Speaker 1: This is Pastor Rick's Daily Hope, the broadcast ministry of
Speaker 1: Pastor Rick Warren. Today we continue in the series Essentials
Speaker 1: for Living. In these lessons, Pastor Rick shares the power
Speaker 1: you need to live on, the principles you need to
Speaker 1: live by, and the purpose you need to live for
Speaker 1: so that you're truly living and not just existing. First,
Speaker 1: we're excited to let you know that very generous friends
Speaker 1: of Daily Hope have stepped forward with a special twenty
Speaker 1: five thousand dollars matching grant That means any gift you
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Speaker 1: everywhere will be doubled. So contact us right away, go
Speaker 1: to Pastororrick dot com or text the word Hope to
Speaker 1: eight hundred six hundred five thousand and four while you
Speaker 1: listen to today's broadcast. Right now, here's Pastor Rick Warren with
Speaker 1: the final part of a message called how to Connect
Speaker 1: with People Now.
Speaker 2: The Bible says the proverbs twenty five five and six.
Speaker 2: Better is open rebuke than hidden love, and wounds from
Speaker 2: a friend can be trusted. In other words, if you
Speaker 2: really care about the relationship, Sometimes there is only one
Speaker 2: alternative confront force the issue, Force the argument. Sometimes that's
Speaker 2: the only alternative in a relationship that's going south. You
Speaker 2: have to force the issue and you have to confront
Speaker 2: in love and be willing to put up with the pain.
Speaker 2: So let's get real personal right now. Some of you
Speaker 2: are scared to death.
Speaker 3: What I'm going to say? Who do you need to
Speaker 3: get honest with?
Speaker 2: What problem in your relationship are you pretending isn't a problem?
Speaker 3: What problem? I don't see any problem. It's sitting there
Speaker 3: right in the living room, Ember, I can see it.
Speaker 3: But what problem? I don't see it?
Speaker 2: And you keep skirting around the issue and not dealing
Speaker 2: with it, not confronting it, and just living in pseudo intimacy.
Speaker 2: Which of those issues do you need to be candid about?
Speaker 2: You See, there's another word for keeping the peace. It's
Speaker 2: called codependency. And that is not a good thing, and
Speaker 2: that is not what God created you for. Sometimes you
Speaker 2: must care enough to confront. Tom's going to talk about
Speaker 2: the next one.
Speaker 4: There were three pastors that got together and decided to
Speaker 4: work on this honesty thing. They sat down in a
Speaker 4: small group and said, let's just be honest. Let's just
Speaker 4: be honest with each other about what our greatest struggle,
Speaker 4: our greatest sin is The first guy launched things out,
Speaker 4: I honestly said, you know, I struggle with lust. I
Speaker 4: always have, and I honestly have had some very very
Speaker 4: evil thoughts lately. The next guy said, well, since you
Speaker 4: were on, I struggle with materialism, and I honestly i'm
Speaker 4: in debt up to hear. The third guy looked at
Speaker 4: him and said, well, I struggle with gossip, and I
Speaker 4: honestly can't wait to get to a telephone if relationships
Speaker 4: are going to work. Number five, we have to be
Speaker 4: confidential with information. Why because Proverbs eleven thirteen reminds us
Speaker 4: that a gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man
Speaker 4: a trustworthy woman keeps a secret, or either kind of
Speaker 4: person who can keep people's confidences so that they can
Speaker 4: trust you. We tend to think of gossip as one
Speaker 4: of those little sins, you know what I'm talking about,
Speaker 4: the misdemeanor sins. They're sort of down here on the list.
Speaker 4: But when God talks about gossip, he puts it on
Speaker 4: the list up with things like sexual immorality and murder.
Speaker 4: Why because it is so destructive to relationships. Gossip can
Speaker 4: tear a friendship apart a family, a part of church family.
Speaker 4: More churches have been destroyed by gossip than persecution, More
Speaker 4: friendships have been destroyed by gossip than any other kind
Speaker 4: of disloyalty. It's incredibly destructive to relationships when you trust
Speaker 4: someone and then find out you couldn't trust them. What's
Speaker 4: so destructive about it? My favorite story about gossip has
Speaker 4: always been the man who went to the rabbi and
Speaker 4: confess the sin of gossip and ask him what penance
Speaker 4: can I do for this sin? And the Rabbi said,
Speaker 4: here's what you do. You take this feather pillow and
Speaker 4: walk up on this mountain, rip it open, and just
Speaker 4: let the feathers fly everywhere. Man did that and came
Speaker 4: back and said, is that it? And no, said the Rabbi.
Speaker 4: Now I want you to go pick up every feather.
