Speaker 1: Welcome to Dad's One Day Clok. Parental discussion is advised
Speaker 1: mature content beyond this point.
Speaker 2: You know, I asked my brother to pass me the
Speaker 2: travel pamphlet. He said, bro sure, stupid.
Speaker 1: You know, I really thought you turned the pages on
Speaker 1: bad jokes.
Speaker 2: Yeah, got a bucket for next time. I guess.
Speaker 3: You get that joke off the Brail magazine Brail Monthly
Speaker 3: Highlights Light.
Speaker 2: I got it from the reading section of Penthouse Braille.
Speaker 2: Huge hold on, Oh no, that's a dick. You know
Speaker 2: what's crazy is like the blind people like would never
Speaker 2: know that the magazine is not just for them. They
Speaker 2: actually put the words right above the little symbols like them.
Speaker 1: Well cool, all right, let's go.
Speaker 2: They're there like, damn, only I can read above this pussy. No,
Speaker 2: the pictures puss is right there next to the braille.
Speaker 1: Only I.
Speaker 4: One, I'm domb, I'm stone baby.
Speaker 1: Hm hmm.
Speaker 3: You know I was thinking before you even said the eyepart,
Speaker 3: I was thinking, you're like, oh my god, like that's
Speaker 3: that's actually a dick. Like how would you know what
Speaker 3: a dick looks like if you were blind and you
Speaker 3: were reading Braille.
Speaker 2: Because you have a dick as your dude, you don't
Speaker 2: know what it looks like. But then again, that question
Speaker 2: is valid for like a lady, right, white lady reading
Speaker 2: was like, Oh, it could be a dude.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it could be. I mean it could be anything,
Speaker 1: could be a dude playing a dude, just as a dude.
Speaker 2: This guise is another dude.
Speaker 1: Yeah, how like have you ever thought about blind people, like,
Speaker 1: actually really thought about him?
Speaker 3: No, fuck him and lightly slightly I mean it, you know,
Speaker 3: kind of comes with my territory.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean they don't they don't see anything, Like
Speaker 1: it's they see something allegedly, like they see something, right,
Speaker 1: but it's black, Like it's just it's like, is it
Speaker 1: just just seriously is it just to dream? But what
Speaker 1: they dream about? How do they know? I get people
Speaker 1: who once could see and now cannot. I understand that
Speaker 1: because you have you have a memory of the images
Speaker 1: you did see, right, that stuff is essentially burned into
Speaker 1: your retinas, into your memory, right, that's how pictures are
Speaker 1: just fucking etched into your dumb But for people who
Speaker 1: grew up not being able to see or not associating,
Speaker 1: like they were never old enough to associate what they
Speaker 1: were seeing with the words that they were.
Speaker 3: Called think about like truly stone blind since birth has
Speaker 3: never seen anything.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they don't know what the fuck you're talking about.
Speaker 1: There's no way they could.
Speaker 2: Are you a tits or an as man who gives
Speaker 2: a shit? Yeah?
Speaker 1: No, it's Mayhem. But wait, I mean, are they just liars?
Speaker 1: Do they do they lie? Do they placate just for
Speaker 1: our feelings? Like? Do they do it to make us
Speaker 1: feel good? I don't think.
Speaker 3: I don't know, Just speaking speaking of random though. I
Speaker 3: yesterday we were at the rodeo and there was a
Speaker 3: retard in the front row, like five rows in front
Speaker 3: of me, and I wanted to take a video so bad,
Speaker 3: but I was like, it's twenty twenty five and everybody's
Speaker 3: got their phone down, so somebody's gonna be video tape
Speaker 3: b videotaping the retard and then I'm gonna get called out.
Speaker 3: So I was just like, I'm just gonna let it go.
Speaker 3: But dude was living life. He had some like Jim
Speaker 3: shirt on and he had shark swim trunks on. He
Speaker 3: had to be me no, because this dude had had
Speaker 3: a mohawk. So but yeah, I mean, you guys looked very,
Speaker 3: very similar, except for he had hair.
Speaker 2: Under Bucks says, he his pants.
Speaker 1: Not as much. He probably didn't have as much food
Speaker 1: on his shirt.
Speaker 2: Guarantee that he didn't look as regarded. You look retarded
Speaker 2: with your like ketchup and mustard state.
Speaker 1: And he probably enunciated his words better too. I fucking
Speaker 1: guarantee that.
Speaker 2: Actually I could hear everything he was saying, and he was.
Speaker 3: He was fairly sharp, like when conversations he was having,
Speaker 3: because I would if I had to guess, he was
Speaker 3: probably like late twenties.
Speaker 1: Most autistic people are, they're pretty, they're pretty savvy.
Speaker 3: No, this was an autistic This was he.
Speaker 1: Was.
Speaker 2: He was truly a retard.
Speaker 1: Gone.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, anyway, I'll just says I'm already talking. I'll
Speaker 3: just go with my dad story. So today a good week, uh,
Speaker 3: like I said, went to the rodeo. And then today
Speaker 3: actually instead of getting gifts for our anniversary, my wife
Speaker 3: and I decided that we would go back to the
Speaker 3: place where we got married, which is a golf spot.
Speaker 3: And I went and played golf, and she went to
Speaker 3: the spa, so she got a massage and like a
Speaker 3: manicure and pedicure, and I went and played.
Speaker 1: Golf and I both fucked.
Speaker 2: Yeah, No, I mean maybe her, but me, like, I
Speaker 2: don't know.
Speaker 3: The the course you've played it, it is difficult, like
Speaker 3: if you can't stay. There's not much rough. It's it's
Speaker 3: either you're in the fairway or you're looking for your ball.
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's not a whole lot of room for air
Speaker 1: at all.
Speaker 2: No, And.
Speaker 3: So I text you on the front nine because I
Speaker 3: was doing way better than I expected.
Speaker 2: I was gonna do right.
Speaker 3: And so all in all, I so what I did
Speaker 3: was on every hole that I parred, but I had
Speaker 3: a shot at birdie within twenty feet. I made an
Speaker 3: asterisk underneath my score because it was like, to me,
Speaker 3: within twenty feet, I feel that I have a legitimate
Speaker 3: chance to at least get a birdie. I'm not gonna
Speaker 3: get it, but I have a chance at it, right.
Speaker 3: I actually didn't three put any hole all day long,
Speaker 3: and I ended up shooting a fucking seventy seven. Wow,
Speaker 3: a five over, a shot three over on the front
Speaker 3: and a two over on the back and seven impressive
Speaker 3: seven holes. I missed birdie from within twenty feet.
Speaker 1: That's pretty impressive.
Speaker 2: I was.
Speaker 3: I was like, something's wrong here. I almost had the
Speaker 3: O shit moment on hole eighteen. First shot, first of
Speaker 3: all fairways, like the widest of any hole, and then
Speaker 3: there's a you'd have to hit it three sixty to
Speaker 3: get to water, so there's no way I'm gonna get
Speaker 3: there right. I'm looking and I'm like, this cart in
Speaker 3: front of me, I can't find it. I'm looking, and
Speaker 3: Laughlin Ranch has all these hills and crevices, but I'm like,
Speaker 3: I'm waiting minutes, and I'm like, there is nothing there.
Speaker 3: So I just I pissed missile one down the left
Speaker 3: hand side of the fairway, and it was so good.
Speaker 3: I had multiple shots like this.
Speaker 2: It was so good.
Speaker 3: I just picked my tea up and started walking back
Speaker 3: to the cart. I didn't even watch the ball because
Speaker 3: I knew where it was going right.
Speaker 2: It was. It was a great feeling.
Speaker 3: I get to the cart, I start driving and I
Speaker 3: pull up and I'm like, where the fuck did they
Speaker 3: come from?
Speaker 2: There?
Speaker 3: There is a cart and one guy is like heading
Speaker 3: into the like little ditch area looking for his ball,
Speaker 3: and the other guy's in the cart on the fairway,
Speaker 3: and no fucking lie. I'm like, my ball's got to
Speaker 3: be very close to them. But I'm like, but they
Speaker 3: were not there when I teed off, right, I don't
Speaker 3: know where they came from. So I pulled up my
Speaker 3: rangefinder to look. My ball was twenty yards in front
Speaker 3: of their cart.
Speaker 1: Jesus nice.
Speaker 3: Actually, Lachlan Ranch has a really cool feature on their
Speaker 3: carts where you press a button to record your shot
Speaker 3: distance and as you start driving it to record your distance. Right,
Speaker 3: So that shot was two hundred and ninety seven yards.
