WEBVTT 1 00:00:02.359 --> 00:00:06.599 Hello, everybody, Welcome to Pastor Rick's Daily Hope. This is 2 00:00:06.639 --> 00:00:10.240 the Bible teaching ministry of Rick Warren. Hey, we're so 3 00:00:10.320 --> 00:00:13.439 glad you're here with us today. We are continuing in 4 00:00:13.480 --> 00:00:17.320 a series called Talking about Stuff That Matters Now. In 5 00:00:17.359 --> 00:00:21.239 this series, Rick looks into the scriptures and he's unpacking 6 00:00:21.239 --> 00:00:24.960 what it means to live in community, have real conversation 7 00:00:25.160 --> 00:00:30.160 about what matters most, and face discouragement with courage and faith. 8 00:00:30.480 --> 00:00:34.240 It's honest, hopeful, So stay tuned. You won't want to 9 00:00:34.240 --> 00:00:37.600 miss a second. All right, let's get started. Here's part 10 00:00:37.679 --> 00:00:41.799 one of a message called creating Life Shaping Conversations. 11 00:00:42.679 --> 00:00:47.399 So much of your satisfaction and success in life is 12 00:00:47.479 --> 00:00:54.359 determined by how well you communicate with other people. Your income, 13 00:00:55.880 --> 00:01:05.319 your influence, your family, your career, your relationships. So many 14 00:01:05.359 --> 00:01:08.599 different areas of your life are all impacted by how 15 00:01:08.640 --> 00:01:14.280 well you learn two basic communication skills. They all are 16 00:01:14.359 --> 00:01:20.200 dramatically impacted by number one, learning how to listen well 17 00:01:21.000 --> 00:01:24.159 and number two learning how to speak well, how to 18 00:01:24.159 --> 00:01:29.280 communicate your thoughts. If you want to better and better life, 19 00:01:29.400 --> 00:01:34.159 if you want better and better relationships, then you have 20 00:01:34.239 --> 00:01:37.799 to keep getting better in these two skills. You have 21 00:01:37.840 --> 00:01:40.280 to learn to get better at listening, and if you 22 00:01:40.319 --> 00:01:44.439 have to get learn to get better in speaking. If 23 00:01:44.480 --> 00:01:46.640 you just get at a certain level and then you 24 00:01:46.680 --> 00:01:49.280 stop learning how to be a better listener, you stop 25 00:01:49.359 --> 00:01:51.519 learning how to be a better speaker, then your life 26 00:01:51.560 --> 00:01:54.640 isn't going to get any better. Your relationships are not 27 00:01:54.920 --> 00:01:59.480 going to get any better. This is extremely important. So 28 00:01:59.599 --> 00:02:05.879 today I want us to look at creating life shaping conversations, 29 00:02:06.519 --> 00:02:08.479 and in that we're going to look at how do 30 00:02:08.560 --> 00:02:12.639 you listen better so people will speak to you, and 31 00:02:12.719 --> 00:02:16.439 how do you speak better so people will listen to you. 32 00:02:17.240 --> 00:02:20.400 I'm going to give you an entire communication seminar in 33 00:02:20.479 --> 00:02:23.719 this session. You'd go pay five hundred bucks for it 34 00:02:23.719 --> 00:02:24.560 at some seminar. 35 00:02:24.840 --> 00:02:29.080 It's free with Rick. Okay, you get it free. 36 00:02:29.000 --> 00:02:30.800 So then you don't have to spend that five hundred 37 00:02:30.840 --> 00:02:34.000 bucks on how to be a better communicator. So we're 38 00:02:34.000 --> 00:02:35.039 gonna look at these things. 39 00:02:35.039 --> 00:02:35.280 Now. 40 00:02:35.400 --> 00:02:40.439 We're gonna start with the six secrets of great listening. Now, 41 00:02:40.479 --> 00:02:44.000 the book that's the book of all books on communication 42 00:02:44.400 --> 00:02:47.039 is the Book of Proverbs in the Bible. It's the 43 00:02:47.080 --> 00:02:50.719 Book of Wisdom, it's the Book of Relationships, it's the 44 00:02:50.759 --> 00:02:53.840 book of how to do the right thing, the right 45 00:02:53.879 --> 00:02:57.479 way at the right time in every single area of life. 46 00:02:57.520 --> 00:03:00.159 It's an amazing book, and it has lots to say 47 00:03:00.159 --> 00:03:02.479 about how you listen, and it has a lot to 48 00:03:02.520 --> 00:03:06.439 say about how you speak. Now, one of the many 49 00:03:06.520 --> 00:03:09.639 