WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.680 --> 00:00:02.919 This is Doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to KFI 2 00:00:03.080 --> 00:00:05.960 AM six forty the Doctor Wendy wallsh Show on demand 3 00:00:06.280 --> 00:00:09.400 on the iHeartRadio app. Welcome back to The Doctor Wendy 4 00:00:09.439 --> 00:00:12.279 Wall Show on KFI AM six forty Live everywhere on 5 00:00:12.320 --> 00:00:15.679 the iHeartRadio App. If you have a relationship question, feel 6 00:00:15.679 --> 00:00:18.440 free to send me a DM on Instagram at Dr 7 00:00:18.519 --> 00:00:22.839 Wendy Walsh and I will producer Kayla. We'll go through 8 00:00:22.879 --> 00:00:26.000 it and she'll decide if it makes sense. Blah blah blah. 9 00:00:26.559 --> 00:00:30.480 I love this. I love this. So a gentleman writes 10 00:00:30.519 --> 00:00:34.560 to me and he says, why do girls keep unmatching 11 00:00:34.600 --> 00:00:37.520 me on dating apps? How do I learn to give 12 00:00:37.600 --> 00:00:45.159 better conversation? So here's the thing. Remember what dating apps are, right? 13 00:00:45.359 --> 00:00:47.960 Dating apps are shouldn't be called dating apps. They should 14 00:00:47.960 --> 00:00:53.000 be called meeting apps. Because what happens is people start 15 00:00:53.039 --> 00:00:56.320 to suffer from that paradox of choice I've talked about earlier. Right, 16 00:00:56.679 --> 00:00:59.359 there's just too many people in their message box and 17 00:00:59.399 --> 00:01:02.119 they shouldn't be dating on the app. In other words, 18 00:01:02.240 --> 00:01:05.680 having these conversations. It should be just about meeting them 19 00:01:06.000 --> 00:01:09.519 and getting on the phone fairly quickly. So I, in 20 00:01:09.560 --> 00:01:12.319 fact always tell women to give up their phone number 21 00:01:12.560 --> 00:01:15.799 fairly quickly on these apps. Now, how do I learn 22 00:01:15.840 --> 00:01:18.120 to give better conversation? I'm just going to say this. 23 00:01:18.799 --> 00:01:23.159 The first few texts should be some kind of comment 24 00:01:23.640 --> 00:01:26.599 on something you see in their profile where the two 25 00:01:26.640 --> 00:01:30.959 of you have commonality, right, some kind of oh, I 26 00:01:31.040 --> 00:01:33.599 see you were at this museum that's one of my 27 00:01:33.640 --> 00:01:38.200 favorite places, or I recognize whatever, find something. That's what 28 00:01:38.239 --> 00:01:40.920 you want to do to be to have good conversation 29 00:01:41.000 --> 00:01:43.599 with anybody, whether you're meeting and flirting in public or 30 00:01:43.640 --> 00:01:47.959 on dating apps. But do not get into endless chatting 31 00:01:48.079 --> 00:01:52.079 on the apps. After you've developed rapport with a few 32 00:01:52.120 --> 00:01:56.000 little texts back and forth, just say, hey, if you'd 33 00:01:56.040 --> 00:01:57.599 like to get on the phone and have a chat, 34 00:01:57.680 --> 00:02:00.000 I'm open to it. Here's my number. And then don't 35 00:02:00.079 --> 00:02:03.879 continue to text and let people unmatch you. You know what, 36 00:02:03.959 --> 00:02:07.480 every time there's an unmatch, you should do a touchdown 37 00:02:07.519 --> 00:02:10.719 cheer because that person wasn't your person. It wasn't meant 38 00:02:10.759 --> 00:02:15.759 to be right. But anyway, just look for commonality. Uh, 39 00:02:16.479 --> 00:02:20.759 Dear doctor Wendy, I ordered a takeout order on my 40 00:02:20.919 --> 00:02:25.520 boyfriend's phone from a place I introduced him to a 41 00:02:25.520 --> 00:02:28.280 few weeks back. Okay, so a few weeks ago she 42 00:02:28.360 --> 00:02:30.800 took him to this restaurant or introduced him to her takeout, 43 00:02:30.840 --> 00:02:33.719 and then she used his phone to order. When I 44 00:02:33.800 --> 00:02:38.520 confirmed my name, they said the name of his ex girlfriend. 45 00:02:40.560 --> 00:02:43.120 He said they went there once before, but he didn't 46 00:02:43.120 --> 00:02:46.599 want to tell me because I would get mad. Is 47 00:02:46.639 --> 00:02:49.159 this a clear sign he's still in contact with her? 48 00:02:50.120 --> 00:02:53.479 He does deny it. Well, I don't know the answer, 49 00:02:53.639 --> 00:02:56.479 but I do know this. Do you get mad? Or 50 00:02:56.560 --> 00:02:59.719 is he just really afraid of women's anger? It could 51 00:02:59.719 --> 00:03:03.000 be two things, right, Are you somebody who's a hot head, 52 00:03:03.400 --> 00:03:05.599 because then you know what, they're going to want to 53 00:03:05.680 --> 00:03:08.280 lie to you more often because they're afraid of your anger. 