WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.760 --> 00:00:04.080 Siri, Dolly, Hi, how are you. I'm great? 2 00:00:04.080 --> 00:00:04.480 How are you? 3 00:00:04.799 --> 00:00:07.719 I'm good? Finding nicely? Have you here getting in the 4 00:00:08.080 --> 00:00:11.119 private talk couch. You want to know all about you, 5 00:00:11.519 --> 00:00:14.039 how you've been doing during this pandemic time. Now that 6 00:00:14.080 --> 00:00:16.559 the world's opening up, what are you into? We want 7 00:00:16.559 --> 00:00:17.800 to know it all here at private talk? 8 00:00:18.640 --> 00:00:20.079 Great? Thank you so much for having me. 9 00:00:20.800 --> 00:00:26.239 Uh well, I have been enjoying the pandemic. I'm kind 10 00:00:26.280 --> 00:00:28.399 of sorry to say, like it's kind of nice. 11 00:00:28.440 --> 00:00:30.480 Sorry to be ablebody just had their own experience. 12 00:00:30.839 --> 00:00:33.560 It's been like slower, you know, but that's not always 13 00:00:33.560 --> 00:00:36.479 a bad thing, and it's just been a really nice 14 00:00:36.520 --> 00:00:38.799 opportunity to focus more on like making my own content 15 00:00:39.039 --> 00:00:41.880 and building that up. So and I also was in 16 00:00:41.920 --> 00:00:45.399 the adult business, then left, then came back, and I 17 00:00:45.439 --> 00:00:47.920 came back like basically a month before the pandemic started, 18 00:00:47.960 --> 00:00:49.600 So it was kind of like I came back and 19 00:00:49.640 --> 00:00:51.119 I was thinking, I'm gonna have a year ahead of me, 20 00:00:51.280 --> 00:00:54.079 like all these shoots and coming out to LA because 21 00:00:54.079 --> 00:00:56.079 I don't live here, And it ended up being like 22 00:00:56.119 --> 00:00:57.799 a year of restay at home and just like making 23 00:00:57.840 --> 00:00:59.960 content with my boyfriend, which I'm also quite happy to do. 24 00:01:00.320 --> 00:01:02.200 So how was that adjustment? I mean, because he went 25 00:01:02.240 --> 00:01:04.000 from being like cause it's like really high highs and 26 00:01:04.000 --> 00:01:05.159 then you're like, wait what do I do? 27 00:01:05.200 --> 00:01:05.840 And then you know what I mean? 28 00:01:05.879 --> 00:01:07.560 But the cool thing, like you said, is being a 29 00:01:07.599 --> 00:01:10.920 content creator, you have the kind of capability to do 30 00:01:10.959 --> 00:01:13.159 those things yourself. But we didn't really realize it, you 31 00:01:13.200 --> 00:01:14.359 know what I mean. It's not that we didn't realize 32 00:01:14.359 --> 00:01:15.760 it was just now it made it like we had 33 00:01:15.799 --> 00:01:17.280 to choot, like figure out what we were doing. 34 00:01:17.439 --> 00:01:19.760 Yeah, that's exactly what it's been. It's like, you know, 35 00:01:19.879 --> 00:01:22.680 figuring out what we're doing. And like one cool thing 36 00:01:22.760 --> 00:01:24.760 is like some of the main like the bigger studios 37 00:01:24.760 --> 00:01:27.319 an adult have been doing there. Like it's not so 38 00:01:27.400 --> 00:01:29.959 much now that everything's opening up again, but I remember, 39 00:01:30.120 --> 00:01:32.239 like over like especially last summer, there were a lot 40 00:01:32.280 --> 00:01:36.200 of like shoot this home shot scene, you know, and that's. 41 00:01:36.120 --> 00:01:38.519 Kind of fun because it's an experience kind of thing. 42 00:01:38.640 --> 00:01:40.840 Yeah, exactly, like that type of thing, and it was 43 00:01:41.000 --> 00:01:43.920 it was kind of fun because my boyfriend's a civilian, 44 00:01:43.959 --> 00:01:47.159 you know, he's not a porn star, so getting he's 45 00:01:47.200 --> 00:01:49.200 he's happy to shoot content with me. Though, like we've 46 00:01:49.280 --> 00:01:51.200 kind of been doing that since I can we talk. 47 00:01:51.079 --> 00:01:53.159 A little bit about that about your relationship, So, yeah, 48 00:01:53.200 --> 00:01:56.359 did he know prior to obviously you weren't with him 49 00:01:56.400 --> 00:01:58.760 when you started in the industry, so he knew that 50 