Speaker 1: Who yeah, that's pretty damn good.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and then I and then I and then I
Speaker 2: chunked my.
Speaker 3: Second shot appropriately as as I still had two hundred
Speaker 3: and ninety yards left on my second as a long bar five.
Speaker 2: It was fun. I had a blast. I would like
Speaker 2: to go. It was dead.
Speaker 3: It was fucking dead, which was phenomenal. But I'd like
Speaker 3: to get get out there with you and I. I
Speaker 3: have some march tricks, march call out work.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, fuck it.
Speaker 2: Celebrate my anniversary absolutely Stone.
Speaker 3: Actually, let's go with Dome first and Stones run down.
Speaker 3: We'll let him go last so then he can rotate
Speaker 3: in what do you got, Dome?
Speaker 1: So happy anniversary. I will say it now because I'll
Speaker 1: probably forget in the morning, so you know, I'll say
Speaker 1: that now get it out of the way. I went
Speaker 1: to Phoenix. Uh. So tomorrow is actually Cali's birthday. Ironically enough,
Speaker 1: you guys share that moment, you know, your daughter and
Speaker 1: your anniversary and.
Speaker 3: The Titanic and Lincoln getting shot.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I think the first black guy to play in the
Speaker 3: MLB was on the same day too.
Speaker 1: I don't know about that one.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I looked up sad moments in history and I came
Speaker 3: up with there's.
Speaker 2: Just one after the other.
Speaker 3: Yours was at the tap of yeah as one.
Speaker 1: Right, So we went, Uh, we went down to Phoenix.
Speaker 2: Uh.
Speaker 1: It's also yesterday was Steph's birthday, so Ryan's wife, you know,
Speaker 1: my brother from another mother. So we went down to
Speaker 1: go to the aquarium for Cali to celebrate her birthday,
Speaker 1: and then on Saturday we had a little party for
Speaker 1: Steph to say birthday for her. So it was fun.
Speaker 1: It was a good time at the aquarium. We were
Speaker 1: lucky enough to get there super early. My kids managed
Speaker 1: to get up bright and early and we got there
Speaker 1: when the doors opened, which was really nice because there
Speaker 1: was nobody there. We just kind of walked through the
Speaker 1: whole thing with maybe twenty five people around us.
Speaker 3: Is this the one that's over like in Scottsdale.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's called the Odyssey. Yeah, okay, it's a really
Speaker 1: good place. The only downside that I had this time
Speaker 1: because we've been there before, but this time there were
Speaker 1: a lot of exhibits that were down for cleaning and
Speaker 1: maintenance and things like that, and enough enough to where
Speaker 1: I felt and all jew aside, but enough there were
Speaker 1: enough exhibits down. I felt that the price should have
Speaker 1: been reduced for sure, because it was it was like
Speaker 1: fifteen there was a ton of them. Every time you
Speaker 1: turn a corner, there was something that wasn't in a
Speaker 1: tank or something that wasn't you know, you like the
Speaker 1: two of the touch ponds were down. You couldn't do
Speaker 1: them so and that's kind of a big part for kids,
Speaker 1: and so I was a little bit disappointed with that.
Speaker 1: But the kids had a good time nonetheless, and we
Speaker 1: we kind of went around and I let the kids
Speaker 1: really just roam and do what they wanted as long
Speaker 1: as they stayed within eyesight. And I had my own fun,
Speaker 1: playing my own game because I had gas. So what
Speaker 1: I did was I walked around people with kids, and
Speaker 1: I shipped my pants right next to them to see
Speaker 1: if I could to see if I could get them
Speaker 1: to believe it on their kid. And my proudest moment
Speaker 1: was when I had a dad literally out loud go
Speaker 1: oh my god, and he grabs his kid and pulls
Speaker 1: him out of the stroller and sniffs his ass and goes, honey,
Speaker 1: was that you?
Speaker 2: And meanwhile you're just crop dust in the Yeah it
Speaker 2: mustard on a shirt.
Speaker 1: It was like fucking Germany. It was like Germany and
Speaker 1: World War Dude. I was dropping bombs left and right,
Speaker 1: just fucking air dropping them. It was fantastic. And uh.
Speaker 1: And then I had a discussion with my kid with
Speaker 1: and I'll let you figure out which one it is,
Speaker 1: whether or not I could beat up a penguin. So yeah,
Speaker 1: so Emperor Peg was the answer. Can grow? The kid thought.
Speaker 1: I couldn't.
Speaker 2: Answer.
Speaker 1: I could beat the ship out of a penguin.
Speaker 2: You can't even take on a mountain lion of the
Speaker 2: fucking finger take on a one of us on a penguin.
Speaker 2: It's clearly agent. Yeah that real quick, I know.
Speaker 3: I had a fucking road runner come up to me
Speaker 3: at at I was sitting in my cart. It got
Speaker 3: within three feet of me. They looked at me and
Speaker 3: I finally got up out of my cart with my
Speaker 3: club and I'm like, hell, you didn't even budge. And
Speaker 3: I'm like, okay, get this was on eighteen. This is
Speaker 3: where I almost had my breakdown. He was in my
Speaker 3: fucking mind. He went behind me and I went to
Speaker 3: go swing and I was like wait, and then I
Speaker 3: look back. He's two three feet behind me again and
Speaker 3: he's making this fucking clicking noise and I'm like.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm like, what the fuck is going on?
Speaker 1: They're little baby raptors, dude, they're baby raptors. I would
Speaker 1: fuck with a mountain lion. Yeah, but I'm no, they're vicious, dude.
Speaker 1: They are vicious, and they met talents. They've got talents
Speaker 1: on them. I've seen them motherfuckers open up a rabbit.
Speaker 2: Dude Like yeah, no, anyway, I'm just imagining Jordan being
Speaker 2: like one of the sand people on Star Wars and
Speaker 2: the golf course.
Speaker 5: Golf Club.
Speaker 2: A video while don't finish.
Speaker 1: It's one of those. It's one of those chain reactions
Speaker 1: where he jumps out of the cart, screaming with his
Speaker 1: golf club of his head, the golf carts still moving
Speaker 1: because it's not fucking it's not Bark, and then it's
Speaker 1: it's fucking Jordan chasing the golf cart and the road
Speaker 1: runner chasing court Jordan.
Speaker 3: I had my life flashed before my eyes today. I
Speaker 3: went to go to my ball and it was on
Speaker 3: the other side of the sand trap, and then I
Speaker 3: it started beeping at me because they have sensors on them,
Speaker 3: so if you get past those cart pass signs and
Speaker 3: they well, you won't stop.
Speaker 2: So I was like, fuck, I'll turn around. So I
Speaker 2: turned around.
Speaker 3: I started like hauling ass and I slam on my
Speaker 3: brakes because I thought I was going to the path
Speaker 3: between the two sand traps. Another two feet and I
Speaker 3: would have been face first into the sandtrap from the top.
Speaker 2: It was one of thosefuckers, like.
Speaker 1: That's an expensive one too, cars aren't.
Speaker 2: I just walked off.
Speaker 3: I mean, they know who's got the car, but I
Speaker 3: would have walked off. Maybe anyway, just.
Speaker 1: Beat your self up with the club back.
Speaker 4: Somebody stole it.
Speaker 1: It was a roadrunner.
Speaker 2: I got the heal proof, so.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that was it. We had a good weekend and
Speaker 1: then we came back and I you know, came back,
Speaker 1: jockeyed some kids around because it's our switch off week
Speaker 1: or switch off day.
Speaker 2: So it's about it nice, nice, don't I had an
Speaker 2: interesting week. On Thursday, I got off work a little
Speaker 2: bit early and I went over to go see both
Speaker 2: of my Valentine play with Trivium, August Burn's Red and
Speaker 2: Out sliceoses Silosis silosis. There we go. I hate pronouncing
Speaker 2: your name, might just like to get invest to me.
