Speaker 1: Good morning from Hell.
Speaker 2: I'm Chris and I'm dead and my eternal punishment gets
to do this podcast where we interview everyone in Hell.
And I'm joined as always fighting younger brother of Satan, Clayton,
who's fighting a ghost or a demon.
Speaker 1: I'm shadow boxing, Chris.
Speaker 3: I'm got it.
Speaker 4: I need to work at my cardiocre. I'm lightheaded, holding
me a second. Who I'm pumped up for today's episode, Chris.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it looks like you want but I got him
in the end, so yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4: Hey it's me, it's Clayton. We're all walking. We're all
walking the streets out because we got a special episode
where we're going somewhere that right, Chris is yeah, where?
Speaker 1: Well, I like to keep it a surprise from you.
Speaker 4: I don't want to spoil it the big reveal, but uh,
we're gonna go take some lessons.
Speaker 1: We got some learning to do.
Speaker 4: Okay, because it's not her fault, but let's just say
that I caught some guy making the moves on my lady.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, very serious.
Speaker 4: You know, I've got a new relationship and this guy
is just like flirting with her reallyiously. So I'm just like, okay,
time to kick this guy's ass.
Speaker 3: Uh huh.
Speaker 4: So we're taking a class like theater dance class. No, no,
we're taking a boxing class Christmas. Yeah, yeah, I signed
this up for boxing in there.
Speaker 1: So you can learn how to fight.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and then I can kick this guy's ass, gotcha,
and then he'll never talk to my lady again.
Speaker 1: That's smart. You don't want to pick a fight you
can't win. Yeah, that's right, that's right. Okay.
Speaker 4: I think that this is the place, the one that's
like right next to the pizza joint. Wow, this is
gonna smell like pizza and sweat. Uh hello, oh de
small cheese.
Speaker 3: Hello, hold on, mom, hold on, somebody's here. Hey yah,
welcome to the seventh Squared Circle. My name is Beetlejuice.
How can I help you?
Speaker 1: Hey, hey, Beetlejuice.
Speaker 3: Okay, I've heard all the jokes. Did not even try it.
Speaker 1: Okay, So you're not Beetle Juice like the character.
Speaker 3: No, I'm not Beetlejuice. The character. I was conceived during
a Michael Keaton marathon.
Speaker 1: Oh I see, okay, inspired name? Okay?
Speaker 3: Yeah. My twin brother is Multiplicity.
Speaker 1: Oh cool.
Speaker 3: I don't know why I'm telling you that welcome. You
be here to box?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.
Speaker 3: So yeah, as you can see, there's not a lot
of people here. So I mean I got an opening
right now. You want to learn to fight or something?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 4: Yeah, Actually I saw online that you guys had some
free lessons or something, so I got me and Chris here.
We're gonna sign it up. So Chris, you're also going
to do this too?
Speaker 3: Uh yeah? This is first sixty classes for a dollar.
Speaker 1: That's not a great deal.
Speaker 4: I gotta say that you're not going to make a
big return on that if I do say so.
Speaker 3: Well, the way I see it is that if you
could get somebody committed to boxing for life or I
should say for death, you could charge whatever you want.
So the idea is that I just get you addicted,
but I'll tell you the truth. Uh huh. A lot
of people they give up quickly. So how do I
know that you're serious about this? Chris? Go ahead?
Speaker 2: Oh how do we know you're serious about this? To
be honest, I'm not really much of a fighter. I
could spectate.
Speaker 3: You've got the physique for it. You right here, look
at your broad shoulders. You look like a young Tommy hearns.
Speaker 1: I don't know who that is is.
Speaker 4: He's gonna be a real Tommy Hernie is here in
a second because on the real competition.
Speaker 1: Let me tell you that much.
Speaker 2: Yeah okay, but I don't appreciate the sarcasm.
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah. First of all, I like this guy for
the jokes he does. So all right, you're in the lead.
You do are competing right now? In my mind? What's
your name? What was your name again? Clayton? When it
is Clayton, this is Chris, Chris Clayton. I like the
cutt of your jib. Hey, Chris, you look like you
could actually eat a guy. But Clayton, I like you, buddy.
Come on in, let me wrap your hands. Let me
show you a few things. Okay, So what was the
reason you wanted to fight? People are called to the
sweet science for various reasons, but I like to get
everybody's story as I wrapped their hands.
Speaker 1: Oh sure, wow, got strong grip, Yeah, strong hands? Yeah great?
It's uh, you know, self defense, A little bit of that.
Speaker 4: Yeah. I want to walk around with my shoulders pulled
back and my head held high. You know, I want
to have like that confidence. Okay, that my cheese more
that beetlejuice that you have.
Speaker 3: Yeah, thank you, I appreciate that. Yeah, I look for
a fellow with macheesmo. You know, maybe you and I
go out for a pizza sometime. Next door is well
it's terrible, but it is close. Oh yeah, if you
ever want to go get a slice. Anyway, I'm getting
ahead of myself. Let me just wrap your hands here
real good. So it sounds like you know, you want
my cheesemo. Maybe you want to beat up a guy
in the alley or something like that. Sure, yeah, but
first things first. Okay, I'm going to teach you the basics.
You got to know that your hands. As soon as
I teach you even one class, your hands become a
lethal weapon. Oh yeah, okay, I myself. I mean, you
must know that I'm in hell because you must know, right,
you know, you know my story?
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, we don't know what you're talking about.
