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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to the Parenting Roundabout podcast. I'm Terry Morrow.

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<v Speaker 2>And I'm Catherine Hileco.

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<v Speaker 1>Every Thursday, we're bringing you a library find, a pick

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<v Speaker 1>from our archives, and a parenting or pop culture tidbit

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<v Speaker 1>or two. Let's start with Catherine's library find of the week.

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<v Speaker 3>So recently I found myself without an audio book, and

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<v Speaker 3>yes I was. I had several things on hold that

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<v Speaker 3>didn't come in and I waited around for a couple

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<v Speaker 3>of days because you know, usually I have them kind

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<v Speaker 3>of cascaded so that when I finish one, there's another one,

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<v Speaker 3>you know.

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<v Speaker 1>Uh huh. And I have like twenty waiting for me

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<v Speaker 1>in my audible now if you ever need me to

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<v Speaker 1>loan new one.

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<v Speaker 2>So I have them.

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<v Speaker 3>I have, you know, these holes, and I'm like, when

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<v Speaker 3>I finish something, if I don't have the next one

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<v Speaker 3>right on tap, I try to wait it out because

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<v Speaker 3>as soon as I you know, download something else than

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<v Speaker 3>the one that I was waiting for will show up.

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<v Speaker 3>But anyway, so I waited a couple of days and

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<v Speaker 3>I still didn't have anything. So I was like, okay,

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<v Speaker 3>I gotta I gotta do something. So I went on

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<v Speaker 3>the on the app and looked at just like what

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<v Speaker 3>can I get right now? Yeah, and I ended up

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<v Speaker 3>with the Louise Penny. It's called Still Life, which is

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<v Speaker 3>the first of the famous armand Gamache series.

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<v Speaker 1>All right, so these are like famous that I know

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<v Speaker 1>who it is.

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<v Speaker 2>But yeah, well.

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<v Speaker 3>Gomash is a you know, inspector detective whatever in Montreal.

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<v Speaker 3>But this is the first of a series that's basically

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<v Speaker 3>set in this little village called Three Pines outside of Montreal,

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<v Speaker 3>and it's it's very famous as like a cozy mystery.

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<v Speaker 2>Kind of deal.

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<v Speaker 3>So I was like, I know, people are really people

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<v Speaker 3>really love these, so let me let me check this out.

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<v Speaker 2>And I loved it. You know, I'm not a thriller person.

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<v Speaker 2>I get too.

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<v Speaker 3>Upset, and this this one is definitely like I mean,

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<v Speaker 3>there is a murder and there's a bad guy, and

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<v Speaker 3>you know, there's lots of secrets and all that stuff.

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<v Speaker 3>But I still I enjoyed it quite a bit. And

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<v Speaker 3>it's you know, set in Quebec, so there's French and

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<v Speaker 3>it's just it's a fun, you know, introduction to this series.

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<v Speaker 3>I think that if you like the Mazy Dabbs miss

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<v Speaker 3>then you would probably keep me enjoy this. It's it

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<v Speaker 3>definitely has a lot of those those type of vibes.

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<v Speaker 2>So, and there's I.

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<v Speaker 1>Believe the audiobook readers have delightful accents.

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<v Speaker 3>Well, I mean he he definitely could speak French, you know,

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<v Speaker 3>I mean he could he could pronounce the French in

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<v Speaker 3>a way that sounded no founded good to.

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<v Speaker 1>The mazy dabs has. They have good stories and no

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<v Speaker 1>no aspersions cast on the writer whatsoever. But my favorite

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<v Speaker 1>part of the audiobooks was listening to the reader do

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<v Speaker 1>a variety of different British accents of people of different

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<v Speaker 1>classes and ages and a chur de force I think,

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<v Speaker 1>right of British accents, which I am partial to.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, this one is not that.

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<v Speaker 3>You know, he's not doing a lot of variety of voices,

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<v Speaker 3>but he is. He is giving you the nice French pronunciations,

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<v Speaker 3>which I enjoy hearing. So and like I said, there's

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<v Speaker 3>twenty of them. I believe twenty of Wow these and

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<v Speaker 3>the it's it's like a murder she wrote type of

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<v Speaker 3>thing where somehow this small village is constantly involved.

