Speaker 1: Hello, everyone, Welcome back to Vanity Farah. My name is
Chris Farah, and I am giving you what you may
have asked me for. I have listened to the people,
and the people have said, please please talk about Love
after lock Up. Now you might know that I have
talked about this show before, not just on the old
podcast Docky Sweeties, but I also used to talk about
it on YouTube as well. In fact, if you ever
want like old episodes recapped of nine to Day Fiance,
you can go to my YouTube and you'll see me
throughout the years talking about these dumbass shows. And I
look different, you know, year to year. So and having
said that I care. I want to make people happy,
toxic trait or not. I'm a people pleaser, and the
the other toxic trait is I somehow don't understand the
way love after lock up or love during lockup frames
their seasons. It's like trying to get me to understand math,
Like my brain breaks trying to figure it out. Having
said that we will be talking, we'll be starting at
and talking about Love after Lockup. This is season seven,
it's episode nine. It's big thropple energy, so it's that
one we're talking about these people. If you're on YouTube,
you'll see the people that we're talking about. However, if
you're listening to this podcast, please give me five stars
in a review. Its being like, you know, Chris, Okay,
here's this free thing helps you? Takes me two seconds.
Everyone's happy. At the same time. You can also give
me five dollars and you know, join a Patreon live
every now and then. That's also available to you patreon
dot com slash Chris Farrah put money on my Commissary books. Okay,
so I yeah, I'm into it. I'm into this season.
I've watched a couple of episodes so far just to
get my feet wet and then gonna start here and
go through. Now, they did a little tricky thing, which
is that they are doing a crossover in this episode
only this episode that kind of starts the season even
though it's episode nine, like what, I don't get it? Okay,
bye Pine, where we're going to be introduced to a
couple that is then going to also be on a
new show called This Is Polly, and I decided, you
know what, I like this as Polly and I'll be
talking about that too. So we are going to start
with this couple, and that is Trent and Nita. Now
surely it's not just Trent and Nita. It's in fact Trent,
Nita and Cammy. In fact, if it was any two
people and not one person, it would be Nita and Cammy.
And Trent knows that. Okay, let's get in yay, all right,
we pick up in beautiful Redding, California. Now Trent and
Cammy are married. It's his wife. They have like six kids.
One of their kids is named Zoe. She's there. They met.
They were high school sweethearts and soups Christian like soups
Christian high school sweethearts. They weren't like living in California
at first. They were in some other part of America,
and they were just you know, under the thumb of
that preacher, honey, and they were doing all the things
they were supposed to be doing, like pro creating and
you know, praying the two peas. What they weren't doing
is the third pee, which is polyamory. That's gonna come later.
See what I did there, I, you know, Polly being
part of a polycule. That's really interesting to me. I
like talking about sex and like the way people express themselves,
like you know, in their sexuality. So you know, it
is a very fun a topic for me, and so
I'm into this crossover. Plus these people are banana ramas.
Cammy looks to me like Rachel Dalzel's sister, and Trent
looks like that guy from Righteous Gemstones, like baby Baby boo,
a baby brother, you know that guy like. And then Nita,
I mean she looks different all the time, depending on
she has those sharp eyebrows on or not. But let's
get into it. So we pick up with Cammy and
Trent and they're you know, in their house, and the
house is very like black and white, like all of
the decore kind of looks like like yeah, like uh,
Trent Reznor's house in like the nineties, you know what
I'm saying. Like it's supposed to be kind of punk
rock but also kind of like or like rock and roll,
but also kind of glam, but like it's not really
either one of those. It's more like yeesh, it's not
mine to core surely. And you know, I will talk
about someone's in tear decor all the time. It's just yeah,
it's someone who chose something after the kids left. I
will give it to them maybe though making fun of them,
I do like that this couple doesn't give one fuck,
Like they have a whole story, right, and their whole
story is yeah, like they met obviously high school, were
with each other soups Christian, and then this really sad
thing happens where one of their children dies, like when
that person's in high school or something. And what had
happened was when that really tragic thing happened to their family,
their community of Christian believers didn't offer them any support
or any love. They were really weird with them, and
it caused them to rethink every choice they've made. Probably
also as well, have like a new understanding of the
fragility of life. I mean, they didn't say this, but
this is what I'm putting on them. That was sort
of like, you know what, fuck it. If someone's just
going to fucking die at fifteen, if we all have
like limited time on earth, then we're gonna do us.
We're going to be happy. And you know what, I
really think that that is like a beautiful sentiment. As
long as you don't hurt anyone, if you have secret
longings or if you have an adventurous spirit, if you
are holding back or waiting for the perfect time or
for everything to line up, or if you don't think
you're ready for something and you are waiting, you know,
for this to change and that to change. You just
never fucking know what the next moment's going to bring.
And this life is fleeting, and it's important to be
happy and to try new experiences. I'm really like sitting
into this, not this idea, but the next idea and
to talk to about in therapy, which is that I know,
personally I avoid unpleasurable feelings like discomfort or embarrassment or
awkwardness or weirdness. I avoid situations where I perceive that
that feeling could happen. And in avoiding those situations, I
have the propensity to avoid a lot of learning experiences
and or situations and experiences that might be really great.
And so just like I say to you what I'm saying,
it's really me saying it to myself, which is this,
you know, it's okay to feel discomfort, or it's okay
to feel weird or you know, unsure, unclear, because inevitably
you'll find out something about yourself, and the process of
feeling something is more important than just shutting yourself in
some tower or apartment for the rest of your life
because you feel uncomfortable, or just the possibility of it
therein lies. And so even though I don't technically want
this couple's like whole love experience, I do tip my
hat to them. Okay. So when they decided to do them,
Honey and their you know, their kids, you know, were
probably you know, in school and whatnot. They went to
nudist resorts and at a newdist resort they met Nita,
and Nita went right up to Cammy and was like,
I will fuck your husband, that ugly guy, Trent, just
to get to you. And Cammy was like okay, and
Trent was like okay. Nita and Trent and Cammy from
that moment on, Honey lived a life. You know. She
describes herself as gay, and Cammy describes herself as pan
and Trent describes himself as doesn't know where he fits
in this relationship, which is perfect. It's high haha. I'd
be like breadwinner. That's how you come in. You You
make these women money. They can live. Keep the champagne pouring, Honey, Trent,
your job is to keep the hot tub running. That's
what that's what you do. But you know, they throw
a bone every now and then. I love it. I
love I really do. I've been doing it. I've been
doing it. So basically, what had happened was Nita had,
you know, gone through some things, right, she talked, she
she's had I think like duys before. She also did
some sort of drug. We don't know exactly what kind
of drug. And what had happened was when they decided
to you know, pair up. At one point, they got
in a fight and this fight caused Needa to relapse
and she got into a car accident and that's when
you know, she had to be put away. But she's
getting released and they're like, you know, getting her. This
is how this season starts. And so before they get her, though,
Trent has decided that he doesn't want to be a
sugar daddy, even though you should be, and he decides
to buy her a ring, and the ring is like
a promise ring or that Nita is a beloved part
of the family and they want her to be with
them for life. Cammy surely does, and Trent wants Cammy
to be happy. So we pick up on them getting
ready for Nita to come home. Now, Zoe, their daughter,
Cammy and Trent's daughter, is one hundred percent on board.
