Speaker 1: This is section fifty nine of The Gilded Age. This
Speaker 1: LibriVox recording is in the public domain. The Gilded Age,
Speaker 1: A Tale of to Day by Mark Twain and C. D. Warner,
Speaker 1: Chapter fifty nine. When mister nobles bombshell fell in Senator
Speaker 1: Dilworthy's camp, the statesman was disconcerted for a moment. For
Speaker 1: a moment that was all. The next moment he was
Speaker 1: calmly up and doing from the center of our country
Speaker 1: to its circumference. Nothing was talked of but mister Noble's
Speaker 1: terrible revelation, and the people were furious. Mind they were
Speaker 1: not furious because bribery was uncommon in our public life,
Speaker 1: but merely because here was another case. Perhaps it did
Speaker 1: not occur to the nation of good and worthy people that,
Speaker 1: while they continued to sit comfortably at home and leave
Speaker 1: the true source of our political power, the primaries, in
Speaker 1: the hands of saloon keepers, dog fanciers, and hod carriers,
Speaker 1: they could go on expecting another case of this kind,
Speaker 1: and even dozens and hundreds of them, and never be disappointed. However,
Speaker 1: they may have thought that to sit at home and
Speaker 1: grumble would some day write the evil. Yes, the nation
Speaker 1: was excited, but Senator Dilworthy was calm, what was left
Speaker 1: of him after the explosion of the shell, Calm and
Speaker 1: up and doing. What did he do first? What would
Speaker 1: you do first? After you had tomahawked your mother at
Speaker 1: the breakfast table for putting too much sugar in your coffee,
Speaker 1: You would ask for a suspension of public opinion. That
Speaker 1: is what Senator Dilworthy did. It is the custom. He
Speaker 1: got the usual amount of suspension. Far and wide. He
Speaker 1: was called a thief, a briber, a promoter of steamship subsidies,
Speaker 1: railway swindles, robberies of the government in all possible forms
Speaker 1: and fashions. Newspapers and everybody else called him a pious hypocrite,
Speaker 1: a sleek, oily fraud, a reptile who manipulated temperance movements,
Speaker 1: prayer meetings, Sunday schools, public charities, missionary enterprises, all for
Speaker 1: his private benefit. And as these charges were backed up
Speaker 1: by what seemed to be good and sufficient evidence, they
Speaker 1: were believed with national unanimity. Then mister Dilworthy made another move.
Speaker 1: He moved instantly to Washington and demanded an investigation. Even
Speaker 1: this could not pass without comment. Many papers used language
Speaker 1: to this effect. Senator Dilworthy's remains have demanded an investigation.
Speaker 1: This sounds fine and bold and innocent, but when we
Speaker 1: reflect that they demand it at the hands of the
Speaker 1: Senate of the United States, it simply becomes matter for derision.
Speaker 1: One might as well set the gentlemen detained in the
Speaker 1: public prisons to trying each other. This investigation is likely
Speaker 1: to be, like all other senatorial investigations, amusing but not useful.
Speaker 1: Query why does the Senate still still to this pompous
Speaker 1: word investigation? One does not blindfold one's self in order
Speaker 1: to investigate an object. Mister Dilworthy appeared in his place
Speaker 1: in the Senate and offered a resolution appointing a committee
Speaker 1: to investigate his case. It carried, of course, and the
Speaker 1: committee was appointed straightway. The newspaper said, under the guise
Speaker 1: of appointing a committee to investigate the late mister Dilworthy,
Speaker 1: the Senate yesterday appointed a committee to investigate his accuser,
Speaker 1: mister Noble. This is the exact spirit and meaning of
Speaker 1: the resolution, and the committee cannot try anybody but mister
Speaker 1: Noble without overstepping its authority. That Dilworthy had the effrontery
Speaker 1: to offer such a resolution, will surprise no one, and
Speaker 1: that the Senate could entertain it without blushing and pass
Speaker 1: it without shame will surprise no one. We are now
Speaker 1: reminded of a note which we have received from the
Speaker 1: notorious burglar Murphy, in which he finds fault with a
Speaker 1: statement of ours to the effect that he had served
Speaker 1: one term in the penitentiary and also one in the U. S. Senate.
