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Speaker 1: The Hard Boiled Egg by Ellis Parker Butler. Walking close

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along the wall to avoid the creaking floorboards, Philo Gubb,

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paper hanger and student of the Rising Sun Detective Agencies

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Correspondence School of Detecting, tiptoed to the door of the

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bedroom he shared with the mysterious mister Kritz. In appearance,

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mister Gubb was tall and gaunt, reminding one of a

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modern Don Quixote or a human flamingo. By nature, mister

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Gubb was the gentlest and most simple minded of men. Now,

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bending his long, angular body almost double, he placed his

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eye to a crack in the door panel and stared

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into the room within just out of the limited area

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of mister Gubb's vision, Roscoe Critz paused in his work

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and listened carefully. He heard the sharp whistle of mister

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Gubb's breath as it cut against the sharp edge of

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the crack in the panel, and he knew he was

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being spied upon. He placed his chubby hands on his

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knees and smiled at the door while a red flush

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of triumph spread over his face. Through the crack in

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the door, mister Gubb could see the top of the

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washstand beside which mister Critz was sitting, But he could

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not see mister Critz. As he stared. However, he saw

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a plump hand appear and pick up one by one

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the articles lying on the washstand. They were first seven

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or eight half shells of English walnuts, second a rubber

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shoe heel out of which a peace had been cut,

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Third a small rubber ball no larger than a pea,

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fourth a paper bound book, and lastly a large and

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glittering brick of yellow gold. As the hand withdrew the

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golden brick, mister Gubb pressed his face closer against the

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door in his effort to see more, And suddenly the

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door flew open, and mister Gubb sprawled on his hands

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and knees on the worn carpet of the bedroom. Said

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mister Krits, there now serves you right. Hope you hurt yourself.

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Mister Gubb arose slowly like a giraffe and brushed his knees. Why,

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he asked, snoopin and sneakin' like that, said mister Kritz,

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crossly scarin meata fits almost? How'd I know who it? Twas?

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If you want to come in, why don't you come right?

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Instead of snoopin and sneakin an fallin In that way,

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as he talked, mister Chrits replaced the shells and the

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rubber heel, and the rubber pea and the gold brick

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on the washstand. He was a plump little man with

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a shiny bald head and a white goatee. As he talked,

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he bent his head down so that he might look

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above the glasses of his spectacles, and in spite of

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his pretended anger, he looked like nothing so much as

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a kindly, benevolent old gentleman, the sort of old gentleman

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that keeps a small store in a small village and

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sells writing paper that smells of soap and candy sticks

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out of a glass jawn with a glass cover. How'd

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I know but what you was? A detective, he asked

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in a gentler tone. I am, said mister Gubb, soberly,

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seating himself on one of the two beds. I'm pretty

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near a detecative, as you might say, digging it all,

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said mister Kritz. Now I got to go hunt another room.

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I can't room with no detective. Well, now, mister Kritz,

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said mister Gubb, I don't want you should feel that

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way know when you're a detective makes me all nervous,

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complained mister Kritz. And a man in my business has

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to have a steady hand, don't he. You ain't told

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me what your business is, said mister Gubb. You needn't

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pretend you don't know, said mister Kritz. Any detective that

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saw that stuff on the washstand would know. Well, of course,

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said mister Gubb. I ain't a full detecative yet. You

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can't look for me to guess things as quick as

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a full detecative would. Of course, that brick sort of

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looks like a gold brick. It is a gold brick,

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said mister Kritz. Yes, said mister Gubb. But I don't

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mean no offense, mister Kritz. From the way you look,

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I sort of thought, well that it was a gold

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brick you'd bought. Mister Kritz turned very red. Well, what

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if I did buy it? He said? That ain't any

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reason I can't sell it. Is it just because a

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man buys eggs once or twice? Ain't any reason he

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shouldn't go into the business of egg selling. Is it

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just because I've bought one or two gold bricks in

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my day. Ain't any reason I shouldn't go to selling them,

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is it. Mister Gubb stared at mister Kritz with unconcealed surprise.