54 00:03:08.599 --> 00:03:11.080 Or is he somebody who's just kind of emotionally avoidant 55 00:03:11.120 --> 00:03:14.080 and kind of afraid of anger in that way? I 56 00:03:14.159 --> 00:03:18.080 don't know. So it's not a clear sign that he's 57 00:03:18.120 --> 00:03:21.639 in contact with her. Oh just you know, keep your 58 00:03:21.680 --> 00:03:25.240 antennas up a little bit cause you never know, right, 59 00:03:25.879 --> 00:03:30.159 And it could I just don't like when people lie 60 00:03:30.199 --> 00:03:32.240 even a little bit, though, like him going did he 61 00:03:32.319 --> 00:03:33.879 go like, oh my god, there's new place. No, I've 62 00:03:33.919 --> 00:03:38.159 never tried it before and then you find out they did. Yeah, 63 00:03:38.439 --> 00:03:41.520 that's it. Just here's the problem. Even when people are 64 00:03:41.599 --> 00:03:43.560 lying on their dating apps or a little bit about 65 00:03:43.560 --> 00:03:45.439 their height or their weight or their age or whatever, 66 00:03:46.159 --> 00:03:49.800 it's hard to build trust. Whenever there's been any little, 67 00:03:49.840 --> 00:03:53.840 even small, white lie, it's very difficult to build trust 68 00:03:53.919 --> 00:03:57.680 in a relationship. So I'm gonna say, just keep your 69 00:03:57.719 --> 00:04:00.840 intennis up. That's all I'm gonna say. But he could 70 00:04:00.840 --> 00:04:02.479 have done the white light thing and the next and 71 00:04:02.520 --> 00:04:04.960 what you should say to him is, hey, I can 72 00:04:05.000 --> 00:04:10.400 tolerate anything except lying. So just from now on, trust 73 00:04:10.439 --> 00:04:14.960 me with the truth. Okay, Uh, moving on, Dear doctor Wendy. 74 00:04:15.599 --> 00:04:18.079 I met a guy on hinge and we really connected 75 00:04:18.160 --> 00:04:21.839 via text, but when we face timed, the vibe was awkward. 76 00:04:22.279 --> 00:04:24.399 Is this a clear sign we won't work out? Or 77 00:04:24.439 --> 00:04:27.079 should I still meet him in person? No? You should 78 00:04:27.079 --> 00:04:29.160 not meet someone in person who you didn't click with. 79 00:04:29.480 --> 00:04:31.759 It's not like, well, it's going to get better and 80 00:04:31.800 --> 00:04:35.920 better and better, because that's the whole point of getting 81 00:04:36.000 --> 00:04:38.959 on the phone or facetiming, so you don't have to 82 00:04:39.000 --> 00:04:42.759 go on a date. Don't ghost him. Okay, you've now 83 00:04:42.759 --> 00:04:45.439 seen each other's face. Here's the thing I say about ghosting. 84 00:04:45.480 --> 00:04:48.439 You guys have to be very careful. You think Los 85 00:04:48.480 --> 00:04:52.240 Angeles is a giant city until you go somebody, and 86 00:04:52.279 --> 00:04:54.600 then you walk into some meeting and there he is 87 00:04:54.639 --> 00:04:56.759 a new employee or a new client at your work, 88 00:04:57.000 --> 00:05:00.839 and you're like, ah, you feel so awkward, right, So 89 00:05:00.920 --> 00:05:04.040 all you do is compose a nice little text that 90 00:05:04.160 --> 00:05:08.399 said it was lovely chatting with you. I kind of 91 00:05:08.399 --> 00:05:10.519 don't think romances in the cards for us. I'll keep 92 00:05:10.519 --> 00:05:13.079 you in mind for a friend. Thank you so much 93 00:05:13.360 --> 00:05:16.959 for the introduction. It was lovely to chat. That's it, right, 94 00:05:17.360 --> 00:05:19.480 But it doesn't get better if you're like, oh no, 95 00:05:19.560 --> 00:05:21.439 that's awkward. You don't run and meet them in person 96 00:05:21.480 --> 00:05:23.800 to see if it was. If they suddenly are less awkward, 97 00:05:24.439 --> 00:05:30.120 I don't know. Oh, here's a tangled web that someone 98 00:05:30.199 --> 00:05:34.560 has woven. Dear doctor Wendy. Oh, I have a hard 99 00:05:34.560 --> 00:05:38.439 time even reading this. Dear doctor Wendy. I got pregnant 100 00:05:38.439 --> 00:05:42.160 by my roommate. He says he doesn't want a relationship, 101 00:05:42.680 --> 00:05:47.959 but we're pregnant and we live together. What should I do? Okay, 102 00:05:47.959 --> 00:05:50.079 first of all, you're in a relationship, you might want 103 00:05:50.120 --> 00:05:52.160 to let him know that that as soon as he 104 00:05:52.199 --> 00:05:55.360 put his penis in a vagina, he has a responsibility. 