She's probably never seen her parents happier. Also, she is
okay with this black and white interior design, which I'm
not obviously, so I'm having a lot of hard, hard times.
So they're gonna go pick her up. Now here's the
interesting thing. Zoe is with them when they go to
pick up Nita, like from the jail cell jail, and
when they drive home, Zoe's nowhere to be found. I
like the idea of Zoe being like, yeah, I'll hit
you right with mom and dad, and then I'm ubering
home because they're gonna fuck on the way home. You know,
Zoe knows her parents. So Nita comes out of the
prison door, you know what I'm saying, not the prison door,
you know, the door to the jail, like the whole building.
And when she sees Cammy, she runs in a Cami's arm,
she drops her brown bag and they hug for a
long time, and Trent's just sitting there like who drove
the car? You know? And then she gives Trent a
hug that probably lasted one fourth the amount of time
that she hugged Cammy and then she decides to just
pick up that brown bag and put it right in
the trash. Now we're like, good job, that makes sense.
But the next part I'm kind of like huh. And
the next part is on the steps of wherever this
building is, they can't even wait. They pull out champagne
and then Nita's like, pour me a glass. Now, not
a great look if you just are coming out for
a duy. Not a great look. Also, here's the thing. Usually,
if you have to be like sober from like a drug,
you usually like have to be what's the word sober?
Now I live in California, so this California sober lifestyle,
I think, to me, this is gonna sound so bad.
I understand someone who smokes weed and doesn't do any
other drugs, even though they told us that weed is
a great gateway drug. And the reason why is to me,
alcohol is much more of like an inhibitor, right, a
d inhibitor, That's what I want to say. Like, and
maybe drugs affect people differently, but when I'm drinking, I'll
do whatever, Like I turn into Katie from ninety Fiance.
You know, I'm just like I make bad decisions, you know,
like I don't. I can't. I definitely never drive. I know,
I don't. I know I can't. I me drunk is
a less in control me. Me stoned is like a
sleepy hungry but me drunk is like I'll flirt with anyone.
You know, I'll like do bad things, you know, like
I'll you know, I it's just easier for me to
control myself except around food when I'm smoking, But when
I'm drinking, it can't. I can't control anything. So I
guess that's why I understand. Like someone who you know
doesn't do any drugs but like smokesweden every now and then.
But I don't know if I've ever listened to someone
who's like, I don't do hard drugs anymore, but I'll
drink because it feels like if you drink, then like
getting yourself to a drug is like the drug you
actually want to do, Like it's a harder fight, right, Okay,
But she, I mean, she just pops open that champagne
on the steps, Honey, She's like so happy to drink
right away. We're like, that's not a good sign. It's
not a good sign for you to like not want
a shower first, Like you're gonna go home with these
people and there's gonna be like drink school. Ord, why
do you have to drink right now? Like in a
plastic glass? Okay, but that's what she does, you know,
she does what she does. Now. Nita has a lot
of self esteem. She calls herself a Ferrari. Now, I
don't want to say she's not a Ferrari. It's just
that she kind of like reads more fiat to me,
you know what I'm saying. It's a little bit more
like like a Dodge charger, you know, like that coming
like a Dodge charger. Yeah, she is just like where's
my drink? They She also says that she is caviare
or fine cheese or opera, in that she's not for
the masses, but for the chosen, elite, cultured few, which
also I beg, I beg to differ. She's kind of
more like fried shrimp and like American cheese and cellophane
and Midi files. It's really mean. I know what's mean.
Remember Midi files. That's a very old reference. Welcome to
my life, honey. I never liked American cheese. I won't
eat American. I won't eat the Alvida, but I did
eat pub cheese or cheese out of a can, So
I mean, don't think I'm Queen Elizabeth. You know me,
it's Taco Bell and Chanel. I'm high low. Okay. So
she gets changed outside of the car, also weird. Also weird.
Why don't just sit in the car and get changed.
Who hasn't taken off their pants in a car? For
lots of reasons? I find that. Yeah, I A, I've
already talked about my like desire to have car sex
and other like recaps. That's fine. But also b there
was a time when actors would drive around LA and
we would go to audition and you know, then go
to another audition before this like hellish land of self tapes,
where changing in a was what you did because you
were going from like commercial bright person to like hair
stylist in a TV show to like hooker on another one.
You know, God bless you know. I've played a hooker.
I've played a sex worker. There was a show called
Married and I got to play a sex worker and
it was one of the best moments of my life.
The range I have can you imagine by the way
if you're listening to this, I had a self tape
today and then I thought, sorry, they're not all that bad.
It was the first time I've ever auditioned for a
soap opera, and I was so thrilled. And I'll tell
you why. A Because my Grandma used to watch soap
operas all the time, and b because you know, I've
done so much comedy like improv and sketch and almost
everything I booked besides that sex worker, but it was
like a dark comedy, like you know, my resume is
like Primetime, which is, you know, great, but at the
same time, there's certain things of course I would love
to also do, like a streaming, you know, well written
serial comedy. But also I just never considered myself someone
that could audition for soap operas, mostly because when I
think of soap operas, I think of like, how do
I say this really beautiful people? And I think I'm hot,
like in a certain way, but not Hollywood hot, like,
not in a way where someone's going to be like,
there's that leading lady. Surely not. I'm what they call
a character actor. And so I got this audition and
from a very nice manager that's representing me new manager
I'm happy about. And literally the breakdown said leading lady,
and then it said Midwestern, and I was like, oh, yeah, no,
I can do that. And then I realized this character
as a mother of someone already on the show. So
immediately I'm like, Okay, well who's that person? Looked up
that person and it's like a very beautiful young actress,
and she does look like me. She does look like we.