Speaker 2: But when when I left, I was getting on the
Speaker 2: freeway and head into the strip, and it was kind
Speaker 2: of like off the strip, a little bit in the
Speaker 2: in the in the Palms, which is a little bit
Speaker 2: off and it's not directly on the strip, but I
Speaker 2: got to go through all the traffic and everything, and
Speaker 2: you know, I fucking hate going through five o'clock rush
Speaker 2: Hower and everything, and especially going on fifteen. But as
Speaker 2: I was on the freeway and I was like just
Speaker 2: doing seventy going through the middle lane, there's this car
Speaker 2: to the right of me that I'm coming up too
Speaker 2: quickly right, and it's going maybe like fifty five miles
Speaker 2: an hour, and it has its left turn segal on,
Speaker 2: but it's not making any moves. And I was like, cool,
Speaker 2: I'm just gonna blow right past it because that's my
Speaker 2: natural path. Of progression. As I get about maybe fifteen
Speaker 2: feet away from it, it decides to cut over in
Speaker 2: front of me, going fifty five. I'm going seventy right,
Speaker 2: So I fucking slammed on my brakes. Right, I'm laying
Speaker 2: on the fucking horn. And I got like two feet
Speaker 2: away from this bitch right, and I looked my left
Speaker 2: and no one on my left. I swiped the left
Speaker 2: real fast, fucking kick it up, get right next to
Speaker 2: her right, roll down my window, and this is lady
Speaker 2: that looks like an Amish lady. I'm not joking you, right,
Speaker 2: it got like fucking head dress, possibly possibly, but like
Speaker 2: headdress and everything, and like the fucking dress, Like what
Speaker 2: the fuck? So and she'd her window down right. I
Speaker 2: don't I don't know if she could hear me or not,
Speaker 2: but damn I was pumped up, and I was like,
Speaker 2: what the fuck were you doing, you stupid fucking bitch. Right,
Speaker 2: I'm yelling. Probably couldn't hear me. I'm going, you know,
Speaker 2: we're a fucking houl in the freeway. It's loud as shit, right,
Speaker 2: but I could see her eyebrows like raised a little bit,
Speaker 2: and she just kind of like looks like to the
Speaker 2: right of her, like, oh my gosh, this guy really
Speaker 2: on at me. I'm like, yeah, I'm fired up about
Speaker 2: to go to a metal show, about to throw you
Speaker 2: in the pick because I was really fucking stupid.
Speaker 1: Man.
Speaker 2: I was pissed off. And I get to the I
Speaker 2: get to the show, and when when the first band
Speaker 2: goes on, I had some jack and coke in me
Speaker 2: and a little bit of the Green Monster, and I
Speaker 2: literally halfway through the show just went fuck that amss
Speaker 2: bitch and was just headbanging and was like, yeah, this
Speaker 2: is a great time, but you almost got taken out
Speaker 2: on the freeway. And then the other part of my
Speaker 2: week was even funnier. I went to Tarja to go
Speaker 2: fuck around with the kid and the girlfriend and my
Speaker 2: I love slapstick humor, right like Tom and Jerry leaningtunees whatever.
Speaker 2: I love slapstick humor. It's just really funny, you know,
Speaker 2: and especially it makes my kid laugh, like really hard.
Speaker 2: But I especially loved doing it out in public, right,
Speaker 2: And my favorite thing in the world is too, you know,
Speaker 2: like the end caps in the aisles where the bottom
Speaker 2: of the metal tray on the shelves kind of sticks
Speaker 2: out a little bit. I love pretending to trip over
Speaker 2: that and making a loud sound and just going oh shit,
Speaker 2: right and just embarrassing whoever I'm with, Right, I love
Speaker 2: doing that shit. So I decided to do one. But
Speaker 2: I I selled it like a little too hard, and
Speaker 2: when I hit it and I started like flying over
Speaker 2: the end cap, I went to like brace myself and
Speaker 2: kind of like catch my arm on a shelf, and
Speaker 2: my wristbone collided with the metal shelf, going like mock two.
Speaker 2: I thought I broke it for a second, like it
Speaker 2: went clang, and I was like, oh fuck, oh shit.
Speaker 2: So I'm over here like, oh god, I really fucking
Speaker 2: hurt myself this time, right, And my kid was liked
Speaker 2: ha ha ha, and Alyssa was like, how about you
Speaker 2: not hurt yourself because we got to go to Disneyland's
Speaker 2: at some point this year. And I was like, ah, yeah,
Speaker 2: we're good, We're fine. Oh no, Dad almost fell and
Speaker 2: I went to turn my wrists and I went fuck
Speaker 2: and like I just started walking in the aisle. I'm
Speaker 2: tearing up, and I'm like, dude, I think fraction my pone.
Speaker 2: Luckily I didn't. There was just a massive bruise on
Speaker 2: my wrist bone that was there for a couple of days.
Speaker 2: But oh my god, I was like, all right, I
Speaker 2: got donned down a little bit.
Speaker 1: Whoops.
Speaker 3: It sounds like you were a true crack away from
Speaker 3: actually not having to you know, have a legit. Excuse me, Like, hey, babe,
Speaker 3: I can't really jack off, so you're.
Speaker 2: Gonna have to help me out. So you're gonna have
Speaker 2: you gotta get the stranger going, you know, gotta get
Speaker 2: the stranger going. Yeah. Yeah, that was That was my week,
Speaker 2: you know. And if anybody out there is going to
Speaker 2: take inspiration from either of those stories, I don't know
Speaker 2: what the fuck inspiration you could take, but just be
Speaker 2: a better person, I guess. But we're gonna come in
Speaker 2: and we're gonna give the audience, uh, some people that
Speaker 2: we look up to from their inspirational stories, you know.
Speaker 2: And we got two people each most kind of round
Speaker 2: Robin att and go one at a time. My first
Speaker 2: person on my list was a Rick moranis cool. You know,
Speaker 2: I really look up to Rick because you know, Rick
Speaker 2: moranis He came out of Second City, Chicago, starring in SETV,
Speaker 2: which was a rival to Saturday to Night Live in
Speaker 2: the seventies and eighties, you know, and he was one
Speaker 2: of the biggest film and TV stars of the eighties
Speaker 2: and nineties. You know, box office successes. Household Name Honey, Ashrunk,
Speaker 2: The Kids, Baseball's, Ghostbusters, The Little Chap of Horrors, Flintstones,
Speaker 2: and Little Giants just named some of the biggest box
Speaker 2: office movies that he was in in cult classics. In
Speaker 2: nineteen ninety one, his wife died of cancer, leaving him
Speaker 2: their two very small children. And he did some movies
Speaker 2: after that, but he really like like slowed down the
Speaker 2: time that he did those in instead of you know,
Speaker 2: doing multiple in a year. And then eventually after his
Speaker 2: last real movie came out, which was last real movie
Speaker 2: that he was like starring in, which was Big Bully
Speaker 2: in Night in ninety seven, he was like, you know what,
Speaker 2: fuck this, I can't do this anymore. I got to
Speaker 2: raise my kids full time. I got to be their dad.
Speaker 2: The mom's gone, we need to go ahead and do
Speaker 2: it with Hollywood. So he left his career, right, he
Speaker 2: left his like big, massive career that he had spent
Speaker 2: twenty years building up to to go and be a dad,
Speaker 2: to do the right thing. It was be a parent
Speaker 2: you know, be a parent full time and take care
Speaker 2: of those kids that you should do, you know. And
Speaker 2: I just love his story and I look up to
Speaker 2: it so much, and as being a full time single
Speaker 2: dad myself. Like, you know, I fucking I get it.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 2: I can't go out into the world, you know, and
Speaker 2: bless the world with my beautiful creativity you know, and music,
Speaker 2: you know, beautiful musicians.
Speaker 1: Ship.
Speaker 2: I know everybody wants to hear I know, I know, folks,
Speaker 2: I know you guys been calling out to the stone.
Speaker 2: We want to hear those shitty reps. I get it,
Speaker 2: I get it. Calm down, it's fine, We're good. But
Speaker 2: I can't give it to y'all. Know why Because I
Speaker 2: got to kid the raise man, got a kid the Raise.
Speaker 2: But no, I really do look up to Rick moranis
Speaker 2: I really look up the story a lot. That's good.
Speaker 1: That's that.
Speaker 2: I would never have expected that that name to come out,
Speaker 2: But that's like that one all. Yeah.
Speaker 1: So I don't really have anybody that inspires me. I
Speaker 1: don't really roll like that. So I mean, if you're
Speaker 1: going to force my hand, maybe Robin Williams, you know,
Speaker 1: m the later years.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you know, I just it's Cater Bennington, Yeah, Mary
Speaker 4: lou List goes on and Frank It's fine.
Speaker 1: No, like I, I just it's not it's not me.
Speaker 1: I don't have people that I I feel do that
Speaker 1: exact thing for me, which is inspire. Inspire is weird
Speaker 1: with me, right, Like yeah, no, Like, no, your story,
Speaker 1: your story is great, Like I commend you, good job,
Speaker 1: But to say that it's a reason to be inspired
Speaker 1: to do better for me is weird. I want to
Speaker 1: do better for me and my family because I want
Speaker 1: to do better for me and my family. I don't
Speaker 1: need somebody else's story to help motivate me in that way.
