Speaker 1: Hello, and welcome to Pastor Rick's Daily Hope with Rick Warren.
Speaker 1: We are so glad you're here with us.
Speaker 2: Today.
Speaker 1: We're going to continue our series called the Keys to
Speaker 1: a Blessed Life. And in these messages, Rick walks through
Speaker 1: Jesus's Sermon on the Mount and shows us how to
Speaker 1: live a truly hopeful and purpose filled life. And here's
Speaker 1: part three of how to reconcile a relationship.
Speaker 2: Here's what Jesus says.
Speaker 3: Notice this verse Matthew seven, Verses three and five, same
Speaker 3: Sermon on the Mount.
Speaker 2: He says, why do.
Speaker 3: You notice the little speck of dust in your friend's eye,
Speaker 3: but you don't notice the big piece of wood in
Speaker 3: your own eye? First take the wood out of your
Speaker 3: own eye, and then you'll be able to see clearly.
Speaker 3: That's the blind spots. To take the dust out of
Speaker 3: your friend's eye. Now, guys, you don't understand this, because
Speaker 3: two thousand years later we don't understand Hebrew humor. But
Speaker 3: that sentence is a joke. It's humor. You may not
Speaker 3: realize this, but the Sermon on the Mount is filled
Speaker 3: with laughlines. Jesus told a lot of jokes, and he
Speaker 3: used a lot of humor in his preaching. We just
Speaker 3: don't understand it because we don't think in Hebrew humor
Speaker 3: from two thousand years ago. Hebrew humor is humor by exaggeration,
Speaker 3: and so Jesus is. When he would tell stuff, he
Speaker 3: would awfully throw in a laughline. The Sermon on the
Speaker 3: Mount's filled with some funny stuff. We just don't get it.
Speaker 3: For instance, when Jesus says, you've heard this one. It's
Speaker 3: easier for the camel, a camel to go through an
Speaker 3: eye of a needle than for a rich man to
Speaker 3: hold onto his money and to get into heaven. Now,
Speaker 3: when Jesus said that, they died laughing. They go, oh, Lord,
Speaker 3: that's a good one. A camel going through an eye
Speaker 3: of a needle. Yeah right, that's you know, that's obviously impossible.
Speaker 2: Okay. And they're like, oh Lord, that you're too funny.
Speaker 2: That's hilarious. You know.
Speaker 3: When Jesus says, hey, you know those religious leaders over there,
Speaker 3: they strain at a gnat and then they swallow a camel.
Speaker 2: Oh Lord, you're killing me. Lord, that's too much.
Speaker 3: This guy should be on comedy club in a try
Speaker 3: the liver. I'm here, no Friday, I mean it's great,
Speaker 3: you know, Oh lord, that's just you've unstrained it a
Speaker 3: gnat and swallow.
Speaker 2: Aka, it's a funny line. Now we don't get it.
Speaker 3: We're going now the meaning Greek meaning of the word
Speaker 3: gnat sh right over our heads, totally oblivious to it.
Speaker 2: Jesus is using.
Speaker 3: Humor and sarcasm to make a point. And here he's saying, hey, guys,
Speaker 3: before you get the speck of sawdust out of your
Speaker 3: wife's eye, why don't you get the telephone poll out
Speaker 3: of yours?
Speaker 2: Oh lord, you're killing me, oh too much? Please stop.
Speaker 2: I'm dying. I'm dying. You know. He's telling humor. Now
Speaker 2: here's the point.
Speaker 3: He's saying, you need to confess your part of the
Speaker 3: conflict first. So I need to say when I come
Speaker 3: to you in this piece thing, I don't.
Speaker 2: Start with you. I don't start with all the ways
Speaker 2: you've hurt me. I don't.
Speaker 3: We'll get to that, we'll get to that. But I
Speaker 3: just start with me, and I go, have I been unrealistic?
Speaker 3: And now I'm asking myself. Am I being insensitive? That's
Speaker 3: caused conflict? Am I being oversensitive and that's caused conflict?
Speaker 3: Am I being ungrateful, and I just haven't showed gratitude
Speaker 3: to this person, and that's hurting.
Speaker 2: Am I being over demanding? You just do an honest
Speaker 2: evaluation and say what are my blind spots? All right?
Speaker 3: Then once you've done that, you've confessed your part of
Speaker 3: the problem.
Speaker 2: Number four.
Speaker 3: I listen for their hurt and perspective. I listen for
Speaker 3: their hurt and their perspective. Now it's very important I
Speaker 3: listen for hurt because there's always hurt in a conflict.
Speaker 3: We think we argue over ideas, but we actually argue
Speaker 3: over emotion.
