Speaker 1: Brace.
Speaker 2: You're watching Chewing the Cud with Lee Robertson and Dominic Berry,
Speaker 2: And I said, I'm.
Speaker 1: A man like I like my coffee trickling down my
Speaker 1: windscreen on my car as I drive away. Who you're
Speaker 1: watching Chewing the Card? You're lighthearted? A weekly look at
Speaker 1: the world through a slightly glittery camp window. I'mony Robertson,
Speaker 1: and with me today is a very own, poetic, playful
Speaker 1: bottom enthusiast. It's tomonic Berry. Hello. I'm say I have
Speaker 1: seen the episodes where you you give a lot of
Speaker 1: love to the bottom.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, why would I not?
Speaker 2: Why? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah? What have you got for us this week?
Speaker 2: Well? Lee, this week I'm bringing everyone a story about
Speaker 2: a family activity which is certainly he raised a few eyebrows.
Speaker 3: And I am going to bring you Lee poetry.
Speaker 2: Bye.
Speaker 1: You mean you to say you're a poet?
Speaker 2: Definitely.
Speaker 1: I did not realize that I even have a game
Speaker 1: for you to play along with. But on screen now
Speaker 1: you can see our contact details. It's at the cut
Speaker 1: TV on your social media and if you want to
Speaker 1: catch up with previous episodes, you can always binge us
Speaker 1: on YouTube look for Chewing the Cord.
Speaker 2: You can now see the names of people who have
Speaker 2: reached out and touched our souls going along the bottom
Speaker 2: of the screen. And now it's time to get all
Speaker 2: caught up in the showbiz with Lee.
Speaker 1: So Valentine's Day is it is literally around the corner
Speaker 1: word celebrities. They don't miss, they don't miss an opportunity
Speaker 1: to merch in up. Are you a Rhianna fan? No? No,
Speaker 1: absolutely nothing to do anyway. She's she's launched her new
Speaker 1: lingerie range in time for Valentine's Day. I'm sure you're
Speaker 1: very interested in this. Yes, So she has this Savage
Speaker 1: ex fenty thing where she does makeup and clothes and stuff,
Speaker 1: and it's worth two point two billion pounds. That's a
Speaker 1: lot of that's a lot of underwears. She elks fifty
Speaker 1: percent of it. But she's come out with a Valentine's
Speaker 1: Day collection and it's it's the first since she kind
Speaker 1: of had a hiatus after having a baby. We've got
Speaker 1: this is. I don't know how I feel about. I mean,
Speaker 1: obviously I'm a homosexuals. I don't feel anything, but it
Speaker 1: looks a little bit, a little bit tacky. I mean
Speaker 1: I'm not an expert. Yeah, she's so she's she's she's
Speaker 1: had a little bit of a hiatus because she's had twins,
Speaker 1: and she's been really cool because she's a boy mum.
Speaker 1: Apparently she's the only female in the household. It's inspired
Speaker 1: wring her to be even more kick ass than before
Speaker 1: by getting her Buttom out and so fans were delighted
Speaker 1: distultring new campaign. That's cute. I like that. I mean,
Speaker 1: they're twins. Obviously I got that wrong, because one's far
Speaker 1: smaller than the other one, or everyone's much greedier than
Speaker 1: the other one. And I like that more than seeing
Speaker 1: a ask cheeks covered in rose petals.
Speaker 2: I think it's fair to say that Rihanna's ass cheeks
Speaker 2: are not geared to us. We're not the target audience
Speaker 2: of her.
Speaker 1: I think that we might appreciate them in a music video.
Speaker 2: I don't know, so he is my I don't I
Speaker 2: don't believe. I don't believe. You don't believe, believer like
Speaker 2: she's one of them. I think of voice. In my opinion,
Speaker 2: it sounds really insincere, like you hear is someone like
Speaker 2: you know, Wreatha Franklin or Dusty Springfield showing my age.
Speaker 3: Like you believe them, You're like, yeah, you go for it.
Speaker 2: And Rihanna like, to me, she always sounds like she's
Speaker 2: going through the motions, like some of the tunes are catchy,
Speaker 2: some of the you know, production values are interesting, but
Speaker 2: just a voice, I'm like, nah.
Speaker 1: You lost your yes fabulous ask cheek.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: So so that her sort of logo with the sister
Speaker 1: get back in there and love me. I don't think
Speaker 1: I was ever in her. No, I was never in her,
Speaker 1: but I can appreciate her from a distance. So if you,
Speaker 1: if anybody fancy his bras nickers from from from Rihanna
Speaker 1: and then go on to her love line collection since
Speaker 1: stores now, I would imagine it's not cheap. I don't think.
Speaker 1: I don't think we're talking primark prices here.
Speaker 2: I think you could make that yourself, couldn't you. Fanastic
Speaker 2: you know, bitter cling film, Yeah, yeah, stick foraging down
Speaker 2: the park for a few like natures and branches make
Speaker 2: a bowl like that.