reasons why God puts you on earth. He didn't just 50 00:03:09.680 --> 00:03:12.199 create you and take you automatically to heaven. He puts 51 00:03:12.240 --> 00:03:15.400 you here for a few years, few decades because he 52 00:03:15.439 --> 00:03:19.439 wants you to learn the skill of learning how to 53 00:03:19.599 --> 00:03:22.639 listen well. And then he wants you to learn the 54 00:03:22.680 --> 00:03:27.360 skill of learning how to communicate well, how to speak well. Now, 55 00:03:27.520 --> 00:03:30.719 can you hear something and not really listen to it? 56 00:03:32.240 --> 00:03:35.599 Think about that. Can you hear something and not really 57 00:03:35.639 --> 00:03:36.039 listen to it? 58 00:03:36.120 --> 00:03:43.080 Yeah, it's called high school math class. You hear it, wow, wow, wha, 59 00:03:43.240 --> 00:03:45.800 But you're not listening. And there are a lot of 60 00:03:45.960 --> 00:03:51.520 there's a difference between hearing and listening. Everybody hears everything, 61 00:03:52.000 --> 00:03:56.000 but not everybody is a good listener. So the Bible 62 00:03:56.039 --> 00:03:59.719 tells us how could be a skilled listener about twenty 63 00:03:59.719 --> 00:04:03.039 five times in the Book of Proverbs, God says, I 64 00:04:03.080 --> 00:04:05.520 want you to learn how to listen, and we are 65 00:04:05.560 --> 00:04:11.240 commanded twenty five times to listen well. So we're going 66 00:04:11.319 --> 00:04:13.919 to do a quick overview, a quick survey of some 67 00:04:13.960 --> 00:04:17.000 of the highlights of the Book of Proverbs on learning 68 00:04:17.040 --> 00:04:21.639 how to listen well. Six skills in order to listen well, 69 00:04:21.800 --> 00:04:23.680 and just for fun, I put them in an across 70 00:04:23.759 --> 00:04:28.680 the lste in. So here's how you listen. Okay, let's 71 00:04:28.680 --> 00:04:29.360 get right into it. 72 00:04:29.439 --> 00:04:29.879 Number one. 73 00:04:30.199 --> 00:04:32.079 First thing God says about how to become a great 74 00:04:32.079 --> 00:04:37.720 listener is ll look at them with love. Whoever you're 75 00:04:37.720 --> 00:04:42.079 going to have your conversation with a child, a spouse, 76 00:04:42.759 --> 00:04:47.560 a friend, an x, somebody you work with, you look 77 00:04:47.680 --> 00:04:52.839 at them with eyes of love. It all starts with love. 78 00:04:53.079 --> 00:04:55.639 Without love, you have no great communication. Look at this 79 00:04:55.759 --> 00:04:59.240 verse on the screen. The Bible says in one Grindians 80 00:04:59.279 --> 00:05:04.639 thirteen one, if I could speak with human eloquence, I mean, 81 00:05:04.680 --> 00:05:10.519 I'm just a great speaker, an even angelic expression. If 82 00:05:10.560 --> 00:05:14.040 I don't have love for people, I'd only be making 83 00:05:14.120 --> 00:05:20.360 noise like a clanging symbol. God says words without love 84 00:05:20.839 --> 00:05:25.920 equal noise. That if I don't love, it doesn't matter 85 00:05:26.000 --> 00:05:29.720 what the conversation is about, because it's all about learning 86 00:05:29.839 --> 00:05:34.600 how to love. You could be eloquent. I have you know, 87 00:05:34.680 --> 00:05:37.959 I train pastors. You know that, And I've had pastors 88 00:05:38.000 --> 00:05:41.040 all around the world to mean, oh, Rick, I just 89 00:05:41.319 --> 00:05:44.560 love to preach like they expect me to be excited 90 00:05:44.560 --> 00:05:47.920 about that, And I say, well, so what. You may 91 00:05:48.000 --> 00:05:51.600 just like the attention. You might like the adrenaline rush. 92 00:05:51.639 --> 00:05:53.600 You may be a ham. You like the attention that 93 00:05:53.639 --> 00:05:56.759 everybody gives you when you're standing up speaking. I don't 94 00:05:56.800 --> 00:05:59.720 care if you love to preach, pastor, I want to 95 00:05:59.759 --> 00:06:03.879 know do you love the people you preach to. That's 96 00:06:03.879 --> 00:06:08.439 what makes it count. Because without love, I'm clanging symbol, 97 00:06:08.519 --> 00:06:12.920 I'm kinkling you know, crystals, I'm just noise. I'm not 98 00:06:13.000 --> 00:06:18.480 even doing anything unless I love. Now, God says that 99 00:06:18.560 --> 00:06:21.439 you need to always speak in love. It's intentional that 100 00:06:21.519 --> 00:06:24.240 I tell you that I love you practically every week 101 00:06:24.720 --> 00:06:26.839 because I want you to know. That's why I do 102 00:06:26.920 --> 00:06:29.519 what I do. Nobody pays me to do this. You know, 103 00:06:29.560 --> 00:06:32.240 I've served this church for free for forty four years. 