Speaker 1: Like there are things that are cool, and I commend
Speaker 1: people for getting out of their situations or picking themselves
Speaker 1: up from some of the worst situations that I could
Speaker 1: possibly think of, and that some of which I hope
Speaker 1: I don't ever get into. But for me, it's like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I don't. I don't need to hear about all the
Speaker 1: trials and tribulations that someone else went through to pick
Speaker 1: themselves up to gain stardom or fame the them, or
Speaker 1: or just success just general success. I so to me,
Speaker 1: I you know, take it literally. I take some things
Speaker 1: literal sometimes right, that's the autism that kicks in. And
Speaker 1: the inspiration thing is one of those things that I
Speaker 1: take very literal. It's like I don't Yeah, I don't
Speaker 1: need you to inspire me. I'm already inspired because I
Speaker 1: don't want to fail. I don't want to fuck up.
Speaker 1: I don't I don't want to like I'm not the
Speaker 1: best at a lot of ship, but I I want
Speaker 1: to do better because of my family, not because I
Speaker 1: want to be like somebody I don't know, just different. Yeah,
Speaker 1: uh no, uh, nobody has to understand it. I understand it.
Speaker 1: I get it.
Speaker 2: I get it. There's there's also another answer that's short,
Speaker 2: and it's a I didn't do my homework, but we'll
Speaker 2: go with that one.
Speaker 1: No, no, no, no, no, like this is this is
Speaker 1: genuinely me, like this is this is me in all honesty,
Speaker 1: on all arnst.
Speaker 2: It makes sense for you, like it makes sense for
Speaker 2: the type person where I get it. I get it.
Speaker 2: M okay my turn. Yeah no, Chris wats no, I
Speaker 2: do have two genuine ones.
Speaker 1: And he failed, he failed, gets back.
Speaker 2: Well, lucky lucky for me. I got you know what,
Speaker 2: Jay Simpson, he came in with Hitler, You fucking idiots. First,
Speaker 2: my first one wany is actually uh Paul the Gelder,
Speaker 2: So for those people that Shark Week, Paul the Gelder.
Speaker 3: Is an Australian. He was an Australian Navy member and
Speaker 3: in two thousand and nine he was doing a field
Speaker 3: exercise in the water testing new technology and he got
Speaker 3: attacked by a bull shark and lost from his right
Speaker 3: arm from the elbow down and then I believe also
Speaker 3: his right leg from the knee down. And uh, you
Speaker 3: just the story of still surviving not dying from those
Speaker 3: two things, right that, the simultaneous attack and losing two
Speaker 3: limbs essentially and then being able to actually come back
Speaker 3: from that and get back in the water, and not
Speaker 3: only that, become a conservationist for sharks because they are
Speaker 3: ruthlessly killed throughout the world all year long by so
Speaker 3: many different countries. And the fact that this guy gets
Speaker 3: in the water with sharks and dives with them, like,
Speaker 3: it's just such a cool story and he's one of
Speaker 3: my favorites that I look forward to seeing every single
Speaker 3: July when Shark We comes out. It's just like to
Speaker 3: truly draw inspiration to like overcome your fears like, that's
Speaker 3: the type of person that you can overcome a fear,
Speaker 3: like you're already afraid enough to get in the ocean.
Speaker 3: Ocean's fucking massive and scary as shit, but let alone
Speaker 3: to get attacked by a shark, lose limbs, and then
Speaker 3: still want to get in the fucking water later on
Speaker 3: with sharks again.
Speaker 1: I mean that's me.
Speaker 2: That's just as wild to me, wild thought process, but
Speaker 2: a lot.
Speaker 1: Of guts, yeah yeah, a lot of fortitude.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: So he's He's somebody that I definitely look up to
Speaker 3: in that in that regard of just it's such an
Speaker 3: amazing story and like a feel good fight backstory kind
Speaker 3: of thing.
Speaker 2: So Stone back to you. I like that.
Speaker 3: I like that.
Speaker 2: The other one I have was Mark Calloway. Do you
Speaker 2: guys know who Mark Callaway is.
Speaker 1: That's the guy who invented Callaway Golf.
Speaker 2: Yeah. No, he also is known as the undertaker in
Speaker 2: the American Badass. Yeah, so Mark Callaway. I really loved
Speaker 2: his story when I listened to it, because you know,
Speaker 2: this guy really did Like there's been a couple other
Speaker 2: wrestlers too who like walked on or not walked on,
Speaker 2: but like went through the like crowds and tribulations of
Speaker 2: being like like just piss poor and just coming in
Speaker 2: to start him. But I really like his because, you know,
Speaker 2: he he had the chance to like go. He was
Speaker 2: in basketball for a long time due to his enormous height,
Speaker 2: and he went over and played in some of the
Speaker 2: European teams for a while, and he was playing European basketball,
Speaker 2: and he could have like had a really good career
Speaker 2: over there, just traveling around, you know, and you know,
Speaker 2: playing for different teams, you know, and Stan France, you know, Wales,
Speaker 2: any one of those teams. Like as long as you're
Speaker 2: like really tall, like you know, you're good to go.
Speaker 2: But he was like, no, fuck that, Like I'm gonna
Speaker 2: go do something else. And he was just piss poor
Speaker 2: and was like, oh fuck it, you know, like looking
Speaker 2: up to Hulk Hogan and Macho Man and Rick Flair
Speaker 2: and Jake Snick Roberts, like he was like, oh, learn
Speaker 2: to become a wrestler, you know, and just through like
Speaker 2: grit and tenacity. Like this man was living in his
Speaker 2: carve like for a while. I can't remember which promotion
Speaker 2: he went to, but he went to a promotion for
Speaker 2: two years straight, sat in their lobby for eight hours
Speaker 2: a day, just waiting to talk to somebody before finally
Speaker 2: one of the head honchos like came out and was like,
Speaker 2: who the fuck is this kid that's been sitting in
Speaker 2: our lobby this whole time, And so it finally gave
Speaker 2: him a shot, you know, And that's a that's just
Speaker 2: pure grit. Like if you explain that to any of
Speaker 2: the kids these days being raised, like, they would sit
Speaker 2: there and be like that's way too long, Like why
Speaker 2: would somebody want to do that? That's horrible, Go do
Speaker 2: something else. Well, it was way different back in the eighties.
Speaker 2: You know, you didn't really have a whole list of
Speaker 2: stuff you could do unless you had some prerequists to
Speaker 2: do it. And he had a dream and was like
Speaker 2: fuck it, like I'm gonna go out, I'm gonna do this.
Speaker 2: And he even even went to the lengths of trying
Speaker 2: to go to this well known amateur who ended up
Speaker 2: scamming him out of his money, and then he almost
Speaker 2: like beat the shit out of this dude later on
Speaker 2: when he found him. But he was just going through
Speaker 2: great lengths just to chase his dreams. And then sure
Speaker 2: as shit, he fucking did it. You know, like Rag's
Speaker 2: riches like really did it for him. He went up
Speaker 2: to being, you know, the main guy in WBE for
Speaker 2: thirty years, you know, the main head of the locker room.
Speaker 2: Like everybody went to this guy. Even in the famed
Speaker 2: Wrestler's Court he was the fucking judge. Which if anyone
Speaker 2: anyone out there shout out to Ryan from Body of FLF,
Speaker 2: you'll know this. But anybody that knows the wrestling Lauren
Speaker 2: Thos Wrestler's Court, he was a judge for a long
Speaker 2: time on that. And Yeah, I just love the Undertaker.
Speaker 2: I love Mark. I love listening to his podcast, you know,
Speaker 2: and just listening to him because he's just kind of
Speaker 2: like he could be everybody's dad, you know, and he's
Speaker 2: kind of like the dad everyone kind of like wants,
Speaker 2: you know, Like he's got a good head on his shoulders.
Speaker 2: He's very masculine. He's a man's man, but he's not
Speaker 2: like an asshole about it. Love that dude, really solid dude.
Speaker 3: And what's crazy too, is think about because while you
Speaker 3: were talking, I was just curious as to what wrestlers
Speaker 3: made back then and when he started in the promotion
Speaker 3: before he took off and even when he took off,
Speaker 3: he wasn't making crazy crazy money yet.
Speaker 2: No, but at the beginning he was only making twelve
Speaker 2: hundred a month. Yeah, and he still had to make
Speaker 2: his way, like like up until I think twenty ten,
Speaker 2: they paid that. And you know, back in two thousand,
Speaker 2: the Rocks that he had a one million dollar contract,
Speaker 2: and so does Steve Austin a few other guys too.
