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Welcome to softcore History. What is
up? Welcome back to soft Core History.

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I am your host for the week, Rob Fox. I am joined

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00:00:15,080 --> 00:00:20,719
as always by Dan Rejester and Jake
Goldman and Hidun Day guys. Just getting

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off my shift on the docks,
your doc shift. Yes, you're you're

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very ze su now that I've embraced
this beanie. That's a joke for video

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watchers and you can check us out
on YouTube. YouTube. Softcore History is

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the channel slash softcore History. Yeah, I am becoming one with this beanie.

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You really do legitimately look like you
work on a fucking boat. His

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eyebrows are actually growing into the fabric. I've actually stitched them in. He's

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stitching them and he's full beanie.
Now he's just a beanie guy. I

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mean, you do have at like
a thirty three percent at least nautically themed

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tattoo. We're a third there,
and really it takes up most of your

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sleeve and actually the entire sleep people
will know this well, I'm sure some

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do. It's a BioShock tattoo at
this point in its own war. Always.

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The whole thing is I think you
wreck condit to BioShock it's its own

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thing. It's a reimagination of bioshef
infinite the last one, by the way,

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the one, thanks for thanks for
filling in that details. It's an

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important details. It's clearly yes,
oh but yeah no, so danceman wearing

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this beanie and he looks hot as
fuck, and we have to just make

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fun of him for it, otherwise
he's going to forget full of himself.

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He looks like you come home,
like you find him with your with your

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wife, like when he gets off
work at the docks, he's he's still

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wearing the beanie. When he's with
your wife. It's just him naked,

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but your wife and the beanie.
There's actually a little beanie on his penis

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too, just a little just a
little red bean that's it's not a condom.

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No, it's a little penis hat. It's just a hat hat hat.

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People don't know this. But you
don't need the condom to go all

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the way down the shaft. No, you can just wear it like loose,

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you know, just all the tip. Yeah, just anyone ever tried

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to invent that, just the tip, like thimble, just the tip.

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Good monopoly piece is a monopoly piece. We'll use the monopoly piece as your

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condom. Well, the holes in
it is problematic, But why does it

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need to go all the way down
the shaft just you know, get a

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rubber band, put it around the
head. But then you're a strain in

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your semen. I guess I gotta
imagine it's because it makes it weaker.

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I imagine the when you put on
a condom normally, like you're not getting

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that all the way in there?
What the whole what Like you're not getting

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the base of the condom, Like
you're not getting your whole shaft in.

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Are you saying you have a massive
hog? No, I'm not saying that.

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It's long and narrow. Rob Rob's
favorite. It's like one of those

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pencils you win at a carnival.
Not even a number two a pencil,

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it's a number one. No,
no, no, it's a it's one

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of those big novelty pencils that you
win in a carnival as a kid.

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It's two feet long, but it's
the normal pencil, no, not normal

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pencil link. But it's like maybe
like this, like the the the girth

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of the girth is still pretty thick. It's at least the size of like

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a silver dollar. No, no, no, noveltie pencils. I don't

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know. Maybe you guys didn't get
the same pencils as me. I don't

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think there's a universal novelty pencil.
I will look it, certainly isn't.

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I don't think they're standardizing kooky pencils. History podcast, Yeah, well through

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the show. We're a history podcast. We don't have to say this every

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episode we do right now, No, we do. We don't have to

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remind people. I'm oh, yeah, And he's got a point that people

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literally click on the title. They
actually even know about the episode before we

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do. That's weird me and you. Obviously Rob's host in this episode.

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We have no idea what he's bringing
to the table. But the people that

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listen to this before YouTube, they
know because they know. The chronology of

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this is very like I'm wrapping my
head around it. But I don't like

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it. It's a little bit incept
it. Yeah, I don't like the

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non that's a logical experience of it, but I kind of do. It's

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kind of a head trip. Not
enough people going back to kind of the

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nautical theme. Not enough dudes are
spending seven or eight years on the seas,

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getting lost, just getting lost.
You don't come back from that.

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A lot of people used to get
lost at sea. Yeah, they didn't

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come back there when they came back. Who Homer, Homer kind of Omber

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didn't get lost at sea. He
kept getting trapped, he kept getting like,

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yeah, he got inconvenienced a lot. That happens to most sailors.

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He also his his situation I think
was kind of pathetic too, because I

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don't think he ever went very far. It's like Moses in the desert.

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It's like, dude, that wasn't
even that big of a desert between the

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reds. He's gonna take it that
long? No, Yeah, but you

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went you had to go the exact
wrong way, like dozens. He was

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going to a circle. I have
actually never really thought about it until the

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Gaza situation lately, where the refugees
were trying to go to Egypt. I'm

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like, oh, Moses took forty
years to do that. It's very close,

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right, Yeah, that someone Google
mapped it and the walk is like

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like one hundred and fifty hours,
yeah, or something like that. It's

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not much. Nothing is considered.
But then like they're like, oh,

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I Noah was a million years old, so maybe they were just counting time.

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Different back. Think about a bunch
of Jews though, walking through the

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desert. It's a classic joke.
I believe that as a family guy joke.

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Yeah, among others. Well,
in the family Guy on there's billboards

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and they're all reading the billboards,
which is very funny. I don't I

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remember what it was. Yeah,
they made bread rain from the sky mana

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specifically. Now you gotta think the
gravitational pool. If it hit somebody in

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the head, that's like dropping a
penny off the empire state bent. It's

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dangerous. It's coming from the heaven. It's not if God sends it.

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What if he took a few guys
out, like all of a sudden,

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you just see Eli's head just explode. What do you think the yamakas are

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for? Man, that's protection.
That's why you gotta cover your head,

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right, Yeah, you would,
you would know this, Yeah, of

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course, this is what they taught
you during I'm a scholar. Yes.

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Yeah. By the way, if
you like this banter, we have a

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Patreon Patreon dot com slash softcore History
five dollars a month. Five dollars a

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00:06:05,720 --> 00:06:10,959
month, get you two extra episodes
a week, plus an entire Evergreen back

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catalog. We do all kinds of
fun stuff, normal episodes like this game

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shows, watch alongs. We're all
pathetic history buffs, and none of us

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have watched Masters of the Area yet, but we did want to discuss that

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on the Patreon. Coming up soon, we're gonna start playing each other in

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Risk just to just because I'm just
gonna see if anyone raced quick. So

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many things coming up. Yeah in
the pipeline. Yeah, one that I'm

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really excited about as well. But
yeah, five dollars a month gives you

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a ton of extra content. It's
really fun. Two additional episodes every week

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and two years of Evergreen content at
this point. Evergreen also, if you

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can do its a favorite, leave
review and five stars on Apple. On

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Spotify, you just do the five
stars on Apple. It helps if you

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write I will not drink until we
get a thousand reviews. So we got

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about seventy to go. Damn still, but more importantly than we've actually lost

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reviews since I said, people fucking
people. People don't want you to be

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happy. They want me to suffer, but they want me to be lost

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at sea with no booze. How
about this, Dan will gain thirty pounds

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of fat if you reach one thousand
reviews. You'll do that. I simply

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won't do that. He won't do
it, Dan will get titties. I

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did that at TFM for six months. It didn't work. There was a

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time I cultivated too much mass you
did. I was two hundred and thirty

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five pounds. Shake. That's wild. That is actually insane. I'm barely

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six foot. There's no reason for
me to be a little bowl and ball.

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No, No, there's not.
Anyway. Yeah, leave reviews all

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that stuff, fun stuff. We
appreciate it when you do. It helps

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us climb the rankings. It's never
about listens. It's about the reviews,

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all about manipulating the system to your
benefit. But anyway, let's get into

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the day's topic today. I'll just
come straightforward with it because there's no point

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in. There's not really a twist
here. Is it kind of topical?

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Can? I guess? No?
It's not topical at all as far as

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I know. WA ain't talking about
civil wars? No, No, I

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guess you could call it topical if
you if you think I give a shit

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about any political uh people by the
way. We don't. But today we're

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just talking about some of the dumbest
trials throughout history, but specifically one thing

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that makes them dumb. Is there
a common link? Yes? Thread,

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Yes do I guess it. You
can if you want. I wasn't gonna

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make you. But let's just say
things. Ready, echo, Uh,

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treason, it's self inflicted wounds.
No, religious themed, not really.

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Penis is out No, I mean
that, yes, but not really.

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Teenage girls. No, I give
up. All the defendants have one thing

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in common. Oh, well,
that was a clue you could have given

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us with their Italian No. No, every Italian deserves being jail. They

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get no trial. Yeah, straight
to jail. Speaking of stupid to even

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put them on trial, yeah,
just straight to show. None of the

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defendants in these cases are human beings. Oh okay, corpses, nah,

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animals, dog, animals, and
inanimate objects put on trial for a lot

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of stuff, mostly murder. Did
people love a good animal murder? A

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lot of people root for the animals. There's times when the animals deserve to

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be rooted for. I'm like that
guy, I will never forget. If

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you guys want to look this up, don't look I'm gonna tell you right

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now if you find the unedited or
unsensored video, it's a little graphic,

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but even the sounds are just bad. The fucking janitor at I forget which

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zoo it was. He's a night
janitor and he decided it would be a

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sweet idea to pet a tiger.
Stick his arm through the cage, pettit

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and pet a tiger. Maybe the
vibes are right, it's just like,

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you know what, fuck it,
I'm going for it. Man's tiger's pretty

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cool. Maybe they locked eyes at
some point, built up a relationship over

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six months and he was like,
let's do this. Skip he's a night

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janitor, you said, yeah,
yeah, so red Flag number one,

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he's the cleanup guy they don't trust
around the guests. Yeah, he's on

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a lot of benda drill, Like
just let him be a nighttime guy,

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all right. He might have been
a lot of bet role, but he

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could feel everything. If what the
video is any indication, definitely team Tiger

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there. Yeah, but they killed
the tiger. By the way, they've

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shot the tiger. Dad, all
these orcas are starting to kind of get

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together and sink boats. Are we
team ORCA? Now? I am I'm

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teamworker. You're anti boat. I'm
not anti boat, I'm anti big boat.

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I'm only cool if they're not hitting
big boats. They need to be

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more strategic. Sink the Japanese boats
if we get they're sinking like pleasure yachts

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00:10:52,440 --> 00:10:56,080
in the Mediterranean, that's also okay. Orcas, Yeah, are there Orcs

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in the Mediterranean. They were tacking
boats off of Gibraltar or something. Fuck

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yeah, I can't really just think
of orcas in the Mediterranean. That sucks

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00:11:03,240 --> 00:11:07,600
up my worldview. They're in there
by the Golden Gay Bridge for me.

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And like up north, yeah,
I think like Maine, Alaska, literally

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everywhere this is the Orca habitat.
It's basically I didn't realize I had to

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worry about Orca so much. Everywhere
the coastlines. Yeah, they're kind of

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just the big batties that are like, oh, you guys thought you're so

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00:11:24,960 --> 00:11:31,399
hot. Yeah. Oh they Orcas
are the alpha predator, the apex predatorlane.

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It's not sharks. It might be
of the planet. No, it's

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00:11:35,600 --> 00:11:37,879
us. You got to defeat them
psychologically, you know. Even though Tenecum

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I believe drowned like multiple people.
Yeah, I think he made too much

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money so they couldn't get rid of
him. Initially, I think it all

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started once we started letting those black
fish or black yeah, blackfish, that

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was the documentary. Yeah, yeah, well we got to put them back

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in the ocean. We took the
prisoner once, let him back out in

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the wild, and they told the
tale. These humans are going too crazy.