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<v Speaker 1>In death in capital Yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>So, but I found it.

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<v Speaker 3>It was one of those cases of I hear about

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<v Speaker 3>this all the time, Like I know, people really love

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<v Speaker 3>these and also what is available on levy right now right?

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<v Speaker 2>So it worked? I think it worked out quite well.

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<v Speaker 1>So nice.

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<v Speaker 2>Yes, that is a fun way to put a cozy

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<v Speaker 2>mystery the.

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<v Speaker 1>Desperation Fine, I recommend yes, yeah, And what do you.

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<v Speaker 2>Have for us?

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<v Speaker 1>Well? For my random recommendation of the week, I have

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<v Speaker 1>yet another game for your time wasting needs, okay, and

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<v Speaker 1>it doesn't take too long to do, and it's just

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<v Speaker 1>another one to add to your cue along with your

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<v Speaker 1>wordle and other things. It's called Waffle and I don't

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<v Speaker 1>know where I heard about it. I think maybe a

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<v Speaker 1>Facebook reel or something, or just a random ad somewhere

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<v Speaker 1>that I shouldn't have clicked on, but I did, and

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<v Speaker 1>it's legit and it's every day they come up with

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<v Speaker 1>a new one, and then you can also go back

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<v Speaker 1>and play old ones that you have not played yet.

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<v Speaker 1>But it's a let's see a one, two, three, four,

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<v Speaker 1>five by five letter grid with four blank squares in

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<v Speaker 1>the middle or in the corners of the inner square

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<v Speaker 1>are blank, and so it's like a little grid of

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<v Speaker 1>words and you have to figure out what each word is.

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<v Speaker 1>If it is a green square, then that letter is

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<v Speaker 1>in the correct place. There's a yellow square that letter

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<v Speaker 1>is in one of the words, either across or down,

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<v Speaker 1>but it is not in the correct place. And if

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<v Speaker 1>it is a gray square, that means it's just completely

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<v Speaker 1>in the wrong place. And you swap letters to eventually

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<v Speaker 1>make make all these words one, two, three, six words,

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<v Speaker 1>and you have fifteen swaps to do it. If you

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<v Speaker 1>go past fifteen swaps, goes wah wah, and you're done.

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<v Speaker 1>Doesn't make that noise just in my head. But you can't,

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<v Speaker 1>you can't finish. So it's you know, it doesn't take

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<v Speaker 1>long to do, whether you're successful or not, at the

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<v Speaker 1>same amount of time as a whordle, maybe maybe a

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<v Speaker 1>little less. So it's just a little something like in

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<v Speaker 1>the middle of the day when you need a break,

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<v Speaker 1>just just click on over there, see if you can

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<v Speaker 1>solve this thing, and then you're done. So, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>if you just need just a little bit of time wasting, right,

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<v Speaker 1>not a crossword puzzle's length of time wasting, not even

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<v Speaker 1>a wordle's length of time wasting, not a pseudoko's length

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<v Speaker 1>of time wasting. Just still just a couple of minutes.

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<v Speaker 1>It's very fun. I don't know who does it, who

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<v Speaker 1>puts it there what their nefarious purposes are, right, but

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<v Speaker 1>I have enjoyed doing them, So give it a shot.

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<v Speaker 1>Will not take you long, and the more you do it,

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<v Speaker 1>you sort of understand the tricks and stuff, but there

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<v Speaker 1>are few. Go into the little there's a little menu

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<v Speaker 1>in the upper left corner and you can get help

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<v Speaker 1>and instructions and such should you need them, but you

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<v Speaker 1>could also just start doing it because it's pretty self explanatory. Yeah. Now,

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<v Speaker 1>if you'll excuse me, I will be finishing today's Well.

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<v Speaker 1>Catherine announces our what's in our archives this week?

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, so our archive episode comes from twenty twenty.

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<v Speaker 2>It is called we should have known better and prompt

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<v Speaker 2>It was.

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<v Speaker 3>Prompted, I believe by Nicole. I think it was Nichole's

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<v Speaker 3>daughter said that she was going to paint her bedroom.