00:01:59.000 --> 00:02:00.680 was were you with him and you went I had 51 00:02:00.719 --> 00:02:02.760 to go back and try it again before the pandemic 52 00:02:02.840 --> 00:02:05.159 or how did he kind of was he very supportive 53 00:02:05.200 --> 00:02:07.439 because some people it's like it's kind of the inner 54 00:02:07.439 --> 00:02:09.960 in between. It's like they like the porn star like idea, 55 00:02:10.000 --> 00:02:11.400 and then they're like, no, I don't want you to 56 00:02:11.439 --> 00:02:12.840 go to work, and you're like, but work is how 57 00:02:12.960 --> 00:02:14.240 I would pay for things and how. 58 00:02:14.120 --> 00:02:16.000 I ve a living and dated dudes like that. Oh 59 00:02:16.039 --> 00:02:18.159 my god, Yes, I've been there. And it's also kind 60 00:02:18.159 --> 00:02:19.360 of like one of those things where I since I 61 00:02:19.400 --> 00:02:21.280 had relationships like that in the past, I kind of 62 00:02:21.280 --> 00:02:23.800 had that trial and error from them. Yeah, and I 63 00:02:23.879 --> 00:02:26.639 learned pretty quickly, honestly, like in my dating life, you know, 64 00:02:26.759 --> 00:02:29.280 because I started in porn in twenty twelves. Then I 65 00:02:29.439 --> 00:02:32.280 was active for about three years. I left in like 66 00:02:32.479 --> 00:02:35.039 very like January twenty fifteen, so I'd stopped shooting by 67 00:02:35.120 --> 00:02:38.639 January twenty fifteen, and I moved out to Kentucky, so 68 00:02:38.800 --> 00:02:40.759 like out in the middle of nowhere, and like that's 69 00:02:40.759 --> 00:02:43.240 where I live still, and that's where my boyfriend is 70 00:02:43.280 --> 00:02:43.639 as well. 71 00:02:43.759 --> 00:02:45.960 And so it brought you there, is that where you're from. 72 00:02:46.280 --> 00:02:49.479 No, I'm actually from Texas, but I moved out there 73 00:02:49.560 --> 00:02:52.439 because my family moved out there, and yeah, so I 74 00:02:52.479 --> 00:02:53.759 moved out there just so I could like see my 75 00:02:53.800 --> 00:02:57.599 parents more often basically, and that was great, that worked out, and. 76 00:02:57.599 --> 00:02:58.879 Actually really like it out there. 77 00:02:59.719 --> 00:03:04.520 But it's been kind of kind of funny seeing how 78 00:03:04.840 --> 00:03:08.199 like I've kind of like gotten to teach my boyfriend 79 00:03:08.199 --> 00:03:10.080 in a way about the adult industry, like what things 80 00:03:10.080 --> 00:03:12.080 are like, because he didn't have much knowledge of it 81 00:03:12.120 --> 00:03:16.879 other as far as behind yes exactly, and so he's 82 00:03:16.960 --> 00:03:20.639 super open minded about it. And I mean I met 83 00:03:20.680 --> 00:03:21.879 him at a time in my life where I was 84 00:03:21.879 --> 00:03:25.319 already totally over like dating any anyone who was judgmental 85 00:03:25.680 --> 00:03:28.199 about my past. So by the time I started dating him, 86 00:03:28.240 --> 00:03:32.400 I was still in retirement. But it was something that 87 00:03:32.520 --> 00:03:33.919 you know, I talked to him about. I was like, 88 00:03:33.960 --> 00:03:35.719 I think I'm gonna go back into the industry, and 89 00:03:35.759 --> 00:03:37.919 he was like totally cool with it, you know, and 90 00:03:37.960 --> 00:03:40.599 I don't think he anticipated me then eventually being like, 91 00:03:40.879 --> 00:03:41.599 do you want to. 92 00:03:41.599 --> 00:03:44.080 Shoot with me? But then when that started happening, he's 93 00:03:44.240 --> 00:03:45.319 totally cool with that, So. 94 00:03:45.639 --> 00:03:47.759 We're doing it anyway. So you're like, yeah, no, you know, 95 00:03:48.400 --> 00:03:50.080 but some people, you know, kind of shy away from 96 00:03:50.120 --> 00:03:52.080 it or they don't even they get intimidated about like 97 00:03:52.400 --> 00:03:54.759 kind of like the they think the bigger picture is 98 00:03:54.800 --> 00:03:56.840 really less like more than what it really is when 99 00:03:56.840 --> 00:03:58.960 it's like smoke and mirrors and some you know, aspects 100 