Speaker 3: We just met you. Yeah, okay, all right, Well I
killed seventy two men in the ring. Holy fuck. Yeah
yeah yeah yeah, and I think I get a bad
rap because you go in there, you compete. What do
they expect? You're not trying to kill a man, But
you know, I throw one cross, somebody dies. Oh well, you.
Speaker 1: Threw across at them?
Speaker 3: Yeah? What? No, excuse me?
Speaker 1: Were you a priest? This guy's hilarious.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Chris, he's funny, isn't he?
Speaker 1: What is a cross?
Speaker 3: Funny? This guy? Okay, so a jab is with your
left hand, across is with your right hand. I threw
across at him.
Speaker 1: Oh okay, but what if you're left handed?
Speaker 3: Boy? This guy's got questions out the lazoo. Across would
be the opposite hand. Are you left handed, my friend?
Speaker 1: No, I'm just wondering.
Speaker 3: Just you know, you just want to get into the lingo.
Speaker 1: Yeah, if I want to learn, I want to learn everything.
Speaker 3: I appreciate that. This guy's showing some real promise. Here.
What's this guy's name again, Rick, It's Chris, Chris, Yeah, Chris,
all right, Chris. If your left hand, if you're a southpaw,
then you would lead with your right hand becomes your
jab and your left hand becomes your cross. Oh anyway,
I killed seventy guys like that.
Speaker 4: Oh Jesus, did they not want to stop you out there?
The first like three or four fights? They let you
go on for another sixty five to seventy fights.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't know why they couldn't find these brass
knuckles in my glove. I practically wanted to get caught
toward the end breas knuckles. Oh, I see it. I
guess it makes sense now that I think it through.
I'm in hell because I cheated at boxing. Oh yeah,
that's crazy. Okay, get your gloves on, boys, all right? Yeah, sure,
I'm going to open this glove for you. You just go
nice and snug into that. How's that feel?
Speaker 4: I feel powerful. I don't have brass knuckles, but you know,
I feel like I could punch anything.
Speaker 3: You know. That's great? Yeah, I like you confidence.
Speaker 2: I really feel like I can take anything out of
the oven.
Speaker 3: Yeah. This guy, he's a funny guy, not as funny
as you. What's your name, Dalton?
Speaker 1: No, it's Clayton. It's Glayton Clayton.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you have to excuse me. You know I've been
hitting the head many, many times. Sure, so I might
mix up your names.
Speaker 4: All things considered, Your teeth look pretty decent for all
the amount of times you've been hit.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, these are wooden.
Speaker 4: Oh oh, now that you take them out, okay, I
can see.
Speaker 1: Yeah, holy fun. Yeah, yeah, that's a horror show. Wow,
you get those from Washington.
Speaker 3: If only he was in Hell our best president. Don't
joke about that.
Speaker 1: Oh no, he actually yeah yeah yeah.
Speaker 3: All right, so you got your gloves on. I'm going
to start to tell you fellas a thing or two.
By the way, Clayton, what sort of television shows that
you watch down here in Hell and all the good ones?
Speaker 1: How many seasons of Sopranos?
Speaker 3: Sopranos? You like Sopranos? I love sopranobul oh, I like Sopranos.
Favorite character on three?
Speaker 1: One two three tog Okay, all right.
Speaker 3: Okay, well you know, kind of the same family though,
like you're Tony, I'm aj they're both Sopranos.
Speaker 1: Never seen it.
Speaker 4: Let's try one more time. We'll do different characters, right,
all right?
Speaker 3: One two three metal? Okay, all right, okay, let's see
if we can get on this one more.
Speaker 1: I think we can walk him line this here we go, all.
Speaker 3: Right, one two three bait okay, okay, shit, well it
seems like we still both like the Sopranos. You ever
just sit home on a Friday night after a long
day and nobody coming in the boxing gym, and you
put on two three seasons of The Sopranos.
Speaker 4: Uh, I mean yeah, except for the part with the
gym before I come home after a long day of
podcasting to no audience, and the just put on two
three seasons of The Sopranos.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, okay, it.
Speaker 3: Sounds like we have a lot in common. Clayton. Yeah,
you circle up over there. Let's talk to your friend, Chris.
Speaker 1: Okay, circling up. I don't know what that.
Speaker 3: Move your feet, okay, all right, just dance. Just let
your hips a little bit loose. You ever dance dance
in the club? Yeah? Yeah, you regarding is just dancing.
I want you to move your head from side to
side like you're looking under the tablecloth.
Speaker 1: Okay, all right, that aloud?
Speaker 3: Okay, add the side to side, one, mucket to muket
three muckh your feet. Stay on the balls of your feet,
and keep your hands out to protect the money. Clayton,
that's your face.
Speaker 1: How much are we fighting for it?
Speaker 3: This guy kills me?
Speaker 1: Oh my god.
Speaker 3: You know it's a good thing. You got some natural
ability there, Chris.
Speaker 1: Thanks.
Speaker 3: Let me see that punch. Okay, actually, Chris, let me
just see I'm gonna have you throw a jet at
your lead hand. Okay, So what you're gonna do is
you're gonna hold your hand up to your face and
your orbital bone rested just like this, and you're gonna
act like you're holding a hammer in your hand. Chris,
You're gonna.
Speaker 5: Bring it forward at the very end, just like the
tip of a candle. You're gonna tip it over, and
you're gonna turn a doorknob. Okay, So hammer in your hand,
turn the doorknob, all right?
Speaker 2: All right?
