Speaker 1: Conyga round dirty.
Speaker 2: Come he did the gain.
Speaker 3: He join the questing is and charted join the icy
baast Six writers face off. Buy a roll of the
dice felt quite dirty, leaving nothing behind but fingerprits and
a tall taiale stealing carts, breaking fats with plenty.
Speaker 4: Of time to kill.
Speaker 2: And icy.
Speaker 1: Maasters tenisols ticing.
Speaker 5: You know, the campy tasty fasts.
Speaker 1: Come on and join the dice Baster. We now return
you to the epic action and pop two of the
season finale of Dicey Bastards is a.
Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, we're if you're craving eight good berries
into you, it's basically gonna be like have you guys
ever seen those boots or those jet packs that let
you walk on water by just blasting out with enough
four yep?
Speaker 3: All right, so you guys make your way to the
west cherry amphitheater carbon.
Speaker 2: What's that? My point was, I'd like to move a
few squares down.
Speaker 3: Well, I don't know if you're doing this now, because
what I've got to say is this is also this
aft later, this evening, This is where the debate stage
will happen. So you can do this now or when
he's on stag.
Speaker 2: It sounds like it's it's going off.
Speaker 6: Heybe before before we left the other scene, Claudia wanted
to stuff her pockets with mashed potatoes.
Speaker 3: Just mashed potato.
Speaker 6: Yeh yeah, just mashed potatoes.
Speaker 3: Okay, got it? Okay, how many pockets?
Speaker 6: I probably have at least four?
Speaker 3: Okay, four pockets worth of mashed potatoes.
Speaker 1: Most is come in those little glasses. So Stan will
take three of them and make sure he marks one,
you know, just very careful to make sure that the
mimosa that he has put the good berry bomb in,
he doesn't drink that himself. So two for me, one
for the plant.
Speaker 7: All right.
Speaker 3: Because this is like a quick side note because this
is a slightly longer episode of the recorded today with
a little we're doing the questions at the end of
music a pea break because I gotta go.
Speaker 2: All right, I'm fine, I'll be back.
Speaker 1: Actually, Gibby, no, you can't go for.
Speaker 2: You? Will I go down? Tam Oh, this is going on.
Speaker 1: I don't think I grab a beer. Yeah.
Speaker 7: Welcome to this official Authors and Dragons Piss.
Speaker 2: Breaket You by Gush Coola. Gosh, how did we set
this game? Oh, we're gonna end up keeping that, aren't.
Speaker 1: We the entire this is what the people want. They
want the backstage magic, like we need.
Speaker 6: To hum like the girl from EPA.
Speaker 2: Wait is the girl from public domain?
Speaker 7: Yeah, maybe we'll maybe we'll edit that part.
Speaker 2: Well, I think she was within a few seconds there.
I was just.
Speaker 1: It turned out I actually did need to peace. So yeah,
good timing.
Speaker 2: Well, well, well, how the ticks come home to roost?
Speaker 3: Yeah, they isn't miss the needs a piss.
Speaker 7: Those middle age bladders aren't what they used to be.
Speaker 3: They are not I'm not waking the night to pee yet,
I guess I technically do.
Speaker 2: I just never go back to bed, huh, because I
usually wake up at three a m. Piss and then
that's it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, oh jeezu.
Speaker 2: I always am up.
Speaker 3: I'm I'm a six am guy from up at six.
I'm just awake, So I just get up and go.
Speaker 1: So if I was like that, I'd get a cafeter
or something. There's no way, you know.
Speaker 3: I love When I was in the hospital for my
spine surgery, I had the cather. That thing was the best.
Oh my god, that'd be brilliant.
Speaker 1: It's just constantly you know all right, anyway, I'm getting distracted.
Speaker 3: Isn't this all right? As you gather into the West
Cherry Auditorium stage Amphitheater, Uh, this lady comes up up
to a part of me. Excuse me, bar me up,
Barty and you for those in the town, you've been
here for a while. This is how smarm hickory stick.
She is an Elvin lady and she's like, thank you
all for so much for being here. We really do
appreciate it. Uh, it is it is the elves. It's
such a special treat. Well, it's mostly human. The probably
is like it's mostly human town with a few others,
but so the elves feel like not. It's been no
secret that all the elves now have a raging crush
on Moog and they all think he is the coolest
and they have been going out of the way to like,
you know, like give him the finger and like the
finger guns. We love you, you know you're the best.
Some people are starting to wear their.
Speaker 2: Yeah give them the finger, might have a different.
Speaker 3: Finger guns, like got the finger crossbows? Then that is
something else. Some of the kids are starting to wear
like mood t shirts, are trying to dress like they're
like being the emo moog face kind of thing. So
uh so, anyway, the children of a school play, we
understand that their kids, some of these these are some
of these are the kids that you save. So uh,
the younger ones. Uh, they're they're very resilient and they
just want to put on a special play for you.
All they got. They weren't there obviously for everything. But
we got a lot of information from Inspector Riggs, the
the the paladin, and Acimr. Before she left went back
to the town of Galahad, so she filled us in
online information. So uh, just just go with it, and
the townsfolk really need to see this, So thank you
very much.
Speaker 7: By the way, we should we should talk after play
in solitude of woods where nobody sees us.
Speaker 3: Oh I like that.
Speaker 1: That's something.
Speaker 6: Hey, quick question. Is this the same stage that has
the ballot box on it? Or is this a different No?
Speaker 3: No, no, this is a different This is like this
is like a little bit away from West Cherry. This
is like built in to the side of the hill.
So this is where they put on their like local
plays and orations and things like that. So but move
to your right. The two eleven the people who have
the kid are like, they're just down to the right
from you, like they give you a thumbs up and wink.
So all right, So ladies and general west Cherry is
the school, Mark says, okay, the plays about to begin. Please,
uh you know, silence your scrolls. And so everyone gets
inside and the kids caught to the play. Kids walk
out like five great champions came to West Cherry to limbertaine.
They never written to save the kids. And you see
the schoolmars mollothing along them, and uh, they saved us
and steps to the side. The first kid walks up
and he's in a very bad horse costume. Uh it
is a it's to chunk to chunk to chunk. I
am Cabot, the horse lord. I talked to monkeys.
Speaker 2: Wait, Gibby, Gibby. They put a dick on the horse costume.
Speaker 3: Give me a give you a perception check at thisty
thirty forty five fifty feet away, So it's a next
kid steps he's wearing a dead spell. Next kid walks
up twelve. You can't tell, damn it. Maybe you know.
The next kid walks steps up like I am Claudia
Bear Skinner I hunish bad children twang and.
Speaker 6: Claudia Wood.
Speaker 7: This next in the middle, that kid really took his
fucking life in his hand doing that.
Speaker 3: This too, this kid takes a step up and he's
got an old gray wig on and he's walking hunched
over with a cane. I'm Stan liver spots, I lead
with speeches.
Speaker 1: I think that's supposed to be you jewishra.
Speaker 3: This kid walks up and wearing a big red like
momoo is like, I am Jorce the Red Wizard. I
shoot webs from my wonder and the middle kid step
so it's like and like like, and all the kids are,
all the kids on stage. It's an eleven child steps
up and all the kids are going. And the middle
kid raised his arms in victory. A move backhand the
elf prince, move the elf King of the Elves, and
all the kids go. King of the Elf, King of
the Elves.
Speaker 7: Okay, okay, standing Claudia next next to you see you
see Moog hold out his hand an orphan splitter appearing.
Speaker 1: All right, Stan is gonna Move's not subtle. We'll know
what's gonna happen. Is Stan is gonna half the mimosa
good berry cocktail into the other glass he took. Be
careful to remember which ones are drugged, and say, moog,
you look fasty. Please do have one of my memosas
don't worry, it's not the drugged one I have for
jeulcer and that's in this hand.
Speaker 7: Yes, is thirsty, thirsty, thirsty for elven blood mood.
Speaker 3: Give me a give me a let me see. Let's
let's go to the constitution set, Let's give me consentitutions,
save me throw. Okay, this is just to keep your cool.
Speaker 1: So two, well, that's all keeping this fucking it ain't good.
Speaker 3: You are uh, you aren't happy, but thanks with stans.
Here's the thing with stands thing. I'll give it advantage
because you was seven and the DC was a five
to start with. So you're cool for now. You're cool
for now, all right. So this kid, the orator kid,
steps back up. These brave heroes fought their way through
the cursed grove, and the kids and the kids in
the background, we're mascading as you guys are walking walking through, like, oh,
look a bush. I don't know nature hide in the poop,
but I don't know how to rope. And then and
then the Malfe steps forward. It was like, Moog will
save you idiots, and starts pulling the kids through the bushes.
These kids are acting like bush like ah Russell Russell
Busch bush.
Speaker 1: Scrape that kid of it as a really convincing bush.
He's going places.
Speaker 3: And then these they reset and like and when they
found the town of East Cherry, our heroes bravely jumped
into a whole the ground and all the kids piling
on top of each other, except for Moog, the mood character,
who steps aside, like and it's like you all dumb.
It's like, oh I broke my wonder. Oh no, that
was like I'm monkey, I'm caverts, I bite crotches gar.