00:03:58.960 --> 00:04:01.080 of it kind of thing. Yeah, so are you because 101 00:04:01.080 --> 00:04:02.719 the industry is kind of open back up, are you 102 00:04:02.759 --> 00:04:04.639 back just shooting with other people or are you now 103 00:04:04.639 --> 00:04:05.680 only shooting with him? 104 00:04:05.879 --> 00:04:06.039 Yeah? 105 00:04:06.039 --> 00:04:07.800 I know I'm shooting with other people. Like I'm out 106 00:04:07.800 --> 00:04:10.120 here this week because I'm shooting, and I mean I 107 00:04:10.159 --> 00:04:12.280 basically do the like back and forth thing. It's a 108 00:04:12.280 --> 00:04:15.159 little exhausting, but like I'm basically flying out to La 109 00:04:15.280 --> 00:04:19.279 like once a month or once every six weeks minimum, 110 00:04:19.279 --> 00:04:20.720 but like I'm out here all the time, and I 111 00:04:20.759 --> 00:04:22.800 just kind of bounce back and forth. But I primarily 112 00:04:22.800 --> 00:04:24.920 still live in Kentucky just because I kind of enjoyed 113 00:04:24.920 --> 00:04:26.040 this lower pace of life. 114 00:04:26.560 --> 00:04:29.279 So why do you think that, Like, why do you 115 00:04:29.399 --> 00:04:31.680 feel like you choose to still come back if that's 116 00:04:31.720 --> 00:04:33.399 something that maybe you don't want to do with your 117 00:04:33.399 --> 00:04:35.040 only fans and doing your own stuff. Is that something 118 00:04:35.040 --> 00:04:36.959 you can't still do in Kentucky by yourself or is 119 00:04:36.959 --> 00:04:40.120 it just because the lack of talent? I guess because 120 00:04:40.160 --> 00:04:42.120 your boyfriend is the only one that you're shooting with. 121 00:04:42.279 --> 00:04:44.759 I mean, yes, there's not a lot of girls in Kentucky. Well, 122 00:04:44.759 --> 00:04:47.240 who knows. Nowadays everyone has an only fancy. 123 00:04:46.839 --> 00:04:48.920 You may be surprised if there are. I don't know 124 00:04:49.040 --> 00:04:50.720 if there was any girls in. 125 00:04:52.160 --> 00:04:55.279 There's any listeners out there who you know, watchers out 126 00:04:55.319 --> 00:04:57.759 there who he lives in Kentucky wants to do some 127 00:04:57.839 --> 00:04:59.399 content with my friend and your hot it has to 128 00:04:59.439 --> 00:04:59.920 be a requirement. 129 00:05:00.199 --> 00:05:05.439 Yeah, professionals please, no random fans. They get that that's implicated. 130 00:05:05.480 --> 00:05:07.399 But uh so, yes, it's. 131 00:05:07.319 --> 00:05:09.319 A combination of lack of talent out there that I 132 00:05:09.360 --> 00:05:10.839 can that would be ready to shoot with. 133 00:05:10.959 --> 00:05:12.839 But are you still like the thing is like it's 134 00:05:12.879 --> 00:05:14.079 just like excitement, like. 135 00:05:14.079 --> 00:05:16.399 Oh yeah, is it like the I like traveling out here? 136 00:05:16.519 --> 00:05:16.759 You know? 137 00:05:16.920 --> 00:05:17.680 And but no, but. 138 00:05:17.720 --> 00:05:20.240 Even just like the performers, not just for traveling girl, 139 00:05:20.399 --> 00:05:23.199 you're having sex that's kind of a big deal. You know, 140 00:05:23.360 --> 00:05:25.399 most viewers in our watch you know, be out there. 141 00:05:25.480 --> 00:05:27.879 They it's their job is not as glorious as you 142 00:05:27.959 --> 00:05:29.480 know where you get to go and have sex with 143 00:05:29.480 --> 00:05:30.000 the performer. 144 00:05:30.040 --> 00:05:30.720 Absolutely not. 145 00:05:30.879 --> 00:05:33.160 Yeah, it's like, you know, do you have like porn 146 00:05:33.199 --> 00:05:35.360 boyfriend girlfriends kind of things like where it's like you 147 00:05:35.439 --> 00:05:37.399 see that you know, habitual person all the time and 148 00:05:37.439 --> 00:05:39.279 you're just like, oh. 149 00:05:38.600 --> 00:05:41.800 Oh yeah, yeah, yeah absolutely. Robbie echoes my like porn husband. 