She looks we have these same right now, specifically hair color,
which is so funny because you know, I just dyed
my hair darker, which is technically more my natural color,
but you know, I've been enjoying that blonde life for
like a hot ass sec And she has like dark
brown eyes like me. And here's a thing like, I
just feel like so many people on television and movies
have light eyes. Now, I like brown eyes, but just
the propensity of the amount of people you see with
like blue or green or gray or blue green gray
eyes is just all over the place. So when I
saw that this girl and I had the same coloring,
I was like, oh, oh my god. Also yeah, also,
the role was like reoccurring and or contract, which means
if I ever booked it. There's a chance that I
could be a contracted soap opera star. And if you
just like have listened to this podcast, you have to
know how crazy that is for me to think of
a soap opera star me with this timing. I mean,
Jesus and the vasileene lenses, the soft lighting they do,
I mean I realized, Oh I've been made, I've been
I would love to do this anyway I'm putting it
out there. Please say a prayer. Okay, Sosy's woesies, Let's
move on. She of course gets changed outside the car,
and then you know, Cammy is straight up like I'm
in love with her. I'm in love with her, like
I never considered myself someone who would dip in the
lady pond, but like who she is, her spirit, I'm
obsessed with her. And surely the sexual chm from Cammy
and Nita is jumping off this TV screen or this
computer whatever you're watching, like they are in two each other.
And I will say this like, I'm happy that they
made it work. Because if you can find someone who
you have like hot ass, palpable sexual keem with and
somehow you both can be in each other's lives for
like longer than a month or whatnot. That's such a feat,
Like that's awesome. I mean, I'm assuming that other things
are there, like communication boundaries all that stuff. Granted, they
did get into a fight, which of course cause needed
to relapse and then get in this dui. So I mean,
I don't want to like paint a perfect fairy tale picture,
but as I've already said, I don't have to because
this couple is on This is Polly, which is the
brand new show which I am going to watch and recap,
don't you worry? So they will, you know, see how
they make it work. Oh my god. So basically, after
she changed and then drank and then Zoe fucking bailed,
they drive home and they're all gonna now get ready
for hot tub action. They have a hot tub. They
have this sign if on a bit hot tub rules.
You know, I hate word art. Okay, relax, soak your
crazy away. I can't read all the things stress free zone,
no peing in the hot tub, and I was like,
no peing in the hot tub, how about jizzing. I
feel like that whole hot tub is full of jiz.
Swim Soup's optional after dark, after dark, I feel like
no one. I mean probably all the time that you're
in that hot tub, you're naked. I do like hot tubs.
You have to keep them like soups clean, though I
don't know how you do that. I mean chemicals, right,
I know that there's salt water pools. Are there salt
water hot tubs? Is there such a thing? God? I
love hot water. I don't want to just like have
to take baths for the rest of my life. I mean,
obviously I will take bass for the rest of my life,
but you know, you do waste water doing that. The
thought of like someday having my own home, or I
can just have a hot tub at my fucking disposal
at all times and it's clean. Oh the life. I'll
tell you the first thing I'm doing when I become
a soap opera contracted star. So as we're getting ready,
Trent decides to take his special pill. I don't want
any nitty with you, Trent, just take that pill tomorrow.
But Trent is first in the hot tub, so Nita's like, okay,
well let me give the old boy something. So she's
like on top of him, and Cammy waits like two
seconds then she kiss my hot tub. You can imagine
that need to just jumps off Trent and is just
like all over Cammy. Cammy. Also, isn't the name isn't
Cammy the name of like the Street Fighter character, the
blonde girl that had those long ass blonde braids that
was like kind of like Giles hot sister that was
also in the Army. You know, I'm talking about the
Nan Chun Lee, the white girl from Street Fighter. Anyway,
I'll tell you right now that I'm very excited to
see that Street Fighter movie that's coming out, like I
want to see it. Okay, it's just because you know,
I am, of course, like a Street Fighter generational person.
I had sec a genesis, and I could do the
Chunley like upside down kick, like the spinning, spinning thunderbird kick.
It's the helicopter kick, which was down up a a BBC.
I won't ever know math, but I will always remember
how to do that stupid ass move. So something's luck
in the old brain. Some things cannover find their way in. Okay, Chris, Okay,
let's move on. We're gonna move on to a central
also thropple. Now, this throppole for some reason isn't on.
This is Polly although they should be. Almost makes me
feel like they don't work out. Let's talk Daymond, Banita
and Goddess. Now, Goddess is also called Gigi. Daymond is
also called Moo Moo, and Banitas called Banita. Okay, this
is what you have to know. Demand and Banita have
had a long history. They have a child together. And Demon,
of course, is the one in prison possession of a
handgun two point five years and he met Goddess and
they have been talking. Okay, we're in Baltimore, Maryland, just
like Hairspray. Good morning Baltimore. Okay, just kidding. So we
pick up and Goddess. Last, Gigi is riding a horse
with her mom. Well, her mom is like a cowgirl,
like a very experty kind of horse person, uh where
she knows how to ride them and they love her
and she gives writing lessons. What looks like Gigi looks
like she hasn't spent that much time on a horse.