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<v Speaker 4>And she would do it oh by herself, and that

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<v Speaker 4>did not help what could possibly go wrong? And Nicole

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<v Speaker 4>was lamenting her own you know, she should have known

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<v Speaker 4>that this wouldn't this wouldn't work out the way that

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<v Speaker 4>her daughter thought it would, and she should have stepped

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<v Speaker 4>in and you know, intervened at some point in this process,

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<v Speaker 4>and she didn't. And then it became her problem. So, oh, yeah,

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<v Speaker 4>we're quite familiar with this.

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<v Speaker 1>We are. Yes, it's never ending. It's happens when you.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, I think back on things when my kids

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<v Speaker 1>were young, and I knew I shouldn't insert myself sort

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<v Speaker 1>of the opposite, I knew I shouldn't have inserted myself

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<v Speaker 1>and stuff, and I did right, and then then it

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<v Speaker 1>was all my fault, right, and certainly situations where I

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<v Speaker 1>should have maybe said or done something, but I was like,

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<v Speaker 1>let's just see how this works out. So either way, really,

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<v Speaker 1>if she had inserted herself immediately, that would have been

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<v Speaker 1>all I'm wrong to right.

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<v Speaker 3>Because then it would be like, why aren't you letting

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<v Speaker 3>your kid figure things out for her?

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<v Speaker 1>And as we've talked we've talked about I think recently,

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<v Speaker 1>it's like, if they do what you say, then you're

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<v Speaker 1>gonna worry that it was wrong, and then if they

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<v Speaker 1>don't do what you say, you're gonna know that it

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<v Speaker 1>was right. So either way, you're gonna be swimming in

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<v Speaker 1>a sea of worry and regret. Or maybe that's just me.

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<v Speaker 1>I can definitely think of things where I thought, I'm

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<v Speaker 1>just gonna let my child do this, or my young

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<v Speaker 1>person do this and have the experience of doing it,

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<v Speaker 1>or really more like thought, well, this goes wrong. It

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<v Speaker 1>was my idea, it's right idea, but then it goes wrong,

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<v Speaker 1>and then you feel like you should have done you

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<v Speaker 1>could have prevented this, right. So I don't know what

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<v Speaker 1>the solution is to that, though I think there's no

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<v Speaker 1>good way.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, because that's that's where I struggle, is like when

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<v Speaker 3>at one point do you do you intervene? You know,

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<v Speaker 3>because yes, you know, my kid, one of them cannot

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<v Speaker 3>be told like this is this is what you need

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<v Speaker 3>to do, this is how you need to do it.

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<v Speaker 3>Like you they just will never ever ever listen. So

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<v Speaker 3>they need to find things out the hard way.

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<v Speaker 2>Basically right, and that is so hard to up.

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<v Speaker 1>It is very difficult, yes, and it's it's hard to

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<v Speaker 1>come to grips for them and for you. Also that

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<v Speaker 1>oftentimes there is no right way to do it. There

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<v Speaker 1>is no right answer. It's not like there's the shining

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<v Speaker 1>path and the path of darkness and you just want

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<v Speaker 1>to nudge them over to the shining one. It's like

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<v Speaker 1>there's two paths that go into the jungle, and who

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<v Speaker 1>the bleep knows, And so if you facilitate, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>if they do their own thing and go into the

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<v Speaker 1>wrong way, and you can sort of feel like, well,

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<v Speaker 1>at least it wasn't me that sent them there. That

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<v Speaker 1>was their thing. But you're still going to have to

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<v Speaker 1>clean up the mess. And then if you push them

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<v Speaker 1>and then it turns out to not be right, is

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<v Speaker 1>it because you pushed? Is it because it was always

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<v Speaker 1>going to be wrong. It's fraught, man, It's fraught. It's

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<v Speaker 1>like I I should have known better, but it's just

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<v Speaker 1>like I really don't know. I don't know what better

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<v Speaker 1>is anymore. Maybe this is because I'm parenting older adults

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<v Speaker 1>and I look back at the path and think, nah,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm right, At.

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<v Speaker 2>What point did I?

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<v Speaker 1>I could have not done that thing that everybody told

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<v Speaker 1>me not to do, but I don't know that the

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<v Speaker 1>outcome would have been better. It would have been different,

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<v Speaker 1>but it would not necessarily have been better. You know.