Speaker 3: And then with your back foot okay?
Speaker 1: So am I under the tablecloth? Or is he?
Speaker 3: Is this hard to follow? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Or are we spilling the candle? And why are we
turning a doorknob?
Speaker 3: No? No, no, you want to turn a doorknob at
the very end of your punch, so you twist it
like you're twisting a knife.
Speaker 2: All right, But if I have a hammer trying to
break into the door, why would I use the door knob?
Speaker 1: And why are we dancing? Are we at a nightclub?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Sorry, there's so many similars.
Speaker 3: These are all metaphors, and you have to understand I've
been punched in the head upwards of three thousand times. Oh,
I'm not always gonna make a lot of sense, But
as I was saying, you hold a hammer in your hand,
you bring it forward, you turn it like a doorknob,
and at the same time you're gonna take your back
foot and you're gonna put out a cigarette. So say
it with me now, hammer door, hammer, dog time hammre
doorknobs cigarette?
Speaker 1: Oh god?
Speaker 3: Oh okay, fuck Chris. Sorry, it's a little blood dude. Yeah, sorry, sorry, sorry,
that's okay.
Speaker 1: Hammer. What do I do about a bloody nose? What
do I do about this?
Speaker 3: All right, here's what you do. You tip your nose up.
We're gonna go and you're gonna get some vix vapor
rub from the store opposite the pizza place. You're gonna
take a Q tip and I'm gonna drive that all
the way up into the nose. It's gonna hurt like hell,
but it's gonna clott in no time. I'll go across
the street. Yeah, you go across the street, okay, Chris.
Do you anything? Yeah?
Speaker 1: An almond sad oh and almonds?
Speaker 3: Okay?
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it's like kum en joy yeah yeah, beetlejuice.
Speaker 3: Do you anything just get me a little motor oil.
Speaker 4: Okay, okay, I want to ask questions, Yes, sir, all right,
I'll be her back.
Speaker 3: Chris. Yeah, I want you to throw me a good
stiff jab. I remember hammer, doorknob cigarette.
Speaker 1: Hammer doorknots cigarette?
Speaker 3: Oh, oh my goodness, the snap on that jab. You
were like a young George Foreman. You know that. Oh,
somebody has to have told you you're exactly like a
young George Foreman. You got any ideas for cooking devices
by any chance? Well?
Speaker 2: I always thought it'd be cool if there was a toaster,
but also for pizzas.
Speaker 3: Okay, so maybe you're more like the boxing side of
a young George Foreman. Oh.
Speaker 1: I didn't even know he was a boxer. I thought
he just did grills.
Speaker 3: Chris, you crack me up. Listen, Chris, can I ask
you something? Yeah? What's your friend into? Like friend stuff
like other than this? I was like, what are some
things that he likes that I can impress him with?
Dodgeball squashed? He's like long walks on the beach. I'll
have a good long walk on the beach and.
Speaker 2: We get a lego beach. Sometimes he plays sickle ball.
Not well, you know, it's like he's one of those
people who kind of like, you know, they have a
hobby for a little bit, and they'll pick up another
hobby and then'll be their thing for like the week.
Speaker 3: Okay. I mean that's a little disappointing to me.
Speaker 1: Not for boxing, no, okay, for this. I think he's
really serious about this.
Speaker 3: Okay, good because I just you know, I have issues
with people and commitment. Oh wait, he's back.
Speaker 4: Hey, guys, so I got the things. They don't have
any cute tips. They did have tampons. Good news. I
think that that'll suffice. Okay, Chris, here's your almonds sad.
Speaker 1: And then they only had motor oil by the two gallon,
so it wasn't in the pint.
Speaker 3: That's all right, I'm going to drink all of it eventually. Anyway.
Speaker 1: You're getting drink there, Chris, What is wrong with you?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 4: Sorry, it's just really hit the spot. Oh the almonds sad? Right, Okay,
that's a good joke. Okay, so my heart rates up
that little run.
Speaker 1: Over there to the store. Yeah, I'm ready to get
back into it. It's that part of the training. It's
like you're gonna make him do all these like tedious
tasks and like.
Speaker 2: Oh yeahs and say yeah hammer door cigarette, Oh god,
oh sorry.
Speaker 3: Oh Awie hit him again? Sorry sorry, goodness, you're like
a young Connor McGregor this Chris. That's not a compliment.
Oh can I just say to you, Clayton, I see
you're going to become a fantastic boxer as long as
you come two three times a day every day. Huh.
I think that maybe after this we go hit the
cycle ball court. You have to play a little cickle ball?
Speaker 1: What cycle ball? How did you know?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Hell yeah, I.
Speaker 3: Mean wait a minute, you play cycle ball? Get out
of town, pa, I love cckle ball. Here. In fact,
there's a place downtown the cycle ball courts. You know
how they fill up and you can barely get a square. Yeah,
there's a spot that they just keep open for me
because everyone's so afraid of me. So we any time
at all? Yeah, man, what a funny coincidence. Yeah, just
so lonely. Anyway, I'm gonna bring you guys in and
we're gonna introduce the hook. Okay, you're gonna do a
hook drill. So what you're gonna do, Clayton, is you
are gonna throw a nice wide hook where you turn
your hips. Okay, you're gonna turn your hips and you're
gonna hold your arm perpendicular and you're gonna reach out
like you're slapping Chris right in the mouth. Okay, Okay, Chris,
you're gonna duck under it, okay, Eddie, Yeah, Chris, I
have never seen somebody be able to dock onto a
hook that naturally. That was absolutely beautiful.