105 00:05:55.399 --> 00:05:59.040 Now and you're living together and having sex, but considering 106 00:05:59.040 --> 00:06:04.199 yourself's a roommate, I'm going to say one word, boundaries. Boundaries, boundaries, 107 00:06:04.399 --> 00:06:07.920 But this is the slippery slope that happens when heterosexual 108 00:06:08.000 --> 00:06:10.639 men and women live together. Not every time, but you know, 109 00:06:10.759 --> 00:06:13.279 you could have a weak night, little alcohol, whatever, and 110 00:06:13.319 --> 00:06:16.879 before you know it, look at this. You got to 111 00:06:17.000 --> 00:06:19.639 figure out what you need to do for yourself, and 112 00:06:19.680 --> 00:06:23.759 that means may mean moving, it may mean terminating the pregnancy, 113 00:06:23.800 --> 00:06:25.600 it may mean having the baby on your own. But 114 00:06:25.680 --> 00:06:28.639 this guy's telling you very clearly he doesn't want this, 115 00:06:29.279 --> 00:06:33.720 So don't even hope for anything. I'm sorry to be 116 00:06:33.720 --> 00:06:38.240 so hard nos on this, but please don't hope. Ugh, 117 00:06:39.160 --> 00:06:41.399 and especially if you think, well, don't they have the 118 00:06:41.439 --> 00:06:44.439 baby and he sees how cute the baby, No, they don't. 119 00:06:44.480 --> 00:06:47.680 Suddenly go now, I'm really into fatherhood. I do want 120 00:06:47.720 --> 00:06:51.759 to say this. You know, evolutionary psychologists would say that 121 00:06:51.879 --> 00:06:56.920 human beings have the widest range of paternal investment in 122 00:06:57.040 --> 00:07:01.920 offspring of any primate out there, which means that at 123 00:07:01.920 --> 00:07:04.879 one end, of the scale, you've got a dude whose 124 00:07:05.040 --> 00:07:08.480 only investment in his kid is a teaspoon of sperm. 125 00:07:08.560 --> 00:07:10.839 And at the other end of the scale, you've got 126 00:07:10.879 --> 00:07:15.519 literally a baby wearing, carpool driving, softball throwing, doting dad 127 00:07:16.079 --> 00:07:20.399 and we have everything else in between two. So to 128 00:07:20.480 --> 00:07:23.000 think he's going to be that when he's telling you 129 00:07:23.160 --> 00:07:28.319 very clearly he's not that. You and your baby need 130 00:07:28.360 --> 00:07:30.680 to make your decision together, whatever it's going to be. 131 00:07:31.360 --> 00:07:33.519 It's not a baby, you're just pregnant. Whatever you and 132 00:07:33.560 --> 00:07:37.519 your zygot, whatever the cells you got there. You need 133 00:07:37.519 --> 00:07:41.079 to make a decision for your reproductive health, for your 134 00:07:41.199 --> 00:07:45.279 mental health, for your life. This is about you now, 135 00:07:45.360 --> 00:07:49.199 because he's been very very clear with you. All Right, 136 00:07:49.240 --> 00:07:53.160 when we come back, there's a new dating trend and 137 00:07:53.199 --> 00:07:55.160 you won't believe what it is. You're listening to the 138 00:07:55.199 --> 00:07:57.839 Doctor Wendy wall Show on KFI AM six forty. We're 139 00:07:57.879 --> 00:08:00.399 live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. 140 00:08:01.600 --> 00:08:05.800 You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI 141 00:08:06.000 --> 00:08:06.959 AM six forty. 142 00:08:08.839 --> 00:08:11.199 Welcome back to the Doctor Anywell's Show on k I 143 00:08:11.399 --> 00:08:16.079 AM six forty, Live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. All right, 144 00:08:16.240 --> 00:08:20.879 I promised you a new dating trend. There always seems 145 00:08:20.959 --> 00:08:24.000 to be one. You're not going to believe this one. 146 00:08:24.399 --> 00:08:29.480 Sober dating, Yeah, it's a thing. Now. I'm not talking 147 00:08:29.560 --> 00:08:34.519 about people in sobriety, people who have, you know, an 148 00:08:34.559 --> 00:08:39.879 alcohol use disorder, who are you know, can can't ever 149 00:08:40.000 --> 00:08:43.639 drink when they date. I'm talking about people who socially drink, 150 00:08:43.679 --> 00:08:46.600 who may probably not have a problem with drinking, who've 151 00:08:46.600 --> 00:08:49.559 decided that when they go on first dates or second 152 00:08:49.600 --> 00:08:53.120 dates that they're just going to remove alcohol from the 153 00:08:53.159 --> 