Speaker 1: He says, the latter's statement is untrue and does me
Speaker 1: great injustice. After an unconscious sarcasm like that, further comment
Speaker 1: is unnecessary. And yet the Senate was roused by the
Speaker 1: dilworthy trouble. Many speeches were made. One senator, who was
Speaker 1: accused in the public prints of selling his chances of
Speaker 1: re election to his opponent for fifty thousand dollars and
Speaker 1: had not yet denied the charge, said that the presence
Speaker 1: in the capital of such a creature as this man noble,
Speaker 1: to testify against a brother member of their body, was
Speaker 1: an insult to the Senate. Another senator said, let the
Speaker 1: investigation go on, and let it make an example of
Speaker 1: this man noble. Let it teach him and men like him,
Speaker 1: that they could not attack the reputation of a United
Speaker 1: States senator with impunity. Another said he was glad the
Speaker 1: investigation was to be had, for it was high time
Speaker 1: that the Senate should crush some cur like this man Noble,
Speaker 1: and thus show his kind that it was able and
Speaker 1: resolved to uphold its ancient dignity. A bystander laughed at
Speaker 1: this finely delivered peroration and said, why this is the
Speaker 1: senator who franked his baggage home through the mails last week?
Speaker 1: Registered at that, however, perhaps he was merely engaged in
Speaker 1: upholding the ancient dignity of the Senate. Then no, the
Speaker 1: modern dignity of it, said another bystander. It don't resemble
Speaker 1: its ancient dignity, but it fits its modern style like
Speaker 1: a glove. There being no law against making offensive remarks
Speaker 1: about U S Senators. This conversation and others like it
Speaker 1: continued without let or hindrance. But our business is with
Speaker 1: the investigating committee. Mister Noble appeared before the Committee of
Speaker 1: the Senate and testified to the following effect. He said
Speaker 1: that he was a member of the State Legislature of
Speaker 1: the Happy Land of Canaan, that on the blank day
Speaker 1: of blank, blank blank, he assembled himself together there at
Speaker 1: the city of Saints Rest, the capital of the state,
Speaker 1: along with his brother legislators, that he was known to
Speaker 1: be a political enemy of mister Dilworthy and bitterly opposed
Speaker 1: to his reelection. That mister Dilworthy came to Saint's Rest
Speaker 1: and reported to be buying pledges of votes with money,
Speaker 1: that the said Dilworthy sent for him to come to
Speaker 1: his room in the hotel at night, and he went,
Speaker 1: was introduced to mister Dilworthy, called two or three times
Speaker 1: afterward at Dilworthy's request, usually after midnight. Mister Dilworthy urged
Speaker 1: him to vote for him. Noble declined. Dilworthy argued, said
Speaker 1: he was bound to be elected and could then ruin
Speaker 1: him Noble if he voted no. Said he had every
Speaker 1: railway and every public office and stronghold of political power
Speaker 1: in the state under his thumb, and could set up
Speaker 1: or pull down any man he chose. Gave instances showing
Speaker 1: where and how he had used this power. If Noble
Speaker 1: would vote for him, he would make him a representative
Speaker 1: in Congress. Noble still declined to vote, and said he
Speaker 1: did not believe Dilworthy was going to be elected. Dilworthy
Speaker 1: showed a list of men who would vote for him.
Speaker 1: A majority of the legislature gave further proofs of his
Speaker 1: power by telling Noble everything the opposing party had done
Speaker 1: or said in secret. Caucus claimed that his spies reported
Speaker 1: everything to him, and that here A member of the
Speaker 1: committee objected that this evidence was irrelevant and also in
Speaker 1: opposition to the spirit of the committee's instructions. Because of
Speaker 1: these things reflected upon any one, it was upon mister Dilworthy.
Speaker 1: The chairman said, let the person proceed with his statement.
Speaker 1: The committee could exclude evidence that did not bear upon
Speaker 1: the case. Mister Noble continued. He said that his party
Speaker 1: would cast him out if he voted for mister Dilworthy.