Speaker 1: Wow, And how was my form? It was pretty good? Right?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: They called me a hooker because I'm up here, I'm hooking. Yeah,
you're funny. You might have to pay him at the
end of the session.
Speaker 3: Don't be ridiculous. You only owe me a dollar for
the next sixty sessions, which you are locked into contractually. Okay,
that's a nice Clayton. That's really good. But we'll talk
about it more on the sickle ball court. Sure, what
else are you into besides boxing? Boxing? Boring? Am I right?
Are you boring? No?
Speaker 4: No, No, I'm very entertaining. You've really taken a shined
old Chris there. But I wish, you know, like I
just feel like I'm not I don't know what's gonna
get me to that next level. I want to be
like big dog up there, you know.
Speaker 3: Okay, you want to be the big dog up there.
Wellof you're gonna need to take a bunch of supplements. Oh,
you're gonna invest in creatine peptides, things of that nature. Okay.
You know, people say there are no shortcuts in becoming beefy,
but there are tens of thousands of shortcuts, and if
you don't use them, you ain't trying. So I'll get
you all that stuff. We'll do all that cheating stuff.
You don't really have to learn much of anything besides that.
Oh well, of course there's the mental aspect of it.
Oh no, oh, maybe we should cover the intimidation side
of things.
Speaker 4: Okay, yeah, I like the sound to that. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
all right, so here's what I like to do. Hold,
let me take notes.
Speaker 3: In my new notebook.
Speaker 4: It no story to good morning from Heil dot com. Sorry,
that's for our listeners. Yeah, it's a cool not book.
Thank you, says why I'm going to help.
Speaker 1: That's right. It's fun. You could like write all your
sins or yeah, pretty cool. How to box anyways, drugs?
I got drugs.
Speaker 3: That's important.
Speaker 1: Creating peptides, hgh, stuff like that, and then you said mental,
let's get mental.
Speaker 3: What are we doing? The first thing you want to
do is diagnose your opponent's weaknesses, right, okay, and so
pretend that you're my opponent, Clayton. Sure, so like, what
would you say the weight to your heart is?
Speaker 2: Oh wow, I didn't really know what he was like
that into the mental stuff at Yeah, it's just when you.
Speaker 3: Ask vulnerable questions that really gets people thinking and they
get kind of fucked off.
Speaker 4: Sure you know, yeah, I mean I think like love
language wise, sure, acts of disservice, okay, gift stealing, that's
another big love language of mine.
Speaker 1: Sure, I just like really enjoy that kind of stuff.
Speaker 3: Oh look at this so weird. I have your vix
vapor rub in my podcast.
Speaker 1: Oh oh yeah yeah yeah that's fun, that's thoughtful.
Speaker 3: That's so odd. I just did that naturally. Anyway, let's
go back on to like, yeah, the way to your heart,
you actually forget that. Let's get into the rink. So
another thing that I like to do when I'm getting
in somebody's head is I like to pretend that I
forgot their name. Oh okay, you know, like you boxer somebody,
and then the next day you just act like I
don't even know who you are. So go ahead, just
pretend that like you forgot everything about me.
Speaker 4: Okay, hey mister mom, Now my name is Beetlejuice.
Speaker 1: No it isn't Batman eighty nine.
Speaker 3: Okay, it's Michael Keaton movies. It's like you know, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Clayton.
This kind of hurts my feelings because I think I
introduced myself really clearly, and now you're acting like, oh,
you've just forgotten everything about me. Are we friends or
is this are we role playing right now?
Speaker 4: Because if we are, then oh this is real, touch
and go night shift reports a Murphy working Stiffs.
Speaker 3: Yeah. I think I just got a little confused there.
It's just I'll be honest, Like, my heart's a little
tender because I don't see many people, you know, I
don't trust a lot of people who'll come any here.
So yeah, yeah, yeah, just when you forgot my name
back there, it got me a little mad.
Speaker 4: No, you told me that, Oh you got really close
to my face and I might have dribbled.
Speaker 1: That was terrifying.
Speaker 3: Oh you gotta understand, I'd forget what I said ten
seconds ago. I've been punched in the head five thousand
times for.
Speaker 1: Three thousand, five thousand.
Speaker 4: Okay, it's getting higher now, okay, fuck, okay, I could
practice on Caine here, not Chris.
Speaker 1: Oh oh, I'm forgetting his name now, Okay, I like
that Cane.
Speaker 3: That's good.
Speaker 1: Maybe that could be my fighting name.
Speaker 3: I don't even know you, Caine, Like, wait, do you
like wrestling?
Speaker 5: Oh?
Speaker 3: Yeah, Undertaker Goldberg, Pine, Undertaker, Sean Michaels, you know, yeah, yeah,
Shawn Michaels. Yeah, Oh my god, what your man?
Speaker 1: What your madness?
Speaker 3: Your man ready said? Yeah, I read the whole Cochin
the other day.
Speaker 1: He's down here, so you know, oh.
Speaker 3: Yeah, they're all down here, believe me. You know. So
if you ever want to go to a wrestling match
with me, like that'd be really cool.
Speaker 1: Well, you're incredibly lonely, aren't you.
Speaker 3: This is what? No, No, we're boxing buddies here. Yeah,
all right, why don't you both get in there and
spa and I'll see what progress you've made. I obviously
taught you a great deal over the last several minutes,
and I'm sure that I can see progress. All right,
all right, so let me just decide whether you're going
to be ready to Uh what is the reason you
wanted to do this again? You wanted to like fight
crime or something?