Speaker 2: We argue over feelings.
Speaker 3: And anytime there's a conflict, somebody got their feelings hurt.
Speaker 3: Somebody felt abused, somebody felt slighted. It's not the idea
Speaker 3: that causes the conflict, it's the emotion behind the idea.
Speaker 3: How many times have you heard me say? Hurt people
Speaker 3: hurt people? In other words, the more I'm hurting, the
Speaker 3: more I lash out at everybody else. People aren't hurting,
Speaker 3: don't hurt others. People who are filled with love are
Speaker 3: loving to others. People who are filled with joy are
Speaker 3: joyful to others. People who are at peace or at
Speaker 3: peace with everybody else but if I'm hurting inside, I'm
Speaker 3: going to hurt you. And the more I hurt, the
Speaker 3: more I'm going to hurt you, the more I'm gonna
Speaker 3: lash out. The people who need love the most are
Speaker 3: those who deserve it the least. The people who are
Speaker 3: most obnoxious and irritating and just you don't even want
Speaker 3: to be around them, Those are people who need massive
Speaker 3: doses of love. Hurt people, hurt people. I mean, well,
Speaker 3: my mom hurt me, Well, you need to know why
Speaker 3: she was hurting.
Speaker 2: My dad hurt me.
Speaker 3: You need to know the hurt that caused him to
Speaker 3: hurt you. Hurt people, hurt people. Now, I want to
Speaker 3: tell you this principle. It doesn't matter if it's in
Speaker 3: a marriage, or if it's in the marketplace, or if
Speaker 3: it's in the Middle East. When people feel they're not
Speaker 3: listened to, when people feel slighted, when people are robbed
Speaker 3: of their dignity, they get mad. Doesn't matter if it's
Speaker 3: on the border or if it's in Ukraine or anywhere
Speaker 3: else that there's a conflict. When people feel their dignity
Speaker 3: is destroyed, when people feel they're not being listened to,
Speaker 3: they're not being paid attention to, they're not being valued.
Speaker 3: They get mad like a cat pushed back into a corner.
Speaker 3: And if you want to connect with people, you must
Speaker 3: start with their needs, their hurts, and their interests. You
Speaker 3: want to be a good salesman, you don't start with
Speaker 3: your product.
Speaker 2: You start with.
Speaker 3: Their need, their hurts, and their interests. Interest you want
Speaker 3: to be a good professor or pastor or anything. You
Speaker 3: start with their needs, their hurts, their interests. Not what
Speaker 3: you have to share, but what they need. If you
Speaker 3: want to connect with people, that's where it starts. So
Speaker 3: you listen for their hurt and you're actually listening behind
Speaker 3: the words. It's not what they say in an argument that.
Speaker 2: You need to listening.
Speaker 3: You need listen to the emotion behind the words. The
Speaker 3: emotion's far more important because people will say one thing,
Speaker 3: but they're feeling something else, like how you doing it?
Speaker 2: I'm fine. I'm fine means I'm not fine in a
Speaker 2: lot of cases.
Speaker 3: James Chapter one, verse nineteen says this be quick to listen,
Speaker 3: slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Now, if
Speaker 3: you do the first two, the third is automatic. If
Speaker 3: you are quick to listen and you are slow to speak,
Speaker 3: you will be slow.
Speaker 2: To get angry.
Speaker 3: On the other hand, if you have a trigger temper
Speaker 3: and you get angry.
Speaker 2: Really fast, I'll tell you why.
Speaker 3: It's because you're not quick to listen and you're not
Speaker 3: slow to speak. In fact, you're quick to speak and
Speaker 3: slow to listen, and that's why you get angry. How
Speaker 3: many times have I told you God gave you two
Speaker 3: ears and one mouth. You should always listen twice as much.
Speaker 2: As you speak.
Speaker 3: And this is the next step in conflict management. You
Speaker 3: listen to their hurt and you listen to their perspective.
Speaker 3: Because you don't know their perspective. That's why there's conflict.
Speaker 3: I want you to write this down. Always listen before speaking,
Speaker 3: always always, always, always, always, always, always always always listen
Speaker 3: before speaking. This is the key to diffusing conflict. You
Speaker 3: listen before you speak, and then people feel validated when
Speaker 3: you Your ears are actually love organs, because when you speak,
Speaker 3: you're showing love by listening to them.
Speaker 2: Now, so are your eyes.
Speaker 3: When you look at people and you pay attention, you're
Speaker 3: saying you matter to me, You're valuable, You're worth my attention.
Speaker 2: Philippians two four.