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<v Speaker 1>I had lots of people telling me what the right

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<v Speaker 1>thing to do was, and I didn't believe it. So

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<v Speaker 1>I did what I was going to do. And it's

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<v Speaker 1>like should I have known better? Or should they have

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<v Speaker 1>known better? Or I mean, is it like nobody knows anything?

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<v Speaker 1>I think it's nobody knows anything except for Desmond. Desmond's

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<v Speaker 1>got over here. Can you look gun to the future

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<v Speaker 1>please and tell me and put a lightning rod up

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<v Speaker 1>for me? Thanks, yes, thank you. Listen to our last episode.

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<v Speaker 1>But you know, absent having been had a like an

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<v Speaker 1>anomaly throw you into seeing the future. How do you know?

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<v Speaker 1>You never know? I mean my daughter from high school time.

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<v Speaker 1>Our high school is very college oriented. They do not

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<v Speaker 1>want to acknowledge that anybody would not go to college.

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<v Speaker 1>And in fact, at one point they just eliminated all

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<v Speaker 1>these sub college prep classes because apparently we were living

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<v Speaker 1>in Lake Wobegon and everybody was above average. So she

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<v Speaker 1>got the message right away that you got to go

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<v Speaker 1>to college. Now, I would not have chosen that for her.

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<v Speaker 1>I didn't think that was necessarily the most productive thing

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<v Speaker 1>for her to be doing. But what the heck? It

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<v Speaker 1>worked out. Okay, she wanted to go, not me, not

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<v Speaker 1>me pushing she wanted to And then she got an

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<v Speaker 1>idea that you have a certain job she wanted and

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<v Speaker 1>I'm like, I don't know, that seems kind of ambitious,

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<v Speaker 1>but you know what it was hers, and I'm gonna

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<v Speaker 1>encourage it. Good for you. Go to college for that,

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<v Speaker 1>learn how to do that, go get a job doing that.

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<v Speaker 1>And then it was a kind of a spectacular disaster.

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<v Speaker 1>And should I have known better? Should I have looked

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<v Speaker 1>at this and said, oh, honey, not for you, right?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, how do you? How could you possibly do that?

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<v Speaker 1>It seemed like I felt at the time like at

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<v Speaker 1>least it not being me would be a benefit, because

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<v Speaker 1>if it was me, everybody would blame me. Everybody's don't

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<v Speaker 1>blame me no matter what. So this way I could say, well,

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<v Speaker 1>it was her, I just let her choose what. Don't

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<v Speaker 1>look at me, don't look at me. But now, looking back,

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<v Speaker 1>I kind of wished I had just taken one for

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<v Speaker 1>the team and said, sweetie, no, let's do something different.

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<v Speaker 1>But what would it have been. I have no idea. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>it's not like I had an alternative. I knew from

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<v Speaker 1>what one hundred percent certain would be good, and I

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<v Speaker 1>just let her wander off in her own tangled way. Man,

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<v Speaker 1>life is so hard to ten down.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I mean, this is this is the way of

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<v Speaker 3>you know, oh, your child's studying theater and coge Like,

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<v Speaker 3>how's that going to work out?

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<v Speaker 2>Well? You know what?

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<v Speaker 3>The alternative was nothing like the alternative was I can't

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<v Speaker 3>even like possibly not even graduating from high school, Like that's.

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<v Speaker 2>How right it was?

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<v Speaker 1>So yeah, well this gave me he wanted to do that,

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<v Speaker 1>he needed to pass for Yeah, and that's you don't

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<v Speaker 1>throw that away.

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<v Speaker 3>Right, And that was the option, So like, yeah, I

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<v Speaker 3>don't want to hear you should have done no, you

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<v Speaker 3>should have known better, Like well, okay.

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<v Speaker 1>Well when he's a big star, you'll laugh and laugh.

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<v Speaker 1>I hope that day comes for you because it didn't

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<v Speaker 1>come for me. But yeah, it's just especially raising kids

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<v Speaker 1>with special needs, you get a lot of you should

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<v Speaker 1>have known betters right all along the way.

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<v Speaker 2>And why didn't you?