150 00:05:41.920 --> 00:05:44.360 We joke, it's like when I met him, we just 151 00:05:44.399 --> 00:05:47.120 clicked immediately and we're like still really good friends. Like 152 00:05:47.600 --> 00:05:49.920 I live with him when I'm here in La, So, like, 153 00:05:50.000 --> 00:05:50.800 you know, it's. 154 00:05:50.720 --> 00:05:52.600 It's been so long ago. I don't even remember my 155 00:05:52.639 --> 00:05:54.439 porn now boyfriends. I mean there's like a long time. 156 00:05:54.439 --> 00:05:56.680 I haven't tried of seen in so long, like I yeah, 157 00:05:56.759 --> 00:06:00.480 like four four years. But yeah, definitely had several. But 158 00:06:00.519 --> 00:06:02.240 it's just because people think like, oh, you know, there's 159 00:06:02.240 --> 00:06:04.240 so many people and it's really a really small industry. 160 00:06:04.240 --> 00:06:06.519 You kind of see the station with people and like 161 00:06:06.560 --> 00:06:08.439 the same especially if you work for the same companies 162 00:06:08.519 --> 00:06:10.160 more you know, more than once, kind of like more 163 00:06:10.160 --> 00:06:10.920 often kind of thing. 164 00:06:11.279 --> 00:06:14.040 Yeah, companies tend to find one male performer or maybe 165 00:06:14.040 --> 00:06:16.800 like maybe two or three male performers that they like 166 00:06:16.920 --> 00:06:18.639 that they're like this is the core cat and they 167 00:06:18.720 --> 00:06:20.120 just know that they're solid. 168 00:06:20.199 --> 00:06:22.120 Like I mean, I was, you know, a director at 169 00:06:22.160 --> 00:06:24.279 the end of my career as well, and it was, 170 00:06:24.319 --> 00:06:26.000 you know, you have to really rely on a lot 171 00:06:26.000 --> 00:06:27.560 of things. If like you're going to show up, you're 172 00:06:27.600 --> 00:06:30.279 paying for location, and those are the things behind the 173 00:06:30.319 --> 00:06:32.639 scenes that everybody doesn't see, and it's like movie magic. 174 00:06:32.680 --> 00:06:35.279 And then you come for all you can. You're welcome. 175 00:06:35.759 --> 00:06:38.399 Wow, see all the blood, sweat and tears in the st. 176 00:06:38.319 --> 00:06:40.199 That's also cool. Like the you know, for me, like 177 00:06:40.360 --> 00:06:42.000 artistic part of it, it was like, you know, it 178 00:06:42.040 --> 00:06:43.959 is you know, art in a lot of ways, and 179 00:06:44.000 --> 00:06:46.000 you're kind of, you know, painting a picture and a 180 00:06:46.040 --> 00:06:48.319 sexual picture to get people up. I would say, like 181 00:06:48.680 --> 00:06:51.639 people helping people one orgasm at a time. I love it. 182 00:06:51.680 --> 00:06:52.839 I heard that one time and I kind of just 183 00:06:52.879 --> 00:06:54.399 stuck with it and I just think it's a beautiful 184 00:06:54.439 --> 00:06:56.480 thing and it fits so well important it does. 185 00:06:56.519 --> 00:06:58.759 It fits really well, and I think it's more important 186 00:06:58.800 --> 00:07:02.040 now than ever, you know, to remember that. I feel 187 00:07:02.040 --> 00:07:05.720 like what we do in our industry is really really valuable, 188 00:07:06.040 --> 00:07:08.279 and it's like, I mean, I'm sure you get this 189 00:07:08.399 --> 00:07:10.800 all the time with a massive fan base, Like you know, 190 00:07:10.879 --> 00:07:13.000 you get fans or just people who write to you, 191 00:07:13.000 --> 00:07:16.120 and like you learn that you actually change people's lives 192 00:07:16.120 --> 00:07:18.560 in a lot of ways with your content, and it's 193 00:07:19.040 --> 00:07:21.920 incredibly meaningful, and like there's a you can look at 194 00:07:21.959 --> 00:07:25.439 it through like the low end of it, being like oh, 195 00:07:25.519 --> 00:07:27.439 some dudes just jerking off and coming to this, and 196 00:07:27.480 --> 00:07:31.439 like there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. That's very valuable 197 00:07:31.439 --> 00:07:34.560 in itself, but it's all so yeah. But then it's like, 198 00:07:34.639 --> 00:07:37.360 you know, I'll never Like, one of my favorite females 199 00:07:37.360 --> 00:07:38.920 I ever got back in the day was this guy 200 00:07:38.959 --> 00:07:42.720 who wrote me about like how he'd been married for 201 