Speaker 1: Black Revolutionary Media presents Glitter Bracelets by Nay Harris.
Speaker 2: Characters. Hi, my name is Bianca Berger and I'll be
playing Angela Asodlewalker. Angela Sodlewalker. She's a black lesbian twenty
two mini, a stud studying to become a professor African
American Studies and sociology. Has long locks and wears glasses,
a lot of sweater vests and bow ties. Guess they're cool.
She tries her hardest to not be anxious, but one's
hardest isn't always enough.
Speaker 3: Hi, I'm Jasmine de Boone. I'll be playing Charlene Pixie
Brown and Grace Henderson. Charlene Pixie Brown twenty small, five
to one fam lesbian. She has a pixie cut, loves long,
swishy skirts and glitter. A hair washer at a salon,
she loves playing with people's hair, Almost childlike with a
heavy heart that tries its best to be light.
Speaker 4: Hey there, I'm Zabie Odetta. I'll be playing Gina and
the Barista. Gina is black and twenty one, Pixie's best
friend since preschool. Hairdresser at the salon. Pixie works at
Confident and Chill about It knows exactly how deep Pixie
Scars run.
Speaker 5: My name is Phoenix Raw and I'll be playing Ray.
Ray is timeless, gender non conforming being who's poetic and
charming when they're in control, not completely of this world,
but also very much ingrained in humanity, a personification of
self destructive tendencies. They spend most of their time with Pixie,
since she's the only one who really notices Slash can
hear them, though Ray can usually be seen in the
background somewhere. The actor for Ray should also play Sharon Locke,
Angela's best friend.
Speaker 1: Author's note, thank you for joining us on this journey. Most,
if not all, of us have developed and held onto
coping mechanisms for survival, be it razors, cigarettes, booze, sex, adrenaline,
et cetera. It's often hard to accept that said mechanisms
are unhealthy, even harder to try to let them go
and journey to find others, especially when said mechanisms still
make us feel safe. I think about the popularity of
the phrase if it ain't broke, don't fix it, and
interrogate whether that phrase still has merit when we consider
have always viewed ourselves as broken, and whether being fixed
is possible, and if so, what would that look like?
Content Warning includes graphic depiction of self harm, suicide, mention, slash, ideation,
and trichotillomania. As much as I love this piece, it
was difficult to write, it may be difficult to listen to.
So please take care of yourself as best you can
and try to give yourself grace because existing as.
Speaker 3: Hard as fuck.
Speaker 1: Part one, Act one, setting twenty eighteen. A bookstore on
a rainy Thursday afternoon. Angela sits at a wooden table,
reading a book and taking notes.
Speaker 3: She not look what's she do now?
Speaker 4: Coughfoot grace or some shit?
Speaker 3: She changed reading positions so cute?
Speaker 4: Wow, she moved an entire arm. She's so versat all?
Is this what you do when I'm not with you?
Just watch people know? Just her at least her hair
is on point, coconut oil and bliss. Yeah, that's not
creepy at all, pixie sticks. This is what the third
time you've seen her here and you still haven't made
a move yet.
Speaker 2: I'm taking it slow.
Speaker 3: Did you introduce yourself? At least our eyes met briefly?
Speaker 4: So we're moving at the speed of an iceberg.
Speaker 3: Then, huh?
Speaker 2: Why am I even here?
Speaker 4: I could be at home watching reruns of Empire to
help me? Nah, the only one who needs help is
old girl at the register trying to rock a lopsided
bob with that bone structure. Just embarrassing.
Speaker 2: Not the point? Then?
Speaker 3: What the fuck is?
Speaker 4: You're just staring at her like a baby Jeffrey Dahmer,
which makes no sense. She ain't even that cute. She
looks mad, stuck up.
Speaker 2: She's not. How would you know? You ain't even talk
to her yet?
Speaker 4: Her books books do not a human make pixie sticks.
Speaker 3: Alice Walker, Angela Davis Basquiat.
Speaker 4: Greens, beans, potatoes, tomatoes, eggplant, parmesan.
Speaker 2: I can rattle off.
Speaker 3: Lists of things too, that's what she's reading about, okay,
and she cares about people.
Speaker 4: You can't judge someone based on the books they've read.
But you've always been a nerd.
Speaker 3: Did your homework too?
Speaker 2: You offered, and I.
Speaker 4: Wasn't gonna say no. You gotta ask her out her what?
But I have a date tonight, Lucky you do.
Speaker 2: Hey, we're trying to get.
Speaker 4: You a date right now, but you won't go.
Speaker 3: And ask have to figure out a plan.
Speaker 4: We were up almost all night going over the million
and two different ways. You could ask her out. Just
go say hi. Then y'all can date and you'll stop
moping around the house talking about how lonely you are.
Then I can get some peace of mind, because real
talk you masturbating is one of the saddest sounds I've
ever heard in my life. Gina, no shade, just saying now,
go over there.
Speaker 1: Pixie scratches her arm through her arm warmer.
Speaker 3: I can't.
Speaker 4: My arm's it chop scratching, you'll pick the scabs off.
Speaker 3: I'm all nerves.
Speaker 4: She's leaving.
Speaker 2: Go ask her out. I don't have band aids.
Speaker 3: Let's go home.
Speaker 4: Yeah, we're not doing this. Come on, No, I have
to think, don't think, just do now breathe.
Speaker 2: Can I hope you come on? Ask her out.
Speaker 1: Pixie points to the block of sticky notes on the
table by Angela's bag.
Speaker 2: B lots of sticky notes. I got it from the Staples.
It was on sale.
Speaker 3: Really dope, are you? I think you're very attractive and
i'd like to take you out on a date.
Speaker 2: Okay, thank you. Maybe we should start with names first. Hi,
I'm Angela Walker.
Speaker 3: Right, names important?
Speaker 2: Angela?
Speaker 3: Nice name? Have you had it long. Oh course you have.
It's your name. You've had it for forever. Unless you've
recently changed your name, then you wouldn't have had it
for forever.
Speaker 2: I'm Gina. Nice to meet you, Gina.
Speaker 4: And this adorable rambler here is Charlene.
Speaker 2: Pleasure to meet you.
Speaker 3: You can call me Pixie. Everyone does.
Speaker 1: Pixie pulls her colorful arm warmers down until her hands
are almost completely covered.
Speaker 2: How about we have coffee?
Speaker 3: Great? How Saturday?
Speaker 2: I can't. I have a paper new Monday that I'm
barely started.
Speaker 3: Right, that makes sense? When are you free?
Speaker 2: I was hoping we could grab coffee now, actually.
Speaker 3: As in this current point in time?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 4: Is that?
Speaker 2: Okay? I only have about an hour, but there's a
cafe right here, so we don't have to waste time
finding when? If not, I completely understand.
Speaker 3: Could you wait here a sec I need to converse
with Gina regarding a topic of absolutely no importance to you.
Speaker 2: Okay, excuse us a moment.
Speaker 3: I can't have coffee right now? What you mean you can't?
Speaker 4: Window of opportunity here? She just opened the damn window.
Speaker 3: I have nothing to talk about.
Speaker 4: Just say what we went over last night?
Speaker 3: I forgot everything.
Speaker 4: You forgot my brilliant one liners. I'm high key offended, Gina,
be petty later. This is serious? Oh no, seems hall
a sketch that she said, Yeah, right off the bat,
but with conditions like what if you had shit to
do right now? I mean you don't because you ain't
got no social life.
Speaker 3: But what if I'm going home? Nah?
Speaker 2: Just be yourself.
Speaker 3: Never I'll scare her.
Speaker 4: Only if you try to be someone else. You got this,
Pixie sticks real said?
Speaker 2: Or you have plans? Yep, she is.
Speaker 4: Y'all have fun, don't get too wet and wild talking
about books.
Speaker 3: Gina, alrighty bye.
Speaker 1: Angela and Pixie walk over to a small square table
with two chairs.
Speaker 2: So how do you take your coffee?
Speaker 3: I don't drink coffee makes me anxious. Could I have
a hot chocolate? Please?
Speaker 2: Sure, I'll go see what they have. Do you want
peppermint or white hot chocolate?
Speaker 3: I'll just come with you.
Speaker 2: That's so I got it?
Speaker 3: Then here take this.
Speaker 2: No, it's on me, especially since you agreed to this
on such short notice. How do you take your cocoa? Oh?
Speaker 3: Not cow's milk? Please come and right up. Don't guess,
just do you got this? You were calm, cool and collected,
a cool cucumber, a smooth operator. She's beautiful, but she's
also a person? Or is it and a person?
Speaker 2: She's both. It's fine.
Speaker 3: You're an adult who can get through one date without
having a panic attack.
Speaker 2: You can do this.
Speaker 3: You can do this. You can't do this. You can't
do this.
Speaker 1: Do what?
Speaker 3: Sorry? I'm not usually so jumpy. I promise, I'm.
Speaker 2: Sorry, nor I'm done a small hot chocolate with milk.
Speaker 3: Right.
Speaker 2: Oh you said oat milk right, not cow.
Speaker 4: Fuck.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry. I'll get you another. No, it's okay, No,
it's not. I'm getting you another. My mistake. I have
to fix it.
Speaker 3: She seems sweet, right, she's so Wait, you're not supposed
to be here.
Speaker 6: I'm yours. Wherever you go, I go. You need a hug?
Speaker 3: Huh Now, it's not really a good time. I'm kind
of on a date. Sides, I'm not a neosporin.
Speaker 6: You know she won't see me.
Speaker 7: I'm your little secret here.
Speaker 2: You are sorry about the mix up.
Speaker 3: It's no problem. I'm sorry. You have so much homework?
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, it's fine. Comes with the scholastic territory you
in school?
Speaker 3: Nah, working, saving up to go back. Where do you
work at Sherry's Falla Koopetique? I wash hair. I've always
liked playing with and styling hair ever since I was
a kid.
Speaker 2: Well, that's interesting. How did you get into that?
Speaker 3: Gina is a stylist there. She got me the job
when I took a break from school. I'm working my
way up. I'll hopefully have my own chair by the
end of the year. Locks are my specialty, though yours
are so well done. Who does them?
Speaker 2: I usually do them when I have the time. My
mother also insists on doing my hair almost every time
I go back home to visit. She claims that I
never retwist them properly.
Speaker 3: Have you seen her recently?
Speaker 2: No, She usually just calls me a few times a week.
Speaker 3: Well, then I think you've done a fantastic job, and
this is coming from a professional, Then I.
Speaker 2: Accept that as the highest of compliments.
Speaker 1: They both reach for a napkin simultaneously and the tips
of their fingers lightly brush against each other.
Speaker 3: Thanks. You can tell a lot about a person from
their hair. It's sort of like a preview of their personality.
Speaker 2: Interesting, So what does my hair say about mine?
Speaker 3: I'm not gonna answer that. I'm trying to woo you,
not make you hate me.
Speaker 2: Why would I hate you?
Speaker 3: People don't like when I read them. It's nosy.
Speaker 2: It's not being nosy.
Speaker 1: If I ask Angela picks at her eyebrow.
Speaker 2: I'm very intrigued. Please tell me.
Speaker 3: All right. The top half of your hair is in
a tight bun, meaning you're usually all business, but you've
left the rest of your locks out, meaning you can
have fun but not too much. The ones in the
front look there, neat and precise, so you're all about
cleanliness and making good first impressions anywhere you go. Wow,
I'm sorry I said too much, didn't I?