Speaker 1: I'm liking this. I think this is something we should
Speaker 1: we should explore, explore further, right, Okay, so next show
Speaker 1: his news We've got so last year there was a
Speaker 1: bit of a craze where there was a certain influencer
Speaker 1: who took pictures of celebrities now and then kind of
Speaker 1: photo shopped them with their younger self as if they
Speaker 1: were like taking like a portrait with each other. So
Speaker 1: it's kind of kind of like some of them were
Speaker 1: a little bit hit from a little bit miss but
Speaker 1: he's kind of updated it with some so not necessarily
Speaker 1: all current celebrities. There might be celebrities that have kind
Speaker 1: of passed on. He's not taking a picture of a
Speaker 1: corpse and then put it next. He's kind of just
Speaker 1: like so he's like, let's have a log and see
Speaker 1: what we think. So first off he has We've got
Speaker 1: Janet Jackson. Okay, Janet Jackson with her younger self.
Speaker 2: Oh my goodness, now dying.
Speaker 3: I do believe you believe in Janet.
Speaker 2: I had the great joy I saw at Glastonbury Festival
Speaker 2: and she was really like the media slagged her off
Speaker 2: like she's lost it. I thought she was amazing. One
Speaker 2: of them where I think, I don't know, maybe I'm wrong.
Speaker 2: I just really believe Rhythm Nation what so that's beautiful,
Speaker 2: really successful.
Speaker 1: I don't really Yeah, So that thumbs up for that one.
Speaker 1: We've got the next song, We've got a little bit
Speaker 1: sort of like more. We've got Harry Styles, okay, and
Speaker 1: he's young. Now, I think that's weird.
Speaker 2: This is how out of touch I am. I mean,
Speaker 2: you know, I know Janet Jackson is. I do know Harrisa.
Speaker 2: I thought he still looked like this. I thought I
Speaker 2: didn't know.
Speaker 1: He still does for most people. I mean it's a
Speaker 1: bit his head is much bigger. I mean, I know,
Speaker 1: you grow, but you don't like become giant.
Speaker 2: I mean, it has been said that it's not uncommon
Speaker 2: for gay men to occasionally be a little narcissistic in
Speaker 2: their life partner choices. The sometimes gay men look for
Speaker 2: partners a bit like themselves. I think this looks like
Speaker 2: a gay couple.
Speaker 1: Do you think kind of like a daddy?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I've seen these two on the street.
Speaker 1: That's a pawn hob image that uncle teaches me a lesson.
Speaker 2: It's not.
Speaker 1: Like it looks a bit like the Granta Vierge looks
Speaker 1: a bit like Matt Willis from Busted.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, you know, he don't look happy to
Speaker 2: be there. He's happy because he's like getting loads of money, because.
Speaker 1: He knows how much money he's made in the future.
Speaker 1: So's yeah, so we've got Harry Styles, then we've got
Speaker 1: we've got Beyonce. H I mean it's actually quite a
Speaker 1: good photograph, as in how they've done it so that
Speaker 1: they look like they're actually in the same room.
Speaker 3: None of our viewers will agree with me, do you not?
Speaker 1: Do you not believe?
Speaker 3: I believe and the gays lover don't they?
Speaker 2: And I have tried because I know that she is
Speaker 2: an innovative artist and an artist who is about empowerment.
Speaker 2: I don't believe her.
Speaker 1: The final bit of showy news. Have you seen the
Speaker 1: film Queer with Daniel Craig.
Speaker 2: Have you seen it?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 2: I haven't, I would like to.
Speaker 1: I yeah. I mean I'm not going deep in this
Speaker 1: because this is talking about penises. So in the film
Speaker 1: allegedly mean there's some full frontal nudity. But the debate
Speaker 1: has been in Hollywood whether or not the stars war
Speaker 1: prosthetic penises during film instead of instead of having their
Speaker 1: own penises and.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 3: So I've got very strong views on this, very strong.
Speaker 2: But on one hand, everybody should have complete control over
Speaker 2: their own body, and someone shouldn't be exploited if they
Speaker 2: want to be like famous, they should not be told
Speaker 2: nanaw you've got to get your dick out for this.
Speaker 2: That shouldn't be the case. That shouldn't be the case. Cocky, right,
Speaker 2: But on the other hand, like bodies of bodies and like,
Speaker 2: you know, it seemed to me that like you know,
Speaker 2: Velvet gold Mine, the ninety nineties movies with Ewan McGregor
Speaker 2: always yeah, well exactly, and.
Speaker 1: The scripts back if it doesn't.
Speaker 2: Exactly, And I just kind of think there's a certain
Speaker 2: prudishness that is like common and like, you know, what,
Speaker 2: what are the reasons, what are the reasons?
Speaker 1: Well, we've got we've got it. We've got a picture
Speaker 1: of Daniel and Drew and they're kind of doing their
Speaker 1: press press junkit thing, so that the Daniel sorry, Drew
Speaker 1: kind of said, yeah, I didn't really want to expose everything.