00:08:57.759 whole thing and not do it. So let's talk a 154 00:08:57.799 --> 00:09:02.519 little bit first about why alcohol has such a storied 155 00:09:02.600 --> 00:09:06.559 place in romantic dating. What alcohol does is it can 156 00:09:06.600 --> 00:09:09.360 lower anxiety in the short term by the way you're 157 00:09:09.399 --> 00:09:11.480 using it frequently. It raises anxiety when it wears off, 158 00:09:11.480 --> 00:09:16.039 that's a whole other thing. But it can reduce inhibitions, right, 159 00:09:17.080 --> 00:09:19.000 I don't know. If you spend any time in London, 160 00:09:19.360 --> 00:09:22.720 the English or very lock job, they're very tongue tied 161 00:09:23.120 --> 00:09:25.279 until you go to one of their pubs and then 162 00:09:25.320 --> 00:09:28.600 they've got that wonderful lubricant and boy they say a 163 00:09:28.639 --> 00:09:32.519 lot of stuff. So it can reduce inhibitions. It can 164 00:09:32.519 --> 00:09:37.200 make you chattier, more engaging. It even can create that 165 00:09:37.240 --> 00:09:40.720 pleasurable feeling of euphoria. You know, I'm not gonna lie. 166 00:09:41.240 --> 00:09:45.279 I love to pour myself a skinny, spicy margarita, and 167 00:09:45.360 --> 00:09:47.600 my sweet Julio thinks it's he doesn't drink it all, 168 00:09:47.639 --> 00:09:49.080 by the way, and not because he's in sourpriety. He 169 00:09:49.120 --> 00:09:50.759 just doesn't like the taste of it. He's one of 170 00:09:50.799 --> 00:09:54.039 those so I always have a designated driver. But anyway, 171 00:09:54.240 --> 00:09:57.080 he loves how like it makes me just like to 172 00:09:57.120 --> 00:09:59.679 have one drink. More than that, other things can happen. 173 00:10:01.279 --> 00:10:05.200 So alcohol can be pretty great when you're dealing with 174 00:10:05.320 --> 00:10:08.600 nerves associated with meeting a new person for the first time, 175 00:10:09.480 --> 00:10:12.320 and also the worry about checking them out, anticipating could 176 00:10:12.320 --> 00:10:15.399 you have a happy future together. But here's the big 177 00:10:15.440 --> 00:10:18.440 downside of alcohol, and this is obviously the big reason 178 00:10:18.440 --> 00:10:21.600 why people are doing sober dating. As soon as you 179 00:10:21.679 --> 00:10:26.080 reduce inhibitions, you might make some choices that you regret later, 180 00:10:26.440 --> 00:10:29.360 and of course that includes the big one, having unprotected 181 00:10:29.360 --> 00:10:33.879 sex with somebody you cringe at. What's the alcohol effect 182 00:10:33.919 --> 00:10:37.159 wears off? I know, it's all it's having to all 183 00:10:37.200 --> 00:10:38.919 of us at one point or another, and we're like, 184 00:10:38.919 --> 00:10:43.639 why did I do that? I think this trend of 185 00:10:43.720 --> 00:10:47.360 dating sober is a great idea because it can help 186 00:10:47.440 --> 00:10:51.879 you make better assessments of romantic compatibility. I mean, that's 187 00:10:51.879 --> 00:10:54.519 what dating's supposed to be, right, it was designed to 188 00:10:54.559 --> 00:10:58.039 be like this probation period where partners could determine if 189 00:10:58.039 --> 00:11:01.720 someone was worth having sex with, or worth introducing them 190 00:11:01.720 --> 00:11:07.240 to their family, or maybe even worth committing to in marriage. 191 00:11:07.440 --> 00:11:10.519 So I think it GIFs you're like this clear head 192 00:11:10.799 --> 00:11:13.720 to be able to make better decisions on date. And 193 00:11:13.759 --> 00:11:16.679 also if you are that person who has a history 194 00:11:16.879 --> 00:11:21.559 of making poor choices because of alcohol consumption, then yeah, 195 00:11:21.679 --> 00:11:24.000 I mean, removing alcohol from a date can have a 196 00:11:24.159 --> 00:11:26.919 very positive effect for you, especially on mental healthy You're 197 00:11:26.919 --> 00:11:29.559 not crying in your pillow the next day, you're not 198 00:11:29.600 --> 00:11:33.600 worried about pregnancies or an STI You're waking up with 199 00:11:33.679 --> 00:11:36.320 a clear head because you might have uttered a very 200 00:11:36.360 --> 00:11:40.720 platonic good night and thank you lovely time to someone 201 00:11:40.759 --> 00:11:43.759 you're not interested in and you never have to see 202 00:11:43.759 --> 00:11:47.559 again and you have no worries. So here's another thing. 