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<v Speaker 1>Hello, and welcome to Pastor Rick's Daily Hope with Rick Warren.

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<v Speaker 1>We are so glad you're here with us.

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<v Speaker 2>Today.

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<v Speaker 1>We're going to continue our series called the Keys to

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<v Speaker 1>a Blessed Life. And in these messages, Rick walks through

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<v Speaker 1>Jesus's Sermon on the Mount and shows us how to

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<v Speaker 1>live a truly hopeful and purpose filled life. And here's

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<v Speaker 1>part three of how to reconcile a relationship.

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<v Speaker 2>Here's what Jesus says.

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<v Speaker 3>Notice this verse Matthew seven, Verses three and five, same

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<v Speaker 3>Sermon on the Mount.

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<v Speaker 2>He says, why do.

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<v Speaker 3>You notice the little speck of dust in your friend's eye,

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<v Speaker 3>but you don't notice the big piece of wood in

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<v Speaker 3>your own eye? First take the wood out of your

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<v Speaker 3>own eye, and then you'll be able to see clearly.

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<v Speaker 3>That's the blind spots. To take the dust out of

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<v Speaker 3>your friend's eye. Now, guys, you don't understand this, because

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<v Speaker 3>two thousand years later we don't understand Hebrew humor. But

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<v Speaker 3>that sentence is a joke. It's humor. You may not

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<v Speaker 3>realize this, but the Sermon on the Mount is filled

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<v Speaker 3>with laughlines. Jesus told a lot of jokes, and he

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<v Speaker 3>used a lot of humor in his preaching. We just

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<v Speaker 3>don't understand it because we don't think in Hebrew humor

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<v Speaker 3>from two thousand years ago. Hebrew humor is humor by exaggeration,

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<v Speaker 3>and so Jesus is. When he would tell stuff, he

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<v Speaker 3>would awfully throw in a laughline. The Sermon on the

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<v Speaker 3>Mount's filled with some funny stuff. We just don't get it.

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<v Speaker 3>For instance, when Jesus says, you've heard this one. It's

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<v Speaker 3>easier for the camel, a camel to go through an

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<v Speaker 3>eye of a needle than for a rich man to

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<v Speaker 3>hold onto his money and to get into heaven. Now,

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<v Speaker 3>when Jesus said that, they died laughing. They go, oh, Lord,

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<v Speaker 3>that's a good one. A camel going through an eye

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<v Speaker 3>of a needle. Yeah right, that's you know, that's obviously impossible.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay. And they're like, oh Lord, that you're too funny.

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<v Speaker 2>That's hilarious. You know.

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<v Speaker 3>When Jesus says, hey, you know those religious leaders over there,

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<v Speaker 3>they strain at a gnat and then they swallow a camel.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh Lord, you're killing me. Lord, that's too much.

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<v Speaker 3>This guy should be on comedy club in a try

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<v Speaker 3>the liver. I'm here, no Friday, I mean it's great,

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<v Speaker 3>you know, Oh lord, that's just you've unstrained it a

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<v Speaker 3>gnat and swallow.

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<v Speaker 2>Aka, it's a funny line. Now we don't get it.

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<v Speaker 3>We're going now the meaning Greek meaning of the word

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<v Speaker 3>gnat sh right over our heads, totally oblivious to it.

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<v Speaker 2>Jesus is using.

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<v Speaker 3>Humor and sarcasm to make a point. And here he's saying, hey, guys,

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<v Speaker 3>before you get the speck of sawdust out of your

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<v Speaker 3>wife's eye, why don't you get the telephone poll out

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<v Speaker 3>of yours?

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<v Speaker 2>Oh lord, you're killing me, oh too much? Please stop.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm dying. I'm dying. You know. He's telling humor. Now

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<v Speaker 2>here's the point.

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<v Speaker 3>He's saying, you need to confess your part of the

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<v Speaker 3>conflict first. So I need to say when I come

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<v Speaker 3>to you in this piece thing, I don't.

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<v Speaker 2>Start with you. I don't start with all the ways

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<v Speaker 2>you've hurt me. I don't.

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<v Speaker 3>We'll get to that, we'll get to that. But I

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<v Speaker 3>just start with me, and I go, have I been unrealistic?

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<v Speaker 3>And now I'm asking myself. Am I being insensitive? That's

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<v Speaker 3>caused conflict? Am I being oversensitive and that's caused conflict?

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<v Speaker 3>Am I being ungrateful, and I just haven't showed gratitude

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<v Speaker 3>to this person, and that's hurting.

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<v Speaker 2>Am I being over demanding? You just do an honest

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<v Speaker 2>evaluation and say what are my blind spots? All right?