Speaker 4: That's what gossip does. It just goes everywhere. You don't
Speaker 4: know the impact that it's having, but it's tearing relationships apart.
Speaker 4: It's tearing you apart in ways that you don't realize. Now,
Speaker 4: what is gossip? When we talk about what is gossip,
Speaker 4: let me give you a definition. Gossip is talking about
Speaker 4: a situation with somebody it is neither a part of
Speaker 4: the solution or a part of the problem, neither one.
Speaker 5: If they're not a part of the problem.
Speaker 4: If they're not a part of the solution, and you're
Speaker 4: talking with them about it, that is gossip. And if
Speaker 4: we're honest with ourselves, what we're doing is we're making
Speaker 4: ourselves feel a little bit more important at somebody else's expense.
Speaker 4: We're talking about their hurts and their problems to make
Speaker 4: us feel like we're a little bit morally superior to them.
Speaker 4: That's the danger in the hurt of gossip. Gossip is
Speaker 4: such a dangerous thing that the one of the values
Speaker 4: that we have in our small groups at Saddleback is
Speaker 4: that we keep confidences.
Speaker 5: That small group, whether or our recovery group or.
Speaker 4: Any other kind of group, it's a place where you
Speaker 4: can come and talk about what you're facing in your life,
Speaker 4: and that stays within the group because this is such
Speaker 4: an important part of relationships. There's a story in the
Speaker 4: Old Testament about a family that struggled with gossip. You
Speaker 4: remember Moses from the Old Testament. He had a sister
Speaker 4: named Miriam who one day got caught up in gossiping
Speaker 4: about Moses amidst the rest of the people, God called
Speaker 4: them in as a family, Moses and Miriam and stood
Speaker 4: him in front of him and had a little talk.
Speaker 4: And he talked with Miriam and told her what she'd
Speaker 4: done wrong, and immediately on the spot, he gave her leprosy. Now,
Speaker 4: some of you are thinking that sounds terrible, but I'd
Speaker 4: like that to happen to the person who gossiped against me.
Speaker 4: Not leprosy, but really bad stomach flew something where they
Speaker 4: really knew how much this hurt.
Speaker 5: You know what God did next?
Speaker 4: God invited Moses to pray for Miriam's healing, the one
Speaker 4: who gossiped against him. Some of you, you've been deeply
Speaker 4: hurt by gossip, things that have been said around the office,
Speaker 4: or things that have been said in a breaking of
Speaker 4: a confidence, even with a Christian friend or in your family.
Speaker 5: And what God would say is pray for that person's.
Speaker 4: Healing that gossiped against you, so that you can be
Speaker 4: released from the hurt that's come into your life. Others
Speaker 4: of you, you've been the one gossiping. You've been the
Speaker 4: one who has been sharing things about other people. And
Speaker 4: this story is in the Old Testament. To remind us
Speaker 4: how serious it is and how hurtful it can be
Speaker 4: to people. So whatever side of this you are on,
Speaker 4: the truth is when you keep confidences, it makes relationships
Speaker 4: much more healthy, enables us to keep connecting to one
Speaker 4: another in healthy and genuine ways.
Speaker 2: Final key to connecting is to be committed. You must
Speaker 2: be committed to the relationship because good relationships take time.
Speaker 2: They don't happen by accident. They take cultivation, they take work,
Speaker 2: and it takes a lot of time to build a
Speaker 2: deep connection with somebody, and that requires commitment. I could
Speaker 2: not count the number of times that either KRII have
Speaker 2: felt like walking out of our marriage.
Speaker 3: Particularly in the early years.
Speaker 2: I just couldn't count it, because there were so many
Speaker 2: times we just thought this is not worth it. We
Speaker 2: are just from such different planets and we're so different
Speaker 2: this marriage could never possibly work. And we were both
Speaker 2: tempted many many times, but we didn't why because we
Speaker 2: had made it commitment. You see, we took a vow
Speaker 2: one day and it went like this till death do
Speaker 2: us part. And I made that vow, not just a kay.
Speaker 2: I made that vow to God. And so we said,
Speaker 2: we're going to keep this commitment.
Speaker 3: If it kills us.
Speaker 2: It nearly did many many times nearly did. And I
Speaker 2: have to be honest with you, there have been times
Speaker 2: in our marriage that the only thing that kept us
Speaker 2: together was simply that commitment. It wasn't love, it wasn't interest,
Speaker 2: It was simply a commitment we had made to God.
Speaker 2: I am so glad that we did not give up.
Speaker 2: I am so glad because today my wife is my
Speaker 2: best friend. I'd much rather spend time with her than
Speaker 2: any of you.
