WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.280 --> 00:00:02.120 Baby, you are my game statue. 2 00:00:02.759 --> 00:00:04.919 It takes at a tangle you. 3 00:00:05.679 --> 00:00:09.199 Mess with me, Mess with Me by Gangstato. 4 00:00:12.439 --> 00:00:16.359 Ohuch, baby game statoo. 5 00:00:23.839 --> 00:00:26.800 For good warning, this podcast is designed to take you 6 00:00:26.839 --> 00:00:29.839 outside of your comfort zone and make you question reality. 7 00:00:30.239 --> 00:00:42.600 Listener discretion is a vibe, fellas, this ain't my first 8 00:00:42.679 --> 00:00:44.640 time at the rodeos. 9 00:00:52.119 --> 00:00:55.640 Hi and welcome back to another episode of Deplorable Nation. 10 00:00:55.920 --> 00:00:59.479 I'm your host, Deplorable Janet, and today I want to 11 00:00:59.520 --> 00:01:04.400 say welcome to this episode because it is a Uber 12 00:01:04.640 --> 00:01:10.239 special Ladies round Table and it is entitled a Little 13 00:01:10.400 --> 00:01:15.640 Inspiration because all of us need inspiration at times. There 14 00:01:15.640 --> 00:01:18.439 are always things that we struggle with in our day 15 00:01:18.480 --> 00:01:22.319 to day life, and sometimes we forget that somebody else 16 00:01:22.400 --> 00:01:25.120 may have been there, may have had the same feelings 17 00:01:25.280 --> 00:01:29.400 or thoughts or emotions going on at the time. So 18 00:01:30.519 --> 00:01:33.959 I'm super excited about this episode today and we are 19 00:01:34.079 --> 00:01:38.120 going to break down some Bible verses for you guys 20 00:01:38.159 --> 00:01:42.640 today and why they are important to each phase of 21 00:01:42.640 --> 00:01:48.000 our life and why it resonates with us. So, without 22 00:01:48.040 --> 00:01:53.239 further ado, welcome back, Miss Heidi. How are you good? 23 00:01:53.319 --> 00:01:55.760 I'm happy always to be here and especially with the 24 00:01:55.840 --> 00:01:58.319 ladies and I love all of you, so thank you 25 00:01:58.359 --> 00:01:59.599 so much for inviting me. 26 00:02:01.159 --> 00:02:04.040 And stoked to have all of you beautiful ladies on 27 00:02:04.560 --> 00:02:09.000 so welcome mess Tamera, how are you, my dear fine Mischiana. 28 00:02:09.120 --> 00:02:09.960 Thank you so much. 29 00:02:10.000 --> 00:02:13.319 And that's how I know everybody is through you. That's 30 00:02:13.319 --> 00:02:16.879 why Julia and Heidi and then did deep dives on 31 00:02:16.919 --> 00:02:20.879 both of them, oh my goodness with their channels, and uh, 32 00:02:21.240 --> 00:02:24.240 I have so much respect for everybody, but I can't 33 00:02:24.400 --> 00:02:26.039 imagine what you've been through. 34 00:02:26.159 --> 00:02:30.719 So with the p s O c or P s. 35 00:02:30.719 --> 00:02:32.919 O c os p c O s. 36 00:02:33.479 --> 00:02:37.960 Yeah, I'm with your whole background and your upbringing and everything, 37 00:02:39.479 --> 00:02:43.879 and Janet with your origins stories, with troubles, grascia. So 38 00:02:44.439 --> 00:02:49.400 I'm I mean, I was much to offer, but I'm 39 00:02:49.439 --> 00:02:52.439 just learning so much from you guys, and I'm inspired 40 00:02:52.879 --> 00:02:55.280 beyond words from every single one of you. 41 00:02:55.639 --> 00:02:56.159 Everybody. 42 00:02:56.360 --> 00:03:00.439 You, sweetie, I think you have not not less offer. 43 00:03:00.520 --> 00:03:03.159 Like my husband grew up in beaver Cleavertown, but here's 44 00:03:03.199 --> 00:03:07.439 the thing. You you have a perspective, like really, he 45 00:03:07.520 --> 00:03:10.439 always says, like your family, I just and I'm like, 46 00:03:10.560 --> 00:03:12.400 I know, I know, I know, and he's like, I 47 00:03:12.439 --> 00:03:14.759 just can't imagine and I'm like, listen, it doesn't have 48 00:03:14.879 --> 00:03:17.159 to be the same for all of us to be inspiring. 49 00:03:17.319 --> 00:03:22.199 So you're social, right, And I love this panel because 50 00:03:22.800 --> 00:03:30.000 everybody is a super strong, independent, intelligent woman and I 51 00:03:30.039 --> 00:03:32.639 love that, and I love that none of us are 52 00:03:32.680 --> 00:03:34.080 afraid to use our voices. 53 00:03:34.240 --> 00:03:39.159 So right, the estrogen in this room is radiata. 54 00:03:39.520 --> 00:03:42.719 Well me and Julia. Me and Julia have pcos, so 55 00:03:42.759 --> 00:03:43.919 we have less estrogen. 56 00:03:45.039 --> 00:03:50.120 Right, Yeah, I guess you. Yeah, there you go. 57 00:03:51.000 --> 00:03:53.280 I was just surprised that it's been how long without 58 00:03:53.319 --> 00:03:57.319 the F bomb from Julia, So yeah, see. 59 00:03:57.000 --> 00:04:00.840 I make an effort when I come on Janish that's 60 00:04:00.919 --> 00:04:04.759 not true. I may if we're talking about Jesus. Okay, 61 00:04:05.199 --> 00:04:07.400 I'm trying to limit the F bombs. 62 00:04:07.719 --> 00:04:11.599 I have about to say f I thought somebody say 63 00:04:11.639 --> 00:04:15.080 that on my podcast the review at the bottom, and 64 00:04:15.120 --> 00:04:18.160 I said, listen, everybody has the right to free speech. 65 00:04:18.600 --> 00:04:21.120 I literally told you just the word people. 66 00:04:21.199 --> 00:04:25.439 But you know the beautiful thing about that is we 67 00:04:25.639 --> 00:04:30.199 are all still in the process of being sanctified. So 68 00:04:30.720 --> 00:04:35.120 if you cuss, you're not going to stop cussing absolutely 69 00:04:35.319 --> 00:04:40.240 one overnight. It takes time. It's just like you know, 70 00:04:40.680 --> 00:04:43.279 yesterday you are a bad person today. You're not going 71 00:04:43.319 --> 00:04:47.600 to be one hundred percent good and not make mistakes 72 00:04:47.600 --> 00:04:49.240 the learning all of us. 73 00:04:49.439 --> 00:04:52.480 It doesn't say anything about not cussing in the Bible. 74 00:04:52.560 --> 00:04:54.800 It only talks about taking the Lord's name in vain 75 00:04:55.560 --> 00:04:59.000 and like being a liar. And so I feel like 76 00:04:59.040 --> 00:05:03.720 it's up for game. I'm not giving it up today, right, Yeah. 77 00:05:05.360 --> 00:05:07.160 Record, I was just really impressed. 78 00:05:07.240 --> 00:05:10.240 I was just you know, yeah, you know, And you 79 00:05:10.240 --> 00:05:12.879 don't think it hasn't popped up in my mind like 80 00:05:13.000 --> 00:05:17.720 eight times, and I've just silenced them because I'm I'm 81 00:05:17.759 --> 00:05:24.759 trying for the Lord, you guys. 82 00:05:24.040 --> 00:05:29.680 Yeah, So, last but not laced. Welcome back to the show, 83 00:05:29.759 --> 00:05:31.120 miss Julia. How are you. 84 00:05:32.079 --> 00:05:35.560 I'm so thrilled to be here, Janet, thanks for having me. 85 00:05:35.639 --> 00:05:38.000 And I've got a ton of notes and actually I 86 00:05:38.079 --> 00:05:41.439 put some stuff in my notes that hopefully we'll kind 87 00:05:41.439 --> 00:05:44.800 of switch it up a little bit. Because I grew 88 00:05:44.920 --> 00:05:48.879 up and I feel fortunate that I grew up in 89 00:05:48.920 --> 00:05:52.000 the time when they started making like a lot of 90 00:05:52.040 --> 00:05:57.240 movies and stuff, like Christian movies geared towards kids, and 91 00:05:57.399 --> 00:05:59.959 a lot of this stuff I learned as a kid 92 00:06:00.160 --> 00:06:03.759 came from like those kids movies, and so I have 93 00:06:03.839 --> 00:06:06.639 a little bit of stuff in there about that. But 94 00:06:08.000 --> 00:06:10.279 I'm a nineties kid obviously, That's why I made the 95 00:06:10.360 --> 00:06:16.639 nineties series. But there was some stuff like veggietails. Yeah, 96 00:06:16.680 --> 00:06:18.560 and I grew up with that, and I think that 97 00:06:19.480 --> 00:06:21.439 I don't even know if they do veggietails anymore. I 98 00:06:21.480 --> 00:06:23.519 don't even know if that's a thing, if they. 99 00:06:23.600 --> 00:06:29.079 I've actually seen veggie tails in person, did you really? 100 00:06:29.439 --> 00:06:29.720 I did? 101 00:06:30.199 --> 00:06:30.560 Yes? 102 00:06:30.800 --> 00:06:32.079 Was it vegetaries? 103 00:06:33.040 --> 00:06:38.120 My parents own like timeshare stuff or whatever. And we 104 00:06:38.120 --> 00:06:41.360 were in Branson one time and the veggie Tails actually 105 00:06:41.439 --> 00:06:44.680 were performing there, So that's amazing. 106 00:06:44.959 --> 00:06:46.360 Yeah, so pop Show. 107 00:06:46.519 --> 00:06:49.920 It wasn't for me, it was for my daughter. Well 108 00:06:50.000 --> 00:06:53.560 I liked it too, But you know, I like Larry 109 00:06:53.600 --> 00:06:56.000 the Cucumber. I think he's one of me too. 110 00:06:56.759 --> 00:06:57.839 I like the Tomato. 111 00:06:59.319 --> 00:06:59.720 We were a. 112 00:07:01.800 --> 00:07:04.439 Remember Wiggles era. 113 00:07:05.639 --> 00:07:07.600 I was part of the Wiggles era too. 114 00:07:08.079 --> 00:07:09.000 Yeah. 115 00:07:09.199 --> 00:07:17.600 Yep, hot potato, hot potato, mm hmmm, salad. 116 00:07:18.680 --> 00:07:21.040 Oh my gosh, that's horrible. It gets stuck in your head. 117 00:07:21.199 --> 00:07:23.920 And if I could tell you about Julia, we are 118 00:07:23.959 --> 00:07:25.720 so happy that you are happy. 119 00:07:25.920 --> 00:07:29.360 We are incredible, thank you, absolute. 120 00:07:31.120 --> 00:07:34.319 And the challenges from previous relationships. 121 00:07:33.639 --> 00:07:38.040 And I actually got a scripture in there, uh that 122 00:07:38.120 --> 00:07:40.920 I'm saving til the end about that because I feel 123 00:07:41.000 --> 00:07:45.639 like this this last year has been probably one of 124 00:07:45.680 --> 00:07:49.639 the most interesting years of my entire life, and uh 125 00:07:49.680 --> 00:07:52.639 it's and then when Janet texted me about this episode, 126 00:07:52.680 --> 00:07:54.519 that was the first thing that popped into my mind. 127 00:07:54.560 --> 00:07:57.800 So I'm saving it for the end, but I'm excited 128 00:07:57.839 --> 00:07:59.560 to get into it. I think this is going to 129 00:07:59.600 --> 00:07:59.920 be great. 130 00:08:00.759 --> 00:08:05.839 I love this. So I don't know how you guys 131 00:08:05.879 --> 00:08:10.079 want to start this, but like Teresa was originally going 132 00:08:10.199 --> 00:08:14.120 to come on, and her suggestion was to move through 133 00:08:14.839 --> 00:08:19.600 like phases of your life and what has stuck out 134 00:08:19.639 --> 00:08:25.040 to you verse wise for each time of your life, 135 00:08:25.399 --> 00:08:29.040 and you know how that's affected you. So one thing 136 00:08:29.079 --> 00:08:31.519 that I'm gonna say, and this is my start off. 137 00:08:31.720 --> 00:08:35.960 So this may start a we tad dark, okay for 138 00:08:36.080 --> 00:08:40.279 me personally, but there's a very specific reason why I 139 00:08:40.399 --> 00:08:45.120 chose this verse. It is Psalms twenty seventy ten, and 140 00:08:45.159 --> 00:08:49.080 it says, though my father and mother forsake me, the 141 00:08:49.279 --> 00:08:54.759 Lord will receive me. So this is speaking directly to 142 00:08:54.960 --> 00:08:57.039 me and to a lot of other people that I 143 00:08:57.159 --> 00:09:01.639 know went through the same situation where your parents didn't 144 00:09:01.679 --> 00:09:04.440 show love to you, they didn't show affection to you. 145 00:09:05.879 --> 00:09:10.519 In my case, I was the child that basically wasn't 146 00:09:10.559 --> 00:09:14.399 favored in any way, shape or form. So I know 147 00:09:14.639 --> 00:09:17.720 there's a lot of people out there that can identify 148 00:09:17.759 --> 00:09:23.519 with this verse. But take this and learn from this verse, 149 00:09:23.679 --> 00:09:29.879 because even though people like your parents, your spouse, whatever 150 00:09:30.000 --> 00:09:33.919 it is in your life doesn't work out, God has 151 00:09:33.960 --> 00:09:36.519 a better plan for you. He's always going to have 152 00:09:36.600 --> 00:09:38.799 your back, He's always going to be there for you, 153 00:09:39.399 --> 00:09:42.240 and if you ask him, he will provide you better 154 00:09:42.360 --> 00:09:46.879 things and different people to fill those roles that are 155 00:09:46.919 --> 00:09:48.159 missing from your life. 156 00:09:50.120 --> 00:09:52.879 Yeah, one hundred, even if you feel like you're in 157 00:09:53.000 --> 00:09:55.799 dire streets at the time, which I know it can 158 00:09:55.840 --> 00:09:59.440 feel like that, especially as a kid, because you know 159 00:09:59.559 --> 00:10:02.799 it's pretty bleak as a child trying to figure out 160 00:10:02.879 --> 00:10:05.679 why your relationships with your own parents sucks so bad. 161 00:10:05.759 --> 00:10:07.879 But I do. 162 00:10:08.080 --> 00:10:10.639 I love that scripture, Janet. That's a really good one. 163 00:10:10.679 --> 00:10:14.080 I have a similar one, but I didn't find it 164 00:10:14.240 --> 00:10:17.440 until I was I put it in my teenage category 165 00:10:19.360 --> 00:10:21.360 and I'll bring it up later. But I love that one. 166 00:10:21.480 --> 00:10:23.879 I had totally forgotten about that one is a good one. 167 00:10:25.279 --> 00:10:27.639 Anybody else have one for childhood? 168 00:10:28.480 --> 00:10:32.879 I have a silly sorry, Heidi, Oh you're good, silly 169 00:10:33.000 --> 00:10:37.159 one for childhood. When we were little, every Christmas, my 170 00:10:37.240 --> 00:10:40.519 grandfather would is there any way I can do. 171 00:10:40.440 --> 00:10:47.840 A screen share? Janet? So? 172 00:10:48.320 --> 00:10:54.360 And then every Christmas he would do a special he 173 00:10:54.399 --> 00:11:00.159 would do a special reciting of oops of the uh 174 00:11:00.879 --> 00:11:04.080 shepherds and the angels and so oh, I don't know, 175 00:11:04.120 --> 00:11:05.240 I don't know how to get out of this, but 176 00:11:07.759 --> 00:11:10.600 when he would, he would he would sing it the 177 00:11:10.759 --> 00:11:13.799 entire thing. He rememberized it at childhood, and then when 178 00:11:14.080 --> 00:11:17.080 when he was little, and he would My brother was 179 00:11:17.120 --> 00:11:19.639 about two years younger than I was, and my grandfather 180 00:11:19.639 --> 00:11:21.759 would say the part and he would say and they 181 00:11:21.799 --> 00:11:23.519 were sore afraid, and we. 182 00:11:23.480 --> 00:11:25.360 Would laugh and laugh and laught. We thought he was 183 00:11:25.399 --> 00:11:26.000 making it up. 184 00:11:26.480 --> 00:11:29.159 And so now he's when he was one hundred years old, 185 00:11:29.480 --> 00:11:32.960 can you guys hear me? When he was one hundred 186 00:11:33.000 --> 00:11:36.559 years old, he could still recite it from memory. Just 187 00:11:36.639 --> 00:11:38.879 absolutely amazing. And so we went to visit him on 188 00:11:38.879 --> 00:11:41.799 his hundreth birthday and so for me he did a 189 00:11:41.879 --> 00:11:44.559 video recording of this and it's just a tiny little 190 00:11:44.559 --> 00:11:45.679 bit the part that is in blue. 191 00:11:45.759 --> 00:11:48.320 Can you see the screen? Okay? 192 00:11:48.360 --> 00:11:49.960 And then he would say so afraid. My brother and 193 00:11:50.000 --> 00:11:51.799 I would crack up laughing. And he did that while 194 00:11:51.799 --> 00:11:54.159 we were growing up, so it was just a really cute. 195 00:12:00.120 --> 00:12:00.840 And they were. 196 00:12:03.919 --> 00:12:04.279 Laughed. 197 00:12:06.639 --> 00:12:07.639 That's so cute. 198 00:12:07.679 --> 00:12:10.840 I love that, though, I did you make that up? 199 00:12:11.200 --> 00:12:12.039 Sore afraid? 200 00:12:12.879 --> 00:12:17.120 Yeah, it's Bible, and that's I thought. We thought he 201 00:12:17.200 --> 00:12:18.320 made it up when we were little. 202 00:12:18.360 --> 00:12:19.840 We thought it was the funniest thing in the whole 203 00:12:19.840 --> 00:12:21.559 world because it recite the whole thing and it gets 204 00:12:21.559 --> 00:12:22.200 a sore afraid. 205 00:12:22.279 --> 00:12:24.519 We're like, oh, that's like. I didn't realize it. 206 00:12:24.600 --> 00:12:26.720 Honestly, I did not realize it was in the Bible 207 00:12:26.799 --> 00:12:29.000 until we were older. And then so when he was 208 00:12:29.000 --> 00:12:30.720 a hundred, he did that, and I just thought it 209 00:12:30.720 --> 00:12:32.519 was cute, so cute. 210 00:12:33.679 --> 00:12:40.399 Wow, that's a good living right there, So Miss Heidi, 211 00:12:40.519 --> 00:12:41.080 how about you? 212 00:12:41.799 --> 00:12:45.639 Yes, I always think of Psalms in general. I I 213 00:12:45.720 --> 00:12:48.799 kind of looked at this with books and sometimes I'll 214 00:12:48.840 --> 00:12:51.679 probably just throw books out there, but in general one 215 00:12:51.799 --> 00:12:54.480 eighteen six of the Psalms, the Lord is on my side. 216 00:12:54.519 --> 00:12:56.320 I will not fear what can man do to me? 217 00:12:56.919 --> 00:13:00.360 And I'm like that that to me always spoke out 218 00:13:00.440 --> 00:13:03.200 volumes because a lot of times I was on my 219 00:13:03.320 --> 00:13:08.519 own in some precarious situations as a kid, and I 220 00:13:09.080 --> 00:13:11.759 was afraid a lot. Like what kid isn't afraid, you know? 221 00:13:11.879 --> 00:13:14.480 But also I had my little brother, and so I 222 00:13:14.519 --> 00:13:18.320 think I needed to be stronger and help him, you know, 223 00:13:18.879 --> 00:13:21.480 and not be afraid. So that one always kind of 224 00:13:21.480 --> 00:13:23.679 helped me do that, I guess. 225 00:13:23.919 --> 00:13:27.759 Yeah, so that's a good one I did. 226 00:13:27.879 --> 00:13:28.440 I'm lame. 227 00:13:28.519 --> 00:13:33.200 I didn't put any specific scripture because childhood, like I said, 228 00:13:33.639 --> 00:13:37.240 growing up in the nineties, I put down VeggieTales, learned 229 00:13:37.320 --> 00:13:39.679 lots of good stuff from vegetails, and. 230 00:13:39.679 --> 00:13:40.200 We love that. 231 00:13:40.360 --> 00:13:44.759 I put here's a good conspiracy one for you ladies. 232 00:13:45.320 --> 00:13:48.759 The Prince of Egypt came out when I was a kid, 233 00:13:48.960 --> 00:13:52.519 and it's a DreamWorks production, and I learned from Colby 234 00:13:52.600 --> 00:13:57.080 last night that that's a Stephens Spielberg project, So I mean, 235 00:13:57.159 --> 00:14:00.320 take it with a grain of salt. But I remember 236 00:14:00.320 --> 00:14:05.080 watching The Prince of Egypt. Obviously it's the Moses story, 237 00:14:05.480 --> 00:14:10.279 and I had the whole movie soundtrack memorized and on 238 00:14:10.360 --> 00:14:15.960 my phone, and I just remember, maybe all kids are 239 00:14:16.000 --> 00:14:17.919 like this, and they just have like a heart for 240 00:14:18.000 --> 00:14:20.720 the Lord. But when I watched it, I was like, mom, 241 00:14:20.759 --> 00:14:23.840 did that really happen? And like she put her baby 242 00:14:23.919 --> 00:14:26.960 in this basket and like it went through all the 243 00:14:27.120 --> 00:14:31.159 and it got and they raised him as like an 244 00:14:31.200 --> 00:14:34.240 Egyptian and then he came back. You know, obviously the 245 00:14:34.279 --> 00:14:37.399 Moses story, but when you watch it as a kid, 246 00:14:37.399 --> 00:14:41.200 and they cartoonized the whole thing, it was like, this 247 00:14:41.240 --> 00:14:44.320 is epic. There's no way this could have really happened. 248 00:14:44.360 --> 00:14:49.600 It's so crazy, And I was obsessed with it for 249 00:14:49.679 --> 00:14:52.320 like the longest And then they followed it up with 250 00:14:52.440 --> 00:14:56.320 this movie called Joseph King of Dreams. I'm pretty sure 251 00:14:56.399 --> 00:14:59.360 that was DreamWorks too, but it's about the code of 252 00:14:59.399 --> 00:15:03.600 Many Color, and that one I even got obsessed with 253 00:15:03.679 --> 00:15:06.200 because I was like, oh my god, you know, and 254 00:15:06.240 --> 00:15:08.960 they put him in the dungeon for how long twenty 255 00:15:09.039 --> 00:15:13.240 years or something like that, and he ended up being 256 00:15:13.279 --> 00:15:16.519 able to interpret all these dreams for the Pharaoh, and 257 00:15:16.679 --> 00:15:21.559 oh my goodness, I was ubsessed. And like, as a kid, 258 00:15:22.320 --> 00:15:24.600 it's easy to get into that stuff when they make 259 00:15:24.679 --> 00:15:27.600 it for kids, you know, and they put songs and 260 00:15:27.720 --> 00:15:32.399 dances and stuff in it. But I just remember the 261 00:15:32.600 --> 00:15:39.120 story about Joseph was just otherworldly almost because you hear 262 00:15:39.159 --> 00:15:43.120 about stuff like that, like someone interpreting dreams and you 263 00:15:43.120 --> 00:15:45.720 know whatever. It's almost like you would say it was 264 00:15:45.799 --> 00:15:47.799 a cult now because every. 265 00:15:49.240 --> 00:15:50.840 Thinking the exact same thing. 266 00:15:51.080 --> 00:15:53.519 People now would be like, oh, you should shy away 267 00:15:53.519 --> 00:15:58.720 from that, like anything that right, Like it's basically somebody 268 00:15:58.720 --> 00:16:03.360 being a visionary and having like medium powers and things 269 00:16:03.399 --> 00:16:07.879 like that. And I got attacked nine ways from Sunday 270 00:16:07.960 --> 00:16:11.240 the other day from an episode that I did, like 271 00:16:11.399 --> 00:16:15.360 I don't know, three years ago, oh, with a medium, 272 00:16:16.200 --> 00:16:18.840 and I was you know, it was like, oh, you 273 00:16:18.879 --> 00:16:21.879 should stay away from people like that, and they're gonna like, 274 00:16:22.600 --> 00:16:23.399 you know whatever. 275 00:16:23.440 --> 00:16:28.120 It was it a female medium, Yes? Was it Whitney? 276 00:16:28.440 --> 00:16:29.399 Yes? 277 00:16:29.600 --> 00:16:31.200 Yeah, I really like her. 278 00:16:31.559 --> 00:16:35.519 Yeah, And it wasn't It wasn't like seeking counsel of 279 00:16:35.759 --> 00:16:40.480 or anything like that. I just love hearing people's stories 280 00:16:40.639 --> 00:16:44.840 and how trauma led to this kind of thing, because 281 00:16:45.200 --> 00:16:49.879 the thing that people miss is that organized religion is 282 00:16:49.960 --> 00:16:53.039 who tells you that all of these things are terrible, right, 283 00:16:53.159 --> 00:16:57.240 and and you know, uh, crystals and all of that stuff, 284 00:16:57.279 --> 00:17:01.799 and it's woo woo. But all throughout the Bible there 285 00:17:01.840 --> 00:17:09.799 are stories like everywhere where people have these specific special gifts, 286 00:17:10.400 --> 00:17:14.920 you know, and that yeah, there God given gifts and 287 00:17:15.000 --> 00:17:19.160 so to me, like being able to interpret dreams, that 288 00:17:19.400 --> 00:17:21.119 is a form of prophecy. 289 00:17:21.920 --> 00:17:25.160 Me too, I think so too, as long as you. 290 00:17:25.599 --> 00:17:28.279 Like, when I was going through my life and trying 291 00:17:28.279 --> 00:17:32.839 to rid myself of things that might be Mormon associated, demonic, whatever, 292 00:17:34.079 --> 00:17:37.720 somebody gave me some good advice. They said, renounce everything 293 00:17:38.119 --> 00:17:40.880 in God's name, and if it remains it's yours, it's 294 00:17:40.920 --> 00:17:43.839 a blessing, right like, because then you've done that, You've 295 00:17:43.880 --> 00:17:46.759 been willing to give it back. You're willing to say 296 00:17:46.799 --> 00:17:50.039 if this isn't mine naturally from you, then okay, but 297 00:17:50.200 --> 00:17:51.960 like if it stays, then it's yours. 298 00:17:52.160 --> 00:17:54.359 I mean they talk about people like this all over 299 00:17:54.440 --> 00:17:56.160 the Bible, so you. 300 00:17:56.160 --> 00:17:58.839 Know, yeah, no, And that's that's why I think, because 301 00:17:59.759 --> 00:18:02.799 like I get it the Steven Spielberg thing. And they 302 00:18:02.799 --> 00:18:05.960 put these two movies out right, Prince of Egypt and 303 00:18:06.240 --> 00:18:10.160 King of Dreams, but both of them were pretty accurate 304 00:18:10.279 --> 00:18:12.960 in like how they told the story of both of them. 305 00:18:13.079 --> 00:18:17.799 And I just remember watching the one about Joseph thinking 306 00:18:17.920 --> 00:18:21.839 like he was almost kind of like a magical person 307 00:18:22.680 --> 00:18:25.599 and being able to like interpret these dreams and predict 308 00:18:25.680 --> 00:18:28.559 the future. And he saw like the famine coming and 309 00:18:28.680 --> 00:18:31.839 he was able to save his family who freaking tossed 310 00:18:31.880 --> 00:18:37.079 him out, And what of what a story? It just 311 00:18:37.400 --> 00:18:41.920 is still to me one of the more interesting stories 312 00:18:41.960 --> 00:18:42.759 from the Bible. 313 00:18:43.880 --> 00:18:44.440 I get it. 314 00:18:44.559 --> 00:18:47.359 Like if your mom made your brother a coat of 315 00:18:47.359 --> 00:18:50.400 many colors and you got some potato sacked to wear, 316 00:18:50.559 --> 00:18:55.319 I'm jealous too, Okay, I'll be jealous, but don't murder 317 00:18:55.480 --> 00:18:59.160 or try to get him murdered, like that's crazy. Just 318 00:18:59.200 --> 00:19:04.359 steal the coat, just good old fashioned. How about how 319 00:19:04.839 --> 00:19:07.480 you wear the code on Tuesdays? I wear the code 320 00:19:07.480 --> 00:19:08.359 on Wednesdays? 321 00:19:08.480 --> 00:19:09.079 You know what I mean? 322 00:19:09.240 --> 00:19:11.000 Did it have to go to that level? 323 00:19:11.079 --> 00:19:11.640 I don't know. 324 00:19:11.720 --> 00:19:16.000 But anyways, from childhood, I was really into those those 325 00:19:16.160 --> 00:19:20.920 veggietails and Prince of Egypt and King of James, those 326 00:19:20.920 --> 00:19:22.880 ones were the ones that stuck out to me. I 327 00:19:22.960 --> 00:19:27.640 still watch them like an idiot. Like, see, watching cartoons. 328 00:19:27.359 --> 00:19:31.279 Doesn't matter, like how we learn scripture as long as 329 00:19:31.279 --> 00:19:35.000 we're learning right. So it can be through a movie, 330 00:19:35.200 --> 00:19:38.960 it can be through you know, daily ratings or and 331 00:19:39.000 --> 00:19:42.400 I've mentioned this so many times before there are apps 332 00:19:42.480 --> 00:19:44.599 that you can get for your phone that will give 333 00:19:44.640 --> 00:19:49.039 you like a daily Bible verse or whatever, and more 334 00:19:49.079 --> 00:19:52.440 times than not, whatever verse pops up is something that 335 00:19:52.519 --> 00:19:55.960 you need to hear for that day. I was seriously 336 00:19:56.559 --> 00:19:59.880 and then you're like, oh, okay, well yeah that makes 337 00:20:00.039 --> 00:20:02.480 a little sense. And that was for me, that was 338 00:20:02.519 --> 00:20:06.119 directed for me, So yeah, there. 339 00:20:06.079 --> 00:20:09.920 Was Yeah with Julia's thing, also with the with the 340 00:20:09.960 --> 00:20:14.680 Moses story, the love of a mother to do that 341 00:20:14.839 --> 00:20:18.240 for for for a child, I. 342 00:20:18.279 --> 00:20:26.359 Know, yeah, I know. That's why I say, because okay, okay, 343 00:20:26.160 --> 00:20:28.799 they make so many cartoons and so many like Marvel 344 00:20:28.839 --> 00:20:31.160 and all these action movies and whatever, and somebody's making 345 00:20:31.200 --> 00:20:33.319 this stuff up. They lay out the storyline and people 346 00:20:33.359 --> 00:20:35.079 watching and they're like, oh my god, that's the craziest 347 00:20:35.079 --> 00:20:38.119 thing I've ever seen. They should make more movies like 348 00:20:38.160 --> 00:20:42.880 that from Bible stories because they're legit. The craziest plot 349 00:20:42.920 --> 00:20:46.799 twists like you never saw it coming, like unconditional love, 350 00:20:46.960 --> 00:20:49.759 like craziness, like putting your baby in a basket and 351 00:20:49.799 --> 00:20:52.960 sending it down a river and just being like fingers crossed, 352 00:20:53.039 --> 00:20:56.000 God got me, like and this baby's gonna get there 353 00:20:56.039 --> 00:20:59.079 and be raised as a Prince of Egypt, Like that's crazy. 