WEBVTT 1 00:00:01.320 --> 00:00:06.280 It's Nightside with Dan Ray on WBZ Boston's News Radio. 2 00:00:07.120 --> 00:00:09.279 Oh, I completely agree with you on that one, Nicole. 3 00:00:09.320 --> 00:00:11.679 Of course, we completely agree on most things. Anyway. My 4 00:00:11.759 --> 00:00:14.240 name is Dan Ray and the host of Nightside, heard 5 00:00:14.279 --> 00:00:17.559 every Monday through Friday night from eight until midnight right 6 00:00:17.600 --> 00:00:21.640 here on WBZ Boston's News Radio. You can listen to 7 00:00:21.719 --> 00:00:25.640 us over the air what we call terrestrial radio, through 8 00:00:25.679 --> 00:00:28.359 your car or your radio at home, or you can 9 00:00:28.399 --> 00:00:32.119 download the iHeartRadio app and listen to us anywhere in 10 00:00:32.240 --> 00:00:35.079 the world. We have listeners around the world, believe it 11 00:00:35.159 --> 00:00:39.000 or not, and we have lots of listeners across America. 12 00:00:39.520 --> 00:00:43.320 Oftentimes these are people who have found us inadvertently or 13 00:00:43.359 --> 00:00:46.640 have heard about us, or maybe they are transplants from 14 00:00:46.719 --> 00:00:49.600 Boston who have moved somewhere else. We have a lot 15 00:00:49.640 --> 00:00:52.320 of listeners in Canada, we have some listeners in Mexico. 16 00:00:52.560 --> 00:00:57.039 So it is a big program and I'm delighted to 17 00:00:57.079 --> 00:01:01.399 be about just about to start year eighteen doing this program. 18 00:01:01.479 --> 00:01:04.599 We're wrapping up in the next month or so. Nightside 19 00:01:04.640 --> 00:01:09.439 with Dan Ray officially officially unofficially went on the air 20 00:01:09.599 --> 00:01:15.359 in May of two thousand and seven, but it became 21 00:01:15.719 --> 00:01:18.680 nightside on October first, two thousand and seven, so we 22 00:01:18.760 --> 00:01:20.959 count that as sort of the birthday. We will start 23 00:01:21.040 --> 00:01:23.239 year eighteen on October first, in the midst of our 24 00:01:23.239 --> 00:01:26.280 presidential campaign, so we have lots to accomplish. Tonight. We 25 00:01:26.319 --> 00:01:29.000 will talk at nine o'clock tonight. We're talking so much 26 00:01:29.079 --> 00:01:31.840 politics lately. We'll talk a little bit tonight, beginning at 27 00:01:31.920 --> 00:01:36.519 nine o'clock about the continuing saga of the Boston Bomber, 28 00:01:36.599 --> 00:01:42.239 the one surviving member of that, the two brothers we 29 00:01:42.280 --> 00:01:46.359 don't mention their names, Boston Bomber two. He's now thirty 30 00:01:46.400 --> 00:01:50.040 one years old. It's been over eleven years, and he's 31 00:01:50.079 --> 00:01:54.000 still lingering on death row at super Max in Colorado. 32 00:01:54.120 --> 00:01:56.159 And now he will get to all of that at 33 00:01:56.239 --> 00:01:58.120 nine o'clock. And of course later on tonight, we will 34 00:01:58.159 --> 00:02:04.480 hear the presidentidential acceptance, the acceptance of the Democratic nomination 35 00:02:04.719 --> 00:02:08.759 by Vice President Kamala Harris. Her speech in its entirety, 36 00:02:08.800 --> 00:02:11.039 and depending upon what time she starts at what time 37 00:02:11.120 --> 00:02:13.800 she ends, you'll have an opportunity to talk about that 38 00:02:13.840 --> 00:02:18.520 speech either before or after. But those times are a 39 00:02:18.599 --> 00:02:20.479 little fluid, so you have to stick with us. But 40 00:02:20.840 --> 00:02:22.479 I'll tell you what is not fluid. We have four 41 00:02:22.560 --> 00:02:25.000 great guests coming up this hour, and we're going to 42 00:02:25.039 --> 00:02:29.000 start off by talking about September, which, amongst other things, 43 00:02:29.039 --> 00:02:34.039 is National Suicide Prevention Month. Suicide in the US reached 44 00:02:34.039 --> 00:02:37.960 a record high in twenty twenty two, and yet the 45 00:02:38.280 --> 00:02:42.240 toll was exceeded in twenty twenty three when a half 46 00:02:42.280 --> 00:02:46.120 a million Americans lost their lives to suicide. Delighted to 47 00:02:46.199 --> 00:02:51.159 welcome to our program. Nasa Yasine, founder of a holistic 48 00:02:51.360 --> 00:02:57.960 medical health app called Soul sol Nasa, thanks for joining 49 00:02:58.000 --> 00:03:02.080 us tonight. What is going on in our country that 50 00:03:02.199 --> 00:03:05.960 so many people are being so desper find themselves so 51 00:03:06.000 --> 00:03:07.759 desperate that they take their own lives. 