Speaker 6: You know, as much as this is a fantastic show,
Claudia wants to leave, I'm.
Speaker 2: Glad someone understood what I was saying with monkey noises.
Speaker 3: If Claudia wants to leave, she can't. She can get
up and give me a stealth roll, Like, just discreetly
get up and leave. Okay, give me a stealth saving,
give me a yeah, sealth check. Sixteen people are watching
the kids. It's easy for you drip and go away.
Speaker 6: Cool. She's going back to the bat box.
Speaker 1: Okay, we'll coming back to The sheriff is in the auditorium.
Speaker 3: Uh, the amphitheater. Uh you give me, give me a
you can be a perception check.
Speaker 1: See if I can spot the sheriff while simultaneously trying
to drug two of my friends. Uh perception huh eleven, Uh,
you don't see him. Then the kids trek of who
I'm drugging.
Speaker 3: The kids reset on stage and these are the kids
step out into their costumes, these two hag costumes. Ones
like a big green tree kind of monster and like
the black Anna Sag and then the purple one. It's
like our heroes bravely fought the hags, but we're not ready.
Oh no, they are too powerful. Run away covert, go
get help, and they're like ah, And all the kids
move off to one side of the stage and they reset. Ha,
we have won the day. Then the announcer kid is
in the front like the heroes regrouped, but with help
from an angel. Ooh, and the other kid steps forward
like he's got a paper mache wings on to act
like the ascimor paladin, armed with the toys that my
mom and dad don't know that I know that are
in their drawers. The heroes fought and killed the hags
to free the children. Take this, take my bag of
sex toys, and the kids like, have a little pop
the little like the little pop m in the streamers
shoot out and they're like, oh no, we are covered
in Dick's and the kids like stad will stand up
with a plot.
Speaker 2: Honestly thunderous applause.
Speaker 8: I was also thinking about leaving, but I'm glad I stayed.
Speaker 3: There's a lot of kids, like half the half the
parents are looking like what the fuck? Anothers like this
is art. This is fucking art. And then the kids like,
we are the dicey bastards and we won the day.
And the elf kids come to the front of the
stage and it's like clears his throat. He's like, thanks
to the angel lady who gave me the inspiration. She
knew that Elf move was the leader of the dicey bastards,
and Elf Prince moved backhand has crushed evil and he
fights for the right of all elves. I am the
best Elf, and all else will tell stories about me
from now to the end of time. Elves to the
right and left stand up and start applauding that's our kid,
that's our kid.
Speaker 7: Thinks she will go on stage and congratulate child for
wonderful vibrating with race.
Speaker 3: All right, well, guys, move looks like he's like, Moog,
how do your how are you looking right now?
Speaker 7: Well, he's got his axe in his hand, okay, and uh,
and he's ready to ruck. I don't think it requires
a big, big perception check to know that.
Speaker 3: No, I think everyone's honest. So Stan Jorcierer, Claudia, you're
not there, and Cabret, Cabert, you have options, so Moog
He starts walking towards the stage.
Speaker 1: I'm just I'm going with Mimosa options like have a
drink first, moved, you know, just limber up a little bit.
You can swing your axe hand better with a little
bit of booze in your system. And it's got orange
juice and it's so high in vitamins nothing else.
Speaker 7: Moog will take it down in the shot. Does it help?
Speaker 6: Uh?
Speaker 3: You tell me, sir?
Speaker 7: No?
Speaker 1: All right, well, now we get to find out what
happens when somebody drinks. I guess that four ground up.
Speaker 2: I guess see. The best option I can possibly hope
for is I will try to use sleep on mug.
Speaker 3: Uh because he is in the body of an elf.
He's immune to sleep.
Speaker 2: Son of a bitch. That's right.
Speaker 3: I forgot about that well because he's because patrons. So
I'll say this, Moog, you get all the way to
the front of the kid with the axe in hand,
that's when your body locks up. And only Moo can
hear this. The rest of you have to medicate. But Moog,
there's a voice that sounds disturbing, like pink reader in
your head, like oh no, dearie. You start swinging away
then and starts asking questions and I can't have that,
So that's not coming back to me. So you're gonna
stand there and do nothing. We're gonna deal with this later, okay, dearie.
Speaker 2: The elf kid, everybody else just assume was gonna shot himself.
What he said, his body locked.
Speaker 3: Yeah, So the elf kid in front of you is like,
mister much is given me his axe and he takes over,
split it from your hand and runs off stage with it,
and all the kid's like yay, and the teacher like
gets all the kids it's like thank you all very much,
and there's applause, and the kids all retreat off stage safely.
Speaker 1: There's always a price for power.
Speaker 7: Is that Uh?
Speaker 8: Is that halfling that voted for the sheriff around here?
Speaker 3: Uh? Yeah, right here behind you? Which one is over here?
Right here, right behind all right? So the kids, the
kids luckily make it a safety with the school marm
and I will take them off.
Speaker 6: Claudie wanted to use the distraction of the play to
go break into the palace.
Speaker 3: We'll jump over to you. Not a problem one, Yeah,
I'm just and when the kids are safely away, mood,
your body is returned back to you with Pink Reada's voice,
and you said, don't be killing anybody, stoop, don't be
stupid now, mug. All right, So we're gonna jump over
real fast to Claudia back to the fair grounds. Okay,
doom doom, dune. One second. I'm gonna bring everybody over
real fast to the fair ground. Now long we do
is like everybody's here on the map, but I'm getting
rid of all. Okay, put this up here, so all
the people are gone. Okay, so these guys are just
here because you know, they were left on the map,
but they're not here. But they're gonna watch So Claudia,
you come back up from over here, you pass under
the geyser a balloon. What do you want to do?
Speaker 6: She wants to if nobody's around, she wants to break
into the ballot box.
Speaker 1: Okay, I wonder if the shadow, if the jewel straw
balloon causes plants to wiver and under the shadow.
Speaker 7: Of the room.
Speaker 3: All right, so move, move yourself around.
Speaker 6: Where is it?
Speaker 3: It's your right you are. Yeah, So as you come
to the mouth over here, you hang on there's a
tingle where there's like an anti magic field going on.
Speaker 6: So anti magic field. Okay, thing I didn't break any.
Speaker 3: Well you have you have magical like your magical items
just do not work within this field because I know
you have a magic you have a magical bo blah
blah blah. So okay, no problem is okay, So you
go up to the ballot box. Now, uh, Weirdly enough,
it seems like the field it's give me, give me,
give me an arcannor role. Let's see how like what
Claudia knows that knows anything about Arcana.
Speaker 6: Let's see if Claudia knows anything slled to thirteen thirteen.
Speaker 3: Not a problem, Uh, it seems like the statue up
here is the source of the anti magic field. But
there's something else going on that it is seems yeah,
statues shouldn't have our joints of articulation. So statues should
just be a statute. They shouldn't have it where it
looks like they could bend to move if they had to.
So what do you want to do? Well, there you
clearly see a lock on the box and the ballot.
So what do you want to do?
Speaker 6: She's gonna be standing there squishing the mashed potatoes in
her pockets while she's thinking about it.
Speaker 3: Okay, okay, like stress, stress potato, more room for mashed potatoes.
Speaker 6: She will take a handful of mashed potatoes and try
to aim for the statue's face.
Speaker 3: Okay, not a problem, Throw throw me some mashed potatoes. Basually,
this is the up.
Speaker 8: Blame it on a pigeon of it.
Speaker 1: It doesn't sound smot at all.
Speaker 6: But what do you do?
Speaker 3: Don't do it? Don't do with your bow. But like,
because you're a rogue, you're doing something like that. So
give me a D. It would be the probably the same.
Give me a D twenty and addure deck stirty modifier.
Speaker 6: D twenty and my decks is plus four.
Speaker 3: Okay, so D twenty plus.
Speaker 6: Four and then plus four fifteen plus four nineteen.
Speaker 3: Yeah, big statues aren't hard to hit you. Uh, you
got some mashed potatoes where you believe it's eye the
eye visor would be nothing happens nothing. No, you haven't
done anything illegal yet.
Speaker 6: Did the mashed potatoes stick to the eyes?
Speaker 3: How long? Wire you squishing me in your hands?
Speaker 2: For? Oh?
Speaker 6: Probably through the whole play.
Speaker 3: So they're pretty warm and goofy, So they're running down
pretty quickly. Okay, these aren't fresh mashed potatoes. These are
now runny, squished upright.
Speaker 1: So okay.
Speaker 6: So she thinks that the ballot box is guarded by
this thingy she's I mean.
Speaker 3: She's seems seems seems seems like a safe bet.
Speaker 6: So what she is going to do is take all
of the fake ballots, Okay, and instead of breaking into
the ballot box, she's gonna stuff the ballot box with
more ballots.
Speaker 3: Okay. Uh, that's easy enough to do. So you stuff
all the all them in there. Now, give me give
me fair, give me an intelligence.
Speaker 6: Roll intelligence do it?
Speaker 3: Mm hmm, No, just in just a straight intelligence roll
eight eight. You're fine. No, not the brilliant idea this
is this cannot fail.
Speaker 2: That that's the most encouraged to think.