203 00:11:48.480 --> 00:11:54.360 I think dating sober can actually foster emotional intimacy. Now, 204 00:11:54.399 --> 00:11:56.759 remember emotional intimacy is the glue. Right. If you don't 205 00:11:56.799 --> 00:11:59.120 have that glue, if your relationship is based on only 206 00:11:59.120 --> 00:12:03.279 the superficial, it's going to be a very tenuous relationship. 207 00:12:05.159 --> 00:12:08.159 But when you don't have alcohol in your system and 208 00:12:08.200 --> 00:12:11.039 you don't have that, you're not like this chatty, euphoric person. 209 00:12:11.200 --> 00:12:15.679 You're your real, authentic self. This can be very attractive 210 00:12:15.759 --> 00:12:19.519 to people, people of all genders. Right to show up 211 00:12:19.679 --> 00:12:23.720 as your true self, and that might be somebody who says, hey, 212 00:12:23.759 --> 00:12:27.080 I'm a little nervous about this, right, that's honest. Right, 213 00:12:27.279 --> 00:12:31.000 you start off with intimacy from the beginning. It's one 214 00:12:31.000 --> 00:12:32.639 of the reasons why I've been a huge fan of 215 00:12:32.679 --> 00:12:37.480 coffee dates instead of first dates in a bar. Now, 216 00:12:38.200 --> 00:12:40.840 people say, well, how do you do it? Like, how 217 00:12:40.840 --> 00:12:43.120 do you like tell somebody like you're going to do 218 00:12:43.240 --> 00:12:47.440 this right? Well, let me say, you don't need to 219 00:12:47.440 --> 00:12:50.519 tell anybody anything. You can disorder your diet coque. I 220 00:12:50.559 --> 00:12:52.120 mean it's a first date. What do they need to 221 00:12:52.120 --> 00:12:54.200 know about? Who are what you're doing? Right, if you 222 00:12:54.200 --> 00:12:58.799 have a sober, curious lifestyle, just do it. You don't 223 00:12:58.840 --> 00:13:04.679 know anybody and explanation. And also if you are worried 224 00:13:05.159 --> 00:13:07.480 that without alcohol you're going to have so much anxiety 225 00:13:07.480 --> 00:13:10.759 you won't be able to get through it. Remember, there 226 00:13:10.759 --> 00:13:15.440 are so many ways to naturally calm your parasympathic nervous system, 227 00:13:15.440 --> 00:13:18.240 I mean your sympathetic nervous system. There are ways that 228 00:13:18.320 --> 00:13:21.120 you can change your state of consciousness. You can do 229 00:13:21.159 --> 00:13:25.559 it through deep breath work, meditation, even exercise. Try any 230 00:13:25.559 --> 00:13:29.919 of those before you go out on a date. But again, 231 00:13:30.080 --> 00:13:34.039 you don't have to tell anybody what you're doing. On 232 00:13:34.120 --> 00:13:36.559 the other hand, if you have a kind of agenda, 233 00:13:36.679 --> 00:13:40.600 like let's try the sober curious dating lifestyle, and I'm 234 00:13:40.600 --> 00:13:42.639 going to message the person and say, I'm only going 235 00:13:42.679 --> 00:13:44.240 to have a date with you if you'll do sober 236 00:13:44.320 --> 00:13:46.320 dating with me. You know, I just want to remind 237 00:13:46.360 --> 00:13:50.600 you you can't change anyone else's behavior, right. You can 238 00:13:50.600 --> 00:13:53.480 only change your own behavior, and you can change your 239 00:13:53.480 --> 00:13:58.200 reaction to their behavior. But if you've got this fantasy 240 00:13:58.279 --> 00:14:00.799 that every date you have wants to try sober curious dating, 241 00:14:00.840 --> 00:14:03.279 they might not be interested, and that's okay. They still 242 00:14:03.360 --> 00:14:06.399 might be a good person. Right, here's what you do. 243 00:14:06.759 --> 00:14:10.360 This is my opinion. If you're gonna try this sober 244 00:14:10.440 --> 00:14:13.960 dating thing. Just don't date in a bar. Have a 245 00:14:14.080 --> 00:14:17.879 morning date for breakfast, an afternoon date coffee, go for 246 00:14:17.919 --> 00:14:20.679 a hike or a place where alcohol is an appropriate 247 00:14:20.799 --> 00:14:25.120 yoga class, race, car driving simulators, museums and that way 248 00:14:25.159 --> 00:14:28.679 there's no awkwardness, no need to discuss, just time and 249 00:14:28.679 --> 00:14:32.000 place to enjoy each other sober as people normally would. 