Speaker 1: Dilworthy said that that would inure to his benefit, because
Speaker 1: he would then be a recognized friend of his Dilworthy's,
Speaker 1: and he could consistently exalt him politically and make his fortune.
Speaker 1: Noble said he was poor and it was hard to
Speaker 1: tempt himself. Dilworthy said he would fix that. He said,
Speaker 1: tell me what you want and say you will vote
Speaker 1: for me. Noble could not say. Dilworthy said, I will
Speaker 1: give you five thousand dollars. A committee man said impatiently
Speaker 1: that this stuff was all outside the case, and valuable
Speaker 1: time was being wasted. This was all a plain reflection
Speaker 1: upon a brother senator. The chairman said it was the
Speaker 1: quickest way to proceed, and the evidence need have no weight.
Speaker 1: Mister Noble continued. He said he told Dilworthy that five
Speaker 1: thousand dollars was not much to pay for a man's honor,
Speaker 1: character and everything that was worth having. Dilworthy said he
Speaker 1: was surprised. He considered five thousand dollars a fortune for
Speaker 1: some men. Asked what Noble's figure was, Noble said he
Speaker 1: could not think ten thousand dollars too little. Dilworthy said
Speaker 1: it was a great deal, too much. He would not
Speaker 1: do it for any other man. But he had conceived
Speaker 1: a liking for Noble, and where he liked a man,
Speaker 1: his heart yearned to help him. He was aware that
Speaker 1: Noble was poor and had a family to support, and
Speaker 1: that he bore an unblemished reputation at home. For such
Speaker 1: a man and such a man's influence, he could do much,
Speaker 1: and feel that to help such a man would be
Speaker 1: an act that would have its reward. The struggles of
Speaker 1: the poor always touched him. He believed that Noble would
Speaker 1: make a good use of this money, and that it
Speaker 1: would cheer many a sad heart and needy home. He
Speaker 1: would give the ten thousand dollars. All he desired in
Speaker 1: return was that when the balloting began, Nobles should cast
Speaker 1: his vote for him, and should explain to the legislature that,
Speaker 1: upon looking into the charges against mister Dilworthy of bribery,
Speaker 1: corruption and forwarding stealing measures in Congress, he had found
Speaker 1: them to be base calumnies upon a man whose motives
Speaker 1: were pure and whose character was stainless. He then took
Speaker 1: from his pocket two thousand dollars in bank bills and
Speaker 1: handed them to Noble, and got another package containing five
Speaker 1: thousand dollars out of his trunk and gave to him also.
Speaker 1: Hek a committee man jumped up and said, at last,
Speaker 1: mister Chairman, this shameless person has arrived at the point.
Speaker 1: This is sufficient and conclusive. By his own confession, he
Speaker 1: has received a bribe and did it deliberately. This is
Speaker 1: a grave offense and cannot be passed over in silence. Sir.
Speaker 1: By the terms of our instructions, we can now proceed
Speaker 1: to meet out to him such punishment as is meet
Speaker 1: for one who has maliciously brought disrespect upon a senator
Speaker 1: of the United States. We have no need to hear
Speaker 1: the rest of his evidence, the chairman said, it would
Speaker 1: be better and more regular to proceed with the investigation
Speaker 1: according to the usual forms. A note would be made
Speaker 1: of mister Noble's admission. Mister Noble continued. He said that
Speaker 1: it was now far past midnight that he took his
Speaker 1: leave and went straight to certain legislators, told him everything,
Speaker 1: made them count the money, and also told them of
Speaker 1: the exposure he would make in joint convention. He made
Speaker 1: that exposure, as all the world knew. The rest of
Speaker 1: the ten thousand dollars was to be paid the day
Speaker 1: after Dilworthy was elected Senator. Dilworthy was now asked to
Speaker 1: take the stand and tell what he knew about the
Speaker 1: man Noble. The senator wiped his mouth with his handkerchief,
Speaker 1: adjusted his white cravat, and said that but for the
Speaker 1: fact that public morality required an example for the warning
Speaker 1: of future nobles, he would beg that in Christian charity,
Speaker 1: this poor, misguided creature might be forgiven and set free.
