WEBVTT 1 00:00:05.000 --> 00:00:05.599 I'm Ali. 2 00:00:05.879 --> 00:00:08.320 I came out after twenty years of marriage and I 3 00:00:08.320 --> 00:00:09.160 have three kids. 4 00:00:09.960 --> 00:00:12.359 I'm Melissa and I have two kids, and I came 5 00:00:12.400 --> 00:00:14.919 out at thirty seven after an eleven year marriage. 6 00:00:15.400 --> 00:00:19.239 This podcast is about coming out later and the struggles 7 00:00:19.320 --> 00:00:20.719 and victories that come with it. 8 00:00:21.160 --> 00:00:22.920 When coming out feels like the end of the world, 9 00:00:23.320 --> 00:00:24.920 but it's really just the beginning. 10 00:00:25.640 --> 00:00:36.560 This is the Lesbian Chronicles. 11 00:00:38.240 --> 00:00:39.240 Do I need to grab the dog? 12 00:00:39.799 --> 00:00:41.679 Welcome to the Lesbian Chronicles. 13 00:00:42.000 --> 00:00:45.280 I love having like a tiny little something that everyone 14 00:00:45.359 --> 00:00:46.439 hears before the show. 15 00:00:46.479 --> 00:00:47.520 Do you want me to grab the dog? 16 00:00:48.359 --> 00:00:50.039 But there's always something happening. 17 00:00:50.200 --> 00:00:52.200 I know you've got a lot of balls in the 18 00:00:52.240 --> 00:00:52.840 air right now. 19 00:00:53.240 --> 00:00:56.359 I do I know not fun. 20 00:00:57.079 --> 00:00:59.000 I think you're killing it. You look like you're killing 21 00:00:59.039 --> 00:01:01.039 it all right, Well. 22 00:01:01.240 --> 00:01:03.280 So how's it going good? 23 00:01:03.439 --> 00:01:06.239 Give us a little tidbit on You're gonna be the 24 00:01:06.319 --> 00:01:09.480 DJ at the Urban Pie patio takeover. 25 00:01:10.359 --> 00:01:13.519 Yeah, so they're doing like a Pride party patio takeover 26 00:01:13.560 --> 00:01:17.200 at Urban Pie June twentieth, and I will be the DJ. 27 00:01:17.439 --> 00:01:20.640 Yes, this is my second time djang. 28 00:01:21.120 --> 00:01:22.120 It's your DJ name. 29 00:01:22.359 --> 00:01:26.519 I don't have a DJ name like am I DJing 30 00:01:26.680 --> 00:01:27.239 or am I playing? 31 00:01:27.280 --> 00:01:27.560 Music. 32 00:01:29.319 --> 00:01:31.920 I know you know what also, you just have to 33 00:01:31.959 --> 00:01:34.599 do I know this crowd so well. I can tell 34 00:01:34.599 --> 00:01:37.239 you what the bangers are. I'm terrible at djang, but 35 00:01:37.280 --> 00:01:39.519 there's a few songs that if you do these, you 36 00:01:39.599 --> 00:01:40.159 win them. 37 00:01:40.040 --> 00:01:43.120 Over so quick exactly. And it's a matter of just 38 00:01:43.159 --> 00:01:44.599 like playing the songs through. 39 00:01:44.920 --> 00:01:48.040 Play the songs through which I struggle with everyone knows through. 40 00:01:48.040 --> 00:01:50.760 But also don't let them get quiet. You have to 41 00:01:50.799 --> 00:01:53.400 transition to the next song before it's too night. 42 00:01:54.079 --> 00:01:56.680 Okay, well let's get into our topic because we don't 43 00:01:56.680 --> 00:01:57.480 have that much time. 44 00:01:57.799 --> 00:02:00.760 Yeah, and I'm I'm very curious to hear your takes 45 00:02:00.840 --> 00:02:03.239 are on this, especially Robin. 46 00:02:03.519 --> 00:02:03.719 Yeah. 47 00:02:03.760 --> 00:02:06.640 So Robin and I were having a conversation about you 48 00:02:06.760 --> 00:02:09.560 come out your Most people or a lot of our 49 00:02:09.599 --> 00:02:13.159 friends were very very fem and then little by little 50 00:02:13.199 --> 00:02:16.000 as they kind of come into their sexuality, they start 51 00:02:16.080 --> 00:02:19.199 to kind of their style morphs a little bit. They're 52 00:02:19.719 --> 00:02:21.919 what they're attracted to morphs a little bit. I mean, 53 00:02:21.960 --> 00:02:26.360 my catalyst was mask, but I what got me thinking 54 00:02:26.360 --> 00:02:30.280 about it is I had this situation where I realized 55 00:02:30.319 --> 00:02:35.639 that like I like the feeling of like a femme woman, 56 00:02:36.080 --> 00:02:38.599 like needing me a little bit like holding my arm 57 00:02:38.840 --> 00:02:40.080 or like leaning into me. 58 00:02:40.199 --> 00:02:41.439 If she's cold. Yep. 59 00:02:41.719 --> 00:02:44.520 And I like that feeling, and I think that's a 60 00:02:44.560 --> 00:02:46.199 more masculine feeling. 