104 00:06:32.360 --> 00:06:32.680 Nobody. 105 00:06:32.759 --> 00:06:34.839 I don't get a salary from this church. I do 106 00:06:34.879 --> 00:06:39.360 this because I love you, and that's what makes it 107 00:06:39.399 --> 00:06:45.120 have power. Now, how do you communicate love in a conversation? Well, 108 00:06:45.160 --> 00:06:46.560 you know how to do this. If you've ever been 109 00:06:46.560 --> 00:06:50.560 on a date, you communicate love with your eyes the 110 00:06:50.600 --> 00:06:52.839 way you look at somebody. Have you ever looked somebody 111 00:06:52.879 --> 00:06:54.920 and they weren't loving you at that moment? 112 00:06:56.600 --> 00:06:59.160 Yeah? And have you ever looked at somebody and they 113 00:06:59.160 --> 00:07:01.120 were looking at it? You go, man, they really love 114 00:07:01.199 --> 00:07:02.160 me right now. 115 00:07:03.079 --> 00:07:06.759 And they haven't said a word. Your eyes are a 116 00:07:06.920 --> 00:07:10.720 powerful tool for showing love. And if you're going to 117 00:07:10.800 --> 00:07:13.839 have a conversation with a child, an important conversation, or 118 00:07:13.879 --> 00:07:16.920 you're gonna have an important conversation with anybody else, you 119 00:07:16.959 --> 00:07:22.160 start with looking at them in love, Okay, by paying attention, 120 00:07:22.279 --> 00:07:24.959 because attention is love. When I pay attention to you, 121 00:07:25.079 --> 00:07:27.120 I'm saying I love you. When you pay attention to me, 122 00:07:27.279 --> 00:07:28.439 you're saying you love me. 123 00:07:28.639 --> 00:07:28.800 Now. 124 00:07:28.879 --> 00:07:32.480 Jesus modeled this one day a young man. He was rich, 125 00:07:33.040 --> 00:07:36.399 he was a professional, He was a young man, and 126 00:07:36.439 --> 00:07:39.360 he comes to Jesus with a question. And here's what 127 00:07:39.399 --> 00:07:43.079 the Bible says about it, Mark ten, verse twenty one, 128 00:07:43.120 --> 00:07:46.920 Mark ten twenty one. Jesus felt genuine love for the 129 00:07:47.000 --> 00:07:51.639 man as he looked straight at him. Circle the phrase, 130 00:07:51.759 --> 00:07:56.279 as he looked, he looked, and he loved he looked, 131 00:07:56.560 --> 00:07:59.360 and he loved so great communication. When you're gonna sit 132 00:07:59.399 --> 00:08:02.600 down with a face to face conversation starts with the 133 00:08:02.639 --> 00:08:05.759 way you look at somebody. They've got to feel that 134 00:08:05.839 --> 00:08:09.839 you love them. They're not going to listen otherwise. Proverbs 135 00:08:09.839 --> 00:08:12.879 twenty verse twelve. God has given us eyes to see 136 00:08:13.959 --> 00:08:16.959 and ears to listen with. Notice he didn't say anything 137 00:08:16.959 --> 00:08:22.000 about the mouth there in communication, it's your eyes and 138 00:08:22.079 --> 00:08:25.040 ears that matter more than your mouth. 139 00:08:25.240 --> 00:08:25.560 He says. 140 00:08:25.600 --> 00:08:27.519 We've got eyes to see, we've got ears to listen. 141 00:08:27.720 --> 00:08:31.560 You should be looking for non verbal cues. Now, how 142 00:08:31.560 --> 00:08:35.039 many eyes did God give you two? How many ears 143 00:08:35.039 --> 00:08:38.240 did God give you two? How many mouths did God 144 00:08:38.279 --> 00:08:41.720 give you one? You should listen and look twice as 145 00:08:41.799 --> 00:08:46.799 much as you talk. And that's the reason God gave 146 00:08:46.840 --> 00:08:52.039 you twice as much. The biggest problem in communication we 147 00:08:52.080 --> 00:08:55.720 talk too much. We don't listen enough, we don't look enough. 