Speaker 3: Now.
Speaker 2: I can still remember the times that I would have
Speaker 2: spent I'm with anybody except her, anybody, but she is
Speaker 2: my best friend, and I honestly I cannot imagine my
Speaker 2: life without her. And to be fully understood by somebody
Speaker 2: and have them fully accept you, and to have that
Speaker 2: kind of soul intimacy is such a rare thing in
Speaker 2: this world, and the satisfaction that comes from it is Honestly,
Speaker 2: I can't describe it to you this morning, but I
Speaker 2: will say this, it is not an accident. We worked
Speaker 2: hard for our marriage and we still work at it,
Speaker 2: and we have been through that tunnel not once or twice,
Speaker 2: hundreds of times where you work out the next issue
Speaker 2: in your relationship and the next issue in your relationship,
Speaker 2: and the next issue in your relationship, and you keep
Speaker 2: at it because you love each other and you love God,
Speaker 2: and you've.
Speaker 3: Made a commitment. And that takes commitment.
Speaker 2: And if you want to get beyond shallow, superficial relationships,
Speaker 2: you got to be willing to stick with it. Some
Speaker 2: of you, your relationship right now, is hanging on by
Speaker 2: less than a thread. Some of you are already in
Speaker 2: the separation stage, physical separation.
Speaker 3: Do not give up. We have a miracle working God.
Speaker 2: The same God that raises the dead can raise a
Speaker 2: dead relationship if you're willing to be changed.
Speaker 3: But it takes a commitment.
Speaker 1: You're listening to Pastor Rick's Daily Hope Rip will be
Speaker 1: back in just a moment with the rest of today's lesson.
Speaker 1: You can sign up for Pastor Rick's free email devotional
Speaker 1: at pastorick dot com. That's pastorick dot com.
Speaker 6: Do you desire more of God He desires more of you?
Speaker 6: Let me ask you this, how's your relationship with God
Speaker 6: right now? Maybe you're walking closely with him and do
Speaker 6: you feel energized and alive or maybe you feel disconnected,
Speaker 6: like you're just going through the motions. Pastor Rick says,
Speaker 6: if you want to stay connected and even deepen your
Speaker 6: relationship with God, you need to be intentional. That's why
Speaker 6: every year Pastor Rick personally goes through a spiritual renewal study,
Speaker 6: and now he's made that very same study available to you.
Speaker 6: It's called Going Deeper with God, a personal renewal retreat.
Speaker 6: In this very special resource, Fastor Rick will personally lead
Speaker 6: you on a spiritual journey that brings you closer to God. Together,
Speaker 6: you'll go through a series of audio lessons and after
Speaker 6: each session, you'll take a little time to reflect and
Speaker 6: complete exercises in the companion world. Through this retreat, you'll
Speaker 6: experience a renewal of life within you. God will restore
Speaker 6: your joy. As he renews, refreshes, invigorates, and revives your
Speaker 6: spiritual life, You'll never be the same again. When you
Speaker 6: give a gift to Daily Hope, you're helping share the
Speaker 6: hope of Jesus with people everywhere, and right now, your
Speaker 6: gift will be doubled by twenty five thousand dollars matching
Speaker 6: grant called eight hundred six hundred five zero zero four.
Speaker 6: Or you can visit Pastorick dot com and will send
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Speaker 6: say thanks again. That's eight hundred at six hundred five
Speaker 6: zero zero four or pastorick dot com. Be sure to
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Speaker 1: Now back to more from God's Word with Pastor Rick Warren.
Speaker 2: The Bible says this in Proverbs seventeen seventeen. A friend
Speaker 2: loves at all times. Circle that word all that means,
Speaker 2: even when it's the inconvenient, even when you don't feel
Speaker 2: like it, even when they don't deserve it, even at
Speaker 2: personal cost. That's what real friendship is all about. And
Speaker 2: when you're blowing it and you're making a mistake, friends
Speaker 2: are in your corner when you're cornered, and they see
Speaker 2: you through when everybody else thinks you're through, and they
Speaker 2: walk in when everybody else walks out, and they are
Speaker 2: there with you even when you don't deserve it. And
Speaker 2: by the way, genuine friends take sides ifever you get
Speaker 2: in an argument with somebody and you've got a friend
Speaker 2: who goes, well, now I'm going to stay neutral in this.
Speaker 2: I'm not going to take sides. They're no friend. Listen,
Speaker 2: friends take sides. Friends are in your corner when you're cornered.
Speaker 2: They don't say, well, I'm just going to stay neutral
Speaker 2: in this. That's not much of a friend. The Bible
Speaker 2: says in Proverbs eighteen twenty four, a man of many
Speaker 2: companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend
Speaker 2: who sticks closer than a brother.
