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<v Speaker 1>The Relapse of Lady Teazle from Mister Punch's Dramatic Sequels

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<v Speaker 1>by Sinton Hankin. This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox

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<v Speaker 1>recordings are in the public domain. For more information or

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<v Speaker 1>to volunteer, please visit LibriVox dot org. The School for Scandal,

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<v Speaker 1>The School for Scandal ends. It will be remembered with

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<v Speaker 1>the reconciliation of Sir Peter and Lady Teazle, the complete

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<v Speaker 1>exposure of Joseph Surface, and the rehabilitation of Charles. Perhaps

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<v Speaker 1>how long did the Teazle reconciliation last? And if Sir

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<v Speaker 1>Oliver Surface left all his fortune to his nephew Charles,

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<v Speaker 1>how long did that young gentleman take to run through it?

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<v Speaker 1>Dramatis personi. Sir Peter Teazle rid by Algapug, Lady Teazl

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<v Speaker 1>read by Elizabeth Klatt, Joseph Surface read by m B.

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<v Speaker 1>Sir Oliver Surface read by Todd Narrator read by Ruth Golding.

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<v Speaker 1>Scene room in Sir Peter Teazle's house, Sir Peter and

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<v Speaker 1>Lady Teazle discovered wrangling as in act.

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<v Speaker 2>Too Lady Teazle, Lady Teazle, I'll not bear.

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<v Speaker 3>It, Sir Peter. Sir Peter, you've told me that a

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<v Speaker 3>hundred times. This habit of repeating yourself is most distressing.

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<v Speaker 3>Tis a sure sign of old age owns madam?

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<v Speaker 2>Will you never be tired of flinging my age in

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<v Speaker 2>my face?

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<v Speaker 3>Blood? Sir Peter, tis you that fling it in mine?

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<v Speaker 3>How often have you said to me when an old

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<v Speaker 3>bachelor marries a young wife?

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<v Speaker 2>And if I have, Lady Diezel, you needn't repeat it

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<v Speaker 2>after me, for you live only to plague me. And

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<v Speaker 2>yet it twas but six months ago you've vowed never

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<v Speaker 2>to cross me again. Yes, madam, six months ago, when

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<v Speaker 2>I found you concealed behind a screen in mister Servius's library,

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<v Speaker 2>you promise that if I would forgive you, your future

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<v Speaker 2>conduct should prove the sincerity of your repentance. I forgave you, madam,

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<v Speaker 2>and this is my reward.

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<v Speaker 3>And I might blame Sir Peter for your ill humors?

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<v Speaker 3>Must I always be making concessions to please you? I

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<v Speaker 3>have given up all routes and assemblies. Attend no balls

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<v Speaker 3>nor quadrilles, talk no scandal, never ogle nor flirt. I

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<v Speaker 3>go no more to my lady Sneerwell's though I vou

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<v Speaker 3>has was a most delightful house to visit, such fashion

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<v Speaker 3>and elegance, such wit, such delicate malice.

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<v Speaker 2>Just so, madam, this is what I complain of all

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<v Speaker 2>the while you are longing to return to these follies.

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<v Speaker 2>You are not happy when you are alone with me.

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<v Speaker 3>Great Heaven, Sir Peter, you must not ask miracles. What

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<v Speaker 3>woman of fashion is ever happy alone with her husband?

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<v Speaker 2>There it is, Lady Teezel. You think only of fashion,

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<v Speaker 2>and yet when I married you.

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<v Speaker 3>Oo oh, Lord, Sir Peter, why will you always be

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<v Speaker 3>returning to that painful subject?

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<v Speaker 2>Vastly painful, no doubt, madam, since it prevents you from

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<v Speaker 2>marrying mister surfers behind whose screen I've found you?

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<v Speaker 3>Ooh ooh, mister surface. But twas charlesy used to suspect, and.

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<v Speaker 2>Now tis Joseph Zounds, Madam, is a man never to

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<v Speaker 2>be allowed to change his mind. I say it is Joseph. Joseph.

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<v Speaker 1>Joseph entered Joseph's surface. Sir Peter and Lady Teazel are

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<v Speaker 1>obviously disconcerted at this inopportune arrival, and say nothing. Joseph

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<v Speaker 1>has greatly changed in appeeringants in the six months which

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<v Speaker 1>have elapsed between the play and the sequel. He has

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<v Speaker 1>lost his sleekness and his air of conscious virtue, and

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<v Speaker 1>looks like a careless, good humored man about time, obviously

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<v Speaker 1>enjoying their discomfort.

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<v Speaker 4>Sir Peter, your servant, Lady Teesel, your most obedient bows profoundly.