52 00:03:08.960 --> 00:03:12.120 Yeah, well, first, Dan, thank you so much for having 53 00:03:12.120 --> 00:03:16.039 me on the program. And happy early eighteenth birthday to 54 00:03:16.120 --> 00:03:19.719 your program. That's quite it's amazing a. 55 00:03:19.919 --> 00:03:23.080 While, thank you very much. I try to introduce the 56 00:03:23.120 --> 00:03:25.759 program with a little bit of different information every night, 57 00:03:25.800 --> 00:03:29.120 so you had to listen to my garments that I 58 00:03:29.159 --> 00:03:32.520 apologize for that, but I want to talk about suicide. 59 00:03:32.639 --> 00:03:36.439 I worked as a television reporter, and I remember back 60 00:03:36.520 --> 00:03:38.199 on the thirty one years that I worked as a 61 00:03:38.199 --> 00:03:41.800 television reporter here in Boston suicides would never reported. I 62 00:03:41.840 --> 00:03:44.960 also served on the board of directors of the Samaritans 63 00:03:44.960 --> 00:03:47.680 here in Boston for fifteen years, which is an anti 64 00:03:47.759 --> 00:03:51.000 suicide organization, as headed at that point by a woman 65 00:03:51.080 --> 00:03:55.400 named Monica Dickens, who was the granddaughter of the great 66 00:03:55.400 --> 00:03:59.080 writer Charles Dickens. So I know a little bit about this, 67 00:03:59.159 --> 00:04:02.800 But I know there are suicide hotlines. I know everyone's 68 00:04:02.879 --> 00:04:07.719 working hard, But what's the impetus for this increase in suicides? 69 00:04:09.439 --> 00:04:11.879 Yeah, you know, it's so tragic, right because when you 70 00:04:11.919 --> 00:04:14.039 take a step back and you look at you know, 71 00:04:14.639 --> 00:04:18.800 our species, our country, and our species humanity as a whole. 72 00:04:19.439 --> 00:04:22.120 You know, we are living longer than we've ever lived. 73 00:04:22.439 --> 00:04:24.319 We are wealthier than we've ever been. 74 00:04:24.240 --> 00:04:25.199 As a species. 75 00:04:25.720 --> 00:04:28.199 We are more powerful than we've ever been as a species. 76 00:04:28.199 --> 00:04:30.759 We have these smartphones and AI and I mean, if 77 00:04:30.800 --> 00:04:32.959 we're to go back one hundred years, people would think 78 00:04:32.959 --> 00:04:35.319 that we're handed off from Lord of the Rings or something, right, 79 00:04:35.360 --> 00:04:38.480 and so on the surface, it looks like everything's just 80 00:04:38.519 --> 00:04:42.920 going swimmingly, and yet we're killing ourselves at a rate 81 00:04:42.959 --> 00:04:47.319 that we never have in the entire history of our species. So, 82 00:04:47.560 --> 00:04:52.360 you know, today more people die from suicide than die 83 00:04:52.399 --> 00:04:55.839 from homicide. That's never happened in the history of humanity, 84 00:04:56.600 --> 00:04:58.199 and so why is this happening. 85 00:04:59.480 --> 00:05:01.120 A good way to think about. 86 00:05:00.839 --> 00:05:07.160 This is imagine there's a coin that's made from two ingredients, 87 00:05:07.680 --> 00:05:13.720 purpose and belonging. Okay, the coin has two sides. From 88 00:05:13.720 --> 00:05:19.279 a scientific perspective, we know that depression and anxiety, addiction, 89 00:05:19.680 --> 00:05:23.920 thoughts of suicide come from lacking a sense of purpose 90 00:05:23.959 --> 00:05:27.519 and belonging. And on the flip side, we also know 91 00:05:28.199 --> 00:05:32.800 that happiness and contentment comes from when you feel purposeful 92 00:05:33.319 --> 00:05:36.360 and when you feel like you belong And so the 93 00:05:36.399 --> 00:05:39.439 real key is to help people find a sense of 94 00:05:39.519 --> 00:05:43.720 purpose and belonging. And today it's very hard to do 95 00:05:43.800 --> 00:05:48.199 that because we're so distracted on social media. I mean, 96 00:05:48.240 --> 00:05:50.800 if you look at what's happening with teens. I'm the 97 00:05:50.800 --> 00:05:54.079 father of two teams, and they have to be on 98 00:05:54.120 --> 00:05:57.079 