Speaker 2: No, you were spot on. You got all that from
my hair and what you mean? The ones in front
look neat. You're trying to say the rest of my
head looks raggedy. No, no, of course not. I'm sorry. Hey, Hey,
I was just joking.
Speaker 3: It's okay, joking, right, I really didn't mean anything by it.
I just I fuck me.
Speaker 2: Ask nicely first, but seriously you sure you're not psychic?
Speaker 5: No?
Speaker 3: But your clothes also give you away. The leather strap
of your watch is worn down because you wear it
every day, so time is important. To you. Your sweater
vest and tweet jacket with elbow patches give off a
strong sexy British English professor vibe.
Speaker 2: Then I must be doing something right wardrobe wise. I'm
setting to be a professor. But history and sociology though English,
that's awesome, and you're amazing.
Speaker 3: You're too cute.
Speaker 2: You think I'm cute.
Speaker 3: I meant cute in a sexy way, not like in
a childish way or anything.
Speaker 2: That's good because you said I was sexy earlier, and
I thought you were trying to take back the compliment.
Speaker 3: I didn't say you were sexy.
Speaker 2: Sexy British English professor vibes your words about me. Therefore
you think I'm sexy.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but I mean, well you you're very attractive, and
I'm just gonna stop talking now.
Speaker 2: There's no need for you to stop talking. You're cute
when you ramble in a sexy way. Damn I have
classes soon. I'm sorry to cut this short.
Speaker 3: No, I totally get it. You're very busy. It was
really nice meeting.
Speaker 2: You, meeting me. Are you leaving the country sometimes soon?
Because I was hoping we could continue this conversation maybe
over dinner.
Speaker 3: You want to see me again.
Speaker 2: Of course, why wouldn't I.
Speaker 3: I just feel like I've bombarded you with a bunch
of assumptions. I'm shit at small talk, so.
Speaker 2: Am I, and all of your assumptions were right, though.
Speaker 3: I hope I wasn't rude. I'm sorry if.
Speaker 2: I was, Oh, you weren't. Definitely a breath of fresh air. Well,
feel free to keep breathing me in. I plan to, Yeah,
send me a text, then I'll have your number. Let
me know when you're free, and we'll go from there.
Sure thing.
Speaker 3: Bye. Well, I'm so sorry. I'm a fucking klutz. Did
I hurt you?
Speaker 2: I'm good. If you wanted a hug, all you had
to do was ask, is your head okay?
Speaker 3: As okay as it'll ever be. I'm really sorry.
Speaker 2: No, har I'm done. I look forward to seeing you
again soon, Pixie. Feel free to keep breathing me in.
Speaker 1: Really scene too, Hey, how long was I out?
Speaker 3: Only fifteen minutes?
Speaker 2: Only it's a long time to take a nap during
a date.
Speaker 3: You look like you were having good dreams. I didn't
want to wake you.
Speaker 2: I don't think I was dreaming. The Only thing that
was remotely dream like about this nap was waking.
Speaker 3: Up and seeing you too, sweet. It's fifteen minutes even
long enough to dream. Do you remember your dreams?
Speaker 2: I don't think I really dream, and if I do,
I don't remember any of them.
Speaker 3: Really, I have weird dreams all the time, which probably
says a lot about me as a person, and I
remember most of them.
Speaker 2: What about day dreams?
Speaker 3: Everyone day dreams, And what do you daydream about graduation? Well,
that makes sense. I suppose everyone day dreams about graduating
when they're in school.
Speaker 2: I don't mean my graduation. I daydream about my future
students graduating, introducing me to their parents and telling them
what an impact my class has had on their lives,
being the reason they come back to the college to visit,
knowing that I'll make a difference in people's lives.
Speaker 3: Wow.
Speaker 2: And no, it's really self absorbed.
Speaker 3: No, no, not at all. That's beautiful, the facts that
you want to change people's lives.
Speaker 2: Thanks, what about you? I'm sure your dreams are a
lot more exciting than mine.
Speaker 3: Well, they're exciting, but not in a very good way.
Speaker 2: How so, sorry, it's my mom.
Speaker 3: You should answer. It could be really important.
Speaker 2: I can just call her back. It's fine.
Speaker 3: No, really, I have to pee anyway, so you'll have
some privacy.
Speaker 2: Hey, Mom, is everything okay? Then? Can I call you
back later. I'm in the middle of something. Yes, it's
very important. I'm taking a break from studying at the moment.
I know school is important. I've been working all week. Mom,
I'm just taking a small break. I also know what
school's expensive, which is why I'm getting all A's I
won't let you down, Mom, I love you too. Bye.
Speaker 1: Ray walks by, softly touches Angela's cheek and continues on
their way.
Speaker 3: So, how's Mom.
Speaker 2: She's fine. Just wanted to know how the setting was going.
I couldn't tell her that I was on a date
or else I'd never get off the phone.
Speaker 3: It's okay. I what happened to your eyebrow? My eyebrow,
the one you've been picking at. There's a bit of
a gap there towards the end. No hair, Oh playground accident.
When I was a kid, Addie gets stitches, but the
hair never really grew back. I'm sorry. Didn't mean to
pry or remind you of any painful memories.
Speaker 2: It's totally fine. It's just itches more than anything else.
Speaker 3: Yeah, the itching is the worst.
Speaker 2: Looks like you have a scar two of your own.
M those what are they.
Speaker 3: From a roller skating accident? Fell and slid on asphalts?
Scraped up my wrist pretty badly.
Speaker 2: Dawn sounds rough? Is that why you wear those?
Speaker 3: One of the reasons? Sorry, I had to wash my hands.
Speaker 2: There's nothing to be sorry about. It's just one of
the reasons. Yeah, the other reasons aren't important. Seems like
they're very important, and you just don't want to say.
Speaker 3: Am I not allowed to have secrets?
Speaker 2: I don't do too well with secrets? Why is that
one day you're gonna tell me about those arm warmers?
Speaker 3: Maybe one day, yes, but it is not this day.
Speaker 2: All right, I'll let it go for now. Aragarn.
Speaker 3: You have to admit that's one of the best speeches
in the Lord of the Rings film trilogy. He's so
passionate the way he says it. It just gives you
hope for a better tomorrow.
Speaker 2: You're my guarantee of a better tomorrow.
Speaker 3: Almost forgot we're outside amongst humankind.
Speaker 2: This isn't the place so yours are mine. I haven't
been to your place yet.
Speaker 3: There's a lot going on over there where I the
roof of the building is getting replaced, the entire roof.
Speaker 2: Yep, it was raining most of this week.
Speaker 3: I wear a lot of ponchos, just bonchos, just ponchos,
and arm warmers, not even underwear.
Speaker 2: Why does that sound sexy as elder me? Because I'm
sexy as hell. Duh. I never argue against.
Speaker 3: That, and you shouldn't because you'd lose.
Speaker 1: Scene three. A few nights later, Gina exits the apartment
building and sits on the stoop, setting her phone down
next to her. She tries to steady her hands as
she takes a cigarette out of the bent up pack
and sticks it in her mouth. Ray appears and leans
against the railing Gina pats her jacket and boobs for
a lighter until Ray pulls one out and likes gina cigarette,
leaving the li her lap. Angela approaches with a sunflower
and bag of candy.
Speaker 2: Gina, Hey, what's up?
Speaker 4: Angela? Hey, it's been a minute.
Speaker 2: Have you been? Can't complain you? You know those are
bad for you.
Speaker 4: I'll take my chances, and Dad could definitely complain, but
I'm not gonna.
Speaker 2: Sorry to hear that. Hope the night gets better for you.
Pixie home.
Speaker 4: Yeah, uh, she didn't text you, not since this morning.
She okay, Pixie's been having a really rough day. She's
not gonna be able to make it tonight, she said,
she texted you.
Speaker 2: Oh, I'll go up and check on her.
Speaker 4: I'm not supposed to let you upstairs. Pixie said, she's
really sorry, but she can't see you tonight.
Speaker 1: Gina puts another cigarette to her lips and Ray lights
that one as well. Angela picks at her eyebrow.
Speaker 2: Did I is she upset with me?
Speaker 4: She's upset, but not with you. I tell you if
she was, I can give her the flower and candy
now if you want, or you can bring them back
another time. Maybe she sees me, she'll I'm telling you.
She repeatedly told me to make sure you don't see
her like this, Like what did something happen to her? No,
she just hasn't left her bed all day, and she
feels gross.
Speaker 6: What are a few new stripes to an old tiger?
Speaker 2: So she just needs to sleep.
Speaker 4: Maybe try calling her tomorrow afternoon.
Speaker 2: All right, we'll do give her these for me, please.
I hope they'll lift her spirits a bit.
Speaker 4: I'm sure they will take it easy.
Speaker 2: I'll try look after her please, I always do. See
you later.
Speaker 1: Angela exits, Gina sits back down and keeps smoking. Ray
sits next to her and starts picking the petals off
of the sunflower. Scene four. A month and a half later,
Gina and Pixie's apartment. Pixie's room, think bright and bold
colors everywhere. There are swatches of different paints on the walls.
It's a lot to take in.
Speaker 4: There's a large.
Speaker 1: Pile of clothes on Pixie's bed, which Gina is going
through half heartedly. Pixie pops out of the closet and
a dress looks in the mirror.
Speaker 3: Thoughts, well, it's very green, Plato green or a seductive green.
Speaker 4: I don't even know what that means.
Speaker 3: I can't do this. Everything I own makes me look
like either a twelve year old boy or a sad hippie.
Speaker 4: You could always borrow something from me.
Speaker 3: No, I can't miss seven feet tall supermodel. Everything you
own is baggy on me. Even your extra short dresses
make me look like some prudish housewife.
Speaker 4: One, you're exaggerating. Two, there's lots of great outfits in
here you can wear tonight. You're clearly overwhelmed. So what's up?
Speaker 3: What do you mean? Nothing's up? Everything's fine, fine my eye.
Speaker 4: You've been hella flustered for the past two days trying
to find something to wear tonight.
Speaker 3: What gives nothing, It's just it's well, this state is
a big.
Speaker 4: Deal, more so than the others.
Speaker 3: How well, you know, we've had lots of coffee dates
and dinner, and we went to that open mic night
at the bistro once, and then we went skating, and
I remember you.
Speaker 4: Gave me practically a whole dissertation after each date when
you got home, so clearly things are going. Well, what's
the big deal?
Speaker 3: Angela's taking me to this really nice restaurant and I
think I think we might have such Heaven be praised.
She's about to get some after almost a century of celibacy.
Praise him. Rude as hell.
Speaker 4: You know, I'm just playing, But seriously, you dusted all
the cobwebs off your coats before your shower, right, you.
Speaker 2: Need a hug.
Speaker 3: Hug get out, Come on, I'm happy for you.
Speaker 2: I'm just cracking jokes.
Speaker 3: Well, this ain't funny, it's fucking serious. Why is this
so serious? You ain't a virgin?
Speaker 6: I just won't be at this point because I haven't
told her yet about.
Speaker 1: She gestures to her arm warmers in a way that
also gestures to Ray, who blows her another kiss.
Speaker 4: You haven't told her yet?
Speaker 3: How the hell have.
Speaker 4: You managed to evade that conversation. She hasn't asked you
why you're always in arm warmers?
Speaker 3: You know me, I'm a master evader.