Speaker 3: Okay, at this point you have you have successfully stuffed
the ballot box.
Speaker 6: At this point, she's gonna sneak away.
Speaker 3: Okay, Uh give me a uh stealth roll.
Speaker 6: Twenty twenty.
Speaker 3: You like a like like a a koala ninja. You
just roll right out of there, zero problems. You want
to return to the Uh? Do you want to return
to the play or do you want to somewhere else?
Speaker 6: Oh, as she's sneaking away, can she drop some mashed
potatoes along behind her?
Speaker 3: Sure?
Speaker 6: By all means, because the last.
Speaker 3: Person, your potato head, the last.
Speaker 6: Person who had potatoes in his hand, was in fact chorcerer.
Speaker 3: Let us real the plot thicken thickens like delicious mashed potatoes.
Speaker 6: So go back and join the others.
Speaker 3: Okay, because it's one of those like father Brandon gave
you enough ballast to cover every person who would vote,
and now you basically would have the double amount of
ballots in the box. Uh. So that was what the
intelligence cheuter was for, just like you know, so nothing
bad could possibly happen okay, back over to the playstage.
Speaker 7: Move.
Speaker 3: You are now free and have free control of your
body again.
Speaker 7: We'll stuck back to the others, hold out his hand
and summon like orphans splitter from that little thief.
Speaker 3: Yeah for the this is your my X with the
kid attached, like stand steadily counting in his head just
to see how long it takes with this good erry
thing to kick in if it does. Oh, there is
a situation that while you were standing there, it is
like you are feeling gash or intentional issues, like you
just ate like four packs of d fee freeze dried food,
like four days worth and does drink water, so your
colon is now all of a sudden filled. So it
is you. It's almost immedia that you've got you already
got the farts starting.
Speaker 7: It is.
Speaker 3: Uh.
Speaker 7: Yeah, we'll walk over to to these others and be like,
come with move into forest. Move must show you something.
Speaker 3: And yeah, well in a little bit, sir, like we
have to go meet with our kid after like and
reward them, but like like to the debates here a
little bit later, so we'll meet up with you later.
Speaker 7: That's fine, sir, Fine, move move, not going to move,
not going to tell you, now, come with me to
the woods and look at this thing. You obviously don't
want a new secrets, so move not going to tell you.
Speaker 3: The thing is like you you have your acts back,
and they saw you give it to the kid and
take it back. So they're not exactly like, well, thanks,
we're cool for now, you know, like they're not trying
to be rude about it, but they're, you know, like,
we're good. And so people start filing out of the amphitheater,
and a lot of them like, now that the play
is over and then the what's it call will be
happening later tonight the debates. Some people are just returning
back to the fair grounds. Now, you guys talked about
maybe trying to find the shriff. Do you guys want
to wait around for the debates?
Speaker 7: Your call?
Speaker 1: Ideally I want to drug the sheriff before the debate,
but I suppose if he is going to be heading
to the debate stage, he's probably going to get there early.
Seems like so.
Speaker 3: The people, the way you've been talking, he's been hanging
out the sheriff station most of the time. He really
doesn't leave the shriff safing very often, so.
Speaker 1: Okay, Well again, Stan did a pretty good intelligence check
for keeping his ear to the ground that he will
make his way to where he knows the.
Speaker 3: Sheriff is likely to be. What are the rest of
y'all doing? Your following standard? Do something different?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah, this seems like where the party's at.
Speaker 8: Okay, I want to get well no, yeah, I might
as well go to.
Speaker 1: Basis.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we'll go there, all right. So you guys start
heading over to the sheriff station. You've been there before,
you know the location, you know the place. Okay, on seconds,
and when we get.
Speaker 7: There, we will walk into one of the so and
use the chamber pot.
Speaker 3: No, not a problem. I yeah, so destroyed the chamber Yeah,
he's gonna just blast that chamber pot. Where did I.
Speaker 2: Send that chamber pot back to where it belongs?
Speaker 3: All right, so you guys come in through the door.
Do you mean to put you there? You come into
the door and to the move goes right in and
just starts destroying that thing. Also, you're off. Also you're
also off my map.
Speaker 7: Move.
Speaker 3: I can't see you. It's still there.
Speaker 1: Yeah, all right, Stan will stop counting.
Speaker 3: Okay, Uh. Behind his desk, you see a fit Okay,
ignore that thing of cocaine is not supposed to be there.
Speaker 2: Oh sure, now, okay, you know what.
Speaker 3: Made mistake. He's got his he had his own supply. Hey, guys,
what's going on? Stan will just we'll just say this.
Speaker 1: Stan goes over and just empties his bag of cocaine
not to the desk, and then we can justify it
being on the mat.
Speaker 3: Okay, that's fine, evening Sheriff writing chain on the map.
And what I was trying to describe is like, so
you see a fit, rejuvenated h hasn't drank in a while,
New age cleanse, like the only kind of like after
you break up with somebody, that kind of insanity that
you get into that kind of diet like where it's
like I can just not drink and work out and
eat healthy for the last two weeks. And so you've
got this kind of paleo face looking, uh, yeah, you
got you got a paleo face looking, Sheriff, what's going on, everybody?
Speaker 1: Yeah, we're just having a good time. It's day back day.
We know the debates later. We wanted to come with
you the best of luck and do some cocaine with you.
Bitted the old nomish marching pad.
Speaker 3: Oh, here we go. He's he's looking at it. He
looks at you like I I kind of gave that up.
And uh, you know, I understand you have to give
up because the supply dried. But I've been saving this
for a special occasion. And what's more special?
Speaker 1: Down man?
Speaker 3: If you try CrossFit, it's really good. I mean you
just you go to the wad every day and you
do the workout and.
Speaker 1: Wow, you know I didn't.
Speaker 3: I didn't realize you weren't cool.
Speaker 7: Let me see.
Speaker 3: Let's let's see what is Oh my god, if that
work it's he's he did not do well in a
saving throw. Let's just put it that, you know, like
we fooled.
Speaker 1: He was cool, didn't we guys didn't wheel for Jeriken
was cool.
Speaker 3: He's talking about what I can cross faith.
Speaker 7: I think he's a prick.
Speaker 3: His constitution rolls are fourteen. He's he's kind of resisting.
But stand, I want you to give me a persuasion
role with advantage because you got the cocaine.
Speaker 2: That does get I mean, cocaine is a hell of
an advantage.
Speaker 3: Yeah, well, one you have you have the object of
his ire and your persuasion, So that gives you advantage.
So give me advantage cocaine thirteen that that's what advantage.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, oh, no advantage chess. Let me roll it again. Sorry, okay,
yeah yeah twenty three.
Speaker 7: He's in there.
Speaker 3: He is faced down in that motherfucker like scarface.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yes, what away for a man like all the
two weeks worth of like push shoves and like sweet
potatoes and.
Speaker 3: That should push it up.
Speaker 2: You're doing to push down those.
Speaker 3: Leg kicking pull ups that they do on the videos.
Oh yeah, right, sheriffs.
Speaker 1: So come to what we all know? Drugs are better
than life?
Speaker 3: Uh so what do you guys want? What do you want?
Speaker 1: We're just dropping in. I want to see you happy, friend.
Speaker 3: Well yeah, it's like like you're not run I know
you're you're trying to, like, God, this is good. So
you're like what, I'm supposedly just give up the debate
or something. No way, no way, this is my town.
Speaker 1: By all means, do go to the debate with that
huge cloud of cocaine in your facial.
Speaker 7: He let me ask a question, how long would it
take if you want were to shove his face completely
little cocaine and hold it there for him to suffocate.
Speaker 3: Suffocation rules in D and D are very long because
you've got to plus four as much. So five five
minutes of uninterrupted shoving is what it would take for
him to say eight. I think he's probably going to
do that by himself.
Speaker 7: I mean, there's enough of us here to hold them down.
Speaker 3: I'm just saying it like it's it's one it's one
minute to hold your breath, and then another you get
another minute for every every point of your constitution modifier.
So he has a five minutes just to hold your
breath and then he goes into saving throws. So, uh, yeah,
five minutes it would take.
Speaker 2: I mean it's not impossible that someone would go out
like that, but.
Speaker 7: We haven't this.
Speaker 3: Well, you might have done enough damage for now. I
believe the cocaine did its job. You've definitely got him
tweaking at the moment. So, uh do we want to
head of the debates? You did? You did what you
wanted to do. Yeah, apparently with a very great role.
You've got the sheriff hopelessly addicted to cocaine again, and
he knows that you're.
Speaker 2: As God intended.
Speaker 1: What heroic adventure?
Speaker 7: Okay?
Speaker 3: Uh, So back to the debates.
Speaker 1: I'm sure I saw it this in the House of Cards.
Speaker 3: Nighttime has fallen on the town of West Cherry. Uh
put the sheriff over here for the moment when a
silver star the is standing up there that his father,
Brandon's picked George of the Sorcerer is also on the stage,
and people have gathered their meals. We had kids are
safely in bed elves are not over here to get
killed by moog. Make a chance to offer Joceer the
loaded to mimosa. If you would like to do that,
then by all means, Gorcer, you have been given a
mimosa filled.