Speaker 2: But even if you had a one million dollar contract,
Speaker 2: four hundred grand that's going right to the government. So
Speaker 2: you left with six, right, which is still a pretty
Speaker 2: good amount. But if you're wrestling in your life on
Speaker 2: the line, you're putting your body life alige. But if
Speaker 2: you're wrestling, you know, three hundre days out of year,
Speaker 2: that's three in our hotels you have to pay for.
Speaker 2: That's three hundred road trips you have to you have
Speaker 2: to do, right, So all that gas they don't pay
Speaker 2: for anything, right, All of your your health, your dental,
Speaker 2: your vision, the mileage, the hotels, it all comes out
Speaker 2: of that six hundred thousand. So some of those wrestlers,
Speaker 2: if they didn't play their money right, they might as
Speaker 2: well have been getting like, you know, ten thousand dollars
Speaker 2: a year fifteen thousand dollars a year.
Speaker 1: Back then they had to earn it off at endorsements.
Speaker 3: Well by the time, by the time that Attitude era
Speaker 3: rolled around, it was so much because that one of
Speaker 3: the things I was reading too looking for it was
Speaker 3: during the Attitude era, a Stone Cold was making sixteen
Speaker 3: milli a year.
Speaker 2: His contract was only for one but with the sponsorships
Speaker 2: and you got extra money off of other events like WrestleMania,
Speaker 2: you know, like a King of the Cage and stuff
Speaker 2: like that, or King of the Ring, like you got
Speaker 2: extra off of that stuff. But the standard back in
Speaker 2: those days was like a million of contract was like
Speaker 2: the highest back in like ninety seven, ninety six, ninety eight,
Speaker 2: And now it's like some of those fucking wrestlers getting
Speaker 2: forty to fifty million a year while in their garbage
Speaker 2: yea rinash repeat script. But that was also before the
Speaker 2: public or the company went public. I think the company
Speaker 2: went public in like two thousand and one, like after
Speaker 2: it bought Ted Turner and it bought WC. Dow. Yeah,
Speaker 2: they went public, so everybody's like contracts went to the roof.
Speaker 2: Before that year, it was a million year, which back
Speaker 2: then like a million a year, you know, a lot
Speaker 2: of money. Yeah, wow, Because nowadays it's kind of like, damn,
Speaker 2: almost doesn't seem like that much these days compared to
Speaker 2: how much everything is. Yeah, it's not. But but thirty
Speaker 2: years ago, it was a lot of money. It was
Speaker 2: a lot of money.
Speaker 1: I mean wrong. If somebody wants to give me a
Speaker 1: million dollars, I'm still going to take it.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, yeah, I gonna take it. Yeah, of course.
Speaker 1: Rhy not.
Speaker 3: Well, since Dome doesn't have anything, because he doesn't look
Speaker 3: up any to anybody, I have my last one and
Speaker 3: Domo appreciate this one as well. There's few few things
Speaker 3: in this world that get me to read a book.
Speaker 3: I am not a book reader at all. One of
Speaker 3: the people that I do enjoy reading is actually Corey
Speaker 3: Taylor of Slipknot. His books are fantastic. I've enjoyed those.
Speaker 3: He's not the guy them, but this person. When I
Speaker 3: found out he was coming out with a book, I
Speaker 3: was stoked. I got it the week it came out.
Speaker 2: I read it.
Speaker 3: And this guy is embodies especially Dome too. Dome and
Speaker 3: my childhood, like you knew who this guy was. We
Speaker 3: watched him on TV. Still to this day we say
Speaker 3: things that he came up with clever off the cuff,
Speaker 3: going over top ten moments in sports for the day,
Speaker 3: for the week, and that's Stuart Scott. Stuart Scott is
Speaker 3: He's one of those guys like he was just he
Speaker 3: was a dude's dude and you could tell like he
Speaker 3: he probably wasn't as athletically gifted. Towards towards the end
Speaker 3: of his life, he did a lot. He actually did
Speaker 3: kickboxing and he did training and stuff like that. But
Speaker 3: he died of cancer at forty nine, and it was
Speaker 3: like that was one that like stung, like that was
Speaker 3: one of the first like celebrities to me that actually
Speaker 3: stung because growing up as a kid and you know,
Speaker 3: listening to him, him and Scott Van Pelt like all
Speaker 3: the time on Sports Center, and when he when he
Speaker 3: got to accept that award at the SP's what is it,
Speaker 3: the the coach the coach from basketball, Jimmy V and
Speaker 3: Jimmy V. One of the greatest speeches of all time
Speaker 3: right in any awards ceremony, and the Jimmy Vee Award
Speaker 3: went to Stuart Scott and I think he got it
Speaker 3: the year before he passed away, and if you're ever
Speaker 3: like feeling down or whatever, knowing what this guy went through,
Speaker 3: like just go look up his SP's speech and it'll
Speaker 3: just like chills, Like just what that guy did on
Speaker 3: a daily basis to just get by, to try and
Speaker 3: show up, to put a smile on people's face while
Speaker 3: he was literally dying.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I could. I can concede. I can concede a
Speaker 1: little bit to that one, because he he he did,
Speaker 1: he did put himself through a lot for the benefit
Speaker 1: of other people. He really did live a life of
Speaker 1: selfless acts for sure, and uh yeah, there there's something
Speaker 1: to be said about the way he approached all of
Speaker 1: his hardships. So it definitely can yeah, and can give
Speaker 1: a little bit to that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I knew you'd like that one because that was
Speaker 3: when when I when I saw his rundown. That was
Speaker 3: the first day I wrote down, Sarah, because he's somebody
Speaker 3: I've always always drawn inspiration from, even before he passed away.
Speaker 3: But then when that whole story was happening and you
Speaker 3: were like he still like grinds and shows up to
Speaker 3: work and like you have no clue something's wrong with
Speaker 3: this guy?
Speaker 1: Like you there there was something that had come out
Speaker 1: towards the end that had kind of like slipped. They
Speaker 1: tried really hard to keep it in, to not let
Speaker 1: to not let it out that he was sick, and
Speaker 1: then visibly you could see that physically something was happening
Speaker 1: correct And then and then so people started poking and
Speaker 1: prod and saying something, and then it eventually had kind
Speaker 1: of slipped out, and he had he had kind of
Speaker 1: made the announcement, and I remember that was such a heartfelt,
Speaker 1: wrenching moment of like, Okay, this is what's going on,
Speaker 1: and he's been dealing with this, and he's been showing
Speaker 1: up for all of us, Like he wasn't showing up
Speaker 1: for his paycheck. He had already made a shitload of money.
Speaker 1: He like his family was set for you know, as
Speaker 1: long as they were smart with it, they were set
Speaker 1: for whatever, or set for their lives. But he was
Speaker 1: doing it because he wanted to do it. He wanted
Speaker 1: to do it for the people that he felt relied
Speaker 1: on him, and he loved his job and the passion, yeah,
Speaker 1: the passion that he brought. And so you know, yeah,
Speaker 1: so I still look up to him.
Speaker 2: You know, I think everybody could look up to his
Speaker 2: his pickup lines for sure. Did you know that one
Speaker 2: of his pickup lines where if you were words on
Speaker 2: a page, you'd be fine print.
Speaker 1: Damn, that's pretty good. Yeah, were we supposed to do
Speaker 1: some of these?
Speaker 2: Go ahead and uh.
Speaker 1: Is that what we're doing? Okay, all right, you want
Speaker 1: one of mine?
Speaker 2: Oh wait, I jumped run down and I realized it.
Speaker 1: Let's go with it, Let's go with it.
Speaker 2: Go ahead, dome, you go ahead? Next?
Speaker 1: Are you a golf course? Because I'd love to play
Speaker 1: around on your body? But five minutes in and get
Speaker 1: pissed off and I've missed every whole scream I've never
Speaker 1: doing this again. Accidentally get one in your hole, only
Speaker 1: to fall in love all over again, then blow all
Speaker 1: my money. I'm buying new toys for you that don't
Speaker 1: help me in any way, and constantly say how much
Speaker 1: I love playing with you, but never actually get to
Speaker 1: do it, basically leaving me in the most toxic relationship
Speaker 1: of my life.
Speaker 2: That's a good one. I like it. Yeah, Mine's not
Speaker 2: as as lengthy as that. Hey girl, are you a thtoda?
Speaker 2: Because I want to mountain?
Speaker 1: Do you oo oh like it?