61 00:02:46.639 --> 00:02:49.879 I can relate to that. And I think I also 62 00:02:49.919 --> 00:02:52.159 a lot of the friends that we have were married 63 00:02:52.159 --> 00:02:55.240 to men at one point. I have never identified as 64 00:02:55.240 --> 00:02:59.120 somebody who's super feminine, but in a marriage to a man, 65 00:02:59.400 --> 00:03:03.199 you just kind of fall into these more traditional roles 66 00:03:03.400 --> 00:03:05.479 of like the man is taking out the trash, or 67 00:03:05.520 --> 00:03:08.439 the man is fixing something around the house or or 68 00:03:08.479 --> 00:03:11.680 things like that. But also you lean into these things 69 00:03:11.719 --> 00:03:15.879 of like one person is supposed to initiate sex or 70 00:03:16.280 --> 00:03:21.759 contact or things like that holding doors open. And as 71 00:03:21.800 --> 00:03:25.280 I've been kind of navigating dating women, I'm finding I 72 00:03:25.360 --> 00:03:27.759 like to do a lot of those things. I like 73 00:03:27.879 --> 00:03:30.759 to be feel like the person who is like the 74 00:03:30.840 --> 00:03:34.479 caretaker in a way, or like the more solid like 75 00:03:34.599 --> 00:03:39.039 foundation of the relationship or I don't know, there's like 76 00:03:39.400 --> 00:03:41.319 there and you said these other day, and I've related 77 00:03:41.400 --> 00:03:44.080 so much to it. There feels there's like this power 78 00:03:44.319 --> 00:03:47.759 in a way that I feel when I can put 79 00:03:47.759 --> 00:03:50.319 my arm around someone, you know, like sitting in a 80 00:03:50.400 --> 00:03:52.680 chair at a bar or at a table, like I 81 00:03:52.879 --> 00:03:55.280 naturally will like lean back and lean into them and 82 00:03:55.280 --> 00:03:58.000 put my armor on their right and that that feels 83 00:03:58.039 --> 00:03:58.919 more masculine to. 84 00:03:58.879 --> 00:04:02.199 Me, or to somebody lean into you and say I'm 85 00:04:02.240 --> 00:04:04.159 cold and like snuggle into. 86 00:04:03.879 --> 00:04:06.039 You in the booth. A man's not doing or a 87 00:04:06.080 --> 00:04:09.960 man's not doing that to a woman. Imagine this guy 88 00:04:10.159 --> 00:04:11.800 like scuddling up next to you. 89 00:04:11.800 --> 00:04:15.560 And being like, I'm cold, let me sit near you. 90 00:04:15.879 --> 00:04:17.000 Get out of your weirdo. 91 00:04:17.519 --> 00:04:19.680 But like if a woman does that, and that is 92 00:04:19.720 --> 00:04:21.120 kind of what happened, it made me. 93 00:04:21.240 --> 00:04:22.279 I loved that feeling. 94 00:04:22.439 --> 00:04:25.720 Yeah, and I think that's not It's like things like 95 00:04:25.720 --> 00:04:27.639 that are happening more and more so I'm starting to 96 00:04:27.680 --> 00:04:28.600 realize maybe. 97 00:04:28.360 --> 00:04:31.439 I do have a type. Yeah, I would say, I 98 00:04:31.680 --> 00:04:35.279 think I am figuring that out too, Like I have 99 00:04:35.360 --> 00:04:39.240 a hard time picturing being with someone who is more 100 00:04:39.319 --> 00:04:42.120 masculine than me, right, Like I'm kind of middle of 101 00:04:42.199 --> 00:04:45.079 the road, but like lean a little bit more feminine, 102 00:04:45.800 --> 00:04:50.560 but I gravitate towards women who are more feminine than me. Yeah, 103 00:04:50.600 --> 00:04:53.160 I would say, when I think about who you've dated, yeah, 104 00:04:53.199 --> 00:04:55.319 I mean it's all I feel like. It's people who 105 00:04:55.319 --> 00:04:57.040 are also kind of like middle of the road and 106 00:04:57.120 --> 00:05:00.360 have like masculine and feminine like qualities. Is far as 107 00:05:00.360 --> 00:05:02.639 like how they carry themselves, the