00:07:42.759 --> 00:07:45.399 like twelve years and his partner had had an accident 202 00:07:45.480 --> 00:07:47.920 and like for medical reasons, they physically could not have 203 00:07:48.000 --> 00:07:50.240 sex with each other, and it was like something where 204 00:07:50.240 --> 00:07:53.240 they would His partner liked me, so they both agreed, 205 00:07:53.279 --> 00:07:54.759 like they liked me, and they thought I was like 206 00:07:54.800 --> 00:07:56.680 their favorite girl and porn to look at, so they 207 00:07:56.720 --> 00:07:59.560 would watch my scenes together and it would like be 208 00:07:59.639 --> 00:08:01.399 a thing that they could bond over because they weren't 209 00:08:01.399 --> 00:08:01.680 able to. 210 00:08:01.680 --> 00:08:02.519 Have sex with each other. 211 00:08:02.680 --> 00:08:04.480 They could have sex with each other apart, I mean 212 00:08:04.560 --> 00:08:06.720 like get off by themselves. 213 00:08:07.079 --> 00:08:09.199 I think what it was is that he was getting 214 00:08:09.279 --> 00:08:12.959 off and his partner was like there as like emotional support, 215 00:08:13.199 --> 00:08:17.160 but literally could not physically participate. Like I don't remember 216 00:08:17.199 --> 00:08:19.000 specifically why, but it might have been that she was 217 00:08:19.079 --> 00:08:20.720 paralyzed or something like that, but it was. 218 00:08:21.000 --> 00:08:22.839 But why I asked in that level was because of like, 219 00:08:22.839 --> 00:08:25.160 you're still but both watching porn. Is it stimulating on 220 00:08:25.160 --> 00:08:27.480 a level just like mentally or like physically, but you're 221 00:08:27.560 --> 00:08:29.759 not doing it together. But yeah, it's just that's why 222 00:08:29.759 --> 00:08:31.240 for me when I would do signings and stuff in 223 00:08:31.279 --> 00:08:33.840 the beginning, it's very self satisfying when you would hear 224 00:08:34.279 --> 00:08:37.240 and why I never felt a type of way or 225 00:08:37.279 --> 00:08:40.399 shameful of the industry or what my career of what 226 00:08:40.440 --> 00:08:43.519 I chose to do and be in it because it 227 00:08:43.559 --> 00:08:46.679 was very like thank you for you know, being you 228 00:08:46.799 --> 00:08:48.399 and being comfortable in your own skin. You know, I'm 229 00:08:48.440 --> 00:08:50.480 not the skinniest girl. I'm very curvy, I have you know, 230 00:08:50.480 --> 00:08:52.480 whenever they're like I feel comfortable in my skin because 231 00:08:52.480 --> 00:08:54.519 of you, I feel more beautiful and just hearing those 232 00:08:54.600 --> 00:08:57.320 kinds of affirmations and not that I needed it, but 233 00:08:57.320 --> 00:08:59.799 it definitely helped in those times when you're like, oh, 234 00:09:00.320 --> 00:09:01.480 I do make a difference. 235 00:09:01.960 --> 00:09:02.639 Yeah, it's you. 236 00:09:02.799 --> 00:09:05.840 I mean yeah, because people get suppressed and people, you know, 237 00:09:05.879 --> 00:09:08.639 people's ideas of sex and everything kind of changes. And 238 00:09:08.919 --> 00:09:10.600 you know, even with me being in the industry when 239 00:09:10.600 --> 00:09:12.559 I first started twenty one to where I am now 240 00:09:12.600 --> 00:09:14.360 being thirty six, you know, and I'm not in the 241 00:09:14.399 --> 00:09:18.639 industry anymore, but having had that experience within it and 242 00:09:18.679 --> 00:09:20.720 how sex is very it could be very physical and 243 00:09:20.759 --> 00:09:22.320 not emotional, and it can be you know, things that 244 00:09:22.360 --> 00:09:23.960 how you use it for and you know it just 245 00:09:24.000 --> 00:09:26.279 see bobs over time naturally. So I feel like because 246 00:09:26.320 --> 00:09:29.000 of porn, it really stimulates people on the outside, people 247 00:09:29.000 --> 00:09:31.279 who aren't doing it, because it kind of releases those 248 00:09:31.360 --> 00:09:33.919 kind of fetishes that they feel it's okay to like 249 00:09:34.240 --> 00:09:36.200 spread to the world, which I think is a beautiful thing. 