354 00:20:59.160 --> 00:21:01.519 Somebody needs to make a movie like that, you know, 355 00:21:02.640 --> 00:21:05.960 and they'd make one with like Christian Bale like no, 356 00:21:06.039 --> 00:21:07.559 but please, nobody watched that one. 357 00:21:07.599 --> 00:21:08.480 That was terrible. 358 00:21:12.880 --> 00:21:18.319 I want to say one of the other things that 359 00:21:18.319 --> 00:21:21.720 that was impactful for me that that came out, like 360 00:21:22.079 --> 00:21:26.160 movie Wise, show Wise or whatever, was the Chosen. If 361 00:21:26.200 --> 00:21:30.359 people have not watched that, you literally need to watch 362 00:21:30.440 --> 00:21:35.400 The Chosen because a lot of times nowadays, people that 363 00:21:35.559 --> 00:21:39.400 have hang ups, you know, whether it's they did all 364 00:21:39.400 --> 00:21:42.400 these bad things in their past, you know, they they drink, 365 00:21:42.480 --> 00:21:45.799 they were addicted to or whatever the case may be, right, 366 00:21:46.400 --> 00:21:50.160 and they always think that they're not worthy. So did 367 00:21:50.200 --> 00:21:55.200 the apostles? You know, you doubt your faith? So did 368 00:21:55.200 --> 00:21:58.680 the Apostles? Like all of that stuff is in there, 369 00:21:58.839 --> 00:22:02.079 and like how can God loved me because I'm a 370 00:22:02.160 --> 00:22:05.960 sinner and I did you know these these terrible things. 371 00:22:06.759 --> 00:22:10.240 So did the apostles, you know, and they were hanging out, 372 00:22:10.319 --> 00:22:13.000 Yeah exactly, Yeah, I love it. 373 00:22:13.160 --> 00:22:16.200 I having bonfires with Jesus and they were still like, 374 00:22:16.400 --> 00:22:17.160 am I worthy? 375 00:22:17.200 --> 00:22:17.559 It's like. 376 00:22:19.039 --> 00:22:22.319 I don't know, ask Jesus. He's sitting right right. 377 00:22:22.680 --> 00:22:25.880 I can't do you know it is produced by Mormons, 378 00:22:26.079 --> 00:22:27.960 just so you guys know. But it's still got a 379 00:22:28.000 --> 00:22:30.400 good message message. 380 00:22:31.119 --> 00:22:32.079 You can't get away they. 381 00:22:31.960 --> 00:22:34.319 Can, you know, a broken clock is right. 382 00:22:34.720 --> 00:22:36.480 Yeah, exactly. 383 00:22:36.599 --> 00:22:39.160 I think they were trying to be more biblical and 384 00:22:39.279 --> 00:22:43.640 kind of swoop into that market maybe because yeah, they've. 385 00:22:43.480 --> 00:22:47.440 Been that way lately. But still a good message. Okay. 386 00:22:47.559 --> 00:22:51.079 I got some good stuff for the teenage years too 387 00:22:51.200 --> 00:22:54.759 that maybe you guys might have forgotten. You You do 388 00:22:54.880 --> 00:22:56.160 yours first, though, Janet. 389 00:22:56.519 --> 00:22:59.519 So this one is not only childhood, but this has 390 00:22:59.640 --> 00:23:05.720 litteral been like my entire life, right, And it's another Psalms, right, 391 00:23:05.839 --> 00:23:10.000 it's one forty seven to three, and it's He heals 392 00:23:10.039 --> 00:23:14.920 the broken hearted and binds up their wounds. So how 393 00:23:15.000 --> 00:23:19.720 many of us have not gone through heartache and let 394 00:23:19.799 --> 00:23:25.039 down and all of those things that leave emotional scars, 395 00:23:25.200 --> 00:23:31.119 emotional wounds. And when you let God in, he can 396 00:23:31.160 --> 00:23:35.039 fix those things, the things that we as humans are 397 00:23:35.079 --> 00:23:38.519 not capable of fixing. He can definitely fix those up 398 00:23:38.559 --> 00:23:39.759 for you in a jiffy. 399 00:23:40.480 --> 00:23:44.279 So you know what's crazy about that one is when 400 00:23:44.319 --> 00:23:47.880 you're feeling those things, that's the hardest time to let 401 00:23:47.920 --> 00:23:53.400 God in because for me, I feel embittered, I feel. 402 00:23:53.240 --> 00:23:55.799 Bad anger in this situation. 403 00:23:55.440 --> 00:23:58.839 Just keeping it real. Yeah, And so those are like 404 00:23:59.119 --> 00:24:03.119 the hardest times, you know, when you're broken hearted and 405 00:24:03.200 --> 00:24:07.839 you feel like utter despair, that's the hardest times to 406 00:24:07.920 --> 00:24:11.680 let got in because let's be real, I think a 407 00:24:11.799 --> 00:24:14.519 humanity as a whole has a problem with when you 408 00:24:14.559 --> 00:24:18.079 sink to a certain level of low, you almost get 409 00:24:18.119 --> 00:24:20.839 addicted to the feeling of being there and you're like, 410 00:24:20.920 --> 00:24:24.079 I just want to sit in my own loath, self 411 00:24:24.200 --> 00:24:29.759 loathing and and label it is m Yeah. So I 412 00:24:29.799 --> 00:24:32.279 mean that's a great one because it's like you have 413 00:24:32.319 --> 00:24:38.599 to remind yourself like this is very temporary and there 414 00:24:38.720 --> 00:24:41.319 is healing on the other side. It's just getting there 415 00:24:41.680 --> 00:24:44.599 is the hard part, and like wanting it to is 416 00:24:44.640 --> 00:24:45.079 the hard pace. 417 00:24:45.119 --> 00:24:48.160 As we like that instant gratification, right, we want to 418 00:24:48.200 --> 00:24:51.200 feel better immediately, and that's why a lot of people 419 00:24:51.279 --> 00:24:56.880 will turn to like medications or illicit drugs or whatever 420 00:24:57.319 --> 00:25:02.400 because they want that like idiot release you know of 421 00:25:02.839 --> 00:25:03.839 orphans or whatever. 422 00:25:04.240 --> 00:25:09.319 But that is definitely I think the keyword though, Like 423 00:25:09.440 --> 00:25:11.880 in that scripture, the keyword though is like he will 424 00:25:11.920 --> 00:25:16.759 heal it, right, He'll heal it. Healing takes time. It's 425 00:25:16.799 --> 00:25:20.039 not He didn't say I'll take it away overnight. I'll 426 00:25:20.039 --> 00:25:23.480 take it instantaneously. Just ask me. I'm like a genie 427 00:25:23.519 --> 00:25:25.599 in a bottle. He said he would heal it. He 428 00:25:25.640 --> 00:25:28.240 didn't say how long that was gonna take. 429 00:25:28.400 --> 00:25:28.680 On his. 430 00:25:30.319 --> 00:25:30.480 Right. 431 00:25:30.680 --> 00:25:33.200 And also, like with anything in the human body, if 432 00:25:33.200 --> 00:25:35.480 you cut your head off or whatever, you're gonna have 433 00:25:35.559 --> 00:25:40.319 a healing process. You're gonna need some It's not like 434 00:25:40.440 --> 00:25:43.400 think about that. It depends how deep the wound is. Like, 435 00:25:43.519 --> 00:25:46.720 give God some time, you know what I'm saying, Like, 436 00:25:46.839 --> 00:25:48.279 let him work it out. 437 00:25:49.559 --> 00:25:51.119 Hopefully not the whole head. 438 00:25:52.480 --> 00:25:52.799 Hap. 439 00:25:55.119 --> 00:26:00.400 Slice. But I love that one. Janet, That's that's a 440 00:26:00.440 --> 00:26:00.960 great one. 441 00:26:01.440 --> 00:26:07.359 Thanks. How about this one, Matthew eleven twenty eight. Come 442 00:26:07.440 --> 00:26:11.799 to me, all all you who are weary and burdened, 443 00:26:11.960 --> 00:26:15.359 and I will give you rest. And I thought this 444 00:26:15.599 --> 00:26:20.960 was a perfect thing because how many people I'm lord, 445 00:26:21.119 --> 00:26:24.960 I am so tired. I am so tired of always 446 00:26:25.000 --> 00:26:29.599 being left alone, always being abandoned, like always, like all 447 00:26:29.640 --> 00:26:32.720 of these things happened to me all of the time. 448 00:26:33.680 --> 00:26:37.039 I'm so tired. I just cannot get through the day 449 00:26:37.039 --> 00:26:41.519 anymore because I'm so depressed, I'm so anxious, I'm so 450 00:26:41.880 --> 00:26:45.519 all of these things. That's why I thought this was 451 00:26:45.599 --> 00:26:48.440 like perfect, a lot. 452 00:26:48.279 --> 00:26:50.119 Of all the worms around you. 453 00:26:50.240 --> 00:26:50.440 Right. 454 00:26:51.279 --> 00:26:55.640 Yeah, when I get to that place, I always ask 455 00:26:55.839 --> 00:27:01.480 for a sign. I know that seems like maybe weird 456 00:27:01.559 --> 00:27:04.880 to some people. When I get that desperate, I do, 457 00:27:05.000 --> 00:27:07.720 I'll be like, God, you better give me a sign 458 00:27:07.759 --> 00:27:10.440 that I'm doing this right because I feel like I'm 459 00:27:10.480 --> 00:27:15.279 in the valley right now, Like send me anything, like anything, 460 00:27:15.480 --> 00:27:19.000 just show me like that. And it's not. It's like 461 00:27:19.039 --> 00:27:21.319 I said before, it doesn't happen the next day, like 462 00:27:21.400 --> 00:27:23.559 I'll see something or somebody will say something to me. 463 00:27:23.640 --> 00:27:26.960 It's like maybe it'll take a few weeks or something, 464 00:27:27.000 --> 00:27:31.119 but I will eventually see a sign quote unquote that 465 00:27:31.720 --> 00:27:34.559 either I need to change what I'm doing or I'm 466 00:27:34.599 --> 00:27:38.160 moving in the right direction. And so it's true. I mean, 467 00:27:39.079 --> 00:27:41.920 like with anything else, he does give you that peace 468 00:27:42.240 --> 00:27:45.200 in them, and that's something that can only come from 469 00:27:45.519 --> 00:27:50.359 the Lord. Because I am an anxiety stricken fool, and 470 00:27:50.720 --> 00:27:52.680 peace and rest are not going to come from me. 471 00:27:52.799 --> 00:27:57.240 I will tell you that OCD panic attacks anxiety, and 472 00:27:57.680 --> 00:28:00.319 that's what comes from me. So I know when I 473 00:28:00.319 --> 00:28:04.559 feel like that that confidence, that peace, that rest, the reinsurance, 474 00:28:05.000 --> 00:28:08.480 it's it's coming from Him. And honestly, I always look 475 00:28:08.519 --> 00:28:12.160 forward to it because I have like seventeen voices in 476 00:28:12.200 --> 00:28:16.240 my head and like they just kind of feel quiet. 477 00:28:16.720 --> 00:28:22.559 All of my friends and they're talking that one arguing when. 478 00:28:22.680 --> 00:28:25.480 God talks to you, it's like it's very quiet and peaceful, 479 00:28:25.480 --> 00:28:27.559 and you just feel like you have the answer. But 480 00:28:27.680 --> 00:28:29.839 when you're talking to yourself, you're like, I should just 481 00:28:29.920 --> 00:28:32.160 freaking kill myself, Like I just I don't know what 482 00:28:32.279 --> 00:28:34.960 I'm doing. Like you literally I can't know you're out. 483 00:28:35.039 --> 00:28:38.000 Like I'm glad you brought that up, and I'm glad 484 00:28:38.039 --> 00:28:41.039 you said that because there's so many people that that 485 00:28:41.279 --> 00:28:45.799 have that like emotional turmoil inside of them and the 486 00:28:45.839 --> 00:28:48.960 anxiety and the depression and the panic, and you know, 487 00:28:49.319 --> 00:28:52.839 like it's almost like your body is vibrating like all 488 00:28:52.880 --> 00:28:56.400 the time, like you're always shaking because there's always some 489 00:28:56.480 --> 00:28:59.799 kind of like emotion like bouncing around the inside of 490 00:28:59.839 --> 00:29:04.640 your body that you can't seem to shut off, you know. 491 00:29:04.839 --> 00:29:09.240 So I think that's like a perfect scenario. And then 492 00:29:09.799 --> 00:29:14.400 when people do hear these voices or you know, some 493 00:29:14.440 --> 00:29:16.759 people are going to go voices. I don't hear voices 494 00:29:17.559 --> 00:29:21.880 your subconscious how about that? And your subconscious is like, 495 00:29:22.000 --> 00:29:25.519 you know what, like Janet, you're you're a loser, you 496 00:29:25.559 --> 00:29:29.720 should just commit suicide. Janet, you're a loser. You're never 497 00:29:29.759 --> 00:29:33.200 going to get that job because you're too stupid. That 498 00:29:33.279 --> 00:29:37.519 kind of stuff that is, that is your subconscious programming 499 00:29:38.279 --> 00:29:42.400 through you know, lots of years of abuse of your 500 00:29:42.559 --> 00:29:47.440 emotional system, and that's Satan working through your weakness to 501 00:29:47.599 --> 00:29:50.559 like try to cast his will upon you. 502 00:29:51.319 --> 00:29:58.599 So one hundred I agree, So. 503 00:30:00.240 --> 00:30:00.559 Go ahead. 504 00:30:00.559 --> 00:30:03.680 First, tim, I was just thinking of faith as the 505 00:30:03.839 --> 00:30:05.799 as the bottom line for all that is, too is 506 00:30:06.599 --> 00:30:08.640 for my life, it seems like it generally is kind 507 00:30:08.680 --> 00:30:11.839 of flat, and then I get when I get the highs, 508 00:30:12.400 --> 00:30:14.119 you feel like you're gonna be there forever, and then 509 00:30:14.160 --> 00:30:15.960 it crashes you get the lows. It seems like there's 510 00:30:15.960 --> 00:30:18.680 always a balance. But the thing that I just remind 511 00:30:18.759 --> 00:30:20.559 myself was one, it's the low's it's gonna come out 512 00:30:20.559 --> 00:30:22.759 when it's the highs. It's not gonna last either, but 513 00:30:23.000 --> 00:30:24.880 at least the lows won't last either. But it seems 514 00:30:24.920 --> 00:30:27.240 more of a balance, a center balance. But the faith 515 00:30:27.559 --> 00:30:28.960 that it will just move on. 516 00:30:29.160 --> 00:30:30.920 Just the next day, get to the next day, the 517 00:30:30.960 --> 00:30:31.480 next yend. 518 00:30:31.759 --> 00:30:32.640 Mm hmmm hm. 519 00:30:34.599 --> 00:30:38.839 So mine is weird because my teenagers were weird, and 520 00:30:38.920 --> 00:30:41.440 so this one fit the best for my life because 521 00:30:41.480 --> 00:30:47.519 I was married at seventeen and so and that's not recommended. 522 00:30:47.559 --> 00:30:52.200 Don't do that, it's stupid. But just so people know, I. 523 00:30:52.119 --> 00:30:55.039 Did love Timothy for twelve when it says, don't let 524 00:30:55.119 --> 00:30:57.559 anyone look down on you because you are young, but 525 00:30:57.640 --> 00:31:01.000 set an example for the believers in speed each in conduct, 526 00:31:01.039 --> 00:31:04.480 in love and faith and impurity, because I was still 527 00:31:04.519 --> 00:31:05.440 living a good life. 528 00:31:05.480 --> 00:31:08.319 I wasn't like pregnant or anything. 529 00:31:07.960 --> 00:31:10.400 Weird like we just I was just more on Like 530 00:31:10.480 --> 00:31:13.039 I don't know why I did that, but I was 531 00:31:13.119 --> 00:31:15.640 young and my husband was older, and so also I 532 00:31:15.640 --> 00:31:18.759 didn't just let him come in and take over my 533 00:31:18.880 --> 00:31:21.799 life like because he was twenty five and so also 534 00:31:21.799 --> 00:31:27.200 a bad idea, not recommending any of that, and I, yeah, 535 00:31:27.799 --> 00:31:31.240 I don't even know, but you know, it is a lot, 536 00:31:32.079 --> 00:31:35.400 So I know it was so dumb, like I don't 537 00:31:35.400 --> 00:31:36.000 even have a. 538 00:31:36.000 --> 00:31:38.400 Year though, didn't it was like a year because didn't 539 00:31:38.400 --> 00:31:41.759 you say he converted? So it wasn't like you rushed right. 540 00:31:41.720 --> 00:31:43.880 He converted, but we got married first. 541 00:31:43.960 --> 00:31:47.000 No, we got married within like nine days of my 542 00:31:47.240 --> 00:31:51.680 parents finding out there had been an indiscretion, so that 543 00:31:51.720 --> 00:31:53.119 we made out much. 544 00:31:53.759 --> 00:31:57.039 Yep, I bet if you want. If somebody was like, 545 00:31:57.039 --> 00:32:00.440 like Doc Brown pulled up in the Dolorean, was like, 546 00:32:00.640 --> 00:32:03.680 get in, Heidi, we're gonna rewrite your life, would you 547 00:32:03.759 --> 00:32:06.160 really go back and like not marry that guy? Or 548 00:32:06.200 --> 00:32:09.119 are you I didn't have children today? 549 00:32:08.799 --> 00:32:11.200 If I did not have children, I would go back 550 00:32:11.279 --> 00:32:12.559 and fix that for real? 551 00:32:12.839 --> 00:32:14.920 Really that bad? 552 00:32:15.240 --> 00:32:15.440 Yeah? 553 00:32:15.559 --> 00:32:16.839 Because it was all I think. 554 00:32:16.720 --> 00:32:18.799 You should just I think you should just rock with 555 00:32:18.839 --> 00:32:21.640 it because it's made you a cool person, and now 556 00:32:21.680 --> 00:32:25.519 you have a cautionary tale's true, Been there, done that. 557 00:32:26.799 --> 00:32:28.599 My son sat down the other day and he's like, 558 00:32:28.599 --> 00:32:30.680 what were you doing at my age? I'm like, oh, 559 00:32:30.720 --> 00:32:31.519 I was getting married. 560 00:32:32.240 --> 00:32:35.960 Yeah, see you're like, which part of when I was 561 00:32:36.000 --> 00:32:36.519 your age? 562 00:32:37.119 --> 00:32:39.519 He looked at me like an alien. He was like, 563 00:32:39.599 --> 00:32:43.000 oh my gosh, like what this is gross? Like he 564 00:32:43.079 --> 00:32:44.319 couldn't even fathom. 565 00:32:44.599 --> 00:32:46.400 He was just own it, Heidi. 566 00:32:47.240 --> 00:32:47.519 Shame. 567 00:32:48.039 --> 00:32:53.039 But you know that my child status, it's a learned 568 00:32:53.440 --> 00:32:57.680 experience that you can share when you're giving your testimony 569 00:32:57.720 --> 00:32:58.599 to other people. 570 00:32:59.519 --> 00:33:00.640 Some people. 571 00:33:02.200 --> 00:33:05.640 Get married really young like that, and kudos to them, 572 00:33:05.720 --> 00:33:09.319 it works out whatever. But those are people that are 573 00:33:09.559 --> 00:33:14.440 rare and few and far between because you're you're meshing 574 00:33:14.480 --> 00:33:20.039 two different personalities together. Communication styles, is their faith that 575 00:33:20.240 --> 00:33:23.599 somebody else not have faith? You know, all of these 576 00:33:23.599 --> 00:33:27.559 things have to go together, and it's really hard I 577 00:33:27.599 --> 00:33:31.240 think unless you're an old soul for a seventeen year 578 00:33:31.240 --> 00:33:36.240 old to be able to have that vulnerability that's necessary 579 00:33:36.359 --> 00:33:39.960 in a relationship, to have those like open minds of 580 00:33:40.000 --> 00:33:45.200 communication and stuff. So it's his mom, I think, an 581 00:33:45.200 --> 00:33:45.839 old soul. 582 00:33:46.119 --> 00:33:49.279 Yeah, Like dude, I know forty year olds who aren't 583 00:33:49.400 --> 00:33:50.519 at that place. 584 00:33:50.279 --> 00:33:52.279 Yet one hundred years exactly. 585 00:33:52.440 --> 00:33:54.480 It just so, I mean, it's not even so much 586 00:33:54.519 --> 00:33:56.680 about like the age, because Heidi, I do think you 587 00:33:56.720 --> 00:34:01.920 were probably mature for your you know age. But it's, 588 00:34:01.960 --> 00:34:03.799 like I said, you got to just own it at 589 00:34:03.799 --> 00:34:06.839 some point because it's it's something you can tell your kids, 590 00:34:06.880 --> 00:34:11.079 it's something you know. It's a cautionary tale. Have you 591 00:34:11.159 --> 00:34:14.679 heard my first episode on Janet's podcast, Geez, I'm like a. 592 00:34:14.719 --> 00:34:23.159 Walking caution side personally, I'm like the red light sirens that. 593 00:34:24.760 --> 00:34:30.559 Yeah, but actually since I mentioned that my first episode 594 00:34:30.559 --> 00:34:35.599 on Janet's podcast. The scripture I wrote down was I 595 00:34:35.639 --> 00:34:37.599 had to find it because I knew what it said, 596 00:34:37.599 --> 00:34:40.119 but I didn't know what it was. It's Psalm sixty 597 00:34:40.159 --> 00:34:43.360 eight to five. He is a father to the fatherless. 598 00:34:43.719 --> 00:34:48.639 I learned that from my sister actually, because she knew obviously, 599 00:34:48.760 --> 00:34:52.519 she knew how my dad was and I would always 600 00:34:52.559 --> 00:34:55.679 complain about it because I wanted a relationship with him 601 00:34:55.679 --> 00:34:59.199 and he was a crackhead, and she would always say, 602 00:34:59.199 --> 00:35:01.679 you know, Julie, he the father to the fatherless, and 603 00:35:01.719 --> 00:35:04.920 that always stuck with me, like you do, like at 604 00:35:04.960 --> 00:35:08.440 some points as a female growing up, you want that 605 00:35:08.480 --> 00:35:13.079 relationship with your dad so badly, and it has impacted 606 00:35:13.679 --> 00:35:17.519 how I look at myself and the relationships that I've 607 00:35:17.719 --> 00:35:22.840 gotten myself into. And I think it's important to remember 608 00:35:22.880 --> 00:35:28.480 that even if your earthly father is a I'm not 609 00:35:28.519 --> 00:35:31.559 gonna swear, Janet. 610 00:35:30.480 --> 00:35:33.199 Is an issue is an issue. 611 00:35:32.719 --> 00:35:35.800 Say I am going along with you on this one 612 00:35:35.840 --> 00:35:39.000 because I'm thinking this fits my life to a tea 613 00:35:39.000 --> 00:35:41.760 as well. And I had lots of words that popped 614 00:35:41.760 --> 00:35:45.639 into my head that I would describe my father as. 615 00:35:46.239 --> 00:35:48.199 Can I just say it can I just say, if 616 00:35:48.239 --> 00:35:52.840 your father is a shithead, then you have a heavenly father. 617 00:35:53.119 --> 00:35:56.800 And that's the thing, you know. The Mormons sorry to say, 618 00:35:57.400 --> 00:36:02.079 they they have stolen that from just like regular because 619 00:36:02.159 --> 00:36:06.199 as the heavenly father thing. I was raised Pentecostal, and 620 00:36:06.199 --> 00:36:09.119 they said that too, your heavenly father. I think the 621 00:36:09.199 --> 00:36:12.960 Mormons took it to a creepy place, but the Crew, 622 00:36:13.159 --> 00:36:17.960 you know, you have a heavenly father. So yeah, I 623 00:36:18.000 --> 00:36:21.519 really liked that one. I also wrote down for my 624 00:36:21.880 --> 00:36:27.679 teen years. The Passion of the Christ came out when 625 00:36:27.719 --> 00:36:32.000 I was a teenager, and I remember watching it and 626 00:36:32.079 --> 00:36:36.039 thinking if if someone who was a non believer watched this, 627 00:36:36.239 --> 00:36:38.360 I don't know how in the world they could leave 628 00:36:38.400 --> 00:36:44.280 the movie theater not believing in Jesus. That it was 629 00:36:44.440 --> 00:36:48.159 so crazy to me in the in the way that 630 00:36:48.239 --> 00:36:53.639 they did it with the original language, and I loved 631 00:36:53.639 --> 00:36:59.000 it so much. I was obsessed with it. And I 632 00:36:59.199 --> 00:37:02.239 also became a obsessed with the Rapture around this time 633 00:37:02.280 --> 00:37:04.400 in my life when I was a teenager. I don't 634 00:37:04.440 --> 00:37:07.039 know why, but I was just like, I don't even 635 00:37:07.079 --> 00:37:09.840 care if I go to school, I don't care about anything, 636 00:37:09.880 --> 00:37:13.320 because Jesus is going to come back anyways, So why 637 00:37:13.360 --> 00:37:16.880 do I even need to make an effort? Like literally, 638 00:37:16.920 --> 00:37:18.760 my mom used to say, like I'm not even gonna 639 00:37:18.760 --> 00:37:21.440 pay this bill because like what if Jesus comes back? 640 00:37:21.559 --> 00:37:23.960 That was a very like not a great way to 641 00:37:24.000 --> 00:37:27.360 think about things, but that's how she was. Did you 642 00:37:27.400 --> 00:37:30.880 see the Cameron series Left Behind? 643 00:37:31.119 --> 00:37:31.280 Yes? 644 00:37:31.360 --> 00:37:34.320 Yes, yes, yep, I was. I was a little kid 645 00:37:34.400 --> 00:37:37.519 actually when that came out, and it terrified me, but 646 00:37:37.559 --> 00:37:41.400 then I later became obsessed with it, and I would 647 00:37:41.480 --> 00:37:44.159 always think the rapture was going to happen like the 648 00:37:44.199 --> 00:37:47.480 next day, and like if my mom spent too long 649 00:37:47.519 --> 00:37:50.360 at this store, I would like call I would you 650 00:37:50.400 --> 00:37:52.519 know she had like a little Nokia cell phone. I'd 651 00:37:52.519 --> 00:37:55.159 be calling that bitch five times, like oh my god, 652 00:37:55.559 --> 00:37:58.599 the rapture came and like I've been left behind and 653 00:37:59.199 --> 00:38:01.280 it was a real fear of mine. 654 00:38:01.320 --> 00:38:04.480 And you're you're gonna be on the orphan train and 655 00:38:04.719 --> 00:38:09.440 you yeah. 656 00:38:07.280 --> 00:38:11.440 The Mormons are like that too, Julia. They're very raptures tomorrow. 657 00:38:11.079 --> 00:38:15.360 Deal and yeah, yeah, preppers and crazy stuff. 658 00:38:16.960 --> 00:38:21.360 My grandpa was like a very fire and brimstone type 659 00:38:21.400 --> 00:38:25.159 of pastor, and so it wasn't a new notion to 660 00:38:25.239 --> 00:38:29.519 me that you could get left behind, but I was 661 00:38:29.960 --> 00:38:33.119 obsessed with it and terrified of it at the same time. 662 00:38:33.280 --> 00:38:35.159 The passion of the Christ, like I said, I loved 663 00:38:35.199 --> 00:38:39.960 that when I was a teenager. And that other scripture 664 00:38:40.000 --> 00:38:42.480 I mentioned, the Father to the Fatherless, that was really 665 00:38:42.480 --> 00:38:45.000 important to me. But that's that's what I got for 666 00:38:45.119 --> 00:38:46.239 my teenage years. 667 00:38:48.719 --> 00:38:53.719 Tam Yeah, for to do the screensheet again, Janet, Yes, okay, 668 00:38:53.840 --> 00:38:57.159 so real quick, what I'm not haven't quite caught up 669 00:38:57.280 --> 00:39:01.000 yet with everything. So and this time in my life, 670 00:39:01.079 --> 00:39:03.920 I was in switching high schools. I started one that 671 00:39:04.039 --> 00:39:05.960 was too big, and then I went to one that 672 00:39:06.119 --> 00:39:09.280 was too small, and then I found one that was 673 00:39:09.440 --> 00:39:09.920 just right. 674 00:39:10.360 --> 00:39:16.280 And the reason like Gollilocks and okay, let's see there 675 00:39:16.320 --> 00:39:18.119 you go there it is okay. 676 00:39:18.199 --> 00:39:21.519 So what I did was there the one too big, uh, 677 00:39:22.039 --> 00:39:24.320 too small, and then just right. And so when I 678 00:39:24.360 --> 00:39:27.000 went I ended up going to graduating from a Baptist 679 00:39:27.079 --> 00:39:28.440 high school and I loved it. 680 00:39:28.480 --> 00:39:31.559 Had a football team. I was so happy it was. 681 00:39:31.639 --> 00:39:34.760 Just the one, the one football team. 682 00:39:36.159 --> 00:39:39.199 The big school was massive. They were like two thousand 683 00:39:39.400 --> 00:39:41.000 just in my grade, and I was lost. 684 00:39:41.039 --> 00:39:41.920 I was so overwhelmed. 685 00:39:42.239 --> 00:39:44.239 The second one there would have been I think maybe 686 00:39:44.320 --> 00:39:47.239 eight graduating seniors, and that was just I really wanted, 687 00:39:47.239 --> 00:39:49.320 like the ceremony and all that. And then the last 688 00:39:49.320 --> 00:39:51.719 one was just perfect. I loved every bit of it 689 00:39:52.199 --> 00:39:54.360 except don't tell my parents. The reason I went there 690 00:39:54.519 --> 00:39:56.760 was because of a guy I met who went to 691 00:39:56.800 --> 00:39:57.280 that school. 692 00:39:57.360 --> 00:39:59.519 So this is where my head was back. 693 00:39:59.360 --> 00:40:01.159 Then, and lessons learned. 694 00:40:02.760 --> 00:40:04.760 I married the guy. You're better than me. 695 00:40:07.480 --> 00:40:09.960 But he but so we had to write a Bible first. 696 00:40:10.000 --> 00:40:13.920 So I went back to my high school yearbook and 697 00:40:13.960 --> 00:40:15.639 I was like, what, I wonder what I wrote that 698 00:40:15.719 --> 00:40:18.440 was so inspiring, that would have been so incredible and 699 00:40:18.480 --> 00:40:20.440 great and ready for the rest of my life. 700 00:40:20.440 --> 00:40:21.960 And I'm going out into the world. 701 00:40:22.440 --> 00:40:25.039 And the reason I look back and I'm like, oh no, 702 00:40:25.880 --> 00:40:26.920 John three sixteen. 703 00:40:27.559 --> 00:40:28.840 The reason I put that. 704 00:40:28.920 --> 00:40:31.400 Was because I was obsessed with football, and we'd go 705 00:40:31.440 --> 00:40:33.760 to football games and would watch football games, and every 706 00:40:33.920 --> 00:40:35.400 end zone always had that. 707 00:40:35.280 --> 00:40:37.880 Sign John three sixteen, John sixteen. 