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You ain't. You ain't a con man, are you, mister Kritz?

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He asked. If I ain't yet, that's no sign I

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ain't gonna be, said mister Kritz firmly. One man has

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as good a right to try his hand at it

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as another, especially when a man has had my experience

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in it. Mister Gubb, there ain't hardly a con game.

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I ain't been conned with. I've been confidenced long enough.

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From now on, I'm going to confidence other folks. That's

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what I'm going to do. And I won't be bothered

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by no detective living in the same room with me.

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Detectives and con men don't mix nowadays, no, sir, Well sir,

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said mister Gubb. I can see the sense in that,

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but you don't need to move right away. I don't

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aim to start detectin in earnest for a couple of

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months yet. I got a couple of jobs of paper

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hanging and decoratin' to finish up, and I can't start

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in sleuthing until I get my star anyway. And I

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don't get my star until I get one more lesson

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and learn it and send in the examination paper and

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five dollars extra for the diploma. Then I'm going at

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it as a regular business. It's a good business. Every

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day there's more crooks. Excuse me. I didn't mean to

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say that, That's all right, said mister Chritz. Kindly call

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a spade a spade. If I ain't a crook yet,

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I hope to be soon. I didn't know how you'd

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feel about it, explained mister Gubb. Tactfulness is strongly advised

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into the lessons of the Rising Sun Detecative Agency Correspondence

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School of Detecating. Slocum Ohio asked mister Critz quickly. You

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didn't see the ad in the Hearthstone and Farmside, did you, Yes,

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slocum Ohio, said mister Gubb. And that is the paper

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I saw the ad into a big money in detecating.

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Be a sleuth. We can make you the equal of

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Sherlock Holmes in twelve lessons. Why well, sir, said mister Critz.

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That's that's funny. That ad was right atop of the

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one I saw, and I studied quite considerable before I

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could make up my mind whether twould be best for

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me to be a detective and go out and get

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square with the fellers that sold me gold bricks and

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things by putting them in jail, or to even things

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up by sending for this book that was advertised right

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under the Rising Sun correspond school. How come I settled

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to do as I done was that I had a

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sort of stock to start with, with a first class

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gold brick and some green goods i'd bought. And this

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book only cost a quarter of a dollar, and she's

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a hummer for a quarter of a dollar a hummer.

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He pulled the paper covered book from his pocket and

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handed it to mister Gubb. The title of the book

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was The Complete con Man by the King of the Grafters,

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price twenty five cents. That there book, said mister Kritz, proudly,

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as if he himself had written. It tells everything a

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man needs to know to work every con game there is.

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Once I get it by hard, I won't be afraid

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to try any of them. Of Course, I got to

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start small. I can't hope to pull off a wire

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tapping game right at the start, because that has to

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have a gang. You don't know anybody you could recommend

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for a gang, do you not? Right off hand, said

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mister Gubb thoughtfully. If you wasn't going into the detective business,

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said mister Kritz, you'd be just a feller for me.

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You look sort of honest and not as if you

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was too bright, and that counts a lot even in

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this here, simple little shell game. I got to have

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a partner. I got to have a partner I can trust,

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so I can let him look like he was winning

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money off of me. You see, he explained, moving to

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the washstand. This shell game is easy enough when you

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know how. I put three shells down like this on

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a stand, and I put the little rubber pea on

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the stand, and then I take up the three shells

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like this, two in one hand and one in the other,

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and I wave him around over the p and maybe

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push the pe around a little, and I say, come on,

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come on, the hand is quicker than the eye. And

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all of a sudden, I put the shells down. And

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you think the P is under one of them like that.

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I don't think the P is under one of them,

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said mister Gubb. I've seen it roll onto the floor.