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<v Speaker 3>Then once you've done that, you've confessed your part of

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<v Speaker 3>the problem.

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<v Speaker 2>Number four.

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<v Speaker 3>I listen for their hurt and perspective. I listen for

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<v Speaker 3>their hurt and their perspective. Now it's very important I

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<v Speaker 3>listen for hurt because there's always hurt in a conflict.

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<v Speaker 3>We think we argue over ideas, but we actually argue

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<v Speaker 3>over emotion.

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<v Speaker 2>We argue over feelings.

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<v Speaker 3>And anytime there's a conflict, somebody got their feelings hurt.

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<v Speaker 3>Somebody felt abused, somebody felt slighted. It's not the idea

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<v Speaker 3>that causes the conflict, it's the emotion behind the idea.

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<v Speaker 3>How many times have you heard me say? Hurt people

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<v Speaker 3>hurt people? In other words, the more I'm hurting, the

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<v Speaker 3>more I lash out at everybody else. People aren't hurting,

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<v Speaker 3>don't hurt others. People who are filled with love are

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<v Speaker 3>loving to others. People who are filled with joy are

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<v Speaker 3>joyful to others. People who are at peace or at

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<v Speaker 3>peace with everybody else but if I'm hurting inside, I'm

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<v Speaker 3>going to hurt you. And the more I hurt, the

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<v Speaker 3>more I'm going to hurt you, the more I'm gonna

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<v Speaker 3>lash out. The people who need love the most are

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<v Speaker 3>those who deserve it the least. The people who are

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<v Speaker 3>most obnoxious and irritating and just you don't even want

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<v Speaker 3>to be around them, Those are people who need massive

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<v Speaker 3>doses of love. Hurt people, hurt people. I mean, well,

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<v Speaker 3>my mom hurt me, Well, you need to know why

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<v Speaker 3>she was hurting.

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<v Speaker 2>My dad hurt me.

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<v Speaker 3>You need to know the hurt that caused him to

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<v Speaker 3>hurt you. Hurt people, hurt people. Now, I want to

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<v Speaker 3>tell you this principle. It doesn't matter if it's in

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<v Speaker 3>a marriage, or if it's in the marketplace, or if

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<v Speaker 3>it's in the Middle East. When people feel they're not

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<v Speaker 3>listened to, when people feel slighted, when people are robbed

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<v Speaker 3>of their dignity, they get mad. Doesn't matter if it's

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<v Speaker 3>on the border or if it's in Ukraine or anywhere

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<v Speaker 3>else that there's a conflict. When people feel their dignity

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<v Speaker 3>is destroyed, when people feel they're not being listened to,

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<v Speaker 3>they're not being paid attention to, they're not being valued.

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<v Speaker 3>They get mad like a cat pushed back into a corner.

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<v Speaker 3>And if you want to connect with people, you must

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<v Speaker 3>start with their needs, their hurts, and their interests. You

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<v Speaker 3>want to be a good salesman, you don't start with

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<v Speaker 3>your product.

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<v Speaker 2>You start with.

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<v Speaker 3>Their need, their hurts, and their interests. Interest you want

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<v Speaker 3>to be a good professor or pastor or anything. You

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<v Speaker 3>start with their needs, their hurts, their interests. Not what

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<v Speaker 3>you have to share, but what they need. If you

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<v Speaker 3>want to connect with people, that's where it starts. So

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<v Speaker 3>you listen for their hurt and you're actually listening behind

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<v Speaker 3>the words. It's not what they say in an argument that.

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<v Speaker 2>You need to listening.

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<v Speaker 3>You need listen to the emotion behind the words. The

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<v Speaker 3>emotion's far more important because people will say one thing,

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<v Speaker 3>but they're feeling something else, like how you doing it?

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<v Speaker 2>I'm fine. I'm fine means I'm not fine in a

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<v Speaker 2>lot of cases.

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<v Speaker 3>James Chapter one, verse nineteen says this be quick to listen,

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<v Speaker 3>slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Now, if

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<v Speaker 3>you do the first two, the third is automatic. If

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<v Speaker 3>you are quick to listen and you are slow to speak,

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<v Speaker 3>you will be slow.

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<v Speaker 2>To get angry.

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<v Speaker 3>On the other hand, if you have a trigger temper

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<v Speaker 3>and you get angry.

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<v Speaker 2>Really fast, I'll tell you why.

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<v Speaker 3>It's because you're not quick to listen and you're not

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<v Speaker 3>slow to speak. In fact, you're quick to speak and

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<v Speaker 3>slow to listen, and that's why you get angry. How

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<v Speaker 3>many times have I told you God gave you two

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<v Speaker 3>ears and one mouth. You should always listen twice as much.