Speaker 1: The guy Apollo, he goes, he was like it was fine. However,
Speaker 1: it's kind of open to the whole kind of new
Speaker 1: topic about prosthetics, prosthetic penises, which is big business in
Speaker 1: America apparently so quite often if you non poorn related,
Speaker 1: if you if you're watching like a movie and there's
Speaker 1: a full frontal scene, it may be a fake foof
Speaker 1: or it may be a fake penis with they are
Speaker 1: with the very look, let's just see if we can
Speaker 1: see now these are examples of stunt cocks, the very detailed.
Speaker 2: Any viewer who's loving watching that, good for you. I
Speaker 2: don't know. That make me think maybe I'm not gay.
Speaker 3: Maybe I was gay before I did this show.
Speaker 2: Maybe I'm not anything.
Speaker 1: It wouldn't attached to a human being. It's not just
Speaker 1: like they so fine, they fine looking down a plate.
Speaker 2: They are vile.
Speaker 3: They are absolutely vile.
Speaker 1: Twenty twenty five is the year of the stump pen.
Speaker 1: That's the end of this week.
Speaker 2: Oh well, thank you for very very much for that, Lee,
Speaker 2: I shall have nightmares for the next three years.
Speaker 1: Why not ghost pens. You're welcome, So stay right there
Speaker 1: because coming after the shortbreak, we get up today in
Speaker 1: the bus dominic. Welcome back, and you're watching Chewing the Card.
Speaker 1: This is the part of the show where we go
Speaker 1: through some of the more salacious stories from the Internet
Speaker 1: and dom and it brings us to the buzz.
Speaker 2: Well, Lee, it's often spoken about how these days people
Speaker 2: feel quite isolated. It's so common people are sat at home,
Speaker 2: not going out to bars, not gats clubs. They're just
Speaker 2: scrolling through Grinder or Instagram or whatever. The TikTok A
Speaker 2: you're familiar with the TikTok.
Speaker 1: It's going to be banned though, isn't it. But I
Speaker 1: like the team ay more for just the lovely shopping experience.
Speaker 2: That is beautiful, and so should you. Well, I'll tell
Speaker 2: you about one fellow who really hopes that TikTok isn't
Speaker 2: banned because it's what he's got at the moment. He's
Speaker 2: more isolated than anyone in his bedroom. There is a
Speaker 2: guy whose TikTok name is Sailing Songbird. His real name
Speaker 2: is Luke, and he used to be a teacher, and
Speaker 2: he has decided to go sailing three thousand miles across
Speaker 2: the Cific Ocean. And he's on a twenty seven foot
Speaker 2: long boat and that's it. That's all he's got. So
Speaker 2: his bed is there.
Speaker 1: It's like a raft pretty much.
Speaker 2: Pretty much. Here's the fella, here's the fella, this particular bit,
Speaker 2: I'm worried about him. I'm worried about him. Like the
Speaker 2: lad he's quite cheerful on all his TikTok. He's not moaning.
Speaker 2: He's coming across that he's having a great time. Although
Speaker 2: this particular image. It is him screaming which you know.
Speaker 1: Of earth and no one will hear.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, So he's getting a really big following, and
Speaker 2: he's really celebrating this journey. He's being really upby that.
Speaker 2: He's completely for He's left behind the life of being
Speaker 2: a teacher and has set sail across the waters, the
Speaker 2: one place.
Speaker 1: In the world that no one can hear. Somebody, Yeah,
Speaker 1: you can still get Wi Fi? That's interesting. Does he
Speaker 1: have a little Wi Fi masked attached to his float?
Speaker 2: That is an excellent These are the questions.
Speaker 1: That I immediately go, oh, well, don't you but how
Speaker 1: are you going? Yeah? Is he doing it just for
Speaker 1: the sake of doing it just for the joy? Or
Speaker 1: is he doing it for like charity or just you know.
Speaker 2: I don't believe he's doing it for any charity. He
Speaker 2: it does look rough. It's not like one of these
Speaker 2: reality TV shows where they like film a little bit
Speaker 2: and then like they all go back to their trades, talent, luxuries.
Speaker 2: I believe he is doing it. He definitely looks like
Speaker 2: he's doing it. So he's over one hundred miles from
Speaker 2: the nearest person. He's currently between Tonga and New Zealand,
Speaker 2: and he says, very few places on the planet are
Speaker 2: there where you could scream at the top of your
Speaker 2: lungs with one hundred percent certainty that no one will
Speaker 2: hear you, accept perhaps a couple of little fish.
Speaker 1: So I think you'll find in Mike's bedroom is very similar.
Speaker 3: Poor Mike, he's not even here to defend him.
Speaker 1: Screaming in his bedroom. Nobody can hear him.
Speaker 2: Let's move on, let's move on, let's move on. So
Speaker 2: good luck Luke, Good luck Luke. Except we're going to
Speaker 2: move on to a Brazilian TV personality and I'm probably
Speaker 2: going to say her name wrong because I'm not the
Speaker 2: best at pronouncing names of folks from Brazil and dresser,
Speaker 2: you're That's how I grew up in Wales. So like
Speaker 2: the Scottish loche you're atch, you're rat, you're at, you
Speaker 2: would say you're at. Okay. So she's a mum okay
Speaker 2: on only Fans. What's she doing if our viewers aren't
Speaker 2: familiar with.