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It did roll onto the floor at that time, said

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mister Critz upontologetically. It most generally does for me. Yet

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I ain't got it down to perfection yet. This is

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the way it ought to work. Oh pshaw. There she

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goes on to the floor again, went under the bed

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that time. Here she is now the way she ought

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to work is there she goes again. You got to

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practice that game a lot before you try it on

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folks in public, mister Kritz, said mister Gubb. Seriously, don't

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I know that, said mister Kritz, rather impatiently, Same as

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you've got to practice snoop And mister Gubb, maybe you

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thought I didn't know you was snoopin after me wherever

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I went last night? Did you? Asked mister Gubb, with

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surprise plainly written on his face. I've seen you every

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moment from nine p m. Till eleven, said mister Kritz.

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I didn't like it neither. I I didn't think to

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annoy you, apologized mister Gubb. I was practicin lesson four.

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You wasn't supposed to know I was there at all. Well,

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I don't like it, said mister Kritz. Twas all right

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last night for I didn't have nothing importint on hand.

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But if i'd been workin up a con game, the

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feller I was after would have thought it mighty strange

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to see a man followin me everywhere like that. If

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you went about it quiet and obtrusive, I wouldn't mind.

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But if I'd had a customer on hand and he'd

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seen you, it would make him nervous. He'd think there

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was a a crazy man followin us. I I was

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just practicin, apologized mister Gubb. It won't be so bad

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when I get the hang of it. We all got

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to be beginners sometime, I guess, so, said mister Critz,

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rearranging the shells and the little rubber pea. Well, I

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put the pea down like this, and I dare you

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to bet which shell she's going to be under. And

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you don't bet, see, So I put the shells down

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and you're willing to bet you see me put the

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first shell over the pea like this, so you keep

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your eye on that shell, and I move the shells

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around like this. She's under the same shell, said mister Gubb. Well,

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yes she is, said mister Critz placidly. But she hadn't

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ought to be by rights, she ought to sort of

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ooze out from under whilst I'm moving the shells around,

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and i'd ought to catch her in between my fingers

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and hold her there so you don't see her. Then

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when you say which shell she's under, she ain't under

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any shell. She's between my fingers. So when you put

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down your money, i'd tell you to pick up that shell,

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and there ain't anything under it. And before you can

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pick up the other shells, I pick one up and

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let the pee fall on the stand like it had

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been under that shell all the time. That's the game,

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only up to now I ain't got the hang of it.

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She won't ooze out from under, and she won't stick

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between my fingers, and when she does stick, she won't

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drop at the right time. Except for that, you've got

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her all right, have you, asked mister Gubb. Except for that,

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said mister Kriz. And i'd have that only my fingers

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are stubby. What was it you've thought of having me

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do if I wasn't a detecative, asked mister Gubb. The

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work you'd have to do would be capping work, said

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mister Kritz Capper. That's the professional name for it, you'd

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guess which shell the ball was under. That would be

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easy the way you do it now, said mister Gubb.

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I told you I got to learn it better, didn't

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I asked mister Critz, impatiently. You'd be capper and you'd

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guess which shell the pea was under. No matter which

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you guessed, I'd leave it under that one, so you'd win,

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and you'd win ten dollars every time you bet, but

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not for keeps. That's why I've got to have an

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honest capper. I can see that, said mister Gubb. But

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what's the use in letting me win it? If I've

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got to bring it back? That starts the boob's betting,

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said mister Kritz. The boobs see how you look to

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be winnin, and they want to win too, but they

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don't when they bet I win. That ain't as square game,

230
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said mister Gubb. Seriously, is it? A crook ain't expected

231
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to be square, said mister Kritz. It stands to reason

232
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if a crook wants to be a crook, he's got

233
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to be crooked, ain't he. Yes, of course, said mister Gubb.