148 00:08:56.000 --> 00:09:00.600 We talk too much. And the Bible there's a lot 149 00:09:00.600 --> 00:09:01.320 to say about this. 150 00:09:01.679 --> 00:09:03.039 Why do we talk too much? 151 00:09:03.840 --> 00:09:06.360 Because we love ourselves more than we love anybody else, 152 00:09:07.480 --> 00:09:09.519 and we like to hear ourselves more than we like 153 00:09:09.559 --> 00:09:10.559 to hear anybody else. 154 00:09:10.840 --> 00:09:11.159 Talk. 155 00:09:11.559 --> 00:09:14.279 Now, God warns over and over again in the Bible 156 00:09:14.480 --> 00:09:18.000 about talking too much. At least ten twelve verses in 157 00:09:18.120 --> 00:09:22.159 Proverbs talk about the problem of talking too much, and 158 00:09:22.200 --> 00:09:23.720 he says, first, you got to learn how to listen, 159 00:09:23.799 --> 00:09:25.639 for you learn how to talk. Let me just show 160 00:09:25.639 --> 00:09:28.440 you a couple verses about talking too much. Look up 161 00:09:28.480 --> 00:09:32.799 here on the screen. The Bible says this, Proverbs ten fourteen. 162 00:09:33.000 --> 00:09:36.879 The wise don't tell everything they know, but the foolish 163 00:09:36.919 --> 00:09:40.279 talk too much and are ruined. Look at the next one, 164 00:09:41.039 --> 00:09:42.799 the Bible says, Proverbs ten nineteen. 165 00:09:43.159 --> 00:09:48.159 The more you talk, the more likely you are to sin. Okay, duh, 166 00:09:48.559 --> 00:09:48.960 all right? 167 00:09:49.519 --> 00:09:52.679 Law of averages Proverbs thirteen three. Talk too much and 168 00:09:52.720 --> 00:09:56.240 you're done for Proverbs thirteen three. Look at this one, 169 00:09:56.279 --> 00:09:59.519 Proverbs eighteen twenty one. Those who love to talk will 170 00:09:59.559 --> 00:10:03.559 have to eat their own words. Yeah that's how many 171 00:10:03.600 --> 00:10:05.960 you have ever had to do that? Yeah, we've all 172 00:10:06.000 --> 00:10:09.960 done that. Proverbs ten nineteen, Living Bible. Don't talk too much, 173 00:10:10.000 --> 00:10:12.879 you keep putting your foot in your mouth. Be sensible 174 00:10:13.039 --> 00:10:15.919 and turn off the flow. I love that in the 175 00:10:15.919 --> 00:10:18.600 Living Bible. I love that verse so much that when 176 00:10:18.639 --> 00:10:21.039 my kids were little, I wrote a song for it, 177 00:10:22.080 --> 00:10:23.720 and I would sit down at the piano in our 178 00:10:23.720 --> 00:10:26.279 house and we would all sing this song. Don't talk 179 00:10:26.360 --> 00:10:28.759 too much, you keep putting your fluid in your mouth. 180 00:10:29.120 --> 00:10:31.840 Be sensible and turn off the flow. 181 00:10:35.120 --> 00:10:35.879 I still know that. 182 00:10:35.919 --> 00:10:40.399 Verse from art, you know thirty years later. Okay, and you, 183 00:10:40.679 --> 00:10:42.440 if you're a parent, one of the ways to teach 184 00:10:42.440 --> 00:10:45.039 your kids scripture is make up a little song about it. 185 00:10:45.120 --> 00:10:47.360 Why because I wanted to say there are times you 186 00:10:47.360 --> 00:10:49.159 can talk too much. Look at this one. I love 187 00:10:49.200 --> 00:10:52.679 this one. Proverbs twenty nineteen. Don't associate with the person 188 00:10:52.720 --> 00:10:57.559 whose mouth is always open. Last week we talked about 189 00:10:57.600 --> 00:10:58.919 the kind of friends to have and not to have. 190 00:10:59.200 --> 00:11:02.200 Don't associate eight with a verson whose bouth is always open. 191 00:11:02.559 --> 00:11:06.240 They're gonna get you in trouble. So the problem with 192 00:11:06.360 --> 00:11:09.320 looking at people in love is that we just talk 193 00:11:09.440 --> 00:11:14.960 too much. Now here's the second skill, the E or 194 00:11:15.080 --> 00:11:20.799 the I in listen is invest as much time as needed. 195 00:11:21.559 --> 00:11:24.240 If you're gonna learn to be an expert listener, you 196 00:11:24.320 --> 00:11:26.840 not only start with looking at him in love, but 197 00:11:26.960 --> 00:11:32.840 then I you invest as much time as needed. Because 198 00:11:32.840 --> 00:11:36.360 the truth is, you can't listen well in a hurry. 