Speaker 3: And five says this, Each of you should look circle
Speaker 3: the word look we'll come back to that minute. Each
Speaker 3: of you should look not only to your own interest
Speaker 3: but also to the interests of others, and your attitude
Speaker 3: should be the same.
Speaker 2: As that of Christ.
Speaker 3: Jesus, what is he saying you intentionally switch your focus
Speaker 3: from your needs to their needs. Conflict resolution starts with
Speaker 3: the way you look at the situation, the way you
Speaker 3: see it. That word look there said, don't just look
Speaker 3: at your own needs, look at the needs of the
Speaker 3: person you're having a problem with. That word look is
Speaker 3: the Greek word scopos. We get the word microscope. You
Speaker 3: look at little things that you don't normally see. Telescope
Speaker 3: you look at stars you can't see up closed. Scopos
Speaker 3: means to focus, focus, and it says your attitude should
Speaker 3: be the same as that of Jesus. Christ, you are
Speaker 3: most like Jesus when you're focusing on the hurts of
Speaker 3: somebody else rather than your own. You are most like
Speaker 3: Jesus when you're focus on the hurts of somebody else,
Speaker 3: your child, your wife, your dad, your.
Speaker 2: Client.
Speaker 3: When you're focusing on somebody else's hurtsing you study your own,
Speaker 3: that's when you're like Jesus. When Jesus is on the cross,
Speaker 3: dying for the sins of all mankind. He's not focusing
Speaker 3: on his pain. He's saying, Father, forgive them. They don't
Speaker 3: know what they're doing. He's still focusing on us, even
Speaker 3: in the middle of his pain. So he says, focus
Speaker 3: scope us. Try to see their perspective before you go
Speaker 3: mouthing off on your hurt, your need. Those are legitimate,
Speaker 3: But go ahead and first try to focus on their perspective.
Speaker 3: How do you do that by paying attention. There's an
Speaker 3: old Chinese parable, a proverb that says, seek to understand
Speaker 3: before seeking to be understood. That's what Jesus is saying here.
Speaker 3: He's saying, before you see, we're so busy trying to
Speaker 3: get the person we're in conflict with to see our position.
Speaker 3: We're not listening to theirs. We're so busy speaking, We're
Speaker 3: not listening to theirs, and where as a result, we
Speaker 3: move further and further away. Now, let's just take an
Speaker 3: example the people that you work with. And you have
Speaker 3: some people who work with, and you think that one person,
Speaker 3: they are so irritating to me. I just they every
Speaker 3: time I get around them, my blood starts to boil.
Speaker 3: I just don't even like being around them. And the
Speaker 3: reason why is you don't scope us. You don't see
Speaker 3: their circumstance, you don't see their temperament, and you don't
Speaker 3: see their background. The people that you work with, the
Speaker 3: more you understand them, the more patient you're going to be.
Speaker 3: The less you understand the people you work with, the
Speaker 3: more impatient you're gonna be. Why because it is human
Speaker 3: nature when you're working with people that you tend we
Speaker 3: tend to judge how far people have to go. We
Speaker 3: look at it and go, man, they got a long
Speaker 3: way to go before they start being mature, instead of
Speaker 3: looking at how far they've come. When you look at
Speaker 3: how far they've come, then you start cutting them some slack.
Speaker 2: And if you scope us, you.
Speaker 3: Actually take the time to get to know that jerk
Speaker 3: and find out their temperament, their background, and the things
Speaker 3: that they're going through their pressures, you'd cut them some slack.
Speaker 3: You go, man, If I had had a father like that,
Speaker 3: I'd probably be irritating too, if I had gone through
Speaker 3: all the difficulty they went through, If I had experienced
Speaker 3: that kind of prejudice, if I had experienced that kind
Speaker 3: of bigotry, if I had understood the hurt. If I
Speaker 3: had had that hurt in my life, I probably wouldn't
Speaker 3: be as far along as they are. Stop looking at
Speaker 3: how far people have to go and start looking at
Speaker 3: how far people have come, and then you're listening for
Speaker 3: their hurt and their effective. Now there are two areas.
Speaker 3: The Bible says that you are commanded by God to
Speaker 3: be patient with, to be understanding with, and to be
Speaker 3: considerate of when you're dealing with anybody else. It's in
Speaker 3: Romans chapter fifteen, verse two. We must be considerate of
Speaker 3: the doubts and fears of others. Circle doubts and fears.
Speaker 3: Let's please the other fellow, not ourselves, and do what
Speaker 3: is for his good and thus build him up in
Speaker 3: the Lord. Anytime somebody does something that you go that
Speaker 3: doesn't make sense, why in the world are they doing that?
Speaker 2: It's almost always a fear.