But she's there with her daughter Natise. And oh sorry,
her daughter is Zoe and her mom is Natise. And
I'm hoping I'm saying everything right, but you know, I
don't know if I wouldn't, I wouldn't take on any
of this to Vegas. But I love the fact that
her mom is good with horses. I always wish that
I could be good with horses. One of like my
side quests during COVID was to I think I told
the story already was to start like learning how to
ride a horse, and I took a bunch of horse
lessons that saw how you call them riding lessons, that's
what you say. I also was just like, oh, I
want to be like an equestrian. I want to be
able to wear all the equestrian clothes and like have
a reason to also like I don't know, I just
thought it was like a cultured sport. So I did
take writing lessons, and I very early, like I feel
like early on for a horse woman's career. I definitely
got thrown from a horse, and I don't know how
I lived to see the next day, Like I didn't
break anything whatever, God bless. The only reason why I
stopped riding horses was that, like, for a brief three
month period, I was seeing this guy who was a
lifeguard in Seal Beach, but he also had done like
ems work yeah, and he told me this crazy ass
story where like one time he had to respond to
a call from a woman who like got kicked in
the head from her like beloved horse, like she loved
this horse, and she's like old nay nay kicked me
in the head. And then he got there and she
like had said that. And then in the next five
minutes they watched this woman's like brain bleed out and
she just d d'd you know what I'm saying, not
like d not d e ed, but you know d
I ed, you know, God bless And when he told
me that I never gotten a horse again, that's what
it took. I got from from a horse. And I
was like, that's fine, get back on the horse. That's
what they always say. And then he was like, no, don't,
don't do it. And I was like, okay, I never like,
I feel like I saw him one other time after that,
but like this story like remains unprinted in my mind,
just like a a BBC down up. Okay. So Gig
is like I want a man just like uh Mumo,
which is funny that her mom likes horses and demon's
name is mum. Oh God bless who And this is
what he is. He is charming, charismatic and sexy. And
I'll be honest, that's true. True, that's true. There is
something charming, charismatic and sexy, also sinister about him. But
you know, in a kind of like men being men,
toxic kind of way. Now, I don't want to say toxic.
Masculinity is hot, but in this case, he's hot. Okay. So,
and he also has a way with words. He calls
her and is like, She's like, Mom, I'm just gonna
think up this for a second. And he's like, I
can't wait to see you. I can't wait to eat
that butt. And she's like, okay, no, I M yeah,
me too, you know, God bless. Also, Gigi's hot as hell.
Goddess is hot. She's wearing thigh high cowboy boots. Oh
God bless. Also, I'm like a little daft so cause
I was like a surprised that this was what I
was seeing in Maryland. I don't know why I don't
consider Maryland to be horse country. But what the fuck
do I know? I live in California, you know, and
I rode a horse here. No one thinks I you know,
California's horse country, even though California is a big est date,
but you know, you think of like Montana or Texas
or fill fill in the blank. So anyway, let's see
what's happening with Beanita. Banita is an entrepreneur and her
specialty is making fun risque waffles. Like if you're having
a boucherette party or someone just got divorced, or you
just want something fun, she'll make you Genitalia waffles. She's
making a whole batch right now of Penis waffles, and
when you first see them, it almost looks like their
chocolate chip peanut waffles. Wait, not peanut chocolate chip Penis waffles.
That's what it is. Like. She has molds and listen,
I'm into it. All her friends are doing it too.
It looks fun. They also look tasty because not only
is she making like, you know, a waffle, and those
are great, especially if you like cook them right, they're
not too burnt. God bless is that she also goes
the extra mile and inserts white frosting. Yeah, I went
into the shaft. You know what I'm saying. I feel
like you know what I'm saying. You know what's happening there?
And I thought it was a thoughtful gesture because you
would have like just a big ass, dry ass waffle,
but there's cream in the middle where you want there
to be cream. Yeah, all you need is just like
some hot, real one hundred percent maple syrup drizzled all
over that cock. Like not I mean the waffle. Obviously,
you wouldn't drizzle hot ass syrup on a real cock.
It would burn them. Unless you want to burn them,
don't do it. But that waffle, honey, chocolate chip waffle
with the cream and the Oh my god, that's a
Sunday brunch anyway. And yeah, all our friends are having
like a Kiki cuckoo time. And Benita's like, let me
tell you about my man demon. He's the father of
my child. And we are the same person, just different bodies.
In fact, we are twin flames. Now, you can't say
that those two words in my presence without me now
thinking of that twin Flames cult Shilah or whatever that was.
I'm talking about. God, if you haven't seen the documentary
Oh my God, where there's like a twin flame Colt
Honey and people that are like sad and lonely like
me are plucked online with the possibility that you can
have these two people or your specific coach, like an
MLM guide the way for you to find everlasting life
with a loved one. And I mean in that cult, honey,
they made people like change genders who didn't want to
change genders. Like they literally were like, well, here's the thing.
Your beloved is actually also already a Twin Flames member.
It's just that you're a lady and she's a lady.
Now nine or one of you has expressed a desire
to be in a lesbian relationship. Nor have either of
you ever desired or spoke of being transgender. But here's
the thing, you don't have to because we know better.
You're supposed to be a man. No your mask, so
go ahead, cut that hair, and if you want to
be forever in love, hook up with our girls Sam,
you know, and they did. That's just different. I think
that all cults have their own thing, like, you know,
Like I was really also like into that mother love
cult where that lady just died because she kept drinking
like colonial silver and she turned blue. You know that one.
There's a lot of good cult documentaries, by the way,
do you guys hear this is like what I just heard.
This says, don't worry, I'll go back to what we're
talking about. I mean Colt Schmaltz. But you know the
pasta queen on TikTok, like the Italian lady that like
cooks great pasta. I saw TikTok that said that she
was a scientologist. Don't come for me if you're a scientologist,
because you should be happy that you know I know
one of your members. But you, guys, I didn't realize
that I don't know I mean any because she never
talks about it. And also be because I have this
like weird, daft ignorance that I thought most scientologists were
like American or Australian, but I forget they have a
large real estate portfolio. And she has again an Italian accent.
Now maybe she's not even you know, from Italy. Maybe
she's American and she just does a good Italian accent
for no reason. I can do an Irish accent. I
never went to Ireland anyway. Okay. Can you imagine if
it became like an Irish influencer, like I'm just making
some soda bread, thank you so much for joining me.
You'd be like, oh sounds like Chris, I'd be like, no,
I've been making Irish soda bread since my parents came
over from the Motherland. You know, You're just like no, okay,
I'll stop anyway. As I said, Benita is like Demands
by Twin Flame were the same person. I love that man.
That man loves me best. What's happening now? Demon's like,
here's the thing. I got a plan, and the plan
is I'm going to be released on a Monday. And
the first lady I want to see, which makes me
feel like he likes her the most, or at least
he wants to fuck her first, which I feel like
means he likes her the most or whatnot is Gigi.
He's going to get released from prison. Gigi's going to
pick him up and then he's going to spend the
night with her, and then he's going to go back
to where he was released and he's going to tell
Benita that he is getting released on Tuesday, so that
Benita goes and picks him up and is like hi,
and he's like, Hi, God, I need a shower. Ha ha.