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We gotta be like the all author
of Wizard of Oz who I need

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00:12:03,039 --> 00:12:05,320
to look up real quick because I
can't remember his name. Oh, Frank

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00:12:05,399 --> 00:12:09,639
Baum. L Frank Baum, who
at one point about Native Americans because he

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was also a newspaper columnist, was
like, man, we fucked him over

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too bad. Man. We gotta
just kill them all or they're gonna come

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00:12:18,960 --> 00:12:20,679
back and fuck us. Man,
you can't put the toothpaste back in the

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00:12:20,720 --> 00:12:24,279
tube. No, he wrote Natives
genocide, Let's go. Yeah, he

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00:12:24,360 --> 00:12:28,679
straight up, straight up wrote that
in uh a fucking newspaper article. He's

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like, we gotta just finish the
job, man, because they're gonna be

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00:12:31,799 --> 00:12:33,440
pissed. Yeah. I mean,
if you've released one of these sea world

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work goes out to the wild,
they tell their buddies. Yeah right,

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do you know what they did?
Spreads like wildfire. They made me do

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a show, they made me perform
for food. That's embarrassing for an apex.

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Predators have to like genuflex to humans. Imagine if you were just stuck

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in your kitchen for the rest of
your life, not even you're stay it's

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00:12:56,440 --> 00:13:00,879
a fit's fine, right, Like
you're stuck in like your dining room,

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00:13:01,320 --> 00:13:03,799
and humans were in your kitchen and
they got to decide what you ate.

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00:13:03,840 --> 00:13:09,320
They at least bring it to you. Yeah, but I'm just saying compared

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00:13:09,360 --> 00:13:13,600
to like the ocean everything like how
small. Infinitely, I'd like you gotta

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00:13:13,600 --> 00:13:16,720
be in your closet the rest of
your life. It's like you gotta be

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00:13:16,840 --> 00:13:22,519
like I can't even like a cubby
like fit in that cubby in your closet.

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I'm still totally cool with like penguins
and like smaller animals hate the cages.

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Oh, they rip them to pieces. They like literally play with seals

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before they met with them. Now, Frank Baum might have written that sarcastically,

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but they don't know. Oh well, I mean they can't say for

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sure, then he should have doesn't
really stand the test of time. Well,

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tone in text, it's quite difficult. You would think bomb would be

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able to freaking do it. But
do you think people just read old tweets

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00:13:56,000 --> 00:14:00,320
of ours in like a hundred years
and not get the sarcasm? Yeahah,

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A lot of joke, a lot
of comedy doesn't travel well, Oh,

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00:14:03,720 --> 00:14:07,840
certainly not. Yeah. So yeah, we're talking about the dumbest trials throughout

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history today, and my first one
might be my favorite one because of any

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00:14:13,399 --> 00:14:18,159
longtime listener of the show knows we
are all big college football fans in particular,

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and this is the most sec thing
I've ever heard. But it ain't

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sec. It's ancient Greece. Oh, ancient Greece putting would imagine lions on

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trial. No, No, it's
fucking dumber than that, I guess,

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00:14:39,039 --> 00:14:43,639
ancient Greece. Flamingos. Do you
think of flamingos when you think of ancient

218
00:14:43,679 --> 00:14:48,159
Greece? Yeah, I don't.
I've been playing Assassin's Creer. Oh okay,

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00:14:48,399 --> 00:14:52,080
it's in Egypt, and it's based
about around the time Greece in Egypt

220
00:14:52,240 --> 00:14:58,720
kind of merged together. We're doing
their Alexander and there's a lot of flamingos.

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Yeah, they're actually aren't flamingos,
though they didn't realize that I didn't

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know that. Again, Orcas flamingos. We're learning a lot today about animals,

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Yeah, we are. So it
happened in like four eighty somewhere around

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there. Uh, there was this
famous Olympian by the name of I'm gonna

225
00:15:18,440 --> 00:15:24,639
probably fucking up or whatever they jenis
of Thanos fucking wrong Rob. He was

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00:15:24,679 --> 00:15:30,200
one of the most famous Olympians of
all time, Like in that era.

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00:15:30,679 --> 00:15:35,200
He allegedly won like fourteen hundred boxing
matches. He won over fourteen hundred crowns.

228
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I think he also did like running
and stuff too, but fourteen hundred.

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00:15:39,759 --> 00:15:43,679
So because Olympics, this guy was
certifiably mentally challenged by the end of

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00:15:43,759 --> 00:15:46,399
he had to participate every day.
Dude, I don't know. So they

231
00:15:46,440 --> 00:15:50,360
would have like smaller competitions right at
like fairs and stuff. He was he

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00:15:50,440 --> 00:15:56,639
was doing like double double two three
keys. Yeah, yeah, titles.

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00:15:56,639 --> 00:16:00,360
He's a stack compiler. There's too
many Olympics. These aren't true. There's

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00:16:00,480 --> 00:16:04,480
one historian who claims he quote unquote
killed most of his opponents. Oh,

235
00:16:04,519 --> 00:16:08,320
so boxing was just different. But
he's bare knuckles certainly, I imagine.

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Yeah, with swords, fighters these
days are so soft they fight maybe two

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00:16:14,360 --> 00:16:17,559
or three times a year. Yeah, this dude's probably fighting two or three

238
00:16:17,559 --> 00:16:21,120
times a day. Yeah. So
this guy was super famous, especially in

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00:16:21,200 --> 00:16:26,399
his hometown. After he died,
a giant statue was erected in his honor

240
00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:32,080
because he's like the most famous athlete
from the area whatever, so on and

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00:16:32,080 --> 00:16:37,840
so forth. After he was dead
in the statue was erected. Apparently every

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00:16:37,960 --> 00:16:41,559
night one of his rivals, who
also lived in the city and I assume

243
00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:45,879
got his head smashed in by this
guy a million times. His rival would

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00:16:45,879 --> 00:16:52,480
walk by it every night and apparently
like just flog the statue just maybe like

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00:16:52,480 --> 00:16:56,679
a quick like like smack it as
like a fuck you. It was dead

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00:16:56,799 --> 00:16:59,840
rival love that, you know what
I mean. Yeah, we've talked to

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00:17:00,240 --> 00:17:03,039
some Chinese warlords that would slap statues. Yeah, so he was just kind

248
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of versal baby. Yeah, so
he was just kind of like, man,

249
00:17:06,319 --> 00:17:08,039
fuck this guy, fuck him.
Every day, would smack the statue

250
00:17:08,079 --> 00:17:14,799
whatever. He wouldn't defile, write
anything like Roman graffiti. Yeah, just

251
00:17:14,880 --> 00:17:19,359
draw a small penis on it.
Small penises were dope and greasepis on this

252
00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:25,720
guy's dumb buck dumb dirty high.
Get this idiot, idiot's penis. It

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00:17:25,759 --> 00:17:27,640
looks like there's a tumor in it. It's so big. I hate it.

254
00:17:29,680 --> 00:17:33,279
So every day walk by the statue, smacked the statue, fuck you,

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00:17:33,640 --> 00:17:41,400
the genus whatever. One day,
I guess he either all his smacks

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00:17:41,960 --> 00:17:44,519
wore it down, or he hit
it too hard or what. He hit

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00:17:44,519 --> 00:17:49,680
the statue and he knocked the statue
over, killing himself. The statue fell

258
00:17:49,759 --> 00:17:53,640
on him and fucking killed him.
That's what you get, which is to

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00:17:53,759 --> 00:17:59,599
me an extremely Harvey Updyke situation,
like it's a miracle. Harvey Updyke didn't

260
00:17:59,599 --> 00:18:03,279
poison himself, oh well, handling
the chemicals to kill those trees. Yes,

261
00:18:03,359 --> 00:18:06,960
yeah, he gotta think he did. He die cancer heart disease,

262
00:18:07,440 --> 00:18:11,559
something that kills most SEC fans for
being honest. It would have been poetic

263
00:18:11,599 --> 00:18:15,599
though, if he just died of
cancer caused by the poison yeah, that

264
00:18:15,680 --> 00:18:25,519
he used for the trees that the
tumors corners gave the ts tumorsmers. Wait,

265
00:18:25,599 --> 00:18:27,119
some Albard fans should do that,
just dressed up as like little lumps.

266
00:18:27,359 --> 00:18:32,480
Yeah, just like did you see
they were celebrating when Sabin retired that

267
00:18:33,759 --> 00:18:36,759
I would I get it, I
get it, I get it. That's

268
00:18:36,759 --> 00:18:40,519
the biggest win they've had in a
long time. That's like celebrating when someone

269
00:18:40,599 --> 00:18:44,440
stops holding your head underwater, you
know what I mean. I want to

270
00:18:44,440 --> 00:18:47,960
say, it doesn't matter if if
it's why it's happening, You're just happy

271
00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:51,680
it's done. I'm pretty sure Auburn
had a winning record at home against Alabama

272
00:18:51,720 --> 00:18:56,599
while he was there, though,
mm one or three times, and he

273
00:18:56,680 --> 00:19:00,119
was one of the more successful coaches. Yeah, Sabe, and so I

274
00:19:00,119 --> 00:19:02,279
don't think so. I doubt it. I feel like it's one of those

275
00:19:02,279 --> 00:19:04,200
weird stats where you're like, what
I could be wrong on that. Maybe

276
00:19:04,200 --> 00:19:07,359
gus one three times at home,
That's what I'm saying. It's like,

277
00:19:07,440 --> 00:19:14,000
yeah, every other Denny No,
but yeah, I think they did.

278
00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:21,279
Okay and jordanaire so essentially the statue
they were allowed to put m and objects

279
00:19:21,359 --> 00:19:25,119
on trial and ancient Greece, I
think they should put the guy whose statue

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00:19:25,119 --> 00:19:30,440
it is on trial. Well he's
dead. I mean, they have done

281
00:19:30,440 --> 00:19:33,839
that with corpse. That's one of
our first episodes was the corpse to Nod.

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00:19:33,839 --> 00:19:34,880
But that is more common than you
think. It's happened a lot in

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00:19:34,920 --> 00:19:41,519
history. Regardless. The statue was
put on Now what do we Yeah,

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00:19:41,559 --> 00:19:45,119
we like cancel dead people. Oh
yeah, that we definitely do. It's

285
00:19:45,160 --> 00:19:48,000
the easiest the court of public opinion. But that John Wayne, You're you're

286
00:19:48,039 --> 00:19:51,759
done. This was a real co
for They took him into a real They

287
00:19:51,799 --> 00:19:52,720
took a statue into a real court. I think we should do that with

288
00:19:52,759 --> 00:19:56,000
dead people now if you speak for
anyone that literally does not have the ability

289
00:19:56,039 --> 00:20:00,799
to have a voice literally like speak. It's the easiest point. We just

290
00:20:00,799 --> 00:20:03,240
put down to Thomas Jefferson's statue right
in New York. They took one down

291
00:20:03,279 --> 00:20:07,960
here. They need to just dig
up TJ. Put him on trial and

292
00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:10,960
let him defend himself to keep that
statue. So you need, like you

293
00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:12,880
definitely need like a court clerk to
be behind him and be like, oh

294
00:20:12,880 --> 00:20:18,640
I didn't do it. Yeah,
pretty much one of his like relatives.

295
00:20:18,680 --> 00:20:22,279
Could you put all his writing into
AI and just have AI make the defense.

296
00:20:22,359 --> 00:20:26,480
I'm sure it probably shred whatever was
brought up to like get him with.

297
00:20:26,920 --> 00:20:30,759
He would probably rhetorically destroy the AI
just gives him a bitch voice,

298
00:20:32,200 --> 00:20:34,759
well like link like a Lincoln voice
was just a little wiry racipy voice,

299
00:20:36,160 --> 00:20:38,839
had a weird voice he did people. By all accounts, he had like

300
00:20:38,880 --> 00:20:44,119
a high pitch like Daniel D.
Lewis, probably nailed his voice. I

301
00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:47,119
learned something the other day that was
odd. Well. I didn't think I

302
00:20:47,119 --> 00:20:51,480
would learn from Vivic Ramaswani or whatever
his name is. Oh God, you

303
00:20:51,559 --> 00:20:56,880
learned something from that guy. He
apparently. Uh. Abraham Lincoln was one

304
00:20:56,880 --> 00:21:02,319
of the pallbears for John Quincy Adams. Really, that's news to me.