Speaker 2: One? Two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight nine. The
Speaker 2: only number I don't see here is yours?
Speaker 1: Hey, yeah, are you a light bulb? Because I'd love
Speaker 1: to turn you on with just two fingers.
Speaker 3: Oo Oh, funny thing is I use my tongue to
Speaker 3: turn on light bulbs? Hey girl, are you a pinky toe?
Speaker 3: Because I want to bang you on all of my furniture.
Speaker 2: Oh do you have Instagram? My parents always told me
Speaker 2: to follow my dreams.
Speaker 1: Hey, I tried to call, but I lost your number?
Speaker 1: What was it again?
Speaker 2: Eight six seven, five three on nine? Do you like sales?
Speaker 3: Because clothing is one hundred percent off at my place tonight.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, are you an artist? You're really good at
Speaker 2: drawing me in.
Speaker 1: My God, I lost my phone? Can I use yours
Speaker 1: to call it real fast? Then proceed to call it?
Speaker 1: And when it rings in your pocket, just take it out.
Speaker 1: But enter your information in her phone under something like
Speaker 1: a good time, smart choice, or the best mistake you'll
Speaker 1: ever have?
Speaker 2: Grower not a shower mm hmm with a small deck
Speaker 2: you haven't had yet?
Speaker 3: Girl, you in the snowstorms because I'm gonna give you
Speaker 3: a couple of inches tonight.
Speaker 1: Now I thought you're gonna say, blow all over your face.
Speaker 2: Well, here, I am Where are your other two wishes? Sweetheart?
Speaker 1: Like that one? Hey, I know what you can be
Speaker 1: for Halloween next year? Locked in my basement?
Speaker 2: Are you a parking spot because I'm trying to squeeze
Speaker 2: into you?
Speaker 1: Oh nice?
Speaker 2: You know angels should be in heaven. How'd you get here?
Speaker 2: All right?
Speaker 1: All right? Hey, look, I have a solid eight and
Speaker 1: a half inches and trauma that makes me feel like
Speaker 1: I have something to prove in the bed droom. Can
Speaker 1: you help me resolve some of my issues? It's alive
Speaker 1: or whatever.
Speaker 2: Measured from my asshole.
Speaker 1: Always measure from the bottom's.
Speaker 2: List just says failed pickup lines to not say in therapy.
Speaker 2: Prince Jesus says, don't see these again and again it's underlined.
Speaker 2: I got two left.
Speaker 1: I got two left as well.
Speaker 3: Okay, I must be a yoga mat because I'm ready
Speaker 3: for you to stretch me out.
Speaker 1: Wait, still makes it shouldn't shouldn't that be the other way?
Speaker 1: You look like a yoga mat because I'm ready to
Speaker 1: stretch you out. Uh?
Speaker 2: All we know is someone's getting stressed out. Your name
Speaker 2: must be Barbie because when I saw you, I pictured
Speaker 2: our dream house.
Speaker 1: Dude, are you running because you took my breath away.
Speaker 2: Oh now it's just a breath lizer walking the straight
Speaker 2: line for me, just trying to start my car. Can
Speaker 2: you mean are you a speed bump? Because I want
Speaker 2: to hit you at the right angle? Nice? Nice? What
Speaker 2: is it like to be the most gorgeous person in
Speaker 2: this room? It's a lot.
Speaker 1: In this room. It doesn't take much. Hey, my name
Speaker 1: is Josh. You know I can tell you how beautiful
Speaker 1: you look, but I really don't want to start our
Speaker 1: relationship off with a lie. It'll work, Yeah, sure, why not,
Speaker 1: it'll work. I don't if you if you were if
Speaker 1: you listener listener, Hey, dear listener aka B Word, if
Speaker 1: you were ever gonna listen to me, that's the one
Speaker 1: you want to go with. I'm just saying. And then
Speaker 1: just walk away. Where the fuck did your mic go? There?
Speaker 2: You go? My mic is incognito.
Speaker 1: You're trying to frame it out to your mic? Could
Speaker 1: like blend it in with your black your backscreen, your
Speaker 1: black screen, your backscreen.
Speaker 2: Now the pickup line B Word needs to use is
Speaker 2: does this look like a Zactamy scar room? I really
Speaker 2: glad to see you.
Speaker 1: Hey, listen, if you could, uh just give me a
Speaker 1: couple of minutes to unravel these folds. You can see
Speaker 1: my dick. It's gonna work. One of the best pickup lines. No,
Speaker 1: you know what, our listener doesn't deserve it. Never mind, you.
Speaker 2: Want to come back to my house and shit on
Speaker 2: my chest? Guarantee that works.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Hey, I'm great at punch and pussy.
Speaker 2: You know who else is a great at punch and pussy?
Speaker 2: The fucking news two segments later. I made it inaudible.
Speaker 2: That's all right, I'll bring it in.
Speaker 1: Hey, it's better than an edible.
Speaker 2: That's questionable. Welcome back to channelty News.
Speaker 3: I'm your host. Squirt my bottom joining me later. Maybe
Speaker 3: Chips eel it quick from the streets and storm a
Speaker 3: blow in with a weather update. In our first story
Speaker 3: coming from Cocomo, Mississippi, Myrtle, a beloved family tortoise, went
Speaker 3: missing for more than three weeks. A series of deadly
Speaker 3: tornadoes was sweeping through the South when Myrtle was swept away.
Speaker 3: Although he he was probably shell shocked at this situation,
Speaker 3: he was reunited a couple after a couple found him
Speaker 3: and knew exactly where he belonged. Heartwarming story to start
Speaker 3: things off, Chip, are you there, Chip, what do you
Speaker 3: got for us?
Speaker 2: Thank you, mister mudbottom. For years upon years I Chip
Speaker 2: have been reporting to this network to dish out all
Speaker 2: the details on the shit bags of the week who
Speaker 2: deserve to be shit on. But today I'm going to
Speaker 2: give out praise and not shit on somebody. For once,
Speaker 2: I want to praise the world for being so about
Speaker 2: watching the demise of people that we actually value it.
Speaker 2: For example, continuing to give Kanye West a platform to
Speaker 2: rant his bipolar craziness makes the world keep on spinning,
Speaker 2: from his wishes to be King of the Earth on
Speaker 2: the podcast with Joe Rogan to talking about Who's praise
Speaker 2: for Hitler on the Newest interview he did while wearing
Speaker 2: a black KKK outfit. Well. Another example is love on
Speaker 2: the Spectrum, where we put retarded people on camera and
Speaker 2: make them say the stupidest shit for our amusement. A
Speaker 2: message of the world. Keep on with the shittiness of
Speaker 2: people rather than praising their good deeds. It keeps my
Speaker 2: day going. Well back to you squat Yeah that Clayton Bigsby,
Speaker 2: He's a special one. Uh storm of blowing? What's up
Speaker 2: with the weather?
Speaker 1: Yes, Kirk d them some interesting stories you got there.
Speaker 1: But you know, and little chip Man, don't. Don't you
Speaker 1: dare bag on my inspiration that that is their love
Speaker 1: on the spectrum. My cousin's been on that three times. Okay,
Speaker 1: you listen here or now, you guys ever know that
Speaker 1: them flatworms, you know flatworms all right, if it's not
Speaker 1: your penis? Uh, flatworms, They they fence with their sexual organs. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's right, you heard me correct, right before the sexy
Speaker 1: time that they have. They get into a little duel
Speaker 1: with their sexy parts. It's kind of crazy. Huh oh.
Speaker 1: And did you know that you know the male alligators
Speaker 1: have permanent erections. Yeah, they just be out there and
Speaker 1: the swamps just bricked up all day long, you know.
Speaker 1: And I wonder why they're just always angry, fucking pissed
Speaker 1: off at the world because they got a hart on
Speaker 1: banging on bushes and branches and rocks and other fishes. Heads.
Speaker 1: Fuck man, I'd be angry too if I was tea
Speaker 1: bagging carp The fuck getting sucked on by a fucking
Speaker 1: catfish that much hurt, dude. And well, little gator pole
Speaker 1: mounting off the stuff is the worst of our problems
Speaker 1: right now, because fuck man, it's getting hot out there
Speaker 1: this summer. It's already beginning, and we're in April. It's
Speaker 1: like a one hundred and fucking sixty four and missus
Speaker 1: Johnson's fucking trailer down there. You know, it's sweating, and
Speaker 1: the balls were sweating and shit. To get up off
Speaker 1: of couching. It sounded like Velcrow releasing off a fucking tiger.