Been in this prison for two point five years. You know,
Like that is his plan, and he's like, I can
do it. I know how to run life. I can
get these two women on, you know, both sides of
the truth, and I can work us out. Now we
know prop not. Also, you're on a reality show, so
of course at some point these women are gonna know
that you are fucking with them. So okay. So he's
talking to Benita and he's like, yeah, baby, yeah, you know,
I'm coming out Tuesday, and she's like, okay, Tuesday. Tuesday.
She's like inscreating the cream into those penises, and then
he's like, yep, I can't wait, so Monday afternoon and
she's like what and he's like no, I mean no,
I'm sorry. I said Tuesday. And she has a whole
last moment with her friend where her eyebrow goes all
the way up, just like that cream into that shaft
of that waffle. You know. She's like bink, you know.
And she's like, oh, you know, he must be tired
from all that jailing, you know. So she's like okay,
he's okay, and he's like yep. She's a little bit
suspect because he doesn't cover it very well. But at
the same time, she's also had a dream and the
dream was that she dreamt that he cheated on her
and he she says it's with a girl five shades
darker like than her. Now, I'm I'm bad with colors.
I can't. I'm not like, I'm not a black woman,
so and I also am bad with colors, and I
also have like, no, there's no part of me that
wants to be like, yes that's true or no that's
not true. I actually don't know. I can't. You know,
it's whatever, So if you are, I can't. Yeah, this
is dumb. Fine, I can't quite tell unless Banita and
Gigi are in the same frame, who is darker. And
I'm only saying that to be like, I don't know
if it's true or not. I'm assuming that's not true.
Like I don't think that Gig is five shades darker
than Benita, but what if she is? And I just
sound ignorant. I mean, I'm not you know, what's a
shade like a shade of a makeup, because like there's
make you know, there's fourteen different beages if you like
get Essay Lauder makeup. So truly, I don't want to
hunt ignorant because you know, if there maybe there's five
different shade variances in fenty between the two ladies. I
can't tell you, Okay, I'm really bad at it. I
almost always buy like the wrong foundation for me, and
then I just like sulk about it and just hope
that I'll get to that color at some point. Okay,
So that is the end of them. Okay, Let's move
on to Brady and Kirstin. Now. He's thirty, she's twenty seven.
She's a bartender, also a mom. He trafficked meth and
had possession of a pistol. He's in prison for five years.
He also has twins. They're in West Plains, Monitana or Missouri.
I think it's Montana. Okay. So Kirsten obviously is not
the one in prison. So we open on her and
she's like, this is a small ass town. Everybody knows
everybody in this town. One thing you should know about
me is I like a man that's rough around the edges.
We know, girl, you're on the show. I mean, no
one's like I like New York finance guys on this show,
you know, unless they're white collar. I would Oh my god, wait,
has there ever been anyone on Love After lock Up
that's been with like a white collar crime dude, like
someone who fucking like a Bernie made off like PONSI
scheme guy, Like I know chance seems like he would
do that kind of thing, but like I would love
there to be someone like that. Okay. So she also
says that she's been with addicts before, and we can
kind of tell Kirsten also looks like she's, you know,
tired a lot. She has like one eye that's a
little bit like always a little like closed, and the
other eye is more open. You know what I'm saying,
do with that what you will? Now we meet her
ex right away and her ex is wearing like American
flag overalls. Now we're taken aback by that, but even
Kirsten's like, that's fucking dumb. She was with her ex
for a long time, they had kids. When we go
to his confessional, he's like, I would never ever ever
get back together with her. We are never ever ever
getting back together. And she's also like, nope, won't touch
them with a ten foot pull, Absolutely not. But they've
been cold parenting for a hot ass minute and they
have you know, like that jam down, which makes me
happy for their kids. Brady She's like, I'm gonna tell
You're gonna tell you that I'm picking up Brady. And
he knows Brady, and he also was with like a
toxic X, so he can't talk. But then she tells
us the story of how she met Brady. She was
with this ex, she was pregnant and was the neighbor
of Brady, who she describes as living in a trap house,
and one time it was like they were being too
loud or and or no, it was like something like
either being too loud or there was equipment missing from
her ex's truck. So that pregnant ass lady just marked
down to Brady's fucking house and was like knock, knock, knock, huge,
and was like, give me back my stuff. But when
she saw Brady, she was like, you hot meth maker,
you know, God bless. So what happened was he gets
locked up for like five years, and she slides into
his DM's honey, and then they were talking and he
obviously knew her, you know, and they're in this small town,
so God bless. And she likes attics and men that
are rougher on the edge. She thinks he's hot and
also Kirsten's kind of hot. You know, I'm saying like
they're hot anyway, So in fact, there's a lot of
people that are hot on this season. Okay, So he
proposes and they get married by proxy, and she's so
she's so happy to bring Brady home to her kids.
So anyways, then she goes to meet up her friends
at a bar, but she like has to walk there.
She's upset by that, and she looks hot. She's wearing
a leopard body suit and leather pants. It's not fun
to walk in leather pants in heels for a long
ass time. You know, it's like chafings, like you could
hear like the squeakiness of the pants. Oh my god,
so hot. Anyway, when she meet ups her friends at
the bar, we realize how fucking small this town is
because one of the friends is Cory or Core but
I'm gonna say Corey spelled k O r E, so
Core with a K, and Core is Brady's baby mama.
They have twins. So she's meeting up with her best
girly who just happens to be his ex. That's a
fucking small ass town. Maybe also small town of hot people,
you know, like the hot part of the small town. Okay,
hot is a relative, but you don't eat me. So. Also,
Kisen says things like there's lots of toxic people and
opinions in this town. And she kind of like purses
her lips a lot. I it feels like someone who
you know either got lip filler or can't or wants
to get lip filler. Like she moved, she holds her
lips in a way that is sort of like putting
them on display. I don't mind it, but I noticed it. Also,
there was a period of time of like YouTube where
I did the same thing. I would like I would
just like pose and just be like I wish I didn't.
But I'm being honest with you now, Corey's like, just
you know, Brady, he's a fucking deadbeat dad who never
contacts the kids, like he never wants to talk to them.