305
00:21:02,440 --> 00:21:04,200
How was that leveraged into an argument, is what I want to know.

306
00:21:04,319 --> 00:21:07,960
It wasn't. He was just talking
about history. Oh wow, So I

307
00:21:07,960 --> 00:21:12,839
guess John Quincy was one of the
only BOYD former presidents that went back into

308
00:21:12,839 --> 00:21:15,000
the House. Yeah he did.
Yeah, and Lincoln would have been,

309
00:21:15,039 --> 00:21:18,480
I guess in the house. And
as he was given a speech in the

310
00:21:18,519 --> 00:21:23,200
House about freeing the slaves, he
died, Oh really yeah, damn Well.

311
00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:26,720
All I know is that he wanted
to do commerce with the mole people,

312
00:21:26,960 --> 00:21:29,319
and for that, yes, he's
my favorite. He wanted to go

313
00:21:29,359 --> 00:21:30,440
to hollow Earth, he wanted to
go to the middle of the Earth,

314
00:21:30,680 --> 00:21:34,559
and he was drafting plans to talk
up starting to get the economy rolling with

315
00:21:34,599 --> 00:21:38,279
mold people. We need to do
just like a full deep dive on Dams.

316
00:21:38,559 --> 00:21:42,400
We really do. He's he's well, the whole reason we went to

317
00:21:42,440 --> 00:21:45,400
the North Pole was to get to
the center of the earth, to do

318
00:21:45,519 --> 00:21:49,960
deals with mole people. That's facts, like, that's that's on record.

319
00:21:51,079 --> 00:21:56,400
Be brave enough, you know,
to dare, dare do things, you

320
00:21:56,440 --> 00:21:57,839
know, it's like shooting for the
stars, hitting the moon right right,

321
00:21:57,839 --> 00:22:00,240
It's like what we got to the
North Pole. We didn't hit the mold

322
00:22:00,240 --> 00:22:03,359
people, but we got the poll
people. The funniest thing to me,

323
00:22:03,920 --> 00:22:07,279
I also did in fact check what
Vivic said, so I looked it up.

324
00:22:07,279 --> 00:22:11,240
It appears to be correct. The
funniest thing to me about John Quincy

325
00:22:11,279 --> 00:22:17,720
Adams is has nothing to do with
John Quincy Adams and everything to do with

326
00:22:17,759 --> 00:22:21,680
the fact that so I, as
listeners as show no, I love the

327
00:22:22,279 --> 00:22:26,519
HBO mini series John Adams because I'm
like a history buff, but obviously like

328
00:22:26,559 --> 00:22:30,640
a very surface level history buff.
I mean that that's his best role.

329
00:22:30,640 --> 00:22:37,039
Why by far? Ever, But
what's funny is I also obviously I've watched

330
00:22:37,039 --> 00:22:41,920
The Bear and stuff like that,
I've watched Girls and but this mostly pertains

331
00:22:41,920 --> 00:22:48,079
to the Bear. The cousin in
the Bear it's not his cousin, no,

332
00:22:48,240 --> 00:22:51,720
but yeah, but the dirt bag, the piece of shit, the

333
00:22:51,759 --> 00:22:55,680
dirt bag guy. He played John
Quincy Adams in the mini series John Adams,

334
00:22:55,680 --> 00:22:59,920
and that's how I first knew him
as like this quiet serious actor.

335
00:23:00,119 --> 00:23:02,759
Eddie is now just like the biggest
piece of shit. It's always a ship

336
00:23:03,160 --> 00:23:07,039
like and like funny too, like
I have I don't remember his name because

337
00:23:07,680 --> 00:23:11,039
Quincy he quaits Quincy and John Adams. That's like if you saw John c

338
00:23:11,200 --> 00:23:12,839
Riley and Only Gangs of New York
for the first time, and you're like

339
00:23:14,000 --> 00:23:15,799
or like Magnolia and you're like,
wait, this is like a funny guy.

340
00:23:15,960 --> 00:23:22,240
I remember. It's a good seeing
that John c Riley was in Tala

341
00:23:22,279 --> 00:23:26,319
Daggon Knights and thinking that that was
a weird decision. Yeah, Like it

342
00:23:26,319 --> 00:23:27,480
came out when I was in college, and I remember because I like,

343
00:23:27,480 --> 00:23:30,759
like the thin red Line and Gangs
in New York and I was like,

344
00:23:30,960 --> 00:23:33,680
yes, so much range Hu.
It's like, why are you doing this,

345
00:23:33,720 --> 00:23:37,759
bro? You were that's that's a
choice in a PTA movie you're in

346
00:23:37,079 --> 00:23:42,039
Who did Gangs in New York?
Was that Scorsese, Terrence Malick for the

347
00:23:42,079 --> 00:23:45,519
other one, Red Line, and
then he did Dewey Cox. He's like

348
00:23:47,880 --> 00:23:49,240
shake and break well, And that's
the other thing. When I saw the

349
00:23:49,279 --> 00:23:52,799
Dewey Cox trailer, so I was
like, Okay, maybe he just wanted

350
00:23:52,799 --> 00:23:53,720
to do a comedy and he was
good in it. And then I saw

351
00:23:53,759 --> 00:23:56,559
the Dewey Cox trailer and I was
like, oh, he just doesn't want

352
00:23:56,599 --> 00:24:00,680
to go back to serious acting anymore, even to Paul Thomas Anderson movies.

353
00:24:00,720 --> 00:24:03,920
Actually, what is the other one? Yeah, Boogie Knights. Oh yeah,

354
00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:07,279
yeaheah yeah, which at least that
one's he's kind of he's comedic in

355
00:24:07,319 --> 00:24:10,880
a tragic way. And yeah,
they're all sad in that movie. But

356
00:24:10,920 --> 00:24:14,119
it's funny, funny sad. Yeah, Oh, you didn't want to be

357
00:24:14,119 --> 00:24:17,440
a porn star after that movie.
I didn't aspire you dude. The last

358
00:24:17,480 --> 00:24:22,720
ten seconds it's the best part.
You finally get to see Mark Wahlberg's dick.

359
00:24:22,880 --> 00:24:25,119
I think the best part twenty he
has gotten so low he has to

360
00:24:25,200 --> 00:24:27,240
jerk off in his truck cab for
other dudes. Oh that's pretty good.

361
00:24:27,279 --> 00:24:32,000
And then they beat him up and
call him gay like they propositioned him.

362
00:24:32,160 --> 00:24:36,799
Yeah. No, it's very funny. That one and then it's it seems

363
00:24:36,839 --> 00:24:40,839
like something homophobes would do. It's
very much so, yeah, closet enjoy

364
00:24:40,920 --> 00:24:44,480
that and then fight over. Yeah, but Mark Wahlberg and uh was it

365
00:24:44,559 --> 00:24:47,519
John c Riley or just arguing about
or talking about what they can bench?

366
00:24:47,799 --> 00:24:49,960
Yeah, by the pool, and
it's like that's the best scene in the

367
00:24:51,000 --> 00:24:53,720
whole movie. I mean that was
half of I Doesn't Old Lifting podcast.

368
00:24:55,160 --> 00:24:57,640
Yeah, we just didn't just how
much they badge? Yeah, that what's

369
00:24:57,680 --> 00:25:00,799
true. Anytime someone come on,
we'd be how much you lift? What's

370
00:25:00,799 --> 00:25:03,039
your max? Dude? What's your
maxim bench? No, Jake, what's

371
00:25:03,039 --> 00:25:03,839
your max? What's my max?
I don't know I have a max in

372
00:25:03,880 --> 00:25:08,400
a minute? What's the most you've
maxed? The most I've maxed on bench?

373
00:25:08,960 --> 00:25:12,240
Not a lot, probably two thirty
five? Okay, that's respectable.

374
00:25:12,400 --> 00:25:17,039
Yeah, and then for your size, squat's probably around the same thing.

375
00:25:17,319 --> 00:25:21,200
You know, what's the most disrespectful
thing ever? What's that is people at

376
00:25:21,240 --> 00:25:25,319
the gym when I get to spot
me welcome to substock. I know they're

377
00:25:25,319 --> 00:25:27,079
bigger dudes, and it's always like, oh, you're pretty strong for your

378
00:25:27,079 --> 00:25:33,279
size. Oh what a little Backhanded's
so bitchy, that is. That's so

379
00:25:33,359 --> 00:25:36,640
I want to fight them on the
spot. Strong dudes are like weak women,

380
00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:41,960
you know, petty that's why I
don't go to the gym. Yeah,

381
00:25:41,240 --> 00:25:45,519
true, I did hear. I
forget who to quote on this,

382
00:25:45,640 --> 00:25:52,319
but they refer to Donald Trump as
our first female president. It's just a

383
00:25:52,359 --> 00:25:57,079
trigger someone funny because there's petty as
hell, petty and emotional and yeah,

384
00:25:57,240 --> 00:26:00,720
yeah, it tracks. Actually it's
not. It's a funny take. It's

385
00:26:00,759 --> 00:26:04,640
great. Anyway, let's get to
the next trial. So there are a

386
00:26:04,640 --> 00:26:10,640
lot of stories about animal trials and
that I that I found in my research.

387
00:26:10,759 --> 00:26:14,119
I put that in hard quotes.
Most of them apparently though, and

388
00:26:14,160 --> 00:26:15,160
there most of them from the Middle
Ages, but apparently most of them are

389
00:26:15,160 --> 00:26:19,400
bullshit. Most of them were made
up after the fact. A lot of

390
00:26:19,440 --> 00:26:22,640
it was historians just kind of being
like, hah, look how dumb everyone

391
00:26:22,680 --> 00:26:27,119
was in the Middle Ages. Fucking
stupid s thought that there were witches and

392
00:26:27,200 --> 00:26:33,599
stuff put animals on truck, which
so it's smarter now. It wasn't really

393
00:26:33,640 --> 00:26:38,039
true for the most part, although
although they did, it did happen,

394
00:26:40,000 --> 00:26:45,359
so I mean kind of haha,
look how stupid you are? They also,

395
00:26:45,440 --> 00:26:49,039
apparently this was made up by a
lot of nineteenth century historians slash professors

396
00:26:49,039 --> 00:26:53,000
to keep students awake. They were
just tossing weird details to keep them on

397
00:26:53,039 --> 00:26:56,960
their toes. Oh really yeah,
allegedly. I don't know how true that

398
00:26:56,039 --> 00:26:59,160
is, all right now, if
it isn't murder though, and it's like

399
00:26:59,279 --> 00:27:02,319
kind of like a you know,
it's a felony, but it's not too

400
00:27:02,359 --> 00:27:07,400
serious statue in storage for like ten
years and then it gets to come back

401
00:27:07,440 --> 00:27:10,880
out. Ye, I guess.
But he I only know the statue that

402
00:27:10,960 --> 00:27:14,640
murdered. He murdered, so he
killed that. Yeah, he got what

403
00:27:14,799 --> 00:27:17,880
was coming to him. I don't
know, it's something the guy the statue

404
00:27:17,960 --> 00:27:21,359
was the statue was acting in self
defense. I agree with that long enough.

405
00:27:21,440 --> 00:27:25,759
Yeah, I agree with good point. Yeah, apparently there was manslaughter

406
00:27:25,799 --> 00:27:32,559
at worst. Statue law. Apparently
there was one trial that was actually animal

407
00:27:32,599 --> 00:27:34,359
trial that was also made up,
but it was made up by a contemporary

408
00:27:34,920 --> 00:27:40,559
in the Middle Ages or Renaissance somewhere
around there that was just to ruin the

409
00:27:40,559 --> 00:27:45,680
reputation of another lawyer, okay,
saying he defended rats in a trial and

410
00:27:45,720 --> 00:27:48,240
they're like, look at this asshole. He's so stupid, or maybe it

411
00:27:48,279 --> 00:27:49,279
was like, dude, this is
is that not a real story? I've

412
00:27:49,279 --> 00:27:52,359
heard that story. There is also
a different story where someone defends rats in

413
00:27:52,400 --> 00:27:56,519
a trial, which we will talk
about, but this one, so they

414
00:27:56,519 --> 00:28:00,519
said someone did either maybe to portray
hims an ambulance or to portray them as

415
00:28:00,519 --> 00:28:04,400
this fuck dumb or or dishonest,
or he'll you don't want to be one

416
00:28:04,400 --> 00:28:08,720
of his clients because his clients include
literal rats. So it's appealing to like

417
00:28:08,799 --> 00:28:14,000
the if you're one of his clients, you live amongst filth and vermin.

