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<v Speaker 1>While we're celebrating Christmas with our families, we bring you

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<v Speaker 1>this relic of Christmas past. I believe this is the

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<v Speaker 1>only original podcast episode we put out on Christmas Day

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<v Speaker 1>way back in twenty nineteen.

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<v Speaker 2>Welcome to Round three of the Parenting Roundabout podcast for

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<v Speaker 2>the week of December twenty third. I'm Catherine Aleco and

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<v Speaker 2>I'm here with Terry Morrow Hello, and Nicole Eerdix.

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<v Speaker 3>Hello.

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<v Speaker 2>We're moms of teens and young adults, and when it

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<v Speaker 2>comes to parenting, we've been there, done that, bought the

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<v Speaker 2>T shirt. But we're still waiting for that day when

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<v Speaker 2>we'll reach the finish line and have no further need

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<v Speaker 2>to lay down in a dark room with a wet

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<v Speaker 2>rag over our eyes worrying about something or other. So

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<v Speaker 2>Wednesday is complaint Day here on Parenting Roundabout, and we

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<v Speaker 2>do not even take time off from complaining for Christmas.

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<v Speaker 2>We today are going to talk about a recent article

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<v Speaker 2>in the Washington Post that talked about the need to

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<v Speaker 2>update the baby Shower. It says new parents need childcare help,

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<v Speaker 2>meals and groceries, therapy, social support. Steer your friends and

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<v Speaker 2>family toward helping with support costs instead of shelling out

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<v Speaker 2>money for top of the line new stuff like baby stuff. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>so in this season of gift giving, is this a

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<v Speaker 2>good idea? Like do we just want to hand over

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<v Speaker 2>a little onesie and be done with it or as

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<v Speaker 2>we do? Yeah, I mean as a as a giver,

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<v Speaker 2>I probably would, but as a new parent, I definitely

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<v Speaker 2>would have. I mean, you do need stuff, you absolutely

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<v Speaker 2>write stuff. But yeah, getting help is really important too.

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<v Speaker 2>Like one thing that they talked about in this article,

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<v Speaker 2>like right at the baby shower set up the like

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<v Speaker 2>meal train for bringing food when the baby comes, which

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<v Speaker 2>I think is pretty think that's a good idea because

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<v Speaker 2>anybody who brought me food when I had babies, I

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<v Speaker 2>was extremely grateful.

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<v Speaker 1>My question with that is who is coming to this

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<v Speaker 1>baby shower, because I've recently been to a baby shower

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<v Speaker 1>for somebody who doesn't live near me. She's a daughter

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<v Speaker 1>of one of my husband's cousins. I see her only

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<v Speaker 1>at weddings and showers. I don't even know where she lives,

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<v Speaker 1>but I'm pretty sure it's not in meal toating distance movie,

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<v Speaker 1>and I don't know that she would want a meal

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<v Speaker 1>from me random relative she barely knows. So this assumes

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<v Speaker 1>that you have a warm, personal baby shower with your

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<v Speaker 1>immediate friends and relatives, and then it's fine, but I

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<v Speaker 1>don't want to just I mean, I guess if they said, here,

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<v Speaker 1>go to this GoFundMe page and chip in for a

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<v Speaker 1>lactation consultant, okay, be easier than getting a gift card

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<v Speaker 1>for a baby place, which I probably we would be doing.

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<v Speaker 1>But at least here in New Jersey, baby showers have

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<v Speaker 1>a sort of a broader guest list, you know, than

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<v Speaker 1>what they seem to be talking about here. And also,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm not sure now I've never I had an adoption shower,

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<v Speaker 1>but I never had a baby shower. How much do you,

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<v Speaker 1>as a young person having your first baby, say, know

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<v Speaker 1>what you're gonna need in the way of support. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, some people might need a lactation consultant, some

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<v Speaker 1>people might not, Some people might need a night nurse,

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<v Speaker 1>some people might not want it.

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<v Speaker 2>You know.

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<v Speaker 1>It seems like what it's gonna be is some older

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<v Speaker 1>relatives saying, now, honey, you're gonna need this and this

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<v Speaker 1>and this. You don't need that fancy baby stroller that

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<v Speaker 1>you want. You don't need all those clothes, you need

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<v Speaker 1>this and this and this and it's like, what fun

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<v Speaker 1>is that? You know, A for some lit lashy presence.

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<v Speaker 1>I think this woman was talking about her shower from

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<v Speaker 1>the perspective of being a mom and knowing what she

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<v Speaker 1>would have needed, but when she was actually having that,

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<v Speaker 1>if she would have been psyched to get this stuff,

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know, right.

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<v Speaker 3>Well, I really liked what my son's friends did for

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<v Speaker 3>their wedding this past summer, and they they did a combination.