Speaker 7: Lie after lie after lie.
Speaker 3: And she has but every time she asks, I ask
her about classes or feign and illness and go home.
Speaker 2: But I think she really wants me.
Speaker 4: You're fine as fuck, and it's obvious as hell that
she knows that, and I definitely want her, and I
just I couldn't handle it if.
Speaker 3: She got disgusted and left once I took these off.
Speaker 4: Hey, that will not happen.
Speaker 3: Okay, it might.
Speaker 4: If it does, I'll kill her and then you have
to help me get rid of the body. But I
don't think you're giving Angela enough credit here. She's a
big ass nerd just like you. If she hasn't figured
it out already, I'm sure she'll understand once you tell her.
Speaker 3: You think so doubt it?
Speaker 4: Yeah, I do, And if she leaves, then she's a
fuck wad and you deserve better anyway.
Speaker 3: You're You're right, everything will be fine. I'm panicking unnecessarily.
Speaker 6: Anxiety is always necessary.
Speaker 4: Wouldn't be the first time, but tonight's gonna go great. Now,
what color are you feeling right now?
Speaker 7: Crimson?
Speaker 2: Purple? Definitely purple purple? Purple purple.
Speaker 4: What about that cocktail dress I got you for Christmas
last year, the one with the little rhinestones that you
liked because you said they look like stars.
Speaker 3: I love that one, but I never really had a
reason to wear it.
Speaker 4: Well, what better reason to wear it than to get
some And you can wear those long black gloves your
dad got you. You have a Lena horn esque going on.
Speaker 3: You're amazing.
Speaker 2: Oh I know now what.
Speaker 4: You want me to do with your hair and a side?
Speaker 2: Quick? Deacon's coming to pick me up soon, right?
Speaker 3: How is the perfect boyfriend?
Speaker 2: Amazing?
Speaker 3: He's definitely a step up from Jackson, that's for sure.
Speaker 2: What was wrong with Jackson?
Speaker 3: Gina?
Speaker 2: He smelled like stale Frido's. He did not.
Speaker 4: It was just a weird cologne which.
Speaker 3: Must have come in an orange and red back because
he smelt like fritos.
Speaker 4: Okay, he did smell really weird. But that doesn't even
matter because I'm with Deacon now and I'm staying at
his place tonight, so you and Angela have the apartment
all to yourselves.
Speaker 3: I can't bring her back here. She's never seen my
room before, and right now it's a mess. Then I
suggest you shove all your clothes back in the closet
and spray them for breezing.
Speaker 4: Here before you go. And it works out both ways.
If you have sex, you get to sleep in tomorrow
and don't have to leave her place to get back
home she leaves, which she won't, then your bed, the fridge,
and Netflix are already right here for you, and you
don't have to worry about breaking down on the subway.
Speaker 3: I have a severe love hate relationship with the fact
that you always make really compelling arguments.
Speaker 4: Comes in handy when you're trying to talk a client
out of getting side swept bangs. Tonight will be magnificent.
Speaker 1: Yes, it'll be a disaster.
Speaker 4: And remember, don't guess, just do. But in this case,
if it doesn't feel right, then don't do.
Speaker 1: Scene five later that night, lights up on Pixie's room,
which is now clean and smells faintly of lavender.
Speaker 3: This is it my room. There's the bed, a chair,
and yeah, please make yourself comfortable. Can I get you
something to drink. I've got water juice. I can also
put the kettle on for tea or hot cocoa if
you want.
Speaker 2: I'm fine, thank you. This is a very colorful room.
Is that lavender I smell?
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's very calming, good for the nerves.
Speaker 2: True. You also have a lot of candles.
Speaker 3: I have different candles for different moods and energies. I
still haven't been able to decide on a single color
for the walls. The colors never look on the wall
like they do in catalogs. Your room's a lot nicer.
Speaker 2: Please, All four walls and half the floor covered with books.
There's no room there, barely enough for one person.
Speaker 3: Well, you have solid taste in books. I probably have
too many candles, I guess. I also just like things
that smell nice.
Speaker 2: You smell really nice. Thank you.
Speaker 3: That's a beautiful tie. Did you tie it yourself? I
don't know how to tie a tie.
Speaker 2: I'll teach you sometime. This is a windsor k not,
but you can start off with a simple knot.
Speaker 3: You have on too many clothes, So do you?
Speaker 2: May I undress?
Speaker 3: You get on the bed first, yes, ma'am.
Speaker 1: Pixie straddles her.
Speaker 3: Mm, Pixie, Pixie, you're yeah. I just heard something. It's nothing.
M h mm hmmm mm hmm.
Speaker 2: You know what I want right now? What to kiss
every single inch of you.
Speaker 3: You you don't mean.
Speaker 2: That, of course I do.
Speaker 1: She strokes the glove on Pixie's left arm and starts
to pull it down, but Pixie stops her.
Speaker 2: You know, known each other for almost two months, and
I don't really know what your wrists look like. They're
even your elbows.
Speaker 3: I mean, there's not much to them. They're just wrists
and elbows. Lots of people have them.
Speaker 2: I'm sure your wrists and elbows are beautiful, just like
the rest of you. They're not, Oh they're not.
Speaker 1: Angela reaches for Pixie's glove again, and Pixie swats her
hand away.
Speaker 3: Sorry, why do you hide your arms from me? I'm
not hiding.
Speaker 6: Yes you are, Yes you are, Pixie.
Speaker 2: Do you like me?
Speaker 3: I'm half naked with my legs wrapped around you, and
you really need to ask if I like you.
Speaker 2: I'm asking because I really like you, and I want
to be with you. But if this is gonna work,
we can't keep secrets from each other. And I know
what you're keeping something from me?
Speaker 3: Damn, I think I just got my period. Can we
take a rain check?
Speaker 2: Pixy, pixy, what is it? You said something about a
roller skating accident? But there's something else? What you have?
Really shitty stick and poke tattoos or childhood scar, some
surgery or something or something. It's okay. I'm not gonna
run out of here like a chicken with no head
over a few scars. Hell, I have a scar too.
Accidents happen. They weren't accidents.
Speaker 7: Never an accident.
Speaker 2: What do you mean? Close your eyes? Why just close them?
Speaker 3: Please promise me that when I say you can open
your eyes again, that you'll keep your hands at your sides.
You won't touch me until I say it's okay, especially
not my arms. Okay, promise me.
Speaker 2: Promise.
Speaker 1: Pixie takes a deep breath and moves her arms in
front of her time stops.
Speaker 2: You don't want to do this, so don't go away.
Speaker 7: She doesn't need to know about us.
Speaker 8: But if you're really gonna go through with this, then
I should be here to support you, just in case
she freaks out.
Speaker 3: She won't she will, No, she won't tell. Do you
know it's happened before, doesn't mean it'll happen now.
Speaker 8: Every time you let someone in, let them see you,
they panic. There is June, then Nova, then Christian and
Stacy than Violet.
Speaker 3: And it's just because they worry about me. I'm always
the cause of concern.
Speaker 7: Then they're disgusted.
Speaker 3: Blood makes a lot of people queezy. So what?
Speaker 2: And then they leave you? They always leave except me.
You'll always have me.
Speaker 7: You're Ray.
Speaker 1: Ray strokes her shoulders and upper arms comfortingly, and Pixie
almost gives in. Almost Pixie leaps off of Angela's lap.
Speaker 2: No, Angela is different, How so is she not?
Speaker 5: Also bone and blood and flesh, with a strong heart
and a brilliant mind riddled with insecurities.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but she's amazing and so are you.
Speaker 6: But does she deserve you? You look like you need
a hug.
Speaker 2: Hug? No, thank you.
Speaker 3: I don't know about deserving, but I want her to
have me anyway. If she'll have.
Speaker 8: Me, then what when you shed baar and she sees you,
really sees that you're just sugar wrapped in scar tissue
and that your trauma is much too sweet for her palette.
Speaker 3: What then, then I'll water myself down and dissolve doubts.
Speaker 6: She'll thank you for your sacrifice.
Speaker 3: I'm glad to do it, even if it's fucking terrifying.
Speaker 1: She slowly pulls the glove by each fingertip and slides
off the first glove, placing it on the bed. She
repeats these movements with the second. She strokes Angela's cheek
and straddles her lap once again.
Speaker 3: You're sure, absolutely well.
Speaker 5: You know where to find me, and remember I'm always
here when you need me.
Speaker 3: Okay, you can open your eyes.
Speaker 1: She watches intently as Angela opens her eyes and stares
at her arms, which are covered with an array of scars,
healed cuts, and burns of varying lengths, some shallow, some deep.
Speaker 2: You did this to yourself? Yes? Did you hurt yourself?
Speaker 3: Existing is really difficult, and some days are a lot
harder than others. Cutting helps make those really hard days
less hard. And don't understand that I don't expect you
to and that's okay. I don't hurt myself as much
as I used to. I found a cool therapist and
As long as I take my meds every day, most
days I'm fine.
Speaker 2: So you're still hurting yourself.
Speaker 3: Sometimes, but it's only externally. There are so many other
ways I could hurt myself drinking while all my meds,
doing handstands on rooftops, not using dental dams, at orgies,
bungee jumping, et cetera. Sure there's a lot of scars,
but in the end it does a lot more good
than harm.
Speaker 2: You could slice through an artery or getting an infection.
How is that good?
Speaker 3: When I get really anxious, my thoughts kind of fly
in front of my eyes quickly, like trees and buildings
do when you look out the window of a car
that's going really fast and I can't keep track of them.
My thoughts go to really dark places really quickly, and
it's terrifying, which is where cutting comes into place. It
gives me one task, one thing to focus on. Wipe
away the blood, apply ointment, and then a band aid,
A simple routine that helps keep me calm. Once there's blood,
It's like the dark places in my mind get fed
and dissipate a little, and then I can just focus
on changing bandages and not getting an infection. Because the
routine continues, and the task isn't complete until the cut
is totally healed. The routine always stays the same, and
it's what gets me through the shitty days.
Speaker 2: Oh, I'm sorry.
Speaker 3: I know this is a lot to spring on you
at one time, and I know I should have told
you sooner, but I was afraid of how you'd react.
And I don't like lying to you because I really
like you, and you said to be honest, and so
I have been. But I get it if you're not
comfortable and want to leave PIXI, So if you never
want to see me again, I totally understand.
Speaker 2: Can I kiss you?
Speaker 5: What?
Speaker 2: Can I kiss you? Because I'm not going anywhere. You're
not mad at me, not mad, concerned, but not mad.
And we will continue this conversation, but at a later time,
because I've had a beautiful half naked woman straddling me
for the past ten minutes. So if it pleases you,
I would very much like to please you.
Speaker 3: If it pleases me, yes, because that is my main
goal right now, to bring you pleasure.
Speaker 2: We can go as slow as you need, all right, all.
Speaker 1: Right, Angela kisses Pixie's hand and proceeds to kiss the
tips of each finger before placing a kiss in the
center of her palm.
Speaker 2: Do you have beautiful hands? Is this okay? Yes?
Speaker 1: Angela places a kiss on Pixie's wrist. She runs her
thumb over the first few scars along Pixie's wrist, which
causes Pixie to tense up.
Speaker 2: Is this okay because there are many other inches of
you that I can kiss If you're uncomfortable.
Speaker 3: I'm sorry this is so awkward.
Speaker 2: You have nothing to apologize for.