418
00:28:14,200 --> 00:28:17,799
He's just a trash lawyer. He's
a trashy lawyer, whereas today like amban

419
00:28:18,200 --> 00:28:21,720
a kind of thing A lot of
people, certainly a lot of lawyers know.

420
00:28:21,759 --> 00:28:23,880
But I think it is also kind
of like common sense as well.

421
00:28:23,920 --> 00:28:26,200
My parents need to tell me this
all the time when I would be like,

422
00:28:26,240 --> 00:28:30,079
why don't the lawyer? I never
see all the lawyers you say are

423
00:28:30,119 --> 00:28:32,640
good in commercials. I only see
these lawyers and commercials. They're like,

424
00:28:32,960 --> 00:28:38,759
only bad lawyers have commercials, Like, only trashy lawyers have commercials. Is

425
00:28:38,799 --> 00:28:42,400
a good relative have a good jingle? Yeah? Just because you're a PI

426
00:28:42,480 --> 00:28:45,640
lawyer doesn't mean you're bad at your
job. But like the funny thing though,

427
00:28:45,640 --> 00:28:48,759
too, is like, no,
it kind of does, because I've

428
00:28:48,759 --> 00:28:52,519
worked for PI lawyers. Also,
when Rob fixes his hat and takes it

429
00:28:52,559 --> 00:28:53,799
off and puts it back on,
that's when you know he's cooking a tap,

430
00:28:56,000 --> 00:28:59,599
he's letting the steam out of I
know it does because I've worked for

431
00:28:59,640 --> 00:29:03,039
PI lawyers several different times. And
No, the best PI lawyers do not

432
00:29:03,279 --> 00:29:07,720
have fucking commercials or the market's oversaturated
and you got to stick out. But

433
00:29:07,720 --> 00:29:10,920
the funniest thing to me about the
p I lawyers that you see on TV

434
00:29:11,000 --> 00:29:14,160
is they don't do anything. They're
just like they're they're brand. They're the

435
00:29:14,160 --> 00:29:15,319
brand, and like they have a
million people working under them. Oh yeah,

436
00:29:15,359 --> 00:29:18,680
yeah, well Morgan, Yeah dude, you're not seeing him in fucking

437
00:29:18,839 --> 00:29:22,839
court, But I don't think he
can practice. You mean he'd murdered a

438
00:29:22,920 --> 00:29:26,720
man, Morgan did? Yeah,
dude, do you why he hit a

439
00:29:26,720 --> 00:29:30,839
guy? He killed a pedestrian,
which Morgan, the woman's on the TV,

440
00:29:32,000 --> 00:29:34,440
the oldest one. Sometimes you live
long enough to become the thing you

441
00:29:34,480 --> 00:29:38,319
made your money off of. It'd
be great if he defended himself in court.

442
00:29:38,480 --> 00:29:42,079
Just no, he sued himself.
Yeah he got They called his firm

443
00:29:42,160 --> 00:29:45,319
to represent Yeah the guy who died, trust me, I got this one.

444
00:29:45,519 --> 00:29:48,880
Yeah. It's like I'm gonna go
to jail for a while, but

445
00:29:49,519 --> 00:29:52,880
case we're I think part of the
agreement was he just couldn't practice law anymore,

446
00:29:52,880 --> 00:29:56,799
but he can still own the firm, all right, I guess so.

447
00:29:56,960 --> 00:30:00,279
I mean, if you're if you're
a capital partner, it yeah,

448
00:30:00,279 --> 00:30:02,319
it seems like you just get the
cash checks and not have to. I

449
00:30:02,400 --> 00:30:03,880
mean, to be honest, I'm
just saying, don't use a lawyer on

450
00:30:04,000 --> 00:30:14,160
tv MM or do or don't.
Just don't, just don't. That's maybe

451
00:30:14,160 --> 00:30:22,000
not you shouldn't. There are no
criminal lawyers who advertise, not really they're

452
00:30:22,039 --> 00:30:26,119
like duhy lawyers. That's criminal ires
im lawyers. You don't want to and

453
00:30:26,319 --> 00:30:27,720
you do not want a lawyer to
advertises. You definitely don't want a public

454
00:30:27,759 --> 00:30:32,839
defender. If you don't, people
don't ask for a public defender. You

455
00:30:32,880 --> 00:30:36,759
get a public defender because you can't
find any other lawyer. I think like

456
00:30:36,920 --> 00:30:41,079
if you well, like what if
he's got like slick back air and looks

457
00:30:41,079 --> 00:30:45,079
cool. I just I can't stress
this enough. Guys, you don't want

458
00:30:45,119 --> 00:30:48,880
lawyers. I have worked for high
end law firms. You don't want lawyers

459
00:30:48,880 --> 00:30:52,240
to advertise what are you doing here? I don't know. You should have

460
00:30:52,279 --> 00:30:53,920
got to law school? What are
you doing here? Should have got a

461
00:30:53,920 --> 00:30:59,559
fucking law school. Uh. Anyway, these trials took place, sometimes in

462
00:30:59,599 --> 00:31:02,519
secular courts, sometimes in religious courts. It just depends on the case.

463
00:31:02,880 --> 00:31:07,240
This first animal case took place,
I guess in a religious court. The

464
00:31:07,240 --> 00:31:12,079
monks of Saint Genevieve held the trial. It was twelve sixty six and a

465
00:31:12,160 --> 00:31:21,839
pig and her piglets were put on
trial because they eate a three year old

466
00:31:21,880 --> 00:31:26,160
alive. Holy shit, pigs can
Pigs are good at eating? Yeah?

467
00:31:26,200 --> 00:31:30,559
They eat bones. Yeah. So
they put the big on trial, put

468
00:31:30,559 --> 00:31:33,240
it on the stand. There's a
funny artist rendering. Although I don't think

469
00:31:33,240 --> 00:31:36,559
it's of the era. I think
it's much after the fact. I'm okay

470
00:31:36,599 --> 00:31:40,319
with trying to pig. They're smart. They're smart. Yeah, they knew

471
00:31:40,359 --> 00:31:41,440
they're like, oh, don't eat
them because they're smart. But oh,

472
00:31:41,440 --> 00:31:45,920
we can't put them on trial because
they're not smart enough. Pick Alane,

473
00:31:45,000 --> 00:31:48,960
seriously, pick al Aane. Talk
about talking on both sides of your mouth.

474
00:31:48,079 --> 00:31:56,000
Fucking's that's how you know. He's
also the closest thing to human skin.

475
00:31:56,599 --> 00:32:00,720
Pigskin. Yeah, going back to
our gangs in New York references delicious,

476
00:32:00,599 --> 00:32:07,160
that's a wound, that's a kill
like it. So they put this

477
00:32:07,200 --> 00:32:08,960
pig on trial, and the piglets, they were all on the stand together,

478
00:32:09,480 --> 00:32:12,680
h Like I said. The monks
of Saint Genevieve held the trial.

479
00:32:14,759 --> 00:32:19,960
Both sides made their cases. The
pig had lawyers, probably public defenders or

480
00:32:20,000 --> 00:32:24,680
whatever the equivalent was at the time. Anyway, the judge determined that the

481
00:32:25,599 --> 00:32:30,000
verdict is so funny to me because
the judge determined that even though their owner

482
00:32:30,559 --> 00:32:36,359
should have watched them more closely,
it was still the pig's fault. Yeah,

483
00:32:36,400 --> 00:32:38,160
the owner didn't need this kid,
no, I mean, he let

484
00:32:38,200 --> 00:32:43,680
his pigs run around and wasn't paying
attention, but he didn't eat the child.

485
00:32:43,759 --> 00:32:46,200
His pigs ate the child. We're
not too far off, right,

486
00:32:46,240 --> 00:32:52,519
Like if some shitty dog owners like
pit bull bites a kid, they put

487
00:32:52,519 --> 00:32:55,720
the pit bull. They didn't put
the person down. I mean the person

488
00:32:55,799 --> 00:33:00,240
actually know the person can be criminally
charged as well. There is like criminal

489
00:33:00,319 --> 00:33:05,559
negligence. There's criminal negligence. Yeah, I think like in most cases though,

490
00:33:05,559 --> 00:33:07,640
it's just gonna be like for damages. But also, you have a

491
00:33:07,799 --> 00:33:14,079
child, you know the risks.
They are food for pit bulls. So

492
00:33:14,119 --> 00:33:17,319
it's just like, man, I
understand you're upset, but it's twelve sixty

493
00:33:17,359 --> 00:33:21,960
six. You knew the risks of
having a baby. Just look out for

494
00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:24,119
all those pibules. Yeah, and
pigs. This was, by the way,

495
00:33:24,200 --> 00:33:28,640
like pig bulls. Pigs eating kids, as we will learn in this

496
00:33:28,720 --> 00:33:37,119
episode, oddly common. Well,
the kid's dead because that's a common now

497
00:33:37,240 --> 00:33:39,200
thing where if you want to dispose
of a body, you feed them to

498
00:33:39,240 --> 00:33:43,680
the pigs. The kids did not
start out dead when the feasts began,

499
00:33:43,880 --> 00:33:46,000
so a lot they're just eating them
alive. Y. Yeah, I don't

500
00:33:46,039 --> 00:33:49,920
know how. What do you mean
you don't know how? Three year olds

501
00:33:49,920 --> 00:33:52,240
aren't exactly the best at balancing,
and once you knock them down, they

502
00:33:52,319 --> 00:33:55,880
there's multiple days stay down. Yeah, I can tell you. I feel

503
00:33:55,880 --> 00:34:00,400
like both of my children could be
quite easily eaten by pig You remember Snatch,

504
00:34:00,599 --> 00:34:01,599
they have a whole pig pen for
to get rid of people. I

505
00:34:01,599 --> 00:34:06,119
guess it. It happens in deadwood
like a hundred times. It would make

506
00:34:06,160 --> 00:34:07,800
more sense though, if they're not
moving right, like if a pig just

507
00:34:07,800 --> 00:34:12,719
saw something. It's not a natural
predator. Let me tell you something.

508
00:34:14,320 --> 00:34:19,800
Predators there. I know they're disposals. Yeah, they're disposals. And honestly,

509
00:34:19,840 --> 00:34:22,000
the kid probably goes into shock pretty
quick, bleeds out not that long

510
00:34:22,039 --> 00:34:25,159
after you're not moving. For I
can't see a piggy. No, well

511
00:34:25,199 --> 00:34:29,840
it happened. I don't know what
to tell you. No, I didn't.

512
00:34:30,000 --> 00:34:30,599
I don't think so. I'm just
trying. No, no, I

513
00:34:31,039 --> 00:34:34,280
believe you. I'm just trying to
paint the picture of my head and I

514
00:34:34,360 --> 00:34:37,719
just can't believe it. So it
has to be a day kid. The

515
00:34:37,760 --> 00:34:40,159
pig was found liable. The mother
pig, the sow, was found liable.

516
00:34:40,400 --> 00:34:45,800
However, sorry, the piglets were
found that's damn, I'm dumb.

517
00:34:45,960 --> 00:34:52,079
The piglets were found not guilty because
the sow was the leader. They were

518
00:34:52,119 --> 00:34:57,719
like, she's the ring leader.
You got the piglet's just had to promise

519
00:34:58,039 --> 00:35:02,800
to behave themselves after the fact.
Putting the rico on them can't get them.