Speaker 1: He said that it was but too evident that this
Speaker 1: person had approached him in the hope of obtaining a bribe.
Speaker 1: He had intruded himself time and again, and always with
Speaker 1: moving stories of his poverty. Mister Dilworthy said that his
Speaker 1: heart had bled for him, insomuch that he had several
Speaker 1: times been on the point of trying to get some
Speaker 1: one to do something for him. Some instinct had told
Speaker 1: him from the beginning that this was a bad man,
Speaker 1: an evil minded man, but his inexperience of such had
Speaker 1: blinded him to his real motives and mence. He had
Speaker 1: never dreamed that his object was to undermine the purity
Speaker 1: of a United States Senator. He regretted that it was
Speaker 1: plain now that such was the man's object, and that
Speaker 1: punishment could not, with safety to the Senate's honor, be withheld.
Speaker 1: He grieved to say that one of those mysterious dispensations
Speaker 1: of an inscrutable providence, which are decreed from time to
Speaker 1: time by his wisdom and for his righteous purposes, had
Speaker 1: given this conspirator's tale a color of plausibility. But this
Speaker 1: would soon disappear under the clear light of truth, which
Speaker 1: would now be thrown upon the case. It so happened,
Speaker 1: said the Senator that about the time in question, a
Speaker 1: poor young friend of mine, living in a distant town
Speaker 1: of my state, wished to establish a bank. He asked
Speaker 1: me to lend him the necessary money. I said I
Speaker 1: had no money just then, but would try to borrow it.
Speaker 1: The day before the election, of friends said to me
Speaker 1: that my election expenses must be very large, specially my
Speaker 1: hotel bills, and offered to lend me some money. Remembering
Speaker 1: my young friend, I said I would like a few
Speaker 1: thousand now, and a few more by and by. Whereupon
Speaker 1: he gave me two packages of bills, said to contain
Speaker 1: two thousand dollars and five thousand dollars, respectively. I did
Speaker 1: not open the packages or count the money. I did
Speaker 1: not give any note or receipt for the same. I
Speaker 1: made no memorandum of the transaction, and neither did my friend.
Speaker 1: That night, this evil man Noble came troubling me again.
Speaker 1: I could not rid myself of him, though my time
Speaker 1: was very precious. He mentioned my young friend and said
Speaker 1: he was very anxious to have the seven thousand dollars
Speaker 1: now to begin his banking operations with, and could wait
Speaker 1: a while for the rest. Noble wished to get the
Speaker 1: money and take it to him. I finally gave him
Speaker 1: the two packages of bills. I took no note or
Speaker 1: receipt from him, and made no memorandum of the matter.
Speaker 1: I no more look for duplicity and deception in another
Speaker 1: man than I would look for it in myself. I
Speaker 1: never thought of this man again until I was overwhelmed
Speaker 1: the next day by learning what a shameful use he
Speaker 1: had made of the confidence I had reposed in him
Speaker 1: and the money I had entrusted to his care. This
Speaker 1: is all, gentlemen, to the absolute truth of every detail
Speaker 1: of my statement, I solemnly swear, and I call him
Speaker 1: to witness. Who is the truth and the loving father
Speaker 1: of all whose lips abhor or false speaking. I pledge
Speaker 1: my honor as a Senator that I have spoken but
Speaker 1: the truth. May God forgive this wicked man as I do.
Speaker 1: Mister noble Senator Dilworthy, your bank account shows that up
Speaker 1: to that day, and even on that very day, you
Speaker 1: conducted all your financial business through the medium of checks
Speaker 1: instead of bills, and so kept careful record of every
Speaker 1: money transaction. Why did you deal in bank bills on
Speaker 1: this particular occasion? The Chairman, the gentleman will please to
Speaker 1: remember that the committee is conducting this investigation, mister Noble,
Speaker 1: Then will the committee ask the question the chairman the
Speaker 1: commiss he will when it desires to know, mister Noble,
Speaker 1: which will not be during this century. Perhaps the Chairman
Speaker 1: another remark like that, sir, will procure you the attentions
Speaker 1: of the Sergeant at arms. Mister Noble, damn the sergeant
Speaker 1: at arms, and the committee too, several committeemen. Mister Chairman,
Speaker 1: this is contempt, mister Noble, contempt of whom of the
Speaker 1: Committee of the Senate of the United States. Mister Noble,
Speaker 1: Then I am become the acknowledged representative of a nation.