Speaker 3: Did you know that you can't kiss your own elbow?
Speaker 2: I did? And why I can't kiss my own elbow?
I can kiss yours? How about we do this? You
point to where you want me to kiss you, and
that's where I'll plant my lips. Nowhere else, only where
you point. How does that sound intriguing?
Speaker 1: Pixie then proceeds to point to a myriad of places
her wrist, sternum, shoulder, her neck, et cetera, until finally
pointing to her lips, and they kiss again, softer this time.
Angela shifts so that Pixie is.
Speaker 2: Now on the bed of the heather.
Speaker 1: They continue to kiss. Act two, Scene one lights up
the morning after a sleeping Angela lay in Pixie's bed. Pixie,
barefoot and clad only in a large T shirt, enters
the room holding a plate full of toast in one hand,
too cups, one full of coffee and one full of
hot cocoa in the other, and two jars of jams
under one arm. She grabs a sweater from off the chair,
starts to put it on, and then decides against it,
trying to be more comfortable without it.
Speaker 3: Not cold, you look cold.
Speaker 7: You need a hug.
Speaker 2: Hug.
Speaker 3: I'm fine, and that's not for you.
Speaker 7: I'm famish, so I have to eat something.
Speaker 3: I am sorry.
Speaker 6: You're hungry, then do something about it.
Speaker 3: I can't. I'm not doing that anymore, never again. Since
when since right now.
Speaker 5: Does one night with her outweigh all of our years together.
Speaker 3: Maybe I don't know. All I know is she's so warm,
the sex is fan fucking tastic, and I I don't
think I need you anymore. Fine, really, that's it.
Speaker 5: If that's what you want. But you know you'll never
be happy without me.
Speaker 1: Ray grabs another piece of toast and disappears under the
bed again. Pixie looks in the mirror on the back
of the door for a moment and puts the sweater on.
Speaker 3: Morning more ning.
Speaker 2: What time is it tick thirty? Damn? W'd you wake
me up so early? Why are you up so early?
Speaker 3: I didn't know if you had anywhere important to be today,
and I didn't want you to have to rush out
of here. I couldn't sleep. I mean I did sleep.
You definitely wore me out. I meant that in a
good way, but yeah, I was up.
Speaker 2: I made toast, so he did, thank you. And I
don't have anywhere to be today, so I'm all yours.
Speaker 3: Mine mine. Oh there's also great jelly and strawberry jam.
I made some hot cocoa and made you coffee, a
splash of cream and two spoonfuls of sugar, just like
you like it.
Speaker 2: That's what I needed.
Speaker 3: Well almost almost shit. I must have used milk instead
of creamer. I'm sorry.
Speaker 2: Whoa, whoa, No, coffee's perfect. I just meant that A
good morning kiss was what I needed.
Speaker 3: Oh right, I'm sorry.
Speaker 2: We've got to get you out of the habit of
saying sorry, you haven't done anything wrong.
Speaker 3: Sorry, Uh, you're right.
Speaker 1: Fingers intertwined, they munch on toast.
Speaker 2: Do you have something to do today? Because I can
leave soon and get out of your hair.
Speaker 3: No, no, not at all. My first appointments not until three,
So we have hours and hours.
Speaker 2: And hours and hours.
Speaker 1: Angela kisses Pixie's hand that's intertwined with her own and
looks at the scars on Pixie's wrist.
Speaker 3: Please don't stare.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry. I just we should finish that conversation. I
thought it was finished. I told you everything, not everything.
I'm still not completely sure about the why part or
the how do your parents know? Does Gina know? How long?
Can we not do this now? Please?
Speaker 3: Let's let's watch Netflix or something. My laptop's around here somewhere.
Speaker 2: PIXI, let's just talk.
Speaker 3: Can't we just lay here and eat toast and hold
hands and just.
Speaker 2: Be You know I want that, But we have to
talk about this.
Speaker 3: Why do we have to talk about it? There's really
nothing else to know.
Speaker 2: Can you at least tell me why you started in
the first place. I'm just trying to understand. I don't
know why I started, Pixie. You promise to be honest
with me, I am, And when did I make that promise?
Last night? After the third orgasm?
Speaker 3: I believe it was it was the fourth? And you
can't holp me to sleepy post coital promises that I make.
Speaker 2: Why don't you want to tell me? Did something someone
bad happened to you when you were younger?
Speaker 3: No, nothing like that. I was bullied a bit, but
that's it. Promise, I promise. Stop staring at me.
Speaker 9: Right.
Speaker 2: But if that's the case, then why don't you want
to talk about it?
Speaker 6: I think your savior just asked you something.
Speaker 2: Because just because, come on, Charlene, she just government named
you Charlene. How do we get to Charlene? That's your name,
isn't it?
Speaker 3: Yeah, but it wasn't the one you were moaning last night.
Speaker 1: Angela gets up clad in boxers in a tank top
and gets her pants.
Speaker 3: I'm not doing this, there, she goes, doing what Now?
You're just gonna leave.
Speaker 2: I told you that I can't deal with secrets, and
you're not being honest with me.
Speaker 3: I am being honest with you completely.
Speaker 2: Just shush? Did you just shush me?
Speaker 5: No?
Speaker 3: I it was a sneeze fucking allergies. Tell her everything.
But remember I did warn you. I don't know why
I started. I was eleven, maybe twelve at the time.
My dad was out and my mom was upstairs. I
think she was on the phone with someone. I was
in the living room and her manicure set was there
on the coffee table. It was in this black leather
pouch and the little manicure scissors, you know, for cuticles.
I didn't even know what cuticles were back then, but
my mom talked about the weather friends and they sounded important.
But anyway, they were sticking out the top and I
just picked them up. I opened and closed them over
and over again. Just open, close, open, close. Small scissors,
perfect for a small person. I held the scissors open
against my wrist and I squeezed the handles together. It
was just a small cut, barely a nick, but a
little red bubble of blood pooled up, and I was fascinated.
It was bright red, not like in the movies. It
was royal red crimson. The cut was so small it
healed in like a day, and so I kept making more,
knowing they be healed before anybody noticed. It was my
little secret, the perfect sized secret for me to keep.
I don't really know how to describe it, but it
was a good kind of pain.
Speaker 2: So that's what it was.
Speaker 3: The color of the bood, not just the color, but
my body as a whole, the way it would mend itself.
I know it's weird, but watching scabs grow and then
heal it it felt safe. I felt safe, safe knowing
that no matter what I did to my body, no
matter how badly I heard it, it would always heal itself.
It would always take care of itself, even though I
didn't want it to.
Speaker 6: Because I've always looked out for you.
Speaker 2: You started hurting yourself because you liked the color red.
Not exactly, No, excuse me, not red Crimson.
Speaker 6: I'm detecting sarcasm.
Speaker 3: Now you're judging me.
Speaker 2: I'm not. This just doesn't make sense. I'm just this
just sounds kind of, I don't know, twisted, twisted, not
in a bad way, but do you not see how
unhealthy this is?
Speaker 8: Don't think anyone's called you twisted before.
Speaker 3: I can't believe this. You badger me into being honest,
and now you're saying that I'm twisted.
Speaker 2: I'm not saying that you're twisted, just that the situation
is twisted.
Speaker 3: And by situation you mean me, she means you, Pixy.
Speaker 2: That's not what I meant.
Speaker 3: This was a mistake.
Speaker 4: I told you.
Speaker 2: I'm just wondering why you didn't get help, ask your
parents to take you to a doctor or something.
Speaker 3: I didn't think it was a bad thing.
Speaker 2: I was just a kid who needed to be protected.
Speaker 3: I get that, but still you should have said something clearly.
You don't get it.
Speaker 2: I don't know why I told you any of this.
Speaker 3: All I'm saying is that this sounds like some over
emotional teenage white girl.
Speaker 7: Shit, and there it is.
Speaker 2: I think I want you to leave, Pixy. I didn't
mean it like that. Yes she did.
Speaker 3: You obviously did, or you wouldn't have said it. Now,
please go, Pixie, don't do this. Get out bye bye.
Speaker 2: See I'm so sorry. That's really shitty.
Speaker 3: Out now, just lead, get out of my room, Go
get out out.
Speaker 1: Angela scrambles around, grabbing her clothes and leaves the room. Pixie,
wiping her face with her sleeve, slumps down on the
bed and picks up her cup of hot cocoa and
takes a sip.
Speaker 2: Fucking Coco's cold.
Speaker 6: Now, I know it hurts.
Speaker 9: You need a hug.
Speaker 3: Hug.
Speaker 1: Pixie slowly nods. Scene two lights up on Angela standing
on a street corner with her backpack slung over one shoulder.
She's on the phone and checks her watch, waiting for
the subway on West fourth Street.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Mom, I'll try to visit soon. I promise. I
don't know how Pixie's doing. You haven't spoken in a
little over a week. Come on, Mom, that's rude. She's
not wacko, she's just she's had a hard time as all.
You don't think any woman deserves me, But I really
like her. Mom, Pixie's not dangerous or anything.
Speaker 5: Mom.
Speaker 2: Yes, I promise not Mom. I have to go. The
train's coming. Two. Bye, Gina. Okay, are you okay? Why
are you breathing like that?
Speaker 4: I'm keeping my breathing in check so I don't beat
the shit out of you. Because I promised Pixie I
wouldn't hurt you.
Speaker 2: I could probably take you in a fight. I take
self defense classes every Friday. You fucked over my best friend.
You really want to test that theory right now? Yeah,
I'm just gonna go take another step, and I'll push
you down those subway steps without even blinking.
Speaker 1: Angela picks at her eyebrow. Threatening me with physical violence
isn't necessary.
Speaker 4: But it's most definitely fucking justified.
Speaker 1: Angela forced herself to stop picking.
Speaker 4: Justified why because I was being honest. I guessed honest
is one way to say you were being a judgmental
dick face, no offense, But what goes on between Pixie
and I isn't any of your business. Pixie's mental health
is very much my fucking business.
Speaker 2: We both adults here. There's no need to yell. People
are staring.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm an adult, so I can speak at whatever.
Boy you my damn well, please, And I don't give
a fuck about stranger staring at me. They don't matter
to me. Pixie does.
Speaker 2: How How is she?
Speaker 4: He really wanted to know you'd go see her and apologize.
Speaker 2: If tried apologizing, she won't pick up her phone, you
forget her address all of a sudden. No, But I
was just trying to be honest about my feelings on
the situation.
Speaker 4: She's a person, not a situation.
Speaker 2: You're right, You're absolutely right. I know I am.
Speaker 4: Did you really refer to her self harming as over
emotional white girl shit?
Speaker 2: Yes? I did.
Speaker 4: And you're supposed to be a black intellect. Why the
fuck would you say some dumb shit like that.
Speaker 2: It was in the heat of the moment, and all
those sappy lifetime movies came to mind. I didn't think.
Speaker 4: That's right, you didn't think. And because you didn't think,
my best friend could have died died, you only got
into a fight, albeit a shitty one. That's a bit dramatic,
don't you think? Not when someone is suicidal, it's not Pixy.
Speaker 2: Didn't hurt herself again, did she?
Speaker 4: She's alive, too depressed to kill herself. Her words not mine,
and you blame me, blame you? Full of ourselves, aren't we.
This may come as a shock to you, but Pixie's
life doesn't revolve around you. Her actions and words are
her own, as are yours.
Speaker 2: But I didn't do anything. I just said what I felt.
