker 1: Oh my god, that would be incredible.
Speaker 2: What should happen?
Speaker 1: That's really what should happen? That that queen would fucking
Speaker 1: rule that episode?
Speaker 2: Uh huh exactly if they can, if they know the
Speaker 2: song and it's like, you know, you drive me crazy
Speaker 2: or something like that. Yeah, you're welcome, You're.
Speaker 1: Well, Chavalore. Why haven't you done this? This is right
Speaker 1: up your fucking Allexy.
Speaker 2: You should know this.
Speaker 1: You ruined my life, Slasha Valor.
Speaker 2: Teach the children? All right, do you want to go first?
Speaker 2: Or shall I go first?
Speaker 1: You can go first on this one? How to rank
Speaker 1: this nonsense?
Speaker 2: Right, Well, let's let's just go back to the rubric.
Speaker 2: Good female roles like an equal equal distribution of male
Speaker 2: female roles, if not, if not weighted towards female, I.
Speaker 1: Would say, and the women are more interesting.
Speaker 2: That's way more interesting. Marsha Across rules this episode.
Speaker 1: Like an iron fish, like.
Speaker 2: An empress, like so everything he does, So that's great,
Speaker 2: there's no diversity. There's no racial diversity.
Speaker 1: Oh they have an Italian.
Speaker 2: They have an Italian and the detective is black. Oh right, right, yeah,
Speaker 2: so that's the detective who interrogates his his his Italian.
Speaker 1: Who is the Italian? Oh no, that's bad, Christoph, Christopher,
Speaker 1: stop killing girls, Christopher.
Speaker 2: So I mean, with all of these people, you think
Speaker 2: they could have squeezed one person of color into the cast.
Speaker 2: There was a black woman in the first season, played
Speaker 2: by Vanessa Williams, but not that Vanessa Williams, the Vanessa
Speaker 2: Williams you don't think of when you hear the name
Speaker 2: Vanessa Williams. But she was written out in the first season.
Speaker 2: And I did that thing where you just go on
Speaker 2: IMDb and scroll down to see when I can find
Speaker 2: a person of color. She's the first person listed. So
Speaker 2: I don't believe they had another series regular of color
Speaker 2: for the next six years. WHOA, Yeah, not great.
Speaker 1: You know what, though, Paul, there's so little diversity in
Speaker 1: Los Angeles.
Speaker 2: That's true.
Speaker 1: It's like they don't have anything but white people in
Speaker 1: last You're right, you're right.
Speaker 2: Famously famously famously h And then we have the gay
Speaker 2: character Matt Fielding he has nothing to do in this episode,
Speaker 2: but he also famously had nothing to do in any episode.
Speaker 1: Like he must at some point get a love interest.
Speaker 2: I get he gets love interests, but I mean, I
Speaker 2: know this is not the producer's fault. Like they wanted
Speaker 2: to show him kissing somebody and like the network wouldn't
Speaker 2: allow it. Right, that kind of stuff happened. They did
Speaker 2: eventually like write the character off and then brought him
Speaker 2: back to kill him in a car accident, which I'm like, okay,
Speaker 2: you got we have to kill our gaze this much
Speaker 2: like we've already written him off the show. Dug Savant
Speaker 2: is already not collecting his paycheck. Like, give me a break.
Speaker 1: I didn't watch Desperate Housewives. It's a big miss on
Speaker 1: my part. In terms of nighttime Soaks, did he play
Speaker 1: Marsha Cross's husband?
Speaker 2: On played Lynnette? He played the felon. Oh, Huffman, That's
Speaker 2: literally the only thing I can think of.
Speaker 1: So mean, that's so mean. She's an Academy Award winner.
Speaker 2: Ball No, she did not win.
Speaker 1: Oh she didn't win.
Speaker 2: I should say she's done her time, she has paid
Speaker 2: her debt, and I honestly think she's fine.
Speaker 1: It's fine, yeah, because he I do remember he was
Speaker 1: on Desperate Housewives and hopefully he got a lot more
Speaker 1: to do.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he had. He was on Desperate Housewives for all
Speaker 2: twelve seasons or whatever that one ran. Okay, good, Desperate
Speaker 2: Housewives is fun. I wish we had just spoiler alert,
Speaker 2: we're not going to get to Desperate Housewives this month,
Speaker 2: and I wish, I wish we had time for it.
Speaker 1: Honestly, the only problem with Desperate Housewives is it's too good.
Speaker 1: I don't know what there is to talk about because
Speaker 1: it's a comedy.
Speaker 2: It's a comedy. But believe me, we would have.
Speaker 1: A good time because no I get it. But like
Speaker 1: this show. The reason why this is so great is
Speaker 1: because it takes itself so seriously.