Speaker 1: With orange teese and champagne. As far as he tasty drink,
that problem takes the edge off. All right, Well we'll see.
Speaker 3: So after bit, Sheriff Quinn staggers up on the stage
looking blitzed like he it's like he has got powdered
on his face and he reeks of alcohol. Because what
goes better than that then getting drunk again. So he
has a lot of great idea since this cocaine has started.
Speaker 1: So see, we did really like we didn't need to
met this guy, just exploit his terrible addictions. All in
folds with a tedious but useful inevitability.
Speaker 3: All right, so Hutch comes over the crowd and uh,
mister Preen, the the butler. It was like good evening,
town of West Cherryye and mister Preen, I have been
buttling for the mayor's for a very long time. I'm
here to introduce your candidates, Sheriff Quinn Win a silver
Star and Joyce or the Sorcerer. We were like opening remarks. Uh,
we'll start with when a silver Star or beloved town treasurer.
And when it gets up there and she gives a
very generic speech about doing much better for the town.
She's born in this town, and she will work very
hard to like make the town better again following the
wake of the witches. Blah blah blah, very generic, very
you know, pick nothing special. But she's she's safe, just
a very safe bet. Stan will lead standing of ovation.
Speaker 1: Say that lady's not a cocaine monster or a child
molest go that.
Speaker 3: Lady give me a persuasion role.
Speaker 1: Stan, Oh god, I hope it doesn't turn out that
she's like both of those things.
Speaker 3: It's pretty good. The town. The crowd rage like, yeah,
actually you know, yeah, not being a child lesser now
didtr Jakine is good? You know, that's that's what we want.
Speaker 7: Moog will join him and stand up and scream and
half of her is not elf.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's entirely true. Okay, Jorceerer, would you like to
give your opening? Would you like to give your opening remarks?
Speaker 8: I too, am very hard.
Speaker 3: That sad will be counting a tatter thinking I probably
didn't need to drug joelcer Georcier. Since you drank the thing,
you are definitely feeling the pressure of a lot of
meal trying to get out of your ass very quickly.
Speaker 2: Wow.
Speaker 3: It starts with guests. Uh, okay, interesting, Mister Breen turns
to Sheriff Quinn. Shriff like, all right, listen up, you
put sons of bitches. You got softie, you got weak,
and that's why this town got taken over. But under
my regime, we're never gonna be taken over again. I'm
talking day and night, malicious. I'm talking we're gonna be marching.
We're gonna have orders and we're gonna like take it
out of the town. We're gonna take back East Cherry too.
We're gonna take it all the cherry grows between here
and there will become a blossoming uh empire, and we
will never ever be taken lightly again. We're gonna crush
the next town. And like he just goes on this long,
rambling militaristic speech about conquering and like, wow, they're the
best town ever.
Speaker 6: Claudia get out her bow.
Speaker 1: Okay, Stan will shout looks like Cookey Quinn's on the
old magic dust again that.
Speaker 3: You already got a persuasion from before. People will chuckle along.
Give me now, give me an give give me another
persuasion with advantage. Now you already got people on your side.
You're definitely rallying some folks.
Speaker 1: We're gonna have to because that's an eight persuasion. Yeah yeah,
oh no, what did you say advantage?
Speaker 3: I did say with the advantage, because you got on
your side once. Now let's get them in again. Twenty
three dude, They're all like, you know this guy fucking
sucks man. Look at like he's like he like Jesus man,
look at him. It's like he's not even hiding it.
Like he's got a bottle in his hand, He's got
powdered on his face. Okay, he is ranting and raving
like it's like Howard Dean and it is looking crazy.
So yeah, uh now, mister Prene leads to the thing, Uh,
miss silver Star, what makes you think you would be
the best candidate if if hags were made this town again?
What would you do to stoppage? Why would reach out
to magical partners that we have? And different towns may
perhaps my father Brandon, for example, the esteemed a magician
from the town of Galahad. He is he promised to
charms protections that will never happen again. I for one,
believe open our borders. I believe opening our borders that
help very much. And she goes in the speech about
how like you know, cooperation is the best way. Uh,
mister Prene goes to Georgier, George, how would you protect
this town from another outside of a hag invasion or
other threat like that?
Speaker 8: All right, how close to critical mass, am I this
would be the perfect time to violently shake it? All right, Constitution, See.
Speaker 3: You're holding on. You have closed the back door, So
all right, well, I mean do I have to hold on?
You don't have to. I suppose it was ridiculous for
me to assume that Jostra Disorcer didn't have fantastic anal control.
Speaker 8: All right, I want to let it out, and I
want to let it out loud. I'm gonna moo moo.
Speaker 3: Okay, all right, all right.
Speaker 6: Look it's another another balloon as I released.
Speaker 8: I want to use a press dissertation spell to soil
Winner's pants.
Speaker 3: It's do you want to crap and then direct the
crap onto her?
Speaker 8: That was not the actual crap, It's just I want
to make it look like she crapped her pants.
Speaker 3: You ship your moomoo oh, so you're shooting aside your
mommo stealthily, and you make it look like she did
it her to her right, got it? All right? Give
me a sleight of hand roll to see how well
you hide the press of digitation, because you're not. You're
wiggling your fingers. So let's see if you do it stealthily.
Speaker 7: All right.
Speaker 8: I'll say, I'll tell you one thing I wouldn't do,
and that is ship myself.
Speaker 3: He's lying, does that all the time.
Speaker 2: All right, feeling they're going to see for themselves, all.
Speaker 3: Right, so you definitely they don't notice it. And give me,
give me deception roll.
Speaker 1: Just wiggling his finger as well as massive fuck.
Speaker 3: Happens exactly all right, So you successfully hid the spell
and you convinced them that you would never ship yourself
while you at ship yourself on stage in such a
way that they don't notice. Uh, it looks like when
a silver star has in fact pooped yourself publicly. Sheriff.
Sheriff quis like, say, that's what I'm talking about. That's
why women can't can't be like it is, so they
can't you control of their butts. This like I vote
for me.
Speaker 4: Uh.
Speaker 3: When a actually she takes a step forward, she's like,
I apologize, but I would do anything for this town.
I have had any distress being being here in front
of you was more important to take care of myself.
And I will work myself to the boat. If I
have to ship myself daily to do it to be
your mayor, I will. I don't care because I will
not leave this position.
Speaker 7: Ship.
Speaker 3: You'll self shit yourself and that's talent. Okay, give you
another persuasion and roll with advantage. Is that with the advantage,
I mean it's still.
Speaker 1: Pretty good not to any I think, Oh Christ.
Speaker 3: Okay, like a like a way like a brown wave.
Ship yourself, ship yourself, shit yourself. Uh, mister Preen, Uh Like, Well,
I believe we've heard and seen everything we need from
the candidates. The ballot boxes are open, folks, so feel
free to vote and we'll tally it up tomorrow morning.
Speaker 2: I love that none of this mattered, because already stuffed the.
Speaker 7: I think we need to flee from this town tonight.
Speaker 8: Speaking of dump, I would like to use several President
spells on myself to.
Speaker 7: Wipe right.
Speaker 2: Of all the things I was expecting that was not it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so the remainder of the night goes as expected.
You clean yourself up, People get drink, they vote. They
the democracy is an action. Uh. The last we saw
Sheriff Quinn, he was running through the woods higher and
hire into cocaine, saying he's going to go find the
hags and kill him himself. He was never seen again.
The following morning, you wake up in the bed for
the last time, mister Breen is standing at the door
the Bastwards. Congratulations on making sure the father Brandon indeed
won the election. I counted them myself, and I made
sure to count the correct number. I'm not stupid. So uh,
miss miss Winna has taken control of the town of
West Cherry. So, but you are welcome back here whenever
you want. You have your money's and I believe you
have passage ready to go down to the to the
Gulf court so you can sail off. Is there anything
you require of the town of West Cherry before you leave?
Speaker 7: There are a few elves that are annoyed.
Speaker 2: Move maybe make sure they're consistent.
Speaker 6: Ben is going to need some new sheets. There are
mashed potatoes all over it for some.
Speaker 3: Reason, man, that is the least offensive flue that. Remember
this was a hag's sex addict. I saw some things,
so but yes, everything will be You are packed, mister Corbert.
I believe you were using the cart that was left
over behind by Miss Pink Greta. You now have a
traveling cart that you may hook yourself up to. You
have ample food and supplies for the trek to the
port of Ferabiel.
Speaker 1: Well, gang, we ruined a man's life and destroyed the
democratic process. Time for our next adventure, hooray.
Speaker 3: And as the dicey bastards go off into the distance,
we end this season. And as they leave down that hill,
a hooded figure stood stands and watches them. Soon soon, fathers,
I will find you, not yet, but soon. And that
is where we end this first season of the Dicey Bassards.
Thank you you all so much for being a part
of this stick around. We're gonna ask answer a few
questions for from the audience.
Speaker 7: So.
Speaker 3: Thank you to all of our players. I'm not going
to sign us off now because we've going through a
few questions, but let's we can lead into those if
you want so. I believe Rick you were the one
who had the questions correct.