708 00:40:38.280 --> 00:40:43.440 So it is cool though, so read that, read that 709 00:40:43.599 --> 00:40:45.360 tam okay, good good good good. 710 00:40:45.800 --> 00:40:46.039 Yeah. 711 00:40:46.079 --> 00:40:48.360 For God so loved the world that he gave his 712 00:40:48.719 --> 00:40:51.679 one and only son, that who's whoever believeth in him 713 00:40:51.719 --> 00:40:53.599 shall not perish, but have eternal life. 714 00:40:53.880 --> 00:40:55.679 So it is important. It is weird, I mean I 715 00:40:56.000 --> 00:40:58.119 do it is. It is wonderful. 716 00:40:58.159 --> 00:41:01.920 But which goes that's on with the passion of the Christ. 717 00:41:02.719 --> 00:41:05.840 Yes, And that's the one if you were ever going 718 00:41:05.920 --> 00:41:09.800 to get like a biblical tramp stamp, get that John 719 00:41:09.920 --> 00:41:13.960 three sixteen. That I mean, that's like. 720 00:41:18.280 --> 00:41:18.599 That one. 721 00:41:18.679 --> 00:41:21.599 That's like one of the most well known scriptures of 722 00:41:21.639 --> 00:41:23.559 all time, right John three sixteen. 723 00:41:24.400 --> 00:41:28.039 So you know what I love about that scripture is 724 00:41:28.159 --> 00:41:31.760 like in our day to day lives and like all 725 00:41:31.800 --> 00:41:35.559 of the suffering and the trials and all of the 726 00:41:35.599 --> 00:41:39.760 traumas and the things that people go through here, and 727 00:41:39.800 --> 00:41:44.880 it's like, you know again, like poor me, Why does 728 00:41:44.960 --> 00:41:48.119 everything bad always happen to me? Why am I always 729 00:41:48.199 --> 00:41:51.880 the one that these things are happening to? Like I 730 00:41:51.920 --> 00:41:56.639 am suffering so bad? It's like me, me, me, me, Well, 731 00:41:56.760 --> 00:42:02.320 look at what Jesus endured, you know, with the lashings 732 00:42:02.440 --> 00:42:06.280 and the beatings and the crown of thorns and the 733 00:42:06.320 --> 00:42:10.480 whole nine yards and all of the you know, things 734 00:42:10.519 --> 00:42:13.199 that he had to go through. And who are we 735 00:42:14.079 --> 00:42:17.000 to complain that we have a cold, you. 736 00:42:17.000 --> 00:42:17.440 Know what I mean? 737 00:42:17.559 --> 00:42:18.800 Right, Look at Job. 738 00:42:19.760 --> 00:42:22.480 That's what I was going to say. 739 00:42:25.440 --> 00:42:29.559 We are we are going to talk about books of 740 00:42:29.599 --> 00:42:33.639 the Bible on upcoming episodes and like stories and things, 741 00:42:33.679 --> 00:42:35.559 and Job is one of them that I want to 742 00:42:35.599 --> 00:42:36.239 get into. 743 00:42:36.400 --> 00:42:39.960 So oh man, that was my whole from twenty four 744 00:42:40.119 --> 00:42:42.360 to like thirty seven is job for me? 745 00:42:42.639 --> 00:42:45.719 So at least well and even think like on your 746 00:42:45.800 --> 00:42:50.960 worst day, have you ever gotten swallowed by a whale? 747 00:42:50.360 --> 00:42:54.639 Like all of your children die at once, and they 748 00:42:54.639 --> 00:42:56.559 always say we'll jump everything back. 749 00:42:56.599 --> 00:42:59.760 I'm like, uh, those aren't the same kids. You can't. 750 00:43:00.079 --> 00:43:04.280 He's a child. He had more children. That's not right. 751 00:43:04.440 --> 00:43:07.480 And and think of how many people in the world 752 00:43:07.559 --> 00:43:12.840 too could identify with Job because they have lost children, 753 00:43:13.000 --> 00:43:16.559 they have their house has burnt down like all, they've 754 00:43:16.599 --> 00:43:20.400 lost all of their property, all their animals, you know whatever. 755 00:43:20.519 --> 00:43:24.599 So did people big scabs and stuff all over him too, 756 00:43:25.639 --> 00:43:27.760 like some kind of like parias. 757 00:43:27.360 --> 00:43:30.519 Soils and it was pustals. 758 00:43:31.360 --> 00:43:33.639 On your sickest day? Have you ever been joke? 759 00:43:33.840 --> 00:43:34.039 Hey? 760 00:43:34.360 --> 00:43:37.880 And wait and then they used it and they made vaccinations. 761 00:43:38.440 --> 00:43:45.960 Sorry, that's where Pfizer came from. That's where the. 762 00:43:46.199 --> 00:43:48.480 Small box stuff originated. 763 00:43:49.199 --> 00:43:51.920 Yeah, No, I mean when you were talking about like 764 00:43:51.960 --> 00:43:54.599 we're talking about the mother's love for Moses, baby Moses, 765 00:43:54.960 --> 00:43:58.800 and the mother's love, think of a father's love to 766 00:43:59.159 --> 00:44:01.159 know what it is no one's going to go through 767 00:44:01.599 --> 00:44:03.679 for acting when the water works again, but to know 768 00:44:04.360 --> 00:44:06.159 to know what he's going to have to go through 769 00:44:06.559 --> 00:44:09.400 and what it's for and why he's doing that. 770 00:44:09.519 --> 00:44:14.360 I mean, and Jesus himself knowing that he has to 771 00:44:14.400 --> 00:44:19.760 go through these things. And that's what you know. Like Julia, 772 00:44:20.039 --> 00:44:23.719 you had mentioned earlier that like when you're going through 773 00:44:23.760 --> 00:44:25.920 something at the time, like you don't want to go 774 00:44:26.000 --> 00:44:28.800 through it, like and you're angry and you're you know, 775 00:44:28.960 --> 00:44:31.400 full of rage or hate or you know, whatever the 776 00:44:31.440 --> 00:44:36.719 emotion is. I used to be that way and now 777 00:44:36.960 --> 00:44:41.000 I have literally switched course and I'm like, Okay, you 778 00:44:41.079 --> 00:44:45.000 need me to go through this, all right? Well I 779 00:44:45.000 --> 00:44:47.679 I'm not you know, not a problem. I could navigate 780 00:44:47.719 --> 00:44:51.039 through this with your help. You know you need me 781 00:44:51.119 --> 00:44:53.760 to go through this to show me something, all right, 782 00:44:54.000 --> 00:44:56.920 I'm I'm your person, you know what I mean. But 783 00:44:57.000 --> 00:45:01.800 it's it's not until you know, like lots of growth 784 00:45:01.880 --> 00:45:05.719 and lots of stuff that you're able to see like 785 00:45:06.000 --> 00:45:18.159 how much you can actually survive, suffer to help other people. Yeah, 786 00:45:18.199 --> 00:45:19.480 if that makes sense. 787 00:45:20.159 --> 00:45:22.639 The word popped into my mind as you were saying 788 00:45:22.679 --> 00:45:26.920 that that I've been working on is surrender, because I 789 00:45:26.960 --> 00:45:31.159 think all human beings selfishly have the desire to control 790 00:45:31.239 --> 00:45:34.320 everything and want to know what the outcome is going 791 00:45:34.360 --> 00:45:37.119 to be and want to so I think the key 792 00:45:37.280 --> 00:45:39.159 thing you can think of when you're in the eye 793 00:45:39.199 --> 00:45:42.800 of the storm is just surrendering. Like you know, Tom 794 00:45:42.880 --> 00:45:46.599 hankson Castaway for lack of a better example, just you know, 795 00:45:47.679 --> 00:45:51.360 you'll find your Wilson. He's out there somewhere, just wait 796 00:45:51.400 --> 00:45:55.800 for it. Because when you literally feel like you're isolated 797 00:45:55.920 --> 00:46:00.199 on an island and there's no help, there's no uh 798 00:46:00.760 --> 00:46:04.679 silver lining, you'll find your way through, but you just 799 00:46:05.719 --> 00:46:07.480 literally have to surrender. 800 00:46:09.599 --> 00:46:12.400 God. Yeah, yeah, yeah, let go. Yeah. 801 00:46:12.440 --> 00:46:16.760 This is one that I definitely resonate with because I'm 802 00:46:16.800 --> 00:46:20.880 a very structured person and I'm very like, I'm going 803 00:46:20.960 --> 00:46:23.360 to take control of this like I got it, and 804 00:46:23.400 --> 00:46:26.280 then when you don't got it, like it can be 805 00:46:26.360 --> 00:46:30.760 really frustrating, but it does say in Matthew six twenty five, 806 00:46:30.800 --> 00:46:32.199 do not be worried about your life. 807 00:46:32.320 --> 00:46:34.159 That's what you'll eat or what you'll drink or not 808 00:46:34.199 --> 00:46:35.760 for your body or what you'll put on. 809 00:46:36.400 --> 00:46:39.800 And it also talks constantly, like in Philippians, don't be 810 00:46:39.880 --> 00:46:44.400 anxious about anything in every situation. Be prayer, prayerful, impetition, 811 00:46:44.519 --> 00:46:47.639 with thanksgiving, present your request to God. It it constantly tells us, 812 00:46:48.280 --> 00:46:52.280 do not worry constantly. But yeah, what are we obsessed with? 813 00:46:52.440 --> 00:46:52.719 We do? 814 00:46:52.920 --> 00:46:53.519 We just do? 815 00:46:53.679 --> 00:46:56.119 And if your mom or if you you know, have 816 00:46:56.320 --> 00:46:59.360 any kind of like it doesn't have to be a 817 00:46:59.360 --> 00:47:02.360 mom respond ability person. If you're the person that's the 818 00:47:02.400 --> 00:47:05.199 responsibility person in your family could be your parents. It 819 00:47:05.360 --> 00:47:08.800 was my parents for a long time. It's hard not 820 00:47:08.880 --> 00:47:11.400 to worry. I think I was in constant state of 821 00:47:11.400 --> 00:47:15.039 worry till I was in my thirties. It's still I mean, 822 00:47:15.079 --> 00:47:18.320 it's still there. But yeah, if it's that you have 823 00:47:18.360 --> 00:47:20.960 to surrender, I mean, it's going to keep happening. Because 824 00:47:20.960 --> 00:47:23.039 that's the one thing I've found out about my life 825 00:47:23.079 --> 00:47:25.800 is if you do not figure it out, you will 826 00:47:25.800 --> 00:47:28.800 be represented with this situation at a later. 827 00:47:28.679 --> 00:47:32.519 Date, over and over and over until. 828 00:47:34.639 --> 00:47:36.960 God gram you patience and do it now. 829 00:47:38.280 --> 00:47:39.360 Exactly. 830 00:47:39.559 --> 00:47:43.280 The best example of this is I have never been 831 00:47:43.320 --> 00:47:45.280 married to anyone that. 832 00:47:45.440 --> 00:47:47.840 Didn't have well my second husband. 833 00:47:47.880 --> 00:47:52.480 Okay, my husband had an ex wife named Christina when 834 00:47:52.480 --> 00:47:55.559 we got married at seventeen and she had a child. 835 00:47:55.599 --> 00:47:59.480 And then my husband now his ex wife is Christine 836 00:48:00.679 --> 00:48:04.000 and they have kids and constantly. 837 00:48:03.440 --> 00:48:04.800 With the one. 838 00:48:05.159 --> 00:48:07.400 Even though I ended up being a mother to that 839 00:48:07.480 --> 00:48:10.079 daughter very quickly, she had a stroke when she had 840 00:48:10.119 --> 00:48:14.280 a baby and couldn't take care of her, and I 841 00:48:14.360 --> 00:48:17.360 became a stepmom at nineteen, and I was like I 842 00:48:17.360 --> 00:48:20.000 have no idea what I'm doing here, like this is hard, 843 00:48:20.039 --> 00:48:22.480 and then you know, had another baby on the way 844 00:48:22.519 --> 00:48:25.960 soon and I was just like this is insane. But 845 00:48:26.119 --> 00:48:28.880 I was so bitter and angry for every single thing 846 00:48:29.000 --> 00:48:32.320 she didn't complete or do that was like my thing 847 00:48:32.440 --> 00:48:34.440 from a childhood, Like I didn't get a card on 848 00:48:34.440 --> 00:48:37.039 that birthday, like f that lady, Like that lady is 849 00:48:37.079 --> 00:48:38.840 a piece of crap. And I was a little too 850 00:48:39.000 --> 00:48:43.000 verbal about that in front of the child, Okay, And 851 00:48:43.039 --> 00:48:47.360 that did not help my stepdaughter, like honestly, it harmed her. 852 00:48:47.679 --> 00:48:50.199 She's back reunited with her real mom. Does she talk 853 00:48:50.239 --> 00:48:53.599 to me, No, you know, does she care about me? 854 00:48:53.639 --> 00:48:55.519 I'm sure she does in her own way, but like 855 00:48:56.039 --> 00:48:57.440 you know, and there was a lot of things that 856 00:48:57.480 --> 00:49:00.480 went into that. I mean, she she was a teenager 857 00:49:00.519 --> 00:49:02.960 and got ripped out of our family, so I'm sure 858 00:49:03.000 --> 00:49:05.639 that was hard on top of many other things. But 859 00:49:05.679 --> 00:49:10.000 then again, here comes the same situation later in life, 860 00:49:10.079 --> 00:49:13.719 and we were so much more careful about Like, even 861 00:49:13.800 --> 00:49:15.960 though I really sometimes wanted to be like. 862 00:49:17.480 --> 00:49:19.159 This lady, you know, like. 863 00:49:20.159 --> 00:49:23.159 You secretly wanted to join the murder club, didn't. 864 00:49:23.280 --> 00:49:26.920 Yeah, I was like, sometimes you really want to. But 865 00:49:27.079 --> 00:49:29.719 if the kids are coming to you and talking to you, right, 866 00:49:29.840 --> 00:49:33.559 and you have that moment to be like this bitch here, 867 00:49:34.000 --> 00:49:37.039 you know, like you don't, what you want to do 868 00:49:37.119 --> 00:49:41.519 instead is like I'm sure that your parent is going 869 00:49:41.559 --> 00:49:44.519 through their own thing, and you kind of almost make excuses. 870 00:49:44.599 --> 00:49:45.440 Not totally. 871 00:49:45.599 --> 00:49:48.440 I wouldn't like completely wash that off of her, but 872 00:49:48.519 --> 00:49:49.920 I'm like, it isn't you. 873 00:49:50.559 --> 00:49:51.639 This is something else. 874 00:49:52.000 --> 00:49:54.000 I know that for a fact, I know for a 875 00:49:54.000 --> 00:49:56.719 fact your parents both love you. Like I would just 876 00:49:56.800 --> 00:50:00.519 reiterate the things that I knew for sure, you know, 877 00:50:00.639 --> 00:50:04.239 And it was much better, even though we couldn't keep 878 00:50:04.360 --> 00:50:07.800 out of a lot of situations and still don't. I mean, 879 00:50:08.039 --> 00:50:09.480 at least we can say that. 880 00:50:10.079 --> 00:50:14.639 But that's the thing though, is finally going through these 881 00:50:14.800 --> 00:50:20.679 trials and tribulations and learning how to approach this situation 882 00:50:20.920 --> 00:50:25.039 differently and how to respond better and react better in 883 00:50:25.079 --> 00:50:29.159 the future. And literally the Bible is full of that, 884 00:50:29.679 --> 00:50:33.360 you know, And it's like talking about fear and stuff. 885 00:50:33.400 --> 00:50:36.039 And that's one of my favorite things in there, where 886 00:50:36.079 --> 00:50:39.199 God does not instill you with the heart of fear 887 00:50:39.920 --> 00:50:43.480 like we do that on our own. We create that 888 00:50:43.599 --> 00:50:47.320 emotion on our own. It's not something that He put 889 00:50:47.400 --> 00:50:49.559 in our heart, you know what I'm saying, other than 890 00:50:49.679 --> 00:50:53.360 to be fearful of the Lord, you know, for not 891 00:50:53.599 --> 00:50:56.840 following and things like that. But as far as you know, 892 00:50:57.000 --> 00:51:00.559 fear over climate change and fear over you know, the neighbor, 893 00:51:00.679 --> 00:51:03.760 and fear over all these things like that should not 894 00:51:03.800 --> 00:51:04.199 be there. 895 00:51:04.960 --> 00:51:08.320 Yeah, I think it's it's actually a spirit and I 896 00:51:08.360 --> 00:51:11.280 think it you know, if you let it attached to you, 897 00:51:11.360 --> 00:51:13.840 it's one of the hardest ones to get rid of. 898 00:51:15.760 --> 00:51:18.639 And that's why I love Yeah, they think they have 899 00:51:18.679 --> 00:51:20.840 a guardian angel, but not bad spirits. 900 00:51:20.920 --> 00:51:22.880 Bull you better look at your. 901 00:51:22.719 --> 00:51:26.360 Bi Yeah, there's bad spirits. But that's why I love 902 00:51:26.400 --> 00:51:31.000 that story about Jesus because it makes him almost more 903 00:51:31.119 --> 00:51:35.360 humanized in the way that he was in the garden, 904 00:51:35.400 --> 00:51:37.480 and he was like, does it really have to go 905 00:51:37.639 --> 00:51:38.280 down like this? 906 00:51:38.519 --> 00:51:38.719 Right? 907 00:51:38.920 --> 00:51:40.679 You know, I would prefer. 908 00:51:40.400 --> 00:51:41.199 That it didn't. 909 00:51:41.719 --> 00:51:44.599 And you're like, oh, Jesus, like, what the heck You're 910 00:51:44.639 --> 00:51:48.239 supposed to like die for us? Duh. But he's like, well, 911 00:51:48.360 --> 00:51:51.159 you know, put yourself in my shoes. I'm really gonna 912 00:51:51.159 --> 00:51:53.239 have to go through this and it's really gonna suck. 913 00:51:53.679 --> 00:51:57.480 So I mean, like that surrender obviously, But to me, 914 00:51:57.599 --> 00:51:59.800 that story always just stuck with me because it's like 915 00:52:00.079 --> 00:52:03.440 and Jesus was like, oh, come on, like this this 916 00:52:03.559 --> 00:52:05.079 is really this is what it's gotta be. 917 00:52:06.239 --> 00:52:09.440 But you know, I love that though, because it's like 918 00:52:09.679 --> 00:52:13.760 us letting go of our ego to be able to 919 00:52:13.800 --> 00:52:16.320 live through this spirit. And that's why I said earlier, 920 00:52:16.519 --> 00:52:21.679 like us being able to go through sacrifice and pain 921 00:52:22.639 --> 00:52:25.880 that can help somebody else, that's what we're meant to 922 00:52:25.920 --> 00:52:26.320 be doing. 923 00:52:26.519 --> 00:52:30.639 Sure mm hmm, yeah, I agree. Yeah, And I think 924 00:52:30.840 --> 00:52:34.719 like it's we're all having different experiences, but we're all, 925 00:52:35.039 --> 00:52:39.920 you know, part of God and God experiencing through us, 926 00:52:40.039 --> 00:52:42.519 and so I don't think we're all meant to have 927 00:52:42.559 --> 00:52:48.480 the same experience. Everybody how we help each other exactly. 928 00:52:48.519 --> 00:52:54.639 Everybody's got a very different pathway. So this is one 929 00:52:54.639 --> 00:52:58.920 of my favorite, favorite favorite things, and this literally holds 930 00:52:58.960 --> 00:53:04.039 true to me to this day. It is Proverbs thirty 931 00:53:04.079 --> 00:53:07.800 one eight through nine, and it is open your mouth 932 00:53:08.199 --> 00:53:13.559 for the mute, for the rights of all who are destitute, 933 00:53:14.199 --> 00:53:18.639 open your mouth judge righteously defend the rights of the 934 00:53:18.679 --> 00:53:24.159 poor and the needy. So I am a big proponent 935 00:53:24.440 --> 00:53:29.519 of standing up for other people, sticking up for other people, 936 00:53:29.719 --> 00:53:34.079 speaking or being the voice for people who are too 937 00:53:34.159 --> 00:53:40.400 timid maybe to say anything. And so that is one 938 00:53:40.440 --> 00:53:43.400 of the ways that God has called me to give 939 00:53:43.480 --> 00:53:47.920 back or to do, is to be that person for 940 00:53:48.000 --> 00:53:48.639 other people. 941 00:53:51.599 --> 00:53:54.440 I love that about you. By the way, Janet, thank you. 942 00:53:55.239 --> 00:53:57.599 And you're always cheering on the underdog too. 943 00:53:58.960 --> 00:54:01.440 Well, that's what I'm That's what we should be doing, 944 00:54:01.760 --> 00:54:05.480 right because who needs who needs to It's kind of 945 00:54:05.519 --> 00:54:11.360 like God's flock, right, who needs to prophesy or preach 946 00:54:11.519 --> 00:54:15.719 or try to teach somebody that already thinks they know everything. 947 00:54:16.039 --> 00:54:19.159 It's the people that don't that need the most help. 948 00:54:19.760 --> 00:54:23.719 And so you know, why would I like help out 949 00:54:23.760 --> 00:54:29.719 a podcaster or a musician or somebody that's like already 950 00:54:29.719 --> 00:54:34.400 got like millions of dollars in the bank when my 951 00:54:34.480 --> 00:54:36.280 friend has twenty, you know what I mean. 952 00:54:36.400 --> 00:54:38.880 Well, and see, that's the thing is that I've always 953 00:54:38.920 --> 00:54:41.840 said about you, Janet, even to Colby, is that you're 954 00:54:41.880 --> 00:54:45.719 the least judgmental person I know, and like out of 955 00:54:45.800 --> 00:54:48.079 all the people who claim to be Christian in my 956 00:54:48.199 --> 00:54:51.000 life that I absolutely can't stand how they act and 957 00:54:51.039 --> 00:54:55.760 it almost disgusts me to a degree. You are literally 958 00:54:55.800 --> 00:55:00.119 the least judgmental, like you actually do and say and 959 00:55:00.119 --> 00:55:03.079 and you know, try to live your life the way 960 00:55:03.079 --> 00:55:06.280 we're supposed to, because I think judgment is like the 961 00:55:06.320 --> 00:55:09.519 easiest thing for us to all fall into. And that's 962 00:55:09.559 --> 00:55:12.960 why I can't stand baby Christians because they're just learning 963 00:55:13.039 --> 00:55:18.280 everything and they're the most judgmental, like insufferable. 964 00:55:18.559 --> 00:55:22.920 Oh my gosh, you said the B word, are right. 965 00:55:22.760 --> 00:55:26.639 Yeah, yeah, judge not be judged. 966 00:55:27.360 --> 00:55:30.719 Baby Christians are just on the high horse of all time. 967 00:55:30.760 --> 00:55:32.480 And I just you know, I'm like, come back in 968 00:55:32.599 --> 00:55:35.599 like five to ten years and we can talk then 969 00:55:35.920 --> 00:55:37.719 after you've settled into your. 970 00:55:37.840 --> 00:55:43.239 I think a lot of people in churches per se 971 00:55:43.440 --> 00:55:47.199 like church and a building wise, are a lot like 972 00:55:47.719 --> 00:55:52.280 baby Christians, right, because they're not being fed the Word 973 00:55:52.320 --> 00:56:00.280 of God. They're being fed like topical somons. And maybe 974 00:56:00.320 --> 00:56:03.360 maybe during the whole sermon on a Sunday, you may 975 00:56:03.440 --> 00:56:07.960 get one or two very small verses of scripture and 976 00:56:08.000 --> 00:56:12.360 then the rest of it is that person's opinion or 977 00:56:12.400 --> 00:56:16.480 that person's you know whatever. And so they're not getting 978 00:56:16.519 --> 00:56:20.280 their spirit fed to be able to grow any further. 979 00:56:21.320 --> 00:56:23.800 And there's mega churches. Have you guys ever been to 980 00:56:23.800 --> 00:56:24.840 one of those mega churches? 981 00:56:25.239 --> 00:56:28.840 They look like they look like Walmart supercenters? 982 00:56:29.119 --> 00:56:35.119 Yeah, Oklahoma, we have one here and we never went 983 00:56:35.159 --> 00:56:37.760 to church there, but he took me in there one 984 00:56:37.800 --> 00:56:43.039 time because our voting was there and I had never 985 00:56:43.079 --> 00:56:46.480 been in there, and I'm like, what the heck. They 986 00:56:46.480 --> 00:56:49.559 have a restaurant, and they have a full coffee shop, 987 00:56:49.639 --> 00:56:53.039 and they have a giant it's not just a bookstore, 988 00:56:53.079 --> 00:56:58.639 it's like a giant merchandise warehouse store and whatever. And 989 00:56:58.679 --> 00:57:02.559 this thing literally takes up like acres and acres and 990 00:57:02.599 --> 00:57:07.159 acres of land, but it's literally all these fancy things 991 00:57:07.199 --> 00:57:09.719 inside of this church. And I'm like, I would never 992 00:57:10.599 --> 00:57:12.599 in a million years go to church here. 993 00:57:13.199 --> 00:57:16.360 I've always wanted, like to feel intimate with God when 994 00:57:16.400 --> 00:57:19.639 I go to and it's not because well, I was 995 00:57:19.719 --> 00:57:22.719 raised like that. Grandpa's church was super super small, and 996 00:57:22.800 --> 00:57:25.719 like you know, we're Pentecostals, so there was people running 997 00:57:25.800 --> 00:57:28.280 up and down and getting fell out in the spirit 998 00:57:28.320 --> 00:57:30.880 and all that. I loved it. I thought it was 999 00:57:31.079 --> 00:57:35.320 very entertaining. But the point is, I don't feel God 1000 00:57:35.400 --> 00:57:38.440 when I go into those places, Like I don't feel moved, 1001 00:57:38.519 --> 00:57:42.880 I don't feel excited, I don't feel on fire. And 1002 00:57:43.159 --> 00:57:45.920 sometimes when I'm literally just sitting on my couch and 1003 00:57:45.960 --> 00:57:49.000 I'll just like get to read in something or get inspired, 1004 00:57:49.400 --> 00:57:54.719 I feel God more than I would in that Mega Colls. 1005 00:57:54.880 --> 00:58:00.320 That is That's exactly what God talks about in the Bible, right, 1006 00:58:00.519 --> 00:58:04.199 is be wary of these churches and stuff like that. 1007 00:58:04.679 --> 00:58:08.280 And as long as two or more people are gathered 1008 00:58:09.280 --> 00:58:13.119 and His name that is church, you don't have to 1009 00:58:13.239 --> 00:58:17.239 go You don't have to go to a to a building. 1010 00:58:17.400 --> 00:58:20.760 Church has never been about a building. 1011 00:58:21.440 --> 00:58:24.719 You know, they become the church. It doesn't say go 1012 00:58:24.920 --> 00:58:25.800 to church. 1013 00:58:26.360 --> 00:58:30.039 Like become become a living church and take it around 1014 00:58:30.039 --> 00:58:32.480 with you. Like I think that's where the whole I 1015 00:58:32.519 --> 00:58:36.039 will make you fishers of men comes from because who 1016 00:58:36.119 --> 00:58:38.960 are you fishing when you're going to the church, Like 1017 00:58:39.000 --> 00:58:41.679 everybody already is on board with you, Like if you 1018 00:58:42.039 --> 00:58:44.159 if you think of it as a fisherman, I'm not 1019 00:58:44.199 --> 00:58:48.519 gonna go somewhere with zero fish and try to you 1020 00:58:48.559 --> 00:58:50.719 know what I'm saying, Like I'm trying to get out 1021 00:58:50.800 --> 00:58:53.480 in the trenches and find some fish to reel in, 1022 00:58:54.039 --> 00:58:56.679 Like that's what you're supposed to do. And that's why 1023 00:58:56.760 --> 00:58:59.119 I mean, I probably should stop using the F bomb 1024 00:58:59.119 --> 00:59:01.239 because maybe it's turns off a few fish here and 1025 00:59:01.320 --> 00:59:03.920 there that I could have reeled in if I wasn't 1026 00:59:03.960 --> 00:59:05.719 such a foul mouth. 1027 00:59:06.360 --> 00:59:10.599 But but again, they're passing judgment on you and they 1028 00:59:10.599 --> 00:59:13.960 should not be because they are also not perfect. 1029 00:59:14.440 --> 00:59:17.079 There has been I want to say this, there has 1030 00:59:17.119 --> 00:59:19.519 been studies about people that cuss a lot. 1031 00:59:20.119 --> 00:59:21.159 I cuss a lot. 1032 00:59:21.000 --> 00:59:25.000 As well, and it says they're more honest and unable 1033 00:59:25.159 --> 00:59:28.400 to lie as well as people that mask it all 1034 00:59:28.440 --> 00:59:30.880 the time because everybody's thinking it. It just happened come 1035 00:59:30.880 --> 00:59:34.079 out of your mouth. So you're the actuary person, which 1036 00:59:34.079 --> 00:59:35.360 probably means you're more honest. 1037 00:59:35.679 --> 00:59:38.639 Yeah, a releasing of stress too, you're actually really. 1038 00:59:38.599 --> 00:59:41.719 Oh sure, Oh my god, you ever stub your toe? 1039 00:59:43.000 --> 00:59:49.119 Come on, I don't go tortilla chips. Yeah, that's not 1040 00:59:49.159 --> 00:59:51.719 what comes out of my mouth that I do. 1041 00:59:51.920 --> 00:59:56.320 At least two f's in a couple s's in a couple. Yeah, 1042 00:59:56.440 --> 00:59:58.480 I mean, well, sugar Baker. 1043 00:59:59.360 --> 01:00:01.840 To Janet's point on the church thing, I want to say, 1044 01:00:01.840 --> 01:00:05.000 because you know, you guys know, I'm definitely not a 1045 01:00:05.000 --> 01:00:08.920 person about church anymore other than this kind of church 1046 01:00:09.639 --> 01:00:13.159 we're having. Yeah, And Fir Timothy two five states. For 1047 01:00:13.280 --> 01:00:16.920 there is one God and one mediator between God and mankind. 1048 01:00:17.360 --> 01:00:20.360 The man is Jesus Christ. And that means that Jesus 1049 01:00:20.480 --> 01:00:22.920 Christ is the only way to God, the Father. There 1050 01:00:23.039 --> 01:00:25.480 is no one that can save your soul by going 1051 01:00:25.480 --> 01:00:28.440 in a booth or giving you a cracker or any 1052 01:00:28.480 --> 01:00:33.760 of this crap, okay, or bread underbread and water where. 