And Kirsten says, well, he won't be a deadbat dad
with me. I won't allow it. And we're like, why
do people think that people are gonna change? Now? He's like,
I couldn't really talk to my daughter as I was
embarrassed in prison. Maybe if he's around, like, you know,
Kirsten's kids, and on the fact that Kirsten friends of
the Cory, like, maybe they'll all hang out and they'll
actually be a beautiful end of this situation. I don't know,
you tell me. Okay, moving along and having fun, So
let's talk about Carrington and Zay. Carrington is also really
cute and look at Zay. I mean, people are hot
this episode. I mean the season or whatever season are
red goblass. These people are hot. Okay, Carrington is gorgeous,
all of her sisters are gorgeous, and Zay's hot. And
then today's also big Oh my god. They're in Little Rock, Arkansas.
There's a Carol Channing song called I'm Yes Still Little
Girl from Little Rock. I hopefully there's like one or
two Broadway theatery kids that like know that song that's
listening to this podcast, or there's enough people that is
interested in that fun fucking fact. But it's just like,
you know, her crazy ass voice doing that song, and
it's like verse after verse of her talking about making
her way from Little Rock, Arkansas. Okay, Carrington's having all
her sisters over and it seems like the theme was
like where a colorful moomoo and so they're all wearing
like kind of cute MoU moves, except for one sister
who's just wearing like an old lady house dress that
you'd buy in one of those like Senior Living catalogs.
You know what I'm saying, It's not as cute. Now.
Carrington is like, look, I'm in school for pre healthcare
med I didn't quite knew what. I don't know what
that means. I don't really know what that means. Are
you going to be a doctor, You're gonna be a nurse?
Are you getting a BA and be? I don't know
what's it called. No, I guess like a BS in
like medicine. I don't pre healthcare. I know there's such
thing as pre law. Anyway, that's fine. So her sisters
are all named K words too. So she's Carrington, there's Caitlin, Carly,
and Kennedy. So she's like, guess what, we're the all
black Sorry, we're all we're the black sister Sorry I'm talking.
We're all sisters, the black Kardashians. That's what I wanted
to say. Well, first of all, I'll give it to her.
They all are K names. But I can't wait for
a time in which women aren't like talking about themselves
in relationship to those sisters. I just like, I can't
believe how wildly influential they were. And I guess are
like how many girls look like them, got the fake
asses like them, like contoured like them or whatever, like
how many women wanted to be them, like Emma from
Nannae Fiance or even like McKenzie Shrilla. Like there's just
so many girls that were like, I'm Kim, I'm Kylie,
you know whatever, God bless, I'm Rob. Just kidding, Okay.
So Mike, her stepfather, is cooking, and he's like trying
to teach her how to cook and she's like, hmm
now I don't know how to do it. We're like,
well he's teaching you right now, you know. She's like, no,
Now what happened? Was her brother is in prison? I'm like,
is he also a kay name? Anyway? God bless Rob,
he's in prison, And so one time she was on
FaceTime with him and then he was like yeah, sis
like look around, like, you know, God bless, it's a
real ass face time in prison and there's all those
people there, and there were guys being like hey, Carrington hey, Carrington,
and then like she looked and there was one just
like she called him, like big tall guides in the back,
just being like what's up? And she was like who's that?
And that was a and she's like, Hi, how you
do it? You know? Remember Whinney Williams. How you doing it? Okay?
So now Zay's real name is Xavier, so you know
how those exes turn in disease and he's been in
prison for seven years. She's like, he's edible. You know,
it's not edible anything I cook, but that doesn't keep
me from scouring the internet for homemade looking plates and
then just sending it to him, being like, babe, look
what I just cooked. It's fried chicken and macaroni and
cheese baked the good way, you know, and he's like mmm. Meanwhile,
she's like eating a line cuisine. That's always funny too,
because then it's like, well, what's gonna happen when he
gets out and he's like where's all that food? Like,
can't wait for you to make me a home cooked dinner?
And she's like, can't wait for you to take me
out poor spaghetti? You know. Now she is also like,
we don't talk on the phone. Sorry, we don't FaceTime.
We don't see each other that way. Like even though
I saw him that one time, that's really it. Most
of the time, we just talk on the phone and
write letters back and forth letters, And she's like, but
I gotta tell my family something. His parole was approved,
and all her sisters are like, oh, good, good girl,
and they also know that she's been through it. What
had happened was she was previously engaged to this guy
that she was like absolutely in love with and they
had a child together, so it's like her baby daddy, Okay,
but he just called it off, and I mean she
loved him so much. She was like crying so much,
and then she finds out that he got married. This
is where they say like overseas to a woman overseas,
which is like, what how did that happen? Was he
travel and met someone? Did he like n d fiance
it up and like he's gonna bring Is this like
a crossover where they're gonna be a nunea day fiance
or they're like, what happened? I'm sure that was really
fucking devastated to have a child with someone and then
be engaged and then have them call it off and
you're in love with that person, and then they suddenly
are just like, I'm getting married to this person, not
not even in this country, Like you, my heart hurt
for her, also her sister. Her sister's heart's hurt for her,
and that's kind of like why they feel like she's
in this relationship. They're kind of like, yeah, she's been hurting.
There's been a hole there, so now this part's a
little dumb. She's like, and you, guys, I am I
have a secret I've been keeping from him. Now we're
all like, oh my god, like what could it be?
And the secret is that she's just like on dating apps,
like she's on Hinge, She's explored other connections. They do
this a lot where like we're supposed to like feel
like it's a whole ass secret that one person's like
been talking to other people. But to me, it's not
like you never see this person. You can think you're
in a relationship with this person, but I don't understand
the like I don't know what to do. I have
this secret. It's like, then keep the secret. I know
what you do. You just keep that secret. They're never
gonna know they'll never know. Like, if you feel so
badly when they get out of prison, you can delete
hinge and no one's gonna ever know that you like
matched a couple of times with someone or went on
a date. So then Carrington decides to call Zay's sister, Carly.
Now Carly is also beyond beautiful, like Carly's gist, I mean, like,
I just can't even like Carly came on. I was like, Jesus,
that woman can be a model. She kind of gives
a little bit of like Lauren Hill back in the day,
Like she has like short braids, her face is fucking perfect.
I mean, my god, that woman's so pretty. So Carly
picks up the phone and honey, Carly could I couldn't
care less about Carrington. There's a lot of C words.