some social media in order to be part of you know, 99 00:05:57.360 --> 00:06:01.480 the jokes and you know the you know, be part 100 00:06:01.519 --> 00:06:03.439 of the crowd that they hang out with. But while 101 00:06:03.439 --> 00:06:07.399 we're there, the only messages that they're being delivered are, 102 00:06:08.079 --> 00:06:10.720 oh hey, uh, you think you look good today, Well, 103 00:06:10.759 --> 00:06:13.480 look at this other person who's like an influencer and 104 00:06:13.560 --> 00:06:17.319 a model. You think you're you know, you learn something 105 00:06:17.319 --> 00:06:19.800 interesting last week, Well here's this other person who learned 106 00:06:19.800 --> 00:06:22.360 this dance that you can't do or this trick that 107 00:06:22.399 --> 00:06:22.879 you can't do. 108 00:06:23.360 --> 00:06:26.519 So social media sounds to me like so social. And 109 00:06:26.600 --> 00:06:29.920 I agree with you that social media has its benefits, 110 00:06:29.959 --> 00:06:33.439 but it's its liabilities are extraordinary. 111 00:06:34.759 --> 00:06:37.879 Absolutely, you know, it makes it, It makes it. It's ironic, 112 00:06:38.000 --> 00:06:40.800 right because you know, we're connected to more people than we. 113 00:06:40.759 --> 00:06:41.720 Ever have been, right. 114 00:06:41.759 --> 00:06:43.839 I mean, you look at the number of followers you have, 115 00:06:44.040 --> 00:06:46.240 or the number of connections you have on Instagram or 116 00:06:46.279 --> 00:06:49.120 whatever case may be. It looks like you're connected to 117 00:06:49.160 --> 00:06:51.879 a lot of people, but the quality of those connections 118 00:06:52.639 --> 00:06:58.360 is much poorer than normal relationships have been throughout the 119 00:06:58.439 --> 00:06:59.279 history of our spaces. 120 00:06:59.279 --> 00:07:00.040 We used to live in. 121 00:07:00.720 --> 00:07:03.079 Towns and communities where you'd actually cost side and talk 122 00:07:03.120 --> 00:07:05.720 to people and actually have real conversations with about that. 123 00:07:06.639 --> 00:07:09.079 How about that for concept? Okay, so we can't give 124 00:07:09.079 --> 00:07:12.879 it in Facebook, we can't give it TikTok LinkedIn Instagram, 125 00:07:13.000 --> 00:07:17.600 all of these things. What what what can we do? What? 126 00:07:18.319 --> 00:07:20.480 Yeh is the advice to say to parents and you're 127 00:07:20.480 --> 00:07:22.680 a parent, of teenagers. I a few years ago had 128 00:07:22.680 --> 00:07:25.199 two teenagers, but they now have grown up and they're 129 00:07:25.399 --> 00:07:28.160 out of the the nest and they're they're flying around 130 00:07:28.160 --> 00:07:32.240 the country on their own, doing their thing. They certainly 131 00:07:32.240 --> 00:07:34.639 have a purpose at this point, and I hope they 132 00:07:34.680 --> 00:07:37.360 have a sense of belonging. What can parents do, I mean, 133 00:07:37.399 --> 00:07:41.279 they can't shut the social media off teenagers or the 134 00:07:41.360 --> 00:07:44.000 kids will who knows what they do? 135 00:07:45.879 --> 00:07:48.959 Yeah, I think I think the first step is, you know, 136 00:07:49.040 --> 00:07:53.120 and my colleague at Soul Doctor, Lisa Miller, she wrote 137 00:07:53.120 --> 00:07:55.759 an entire book about this called The Spiritual Child, and 138 00:07:55.759 --> 00:07:59.240 it's a New York Times bestseller. I highly recommend you, know, 139 00:07:59.360 --> 00:08:02.639 you or your listeners check out that book. It's a 140 00:08:02.680 --> 00:08:06.120 fantastic book that talks specifically about this. But really it 141 00:08:06.160 --> 00:08:08.240 boils down to a couple of things. Number one is, 142 00:08:09.120 --> 00:08:11.800 you know, stop making your child feel like you only 143 00:08:11.920 --> 00:08:14.759 value them for their accomplishments. Good grades are great, and 144 00:08:14.839 --> 00:08:16.680 the fact that they're on the soccer team or whatever 145 00:08:16.839 --> 00:08:19.560 is great, you know, but when they get home from school, 146 00:08:20.079 --> 00:08:23.040 you know, you shouldn't have a conversation like what you 147 00:08:23.120 --> 00:08:26.079 learned today, like give me your report card basically for 148 00:08:26.120 --> 00:08:29.360 the day. Just be happy to see them right. Make 149 00:08:29.399 --> 00:08:33.519 it clear that you value them, not their accomplishments. 