Speaker 2: So I think the show literally but simply by including
Speaker 2: a gay character in nineteen ninety two, was fighting the
Speaker 2: good fight on that front, and to our eyes today
Speaker 2: it is laughable. And he is. He is sexless. He
Speaker 2: never gets main storylines. He's there, like, at best for
Speaker 2: comic relief, if not to like fix all the straight people.
Speaker 1: If there is a little something to be said for
Speaker 1: and tell me if I'm wrong. The fact though, that
Speaker 1: he is a like just like a boring guy. Like,
Speaker 1: is that in a way somewhat progressive that he's not like, Hi,
Speaker 1: I'm the guy.
Speaker 2: Oh, so he's not a clown.
Speaker 1: He's not a clown, he's not Jack, I'm Will and Grace.
Speaker 1: He's just like a guy who works at the hospital,
Speaker 1: and that's all there is to him.
Speaker 2: But I think that's no because because those are the
Speaker 2: two things that you could either be the clown or
Speaker 2: the normal guy. Yeah, the normal to bad word, the
Speaker 2: stereotypical like hetero, boring guy, boring, the path the guy
Speaker 2: who's passing, yeah, even though he's gay.
Speaker 1: Well, because I I think I think I'm retconning this right.
Speaker 1: I don't think it's actually progressive. But I wonder if
Speaker 1: the like there were like gay kids perhaps who are like, yeah,
Speaker 1: i think I'm gonna be that guy. I think I'm
Speaker 1: going to work in a hospital and wear a tie
Speaker 1: and yeah and be super boring.
Speaker 2: Look in nineteen ninety two, I think any representation was precious,
Speaker 2: like truly, so like for the again, I'm not really
Speaker 2: gonna I'm not gonna ding the show too hard. Also
Speaker 2: because I know based on stories that it wasn't the
Speaker 2: creative people's choices as to why this guy was being
Speaker 2: so sidelined. It was the suits and the executives show innocent.
Speaker 2: But as far as aging well, does not age well.
Speaker 2: He is one of the two tropes. It's not just
Speaker 2: the clown, it's the clown or the sexless one. He
Speaker 2: is the sexless trope. Okay, right, So, like what we're
Speaker 2: looking for is someone interesting, which he does not accomplish
Speaker 2: through no fault of his. So I don't think it
Speaker 2: ages that well by the rubric. I do think grading
Speaker 2: on a curve, because it is a ludicrous on every level,
Speaker 2: I think is somewhat somewhat allowable. I'm not going to
Speaker 2: come down super hard on it. It's nothing's offensive, it's
Speaker 2: sins of omission, and it's insane, and it's kind of
Speaker 2: it's an escape. It's an escape to watch something crazy
Speaker 2: going on on TV with some really great actors really
Speaker 2: making it work, some not so great actors that a
Speaker 2: little boring. Kind of depends on which storyline you're on.
Speaker 2: I'm going to ing it hardest for its lack of
Speaker 2: racial diversity, which I think it really could have done
Speaker 2: better on in nineteen ninety.
Speaker 1: Two, especially with a cast of thirty fucking they're.
Speaker 2: So like if you go on Wikipedia, the people listed
Speaker 2: on this show, I'm not exactly, it's like thirty people
Speaker 2: that at some point, like if not a series regular,
Speaker 2: like a major recurring character that came back multiple times.
Speaker 2: I'm going to give it a five. I'm going to
Speaker 2: give it a five out of ten wig rips because
Speaker 2: I want to give it credit for the good female
Speaker 2: roles and it's attempts at gay representation. But I think
Speaker 2: the lack of racial diversity is pretty it's pretty damning
Speaker 2: for the time. They could have done better on that. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: what do.
Speaker 1: You think, especially I mean nineteen ninety two in La Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, I also don't want there to be people
Speaker 1: of color just so they can be like you know,
Speaker 1: talking about Rodney King, you know what I mean, Like,
Speaker 1: I don't want that, No, either. I want them to
Speaker 1: be terrible, just like the rest of the people on
Speaker 1: the show are. I want them to be evil and
Speaker 1: terrible and sleeping with other people and like, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean, Like, yeah, I think that was an
Speaker 1: The other thing about Desperate Housewives that was kind of
Speaker 1: a big deal is that it had like the Latino couple, Yeah,
Speaker 1: which was in and they were upper middle class and
Speaker 1: like just like everyone else, and.
Speaker 2: Like and the Vanessa Williams you are thinking of when
Speaker 2: I say, Vanessa Williams did join that show in the
Speaker 2: later seasons and I like was on it for like
Speaker 2: three seasons or something.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I U it is so white that one guy,
Speaker 1: the cop is black. Yeah, cops are always black on
Speaker 1: these shows. I don't know why. I don't know why
Speaker 1: they always ask black people to play cops on these shows.