199 00:11:37.600 --> 00:11:39.720 If you're in a hurry, you're not ever going to 200 00:11:39.799 --> 00:11:43.399 be a great listener. Great listening takes time. You have 201 00:11:43.480 --> 00:11:48.879 to slow down. The truth takes time. Now a good 202 00:11:48.919 --> 00:11:51.919 example of this is Job chapter two. You know the 203 00:11:51.919 --> 00:11:55.120 story of Job. He was a wealthy man. We mentioned 204 00:11:55.200 --> 00:11:58.000 him last week in our last message. Job chapter two, 205 00:11:58.000 --> 00:12:00.759 he lost everything. And in vers of Eve to thirteen, 206 00:12:00.799 --> 00:12:05.360 it says this, when Job's three close friends heard of 207 00:12:05.399 --> 00:12:10.159 the tragedy that Job had suffered, they got together and 208 00:12:10.200 --> 00:12:11.720 they traveled from their homes. 209 00:12:11.720 --> 00:12:13.159 They didn't actually live in the same town. 210 00:12:13.360 --> 00:12:16.879 They traveled from their homes to comfort and console him. 211 00:12:18.000 --> 00:12:21.519 And then they sat on the ground with Job silently 212 00:12:22.159 --> 00:12:27.840 for seven days and nights, and no one said a word, 213 00:12:28.879 --> 00:12:33.679 for they saw that his suffering was too great for words. 214 00:12:34.879 --> 00:12:38.240 Now this passa just packed with truths, but let me 215 00:12:38.279 --> 00:12:41.600 just point out a couple of them. This is called 216 00:12:41.639 --> 00:12:45.240 the ministry of presence. And one of the things that 217 00:12:45.279 --> 00:12:48.200 I teach pastors, and I would teach you, is that 218 00:12:48.279 --> 00:12:52.279 when you're dealing with somebody in pain, the deeper the pain. 219 00:12:52.440 --> 00:12:56.080 The fewer words you use. Don't ever forget. 220 00:12:55.720 --> 00:12:59.919 That the deeper the pain someone is in, the fewer 221 00:13:00.240 --> 00:13:04.360 words you use. If if somebody is having a bad 222 00:13:04.440 --> 00:13:08.159 hair day, Okay, are there just feeling a little gassy 223 00:13:08.320 --> 00:13:11.480 or something like that. You know, then you can talk 224 00:13:11.519 --> 00:13:14.320 to them about it for thirty minutes. But if they 225 00:13:14.360 --> 00:13:17.360 have a major crisis in their life, a spouse walks out, 226 00:13:17.600 --> 00:13:21.200 a child dies, they get laid off after fifteen years, 227 00:13:21.799 --> 00:13:26.000 the deeper the pain, the fewer words you use, and 228 00:13:26.159 --> 00:13:28.200 a lot of people go, I don't know how to react. 229 00:13:27.919 --> 00:13:28.679 To a person in crisis. 230 00:13:28.679 --> 00:13:31.360 I don't want to say, don't say anything, show up 231 00:13:31.519 --> 00:13:36.200 and shut up. That's the ministry of presence. But people say, 232 00:13:36.279 --> 00:13:38.159 don't I didn't know. I didn't go see them because 233 00:13:38.480 --> 00:13:40.440 after this tragedy in their life, I didn't know what 234 00:13:40.519 --> 00:13:44.519 to say. Don't say anything. There's some pain that is 235 00:13:44.600 --> 00:13:47.000 beyond words, and that's what it is saying there. When 236 00:13:47.000 --> 00:13:49.639 you have a friend or a child or something like that, 237 00:13:49.960 --> 00:13:52.480 you don't You don't try to talk them out of 238 00:13:52.480 --> 00:13:52.960 their pain. 239 00:13:53.919 --> 00:13:55.320 You show up, you shut up. 240 00:13:55.559 --> 00:13:58.879 You do the ministry of presence and the fewer words 241 00:13:59.039 --> 00:14:00.480 you use, but you. 242 00:14:00.440 --> 00:14:01.440 Invest as much time. 243 00:14:01.519 --> 00:14:05.720 Notice how many days did Job's friends sit on the 244 00:14:05.720 --> 00:14:11.200 ground with him seven? That's a real friend to say, 245 00:14:11.440 --> 00:14:13.399 do you have anybody in your life who'd sit on 246 00:14:13.399 --> 00:14:15.559 the ground with you for seven days without saying anything. 247 00:14:17.639 --> 00:14:21.960 That takes a very mature person. They're just that we're 248 00:14:21.960 --> 00:14:25.799 gonna be with you in your pain. Have you ever 249 00:14:26.120 --> 00:14:28.960 had to spend a long period of time with someone 250 00:14:29.639 --> 00:14:32.919 and not say anything. That's the mark of a true friend. 