way they dress, things 108 00:05:02.639 --> 00:05:05.040 like that. But I don't know what it is, but 109 00:05:05.120 --> 00:05:08.519 I definitely feel just more comfortable and more natural in 110 00:05:08.560 --> 00:05:13.279 a role that feels more masculine at least like outside, 111 00:05:13.639 --> 00:05:14.199 you know what I mean. 112 00:05:14.279 --> 00:05:16.480 Yeah, like walking around like you said, opening the door 113 00:05:16.720 --> 00:05:19.079 or like yeah, yeah, what about you? 114 00:05:19.160 --> 00:05:20.680 What say you? Well? 115 00:05:20.720 --> 00:05:23.279 I think it's interesting because it's one of those things 116 00:05:23.319 --> 00:05:25.639 like as you're coming out, like we're not thinking about 117 00:05:25.639 --> 00:05:29.560 this kind of No. No, I wasn't thinking like who 118 00:05:29.600 --> 00:05:30.879 am I going to be attracted to? 119 00:05:31.160 --> 00:05:34.920 How am I going to feel when I'm around certain people? 120 00:05:35.720 --> 00:05:38.079 And it's one of those things that like you guys 121 00:05:38.079 --> 00:05:41.480 are kind of saying, It's like it's changing over time, 122 00:05:42.199 --> 00:05:45.160 because initially I was really trying to like keep that 123 00:05:45.160 --> 00:05:51.120 feminine energy and wanting to like not even realizing that 124 00:05:51.160 --> 00:05:53.800 I was like holding back on this like masculine side 125 00:05:53.800 --> 00:05:56.240 of mine, you know, because I was so used to 126 00:05:56.279 --> 00:05:58.560 like putting myself in like the straight box, in the 127 00:05:58.600 --> 00:06:01.560 feminine box and showing up that way. It like took 128 00:06:01.600 --> 00:06:03.759 me a while to kind of like really start to 129 00:06:03.839 --> 00:06:05.720 like access that part of myself. 130 00:06:05.800 --> 00:06:10.920 Tell Robin about clop clop, I just think it's it's 131 00:06:10.920 --> 00:06:11.920 an appropriate time. 132 00:06:13.040 --> 00:06:16.439 I mean, so, it's It's one of those things, is 133 00:06:16.480 --> 00:06:19.959 theory that Ally and I have Sometimes women want to 134 00:06:20.079 --> 00:06:23.800 dress feminine, but they don't realize how much masculine energy 135 00:06:23.839 --> 00:06:28.800 they have and they're wearing their heels. 136 00:06:29.639 --> 00:06:32.000 Right, not a clop clopper. 137 00:06:32.040 --> 00:06:33.279 You were not a clop clopper. 138 00:06:33.480 --> 00:06:35.399 I am a pageant trained. 139 00:06:35.759 --> 00:06:37.759 Yeah, what if I was clop clopping at the wedding. 140 00:06:39.000 --> 00:06:43.800 If I was clop clopping at the wedding, Oh my god, 141 00:06:45.519 --> 00:06:49.480 looking so radiant in her dress all femmow I was. 142 00:06:50.839 --> 00:06:52.519 I was kind of into it, to be honest. 143 00:06:53.040 --> 00:06:53.920 Well, and that's just it. 144 00:06:53.920 --> 00:06:56.240 It's like I I wore a dressed to my brother's 145 00:06:56.240 --> 00:06:58.360 wedding a few years ago, and I felt great in it, 146 00:06:58.519 --> 00:07:00.319 and but I don't know that I would make that 147 00:07:00.439 --> 00:07:01.160 choice today. 148 00:07:01.480 --> 00:07:04.480 No, you would wear suit. No, I can't even picture you. Yeah, 149 00:07:04.600 --> 00:07:06.240 I can't imagine it myself. 150 00:07:06.959 --> 00:07:07.959 But it's like that. 151 00:07:07.959 --> 00:07:10.439 That was I've been out for like, I think three 152 00:07:11.120 --> 00:07:14.639 years at that point, at four years maybe, But as 153 00:07:14.680 --> 00:07:17.360 far as like what I'm attracted to, I feel like 154 00:07:17.399 --> 00:07:20.040 I have stuck to being attracted to feminine women the 155 00:07:20.040 --> 00:07:24.560 whole time. However, I like feminine women that are going 156 00:07:24.600 --> 00:07:26.759 to like stand up for themselves, that are very like 157 00:07:26.879 --> 00:07:30.240 strong willed, strong minded. They don't they don't care if 158 00:07:30.240 --> 00:07:32.240 I'm opening the door for them or not, you know, 159 00:07:32.959 --> 00:07:35.879 going to but they can handle their own shit. If 160 00:07:35.920 --> 00:07:38.480 something's wrong with our food at the restaurant, I don't 161 00:07:38.480 --> 00:07:39.800 have to like handle everything. 