150 00:08:33.600 --> 00:08:34.080 Number one. 151 00:08:34.759 --> 00:08:37.720 Number two, make it clear that it's okay to talk 152 00:08:37.759 --> 00:08:42.320 about things like feeling sad or feeling left out or 153 00:08:42.360 --> 00:08:47.679 feeling rudderless. These are normal experiences to talk about in 154 00:08:47.759 --> 00:08:50.919 a house, in a household and in a family. And 155 00:08:51.000 --> 00:08:54.200 what you can do, practically speaking, to help develop a 156 00:08:54.200 --> 00:08:57.679 greater sense of purpose and belonging for yourself or for 157 00:08:57.720 --> 00:09:00.879 your kids is you know, whenever you're able to align 158 00:09:00.960 --> 00:09:05.120 your daily activities with your own sense of greater good, 159 00:09:06.159 --> 00:09:09.080 you inherently start to develop a greater sense of purpose. 160 00:09:09.639 --> 00:09:13.120 So the first question is to ask yourself what am 161 00:09:13.120 --> 00:09:16.159 I inspired by? What things make me happy? 162 00:09:16.320 --> 00:09:16.600 Is it? 163 00:09:16.720 --> 00:09:17.000 You know? 164 00:09:17.240 --> 00:09:20.360 Am I happy reading books? Or am I happy walking 165 00:09:20.360 --> 00:09:23.080 outside in nature? Am I happy doing exercise? Am I 166 00:09:23.120 --> 00:09:26.320 happy listening to music? There's no wrong answers. You know, 167 00:09:26.399 --> 00:09:31.120 am I inspired by you know, ancient philosophy? I'm inspired by, 168 00:09:31.440 --> 00:09:34.320 you know, religion of some sort? Am I inspired by 169 00:09:34.440 --> 00:09:37.360 just you know, human rights? Or am I inspired by 170 00:09:37.480 --> 00:09:42.320 feeling connected to you know, to to other people? Whatever 171 00:09:42.480 --> 00:09:45.840 your sense of greater good is and whatever. 172 00:09:46.200 --> 00:09:48.919 These I don't mean to interrupt, But I have to 173 00:09:49.159 --> 00:09:53.200 have to interrupt. This is a much deeper conversation that 174 00:09:53.440 --> 00:09:57.000 I would like to have with you in September during 175 00:09:57.080 --> 00:10:01.159 National Prevention Suicide Month. Could my producer reach back to 176 00:10:01.200 --> 00:10:04.120 you after Labor Day and have you on with us 177 00:10:04.120 --> 00:10:07.799 for an hour and entertain some phone calls? 178 00:10:08.399 --> 00:10:09.639 Sure, be happy to. 179 00:10:10.000 --> 00:10:12.759 I would love to do that. How can folks in 180 00:10:12.799 --> 00:10:16.399 the meantime get to your website? I just think that 181 00:10:16.600 --> 00:10:20.159 this conversation, you've said so many things that I have 182 00:10:20.159 --> 00:10:23.240 have absorbed here, and I want my audience to listen 183 00:10:23.279 --> 00:10:26.200 to you for an hour and to have an opportunity 184 00:10:26.200 --> 00:10:29.559 to call you during this hour. We interview for folks 185 00:10:29.559 --> 00:10:31.559 on different topics, and some of them are pretty simple. 186 00:10:31.639 --> 00:10:34.360 This one's pretty deep and it deserves more time. So, 187 00:10:34.519 --> 00:10:36.240 but in the short term, how can folks get in 188 00:10:36.320 --> 00:10:39.879 touch with you or with your website's website? Give give 189 00:10:39.960 --> 00:10:40.360 us something? 190 00:10:41.679 --> 00:10:41.919 Yeah? 191 00:10:42.000 --> 00:10:45.080 Sure, you know. Please go to get sol G E 192 00:10:45.120 --> 00:10:50.320 T s O L Dot app and you can download 193 00:10:50.360 --> 00:10:54.240 our app learn all about this subject matter. From there, 194 00:10:54.360 --> 00:10:56.440 you know how to develop a life of your purpose 195 00:10:56.480 --> 00:11:00.440 and belonging. And yeah, thank you, thank you. 196 00:10:59.360 --> 00:11:02.039 For is going to get back in touch with you 197 00:11:02.200 --> 00:11:06.879 and we'll do an hour in September. You can. I 198 00:11:07.039 --> 00:11:09.399 guarantee you will do an hour and we'll have a 199 00:11:09.519 --> 00:11:13.480 much deeper and I think more fulfilling conversation. This is 200 00:11:14.080 --> 00:11:17.000 