1053 01:00:34.360 --> 01:00:36.400 Yeah, like, it's not about that. 1054 01:00:36.559 --> 01:00:40.480 And honestly, like even baptism, even though some people will 1055 01:00:40.480 --> 01:00:43.320 say you're not saved if you're not baptized, there's even 1056 01:00:43.360 --> 01:00:46.599 scriptures about that that says no, if you have accepted 1057 01:00:46.639 --> 01:00:50.079 Jesus Christ in your heart, you are born again. So yes, 1058 01:00:50.159 --> 01:00:53.519 we do these things out of respect or you know, 1059 01:00:53.599 --> 01:00:57.519 to be like Christ. But they're not necessarily required. And 1060 01:00:57.599 --> 01:01:00.599 no one should be doing this to anyone about any 1061 01:01:00.639 --> 01:01:03.239 of it, even if it's swearing, even if I don't 1062 01:01:03.239 --> 01:01:05.400 care if your neighbor's doing the worst thing ever, Like 1063 01:01:05.519 --> 01:01:09.320 it's whatever, unless it's affecting you and your children, your life, 1064 01:01:09.360 --> 01:01:12.960 Like who cares live your life? Like try and talk 1065 01:01:13.000 --> 01:01:15.239 to them about God if they're not saved. But other 1066 01:01:15.320 --> 01:01:18.480 than that, like, really, do you need to look down 1067 01:01:18.519 --> 01:01:20.239 your nose as somebody to feel better? 1068 01:01:20.280 --> 01:01:22.360 Because I don't, you know what I mean? 1069 01:01:22.519 --> 01:01:25.639 Yeah, And I think the communion, I don't know if 1070 01:01:25.800 --> 01:01:28.239 that's what you guys called it, but we called it communion, 1071 01:01:28.320 --> 01:01:30.480 you know, with the oyster cracker and the grape juice 1072 01:01:30.480 --> 01:01:32.360 and all that. I think a lot of this stuff 1073 01:01:32.440 --> 01:01:35.519 is ritualism, and I think a lot of it makes 1074 01:01:35.599 --> 01:01:39.239 us feel better. And sure, And if you're gonna say, 1075 01:01:39.320 --> 01:01:41.719 don't judge me. Can't judge people who like to take 1076 01:01:41.760 --> 01:01:44.280 their communion every other Sunday or whatever and go to 1077 01:01:44.320 --> 01:01:48.039 the booth and at least they've found God. I'm you know, whatever, 1078 01:01:48.639 --> 01:01:52.639 I can't judge them for that either. But I will say, 1079 01:01:52.679 --> 01:01:57.079 though I have always thought it odd because it says 1080 01:01:57.119 --> 01:02:01.360 like you're not supposed to call anyone else father or 1081 01:02:01.360 --> 01:02:06.119 put anybody before him. And yeah, the Catholics do this stuff. 1082 01:02:06.360 --> 01:02:09.239 And you know, I'm not even saying I'm judging them. 1083 01:02:09.280 --> 01:02:12.079 It's just if we're going biblically, I don't know why 1084 01:02:12.119 --> 01:02:15.119 they that would even be a thing to like have 1085 01:02:15.280 --> 01:02:18.639 someone absolve you of your sin and also call them father. 1086 01:02:19.000 --> 01:02:23.079 And it just has always seemed odd to me. But 1087 01:02:23.159 --> 01:02:24.960 I do think we get stuck in a little bit 1088 01:02:25.000 --> 01:02:27.800 of ritualism. I was even talking to Colby the other 1089 01:02:27.880 --> 01:02:30.599 day and I was like, I have always thought that 1090 01:02:30.760 --> 01:02:34.239 baptism was important. That's because that's how I was raised. 1091 01:02:34.239 --> 01:02:37.920 And you have to get baptized, and you do feel 1092 01:02:37.960 --> 01:02:40.559 like you're turning a new leaf in your life, you 1093 01:02:40.599 --> 01:02:41.960 know when you do the baptism and. 1094 01:02:42.039 --> 01:02:45.880 You do it for the right reasons. Yeah, I think, yeah, yeah, sure, yeah. 1095 01:02:45.920 --> 01:02:48.960 And I think whatever whatever can help you get closer 1096 01:02:48.960 --> 01:02:51.199 to God, that's fine. I think these are all tools 1097 01:02:51.239 --> 01:02:53.360 that you can put in your tool bag. But at 1098 01:02:53.360 --> 01:02:55.480 the end of the day, it's really that's really just 1099 01:02:55.519 --> 01:02:58.639 all they are, like tools. They're not right, you know 1100 01:02:58.679 --> 01:03:01.719 what I mean. It's because Jesus is the intercessor to 1101 01:03:01.760 --> 01:03:04.119 the Father, and as long as you go through Him 1102 01:03:04.159 --> 01:03:06.920 for everything, you're you're good, You're golden. You don't need 1103 01:03:06.960 --> 01:03:10.760 the communion, you don't need the baptism, you don't need. 1104 01:03:10.519 --> 01:03:11.360 You know, X, Y Z. 1105 01:03:11.440 --> 01:03:14.760 Other are just like tools and your tool belt. Yeah. 1106 01:03:14.920 --> 01:03:20.840 Yeah at the Mormon Church, don't do that right. 1107 01:03:22.760 --> 01:03:26.480 People fall into ritualism because it's comforable for them, and 1108 01:03:26.519 --> 01:03:31.599 it's it's like repetitive and it's strong, rotine, and yeah, yeah, 1109 01:03:32.079 --> 01:03:36.480 people love their ritualism. I actually have for my early 1110 01:03:36.559 --> 01:03:40.159 adult section. This part of my life is kind of 1111 01:03:40.159 --> 01:03:43.800 weird because I grew up in church and this was 1112 01:03:43.840 --> 01:03:45.719 the part of my life where I was like, screw that, 1113 01:03:46.519 --> 01:03:49.599 I'm not a Christian anymore. And I thought I was 1114 01:03:49.639 --> 01:03:55.000 like an astrologer want and oh yeah, yeah. I got 1115 01:03:55.039 --> 01:03:58.480 really obsessed with like zodiac stuff, and I was like, 1116 01:03:59.119 --> 01:04:02.880 the truth is in every religion, and I'm Buddha and 1117 01:04:02.920 --> 01:04:05.519 I'm this and I'm that, and I just thought I 1118 01:04:05.639 --> 01:04:09.079 was you know, and I actually used some of the 1119 01:04:09.119 --> 01:04:12.519 stuff that's super integral to me now as basis of 1120 01:04:12.559 --> 01:04:14.719 why I couldn't stand the Bible. I would say, look 1121 01:04:14.719 --> 01:04:17.400 at the Genesis story. Look at the Old Testament you 1122 01:04:17.559 --> 01:04:21.000 telling me that's a good and loving God that would 1123 01:04:21.280 --> 01:04:24.400 you know, do these things? And he's so wrathful and 1124 01:04:24.440 --> 01:04:27.800 he's such an asshole, and he's telling Abraham to like 1125 01:04:27.960 --> 01:04:30.280 kill his son and then he's like, oh, just kidding, 1126 01:04:30.960 --> 01:04:34.000 you know, never mind. And I was like, how can 1127 01:04:34.039 --> 01:04:36.719 you explain to me why the Old Testament God is 1128 01:04:36.719 --> 01:04:40.199 in such contrast from the New Testament God? And like 1129 01:04:40.400 --> 01:04:43.119 what it just seemed weird to me. The flood story 1130 01:04:43.159 --> 01:04:45.039 seemed weird to me, like why did he have to 1131 01:04:45.119 --> 01:04:51.360 kill everybody? And it's actually those same things that I 1132 01:04:51.559 --> 01:04:57.039 now use as like a strengthening to my faith because 1133 01:04:57.159 --> 01:05:00.719 they're all the things that if you look into conspiracies, 1134 01:05:00.800 --> 01:05:04.639 they make so much more sense than just looking at 1135 01:05:04.679 --> 01:05:08.480 them from the surface level, especially the Genesis story. But 1136 01:05:09.599 --> 01:05:12.000 and it's crazy because the Bible does say if you 1137 01:05:12.079 --> 01:05:14.599 raise them upright, they'll always come back around, but they 1138 01:05:14.679 --> 01:05:15.679 might take a detour. 1139 01:05:15.920 --> 01:05:16.119 You know. 1140 01:05:16.199 --> 01:05:18.679 That was me and I did think I was an 1141 01:05:18.760 --> 01:05:21.920 astrologer and I was like an into the zodiac stuff 1142 01:05:21.920 --> 01:05:26.159 and all this, and God used the things that I 1143 01:05:26.239 --> 01:05:29.440 loved the most in my life to bring me back 1144 01:05:29.480 --> 01:05:33.519 to him, which was conspiracy theories. And I laugh every 1145 01:05:33.519 --> 01:05:36.239 time I say that, but you know, thank God for 1146 01:05:36.360 --> 01:05:40.920 flat Earth and the Nephelum and you know, because it 1147 01:05:41.119 --> 01:05:44.599 just totally strengthened my faith. But this was definitely a 1148 01:05:44.639 --> 01:05:48.519 weird time in my life early adulthood, Like seventeen eighteen, 1149 01:05:48.559 --> 01:05:52.039 I thought I knew everything. I was watching the Zeitgeist. 1150 01:05:52.199 --> 01:05:55.960 Oh Jesus is in every religion, and you know, don't 1151 01:05:55.960 --> 01:05:58.280 watch the Zeitgeist. 1152 01:05:59.360 --> 01:06:01.960 I do want to say, like I think that for 1153 01:06:02.039 --> 01:06:04.920 this panel, this one's a really good one, no matter 1154 01:06:05.239 --> 01:06:08.239 which part of your life you've been in. But who 1155 01:06:08.320 --> 01:06:11.400 can find a virtuous woman for her prices above rubies? 1156 01:06:11.480 --> 01:06:15.119 I always love that scripture and I held onto it, 1157 01:06:15.280 --> 01:06:18.679 especially for my kids when they got to this age 1158 01:06:18.920 --> 01:06:23.920 or when you start to feel worthless, especially if you're like, okay, 1159 01:06:24.000 --> 01:06:26.079 I was in a religion that wasn't very loving, and 1160 01:06:26.119 --> 01:06:29.119 it's extremely like you're not doing enough. 1161 01:06:29.360 --> 01:06:30.320 You've got to do more. 1162 01:06:30.480 --> 01:06:33.000 You need your house the cleanest, your kids is hair, 1163 01:06:33.039 --> 01:06:35.360 the best, the clothes need to be the best. Everything 1164 01:06:35.400 --> 01:06:37.320 you haves to And I was going to school full 1165 01:06:37.320 --> 01:06:39.199 time and working full time and trying to do this 1166 01:06:39.320 --> 01:06:43.679 and it just wasn't working, you know, and so I 1167 01:06:43.719 --> 01:06:48.159 oftentimes just felt devastated a lot. 1168 01:06:48.320 --> 01:06:49.840 It was horrible, you know. 1169 01:06:50.760 --> 01:06:54.280 It was like not just the judgment of others, really 1170 01:06:54.599 --> 01:06:58.239 it was like my judgment on myself, you know, like, oh, 1171 01:06:58.280 --> 01:07:00.320 I can't be home to make dinner because I'm going 1172 01:07:00.320 --> 01:07:02.920 to my nursing class tonight, so I could go be 1173 01:07:03.159 --> 01:07:06.880 something or whatever, and it just I don't know, I 1174 01:07:06.880 --> 01:07:09.079 think probably a lot of people feel that way, like 1175 01:07:09.119 --> 01:07:11.880 there is no perfect parent, there is no perfect mom, 1176 01:07:11.880 --> 01:07:15.039 there is no perfect dad, there is no perfect anything. 1177 01:07:15.039 --> 01:07:17.079 And even if they foul it all up and they 1178 01:07:17.119 --> 01:07:19.079 come back with a good heart to you, like, maybe 1179 01:07:19.079 --> 01:07:22.119 you should read your scriptures too, because I don't care 1180 01:07:22.119 --> 01:07:25.280 if somebody says I forgive them and walk away, that's 1181 01:07:25.360 --> 01:07:28.239 not what God says you should do. So she shouldn't 1182 01:07:28.280 --> 01:07:31.079 abandon your parents in their elderly years. And it says 1183 01:07:31.119 --> 01:07:33.480 you should honor them and all these things. And there's 1184 01:07:33.559 --> 01:07:36.320 like a whole bunch of scriptures about this, and everybody 1185 01:07:36.360 --> 01:07:38.960 knows I have a you know, ball in this game, 1186 01:07:39.000 --> 01:07:41.840 because my daughter, she says she loves me and she 1187 01:07:43.079 --> 01:07:45.559 has forgiven me, and she's never gonna talk to me again, 1188 01:07:45.960 --> 01:07:47.599 and so like. 1189 01:07:47.519 --> 01:07:50.960 That's not love. That's that love. You can't too that 1190 01:07:51.079 --> 01:07:51.559 to people. 1191 01:07:51.599 --> 01:07:54.239 You can just absolve yourself of everything and pat yourself 1192 01:07:54.280 --> 01:07:54.840 on the back and. 1193 01:07:54.800 --> 01:07:58.239 Go, good job. Now you have to work things out 1194 01:07:58.239 --> 01:08:00.679 with people. Unfortunately, that's hard. 1195 01:08:01.760 --> 01:08:06.039 That is hard. Forgiveness is literally the hardest thing that 1196 01:08:06.199 --> 01:08:10.320 any human being can do, because it's so easy for 1197 01:08:10.400 --> 01:08:13.320 us to like always hold a grudge and to never 1198 01:08:13.480 --> 01:08:15.760 be like, Okay, I forgive you for all the terrible 1199 01:08:15.800 --> 01:08:19.800 things that you did to me. My situation is very 1200 01:08:19.840 --> 01:08:26.439 different because while I have forgiveness for my family, they're 1201 01:08:26.520 --> 01:08:32.000 not necessary in my day to day structure. I've done 1202 01:08:32.119 --> 01:08:33.319 all that I can do. 1203 01:08:34.239 --> 01:08:36.800 And that's the difference. You've done it. 1204 01:08:36.960 --> 01:08:39.439 You would do it tomorrow if they called you and 1205 01:08:39.479 --> 01:08:43.199 were like such a shit, you know, like I'm sorry, 1206 01:08:43.359 --> 01:08:44.960 or even if they didn't say sorry, if they just 1207 01:08:45.000 --> 01:08:47.439 wanted to start being in your life again, you wouldn't 1208 01:08:47.479 --> 01:08:49.479 turn them away because I know never. 1209 01:08:50.000 --> 01:08:52.520 And I think the part of forgiveness is not saying 1210 01:08:52.760 --> 01:08:55.880 it's forgiving them, but it's not saying what you did 1211 01:08:57.039 --> 01:09:00.359 it doesn't mean it was okay. It just means moving 1212 01:09:00.399 --> 01:09:03.960 on and stuff. It doesn't mean what they did still. 1213 01:09:04.199 --> 01:09:08.359 And the sorry is not like, okay, I've been told 1214 01:09:08.399 --> 01:09:08.960 this plenty. 1215 01:09:09.119 --> 01:09:13.760 My sorry isn't good enough. Okay, I still don't even 1216 01:09:13.800 --> 01:09:16.600 know why, you know. But like at the end of 1217 01:09:16.600 --> 01:09:18.720 the day, I look at things and I'm like, you 1218 01:09:18.960 --> 01:09:21.600 know that my parents put me through the ringer, like 1219 01:09:21.640 --> 01:09:22.039 they did. 1220 01:09:22.119 --> 01:09:24.199 I was a ward of the court by twelve. It 1221 01:09:24.319 --> 01:09:26.159 was that bad. And it was the eighties. They didn't 1222 01:09:26.159 --> 01:09:29.920 take people's kids back then, so it was to that level. 1223 01:09:31.079 --> 01:09:33.279 And on top of it, you know, my dad was 1224 01:09:33.319 --> 01:09:37.560 in prison and some pretty vile things like but did 1225 01:09:37.600 --> 01:09:41.039 I not ever see him again? My children's life would 1226 01:09:41.039 --> 01:09:44.560 have been devastatingly sad if they had not had him 1227 01:09:44.560 --> 01:09:45.199 in their life. 1228 01:09:45.640 --> 01:09:49.319 Was I careful? Yeah? Did I watch for things like yep? 1229 01:09:49.640 --> 01:09:53.079 Did I make sure to be there? Yes? Did I 1230 01:09:53.119 --> 01:09:55.960 not just hand in like my child and be like okay, 1231 01:09:55.960 --> 01:09:56.560 cool bye? 1232 01:09:56.880 --> 01:09:59.680 No? I mean I don't know what happened in there, 1233 01:09:59.800 --> 01:10:03.039 Like I know it was like you know, corporate whatever stuff. 1234 01:10:03.039 --> 01:10:05.079 But like at the end of the day, you don't 1235 01:10:05.079 --> 01:10:05.439 want to. 1236 01:10:05.399 --> 01:10:09.479 Just walk away, you know. And he was really trying. 1237 01:10:09.760 --> 01:10:12.439 It's like what you said with your family. He came 1238 01:10:12.479 --> 01:10:14.680 to me, He's like, I'll do anything like, and he did. 1239 01:10:14.840 --> 01:10:17.239 He was always there, like even you know, I've got 1240 01:10:17.279 --> 01:10:20.760 prison letters from him that I just cherished because I'm like, 1241 01:10:21.000 --> 01:10:24.279 you know, he tried over and over. He called me 1242 01:10:24.319 --> 01:10:26.359 almost every other day, Like I'm sure that costs a 1243 01:10:26.399 --> 01:10:30.319 ton of money back then, you know, but he did. 1244 01:10:30.479 --> 01:10:32.840 And I'm like, do you really throw all that away? 1245 01:10:32.840 --> 01:10:36.039 Because he did this bad thing like some people do, 1246 01:10:36.159 --> 01:10:38.359 and in this day and age, they do in this 1247 01:10:38.439 --> 01:10:40.600 day and age, everyone's toxic like that and you should 1248 01:10:40.640 --> 01:10:43.039 never speak to them again and forgive them in your heart. 1249 01:10:43.079 --> 01:10:44.359 That's some croc of shit. 1250 01:10:44.960 --> 01:10:50.920 And now I'm in at some point like it's their cross 1251 01:10:50.960 --> 01:10:53.760 to bear at the some point because like you can't 1252 01:10:53.800 --> 01:10:56.720 do anything, and then it's up to you to forgive 1253 01:10:56.800 --> 01:10:59.560 them and just say it's their cross to bear, because 1254 01:10:59.600 --> 01:11:02.479 like you can't like get in somebody else's mind and 1255 01:11:02.520 --> 01:11:05.479 like make them think or do anything specifically. 1256 01:11:05.520 --> 01:11:07.960 Oh but boy, have I had to learn that. Yeah, 1257 01:11:08.000 --> 01:11:11.640 that's you know, that took so long. My dad. 1258 01:11:13.520 --> 01:11:19.479 He's something, and he's in jail right now, and he 1259 01:11:19.479 --> 01:11:23.039 he writes me all letters, and I wrote him back 1260 01:11:23.079 --> 01:11:25.600 as much as I could. He he has nothing to 1261 01:11:25.640 --> 01:11:27.880 do but write me letters, and I have a whole 1262 01:11:27.920 --> 01:11:30.800 other life besides, you know. But I've responded as much 1263 01:11:30.840 --> 01:11:33.840 as I can, and I have told him I forgive him. 1264 01:11:33.840 --> 01:11:36.199 I've forg I gave. I forgave him before he even 1265 01:11:36.239 --> 01:11:39.720 asked for it. And and but my problem is is 1266 01:11:39.760 --> 01:11:44.279 like I never ever would have rejected him, even all 1267 01:11:44.319 --> 01:11:47.399 the things he did. Whatever, I forgive him. And the 1268 01:11:47.479 --> 01:11:51.479 thing is this, I can give out forgiveness way easier 1269 01:11:51.560 --> 01:11:55.000 than I can forgive myself. I think I'm like so 1270 01:11:55.479 --> 01:11:58.720 hard on myself, and I kind of I don't know 1271 01:11:58.720 --> 01:12:01.079 if it's the opposite for other people, Like they have 1272 01:12:01.119 --> 01:12:03.600 a hard time forgiving someone if they've done something too, 1273 01:12:03.960 --> 01:12:06.680 they're a grudge holder. I get that. But I can 1274 01:12:06.760 --> 01:12:10.760 forgive someone like ten times easier than I can forgive myself. 1275 01:12:11.279 --> 01:12:15.119 If I do this smallest thing, I'll remember it forever 1276 01:12:15.279 --> 01:12:17.439 and I'll be like, oh my god, I can't believe 1277 01:12:17.439 --> 01:12:20.159 I did that. I will never forget that, and I 1278 01:12:20.159 --> 01:12:22.399 will never forgive myself. So still, so. 1279 01:12:22.439 --> 01:12:26.600 Let me ask you a question, because this sounds like 1280 01:12:26.720 --> 01:12:30.359 my daughter to a t. And it's like if this 1281 01:12:30.439 --> 01:12:33.479 isn't good enough or that's not good enough, like she's 1282 01:12:33.560 --> 01:12:36.279 not good enough as a human being if she didn't 1283 01:12:36.319 --> 01:12:39.079 like get the best grade or whatever. Were you like 1284 01:12:39.159 --> 01:12:40.439 that as a kid too. 1285 01:12:40.680 --> 01:12:44.399 Yes, one hundred, that's fine, yeah, one hundred and And 1286 01:12:44.079 --> 01:12:48.039 I've almost chocked it up to having like OCD because 1287 01:12:48.039 --> 01:12:50.119 I have to like check the locks on the doors 1288 01:12:50.479 --> 01:12:53.279 and do like these certain things. And it was kind 1289 01:12:53.279 --> 01:12:55.319 of like Heidi was saying about like cleaning the house 1290 01:12:55.359 --> 01:12:58.279 and stuff, I'm weird about it. And my mom used 1291 01:12:58.279 --> 01:13:01.279 to say cleanliness is next to go, and she used 1292 01:13:01.279 --> 01:13:03.680 to like get on her hands and knees and like 1293 01:13:03.800 --> 01:13:06.840 scrub floorboards and stuff. And I thought that was you know, 1294 01:13:07.159 --> 01:13:09.920 So now everything I do is through that lens of 1295 01:13:09.960 --> 01:13:12.760 like nothing I do is good enough. Maybe it comes 1296 01:13:12.760 --> 01:13:14.920 from my dad being a pos so I don't know, 1297 01:13:15.159 --> 01:13:18.000 and like never feeling worthy of, you know, like why 1298 01:13:18.039 --> 01:13:20.000 doesn't he want anything to do with me? Why is 1299 01:13:20.039 --> 01:13:23.600 he a crad? You know, I forgive him for that, 1300 01:13:23.840 --> 01:13:26.479 but maybe it's something I maybe it's my cross to bear, 1301 01:13:26.680 --> 01:13:27.119 you know what. 1302 01:13:27.920 --> 01:13:32.039 You know what it is though with him is he 1303 01:13:32.239 --> 01:13:37.680 has no forgiveness for himself nor that they you know 1304 01:13:37.720 --> 01:13:42.399 that he did, and so like he's going through his 1305 01:13:42.560 --> 01:13:46.159 own like emotional trauma. And this is not just fear Dad. 1306 01:13:46.239 --> 01:13:50.159 This is like literally for anybody that people are so 1307 01:13:50.520 --> 01:13:56.479 burdened by like their own traumas, their own emotions things 1308 01:13:56.560 --> 01:14:02.800 like that, that they find it really hard to like process, 1309 01:14:02.920 --> 01:14:06.000 to be able to be vulnerable and have that communication 1310 01:14:06.239 --> 01:14:10.319 with other people and be like, you know what, Julia, 1311 01:14:10.600 --> 01:14:15.800 like I did these things because you know, I was 1312 01:14:15.840 --> 01:14:18.319 a drug addict and I was a drug addict because 1313 01:14:18.800 --> 01:14:22.840 of you know, X, Y and Z these emotions from 1314 01:14:22.880 --> 01:14:26.720 my childhood or you know whatever abuse things like that. 1315 01:14:27.279 --> 01:14:32.600 It's too difficult for most people to be in touch 1316 01:14:32.680 --> 01:14:37.119 with that uh innermost portion of themselves where they allow 1317 01:14:37.239 --> 01:14:40.720 them say themselves to tell other people like, hey, I 1318 01:14:40.800 --> 01:14:45.960 was abused, you know, I was sexually assaulted. I was 1319 01:14:46.279 --> 01:14:50.359 you know, I was an addict because of these things, 1320 01:14:50.399 --> 01:14:55.119 Like people don't want to have those conversations with other people, 1321 01:14:55.239 --> 01:14:56.840 let alone themselves. 1322 01:14:57.239 --> 01:15:00.560 And I think as a child of a dad that 1323 01:15:00.600 --> 01:15:03.479 went to prison too at a young age. I don't 1324 01:15:03.520 --> 01:15:05.359 know when your dad did, but mine was at a 1325 01:15:05.359 --> 01:15:08.640 young age. Mine was at like nine. I think there's 1326 01:15:08.680 --> 01:15:10.920 a piece of you that you're like, I'm bad too. 1327 01:15:11.640 --> 01:15:15.079 I must be defective in some way because he's half 1328 01:15:15.119 --> 01:15:17.199 of me, and I'm a piece of shit, you know, 1329 01:15:17.359 --> 01:15:19.600 And my stepdad made sure that I knew I was 1330 01:15:19.640 --> 01:15:22.239 a piece of shit, and he would often come and 1331 01:15:22.279 --> 01:15:24.479 tell me that, like, your real dad's a piece of shit, 1332 01:15:24.520 --> 01:15:25.319 and you're just like him. 1333 01:15:25.399 --> 01:15:28.479 So I mean, I think that when you. 1334 01:15:28.119 --> 01:15:30.720 Grow up a certain kind of way, you really start 1335 01:15:30.760 --> 01:15:33.760 to even if no one told you, right, like, you 1336 01:15:33.880 --> 01:15:36.600 start to process like I am half of these people, 1337 01:15:36.680 --> 01:15:39.039 like and that's when you have to go back to 1338 01:15:39.079 --> 01:15:41.880 that scripture you said about having your father be God, 1339 01:15:42.319 --> 01:15:45.279 you know, or Jesus at whichever way you want to 1340 01:15:45.279 --> 01:15:49.199 put that, but that that is so powerful because we 1341 01:15:49.279 --> 01:15:52.720 are his by adoption and it's the best adoption. 1342 01:15:52.840 --> 01:15:53.079 You know. 1343 01:15:53.239 --> 01:15:55.680 And there's a scripture about this, and I don't know 1344 01:15:55.720 --> 01:15:57.960 which one it is, but I know there's one about adoption, 1345 01:15:58.439 --> 01:16:00.560 and you know, we have. 1346 01:16:00.520 --> 01:16:02.720 To remember that, you know, we are. 1347 01:16:02.680 --> 01:16:06.359 That lucky that when you adopt a child, there's hoops, 1348 01:16:06.439 --> 01:16:08.159 there's it's a whole process. 1349 01:16:08.199 --> 01:16:10.479 You have to do all these things and pay all 1350 01:16:10.520 --> 01:16:12.960 this money, and you're really wanted. 1351 01:16:12.800 --> 01:16:18.159 Like it's no accident, you know, right right, yeah, And. 1352 01:16:18.199 --> 01:16:21.800 To sacrifice too, because like I've known people who'se like 1353 01:16:22.399 --> 01:16:25.279 family members have been in a bad spot when they 1354 01:16:25.520 --> 01:16:28.600 had a baby and the family member will like adopt 1355 01:16:28.720 --> 01:16:32.600 it and raise it even though they had no responsibility 1356 01:16:32.680 --> 01:16:37.520 to that child whatsoever, or even you know, marrying someone 1357 01:16:37.640 --> 01:16:40.880 and taking on their kids from a previous relationship. And 1358 01:16:41.399 --> 01:16:45.159 that's sacrifice. I don't care what anyone says, like, that's 1359 01:16:45.399 --> 01:16:48.720 one of the hardest because it's not yours. And they 1360 01:16:48.760 --> 01:16:51.000 may never look at you like a parent, even though 1361 01:16:51.039 --> 01:16:54.600 you've washed their shitty drawers and you know, fed them 1362 01:16:54.640 --> 01:16:57.399 and you know, cleaned up after them, and they may 1363 01:16:57.439 --> 01:16:59.520 not ever love you like a parent even though you've 1364 01:16:59.560 --> 01:17:02.359 done all that for him. So yeah, I mean it 1365 01:17:02.439 --> 01:17:05.159 is sacrificing to think, like you were saying, we're the 1366 01:17:05.279 --> 01:17:09.720 adopted kids of God and he still loves us so much. 1367 01:17:09.800 --> 01:17:11.279 He is like, I have a real kid and I'm 1368 01:17:11.279 --> 01:17:14.359 going to kill him for you. How about that You 1369 01:17:14.399 --> 01:17:15.079 think I love you? 1370 01:17:15.199 --> 01:17:15.439 Yet? 1371 01:17:16.159 --> 01:17:19.079 Yeah, exactly paid the ultimate price for us. 1372 01:17:19.159 --> 01:17:22.640 And I just think Jesus, because I'm so I'm so 1373 01:17:22.760 --> 01:17:26.159 grateful for that, and that forgiveness too, that I look 1374 01:17:26.239 --> 01:17:29.000 for that I can never give myself. It it comes 1375 01:17:29.000 --> 01:17:32.000 from God. That forgiveness is of God, and it's something 1376 01:17:32.039 --> 01:17:38.159 that I think is almost beyond human comprehension, because if 1377 01:17:38.199 --> 01:17:41.079 you look at serial killers and like stuff that they've done, 1378 01:17:41.920 --> 01:17:43.960 you almost want to say, there's no way, God, how 1379 01:17:44.000 --> 01:17:46.920 can you forget? Like, really, all he's got to do 1380 01:17:47.000 --> 01:17:49.319 at the last moment of his life, even after he's 1381 01:17:49.359 --> 01:17:52.079 ted bundied everybody, all he has to do is say 1382 01:17:52.079 --> 01:17:54.239 he accepts Jesus and he gets to go to heaven, 1383 01:17:54.359 --> 01:17:57.000 just like this old lady who's been to church every 1384 01:17:57.039 --> 01:17:59.319 Sunday the last ninety eight years of her life. And 1385 01:17:59.359 --> 01:18:02.560 it's like, yeah, that's how it works. Yeah, it's pretty. 