Speaker 1: Just kick ass? Just kick ass names?
Speaker 3: All right, well, let me decide if you're ready to
kick ass. Let's get you in the ring here, all right?
Speaker 1: Wa wait, head gear?
Speaker 3: Yeah, go ahead.
Speaker 2: I thought there was no kicking in boxing that this
guy kills me? Or is this ultimate wrestling fighting?
Speaker 3: What is it?
Speaker 1: UFC?
Speaker 3: Chris, You don't have to worry about a thing. You
are so naturally talented. You simply close your eyes and
your fists will guide you. Young man, my young jedi.
Speaker 2: But with the last shield down, Yeah, you're not worried
about me either, because I'm also incredibly gifted, well endowed, strong.
Speaker 3: Right. Sure, yeah you slipped the well and down in there,
But yeah, I think you can fight. Let's take a
look at what we got here. Okay, all right, you
know I'll just be honest to where I'm at. Okay, Yeah,
you ever watch The Bachelor or they're just like, let
me tell you where I'm at with the candidates. Sure, sure,
I watch a lot of the Bachelor, mostly by myself.
Uh huh, But I feel like, you know, Clayton, You've
got a great personality. Boy, you got a lot of promise,
sickle Ball Court, Sopranos, Pro Wrestling. You know you're a
great guy. Chris. I don't really understand you don't care
for your personally, but you sure can fight. Thanks. Okay, yeah,
I don't mean to getting anybody's head, no, no, no,
but yeah, let's take a look at the spar now.
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, that sounds awesome. I'd love to box.
Speaker 4: I'd love to fight before we get into that, before
we get to that, I'm not stalling.
Speaker 1: I just want to take a quick word from our sponsors.
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This episode is brought to you by our good pals
over at Monarch, So quick update. Chris and I've been
saving up for a big, big, big vacation. What our
vacations require money? What does money require? Saving and smart spending,
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helps me set goals. Other apps they've told me what
I already spent, but Monarch is going to tell me, hey,
are you on track for your vacation? And speaking of
my vacation, Chris and I are going He's splitting the
bill a lot, and that can be a headache. But
with Monarch's bill split, I could just scan the receipt,
everyone claims what they got and then it settles it up.
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of Monarch Core half off at.
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Speaker 1: This episode was brought to you by Ridge.
Speaker 4: All Right, my wallet from them be four times not
so great, same one I've had for decades. It was
this fake leather that was falling apart, is getting my
cards dirty, and I was embarrassed to bring it out
at restaurants in front of my friends and I was
paying for dinner.
Speaker 1: It was terrible.
Speaker 2: So then I switched to Ridge, and boy, they have
such a wide selection to choose from, and it's just beautiful.
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but it also like RFID blocks things so that hackers
can't get into my wallet.
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stop at wallets.
Speaker 4: They also make key cases, power banks, luggage rings, all
sorts of cool stuff. Ridge was kind enough to send
me their daily driver kit.
Speaker 1: I picked it out.
Speaker 4: It was this really cool orange color where it matches
the wallet to the key case. All my stuff is protected.
It looks good and you guys should go check them out.
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f H for up to forty percent off. After your purchases,
they'll ask where you heard about them. Please support our show,
tell them that we sent you. Say hey, it's my
good friend Clayton.
Speaker 1: He hopes me up. You'll help us out. We'll help
you out. It'll be lovely okay, all right, I'm loose.
Speaker 3: I'm limber.
Speaker 4: Let's get in the ring. Let's get to boxing. Huh,
we're dancing around.
Speaker 1: We're dancing on. Come on, do we wait for bell?
Speaker 3: Give them a bell, give them a bell. Three minute round.
Just try and keep your feet fellas. Okay, all right,
hands up, elbows in type, make sure to step around
the put them put them up. Ha ha, there you
remember what I tell Okay, hammer, hammer, darknob cigarette, let's
see cigarettes.
Speaker 1: Okay, all right, well he dodged that one, damn fast.
Speaker 3: Wow, all right, Chris is just effortlessly dodging these punches.
Speaker 4: Okay, stop moving, Chris. I'm trying to press coach here.
You know, punch faster.
Speaker 3: God.
Speaker 1: Sorry, oh, I was just trying to show you.
Speaker 3: This is like the matrix. This is unbelievable.
Speaker 1: Okay, sorry, I was trying to show you how to punch. No,
we're good, We're good.
Speaker 3: I'm moving.
Speaker 1: I'm on my feet. Just do it like this. Yeah,
I'm back up to it like this. God.
Speaker 2: Fuck you walked into that one. Okay, stop, I wasn't ready.
The blood still in my nose, in my face and
my eyes.
Speaker 3: Come over here, get a tampon. Okay, all right, here
you go, let me tie you off out there. You go, Hey,
look me in the face. Okay, you can do this.
You can do this. Baby. You're Tony Soprano and you
just come out of the hospital and the fellas don't
respect you. They're laughing in your face when that slow
motion shot. What and now you gotta go in there
and you got to beat the living shit out of
the lowest guy on the totem pole to prove that
you're still boss.
Speaker 1: All right, right, okay, all right now, Chris, oh there
he goes there, I go old still, God damn it.
Speaker 3: Okay, okay, I've seen enough, Clayton. You are ready to fight.
You have made a great deal of progress, young man.