this needs more than the seven, eight, nine ten minute 201 00:11:17.000 --> 00:11:19.200 interview that we normally do. So thanks so much for 202 00:11:19.559 --> 00:11:22.279 opening this world to us, and we will have you 203 00:11:22.399 --> 00:11:25.200 back sometime in September. I'm so looking forward to it. 204 00:11:25.240 --> 00:11:26.840 Thank you so much for being willing to do that 205 00:11:26.879 --> 00:11:29.840 as well. Thanks so much, Nazar. Now, so you've seen 206 00:11:30.440 --> 00:11:34.360 founder of holistic mental health app Soul Get Soul g 207 00:11:34.440 --> 00:11:38.279 E T s L dot app. Okay, when we come back, 208 00:11:38.320 --> 00:11:41.000 we're going to talk about the art of conscious conversations, 209 00:11:41.039 --> 00:11:43.919 which kind of plays into what we were just talking about, 210 00:11:44.039 --> 00:11:46.559 and we'll get to that right after this quick break 211 00:11:46.559 --> 00:11:47.679 on Nightside. 212 00:11:47.960 --> 00:11:51.120 Now back to Dan Ray live from the Window World 213 00:11:51.279 --> 00:11:54.360 Nightside Studios on WBZ News Radio. 214 00:11:55.000 --> 00:11:59.080 Our next guest matches very nicely with the founder of 215 00:11:59.159 --> 00:12:03.639 the mental health group Soul Last Hour, Chuck Wisner. He's 216 00:12:03.679 --> 00:12:05.879 an author and a coach. I'm going to talk about 217 00:12:05.879 --> 00:12:09.480 the art of conscious conversations, transforming how we talk, listen, 218 00:12:09.480 --> 00:12:13.039 and interact. This sounds interesting, Chuck, tell us about exactly 219 00:12:13.080 --> 00:12:16.720 what our conscious conversations. I assume you mean maybe listening 220 00:12:16.720 --> 00:12:17.559 a little more than. 221 00:12:17.440 --> 00:12:23.519 Talking, well both actually because because the reason I mean 222 00:12:23.559 --> 00:12:25.399 I wrote the book after many years of working with 223 00:12:25.440 --> 00:12:28.639 a bunch of leaders. But we sort of grow up 224 00:12:28.720 --> 00:12:31.399 learning how to talk and be in a conversation and 225 00:12:31.519 --> 00:12:34.799 just adopt patterns from our families and our cultures and 226 00:12:34.919 --> 00:12:37.679 don't really ever get taught how they work and what 227 00:12:37.720 --> 00:12:40.159 the DNA of a conversation is. So in the book, 228 00:12:40.240 --> 00:12:42.120 I sort of try to break it down into four 229 00:12:42.120 --> 00:12:47.120 types of conversations and four types of really important archetypes 230 00:12:47.120 --> 00:12:50.120 that are involved in every conversation we have. So it's 231 00:12:50.159 --> 00:12:52.480 a way of sort of giving people a new way 232 00:12:52.519 --> 00:12:57.559 to think about conversations so they can actually maybe navigate 233 00:12:57.639 --> 00:13:01.080 tough ones better, whether it's your spouse, your kids, or 234 00:13:01.120 --> 00:13:01.559 your boss. 235 00:13:01.840 --> 00:13:05.320 Give us the four types, if you can, in short order, 236 00:13:05.440 --> 00:13:07.519 and then we can perhaps drill down on a couple 237 00:13:07.559 --> 00:13:08.759 of them. 238 00:13:08.799 --> 00:13:12.639 Sure. The first one is storytelling, and that's sort of 239 00:13:12.679 --> 00:13:15.840 the stories we tell ourselves and the stories we tell 240 00:13:15.840 --> 00:13:19.159 about others, and the stories we tell to others. And 241 00:13:19.840 --> 00:13:23.080 there's some that are really really lovely and wonderful and 242 00:13:23.120 --> 00:13:25.759 there's some that are really harmful, So there's a lot 243 00:13:25.759 --> 00:13:28.639 of work to do there for ourselves so that we 244 00:13:28.679 --> 00:13:31.320 can then move to the next conversation, which is the 245 00:13:31.360 --> 00:13:35.600 collaboration conversation or the collaborative conversation, which is really the 246 00:13:35.759 --> 00:13:39.799 art of how we advocate, how we inquire, how we 247 00:13:39.840 --> 00:13:43.360 ask questions, and our ability to sort of learn from 248 00:13:43.360 --> 00:13:46.919 other people without getting defensive or having to be right 249 00:13:47.000 --> 00:13:49.840 all the time. The third one is the creative. 