520
00:35:02,800 --> 00:35:07,679
For the rico. Piglets were let
off with a warning. Is this

521
00:35:07,000 --> 00:35:14,880
for real? Like, actually the
pig warned the judge piggies. I read

522
00:35:14,920 --> 00:35:17,639
different accounts. The pig the sow
was either hanged or burned at the steak,

523
00:35:19,000 --> 00:35:21,920
depending on the account. Kind of
hope burned at the steak, because

524
00:35:21,920 --> 00:35:25,960
then it's a meal burned over a
very slow yeah steak, just like a

525
00:35:25,960 --> 00:35:32,639
little quickie. And uh yeah no, I mean like I was waiting for

526
00:35:32,679 --> 00:35:37,840
a like joke to say about Rico
and I Beerrico, Like, don't have

527
00:35:37,920 --> 00:35:40,320
it. The important thing is it's
there and we'll work on it. Yeah,

528
00:35:40,320 --> 00:35:43,679
we'll work the posts. Sorry.
I was actually just watching the Lions

529
00:35:43,679 --> 00:35:46,000
side, weren't we all? Yeah, Jared Goff rolling out on first and

530
00:35:46,039 --> 00:35:50,519
goal. Yeah, evergreen content,
Evergreen cod. You don't know what you're

531
00:35:50,519 --> 00:35:52,239
I'm talking about. Yeah, yeah, it's you narrow it down. This

532
00:35:52,360 --> 00:35:57,880
always happened the conference championship. This
has always been happening. Uh. The

533
00:35:57,920 --> 00:36:01,239
next trial, in thirteen sixty eight
was another pig, again put on trial

534
00:36:01,320 --> 00:36:07,400
for killing an infant. I this
is on the parents, It kind of

535
00:36:07,480 --> 00:36:09,800
is it kind of like watch your
kid. Yeah, there was a I

536
00:36:09,840 --> 00:36:15,719
think it was a a blog I
wrote for the Patreon when I was going

537
00:36:15,719 --> 00:36:20,760
through newspapers from like the eighteen nineties, and there were two kids, like

538
00:36:20,800 --> 00:36:23,559
the parents just let their kids just
open the door and were like see you

539
00:36:23,639 --> 00:36:27,760
at dinner. Yeah, like it's
morning, Like come back at dinner.

540
00:36:28,039 --> 00:36:30,239
And one kid, like an eight
year old or whatever, like had his

541
00:36:30,800 --> 00:36:36,719
legs run over and saw it off
by a trolley car and they were like

542
00:36:36,719 --> 00:36:38,599
the boys were out playing while their
mother was It was just like a normal

543
00:36:38,719 --> 00:36:42,920
thing, and it was just like
like yeah, I mean, you know,

544
00:36:42,960 --> 00:36:45,679
you should's it sucks that kids can't
just like go outside and ride their

545
00:36:45,920 --> 00:36:49,400
or they can, but people don't
do it, go outside and ride their

546
00:36:49,440 --> 00:36:52,760
bikes alone. Whatever. But at
the same time, like there was a

547
00:36:52,800 --> 00:36:55,519
time when it was way too liberal
with that where it was just like go

548
00:36:55,559 --> 00:37:00,119
out into the city, I'll see
you in twelve hours. Yeah, there's

549
00:37:00,119 --> 00:37:04,199
a sweet spot somewhere. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, somewhere in there.

550
00:37:04,199 --> 00:37:05,960
But the kids were just playing on
the tracks. Well, now they

551
00:37:06,000 --> 00:37:12,639
have danger parks for kids. You
let them go play with like hot stoves.

552
00:37:12,960 --> 00:37:15,840
No, like it's like hammers and
power tools and shit, and you

553
00:37:15,920 --> 00:37:20,559
don't intervene. That's pretty sweet because
it's like it's like they're gonna hurt themselves

554
00:37:20,599 --> 00:37:22,480
at some point, like get them
comfortable around shit. So because like you're

555
00:37:22,480 --> 00:37:25,519
gonna hurt yourself more if you're scared
to handle something you are. Yeah,

556
00:37:25,559 --> 00:37:29,920
so they're like all right, like
there's hammers and nails and wrenches and shit.

557
00:37:30,000 --> 00:37:34,119
Go play. Every park is a
danger park. Yeah, because you

558
00:37:34,119 --> 00:37:37,880
don't know who's trying to traffic your
child. Yeah, you don't know who's

559
00:37:37,480 --> 00:37:42,679
on that bench. You know that
sounds like did you know for every child

560
00:37:42,760 --> 00:37:46,760
in the United States there are five
human traffickers. Really, yes, they're

561
00:37:46,760 --> 00:37:52,559
all in Hollywood as including their parents. Actually both parents, both parents,

562
00:37:52,599 --> 00:37:57,280
both parents are There are fifty million
human traffickers in the United States today.

563
00:37:57,480 --> 00:38:00,559
People don't know that. My people
are afraid to admit it. Favorite thing,

564
00:38:00,639 --> 00:38:02,280
the stat that everyone hates. This
is the person most likely to blest

565
00:38:02,320 --> 00:38:06,320
your child is you? Yeah,
no, shit, that's the dumbest thing.

566
00:38:06,760 --> 00:38:08,559
It's like, hey, are you
afraid your child's can get molested?

567
00:38:08,719 --> 00:38:12,920
Not an unfounded fear, not unfounded
fear, certainly that's a terrible thing,

568
00:38:12,960 --> 00:38:15,599
but uh, you're afraid you couldn't
get molested? Yeah? Yeah, absolutely,

569
00:38:15,199 --> 00:38:20,159
Are you currently molesting them? No, chances are you're probably good.

570
00:38:20,239 --> 00:38:24,800
Yeah, then you're probably good.
You were safer than but who's to say

571
00:38:24,880 --> 00:38:28,960
future you won't. That's true,
So maybe put a bullet in your head.

572
00:38:30,880 --> 00:38:36,199
Just be safe, just to be
safe. Dan's right, Rob,

573
00:38:37,039 --> 00:38:40,920
see you fellas, just be a
good dad man. I'll see uh this

574
00:38:42,000 --> 00:38:46,480
side or the other. Rob.
Oh my god. So thirteen eighty six

575
00:38:46,519 --> 00:38:53,039
just fucking pig and another fucking kid. And the trial is notable. It

576
00:38:53,039 --> 00:38:57,119
didn't just happen in this trial.
But this what caught my eye about this

577
00:38:57,199 --> 00:39:00,400
trial was one thing the courts would
try to do is they would try to

578
00:39:00,400 --> 00:39:06,000
make sure everyone knew that everything was
super duper legit right. They didn't want

579
00:39:06,000 --> 00:39:07,800
to make a mockery of the court. They wanted to make sure that the

580
00:39:07,840 --> 00:39:13,320
court's authority was respected and that like
under God and the law and everything like

581
00:39:13,400 --> 00:39:16,840
that. So they tried to make
things like on the up and up as

582
00:39:16,840 --> 00:39:24,079
they possibly could. And I guess
a way to do that was to dress

583
00:39:24,480 --> 00:39:30,400
the pig and human clothes. Ah. Yes, that added legitimacy to the

584
00:39:30,480 --> 00:39:32,199
trial. That doesn't make it seem
like a freak show. Yeah, no,

585
00:39:32,239 --> 00:39:35,800
not at all. That doesn't make
it weirder. No, suddenly,

586
00:39:35,800 --> 00:39:39,199
in fact makes it better. The
pig, by the way, was found

587
00:39:39,239 --> 00:39:45,360
guilty of eating the infant because it
did and uh, you know, they

588
00:39:45,039 --> 00:39:47,679
send us it to death. So
it was brought out for its execution in

589
00:39:47,800 --> 00:39:52,119
human clothes, and then right before
they I think hung it, I don't

590
00:39:52,119 --> 00:39:55,719
remember, right before they hung it, I think they even went to the

591
00:39:55,760 --> 00:40:02,000
extra step of putting a human mask
on its face. That's They're just like,

592
00:40:02,159 --> 00:40:06,039
ah, this is legitimate, now, everything is perfect. I bet

593
00:40:06,039 --> 00:40:09,000
Tony Blair wishes they did that made
it easier. He sucked the pig.

594
00:40:09,400 --> 00:40:15,719
Oh yeah, yeah, everyone knows
that. When I was before you told

595
00:40:15,719 --> 00:40:20,800
me, oh, before you told
me the mask part, I was like,

596
00:40:20,880 --> 00:40:22,400
oh man, you know, it
would be even more ridiculous if they

597
00:40:22,400 --> 00:40:25,320
brought out a little pig lawyer,
I know, right, just like they

598
00:40:25,320 --> 00:40:30,000
had to be. They had to
be represented by the species that that.

599
00:40:30,199 --> 00:40:32,360
Yeah, it's like, and you
have to have a jury of your peers,

600
00:40:32,440 --> 00:40:36,880
right, yeah, so like pig
jury, half pig, half man.

601
00:40:37,000 --> 00:40:39,880
Yeah, essentially, yeah, man
bear jury man bear jury, man,

602
00:40:39,880 --> 00:40:43,559
bear, pig jury man, pig
jury. Yeah. Oh there you

603
00:40:43,599 --> 00:40:47,920
go. It is. So in
fifteen fifty six, a different pig was

604
00:40:47,960 --> 00:40:53,239
tried, I don't know for what, probably eating a child found guilty and

605
00:40:53,280 --> 00:41:00,800
then buried alive. Then they roasted. Well there's a fire just on the

606
00:41:00,800 --> 00:41:04,679
other side of the hole. Yeah, that's how barbico was invented. Yeah.

607
00:41:04,719 --> 00:41:07,360
Yeah to Hawaiian next to a volcano
is where they buried alive and they

608
00:41:07,400 --> 00:41:10,320
found someone. A grave robber dug
it up and was like, God,

609
00:41:10,360 --> 00:41:15,039
damn this I think smoke it.
I was watching an episode of A Cooked

610
00:41:15,159 --> 00:41:21,960
and they were showing how the Aborigines
like they used forest fires to get cooked

611
00:41:22,000 --> 00:41:24,679
meat because Iguana's tunnel underground, so
they like burn land and then they just

612
00:41:24,719 --> 00:41:29,840
go pull up the chart iguanas sweet
and it's like, damn, is that

613
00:41:29,880 --> 00:41:31,920
how they figured that out? Because
that's dope. That's fantastic. Yeah.

614
00:41:31,960 --> 00:41:35,280
You just get all the things that
like scurry out from the ground that are

615
00:41:35,320 --> 00:41:37,519
on fire. Yeah, they're like, damn these taste good cooked. Yeah,

616
00:41:37,639 --> 00:41:43,320
that's actually incredible. Yeah. In
another trial at the turn of the

617
00:41:43,320 --> 00:41:47,239
fifteenth and sixteenth centuries, a group
of rats, a group, whole group,

618
00:41:47,760 --> 00:41:53,239
was put on trial for eating the
town's barley. Damn. Now that's

619
00:41:53,519 --> 00:41:57,800
that's just trying to take the whole
town out. Yeah, because that's not

620
00:41:57,840 --> 00:42:00,159
only like you know your food,
but you can probably get this. He's

621
00:42:00,199 --> 00:42:02,559
all over that shit too, disease
all over that's their food. Probably maybe

622
00:42:02,599 --> 00:42:06,960
some beer even I don't know for
sure, you're racing to drink y Yeah,

623
00:42:07,000 --> 00:42:13,039
yeah, yeah, noted French jurist
Bartholomew Chassonnet took up the case of

624
00:42:13,079 --> 00:42:16,199
the rats. Now, some thought
he did this just to show off how

625
00:42:16,719 --> 00:42:21,920
rhetorically gifted he was. He was
like, I can even get these obviously

626
00:42:21,960 --> 00:42:24,559
guilty fucking animals off, Like that's
how good. It was a heat check

627
00:42:25,039 --> 00:42:31,800
for the lawyer. Essentially, I
will get the rats proven innocent. So

628
00:42:31,840 --> 00:42:38,360
the rats were issued a summons.
The rats, however, did not show

629
00:42:38,440 --> 00:42:46,719
up to the trial. Chassonat argued
quite brilliantly on the rats behalf that they

630
00:42:46,719 --> 00:42:51,199
probably didn't even get the summons.
They got a plea deal because they're rats.