She's uninterested, and so she's like, oh, okay, yeah, yeah,
I heard these getting out okay, and then oh, this
is what happened. So Zay can't technically call Carrington because
Carrington can't be on the list to call Za because
Carrington's already like on the list for her brother or
something like that. And so the way that Zay and
Carrington talk is that Carly has to call her brother
and then three way call like the nineties Carrington. Now
this is hilarious because Carrington, for some reason doesn't understand
how this works. I feel like this part's fakee where
I don't know if she just thinks that someone just
like connects the three way call, then they can hang up.
But that's not what Carly does because Carly hates Carrington.
So what happened was she just puts herself on mute
and then puts the entire call on speaker and lets
all her sisters listen to this bullshit. And they listen
and Kara Can's like, yeah, I got your name tatted
on me, and the sisters are like, oh girl, no,
and then Karen Kin's like yeah, you know to say,
She's like, I don't know if Carly likes me, and
Zay knows that they're listening because he knows his sisters.
He's like, well, sh and she's like, well, can they
even hear me? And the sisters are like yes, bitch, yeah,
bitch yes. So then they hang up with her, and
then we realize that Zay has a long time love
who he knows in real life. McKenna and McKenna is
like best friends with his sisters. So McKenna comes over
and is like, my man's coming home. We're like, yeah,
he is. You know, God bless because I'll give a
fuck about Carrington. Okay, let's move on to Rich and Felicia. Okay,
Rich and Felicia. Okay, honey, Rich thirty five, Felicia twenty six.
He is a real estate investor and she was, you know,
in prison for nine years for armed robbery. All right,
So we pick up and Richard's in Houston and he's
driving six to seven hours to Louisiana, and he says
that he was led to a pen pal site through
a dream. Rich Rich Rich go to a pen pal
side side side and find a hot piece that's in
prison and hook up with her. Like he was like, yes, grandma,
you know, God bless. I don't know why was his
grandmother came to him a dream, but like that was
just a wet dream you had about like fucking someone
in prison. And they were like, yeah, it came to
me in a dream. You came because of that dream, buddy,
that's what happened. Those sheets were wet when you woke up.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, put lock me up for that, okay,
And then I hope someone finds me on a pen
pell site. So and she's like, and I'm looking for
sugar daddies, which is why they're on there. There's something
about like men that find women on prison pell sites
where like you know, there's like, well they're there and
they're lonely, and you know they can't ask for much,
and you know they don't have a lot of options
because you know, God bless prison, and so I'll be
perfect there. And then they're like, well, I need money
because commissary and maybe those maybe those guys are like, well,
you know what, I'll put fifty bucks on her books
for a whole month, and that's cheaper than me dating
a woman in real life, where I would have to
take them out to dinner, like you know, at least
once a week. That's fifty dollars a week. So this
is cheaper. And hopefully they won't ever come out of
prison and I'll have to up that money. I mean,
I don't not quite sure. You know, it's always it's
interesting psychological thing. So they've been talking for six years,
it's long long time. He's anxious about it. He says
his family is laid back, unlike her family because they're Sicilian,
so they're crazy, They're loud, they're crazy, That's what he says.
Now he is going to drive to Louisiana and then
meet up, but looks like at a Marriotte with all
of her family, spend the night, and then go and
pick her up the next morning. So he gets to
meet all them in real life, you know. But they
know of him because they've been talking for six years,
so you know, she laid the groundwork. He meets her
brother Erl r Rol Earle Earl er it's not Earl Earl.
I don't know. Is that Italian role? Okay, I don't know.
And his girlfriend Porsche Porsche like the car, and I'll
tell you right now, Porsche has a lot to say.
Earl not so much. I like, as hard as it
is for me to say his name is as hard
as it is for him to say other words. Now,
Porsche is like, Porscha is like, well, we really want
to make sure that you're good for our girl, or
like you're girl, you're the girlfriend. And she first sees
Rich and she's like, you're mind me a luda. His
face doesn't, but his clothes kind of do, like you know,
this glasses kind of do, like his style kind of does,
but also like his style isn't because you know how
sometimes Luda looks scholarly. There's moments where Luda looks like,
you know, like full rapper esque, you know, with change
and change I'm sorry, chains and stuff. But Luda also
had this like scholarly aesthetic, So maybe was that one.
You know, I'm talking about real hip hop heads. No,
I'm a rapper, Okay. So they also meet other parts
of her family, including her aunt Stephanie, who has Banana
Rama's hair, crazy ass hair, and Stephanie's daughter, Haley, So
this is Felicia's cousin. Now. Hailey and her grew up
together and Hailey was also in prison, so she knows
what it's like and how hard it is and she
like cries thinking about it. And I knew that, Haley,
I've been in prison. Her family reads people that have
had trouble the law. You know what I'm saying? Yeah,
I mean you know I do You do know what
I'm saying. They're like, hey, you know, where are you from?
He's like, well, I'm from Cali. But now he lives
in Houston, and they like, what do you do? He says,
real estate. They're like to ching to Chang. You know,
they're real nice to him, and they think that he's
really nice but almost too nice. Are like Felicia's gonna
eat him up. So that night he goes to bed
wearing boxers with Felicia's face on them. I feel like
there's got to be some sort of because you know,
this is the same people that do nannade Fiance, the
Sharp entertainment people. They got to be like, hey, if
we send you boxers with your like lover on them,
will you wear them? Or shirt? Like there's so many
times in which people get shirts and boxers and underwear
and not with the people's name on them or faces.
I almost feel like the producers have like a check
like a little box on the contracts, and if you
check that box, they'll like provide that for you or
I guess people really do this kind of shit all
the time. It's always funny to me, like someone's just
made someone like went through the trouble of designing boxers
and picked a picture, uploaded the jpeg and was like,
send this to me. Three weeks from now, I'm a
size medium. You know. Also, you know why it's interesting
to me, You're like Chris, I'm talking about it. It's
because you can almost guarantee that the fabric they're making
that from is itchy, Like they're not gonna make that
on great fabric. I can't imagine as cod and it's
like a polyester blend. It's like itchy. It's so close
to like, you know, your sensitive parts. But you know
al Rich does is have those wet dreams. He's gonna
splatter those fucking boxers from the inside out. I'm sorry,
am I Okay? So next day it's release day, he's
hardly slept. The whole family meets the lobby, including he
has a friend named DJ, and he's like, yeah, DJ's
is coming with me for comfort. I found that interesting
is because he's nervous, because like, yeah, he wants a
buffer or he just wants like a friend on his side.