Speaker 7: From well, our friend Zach of All Trades asks you're
a djhad wedding howe we're due to some last minute
computer shenanikin your playlist is vanished. The bride is about
to walk down the aisle. What is the worst possible
song you could play it right now?
Speaker 1: I think not only is the worst possible song for
this situation, but most situations. I like Little Girls by
Oingo Buon.
Speaker 3: Like two Live crewise pop that pussy.
Speaker 7: Yeah. I was gonna say, what's the prodigy? I guess
smack my pitch.
Speaker 3: Up, Snack my bitch. That's a great one. You know
what that wasn't Emily. That wasn't that your jam to get?
Or the fire starter? Yeah started?
Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, five Star it was Emily's wedding.
Speaker 3: Twisted fire stop.
Speaker 6: How about Ben Folds five brick so depressing?
Speaker 7: I think we pretty much just had one ready to
go there.
Speaker 3: Right, there's gotta be some songs about like immediate breakup
or like you know, I was just.
Speaker 8: Trying to think of the shittiest song I could.
Speaker 3: All right, that anything anything song by Brendan Fraser, I
assume then, so break heard? I didn't hear that?
Speaker 1: Okay, I see if I can petition Brendan Fraser to
release a version.
Speaker 3: Of while He while he reenacts Twister.
Speaker 6: So yeah, I think we should do get a pay
for a cameo from Brendan Fraser for for for the Holidays,
a thousand.
Speaker 7: We need to record or that. All right, well this
is kind of a double one from my personal sir.
I just test you.
Speaker 3: If we had if we had the good old BF
on a side question, be just sitting there like god,
it does a cameo. It's like one of those nineties
wrestling provosts. I'm coming for you, vin, I hear you
all and with your critical failures with a freeze is
coming down on you.
Speaker 7: All right, Well, this next question is kind of a
comboat from Zach, our friend Zach, and our friend Blicks. Okay,
have you ever met anybody in real life who had
either a zero in any score as in like zero chrisma,
zero strength, zerotic tarity, or someone with an eighteen?
Speaker 3: Okay, well three, I think you have to like, you know,
as a low shit but like the opposite to the
end of the spectrum.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, if I want that, I'll just look
in the mirror's Yeah, I won't.
Speaker 7: I won't say I doubt, I doubt he's listening. But
years back, I worked at this one job during college,
and uh, there was one guy there and he just
has somehow managed to be terrible at everything. Okay, like
like like like everybody like has that one we didn't
think they're good at. And as far as I can
tell this, this this this guy just was not good
at a single fucking thing in life.
Speaker 8: I've seen wheelchair bound crippled kids. They're probably gonna zero
and douctlarity.
Speaker 3: God, I think my wife is probably sending somewhere around
a six dexterity because God bless her, like she like
I remember one, like she's not very athletically inclined, and
saying when she tries to do certain like like you know,
skill based things, it's like I hear a lot of
cursing and things breaking all the time, so she's she's
very bad at that, But I love her. I threw
a frisbee at her she like slap clap like I CEO,
and got bunked in the face. So got my Yeah,
my bulldog does that. I do.
Speaker 6: I do a lot of recruiting and interviewing of candidates
at work. And this one guy, he must roll a
NAT twenty. He's kicked his he crushed his interview. He
did such a good job. Hired him, and oh my god,
we spent the next three months trying to fire him.
He's so terrible, he said.
Speaker 3: I like the beginning of that was like I spent
a lot of time recruiting, and I was thinking about
you as like a military recruiter and just like just
short behind the desk, like listen, not you a little
pezzel dick get in here and joining the Marines.
Speaker 7: I just oh that that that that is the worst.
When somebody just kills an interview and then you get
him in and they're just terrible.
Speaker 6: Oh my god, he was He was a liar basically
and we didn't know it.
Speaker 3: That's that's that's what and that isn't that what resumes
are for.
Speaker 1: Yeah, see, this is why I don't interview. Well, I
did deliberately because I don't want to create any false
expectations of my competence.
Speaker 3: Oh cha, there was this one okay, and this is
this is mean to say, but there's like and it's
but it's a true story.
Speaker 8: Uh.
Speaker 3: In college, I was briefly went away to school there,
I was playing this one D and D group and
there's this one individual and I'm not gonna like snee.
They were a very rather unattractive human being and I
and I'm not trying to say that to down them
or be shitty about them. They were just conventionally just
rather unattractive individual. But they were playing a D and
D character and their thing was that in eighteen charisma,
and they kept like telling everybody they have an eighteen
charisma and it was like it was very I'm a
barber with an eighteen charisma and I'm da da dada,
and like it was so obvious that it was kind
of painful and it hurt to be around. So it's like, oh,
it's like, I you know, it's like the weak kid
getting muscles. So yeah, I know feel bad. I feel
a bad saying it, but I you know, it's in
my mind. I got to share it.
Speaker 1: So I think I've met two people with eighteen charisma.
One's my brother in law, who's this ex punk body
builder who now worked in security. It's just an awful
human being. You'd think to listen to them talk, but
actually everyone loves them. You'll just say that the worst shit.
It's kind of a BEVN but with muscles, but actually
a really good guy and kind of h He's just
sort of one of those people that I've always envied,
people that can just kind of walk into a room
and be friends with everyone by the end of it.
And there a girl like that once, and it was
fucking that was like the brief time we were dating,
it was like being in a different world. It's like
I could not keep up with it. But she was
kind of she would just walk into everyone to know
her name. By the end of evening, she was friends
with everyone. It's fucking majestic to see. My ex wife
had that kind of like way with people. Like I
remember we went to Vegas once and I'm sitting We're
sitting there some shitty buffet in one of the hotels
and like, and we're looking outside the window. There's a
pool down there, and they're like all these pasty you
know travelers, you know, people just come to the sun
for the first time. Over they're very white and very pale.
By the very middle of the pool there is a
very very very attractive, uh stripper, there's no she's a stripper.
Speaker 3: And there she is tanned, she is endowed, she is augmented,
and she and all the all the horny guys are
kind of circling around like that. But then I we're
supposed to go down and go swimming, and I was
supposed to meet my wife. I looked down the window.
I like, where, of course she's right there getting that
girl's life story. And that's that's everywhere she went in life.
She was sitting down and find anybody and have their
life story in five minutes. She just had that way
with people.
Speaker 7: So yeah, I knew college it was like, you know,
it seemed to be good at everything. Was like really friendly.
All the women wanted him. I'm pretty sure he turned
a few dudes gay along the way. It was just
like it was just like this this weird charisma, like
you know what thing going on. Yeah, and people like that,
it's like you kind of want to hate them, but
at the same time they're really hard to hate because.
Speaker 3: The whole charisma thing.
Speaker 1: I can't even hate you, you prick, I want to. Yeah, No,
it's being around those people is I can't even remember
how I found do that relationship. But yeah, it was
like being in a completely different fucking lane of reality
those people live in.
Speaker 3: I met people some like eighteen intelligence type things because
some of the some of the places I've worked on,
some of the locations I work on, I knew some
people that are chaos mathematicians and like that level of
intellect and like that ability to like think but not
deal with the world was amazing. Probably, Yeah, but.
Speaker 1: I met God, there was a guy who joined our
job once and he was wildly overqualified for it, but
he was a mathematician and he was really into it,
and he was trying to seduce a co worker with
his explaining a mathematical theory to her, and I thought,
how can you be so clever and so fucking dumb?
Speaker 3: There was a good one hunting the guy who had
the scarf likes the scars guards like so many equations
and the like making love to a woman, you know,
like the scarf around one side. Well imagine those guys.
Speaker 1: But they're not good looking, and you know, nobody wants
to fucking hear it because hey.
Speaker 3: Baby, Pythagoras has hot on a bone.
Speaker 7: You know. Converseally, Yeah, my mum used to date. This
guy was like a fisherman and he knew a few people.
And I get like, I didn't really don't, but he
knew people. It's like, forget eighteen strength. It's like you
add alcohol and they would go ogre strength.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, well yeah they're fishermen. They're like lok. They
have forums like Popeye, you know, they like haul Rope
and her punch Out Mermaids. So yeah, it's not bad,
it's not that's actually So what's our next question, mister Rick?
Speaker 7: Our friend pe asks, what's the well they've been trunkating
their names on.
Speaker 3: Its pissing me off.
Speaker 7: What's a video game? You wish got more love? Oh?
Speaker 1: I was having this conversation on a forum for people
who like Silent Hill, because that's my fucking life. Now
they've just re re released Silent Hill Too, and it's
fucking brilliant game. Silent Hill Too was a brilliant game
at a time. It's quite it's a survival horror, but
it's quite grown up and emotional and very fucking creepy weird. Basically,
you're fighting these psycho kind of sexual manifestations, so all
these weird freak things are kind of wearing strip is
shoes and you've got a beam to death of a
big punk of wood. I mean, it's for video games,
it's subtle for everything.
Speaker 3: Orange, you know.
Speaker 7: Yeah, it's it's weird because I thought they game got
a tunnel lot.
Speaker 3: No, that's what I'm going to say.