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<v Speaker 2>To what, mister Surfers, do we owe the honor of

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<v Speaker 2>this visit?

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<v Speaker 1>Blandly correcting him.

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<v Speaker 4>Pleasure, said Peter, I should honor, Sir. I came at

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<v Speaker 4>the invitation of Sir Oliver, who is staying in your house.

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<v Speaker 4>He desired to see me.

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<v Speaker 1>Viciously to Sir Peter, if.

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<v Speaker 3>This gentleman's business is with Sir Oliver, perhaps he will

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<v Speaker 3>explain why he is intruded in this.

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<v Speaker 4>Room with pleasure. My attention was arrested by the sound

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<v Speaker 4>of voices raised in dispute. I heard my name mentioned

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<v Speaker 4>loudly more than once, and recognizing one of the voices

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<v Speaker 4>as that of Lady Teesell.

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<v Speaker 1>With a low bow, I thought.

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<v Speaker 4>It better interposed to defend my character.

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<v Speaker 1>At once, stamping her foot insolent.

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<v Speaker 2>Ha ha ha ha, very good efaith Misteres Surfers. I could

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<v Speaker 2>almost find it in my heart to forgive you for

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<v Speaker 2>your injuries towards me When you talk like.

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<v Speaker 4>That injuries, Sir Peter, I never did you an injury.

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<v Speaker 4>That affair of the screen was the mirest misunderstanding. I

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<v Speaker 4>had no desire at all to capture the affections of

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<v Speaker 4>Lady teesl On the contrart would have been highly inconvenient

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<v Speaker 4>for me. It was your Ward, Maria that I wished

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<v Speaker 4>to win monster Unhappily, Lady Teesel mistook the nature of

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<v Speaker 4>my attentions, and I, knowing.

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<v Speaker 1>Her temper, bowing to Lady teezl.

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<v Speaker 4>Feared to undeceive her lest she should use her influence

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<v Speaker 4>to prejudice me in the eyes of your ward. That,

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<v Speaker 4>Sir Peter, is the true explanation of the situation in

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<v Speaker 4>which you found Lady teesle On that unlucky.

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<v Speaker 1>With suppressed fury.

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<v Speaker 3>Pray, Sir Peter, do you propose to continue to permit

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<v Speaker 3>this gentleman to speak of me in this way?

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<v Speaker 2>Certainly, Madam, everything that mister Servus has said seems to

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<v Speaker 2>me to bear the stamp of truth.

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<v Speaker 4>So you see, Sir Peter, you never had any real

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<v Speaker 4>cause of jealousy towards me. My conduct was foolish, I admit,

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<v Speaker 4>but it was never criminal.

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<v Speaker 2>Joseph, I believe you. Six months ago I thought you

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<v Speaker 2>were guilty of the basest treachery towards me. But a

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<v Speaker 2>year of marriage with Lady Teesell has convinced me that

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<v Speaker 2>in her relations with you, as in her relations with me,

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<v Speaker 2>it is always Lady Tegel who is in the wrong.

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<v Speaker 1>They shake hands warmly.

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<v Speaker 3>I will not stay here to be insulted in this manner.

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<v Speaker 3>I will go straight to Lady Sneerwell's and tear both

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<v Speaker 3>your characters to tatters.

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<v Speaker 1>Exit in a violent passion.

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<v Speaker 2>Oohs fury. But when an old bachelor marries a.

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<v Speaker 4>Young wife, come, come, sir Peter, no sentiments?

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<v Speaker 2>What you say that, my dear Joseph, this is indeed

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<v Speaker 2>a reformation. Had it been Charles, now, I should not

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<v Speaker 2>have been surprised.

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<v Speaker 4>It gad, Sir Peter. In the matter of sentiments. Charles,

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<v Speaker 4>for a long time had a most under advantage of

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<v Speaker 4>me for having no character to lose. He had no

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<v Speaker 4>need of sentiments to support it. But now I have

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<v Speaker 4>a little character as he, and we start fair. Now

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<v Speaker 4>I am a free man. I say what I think,

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<v Speaker 4>do what I please. Scandal has done its worst with me,

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<v Speaker 4>and I no longer fear it. Whereas when I had

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<v Speaker 4>a character for morality to maintain, all my time was

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<v Speaker 4>wasted in trying to live up to it. I had

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<v Speaker 4>to conceal every trifling flirtation, and had finally wrapped myself

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<v Speaker 4>in such a web of falsehood that when your hand

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<v Speaker 4>tore away the veil I give you buy what I

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<v Speaker 4>was almost grateful depend upon it, said Peter. There's no

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<v Speaker 4>possession in the world so troublesome as a good reputation.

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<v Speaker 1>Digging him in the.