250 00:13:49.440 --> 00:13:51.840 Conversation, and this is sort of. 251 00:13:51.759 --> 00:13:54.320 Re equating ourselves with our right brain, because we're so 252 00:13:54.440 --> 00:13:57.840 trained to be in our left brain and be rational 253 00:13:57.879 --> 00:14:01.399 and literal, and our right brain is little is actually 254 00:14:01.720 --> 00:14:05.759 the wiser one, and it's our intuitions, and it's our 255 00:14:05.799 --> 00:14:07.840 ability to open up our minds so we can think 256 00:14:07.879 --> 00:14:11.519 about possibilities instead of shutting things down with our judgments. 257 00:14:11.720 --> 00:14:14.200 And the last one is really crucial for business. We 258 00:14:14.279 --> 00:14:15.159 live in this day in. 259 00:14:15.080 --> 00:14:15.559 And day out. 260 00:14:15.600 --> 00:14:19.159 It's a commitment conversation. It really is the action conversation. 261 00:14:19.240 --> 00:14:22.200 It's how we coordinate action with other people, the promises 262 00:14:22.240 --> 00:14:25.480 we make. And we don't understand that conversation very well, 263 00:14:25.519 --> 00:14:28.759 so we actually do that conversation in a pretty sloppy 264 00:14:28.799 --> 00:14:33.320 way often, So that example of what you mean by that, oh, 265 00:14:33.360 --> 00:14:38.320 the sloppy conversations. Yeah, yeah, so that would be like 266 00:14:38.480 --> 00:14:41.799 whether you know someone asked you to do something and 267 00:14:41.840 --> 00:14:44.080 without even thinking it could be a boss, could be 268 00:14:44.120 --> 00:14:47.120 a colleague, it could be even your spouse, and without 269 00:14:47.200 --> 00:14:49.559 even thinking, we sort of have an addiction to yes, 270 00:14:49.919 --> 00:14:52.720 sure I can do that. But actually then you go 271 00:14:52.759 --> 00:14:55.279 and do it and you don't satisfy the other person's 272 00:14:55.480 --> 00:14:58.440 request because you never talked about what they really wanted. 273 00:14:58.679 --> 00:15:01.200 You made a lot of assumptions, and then when when 274 00:15:01.279 --> 00:15:04.440 that happens, we have a broken promise. And if we 275 00:15:04.440 --> 00:15:06.320 don't deal with that, then we have then we have 276 00:15:06.360 --> 00:15:08.600 trust issues, probably. 277 00:15:08.279 --> 00:15:09.759 Trust and then feelings of guilt. 278 00:15:11.440 --> 00:15:12.279 Yeah, totally. 279 00:15:13.159 --> 00:15:18.279 The what's the single most damaging type conversation that the 280 00:15:18.759 --> 00:15:23.240 average listener of mine might engage in the potential for damage? 281 00:15:23.240 --> 00:15:27.879 Is it an interfamilial conversation of a conversation with your boss, 282 00:15:28.039 --> 00:15:32.639 or conversation with someone who maybe is in a transactional 283 00:15:32.679 --> 00:15:36.720 relationship with you, a business person or a neighbor. What 284 00:15:36.480 --> 00:15:40.600 what are the ones that, uh that that carry a 285 00:15:40.679 --> 00:15:42.519 greater concern in your mind? 286 00:15:43.840 --> 00:15:47.200 Yeah, so I think it's home and work, and they 287 00:15:47.200 --> 00:15:51.679 have different flavors. You know, the home is is uh. 288 00:15:52.039 --> 00:15:54.799 In every conversation home and work, there's always power issues, 289 00:15:54.840 --> 00:15:58.360 authority issues, and we tend to make a lot of 290 00:15:58.440 --> 00:16:01.200 judgments based on the standards we live by, but that 291 00:16:01.320 --> 00:16:03.879 sort of lives in the background of our awareness, and 292 00:16:03.960 --> 00:16:06.399 so we make a lot of judgments and that whether 293 00:16:06.440 --> 00:16:10.519 it's at home or work, those judgments become our opinions, 294 00:16:10.559 --> 00:16:12.240 and then we hold on to them really tightly, and 295 00:16:12.279 --> 00:16:14.879 our ego holds onto them, and then we defend them, 296 00:16:15.279 --> 00:16:17.279 and then we're in a conversation with a closed fist 297 00:16:17.360 --> 00:16:20.039 instead of an open hand. So and that plays out 298 00:16:20.080 --> 00:16:24.360 at work and at home, and it gets exaggerated at 299 00:16:24.360 --> 00:16:27.720 work because of hierarchies, because there's you know, we have 300 00:16:27.840 --> 00:16:30.360 bosses and they have more power than we do, and 301 00:16:30.440 --> 00:16:33.559 so the conversation gets a little more delicate and also 302 00:16:33.679 --> 00:16:34.840 more dangerous. 