250 00:09:36.360 --> 00:09:38.360 Yeah, that's one of the things that actually led me 251 00:09:39.120 --> 00:09:41.759 like missing that that that whole vibe, and I love 252 00:09:41.799 --> 00:09:43.159 the way you just described it as one of the 253 00:09:43.200 --> 00:09:46.200 things that primarily led me back into doing porn again. 254 00:09:46.240 --> 00:09:48.720 And like coming out of retirement because I was happy enough, 255 00:09:48.879 --> 00:09:51.159 like with the jobs that I did, I wouldn't say 256 00:09:51.159 --> 00:09:53.200 that any of them were like particularly fulfilling. 257 00:09:53.840 --> 00:09:55.480 What did you actually like go back to like a 258 00:09:55.559 --> 00:09:56.080 nine to five? 259 00:09:56.480 --> 00:09:59.120 Yeah, I did, Like I went it was wild because 260 00:09:59.159 --> 00:09:59.600 you know, I go. 261 00:09:59.559 --> 00:10:02.919 From sorry about that. I don't know why, apparently every 262 00:10:02.960 --> 00:10:04.720 day at this time it comes around. 263 00:10:04.399 --> 00:10:06.960 But there we go again, we got to test the 264 00:10:07.200 --> 00:10:12.240 fire arm or something. But yeah, like I I wouldn't 265 00:10:12.720 --> 00:10:14.480 let me go back and start that sentence again. 266 00:10:14.559 --> 00:10:17.559 Like I went from being I. 267 00:10:17.600 --> 00:10:19.399 Kind of quit at the height of my career in 268 00:10:19.679 --> 00:10:22.720 you know, late twenty fourteen was when I officially stopped 269 00:10:22.759 --> 00:10:24.600 accepting shoot bookings and stuff. 270 00:10:24.600 --> 00:10:26.240 And then within like two months, I was like I'm 271 00:10:26.240 --> 00:10:27.759 out moving to Kentucky. 272 00:10:27.840 --> 00:10:32.080 But and it was very like not spur the moment, 273 00:10:32.200 --> 00:10:35.120 but like it was such a drastic change, like to 274 00:10:35.200 --> 00:10:37.639 go from living in LA to like living in what 275 00:10:37.679 --> 00:10:38.120 was there. 276 00:10:38.000 --> 00:10:40.679 Was like something that happened particularly that made you want 277 00:10:40.679 --> 00:10:42.279 to go back or were you just like my time 278 00:10:42.320 --> 00:10:43.399 is over, I'm just done with them. 279 00:10:43.480 --> 00:10:46.279 It was I mean, there wasn't like a one event 280 00:10:46.600 --> 00:10:49.639 that happened. It was kind of a cumulative thing. And 281 00:10:49.720 --> 00:10:50.879 I mean I don't want to get into it, like 282 00:10:50.879 --> 00:10:52.399 too deeply, just because I feel like I've talked about 283 00:10:52.440 --> 00:10:55.440 a lot in other interviews, Like my fans who would 284 00:10:55.440 --> 00:10:57.159 watch this, they'd probably already heard me talk about it. 285 00:10:57.240 --> 00:10:59.559 But I mean, the easiest way to put it is 286 00:10:59.600 --> 00:11:02.159 like I would actually really depressed, and I was depressed 287 00:11:02.159 --> 00:11:05.840 because of like stigma coming from my family over my 288 00:11:05.879 --> 00:11:08.600 career choice that I didn't know how to navigate, and 289 00:11:08.919 --> 00:11:12.600 also just being in a really bad relationship, like the 290 00:11:12.679 --> 00:11:15.200 relationship I had with my ex, someone that I'm not 291 00:11:15.320 --> 00:11:18.480 with anymore back then, was just I struggled really hard 292 00:11:18.519 --> 00:11:20.279 with like how do I get out of this relationship, 293 00:11:20.320 --> 00:11:21.919 you know, And ultimately I felt like the only way 294 00:11:21.960 --> 00:11:25.080 to get out of it and to try to fix 295 00:11:25.159 --> 00:11:27.240 my relationship with my family was to just like leave 296 00:11:27.360 --> 00:11:28.480 porn and move away. 297 00:11:28.559 --> 00:11:29.600 Oh yeah yeah. 298 00:11:29.639 --> 00:11:31.440 And so I kind of like hit a reset button 299 00:11:31.919 --> 00:11:34.679 and it helped a lot. Like I mean, my mental 300 00:11:34.679 --> 00:11:37.879 health immediately like improved, not because I wasn't doing porn, 301 00:11:37.960 --> 00:11:39.840 because I never had a problem with that, but just 302 00:11:39.919 --> 00:11:45.320 because I completely like changed the circumstances that my life 303 00:11:45.440 --> 00:11:46.159 was a part of. 304 00:11:46.360 --> 00:11:48.799 You liked the other outside chatter kind of need to 305 00:11:48.840 --> 00:11:50.879 be eliminated. But and that was the focus of where 306 00:11:50.919 --> 00:11:52.360 it was I guess maybe stemming. 