Speaker 1: The actual game I want to talk about is something
called Silent Hill Shattered Memories that was released on a
Nintendo Wii, so not a lot of people know about
it because that's kind of a niche console, and it
did away with the contact the fighting system entirely. You
could only run away from these things, so it was creepy,
but it's also just kind of really most of it
was to give it as due. Most of it was
just eighty percent moody walking simulator and the other one
twenty percent running through your life from these fucking twisted freaks.
But it had this mechanic that you would talk to
a psychiatrist, it would just cut back to you talking,
and whatever you said affected the game, and all your
decisions affected the game. And eventually, I'm spoiler that for
a twenty year old game, you figure out that you're
you weren't at a psychiatrist. That's your daughter. She's remembering you.
You're dead, and how you kind of played the game
decides what kind of piece of ship dad you were.
So if you kind of if you spend any time
like these these mannequin's you pass back and like they've
got like lingerie on. If you spent too long looking
at them, the entire world starts to change, and the
things that come after you start to like look a
bit weirdly sexual. And then the ending's kind of like, yeah,
your dad left you and she found this fucking porn
tape you made. Luckily I got the good ending, you know, Yeah,
well my daughter hasn't found my porn tape, so what
But yeah, brilliant game very underrated. I think it's been
really really For the PlayStation, you won't have the kind
of remote system, which was pretty cool because he could
direct a flashlight and use it as a telephone. But
that novelty has gone. That's in the past now. But
you can get it for PlayStation, and I recommend looking
as as many of the dicey sexual things as possible
so you get the worst ending but see the most hits,
which is kind of how I'm fucking playing my life,
to be honest.
Speaker 3: But about you, Bob or Emily, you gamers at all.
Speaker 8: I haven't had time to play video games in decades.
I used to be really into the the old like
Dragon Warrior, turn based RPGs. Yep, there's one in particular
that I like that I never I don't know if
it got as much love as it should have. It's
called Wild Arms. Oh yeah, man, Yeah, I had like
a western kind of theme. There's a perfect blend of
you know, gameplay and and the background music was phenomenal
and I really enjoyed that. And I don't know, I
think i'm looking it up here. It looks like they
made four sequels, so I guess other people liked it too.
Speaker 1: Okay, not kind of underappreciated, just you a wildly out
of the loot.
Speaker 7: About it didn't invite you to the forum.
Speaker 6: Along along those lines, I haven't been playing a lot
of games, but I've been watching a lot of play
through of horror and analog horror games, so like mortuary assisted, uh,
observation duty, stuff like that. But the one that I
really admire is Poppy Playhouse. It's it's like a child's
kind of nightmare game, but the puzzles in it are
amazing and paired up with you know, scary kid images
and then running like healthier tunnels to get away from
bad guys. But super fun.
Speaker 3: Doesn't sound fun. It sounds horrible. Sounds like a horrible experience.
There's this one game that was from a Double Fine
studio and like on paper it it is either cool
or stupid depending on you look at But it was
called Brutal Legend and uh it started Jack Black and
He's like it was like this isakai thing with this
roady for like a generic roady for a metal band,
get sucked into this world where the world is like
a fantasy world, but all the things are like metal
music inspired. So like Ozzy Osbourne is your uh, the
guy you go to buy all your items from. You
ride around in a a car that you know the
terms of the big like a rob Zombie style car.
You know, like the Lemmy from Motorhead is like you
got to recruit him, like all these versions thereof and
you know, even your weapon is a guitar slash acts.
The problem was like it didn't know what the game
wanted to be. Is it a turn based is it
a is it a action RPG? Is it is it
or is it one of those games where it's like
you tell your armies what to do and you sit
back and watch. It happened the kind of game like
they tried putting three or four different game mechanics into it, uh,
and it didn't quite work out. But it had a
lot of potential to be like this cool, open world,
like weird fantasy thing for people that loved metal music,
and uh, it just didn't hit. But it didn't get
so it didn't get a lot of lover or responsible sequel.
Speaker 1: But yeah, Brutal Legends, you're saying there's a market for
perm wearing dragon writers.
Speaker 3: Yes, well that's like one of the villains you fought
was generally lion White, you know, and it was voiced
by Rob Halford. So like a lot of these guys like, yeah, exactly,
So a lot of these dudes like we come in
and like do lend their voices, lend their likenesses, lend
their things, like because it's just clearly the guys who
made it. Jack Black especially, this is like this is
like what eighteen twenty years ago, Jack Black. So it's
like he was before we got tired of him, Jack Black.
Speaker 1: Ah, that's true.
Speaker 3: This is the Tenacious D two thousand and five Jack
Black kind of thing.
Speaker 6: So I can admit I'm not tired of him.
Speaker 1: I saw him in that Minecraft movie trailer. It's like, oh, yeah,
you've become like a facial expression and a tone of voice.
Speaker 3: But Emoji was a person, you know, yeah, became Jim Carroll.
Speaker 6: Jim Carrey became a sad yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, we destroy everything we love. Let's move on.
Speaker 3: It is true. Next question, Well, no, I had one,
we said next question.
Speaker 7: That was this game. It was called Trespasser Jurassic Park,
and it was pretty much universally reviled. But I just
loved playing. I just had a lot of fun and
the reason it was, I guess kind of reviled is that,
like it was supposed to be a first person shooter,
but it was like weird, like you only you basically
controlled this this arm to pick up weapons and do
like manipulate locks. But it was kind of yankey. The
way it worked your health bar was this tattoo. You
were playing a fe like a woman character, so you
had to look down at your boobs to see your health. Yes,
and like you know, and like the Dino's herds were
supposed to have a lot more personality, and they did.
They pretty all just on like ultimate kill mode. But
I don't know. I just played that game and I
just was just like, despite all of its flaws, I
just had such a good.
Speaker 3: Time just just daring at your tits.
Speaker 7: Yeah yeah, every games hours actually like start the game.
Speaker 3: You know what I made? If the dinosaurs also had
tits with their health flowers?
Speaker 5: Yes, amazing. Why does no one listen to me? I
feel a lot of things. I had some money. We
should have moved on. We should have skipped that one.
Speaker 1: Sorry, Rick.
Speaker 7: All right, our friends, see asks we got we got
a positive one here. What is something that brings you
a bit of happiness or hope.
Speaker 1: Well rex game suggestion, Oh happiness or hell hope?
Speaker 7: Wow my impending book release?
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, bevans impending book release.
Speaker 8: Yeah, I don't know why that brings you with your hope.
Speaker 3: I don't like to see my friends succeed.
Speaker 7: I'll offer you a better luck because my last one
iss not uh not great.
Speaker 3: A resounding meh yeah, I've had those I had, like
you like, these books are fine, great, here's a do one.
That's cool. But what about your other books you write?
Speaker 2: Like?
Speaker 3: All right, this is something new, like yeah, but what
about the other books you write? You know, the ones
we want to pay for?
Speaker 7: Yeah, that's that's the problem with with trying something new?
Is that?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 7: Something is that? Yep? Sometimes people are just looking like
that's nice.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Well, you know, I can't keep writing the same
things because sooner or later, like book seven doesn't really sell,
So I gotta try something new. So just bringing new eyes.
Hello fans, where'd you go?
Speaker 7: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Yah?
Speaker 7: All right, all right, this was supposed to be depressing.
This was hope.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but the idea of every new book that comes out, yeah,
I'll back bob on that. Every time I'm writing something
new or working on something like, Yeah, I love what
I do. I always have hope when it goes out.
I like when my friends succeed, and that's always awesome. Yeah,
rrogant of kids. I love my kids. Give me hope.
Speaker 1: I am going to make it depressing, surprise, surprise. Basically
I'm a pretty depressed guy. I'm always like a two
inches from a fucking void dive. I try and make
it funny, but you know it's not. So most of
my kind of I suppose positive outlook is kind of
a constructed thing, you know, sort of a very thin
sort of veil you put on your you know what
you know about the world.
Speaker 6: Ah, you mean, like like listening to Christmas carols when
you really are two inches away from driving your car.
Speaker 3: Into us into no you see, I go the other way.
Speaker 1: I'm a contrarian. It's like, if I feel like that,
I'll listen to some fucking big black Delta or something.
Just really lean into it, you know. But yeah, that's
what gives me hope, Just making myself more depressed.
Speaker 6: I got a puppy.
Speaker 3: You know, you're not wrong. I mean it's like every time, okay,
so especially my you know, my formula you growing up
in dating and whatever depressions teenage twenties, early thirties. Uh,
it would be if something goes bad, make it worse.
That way, I could get off an emotional bottom. So
I have like a jumping off points, hitting the bob
of the pool and jumping so you can jump back up.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I'll I'll just try and make my fucking
mental decline into oblivion as funny as possible on Facebook.
And that is my hope that somebody will read my
Facebook post and go that's funny. Yeah, and you know,
I'll have the validation of maybe eighteen strangers. That's what
gives me hope for the while.
Speaker 6: So like his freaking post, people, yeah you fucks. I
was gonna say, I got a puppy a couple of
months ago, and I'm very Claudia esque when I just
ask lessure to death.
Speaker 3: Heeled his face off. Jesus Christ, is that right?
Speaker 6: Come here?