251 00:14:33.200 --> 00:14:38.000 You invest as much time as needed, and because you 252 00:14:38.039 --> 00:14:40.679 can't listen in a hurry, you just have to be 253 00:14:40.799 --> 00:14:43.399 there and when it's the right time, they'll say something. 254 00:14:43.720 --> 00:14:45.320 And when it's the right time, then you'll be able 255 00:14:45.320 --> 00:14:46.039 to say something to you. 256 00:14:46.279 --> 00:14:49.320 So elle and listen, look at them with love, I 257 00:14:49.480 --> 00:14:52.120 and listen is invest as much time as needed. 258 00:14:52.600 --> 00:14:53.080 Number three. 259 00:14:53.200 --> 00:14:58.639 The s in listen is share their feelings, not your solution. 260 00:15:00.519 --> 00:15:04.720 Share their feelings, not your solution. 261 00:15:05.960 --> 00:15:06.840 A lot of times. 262 00:15:06.559 --> 00:15:09.639 You'll have a conversation with a child who's had a 263 00:15:09.679 --> 00:15:13.120 really bad day at school, or a spouse who's had 264 00:15:13.159 --> 00:15:14.679 a really bad day at work. 265 00:15:15.039 --> 00:15:17.399 Or a friend and a neighbor or a. 266 00:15:17.320 --> 00:15:20.840 Relative who's had a really bad last six months. And 267 00:15:22.639 --> 00:15:25.519 one of the problems with us as human beings is 268 00:15:25.519 --> 00:15:29.240 we like to fix things. We all want to be fixers. 269 00:15:29.879 --> 00:15:32.159 And what God wants you to do before you're a fixer, 270 00:15:32.200 --> 00:15:34.039 He wants you to be a feeler. He wants you 271 00:15:34.159 --> 00:15:36.679 to feel the pain their feeling before you try to 272 00:15:36.720 --> 00:15:42.679 fix the problem. Share their feeling whatever they're feeling before 273 00:15:42.720 --> 00:15:43.519 you try to fix. 274 00:15:44.120 --> 00:15:44.320 See. 275 00:15:44.320 --> 00:15:45.799 A lot of times a child will come to you 276 00:15:45.879 --> 00:15:47.720 or a teenager will come to you and they say, 277 00:15:47.960 --> 00:15:50.840 I had this problem, and you remember how it was 278 00:15:50.879 --> 00:15:52.480 a big deal when you were that age, but it's 279 00:15:52.519 --> 00:15:54.360 not a big deal for you anymore, and so you 280 00:15:54.399 --> 00:15:55.799 try to talk them out and say. 281 00:15:55.639 --> 00:15:57.000 Well, it's not really that big a deal. 282 00:15:58.320 --> 00:16:01.480 Well, that's just very unloving because it is a big 283 00:16:01.519 --> 00:16:04.039 deal to them, and if you love them, it will 284 00:16:04.039 --> 00:16:07.799 be a big deal to you. So you share their feeling. 285 00:16:08.080 --> 00:16:12.600 You don't share your solution. As I said, men in particular, 286 00:16:12.720 --> 00:16:15.799 we're fixers. And I didn't understand this for many years. 287 00:16:15.840 --> 00:16:17.840 Kay would come in with a problem. I thought she 288 00:16:18.000 --> 00:16:19.679 wanted to me to fix your problems. 289 00:16:20.879 --> 00:16:21.960 I learned much later. 290 00:16:22.039 --> 00:16:24.799 No, she just wanted to talk about them, and she 291 00:16:24.960 --> 00:16:28.080 wanted me to go that's a problem. 292 00:16:28.399 --> 00:16:28.799 Wow. 293 00:16:29.360 --> 00:16:30.960 I don't think i've ever seen one on that big 294 00:16:31.080 --> 00:16:35.360 wooh man? Is that a problem? Wow? No wonder you're 295 00:16:35.399 --> 00:16:38.080 worried about it. It's no wonder you're discouraged about it's 296 00:16:38.120 --> 00:16:39.399 no wonder you're feeling down. 297 00:16:39.519 --> 00:16:45.960 That is a problem, babe. That's a problem. Man, oh man, 298 00:16:46.039 --> 00:16:47.039 that is a problem. 