307 00:11:52.000 --> 00:11:54.919 From yeah exactly. And so I got out of that relationship. 308 00:11:55.000 --> 00:11:57.840 I like moved to Kentucky. I basically just got like 309 00:11:58.200 --> 00:12:00.960 a civilian job. Like it wasn't and anything like cool 310 00:12:01.039 --> 00:12:02.960 or fun in the beginning, and then you know, after 311 00:12:03.080 --> 00:12:05.039 a couple of years out there, I was the most 312 00:12:05.039 --> 00:12:07.440 recent The last jib I had before I decided to 313 00:12:07.480 --> 00:12:10.000 come back into the industry was as an editor. So 314 00:12:10.039 --> 00:12:13.159 I was doing like copywriting and editing for a magazine 315 00:12:13.240 --> 00:12:13.919 company and. 316 00:12:13.840 --> 00:12:15.320 It was great work. 317 00:12:15.360 --> 00:12:17.240 Like I really enjoyed it, and you know, I was 318 00:12:17.320 --> 00:12:20.039 using my brain and like I was using my actual degree, 319 00:12:20.240 --> 00:12:23.759 like so that was cool. But also I like at 320 00:12:23.799 --> 00:12:25.080 the end of the day, I was still like, man, 321 00:12:25.120 --> 00:12:27.440 I'm really overwhelmed and like this isn't fulfilling in any 322 00:12:27.440 --> 00:12:29.559 way that I wanted it to be, you know, and 323 00:12:29.600 --> 00:12:33.360 I found myself just missing doing sex work like a lot. 324 00:12:33.639 --> 00:12:37.399 Because there's what you just described. 325 00:12:37.399 --> 00:12:39.440 Going back to that that the way that you kind 326 00:12:39.480 --> 00:12:41.360 of described like the vibe that I like in the industry, 327 00:12:41.399 --> 00:12:44.759 A lot of it comes down to like open mindedness and. 328 00:12:44.919 --> 00:12:47.720 Having your connection. Yeah, you have people like it's like 329 00:12:47.799 --> 00:12:51.480 that like mindedness where it's like, maybe I'm not so bad. 330 00:12:51.679 --> 00:12:54.120 Maybe because I like sex doesn't mean that I'm a 331 00:12:54.159 --> 00:12:56.720 bad person. Yeah, there's other people too, you know what 332 00:12:56.720 --> 00:12:58.600 I mean. It's just identifying yourself. And I think that 333 00:12:58.679 --> 00:13:00.799 the older that we you know, get and you see 334 00:13:00.799 --> 00:13:03.360 things and experience as well too. And just finding your 335 00:13:03.440 --> 00:13:06.159 voice as a female and even an adult entertainer. You know, 336 00:13:06.200 --> 00:13:07.799 it's very hard, and you know in the world that 337 00:13:08.159 --> 00:13:10.159 is you know out there now because of so many 338 00:13:10.200 --> 00:13:12.240 you know, stigmas of this and people wanting to be 339 00:13:12.360 --> 00:13:14.039 this and you know, all these things that people think 340 00:13:14.039 --> 00:13:15.919 you're supposed to be where it's like you're just trying 341 00:13:15.919 --> 00:13:17.679 to figure out who you are internally, you know, and 342 00:13:17.679 --> 00:13:19.720 so that's already a struggle. So you know, that's really 343 00:13:19.759 --> 00:13:21.519 cool that you need. You know, you did something for 344 00:13:21.639 --> 00:13:23.960 yourself to get who you are now because it also 345 00:13:24.039 --> 00:13:25.639 led you back to what you liked, and that was 346 00:13:25.679 --> 00:13:26.639 you know, industry. 347 00:13:27.120 --> 00:13:29.120 Yeah, and it's even better the second time, you know, 348 00:13:29.159 --> 00:13:32.600 like everything about it. It's like I don't feel whereas 349 00:13:32.639 --> 00:13:34.600 when I first started, like I was actually sort of 350 00:13:34.679 --> 00:13:37.279 old in porn years. For when I first started an adult. 