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I hadn't looked at it that way. As far as

235
00:13:18,559 --> 00:13:21,200
I can see, said mister Kritz. The more I know

236
00:13:21,279 --> 00:13:23,879
how a detective acts, the better off I'll be when

237
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I start in doing real business, Ain't that so? I

238
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guess till I get the hang of things better, I'll

239
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stay right here. I'm glad to hear you say so,

240
00:13:33,399 --> 00:13:37,039
mister Kritz, said mister Gubb with relief. I like you,

241
00:13:37,200 --> 00:13:39,679
and I like your looks, and there's no telling who

242
00:13:39,759 --> 00:13:42,559
I might get for a roommate next time. I might

243
00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:46,600
get someone that wasn't honest. So it was agreed, and

244
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mister Kritz stood over the washstand and manipulated the little

245
00:13:49,960 --> 00:13:53,080
rubber p in the three shells, while mister Gubb sat

246
00:13:53,080 --> 00:13:54,960
on the edge of the bed and studied less than

247
00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:59,600
eleven of the Rising Sun Detective Agency's Correspondence School of Detecting.

248
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When presently mister Kritz learned to work the little pea neatly,

249
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he urged mister Gubb to take the part of the capper,

250
00:14:07,159 --> 00:14:09,759
and each time mister Gubb won, he gave him a

251
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five dollar bill. Then mister Gubb posed as a boob

252
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and mister Critz won all the money back, again, beaming

253
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over his spectacle rims and chuckling again and again, until

254
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he burst into a fit of coughing that made him

255
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red in the face, and did not cease until he

256
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had taken a big drink of water out of the

257
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wash pitcher. Never had he seemed more like a kindly

258
00:14:32,159 --> 00:14:36,159
old gentleman from behind the candy counter of a small village.

259
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He hung over the washstand, manipulating the little rubber pea

260
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as if fascinated. Ain't it curious how a feller catches

261
00:14:43,799 --> 00:14:46,240
on to a thing like that all to once? He

262
00:14:46,320 --> 00:14:49,159
said after a while. If it hadn't been that I

263
00:14:49,320 --> 00:14:51,679
was so anxious, I might have fooled with that for

264
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weeks and weeks and not got anywhere with it. I

265
00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:57,759
do wish you could be my capper a while anyway,

266
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until I could get one. I need all my time

267
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to study, said mister Gubb. It ain't easy to learn

268
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de ticketing by mail. Pshah, now, said mister Kritz. I'm

269
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real sorry. Maybe if I was to pay you for

270
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your time in trouble, five dollars a night, I'll say.

271
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Mister Gubb consentered. Well, I dunno, he said slowly. I

272
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sort of hate to take money for doin a favor

273
00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:26,840
like that. Now, There ain't no need to feel that way,

274
00:15:26,879 --> 00:15:29,799
said mister Kritz. Your time's worth somethin to me. It's

275
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worth a lot to me to get the hang of

276
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this gold brick game. Once I get the hang of it,

277
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it won't be no trouble for me to sell gold

278
00:15:37,279 --> 00:15:39,679
bricks like this one for all the way from a

279
00:15:39,799 --> 00:15:43,679
thousand dollars up. I paid fifteen hundred for this one

280
00:15:43,720 --> 00:15:47,080
myself and got it cheap. That's a good profit for

281
00:15:47,159 --> 00:15:50,039
this brick ain't worth a cent over one hundred dollars.

282
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And I know for I took it to the bank

283
00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:54,399
after I bought it, and that's what they was willing

284
00:15:54,480 --> 00:15:57,320
to pay me for it. So it's easy with a

285
00:15:57,320 --> 00:16:00,000
few dollars for me to have help whilst I'm learning.