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<v Speaker 1>Yes, and we know better. A lot of we know betters,

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<v Speaker 1>a lot of we know everything. You know nothing, so

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<v Speaker 1>do what we say and then you do something else

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<v Speaker 1>and it's like, well you should listen. You should listen

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<v Speaker 1>to the people who know things. And I didn't. And

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<v Speaker 1>you know, my kids are in their mid thirties now

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<v Speaker 1>I'm looking. I am not yet at a point where

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<v Speaker 1>I could say, in your face, look how great things

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<v Speaker 1>start out. I mean, could be different, could be better,

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<v Speaker 1>could be worse. I don't know, it's just life. It

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<v Speaker 1>just I mean, I look back at my life and think,

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<v Speaker 1>should I have done things differently? Maybe I went you

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<v Speaker 1>we are you know, nobody ever knows better. It's the

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<v Speaker 1>takeaway here, you should have, but you didn't you have

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<v Speaker 1>at the time we do exactly yes, And you know,

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<v Speaker 1>it's it's interesting that this comes in the same week

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<v Speaker 1>where we talked about this lost episode where somebody can

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<v Speaker 1>see into the future and then fix it, right which, man,

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<v Speaker 1>is there a match here somewhere I can turn a

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<v Speaker 1>key and get thrown so to be loose in time

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<v Speaker 1>and know what you know? And you don't have that?

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<v Speaker 1>But you know, flashbacks and flash forwards. I have flashbacks

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<v Speaker 1>all the time. I have flash forwards all the time.

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<v Speaker 1>Whereas it's gonna lead you know, that's kind of a

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<v Speaker 1>potent metaphor all that most stuff for what parents go

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<v Speaker 1>through is a constant state of did I do the

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<v Speaker 1>right thing? And how is this going to turn out?

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<v Speaker 1>And what is going to happen in the future? And

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<v Speaker 1>would you want to know? I would want to know

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<v Speaker 1>if it's good. I would not want to know if

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<v Speaker 1>it's bad unless there's something I could do about it. Hey, buddy,

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<v Speaker 1>can I borrow your golf club. So it's it's it's fraught,

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<v Speaker 1>and I mean talk about parenting like this and then

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<v Speaker 1>you feel on my discouraging people from being parents. I

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<v Speaker 1>mean it's like you're just in a soap opera for

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<v Speaker 1>the rest of your life, and it's a you never

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<v Speaker 1>know what's going to be the next thing. It's kind

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<v Speaker 1>of exciting. Sometimes it's a comedy, sometimes it's a drama,

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<v Speaker 1>and uh, you know, moment by moment you love it.

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<v Speaker 1>It's just these step backs to say, hmm, right, yep,

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<v Speaker 1>try to avoid those whenever possible. That would be our

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<v Speaker 1>Nothing good comes of those. You did what you did,

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<v Speaker 1>Own it and move.

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<v Speaker 3>On, Yes, you know, until such time as you get

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<v Speaker 3>hit in the head and.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, ye in the yeah, until we see see into

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<v Speaker 1>the future. Yeah. I often think about if I could

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<v Speaker 1>see into the future, would you want that or do

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<v Speaker 1>you want to just just plod along putting one foot

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<v Speaker 1>in front of the other and owning your choices? Right,

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<v Speaker 1>that's an important thing for parents. Own your choices. Unless

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<v Speaker 1>you were acting with malice, you did the best you

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<v Speaker 1>could and you don't know what would have happened if

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<v Speaker 1>you've done it differently. So the kind of I should

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<v Speaker 1>have known better. Regret is really useless, other than to

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<v Speaker 1>make you lie awake at night and be crabby in

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<v Speaker 1>the morning. Thank you for listening. You can find all

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<v Speaker 1>our episodes on spreaker, app podcasts, Amazon Music, or wherever

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<v Speaker 1>you get your podcasts. You can find recaps, links, and

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<v Speaker 1>an opportunity to comment on our website at parentingroundabout dot com.

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<v Speaker 3>You can also talk to us on our Facebook page,

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<v Speaker 3>on Instagram or on Twitter, where you'll find us at

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<v Speaker 3>roundabout Chat. And please visit our Amazon shop at Amazon

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<v Speaker 3>dot com, slash Shop slash Mamitude, where you can find

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<v Speaker 3>links to a lot of the things we've talked about

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<v Speaker 3>over the years.