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<v Speaker 2>Ribs Ah, Joseph, you're a sad dog. But here comes

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<v Speaker 2>your uncle, Sir Oliver. I'll leave him with you.

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<v Speaker 1>Exit. Enter Sir Oliver, reading a sheaf of legal documents, reading.

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<v Speaker 5>Eighty one hundred and twenty two hundred and twenty three

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<v Speaker 5>hundred pounds. Gad, the dog will ruin me.

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<v Speaker 4>Sir Oliver.

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<v Speaker 1>Your servant looking up?

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<v Speaker 2>Hey?

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<v Speaker 5>Is that you nephew? Yes, I remember I sent for you.

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<v Speaker 4>You're busy this morning, uncle. I'll wait upon you another day.

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<v Speaker 5>No, No, Joseph, stay and hear what I have to

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<v Speaker 5>tell you. I sent for you to say that I

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<v Speaker 5>have decided to pardon your past misconduct and restore you

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<v Speaker 5>to favor. Six months of Charles's society have convinced me

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<v Speaker 5>of the folly of adopting a reprobate.

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<v Speaker 4>I thought they would.

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<v Speaker 5>Uncle, Your brother's extravagances pass all bounds. Here are four

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<v Speaker 5>writs which were served upon him but yesterday, and the

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<v Speaker 5>fellow has the assurance to send them on to me.

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<v Speaker 1>Jase laughs heartily.

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<v Speaker 5>Sounds nephew, don't stand chuckling there. And his character has

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<v Speaker 5>not reformed one whit in spite of his promises. His

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<v Speaker 5>flirtations with my lady Sneerwell and others are so excessive

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<v Speaker 5>that Maria has quite thrown him over and the engagement

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<v Speaker 5>is broken off. Add to this that I have paid

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<v Speaker 5>his debts three times only to find him contracting fresh liabilities.

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<v Speaker 5>And you may judge that my patience is exhausted.

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<v Speaker 4>But these are old stories. Uncle. You knew that Charles

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<v Speaker 4>was vicious and extravagant when you made him your air.

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<v Speaker 4>He's done nothing fresh to offend you.

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<v Speaker 5>On the contrary, he has done something which has hurt

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<v Speaker 5>me deeply.

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<v Speaker 4>How absorry Uncle when he knows that he has depended

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<v Speaker 4>wholly on your bounty.

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<v Speaker 5>Wait till you hear the whole story. A week ago,

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<v Speaker 5>your brother came to me for money to meet some

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<v Speaker 5>gambling debt. I refused him. Whereupon he returned to his house,

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<v Speaker 5>had it an auctioneer, and sold everything that it contained.

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<v Speaker 4>And did you play little premium a second time? Uncle?

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<v Speaker 5>Certainly not, sir, on this occasion, I left the rogue

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<v Speaker 5>to settle matters for himself.

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<v Speaker 4>But I see no great harm in this. Why should

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<v Speaker 4>not Charles sell his furniture?

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<v Speaker 5>Deuce take his furniture? He sold my picture?

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<v Speaker 4>What the ill looking little fellow over the city? Yes, ha,

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<v Speaker 4>ha delicious? Sell this uncle's portrait? Can I like his spirit?

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<v Speaker 5>You seem vastly entertained, nephew, I confess.

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<v Speaker 4>The humor of this situation appeals.

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<v Speaker 5>To me happily. For you, I am less, easily amused. No, No,

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<v Speaker 5>Charles is a heartless scoundrel, and I'll disown him.

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<v Speaker 4>No, Uncle, he's no worse than other young men.

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<v Speaker 5>But he sold my picture. He was pressed for money,

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<v Speaker 5>but he sold my picture.

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<v Speaker 4>He meant no harm.

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<v Speaker 5>I'll be bound, But he sold my picture.

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<v Speaker 1>Enter, Sir Peter, hurriedly, looking pale, and disordered, My.

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<v Speaker 4>Dear Sir Peter, you are ill.

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<v Speaker 5>You've had bad news, Sir Peter, old friend, what is it?

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<v Speaker 2>Ugh?

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<v Speaker 1>Ugh Oh, Lady Tisel stops choked with passion, not dead.

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<v Speaker 2>Dead, hell and furies. If it were only that, no

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<v Speaker 2>run away with your profligate nephew, Charles impossible. Is this

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<v Speaker 2>certain Hi really solom driving together in a postchaise towards Richmond,

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<v Speaker 2>not ten minutes ago?

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<v Speaker 5>Then I'll disown him. Joseph, you are my heir, but

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<v Speaker 5>see that you behave yourself, or I'll disinherit you too,

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<v Speaker 5>and leave my money to a missionary society.

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<v Speaker 1>Curtain end of the Relapse of Lady Teasel.