Speaker 1: He did mention this is like the sixth puppy she's
got this year.
Speaker 3: But once they reached a year with a puppy anymore,
you throw them away and get a new one.
Speaker 6: So you know, throw it away. That's that's recyclable.
Speaker 3: Well, no, no, it's Saturday. Put them out in the
door and so they can play the Sara McLaughlin song
and they make a black and white grainy footage and
it looks sad and cold. Yeah, yeah it is. Well,
don't like I don't know if you grew up like
the kids who grew up on the East Coast had
that commercial where it was the same thing, like it
was like don't leave your pet out in the cold commercial,
and it was like all it was was a it
was a shot of a dog and the camera kept
zooming in, zooming in, zooming in on his dog while
you hear the parents like and it's like, hey, uncle Jack,
come inside, man, it's cold outside. Happy, thank excise me.
Hey where's that puppy. He's like, oh, he's a dog
or there's in the backyard, and like it's zooming and
it's colder and it's windier and the cold the dog
just freezing. It's like, don't leave your dogs outside in
the winter. And it was like a PSA commercial that
like I grew up with, and it crushed my heart.
Every single time I watched him.
Speaker 1: I'd be like, you don't know what that dog's done.
That dog probably just took like a massive ship on
the bedroom carpet. We could stay outside.
Speaker 6: We had a great Pyrenees who loved it outside, bring
it in and was like when it was.
Speaker 3: Bad, oh yeah, my new Founland was like that. But
the colder it was the happier. He was like, I
don't want to go. As I get hot, he would
lay down in the snow. You see the dog shipping
in the garden. You're like, right, that's it, get back
in suck.
Speaker 7: Oh no, that was the thing. We had a new
feed border college mix, and let me tell you when
it was when it would snow out, like like, we
would try to get her inside, so nobody called the
copsittle and she would just be like, no, I'm happy
out here. Fuck you.
Speaker 3: Yeah, my new fees she she he was like, uh.
When he stood up, he could like reached my shoulders
and he like it was a two hundred pound dog,
you know, crawling to bed with you. It's like it's
like a human laying on you and it's crushing you.
Speaker 1: So yeah, sounds good. I should point out, you know,
the other day I went to my daughter's school show
and she sung a duet with an equally talented vocalist,
and it was a beautiful thing. She's very good at
what she does. And as much as I despair about
the fucking inevitable difficulties of joining a creative industry, it
was wonderful to see her enjoying her talent and it
did give me.
Speaker 3: And now did she pull a moog and try to
like kill her rival and like no, I'm like, okay.
Speaker 1: Get ahead, and you don't have to break someone's knees.
But no, I tell you she's got a part time job,
like working in a birthday card place. And that's what
I'm saying. It's like, you know, you need to.
Speaker 3: Get bus lines. Can you write like just horrible things
like you're gonna die next year? You know, just like
slip one in every so often.
Speaker 1: So yeah, I'll break your knees, motherfucker. Happy Mother's day?
Speaker 7: All right? So this is my age, badly depending on
how things go. But if you're listening to this right
how we're recording this on the same week, that's let's
just say a major healthcare executive got off Yeah, and
I hate and I to say it as horrible as
it is, but the general reaction online. People just getting
tired of like, you know, just being shipped upon by
I guess uh, you know the millionaire and billionaire elite.
That gives me a little hope. But again, this depending
on how things go from here. This one may be
one of those ones that like that, like you know,
a year done line steems.
Speaker 3: Like I saw the memes, you know, I saw the
memes and it's like, you know, it's like after he
got shot, you know, he goes like, well, I'm sorry,
so we can't see you right now, you can't treat
your thing, and blah blah. You know, I saw a
lot of the memes that cycled it, and like I understand,
you know, yeah.
Speaker 1: The America Faxing is healthcare system for gun violences. Yeah,
it's you know, shouldn't be funny, but it is.
Speaker 7: Yep.
Speaker 1: I don't make the fucking rules.
Speaker 3: What have we got any questions left? I got a
few minutes off. So you're one of you more you
let people get back around their day because this is
a large episode we're doing for the fans as this
season finale. Uh so I think we're coming back in
January to do them to pick back my season two
I'm not sure, but yeah.
Speaker 1: Probably probably just fuck around for the rest of the month.
I don't want to do any work, do any work?
Speaker 7: Yeah?
Speaker 3: No, so one more best one or two? You know
your guys, you guys, A.
Speaker 7: Right, well this is this is a this is a
fast one. Okay, no ear ven o. Jesus fucking Christ.
Can you just just pick a guy? Didn't user anything?
We could burn ounce? What is your preferred music? Racist medium? Digital? Vinyl? CD?
You know what happened?
Speaker 3: Oh what all right?
Speaker 1: I know a lot of music nerds, so I've actually
got a fucking opinion on this for a change. It
depends what you're listening at through everything is mixed. All
your music is mixed for the most popular medium at
the time. So when people say, oh, violent vinyl sounds better, yeah,
it does through the system it's supposed to be played through.
But most stuff now is mastered to earbuds and ship
like that. So really, musical quality is not quite as
good as it used to be. But yeah, if you
want the best experience, if you want to listen to
a Beatles track, buy a Beatles vinyl by a system
that plays it from that era, and you will have
the most appropriately mastered sound for the medium you are
listening to. So really, my my answer to that is,
I'm a pretentious cun yep.
Speaker 7: Digital.
Speaker 8: I only listen to music in my car, and so
it all has to be on a planet drive and
that's how I.
Speaker 1: Flash drivels.
Speaker 3: And six Come on, man.
Speaker 8: Spin the wheel on your iPod there, listen like futuristic
technology to.
Speaker 3: Me, fucking drive in your Flintstones carlist.
Speaker 7: Got to get out and crank the front in the
get it started?
Speaker 3: Did you get like like?
Speaker 8: Like?
Speaker 3: I get an iPod? I got the Eye River at
best Buy and it's three gigs of music. I can
hold on there, but it plays it in a row
or shuffle. You gotta upload it.
Speaker 7: Yeah, it's almost Christmas time, folks. Somebody get Bob a zoon.
Speaker 8: Yeah, I don't want to learn a new thing.
Speaker 7: Was working for me.
Speaker 1: I saw an ad for many discs the other day.
Remember they were fucking great.
Speaker 3: They were.
Speaker 1: They were quickly made obsolete, but they were the pinnacle
of physical I mean, not counting Bob's fucking flash drive.
Obviously they were the pinnacle of I guess physical media music.
But sadly a very short lifespan.
Speaker 6: I only listened to streaming service services as well. But
I always think about what will happen if you know,
if all of their our grid goes down, will have
no access to music.
Speaker 9: I will, You'll be Yeah, if you're like your USB
stick is not gonna work, if it's like you know,
if he goes off or something.
Speaker 1: You'll be too busy killing your neighbors to worry about
and my playlist. Now I have to get this chainsaw
and fight the lev king.
Speaker 3: Thank god I have my zoo. Now I'm with Bob
like I'm a digital person these days. I mean I
still have a few things on vinyl from back of
the day. I don't even have a record player any
morning to go. But I had like my Granddad's like
fullsome Prison Blues, uh like album. I have my Flash
Gordon album with Queen you know that kind of ship
from my youth.
Speaker 1: But we should watch Flash Golden again. That's such a fun. Yes,
we need to, like we shouldn't get drunk and watch
Flash Gordon. Guys.
Speaker 3: Yeah, things could.
Speaker 7: Give me.
Speaker 3: Man die exactly, flying blind on a rocket cycle. Yeah,
I love that. No, but but the thing is like
weird enough. When I worked fast food, we would have
this like what's like it's like an eight track but
bigger's like a thirty two track kind of thing was
Hits of nineteen eighty seven and they had this old
shitty system and like this giant, goddamn tape. It was
like this big rectangle the size of like a lunch tray.
You put into this music to chunk and it said
to the music station, it's like thirty two tracks and
like H's of eighty seven to play overpeat, over and
over and over, and god damn every time you ooh
baby having our Volinda Carlisle would hit and we were
like just like oh yeah, over and over and over, like.
Speaker 7: Like I'm a digital guy, h but high end, high
end audio like what Steve mentioned. That depresses me because
for a while there I worked for for Macintosh Labs
and they're they're they're really high end. They said like
one hundred thousand dollars receivers and shit. Yeah, and I
was in church with their website and for a while
there we decided to this thing, like hey, send us
your setup, because you know, we had like you know,
we had some multimillion dollar investors sending these huge setups
and stuff were like, hey, why don't we open this
up to like all of our customers, and people would
just send the most depressing pics of basically this one.
Speaker 3: Receiver with fucking flash drive.
Speaker 7: It was like that. It would be like an empty
like an empty like you know, basement, like just like
concrete walls probably like probably like I don't know, girl
scouts like chained just out of frame, won nothing else,
but with one receiver. Yeah, like one receiver just sitting
in the middle.
Speaker 3: Of it, mattress on the floor, and it was like,
I haven't fed.
Speaker 7: My kids in six weeks, but I saved up, but
I got myself a receiver.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I've got to admit it, like nothing's ever these questions.