Speaker 3: And if you just look at their behavior, you're going
Speaker 3: to be quite judgmental. But if you look at their
Speaker 3: fear and you find it out, you're going to be
Speaker 3: a whole lot more understanding. We are to be considerate
Speaker 3: of the doubts and fears of others.
Speaker 2: That'll make you more patient. Here's the problem.
Speaker 3: My fears are perfectly rational and entirely normal. Your fears
Speaker 3: are stupid, They're irrational, they don't make sense. And that's
Speaker 3: the way we feel my fears. There's a legitimate reason
Speaker 3: why I'm afraid of this, and you ought to be
Speaker 3: afraid too. You, on the other hand, your fears nn
Speaker 3: and they just you just poo pull them away. Husbands,
Speaker 3: do you pooh pooh the fears of your wife? Honey,
Speaker 3: you shouldn't fear that way. That's very helpful, thank you. Listen,
Speaker 3: all fears are irrational. All fears fears f e A R,
Speaker 3: false evidence appearing real, and mine are as irrational as
Speaker 3: yours are. We just have different ways of rationalizing them.
Speaker 3: You know what rationalize means rational lies. We tell ourselves rational lies.
Speaker 3: And he go said, mine's are natural, yours are unnatural
Speaker 3: mine or normal? Yours are unnormal, Mine are legitimate, yours
Speaker 3: are illegit. No, we must be considerate of the doubts
Speaker 3: and fears of each other. And when you do that,
Speaker 3: the conflict that's going to go down in your marriage,
Speaker 3: and the conflict's going to go down with your kids,
Speaker 3: and the conflict's going to go down with the people
Speaker 3: you work with, and your customers and your clients. Okay,
Speaker 3: number five, the fifth step. After I've I've admitted my
Speaker 3: faults and I've listened for your hurts and perspective. Now
Speaker 3: I speak the truth tactfully. Speak the truth tactfully. The
Speaker 3: truth sets you free. But you've got to say it
Speaker 3: with love. You've got to say it with kindness. You've
Speaker 3: got to say it with tact People say, well, I
Speaker 3: just tell it like it is. That's called being rude.
Speaker 3: It means you don't really care about other people. You
Speaker 3: just want to get it off your chest. Phesians four fifteen.
Speaker 3: Speak the truth what in love?
Speaker 2: The truth is not enough.
Speaker 3: It's not just what you say, it's how you say it.
Speaker 3: And if you say it offensively, it will be received defensively.
Speaker 3: You must always speak truth to your children in love.
Speaker 2: Parents.
Speaker 3: The moment you start yelling at your kids, they're not
Speaker 3: listening to a word you say. All they're hearing is
Speaker 3: the emotion, and they will remember the emotion and will
Speaker 3: not remember the words. It doesn't work. You are never
Speaker 3: persuasive when you are abrasive. You never get your point
Speaker 3: across by being cross. You're upset with the waitress or
Speaker 3: the clerk.
Speaker 2: Or anything like that.
Speaker 3: Anytime you start acting in an irritating way, they're not
Speaker 3: listening at all. You must speak the truth in love.
Speaker 3: You never use truth as a club. People change faster
Speaker 3: and people change easier when the truth. And it's often
Speaker 3: difficult to receive the truth when it's wrapped in love.
Speaker 3: I call it a truth burrito. You wrap it in
Speaker 3: love so that people can receive the heart truth. Truth
Speaker 3: without love is resisted, Truth with love is received. And
Speaker 3: so it's not just what you say, it's how you
Speaker 3: say it. Now, the Bible says in Proverbs twelve, verse eighteen,
Speaker 3: reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of
Speaker 3: the wise brings healing. Now, what's you say in there
Speaker 3: in a conflict? Foolish words hurt, and wise words heal.
Speaker 3: And it's your choice. You never get your point across
Speaker 3: by being cross. It's all in the way you say it.
Speaker 1: Such a great message by Rick today and every day.
Speaker 1: I sure hope you were just as encouraged as I was.
Speaker 1: And now here's Rick with an important message.
Speaker 3: Hi, everybody, thanks so much for listening today. You know,
Speaker 3: my hope is that God uses this broadcast to help
Speaker 3: deepen your relationship with Jesus. Now, these Daily Hope Messages
Speaker 3: are distributed on radio stations and digital platforms all across
Speaker 3: the globe, and listeners are writing and letting us know
Speaker 3: that their lives are being changed. They're telling us that
Speaker 3: they're walking with Jesus and that guilt and fear has
Speaker 3: been chased from their lives by God's love. You know,
Speaker 3: relationships are being restored, and marriages are being healed, and
Speaker 3: many people are saying that they've found their life purpose.
Speaker 3: I want to say thank you to you, because we're
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