Speaker 1: You know as well as I do, that the whole
Speaker 1: nation hold as much as three fifths of the United
Speaker 1: States Senate in entire contempt. Three fifths of you are dilworthies.
Speaker 1: The Sergeant at arms very soon put a quietus upon
Speaker 1: the observations of the representative of the nation, and convinced
Speaker 1: him that he was not in the over free atmosphere
Speaker 1: of his happy land of Canaan. The statement of Senator
Speaker 1: Dilworthy naturally carried conviction to the minds of the committee.
Speaker 1: It was close, logical, unanswerable. It bore many internal evidences
Speaker 1: of its truth. For instance, it is customary in all
Speaker 1: countries for business men to loan large sums of money
Speaker 1: in bank bills instead of checks. It is customary for
Speaker 1: the lender to make no memorandum of the transaction. It
Speaker 1: is customary for the borrower to receive the money without
Speaker 1: making a memorandum of it or giving a note or
Speaker 1: a receipt for its use. The borrower is not likely
Speaker 1: to die or forget about it. It is customary to
Speaker 1: lend nearly anybody money to start a bank with, especially
Speaker 1: if you have not the bank to lend him and
Speaker 1: have to borrow it for the purpose. It is customary
Speaker 1: to carry large sums of money in bank bills about
Speaker 1: your person or in your trunk. It is customary to
Speaker 1: hand a large sum in bank bills to a man
Speaker 1: you have just been introduced to, if he asks you
Speaker 1: to do it, to be conveyed to a distant town
Speaker 1: and delivered to another party. It is not customary to
Speaker 1: make a memorandum of this transaction. It is not customary
Speaker 1: for the conveyor to give a note or a receipt
Speaker 1: for the money. It is not customary to require that
Speaker 1: he shall get a note or a receipt from the
Speaker 1: man he is to convey it to in the distant town.
Speaker 1: It would be at least singular in you to say
Speaker 1: to the proposed conveyor, you might be robbed. I will
Speaker 1: deposit the money in a bank and send a check
Speaker 1: for it to my friend through the mail. Very well,
Speaker 1: it being plain that Senator Dilworthy's statement was rigidly true,
Speaker 1: and this fact being strengthened by his adding to it
Speaker 1: the support of his honor as a senator, the Committee
Speaker 1: rendered a verdict of not proven that a bribe had
Speaker 1: been offered, and accepted this in a manner exonerated Noble
Speaker 1: and let him escape. The Committee made its report to
Speaker 1: the Senate, and that body proceeded to consider its acceptance.
Speaker 1: One senator, indeed, several senators, objected that the committee had
Speaker 1: failed of its duty. They had proved this man Noble
Speaker 1: guilty of nothing. They had meted out no punished to him.
Speaker 1: If the report were accepted, he would go forth free
Speaker 1: and scatheless and glorying in his crime. And it would
Speaker 1: be a tacit admission that any blackguard could insult the
Speaker 1: Senate of the United States and conspire against the sacred
Speaker 1: reputation of its members with impunity. The Senate owed it
Speaker 1: to the upholding of its ancient dignity to make an
Speaker 1: example of this man noble, he should be crushed. An
Speaker 1: elderly senator got up and took another view of the case.
Speaker 1: This was a senator of the worn out and obsolete pattern,
Speaker 1: a man still lingering among the cobwebs of the past
Speaker 1: and behind the spirit of the age. He said that
Speaker 1: there seemed to be a curious misunderstanding of this case.