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<v Speaker 3>There's a site, I think it's I don't know, Tie

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<v Speaker 3>the Knot or something, but where they can put down,

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<v Speaker 3>you know, physical items that they want and experiences or

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<v Speaker 3>services that they want. So and I like that option

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<v Speaker 3>by registry basically yeah, yeah, it was like a registry

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<v Speaker 3>yeah and so, and you could just like donate money

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<v Speaker 3>online and they would get the money and somehow. But see,

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<v Speaker 3>for me personally, like I would prefer to outsource and

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<v Speaker 3>have the you know, like say, for example, an Uber

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<v Speaker 3>eats gift card or because I feel like, well, there's

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<v Speaker 3>definitely a trend that's moving away from collecting stuff and

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<v Speaker 3>there's kind of like that whole reuse, recycle, upcycled kind

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<v Speaker 3>of stuff, which in some cases is good and not

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<v Speaker 3>so good. But I feel like when it comes to

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<v Speaker 3>these personal items, like, yeah, we there's a registry, but

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<v Speaker 3>then you know, like I feel like new parents want

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<v Speaker 3>to choose exactly what they want, right, So I would

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<v Speaker 3>like to have the option of getting services and yeah,

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<v Speaker 3>because I think that has like just as much value.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, if it can be done in a really sort

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<v Speaker 1>of generalized way. But it's like, you know, you may

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<v Speaker 1>what did they I'm not sure what they mean by

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<v Speaker 1>like experiences, but like for some families, it might be

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<v Speaker 1>cool to have, you know, a membership to a museum

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<v Speaker 1>or a trip to Disney or whatever. But then you

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<v Speaker 1>have your baby and it's premature or it's got special

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<v Speaker 1>needs or whatever, and then you need a whole other

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<v Speaker 1>set of experiences. Where's my gift card for a speech therapy?

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<v Speaker 1>Can I have a gift card for you know, a

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<v Speaker 1>uber you know uber to the hospital and back to

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<v Speaker 1>visit my kid in the NICU. It's it seems like,

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<v Speaker 1>if you're going to do it this way, maybe what

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<v Speaker 1>you want to do is have the shower after the

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<v Speaker 1>baby is born, when you know specifically what you wish

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<v Speaker 1>you had, give the new parents a month and then

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<v Speaker 1>throw them a party.

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<v Speaker 3>That's what we did. I had. I had my baby

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<v Speaker 3>shower when some was a month old. Yeah, and then.

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<v Speaker 2>That's also a better way to do a shower or

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<v Speaker 2>a celebration for a second or third kid.

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah, you know, because then you do by then you

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<v Speaker 4>do know, you do know, and you don't have a

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<v Speaker 4>lot of stuff. Yeah, you know, you don't really need stuff.

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<v Speaker 4>But if people brought you like frozen.

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<v Speaker 5>Meals and you know, diapers, and yeah, here's all the

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<v Speaker 5>days that I can take your older child to the

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<v Speaker 5>park or whatever like that sort of stuff is I

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<v Speaker 5>think even more when it's subsequent child.

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<v Speaker 3>Definitely. I had Actually, after my daughter was born, I

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<v Speaker 3>had a I hired a doula, like a postpartum doula.

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<v Speaker 3>Oh my god. That was the best thing. One of

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<v Speaker 3>the best things about having a child was being But

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<v Speaker 3>it was expensive and I couldn't afford to have her

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<v Speaker 3>all the time. But it was so nice to have

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<v Speaker 3>just somebody come in and yeah, you know, fulsome clothes,

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<v Speaker 3>or help me with you know, something that was going on,

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<v Speaker 3>you know, change a diaper. I don't know. It was

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<v Speaker 3>just a really nice kind of a support service kind

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<v Speaker 3>of thing that was recommended to me.

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<v Speaker 2>So kind of the type of thing that like a

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<v Speaker 2>family member might have done if you had one nearby,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, right.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, exactly. So I like the option of having and

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<v Speaker 3>it being socially okay to give alternate forms of gifts,

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<v Speaker 3>right because I think we just get stuck in this

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<v Speaker 3>traditional Oh yeah, I got to give a baby blanket.

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<v Speaker 1>But where else would you like that to expand to?

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<v Speaker 1>Could we do that with like Christmas gifts? All the

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<v Speaker 1>things that are under trees. As people are listening to

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<v Speaker 1>this podcast, are they looking at them and going, what

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<v Speaker 1>are really rather had, you know, a trip somewhere, or

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<v Speaker 1>if we could take all the money from this stuff

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<v Speaker 1>that people gave me that I didn't want and they

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<v Speaker 1>could have just bought me a maid, Yeah, I would like,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, or or a day at something or a

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<v Speaker 1>you know, path.

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<v Speaker 3>I kind of charges this year. I was like, We're

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<v Speaker 3>going to take the money that we spend on your

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<v Speaker 3>gifts and put it towards a family experience because I

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<v Speaker 3>I am so over buying them stuff that they can

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<v Speaker 3>typically get themselves that we could get for them, or.