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<v Speaker 2>As you speak.

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<v Speaker 3>And this is the next step in conflict management. You

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<v Speaker 3>listen to their hurt and you listen to their perspective.

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<v Speaker 3>Because you don't know their perspective. That's why there's conflict.

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<v Speaker 3>I want you to write this down. Always listen before speaking,

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<v Speaker 3>always always, always, always, always, always, always always always listen

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<v Speaker 3>before speaking. This is the key to diffusing conflict. You

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<v Speaker 3>listen before you speak, and then people feel validated when

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<v Speaker 3>you Your ears are actually love organs, because when you speak,

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<v Speaker 3>you're showing love by listening to them.

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<v Speaker 2>Now, so are your eyes.

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<v Speaker 3>When you look at people and you pay attention, you're

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<v Speaker 3>saying you matter to me, You're valuable, You're worth my attention.

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<v Speaker 2>Philippians two four.

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<v Speaker 3>And five says this, Each of you should look circle

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<v Speaker 3>the word look we'll come back to that minute. Each

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<v Speaker 3>of you should look not only to your own interest

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<v Speaker 3>but also to the interests of others, and your attitude

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<v Speaker 3>should be the same.

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<v Speaker 2>As that of Christ.

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<v Speaker 3>Jesus, what is he saying you intentionally switch your focus

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<v Speaker 3>from your needs to their needs. Conflict resolution starts with

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<v Speaker 3>the way you look at the situation, the way you

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<v Speaker 3>see it. That word look there said, don't just look

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<v Speaker 3>at your own needs, look at the needs of the

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<v Speaker 3>person you're having a problem with. That word look is

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<v Speaker 3>the Greek word scopos. We get the word microscope. You

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<v Speaker 3>look at little things that you don't normally see. Telescope

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<v Speaker 3>you look at stars you can't see up closed. Scopos

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<v Speaker 3>means to focus, focus, and it says your attitude should

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<v Speaker 3>be the same as that of Jesus. Christ, you are

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<v Speaker 3>most like Jesus when you're focusing on the hurts of

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<v Speaker 3>somebody else rather than your own. You are most like

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<v Speaker 3>Jesus when you're focus on the hurts of somebody else,

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<v Speaker 3>your child, your wife, your dad, your.

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<v Speaker 2>Client.

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<v Speaker 3>When you're focusing on somebody else's hurtsing you study your own,

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<v Speaker 3>that's when you're like Jesus. When Jesus is on the cross,

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<v Speaker 3>dying for the sins of all mankind. He's not focusing

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<v Speaker 3>on his pain. He's saying, Father, forgive them. They don't

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<v Speaker 3>know what they're doing. He's still focusing on us, even

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<v Speaker 3>in the middle of his pain. So he says, focus

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<v Speaker 3>scope us. Try to see their perspective before you go

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<v Speaker 3>mouthing off on your hurt, your need. Those are legitimate,

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<v Speaker 3>But go ahead and first try to focus on their perspective.

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<v Speaker 3>How do you do that by paying attention. There's an

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<v Speaker 3>old Chinese parable, a proverb that says, seek to understand

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<v Speaker 3>before seeking to be understood. That's what Jesus is saying here.

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<v Speaker 3>He's saying, before you see, we're so busy trying to

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<v Speaker 3>get the person we're in conflict with to see our position.

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<v Speaker 3>We're not listening to theirs. We're so busy speaking, We're

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<v Speaker 3>not listening to theirs, and where as a result, we

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<v Speaker 3>move further and further away. Now, let's just take an

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<v Speaker 3>example the people that you work with. And you have

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<v Speaker 3>some people who work with, and you think that one person,

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<v Speaker 3>they are so irritating to me. I just they every

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<v Speaker 3>time I get around them, my blood starts to boil.

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<v Speaker 3>I just don't even like being around them. And the

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<v Speaker 3>reason why is you don't scope us. You don't see

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<v Speaker 3>their circumstance, you don't see their temperament, and you don't

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<v Speaker 3>see their background. The people that you work with, the

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<v Speaker 3>more you understand them, the more patient you're going to be.

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<v Speaker 3>The less you understand the people you work with, the

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<v Speaker 3>more impatient you're gonna be. Why because it is human

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<v Speaker 3>nature when you're working with people that you tend we

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<v Speaker 3>tend to judge how far people have to go. We

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<v Speaker 3>look at it and go, man, they got a long

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<v Speaker 3>way to go before they start being mature, instead of

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<v Speaker 3>looking at how far they've come. When you look at

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<v Speaker 3>how far they've come, then you start cutting them some slack.