286
00:16:00,919 --> 00:16:03,360
I can easily afford to pay you a few dollars

287
00:16:03,399 --> 00:16:07,200
and to pay a friend of yours the same. Well, now,

288
00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:11,039
said mister Gubb. I don't know, but what I might

289
00:16:11,080 --> 00:16:13,759
as well make a little that way as any other

290
00:16:14,360 --> 00:16:18,000
I got a friend. He stopped short. You don't aim

291
00:16:18,080 --> 00:16:21,519
to sell the gold brick to him, do you. Mister

292
00:16:21,600 --> 00:16:26,159
Kritz's eyes opened wide behind their spectacles. Land's sake, No,

293
00:16:26,559 --> 00:16:30,600
he said. Well, I got a friend may be willing

294
00:16:30,679 --> 00:16:33,240
to help out, said mister Gubb. What do you have

295
00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:36,919
to do? You were him, said mister Kritz, would be

296
00:16:37,000 --> 00:16:40,039
the come on and pretend to buy the brick, and

297
00:16:40,159 --> 00:16:42,919
you were him, would pretend to help me to sell it.

298
00:16:43,559 --> 00:16:46,399
Maybe you better have the brick because you can look stupid,

299
00:16:46,440 --> 00:16:48,720
and the feller that's got the brick has got to

300
00:16:48,799 --> 00:16:53,759
look that. I can look anyway, almost, said mister Gubb,

301
00:16:53,799 --> 00:16:58,080
with pride. Do tell, said mister Kritz, And so it

302
00:16:58,240 --> 00:17:00,879
was arranged that the first rehearse of the gold brick

303
00:17:00,960 --> 00:17:04,319
game should take place the next evening. But as mister

304
00:17:04,400 --> 00:17:07,839
Gubb turned away, mister Kritz deftly slipped something into the

305
00:17:07,880 --> 00:17:12,240
student detective's coat pocket. It was toward noon the next

306
00:17:12,319 --> 00:17:15,599
day that mister Kritz, peering over his spectacles and avoiding

307
00:17:15,640 --> 00:17:18,640
as best he could the pails of paste, entered the

308
00:17:18,680 --> 00:17:21,720
parlor of the vacant house where mister Gubb was at work.

309
00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:26,960
I just come around, said mister Critz, rather reluctantly, to say,

310
00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:29,519
you better not say nothing to your friend. I guess

311
00:17:29,599 --> 00:17:34,160
that deals off pshaw. Now, said mister Gubb. You don't

312
00:17:34,200 --> 00:17:37,079
mean so I don't mean nothing in the way of

313
00:17:37,119 --> 00:17:41,160
aspersions you mind, said mister Kritz with reluctance. But I

314
00:17:41,200 --> 00:17:43,960
guess we'd better call it off. Of course, so far

315
00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:47,240
as I know you're all right, I don't know what

316
00:17:47,319 --> 00:17:49,759
you're getting at, said mister Gubb. Why why don't you

317
00:17:49,880 --> 00:17:55,240
say it? Well, I've been buncoed so often, said mister Kritz.

318
00:17:55,559 --> 00:17:58,039
Seems like anyone can get money from me anytime, in

319
00:17:58,279 --> 00:18:01,079
any way. And I got to thinking it over. I

320
00:18:01,200 --> 00:18:04,240
don't know anything about you, do I. And here I

321
00:18:04,279 --> 00:18:06,279
am going to give you a gold brick that cost

322
00:18:06,359 --> 00:18:08,640
me fifteen hundred dollars and let you go out and

323
00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:12,039
wait until I come for it with your friend. And well,

324
00:18:12,160 --> 00:18:14,559
what's to stop you from just going away with that

325
00:18:14,599 --> 00:18:18,519
brick and never coming back. Mister Gubb looked at mister

326
00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:22,839
Critz blankly. I've went and told my friend. He said,

327
00:18:23,039 --> 00:18:27,119
he's all ready to start in. I hate it to

328
00:18:27,240 --> 00:18:29,559
have to say it, said mister Kritz. But when I

329
00:18:29,640 --> 00:18:31,440
come to count over them bills I lent you to

330
00:18:31,519 --> 00:18:34,119
cap the shell game with. There was a five dollar

331
00:18:34,279 --> 00:18:39,359
one short, I know, said Gubb, turning red. And if

332
00:18:39,400 --> 00:18:41,720
you go over there to my coat you'll find it

333
00:18:41,759 --> 00:18:44,000
in my pocket all ready to hand back to you.