1386 01:18:02.600 --> 01:18:05.239 Work, and it's true. 1387 01:18:05.279 --> 01:18:07.840 I mean, it's just such a hard concept for us 1388 01:18:07.880 --> 01:18:11.039 to understand. But I think with when my parents, like 1389 01:18:11.159 --> 01:18:14.680 with my parents in that whole situation and being raised 1390 01:18:14.680 --> 01:18:17.319 by other people and just having this chaotic life and 1391 01:18:17.359 --> 01:18:21.520 all this stuff, like I think for me to be forgiving, 1392 01:18:21.600 --> 01:18:24.520 like you said, was so I was just like, yeah, 1393 01:18:24.600 --> 01:18:27.439 like just I don't care about that, like you're still 1394 01:18:27.479 --> 01:18:30.079 my mom, you know, Like, but to not have that 1395 01:18:30.199 --> 01:18:35.800 reciprocated to me ough like horrid, like horrible. And there 1396 01:18:35.840 --> 01:18:37.840 was only one time in my life I ever did 1397 01:18:37.840 --> 01:18:40.239 that to my mom because my ex husband was like, no, 1398 01:18:40.399 --> 01:18:43.920 she's no, we're done, and I'm like, so I went 1399 01:18:43.960 --> 01:18:46.760 along because we had a small child, and he was like, no, 1400 01:18:47.119 --> 01:18:48.439 we're not dealing with this. 1401 01:18:48.439 --> 01:18:49.119 It's too much. 1402 01:18:49.680 --> 01:18:53.119 And I so regret that time now knowing what my 1403 01:18:53.199 --> 01:18:56.600 daughter's done to me threefold because it's been six years 1404 01:18:56.600 --> 01:18:58.359 and I did that to my mom for basically a 1405 01:18:58.399 --> 01:19:02.119 year and a half. You know, I'm like, Okay, well, 1406 01:19:02.279 --> 01:19:05.319 I would never do that if I could go back 1407 01:19:05.359 --> 01:19:08.479 in time, because I now know the pain that I. 1408 01:19:08.560 --> 01:19:09.960 Cost somebody else. 1409 01:19:10.079 --> 01:19:12.960 This is like something you would never do if you 1410 01:19:13.039 --> 01:19:15.680 knew the other side of it. With anything, it doesn't 1411 01:19:15.720 --> 01:19:20.880 have to be this situation, whatever it is learned. Yeah, yeah, 1412 01:19:21.199 --> 01:19:24.760 and so yeah, forgiveness should be simple. I don't think 1413 01:19:24.800 --> 01:19:27.840 we should make people feel like total pieces of shit 1414 01:19:28.039 --> 01:19:30.840 just because they did something. Like we're all imperfect every 1415 01:19:30.920 --> 01:19:33.640 day and God says we will be. He says, even 1416 01:19:33.680 --> 01:19:35.239 no matter what you try to do, we're going to 1417 01:19:35.279 --> 01:19:38.079 screw it up tomorrow. So just like that's fine. But 1418 01:19:38.279 --> 01:19:40.680 like I've tried to tell my daughter, or my mom 1419 01:19:40.800 --> 01:19:43.720 has at least she's like, don't you think this is 1420 01:19:43.800 --> 01:19:46.439 kind of like a generational curse, because like my mom 1421 01:19:46.479 --> 01:19:49.640 took my daughter and then you know, your daughter's gone 1422 01:19:49.680 --> 01:19:51.640 and now she has a daughter. And my mom tried 1423 01:19:51.680 --> 01:19:53.520 to tell her, like, I don't think you want to 1424 01:19:53.560 --> 01:19:55.880 play this game with your mom really because your kid's 1425 01:19:55.920 --> 01:19:57.439 little right now, but some day it's going to grow 1426 01:19:57.520 --> 01:19:58.640 up and maybe hate you for. 1427 01:19:58.560 --> 01:19:59.079 This, you know. 1428 01:20:00.079 --> 01:20:02.479 And I mean, even if it doesn't, it's just a 1429 01:20:02.600 --> 01:20:05.319 kind of a scary road you're hoeing, you know. Like 1430 01:20:05.520 --> 01:20:09.560 I constantly think about that, and I still am like, 1431 01:20:09.640 --> 01:20:10.319 even though I'm like. 1432 01:20:10.239 --> 01:20:11.800 God, I give it to you, but don't punish her 1433 01:20:11.800 --> 01:20:13.600 like that, right, Like, that's not giving it to God 1434 01:20:13.640 --> 01:20:16.880 because you're still like, you know, let that little mom 1435 01:20:16.960 --> 01:20:17.479 in you that. 1436 01:20:17.439 --> 01:20:20.520 You're like, but don't do that to my kid. And 1437 01:20:21.159 --> 01:20:23.800 is that really giving it over you know what I mean? 1438 01:20:24.079 --> 01:20:26.199 No, that's my biggest one. 1439 01:20:26.439 --> 01:20:28.560 That's my biggest one where I'm like, I have to 1440 01:20:28.600 --> 01:20:31.159 get myself out of my own way, you know, And. 1441 01:20:31.199 --> 01:20:34.960 I literally, yeah, no, for real, Heidi, you need to yeah, 1442 01:20:35.399 --> 01:20:39.000 because I mean, I'm not easier saying it's not difficult. 1443 01:20:39.079 --> 01:20:42.159 But she is not changing her mind anytime soon. So 1444 01:20:42.199 --> 01:20:45.439 you guys to just let that one go. It's going 1445 01:20:45.520 --> 01:20:47.279 to kill you in the process. 1446 01:20:47.479 --> 01:20:51.199 Yeah, I don't think she'll I pretty much, you know, 1447 01:20:51.319 --> 01:20:54.119 and for the first few years, you're like everybody says 1448 01:20:54.119 --> 01:20:54.880 the same shit to you. 1449 01:20:54.920 --> 01:20:56.680 When you tell people this devastating thing. 1450 01:20:56.600 --> 01:20:59.520 That's really awkward because they're like, oh, secretly, they're in 1451 01:20:59.560 --> 01:21:01.399 their mind like she's a piece of ship mom, or 1452 01:21:01.439 --> 01:21:03.960 she's a horrible person, because nobody's kid would do that 1453 01:21:04.079 --> 01:21:06.640 unless they're a piece of ship person. And so you 1454 01:21:06.680 --> 01:21:09.359 live with that knowing that that if somebody told me 1455 01:21:09.439 --> 01:21:12.319 that story before it happened to me, I would think 1456 01:21:12.359 --> 01:21:14.039 the same thing, like, what did that mom? 1457 01:21:14.119 --> 01:21:15.279 Do you know what I mean? 1458 01:21:15.760 --> 01:21:16.000 Sari? 1459 01:21:16.560 --> 01:21:18.960 Because it could depend on the guy she got with. 1460 01:21:19.199 --> 01:21:25.239 That's what I was, just a ton of influence over 1461 01:21:25.279 --> 01:21:26.439 how she thinks about you. 1462 01:21:26.920 --> 01:21:33.239 People are are so apt to again like jump to judgment, 1463 01:21:33.399 --> 01:21:38.560 jump to conclusions and whatever, when there's so many more 1464 01:21:39.239 --> 01:21:44.319 personalities to think about and what's going on with them. 1465 01:21:44.479 --> 01:21:49.640 And you know, if he's controlling, why is he controlling? 1466 01:21:50.159 --> 01:21:54.960 Did his parents chain him up as a child or 1467 01:21:55.000 --> 01:21:58.880 was he going through some kind of abuse or trauma 1468 01:21:58.880 --> 01:22:02.840 and his childhood that makes him controlling. The people that 1469 01:22:02.880 --> 01:22:11.239 are the most difficult for like to have forgiveness toward 1470 01:22:11.319 --> 01:22:15.399 other people and stuff usually are people that have that 1471 01:22:15.560 --> 01:22:22.039 control mechanism as a protective thing because of things that 1472 01:22:22.079 --> 01:22:26.119 they've gone through in their life. So you know, you 1473 01:22:26.159 --> 01:22:30.279 can't control somebody else if you're if you're having forgiveness 1474 01:22:30.279 --> 01:22:30.720 for them. 1475 01:22:31.680 --> 01:22:35.279 And honestly, it's like horrible because when you go to 1476 01:22:35.319 --> 01:22:38.079 talk to people about this, people are like, oh, like 1477 01:22:38.560 --> 01:22:40.520 they don't know what to do with it, because they're 1478 01:22:40.560 --> 01:22:43.199 like they know, yeah, they know what to do for 1479 01:22:43.279 --> 01:22:46.199 dead people. They're like, oh, I'm so, I'm so nobody's 1480 01:22:46.239 --> 01:22:48.600 so sorry. They're kind of like, oh, I don't want 1481 01:22:48.640 --> 01:22:50.920 to how's the weather, you know what I mean? And 1482 01:22:50.960 --> 01:22:53.880 then you just kind of like wait a minute, and 1483 01:22:53.960 --> 01:22:57.720 so you don't have resolution. And honestly, like for the 1484 01:22:57.760 --> 01:23:00.800 first three years, people were like, she'll come back, she'll 1485 01:23:00.840 --> 01:23:02.079 come back when she gets married. 1486 01:23:02.159 --> 01:23:04.239 She got married, she'll come back when she has a baby. 1487 01:23:04.359 --> 01:23:06.439 She had a baby, And so now I can see 1488 01:23:06.439 --> 01:23:08.479 what Julia is saying, like, this is probably not going 1489 01:23:08.560 --> 01:23:09.640 to resolve in my lifetime. 1490 01:23:09.960 --> 01:23:10.279 No way. 1491 01:23:10.600 --> 01:23:11.840 Well especially. 1492 01:23:13.119 --> 01:23:18.760 It's except to God, in God's timeline, and if he's 1493 01:23:18.800 --> 01:23:22.520 truly in her heart, if he can change her heart. 1494 01:23:22.720 --> 01:23:27.079 But then again, she's she's married, so her cart could 1495 01:23:27.079 --> 01:23:31.560 be changed. But then she's still got a control mechanism exactly. 1496 01:23:31.920 --> 01:23:33.239 That's why I. 1497 01:23:35.000 --> 01:23:37.319 Got to move into place. 1498 01:23:37.600 --> 01:23:38.640 Let me let me place. 1499 01:23:38.920 --> 01:23:42.119 I want to throw it out there, like when you've 1500 01:23:42.119 --> 01:23:45.079 got a kid, like I understand she can't like throw 1501 01:23:45.159 --> 01:23:46.800 her kid to the wind just to be with me. 1502 01:23:46.920 --> 01:23:49.840 Well, you know, well, here's the thing, because I've been 1503 01:23:49.880 --> 01:23:53.399 in relationships with guys like the one she's married to. 1504 01:23:53.600 --> 01:23:55.640 I was actually married to one my first marriage that 1505 01:23:55.800 --> 01:24:00.239 lasted like six months. As long as he is with her, 1506 01:24:00.760 --> 01:24:04.760 she will not change her mind. If he leaves her 1507 01:24:04.800 --> 01:24:08.000 tomorrow and tells her to get the kicker off, you know, 1508 01:24:09.199 --> 01:24:12.239 she'll be back home. But if that guy is in 1509 01:24:12.319 --> 01:24:15.479 her life in any capacity whatsoever, she will not have 1510 01:24:15.520 --> 01:24:17.439 anything to do with you. Let me just play psychic 1511 01:24:17.520 --> 01:24:19.039 right now. He gets her out of the house. In 1512 01:24:19.039 --> 01:24:23.680 any year their marriages, she won't care because she's gonna 1513 01:24:23.720 --> 01:24:26.720 hate him because he doesn't want anything to do with her, 1514 01:24:26.760 --> 01:24:30.479 and she's gonna come home because she's a freaking options. 1515 01:24:30.520 --> 01:24:32.319 One of the best things that you've done, Heidi, and 1516 01:24:32.359 --> 01:24:35.199 also Janet you did for the longest time was offer 1517 01:24:35.239 --> 01:24:37.720 that unconditional love. Janet, You've got the other end of 1518 01:24:37.760 --> 01:24:42.960 this because your daughter came back right but just Heidi By, 1519 01:24:43.319 --> 01:24:46.520 You've always kept your door open, your arms open. 1520 01:24:47.039 --> 01:24:48.960 And I think that's the best part of it all. 1521 01:24:49.119 --> 01:24:52.560 This that's the maddest ever was at my mom. 1522 01:24:52.920 --> 01:24:55.720 Was when my mom accidentally gave me the phone because 1523 01:24:55.760 --> 01:24:58.039 she was tripping out because she deals with stuff way 1524 01:24:58.159 --> 01:25:00.359 worse than me, and I didn't know what was going on, 1525 01:25:00.399 --> 01:25:03.520 and she just chucked me the phone and lightning struck 1526 01:25:03.520 --> 01:25:03.960 their house. 1527 01:25:04.760 --> 01:25:06.439 I mean, it's not like God hasn't tried to talk 1528 01:25:06.479 --> 01:25:06.800 to them. 1529 01:25:07.079 --> 01:25:09.359 The day they brought their baby home, I was sitting 1530 01:25:09.359 --> 01:25:11.560 at a table and I said, this needs to stop now. 1531 01:25:11.720 --> 01:25:14.720 And lightning struck their house right then. And I only 1532 01:25:14.760 --> 01:25:16.239 know that because we were all sitting at the table 1533 01:25:16.239 --> 01:25:18.399 when my mom answered the phone two seconds later, and 1534 01:25:18.439 --> 01:25:19.479 I was like, what has happened there? 1535 01:25:19.560 --> 01:25:23.600 The house was on fire, and so I was like, whoa, 1536 01:25:23.720 --> 01:25:24.720 this is wild. 1537 01:25:25.000 --> 01:25:25.159 You know. 1538 01:25:25.279 --> 01:25:26.880 My son even got mad at me. He's like, what 1539 01:25:26.920 --> 01:25:30.199 did you do? I'm like, what thing? What are you 1540 01:25:30.359 --> 01:25:32.239 talking about? I was right here with you. He's like, 1541 01:25:32.279 --> 01:25:33.960 you shouldn't talk like that. I'm like, okay. 1542 01:25:34.880 --> 01:25:37.119 All I said was it needs to stop now. And 1543 01:25:37.319 --> 01:25:39.920 everybody jokes and calls it Mormon lightning or whatever. 1544 01:25:40.000 --> 01:25:44.479 It's funny. But and now I see it, yeah, and 1545 01:25:44.520 --> 01:25:46.119 I'm like, Okay, all I can do. 1546 01:25:46.159 --> 01:25:49.399 Is like make a journal for the baby and these 1547 01:25:49.439 --> 01:25:52.199 little things of letting go, like you know, mention it 1548 01:25:52.239 --> 01:25:54.720 on podcasts. So if they say the journal's fake, oh, 1549 01:25:54.800 --> 01:25:57.560 we'll go watch these thousand videos about this, you know, 1550 01:25:58.720 --> 01:26:00.680 cause their plan is they are to tell her that 1551 01:26:00.720 --> 01:26:02.800 I wanted nothing to do with her because I was 1552 01:26:02.840 --> 01:26:03.520 too far away. 1553 01:26:04.000 --> 01:26:09.680 As long as he's in the picture, well something just 1554 01:26:09.680 --> 01:26:12.640 just pray God's will that, you know, if this guy 1555 01:26:12.760 --> 01:26:15.760 is really how he seems to be, that he'll either 1556 01:26:15.880 --> 01:26:18.960 just get out of her life and some you know, 1557 01:26:20.039 --> 01:26:22.760 God forbid it'd be something horrible like she catches him. 1558 01:26:23.760 --> 01:26:25.239 Guys like that are I was. 1559 01:26:25.319 --> 01:26:29.720 Just my God great minds think alike, because I was 1560 01:26:29.800 --> 01:26:34.319 just thinking there have been a lot. 1561 01:26:32.079 --> 01:26:36.920 I'm just I'm. 1562 01:26:38.199 --> 01:26:41.840 Forbid. Right, Let's not hope the guy dies in a 1563 01:26:41.880 --> 01:26:46.159 fire crash or anything but God's will, however, it is 1564 01:26:46.199 --> 01:26:48.479 that he gets out of her life, she'll come back 1565 01:26:48.520 --> 01:26:51.920 around because she'll have zero support system or money and 1566 01:26:52.319 --> 01:26:54.880 she'll need help and you'll be there and you'll forgive 1567 01:26:54.880 --> 01:26:57.720 her and everything will be right his rein. But until then, 1568 01:26:58.359 --> 01:27:00.960 just know half of the thing that she thinks about 1569 01:27:01.000 --> 01:27:04.880 you are coming from him or have been like induced 1570 01:27:05.000 --> 01:27:08.359 by weird things he's planted in her head. Yeah, and I. 1571 01:27:10.079 --> 01:27:13.760 Go, yeah, where you do have to just say to God, like, 1572 01:27:14.319 --> 01:27:16.279 I don't even pray for anything at this point, I 1573 01:27:16.359 --> 01:27:18.279 just pray for God's will to be done, because I 1574 01:27:18.319 --> 01:27:19.479 don't even know anymore. 1575 01:27:19.680 --> 01:27:23.880 I'm just like, well that I want to clare something 1576 01:27:23.960 --> 01:27:28.319 up for for listeners. Not wishing death on the guy, 1577 01:27:28.520 --> 01:27:33.199 but knowing that he is a pilot, right, and God 1578 01:27:33.279 --> 01:27:36.640 works in mysterious ways, and he works his will in 1579 01:27:36.800 --> 01:27:42.279 mysterious ways, and so he can use that or any 1580 01:27:42.479 --> 01:27:47.760 other piece of his life to change his heart. And 1581 01:27:47.880 --> 01:27:51.079 so you know, and it happens to people all the 1582 01:27:51.159 --> 01:27:54.159 time that you know, they're they're atheists, they don't believe 1583 01:27:54.199 --> 01:27:57.119 in God, blah blah blah. They have a near death experience. 1584 01:27:58.399 --> 01:28:02.119 It is right. And even for him if he was 1585 01:28:02.159 --> 01:28:04.319 alive and like was like, hey, I'm just sorry about it, 1586 01:28:04.399 --> 01:28:06.760 let's move on, I totally would right. 1587 01:28:06.960 --> 01:28:09.199 I think he's gonna cheat on her though, because pilots 1588 01:28:09.199 --> 01:28:14.600 are notorious cheaters and guys who are about their wives 1589 01:28:14.680 --> 01:28:18.119 are cheaters, people who like crave control like that, and 1590 01:28:18.159 --> 01:28:20.479 they're always like watching what their wives are doing and 1591 01:28:20.520 --> 01:28:23.239 want to like check their phones and stuff. They're cheating 1592 01:28:23.640 --> 01:28:27.399 and so like he's probably that kind of guy. Oh sure, well, 1593 01:28:27.680 --> 01:28:31.399 just fits the profile. But I'm just saying, you know, 1594 01:28:31.800 --> 01:28:36.640 pray God's will and just literally just bury it and 1595 01:28:36.880 --> 01:28:41.640 don't even because this it's just like anything else in life, 1596 01:28:41.680 --> 01:28:45.399 completely out of our control and worrying about it and 1597 01:28:45.520 --> 01:28:47.199 going to change the outcome. 1598 01:28:47.279 --> 01:28:49.920 Girl, I try to talk about it for the other 1599 01:28:50.039 --> 01:28:51.920 parents that because this is a fad right now. 1600 01:28:51.920 --> 01:28:54.039 Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm saying for you though, because 1601 01:28:54.079 --> 01:28:56.560 you don't want to. I don't want it to cause 1602 01:28:56.640 --> 01:29:00.800 you to like get sick and you know, no, no 1603 01:29:01.199 --> 01:29:03.399 that's over, you know what I mean, because it's like 1604 01:29:03.560 --> 01:29:06.600 she's still controlling your life in a way if you 1605 01:29:07.079 --> 01:29:10.039 let it, take it, take it, take you over. 1606 01:29:10.079 --> 01:29:10.720 My Yeah. 1607 01:29:11.000 --> 01:29:13.039 No, I had to go through the most I mean, 1608 01:29:13.079 --> 01:29:15.279 as many things as I've gone through in my lifetime, 1609 01:29:15.279 --> 01:29:18.720 which is like Janet was like all this stuff always 1610 01:29:18.760 --> 01:29:21.720 happened to me. That is literally the title of my life. 1611 01:29:21.800 --> 01:29:24.920 And I'm always like what the hell, Like did somebody 1612 01:29:24.960 --> 01:29:26.680 ask me once if I killed a priest in my 1613 01:29:26.720 --> 01:29:30.319 former life. I was like, I don't know, maybe maybe 1614 01:29:30.399 --> 01:29:34.600 I did. I'm like, goodness, but you know sometimes you 1615 01:29:34.680 --> 01:29:37.159 do shake your head at it. But then I always think, well, 1616 01:29:37.199 --> 01:29:39.760 maybe this is just because you are supposed to help 1617 01:29:39.800 --> 01:29:42.720 other people. So that's the only reason why I do 1618 01:29:42.800 --> 01:29:46.560 what I do. 1619 01:29:46.560 --> 01:29:50.359 Do you believe in reincarnagis only if I killed a priest? 1620 01:29:50.399 --> 01:29:54.279 That would explain a lot I have. 1621 01:29:56.560 --> 01:29:58.560 If I'm gonna go with that, if I'm gonna say 1622 01:29:58.600 --> 01:30:00.800 I believe in it, I feel like I was Judas 1623 01:30:00.920 --> 01:30:05.039 or something like I must have been a real shad. Yeah. Yeah, 1624 01:30:05.479 --> 01:30:08.600 like I've suffered a lot in this lifetime. Like maybe 1625 01:30:08.640 --> 01:30:10.039 I deserved it. I don't know. 1626 01:30:10.279 --> 01:30:15.760 I think I was most closely related to doubting Thomas. 1627 01:30:16.279 --> 01:30:20.199 There you go, right, and it's like, you know, all 1628 01:30:20.239 --> 01:30:23.359 these nudges and stuff in my life along the way 1629 01:30:23.399 --> 01:30:25.560 where God is like do this. I want you to 1630 01:30:25.600 --> 01:30:29.000 do this, not that path, not yours mind, do this, 1631 01:30:29.880 --> 01:30:34.159 And like I would the other way, I didn't pay 1632 01:30:34.199 --> 01:30:39.199 attention to listen to anything he said, and so like 1633 01:30:39.359 --> 01:30:43.399 he put me through all of these trials and tribulations 1634 01:30:43.520 --> 01:30:48.359 and stuff to come out the other side to be like, eh, 1635 01:30:48.680 --> 01:30:52.760 I get it now. You wanted these things so I 1636 01:30:52.840 --> 01:30:56.039 could give testimony and speak on this and help someone else. 1637 01:30:56.279 --> 01:30:57.039 I got you now. 1638 01:30:57.880 --> 01:30:58.560 Yeah right. 1639 01:31:01.159 --> 01:31:03.279 It's kind of like I was saying earlier about like 1640 01:31:03.399 --> 01:31:06.399 how I got really into the astrology stuff, like in 1641 01:31:06.439 --> 01:31:08.159 the mid part of my life. I don't even I 1642 01:31:08.239 --> 01:31:10.159 still to this day don't know what to think of it, 1643 01:31:10.520 --> 01:31:14.560 because I find that some aspects of it could possibly 1644 01:31:14.600 --> 01:31:18.359 be accurate in some way, like God created the stars. 1645 01:31:18.640 --> 01:31:22.520 So let's just say that I find things about like 1646 01:31:22.680 --> 01:31:27.319 Scorpios and Sagittarius and like people in my life, and 1647 01:31:27.399 --> 01:31:29.880 I'll be like, damn, you really remind me of someone, 1648 01:31:29.920 --> 01:31:32.399 and it turns out like they're the same sign or something. 1649 01:31:32.439 --> 01:31:36.439 So I don't know what the you know, science is 1650 01:31:36.520 --> 01:31:40.520 behind it, but something that always reminded me of my 1651 01:31:40.680 --> 01:31:44.359 mom and Janet. They're both Scorpios, and they both did 1652 01:31:44.439 --> 01:31:46.880 that shit like if there were two paths and it 1653 01:31:46.960 --> 01:31:50.520 was like God's saying, choose the right one. They always 1654 01:31:50.560 --> 01:31:54.560 went left, dude, they always went left. And so you know, 1655 01:31:54.680 --> 01:31:56.880 every time I talk to Janet, she reminds me a 1656 01:31:56.880 --> 01:31:59.159 little bit more of my mom all the time. It's 1657 01:31:59.199 --> 01:32:04.720 that scorpio fiery energy, but also super loving, super forgiving, 1658 01:32:05.279 --> 01:32:13.720 humble and non judgmental. My mom was like that too, stubborn, right, yeah, 1659 01:32:13.760 --> 01:32:17.039 And so sometimes I'll like read little sagittarian things and 1660 01:32:17.119 --> 01:32:22.279 we're always like the loud mouths, that unfiltered weirdos that 1661 01:32:22.359 --> 01:32:24.640 are just either you love them or you hate them. 1662 01:32:24.640 --> 01:32:26.880 If you look at the comment section of my podcast, 1663 01:32:27.039 --> 01:32:30.720 very true, and you know, it just to me, I 1664 01:32:30.760 --> 01:32:33.000 don't know what the science is behind it. When she 1665 01:32:33.119 --> 01:32:35.840 said that about always choosing the wrong path, that just 1666 01:32:35.880 --> 01:32:38.279 reminded me of my freaking mom so much. 1667 01:32:39.399 --> 01:32:45.600 Maybe like the the zodiac signs have something to do, 1668 01:32:46.600 --> 01:32:50.079 like if it was closely married to you know, God's 1669 01:32:50.079 --> 01:32:55.680 design or whatever. Maybe it's like like all scorpios have 1670 01:32:55.960 --> 01:32:57.720 these kind of gifts. 1671 01:32:58.079 --> 01:33:00.079 Or guardian angels and these kind. 1672 01:32:59.840 --> 01:33:04.600 Of personalities or whatever. And cancers, well, I've ad this 1673 01:33:04.800 --> 01:33:08.039 kind of thing, and it's because the whole group of 1674 01:33:08.119 --> 01:33:11.680 cancers are supposed to serve this purpose. The whole group 1675 01:33:11.720 --> 01:33:14.520 of Scorpios are supposed to serve this purpose. 1676 01:33:15.520 --> 01:33:18.560 So this is my grand theory right now. You guys 1677 01:33:18.600 --> 01:33:22.119 tell me if this sounds crazy to you. How many 1678 01:33:22.199 --> 01:33:27.680 zodiac signs are there twelve twelve yeah right, how many 1679 01:33:27.760 --> 01:33:33.520 disciples were there? I think that they could possibly represent 1680 01:33:33.720 --> 01:33:37.279 archetypal personalities because if you look at the disciples, they 1681 01:33:37.319 --> 01:33:40.239 were all different and had different like hang ups and 1682 01:33:40.279 --> 01:33:41.039 weird stuff. 1683 01:33:41.359 --> 01:33:46.079 So I was probably the murdery disciple. 1684 01:33:46.560 --> 01:33:51.279 Like literally, like whoever, I think Judas was a sagittarius. 1685 01:33:51.319 --> 01:33:55.600 Like I'm just saying, like I think that each disciple. 1686 01:33:55.680 --> 01:33:59.199 I think there are personality archetypes. I think the twelve 1687 01:34:00.000 --> 01:34:03.159 disciples were picked for a reason. They were chosen for 1688 01:34:03.199 --> 01:34:06.800 a reason, right and there, and that they represent us 1689 01:34:07.079 --> 01:34:07.800 in a way. 1690 01:34:08.000 --> 01:34:11.079 And that's why I said I think like all you know, 1691 01:34:11.279 --> 01:34:15.399 like all scorpios are are to serve this purpose and 1692 01:34:15.439 --> 01:34:18.960 all cancers are to serve this purpose and and whatever. 1693 01:34:19.119 --> 01:34:24.520 It's because like to me, like I'm kind of a 1694 01:34:24.800 --> 01:34:30.159 I'm a pitbull, like don't don't come at my family, 1695 01:34:31.439 --> 01:34:33.960 don't come out a loved one, or you better run. 1696 01:34:34.239 --> 01:34:39.000 But in real life, like I'm literally the nicest, calmest, 1697 01:34:39.920 --> 01:34:44.239 sweetest person want but I can hard. I can sneak 1698 01:34:44.319 --> 01:34:45.920 up and stab you if I need to. 1699 01:34:46.319 --> 01:34:51.920 You know what I'm saying, lock job, Yeah, so that 1700 01:34:52.000 --> 01:34:53.680 I didn't never let go. 1701 01:34:53.600 --> 01:34:56.079 That's why I think with the I think you're onto 1702 01:34:56.119 --> 01:35:00.840 something because all of the disciples had very different personalities, 1703 01:35:01.039 --> 01:35:07.439 very different backgrounds. Like my husband, he's a Gemini, so 1704 01:35:07.720 --> 01:35:11.880 he's definitely my husband, he's definitely Matthew. And as a 1705 01:35:12.239 --> 01:35:20.000 very numbers and you know, strategy and categorically this and that, whatever, 1706 01:35:20.640 --> 01:35:23.039 I can totally see it. 1707 01:35:24.079 --> 01:35:28.239 I know this there's some sort of thing, not just 1708 01:35:28.319 --> 01:35:30.079 because billionaires study the stars. 1709 01:35:30.199 --> 01:35:31.119 There's that quote. 1710 01:35:31.159 --> 01:35:34.840 Plus the Mormon Church has has the Big Dipper on 1711 01:35:34.920 --> 01:35:36.279 every single LDS temple. 1712 01:35:36.399 --> 01:35:40.479 I'm just seeing the constellations are very important and some 1713 01:35:40.560 --> 01:35:42.840 of the like I don't know if it's a Chinese 1714 01:35:42.920 --> 01:35:47.479 zodiac or if it's like the Eastern zodiac has thirteen 1715 01:35:48.319 --> 01:35:51.319 and if you count Jesus then you still you're still 1716 01:35:51.399 --> 01:35:55.600 right on, Like there's still archetypes that are represented. But 1717 01:35:56.399 --> 01:36:00.159 I think that the more you look into it, like 1718 01:36:00.199 --> 01:36:03.479 the stars and like Jesus was born, they always mention 1719 01:36:03.560 --> 01:36:07.119 it right like born under this specific constellation and the 1720 01:36:07.760 --> 01:36:11.199 Three Wise Men followed this star and it was very important. 1721 01:36:11.920 --> 01:36:15.479 And I do think that the Disciples could represent zodiac signs. 1722 01:36:15.479 --> 01:36:21.119 They're always talking about zodiac type of like the Bible 1723 01:36:21.239 --> 01:36:24.439 is so freaking interesting. It's the most interesting book ever written. 1724 01:36:24.479 --> 01:36:29.520 But almost like astrological the water Bearer and like the 1725 01:36:30.239 --> 01:36:34.199 Age of the Fish and the Pisces, and like Jesus 1726 01:36:34.239 --> 01:36:38.239 represented this and Moses represented the ram and it was 1727 01:36:38.399 --> 01:36:42.319 kind of I don't know. I've been thinking, maybe you 1728 01:36:42.359 --> 01:36:44.800 could have the best of both worlds, but I don't 1729 01:36:44.840 --> 01:36:48.439 think you should worship astrology as a type of religion. 