Speaker 4: Yeah, without taking her feelings into consideration. What do they
actually teach you in all those sociology classes you take.
Speaker 2: Most slyly theories and facts having to do with raised
class difference, human interactions and behavior, etc. Lots of big
picture concepts.
Speaker 4: And I guess people's mental health ain't really a big
picture concept.
Speaker 2: Huh not really?
Speaker 4: No, So then let me school you on a few
things real quick. That's the r I have to go.
There'll be another one, true, but I need to get
home home. Pixie hasn't left our apartment in over a week.
Speaker 2: But sure, you've got to get home. I really do.
Speaker 4: Actually, as I was saying, Pixie has a mental illness.
She's not a freak of nature or any shit like that.
Speaker 2: I never called her that. No, you just made her
feel like that.
Speaker 4: Exactly. Don't interrupt my lesson again. It's a chemical imbalance,
meaning the chemicals in her brain don't always do the
shit they're supposed to, and because of that, Pixie can
get overwhelmed really quickly over what other people would consider
to be the most unimportant shit.
Speaker 2: I know all of this. I've taken psychology courses before.
Speaker 4: And what you want a gold star or something. You've
only known her for two months. You don't know everything
about her, and your fancy psychology courses don't cover everything
like how Pixie organized is her candles according to size
and with and always needs to have hot chocolate.
Speaker 2: In the house. See that right, there is false. No
one needs to have hot chocolate. Most people are attracted
to it because of the warmth of a cup is
similar to the warmth of human contact, but that can
easily be replicated with hot coffee or tea.
Speaker 4: Do you even hear yourself right now? I honestly don't
get what Pixie sees in you. You're just an asshole
that walks around in the Salvation Army's reject bile.
Speaker 2: You don't know shit about me, Gina, because if you did,
you know I'd never set foot in a Salvation Army,
goodwill or go home. Well, I know that Pixie likes you.
She talks about you all the fucking time, to the
point where listening to country music sounds more appealing than
hearing Angela and amazing and intelligent.
Speaker 4: In the same sentence fifty million times a day. Pixie
tries to be high energy all the time, but it's
never pretending when she talks about you. I know that.
I also know that she sulked around the house for
three days in that purple dress trying to make herself
happy again. I had to threaten to dump out all
the high chocolate, including her emergency stash, down the sink
just to get her to bathe, and she did. That's
how much hot coco means to her, So get out
of here with that. Most people bullshit. She's not most people.
From what she's told me, You've been responsible for a
lot of her good days the past few months before
you fucked it all up. So if you actually care
about her, you will fix this.
Speaker 2: Fix what. I didn't break anything, and if I had,
I wouldn't even know how to fix this. Since she
won't return my.
Speaker 4: Calls, come to the apartment and talk to her, how do.
Speaker 2: You know she even wants to see me anymore? How
do you know any of this? When your best friend
needs help and you don't have the time or the
funds to get a psychology degree, Google is the next
best thing. I did research to try and understand what
she was going through, At least from an academic standpoint.
You've only seen the physical scars left over. You weren't
there when they were fresh. You haven't had to apply
neosporin or remind her to change the bandages every day.
That's the kind of.
Speaker 4: Shit you have to do and learn on your feet
in the moment. Trust me when I say she still
wants to be with you. Why I don't know, but
I'm not one to pry. So if you still like Pixie,
do your fucking research.
Speaker 2: Okay, But Pixie's mental health isn't my responsibility.
Speaker 4: I never signed up for any of this, I never
said it was. That's your ego talking ignore her, But
I guess this all makes perfect sense. You convince her
that you're safe enough to trust, then you fuck her,
and then you fuck her over.
Speaker 2: It's not even remotely accurate.
Speaker 4: Sure as hell looks that way. If you want to
break up with Pixie, then do so, But don't be
a fucking coward and just never talk to her again.
Speaker 2: Well, I don't know.
Speaker 4: If I want to break up with her, then you
should figure something out pretty quickly.
Speaker 2: Don't string her along.
Speaker 4: Just fucking talk to her.
Speaker 2: Fine, talk to her. Is she home now?
Speaker 5: No?
Speaker 4: I was finally able to convince her to go to
work today so she wouldn't get fired. But she should
be home by seven tonight, So stop by after eight
and apologize.
Speaker 2: Find Gina. Thanks for the advice.
Speaker 4: Don't thank me. Just respect Pixie and her privacy. Stop
pressuring her, because from what she's told me, it sounds
like you might have a few of your own secrets
tucked away, So don't dig for someone else's skeletons while
your own closet is dead bolted shut. You're right once again,
that's not news to me. But I'm telling you right now.
If you hurt her again, or even so much as
make her frown, not only will I beat you black
intellectual bordering on hotep, motherfucking ass, I'm anna break into
your house and fill all your hair products with nair.
Speaker 2: Try me if you want to, ohkay?
Speaker 4: Then now go write your letter of apology and have
it rehearsed before eight tonight.
Speaker 1: Scene three a week later.
Speaker 3: Cocoa packet achet a magic chocolate dust, hot water for warmth,
milk for smoothness, yes, marshmallows for fun, and desigh for love.
Speaker 2: You know, one of.
Speaker 5: The best parts of your obsession with the Craft was
coming up with your comfort and cocoa incantation.
Speaker 2: All thanks.
Speaker 3: Wouldn't have made it to fourteen without you or the Craft.
Speaker 7: True, we've had so many good times together.
Speaker 3: We've definitely spent a lot of time together, don't I
got it all right?
Speaker 7: Gina?
Speaker 2: Who's at the door, Just me, very apologetic me.
Speaker 3: Really not a word from you in two weeks and
now you've come to apologize.
Speaker 2: It was fucked up what I said. You were honest
with me, and I practically spat that honesty back in
your face because I didn't like the way it tasted.
I'm so sorry, Pixie.
Speaker 3: I accept your apology. Now please leave.
Speaker 2: I'm not even close to being finished. I'm just trying
to figure out the right words.
Speaker 3: You're already a whole fucking week late with this apology.
Speaker 2: How much more time do you need?
Speaker 3: What do you write a letter for? Then you wrote
a letter?
Speaker 2: How sweet? Uh? I wrote something. It's not really a letter,
more like bullet points.
Speaker 3: You were supposed to write a letter apologizing. Apologies don't
come with bullet points. Do not shut out.
Speaker 2: Please Fine, as I was saying, I started making bullet
points of all the things I like about you, so
cured this. I like how bubbly and vibrant you are.
I like how honest your eyes are. I like how
my fingertips have found a new home within the curvature
of your spine. How you wrinkle your nose when you
try to keep from laughing. The way you stroke my
scalp when you think I'm sleeping, The way you stroke
the little hairs on my arms without really thinking about it.
I like the way you sigh after that first sip
of hot coco. I like that all of my smiles
with you so far have been genuine. That was very sweet. Thanks,
That's just what I have right now. I'm not finished,
but it.
Speaker 3: Doesn't forgive what you said. You can go now.
Speaker 2: I know it doesn't, But there's something else I need
to say.
Speaker 7: I smell a sob story coming.
Speaker 2: I was in a pretty serious relationship that ended about
a year ago, like marriage level serious. At least I
thought it was that intense. I was basically a kid
ed overheels in my first serious relationship, and I thought
I wanted to be with her forever and a marriage
proposal all written out, and I was eating Ramen and
Chef Boyardi Ravioli to save.
Speaker 7: Up for a ring, and here we go.
Speaker 3: Sounds touching, but it's been a long day.
Speaker 2: Grace Henderson, what her name was? Is Grace Henderson?
Speaker 3: You trusted someone named Grace?
Speaker 2: Yeah? What's wrong with the name Grace?
Speaker 3: Only every in my experience, girls with names like Grace, Faith, Chastity,
and the like are always the biggest, heartbreaking assholes.
Speaker 2: I definitely learned that the hard way. But she wasn't
an asshole when we met. She was a philosophy major.
She wanted to change the world.
Speaker 3: And none of that set off any warning bells. In
your head.
Speaker 5: No.
Speaker 2: I admired her. She was brilliant and headstrong, determined to
make people listen. And what happened, Yes, I didn't listen
very closely.
Speaker 3: Hmm, So you've always been this hardheaded?
Speaker 7: Not surprising, yep.
Speaker 2: Looking back, I realized now that what happened was my
fault to an extent. I didn't let her know how
serious it was for me, and we'd only been going
out a little less than a year. I just felt
too hard, too fast, and didn't express my feelings as
clearly as I should have.
Speaker 3: Was your fault. What happened.
Speaker 2: I found her in bed with my roommate and my
best friend, Sharon Lockley, Damn Lockly. I try not to
make judgments about people based solely.
Speaker 3: On their names. Clearly, I'm so sorry. That must have
been rough.
Speaker 2: Apparently they'd been sleeping together for months, and it wasn't
like in movies where someone just knows that their partner
is cheating on them even though they have no proof.
I just didn't know, and I couldn't let it go
for the longest time. I still haven't completely let it go.
I'm a sociologist. I have to research and find explanations
for human behavior, but I couldn't find any explanation that
didn't hurt, and I felt so fucking lost, like I
didn't really understand the concept of a relationship. So I isolated.
I didn't talk to anyone except my parents and my professors.
I thought I was happy being alone until.
Speaker 7: Until until you changed her life.
Speaker 2: Until you and Gina approached me that day in the library.
I was trying so hard to be this person who
didn't need anyone, who could take care of everything myself,
and then here comes this quirky small woman who made
me laugh, genuinely laugh for the first time in almost
a year.
Speaker 3: So I wasn't hallucinating. Those really were fully formed dusty
cobwebs on the corners of your mouth that day.
Speaker 2: Probably, Yeah, So I immediately got suspicious, and the more
you made me smile, the more suspicious I got. And
so I lashed out at you because you were hiding something.
And I was so self absorbed that I had the
audacity to think that your secrets had something to do
with me, instead of them being the best thing right
now for you. And I'm sorry for that. I'm so
sorry I let my insecurities and my bullshit hurt you,
and I know I can't just put a band aid
on it and some sweet words in your ears and
make everything all better. I'm going to do my best
every day to show you that I'm sorry, and then
I'll be more respectful of your privacy and space until
I earned your trust again, because I want to be
with you, but on your terms, not just mine. That's
what I came here to say, and I said it.
I'm gonna give you some space, but if you let
me like to take you out again.
Speaker 7: Sometime someone's delusional.
Speaker 3: So that's it. You're just gonna leave without giving me
a hug because I'm a hugger. I don't do awkward
handshakes or quick exits, not even after an apology.
Speaker 2: Pixie, don't do this.
Speaker 1: They hug for a moment.
Speaker 3: It's not easy being honest, is it.
Speaker 2: I'm not in the slightest.
Speaker 3: Thank you for telling me. This is how honesty works.
You tell something and the other person tells something in return.
You've made such progress. I'm so proud. I'm still mad
at you, but I couldn't let you leave looking out pitifall.
Speaker 2: I really am sorry. Pixie.
Speaker 3: You're a mess, but you're my beautiful mess yours. Yes, mine,
I'm not giving up on you that easily. It'd be
worse and a lot more work to hold you to
your apology, which is what I'm gonna do. And you
start with walking me to work tomorrow, say eleven am.
I'll be there, I hope, So don't let me down again.
I'm trying my best not to get home safe. Yeah too,
I mean you're already home. I I'm just gonna go
now night, good night.