Speaker 1: Who all right, well you all guys better to grab
Speaker 1: your spit fifty put it on for summer so you
Speaker 1: don't getting them some burns.
Speaker 2: Later does a lot to hum hack storm. Uh.
Speaker 3: But speaking of swamp gompers, we got in our last
Speaker 3: story and Alaska woman had her massive mouth measured by
Speaker 3: a dentist and broke a Guinness World record with her
Speaker 3: two point nine inch gape. Missus Johnson, for you, uh
Speaker 3: for chanty news that storm of blowing.
Speaker 2: Uh yeah, you've lost my train of thought. Thanks Storm.
Speaker 2: We'll catch you guys next week. God blessed storm, spiff.
Speaker 2: It was the last chairs up that I needed to
Speaker 2: just lose my train of thought. That's so good, my god.
Speaker 2: All right, well, so what do you got for us?
Speaker 2: What's the last whole thing we close out oh god,
Speaker 2: let's go around and do some round robin fuck Mary kill.
Speaker 2: I'll go first year, M I got? Is this specific
Speaker 2: towards a host or we both are? Are both other hosts? Answering?
Speaker 2: Then answer? Okay, A're we just round robbing it? Okay,
Speaker 2: they got Sarah Jessica Parker, Courtney Cox, and Sharon Stone.
Speaker 2: Oh no, one, let's start with you.
Speaker 3: Uh fuck Sharon Stone, Mary Courtney Cox, and kill Sarah
Speaker 3: Jessica Parker.
Speaker 1: Okay, are we talking prime? Yeah?
Speaker 2: Prime?
Speaker 1: Okay, yeah?
Speaker 2: Oh shit, Well in that case, yeah, yeah, because the
Speaker 2: other part of this lesson would not be great if
Speaker 2: we didn't do prime.
Speaker 1: I'm killing I'm killing Yeah, I'm killing Sarah Jessica Parker.
Speaker 1: I'm marrying Courtney Cox, and I'm fucking Sharon Stone. Okay, okay, I.
Speaker 2: Actually would marry Sarah Jessica Parker, I'd kill Courtney Cox,
Speaker 2: and I'd fox shere in Stone.
Speaker 1: M hmm, I don't see anything wrong with that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, sure, okay, I'll go next.
Speaker 3: Uh, this is a I wrote this one specifically for Stone,
Speaker 3: but don't can answer as well here. Obviously, this is
Speaker 3: weed owners, so these people have weed strains that they
Speaker 3: have made or created labels whatever. So the first one
Speaker 3: Megan and Rachel Rappino. That's a that's a tandem as
Speaker 3: a one person. Okay, Bella Thorne and Kristen Bell.
Speaker 2: Who I'm gonna kill the two because I don't know
Speaker 2: who they are. It's probably a last choice. Yeah, And
Speaker 2: then you see that the two was Kristen Bell and
Speaker 2: the other one and Bella Thorne. Oh god, mm hmm.
Speaker 2: You know what, I'm gonna marry Kristen Bell and fuck
Speaker 2: Belle Thorne. That's probably a good choice, don't.
Speaker 1: I'm killing Bella Thorne. I'm fucking the girls, and I'm
Speaker 1: marrying Christien Bell because Kristen Bell. Yeah, there's no reason
Speaker 1: to not have her in your life for the rest
Speaker 1: of your life because she I guarantee, she's a great
Speaker 1: lay and she's funny as hell, so she's gotta be
Speaker 1: fun to be around.
Speaker 2: Yeah, really good.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, I'm gonna start off slow, Okay, Pete Davidson,
Speaker 1: Colin Jost, and Andy Samberg.
Speaker 2: Mm hmm.
Speaker 1: Now you might not know who Colin Jost is, but
Speaker 1: he is the host two.
Speaker 2: Uh.
Speaker 1: He's one of the hosts on the news segment of
Speaker 1: Saturday Night Live. He is the one that is married
Speaker 1: to Scarlett Johansson.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna marry I'm gonna marry Colin. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And then it was Pete who was the other one,
Speaker 1: Andy Samberg.
Speaker 2: Hey Samberg, I'm the fuck handy and kill Pete. Okay,
Speaker 2: that's tough. Let's kill Colin. Uh fuck Andy and Mary Pete?
Speaker 1: All right, all right, I would marry Andy, fuck Colin,
Speaker 1: and kill Pete.
Speaker 2: Mm hmm.
Speaker 1: If Colin can pulse, if Colin can pull Scarlett Johansson,
Speaker 1: he can pull me whatever fucking direction he wants.
Speaker 2: That's fine.
Speaker 3: Listen, bro I said, I'm here to fuck you, but
Speaker 3: I'm really straight at your wife, yep.
Speaker 2: Listen to say gay. But if you want, I mean,
Speaker 2: like we can high five Ivill Towers whatever whatever it is.
Speaker 2: You know, I'm just I'm just here for scargo. Is
Speaker 2: what is.
Speaker 1: There?
Speaker 2: You go, you become the bridge in the Eiffel Tower.
Speaker 2: Is the thing's like, oh, you're you're here. You can't
Speaker 2: leave now?
Speaker 1: As she locks the door, that's like I got the
Speaker 1: get the front. Is this look a ship that would
Speaker 1: that would suck, That would absolutely suck. That would be
Speaker 1: a nightmare if scar get it was in the back
Speaker 1: so you couldn't see her. She just like hold your
Speaker 1: fucking head with the Thano's glove. She's got like a
Speaker 1: Thanos glove on. She's like, nah, bitch, you're done.
Speaker 5: She's got her little costume makeess fucking strap on, and
Speaker 5: you're like, how is your night? It's just like fucking
Speaker 5: euro trip. I don't want to talk about it.
Speaker 1: She wheels you out in a wheelchair. You get the shirt.
Speaker 2: There, that's good stuff. What you got? Stone? All right?
Speaker 2: Next one I got? I got. This one's kind of
Speaker 2: a tough one. I got Kate Upton, Cameron Diaz, and
Speaker 2: Kate Beckson's becon sale.
Speaker 1: I don't care. You can pick for me.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna I'll go first. I'm gonna take uh man,
Speaker 3: I'm gonna kill Kate Upton, prime doesn't matter.
Speaker 4: I get it.
Speaker 2: I get it killer.
Speaker 3: I am going to fuck Cameron Diaz from The Mask
Speaker 3: mm hmmm. And then I'm gonna marry Kate Beckinsdale as
Speaker 3: Kate Beckinsdale in Click because she's a perfect housewife and
Speaker 3: still smoking hot.
Speaker 1: Hmm, don't ditto. Yeah insane. Yeah, I it's one of
Speaker 1: my top five.
Speaker 2: So yeah, I'm gonna.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna marry her. I'm gonna marry her to take
Speaker 1: her for the rest of my life.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and the other two.
Speaker 1: In reality, you're interchangeable. I don't really care.
Speaker 2: I hate this lineup because it's so tough, but I
Speaker 2: think I'm gonna marry Kate Upton. I'm gonna fuck Kate
Speaker 2: back in sale, and then I'm gonna kill Cameron Diaz.
Speaker 1: I could.
Speaker 2: I can understand that, honorable.
Speaker 1: You can't really go wrong any direction, like as sex
Speaker 1: says you want to be.
Speaker 2: If Cameron Diaz like war deodorant, it might be a
Speaker 2: different answer.
Speaker 1: Stop being picky, don't act like that would matter. Don't
Speaker 1: don't don't act it wouldn't matter, you know, Dan Will, Dude,
Speaker 1: I've seen your playlist.
Speaker 2: I know it's shocking.
Speaker 1: It's shocking, all right.
Speaker 3: Uh, I got a I titled this one two thousand Slashers.
Speaker 3: Oh Jesus, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Sarah, Michelle Geller, and Nev Campbell. Oh,
Speaker 3: all from that two thousand to two thousand and six range.
Speaker 1: I am fucking the ever lover lover. Yeah, Jennifer Love Hewitt,
Speaker 1: I'm fucking her, okay, and who are the other ones?
Speaker 2: Sarah Michelle Geller and Nev Campbell.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna kill Nev Campbell and I'll marry No, actually,
Speaker 1: let me back that up. I'm gonna marry Jennifer love Hewitt.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna kill Nev Campbell, and I'm gonna fuck uh
Speaker 1: Sarah Michelle Gees, Sarah Michelle Geller. But she has to
Speaker 1: be dressed like Daphne.
Speaker 2: Okay, yes, yes, I agree. That's I have the same answer.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like that, it's gotta be what about you.