299 00:16:47.399 --> 00:16:50.360 And you know what, sometimes if I actually made a 300 00:16:50.399 --> 00:16:53.120 mistake and actually did that without thinking, she'd walked away 301 00:16:53.159 --> 00:16:57.080 going that's all I needed. I just needed my husband 302 00:16:57.120 --> 00:16:59.399 to understand what a tough day I had. I didn't 303 00:16:59.440 --> 00:17:03.639 need him to fit anything. But we typically are quick 304 00:17:03.840 --> 00:17:10.160 to the fix. That means you're not listening. It is 305 00:17:10.240 --> 00:17:14.000 my typical nature that if somebody comes to me with 306 00:17:14.039 --> 00:17:16.440 a problem, they're barely into the fourth or fifth sentence 307 00:17:16.440 --> 00:17:17.559 and I'm going to I know how to fix this. 308 00:17:19.559 --> 00:17:23.319 But that's not loving. We all want to be fixes. 309 00:17:23.359 --> 00:17:26.839 But first people want to be understood. People don't care 310 00:17:26.920 --> 00:17:30.000 what you know until they know that you care. 311 00:17:32.119 --> 00:17:34.119 They want to feel loved. They want to feel understood. 312 00:17:34.160 --> 00:17:36.839 They want you to feel what they're feeling, and they 313 00:17:36.839 --> 00:17:37.640 want you to validate. 314 00:17:37.880 --> 00:17:39.319 That's yeah, I get it. 315 00:17:39.359 --> 00:17:42.599 I see why you're worried, why you're upset, why you're frustrated, 316 00:17:43.359 --> 00:17:47.240 while you're angry, why you're whatever emotion you're feeling. I 317 00:17:47.279 --> 00:17:50.039 need to mirror that. I need to share their feeling. 318 00:17:50.680 --> 00:17:54.279 Not the solution. Here's what the Bible says Proverbs eighteen, 319 00:17:54.359 --> 00:17:58.880 verse thirteen. Anyone who answers quickly without listening, That's what 320 00:17:58.880 --> 00:18:01.480 I'm talking about, getting to the fix first, the solution. 321 00:18:01.839 --> 00:18:05.279 Anyone who answers quickly without listening first is both foolish 322 00:18:05.359 --> 00:18:10.160 and insulting. So let me just say this, when anybody 323 00:18:10.200 --> 00:18:14.359 comes to you, a friend, a family member, or somebody else, 324 00:18:14.839 --> 00:18:19.799 somebody in your small group, listen and feel their feelings 325 00:18:19.839 --> 00:18:23.359 before you try to fix anything. Don't get to the fix. 326 00:18:23.720 --> 00:18:24.759 Just wait. 327 00:18:25.119 --> 00:18:27.079 Even if you know the. 328 00:18:26.960 --> 00:18:35.920 Solution, don't tell it, just wait. Let them share all 329 00:18:36.079 --> 00:18:40.240 they need to share. There is healing and sharing. There 330 00:18:40.279 --> 00:18:43.079 is healing and being able to have somebody listen to you. 331 00:18:43.079 --> 00:18:48.000 Your ear is a healing tool used by God. If 332 00:18:48.039 --> 00:18:51.079 you'll let God use it, If you'll learn to listen 333 00:18:51.079 --> 00:18:54.720 to people without trying to fix them first, many of 334 00:18:54.720 --> 00:18:56.880 them will be healed right there on the spot, simply 335 00:18:57.000 --> 00:19:01.119 by being listened to, because they weren't paid attention to it. 336 00:19:01.160 --> 00:19:02.039 Maybe some other. 337 00:19:02.079 --> 00:19:05.519 Point in their life, share their feelings, not the solution. 338 00:19:06.400 --> 00:19:09.319 One of the best examples of this is the death 339 00:19:09.480 --> 00:19:14.240 of Lazarus. Lazarus was the brother of two women in 340 00:19:14.279 --> 00:19:16.880 the Bible named Mary and Martha. Mary, Martha and Lazarus 341 00:19:16.920 --> 00:19:19.640 were good friends of Jesus. He often when they lived 342 00:19:19.640 --> 00:19:22.240 in a town called Bethany, and when he would go 343 00:19:22.240 --> 00:19:25.759 to Bethany, he always stayed with Mary and Martha and Lazarus. 344 00:19:26.440 --> 00:19:29.799 And one day Jesus was just about, you know, a 345 00:19:29.880 --> 00:19:33.720 half a day away from Bethany, and it's not very 346 00:19:33.720 --> 00:19:38.079 far from Jerusalem, and he gets worried that Lazarus is sick, 347 00:19:38.119 --> 00:19:40.960 and I mean deathly sick. He's like on his deathbed, 348 00:19:41.039 --> 00:19:46.319 he's going to die. Jesus is a half a day away. 349 00:19:46.519 --> 00:19:50.160 It takes him three days to get there. This is 350 00:19:50.160 --> 00:19:54.680 one of his best friends, Lazarus, and people don't understand 351 00:19:54.680 --> 00:19:56.279 why did it take him so long, because he has 352 00:19:56.319 --> 00:19:57.720 a plan. He didn't want to heal him. He wants 353 00:19:57.759 --> 00:20:01.119 to raise him from the dead. He's actually hanging out. 354 00:20:01.279 --> 00:20:03.519 He has a plan. He knows what he's gonna do. 355 00:20:03.599 --> 00:20:07.359 He already knows the solution even before Lazarus gets sick. 356 00:20:09.200 --> 00:20:11.079 But finally he shows up three days later. 