Speaker 1: There is something to be said about creating television for women,
Speaker 1: and like, let's get real, soap operator for women, and
Speaker 1: like nighttime soaps are for women. Like in general, men
Speaker 1: do watch them, men can watch them, and that's you know,
Speaker 1: that's but I feel like they the bread and butter
Speaker 1: of this genre is we have to appeal to a
Speaker 1: female audience. We have to put very beautiful men on
Speaker 1: the show, and we have to have show have really
Speaker 1: interesting female characters who are the bosses and the and
Speaker 1: like run the gamut from like the bitch to the
Speaker 1: like the sweet girl or blah blah blah. So there
Speaker 1: is something to be said for that. It's very cool
Speaker 1: that that's like even a genre that's even a consideration.
Speaker 1: It does feel like it talks down to women kind
Speaker 1: of a lot like this genre, So I it's that's
Speaker 1: part of it for me is I'm always like, oh Jesus,
Speaker 1: it's just feels so trite and women fighting each other
Speaker 1: over a man, even in this episode, Like I mean,
Speaker 1: they're not really fighting each other, just they're just fighting
Speaker 1: for this like super unimpressive dick. It's like, again, it's
Speaker 1: not the actor's fault. He's a very attractive man. It's
Speaker 1: not about looks. It's just that guy sucks. That guy
Speaker 1: can't be a good doctor. He just can't be a
Speaker 1: good doctor. He does not ask a single question.
Speaker 2: What kind of doctor is he? Do you know?
Speaker 1: A doctor of love? What if he's like the fucking
Speaker 1: neurosurgeon at the hospital? Yeah, oh my god, my blood
Speaker 1: just crawled when you said that. So yeah, you know,
Speaker 1: there is a little bit of that which I push
Speaker 1: against when I encounter one of these shows. But people
Speaker 1: love them, like there's a reason there the nighttime soap
Speaker 1: opera has not gone away and will never go away.
Speaker 1: There's a reason Shonda Rhymes has fourteen houses. Yeah, is
Speaker 1: because not only does she know this genre, she made
Speaker 1: it sing right, did this walk so Shonda could run? Maybe?
Speaker 1: And I'm not sorry about that. I'm not sorry about that.
Speaker 1: So I'm gonna give it. I'm gonna give it a
Speaker 1: four because there are better ones. Okay, there are better
Speaker 1: nighttime soaks. There are more interesting nighttime soaps than this one.
Speaker 1: This one is not as good as I remember it.
Speaker 1: If I'm being honest, I remembered it being a lot spicier,
Speaker 1: and there's very little spice. A lot of these people
Speaker 1: don't have chemistry, Like there was no chemistry between Grant
Speaker 1: Show and Heather Locklear, and I don't know how you
Speaker 1: don't have chemistry with Heather Locklear. There was more chemistry
Speaker 1: with Courtney Thorne Smith and Heather Locker than with those
Speaker 1: two women and anyone else on the show. So I
Speaker 1: just don't I just remembered it being better. I wouldn't
Speaker 1: recommend giving this one a rewatch if you're like, if
Speaker 1: you also have like Gossip Girl as a possibility, or
Speaker 1: any of the Shonda shows, yeah, which actually do have
Speaker 1: a lot of diversity in them.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Well, and the production values on this one are
Speaker 2: they look silly to us.
Speaker 1: Now, Oh my god, very silly.
Speaker 2: And it's too recent for the production values I think
Speaker 2: to be completely forgiven. Like we're going to do an
Speaker 2: episode next week, a little teaser where the production values
Speaker 2: are also very low because it comes from earlier in time.
Speaker 2: It like doesn't bother me. It's just fun.
Speaker 1: Well, and they're still better than this. Yeah, yeah, I
Speaker 1: think so too. Yeah, so I'm going to give it.
Speaker 1: Did I give it a four? Already? Did I say four?
Speaker 1: I'm gonna give it this one a four?
Speaker 2: All right? Fair enough? Do you want to offer a
Speaker 2: palate cleanser?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I'm trying to think of what my
Speaker 1: favorite nighttime soap was that actually was a very good
Speaker 1: night time soap. I want to say Revenge. I remember
Speaker 1: really loving Revenge for season Revenge, But I don't think
Speaker 1: it was particularly diverse either, So if that's what we're
Speaker 1: digging this on, yeah, you know, like I don't think
Speaker 1: there was much much diversity in that either, and it
Speaker 1: was certainly a lot of girl on girl crime on
Speaker 1: that one. Yeah, this is a weird one. I'm going
Speaker 1: to say. I don't have a palate cleanser, but that's
Speaker 1: on me, that's not on like the show. Like I
Speaker 1: just simply don't have enough like to pull yeah, to
Speaker 1: be like, that's the thing you should watch instead of this.