1730 01:36:48.840 --> 01:36:51.640 I'm starting to come around to the belief that maybe, 1731 01:36:51.720 --> 01:36:54.079 just maybe it's another tool that you can put in 1732 01:36:54.119 --> 01:36:57.479 your tool bag that can help you make sense more 1733 01:36:57.560 --> 01:36:59.960 sense out of things. But it shouldn't be turned into 1734 01:37:00.079 --> 01:37:03.119 were religion by any means what I think. 1735 01:37:03.560 --> 01:37:08.199 I think it's it's more so like it speaks to 1736 01:37:08.279 --> 01:37:14.600 our uniqueness and the way that God created us, and like, 1737 01:37:14.600 --> 01:37:18.960 like I said before, like what what He gave to 1738 01:37:19.119 --> 01:37:23.920 us gift wise is what we're supposed to use to 1739 01:37:24.000 --> 01:37:28.279 help other people. And so looking back through the Bible 1740 01:37:28.399 --> 01:37:34.960 and all the instances where God talks about scorpios aka snakes. 1741 01:37:35.000 --> 01:37:38.640 Funny that I'm a scorpio and to a snake because 1742 01:37:38.680 --> 01:37:41.560 I hate snakes, you know what I'm saying. But it's 1743 01:37:41.640 --> 01:37:47.520 like I think it is literally just I think it's 1744 01:37:47.600 --> 01:37:51.399 interwoven in the Bible and like you said, talking about 1745 01:37:51.560 --> 01:37:54.159 you know, like the pisces and the water signs and 1746 01:37:54.199 --> 01:37:58.199 all the water discussions. That's why one of the episodes 1747 01:37:58.720 --> 01:38:06.239 we definitely need to go over Jonah Book two because man, 1748 01:38:06.319 --> 01:38:08.800 I've got some things to say about that as many 1749 01:38:08.840 --> 01:38:12.640 times as I've read it, and it just hit me 1750 01:38:12.920 --> 01:38:15.199 like a brick wall the other day and I'm like, oh, 1751 01:38:16.800 --> 01:38:19.319 I just got something out of that that I've never 1752 01:38:19.359 --> 01:38:22.560 gotten in all my years on the earth. So there 1753 01:38:22.600 --> 01:38:22.880 you go. 1754 01:38:23.039 --> 01:38:28.640 From the Jonahs story. Yes, that's interesting because you know, 1755 01:38:28.680 --> 01:38:31.199 it's like one of those childhood stories and they have 1756 01:38:31.359 --> 01:38:34.680 like the little drawings of Jonah getting swallowed by the whale, 1757 01:38:34.760 --> 01:38:36.159 and I mean. 1758 01:38:36.880 --> 01:38:42.680 It holds very deep significance when you reread it with 1759 01:38:42.800 --> 01:38:46.800 a fresh mind. And like I said, after hearing that 1760 01:38:46.840 --> 01:38:51.039 story and reading that story like literally my entire life, 1761 01:38:51.399 --> 01:38:55.840 and it wasn't until the other day I'm like, oh, wow, 1762 01:38:56.119 --> 01:38:59.479 Like God just rebuilt some knowledge to me that like 1763 01:38:59.640 --> 01:39:00.920 was an eye my head before. 1764 01:39:01.640 --> 01:39:04.159 Dude, I'm looking forward to it. That's how I felt 1765 01:39:04.199 --> 01:39:08.640 about the That's how I felt about the Genesis story 1766 01:39:10.000 --> 01:39:12.560 when I went back and reread it with new eyes, 1767 01:39:12.640 --> 01:39:15.960 and I put that as part of my adulthood scriptures 1768 01:39:16.560 --> 01:39:20.000 because I hated him so much, and then I ended 1769 01:39:20.079 --> 01:39:24.600 up loning them completely. And you know Josh Monday, I'm 1770 01:39:24.640 --> 01:39:30.479 sure you're familiar with him, and he really He and 1771 01:39:30.520 --> 01:39:32.439 I did an episode together and it was the first 1772 01:39:32.520 --> 01:39:35.960 time I had ever seen someone use the Bible to 1773 01:39:36.119 --> 01:39:39.239 prove flat earth, and he blew my mind on it. 1774 01:39:39.319 --> 01:39:43.239 And then I met Gary Wayne, who wrote the Genesis 1775 01:39:43.239 --> 01:39:46.520 six Conspiracy. We did several episodes together, blew my mind 1776 01:39:47.159 --> 01:39:51.760 and you know, conspiracy and the Bible has strengthened, you know, 1777 01:39:52.000 --> 01:39:57.600 my faith in all this time spin. 1778 01:39:56.039 --> 01:39:58.960 The important books out. They took out the Book of Enoch. 1779 01:39:59.039 --> 01:40:02.079 They took out all these books and and they're like, oh, 1780 01:40:02.119 --> 01:40:05.039 you don't need to see that, or they cherry. 1781 01:40:04.720 --> 01:40:10.720 Pick stuff, right, Yeah, they cherry pick it. And they also, 1782 01:40:11.159 --> 01:40:14.600 you know, to me, if the Earth is flat, and 1783 01:40:14.640 --> 01:40:16.560 you know, I don't know because I've never seen it, 1784 01:40:16.600 --> 01:40:18.439 I'll let all I can do is go base like, 1785 01:40:18.439 --> 01:40:20.199 if you look at the world through the filter of 1786 01:40:20.239 --> 01:40:23.520 the Bible and it appears that it's flat, I think 1787 01:40:23.560 --> 01:40:27.520 that it makes it even more special and amazing. What 1788 01:40:27.720 --> 01:40:30.680 he created, and so I think that there's there's so 1789 01:40:30.800 --> 01:40:33.600 much that we don't know, and and there's been such 1790 01:40:33.640 --> 01:40:35.840 an effort to get us to not even believe our 1791 01:40:35.840 --> 01:40:39.720 own eyes, Like you not even believe our own eyes 1792 01:40:40.199 --> 01:40:45.800 and just just absolute holographic images and kaid into our 1793 01:40:45.840 --> 01:40:50.000 brain of this round thing that were. And if no, 1794 01:40:50.239 --> 01:40:51.920 if you, if you don't want to look at any 1795 01:40:51.920 --> 01:40:55.000 other scripture and you're not interested in that angle, just 1796 01:40:55.079 --> 01:40:59.680 think of this water always finds its level. You're not 1797 01:40:59.760 --> 01:41:03.640 gonna convincing me that we're on a round ball. And 1798 01:41:03.680 --> 01:41:07.600 then like butterflies can fly, but like we're glued to 1799 01:41:07.680 --> 01:41:10.479 the earth, and like how does that work? 1800 01:41:10.680 --> 01:41:14.159 Because butterflies you don't know this about them, but they 1801 01:41:14.199 --> 01:41:16.640 are uber heavy. 1802 01:41:17.159 --> 01:41:22.600 Jannet can I can last screen share. Okay, just real quick. 1803 01:41:23.119 --> 01:41:24.239 This is so much fun. 1804 01:41:24.039 --> 01:41:25.760 Because this is where I ended up because I had 1805 01:41:25.800 --> 01:41:28.000 a couple, like you know, growing up and stuff. 1806 01:41:28.000 --> 01:41:29.000 But let me do this. 1807 01:41:29.920 --> 01:41:31.600 Is this from your adult chapter? 1808 01:41:32.000 --> 01:41:33.760 I did? This is the adult one, but yeah, of 1809 01:41:33.800 --> 01:41:34.319 course it was that. 1810 01:41:34.520 --> 01:41:35.119 I love it. 1811 01:41:35.199 --> 01:41:36.319 I love it. 1812 01:41:36.399 --> 01:41:40.520 So the firmament of the heavens divide the day from 1813 01:41:40.560 --> 01:41:43.520 the night for signs, seasons and days and years, and 1814 01:41:43.560 --> 01:41:43.840 for me. 1815 01:41:43.920 --> 01:41:47.720 That's where the sun shows the hours, the moon shows. 1816 01:41:47.439 --> 01:41:51.520 The moons, the months, and then the constellations, so the years, 1817 01:41:51.600 --> 01:41:52.960 and for me, the constellations. 1818 01:41:53.000 --> 01:41:53.640 If you think of a. 1819 01:41:55.239 --> 01:41:59.399 Was the the strainer, like what is the calender. 1820 01:41:59.319 --> 01:41:59.760 That I thought? 1821 01:41:59.800 --> 01:42:02.039 If you like a little X someplace on the side 1822 01:42:02.039 --> 01:42:04.359 of a calender, turn upside down and spin it. 1823 01:42:04.800 --> 01:42:06.359 That's the way the stars move. 1824 01:42:06.479 --> 01:42:08.800 They all move around like the calenders, if you just 1825 01:42:08.840 --> 01:42:11.680 turn the calender on a flatter And then the other 1826 01:42:11.760 --> 01:42:14.199 one saw him, one of four or five. He set 1827 01:42:14.239 --> 01:42:16.840 the earth on its foundation. It can never be moved. 1828 01:42:17.720 --> 01:42:20.239 The last one, I uh well, Isaiah forty twenty two. 1829 01:42:20.319 --> 01:42:23.720 He sits enthroned above the circle of the earth circle 1830 01:42:23.800 --> 01:42:27.640 like a record or like a quarter of pizza, as 1831 01:42:27.640 --> 01:42:30.319 people are like grasshoppers. He stretches out the heavens like 1832 01:42:30.359 --> 01:42:33.279 a canopy and spreads them out like a tent. 1833 01:42:33.279 --> 01:42:33.720 To live in. 1834 01:42:34.279 --> 01:42:38.039 And then the heavens declare the glory of God and 1835 01:42:38.079 --> 01:42:39.439 the firmament show with his handywork. 1836 01:42:39.479 --> 01:42:40.800 That's on Werner. 1837 01:42:40.600 --> 01:42:44.399 Von Braun's tombstone. Who worked. He was Nazi, you guys 1838 01:42:44.399 --> 01:42:45.039 know that already. 1839 01:42:45.119 --> 01:42:48.840 And then he was also in a Mormon theological film. 1840 01:42:48.239 --> 01:42:53.520 Anyway, oh righty, and this was fun. 1841 01:42:53.560 --> 01:43:00.520 I think of the Hell Lie oh Sin trick, heliocentric Hell. 1842 01:43:00.800 --> 01:43:03.319 It was centric versus the Bible, and I can I 1843 01:43:03.359 --> 01:43:04.680 don't know if you guys can see this, but like 1844 01:43:05.039 --> 01:43:07.760 the Tower of Babel Boom, look at how how else 1845 01:43:07.760 --> 01:43:10.640 would it the Jacob's ladder, How would it work on 1846 01:43:10.680 --> 01:43:14.000 a spinning while a star's falling to Earth? How could 1847 01:43:14.039 --> 01:43:18.640 that happen on a ball Jesus ascending and descending bottomless pit? 1848 01:43:19.199 --> 01:43:22.399 You know what they've only they've only dug what's seven 1849 01:43:22.439 --> 01:43:24.880 point nine miles into the crust of the Earth. 1850 01:43:24.920 --> 01:43:26.000 But they know it's in the center. 1851 01:43:26.239 --> 01:43:28.039 They know it's in the center of Jupiter now and 1852 01:43:28.079 --> 01:43:29.680 all that's just ridiculous. 1853 01:43:30.399 --> 01:43:32.039 And the waters above. 1854 01:43:33.479 --> 01:43:36.560 The firmament see tree fills the Earth. I mean, if 1855 01:43:36.560 --> 01:43:40.319 it's inside of if it's inside of a dome, sun 1856 01:43:40.399 --> 01:43:42.159 stars and from him. That's why I think of like 1857 01:43:42.199 --> 01:43:42.760 the calendar. 1858 01:43:43.239 --> 01:43:45.600 So I love that. But that's so much fun that 1859 01:43:45.640 --> 01:43:46.399 you did that so. 1860 01:43:47.840 --> 01:43:48.039 Well. 1861 01:43:48.119 --> 01:43:53.600 And here's another one. If we're flying through space and 1862 01:43:53.680 --> 01:43:56.079 I'm not trying to turn this into a flatter Earth episode, 1863 01:43:56.079 --> 01:43:58.520 but I love where you're going because this is exactly 1864 01:43:58.520 --> 01:44:01.600 how I feel if we're flying through space right into 1865 01:44:01.920 --> 01:44:06.880 infinite nothingness. Why have the constellations been the same since 1866 01:44:06.920 --> 01:44:10.439 the beginning of time? How come like ancient Egyptians were 1867 01:44:10.439 --> 01:44:14.159 building stuff like under Orion's belt and it's still there, 1868 01:44:14.680 --> 01:44:17.840 we can still see it, Like wouldn't it be like, oh, well, 1869 01:44:17.840 --> 01:44:20.079 that's a constellation they had when they were in that 1870 01:44:20.199 --> 01:44:22.960 part of the galaxy and those were the stars that 1871 01:44:23.000 --> 01:44:26.159 they could see. And now we've you know, over thousands 1872 01:44:26.159 --> 01:44:29.039 of years, we're so far away from those constellations, but 1873 01:44:29.119 --> 01:44:31.199 they're not. They're the same. It's like they're in here 1874 01:44:31.239 --> 01:44:39.439 with us and they've never moved and they're never going anywhere. Yeah, yeah, no, 1875 01:44:39.479 --> 01:44:39.880 it's just. 1876 01:44:41.800 --> 01:44:45.119 What's it expanding into right right? 1877 01:44:45.199 --> 01:44:47.880 And it's it makes you feel insignificant that way, which 1878 01:44:47.960 --> 01:44:49.359 is of course by design. 1879 01:44:50.079 --> 01:44:52.399 And this is really gross. I hope this is because 1880 01:44:52.479 --> 01:44:53.000 Julia's hero. 1881 01:44:53.199 --> 01:44:56.359 This is okay, But I had heard this is so gross. 1882 01:44:56.399 --> 01:44:59.079 But I had heard the Big Bang theory. It was 1883 01:44:59.119 --> 01:45:03.800 a Jesuit pre George Lamite let me and they said, 1884 01:45:04.000 --> 01:45:05.399 I don't know how to say this politely. 1885 01:45:05.520 --> 01:45:06.560 Julia can say this for me. 1886 01:45:08.000 --> 01:45:10.279 The Big Park an asshole, The. 1887 01:45:10.159 --> 01:45:16.520 Big Bang theory. They said it represents a guy. 1888 01:45:18.199 --> 01:45:20.640 Nutting all over us. 1889 01:45:20.920 --> 01:45:21.239 Gross. 1890 01:45:21.399 --> 01:45:23.640 I mean, like they all it is all like. 1891 01:45:23.640 --> 01:45:25.319 This, right, They all start from you and you just 1892 01:45:25.359 --> 01:45:27.479 go like that, right, And I was like, oh, that's 1893 01:45:27.479 --> 01:45:30.039 so that goes right along with everything else that's gross 1894 01:45:30.039 --> 01:45:31.760 about all that stuff. 1895 01:45:31.800 --> 01:45:34.760 Of course it is. I think Darwin was also an asshole, 1896 01:45:35.279 --> 01:45:38.159 and like, you're never gonna convince me. Even the guy 1897 01:45:38.199 --> 01:45:42.000 who who discovered the double helix shape in the DNA, 1898 01:45:42.239 --> 01:45:44.800 his name was like Francis Creek or something like that. 1899 01:45:45.039 --> 01:45:47.359 He was like, it doesn't come from here. I don't 1900 01:45:47.399 --> 01:45:49.199 know where it comes from, but it's not it doesn't 1901 01:45:49.199 --> 01:45:52.680 come from here. And he thought we were extraterrestrials because 1902 01:45:52.720 --> 01:45:54.880 he couldn't figure it out. He was like, well, there's 1903 01:45:55.000 --> 01:45:58.600 literally nothing to explain where we get human DNA from. 1904 01:45:59.079 --> 01:46:01.199 And of course it's because it came from God and 1905 01:46:01.199 --> 01:46:03.720 we're divine creatures. But you're never going to convince me 1906 01:46:03.800 --> 01:46:07.039 we evolved from like toads and apes and shit like that. 1907 01:46:07.159 --> 01:46:10.359 Like right now, sorry, you're not gonna You're never going 1908 01:46:10.439 --> 01:46:11.479 to convince me of that. 1909 01:46:11.560 --> 01:46:11.800 Ever. 1910 01:46:12.279 --> 01:46:16.119 I just want to say to that end, like Okay, 1911 01:46:16.159 --> 01:46:19.319 we were all supposed to have evolved from a speck 1912 01:46:19.359 --> 01:46:24.960 of dust. There's literally dust that comes on my floor 1913 01:46:25.319 --> 01:46:27.720 on my woodlor a the time. I brace single day, 1914 01:46:28.199 --> 01:46:31.039 and it hasn't made me a new cat or a 1915 01:46:31.079 --> 01:46:34.520 new dog or a goat or anything. So I don't 1916 01:46:34.600 --> 01:46:38.640 buy into that theory, right, and think about that didn't happen. 1917 01:46:41.239 --> 01:46:44.039 If evolution was a thing, then why do we still 1918 01:46:44.079 --> 01:46:45.439 have like apes and shit? 1919 01:46:45.640 --> 01:46:46.279 Why do we say? 1920 01:46:46.399 --> 01:46:50.239 One time, I do believe in not evolution but an 1921 01:46:50.319 --> 01:46:56.439 actual DNA corruption happened after Roswell with the introduction of 1922 01:46:56.479 --> 01:46:59.119 the RH factor, and I do think that it was 1923 01:46:59.199 --> 01:47:03.439 angelic h fallen angel magic basically, and I do think 1924 01:47:03.439 --> 01:47:06.039 they messed with us. I do because it's never happened 1925 01:47:06.039 --> 01:47:08.039 before or since. To your point, why is there not 1926 01:47:08.039 --> 01:47:09.359 two hundred blood types now? 1927 01:47:09.479 --> 01:47:11.760 Why? I want to know, because it only. 1928 01:47:11.560 --> 01:47:14.039 Happened one f in time, and and then nobody knew 1929 01:47:14.079 --> 01:47:16.000 what to do about it, and they were like, oh damn, 1930 01:47:16.079 --> 01:47:17.760 what do we do with this? And then everybody just 1931 01:47:17.800 --> 01:47:22.680 starts dying because my grandma was talking about negative it 1932 01:47:22.760 --> 01:47:24.159 did in nineteen forty eight. 1933 01:47:24.600 --> 01:47:25.399 You know what's okay? 1934 01:47:25.439 --> 01:47:30.399 You know what's uper interesting about the RH stuff is 1935 01:47:30.439 --> 01:47:35.720 that there are people that because of the alleles that 1936 01:47:35.800 --> 01:47:40.199 they possess, they can go in for lab work at 1937 01:47:40.239 --> 01:47:43.119 one particular time and it will say that they are 1938 01:47:44.680 --> 01:47:50.119 URGE positive, right, and then they go in another time 1939 01:47:50.399 --> 01:47:57.359 for lab work and somehow they're RH negative. Your blood 1940 01:47:57.359 --> 01:48:02.640 type doesn't normally change, but that has been happening in 1941 01:48:02.880 --> 01:48:08.560 recent recorded history, where people that were always like AB 1942 01:48:08.800 --> 01:48:12.560 negative or something are now just like AB positive. 1943 01:48:15.239 --> 01:48:17.760 Is this very weird post COVID shot. 1944 01:48:17.960 --> 01:48:20.399 Yeah, I was just gonna. 1945 01:48:20.159 --> 01:48:24.640 Ask that a little bit pre but but mostly post stuff. 1946 01:48:24.680 --> 01:48:26.039 And I wonder if it. 1947 01:48:25.880 --> 01:48:29.079 Doesn't have to do with the nineteen thirty eight sorries with. 1948 01:48:29.119 --> 01:48:32.560 The genetic manipulation from this. 1949 01:48:32.760 --> 01:48:33.479 I think it does. 1950 01:48:33.600 --> 01:48:33.840 You know. 1951 01:48:33.920 --> 01:48:36.359 I do a whole episodes on this. I think that 1952 01:48:36.560 --> 01:48:40.640 they know things and they're I think there is direct 1953 01:48:40.680 --> 01:48:43.000 contact with these things in the underground. 1954 01:48:43.119 --> 01:48:44.239 I think they stay under. 1955 01:48:44.079 --> 01:48:47.840 There, and I think the Mormons know all about it, 1956 01:48:48.000 --> 01:48:50.680 and I do all kinds of episodes on the fact 1957 01:48:50.680 --> 01:48:53.239 that I think they like, think of this, you guys, like, 1958 01:48:53.399 --> 01:48:56.840 I know this is getting weird, sorry, but like when 1959 01:48:56.880 --> 01:48:59.319 you go have a hysterectomy, who takes all your eggs? 1960 01:48:59.600 --> 01:49:04.279 Who takes ship in there and where does all that go? Right? 1961 01:49:04.479 --> 01:49:05.720 They sell it off. 1962 01:49:07.079 --> 01:49:10.279 But they also do stuff like when you and I'm 1963 01:49:10.319 --> 01:49:14.199 not saying I'm not judging you if you've had an abortion, 1964 01:49:14.359 --> 01:49:16.239 I'm just saying, where do you think that goes right 1965 01:49:16.720 --> 01:49:18.640 of it? If you've had a miscarriage and you have 1966 01:49:18.720 --> 01:49:20.159 to get a d n C, where do you think 1967 01:49:20.199 --> 01:49:23.359 that can They didn't ask me anything when I got 1968 01:49:23.399 --> 01:49:23.920 the d n C. 1969 01:49:24.039 --> 01:49:27.760 And send forms that you sign at the hospital you have. 1970 01:49:27.680 --> 01:49:30.399 To specify if you want yes the beating. 1971 01:49:30.479 --> 01:49:33.600 I was already so doped up by the time they 1972 01:49:33.640 --> 01:49:36.560 gave me those consent forms. I wasn't reading that ship 1973 01:49:36.960 --> 01:49:40.319 and I was also bleeding out, So it's like here, yeah, 1974 01:49:40.359 --> 01:49:44.279 sign this, and you know, so obviously they're doing stuff 1975 01:49:44.279 --> 01:49:46.560 with that. They do the hill pricks, you know, on 1976 01:49:46.680 --> 01:49:49.720 all the babies and stuff all of your foot on 1977 01:49:49.880 --> 01:49:56.119 your Yeah, they bleed your baby out. It's a blood ritual. 1978 01:49:56.199 --> 01:49:58.720 They're literally bleeding them out, like and they haven't even 1979 01:49:58.800 --> 01:50:00.880 been on the earth for two days and they're already 1980 01:50:01.000 --> 01:50:03.079 like milking blood out of their foot. 1981 01:50:03.119 --> 01:50:05.920 Come on, come on, it's a whole. 1982 01:50:06.039 --> 01:50:10.119 And then the DNA well, the genealogy centers for the 1983 01:50:10.239 --> 01:50:12.279 church I've showed a million times. 1984 01:50:12.680 --> 01:50:15.079 They're the size of a letter box, not a file 1985 01:50:15.119 --> 01:50:15.720 box like you. 1986 01:50:15.640 --> 01:50:18.000 Would think if this is genealogy work and they've got 1987 01:50:18.000 --> 01:50:21.560 all these drawers that there would be either computer type 1988 01:50:21.640 --> 01:50:26.239 stuff drawers tiny or like big for files. No, none 1989 01:50:26.279 --> 01:50:29.520 of that, you know, And they have these tiny little 1990 01:50:29.600 --> 01:50:31.039 drawers that are a letterbox size. 1991 01:50:31.079 --> 01:50:32.800 Well that's what the pKas look like. 1992 01:50:32.800 --> 01:50:34.760 I've done a hundred million of them, I don't know 1993 01:50:34.760 --> 01:50:38.720 how many, and so you know, but there's carbon copies. 1994 01:50:39.119 --> 01:50:41.600 The state gets one, but the other one goes somewhere 1995 01:50:41.640 --> 01:50:44.000 else and they don't tell you where. Just a lab 1996 01:50:44.399 --> 01:50:44.880 a lab. 1997 01:50:45.239 --> 01:50:48.039 Well, I find it interesting that the Mormon Church owns 1998 01:50:48.119 --> 01:50:50.880 a ton, if not most, of the labs in the US. 1999 01:50:51.239 --> 01:50:54.520 So, I mean it's concerning. 2000 01:50:54.640 --> 01:50:57.319 You know, a lot of it came through when with 2001 01:50:57.479 --> 01:51:00.439 the whole Howard Hughes thing and you know they when 2002 01:51:00.439 --> 01:51:03.640 they put all their stuff on the computer, and they 2003 01:51:03.640 --> 01:51:04.840 did it underneath his company. 2004 01:51:04.880 --> 01:51:06.920 In fact, he was livid when he found out about it. 2005 01:51:07.159 --> 01:51:10.680 But I don't you know this stuff, Yeah, yeah, it's 2006 01:51:10.760 --> 01:51:13.760 crazy creepy. But what I'm saying is, I you know, 2007 01:51:13.880 --> 01:51:17.239 no matter what, like when we start looking at this stuff. 2008 01:51:17.520 --> 01:51:20.079 We get back to the days of Noah. This is 2009 01:51:20.119 --> 01:51:21.640 the point I was going to bring up. 2010 01:51:21.720 --> 01:51:25.520 Is we get back to why God wiped everything you know, 2011 01:51:27.439 --> 01:51:29.039 and why he was so wrasful. 2012 01:51:29.960 --> 01:51:32.800 Yeah, but what I love is that when they did 2013 01:51:32.800 --> 01:51:35.159 Oh Jesus was peaceful and calm and quiet and stuff 2014 01:51:35.199 --> 01:51:39.880 like that. He got mad when he started flipping the 2015 01:51:39.880 --> 01:51:40.800 tables and stuff. 2016 01:51:41.119 --> 01:51:43.760 That's what gets me pumped up. That's like, we are 2017 01:51:43.840 --> 01:51:45.800 here to fight too. We are not. 2018 01:51:45.960 --> 01:51:49.640 They make us, and especially feel like with as women, 2019 01:51:49.760 --> 01:51:51.319 and I get judged for this. This is one of 2020 01:51:51.359 --> 01:51:53.399 the reasons why my kid won't talk to me is 2021 01:51:53.479 --> 01:51:56.159 because I am an angry person. But I'm also only 2022 01:51:56.239 --> 01:51:58.680 angry for like five point nine seconds, Like yes, I 2023 01:51:58.760 --> 01:52:00.960 yelled for that five point nine seconds, like. 2024 01:52:00.880 --> 01:52:01.880 What the hell are you doing? 2025 01:52:01.920 --> 01:52:04.960 And then I'm like over it. But every emotion that 2026 01:52:05.000 --> 01:52:07.720 we are programmed to have as human beings are there 2027 01:52:07.760 --> 01:52:11.079 for a reason. We're not supposed to be freaking nice 2028 01:52:11.159 --> 01:52:14.000 asshole Mormon guy down the road all the time, weirdly 2029 01:52:14.079 --> 01:52:17.479 talking in a sing song mk ultra voice. No no, 2030 01:52:18.079 --> 01:52:20.920 I say, no, I say. We're supposed to have emotions, 2031 01:52:20.920 --> 01:52:22.880 and I'm not going to be programmed yeah, the. 2032 01:52:22.800 --> 01:52:24.279 Most powerful sense. 2033 01:52:24.920 --> 01:52:29.680 Well, and that goes back to like the the you know, 2034 01:52:29.920 --> 01:52:33.199 zodiac and stuff like that, and how we all have 2035 01:52:33.560 --> 01:52:38.279 very unique structures about us and what we're supposed to 2036 01:52:38.359 --> 01:52:42.600 carry out because not everybody is going to be able 2037 01:52:42.640 --> 01:52:46.720 to have that voice and stick up for people and 2038 01:52:47.319 --> 01:52:49.600 tell people because it's. 2039 01:52:49.359 --> 01:52:52.159 Hard to do, yeah, to tell people, tell. 2040 01:52:51.960 --> 01:52:55.159 People what they need to hear, not what they want 2041 01:52:55.239 --> 01:53:00.119 to hear. And that's like my thing. So that's why, like, 2042 01:53:00.520 --> 01:53:06.520 obviously I'm the murderous disciple because you know, I'm like, 2043 01:53:06.720 --> 01:53:07.359 who was that? 2044 01:53:09.039 --> 01:53:09.920 I can? I can? 2045 01:53:10.279 --> 01:53:13.760 I can murder drawn my words when I need to, 2046 01:53:14.079 --> 01:53:17.119 you know what I'm saying. But you know other people 2047 01:53:17.199 --> 01:53:21.960 that that that are very like analytical and methodical and 2048 01:53:22.039 --> 01:53:25.840 they're thinking, but they're very meal and quiet. Well, like 2049 01:53:25.960 --> 01:53:29.479 my husband would not he would not to fly. 2050 01:53:30.000 --> 01:53:31.319 One thing before we move on. 2051 01:53:31.399 --> 01:53:33.680 The reason why I brought up emotion is because I 2052 01:53:33.720 --> 01:53:36.880 think they're doing that to us to make the NPCs, 2053 01:53:36.960 --> 01:53:40.039 like the weird people they create, fit in better because 2054 01:53:40.079 --> 01:53:42.239 they can't do it. They don't have what we have. 2055 01:53:42.319 --> 01:53:43.800 They don't have like this emotion. 2056 01:53:45.039 --> 01:53:47.560 If you ever listened to Bill Gates or like Zuckerberg, 2057 01:53:47.640 --> 01:53:49.960 talk like you're like, what is what is wrong with you? 2058 01:53:50.279 --> 01:53:52.359 It's so that they can fit in better. 2059 01:53:52.840 --> 01:53:56.119 I think, yeah, to like make make you like an 2060 01:53:56.119 --> 01:53:59.079 emotional cripple because I get upset, I get mad, I 2061 01:53:59.199 --> 01:54:04.119 become impassioned and has years. Yeah right, yeah, And you 2062 01:54:04.159 --> 01:54:08.399 know they referred to Jesus also as the lion of Judah. 2063 01:54:08.439 --> 01:54:11.840 And also you have to you have to understand that 2064 01:54:12.199 --> 01:54:17.760 men followed Jesus because he was a man's man. If 2065 01:54:17.800 --> 01:54:22.680 he was a pussy whipped little crippled, you know, no respect, 2066 01:54:22.880 --> 01:54:26.760 you you know, men aren't going to have He had 2067 01:54:26.800 --> 01:54:29.800 to be that way. He was a man's man, you know. 2068 01:54:30.239 --> 01:54:34.479 And so I think, you know, I find a lot 2069 01:54:34.479 --> 01:54:38.039 of stories where Jesus is like kind of being a dick. 2070 01:54:38.239 --> 01:54:39.600 Like bro like not bro. 2071 01:54:40.159 --> 01:54:43.760 Yeah, I will say this because I am a leo. 2072 01:54:44.039 --> 01:54:48.479 And yes, the lion was always referred to as Jesus 2073 01:54:48.680 --> 01:54:52.560 was the lion, I know, and the lamb. It is 2074 01:54:52.640 --> 01:54:53.359 not the wolf. 2075 01:54:53.600 --> 01:54:53.880 It's not. 2076 01:54:56.720 --> 01:55:01.920 Out of us. On that one, I was crazy. 2077 01:55:00.600 --> 01:55:02.560 Because you're a couple of you guys have brought up already. 2078 01:55:02.680 --> 01:55:04.760 That was like, oh that was so bizarre that it 2079 01:55:04.880 --> 01:55:07.000 switched now is weird? 