Speaker 1: Gentlemen seemed exceedingly anxious to preserve and maintain the honor
Speaker 1: and the dignity of the Senate. Was this to be
Speaker 1: done by trying to obscure adventure for attempting to trap
Speaker 1: a senator into bribing him? Or would not the truer
Speaker 1: way be to find doubt whether the senator was capable
Speaker 1: of being entrapped into so shameless an act, and then
Speaker 1: try him. Why. Of course, now the whole idea of
Speaker 1: the Senate seemed to be to shield the senator and
Speaker 1: turn inquiry away from him. The true way to uphold
Speaker 1: the honor of the Senate was to have none but
Speaker 1: honorable men in its body. If this senator had yielded
Speaker 1: to temptation and had offered a bribe. He was a
Speaker 1: soiled man and ought to be instantly expelled. Therefore, he
Speaker 1: wanted the Senator tried, and not in the usual namby
Speaker 1: pamby way, but in good earnest. He wanted to know
Speaker 1: the truth of this matter for himself. He believed that
Speaker 1: the guilt of Senator Dilworthy was established beyond the shadow
Speaker 1: of a doubt, and he considered that in trifling with
Speaker 1: his case and shirking it, the Senate was doing a
Speaker 1: shameful and cowardly thing, a thing which suggested that, in
Speaker 1: its willingness to sit longer in the company of such
Speaker 1: a man, it was acknowledging that it was itself of
Speaker 1: a kind with him, and was therefore not dishonored by
Speaker 1: his presence. He desired that a rigid examination be made
Speaker 1: into Senator Dilworthy's case, and that it be continued clear
Speaker 1: into the approaching extra session, if need be. There was
Speaker 1: no dodging this thing with the lame excuse of want
Speaker 1: of time. In reply, an honorable Senator said that he
Speaker 1: thought it would be as well to drop the matter
Speaker 1: and accept the committee's report. He said, with some jocularity
Speaker 1: that the more one agitated this thing, the worse it
Speaker 1: was for the agitator. He was not able to deny
Speaker 1: that he believed Senator Dilworthy to be guilty. But what
Speaker 1: then was it such an extraordinary case for his part?
Speaker 1: Even allowing the Senator to be guilty, he did not
Speaker 1: think his continued presence during the few remaining days of
Speaker 1: the session would contaminate the Senate to a dreadful degree.
Speaker 1: This humorous sally was received with smiling admiration, Notwithstanding it
Speaker 1: was not wholly new, having originated with the Massachusetts General
Speaker 1: in the House a day or two before. Upon the
Speaker 1: occasion of the proposed expulsion of a member for selling
Speaker 1: his vote for money, the Senate recognized the fact that
Speaker 1: it could not be contaminated by sitting a few days
Speaker 1: longer with Senator Dilworthy, and so it accepted the committee's
Speaker 1: report and dropped the unimportant matter. Mister Dilworthy occupied his
Speaker 1: seat the last hour of the session. He said that
Speaker 1: his people had reposed a trust in him, and it
Speaker 1: was not for him to desert them. He would remain
Speaker 1: at his post till he perished if need be. His
Speaker 1: voice was lifted up and his vote cast for the
Speaker 1: last time in support of an ingenious measure contrived by
Speaker 1: the General from Massachusetts, whereby the President's salary was proposed
Speaker 1: to be doubled, and every congressman paid several thousand dollars
Speaker 1: extra for work previously done under an accepted contract and
Speaker 1: already paid for once and receipted for. Senator Dilworthy was
Speaker 1: offered a grand ovation by his friends at home, who
Speaker 1: said that their affection for him and their confidence in him,
Speaker 1: we were in no wise impaired by the persecutions that
Speaker 1: had pursued him, and that he was still good enough
Speaker 1: for them. The seven thousand dollars left by mister Noble
Speaker 1: with his state legislature was placed in safe keeping to
Speaker 1: await the claim of the legitimate owner. Senator Dilworthy made
Speaker 1: one little effort through his protege, the Embryo Banker, to
Speaker 1: recover it, but there being no notes of hand or
Speaker 1: other memoranda to support the claim, it failed. The moral
Speaker 1: of which is that when one loans money to start
Speaker 1: a bank with one ought to take the party's written
Speaker 1: acknowledgment of the fact. End of Chapter fifty nine