Speaker 1: Only fans But most of them actually, they've all got
Speaker 1: subscriptions to various things. One would imagine.
Speaker 2: Only Fans is a site where people can make adult content,
Speaker 2: such as them having a lovely time in the nuddy
Speaker 2: and this Brazilian mum, her only fans is filmed by
Speaker 2: her son.
Speaker 1: Oh, this is getting creepy.
Speaker 2: Her lad, there he is, there's the mum, there's the son.
Speaker 2: So yeah, what's your knee jerk reaction to thisly?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I need to know more. I mean, it says
Speaker 1: explicit content. What kind of.
Speaker 2: Explicit Well again, because only fans, there's only fans, and
Speaker 2: there's only fans, isn't there right?
Speaker 1: Okay?
Speaker 2: So yeah, Arthur is the name of the nineteen year
Speaker 2: old fella, and he says on YouTube, he says it's
Speaker 2: nothing more than just a nine to five job. When
Speaker 2: he's asked if it is arousing for him to watch
Speaker 2: his mum, he says.
Speaker 1: No, I'm it's thankful. Was his reaction.
Speaker 3: He says, I don't get horny. She's my mother.
Speaker 1: I came out of her vagina. Yeah, I don't want
Speaker 1: to see things going back in her vagina. Yeah.
Speaker 2: To swap, to swap, the swap, like the order of stuff.
Speaker 2: So I'm i'm these days. These days, I'm a forty
Speaker 2: five year old poet, And when I wasn't forty five,
Speaker 2: I'm no stranger to being naked. Okay, says no, that
Speaker 2: was this is before only Okay, yeah, yeah, my penis
Speaker 2: is all over Channel four. Really yeah it is yeah
Speaker 2: yeah yeah four on demand. Yeah, it's there for everyone.
Speaker 2: My penis is there for everyone to show comfort their horse.
Speaker 1: Was it was it like part of a part of
Speaker 1: an enfumbler.
Speaker 3: Yeah. I didn't do it spontaneously.
Speaker 2: It was planned. It was like there was a wonderful
Speaker 2: I mean, this isn't the only time. This is just
Speaker 2: this was the first time. It was a documentary on
Speaker 2: like people who like to get naked and they used
Speaker 2: to mean him and my entire penis on the on
Speaker 2: the end, it was like the climax. I didn't climbax.
Speaker 2: It was the climax of the show me performing my
Speaker 2: poetry nut And you know, my mum has watched that
Speaker 2: near enough everyone has watched. My mum was very very supportive.
Speaker 2: Now she weren't the one holding the Channel four camera,
Speaker 2: but you know, like I was really glad that was
Speaker 2: because you know what Lee did. It didn't do my
Speaker 2: career any army.
Speaker 1: I didn't.
Speaker 2: I wonder if it might because I signed a contract
Speaker 2: with Channel four that pretty much said, you know what
Speaker 2: we could do anything we want with this, And I thought, oh,
Speaker 2: might it be a mistake to waggle my willie around
Speaker 2: for Channel four?
Speaker 1: My I regret feeling and after show Google search.
Speaker 4: Look, yeah, it's therefore you well, this joy a little
Speaker 4: bit icky, I mean, but not doing anything.
Speaker 2: Maybe it's a thin line, isn't it. If my mum
Speaker 2: had been like going, oh, you know, what is an
Speaker 2: idea for us to do instead of instead of going
Speaker 2: for a walk in the park on a Sunday, let's
Speaker 2: get the camera out. Maybe that's the line. I don't know.
Speaker 2: I don't know. I you know, I say good on them.
Speaker 2: I say good on them. I think, yeah, I think
Speaker 2: we're we're you know, let's not shame. Let's not shame
Speaker 2: any careers. He could be working in an office and
Speaker 2: hate in that. He could be working down the mine
Speaker 2: and hate in that, and he's not even his muma
Speaker 2: doing something that they want to be doing.
Speaker 3: Good for them, le good for them, don't work.
Speaker 1: Down the mine. Film yourmm flicking a bean. That's all
Speaker 1: we need.
Speaker 3: That's all we need, that's all we need.
Speaker 2: Well, if you want to help out with your family business,
Speaker 2: you could share the information with us. We are on
Speaker 2: at the cud TV on the social media, and that
Speaker 2: brings us to the story of the Weekly. The story
Speaker 2: of the week, Brady Fagel, I think I'm saying it right.
Speaker 2: I hope I'm saying right, because it is in the
Speaker 2: name of just one person. This is the name of
Speaker 2: two people. Identical name, and some would say that, they
Speaker 2: would say identical looks not related. So these two people
Speaker 2: have met each other. They're both six foot four, they
Speaker 2: have both had elbow injuries. They both went to the
Speaker 2: same Dr. Andrews, and they were contacted by the surgery
Speaker 2: to ask about, you know, forthcoming operations. One of them
Speaker 2: had had an operation six months earlier, and they contacted
Speaker 2: him and you're coming in for your operation now, and
Speaker 2: he's like, what you're talking about has already happened. I've
Speaker 2: done it. And they're like, no, no, no, you've not
Speaker 2: had it done. There was all this confusion they realized
Speaker 2: there was two of them. The conclusion of this story
Speaker 2: is that it is all coincidence. What a thing, right,
Speaker 2: what a bit, same name, similar looks, same injury. They're like,
Speaker 2: we must be related, and they got all the tests
Speaker 2: and they're not.