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<v Speaker 2>If they're my husband, that they just buy.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, they just gone by and it doesn't and whatever

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<v Speaker 3>I get my husband, he doesn't want anyway, so right,

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<v Speaker 3>so we I just said, yeah, we're going to take

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<v Speaker 3>that money and put it towards something as a family.

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<v Speaker 3>So yeah, that's what we're doing. A good idea this year.

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<v Speaker 3>I always have so much trouble with Christmas. Yeah, they're older.

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<v Speaker 3>That helps also, you know with Christmas presents. And then

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<v Speaker 3>my husband's birthday is in January, my son's birthday is

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<v Speaker 3>in March, and my daughter's birthday is in April. So

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<v Speaker 3>it's a lot in a short period of time. And

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<v Speaker 3>my son, as I've said before, often can't decide what

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<v Speaker 3>he wants, and so then I'm getting him like double

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<v Speaker 3>at his birthday.

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<v Speaker 1>Because I can. So this year, we're going to try

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<v Speaker 1>something new, which is just we're each member of the

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<v Speaker 1>four of us is going to buy the other three

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<v Speaker 1>something with a maximum price of ten dollars. So we're

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<v Speaker 1>just going to have a very small, little fun from

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<v Speaker 1>the heart sort of a gift exchange on the day,

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<v Speaker 1>and then you know, anything that I had thought I

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<v Speaker 1>would get them for Christmas, I can get them for

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<v Speaker 1>their birthdays because it's coming right up afterwards. So I

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<v Speaker 1>don't feel like anybody's getting slided that much, and they

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<v Speaker 1>don't really, it's not like there's a ton of stuff.

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<v Speaker 1>They're not little kids with their eyes full of toys.

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<v Speaker 1>It's like sometimes pulling teeth to get something to do. So, yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>we're all just going to go to this one place

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<v Speaker 1>that has you know, stuff, and we're just all going

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<v Speaker 1>to you know, buy some little trinket for each other.

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<v Speaker 1>We'll see how that goes. It may be maybe next

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<v Speaker 1>year we'll do something some sort of experience or buy

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<v Speaker 1>some streaming service for everybody and that'll be that. But

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<v Speaker 1>it does, you know, the gift giving, especially with the

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<v Speaker 1>older kids, it does get kind of diminishing returns. Mm hmmm.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>I mean, I my daughter this year with her skating team,

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<v Speaker 2>has so many expenses, Like there's all this clothing and

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<v Speaker 2>just supplies and you know, a special backpack like all

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<v Speaker 2>this stuff that we have to buy, and I'm like,

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<v Speaker 2>can I please just put that under the Christmas tree

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<v Speaker 2>because mine is ending a lot. Yes, So I just yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>and she gets it, like she would be fine with that.

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<v Speaker 2>But a lot of it, you know, I didn't necessarily

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<v Speaker 2>have by Christmas, or I had it way before and

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<v Speaker 2>you know, or her coach distributed it like, yeah, you

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<v Speaker 2>know when they got it, and so it wasn't working

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<v Speaker 2>that well.

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<v Speaker 1>But you just write it all out on a card.

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<v Speaker 1>You put a bow on the card and put it

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<v Speaker 1>under the tree and say, look at all the stuff

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<v Speaker 1>I got for you. Pretty much, Well, there should be

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<v Speaker 1>a better way. And certainly I think everybody who goes

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<v Speaker 1>to showers and everybody who gives gifts for anything else

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<v Speaker 1>wants the thing to be as useful as possible, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>not and fairly easy also, but not something that's going

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<v Speaker 1>to turn out to be an unnecessary expenditure of funds.

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<v Speaker 1>So maybe this sort of trend will be helpful eventually.

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<v Speaker 1>But I'm still not going to cook meals for somebody

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<v Speaker 1>I see twice. I I don't think they would, while

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<v Speaker 1>I wouldn't cook the meals my husband meals. But interesting ideas.

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<v Speaker 2>Happy holidays, and we'll be back tomorrow with our discussion

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<v Speaker 2>of shrinking Last Drink, which is season two, episode eight,

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<v Speaker 2>and as Terry mentioned yesterday, it will make you cry yes.

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<v Speaker 1>Or possibly drink yes unless you are Paul. Thank you

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<v Speaker 1>for listening. You can find all our episodes on spreaker,

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<v Speaker 1>Apple Podcasts, Amazon Music, or wherever you get your podcasts.

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<v Speaker 1>You can find recaps, links and an opportunity to comment

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<v Speaker 1>on our website at parentingroundabout dot com.

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<v Speaker 2>You can also talk to us on our Facebook page,

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<v Speaker 2>on Instagram or on Twitter, where you'll find us at

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<v Speaker 2>roundabout Chat. And please visit our Amazon shop at Amazon

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<v Speaker 2>dot com slash Shop slash Mamitude, but you can find

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<v Speaker 2>links to a lot of the things we've talked about

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<v Speaker 2>over the years.