So it's not all the Sicilians because DJ looks like
he's not going to do anything for you except like
roll a blunt, you know. Saying now, Felicia Tunny has
been in prison for a long time and she's the
youngest girl so she's like, this is my first adult relationship,
and we know and you know, also her first time
with a man in a long time, and we're like,
we get that too, we understand how time works, you know.
So she says that she is going to try to
be in one, which is never a good sign. Also, though,
something that happens on the show is that people don't
consider their mate enough to understand, Like he doesn't consider
the fact that she's really young and have been in
prison for so long and has never been an adult
relationship and has only been with women, you know, and
that inevitably coming out of prison is like a shock
to the nervous system where you have like a lot
of sensory things that happen, and then you have like
a needy person on your side being like do you
like me? Why don't you like me? Kwei fuck or whatever,
and you're just like, I need to breathe and walk
around on this earth for like three months, just so
I can acculimate myself to reality. Like that's what has
to happen. Just rarely does that fucking happen, right, that happens.
I mean this like situation happens on the show. So much,
and it's really sad. Uh. I always feel like it's
sad to watch because it's so easy to see that, like,
you can't be in a relationship. You have to get
your body and mind together to understand you are walking
around as a free person, and that smells and sights
and sounds and people and people's conversations are going to
be drastically different than what you've experienced and it's going
to take a toll on you you're not expecting. Okay,
So Stephanie, her aunt and her cousin Haley are like,
she's gonna hurt Rich. I mean, we're not fucking scientists
and we're not psychologists, but we can tell you right
now that it's like not gonna be you know, really
good for him, you know, like maybe because they think
that he's a nice guy, even though he's like thirty six,
so you feel like he would already know better, but
he doesn't. And they're like, and she is gonna, you know,
eat him up, honey, spit him out, eat him up,
spin him out, eat him up, spit him out, which
we know too, you know, like and she kind of
knows too. It's so interesting. I don't think she wants to,
but like he gives, like I don't want to just
keep using the word beta. It's like he gives a
little something. By the way. I hate to be the
bearer of bad news, but og couple Marcellino and Brittany
have officially filed for divorce, so sometimes love isn't real anyway.
So then they pull up to the prison they're gonna
wait for Felicia, and this whole time we're kind of
like or lista. I'm kind of like, I wonder where
her parents are because Stephanie's her aunt, so like, where
are her parents? And she describes her parents as being
like super Christian and super conservative. But but they surprise
the rest of their family by coming. So her parents
pull up. Her dad is wearing really interesting gold glasses
or like clear lenses and these almost made from like
gold dipped twigs as the sides of the glasses, and
her mother looks a little bit like Elizabeth Berkeley if
Elizabeth Berkeley dabbled in some meth. These this couple does
not look super conservative. I don't know if maybe did
they turn conservative after a life, because both of them
also look like they've lived a life, you know, like
I'm assuming that her mother is the one that sisters
to Stephanie, or is the father's sisters to Stephanie. I'm
not quite sure. But this family looks like you know,
how do I say this, Well, they don't look old money.
I don't know if this family has like belonged to
many country clubs. I'm you know, I'm they look decidedly something. Okay,
So they the cup the family meets rich and they're like,
one thing about our girl Felicia's that she's rare, she's
a diamond in the rough, and she's beautiful. A real
special soul will be with her, and you know, he
doesn't have to get talked into what he's already into it. Also,
you haven't, you know, spend time with your daughter in
like nine years, So I mean, I get it, like,
you know, you're proud, proud parents. And I like the
fact that they are not like condemning her, and I'm
glad that they're showing up for her when she comes
out of prison. But it is a little funny to
be like, what a rare find you're so lucky. Mean,
I'm you know, I'm not saying anyone that it's been
in prison isn't a rare fine and a gem. It's
just like the sequence of events and like in this
very moment as she comes out, is just this The
actual situation in this day and time is a little
lol for me. All Right, my loves, can you believe?
First episode done? Many more to come. I don't know what.
I don't know why I'm starting at season seven, episode nine.
I can't tell you this is what's happening. So but
I'm into these couples and I'm also into this is Polly,
and I can't wait to talk about both shows for
a long time, and we're gonna do all the things
we usually do, which is at this moment I say, hey,
thank you so much for listening, and have you considered
giving me a hopeful review on my podcast? You absolutely
can by going to wherever you listen to podcasts, giving
me five stars and typing words like you're so hot
or you're so pretty, or what a fun reference you
made or great tits or whatever you want to say,
your favorite joke or one dumb thing I said that
you lol dot just a little chortal in your mind.
You can do other things, though, as well. You can
join my Patreon for only five dollars. It's Patreon dot
com SA. You also can follow me on social media's
I am at Chris Selfara on TikTok on Instagram. I
also have a substack and I'm on Facebook. You can
like my page Chris Farah and I have a private
group Vanity Era. And you have to answer like whatever
bullshit questions you know, and just be like Chris, I
like you listen your podcast and I'll let you in.
Those are all of your options, and I certainly appreciate
you taking some time to listen to me talk too fast.
I know I do. I'm medicated, so this is me medicated.
Can you imagine if I wasn't. Let's breathe you, guys.
Let's have a moment. Let's touch our hearts, feed on
the ground. Because bringing ourselves to the present moment and
knowing where we are in space and time, and allowing
our bodies and our nervous systems to have a moment
of respite without having our mind jump from thought to
thought or worrying about the future or fretting about the past,
is the work that we can do so that we
can move through our lives. Grounded, tethered people to a
certain like security and strength. And what I'm saying in
this microphone is what I need to tell myself all
of the time. Okay, so this is why I do.
I do it for me, but I also do it
because a I like to think that if you're listening
to this, there's maybe someone else in the world listening
to it at the same time. And then two people
are breathing together, which feels so nice, like two people
taking a moment to bring themselves into the present and
connecting through breath. There is something somewhat spiritual about this
because if you believe in God, great, so do I.
But if you also believe in like a universal divine
energy that connects us all, then I think this is
a great way of connecting to that. There's other ways too,
like sex, but also like you know, being a nature.
If you're having sex, great, if you're having sex and nature,
even better if you're breathing listening to me having sex
and nature. I mean, what a goddess you are? All right,
my babes, two breaths ready, Okay, thank you, take care
of yourselves and one another. Stand up for what you
believe and make art. I'll talk to you later Bye,