Speaker 1: They're not.
Speaker 2: It is just coincidence? What a thing? What a thing?
Speaker 1: Doppelgangos.
Speaker 2: As a writer, we are told that coincidences don't exist.
Speaker 3: We're told that that is bad right in.
Speaker 2: As a creative you should always be linking the dots
Speaker 2: and ere Like they said, do you know what? We
Speaker 2: are brothers? We're deciding there, brothers. What a lovely thing
Speaker 2: for them to decide. They met each other, they get on,
Speaker 2: they've got all similar interests.
Speaker 1: Did they then become a couple?
Speaker 3: Do you know what?
Speaker 1: Looking in the mirror?
Speaker 3: I don't believe that's grim.
Speaker 2: I don't believe that they revealed their sexuality.
Speaker 1: I don't know. It's interesting? Interesting? And how because it's
Speaker 1: not a pretty common name, is it really?
Speaker 2: You know?
Speaker 3: It's not?
Speaker 2: So yeah?
Speaker 1: Wow?
Speaker 3: And what a happy thing though, Yeah, what a lovely thing?
Speaker 2: Like you know that the gaze often say we have
Speaker 2: chosen family, don't we chose? Often we're not necessarily close
Speaker 2: to our dads or are extended blood relatives, but we
Speaker 2: are the people around us who we have chosen to
Speaker 2: call family. And so have they? What a fantastic thing.
Speaker 2: So that's all from the buzz this week for you, Lee,
Speaker 2: good times.
Speaker 1: Thanks very Dominic. I quite often am also mistaken for
Speaker 1: one of the brothers of the four Brothers. What are
Speaker 1: they called? Hemsworth? Not the same person yet.
Speaker 2: Do not go anywhere, viewers, because coming up, we are
Speaker 2: going to have a game for all of you to
Speaker 2: play in our Game of the Week.
Speaker 1: Welcome back to Cheering the Card with me Lee Robertson
Speaker 1: and then Dominic Berry. Now this is part of the
Speaker 1: show where we're going to play games and this one
Speaker 1: has been specifically designed to play to dominic strength. So
Speaker 1: off you go to our special.
Speaker 2: Areas, my strengths, getting me dick out?
Speaker 1: Well, whose dick is this? Let's do it.
Speaker 3: The week.
Speaker 1: So we're going to play a game called oh Bomb
Speaker 1: and this is a head to head picture of a
Speaker 1: famous bottom all the show and on the screen, and
Speaker 1: we will get three yes or no questions to work
Speaker 1: out whose bomb it is. There's a celebrity ask and
Speaker 1: we've got a I'm going to lose in it because
Speaker 1: you're like an ask Connor sir. Anyway, let's go. Are
Speaker 1: you ready to monek?
Speaker 2: I do right. I had no idea that this was
Speaker 2: going to happen. I am so happy. I'm so happy
Speaker 2: about this. This is like, yeah, if teenage dominic could
Speaker 2: see this was the direction my career was going to
Speaker 2: go in.
Speaker 1: You needed an aid. It's like you need a photograph
Speaker 1: of you now, yea and teenage dominic in this very moment. Okay,
Speaker 1: so here is the first RS. So you've got to
Speaker 1: ask three questions as to kind of guess who this
Speaker 1: RS might belong to.
Speaker 2: Just I'm so happy, this is lovely, this is so good.
Speaker 2: I would marry that person. I don't know. I don't
Speaker 2: know are they Are they a singer?
Speaker 1: Ly No, they are not a singer.
Speaker 2: A singer, Oh gosh.
Speaker 1: It is it is? It is a I mean, I'm
Speaker 1: trying to see what a thin a dressing room that
Speaker 1: are in their own bathroom? Only two questions in.
Speaker 2: My bathroom, in my bathroom, that's where that's where this
Speaker 2: fine person is that you've started with a strong So
Speaker 2: it's not it's.
Speaker 1: Not a singer and it's a celebrity.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's a bit blurred.
Speaker 2: I can't see how much hair there is is though?
Speaker 2: Is there is there a lot of hairly no, deducted.
Speaker 2: He is not a particularly very good then some men
Speaker 2: like do the whole like wax in around the bas
Speaker 2: and crack na, you know that's now natural, natural jungle.
Speaker 2: That's what we want. One more final question is, oh,
Speaker 2: it's hard to.
Speaker 1: It's another same.
Speaker 2: They're not hairy alive? Is this is this an antique
Speaker 2: bottom it's yes, ye.
Speaker 1: It's not an ass from the beyond that is, they
Speaker 1: are indeed still alive with a functioning ass, right.