Speaker 6: This is a terrible idea, So I take it that went.
Speaker 3: Well, and don't act like you weren't standing there listening
the whole time.
Speaker 1: Part two, Scene four. A few months later, Angela and
Pixie are walking around in the West Village. There are
vendors with booths set up all along the street selling
clothing and artwork.
Speaker 2: You doing all right? You haven't said much since we
left the theater, Pixie, PIXI.
Speaker 3: Huh oh, sorry, what were you saying?
Speaker 2: It's okay? Where'd you go? Just now? No, we're important,
just thinking at the show. Did you like it?
Speaker 3: It was beautiful, especially the ending.
Speaker 2: The ending was heartbreaking.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but it was also so realistic. Not everything has
a happy ending.
Speaker 2: True, but happy endings are important. They give people hope, but.
Speaker 3: It's false hope. You see people on a stage or
screen in each other's arms, but you have no idea
what happens after the credits roll or the curtain falls.
They could break up the very next day, or one
of them could die. We don't know, but we force
ourselves to be content with the lie we've been given
because we have to believe in happy endings or else,
what's the point of anything, of meeting people, of falling
in love, of living.
Speaker 2: Exactly, It's important to believe in something or someone are
very Survival as a species depends on it. We're not
meant to live in isolation. Humans need other people. People
can die from loneliness.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and it's terrified to think that I could die
because no one wants me.
Speaker 2: I want you. You have me. I do, of course,
for as long as you want me, which I'm hoping
is a very long time. Same.
Speaker 3: It's so cold out. I'm surprised there are so many
vendors out here tonight. People have to make money where
they can see anything you like. Everything is so beautiful,
but I can't afford.
Speaker 2: To Holy fucking shit, what's wrong?
Speaker 1: Pixie? Runs down to a booth and picks up a
handful of glitter bracelets, the plastic ones similar to glow
stick bracelets that come in different colors and have a
glitter water solution in them that you can shake to
make the glitter dance. Pixie places multiple bracelets on both
wrists and wiggles and waves her arms around, giggling.
Speaker 3: These were my favorite as a kid. I had a
bunch of these bracelets, and I'd wear them to school
every day until my teacher told my dad to make
sure I left them at home. How come cause I
wasn't really paying attention in class. I just wiggle my
and dance in my chair all day. Missus Smith said
I was a distraction for the other students, but I
think she was just jealous because she didn't have any
glitter bracelets. If she did, she wouldn't have been such
a sour puss.
Speaker 2: I can't argue with that logic.
Speaker 1: Angela takes out her wallet and hands the vendor a
twenty dollars bill.
Speaker 3: I can't let you spend that much money on bracelets.
You bought the tickets for the show.
Speaker 1: Angela places the bracelets back on Pixie's wrists, and.
Speaker 2: You paid for dinner. I'm happy to get them. I
love seeing you this happy.
Speaker 3: You know I'm gonna love you forever for this right
promise cross my heart and hope to live good. Promise
me you'll keep living. I don't know if I can
keep that promise, Pisi, Promise me. I'll try, but that's
the best I can do.
Speaker 2: The night is still young. What do you want to do?
I don't know.
Speaker 3: We could snuggle on the couch and watch a movie
or something. What do you want to do?
Speaker 2: That film took a lot out of me.
Speaker 3: Same and let's start up this conversation, which just sad
you think of what I'm thinking.
Speaker 2: Smoke Smoke.
Speaker 1: Scene five. The same night, Pixie's room, Angela and Pixie
are sprawled out on the bed in their underwear, smoking
a joint. Angela softly strokes a bandage on Prixie's wrist?
Speaker 2: Are they healing pretty? Okay?
Speaker 3: They're not as wet most gaps?
Speaker 2: Soon? Do you need any more bandages or cocoa?
Speaker 3: I'm well stocked on both thanks to you, so thank
you of course.
Speaker 2: Whatever you need, just let me know what's up. Come on,
tell me what's so funny?
Speaker 3: I just thinking about about the first time you asked
me to smoke with you. How you were so polite
about it.
Speaker 2: I didn't know if you smoked. I didn't want to assume.
Speaker 3: You were so sweet. And it's funny because you came
in here, cleared your throat, and said, I hope this
question doesn't offend you, but do you smoke cannabis? I
did not say it like that did too, And I
couldn't help but laugh because I'd never heard anyone call
it cannabis before, at least not so seriously.
Speaker 2: I'm a polite stoner. Yes, sociology students have a tendency
to stick together and discuss theories and social systems, so
we'd all end up smoking and analyzing one on one
social interactions at parties. Good times.
Speaker 3: Sounds like it. You never told me how you started smoking, Gina.
In tenth grade, this whole kid was cracking jokes about
my scars and health class where we started going over
substance abuse and mood disorders. Gina kept telling this kid
shut up, and the teacher didn't really do anything. I
had an anxiety attack and ran out of the building.
Gina followed me and sat with me under the bleachers
until I calmed down. She lit a joint and offered
it to me. She insisted that I tried at least
once just to see if it helps, and it did.
We ended up cutting the rest of school and just
went back to her house to eat pizza and watch movies.
Been smoking ever since.
Speaker 2: I'm glad she was there for you.
Speaker 3: She's always been there. I love her to pieces. She
really cares about people.
Speaker 2: She doesn't seem to like me very much.
Speaker 3: Gina's promised me that she'll try to be nicer to you.
She's just being really protective.
Speaker 2: Too protective to see that. I love you.
Speaker 3: You're so high, but it doesn't make what I said
any less true.
Speaker 2: I love you, Bisy.
Speaker 3: You realize you just said love instead of like twice
now correct. You can't take back two loves. You can
barely get away with taking back one.
Speaker 2: I have no intention of taking either back. I didn't
even realize how much as I love you too earlier tonight,
when you saw those bracelets weigh your face lit up.
I can't even describe the joy I felt seeing you
so happy, and I realized that all I really wanted
was to make sure that you stayed that happy for
as long as possible. I didn't mean to tell you
all of that, and it feels like I've moved the
relationship ahead like a year and that wasn't fair to you,
and I'm sorry, Please.
Speaker 3: Don't take it back. I just you've never said the
words out loud before to me. I mean, you always
just smile when I say it, and I wasn't sure
if I mean. I know, I could be intense sometimes,
and I've been trying to be the kind of person
you'd be proud to love. Someone normal.
Speaker 2: There's no such a thing as normal. Very idea of
normal is ordinary boring. And if there's one thing you're
not Charlene Brown, it's boring.
Speaker 4: So this is why it always smells like weed when
I come home.
Speaker 2: Good to know, Yes, Gina, by all means, do come in?
Don't mind if I do. Do you know, Angela?
Speaker 3: You can't stay in here if you start drama. You
promise to be nice?
Speaker 4: No, I promise to be cordial, not nice. I want
to smoke, thanks, but I don't do bowls and I'm
too tired to roll.
Speaker 2: I roll before you left earlier. You're more than welcome
to join.
Speaker 4: Okay, we can be friends now, sohow what's the work irritating?
I just worked on the most tenderheaded person in the
whole fucking world tonight. Took me almost an hour and
a half just to do seven braids because she kept
flinching every two damn seconds.
Speaker 2: Sounds on torture. That are you tender headed? Not really?
Speaker 5: No?
Speaker 2: Excellent?
Speaker 4: We're best friends now, avesties.
Speaker 2: No, we're not that close. What about you two?
Speaker 4: What were you all talking about when I came in
just now?
Speaker 3: Our first time smoking weed?
Speaker 5: No?
Speaker 4: You know you should have let me beat the shit
out of that kid after school that day.
Speaker 3: Hurting him wouldn't have made it any.
Speaker 4: Better, probs not, but I would have felt a lot
better after punching out his lights.
Speaker 2: What's your weed story?
Speaker 4: I have a lot of older cousins. Over the summers.
As a kid, they'd come over to hang out with
my older brother and they'd all smoke and play video games.
This one time, when I was fourteen, they were all
little spuck and they offered to let me smoke with
them if I went to the bodega to get them
some more papers, and I did so. We smoked, ate
Chinese food and played grand Theft atto all day.
Speaker 2: That sounds like a fun time.
Speaker 4: It was, and as fun as this has been, I
need to shower. Thanks for the smoke. You know you're
not a complete asshole.
Speaker 2: Thank you, Joan not.
Speaker 5: To be.
Speaker 2: Act three.
Speaker 1: Two months later, Angela sits in a coffee shop, typing
away at her computer.
Speaker 2: Hey, Mom, how's it going? I'm great. Listen. Next week
Pixie and I are celebrating our ten month anniversary, and
we were wondering if Yeah, I know, it's not a
conventional anniversary month, but Pixie believes that the tenth month
is important because a relationship can get rocky after the
sixth month mark. So if this ten month is joyful,
then there's a higher chance that will make it to
the one year mark. I know, but it's important to
Pixie and we'd love if you could make it. Mom,
you've only sat down with her twice. How can you
say you don't like her? She's not ditsie. You haven't
even given her a chance. I love her. Why are
you bringing Grace into this? What happened between Grace and
I is completely unrelated to my relationship with Pixie. Yes,
I know, being with someone for a year is a
big step just because Grace and I didn't make it
a year doesn't mean that Pixie and I won't. So
you're not coming then? Just to be clear, Okay, I
have to go, mom. Bye.
Speaker 1: Angela has been picking at her eyebrow, which she now
notices and clasps both hands together tightly in her lap.
Speaker 2: Grace.
Speaker 3: One small atte for Grace.
Speaker 2: Grace. Angela, Hey, hey, how have you been? You look great?
Thank you? And I've been really good. You same old thing,
doing nothing but studying and working. I hear that. Definitely
you have a seat. Oh, thank you, But I can't stay,
I insist. I mean we've barely seen each other in
the past year. What have you been up to? And
what are you doing around here? That she lived in
the East village.
Speaker 3: I I have an appointment just up the block.
Speaker 2: An appointment is everything? Okay? Never better? Actually?
Speaker 1: Sharon Lockley enters, Angela.
Speaker 2: How have you been fine? Sharon?
Speaker 7: Hey, have you ready to go?
Speaker 2: We're gonna be late to our final fitting of fitting
someone to getting married or something. Yeah, yeah, someone is.
Oh who's a lucky couple you're looking at? I see? Congratulations?
Thank you? Well, when's the wedding? Next week? Next week. Wow,
that that's really soon.
Speaker 7: I know we still have so much left to get done.
Speaker 2: Yeah, the week that's seven days. That isn't very far off,
not at all.
Speaker 3: Yeah, listen, Angie Sharon, please don't know.
Speaker 8: It's been like two years. It's time we finally laid
this to us. I know things didn't end on the
best terms back then, but we're best friends, so no
hard feelings come to the wedding.
Speaker 2: We're what we were, best friends. You said we're as
in we are, which is present tense, which is incorrect
since we're not presently friends.
Speaker 3: Listen, it was great seeing you. Don't be a stranger, Okay,
same here.
Speaker 2: If you need more members of your bridal party or anything,
don't hesitate to ask. I'd be happy to hope.
Speaker 3: Thank you for the offer, but my bridal party's full. Well,
we should be going. We're gonna be late, definitely.
Speaker 7: Bye, Angela. It was great to see you.
Speaker 2: By Grace. If you need more memories and your bridal party,
fucking hell.