351 00:13:37.279 --> 00:13:40.639 I was on termed okay, what I had turned twenty 352 00:13:40.639 --> 00:13:41.720 four when I shot. 353 00:13:41.480 --> 00:13:43.799 That, I sow not old, and you know that whole 354 00:13:43.799 --> 00:13:44.840 thing like even. 355 00:13:44.759 --> 00:13:47.080 Oh, I don't agree with it either, that's met like 356 00:13:47.200 --> 00:13:48.279 quotes are like old. 357 00:13:49.159 --> 00:13:49.919 I don't believe in that. 358 00:13:50.039 --> 00:13:51.960 Yes, I consider like I should have been a mile 359 00:13:52.000 --> 00:13:53.519 for a long time ago. I have a problem with that. 360 00:13:53.559 --> 00:13:55.759 I have no children and I'm still young. When they 361 00:13:55.759 --> 00:13:58.799 try to age you before you're twenty four, you're young beautiful, 362 00:13:58.879 --> 00:14:01.360 But yes, okay, go ahead, definitely. I don't put that 363 00:14:01.399 --> 00:14:05.399 little rant in there, carlsty but it's true. It's because 364 00:14:05.399 --> 00:14:07.679 it's like, you know, women like again going back to 365 00:14:07.759 --> 00:14:10.320 like women's perception of like who they look up to 366 00:14:10.559 --> 00:14:12.799 or what we're supposed to know why we go botox 367 00:14:12.840 --> 00:14:14.519 and why we wear the clothes we do that like 368 00:14:14.559 --> 00:14:17.039 the imitations of what you're trying to obtain. It's like, 369 00:14:17.080 --> 00:14:19.360 why should a twenty four year old feel old? Like 370 00:14:19.840 --> 00:14:23.919 it's no, enjoy your youthful like you know your youthful years. 371 00:14:24.080 --> 00:14:24.440 I know. 372 00:14:24.759 --> 00:14:27.320 And it's wild that I even felt that that pressure 373 00:14:27.440 --> 00:14:31.480 of the age thing, and I decided, yeah, exactly, yeah, 374 00:14:31.480 --> 00:14:35.279 it's it's it's just look at you now. I know 375 00:14:35.519 --> 00:14:38.120 it's funny because I look I think I look better 376 00:14:38.200 --> 00:14:39.559 in many ways than I did back then. 377 00:14:39.600 --> 00:14:42.519 And I'm like, you get better with time. That's what 378 00:14:42.559 --> 00:14:44.120 I like to say. And I like to drink wine, 379 00:14:44.159 --> 00:14:46.679 so you know, fit fit fine wine. 380 00:14:46.759 --> 00:14:50.840 Yes rose specifically because I have pink hair now, I 381 00:14:50.960 --> 00:14:54.840 like to think you yeah, like it's it's just been 382 00:14:55.759 --> 00:15:00.480 even better coming back and realizing like, wow, I've matured 383 00:15:01.080 --> 00:15:04.799 quite a bit, Like I've had this other career experiences, 384 00:15:04.840 --> 00:15:07.759 like outside of the adult industry, which which was my 385 00:15:07.840 --> 00:15:10.480 first real career experience when I started at twenty four, 386 00:15:12.240 --> 00:15:16.240 So finding the success an adult, then leaving at the 387 00:15:16.279 --> 00:15:19.080 height of that success and totally like kind of throwing 388 00:15:19.080 --> 00:15:22.279 it away, and then coming back five years after this 389 00:15:22.360 --> 00:15:26.279 long hiatus and I'm realizing, like this is more fulfilling 390 00:15:26.320 --> 00:15:29.000 than it was before. And also I feel way more empowered. 391 00:15:29.320 --> 00:15:33.360 I never felt disempowered before. But there's definitely a little 392 00:15:33.360 --> 00:15:35.440 bit of like I don't know if I want to 393 00:15:35.440 --> 00:15:38.720 call it like a hierarchy, but there's there's a confidence 394 00:15:38.759 --> 00:15:40.679 I have now that it is literally just because I'm 395 00:15:41.200 --> 00:15:43.360 I'm older and I'm more mature that I did not 396 00:15:43.480 --> 00:15:46.519 have before, so I feel like I can stand better 397 00:15:46.600 --> 00:15:49.120 on my own two feet and you know, even down 398 00:15:49.159 --> 00:15:50.799 to like, you know, when I'm not. 399 00:15:50.840 --> 00:15:53.080 Walking in blindly, you know, you can't like have a 400 00:15:53.120 --> 00:15:54.679 sense of direction of some sort. 401 00:15:54.559 --> 00:15:58.320