334
00:18:44,640 --> 00:18:46,720
I don't know how I come to keep it in

335
00:18:46,759 --> 00:18:49,720
my pocket. Must have missed it when I handed you

336
00:18:49,799 --> 00:18:53,599
back the rest. Well, I had a notion it was

337
00:18:53,640 --> 00:18:56,440
that way, said mister Critz. Kindly, you look like you

338
00:18:56,599 --> 00:18:59,839
was honest, mister Gubb, But a thousand dollar gold brick

339
00:19:00,079 --> 00:19:02,319
at any bank we'll pay one hundred dollars for. I

340
00:19:02,799 --> 00:19:05,519
got to get out of this way of trust in everybody.

341
00:19:06,559 --> 00:19:11,599
Mister Kritz was evidently distressed. If twas anybody else but you,

342
00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:14,720
he said, with an effort, I'd make him put up

343
00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:16,720
one hundred dollars to cover the cost of a brick

344
00:19:16,880 --> 00:19:19,960
like that whilst he had it there. I've said it,

345
00:19:20,279 --> 00:19:25,039
and I guess you're mad. I ain't mad, protested mister Gubb.

346
00:19:25,680 --> 00:19:28,799
Long as you're gonna pay me in pete and it's business,

347
00:19:28,880 --> 00:19:31,400
I ain't so set against putting up what the brick

348
00:19:31,519 --> 00:19:35,640
is worth. Mister Kritz heaved a deep sigh of relief.

349
00:19:36,640 --> 00:19:39,559
You don't know how good that makes me feel, he said.

350
00:19:39,960 --> 00:19:43,920
I was almost losing what faith in mankind I had left.

351
00:19:44,640 --> 00:19:48,000
Mister Gubb bade his frugal evening meals at the Pie

352
00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:51,920
Wagon on Willow Street, just off Maine, where by day

353
00:19:52,039 --> 00:19:56,079
pie Wagon Pete dispensed light viands, and Pie Wagon Pete

354
00:19:56,160 --> 00:19:59,880
was the friend he had invited to share mister Kritz's generosity.

355
00:20:00,839 --> 00:20:03,319
The seal of secrecy had been put on Pie Wagon

356
00:20:03,400 --> 00:20:06,480
Pete's lips before mister Gubb offered him the opportunity to

357
00:20:06,599 --> 00:20:09,880
accept or decline, And when mister Gubb stopped for his

358
00:20:10,079 --> 00:20:14,119
evening meal, pie Wagon Pete, now off duty, was waiting

359
00:20:14,160 --> 00:20:17,519
for him. The story of mister Critz and his amateur

360
00:20:17,599 --> 00:20:21,119
con business had amused Pie Wagon Pete. He could hardly

361
00:20:21,160 --> 00:20:25,319
believe such utter innocence existed. Perhaps he did not believe

362
00:20:25,359 --> 00:20:27,839
it existed, for he had come from the city, and

363
00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:31,319
he had had shady companions before he landed in Riverbank.

364
00:20:32,039 --> 00:20:34,599
He was a sharp eyed, red headed fellow with a

365
00:20:34,799 --> 00:20:38,079
hard fist and a scar across his face. And when

366
00:20:38,079 --> 00:20:41,119
mister Gubb had told him of mister Critz and his affairs,

367
00:20:41,160 --> 00:20:44,519
he had seen an opportunity to shear a country lamb.

368
00:20:45,079 --> 00:20:48,319
How goes it for to night Philo, he asked mister Gubb,

369
00:20:48,559 --> 00:20:51,000
taking the stool next to mister Gubb while the night

370
00:20:51,119 --> 00:20:55,240
man drew a cup of coffee. Quite well, said mister Gubb.