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<v Speaker 2>And if you scope us, you.

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<v Speaker 3>Actually take the time to get to know that jerk

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<v Speaker 3>and find out their temperament, their background, and the things

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<v Speaker 3>that they're going through their pressures, you'd cut them some slack.

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<v Speaker 3>You go, man, If I had had a father like that,

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<v Speaker 3>I'd probably be irritating too, if I had gone through

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<v Speaker 3>all the difficulty they went through, If I had experienced

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<v Speaker 3>that kind of prejudice, if I had experienced that kind

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<v Speaker 3>of bigotry, if I had understood the hurt. If I

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<v Speaker 3>had had that hurt in my life, I probably wouldn't

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<v Speaker 3>be as far along as they are. Stop looking at

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<v Speaker 3>how far people have to go and start looking at

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<v Speaker 3>how far people have come, and then you're listening for

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<v Speaker 3>their hurt and their effective. Now there are two areas.

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<v Speaker 3>The Bible says that you are commanded by God to

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<v Speaker 3>be patient with, to be understanding with, and to be

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<v Speaker 3>considerate of when you're dealing with anybody else. It's in

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<v Speaker 3>Romans chapter fifteen, verse two. We must be considerate of

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<v Speaker 3>the doubts and fears of others. Circle doubts and fears.

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<v Speaker 3>Let's please the other fellow, not ourselves, and do what

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<v Speaker 3>is for his good and thus build him up in

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<v Speaker 3>the Lord. Anytime somebody does something that you go that

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<v Speaker 3>doesn't make sense, why in the world are they doing that?

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<v Speaker 2>It's almost always a fear.

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<v Speaker 3>And if you just look at their behavior, you're going

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<v Speaker 3>to be quite judgmental. But if you look at their

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<v Speaker 3>fear and you find it out, you're going to be

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<v Speaker 3>a whole lot more understanding. We are to be considerate

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<v Speaker 3>of the doubts and fears of others.

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<v Speaker 2>That'll make you more patient. Here's the problem.

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<v Speaker 3>My fears are perfectly rational and entirely normal. Your fears

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<v Speaker 3>are stupid, They're irrational, they don't make sense. And that's

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<v Speaker 3>the way we feel my fears. There's a legitimate reason

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<v Speaker 3>why I'm afraid of this, and you ought to be

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<v Speaker 3>afraid too. You, on the other hand, your fears nn

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<v Speaker 3>and they just you just poo pull them away. Husbands,

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<v Speaker 3>do you pooh pooh the fears of your wife? Honey,

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<v Speaker 3>you shouldn't fear that way. That's very helpful, thank you. Listen,

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<v Speaker 3>all fears are irrational. All fears fears f e A R,

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<v Speaker 3>false evidence appearing real, and mine are as irrational as

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<v Speaker 3>yours are. We just have different ways of rationalizing them.

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<v Speaker 3>You know what rationalize means rational lies. We tell ourselves rational lies.

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<v Speaker 3>And he go said, mine's are natural, yours are unnatural

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<v Speaker 3>mine or normal? Yours are unnormal, Mine are legitimate, yours

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<v Speaker 3>are illegit. No, we must be considerate of the doubts

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<v Speaker 3>and fears of each other. And when you do that,

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<v Speaker 3>the conflict that's going to go down in your marriage,

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<v Speaker 3>and the conflict's going to go down with your kids,

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<v Speaker 3>and the conflict's going to go down with the people

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<v Speaker 3>you work with, and your customers and your clients. Okay,

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<v Speaker 3>number five, the fifth step. After I've I've admitted my

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<v Speaker 3>faults and I've listened for your hurts and perspective. Now

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<v Speaker 3>I speak the truth tactfully. Speak the truth tactfully. The

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<v Speaker 3>truth sets you free. But you've got to say it

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<v Speaker 3>with love. You've got to say it with kindness. You've

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<v Speaker 3>got to say it with tact People say, well, I

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<v Speaker 3>just tell it like it is. That's called being rude.

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<v Speaker 3>It means you don't really care about other people. You

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<v Speaker 3>just want to get it off your chest. Phesians four fifteen.

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<v Speaker 3>Speak the truth what in love?

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<v Speaker 2>The truth is not enough.

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<v Speaker 3>It's not just what you say, it's how you say it.

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<v Speaker 3>And if you say it offensively, it will be received defensively.

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<v Speaker 3>You must always speak truth to your children in love.

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<v Speaker 2>Parents.