Speaker 2: I think this is an actor then, so let's think
Speaker 2: of an actor. It might be I think an actor
Speaker 2: off of some TV show. Let's have a thing as
Speaker 2: I think, is it? Or Ewan McGregor, is it?
Speaker 1: Let's have a lot, let us reveal the leg.
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, Oh my gosh, I thought I couldn't
Speaker 2: love Andrew Garfield anymore? From which show?
Speaker 3: Is this? May I ask for no specific.
Speaker 1: Reason, we can't tell that we were.
Speaker 2: Do you know what to raise the toe? To raise
Speaker 2: the toe a little? If you've not seen Andrew Garfield
Speaker 2: on Sesame Street, he's been on it recently, does this
Speaker 2: really moving thing about grief?
Speaker 3: And he really made.
Speaker 2: Me I did know he didn't know. He didn't. No,
Speaker 2: he didn't. And when I say I like hairy asses,
Speaker 2: I don't mean muppets.
Speaker 1: No, No, that's it.
Speaker 2: That's not my fetish.
Speaker 1: That's not what oh sack, no, draw.
Speaker 2: The Lives Life Andrew Garfield. Yeah yeah, I give your
Speaker 2: bottom ten out of ten, Andrew, your magnificent next bottom please,
Speaker 2: So here's your second.
Speaker 1: There are more.
Speaker 2: Slender derry air on this occasion, and that does look
Speaker 2: very smooth. This gentleman in general looks quite smooth. So yeah, okay.
Speaker 2: Question one, Well, is this a person upon the television? Okay, okay,
Speaker 2: I'll tell you what I used to love. You don't
Speaker 2: get it anymore? Like embarrassment nudity on soap operas where
Speaker 2: somebody would like get locked outside and there part.
Speaker 1: Of the story.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, yeah, no one doesn't that made me gay? Yeah?
Speaker 2: Is this a man off of a soap opera?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 2: Okay, okay, so Telly, but not a soap so I
Speaker 2: think it's going to be.
Speaker 1: You've got one more question, Grama.
Speaker 2: Then I think, is this an actor who is Has
Speaker 2: he been on Telly within the last ten years?
Speaker 1: He has?
Speaker 2: Right, I can't remember his full name. The guy who
Speaker 2: was on Friday Night Dinner. His first name is Tom
Speaker 2: Tom Rothams Stole. I think he was on that Roman
Speaker 2: comedy thing as well.
Speaker 1: I think in between us.
Speaker 2: So Simon Byrd was the other brother, so not so
Speaker 2: the other one. And I've been clear enough.
Speaker 1: Let's find out. Let's say who it is?
Speaker 2: Very excited, Oh no, it's not.
Speaker 1: I believe that Ezra Miller was in a fantastic beast
Speaker 1: somewhere to find them.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and the Flash movie as well, in which he
Speaker 2: did flash it, as there were scenes in that and
Speaker 2: his bottom looked better in that.
Speaker 3: They're they're they're they're non binary, aren't they?
Speaker 2: I believe?
Speaker 1: I don't really know. So on a scale of sit
Speaker 1: on my face, where are we going?
Speaker 2: Well, you know, i'd have to ask Andrew Garfield to
Speaker 2: get off my face, and that's never going to happen.
Speaker 3: Let's have it.
Speaker 1: Let's have another ass Let's have another hany celebrity haney?
Speaker 2: Oh okay, I must say, And I don't want to
Speaker 2: bottom shame anyone, but I'm dis disappointed by the smoothness
Speaker 2: of which I be. But then that again, that says
Speaker 2: something about you know, body shaming on telling in it.
Speaker 2: How many hairy bottoms do we see on the small screen?
Speaker 2: Not enough, le not enough?
Speaker 1: How many hairy bottoms are in the world, though perhaps
Speaker 1: perhaps it's a dying it's perhaps it's like evolution.
Speaker 2: Oh, I've done a lot of studying on this topic.
Speaker 2: I've done a lot of private research within my own.
Speaker 2: There are many, there are many, there are many, and
Speaker 2: they're all goodly, they're all good.
Speaker 1: I'm uncomfortable.
Speaker 2: Let's have a look at the picture again. Let's have
Speaker 2: a look at the picture.
Speaker 1: So I think I know who this is. Well, I
Speaker 1: think you know, I know you know who this is.
Speaker 2: Oh really it's someone Oh my gosh, right, yeah, of course,
Speaker 2: of course, right, but I'll ask the questions. I'll ask
Speaker 2: the questions. Is no, no, no, Is he a singer?
Speaker 1: No? Oh no, it's not No, not a singer, forget it?
Speaker 2: Oh right, okay, because I thought it might be Chesney Hawks. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: that's what I thought. Chesney Hawks is stunning, stunning.
Speaker 1: It a hairy mom sell you.
Speaker 2: Might have shaved it stay video. Yeah, like a more
Speaker 2: dusting glow of more nusting, I would hope. So not
Speaker 2: a singer? This guy? Is he is?
Speaker 1: He looks like a slightly older.
Speaker 2: That's what I was going to say. Yeah, yeah, is
Speaker 2: he is he over forty?