Speaker 1: Be kind kind of kind of become moot because nothing's
ever going to beat digital for convenience. It's just massively convenience.
But if we are talking about physical media, yeah, that
probably is a boost and listen to the right kind
of media on the right system, But people take it
away too fucking fast. You you'll go plated cables ain't
doing ship mate.
Speaker 3: I will say there is one benefit to CDs when
we were growing up at that era, because whenever I
hear somebody don't text and driving one don't I'd there.
There's too many fucking CD books I juggled when I
was driving. I can drive, motherfucker like I can.
Speaker 1: Like you have to get like you just don't have
that dexterity.
Speaker 6: Driving with your frank car and your gramophone and the.
Speaker 1: Next I'll tell you what though, the fact that I
sometimes think why did I miss out on so much music?
I remember why because it was fucking ten quid a
CD in the nineties, which is like thirty quid now
for a for an album that you might not even like,
that might have one killer and all fucking filler because
they're rinsed in you like that was that was the decision.
That was a monthly decision to drop a fucking tenor
on an album.
Speaker 3: And like Sam Goodye or some ship that you're trying
to fgure out what's good what's not and actually when
you could eventually start listening to them samples for free,
that was a that was a game changer. But getting this,
getting a burnable CD and LimeWire and stealing, yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, sometimes you just got to fucking steal from stuff. Metallica, Yeah, yeah,
it's so like even like if you wanted some kind
of like I went on a big Nirvana hunt. I
had to get a train to fucking Leicester, so a
forty minute train Larrie to speak to some weird market
stall guy who's probably killed a man I don't know.
And it's like, okay, yeah, I've got this really weird
kind of B side album of Nirvana, and like, okay,
how much does that cost as much as a new
album sold by a legitimate person? Great, thank you murderer man.
And then you listen to it and like, oh, there
are two songs on this I haven't heard before, and
there's a reason I haven't heard him because they're shit.
Yeah yeah, so Viva Lee.
Speaker 3: It is like I love I love music. I love music,
but man, I hate discussing music with musicians because like, uh,
it's like, no matter what you like, like that's wrong.
You see, here's what you really want to listen to, like,
and it just it always breaks me, Like I don't
like you can listen to any three things in your
room like Sherby, Marker's and a cocaine. You know, they're like,
oh you've even heard that band are the best? You're like,
oh you know, I don't care.
Speaker 2: Just like what I like.
Speaker 7: People who love the underground music scene get you just
can't talk to them because it's like, shut up our.
Speaker 1: Our theme tune writer Stone Cold Ian of the gorecre
four actually a very talented musician. Is He's toured around
Europe and stuff. He's he can play anything with strings basically,
and most of the time we get on really well
with music. But he is always willing to go for
the next weirdest thing and the next kind. It's like, mate,
these people are to even playing music anymore. It sounds
like a clown is humping an elephant. But he's like, yeah,
but all the rich laders like I don't care about it.
I want one time, you know, I just I want
one fucking time signature that I can fuff along to.
I don't want them changing time signature everything scream singing.
Speaker 3: I was wrought back by NPR like I'm good. I agree,
that's fascinating, but so's a car crash.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 3: I just want to tap my foot man, Come on final,
one final question, then we'll call it. We'll call it.
They make it a good on record.
Speaker 7: I think we've used all the good ones Russia.
Speaker 3: Make it a ship one, Rick, make a ship one.
We'll make fun of the person that asked.
Speaker 7: It's a ship's question, as our friend politics asks, who
is your who is your over eighty favorite person?
Speaker 3: Over?
Speaker 6: What the hell?
Speaker 7: Yeah?
Speaker 3: What old person that's your favorite? Occagenarian?
Speaker 2: Patrick?
Speaker 7: And they said the fictional real life pops pop pop culture?
You know, do they have to be a liar?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: I'm for fucking coolby. We don't go over eighty lucky
if we make sixty five?
Speaker 6: How many years have got lost?
Speaker 7: Oh?
Speaker 1: May five?
Speaker 3: Gonna make him count, Gonna take some people down with
the gonna change the health. How old Patrick Stewart? You
know Captain McCart he's over eighty. Ian McKellen, Uh.
Speaker 7: Yeah, I was gonna say, Ian McClellan, he's a joy.
Speaker 1: It's nice guys, Duty Dench.
Speaker 3: I don't know all British people.
Speaker 1: What's that speaking of people who aren't British and incredibly
bad and pretending to be British. Dick van Dyke ninety
nine years old, still still still yeah.
Speaker 3: You know, able to think his own thoughts?
Speaker 1: Well done. I can barely do that.
Speaker 3: I'm not no fucking name. I don't think American actors
make it that all, but like something about it. If
you're if you're a knight or a dame or you've
been knighted for acting, you think, well.
Speaker 1: The thing is Dick van Dyke, you know, lives on
the blood of innocent children. So that's why it can
be true.
Speaker 3: That's true. What happened to Sean Connery? Then hit why
he wasn't eating innocent children? He was eating guilty children
and that doesn't work.
Speaker 1: But they didn't know that at the time.
Speaker 3: But I thought guilty. I thought that was just like,
that's that's you know, guilty and children, that that's the
same thing.
Speaker 1: Oh no, that's why the only rich people can find him.
You know how hard how hard it is to find
a child who isn't a dick. It's true, true, And
then you got to eat it. So you know, well done,
Dick van Dyke ninety nine years old. You keep it up, mate,
Well done.
Speaker 3: You guys have some favorite octogenarians or plus.
Speaker 6: Oh god, my mom's eighty nine.
Speaker 3: How many kits does she eat? How many puppies strangle
to reach that?
Speaker 6: So we just moved her into a home. She said,
oh my god, there's old people here.
Speaker 1: Oh no, I've got to say no. If you've got
a favorite Alinarian, chances are they're famous, chances are they're
from Hollywood, chances are they belong to an evil cup.
Speaker 6: So seriously, they do eat babies.
Speaker 3: So I was Christopher Lee. That's another one, also English.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so yeah, he was cool and if he was
in a cult, you'd straight up tell you about it.
Speaker 3: Oh dude, I joined that cult. I mean liked. He's
black metal, like, let's do this.
Speaker 1: Kill He's actually killed a man and admitted to it.
So cool, dude. He was in a heavy metal band
at the age of like eighty eight.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I heard that. It was good.
Speaker 1: Sweet.
Speaker 7: What a dude.
Speaker 3: He's probably not even really dead, probably eating a child
as we speak.
Speaker 8: Unapologetically, I don't really care about celebrities, and I don't
know any old people that I care about.
Speaker 3: How about forty year olds you like?
Speaker 7: Haven't?
Speaker 1: This question has always come down to, like, but well,
I don't give a ship about humanity, so I'd say
your stupid question.
Speaker 3: I don't know about things. They actually had an answer. Okay,
never mind that you didn't.
Speaker 1: What about that guy from the advert you like that way?
Fucking Robert Robert Loja.
Speaker 8: Well he's dead.
Speaker 1: Ship will let's say, yes the top of Robert, I'm
Robert Lojah.
Speaker 7: I mean it's still over eighty.
Speaker 3: Well that well, that Jesus, you know, Jesus is pretty cool.
Speaker 8: I'm still go with.
Speaker 6: I like that James Hong guy from uh Big Trouble
A little.
Speaker 3: Wait, I'll go good Bys.
Speaker 1: Yeah he's cool cool.
Speaker 3: I go with gree nice, Yeah, exactly nice low pan.
Speaker 7: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I know what we did kind of in the West
to naturally extend life span, and that is eating children.
You know, I don't really know much about the East
and what they did.
Speaker 7: I think they just powderize everything. So it's like powdered children.
Speaker 1: Powdered children.
Speaker 3: Well that makes a lot more sense. Actually, yeah, it's
rhino'horn and children.
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, all right, so brilliant.
Speaker 3: Well, I think we exhausted our questions. That are good.
Thanks for the last one, Blicks. You really made us
think about old people.
Speaker 7: I appreciate that.
Speaker 3: I'm like, I think about old people after this podcast
is now.
Speaker 1: You don't know how I spend my evenings.
Speaker 3: It's called flash cordon. I think I'm gonna do that.
That's a good idea. Nice. So I think that as
the end of this first season of The Dynasy Bachelards,
we'll be back everybody, I believe in jan way for
season two, or to pick up to see what happens
to them? Where are they going to go? Are they
actually gonna get on a boat? We're gonna have another
like eighteen week side quest. I don't know, just steadily
advancing Daucer's political career. That's season two.
Speaker 7: I got a fight of new Town.
Speaker 3: On behalf of Robert Bevan, Rick WALTERI on the Capital
to see whether I'm mk Gibson. Where the Dicey Bastards
and you've been great? Bye everybody, Bye bye promise.
Speaker 1: And so when season one of the Dicey Bastards, we
hope you had as much fun listening as we did
and talking. You know, this has got to go both
ways and other ways. We feel very selfish. We'll see
you for season two, I hope. In the meantime, why
not join us on Discord. We've changed the way things
work around now, so there's new tears, new prices, and
new opportunities to hang out with us.
Speaker 3: See you around, I
Speaker 8: Too, am very hard