631
00:42:51,559 --> 00:42:52,760
Yeah they got deal. No,
no, no, they didn't get

632
00:42:53,599 --> 00:42:58,239
They have to see the summons.
Got to know you served them, right,

633
00:42:58,320 --> 00:43:00,360
If you don't serve them, then
they they're not on those anything.

634
00:43:00,440 --> 00:43:02,880
Yeah. So he first argued that
he was like, they didn't get the

635
00:43:02,920 --> 00:43:08,360
summons probably because they're rats. They
moved on to the next town. They're

636
00:43:08,360 --> 00:43:14,599
not here anymore. Then, he
argued that even if they did get the

637
00:43:14,639 --> 00:43:19,079
summons, they might not have felt
safe coming to court. They might not

638
00:43:19,159 --> 00:43:22,639
have felt they could have made it
to court safely because of all the cats

639
00:43:22,679 --> 00:43:29,840
in town. It's fair and if
the if the safety of the defendant or

640
00:43:29,880 --> 00:43:32,320
anyone else could not be guaranteed,
then they didn't have to come to court.

641
00:43:34,039 --> 00:43:38,400
Right what year is this call it
sixteen or fifteen hundred? Fifteen hundred?

642
00:43:38,519 --> 00:43:43,639
Actually what made right of two?
We go into witness protection? What

643
00:43:43,719 --> 00:43:45,679
he hit him under the hat in
the first place. Yeah, that's why

644
00:43:45,679 --> 00:43:46,800
he's hiding. He'sn't hiding there.
Yeah, yeah, you know, someone's

645
00:43:46,840 --> 00:43:50,400
just like fucking magne Karta. Look
at this point, like, why the

646
00:43:50,440 --> 00:43:52,840
fuck did we ever? This is
dumb? Well, I don't think this

647
00:43:52,920 --> 00:43:54,880
happened in Magna Carta Land. I
don't think this was in France. Oh

648
00:43:55,000 --> 00:44:00,719
yeah, but regardless. Yeah.
So he then argued that essentially that they

649
00:44:00,719 --> 00:44:06,880
couldn't their safety couldn't be guaranteed.
The lawyer concluded that it was legal for

650
00:44:06,960 --> 00:44:13,000
his clients to not have shown up
to the trial, and the judges found

651
00:44:13,000 --> 00:44:19,280
themselves forced to drop the case because
A they couldn't you know, disprove refute

652
00:44:19,280 --> 00:44:25,639
what he was saying, and b
they couldn't knock off one of his points

653
00:44:27,519 --> 00:44:32,280
that the rats weren't coming because they
didn't feel safe. Because they couldn't convince

654
00:44:32,360 --> 00:44:37,960
all the other villagers who's who lost
their barley to keep their cats indoors.

655
00:44:37,599 --> 00:44:40,440
Oh, the villagers were like,
no, not to keep out cuts in

656
00:44:40,480 --> 00:44:45,840
doors. Absolute mon I don't blame
them. Yeah, So they were just

657
00:44:45,880 --> 00:44:51,119
like, no, we're not doing
that. Next up in fourteen seventy four,

658
00:44:51,840 --> 00:44:54,079
this is one of the more famous
animal trials. I'm sorry real quick

659
00:44:54,599 --> 00:44:59,559
if I was a villager and this
was going on after like the real issue

660
00:44:59,599 --> 00:45:01,519
of we low start barley to rats
was a thing we had to do,

661
00:45:01,719 --> 00:45:06,079
wasting like civic energy on trying rats. Fuck are you doing? I'm finding

662
00:45:06,119 --> 00:45:08,920
the mare and killing him. It's
like, this is this is what's going

663
00:45:08,960 --> 00:45:13,840
on in ar I think we waste
taxpayer dollars now, right, dude,

664
00:45:13,840 --> 00:45:17,199
there's a whole last trial to point
a finger essentially rats, to have it

665
00:45:17,239 --> 00:45:22,199
on record who we pointed the finger
at, the historical reasoning for why they

666
00:45:22,199 --> 00:45:24,119
did this, is maybe my favorite
part. Well that's the prosecution of jan

667
00:45:24,199 --> 00:45:30,559
six am. I right, brother, I'm not touching it. Unwrap that

668
00:45:30,599 --> 00:45:35,079
one. I'm not you have fun? Do you know that I'm not standing

669
00:45:35,159 --> 00:45:37,280
shit? No, no, I'm
gonna throw the grenade in and I'm gonna

670
00:45:37,360 --> 00:45:39,920
leave. That's all. She's just
back to watching Brock Party take knees.

671
00:45:40,079 --> 00:45:44,320
Uh yeah, it stars a great
age came back and wanted thank God.

672
00:45:45,159 --> 00:45:47,559
In fourteen seventy four, this is
the uh. I think it was like

673
00:45:47,599 --> 00:45:52,199
the Basil Basil Rooster trial whatever,
I don't I don't know what the actual

674
00:45:52,239 --> 00:45:53,199
name is. I don't remember what
the actual name is. But they put

675
00:45:53,199 --> 00:46:00,599
a rooster on trial in Switzerland.
The rooster was put on trial for doing

676
00:46:00,639 --> 00:46:07,840
something pretty perverse, obscene. I
don't know it woke people up. That's

677
00:46:07,840 --> 00:46:09,280
what I thought was gonna happen.
That it was just like two noisies.

678
00:46:09,559 --> 00:46:13,239
Actually, you know what, it
didn't do his job. It didn't wake

679
00:46:13,280 --> 00:46:16,920
people up. It didn't wake someone
up. It caused someone to like miss

680
00:46:16,960 --> 00:46:22,320
an important meeting. Well, he
didn't hit thet the trolley car switch and

681
00:46:22,440 --> 00:46:28,559
nine people died. It definitely went
on trial for doing something that wasn't part

682
00:46:28,599 --> 00:46:34,079
of its job description. Oh,
it laid an egg. The rooster did.

683
00:46:34,239 --> 00:46:37,800
The rooster laid an egg. That's
blasphed. Oh it was a trans

684
00:46:37,880 --> 00:46:40,920
rooster, trans from Afrodite. I
don't know. These people figured that if

685
00:46:40,920 --> 00:46:46,679
a rooster laid an egg, it
was definitely either sent by or more likely

686
00:46:46,760 --> 00:46:51,719
fucked by the devil. That's fair. The devil fucked the rooster, put

687
00:46:51,760 --> 00:46:55,039
an egg in it, and then
it laid the egg. And there were

688
00:46:55,039 --> 00:47:00,719
bigger problems because because a man can't
lay an egg, well unless the devil

689
00:47:00,760 --> 00:47:07,000
fucks it, right, and they
believe the devil that sucked it. The

690
00:47:07,039 --> 00:47:10,280
devil was just out on a stroll
in Switzerland. Yeah, just like you

691
00:47:10,280 --> 00:47:14,280
know what devil would down to Switzerland. He was looking for a rooster.

692
00:47:14,440 --> 00:47:19,760
Fuck rooster on the mountain. No, I don't know, I'm just having

693
00:47:19,760 --> 00:47:24,800
fun. Guys. They figured there
there's so they if a rooster laid an

694
00:47:24,800 --> 00:47:30,360
egg. There was a whole mythology
around this. If the egg hatched,

695
00:47:30,480 --> 00:47:38,039
it would birth a cocka trees.
This sounds like Pokemon. It this,

696
00:47:38,039 --> 00:47:42,639
this thing is a fucking pokemon.
A cocka trees. A cocka trees is

697
00:47:42,800 --> 00:47:47,480
a two legged dragon with wings and
the head of a rooster. I'm looking

698
00:47:47,480 --> 00:47:52,840
it up. Hold on, yeah, it's an evil medieval I don't know,

699
00:47:52,960 --> 00:47:55,920
dragon animal type thing. Oh my
god, it looks like a velociraptor.

700
00:47:57,079 --> 00:48:00,559
Yeah, thing cocka trees will suck
you up. It's got its own

701
00:48:00,599 --> 00:48:02,079
magic. The gathering, so they
thought of Cocketries was going to come in

702
00:48:02,119 --> 00:48:07,159
and start murdering all of them,
hash from the egg and murder everybody.

703
00:48:07,599 --> 00:48:10,880
So they've smashed the egg and uh, you know, executed the rooster.

704
00:48:10,960 --> 00:48:15,800
That Satan fucked fair. You can
get Satan. Missed him again? Miss

705
00:48:15,880 --> 00:48:20,800
him again? That sly sly Satan. He's a tough one to catch.

706
00:48:20,960 --> 00:48:23,800
Yeah, real quick, Before I
get back to trying pigs, why don't

707
00:48:23,840 --> 00:48:30,119
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708
00:48:30,159 --> 00:48:34,960
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709
00:48:35,000 --> 00:48:37,760
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710
00:48:37,840 --> 00:48:40,199
pigs from factor meals, Well,
I mean it's meals right. You can

711
00:48:40,239 --> 00:48:44,400
get pork. You know, all
kinds of animals, pork, beef,

712
00:48:44,920 --> 00:48:49,840
birds, all kinds of bird.
Doesn't matter. Factor is America's best ready

713
00:48:49,840 --> 00:48:52,960
to eat meal delivery, and it
takes a stress out of meal planning,

714
00:48:52,000 --> 00:48:55,079
sets you up for success for the
new year. Look, if you're busy

715
00:48:55,519 --> 00:48:59,280
and you don't have time to cook
and you don't want to eat crap,

716
00:48:59,320 --> 00:49:01,800
whether it's from a drive through or
whatever else, you still want to eat

717
00:49:01,800 --> 00:49:06,000
well and you want to eat at
home. Factor meals is the way to

718
00:49:06,039 --> 00:49:08,559
do it for breakfast, lunch,
and or dinner. My wife does it

719
00:49:08,599 --> 00:49:13,719
for lunch all the time. I've
also had their breakfast and dinner. What

720
00:49:13,760 --> 00:49:19,280
it is is these meals come to
you fresh, not frozen, and fully

721
00:49:19,320 --> 00:49:22,599
prepared, so it's not like other
meal delivery services where you still got to

722
00:49:22,639 --> 00:49:24,719
do all the cooking and there's a
ton of cleanup after. Look, we're

723
00:49:24,719 --> 00:49:27,880
busy, we have two kids.
A lot of people busy, they work,

724
00:49:28,039 --> 00:49:32,519
they blah blah blah, kids everything. This lets you essentially eat chef

725
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prepared, really really really quality,
home home cooked meals so to speak,

726
00:49:38,960 --> 00:49:44,159
easy like it's takeout level of cleanup
and stuff like that. And they can

727
00:49:44,239 --> 00:49:46,320
check, they can handle your diet
whatever that is Keto, calorie smart,

728
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need heavy protein. They have a protein

729
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730
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731
00:49:59,039 --> 00:50:00,760
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732
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733
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So forget frantic lunch preps. Forget
you know, all the like you're

734
00:50:07,239 --> 00:50:10,280
already tired after long day of work
and then you gotta cook and clean.