250 00:14:32.919 --> 00:14:36.240 I do want to say one other thing, though, So 251 00:14:36.360 --> 00:14:38.600 when some people see you order your die coke instead 252 00:14:38.639 --> 00:14:40.720 of your drink and then you say, oh, you're just 253 00:14:40.759 --> 00:14:44.960 doing some sober dating, they might immediately assume that you 254 00:14:45.039 --> 00:14:48.840 have an alcohol use disorder. Remember, there are plenty of 255 00:14:49.240 --> 00:14:53.559 social drinkers who may be biologically addicted to alcohol but 256 00:14:53.679 --> 00:14:56.960 not psychologically addicted. So what that means is a lot 257 00:14:56.960 --> 00:14:59.759 of people who have alcohol use disorders actually have an 258 00:14:59.840 --> 00:15:02.399 under alyging mental health condition and they are self medicating 259 00:15:02.720 --> 00:15:05.919 or they have unmanageable feelings that they're unable to deal with. Right. 260 00:15:06.519 --> 00:15:07.759 But there are other people that are just in the 261 00:15:07.759 --> 00:15:09.960 habit of drinking every day. An alcohol station in your 262 00:15:09.960 --> 00:15:12.759 system for about twenty four hours and then so you know, 263 00:15:12.840 --> 00:15:14.879 it's like you get a craving again. It's five o'clock 264 00:15:14.919 --> 00:15:19.480 somewhere right, you get that craving again. So for those 265 00:15:19.480 --> 00:15:23.039 people who might be biologically addicted, I would suggest learning 266 00:15:23.120 --> 00:15:25.399 to drink socially two or three times a week. That 267 00:15:25.440 --> 00:15:29.519 can improve your health, mental health, physical health. And if 268 00:15:29.519 --> 00:15:31.679 you don't have an alcohol use disorder, you can just 269 00:15:31.759 --> 00:15:33.600 explain to your date that you just like to have 270 00:15:33.639 --> 00:15:37.200 a clear head during a date. Now, if anything I've 271 00:15:37.240 --> 00:15:39.559 said strikes you as oh, maybe I do have an 272 00:15:39.559 --> 00:15:43.120 alcohol use disorder, I just want to say, don't try 273 00:15:43.120 --> 00:15:47.559 to quit alone. Reach out to a licensed addiction treatment 274 00:15:47.639 --> 00:15:52.440 counselor or look up your local Alcoholics Anonymous chapter. Okay, 275 00:15:52.759 --> 00:15:56.240 don't try to do it alone. But for you social drinkers, 276 00:15:56.639 --> 00:15:58.440 if you want to be sober and a date, go 277 00:15:58.600 --> 00:16:01.279 for it. Hey, when we come back, there's a trend 278 00:16:01.360 --> 00:16:06.120 happening with some men online that's very, very disturbing. Let's 279 00:16:06.159 --> 00:16:08.120 talk about it when we come back. You're listening to 280 00:16:08.120 --> 00:16:10.720 The Doctor Wendy Wall Show on I AM six forty 281 00:16:11.039 --> 00:16:13.440 Live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. 282 00:16:13.840 --> 00:16:18.159 You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI 283 00:16:18.279 --> 00:16:19.200 AM six forty. 284 00:16:19.720 --> 00:16:23.600 The Doctor Wendywall Show on KFI AM six forty live 285 00:16:23.759 --> 00:16:28.799 everywhere on the iHeartRadio app all right, from sober dating 286 00:16:29.200 --> 00:16:35.200 to something even more sobering. You might have heard about this. Men, 287 00:16:36.159 --> 00:16:40.240 certain men, some men, probably only a small minority of 288 00:16:40.360 --> 00:16:46.759 men are taking this electoral win of the far right 289 00:16:47.960 --> 00:16:53.679 to social media in a way that is heartbreaking. Now, 290 00:16:54.279 --> 00:17:00.919 there's an institute called the Institute for Strategic Dialogue CALLEDSD. 291 00:17:01.159 --> 00:17:05.759 So they're a group of their independent, their nonprofit organizations, 292 00:17:05.799 --> 00:17:09.680 and what they're all about is trying to safeguard human 293 00:17:09.799 --> 00:17:14.400 rights and trying to reverse the rising tide of polarization 294 00:17:15.000 --> 00:17:18.759 or extremism or disinformation worldwide. So they do a lot 295 00:17:18.799 --> 00:17:22.160 of research and some of the things they say on 296 00:17:22.200 --> 00:17:23.559 their website, well, first of all, it was brought to 297 00:17:23.559 --> 00:17:29.079 my attention because people were sending me screenshots of these 298 00:17:29.200 --> 00:17:32.319 things men are posting on x and even Instagram. And 299 00:17:32.319 --> 00:17:34.279 we're not talking about every man. We're talking about very 300 00:17:34.279 --> 00:17:38.440 small minority. But the things that they feel are okay 301 00:17:38.480 --> 00:17:45.480 to say publicly now are pretty shocking. So so you 302 