2080 01:55:07.680 --> 01:55:08.760 When I heard that one. 2081 01:55:09.079 --> 01:55:12.600 I immediately believed John Kirwin's whole thing after that. 2082 01:55:12.600 --> 01:55:13.640 The Lion and the Lamb. 2083 01:55:14.000 --> 01:55:19.560 Yeah, and I think every person that that I've heard 2084 01:55:19.640 --> 01:55:23.880 him ask the on their show, they have all had the. 2085 01:55:26.000 --> 01:55:29.079 Lion and the Lamb. They put that in Twilight, dude, 2086 01:55:29.199 --> 01:55:32.399 and I remember it because they said so, Edward Colin 2087 01:55:32.560 --> 01:55:34.159 said so and that. 2088 01:55:35.800 --> 01:55:46.359 But you know who wrote a couple two? A Mormon? Mormon? 2089 01:55:46.520 --> 01:55:49.359 Yes, I knew there was something wrong with her. 2090 01:55:49.760 --> 01:55:52.800 I know, really look at that story again, it is 2091 01:55:52.960 --> 01:55:56.800 completely creepy, and I think it's like a whole thing 2092 01:55:56.880 --> 01:55:57.479 about like. 2093 01:55:57.840 --> 01:56:01.520 Why they know neflom gods like I really do. But 2094 01:56:01.720 --> 01:56:02.359 that's just me. 2095 01:56:03.119 --> 01:56:07.199 And apparently they glitter in the sun, which is super gye. 2096 01:56:07.840 --> 01:56:10.880 But I have one. I actually have two things in 2097 01:56:10.960 --> 01:56:13.159 my adult I already mentioned the flat earth thing. I 2098 01:56:13.159 --> 01:56:17.279 already mentioned the genesis and the Nephelin thing something because 2099 01:56:17.279 --> 01:56:20.159 I'm an adult now haha. So this is a now 2100 01:56:25.520 --> 01:56:29.680 is Hannah's prayer and I just have in my notes 2101 01:56:29.680 --> 01:56:32.119 real quick, I said in the Bible, Hannah prayed to 2102 01:56:32.199 --> 01:56:34.600 God for a son and promise to dedicate him to 2103 01:56:34.640 --> 01:56:38.760 God if he was born. And Hannah gave birth to Samuel, 2104 01:56:39.720 --> 01:56:43.720 which means asked of God, and Samuel became a prophet 2105 01:56:43.720 --> 01:56:46.920 and a priest who anointed King David and foretold the 2106 01:56:46.920 --> 01:56:51.359 coming of the Messiah. And to me, Hannah's prayer is 2107 01:56:51.359 --> 01:56:55.199 a reminder that God answers prayers. But more importantly, even 2108 01:56:55.239 --> 01:56:58.560 when you feel like you're desperate and the future is bleak, 2109 01:56:58.840 --> 01:57:05.439 God's timing is perfect and his delays are not denials, right, 2110 01:57:05.479 --> 01:57:08.239 and so just because it doesn't happen when you think 2111 01:57:08.239 --> 01:57:10.399 it should happen or when you want it to happen, 2112 01:57:10.439 --> 01:57:16.000 it doesn't mean that it won't. And I have been 2113 01:57:16.760 --> 01:57:21.960 really really moved by Hannah's prayer and as an adult, 2114 01:57:22.600 --> 01:57:24.520 and I think it's it's one of the ones that 2115 01:57:24.680 --> 01:57:30.439 people don't really remember that often, but it's really inspirational. 2116 01:57:30.960 --> 01:57:33.680 And I love that you picked that out because there's 2117 01:57:33.800 --> 01:57:38.840 so many people that that pray with all their might 2118 01:57:39.039 --> 01:57:43.399 for you know, a child, or you know, X, y Z, 2119 01:57:43.800 --> 01:57:48.239 whatever it is, and they get so frustrated and down 2120 01:57:48.319 --> 01:57:52.920 and doubting because they're not getting what they want when 2121 01:57:53.000 --> 01:57:58.239 they want. But the reason why and I have this 2122 01:57:58.399 --> 01:58:03.560 discussion with one of our friends a lot, is you know, 2123 01:58:04.039 --> 01:58:08.239 she really wants a child, and I'm like, but the 2124 01:58:08.359 --> 01:58:13.079 way the situation is now is not conducive to God's 2125 01:58:13.079 --> 01:58:17.000 will to have that child at this particular moment because 2126 01:58:18.000 --> 01:58:21.279 of all these other circumstances around it. 2127 01:58:22.359 --> 01:58:25.520 Are they obvious circumstances or is it like you might 2128 01:58:25.560 --> 01:58:27.359 not even know, Well. 2129 01:58:27.119 --> 01:58:27.920 It's obvious. 2130 01:58:28.279 --> 01:58:29.039 It's obvious. 2131 01:58:29.199 --> 01:58:31.359 Yeah, And so it's like you know, and I always 2132 01:58:31.399 --> 01:58:33.560 trying to tell her. I'm like, so when God moves 2133 01:58:33.560 --> 01:58:42.079 you out of those external, serious circumstances, then his will 2134 01:58:42.119 --> 01:58:44.520 can be done. But right now is not the right 2135 01:58:44.600 --> 01:58:47.600 timing because of all of these other things. 2136 01:58:48.319 --> 01:58:50.720 I think that that's so oh sorry, do you want 2137 01:58:50.720 --> 01:58:50.880 to go? 2138 01:58:51.039 --> 01:58:52.439 Oh no, I was just gonna say. You know what 2139 01:58:52.520 --> 01:58:54.920 sucks about that is because if you, Janet, would have 2140 01:58:54.960 --> 01:58:57.640 told me that the first time I came on your 2141 01:58:57.680 --> 01:59:00.520 podcast and I talked about my miscarriage, I would have 2142 01:59:00.520 --> 01:59:02.640 listened to you, and I would have respected you. My 2143 01:59:02.680 --> 01:59:05.039 heart still would have been broken, and I would still 2144 01:59:05.079 --> 01:59:08.199 have a hard time accepting that from you, because I 2145 01:59:08.359 --> 01:59:11.520 would just want what I want and think that I'd 2146 01:59:11.560 --> 01:59:17.279 be a good mom no matter what. And I the 2147 01:59:17.359 --> 01:59:19.359 stuff that has happened to me in the last year, 2148 01:59:19.920 --> 01:59:22.960 I'm so glad it didn't happen then with that person, 2149 01:59:23.720 --> 01:59:28.119 because I would I felt pulled in a direction away 2150 01:59:28.159 --> 01:59:30.720 from that Even though I wanted that baby more than 2151 01:59:31.039 --> 01:59:35.239 I wanted life. I was obsessed with it, and I 2152 01:59:35.359 --> 01:59:39.960 was so excited looking at my situation now and being 2153 01:59:40.000 --> 01:59:43.239 so grateful that I was obedient when he pulled me away. 2154 01:59:44.199 --> 01:59:48.079 I'm much more happy and grateful for this situation and 2155 01:59:48.239 --> 01:59:52.000 much more able to receive those blessings now. But if 2156 01:59:52.039 --> 01:59:55.159 you would have told me what was it like a 2157 01:59:55.239 --> 01:59:57.960 year ago that I would need to get out and 2158 01:59:58.359 --> 02:00:00.840 do get in a different situation and I would have 2159 02:00:00.920 --> 02:00:03.199 needed to change, I would have said, I respect you, 2160 02:00:03.279 --> 02:00:06.439 but you know this. My heart is broken. I feel 2161 02:00:06.479 --> 02:00:10.560 in despair. I feel depressed, and you know, why can't 2162 02:00:10.600 --> 02:00:13.199 I just have it now? And it's like I said, 2163 02:00:13.279 --> 02:00:18.439 his delays are not always denials, And if you feel 2164 02:00:18.520 --> 02:00:22.279 pulled in a certain direction, it doesn't mean it won't 2165 02:00:22.319 --> 02:00:24.640 happen for you. But you have to be obedient and 2166 02:00:24.680 --> 02:00:27.960 you have to surrender, and then you have to crave. 2167 02:00:28.119 --> 02:00:30.239 You have to run. When he tells you to run, 2168 02:00:30.279 --> 02:00:33.159 you should I go. 2169 02:00:34.319 --> 02:00:36.800 There's a straight line, and Janet's going around this way. 2170 02:00:37.720 --> 02:00:39.960 She's doing a circle taking the long. 2171 02:00:39.760 --> 02:00:44.000 Way around because I need the exercise. I'm gonna get there. 2172 02:00:46.439 --> 02:00:47.279 My ally. 2173 02:00:47.279 --> 02:00:50.159 Now, I listened, but I had I think it was 2174 02:00:50.239 --> 02:00:52.119 hard a hearing for like, I don't know. 2175 02:00:52.159 --> 02:00:57.039 It's an acquired skill. It's an acquired skill. What were 2176 02:00:57.079 --> 02:00:57.720 you going to say? 2177 02:00:57.840 --> 02:01:00.319 Oh, I was just gonna say with my daughters, and 2178 02:01:00.359 --> 02:01:03.600 she's the one I've had the most trouble with about parenting, right, 2179 02:01:03.680 --> 02:01:06.039 And and I was a child having a child. But 2180 02:01:06.119 --> 02:01:09.399 despite that fact, we had you know, being Mormon, you're 2181 02:01:09.439 --> 02:01:11.399 immediately trying to have a child. And I couldn't have 2182 02:01:11.399 --> 02:01:13.239 a kid because I had PCOS and I didn't know 2183 02:01:13.279 --> 02:01:15.199 I did, and I didn't know anything about all this stuff. 2184 02:01:15.239 --> 02:01:17.960 So then they found out and it was I was 2185 02:01:18.000 --> 02:01:20.640 like you, I was pushing for like a solid year. 2186 02:01:21.119 --> 02:01:24.600 I was on clomad back then. They didn't like make 2187 02:01:24.640 --> 02:01:25.600 a rule about CAPTA. 2188 02:01:25.800 --> 02:01:27.840 I was. I was shocked when I heard this. 2189 02:01:28.000 --> 02:01:30.399 I was on five clomates a day for like a year, 2190 02:01:30.640 --> 02:01:32.920 like not all the time, but in the cycle time frame. 2191 02:01:33.439 --> 02:01:36.159 And they did this for all this time because they 2192 02:01:36.239 --> 02:01:38.920 knew it was really that my hormones were really all wacko. 2193 02:01:39.000 --> 02:01:42.239 But and it was the one child that I forced. 2194 02:01:42.399 --> 02:01:45.680 None of my other children have been a forceful situation. 2195 02:01:46.159 --> 02:01:48.039 And I almost wonder if God was like I was 2196 02:01:48.079 --> 02:01:50.279 gonna do that anyway, if you just calmed down, and 2197 02:01:50.359 --> 02:01:53.079 maybe I would have been a better parent had I 2198 02:01:53.119 --> 02:01:55.600 had a little more years under my belt, right like 2199 02:01:56.000 --> 02:01:57.840 or not with him or whatever. 2200 02:01:58.000 --> 02:02:00.319 And it's and it's easy to say, like, oh, you know, 2201 02:02:00.359 --> 02:02:03.520 look at crackheads and homeless people get pregnant, look at 2202 02:02:03.520 --> 02:02:06.279 the situations there, and you don't know what God has 2203 02:02:06.359 --> 02:02:09.479 planned for that, right something it changes their whole life 2204 02:02:10.000 --> 02:02:13.399 under or it can save them, It can save them, 2205 02:02:13.600 --> 02:02:17.880 you know. And also you don't know what that child 2206 02:02:18.079 --> 02:02:22.600 is going to do or or be or you just 2207 02:02:23.279 --> 02:02:27.600 absolutely and maybe the homeless crackhead person has at least 2208 02:02:27.600 --> 02:02:33.920 a decent conscience and maybe they're maybe to their sister. 2209 02:02:33.920 --> 02:02:40.159 Or that's going to change that persian's trajectory and they're 2210 02:02:40.199 --> 02:02:43.600 gonna get off the street and they're going to you know, 2211 02:02:43.960 --> 02:02:47.319 to change their life. And that's why I'm so glad 2212 02:02:47.359 --> 02:02:51.039 that that you brought that up, Julia, because there's so 2213 02:02:51.199 --> 02:02:55.000 many things that we want for our lives, but God 2214 02:02:55.119 --> 02:02:59.359 knows better, right, and so like, ah, I'm gonna be 2215 02:02:59.359 --> 02:03:02.279 so devastating and crushed if I don't get this job. 2216 02:03:03.159 --> 02:03:06.199 But you know what he and that's why I've had 2217 02:03:06.239 --> 02:03:09.960 to have this conversation with my husband, like so many times. 2218 02:03:10.000 --> 02:03:13.560 I'm like, he is moving you like a chess piece 2219 02:03:14.239 --> 02:03:18.399 where he wants you. And God does not ever slam 2220 02:03:18.439 --> 02:03:23.000 a door without opening a new one, right, And I'm like, so, 2221 02:03:23.359 --> 02:03:26.760 if you don't get that job, it is because he 2222 02:03:26.840 --> 02:03:30.279 does not need you there at that time. He is 2223 02:03:30.319 --> 02:03:32.960 going to move you into the place that you are 2224 02:03:33.039 --> 02:03:37.199 meant to be. And right, It's taken me my whole 2225 02:03:37.239 --> 02:03:40.600 life to like get these things. 2226 02:03:41.079 --> 02:03:43.800 When he says in the scripture about lie down in 2227 02:03:43.840 --> 02:03:46.840 green pastures, and I learned this the hard way. I'm sorry, 2228 02:03:46.880 --> 02:03:49.920 but I did because I'm the girl that's like, no, 2229 02:03:50.119 --> 02:03:51.119 I don't care, I have cancer. 2230 02:03:51.159 --> 02:03:54.680 I'm going to work tomorrow like whatever. And so they're like, oh, 2231 02:03:54.880 --> 02:03:55.640 you can't do that. 2232 02:03:55.720 --> 02:03:58.720 You're gonna kill yourself, like and so I was just 2233 02:03:58.760 --> 02:04:01.359 really stubborn that way. I was like, no, I'm fine, 2234 02:04:01.439 --> 02:04:03.359 I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine. 2235 02:04:03.640 --> 02:04:05.479 You know all the time. I don't need to rest. 2236 02:04:05.800 --> 02:04:08.159 I feel like that scripture is about two things and 2237 02:04:08.199 --> 02:04:12.079 it isn't what people think. It's about submission and it's 2238 02:04:12.079 --> 02:04:16.199 about giving in right to God to He's telling you 2239 02:04:16.399 --> 02:04:19.439 certain things like if he maketh you, that is the 2240 02:04:19.479 --> 02:04:24.359 word used, maketh you not ask, if you not suggestif 2241 02:04:24.439 --> 02:04:27.600 you like he says in there, he's going to make you. 2242 02:04:27.479 --> 02:04:29.399 Lie down in green pastures. Okay. 2243 02:04:29.680 --> 02:04:33.199 That means you are not learning something that you really need. 2244 02:04:33.680 --> 02:04:36.880 And for my adulthood, yes, this has been like my 2245 02:04:37.920 --> 02:04:42.000 thing that I needed to learn because I literally made 2246 02:04:42.079 --> 02:04:45.840 myself sick and still have to rein myself back sometimes 2247 02:04:46.199 --> 02:04:50.000 doing doing doing doing for anyone that possibly came into 2248 02:04:50.000 --> 02:04:53.479 my path, and oftentimes to my own detriment. 2249 02:04:54.199 --> 02:04:55.319 And you cannot do that. 2250 02:04:55.640 --> 02:04:57.479 He's got a bonk you over the head with a 2251 02:04:57.560 --> 02:04:58.119 frying pan. 2252 02:04:58.279 --> 02:04:59.880 Get pretty much gotta give me, can? 2253 02:05:04.239 --> 02:05:06.039 I told Dan I just read to Janet. I was like, 2254 02:05:06.079 --> 02:05:07.880 I think I fanned out in the middle. I'm like 2255 02:05:07.960 --> 02:05:08.800 watching you guys, and. 2256 02:05:09.039 --> 02:05:12.319 Just so and and engrossed in the conversation. 2257 02:05:12.840 --> 02:05:17.960 And when is it when you were talking about Janet 2258 02:05:18.000 --> 02:05:20.479 and like what you've learned from her and the biggest 2259 02:05:20.479 --> 02:05:22.159 thing I've learned And she said people want to be 2260 02:05:22.399 --> 02:05:25.880 heard and that was something I've taken away and instead 2261 02:05:25.920 --> 02:05:29.279 of they said people, instead of listening, they're formulating their response. 2262 02:05:29.640 --> 02:05:32.000 And so I have this is months ago that you 2263 02:05:32.039 --> 02:05:35.199 said this, Janet, and all the conversations. I really try 2264 02:05:35.199 --> 02:05:37.520 to actually listen to what people are saying because they 2265 02:05:37.640 --> 02:05:39.720 want to get this out, they want to share, okay. 2266 02:05:39.720 --> 02:05:43.319 And then the second thing was my grandfather. He was 2267 02:05:43.359 --> 02:05:45.760 an ob g I n and he was the picture. 2268 02:05:45.840 --> 02:05:49.000 Yeah he's but the way he handled it when there 2269 02:05:49.119 --> 02:05:51.039 was when a baby didn't make it or if there 2270 02:05:51.039 --> 02:05:54.199 are miscarriage or something, the way he'd helped try to 2271 02:05:54.239 --> 02:05:57.920 help the little mothers, the new mothers was saying that 2272 02:05:58.079 --> 02:06:02.840 maybe the baby wasn't strong and because so it helped 2273 02:06:03.319 --> 02:06:05.560 take it off of them all the you know, if 2274 02:06:05.600 --> 02:06:07.279 theyre or what if I had done something differently, if 2275 02:06:07.319 --> 02:06:09.239 I had tried this orf I'd been more careful, if 2276 02:06:09.279 --> 02:06:11.680 I'd known earlier, if I'd been healthier, or anything like that, 2277 02:06:11.840 --> 02:06:14.479 instead of being themselves up, Peter around and he. 2278 02:06:14.520 --> 02:06:16.680 Said, this may have been because a baby wouldn't have 2279 02:06:16.680 --> 02:06:17.359 been strong enough. 2280 02:06:18.039 --> 02:06:21.000 And sometimes that is true a genetically, that's a real thing. 2281 02:06:21.039 --> 02:06:24.680 And I will tell you to your grandpa's credit, Obi, 2282 02:06:25.079 --> 02:06:27.960 I've been a nurse twenty five years, and for most 2283 02:06:28.000 --> 02:06:31.560 of my career I've been in mostly critical nursing like 2284 02:06:31.960 --> 02:06:35.640 ER or step down PCU or whatever. And for a 2285 02:06:35.680 --> 02:06:39.079 while I had this weird hiatus into the nick you 2286 02:06:39.279 --> 02:06:42.399 and Ellen d And it is the one place where 2287 02:06:42.439 --> 02:06:47.000 I cannot work because of the demises. I cannot leave 2288 02:06:47.039 --> 02:06:51.039 that there. That and Pede's I cannot do. But even 2289 02:06:51.279 --> 02:06:54.399 still with Petes, that child came into that person's life 2290 02:06:54.439 --> 02:06:57.479 and blessed it, and they knew them, and they had 2291 02:06:57.520 --> 02:06:59.079 their spirit and they know them. 2292 02:06:59.399 --> 02:07:03.119 Whereas a baby, it is this whole of like what 2293 02:07:03.119 --> 02:07:05.840 what was it? What is it? What? What was that? 2294 02:07:05.960 --> 02:07:06.239 You know? 2295 02:07:06.399 --> 02:07:10.159 And maybe that's because my great grandma was RH negative 2296 02:07:10.199 --> 02:07:13.560 before they knew she had not only three demises, she 2297 02:07:13.640 --> 02:07:17.600 had three full term blood poisoning demises. Because they didn't know, 2298 02:07:18.239 --> 02:07:20.479 and it was it was that long ago, you know, 2299 02:07:20.600 --> 02:07:23.520 no cure, no rogam, nothing back then. It actually made 2300 02:07:23.560 --> 02:07:26.279 her be able to have a baby normally with him 2301 02:07:26.319 --> 02:07:29.439 because it introduced into her bloodstream enough with the decay 2302 02:07:30.079 --> 02:07:33.159 that eventually it stopped attacking because her body got used 2303 02:07:33.199 --> 02:07:36.479 to it, and so my family was able to be born. 2304 02:07:36.600 --> 02:07:36.840 Man. 2305 02:07:37.000 --> 02:07:40.840 But like she is, she is more brave to continue 2306 02:07:40.880 --> 02:07:44.560 trying after like it, I mean even for me, you know, 2307 02:07:45.479 --> 02:07:49.239 the and I told Heidia and Janet separately about this, 2308 02:07:49.359 --> 02:07:54.199 but the experience I went through, I was like, what 2309 02:07:54.319 --> 02:07:56.680 do you because nobody knows what to do after you 2310 02:07:56.760 --> 02:08:00.920 have a miscarriage like that, because you usually you have 2311 02:08:01.039 --> 02:08:03.960 like a body to bury, and there's all these rituals 2312 02:08:04.000 --> 02:08:07.479 of saying goodbye and like everybody's real sad, and if 2313 02:08:07.520 --> 02:08:10.159 you have a miscarri just like people get weird around you, 2314 02:08:10.239 --> 02:08:13.359 and again what to say? And yeah, it's like just 2315 02:08:13.399 --> 02:08:16.319 try again, and it's you know, it's very You go 2316 02:08:16.399 --> 02:08:18.359 back to work and like nobody knows if they should 2317 02:08:18.399 --> 02:08:20.479 hug you or mention it at all or just go 2318 02:08:20.560 --> 02:08:23.399 back to life as normal, like it never existed. And 2319 02:08:23.439 --> 02:08:25.239 it's a really hard. So for a year you said 2320 02:08:25.239 --> 02:08:28.800 it was your grandma. How many great bands? Three? 2321 02:08:29.359 --> 02:08:33.119 So the three full term all the way to eight 2322 02:08:33.159 --> 02:08:35.079 and a half, almost she thought she was just in 2323 02:08:35.199 --> 02:08:37.840 labor and to deliver a baby that's been dead a month. 2324 02:08:38.279 --> 02:08:39.720 It was already decomposing. 2325 02:08:40.159 --> 02:08:43.039 She had full blown blood poisoning, which is why she 2326 02:08:43.199 --> 02:08:46.920 was able to have a baby eventually, because nothing changed 2327 02:08:46.920 --> 02:08:47.640 in her lifetime. 2328 02:08:47.680 --> 02:08:51.039 No rogram you know. And I remember hearing. 2329 02:08:50.800 --> 02:08:52.920 Those stories as a kid, and maybe that's why I 2330 02:08:52.960 --> 02:08:55.319 take it too personal to be in labor and delivery. 2331 02:08:55.800 --> 02:09:00.800 It only took me maybe a dozen babies that passed 2332 02:09:01.560 --> 02:09:03.920 till I was just like, I can't do this. I 2333 02:09:03.960 --> 02:09:07.079 can't see another mom's face ever again and be the 2334 02:09:07.159 --> 02:09:10.279 one and you can't tell them doing the heartbeat check 2335 02:09:10.520 --> 02:09:12.159 and you know the truth and you. 2336 02:09:12.159 --> 02:09:14.079 Have to wait till the doctor comes. I could. I 2337 02:09:14.199 --> 02:09:16.239 was it, just it. I couldn't do it. 2338 02:09:16.239 --> 02:09:18.319 It's a very difficult place to work. 2339 02:09:19.039 --> 02:09:22.479 Yeah, it was too much, It wasn't it. And I burst. 2340 02:09:23.359 --> 02:09:28.039 It's like, that's why it's the hardest when you're dealing 2341 02:09:28.119 --> 02:09:31.439 with a woman who's who wants to get pregnant, Like 2342 02:09:31.479 --> 02:09:35.560 that's the hardest person to convince that it'll happen in 2343 02:09:35.560 --> 02:09:40.039 God's time or however. Because for me, it's like I 2344 02:09:40.039 --> 02:09:42.479 could smell a baby on the other side of a wall, 2345 02:09:42.880 --> 02:09:45.239 like I would not. I could just I was aware 2346 02:09:45.279 --> 02:09:49.720 of babies, like I want one so bad, and it 2347 02:09:49.840 --> 02:09:53.840 consumes you the thought of it, and to like see 2348 02:09:53.880 --> 02:09:56.840 other people getting pregnant makes you want to like freaking 2349 02:09:57.079 --> 02:10:00.720 rip their jugglers out. And I mean it's just it's 2350 02:10:00.720 --> 02:10:08.279 the weirdest feeling and you can't be consoled because it's like, 2351 02:10:08.359 --> 02:10:11.239 you know that there's this little soul floating around somewhere 2352 02:10:11.279 --> 02:10:13.479 and it's supposed to be yours and you're supposed to 2353 02:10:13.520 --> 02:10:16.039 be its mom, and you're supposed to have this experience 2354 02:10:16.079 --> 02:10:18.680 and do this, and it's just not happening, And like, 2355 02:10:18.760 --> 02:10:21.680 how do you console that person? I don't know. I 2356 02:10:21.800 --> 02:10:25.399 was inconsolable. I don't want to hear shit from anybody. 2357 02:10:26.000 --> 02:10:29.239 But another thing is you're not you don't It's not 2358 02:10:29.359 --> 02:10:32.279 too late. I mean most circumstances, a lot of circumstances. 2359 02:10:32.520 --> 02:10:35.239 I didn't have our daughter until I was thirty four 2360 02:10:36.279 --> 02:10:38.760 and she's twenty one now, so I mean that was 2361 02:10:38.800 --> 02:10:40.880 a long wait, and that was waiting for the right 2362 02:10:40.880 --> 02:10:42.479 person at the right time. I did the career, I 2363 02:10:42.479 --> 02:10:45.920 did everything like that, and then when we were actually 2364 02:10:46.279 --> 02:10:49.399 I moved to Vegas had a job that I hated. 2365 02:10:49.600 --> 02:10:53.119 I had been with the MS fire law enforcement of 2366 02:10:53.159 --> 02:10:56.319 public Services, started working with the military guys and we 2367 02:10:56.359 --> 02:10:57.840 do not see the same way. 2368 02:10:57.960 --> 02:11:03.520 And they were arrogant. It was a lot of the. 2369 02:11:01.560 --> 02:11:04.560 The elite, and they would let you know and they 2370 02:11:04.560 --> 02:11:07.279 were just I mean, I've never met a bigger class 2371 02:11:07.319 --> 02:11:08.760 of jackasses in my life. 2372 02:11:08.800 --> 02:11:11.680 Like I tell, like I tell Janet, my son in 2373 02:11:11.760 --> 02:11:14.039 law is very important. Just ask him like those people. 2374 02:11:14.119 --> 02:11:17.000 Yeah, exactly. Yeah. 2375 02:11:17.079 --> 02:11:19.560 So as soon as I quit the job, my husband 2376 02:11:19.560 --> 02:11:22.600 I've been met, we got married in Vegas, and I 2377 02:11:22.600 --> 02:11:24.880 had this job just like a holding point. And as 2378 02:11:24.920 --> 02:11:27.439 soon as I quit that job, I got pregnant. So 2379 02:11:27.439 --> 02:11:29.199 it was one of those things kind of like you know, 2380 02:11:29.239 --> 02:11:33.359 where the situation changes and your whole demeanor, your whole everything. 2381 02:11:33.680 --> 02:11:36.560 So in even age, they were while they were concerned 2382 02:11:36.600 --> 02:11:37.680 about my age all that kind. 2383 02:11:37.600 --> 02:11:40.000 Of stuff, and it was nothing. It was just easy. 2384 02:11:40.159 --> 02:11:41.840 That's that's the thing though. 2385 02:11:44.079 --> 02:11:44.520 There you go. 2386 02:11:44.760 --> 02:11:52.119 Yeah, No, I was done way before that. I was surprised, said, 2387 02:11:52.199 --> 02:11:57.840 it's like, like there's no consoling somebody that that wants 2388 02:11:57.920 --> 02:12:01.239 to have a baby, because that's that's, you know, the 2389 02:12:01.359 --> 02:12:04.279 desire that God puts on your heart, that that you 2390 02:12:04.399 --> 02:12:06.920 are supposed to be a mother, that's what you're here for. 2391 02:12:08.760 --> 02:12:14.159 But at the same time, babies also do not survive 2392 02:12:14.399 --> 02:12:20.119 in a high stress environment, especially internally in the mom 2393 02:12:20.399 --> 02:12:24.520 you know, And and that's one thing it's really hard 2394 02:12:24.560 --> 02:12:27.279 to get people to understand that want to conceive, but 2395 02:12:27.479 --> 02:12:31.640 that are in the middle of literally a twenty four 2396 02:12:31.720 --> 02:12:36.439 or seven chaos storm in their life. God wants that 2397 02:12:36.640 --> 02:12:40.680 gone before he's going to let you conceive, because the 2398 02:12:40.920 --> 02:12:44.680 chances of you being able to keep that baby while 2399 02:12:44.720 --> 02:12:49.840 you're living in that chaos storm are very very slim. 2400 02:12:50.119 --> 02:12:54.279 Very slim. And it's like tam tam uh, you know, 2401 02:12:55.159 --> 02:12:56.399 was it worth the weight. 2402 02:13:00.159 --> 02:13:01.680 Your I think your beauty. 2403 02:13:02.399 --> 02:13:04.880 She's a dream. She's my best friend. I mean, she 2404 02:13:05.039 --> 02:13:08.560 is amazing. She's twenty one, she knows twenty two now February. 2405 02:13:08.920 --> 02:13:12.720 She's so smart. She was homeschooled. We had a blast. 2406 02:13:13.520 --> 02:13:15.560 I grew up with her. I still am waiting to 2407 02:13:15.600 --> 02:13:16.000 grow up. 2408 02:13:16.359 --> 02:13:17.000 I'm still. 2409 02:13:18.760 --> 02:13:21.439 She was way more mature than I am. 2410 02:13:21.920 --> 02:13:25.760 And that's what I'm saying, though, It's like, yeah, it happened, 2411 02:13:26.560 --> 02:13:30.119 maybe later than you wanted it to or expected it to, 2412 02:13:30.279 --> 02:13:32.600 but it was worth the way and you still She's 2413 02:13:32.640 --> 02:13:35.600 still here. And it happened when it was, you know, 2414 02:13:35.760 --> 02:13:38.880 supposed to happen and who it was supposed to happen with, 2415 02:13:39.319 --> 02:13:44.079 And I think that who is also important, and it was. 2416 02:13:44.600 --> 02:13:49.159 It was my third marriage, so first and best friends second. 2417 02:13:48.840 --> 02:13:51.359 One, it was a charm. I'm here to tell you. 2418 02:13:51.520 --> 02:13:54.159 Absolutely time it's a charm, isn't it? 2419 02:13:54.319 --> 02:13:57.239 Well I definitely was, But how do you tell your 2420 02:13:57.279 --> 02:13:59.680 younger self that, no, it's really it's going to work 2421 02:13:59.680 --> 02:14:03.159 out for twenty four years now? 2422 02:14:03.199 --> 02:14:05.520 So yeah, yeah. 2423 02:14:05.560 --> 02:14:08.880 Same with my baby that came super late at thirty seven, 2424 02:14:08.920 --> 02:14:11.359 even though she was not planned, and it was totally 2425 02:14:11.439 --> 02:14:13.479 like I was like, you check that again, Like I 2426 02:14:13.600 --> 02:14:16.640 was so like, holy crap, because I didn't think it 2427 02:14:16.680 --> 02:14:19.399 could happen anymore because we had all these problems and stuff. 