371
00:20:55,599 --> 00:20:59,200
Everything is arranged satisfactory. I'm to be on the old

372
00:20:59,200 --> 00:21:01,839
houseboat by the warf House on the levee at nine

373
00:21:01,880 --> 00:21:05,519
with it. He glanced at the nightman's back and lowered

374
00:21:05,519 --> 00:21:10,480
his voice. And mister Kritz will bring you there nine, eh,

375
00:21:10,799 --> 00:21:13,319
said pie Wagon. I meet him at your room, do I?

376
00:21:14,319 --> 00:21:17,720
You meet him at the Riverbank Hotel at eight forty five,

377
00:21:18,160 --> 00:21:21,640
said mister Gubb, like it was the real thing. I'm

378
00:21:21,640 --> 00:21:24,119
going over to my room now and give him the money.

379
00:21:25,160 --> 00:21:29,720
What money, asked pie Wagon. Pete quickly. Well, you see,

380
00:21:29,759 --> 00:21:32,480
said mister Gubb. He sort of hated to trust the

381
00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:36,400
trust it out of his hands without a deposit. It's

382
00:21:36,440 --> 00:21:38,920
the only one he has, so I thought i'd put

383
00:21:38,960 --> 00:21:43,640
up one hundred dollars. He's all right, Oh sure, said

384
00:21:43,680 --> 00:21:47,480
pie Wagon. A hundred dollars eh. He looked at mister Gubb,

385
00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:49,799
who was eating a piece of apple pie hand to

386
00:21:49,920 --> 00:21:53,839
mouth fashion, and studied him in a new light. One

387
00:21:53,920 --> 00:21:58,000
hundred dollars, eh, he repeated thoughtfully. You give him a

388
00:21:58,079 --> 00:22:01,079
hundred dollar deposit now, and he eats you at nine

389
00:22:01,160 --> 00:22:04,000
and me at eight forty five. And the train leaves

390
00:22:04,000 --> 00:22:07,359
for Chicago at eight forty three, half way between the

391
00:22:07,440 --> 00:22:11,680
houseboat and the hotel, Say Gubby, what does this old

392
00:22:11,680 --> 00:22:16,119
guy look like? Mister Gubb, albeit with a tongue unused

393
00:22:16,119 --> 00:22:19,759
to description, delineated mister Kritz as best he could, and

394
00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:24,799
as he proceeded, pie Wagon Pete became interested, pinkish, and

395
00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:28,319
bawled top of his head like a hard boiled egg.

396
00:22:29,119 --> 00:22:32,240
He ain't got a scar across his face, the dickens

397
00:22:32,279 --> 00:22:36,039
he has short and plump and a regular old nice

398
00:22:36,160 --> 00:22:41,039
grandpa blue eyes, say did he have a coffin spell

399
00:22:41,119 --> 00:22:44,559
and choke red in the face. Well, sir, for a

400
00:22:44,599 --> 00:22:49,759
brand new detective, you've done well. Listen, Jim, Gubby's got

401
00:22:49,759 --> 00:22:53,799
the hard boiled egg. The nightman almost dropped his cup

402
00:22:53,839 --> 00:22:58,200
of coffee. Go away, he said, old heart boiled himself,

403
00:22:59,079 --> 00:23:03,000
that's right, and caught him with the goods. Say listen, Gubby.

404
00:23:04,000 --> 00:23:07,440
For five minutes, pie Wagon Pete talked while mister Gubb

405
00:23:07,480 --> 00:23:12,839
sat with his mouth wide open, see said Pye Wagon Pete.

406
00:23:12,839 --> 00:23:15,799
At last, And don't you mention me at all. Don't

407
00:23:15,799 --> 00:23:19,440
mention no one, just say to the chief, And havn't

408
00:23:19,480 --> 00:23:22,200
trailed him? This far mister Whittaker, and arranged to have

409
00:23:22,359 --> 00:23:25,400
him took with the goods. It's up to you, see,

410
00:23:26,039 --> 00:23:28,200
and as soon as you say that, have him send

411
00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:30,799
a couple of bulls with you. And if they can

412
00:23:30,880 --> 00:23:33,440
do it, they'll nab old hard boiled, just as he

413
00:23:33,559 --> 00:23:37,079
takes your cash, and old Sleuth and Sherlock Holmes won't

414
00:23:37,119 --> 00:23:40,160
be in it with you when tomorrow mornin's papers come out.