303 00:16:35.279 --> 00:16:38.200 So the book, the book that you've written. Obviously, we 304 00:16:38.279 --> 00:16:41.279 can't cover everything that's in this book in the few 305 00:16:41.320 --> 00:16:46.200 minutes that we have. Is it currently available. I think 306 00:16:46.200 --> 00:16:48.360 it's called The Art of Conscious Conversation. 307 00:16:49.639 --> 00:16:52.159 That's right. It's on Amazon. It was published by Barrett 308 00:16:52.200 --> 00:16:56.639 Kohler It's on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, askedport at your 309 00:16:56.639 --> 00:17:00.159 favorite bookstore. Yeah, it's there, and you know it's so 310 00:17:00.320 --> 00:17:02.399 it's a book. It's not a book that's going to 311 00:17:02.480 --> 00:17:04.920 give you easy answers, but it's a book that's going 312 00:17:05.000 --> 00:17:08.799 to give you a window into, like I said, the 313 00:17:09.200 --> 00:17:11.839 DNA or the ABC of conversations and how they work 314 00:17:11.880 --> 00:17:14.799 and why they don't work. So you can do some 315 00:17:14.880 --> 00:17:18.200 practices and you can do some transformation of how you 316 00:17:18.359 --> 00:17:23.599 enter a difficult conversation and hopefully help other people to 317 00:17:23.680 --> 00:17:26.200 have more collaborative and creative conversation. 318 00:17:26.920 --> 00:17:29.599 How long has the book been available? Is this a 319 00:17:29.759 --> 00:17:31.839 recent release or has it been around a little while. 320 00:17:32.640 --> 00:17:36.880 It's been out about a year, a little over a year, plush, Yeah, 321 00:17:37.559 --> 00:17:41.400 is there any And I've been doing a lot of podcasts. 322 00:17:40.920 --> 00:17:43.759 It's it's it's getting good good attention good. 323 00:17:45.079 --> 00:17:50.079 That is there? Are there other books or is this one? 324 00:17:50.279 --> 00:17:52.920 You know your thoughts on this? Is this a novel 325 00:17:53.000 --> 00:17:57.319 approach or or is this something that others have approached. 326 00:17:57.480 --> 00:17:59.640 I think it's fascinating listening to you for the last 327 00:17:59.640 --> 00:18:02.160 few minut to talk about the types of conversations and 328 00:18:02.200 --> 00:18:05.359 the relationships, and I have listened very carefully, and I 329 00:18:05.400 --> 00:18:09.519 will get the book. But is this an area where 330 00:18:09.559 --> 00:18:15.200 there's a variety of experts or are you perhaps of 331 00:18:15.319 --> 00:18:16.359 trailblazer here? 332 00:18:17.319 --> 00:18:19.599 Yeah? Well, I think you know there are other books. 333 00:18:19.599 --> 00:18:22.839 There's there's a book called Difficult Conversations, which are people 334 00:18:22.839 --> 00:18:26.599 here in the Boston area and Crucial Conversations. Their approach 335 00:18:26.680 --> 00:18:30.480 is really different. My approach is trying to I tried 336 00:18:30.519 --> 00:18:34.559 to take some very esoteric ideas around language and linguistics 337 00:18:34.759 --> 00:18:38.359 that are really hard to read and understand. You know what, 338 00:18:38.359 --> 00:18:40.599 what are conversation's made out? And why does it make 339 00:18:40.680 --> 00:18:43.599 us live life the way we do and try to 340 00:18:43.680 --> 00:18:46.960 take all those things and emotional intelligence and some other 341 00:18:47.039 --> 00:18:50.000 pieces and make it put it all together in a 342 00:18:50.039 --> 00:18:53.039 way that people can end up after their reading and 343 00:18:53.079 --> 00:18:55.680 have a new window into conversations, a new way of 344 00:18:55.720 --> 00:19:00.880 looking at them. So it's a novel approach, and I 345 00:19:01.039 --> 00:19:04.319 pulled for many, many different resources from my work over 346 00:19:04.359 --> 00:19:06.720 the last thirty years to put that together. 