Speaker 1: Yes?
Speaker 2: He is? Okay over forty? Is he a gay? I mean,
Speaker 2: is he a known gay. Is he an open homosexual?
Speaker 1: To our they're not. They're not convinced in the gallery though,
Speaker 1: is it a rumors rumored?
Speaker 2: He's not necessarily and homosexual?
Speaker 1: Pretty white right bottom?
Speaker 2: Oh slight dimpling, John sim he's an actor who's added
Speaker 2: who's add his bum out quite a bit over the year,
Speaker 2: John and a beautiful man.
Speaker 1: That from Doctor Who?
Speaker 2: Yeah, the master in Doctor Who? You like, Mama Zim
Speaker 2: rob Low. I don't know who this is, but then I.
Speaker 1: Did remember a pack actor was in Austin Powers.
Speaker 2: My prize of bottom of the show goes to Andrew Garfield,
Speaker 2: and I shall post written confirmation of what his prize
Speaker 2: with me will be.
Speaker 1: I'd like a poem the prize.
Speaker 2: Andrew Garfield, your bummy is so ace.
Speaker 3: I'd bring it here.
Speaker 1: Next to my face. There you go.
Speaker 2: More more comes and I thought, all right, right, okay, okay,
Speaker 2: this is my life now just falsely identified buttlems. This
Speaker 2: is it a singer?
Speaker 1: Is it a singer? It is a sing?
Speaker 2: It is a singer. Has he had a song in
Speaker 2: the hit parade within the last twenty five years?
Speaker 1: He has? He is?
Speaker 2: Oh? Is he a guy who's been in a boy band?
Speaker 1: Has he been in a boy band, no question.
Speaker 2: So Low let's oh maybe, oh it is I even
Speaker 2: know the bit this is? This is this is Chesney Hawks.
Speaker 2: This is Chessney Hawks. This is from his music video.
Speaker 2: Yeah it's Chessea Hawks.
Speaker 1: Is it Chesney Hawks? Let us see? Yeah? Quite similar
Speaker 1: to Rob Low.
Speaker 2: Does this I get to marry Chesney Hawk?
Speaker 1: Yes? I think that Dominic needs to go and perhaps
Speaker 1: have a little dam with a tissue down below. So happens,
Speaker 1: We're gonna have a break and come back, and after
Speaker 1: that we're gonna go all high brown with some poetry
Speaker 1: from Dominic. Welcome back. You are still watching Lee and
Speaker 1: Dominic in Chewing the Card, and now Dominic is going
Speaker 1: to regale us with some things that he has penned
Speaker 1: himself in spotlight. So what is your first poem?
Speaker 3: This Valentine's.
Speaker 2: My wish for everyone is the gift of massive rage
Speaker 2: and the change which can come from a gutfull of
Speaker 2: sadness and anger with which to engaine. I'm angry that
Speaker 2: we're not allowed to be ill. Our health can cost
Speaker 2: more than our wage. The gentle, polite voice is not
Speaker 2: being heard. So I call for massive rage. It's the
Speaker 2: only reasonable reaction to our millions of children in poverty.
Speaker 2: It's the only reasonable reaction to the hoarding of medicine
Speaker 2: and property. Is the only reasonable reaction to the smiling
Speaker 2: politicians dishonesty. I wish as the gift of massive rage
Speaker 2: and the skill to wield it properly. The people who
Speaker 2: profit from positive thinking will say they can sell peace
Speaker 2: of mind. They might help the CEO is state, kids
Speaker 2: and homeless, a left far behind. They say, to work
Speaker 2: hard until you feel numb, to take a beige place
Speaker 2: in the grinds. I believe in the storms stewed by suffragettes,
Speaker 2: our anger can make us be kind. Our anger can
Speaker 2: fuel us to fight the unfair, to care about sickness
Speaker 2: and thrift. With doctors and safe homes so far out
Speaker 2: of reach, how can people narrow the rift?
Speaker 3: No positive thinking.
Speaker 2: I say massive rage could unite us to fight for
Speaker 2: a shift.
Speaker 3: A huge, massive.
Speaker 2: Rage to drive us together is my wish for our
Speaker 2: Valentines gift.
Speaker 1: So what, so what is the second part of the trilogy.
Speaker 2: Well, I've shared my anger. I'm now going to share
Speaker 2: my celebrations. So we're going back to men's bottoms. Yeah,
Speaker 2: going back to men's bottoms. This is a poem I've
Speaker 2: written called I Was Made Gay by Kevin Costner's bottom.
Speaker 2: You can see all of Kevin Costner's bottom when he
Speaker 2: showers beneath the waterfall in the nineteen ninety one hit
Speaker 2: Hollywood movie robin Hood Prince of Thieves. I know it
Speaker 2: is definitely Kevin Costner's bottom, not merely a stunt bottom,
Speaker 2: because one evening in nineteen ninety one, on the BBC
Speaker 2: chat show Wogan Terry Wogan interviewed Costner and asked him,
Speaker 2: is that your bottom? And Costner said yes? And I
Speaker 2: wonder did Wogan feel then as I feel now seeing
Speaker 2: Costner's magnificent, glistening we bottom. But the problem is, in
Speaker 2: the ninety ninety one movie robin Hood Prince of Thieves,
Speaker 2: there are other things that happened besides Costner sharing his bottom.