00:17:45.559 --> 00:17:50.000 know that this particular election was focused a lot on 303 00:17:50.079 --> 00:17:56.839 women's reproductive rights, and following Vice President Kamala Harris's loss, 304 00:17:58.119 --> 00:18:05.920 there grew this online. I'm going to say it abuse, harassment, misogyny, 305 00:18:05.960 --> 00:18:10.519 and it started really this emboldened group of men. They 306 00:18:10.519 --> 00:18:15.200 call themselves online the man O Sphere, m anosp man 307 00:18:15.319 --> 00:18:21.039 O Sphere, and they are influencers or people who just 308 00:18:21.119 --> 00:18:27.920 have extreme ideologies and they are delighted that the Supreme 309 00:18:27.960 --> 00:18:34.079 Court struck down Roe v. Wade. They use these platforms 310 00:18:34.480 --> 00:18:38.319 to say things that are shocking. Now, this group who 311 00:18:38.359 --> 00:18:42.240 does research, the ISD, observed reports of these narratives being 312 00:18:42.319 --> 00:18:46.480 used to harass women online, particularly on high school and 313 00:18:46.559 --> 00:18:50.680 college campuses. In fact, in just twenty four hours after 314 00:18:50.720 --> 00:18:54.920 the election results came in, they have found a forty 315 00:18:55.079 --> 00:19:00.279 six hundred increase in mentions of get ready for I'm 316 00:19:00.319 --> 00:19:03.319 going to say something disgusting, but it's being tweeted all 317 00:19:03.319 --> 00:19:08.519 over the internet right now, Your body my choice? Can 318 00:19:08.559 --> 00:19:14.440 you imagine? Or get back in the kitchen. They're using 319 00:19:14.440 --> 00:19:21.440 the C word a lot. They're attacking certain feminists online 320 00:19:21.960 --> 00:19:25.960 and literally there's a guy named I don't even want 321 00:19:25.960 --> 00:19:28.640 to say his name, but he's a white nationalist podcaster 322 00:19:28.720 --> 00:19:32.119 who's a big influencer, has tons of followers. He wrote 323 00:19:32.400 --> 00:19:38.319 your Body, My Choice Forever, Period and it has received 324 00:19:39.119 --> 00:19:47.240 thirty five million views, and women on TikTok are starting 325 00:19:47.279 --> 00:19:51.000 to talk about how scared they are having to delete 326 00:19:51.000 --> 00:19:54.200 this kind of harassment on an every day. Now, I'm 327 00:19:54.240 --> 00:19:57.319 somebody who has been in the media for decades, and 328 00:19:58.000 --> 00:20:00.000 I will tell you I have been canceled many times 329 00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:03.400 times because, as I say, sometimes when I'm doing a 330 00:20:03.440 --> 00:20:06.519 slap back at somebody, I'm like, it's a tweet, it's 331 00:20:06.599 --> 00:20:09.839 not a dissertation. In other words, one sentence doesn't sum 332 00:20:09.920 --> 00:20:18.599 up all the thoughts that I have. Right, So apparently, well, 333 00:20:18.640 --> 00:20:20.920 what I want to explain is that during the few 334 00:20:20.920 --> 00:20:23.960 times even me, with my strong backbone and good self esteem, 335 00:20:24.200 --> 00:20:28.440 has been canceled. I'm not gonna lie. It hurts. It 336 00:20:28.519 --> 00:20:32.920 hurts a lot. There's research to show that emotional pain, 337 00:20:33.640 --> 00:20:39.119 and especially when it's public shame, can feel the same 338 00:20:39.160 --> 00:20:45.319 way on the brain as physical pain. Right, And so 339 00:20:45.319 --> 00:20:48.039 so many young women are being harassed online with this 340 00:20:48.079 --> 00:20:53.000 phrase your body, my choice, and now we're hearing that 341 00:20:53.640 --> 00:20:58.119 young boys are chanting it at high schools and on 342 00:20:58.200 --> 00:21:02.839 college campuses. In fact, one parent stated today my daughter 343 00:21:02.920 --> 00:21:09.119 was told three separate times on campus your body my choice, 344 00:21:09.279 --> 00:21:12.200 and a third group of boys told her you better 345 00:21:12.279 --> 00:21:16.240 sleep with one eye open. Tonight. I mean, I'm shocked. 346 00:21:16.519 --> 00:21:18.400 I have to tell you. So this has nothing to 347 00:21:18.400 --> 00:21:21.000 do with sexual assault, but the fear that women have, 348 00:21:22.119 --> 00:21:26.039 especially when they're young, about high disosterone boys and what 349 00:21:26.079 --> 00:21:29.160 they could possibly do. When I was in the eighth grade, 350 00:21:31.359 --> 00:21:34.279 the boys started this thing. Now, this was in Canada 351 00:21:34.319 --> 00:21:36.480 and there was snow on the ground. We had started 352 00:21:36.480 --> 00:21:38.440 to wear makeup, a little mascara, maybe a little lip 353 00:21:38.480 --> 00:21:40.880 glass whatever. Eighth grade, right, we're fourteen, We're starting to 354 00:21:40.880 --> 00:21:43.799 wear a little makeup. And the boys thought this was funny. 