Here at the squared seventh, the seventh, the squared circle
of seventh hell seventh circle of hell.
Speaker 1: Yeah, is up to name it. It's catching.
Speaker 3: I really should write it down because I've been punched
in the head upwards of eight thousand, five thousand, eight thousand. Okay, yeah.
Speaker 1: Search engine optimization is a.
Speaker 3: Little wonky on that one.
Speaker 1: So now do do that thing where we hug.
Speaker 3: Yeah, oh you want to hug yeah? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Sure, Now that that match is over.
Speaker 3: Oh you're talking about clinching. Yeah, that would be called clinching. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I've been clinching this entire time.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Same here, I've been needing to take it fat ship,
but I've been clinching. Oh sorry, fellas, no bathroom. We
can't afford it here, we don't have enough business. Oh yeah,
you want to do a hug. Let's do a hug.
Maybe just out of the three of us, maybe it
would just be like me and Clayton, Nugain, Chris, maybe
you watch.
Speaker 1: Okay, or you know, I know I can watch. I
can watch.
Speaker 3: That's fine.
Speaker 1: What do I do?
Speaker 4: I mean, like, what's the strategic value of this clinch?
Am I coming into like getting close to kind of
jab you? Or am I like hitting you in the
ear where a ref can't see?
Speaker 3: Like?
Speaker 1: What's this clinch?
Speaker 3: Very astute? Really, the main reason to clinch, Clayton is
to feel the warmth of another man's body and understand
that we're all one human race, and despite the trials
and tribulations of the people we've killed, h that we're
all united by a beating heart. Oh okay, so you're
gonna grip on to me and I'm gonna get you
under the shoulders, like so okay, and now we're gonna
kind of press hearts together and he just relaxed into that, okay,
and then nice, let's forget it's good.
Speaker 1: How long do we hold it and break?
Speaker 3: Okay? Well, okay, all right, did you feel anything friendship wise? Yeah? Yeah, yeah,
never mind, never mind, it's not a big I'm joking
with you. I'm kidding around.
Speaker 1: Okay, we're boxes here.
Speaker 3: This is hot in here hot. I keep it that way.
Speaker 2: Speaking of keeping things hot, we should roast the people
who support us on Patreon.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, yeah yeah, so, Beetlejuice. This is something we do.
It's kind of like our shout out to the people
who subscribe to our Patreon. Sounds good and they'll write
in and then we just kind of shit all over
them and they like it because they're into scats. So anyways,
I'm there. Oh okay, feel free to chime in here. Yeah,
beetle Juice. So this first message is from Rowan Rowan.
It's spelled like Rohan, like the writers of Rohan. Chris, Yeah,
he had me at Rohan.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but it sounds like Rowan. Anyways, he said, you
can call him Row for sure.
Speaker 4: But anyways, Roe lives in Brisbane and loves listening to
get murdered from hell.
Speaker 1: How about that?
Speaker 3: Isn't that fun?
Speaker 4: They go to school, they babysit, they like video games,
and they are into books and friends, books and friends.
Speaker 1: Yeah that's so wholesome.
Speaker 4: Yeah, so far, Row's not giving us much to work
with here, any embarrassing stories and confessions that Row has.
They said once in school, I was doing Japanese homework,
lying on my stomach, and my friend gave me a
chicken crimpy.
Speaker 1: What the fuck is a chicken crimpy?
Speaker 3: What's a chicken crimpy? I think that's a submission hole?
Did Rick Flayer do that?
Speaker 1: I thought it was a fast food meal. Is it
like a sex move or something?
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 4: Anyways, they gave him the crimpy and then he started
to make him laugh, and he was lying on his
lungs eating chicken crimpy's laughing.
Speaker 1: So he breathed in the crumbs and started choking on them.
And it was that food.
Speaker 3: It was a food.
Speaker 4: I'm looking it up here on my hel phone. It
looks like a chicken crimpy is like a cracker.
Speaker 3: Okay, cracker it seems like this man's life is really sad.
Sounds like it coming from me. That's pretty rough.
Speaker 1: Yeah, chicken crimpies in babysitting.
Speaker 3: And books, the poor idiot. Sky's the limit with this one.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, ro moving on, all right, we're going to Kiki.
Speaker 4: K Geeky says that they're a nerdy teenage gal with
a guinea pig and too many hyperfixations, and they take
taekwondo glasses and could probably beat me up. Ah fuck
no they can't. Oh no they can't, Kiki not now. Yeah,
I'm a boxer. Now look at me and that right,
guys scary.
Speaker 3: Yeah, he's a big fella.
Speaker 4: Yeah you go beat the hit out of Kiki. Yeah, Kiki,
some nerve you got here. Anyways, Kiki says, what do
they do for a living. They are still in school.
They enjoy making art, playing Dungeons and Dragons in my
free time. Wow, okay, I definitely could kick your ass
now if you're a D and D player, I mean
come on, yeah.
Speaker 1: Moving on eve embarrassing stores and confessions.
Speaker 4: Keiki says that once, when they were younger, they tricked
their little brother into wearing a dizzy princess dress, So
that's cute. However, karma came fast when I was running
out of the house and hit my head on.
Speaker 1: The corner of a car doorf fuck jesusesus. Are they dead?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Were you like putting him in the dress and escaping?
Speaker 3: I'm confused by this.
Speaker 4: Who are you trying to get away from? Keiki said
they probably should have gotten stitches. But on the plus side,
now they have a cool eyebrow scar. Oh that actually
does sound pretty fucking metal.