162 00:07:40.360 --> 00:07:42.959 Which I was just having these exact thoughts, I'm doing 163 00:07:42.959 --> 00:07:48.480 this that my children. I was just having those exact thoughts, 164 00:07:48.920 --> 00:07:53.560 like right before you said that, because there's a difference 165 00:07:53.800 --> 00:07:58.839 I think in how someone dresses and presents in that 166 00:07:58.879 --> 00:08:02.160 way that like you think of as a more feminine 167 00:08:02.160 --> 00:08:05.319 woman is maybe gonna wear heels, is gonna wear dresses, 168 00:08:05.439 --> 00:08:08.399 is gonna have jewelry and makeup and those kinds of things, 169 00:08:09.240 --> 00:08:14.079 But that doesn't mean they're timid or soft or can't 170 00:08:14.079 --> 00:08:17.519 take control of a situation. And I am also that's 171 00:08:17.639 --> 00:08:22.160 also like probably even more important for me in who 172 00:08:22.160 --> 00:08:24.639 I'm attracted to is the energy that they have, and 173 00:08:25.639 --> 00:08:29.519 that I think is also something that's fluid and it's 174 00:08:29.519 --> 00:08:33.320 not necessarily all feminine or all masculine. It's kind of 175 00:08:33.320 --> 00:08:37.960 a balance and like the femininity is like the emotional 176 00:08:38.360 --> 00:08:42.679 sides of things, and like the softness in how you 177 00:08:42.720 --> 00:08:49.639 approach situations, and the masculine is like the secure, sturdy 178 00:08:51.679 --> 00:08:54.679 like force, if you will, and like somebody who carries 179 00:08:54.720 --> 00:08:58.519 themselves with like a confidence and isn't afraid to like 180 00:08:58.720 --> 00:09:01.919 bring up when something isn't to their liking, or like 181 00:09:01.960 --> 00:09:03.919 you're saying at a restaurant, they stand up for themselves 182 00:09:03.960 --> 00:09:05.919 or they don't need me to open the door for them, 183 00:09:05.919 --> 00:09:07.440 but they're happy to let me open the door for 184 00:09:07.480 --> 00:09:10.960 them kind of thing. Like it's it's a balance. And 185 00:09:11.039 --> 00:09:14.440 I think another kind of like more recent learning that 186 00:09:14.519 --> 00:09:17.480 I've had and conversation that I had with the girl 187 00:09:17.519 --> 00:09:20.320 that I was just dating, was like because she also 188 00:09:20.399 --> 00:09:22.320 had been married to a man for a long time 189 00:09:22.399 --> 00:09:25.240 and had dated women. But it was like we were 190 00:09:25.279 --> 00:09:30.399 having this ongoing conversation that just because I feel like 191 00:09:30.639 --> 00:09:32.919 I want to be the like caretaker and kind of 192 00:09:32.960 --> 00:09:36.759 like more masculine person out in the open, out in 193 00:09:36.840 --> 00:09:39.840 public today doesn't mean I don't want you to still 194 00:09:39.879 --> 00:09:43.240 take care of me tonight, you know, right like later 195 00:09:43.440 --> 00:09:47.559 It's like and you can kind of both carry the 196 00:09:47.559 --> 00:09:51.960 weight of the masculine and the feminine and balance each 197 00:09:52.000 --> 00:09:54.360 other out. If like somebody is not feeling it today, 198 00:09:55.159 --> 00:09:57.240 I can pick that up for you, you know, And 199 00:09:57.279 --> 00:09:59.200 that's kind of I think for me, what has been 200 00:09:59.720 --> 00:10:02.600 a really cool thing about dating women that I've never 201 00:10:02.720 --> 00:10:06.320 experienced dating men is that it doesn't always have to 202 00:10:06.360 --> 00:10:09.159 be like cut and dry, of this person has strong 203 00:10:09.240 --> 00:10:12.440 in this thing. You can bounce bounce each other out, 204 00:10:12.480 --> 00:10:15.200 and like