2428 02:14:19.800 --> 02:14:23.159 And after now seeing what kind of parents we are 2429 02:14:23.279 --> 02:14:25.840 to the who what you're saying about the who, Like, 2430 02:14:26.119 --> 02:14:27.840 I don't know that me and my husband would have 2431 02:14:28.000 --> 02:14:30.840 stayed together if we didn't have her. And she was 2432 02:14:30.880 --> 02:14:35.039 my only unplanned pregnancy when I'm hella old, and I was. 2433 02:14:35.159 --> 02:14:38.479 Like, what the hell is this? What the hell is this? 2434 02:14:38.680 --> 02:14:41.000 Even my dad was like when I called him crying, 2435 02:14:41.039 --> 02:14:42.720 I was like, my pregnant. 2436 02:14:42.279 --> 02:14:45.359 And he goes, you know what causes that by now, 2437 02:14:45.399 --> 02:14:45.760 don't you? 2438 02:14:48.399 --> 02:14:49.000 Yeah? 2439 02:14:49.000 --> 02:14:52.199 And that's what's that's what's great about your story is 2440 02:14:52.239 --> 02:14:54.800 that you had pcos it was hard for you to 2441 02:14:54.840 --> 02:14:59.880 get pregnant and you literally have a stable of children, 2442 02:15:00.359 --> 02:15:01.600 you know you have. 2443 02:15:05.279 --> 02:15:08.880 I use Heidie as inspiration all the time because she 2444 02:15:09.079 --> 02:15:12.760 told me the first time. I think, no, it's good. 2445 02:15:12.800 --> 02:15:15.760 It's good because you said the first time you got 2446 02:15:15.800 --> 02:15:20.279 pregnant that it kind of like healed your body. And 2447 02:15:20.359 --> 02:15:23.520 I've always kind of thought of that as inspiration because 2448 02:15:23.520 --> 02:15:26.119 it's like, if you can just get the one, then 2449 02:15:26.319 --> 02:15:29.920 maybe that brings healing and that you know, trains your 2450 02:15:29.960 --> 02:15:33.720 body like what it's supposed to do. But yeah, it's 2451 02:15:33.760 --> 02:15:36.840 it's just like your womb is on fire and burning 2452 02:15:37.039 --> 02:15:39.560 for you know, something that you'd never know if you're 2453 02:15:39.560 --> 02:15:46.119 going to have. And it's hard to I mean I 2454 02:15:46.479 --> 02:15:50.000 I've known people who have gotten pregnant and they weren't 2455 02:15:50.039 --> 02:15:52.960 trying to. They weren't they didn't carry their way. They 2456 02:15:53.000 --> 02:15:56.560 were excited, but they weren't like, oh, that's the end 2457 02:15:56.600 --> 02:15:59.319 all be all. And then there's people like me who 2458 02:15:59.640 --> 02:16:03.920 have always wanted it, who you know, struggle so hard 2459 02:16:03.920 --> 02:16:06.680 and you're like, what is it like? Am I being punished? 2460 02:16:06.840 --> 02:16:10.520 Am I being Are my insides broken? 2461 02:16:11.039 --> 02:16:14.479 I think they're not. I think he does it because 2462 02:16:14.479 --> 02:16:18.039 you're not done learning your lessons yet. 2463 02:16:18.840 --> 02:16:19.560 I just want to. 2464 02:16:20.199 --> 02:16:23.000 I was one of those people that it was a 2465 02:16:24.039 --> 02:16:28.319 it was a surprise, and I'm like, holy Hannah Banana 2466 02:16:28.520 --> 02:16:33.520 was not expecting that one, and wow, do I want 2467 02:16:33.559 --> 02:16:36.159 to be a mom? Never really thought about it, And 2468 02:16:36.479 --> 02:16:41.200 I am really glad it happened when it did because 2469 02:16:41.239 --> 02:16:45.719 I had already learned some very difficult lessons like up 2470 02:16:45.799 --> 02:16:48.879 to that point, and I'm like, Okay, now this this 2471 02:16:48.959 --> 02:16:52.399 child's going to get everything I have and it's gonna 2472 02:16:52.600 --> 02:16:55.680 make me or break me, you know what. And and 2473 02:16:55.760 --> 02:17:00.239 so if I wouldn't have already gone through those things, 2474 02:17:01.319 --> 02:17:05.719 I I don't think I would have been as successful 2475 02:17:05.760 --> 02:17:06.479 as parenting. 2476 02:17:07.319 --> 02:17:07.719 Mm hmm. 2477 02:17:08.639 --> 02:17:12.559 Sorry. I consider myself a successful parent because she's alive, 2478 02:17:14.040 --> 02:17:15.760 she has a job. 2479 02:17:16.760 --> 02:17:23.680 Yeah she's not, so you will exactly well that that 2480 02:17:23.799 --> 02:17:24.559 was yesterday. 2481 02:17:24.600 --> 02:17:25.200 No, I'm kidding. 2482 02:17:26.079 --> 02:17:28.479 Even if she was, you would love her just the thing. 2483 02:17:28.840 --> 02:17:31.200 I mean. And that's the part of it. 2484 02:17:31.280 --> 02:17:34.079 Like I think, when it when it's right, like Julia, 2485 02:17:34.200 --> 02:17:35.559 for you, I think you're going. 2486 02:17:35.559 --> 02:17:37.360 To feel like massively blessed. 2487 02:17:37.479 --> 02:17:40.520 You're just gonna be like, you're gonna love that baby 2488 02:17:40.840 --> 02:17:43.079 like nobody's business. 2489 02:17:43.200 --> 02:17:44.520 And I do hope it does. 2490 02:17:45.840 --> 02:17:48.680 My Grandma that wasn't able again, and that was just 2491 02:17:48.760 --> 02:17:51.600 the three babies that were full term. She had multiple 2492 02:17:51.639 --> 02:17:54.079 miscare I don't even know, but she went on to 2493 02:17:54.120 --> 02:17:58.360 have five kids, you know, so you never can tell. 2494 02:17:58.799 --> 02:18:04.159 So yeah, in it's like I said, it happens when 2495 02:18:04.159 --> 02:18:08.280 it's supposed to and you just have to like you 2496 02:18:08.360 --> 02:18:10.920 have to understand. It's like Hannah's prey or literally, the 2497 02:18:11.040 --> 02:18:17.079 denials are not denials, their delays, right, And so I 2498 02:18:17.159 --> 02:18:21.920 do really like that. And I think another thing that 2499 02:18:22.159 --> 02:18:25.760 I was kind of like not sure if it really 2500 02:18:25.799 --> 02:18:28.879 happened in the Bible or not, but I didn't know 2501 02:18:28.920 --> 02:18:32.559 about it until I was an adult. I watched it 2502 02:18:32.600 --> 02:18:36.840 popped up and recommended for you on Amazon Prime, and 2503 02:18:36.879 --> 02:18:39.200 I was like, is this real or what? It's One 2504 02:18:39.319 --> 02:18:41.719 Night with the King. I don't know if you guys 2505 02:18:41.799 --> 02:18:46.000 have watched that movie. It's really good. It's about the 2506 02:18:46.000 --> 02:18:51.959 Book of Esther and how basically she concealed her identity 2507 02:18:52.000 --> 02:18:55.319 and became like a princess. She married the king and 2508 02:18:55.399 --> 02:18:57.959 she saved her people because he was so in love 2509 02:18:58.000 --> 02:19:03.440 with her. Anyways, but it was such a fantastical story 2510 02:19:03.719 --> 02:19:05.920 and the movie was so crazy. I was like, there's 2511 02:19:05.959 --> 02:19:09.239 no way that this actually happened. And then I went 2512 02:19:09.319 --> 02:19:11.440 back and I was like studying the Book of Esther, 2513 02:19:11.520 --> 02:19:13.840 and I was like, oh my god. And it's like 2514 02:19:14.159 --> 02:19:17.639 for this podcast in particular, it just shows like the 2515 02:19:17.680 --> 02:19:22.360 strength of a woman. And she was just a killer. 2516 02:19:22.559 --> 02:19:26.079 I mean like she went in there and totally concealed, 2517 02:19:26.159 --> 02:19:30.000 she changed her name everything, she married a king, and 2518 02:19:30.239 --> 02:19:33.040 she ended up saving her people because she knew how 2519 02:19:33.040 --> 02:19:35.360 to play the game and she was like real strategic. 2520 02:19:35.440 --> 02:19:39.920 She was like a mastermind. And it for anybody who 2521 02:19:40.000 --> 02:19:42.959 just wants like a woman power story, go read the 2522 02:19:43.000 --> 02:19:47.079 Book of Esther because she's crazy in a good way. 2523 02:19:47.440 --> 02:19:51.479 But that was another thing in my adulthood that I 2524 02:19:51.559 --> 02:19:54.719 probably wouldn't have appreciated until now. So I'm glad I 2525 02:19:54.760 --> 02:19:56.879 found it as an adult. But if you guys ever 2526 02:19:56.959 --> 02:20:00.159 get the chance, watch One Night with the King. I'm 2527 02:20:00.159 --> 02:20:02.840 pretty sure it's on Amazon Prime. But it's really good 2528 02:20:02.879 --> 02:20:04.120 and I love that story. 2529 02:20:04.680 --> 02:20:06.040 I'm pretty sure this is for you. 2530 02:20:06.360 --> 02:20:09.440 This. I took a screenshot of the scriptures I wanted 2531 02:20:09.479 --> 02:20:11.959 to say, but this one I was just gonna erase 2532 02:20:12.000 --> 02:20:16.040 because it wasn't the right one. But so it's Proverbs 2533 02:20:16.079 --> 02:20:19.079 thirty one twenty five Strength and honor, or, her clothing, 2534 02:20:19.159 --> 02:20:22.440 and she shall rejoice in time to come. So that's 2535 02:20:22.559 --> 02:20:24.920 I think that wasn't mine today. 2536 02:20:25.200 --> 02:20:30.360 So that was something that God put on your heart 2537 02:20:30.399 --> 02:20:31.239 for someone else. 2538 02:20:31.959 --> 02:20:34.879 Yeah, I think so, because it was an accident screenshot, 2539 02:20:35.000 --> 02:20:36.600 So that's an accident. 2540 02:20:39.879 --> 02:20:45.000 So I'm gonna leave this here. Ephesians four thirty two. 2541 02:20:45.920 --> 02:20:51.239 It is be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving 2542 02:20:51.360 --> 02:20:56.479 each other, just as Christ God forgave you. Because we 2543 02:20:56.600 --> 02:20:59.920 talked about that a little bit earlier. And I think 2544 02:21:00.159 --> 02:21:05.760 we are seriously lacking in compassion for other people. And 2545 02:21:05.799 --> 02:21:09.760 like Tam mentioned earlier when I said, people just want 2546 02:21:09.799 --> 02:21:14.239 to be heard, you can be a compassionate listener without 2547 02:21:14.319 --> 02:21:17.799 having the answers of what to say to somebody. You 2548 02:21:17.840 --> 02:21:20.959 don't have to formulate a response, just let them talk 2549 02:21:21.559 --> 02:21:26.360 because sometimes people just need to get something out of 2550 02:21:26.520 --> 02:21:30.920 their out of their body at that particular time. 2551 02:21:31.200 --> 02:21:36.760 So anyways, it's kind of like a like a purge 2552 02:21:36.920 --> 02:21:37.920 therapy session. 2553 02:21:38.440 --> 02:21:42.280 Yeah, and this was kind of like between therapy and church. 2554 02:21:42.440 --> 02:21:47.440 I liked it. 2555 02:21:45.559 --> 02:21:50.520 Therapy church with a little bit of cussing cut in 2556 02:21:50.719 --> 02:22:02.079 between talk about murder and drugs and this podcast ladies gentlemen. 2557 02:22:02.639 --> 02:22:05.559 Yeah, I do want to say, the last thing that 2558 02:22:05.639 --> 02:22:08.680 I've used the most, probably the most in my life 2559 02:22:08.879 --> 02:22:12.200 is the Lord's Prayer. And I know they say that 2560 02:22:12.280 --> 02:22:14.959 it's edited or whatever, and that you shouldn't be repetitive 2561 02:22:14.959 --> 02:22:17.120 with your prayers, but I will say this, when you 2562 02:22:17.200 --> 02:22:20.239 do not have the mindset, like in a storm and 2563 02:22:20.319 --> 02:22:22.239 you're driving your car and you're trying to get your 2564 02:22:22.280 --> 02:22:25.479 kids home and it's snowing like crazy, you can't stop and. 2565 02:22:25.479 --> 02:22:26.799 Read scriptures right there. 2566 02:22:26.879 --> 02:22:30.000 That's not safe, you know, you The Lord's Prayer is 2567 02:22:30.079 --> 02:22:33.239 always the thing I go to first, and luckily, I 2568 02:22:33.280 --> 02:22:35.319 weirdly went to Catholic school for a year and a 2569 02:22:35.360 --> 02:22:38.159 half because I was in some gifted thing. So I 2570 02:22:38.239 --> 02:22:40.840 learned it there, which was like a stranger that I 2571 02:22:40.920 --> 02:22:41.399 was even there. 2572 02:22:41.799 --> 02:22:44.319 Trespastors or debtors. 2573 02:22:44.360 --> 02:22:47.600 I know, and there was a king that changed the 2574 02:22:47.680 --> 02:22:48.840 end of it and stuff. 2575 02:22:48.840 --> 02:22:51.239 But I will say, I think he knows what we're 2576 02:22:51.280 --> 02:22:52.719 talking about when we say it. 2577 02:22:52.799 --> 02:22:55.360 I don't think it matters one way or the next. 2578 02:22:55.399 --> 02:22:58.280 But I do know that many times in my life 2579 02:22:58.840 --> 02:23:02.479 that has helped me in numerous ways. I can't even 2580 02:23:02.879 --> 02:23:06.440 like say how much, like you know, especially during anxiety, 2581 02:23:07.000 --> 02:23:09.360 like sometimes when I can't go to bed. I'll just 2582 02:23:09.559 --> 02:23:12.639 pray it in my mind to like calm down, like 2583 02:23:12.879 --> 02:23:15.120 all these things that He gives us. And yes, that 2584 02:23:15.280 --> 02:23:17.799 isn't the only way we should pray, because then that's 2585 02:23:17.840 --> 02:23:20.760 not really having a relationship with God. But I think 2586 02:23:20.799 --> 02:23:23.239 he knows what we're doing when we're kind of doing that. 2587 02:23:23.360 --> 02:23:30.000 So I got definitely more that this is me to 2588 02:23:30.159 --> 02:23:35.360 a tee and it's from Galatians six two, and it's 2589 02:23:35.520 --> 02:23:38.639 carry each other's burdens and in this way you will 2590 02:23:38.719 --> 02:23:44.399 fulfilled the law of Christ. So people come to me 2591 02:23:44.559 --> 02:23:50.200 to unburden their heart, unburden their mind, their emotions, whatever. 2592 02:23:50.920 --> 02:23:54.120 And that's the path that God has been beating me 2593 02:23:54.200 --> 02:23:58.639 over the head with a frying pan with for pretty 2594 02:23:58.680 --> 02:24:02.559 much my entire life. And so that scripture holds a 2595 02:24:02.600 --> 02:24:06.040 lot of meaning for me because that's what He has 2596 02:24:06.120 --> 02:24:07.159 me doing right now. 2597 02:24:08.200 --> 02:24:11.399 So I'm you're commedian, So that's good. 2598 02:24:12.079 --> 02:24:16.600 Finally I finally listened. I was going blah blah blah, 2599 02:24:16.600 --> 02:24:18.079 I can't hear you. 2600 02:24:19.600 --> 02:24:21.120 I've got one last one, Janet. 2601 02:24:21.600 --> 02:24:24.920 It's Matthew seven seven and it's ask and it will 2602 02:24:24.959 --> 02:24:28.000 be given to you. Seek and you shall find, knock 2603 02:24:28.040 --> 02:24:29.600 and it will be open to you. And that's one 2604 02:24:29.680 --> 02:24:31.280 tells me my whole life. You know, where do I 2605 02:24:31.319 --> 02:24:32.879 go from here? I'm stuck that what do I do? 2606 02:24:33.120 --> 02:24:35.079 And that just seems to always come up and be 2607 02:24:35.440 --> 02:24:36.479 a constant. 2608 02:24:36.799 --> 02:24:39.120 I meant to that because he's, yeah, if you pray, 2609 02:24:39.200 --> 02:24:41.840 you're not going to shut that door without opening one. 2610 02:24:42.520 --> 02:24:47.319 Pray and move your feet right, and don't do the 2611 02:24:47.440 --> 02:24:50.600 time I always ask for a sign, I'll be like, 2612 02:24:50.680 --> 02:24:52.799 you know, I don't know what the hell is going on, 2613 02:24:52.879 --> 02:24:54.719 but if you could just send me a sign, you know, 2614 02:24:54.959 --> 02:24:58.360 just send me a sign. And I was gonna say, Heidi, 2615 02:24:58.840 --> 02:25:01.280 the only time that pray pops up in my mind 2616 02:25:01.520 --> 02:25:03.319 is when I think there's a ghost in my house. 2617 02:25:03.520 --> 02:25:08.159 And specifically, you know, even though I walk through the 2618 02:25:08.239 --> 02:25:10.680 Valley of the Shadow of Death, I will fear no evil. 2619 02:25:10.760 --> 02:25:12.600 Maybe I got that from just watching a ton of 2620 02:25:12.600 --> 02:25:15.079 horror movies. But if I feel like, in the middle 2621 02:25:15.120 --> 02:25:17.719 of the night, there's something in the shower and you know, 2622 02:25:17.760 --> 02:25:19.440 I don't want to move the curtain over, I'm like, 2623 02:25:19.479 --> 02:25:21.879 oh my god, there's definitely a ghost in here right now. 2624 02:25:22.079 --> 02:25:24.079 I'm like, I shall feel you're no evil. I shall 2625 02:25:24.120 --> 02:25:27.639 fear no evil. I always see my house is haunted though, dude, like, 2626 02:25:27.680 --> 02:25:30.799 I'm always scared of demons gonna get me. There's gonna. 2627 02:25:30.840 --> 02:25:34.040 I mean, if you read about what the Jewish people 2628 02:25:34.040 --> 02:25:36.719 say about demons, I don't think you're far off there. 2629 02:25:37.079 --> 02:25:41.000 And also they're everywhere. Yeah, they're everywhere, and I do 2630 02:25:41.040 --> 02:25:43.239 believe that. I just think we don't see them, Like 2631 02:25:43.319 --> 02:25:45.479 that's what the Jewish people believe, is that they're if 2632 02:25:45.479 --> 02:25:47.639 we could see them, they're like everywhere. 2633 02:25:47.680 --> 02:25:50.040 And I think, well, it's so easy for us. 2634 02:25:49.879 --> 02:25:52.799 To believe in like guardian angels all this stuff, right, 2635 02:25:53.000 --> 02:25:55.440 but not demons. No, there's demons. 2636 02:25:55.479 --> 02:25:56.840 That's why we get careful. 2637 02:25:57.000 --> 02:26:00.000 They're literally around us at all times. 2638 02:26:00.040 --> 02:26:04.600 I'm looking for a place to rest, looking for a 2639 02:26:04.719 --> 02:26:10.200 place or a body to possess, or exactly. 2640 02:26:10.040 --> 02:26:11.760 Exactly and that's scary. 2641 02:26:11.840 --> 02:26:13.920 And one last scripture I do want to say, I 2642 02:26:13.920 --> 02:26:16.520 can't remember which one it is is it says, even 2643 02:26:16.559 --> 02:26:19.319 if an angel brings down another book to you, and 2644 02:26:19.360 --> 02:26:22.600 it isn't just the Bible, it's fake and that I 2645 02:26:22.600 --> 02:26:24.440 should have read that very first. Saved me a lot 2646 02:26:24.440 --> 02:26:27.879 of heartache in Mormonism, because there is no other book. 2647 02:26:28.399 --> 02:26:32.719 Hey, guess who came to my doorstep today. 2648 02:26:32.840 --> 02:26:35.799 Oh no, it's always the Mormon. 2649 02:26:36.319 --> 02:26:46.000 It wasn't. It wasn't a Mormon. Ye can use some information. 2650 02:26:46.159 --> 02:26:50.079 And I'm like, no, the Watchtower like you did that 2651 02:26:50.200 --> 02:26:51.879 once and took them and then they came to our 2652 02:26:51.920 --> 02:26:53.239 house for like a year and a half. 2653 02:26:53.360 --> 02:26:55.319 I was gonna, are they the ones that wear the 2654 02:26:55.360 --> 02:26:56.479 white shirts? 2655 02:26:56.639 --> 02:27:01.600 Are they the white Yes, the guys do although here 2656 02:27:01.799 --> 02:27:04.479 because we're and it's weird. They came to my house 2657 02:27:04.520 --> 02:27:08.799 because I live in the middle of nowhere, right, And 2658 02:27:08.879 --> 02:27:13.879 it was this little frail white lady, uh looked like 2659 02:27:14.399 --> 02:27:19.840 very elderly, and this big, burly, hulky like black man, 2660 02:27:21.079 --> 02:27:24.319 which was a strange pairing together. And I'm like, you 2661 02:27:24.360 --> 02:27:31.920 do know what you're bilalls say right like history, religion. 2662 02:27:32.000 --> 02:27:32.159 Ok. 2663 02:27:35.200 --> 02:27:37.200 I'm just at the point where they come knock, and 2664 02:27:37.239 --> 02:27:39.760 I'm like, I'm already a Jehovah's witness. Where have you 2665 02:27:39.840 --> 02:27:45.000 been meeting? 2666 02:27:45.760 --> 02:27:48.479 If you if you play that with the ld S, 2667 02:27:48.520 --> 02:27:51.760 they will look up your address and see treasurestry. 2668 02:27:51.840 --> 02:27:53.200 And I'm not kidding. 2669 02:27:53.200 --> 02:27:55.239 That would not if they did that ship. 2670 02:27:55.399 --> 02:27:58.200 I swear to God, if if I was I'm already Mormon, 2671 02:27:58.239 --> 02:28:02.280 I'm already. I sit next to sister Tammy every other 2672 02:28:02.639 --> 02:28:05.159 and you have never don I'm so offended. I just 2673 02:28:05.200 --> 02:28:07.399 slammed the door in their face before they even had 2674 02:28:07.399 --> 02:28:10.280 a chance. And or you just that crazy right, and 2675 02:28:10.319 --> 02:28:12.360 you're just you just start like talking to yourself like 2676 02:28:12.840 --> 02:28:18.639 where's where's my Yeah, they're like, ex this fucking house. 2677 02:28:20.479 --> 02:28:23.159 I was on a call at the time, so I 2678 02:28:23.280 --> 02:28:28.239 was like on hold calling calling the billing at the hospital, 2679 02:28:28.280 --> 02:28:31.159 and so I had my phone and I said it 2680 02:28:31.239 --> 02:28:33.920 on the on the thing right next to the front door, 2681 02:28:33.959 --> 02:28:36.280 and the music was playing real loud, and it was 2682 02:28:36.319 --> 02:28:39.559 like the elevator music. So she's trying to talk to 2683 02:28:39.600 --> 02:28:43.120 me about this stuff, all this elevator music is playing. 2684 02:28:43.200 --> 02:28:45.799 I was like, that would make like a perfect like 2685 02:28:45.959 --> 02:28:46.799 TV scene. 2686 02:28:47.000 --> 02:28:49.719 Oh yeah, oh my gosh. 2687 02:28:49.840 --> 02:28:52.559 After the movie, heretic I'm not letting anybody in or 2688 02:28:52.559 --> 02:28:54.239 haven't it? 2689 02:28:53.440 --> 02:28:57.799 Yeah, I won't let him in my house on the 2690 02:28:57.799 --> 02:28:58.399 front porch. 2691 02:28:59.079 --> 02:29:03.319 Yeah. Yeah, this has been fun. 2692 02:29:03.920 --> 02:29:06.559 So I agree. I agree, ladies. 2693 02:29:06.719 --> 02:29:10.000 I am looking forward to the next one because we 2694 02:29:10.120 --> 02:29:12.879 have so much to discuss. There's so much to talk about. 2695 02:29:13.000 --> 02:29:14.879 We wonder hear about Jonah and the way all the 2696 02:29:14.920 --> 02:29:16.840 new Deep days yeah, yeah, yeah. 2697 02:29:17.239 --> 02:29:19.680 Super excited to be doing that. And I want to 2698 02:29:19.719 --> 02:29:23.920 talk about job and I want to talk about Elijah 2699 02:29:24.120 --> 02:29:28.719 and Elisha and lots of other things. So yeah, So, 2700 02:29:29.280 --> 02:29:31.680 Miss Heidi, where can everybody fight you at? 2701 02:29:32.399 --> 02:29:35.440 I am at the Unfiltered Rise. I'm everywhere podcasts are served. 2702 02:29:35.479 --> 02:29:38.920 I do have my own website, Unfiltered Rise podcast dot com, 2703 02:29:39.040 --> 02:29:43.559 and I do a Patreon. About twice a month we 2704 02:29:43.680 --> 02:29:45.159 release two extra shows. 2705 02:29:45.159 --> 02:29:45.840 We don't cut them. 2706 02:29:45.879 --> 02:29:47.680 We just do it that way, and then that way 2707 02:29:47.719 --> 02:29:49.959 you can get more bang for your buck. I guess 2708 02:29:50.000 --> 02:29:52.719 we do that on different things, not just Mormons, but 2709 02:29:52.879 --> 02:29:56.360 murders Mormons and Mayhem. I do that with an atheist 2710 02:29:56.559 --> 02:30:00.639 X Mormon, So it's super fun, right. 2711 02:30:01.840 --> 02:30:04.159 And Miss tam where can people find you at? 2712 02:30:04.840 --> 02:30:08.280 I'm on Instagram at level Plain Poem and then we've 2713 02:30:08.280 --> 02:30:13.799 got a charismic truth store dot com and that's it. 2714 02:30:15.479 --> 02:30:17.479 I'm gonna follow you on Instagram. 2715 02:30:17.639 --> 02:30:17.840 Oh. 2716 02:30:17.879 --> 02:30:20.120 Actually, I'm doing a new what it's called I'm Hacking 2717 02:30:20.159 --> 02:30:25.440 Hoaxes and I'm diving into the the no nuclear weapons hoax. 2718 02:30:25.959 --> 02:30:34.079 So I'm excited about that discussion me too, Okay, And 2719 02:30:34.159 --> 02:30:36.440 miss Julia, where can people think you at? 2720 02:30:38.079 --> 02:30:42.440 Just wherever they listen to podcasts, except for YouTube, because 2721 02:30:42.479 --> 02:30:46.399 they don't particularly care for me or my brand of truth. 2722 02:30:46.799 --> 02:30:50.479 So I'm wherever you listen to podcasts. I do a 2723 02:30:50.639 --> 02:30:54.440 show every Saturday on the Cult of Conspiracy podcast, and 2724 02:30:54.639 --> 02:30:57.200 I do have a Patreon It's called Room two three 2725 02:30:57.319 --> 02:31:00.000 seven and you can get some extra stuff over there, 2726 02:31:00.920 --> 02:31:04.760 and I really appreciate it. I've actually went to podcasting 2727 02:31:04.799 --> 02:31:09.280 full time now, so I appreciate everyone's support and letting 2728 02:31:09.319 --> 02:31:12.760 me live my dream. And I still try to stay humbled. 2729 02:31:12.879 --> 02:31:18.040 I have the best podcast ever and I'm not pulling 2730 02:31:18.079 --> 02:31:21.799 my stuff at all. But no, I I just every 2731 02:31:21.879 --> 02:31:23.680 day I wake up and I can't believe, Like I 2732 02:31:23.719 --> 02:31:25.920 open my mouth and weird sounds come out and people 2733 02:31:25.959 --> 02:31:29.120 want to hear that. So I'm I'm blessed. I'm grateful. 2734 02:31:29.799 --> 02:31:33.920 I try to, you know, just give give people the 2735 02:31:34.000 --> 02:31:37.360 truth in the most blunt and honest way. I can 2736 02:31:37.399 --> 02:31:39.520 do that, and it's not about me. It's just about 2737 02:31:40.000 --> 02:31:42.840 people learning and people waking up. So but I'm glad 2738 02:31:42.879 --> 02:31:44.520 I can be the vehicle for that. So if you 2739 02:31:44.680 --> 02:31:48.200 like my style, you can find me Cosmic Peach anywhere 2740 02:31:48.239 --> 02:31:54.559 you listen to podcasts. 2741 02:31:52.280 --> 02:31:53.319 Just in case it's ones. 2742 02:31:53.360 --> 02:31:55.440 Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay too. 2743 02:31:56.000 --> 02:32:00.600 You can find that Deplorable Nation podcast on every podcast platform, 2744 02:32:00.799 --> 02:32:04.440 or you can find me on Rumble and if you 2745 02:32:04.520 --> 02:32:07.760 want to have a chit chat or anything, you can 2746 02:32:07.760 --> 02:32:10.239 hook me up on or hit me up. Not hook 2747 02:32:10.319 --> 02:32:11.479 me up, I'm already married. 2748 02:32:11.559 --> 02:32:11.799 Sorry. 2749 02:32:13.360 --> 02:32:19.000 You can hit me up on Instagram at deplorable Janet, 2750 02:32:19.200 --> 02:32:22.440 or you can hit me up on Twitter at no Janet, 2751 02:32:22.559 --> 02:32:29.879 Kate and w So anyways, for me, for Tam, Heidi 2752 02:32:30.120 --> 02:32:33.559 and Julia, it has been a pleasure. It was a 2753 02:32:33.600 --> 02:32:37.799 fun show. And I hope that you guys learned something 2754 02:32:38.799 --> 02:32:42.360 and I hope that our wisdom will help you in 2755 02:32:42.399 --> 02:32:46.040 some way or another. If not, that's too bad. We 2756 02:32:46.120 --> 02:32:52.120 still love you anyway. We will see you next time. 2757 02:32:52.239 --> 02:32:52.920 Have a good one. 2758 02:32:54.200 --> 02:32:57.840 A more full little word than a Sunday prayer, more 2759 02:32:58.040 --> 02:33:00.000 back road than a fuck you. 2760 02:33:00.680 --> 02:33:05.159 They ain't always been tied with the man upstairs. And scriptures, 2761 02:33:05.239 --> 02:33:08.280 I can quote a few. She's a cross on a 2762 02:33:08.440 --> 02:33:11.559 chain and a red min stain on a man moss 2763 02:33:11.639 --> 02:33:15.959 hemming down Bible. I heart tennes See John three point 2764 02:33:16.000 --> 02:33:19.319 sixteen on the bumper of a white Chevy tible. 2765 02:33:19.559 --> 02:33:23.559 She's a little up there down here, there's a little 2766 02:33:23.639 --> 02:33:27.079 King James, and with John there, Thank the Lord, the 2767 02:33:27.200 --> 02:33:31.159 girls got my back. Hangs her head O by my car, 2768 02:33:31.200 --> 02:33:31.840 hard hat. 2769 02:33:32.000 --> 02:33:33.440 I'm an raise a little hell. 2770 02:33:33.600 --> 02:33:37.959 She's head a marner to Drest, to mcgrin and the ringdom. 2771 02:33:37.680 --> 02:33:38.200 My dirt. 2772 02:33:38.799 --> 02:33:42.719 I'm a little down all on coldbar. She's a little 2773 02:33:42.920 --> 02:33:44.600 up there down here. 2774 02:33:45.200 --> 02:33:45.760 Amen. 2775 02:33:48.360 --> 02:33:48.959 Amen,