415
00:23:40,480 --> 00:23:45,079
Get it, mister Gubb got it. When he entered his bedroom,

416
00:23:45,119 --> 00:23:48,240
mister Kritz was waiting for him. It was slightly after

417
00:23:48,279 --> 00:23:52,559
eight o'clock, perhaps eight fifteen. Mister Kritz had what appeared

418
00:23:52,599 --> 00:23:55,119
to be the gold brick neatly wrapped in newspaper, and

419
00:23:55,240 --> 00:23:58,640
he looked up with his kindly blue eyes. He had

420
00:23:58,640 --> 00:24:01,400
been reading the Complete con Man and had pushed his

421
00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:05,799
spectacles up on his forehead as mister Gubb entered. I'd

422
00:24:05,880 --> 00:24:08,599
done that brick up for you, he said, indicating it

423
00:24:08,640 --> 00:24:11,599
with his hand, so's it wouldn't glitter whilst you was

424
00:24:11,640 --> 00:24:14,720
goin through the street. If word got passed round there

425
00:24:14,799 --> 00:24:17,000
was a gold brick in town, folks might sort of

426
00:24:17,079 --> 00:24:20,960
get suspicious, like nice night for goin out, ain't it?

427
00:24:21,400 --> 00:24:24,480
Got a letter from my wife this afternoon, he chuckled.

428
00:24:25,000 --> 00:24:28,240
She says, she hopes I'm doin well. Sally'd have a

429
00:24:28,279 --> 00:24:31,440
fit if she knew what business I was goin into. Well.

430
00:24:31,880 --> 00:24:36,000
Time's getting along. I brung the money, said mister Gubb,

431
00:24:36,119 --> 00:24:40,000
drawing it from his pocket. Don't seem hardly necessary, does it,

432
00:24:40,359 --> 00:24:45,680
said mister Chritz mildly. But I suppose it's just as well, thank'e,

433
00:24:45,720 --> 00:24:49,079
mister Gubb. I'll just pile it into my coat. Mister

434
00:24:49,119 --> 00:24:51,640
Gubb had picked up the gold brick, and now he

435
00:24:51,759 --> 00:24:54,799
let it fall once more. The door flew open, but

436
00:24:54,960 --> 00:24:58,440
this time it opened for three stalwart policemen, whose revolvers

437
00:24:58,440 --> 00:25:02,400
pointed unwaveringly at missus. Mister Kritz, the plump little man,

438
00:25:02,480 --> 00:25:06,440
gave one glance and put up his hands. All right, boys,

439
00:25:06,759 --> 00:25:09,880
you've got me, he said, in quite another voice, and

440
00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:13,519
allowed them to seize his arms. He paid no attention

441
00:25:13,599 --> 00:25:16,279
to the police, but at mister Gubb, who was tearing

442
00:25:16,319 --> 00:25:18,720
the wrapper from what proved to be but a common

443
00:25:18,799 --> 00:25:24,160
vitrified paving brick. He looked long and hard, say, said

444
00:25:24,200 --> 00:25:27,680
mister Critz to mister Gubb, I'm the goat you've stung me.

445
00:25:27,759 --> 00:25:30,720
All right, you worked me to a finish. I thought

446
00:25:30,720 --> 00:25:33,119
I knew all of you from Burns down, but you're

447
00:25:33,160 --> 00:25:36,640
a new one to me. Who are you anyway? Mister

448
00:25:36,680 --> 00:25:41,519
Gubb looked up me, he said with pride. Why Why

449
00:25:41,559 --> 00:25:51,480
I'm Gubb. The foremost detecative of Riverbank, Iowa, and of

450
00:25:52,400 --> 00:25:56,279
the hard Boiled Egg by Ellis Parker Butler