Speaker 1: Angela lights up on Pixie's apartment. Pixie is dancing around
the living room.
Speaker 5: So I'm telling you something's up.
Speaker 3: Stop it. Angela's fine, I'm fine, We're fine. Everything's great
right now.
Speaker 7: I'm serious, Angela's about to break.
Speaker 3: Jealousy still doesn't look good on you.
Speaker 7: Jealous of what her mask?
Speaker 8: Can you really not see the spider webbing of her
cracks her now lackluster smile is your delusion that strong?
Speaker 3: She's just stressed about her thesis, And if she does
break down a little, I'll be there to help her
put herself back together.
Speaker 8: She never let you, It's not in her nature, and
you know she'll never make you feel as safe as
I do.
Speaker 3: You don't know her.
Speaker 7: I know her type all too well.
Speaker 8: Everything's fine now because she thinks she's efficiently hiding her
pain from you. If you mention it, especially if you
try to offer to help her in the same breath,
she'll lash out you.
Speaker 6: Seeing her mask in such a state will feel like
a failure.
Speaker 8: On her part, and Angela doesn't accept failure in any
of its many forms.
Speaker 3: Getting help isn't failing.
Speaker 7: You have differing definitions of failure.
Speaker 1: Angela enters and drops her bag by the door.
Speaker 3: I'm so happy you're home. I've been planning our anniversary
party all afternoon. I finally decided on a theme, Starry
Night on fire.
Speaker 2: Fire why is it on fire?
Speaker 7: Apparently it's a metaphor.
Speaker 3: It's a metaphor for passion, specifically my passion for you.
So I'm seeing lots of red and gold and glitter,
because glitter?
Speaker 2: What do you think? Oh? Will your mom be there
this time? Red and gold sounds wonderful and it's not
a party without glitter. Speaking of which, where are the
rest of your bracelets?
Speaker 3: What was that?
Speaker 2: Some of your bracelets are missing? You always wear them
all together. Did you lose a few?
Speaker 5: Yeah, Pixie, what happened to them?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 3: No, they I lost some of them to the washing
machine again.
Speaker 6: That washing machine excuse is gonna get old soon.
Speaker 3: I didn't realize until I pulled my clothes out of
the dryer and bits of bracelet fell out of the machine,
all melted and whatnot. The glitter was all over my
clothes this time, which I didn't mind at all, but
it was still sad Storry's Nights on fire?
Speaker 2: Sorry, babe, This is why you have to check all
your clothes before putting them in the machine. That's the
third time this has happened.
Speaker 3: I know I'll definitely remember the next time. But what
about your mom? Is she coming it'd be great to
see her again.
Speaker 7: Why she thinks you're crazy?
Speaker 5: No?
Speaker 2: She she can't make it. Is she all right? She's fine.
It's a work thing, but she'll try to make the
next one.
Speaker 3: I sure hope. So the next ones are one year anniversary.
Can you believe it's almost been a year?
Speaker 5: No?
Speaker 7: I really can't believe it.
Speaker 2: Oh, I really can't. It's also exciting, Yeah it is.
How was your day?
Speaker 3: Anything fun happened?
Speaker 2: No, nothing fun or exciting happened. It was just an
ordinary day, completely ordinary.
Speaker 1: Scene two, a week later, Pixie's apartment. Angela is sitting
up in bed, staring off into space, picking at her eyebrow,
which is now bleeding.
Speaker 3: Morning money, How did you obey your eyebrow?
Speaker 2: My eyebrow?
Speaker 3: Let me get you a band aid. It's not fine.
Blood sliding down your face right now? Angela?
Speaker 2: Please? How cou'd you sleep?
Speaker 3: I I could barely sleep. I was so excited? Did
you sleep?
Speaker 2: Sleep is a social construct?
Speaker 3: So that's a no. Alrighty well? Happy ten month anniversary.
Speaker 2: Meeting today with my academic advisor. What yeah, I have
to show her my thesis. I can't miss this meeting.
Speaker 3: I thought you weren't finished with the current draft yet.
Can't you reschedule it?
Speaker 2: If I could, I would have.
Speaker 3: Oh, okay, then please put a band aid on before
you go. How long will you be gone?
Speaker 2: No more than a few hours.
Speaker 3: Hours. But we have plans for the whole day.
Speaker 2: I didn't make those plans. You did.
Speaker 3: No, we made these plants together. A morning at the
SPA followed by a trip to the Museum of Sex,
dinner and dessert, then a burlesque show followed by more dessert.
Speaker 2: Okay, and my advisor just sent me a reminder email
an hour ago. It can't be hoped.
Speaker 3: Is everything all right? You seem a bit on edge.
Speaker 2: I'm not on edge. I just don't like forgetting important meetings.
Speaker 3: It happens, it doesn't, Angela, I have to go.
Speaker 2: See you later.
Speaker 1: Lights up on a park bench where Angela's been sitting
the last four hours. Her eyebrow is caked with blood.
Ray walks by and then sits on the bench next
to Angela holding a bag of semi frozen peas. As
they opened the bag and toss peas to feed geese,
Angela takes her phone out of her pocket and dials.
Speaker 2: HI, Mom, listen now listen, I have something to say. Please,
please just listen. You know I'm a planner. If there's
no plan, I can't function. To remember those colorful homework
planners you'd get me at the beginning of each school year. Yeah,
and the highlighters, I loved them. You'd always tell me
to plan and pace myself. Right. Well, now, all I
can seem to do is plan, but life doesn't always
follow my schedule. I've paced myself, but everything's not fine.
I'm I'm not fine, and I don't know how to
make myself fine again, or if I was even fine
to begin with. I had a plan, you know, graduate
with honors from high school, get my bachelor's in history
and then a master's in education, and somewhere along the line,
find a girlfriend, get married, and maybe adopt a few kids.
When I met Grace, I knew she was the woman
I wanted to marry, And twenty minutes ago she married
someone else that wasn't part of the plan. About as
fucking far from the plan you can get. Excuse my language.
If things don't go according to my plans, I forget
to breathe. Mom, teach me how to breathe again. Please,
I'm not getting myself worked up. Mom My chest really hurts,
and I don't think this is normal, and I don't
know what to do. I'm not exaggerating. Please stop interrupting
me and listen. I'm not okay, and I didn't make
a plan for not being okay. And I love Pixie.
I love her so damn much, but she's so spontaneous
sometimes I just don't know how to function around her
because she doesn't plan everything out. She sometimes does things
completely out of the blue to keep herself happy, and
that's part of what I love about her, but it's
also the part of her that scares the shit out
of me, because what if she's spontaneous enough to fall
out of love with me? How does one function in
a normal fashion after that happens. I don't fucking know.
Sorry for cursing, but I don't want to know. And
that's why I'm here on a park bench on my
anniversary like the world's biggest asshole, because I'm afraid of
plans changing, and what's more, I'm terrified that won't Hello mom, Mom.
Speaker 1: Ray pulls a new band aid out of their pocket
and slips it in Angela's jacket pocket. Before walking away.
Angela returns her phone to her pocket and finds the
band aid. Scene three same day, Angela enters Pixie's apartment.
The band aid's over her eyebrow and she's holding flowers.
Speaker 2: Pixy, I'm home. We really need to talk, Pixie, babe,
you hear.
Speaker 1: Angela freezes in the doorway of the bathroom. Pixie is
seated on the edge of the bathtub, cutting her thigh.
She drags the edge of a disposable razor against her
thigh in quick strokes, not necessarily in a trance, but
with intense concentration, as though each cut has to be
just right. Blood droplets roll off her thigh and softly
pool on the floor. Ray is sitting in the bathtub,
hub tearing pieces of toilet paper apart.
Speaker 2: Pixie busted. No, it's not done yet, stop it, give
it to me just one more. I have to make
one more. Wait a minute, are you kidding me? Please?
Speaker 3: I just need to I need to just stop.
Speaker 2: Let me go.
Speaker 1: Pixie jerks her hand back, slicing Angela's hand unknowingly fuck ool.
Speaker 3: That looks like it hurts.
Speaker 5: She needs a band aid.
Speaker 3: Great now, the blood's coagulated. It won't run together, It
won't shit. Now I have to start.
Speaker 7: Over if at first you don't succeed.
Speaker 2: Pixie, put the brazer down.
Speaker 1: Ray holds out the roll of toilet paper. Pixie rips
a significant length off and folds it over four times
before placing it on her cuts.
Speaker 2: I have to, or my skin won't settle down.
Speaker 6: Skin just screams and scream.
Speaker 2: Does that even meet? Pixie? I don't put it down.
Where your band is? I'm bleeding all over the damn towel.
Speaker 1: Ray points to the medicine cabinet.
Speaker 2: You'll find them over there.
Speaker 3: It's so uncomfortable.
Speaker 7: I know, I know what is.
Speaker 1: Pixie rubs the tissue roughly against your thigh, agitating, the cuts.
Speaker 3: Skin, existing everything. You're hurt in more ways than one.
Speaker 2: Band aids. Where are they?
Speaker 3: Medicine cabinet, second shelf to the right.
Speaker 2: You need anything else? Alcohol?
Speaker 3: You know I don't drinking alcohol. Oh under the sink.
Cotton balls are down there too. Wait, let me help sit,
Just sit.
Speaker 2: There so you don't lose any more blood.
Speaker 7: I think she's upset. They're not even bleeding anymore.
Speaker 3: Not much blood anymore. They weren't that deep.
Speaker 2: You sound sad like you're disappointed you didn't slice through
a fucking artery or something. I'm upset because you're bleeding
and you won't let me help.
Speaker 6: And because you didn't slice through an artery, you're bleeding too.
Speaker 3: That's not important. We have to take care of you,
take care of me.
Speaker 2: That's a laugh. I didn't cut my own hand open.
You can't say the same.
Speaker 3: I'm sorry I hurt your hand. Why wouldn't you just
let go?
Speaker 6: Because she's so desperately clings to the illusion of control.
Speaker 2: Serious, what I'm supposed to just stand back and watch?
Speaker 3: Not if you didn't want to Not funny, wasn't trying
to be?
Speaker 1: Angela puts a band aid or two on her hand,
grabs supplies and puts them on the edge of the
tub next to Pixie.
Speaker 2: Your turn. Come on, I got it. It's fine. You're
not getting an infection if I can help it.
Speaker 3: Been doing this for twelve years and I've never got
an infection. I got it. Please just wait for me outside.
Speaker 2: I'll wait here.
Speaker 3: What now you want to watch and.
Speaker 2: Make sure you don't hurt yourself again?
Speaker 7: Yeah, she doesn't trust you.
Speaker 2: I won't.
Speaker 3: It's too late anyway. Please go no.
Speaker 2: I might need this for future reference in case you
go too deep one day. Show me what to do. Please?
Speaker 1: All right?
Speaker 2: Are you sure those aren't deep? They're kind of wide
and look white.
Speaker 3: Why doesn't always mean deep? And the white is just
a layer of dermis? I barely made a scratch in it.
Pixie clean her cuts with cotton balls.
Speaker 2: I'm a true the dermis. I'm having a conversation on
basic dermatology with my bleeding girlfriend in her bathroom right now.
This is happening. Not only that, but she sounds sad
about the fact that she barely made a scratch.
Speaker 3: Sorry, I've just gone deeper before. Is this some kind
of game to you, like some fucked up cross between
limbo and Russian Roulette? How deep can you go? If so,
what's the prize?