I think women are do that beautifully of 205 00:10:15.240 --> 00:10:18.720 like having that fluidity and having the ability to like 206 00:10:18.879 --> 00:10:21.639 pick up where somebody else is like not feeling great or. 207 00:10:23.240 --> 00:10:25.360 I think also it's like there's an aspect of thinking 208 00:10:25.360 --> 00:10:30.200 that like masculine presenting women like don't have like deep emotions, 209 00:10:30.440 --> 00:10:32.919 you know, like that they're so guarded and all these things, 210 00:10:32.960 --> 00:10:36.080 and it's like, no, like the opposite me included, it's 211 00:10:36.200 --> 00:10:38.000 I'm a sensitive little baby. 212 00:10:38.120 --> 00:10:38.360 You know. 213 00:10:38.519 --> 00:10:41.879 This is facts, straight up fact can at test. 214 00:10:42.879 --> 00:10:47.639 But it's also like that's that's pretty commonplace for you know, 215 00:10:48.240 --> 00:10:51.559 masks or feminine women. You know, like the emotions are 216 00:10:51.600 --> 00:10:54.320 there no matter what, no matter how like whether or 217 00:10:54.320 --> 00:10:57.200 not you're wearing heels or a hat. 218 00:10:57.360 --> 00:11:00.399 You know, Yeah, what about sitting on a woman's life lap? 219 00:11:00.559 --> 00:11:05.080 Now this is like that's a non start. Yeah for me, 220 00:11:05.120 --> 00:11:07.879 I'm definitely more comfortable being the one being sat on. 221 00:11:08.279 --> 00:11:11.159 Yeah, it's like, really, am I sitting in your lap 222 00:11:11.240 --> 00:11:11.559 right now? 223 00:11:12.240 --> 00:11:15.720 I would feel like a large child. I don't know, 224 00:11:15.840 --> 00:11:20.039 but you're not large, But that's how I feel. I 225 00:11:20.080 --> 00:11:24.600 would feel so awkward. Yeah, it's like weird. Now why 226 00:11:25.000 --> 00:11:28.440 it's so weird that? But I would like someone on 227 00:11:28.519 --> 00:11:33.320 my lap? Yeah, it's funny. I feel like we need 228 00:11:33.759 --> 00:11:37.159 we need to pull grown here can be the one 229 00:11:37.200 --> 00:11:39.759 who's happy to be sitting on the lap. It's probably 230 00:11:39.759 --> 00:11:42.639 people that surprise you, like LG. It looks like she 231 00:11:42.639 --> 00:11:44.080 could sit on some laps. 232 00:11:47.720 --> 00:11:50.559 Even though you wouldn't, it would surprise you because she's 233 00:11:50.840 --> 00:11:52.799 you know, I think that's an interesting one. 234 00:11:52.840 --> 00:11:55.360 I mean, but I think that goes to everything we're 235 00:11:55.360 --> 00:11:58.960 saying is, yeah, people can either present a certain way 236 00:11:59.080 --> 00:12:03.000 or be received certain way. And as far as like 237 00:12:03.080 --> 00:12:08.120 masculinity or femininity, but like behind the curtain, they're someone 238 00:12:08.159 --> 00:12:11.919 totally different, right, And it doesn't and that's amazing. It 239 00:12:11.919 --> 00:12:14.919 doesn't have to be that you're a masculine person, so 240 00:12:14.960 --> 00:12:17.799 that means you carry all this masculine energy, right, you 241 00:12:17.840 --> 00:12:19.519 cann't be both totally. 242 00:12:20.600 --> 00:12:22.759 And I think that's a good point too, because it's like, 243 00:12:22.840 --> 00:12:25.679 even if you are one of the clop clop Lesbian 244 00:12:27.080 --> 00:12:27.399 likes to. 245 00:12:27.320 --> 00:12:29.879 Point out, they might feel really good. 246 00:12:30.039 --> 00:12:32.960 In that outfit, Yeah, totally, even if. 247 00:12:32.840 --> 00:12:37.360 That's like not maybe conveying as in our opinion, but 248 00:12:38.159 --> 00:12:40.480 I mean, that's how they feel comfortable and good. 249 00:12:40.360 --> 00:12:41.679 So go for it. 250 00:12:41.799 --> 00:12:44.559 I think that's the biggest thing too, is like that 251 00:12:44.559 --> 00:12:47.440 that letting go of like what other people are expecting 252 00:12:47.480 --> 00:12:51.159 for you to present as, and that was something I 253 00:12:51.200 --> 