Speaker 1: And I don't want to say something that's not a
Speaker 1: nighttime soap, because the whole point is that we're doing
Speaker 1: nighttime soaps. Okay, you know, so do you have a
Speaker 1: pallet cleanser?
Speaker 2: I was just gonna say, Desperate Housewives. If you want
Speaker 2: to see Marsha Cross at like the height.
Speaker 1: Of her powers, I kind of want to see Desperate
Speaker 1: Housewives now. I wish i'd see I've seen scenes here
Speaker 1: and there Instagram. Every once in a while will like
Speaker 1: show me a scene from desperat Usually it's an evil
Speaker 1: Longoria scene, and I'm like, she's fantastic.
Speaker 2: The first season of Desperate Housewives is, from my memory,
Speaker 2: pretty great, like pretty pretty like fun and entertaining and
Speaker 2: bonkers of course, but like a lot of fun. I
Speaker 2: know it never quite achieves those heights again, but it
Speaker 2: also never was not entertaining, like it gave us Eva
Speaker 2: Longoria comedic torpedo evela.
Speaker 1: It gave poor Duvant something to do, yes, exactly so
Speaker 1: like and Marshall Cross gets to have a lot of fun.
Speaker 2: That'd be my palate cleanser. But I also I reacted
Speaker 2: better to this than you, like I I this is
Speaker 2: one that I'd be like, maybe I'll maybe I'll see
Speaker 2: what happened in the next episode after this one. I'm
Speaker 2: a little curious.
Speaker 1: I'm curious to.
Speaker 2: Why where this goes. So I also think, like Melrose
Speaker 2: Place is pretty fun because it's bonkers, and it's fun
Speaker 2: watching a bonkers.
Speaker 1: It is one of the more bonkers. I don't remember
Speaker 1: nine to two and no getting this bonkers ever.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, all right, So that is the end of
Speaker 2: our show. Everyone listening can follow us on threads and
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Speaker 1: For reasons.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Instagram is the only platform where we post our
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Speaker 1: That Aged Well is produced and edited by Paul Kayola.
Speaker 1: We would like to thank Robin Don, Jan Mickey, Shannon Luis,
Speaker 1: Aurelian Camille, Kevin Mike, William Vanessa and Adam for reaching
Speaker 1: out and letting us know what you want to hear.
Speaker 1: If you want to have a say in the topics
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Speaker 1: podcast to find out more. Speaking of which, some tears
Speaker 1: on our Patreon come with a thanks from a podcast character,
Speaker 1: and today we're hearing from not one but two do dueling?
Speaker 1: Eartha kits Mmmm.
Speaker 2: Here we are we here on that age? Dwell to think?
Speaker 2: Cory is a cowboy. I love cowboys.
Speaker 1: Mmm, cowboys delicious? They have spurs.
Speaker 2: You know a cowboy should not have to tie his
Speaker 2: own lasso.
Speaker 1: No, I would never poke at a cow poke.
Speaker 2: You know what I love about cowboys? Eartha?
Speaker 1: Hmm what Eartha?
Speaker 2: Assless chap slicious?
Speaker 1: You know when I love about cowboys? Eartha?
Speaker 2: Do tell me, Eartha, what do you love about cowboys?
Speaker 1: Ya is a stride a mustang?
Speaker 2: A cowboys should never have to mount his own steed.
Speaker 1: I love a good rodeo.
Speaker 2: He should leave that for somebody else to do. So
Speaker 2: you listen, Corey, who is a cowboy.
Speaker 1: Thank you for listening, cowboy Corey.
Speaker 2: And remember don't scuff your own boots.
Speaker 1: And always keep your cattle in stride.
Speaker 2: And you never want a hat with less than ten gallons.
Speaker 2: Well that was sensual.
Speaker 1: This room has a lot of Chanelle five in it
Speaker 1: right now, Yes, so much Chanelle five.
Speaker 2: It's a cloud of it.
Speaker 1: It's my eyes are burning. Are your eyes burning?
Speaker 2: Well, it's actually my nostrils for me? Yeah? Ouch, But
Speaker 2: you know what, I'm hot.
Speaker 1: I'm hot, I am hot. That was sexy.
Speaker 2: I'm overwhelmed. Frankly, frankly, Erica, do you have any final
Speaker 2: thoughts on Melrose Place?
Speaker 1: Billy, let's plan our wedding. It will be so fun.
Speaker 1: Want to make out on the counter now after eating clams.
Speaker 2: We didn't even talk about her last dress, which is
Speaker 2: just like this bland denim maxie dress.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, the outfits. No one comes out unscathed,
Speaker 1: no one. Hang on a second, Paul, I don't remember
Speaker 1: you wearing an eyepatch before. You're your evil twin soul.
Speaker 1: Oh