Speaker 2: Some of the other characters end up dead, killed by
Speaker 2: arrows through the chest. When I was eleven years old,
Speaker 2: robin Hood Prince of Thieves was the most violent and
Speaker 2: terrifying thing I had seen. Why would any man choose
Speaker 2: to commit a violent act upon another man? Would our
Speaker 2: world not be better if all men could put down
Speaker 2: their fists and weapons and instead use their hands to
Speaker 2: gently caress each other's bottoms.
Speaker 1: I'm slightly around for that, Kevin. Customer's backside is like
Speaker 1: two scoops of pecan pie.
Speaker 2: Are you are familiar with the movie?
Speaker 1: No, I'm aware of it. Our homework for you, Lee,
Speaker 1: Oh yeah wow. So we're breaching climax. Now we have
Speaker 1: been aroused within.
Speaker 2: Edged We're going to take us home with yeah, with
Speaker 2: something completely differently completely different, completely different. So I have
Speaker 2: been a freelance poet for seventeen years now, seventeen years
Speaker 2: I've had the absolute joy to go around like I'm
Speaker 2: doing on my current tour, just saying poems to people.
Speaker 2: And the last one I'm going to say today is
Speaker 2: the final poem in this book, my compilation book, and
Speaker 2: it's also what was the first poem in my first
Speaker 2: ever book. And it's a poemly about my mum. Oh
Speaker 2: I'm about my mom. I do bring in a little
Speaker 2: bit of politics in because I'm me. This is called
Speaker 2: solid with Stardust. It goes like this and rising sun alone,
Speaker 2: thatched Britain is burning. This is a witch hunt. Mummy's
Speaker 2: going to protect me with not even a.
Speaker 3: Broomstick to use as her sword.
Speaker 2: Me, I am a baby goblin, a warm blooded reptile
Speaker 2: with a lion's tail. Now those people who were friends
Speaker 2: would now watch us burn. They're watching, they're whispering, what
Speaker 2: a dirty girl.
Speaker 3: Uh yeah, my mum smiles back dirty, I'm marvel.
Speaker 2: Mum's strength, solid with stardust, woman powered beyond comprehension, shows
Speaker 2: me life's sparks, dark mystic arts, lizards and butterflies, ink
Speaker 2: dance her skin, flower fair is leaping, bedraggled glamour eyes,
Speaker 2: speak of wardrobes, which all lead to Narnia, sweet and
Speaker 2: sour truths brewed by midnight, candlelight, cauldron deep, a witch's familiar.
Speaker 2: This black cat is tight around Mum's ankles because she
Speaker 2: has always been proud every time those good people came down,
Speaker 2: crucifixes in hands, preparing our bonfire. If my mum had died,
Speaker 2: then you could have called her are a human.
Speaker 3: But I know that she is.
Speaker 2: Supernatural and that my love will keep guiding me spellbound.
Speaker 1: That was a bit of an emotional rollercoaster.
Speaker 2: Yeah, boy, it all for you to anger love and lost, and.
Speaker 1: People don't realize your mum is actually Pamez.
Speaker 2: Fake news fake news, fake news. Pames is not cool
Speaker 2: to likes. It's not cool. We're not meant to us
Speaker 2: us slam poet's.
Speaker 1: I like pames. I like it's nice to like your mom's.
Speaker 1: Thank you very much, Dominic for joining us in spotlight
Speaker 1: from your last poem. Oh right, yeah, what's your What
Speaker 1: is your mom? A single mom?
Speaker 2: That is very true.
Speaker 1: Yes, say brains picked it up.
Speaker 2: Yes, maybe I should have made that more clear in
Speaker 2: the introduction, but yeah, but I didn't need to. I
Speaker 2: don't need to patronize my audience.
Speaker 1: People brains, Yeah, they can, they can decide from themselves. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so where next are you appearing?
Speaker 2: Oh my word, I'm all over the shop. So I
Speaker 2: will update my website. That is my task for myself.
Speaker 2: To have a look at dominicberry dot net and I
Speaker 2: will definitely definitely remember to put all the dates. I'm
Speaker 2: everywhere and they may have bo oh, flapjack Press is
Speaker 2: the is the publisher. So yeah, I have a look
Speaker 2: on the website of Flapjack Press, or come to one
Speaker 2: of my gigs. You can get there. Well, that is
Speaker 2: almost the end of the show for now, but on
Speaker 2: the screen you can see all of our contact details
Speaker 2: at the Cud TV on your social media Social mediator
Speaker 2: on your social media and you can catch up with
Speaker 2: our previous episodes. You can binge us on YouTube just
Speaker 2: look for Chewing the Cud.
Speaker 1: Thank you for watching and we will see you again
Speaker 1: next week.
Speaker 3: Bye bye, watch just for watching.