00:12:52.320 had to do for sure. 254 00:12:52.759 --> 00:12:55.320 What about also just talk about how long I mean 255 00:12:55.360 --> 00:12:57.919 when I think, well, the style, for one thing, is 256 00:12:57.960 --> 00:13:02.320 not as feminine, like people don't wait as feminine clothes 257 00:13:02.360 --> 00:13:05.279 anymore anyway, So it's like the style kind of has 258 00:13:05.360 --> 00:13:10.039 gone along with my sexual sexuality evolution. But now it's 259 00:13:10.120 --> 00:13:13.600 like to think about putting on that girly outfit. I know, 260 00:13:13.639 --> 00:13:15.279 I did the dress for the wedding and I felt 261 00:13:15.279 --> 00:13:18.879 great in it, but like to think about wearing some 262 00:13:19.000 --> 00:13:21.639 of that stuff now. I could have two summers ago, 263 00:13:22.679 --> 00:13:25.240 so it hasn't been that long, but now it would 264 00:13:25.279 --> 00:13:25.919 feel weird. 265 00:13:26.080 --> 00:13:27.480 So it's like, what's happened. 266 00:13:28.320 --> 00:13:30.519 Do you think it correlates with cutting your hair shorter? 267 00:13:30.919 --> 00:13:36.200 Oh? Man, I don't know. Yeah maybe good. Yeah that's scary. 268 00:13:38.159 --> 00:13:40.559 I mean I have I have clothes that I bought 269 00:13:40.559 --> 00:13:43.919 two summers ago that I cannot wear anymore, like either 270 00:13:43.960 --> 00:13:47.399 shorts that are just too short, Yes, that's what I 271 00:13:47.480 --> 00:13:50.720 mean in them, or tops that are more feminine. It's 272 00:13:50.759 --> 00:13:55.080 easier for me with tops than shorts summertime right now. 273 00:13:55.120 --> 00:13:59.320 But yeah, like it's I'm definitely still going through an 274 00:13:59.360 --> 00:14:03.360 evolution of like fashion and how I how what I 275 00:14:03.440 --> 00:14:06.159 feel good in, you know, as far right like just 276 00:14:06.240 --> 00:14:10.080 but that's again that's also just outward appearances, like I'm 277 00:14:10.080 --> 00:14:12.799 a I'm a giant baby when it comes to like 278 00:14:12.840 --> 00:14:18.759 emotional things and I want someone to hold me, hold me. 279 00:14:19.679 --> 00:14:22.480 Said that, like oh this week and now I propped 280 00:14:22.480 --> 00:14:25.720 her up on my couch two days ago. I put 281 00:14:25.759 --> 00:14:26.240 a pillow. 282 00:14:26.559 --> 00:14:28.840 I said, Robin, you just lay down. I'm gonna get 283 00:14:28.840 --> 00:14:30.120 a pillow under those knees. 284 00:14:30.240 --> 00:14:32.639 I brought my kids over and Alie's like, don't you worry. 285 00:14:32.679 --> 00:14:35.240 I'm making a plate full of cookies. They can have 286 00:14:35.320 --> 00:14:38.600 all the juice, and they want the best her little one. 287 00:14:38.639 --> 00:14:41.039 I saved the message. Her little one left me of 288 00:14:41.159 --> 00:14:42.480 an audio message that. 289 00:14:42.559 --> 00:14:45.840 Said get we come over, and I. 290 00:14:45.919 --> 00:14:51.480 Literally was like, you can move in here, like you 291 00:14:51.519 --> 00:14:53.799 can do anything you want exactly. 292 00:14:53.840 --> 00:14:56.159 I know my like, I know my kids are comfortable 293 00:14:56.159 --> 00:14:58.919 here now because the first ten times they came over, 294 00:14:59.080 --> 00:15:02.600 they were like perfectly well behaved, super quiet. I mean, 295 00:15:02.639 --> 00:15:05.279 my kids are good kids generally speaking. But when we 296 00:15:05.279 --> 00:15:08.399 were here on Sunday, they were the older two were 297 00:15:08.399 --> 00:15:11.559 like wrestling each other on the window seed and like 298 00:15:11.679 --> 00:15:14.320 whining about stuff. And I was like, cool, we've reached 299 00:15:14.360 --> 00:15:18.080 that phase. Yeah. I was glad for it. I was gold. 300 00:15:19.240 --> 00:15:21.320 But yeah, I guess everybody does want to be held 301 00:15:21.519 --> 00:15:23.120 like no matter whether you're femme. 