735
00:50:10,599 --> 00:50:15,599
Forget all of that. Factor is
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736
00:50:15,639 --> 00:50:19,719
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737
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738
00:50:23,400 --> 00:50:25,840
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739
00:50:25,920 --> 00:50:30,679
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need to entertain for like a super Bowl

740
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741
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742
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743
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obviously I'm gonna eat it is free food

744
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and it looks fine, so I'm
gonna eat it. I once I was

745
00:50:46,320 --> 00:50:50,000
actually trying it, I was like, I don't understand how this is so

746
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747
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They also have a cold pressed juices,

748
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749
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750
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751
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752
00:51:13,559 --> 00:51:17,159
Speaking of having sex with animals,
okay, well, I could not find

753
00:51:17,159 --> 00:51:25,159
a specific beastiality trial. It was
often that both person and animal would be

754
00:51:25,239 --> 00:51:30,400
arrested when they were caught banging.
Oh man, you gotta like try and

755
00:51:30,400 --> 00:51:31,559
split the story. It's like,
oh no, that horse came on to

756
00:51:31,639 --> 00:51:35,079
me, man, I thought it
was a lady. They let you go

757
00:51:35,119 --> 00:51:38,920
from the horses or from the Yeah, the horse's interrogation chamber to the person's

758
00:51:38,960 --> 00:51:43,000
interrogation chamber. It's like, I
got bad news for you, Leopold.

759
00:51:43,719 --> 00:51:46,679
That fucking horse spilled the beans.
He said, you you were doing it

760
00:51:46,719 --> 00:51:52,599
all. That's bullshit. He's like, no, man, no, he

761
00:51:52,599 --> 00:51:55,400
wouldn't say that. You wouldn't say
that about Meme cracks. Fuck you,

762
00:51:55,519 --> 00:51:59,239
Copper. No, you gotta have
like a little fake id of like a

763
00:51:59,239 --> 00:52:04,320
person that's above age. The horse
game of this idea, I say it

764
00:52:04,400 --> 00:52:07,360
was eighteen like, yeah, but
it says it was a horse. Also,

765
00:52:07,800 --> 00:52:10,280
Oh sh that's the problem. Oh
no, well, I mean no.

766
00:52:10,760 --> 00:52:15,920
So in this instance, however,
the animal was rarely blamed because somehow

767
00:52:16,280 --> 00:52:22,360
the animal could commit murder right,
could have a criminal thought and act it

768
00:52:22,440 --> 00:52:29,400
out, but could not consent to
sex. That makes animal was always the

769
00:52:29,480 --> 00:52:30,679
victim. That makes sense. I
agree with that. And I guess a

770
00:52:30,760 --> 00:52:35,159
kid can commit a crime but can't
commit to consent to sex. So yeah,

771
00:52:35,159 --> 00:52:38,480
if you do absolutely right, that
tracks completely. So yeah, typically

772
00:52:38,519 --> 00:52:42,000
it was the person who would,
uh, I don't know, probably get

773
00:52:42,000 --> 00:52:45,239
tortured or burned at the stake or
whatever. Yeah, you know, in

774
00:52:45,239 --> 00:52:51,920
a Colombia, there's like a whole
mule fucking problem. Apparently Colombia vice did

775
00:52:51,960 --> 00:52:53,679
a whole thing on it. Two
people, I mean, there are people,

776
00:52:53,800 --> 00:52:58,920
all the veterans we know say that
there is a lot of animal fucking.

777
00:53:00,639 --> 00:53:04,320
They say the stereotype is there for
a reason. Yeah, I mean,

778
00:53:05,199 --> 00:53:07,800
I don't know. You're all out
there by yourself. You know What's

779
00:53:07,840 --> 00:53:12,559
an even weirder fetish. I'm realizing
when I get exposed to a lot of

780
00:53:12,559 --> 00:53:16,119
the m MA fighters from like Daugistan
or any of the Middle Eastern countries,

781
00:53:16,239 --> 00:53:22,320
more than little guys like has Bula, they're into it. I think sexually.

782
00:53:22,559 --> 00:53:25,960
I don't know. It almost seems
like they fuck with them all the

783
00:53:25,960 --> 00:53:31,039
time. But it almost seems like
there is something weirdly sexual. It's not

784
00:53:31,079 --> 00:53:36,760
just friendly. It's like they're affectioned
tole. Yeah, but they're affectionate people.

785
00:53:36,880 --> 00:53:39,199
And also like this isn't the Middle
East but in India, Like dudes

786
00:53:39,239 --> 00:53:44,599
hold hands all the time. But
yeah, it's more of a remember Odors

787
00:53:44,800 --> 00:53:49,679
like brother jerked off one of his
teammates in Minor Yeah, yeah, rough

788
00:53:49,840 --> 00:53:51,880
a bunch of dudes, a bunch
of dudes, Like it was like a

789
00:53:51,920 --> 00:53:54,800
hazing thing. They were jerking him
off and he was like stop it.

790
00:53:54,880 --> 00:53:59,480
I hate it. I get that
vibe from a lot of the Dagistani fighters,

791
00:53:59,519 --> 00:54:01,960
probably uh with like little has bull
Uh where like they have a bunch

792
00:54:01,960 --> 00:54:05,639
of those guys that look like that
really that are like two feet down.

793
00:54:05,719 --> 00:54:08,960
They all fight each other, right, they're always violent, Yeah, because

794
00:54:08,960 --> 00:54:12,239
I've been fucked with their whole life. Yeah, I like, so they

795
00:54:12,280 --> 00:54:15,880
just fight. Nothing's better than seeing
hospital behind like a fucking like fifty cow

796
00:54:16,519 --> 00:54:21,960
chain gun. The best is when
he drives and he is reckless, or

797
00:54:22,000 --> 00:54:27,000
like if he's around larger animals driving
a ferrari. I think there's like one

798
00:54:27,000 --> 00:54:30,639
where he's fighting a chicken or something
that too. That was fun. It

799
00:54:30,639 --> 00:54:34,159
was probably rooster, yeah, and
then he sucked it and put a cockatry.

800
00:54:34,400 --> 00:54:37,920
It fucking has bulla if you're a
female. Obviously he's of age now,

801
00:54:39,280 --> 00:54:46,599
but it sends the wrong message.
It's not good. Who's sending the

802
00:54:46,639 --> 00:54:50,840
right message in any of that?
However, that goes down like no one

803
00:54:50,920 --> 00:54:53,440
sending the right message there. It's
wildly famous now, but but it's happening

804
00:54:53,480 --> 00:54:57,920
in like a ship club and you're
going back to a ship hotel. And

805
00:54:57,960 --> 00:55:01,440
he looks like a toddler. Yeah, yeah, like a weather toddler.

806
00:55:01,679 --> 00:55:07,639
And that's different from like Vern Troyer, like a child. It looks like

807
00:55:07,639 --> 00:55:09,639
like an adult but small yeah,
well, yeah, very it was just

808
00:55:09,719 --> 00:55:14,320
very tiny. Man. But and
I mean no, we're not gonna,

809
00:55:14,679 --> 00:55:19,039
you know, kink shame or freak
shame. But man, if you're fucking

810
00:55:19,079 --> 00:55:22,440
has bowler, you're fucking a toddler. We're not gonna do this thing.

811
00:55:22,480 --> 00:55:29,800
But now, yeah, last,
but not least is maybe my second favorite.

812
00:55:30,239 --> 00:55:36,679
Tied for favorite. In fifteen ninety
one, czar Boris Gutnov's son and

813
00:55:36,760 --> 00:55:43,639
heir was murdered. This is a
solemn national tragedy in Russia. Horrible,

814
00:55:43,960 --> 00:55:51,599
horrible event, a day of morning
whatever. But one bell didn't get the

815
00:55:51,639 --> 00:55:55,840
memo. Oh no, oh no, oh no, is this We should

816
00:55:55,840 --> 00:56:00,519
have put the Liberty Bell on trial, honestly for walking. I'm pressure.

817
00:56:00,639 --> 00:56:05,079
Yeah, it just couldn't hold up. Yeah, cowardice. So we got

818
00:56:05,079 --> 00:56:07,119
a lazy bell on a season.
Yeah, treason, it's well, I

819
00:56:07,119 --> 00:56:13,159
think just cowardice. Right, uh, cracked under pressure. Whatever you go

820
00:56:13,199 --> 00:56:15,840
in a wall. Maybe that too, not doing its duty. No,

821
00:56:17,639 --> 00:56:20,760
we can try. I don't know
why we celebrate it. It's a it's

822
00:56:20,800 --> 00:56:24,880
the symbol for Philadelphia, a broken
bell. Yeah, nothing better than that

823
00:56:25,000 --> 00:56:29,360
thing. It doesn't work. A
broken bell. Our sports hero is a

824
00:56:29,400 --> 00:56:35,519
fictional character that loses. Yeah,
like more more than once. He loses

825
00:56:35,519 --> 00:56:38,039
more than he wins. How many
times does he lose Rocky? He loses

826
00:56:38,039 --> 00:56:42,559
in the Ross movie losing Rocky one
wins Rocky too. Does he lose three?

827
00:56:42,719 --> 00:56:45,760
No, he doesn't lose to club
or Lang. Doesn't he fight A

828
00:56:45,800 --> 00:56:47,719
Paul again? He like to Pollo
in two and beats him. Oh,

829
00:56:47,719 --> 00:56:52,639
you're right, and then he fights
mister t and three he definitely loses in

830
00:56:52,679 --> 00:56:55,119
the Ladder the Ladder like Rocky Balbow, but then he wins in four,

831
00:56:57,480 --> 00:57:02,920
Yeah, because he beats the his
friend apologizing for you. Five, I

832
00:57:02,960 --> 00:57:07,480
think he wins a street fight.
I've seen zero of these movies. But

833
00:57:07,599 --> 00:57:10,559
Rocky Balboa he loses because he comes
back from retiringment. He's old and just

834
00:57:10,679 --> 00:57:13,880
yeah, hey man, but he
got to do steroids for the role.

835
00:57:14,000 --> 00:57:16,159
And then he trains Michael B.
Jordan, who loses and creeds. True

836
00:57:16,320 --> 00:57:21,559
guys a fucking loser. Yeah,
one time. Guy's taken one like three

837
00:57:21,599 --> 00:57:23,679
times. But yeah he is for
a boxer, you can't be taken all

838
00:57:23,679 --> 00:57:30,519
these ls tomato cans. Yeah,
he's getting paid to get his ass kicked.

839
00:57:30,960 --> 00:57:35,000
He is the tomato kid. He
is the rocky hot take. He

840
00:57:35,199 --> 00:57:39,239
is the guy that people build their
resume and records off of. Yeah.

841
00:57:39,280 --> 00:57:45,480
So this bell in Uglitch, Russia
decided to ring on the day of morning,

842
00:57:46,639 --> 00:57:51,800
even though it's sad day and bells
are joyous. Upon hearing this,

843
00:57:52,280 --> 00:57:59,199
bizarre didn't even give the bell a
trial. Classic Russia move. It is

844
00:57:59,199 --> 00:58:01,800
classic Russia move. He push it
out a window. He yeah, he

845
00:58:01,920 --> 00:58:09,480
ordered it to be exiled, but
first tortured, tortured the bell. He

846
00:58:09,599 --> 00:58:13,159
ordered the bell to be torture.
How do you torture a bell, rob,

847
00:58:13,480 --> 00:58:17,840
Well, the Russians, you ring
it? It falls off that wrong.

848
00:58:19,320 --> 00:58:22,440
Actually, the Russians really let this
bell have it. First they whipped

849
00:58:22,440 --> 00:58:25,000
it. Get that bell. It
whipped the fuck out of it. I

850
00:58:25,000 --> 00:58:32,440
think a bell would enjoy it.
Then they d tickling a bell right when

851
00:58:32,440 --> 00:58:38,760
you tickle your like giggling like all
bells are. Well, then things got

852
00:58:38,800 --> 00:58:43,280
serious. They took off its top
ring so you couldn't hang it anymore.