347 00:19:07.440 --> 00:19:10.200 Well, thank you for joining us tonight again. I think 348 00:19:10.240 --> 00:19:13.480 that in this brief conversation that we've had, you've made 349 00:19:13.519 --> 00:19:17.200 a lot of great points and I hope people consider 350 00:19:17.440 --> 00:19:21.039 picking this book up the art of conscious conversations, transforming 351 00:19:21.079 --> 00:19:24.400 how we talk, listen, and interact. Chuck Wisner, thank you 352 00:19:24.559 --> 00:19:28.240 very much. I see that you're a local person in 353 00:19:28.680 --> 00:19:30.559 the area here, so we may have you back. 354 00:19:30.640 --> 00:19:34.240 Okay, definitely having me back. We can go a little deeper. Yeah, 355 00:19:34.440 --> 00:19:35.359 thanks for having me. 356 00:19:35.720 --> 00:19:38.200 It's exactly what I was what I was thinking about. Thanks, Chuck, 357 00:19:38.240 --> 00:19:40.359 I appreciate it very much. We'll talk again. Thank you. 358 00:19:40.839 --> 00:19:41.279 Bye. 359 00:19:41.599 --> 00:19:43.160 When we get back on the other side of the 360 00:19:43.160 --> 00:19:44.519 news break at the bottom of the arrow, we're going 361 00:19:44.559 --> 00:19:48.160 to be talking. There's a big freight strike, a railroad 362 00:19:48.200 --> 00:19:51.240 strike going on in Canada, and you may say, well, 363 00:19:51.279 --> 00:19:54.079 what difference does have to us. Well, Rob Kelly, who's 364 00:19:54.119 --> 00:19:56.279 a supply chain expert, is going to talk about the 365 00:19:56.319 --> 00:19:59.200 impact that that might have on all of us. It 366 00:19:59.279 --> 00:20:02.160 might be a big to the US economy, according to 367 00:20:02.160 --> 00:20:04.039 see him in business, and we'll get to all that 368 00:20:04.839 --> 00:20:06.559 right after the break. At the bottom of the hour, 369 00:20:06.680 --> 00:20:09.160 news is coming up. My name's Dan Ray. This is Nightside, 370 00:20:09.200 --> 00:20:12.200 Boston's news radio right here on WBZ ten thirty on 371 00:20:12.240 --> 00:20:15.319 your AM dial. If you're driving around and listening to 372 00:20:15.400 --> 00:20:17.279 us in a carl walk us in here. We'd love 373 00:20:17.279 --> 00:20:21.759 to have you. Love to have be on your automatic 374 00:20:21.880 --> 00:20:24.880 dial wherever you are so that you can always find 375 00:20:25.119 --> 00:20:28.160 Nightside and WBZ we'll be back after this. 376 00:20:30.359 --> 00:20:34.640 You're on night Side with Dan Ray on WBZ, Boston's 377 00:20:34.680 --> 00:20:35.319 news radio. 378 00:20:35.880 --> 00:20:39.279 That's interesting information. And thank you very much to Cole. Now, 379 00:20:39.359 --> 00:20:42.279 believe it or not, there's a big and it's not 380 00:20:42.359 --> 00:20:46.039 a strike. It's a lockout going on up in Canada 381 00:20:46.079 --> 00:20:48.480 with railroads. A lot of people involved, and it could 382 00:20:48.519 --> 00:20:51.799 have a spillover effect for all of us here in 383 00:20:51.920 --> 00:20:54.000 the lower forty eight if you will with us, as 384 00:20:54.119 --> 00:20:57.559 Rob Kelly a supply chain expert. Rob, what's going on 385 00:20:57.680 --> 00:20:58.480 north of the border. 386 00:20:59.160 --> 00:21:02.160 Hey, very good, it's great to be on. Thanks for 387 00:21:02.160 --> 00:21:02.599 having me. 388 00:21:03.119 --> 00:21:07.039 My pleasure to have you, because I just learned about this. 389 00:21:07.039 --> 00:21:09.839 This is not a strike, it's a lockout. That's a difference. 390 00:21:10.440 --> 00:21:11.279 That's a difference. 391 00:21:12.359 --> 00:21:19.720 That's right. So the Teamsters Union of Canada is, you know, 392 00:21:19.880 --> 00:21:25.000 asking for better working conditions, reduction in on the job 393 00:21:25.079 --> 00:21:29.880 fatigue and better pay, and the two major railways are 394 00:21:30.079 --> 00:21:34.519 not interested and so they have essentially well they had 395 00:21:34.640 --> 00:21:39.200 locked them out until near the end of the business 396 00:21:39.240 --> 00:21:46.599 day today when Prime Minister Justin Trudeau directed the Head 397 00:21:46.799 --> 00:21:54.000 of of Commerce to basically order arbitration so that the 398 00:21:54.079 --> 00:21:56.920 lockout may end almost as fast as it started. 399 00:21:58.200 --> 00:22:03.799 Okay, so this what what my concern is, what sort 400 00:22:03.799 --> 00:22:06.720 of an impact might this have on us? Do the 401 00:22:06.759 --> 00:22:10.759