302 00:15:23.080 --> 00:15:26.519 Or not, like that feels good. Yeah. 303 00:15:26.559 --> 00:15:31.320 But in my long relationship, I wasn't the mask one. Yeah, 304 00:15:31.519 --> 00:15:33.519 you know, I would say we were both. I mean 305 00:15:33.559 --> 00:15:36.159 I was tomboy balanced there. 306 00:15:36.799 --> 00:15:39.000 Yeah, like I don't know, I guess you evolved a 307 00:15:39.080 --> 00:15:39.919 little bit while. 308 00:15:39.679 --> 00:15:41.000 You were in that relationship. 309 00:15:41.360 --> 00:15:44.200 Yeah, but like initially, yes, I would have said that 310 00:15:44.240 --> 00:15:46.120 she was the more like androgynous. 311 00:15:46.679 --> 00:15:49.360 Yeah, you kind of shifted, but I felt like your 312 00:15:49.519 --> 00:15:50.879 roles were very equal. 313 00:15:51.320 --> 00:15:54.320 I was just gonna say again, I feel like saying 314 00:15:54.440 --> 00:15:56.840 I was the more masculine I was or wasn't the 315 00:15:56.840 --> 00:16:00.559 more masculine one. It feels like you're mostly that to 316 00:16:00.720 --> 00:16:02.600 like outward appearances still. 317 00:16:02.960 --> 00:16:05.720 Well, or just even the feeling of like like we 318 00:16:05.799 --> 00:16:07.519 talked about like Saturday, like. 319 00:16:07.440 --> 00:16:08.559 Being in my power. 320 00:16:09.039 --> 00:16:13.799 Yeahs if somebody needs me, if somebody like physically needs me, 321 00:16:14.559 --> 00:16:18.080 that feels like lovely like and I want to be 322 00:16:18.279 --> 00:16:20.960 I think this. I hope this doesn't come back to 323 00:16:21.000 --> 00:16:23.679 haunt me, but I want to be bigger than someone 324 00:16:23.960 --> 00:16:27.200 I don't want to be like have be like I 325 00:16:27.200 --> 00:16:30.240 don't know, like that's weird to I'm not big by 326 00:16:30.240 --> 00:16:31.519 any means, but like. 327 00:16:31.720 --> 00:16:35.080 Yeah, I actually just had the same thought because I've 328 00:16:35.120 --> 00:16:37.879 always had kind of a complex about my height. Like 329 00:16:38.080 --> 00:16:41.440 I was taller than all the boys and the girls 330 00:16:41.440 --> 00:16:43.879 in middle school had had an early gross burt. Okay, 331 00:16:44.039 --> 00:16:46.039 so I've always kind of had a complex about my height. 332 00:16:46.600 --> 00:16:48.600 But now I'm surrounded by a lot of women who 333 00:16:48.639 --> 00:16:52.000 are like my height, yeah, or even taller. But I've 334 00:16:52.240 --> 00:16:54.120 I've always thought like I would want to date someone 335 00:16:54.120 --> 00:16:56.600 who's the same size as me, Yeah, like not somebody 336 00:16:56.600 --> 00:16:59.039 who's smaller right, and like here I am, I found 337 00:16:59.080 --> 00:17:02.039 myself dating mostly women who are smaller than it doesn't 338 00:17:02.080 --> 00:17:05.119 feel it actually feels great. I know that feeling of 339 00:17:05.160 --> 00:17:07.519 like being able to put my arms around someone you 340 00:17:07.519 --> 00:17:10.519 know and be that kind of have that protective feeling. 341 00:17:11.400 --> 00:17:13.759 That's what I mean, that protective feeling relate to that. 342 00:17:13.880 --> 00:17:15.599 But okay, well, I'm going to bring up the part 343 00:17:15.640 --> 00:17:16.920 that you were like, I don't know if I can 344 00:17:16.920 --> 00:17:17.240 go there. 345 00:17:17.279 --> 00:17:20.799 But the bedroom part cool because it is like sometimes. 346 00:17:20.400 --> 00:17:24.160 People surprise you who you think would be so like 347 00:17:25.079 --> 00:17:29.640 not yeah, the dominant kind of person in the bedroom. 348 00:17:29.720 --> 00:17:32.960 Then it flips yeah, I mean, I think again it 349 00:17:33.000 --> 00:17:36.519 goes back to the beauty of being with women that 350 00:17:36.559 --> 00:17:40.279 I am learning and continuing to learn is it doesn't 351 00:17:40.319 --> 00:17:43.960 have to be set as one way or the other. 