357 00:20:11.119 --> 00:20:13.240 By this time, they've buried the guy and he's dead 358 00:20:13.240 --> 00:20:15.519 and he's in the ground. He's already in the tomb, 359 00:20:17.079 --> 00:20:19.319 and the Bible says this. In John eleven thirty two 360 00:20:19.400 --> 00:20:24.759 to thirty six, Mary fell at Jesus' feet, and she 361 00:20:24.920 --> 00:20:31.359 cried out, Lord Lord, if you had been here, my 362 00:20:31.519 --> 00:20:34.119 brother would not have died. In other words, I know 363 00:20:34.279 --> 00:20:37.039 you could have healed him, but he's dead. If you'd 364 00:20:37.160 --> 00:20:42.400 just been here, he would have lived. But now he's dead. 365 00:20:43.359 --> 00:20:43.519 Now. 366 00:20:43.559 --> 00:20:48.480 When Jesus saw her Mary weeping, along with many others 367 00:20:48.680 --> 00:20:55.880 who were weeping, he was deeply moved. Circle that deeply moved. 368 00:20:56.599 --> 00:21:00.680 He's sharing their feelings. Where have you baren in his body? 369 00:21:00.920 --> 00:21:05.440 Jesus asked, come and see Lord, they replied, And then 370 00:21:05.480 --> 00:21:07.799 the next two words are the shortest verse. 371 00:21:07.640 --> 00:21:08.200 In the Bible. 372 00:21:08.359 --> 00:21:13.279 So here's our memory verse this week. Jesus wept. That 373 00:21:13.440 --> 00:21:16.319 is the shortest verse in the Bible. It's John eleven 374 00:21:16.440 --> 00:21:20.559 thirty five. Everybody say, John eleven thirty five, John eleven 375 00:21:20.759 --> 00:21:24.480 thirty five, And what is John eleven thirty five Jesus wept? 376 00:21:24.640 --> 00:21:26.640 And where does it say in the Bible Jesus wept, 377 00:21:27.119 --> 00:21:30.319 John eleven thirty five. You just memorized the Bible verse, 378 00:21:31.000 --> 00:21:33.279 the shortest one in the Bible, but it's also one 379 00:21:33.319 --> 00:21:36.480 of the most significant ones because it shows that Jesus sympathizes. 380 00:21:37.640 --> 00:21:43.599 Jesus weeps, Jesus cares. He's not unconcerned about your pain. 381 00:21:44.319 --> 00:21:48.079 And when Jesus saw everybody else around him weeping, what 382 00:21:48.119 --> 00:21:52.400 did he do? He mirrored it, He mimicked it, he 383 00:21:52.720 --> 00:21:54.799 entered it. He shared their feelings. 384 00:21:54.839 --> 00:21:56.240 Even though he knew the solution. 385 00:21:57.759 --> 00:22:01.000 Jesus already knew he was gonna heal this guy, that 386 00:22:01.079 --> 00:22:05.119 he actually was gonna resurrect him. He knows why he's 387 00:22:05.119 --> 00:22:07.160 doing what he's doing. He knows why he delayed. He's 388 00:22:07.200 --> 00:22:10.319 gonna prove that he's the son of God by resurrecting Lazard. 389 00:22:10.480 --> 00:22:12.279 He knows in advance the solution. 390 00:22:12.960 --> 00:22:16.839 And he walks in and everybody's weeping, and everybody's crying, 391 00:22:17.000 --> 00:22:18.200 and everybody's grieving. 392 00:22:19.200 --> 00:22:20.319 And Jesus does. 393 00:22:20.160 --> 00:22:23.559 Not say, everybody, stop it, stop crying. I got the solution. 394 00:22:25.359 --> 00:22:30.400 He doesn't say that. He doesn't say, everybody stop grieving. 395 00:22:32.279 --> 00:22:34.759 I'm gonna heal the guy. I'm gonna raise him. 396 00:22:34.599 --> 00:22:38.759 From the dead. Watch this. No, he doesn't do that. 397 00:22:40.079 --> 00:22:44.880 What does he do? He weeps with him. He weeps 398 00:22:45.319 --> 00:22:45.759 with him. 399 00:22:46.000 --> 00:22:50.440 That shows the sympathy, empathy, and compassion of our savior. 400 00:22:51.839 --> 00:22:55.079 He already knows the solution, but what is he doing. 401 00:22:55.200 --> 00:22:59.440