Speaker 3: I was talking about commitment. Now, what does this mean?
Speaker 2: A man of many companions may come to ruin. Well,
Speaker 2: you know what you're Socializing can keep you from having
Speaker 2: deep relationships. You can be so busy networking, so busy contacting,
Speaker 2: so busy socializing, so busy making acquaintances that you never
Speaker 2: spend the time and the energy and the effort to
Speaker 2: cultivate the deep, satisfying intimacy of a good friend or
Speaker 2: a good wife or a good husband that comes from
Speaker 2: taking the time to do it.
Speaker 3: Now, it's not wrong to have a lot.
Speaker 2: Of acquaintances, but they can keep you so busy that
Speaker 2: you don't develop any vital close relationships. Let me say
Speaker 2: it like this, you don't need a lot of friends
Speaker 2: to make it in this world. You just need a
Speaker 2: few good ones. You don't need a whole lot, So
Speaker 2: focus on quality, not quantity. You can have lots of
Speaker 2: acquaintances that means nothing. Take it from somebody who knows
Speaker 2: I know thousands, if not ten thousands of people. One
Speaker 2: good friendship is better than ten thousand acquaintances on any day,
Speaker 2: any day of the week, because the acquaintances aren't going
Speaker 2: to be there in the crisis. They're not going to
Speaker 2: be there when you need them. But the friends will.
Speaker 2: And every important close connection begins with a commitment.
Speaker 3: So here's my question. Who are you committed to and
Speaker 3: who knows it?
Speaker 2: Have you ever gone to any single individual besides your
Speaker 2: spouse and said, I just want you to know that
Speaker 2: I will always be there for you and I mean it.
Speaker 2: Have you ever said that to anybody? Have you ever
Speaker 2: established that kind of intentional commitment, say I want to
Speaker 2: grow close to you as a friend. Let me say this,
Speaker 2: particularly to men. Do you have anybody in your life
Speaker 2: who holds you accountable? Do you have anybody who has
Speaker 2: the freedom to be candid with you?
Speaker 3: As I said earlier?
Speaker 2: If you don't, I feel sorry for you. He said, Well,
Speaker 2: I got a lot of friends. Now I'm not talking
Speaker 2: about that. Oh I got a lot of Queen, I'm
Speaker 2: not talking about that. Do you have anybody that you
Speaker 2: are committed to them and they are committed to you
Speaker 2: and you know that, and they know that I'm not
Speaker 2: going to be with you and you're going to be
Speaker 2: with them. He said, Rick, I'm sorry, I'm just too busy.
Speaker 2: I don't have time for that. Then you're too busy.
Speaker 2: Let me remind you that the ultimate issue in life
Speaker 2: is not accomplishment, but relationships. Not accomplishments, but relationships. When
Speaker 2: you get to heaven, God is not going to say
Speaker 2: what did you accomplish and go ooh boy, that's pretty impressive. Whoo,
Speaker 2: We've got a special place for you if it's the
Speaker 2: size of your head. When you get to heaven, god
Speaker 2: im gonna say, show me all the things you did
Speaker 2: in life. God's gonna say, how did you treat other people?
Speaker 2: Because if I have not love, I am a sounding
Speaker 2: brass and a tinkling symbol. You may be accomplishing all
Speaker 2: kinds of things, but if you're stepping on people while
Speaker 2: you're doing it, it doesn't matter.
Speaker 3: In fact, it's bad. So here's the bottom line.
Speaker 2: You need people in your life who will do these
Speaker 2: six things for you. You need people who will be
Speaker 2: courageous and considerate and constructive and candid and confidential and committed.
Speaker 2: But the only way you're gonna get these kind of
Speaker 2: people in your life is you have to be that
Speaker 2: kind of person. You can't expect other people to treat
Speaker 2: you this way if you don't treat them that way.
Speaker 2: You need people in your life who do these six things? Question,
Speaker 2: where are you gonna get them?
Speaker 3: Pa? The Bowling Alley nearest bar.
Speaker 2: You know, the more I understand human behavior, and the
Speaker 2: older I get, and the more I understand the deepest
Speaker 2: needs of human being, the more I am impressed with
Speaker 2: the brilliant concept that God created called the church. And
Speaker 2: I am more convinced than ever before that God made
Speaker 2: the Church to meet your deepest needs that cannot be
Speaker 2: met anywhere else. There is no other place that can
Speaker 2: meet the needs that the Church can meet in your life.
Speaker 2: Now Here at Saddleback, we have a safe place where
Speaker 2: you can develop these kind of relationships.