Speaker 3: I think I am going to do your original one,
Speaker 3: which is Mary Sarah Michelle Geller and fuck Jennifer love Hewett,
Speaker 3: but still kill Nev Campbell.
Speaker 1: Yeah. So it would hurt me to kill Nev because
Speaker 1: I know she's a freak. But it was yeah, all right, ready,
Speaker 1: yeah yeah, Mother Teresa, Jesus and Gandhi.
Speaker 3: Well m m, I'll go if you're still thinking, so
Speaker 3: I am going to I am going to fuck Gandhi
Speaker 3: because I just feel like he's a squirrely little motherfucker. Okay,
Speaker 3: I'm gonna marry Mother Teresa, and I'm gonna kill Jesus
Speaker 3: because he's gonna tell me, like, that's not the biggest
Speaker 3: I've had through my hole, you know, like he's gonna
Speaker 3: put your dick through my hole and be like that's
Speaker 3: not the biggest I've had. Plus when I kill him,
Speaker 3: he's gonna come back anyway, so I don't have to
Speaker 3: feel bad about it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, stn't.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna marry Mother Teresa. I'm gonna kill Jesus and
Speaker 2: fuck Gandhi. Yeah. Same, Yeah, part of me kind of
Speaker 2: wanted to marry Gandhi thought about it for a second.
Speaker 1: I'm killing Gandhi, peaceful life, fucking two in the dome,
Speaker 1: killing Gandhi, marrying Jesus, marrying Jesus, and fucking Mother Teresa
Speaker 1: because Gandhi is kind of a prick. Jesus is gonna
Speaker 1: give you anything you wanted as a wife or husband, right,
Speaker 1: so you're set for fucking life with Jesus. And I mean,
Speaker 1: who hasn't thought about what was under Mother Teresa's fucking dress?
Speaker 2: Do?
Speaker 3: Come on, come on, two bad domes illiterate because we
Speaker 3: all we're all saying Jesus, we picked Jesus.
Speaker 2: Then what's gonna show up is Heyeseus? Because wrong?
Speaker 1: When I was golfing, When I was golfing at the wedding,
Speaker 1: one of the guys in the party that I was
Speaker 1: with hit one out of bounds. Did I tell the story?
Speaker 1: I don't remember it. They hit one of the fucking workers. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: so when so when the guy left, one of the
Speaker 1: other guys goes, huh, that's the first hole in Juan
Speaker 1: anyone's ever hit on this course. Yeah, I'm just like
Speaker 1: Jesus fucking Christ, dude, this is such a.
Speaker 2: All right, go you're up last one stone. I got Roseanne,
Speaker 2: Betty White, and Rosie O'Donnell.
Speaker 1: No, I'm killing Rosie easy, killing Rosie, marry and Betty White.
Speaker 1: It's all there is to it. Roseanne, I'm not saying it.
Speaker 1: I can't make me say it, but yeah, I couldn't.
Speaker 1: I couldn't live with the other two for the rest
Speaker 1: of ave. I. I can't stand Rosie o'donald. I've never
Speaker 1: liked her.
Speaker 2: No, I agree, I ever, she's she's got to be
Speaker 2: the kill. She's got to be the kill.
Speaker 3: And then I'm actually going to marry Roseanne because eventually
Speaker 3: the sex is going to fade away and then you
Speaker 3: don't have to bury that anymore.
Speaker 2: And I would love to fuck a dead person.
Speaker 1: So Betty White, well, she were talking about in her prime.
Speaker 2: So that's why she is in her prime now.
Speaker 1: That means Bebby White brings a man to put your
Speaker 1: dick in the dirt, No ship Betty. Betty White in
Speaker 1: her early ages, dude, if you look at her, she
Speaker 1: was a fucking smoke show.
Speaker 2: Smoke show. She had a few like like pee photos too, like.
Speaker 1: They're out there, look them up.
Speaker 3: Okay, uh, Stone, what's your what's your last one that
Speaker 3: you're choosing out of those three?
Speaker 2: You know, part of me wants to fuck Rosie O'Donnell.
Speaker 2: I'm sure just in the middle, but to start yelling
Speaker 2: like Trump and just see like how long I can
Speaker 2: come on for it's sober, and then I would I
Speaker 2: would kill Betty White and Mary Roseanne.
Speaker 3: All right, okay, uh my last one, Marvel ladies. And
Speaker 3: I'm interested to hear who you're gonna who you're gonna
Speaker 3: gank out of this list? Black widow, Gomorra and mystique.
Speaker 2: Mm hmm, well, marrying mistake. Hands down, I'm fucking Gomorrah
Speaker 2: and then I'm killing black widow.
Speaker 1: Dumb, I'm fucking mystique, killing Gomorrah and marrying black widow.
Speaker 2: Mm hmm.
Speaker 1: I like it.
Speaker 3: I like that because I'm a merry black widow as well.
Speaker 3: And then it's kind of flip a coin on who
Speaker 3: you're gonna fucking, who you're gonna kill, because the whole
Speaker 3: reason you're picking to fuck him is one, uh, what
Speaker 3: mystique is gonna be wild as ship, right, But you
Speaker 3: want to know, like.
Speaker 2: What's the blue pussy look like? What's the green pussy
Speaker 2: look like? Does it feel different? Does it taste different?
Speaker 2: You know? Uh?
Speaker 3: But um hmmm, I'm gonna take mystique over Gamore. I'll
Speaker 3: kill Gamore and take mystique. So what's your last one?
Speaker 1: Don't Leslie? Nope, April Ludgate or Ron Swanson.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna kill Ron Swanson because he's a Democrat, and
Speaker 3: then I'm going to.
Speaker 2: I'm going to you don't want to go for a
Speaker 2: mustache red? Nah? N you dropped a couple of pegs
Speaker 2: in my book. No, Yeah, I'm gonna.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna kill Ron Swanson and then.
Speaker 2: Mary Leslie and fuck April. M I'm gonna fuck Leslie.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna marry April and kill Ron.
Speaker 1: So my initial instinct was to marry Ron, but the
Speaker 1: more I thought about it, I couldn't kill Leslie because
Speaker 1: I'm fucking April. There's no choices about it.
Speaker 3: Was the April and Leslie was a tough choice for
Speaker 3: me because it's like April's one that you can marry.
Speaker 1: But you really yes, but I can't kill it.
Speaker 2: I can't.
Speaker 1: I can't kill Leslie. And so I was like, I
Speaker 1: think I think Ron would understand, and I think that
Speaker 1: that I'd have to go marry Mary Leslie. Fuck April,
Speaker 1: kill Ron. But I think Ron would make a really
Speaker 1: good wife slash husband partner.
Speaker 2: I don't know, dude, He's really hard to compromise, you know,
Speaker 2: like it's either his way or like shit's gonna be
Speaker 2: not but his.
Speaker 1: Way is not bad. And he's gonna build and do
Speaker 1: whatever you want. He's gonna fix whatever you want. He's
Speaker 1: okay with being alone, but.
Speaker 2: If he's got a problem with what you're doing, you know,
Speaker 2: it's like, oh man, ma me.
Speaker 1: Leslie was the same way.
Speaker 2: It's true, Yeah, Leslie, I could not marry.
Speaker 1: I just I think Leslie. I think Leslie is just
Speaker 1: such a giving human being. She's and I think she's
Speaker 1: fun and corny and like just so nerdy and honest
Speaker 1: and loyal. I think she I think she's a really
Speaker 1: good she might be like she might be like the
Speaker 1: dark horse Mary. Yeah, you know, like well, I mean
Speaker 1: not the dark horse Mary. For me, I like I
Speaker 1: would marry her. That's what I said. Yeah, yeah, but
Speaker 1: I get what you're saying.
Speaker 2: All right, cool, all right, I like I like it.
Speaker 2: Any anybody else want anything to add?
Speaker 3: Or we just say say goodbye, goodbye horses tuckyr wieners.
Speaker 2: And go yeah turkey winners and go baby, Okay, next
Speaker 2: week one seventy two tuckyr wieners.
Speaker 1: Later, that's out.
Speaker 2: Wait was it one seventy one or one today? I said,
Speaker 2: next week's one seventy two? Ah, gotch got him, got
Speaker 2: him Turkey wieners. Whoop woop.
Speaker 1: So I had a ton of jokes about unemployment, but
Speaker 1: just none of them would work. So I just figured
Speaker 1: I'd tell you guys that my grief counselor died, but
Speaker 1: I don't really care. We pros fucking.
Speaker 2: River whoa whoa wom to se