Speaker 2: Death?
Speaker 1: Ray carefully removes the band aids from their wrappers and
smooths them over the row of Pixie's cuts.
Speaker 3: Gently, All done.
Speaker 2: You didn't answer my question. Why are you playing with
your life like this?
Speaker 3: It's not a game.
Speaker 6: Existing's only a game that everyone spends their lives trying
to win till they realize.
Speaker 2: They can't win. So this is it? Then? Band aids
on and it's all over.
Speaker 3: No, I have to keep changing the band aids. Then
I put lotion on them as they scab over to
keep them moist, so I don't pick the scabs off
and they can in peace.
Speaker 2: You mean after they scab over, right, Because you can't
put lotion on an open wound.
Speaker 7: Shows what you know.
Speaker 3: You actually can't. It just stings like all hell.
Speaker 2: Scary fact number two of the day. You can put
lotion on fresh cuts, but it stings. Okay, at least
this is over. You should all sit and talk and
when Gina gets home, she's gonna wanna know about this.
Speaker 3: Gina knows, and there's nothing to talk about.
Speaker 2: Gina knows you're still cutting.
Speaker 3: She doesn't know about this very moment obviously, but she
won't be surprised.
Speaker 2: And you're okay with that, knowing your best friend won't
freak out about you hurting yourself.
Speaker 3: I mean, she'll freak out a little, but she doesn't judge.
Speaker 2: Bit you're cleaning your own blood off of the bathroom
floor right now. What if you in vain, I would
have found you bleeding out on the floor on a
fucking anniversary.
Speaker 3: So now you care about our anniversary because this morning
you acted like you couldn't be bothered to give a
fuck about our relationship, and then you lied about your
thesis meeting and just ran out of here this morning,
no call or even a texting.
Speaker 2: I meant to text you back, but.
Speaker 3: You didn't text me back, and you never not text
me back, and all these different scenarios started playing out
in my head of you in a car accident or
a fire or something, and I knew that I needed
to calm down, but my body wouldn't listen and the
weed wasn't working.
Speaker 2: Did you even hear yourself right now? My body wouldn't listen. Really,
I swear it's like I'm dating a child sometime. Maybe
that's because I am a child who needs to be
protected to grow up. Pixy, I did, and I missed
out on it, which wasn't your fault.
Speaker 3: What the fuck are you talking about. I didn't really
have a childhood. I missed out on having one because
I was trying so hard to keep myself alive. The
only thing I really enjoyed as a kid were these
glitter bracelets you spread every waking moment, trying not to
kill yourself, and you miss things you lose out on
memories and adventures. I never had a rebellious teen face.
I was never invited to parties. I tried smoking cigarettes,
but it's not cool if no one sees you doing it.
And Geane is the only one who could tolerate me
long enough for me to even strike a match. I
didn't really do anything in college except smoke weed, and
that's because the stoners were the only ones who would
talk to me. And now I'm supposed to be grown
up and have good credit and pay off loans and
I don't know how to do any of this shit.
Speaker 7: You're trying your best. She just doesn't understand.
Speaker 2: That we all have to grow up. It's a part
of life. Ignoring those responsibilities doesn't make them go away.
I just keep moving forward. I didn't have a choice,
and it wasn't.
Speaker 3: Easy, but I still did it okay. But I'm not
like you, thankfully. What's that supposed to mean? You've always
asked too much of me, and I don't even know
if I had any of me left asked too much?
What the fuck have I asked of you that was
too much? All I ever asked is that you loved
me and stay alive. Those are not difficult promises to keep.
Speaker 7: She'll never understand you.
Speaker 3: Asking me to stay alive is a very big fucking promise,
and the fact that you don't realize that speaks fucking volumes.
You're asking me to promise to do something that I
literally don't know how to do.
Speaker 2: Are you serious? You don't know how to live? It's
not that hard. It's very fucking hard. And I don't
plan everything like you do. I never made a plan
for the future because I never saw myself living past fifteen.
I tried to kill myself and I failed multiple times,
and I fucked up everything and made everyone worry about
me in the process. And I'm trying, I really am,
and I don't know how to will myself to live
when all I ever wanted was to die. So every
day that goes by, I am fucking winging it. I
wasn't supposed to see eighteen, much less twenty. I feel
like a ghost trying to animate a useless body that's
no longer mine. Like time is really.
Speaker 3: Weird because sometimes it moves hella fast and other times
it moves so slowly, and I have no idea where
the hell I am on the timeline that is my life.
I never know if what I'm doing is right, if
I'm moving at a fast enough pace with the rest
of the world. And it's tiring trying to make things
work and worrying about things like paying rent and buying
healthy groceries when none of this shit was supposed to
be a concern. Because I'm supposed to be dead. I'm
not supposed to be here right now. I shouldn't be here.
I gave myself one simple task to die, and I
couldn't even do that, So how the fuck am I
supposed to file taxes? I never wanted to do any
of this until I met you, and I tried for you.
I swear I tried, but it's so goddamn hard. I
didn't say anything because I was trying to be normal,
like you wanted me to be, like I wanted me
to be for you, I didn't have much choice.
Speaker 2: I don't say that you had no time choice, because
that's bullshit. Just now, you had a choice. How many
times did you cut your thigh? Eight times, fourteen, twenty one?
Speaker 3: It could never be twenty one. I can't cut in
odd numbers. It's a thing I have to make an
even number of cuts, even if the overwhelming feeling has
long passed.
Speaker 2: Listen to yourself. You have to You choose to every
time you picked up those manicure scissors or a razor
you had and then made a fucking choice.
Speaker 3: And I made the best choice that I couldn't make
at the time.
Speaker 2: Put your arm's best choice. That's not even a good choice,
let alone the best fucking one. What you chose was selfish.
I chose to live.
Speaker 3: My arms are the evidence of that choice that every
single time I wanted to die, I chose to stick
around a little longer in the shitty ass world. That's
what I chose to fucking live. And why couldn't you
have just chosen to be normal?
Speaker 6: Fuck?
Speaker 5: I think that even hurt my feelings that I am feelings.
Speaker 3: I thought you didn't believe in normal, that it's a
boring concept. Well, you're the one who chose to fuck
a weirdo, and I chose a monster and a sweater vest.
Speaker 2: Oh, I'm a monster for being honest, for being cruel.
Speaker 7: Love shouldn't be cruel.
Speaker 3: No, you're a monster for lying, for every time you
kissed me, or touched me or made me coco and
tried to convince yourself that this could work, that you
loved me was monstrous. The most monstrous thing you've done
is convinced me that I could trust you, love you,
that I could allow myself to be loved by you.
Instead of being honest and leaving before things got serious,
you took my hand, rushed towards the future, and then
let go, letting me fall on my ass.
Speaker 2: No, I love you, Pixie. The best choice right now
would be to let me take you to a hospital
so you can get the help you need.
Speaker 7: You go and they'll lock you away again.
Speaker 2: You don't know what I need. You don't even know
what you need. Know exactly what I needed, and that's
for you to get better.
Speaker 3: So if I go to the hospital, you'll talk to
someone too.
Speaker 7: No, she's not ready yet.
Speaker 2: Maybe I don't know. I just I'm fine. Have to
keep pacing myself.
Speaker 3: So you'll leave me to fall down the sterile rabbit
hole of a hospital while you get to pace through
bookstores through Central Park. You'll go back to floating through life.
Speaker 2: I'll float down as best as I can and find
my footing so I don't fall down the same rabbit hole.
Speaker 3: Floating down is still falling, babe, And how.
Speaker 2: Would you know? You've never even tried to stop falling.
You just hope that if you laughed loud enough and
spread enough lavender for breeze around that I wouldn't notice
that you'd already hit rock bottom. Now I'm right here
at the bottom with you, and you can't pretend anymore, And.
Speaker 6: The last of the mask breaks away.
Speaker 3: No, I can't, and neither can you me.
Speaker 2: I'm not the one who left a puddle of blood
on the bathroom floor.
Speaker 3: If we're measuring each other's fucked upness and blood, then
we're both a mess because I'm not the only one
who made myself bleed today.
Speaker 1: Angela turns the cattle off. She returns with a mug
of hot cocoa and sets it down on the edge
of the tub.
Speaker 2: Magic coco does hot water for warmth, milk for smoothness,
r shmallows for fun, and a sigh for love. Joy
your cocoa.
Speaker 3: Where are you going?
Speaker 2: I don't know, but I can't stay in the same
room as you right now. I'll call you later.
Speaker 1: Pixie looks at the door, sits back down on the
edge of the tub, and picks up the mug. She
sets it back down, and Ray gets out of the
tub and goes into the kitchen, returning with a spoon
and a pair of scissors. Pixie takes off four of
the glitter bracelets and hands them to who cuts them
all open and dumps the glittery contents of each bracelet
into the cup of hot cocoa.
Speaker 9: Magic chocolate dust, hot water for warm, milk for smoothness,
marshmallows for fun, and glitter for happiness, A sigh for
love After your cocoa, you can have another hug you
need it, Hi, mom, Magic chocolate dust.
Speaker 2: I have an anxiety disorder.
Speaker 3: Hot water for warmp I.
Speaker 2: Can't live without order, milk for smoothness, my colorful homework.
Speaker 3: Planners, marshmallows for fun, highlighters.
Speaker 2: And a sigh for love. Sticky notes, magic chocolate dust.
That's where I keep all of my emotions on my
sticky notes.
Speaker 3: Hot water for warmth. There's safest there, Milk for smoothness,
and yet I always misplace them. Marshmallows for fun. Maybe
I do it too, protect me for myself, and a
sigh for love. Body's desperate attempt to keep functioning. Magic
chocolate dust, Hi mom, I met a girl. Hot water
for warmth. My MoMA went out with this girl, the
milk for smoothness.
Speaker 2: Hi mama made love to this girl. Marshmallows for fun.
Speaker 3: Oh my love this girl, and glitter for happiness. I
loved this girl and a.
Speaker 2: Sigh for love.
Speaker 1: Pixie hands the monk to Angela. Angela starts picking at
her eyebrow and feels blood.
Speaker 2: Fuck, made myself bleed again.
Speaker 1: Pixie takes her hand and kisses it, ceasing Angela's tick
for the moment Pixie. Pixie takes off two of the
remaining glitter bracelets, takes Angela's hand and places them on
Angela's wrist. Ray steps into pixie spotlight, their hand outstretched.
Pixie acknowledges them, then turns and places her forehead against Angela's.
Pixie takes Ray's hand and Ray offers Angela a band aid.
Speaker 6: Thank you see you around Angela, Yeah, I.
Speaker 2: Guess so, bye bye.
Speaker 1: Pixie and Ray exit. Angela looks in the direction Pixie
just left, looks down at her wrist, and then at
the mug of cocoa. She SIPs from the mug. End
of play. This has been a Black Revolutionary media production.
Of Glitter Bracelets by Ney Harris. I'm Mia Kogavia and
I was your stage directions for to Night. I was
also the director. Our sound sculptor is Ranja, Our audio
assistant is Tim Craig. Audio editing by Max a Day.
Special thanks to Hyde su Frant, who provided script's support
and supervision and mentorship as part of brtw's revolution Now project,
and special thanks to Bianca Berger, and extra special thanks
to Heather Harvey are co founder and co artistic producer
of Black Revolutionary Theater Workshop and Black Revolutionary Media