Speaker 3: That's pretty cool. Yeah, I got a few scars my song.
Speaker 1: Yeah, your eyebrows are mostly just scars, thank you?
Speaker 3: Yeah? Is that a design choice?
Speaker 4: It's like all these little lines in there, But are
those scars?
Speaker 3: Yep? Okay, I'm getting another one next Tuesday. You gotta
get on the books of the scar. Okay, you can
do whatever kind of car he wants. You don't have
a say in the design of this car.
Speaker 4: Keiki then says they still hold this moment above their
brother as blackmail, as any good sister should. Well, it
sounds like Kiki and Roe have a lot of life
left to live because they don't have many great burning
stories to toe.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, I like when she got cracked in the
head by a car door. That was pretty unertaining.
Speaker 4: Yeah, what's a car movie? I don't know there were
some details left out. Did the brother drive the car
while dress is a dizzy princess into Kiki? I have
so many questions, Kiki. Yeah, yeah, well Kiki, you delivery service.
You gotta watch out for those cars. Yeah, I mean
that's your thing. Why don't you to deliver us some
better stories next time?
Speaker 3: Yeah? About that?
Speaker 1: All right?
Speaker 4: Roe in Kiki, thanks for writing in. Yeah, all right,
what we're doing now? We learned clinching, we learned how
to put out a cigarette with their hammers?
Speaker 1: Am I ready to go? Like ten rounds in the ring?
Speaker 3: I think you are ready to go one and that's
all you'll need because you're heavy handed and you're gonna
knock a fell out.
Speaker 1: All right, cool. I'm feeling prey confident right now.
Speaker 3: And let me just say I know that this was
merely twenty five minutes, but I feel extremely close to
you as a man, and I really believe in you.
Whomever you fight out in that world, I know that
you're gonna beat the crap out of them, and then
you're gonna come home to me and watch your Sopranos
and watch WWF. I like like, I like you, Clayton.
I like you.
Speaker 2: You're standing very very close to me. That meant a lot.
I mean, I think the takeaway is we're friends, all
of us, all three of us.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3: Good buddiesponded one of the best friends I've ever had,
I mean, not ever had. I don't want to scare
you away like the last guy, but you're a pretty
good friend.
Speaker 4: Yeah yeah, somewhat, no beljus, I mean you really wow,
you really like pouring your heart and soul out and
uh no, I feel a kinship towards you too, man,
really like you know, Chris has always been kind of
my right hand guy, but you're like you're right there too, Like, yeah,
you're like a chap Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: We shared so much, We've learned so much.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, so this is really uh gonna break my
heart when I have to beat your king ass.
Speaker 1: What Yeah, that's right.
Speaker 3: What do you mean?
Speaker 4: Well, the reason I took these lessons is because you
were hitting on my girl. So I came in here
learn your secrets, and now I'm gonna turn your secrets
against you.
Speaker 1: I'm here to kick your ass. Beetlejuice, beetlejuice.
Speaker 3: Whoa, what's going on here? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I saw you hitting on my girl over at the
coffee shop.
Speaker 4: Yeah, so put them up, let's go. I'm here to
beat your ass. Cynthia, it's not Cynthia. It's not her Vanessa.
That's no, that's not her name. Was Alyssa not Alyssa?
Speaker 3: Was it Emily?
Speaker 1: Nope?
Speaker 3: Was it Rebecca?
Speaker 1: Nope's not.
Speaker 3: Okay, you have to understand, I am a dog. I
am an absolute dog. It's not anything personal. Where was
this the boiling frog?
Speaker 1: Yeahs the boiling frog.
Speaker 3: Oh, I know who you're talking about. I didn't know
she had a boyfriend.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and it's me. And now I'm here to kick
your ass. So let's get in the fucking ring.
Speaker 1: Let's go.
Speaker 3: Clet them up, cud.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's right.
Speaker 3: I don't think this is a good idea.
Speaker 1: Oh I think this is a great idea.
Speaker 3: In fact, listen, I really liked it. We had such
a nice talk.
Speaker 1: Yeah no, no, no, that's over. That was all a ploy.
That was a game.
Speaker 2: Look at my fancy footwork, hot toucher.
Speaker 1: Put the cigarette, guys, why don't we work this out?
Speaker 3: Please? Somebody be a diplomat.
Speaker 4: Well, diplomatically deal these hands to your fucking face. They're
going to be doing a handshake signing the declaration of
putting you to sleep.
Speaker 3: Fucking need to work on the shit talk.
Speaker 1: Oh, forget his name. Forget his name. Yeah, let's go
Squetele Juice.
Speaker 3: That really hurts because I was very clear when you
walked in that my name was Beetlejuice, and I heard
all the jokes, and for you to just call me
Squito Juice, that makes it feel like we didn't have
a connection at all. I just want to ask, so,
this whole time, you just wanted to fight me, this
whole time, you didn't want to connect with me via
The Sopranos and various other home box office series.
Speaker 4: I've only seen three episodes of The Soprano's Bitch. I
don't even give up fuck.
Speaker 3: About the Sopranos, how dare you?
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's right, you don't give a fuck about the Sopranos.
Speaker 3: No, I don't.
Speaker 1: I'm here to kick your ass, So let's just fuck.
Speaker 3: Can I suppose you don't even really know who Sean
Michaels is.
Speaker 1: I only know who fucking John Cena is okay.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Sina b level WWE superstar.
Speaker 1: See I'm getting in his head, Chrissy, I'm breaking him down.