Speaker 3: It's called small groups.
Speaker 2: So he said, Rick, when are you gonna stop talking
Speaker 2: about small groups when you start going to one? Okay,
Speaker 2: the moment you get attached. I'm not saying this to
Speaker 2: convince you because I need you to go.
Speaker 3: I don't need you to go. You need to go.
Speaker 3: And as your.
Speaker 2: Pastor, I care about your emotional, spiritual, and physical wellbeing,
Speaker 2: and I happen to know that the only way certain
Speaker 2: needs in your life are going to be met is
Speaker 2: if you get into close connected community with a few
Speaker 2: people who are candid and confidential and committed and consider
Speaker 2: it and courageous and constructive.
Speaker 3: In your life. And that's called a small group.
Speaker 2: You know that if you attach two horses together, they
Speaker 2: can pull about nine thousand pounds of weight, But if
Speaker 2: you attach four horses together, they can pull not twice
Speaker 2: the amount eighteen thousand, they can pull about thirty thousand pounds
Speaker 2: of weight. That's called the power of synergy, where that
Speaker 2: the whole is greater than the parts. There are some
Speaker 2: problems in your life that you are never ever going
Speaker 2: to solve on your own. But when you get in
Speaker 2: a close relationship with a few other people who can
Speaker 2: help you, pray for you, encourage you, the power of
Speaker 2: synergy creates. And there are problems that have never been
Speaker 2: solved that will be solved simply by getting in relationships.
Speaker 2: Probably the best known psychologist in America Christian psychologist Larry Krabb.
Speaker 2: He wrote in this book Connecting, which I highly recommend.
Speaker 2: He says, when two people really connect, something is poured
Speaker 2: out of one and into the other that has the
Speaker 2: power to heal the soul of its deepest wounds and
Speaker 2: restores it to health. The one who receives experiences the
Speaker 2: joy of being healed, and the one who gives knows
Speaker 2: the even greater joy of being used to heal. Something
Speaker 2: good is in the heart of each of God's children
Speaker 2: that is far more powerful than everything bad in the world.
Speaker 2: It's there waiting to be released and works its magic.
Speaker 3: But you have to be connected now.
Speaker 2: At every stage in your life, you're going to need
Speaker 2: these kind of relationships. You're going to need a group
Speaker 2: of people for different reasons in different ways.
Speaker 3: You need to get connected.
Speaker 2: Let's bow our heads, Father, thank you that we don't
Speaker 2: have to go through life all alone. Thank you for
Speaker 2: the thousands of people who've made life affirming connections through
Speaker 2: the small groups that saddleback. For those who think they're
Speaker 2: too busy, Lord help them to wise up. And thank
Speaker 2: you most of all for the connections that we have
Speaker 2: through you, Jesus Christ. In your name, we pray.
Speaker 3: Amen.
Speaker 1: This is Pastor Rick's Daily Hope. We're so happy you've
Speaker 1: chosen to study along with us today. Rick will be
Speaker 1: back to close out our time today, but first we
Speaker 1: have some really exciting news. Generous friends of Daily Hope
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Speaker 1: let us know the call letters of this station when
Speaker 1: you give a gift to help meet the matching grant.
Speaker 1: Here's Pastor Rick with a letter from one of our listeners.
Speaker 7: Today, I want to share a letter from a new listener, Sherman,
Speaker 7: who's in Tennessee, and he writes that he and his
Speaker 7: wife used Daily Hope to study God's Word together. Here's
Speaker 7: what he wrote. Just recently, a friend of mine turned
Speaker 7: me on to your Daily Hope devotional and also gave
Speaker 7: me your CD series on the Lord's Prayer and Wow Together.
Speaker 7: My wife and I now listen to Daily Hope podcast.
Speaker 7: We take notes, we pray, we have great conversations about
Speaker 7: all the biblical teachings that we get from you, and
Speaker 7: we both look forward to that time of being encouraged
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Speaker 7: it was through the giving of other people that made
Speaker 7: it possible for me to hear the Daily Hope teaching,
Speaker 7: and so now I want to make an eternal investment
Speaker 7: myself by giving to this ministry so that others may
Speaker 7: be blessed and impacted in the same way that my
Speaker 7: wife and I have been. Well, Sherman, I'm so glad
Speaker 7: to hear that you and your wife for studying the
Speaker 7: Bible together. Nothing will do more for your marriage it
Speaker 7: will not only help you grow on faith, it will
Speaker 7: strengthen your marriage. And thank you for your financial gift.
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Speaker 7: God bless you.
Speaker 1: If you'd like to let Rick know how this broadcast
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