355 00:21:43.839 --> 00:21:46.480 So they thought they would meet us at the gates 356 00:21:46.519 --> 00:21:48.640 to the school yard before we came in to the 357 00:21:48.680 --> 00:21:51.920 safety of the schoolyard and they would quote unquote wash 358 00:21:52.000 --> 00:21:55.720 our face out with snow. Now, let me explain how 359 00:21:55.799 --> 00:21:59.480 terrifying this is. Because you have big mittened hands of 360 00:21:59.559 --> 00:22:03.240 boys with so much snow on your face. That's rough, 361 00:22:03.319 --> 00:22:06.440 it's got ice particles in it. They're trying to mess 362 00:22:06.519 --> 00:22:08.599 up your mascara to make you look ugly when you 363 00:22:08.640 --> 00:22:11.440 walk onto campus. Eighth grade boys, what can I say 364 00:22:11.759 --> 00:22:14.680 but the terror because it's suffocating. You got hands all 365 00:22:14.680 --> 00:22:17.240 over your face, pushing snow in your face. So anyway, 366 00:22:17.240 --> 00:22:20.359 of course, me, being an early feminist and not knowing it, 367 00:22:20.559 --> 00:22:22.960 went and complained to the teacher, of the principal and everybody. 368 00:22:23.279 --> 00:22:25.359 And I was the one who mostly got in trouble 369 00:22:25.359 --> 00:22:27.680 that I couldn't take a joke. No, this was a 370 00:22:27.720 --> 00:22:29.480 long time ago, and I think it would be treated 371 00:22:29.599 --> 00:22:34.079 very differently today. But I feel like the words these 372 00:22:34.839 --> 00:22:38.119 you know guys are using on college campuses, in high 373 00:22:38.119 --> 00:22:43.680 schools and probably even middle schools. They're also calling for 374 00:22:43.759 --> 00:22:47.720 the nineteenth Amendment to be repealed. That's the one that 375 00:22:47.759 --> 00:22:54.039 gave women the vote. Okay, and this stuff is being retweeted, reposted, 376 00:22:54.160 --> 00:23:02.440 pushed around. It's terrifying. It's terrifying now, somebody, So there 377 00:23:02.480 --> 00:23:06.400 is some some women out there who are saying, oh no, actually, 378 00:23:06.519 --> 00:23:08.160 you know the worst of the worst, right the massages. 379 00:23:08.200 --> 00:23:10.279 Andrew Tate, if you haven't heard of himn't look him up, please, 380 00:23:10.279 --> 00:23:12.039 he doesn't need it. And one more person to follow him. 381 00:23:12.759 --> 00:23:15.759 He quoted that this is what he put on X. 382 00:23:16.200 --> 00:23:18.759 I saw a woman crossing the road today, but I 383 00:23:18.839 --> 00:23:21.759 just kept my foot down right of way. You no 384 00:23:21.839 --> 00:23:26.119 longer have rights. That post received almost a million views 385 00:23:26.160 --> 00:23:32.279 in two hours. So anyway, what are women doing in response. 386 00:23:33.400 --> 00:23:36.720 You might be surprised to learn that women are doing 387 00:23:36.759 --> 00:23:40.200 something that you might consider to be old fashioned, but 388 00:23:40.279 --> 00:23:43.079 now it's considered modern. Let's talk about it when we 389 00:23:43.119 --> 00:23:45.480 come back. You are listening to the Doctor Wendy Walls 390 00:23:45.559 --> 00:23:49.000 Show on KFI AM six forty. We're live everywhere on 391 00:23:49.079 --> 00:23:50.200 the iHeartRadio App. 392 00:23:50.519 --> 00:23:54.839 You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI 393 00:23:54.920 --> 00:23:55.839 AM six forty. 394 00:23:56.559 --> 00:23:58.920 Welcome back to the Dr Wendy Walls Show on KFI 395 00:23:59.000 --> 00:24:03.000 AM six forty, Live everywhere on the iHeartRadio App. I 396 00:24:03.039 --> 00:24:06.839 know that last segment was a downer. I'm as disturbed 397 00:24:06.920 --> 00:24:11.240 by this as you are. We talk about how polarized 398 00:24:11.279 --> 00:24:17.000 we've become, but really, to divide the sexes that much 399 00:24:18.319 --> 00:24:23.000 it scares me. But you know, whenever men do something, 400 00:24:23.759 --> 00:24:30.039 women find a way to retaliate. Remember this recent victory 401 00:24:30.559 --> 00:24:33.519