It's Mitchell mental.
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, yeah, all right, Clayton, the man who I
thought was my friend, who I thought i'd see from
a minimum of fifty nine other classes. Let's put up
the dukes ring the bell and young man, you better
protect yourself.
Speaker 4: I will, and you know what, I'm breaking that contract, bitch,
So let's go.
Speaker 1: Let's fucking go. Come on, all right, here we go.
Speaker 3: God.
Speaker 1: Night, and go for the clunch.
Speaker 3: No, no, no, the cunch of Oh that hug feels good. Yeah,
that's right.
Speaker 1: Caugh blood in his face? Yeah, yeah, no, I can't see.
That's great.
Speaker 3: Ouch. Hold on a second. Yeah, there we go. Sorry,
my breast knuckles hurt a little bit there, But I
think i'd taken care of a business here. Oh that's interesting.
Is he snoring?
Speaker 1: Snoring or choking on blood? Yeah, there's some vomit there too,
but he looks like he mostly threw up blood.
Speaker 3: I think he needs to go to a sleep study. Yeah,
maybe after this. If we're still friends. You think we're
still friends, Chris, You think we're still buddies after I
heard him this bit.
Speaker 2: Maybe not as much as you'd like, not as much
as before.
Speaker 1: Yeah, tough love, right, that's the phrase.
Speaker 3: I hope he'll forgive me. You know. He really forced
my hand there.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and you forced your hand like thirty times into
his face.
Speaker 3: So yeah, you have to understand. Hey, he's awake. What's that?
What's that?
Speaker 5: Go?
Speaker 3: Did you just say sickle ball? Oh?
Speaker 1: Put him up, Clayton. Oh, it's just gonna be Rocky.
All right, get up, Come on, Clayton, get just like Rocky.
Speaker 3: Can I hit him? Raft? Are we good? We're good? Yeah?
All right, stay down quickie.
Speaker 1: Eat his ear or something. Oh oh no, no, not you.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna wash this down with some motor oil. Hold on,
that's a good ear. I hope you don't have any
big events coming up soon. You look fucked up. Yeah. Well,
if you don't get to be buddies with somebody, at
least you get to consume a body part or two.
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 2: That's a weird philosophy. Sorry, it's a weird philosophy on life.
You have to understand.
Speaker 3: And I've been punched in the head upwards of one
hundred and thirty two thousand times.
Speaker 1: God, well, sorry about all the blood. I'm gonna go
ahead and drag Clayton home.
Speaker 3: Tell your friend seven square circle of Hell.
Speaker 1: We got a dollar for six.
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, just tell everybody's bread the word.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah for sure.
Speaker 2: Oh oh oh god, it's okay. There's so much bloke.
What's a little more right?
Speaker 3: Can't be any more concussed than he already is. Don't
even worry about it.
Speaker 1: Well, thank you Beetlejuice for everything you taught me.
Speaker 3: Hey, you're welcome anytime. I had a great.
Speaker 1: Time, and thanks for listening. This has been good Morning
from Hell.
Speaker 2: Please tell your friends about this show, and if you
want to support us and get all the cool stuff
on our Patreon, you can do that good Morning from
Hell dot com or you get this cool man. We're
gonna need a new one. Pages are all bloody in
this nopad, but you can get that short out.
Speaker 1: Good morning from Hell dot com. All right, Chris, Chris, Yeah,
keep out here. Yeah yeah, I'll spit it off like you.
Speaker 2: Thank you to Josh Corey for coming on as the
weirdest boxer that Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice to boxer real weird.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you have a.
Speaker 1: Podcast it's actually about boxing. Can you tell us about
it what it is?
Speaker 3: Yes, thank you guys. I had a lot of fun
on My new podcast is called From Writer to Fighter.
It is an audio documentary the true story of how,
six months before my wedding, I decided to train to
become a real amateur fighter and it revealed a lot
about myself. I suffered, both physically and emotionally. And it's
for everybody. If you like underdog stories, whether that be
a sports story or a human story, I think you'll enjoy.
So that's available wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker 2: So you six months of train up to fight your wife.
Speaker 3: I was gonna say, I'm six months out from my wedding.
Should I also do this?
Speaker 1: Should I get into boxing as well?
Speaker 3: Look, man, there's a lot of changes that you know
happen at this time, and you know, you get a
little scared, and maybe the only thing you can control
is standing across from another man and going mono imano.
You know that simplifies things for some people. It certainly
did for me.
Speaker 1: Well, I'm sure your wife really appreciated the bruises and
the cuts on your face, the wedding photos.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I looked real bad. I'll send you guys some photos.
I actually broke my nose in three places and ended
up having to get plastic surgery. But after the it
wasn't broken severely enough that it ruined the photos. She
might not have gone through with it. I one.
Speaker 2: We met you through zach Ander. Y'all wrote together on Speechless.
Speaker 3: Yeah he's such a funny guy. I love him so much. Yeah,
we actually got together to do a couple little boxing
videos to promote the show. He's a wonderful guy. I'm
also writing on a Haunted Hotel right now. It's an
animated show on Netflix. The second season we'll be coming
out in the fall, and there's a little crossover. The
show takes place on a Hell mount. Oh nice, maybe
some of your listeners have heard of it. Nice.
Speaker 2: Well, we're gonna talk about why we're going to Hell
and everyone go check out.
Speaker 1: From writer to fighter
Speaker 3: Yeah, thanks for being on, Josh, Thanks you guys.