853
00:58:43,440 --> 00:58:46,920
Oh man, they cut off its
I don't know what could just cut They

854
00:58:46,960 --> 00:58:51,599
tortured it. Then they took out
its clapper so it couldn't ring anymore,

855
00:58:51,599 --> 00:58:53,639
which is apparently the equivalent of cutting
out its tongue. Yeah, that's definitely

856
00:58:53,639 --> 00:58:59,000
cutting the tongue out. They fucked
his bell up. I wonder if they

857
00:58:59,079 --> 00:59:01,840
pissed on the bill. I'm sure
they did. Then they sent it to

858
00:59:01,880 --> 00:59:06,519
some message to bells, to other
bells. Then they sent to Siberia,

859
00:59:06,519 --> 00:59:10,400
where it sat for three hundred years. Damn send it to the huh yeah,

860
00:59:10,599 --> 00:59:15,719
cold to the fucking gulag. Uh. So, one historian did have

861
00:59:15,239 --> 00:59:20,800
an explanation on why they probably tried
animals and enameate objects over the years.

862
00:59:20,800 --> 00:59:23,039
And it's like, you know how
we always say, like, man,

863
00:59:23,039 --> 00:59:28,079
it was so fucked up to live
in the past. Things no I wish

864
00:59:28,119 --> 00:59:30,679
and things were just like grim back
then, and there was so much tragedy

865
00:59:30,760 --> 00:59:36,320
and stuff like that. And I
think we do this to an extent now

866
00:59:36,360 --> 00:59:40,639
too. But this is like I
kind of felt this. Uh. The

867
00:59:40,760 --> 00:59:50,519
trials essentially allowed the community to quote
domesticate chaos by providing a consensus explanation of

868
00:59:50,559 --> 00:59:55,119
social reality to replace what would otherwise
seem to be frightening and uncontrollable activity that

869
00:59:55,119 --> 00:59:59,360
actually makes perfect sense, That makes
so much sense. They were trying to

870
00:59:59,360 --> 01:00:04,480
make the uni explainable. Yeah,
it's like, why do these objectively horrible

871
01:00:04,519 --> 01:00:07,639
things happen at random, but like
we have the we have the methodology and

872
01:00:07,679 --> 01:00:12,760
the tools to be able to call
that and like put it in record.

873
01:00:12,880 --> 01:00:15,760
I guess we like by putting it
through this human made system, it's making

874
01:00:15,840 --> 01:00:20,519
it more digestibles as a thing to
happen. Yeah, that makes sense.

875
01:00:21,280 --> 01:00:23,840
I can see that. I was
just like, damn, it's brutal.

876
01:00:24,400 --> 01:00:28,360
Yeah, that's sad. Yeah,
but it makes sense in a weird way.

877
01:00:28,519 --> 01:00:30,840
We got it. Like they're just
like, man, this mom watched

878
01:00:30,840 --> 01:00:35,320
your kid get eaten by twenty pigs. We gotta kill something to make her

879
01:00:35,320 --> 01:00:38,119
feel like this all makes sense.
Yeah, because it doesn't. Yeah,

880
01:00:38,239 --> 01:00:42,519
we need something especially, and that
kind of makes sense of why they would

881
01:00:42,639 --> 01:00:45,360
go through the trouble of making it
seem not like a clown show. Yeah,

882
01:00:45,360 --> 01:00:49,079
it's like, no, we got
to make it seem super legit for

883
01:00:49,119 --> 01:00:51,519
that reason. Yeah, no,
it makes a lot of sense. I

884
01:00:51,599 --> 01:00:54,440
just want justice. I don't care
who gets it. Don't we all justice

885
01:00:54,440 --> 01:00:59,800
as a human whether or not they're
you know, guilty, it doesn't matter.

886
01:01:00,360 --> 01:01:05,840
I just want to feel that's not
even justices want an explanation and these

887
01:01:05,880 --> 01:01:07,920
that's what all these people want,
I just want to reason. No,

888
01:01:07,960 --> 01:01:10,760
it's the year of justice, baby, whatever has been. What what do

889
01:01:10,800 --> 01:01:15,800
you guys learned to Yeah, I
learned that people are wasting on us.

890
01:01:15,960 --> 01:01:22,639
I can you peg the term perfectly
civic energy on explaining horrible things away.

891
01:01:22,320 --> 01:01:27,440
There was a I think this wasn't
too accepted, but there was also kind

892
01:01:27,519 --> 01:01:30,840
There is a theory, and I
think maybe people wrote about it at the

893
01:01:30,840 --> 01:01:34,039
time, So I think this one
wrote out of the time that a lot

894
01:01:34,079 --> 01:01:37,639
of these lawyers and stuff were doing
it just to make money. I could

895
01:01:37,639 --> 01:01:39,920
see that that makes a lot more
sense than what we first said. Yeah,

896
01:01:39,960 --> 01:01:43,960
but what I did actually learn today
is that there's orcas in the Mediterranean.

897
01:01:44,800 --> 01:01:46,599
I learned that they're all over there
anywhere. Yeah, they're pretty much

898
01:01:46,800 --> 01:01:50,079
they could be right here. Yeah, they're in the roof. They're gonna

899
01:01:50,079 --> 01:01:52,960
show up in your seat one day. There's a There could be an orca

900
01:01:52,960 --> 01:01:54,639
in one part of your roof and
the CIA guy and the other. For

901
01:01:54,679 --> 01:01:58,320
all I know, You're just taking
a shower one day and an orca fucking

902
01:01:58,320 --> 01:02:02,719
wiggles out and kills you. Yeah, yeah, maybe or are feds feds,

903
01:02:04,119 --> 01:02:07,719
Yeah, mm could be they got
a black and white suit on.

904
01:02:07,039 --> 01:02:10,480
Yeah, it makes you think men
in black? What'd you uh? What'd

905
01:02:10,480 --> 01:02:15,159
you learn? Honestly, this whole
episode, I had no idea. We

906
01:02:15,480 --> 01:02:20,280
tried animals, which makes sense looking
back, but inanimate objects a little bit

907
01:02:20,360 --> 01:02:24,840
more harder, I guess, harder
to digest. Did you ever watch that

908
01:02:24,920 --> 01:02:28,800
show? I think it was on
like Annie that was like my weird fetish

909
01:02:28,920 --> 01:02:31,199
or like my weird kink or something
like that or yeah, it was like

910
01:02:31,599 --> 01:02:36,199
it was like my weird It was
for people that had strange addictions. Yeah,

911
01:02:36,360 --> 01:02:39,679
right, but show show name is
not important. Yeah, there was.

912
01:02:39,840 --> 01:02:43,960
There was one lady I watched where
she marry a tree because there's multiple

913
01:02:43,960 --> 01:02:47,480
people that have married trees. Even
weirder, it was an old ferris wheel

914
01:02:47,840 --> 01:02:52,599
that she got like erotically drawn to. Okay, because there's that guy who

915
01:02:52,639 --> 01:02:54,199
fucked his car. Yeah, same
kind of thing. Like they did a

916
01:02:54,199 --> 01:02:58,079
whole episode that was okay with that. If you fall in love with an

917
01:02:58,119 --> 01:03:01,199
old timey ferris wheel, it was. It was so unique that I'm okay

918
01:03:01,239 --> 01:03:07,159
with it. No, it's not
old timey old like so just out of

919
01:03:07,239 --> 01:03:09,639
date. She like talked about how
she wanted like the old rusty drippings.

920
01:03:09,639 --> 01:03:13,679
Of water to like run all over
and stuff from it, like the old

921
01:03:14,400 --> 01:03:15,840
oil. She want a money shop, she wanted. Yeah, she wanted

922
01:03:15,840 --> 01:03:20,360
to fuck this ferris wheel. And
it was just like Fred of Art.

923
01:03:22,679 --> 01:03:25,000
I could watch two hours of this
lady explaining how she would do this thing,

924
01:03:25,360 --> 01:03:29,719
because it was like I'd watch that. You just strap a dildo to

925
01:03:29,800 --> 01:03:32,480
it, to every cart, actually
every car, and you just kind of

926
01:03:32,599 --> 01:03:37,159
think, bink you find every day
is a new day. Yeah, it's

927
01:03:37,199 --> 01:03:40,079
true. You just sit there getting
train run on you by every Ferris Wheel

928
01:03:40,119 --> 01:03:44,000
cart. Sorry, I had to
leave you for my Yeah, nineteen eighty

929
01:03:44,039 --> 01:03:46,760
six ferris wheel. Yeah, it's
an eighties first woel not that cool if

930
01:03:46,800 --> 01:03:52,320
it was a twenties fair. Yeah, old timey. Who's today's hitler?

931
01:03:52,400 --> 01:03:57,639
Or because I guess pigs. It
seems like pigs, pigs, kids live

932
01:03:58,280 --> 01:04:02,199
children, That's what I learned it. They eat alive humans, which again

933
01:04:02,360 --> 01:04:09,280
I thought they only ate like decomposing
bodies. Have you ever seen Hannibal?

934
01:04:09,800 --> 01:04:13,880
They eat Gary Oldman alive. I'll
be real, I haven't seen Annibal.

935
01:04:13,920 --> 01:04:18,760
It's not very good, but they
do eat Gary Oldman alive. Gary Oldman

936
01:04:19,239 --> 01:04:23,239
is in a lot of bad movies. A great actor, great actor,

937
01:04:23,239 --> 01:04:26,559
a lot of bad movies. That
movie has three Academy Award winners, and

938
01:04:26,639 --> 01:04:30,599
I believe, believe God, Gary
Oldman's in so many things. Now I

939
01:04:30,639 --> 01:04:31,519
think about it like, I was
just like, oh, Book of Eli.

940
01:04:31,719 --> 01:04:35,159
Actually, the Hannibal cast elis the
first thing that came to mind.

941
01:04:35,360 --> 01:04:38,360
I was just trying to think of, like a random movie that he's in.

942
01:04:38,679 --> 01:04:43,400
Book of Eli. Yeah, that
movie Julianne Moore, who I believe

943
01:04:43,440 --> 01:04:47,679
has an Oscar. Anthony Hopkins obviously
that's a recent oscar. Gary Oldman,

944
01:04:47,960 --> 01:04:51,639
No, who, No, Gary
Hopkins Hopkins won an Oscar for playing Hannibal

945
01:04:51,679 --> 01:04:56,199
Lecter. Oh then he also did
win one like a year ago. Oh,

946
01:04:56,280 --> 01:04:58,800
you're right, you're right, it's
it's been a while. Yeah.

947
01:04:58,800 --> 01:05:01,239
And then and then you just tossed
Aliota in there. Yeah. Also,

948
01:05:01,360 --> 01:05:05,760
Jake, the fact that you brought
up Book a Eli. I don't recall

949
01:05:05,840 --> 01:05:11,239
a movie I was more hyped on
from just the trailer. So disappointed with

950
01:05:11,280 --> 01:05:15,239
the actual movie movies whatever. Book
of Eli. Yeah, the twist,

951
01:05:15,239 --> 01:05:20,679
and it didn't need to happen either, Always Blind Yeah, oh well cool

952
01:05:20,719 --> 01:05:26,360
Bible yeah real yeah, sick,
it was cool if it wasn't. It

953
01:05:26,440 --> 01:05:30,119
was fine either way. He would
have survived if he just told him that.

954
01:05:30,360 --> 01:05:32,719
Yeah, it's like I'm the only
person that can transcribe this. Yeah

955
01:05:33,400 --> 01:05:39,840
you bitch. Yep, YEP.
That's all I got for today. Thank

956
01:05:39,880 --> 01:05:44,239
you so much for listening. Obviously
like and subscribe or leave a review Patreon

957
01:05:44,320 --> 01:05:46,199
five dollars a month for a whole
bunch of episodes and you know, new

958
01:05:46,239 --> 01:05:50,360
stuff all the time. Thank you
so much for watching, for listening,

959
01:05:50,440 --> 01:05:56,119
subscribe to the YouTube all that stuff
for Dan or Jeff's fingers crossed the audio

960
01:05:56,280 --> 01:06:01,519
actually recorded, yeah today, So
oh god, please h for Damn Jester

961
01:06:01,599 --> 01:06:04,159
and Jake Goldman. I'm Rob Fox. You just gotta sawcer