352 00:17:44.200 --> 00:17:47.720 Like the person who may present physically out to the 353 00:17:47.759 --> 00:17:51.000 world as more masculine might not be the more masculine 354 00:17:51.039 --> 00:17:54.039 or more dominant person when it comes to sex. And 355 00:17:54.079 --> 00:17:57.240 I think, I mean, there probably are people out there 356 00:17:57.279 --> 00:18:03.279 who are much more comfortable being always the initiator or 357 00:18:03.359 --> 00:18:07.160 always the one like receiving. Generally speaking, I think it's 358 00:18:07.200 --> 00:18:11.440 more common that women are comfortable doing both, right, and 359 00:18:11.519 --> 00:18:14.559 again with kind of the fluidity that we were talking 360 00:18:14.559 --> 00:18:18.640 about before, that applies to sex too with women, like 361 00:18:18.680 --> 00:18:21.680 there isn't a traditional role of who needs to be 362 00:18:21.720 --> 00:18:23.799 doing what at any given time. You kind of balance 363 00:18:23.839 --> 00:18:26.680 each other out and can read each other's language and know, 364 00:18:27.000 --> 00:18:29.519 you know, I I need to be taken care of more. 365 00:18:29.559 --> 00:18:31.480 Now it's time to flip you this. 366 00:18:31.440 --> 00:18:41.200 Way, this way, or like maybe tonight I want to 367 00:18:41.240 --> 00:18:45.480 initiate first, but like I'm gonna you know, your tables 368 00:18:45.480 --> 00:18:46.119 are going to turn. 369 00:18:46.559 --> 00:18:52.039 Yeah, God willing, God willing, they will know they will. 370 00:18:53.400 --> 00:18:55.720 But I also think that some of this kind of 371 00:18:55.799 --> 00:18:59.400 like speaks to how there can be like miscommunication in 372 00:18:59.480 --> 00:19:02.519 like a reallylationship with two women. It's like if you're 373 00:19:02.559 --> 00:19:05.079 not communicating like that you want to cook and that 374 00:19:05.160 --> 00:19:07.119 you don't want to mow the lawn or whatever, Like 375 00:19:08.039 --> 00:19:10.880 how does that work? Like if you're not actually talking 376 00:19:10.920 --> 00:19:12.920 about it. Yeah, I think there is a lot of 377 00:19:12.960 --> 00:19:16.279 like expectations of like mind reading sometimes. 378 00:19:16.160 --> 00:19:18.880 Yeah, like you should know to do that, yeah, or 379 00:19:18.920 --> 00:19:21.119 if you're not communicating that this is how I like 380 00:19:21.200 --> 00:19:24.759 it in the bedroom, that's on you too, Like I 381 00:19:25.000 --> 00:19:28.559 whipped you don't want to be over Okay. 382 00:19:28.279 --> 00:19:31.759 Sorry, and I like flipping you, so flip the fuck over. 383 00:19:34.319 --> 00:19:40.279 Communication is key in all objects of life. Yes, oh 384 00:19:40.400 --> 00:19:41.319 that's really funny. 385 00:19:42.240 --> 00:19:44.440 No, I think it can be surprising, and of course, 386 00:19:44.519 --> 00:19:46.240 like a lot of people are switches, but there are 387 00:19:46.279 --> 00:19:48.839 a lot of women out there who aren't. 388 00:19:49.759 --> 00:19:53.200 Like they they're one way. But it's like, think about 389 00:19:53.240 --> 00:19:56.119 with a man you would never have like I think. 390 00:19:56.000 --> 00:19:59.720 Most men this is such a generalization, but there is 391 00:19:59.759 --> 00:20:03.079 that stereotype, that trope of like the man wants it 392 00:20:03.200 --> 00:20:06.440 and she's like constantly having to do it like that 393 00:20:06.920 --> 00:20:10.240 to me, and they are like driving that situation happening, 394 00:20:10.319 --> 00:20:12.519 where with women it is way more balanced. 395 00:20:12.680 --> 00:20:18.160 Yeah, thank god, I know, right, Yeah, God, it's sure if. 396 00:20:18.039 --> 00:20:20.839 You're a man listening and you're expecting that stop it. 397 00:20:21.160 --> 00:20:21.400 Yeah. 398 00:20:21.680 --> 00:20:24.279 No, And I guess if you're married a long time, 399 00:20:24.319 --> 00:20:28.359 I'm sure that things shift right whether it's a man 400 00:20:28.480 --> 00:20:28.960 or a woman. 401 00:20:29.920 --> 00:20:31.559