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<v Speaker 3>The moment you start yelling at your kids, they're not

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<v Speaker 3>listening to a word you say. All they're hearing is

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<v Speaker 3>the emotion, and they will remember the emotion and will

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<v Speaker 3>not remember the words. It doesn't work. You are never

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<v Speaker 3>persuasive when you are abrasive. You never get your point

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<v Speaker 3>across by being cross. You're upset with the waitress or

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<v Speaker 3>the clerk.

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<v Speaker 2>Or anything like that.

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<v Speaker 3>Anytime you start acting in an irritating way, they're not

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<v Speaker 3>listening at all. You must speak the truth in love.

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<v Speaker 3>You never use truth as a club. People change faster

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<v Speaker 3>and people change easier when the truth. And it's often

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<v Speaker 3>difficult to receive the truth when it's wrapped in love.

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<v Speaker 3>I call it a truth burrito. You wrap it in

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<v Speaker 3>love so that people can receive the heart truth. Truth

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<v Speaker 3>without love is resisted, Truth with love is received. And

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<v Speaker 3>so it's not just what you say, it's how you

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<v Speaker 3>say it. Now, the Bible says in Proverbs twelve, verse eighteen,

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<v Speaker 3>reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of

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<v Speaker 3>the wise brings healing. Now, what's you say in there

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<v Speaker 3>in a conflict? Foolish words hurt, and wise words heal.

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<v Speaker 3>And it's your choice. You never get your point across

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<v Speaker 3>by being cross. It's all in the way you say it.

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<v Speaker 1>Such a great message by Rick today and every day.

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<v Speaker 1>I sure hope you were just as encouraged as I was.

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<v Speaker 1>And now here's Rick with an important message.

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<v Speaker 3>Hi, everybody, thanks so much for listening today. You know,

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<v Speaker 3>my hope is that God uses this broadcast to help

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<v Speaker 3>deepen your relationship with Jesus. Now, these Daily Hope Messages

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<v Speaker 3>are distributed on radio stations and digital platforms all across

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<v Speaker 3>the globe, and listeners are writing and letting us know

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<v Speaker 3>that their lives are being changed. They're telling us that

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<v Speaker 3>they're walking with Jesus and that guilt and fear has

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<v Speaker 3>been chased from their lives by God's love. You know,

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<v Speaker 3>relationships are being restored, and marriages are being healed, and

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<v Speaker 3>many people are saying that they've found their life purpose.

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<v Speaker 3>I want to say thank you to you, because we're

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<v Speaker 3>only able to carry the hope of Jesus to these

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<v Speaker 3>people all around the world because of gifts from generous

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<v Speaker 3>listeners like you. I just wanted to say I am

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<v Speaker 3>so grateful for your prayers and your financial support.

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<v Speaker 2>Now.

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<v Speaker 3>I understand in times like these, many of you are

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<v Speaker 3>unable to give financial support. Hear it from me. That's okay,

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<v Speaker 3>because I never want anybody to give unless God leads

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<v Speaker 3>them to give. That's between you and God, not between

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<v Speaker 3>you and me, but between you and God. And your

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<v Speaker 3>prayers are a continual and incredible contribution to this Daily

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<v Speaker 3>Hope ministry. Now, if you do want to give a

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<v Speaker 3>financial gift. I've got some really great news to share

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<v Speaker 3>with you. There's a generous friend of Daily Hope Broadcast

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<v Speaker 3>who is offering to match the amount of your gift.

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<v Speaker 3>In other words, if you give twenty dollars, then that

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<v Speaker 3>person is combined it with a grant to make your

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<v Speaker 3>gift forty dollars.

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<v Speaker 2>If you've never given a.

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<v Speaker 3>Gift to Daily Hope, I want you to pray about

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<v Speaker 3>partnering with us so that together we can continue to

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<v Speaker 3>share the hope of Jesus.

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<v Speaker 2>Throughout the whole world. I love you so much.

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<v Speaker 4>Hey, if you'd like to support Pastor ricks Daily Hope,

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<v Speaker 4>just go to Pastorick dot com. That's Pastorick dot com.

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<v Speaker 4>Or you can text the word hope to seven oh

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<v Speaker 4>three oh nine. That's the word hope to seven oh

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<v Speaker 4>three oh nine. And really, from the bottom of our hearts,

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<v Speaker 4>we thank you so much for your support. Your gift

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<v Speaker 4>to Daily.

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<v Speaker 1>Hope helps us share the hope of Christ with people everywhere. Hey,

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<v Speaker 1>be sure to join us next time when we look

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<v Speaker 1>into God's word for our daily hope. This program is

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<v Speaker 1>sponsored by Pastor Rick's Daily Hope and your generous financial

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<v Speaker 1>support