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Welcome back everybody, 35 00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:30,639 as we enter our third hour newmerow trace of Matt Connerton unleashed. It is 36 00:04:30,720 --> 00:04:34,839 Saturday, March sixteen, twenty twenty four, and Jenny is here, of 37 00:04:34,839 --> 00:04:40,959 course in the in the studio at the news table. Presentent accounted for yes, 38 00:04:41,720 --> 00:04:45,319 yes, and we have joining us all the way from Texas via Skype. 39 00:04:45,360 --> 00:04:47,879 And we just heard one of her beautiful songs right before the break. 40 00:04:48,800 --> 00:04:53,360 We have Nancy Manet am I, oh, let me get that mic up 41 00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:56,279 there? Am I saying that correctly? Nancy? Yeah, Nancy Manet, 42 00:04:56,800 --> 00:04:59,800 Okay, excellent. I suspected it might be as much, but I wanted 43 00:04:59,839 --> 00:05:02,240 to make make sure we were trying to figure out is it Manet. Is 44 00:05:02,279 --> 00:05:06,680 it Manette, But welcome to the show. Thank you. I am very 45 00:05:06,720 --> 00:05:10,639 excited, in fact, so much so I was here an hour early. 46 00:05:11,199 --> 00:05:15,199 I notice. Yeah, well, you know time zones, time zones and 47 00:05:15,279 --> 00:05:18,319 daylight savings, time and everything is sometimes it throws to people, so no, 48 00:05:18,759 --> 00:05:23,040 hey, better to be early than late. So I suppose no, 49 00:05:23,040 --> 00:05:28,480 no, no worries there, No worries there. I'm Jenny and I are 50 00:05:28,519 --> 00:05:31,959 both very interested in talking to you because not only you know, a beautiful 51 00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:38,040 voice, really like your music, but I was reading up about your story 52 00:05:38,319 --> 00:05:42,639 and something that is a theme on the show, a subject that we talk 53 00:05:42,680 --> 00:05:46,639 about quite a bit is well we talk about mental health, and we also 54 00:05:46,639 --> 00:05:51,519 talk about how it's the best thing you can do ultimately with things that have 55 00:05:51,519 --> 00:05:55,600 happened to you that are traumatic, things that have affected you in a negative 56 00:05:55,600 --> 00:05:58,600 way, bad experiences and so forth. If you can take those things and 57 00:05:58,639 --> 00:06:01,480 do something creative with them, something productive with them, like creating music, 58 00:06:02,680 --> 00:06:06,240 that's really kind of the best therapy, I think. And you're and you're 59 00:06:06,279 --> 00:06:11,519 taking something bad and turning it into something positive that you can then put out 60 00:06:11,560 --> 00:06:15,600 into the world and other people can relate to or or just enjoy and so 61 00:06:16,720 --> 00:06:19,839 that's part of, uh, part of the reason why we've been looking forward 62 00:06:19,839 --> 00:06:23,839 to this. And I was reading your story and it sounds like you've you 63 00:06:23,839 --> 00:06:27,519 know, you've really been through it, to put it mildly, and that 64 00:06:27,639 --> 00:06:32,800 has of course inspired your music obviously, Yes, yes, thank you. 65 00:06:34,199 --> 00:06:38,959 Yeah, I also too. I thought it was interesting that so you've been 66 00:06:39,879 --> 00:06:44,079 according to your bio, you've been a performing musician for over thirty five years. 67 00:06:44,199 --> 00:06:47,079 But but you're just now you've just now gotten around to recording your own, 68 00:06:47,639 --> 00:06:51,600 your own album at Abbey Road Studios. By the way, we should 69 00:06:51,600 --> 00:06:54,879 mention. So that's a hell of a way to that's a hell of a 70 00:06:54,879 --> 00:06:58,920 way to start for your debut. Nothing nothing special about that Abby Road. 71 00:06:59,079 --> 00:07:04,160 I've never heard of it. It's been it's been quite the ride. It's 72 00:07:04,199 --> 00:07:09,920 been quite the journey. From the moment I found my incredible producer, David 73 00:07:09,959 --> 00:07:17,639 Percifal, it was just let's let's the sky's limit on this thing. Yeah, 74 00:07:17,720 --> 00:07:21,839 and it's been. It's actually I'm humbled and I'm honored. To be 75 00:07:21,920 --> 00:07:29,639 honest, I'm you know, standing around the best in the business and to 76 00:07:29,839 --> 00:07:38,839 work with these incredible people and artists and studios I'm grateful, just unbelievably grateful. 77 00:07:39,360 --> 00:07:43,920 Well, so here's kind of an obvious question, but I will I'll 78 00:07:43,920 --> 00:07:46,040 ask you, so, what did take you so long? Thirty five years 79 00:07:46,040 --> 00:07:51,160 more than thirty five years before you did this? What took me so long? 80 00:07:51,199 --> 00:07:56,439 So, Matt Jenny, if I had a buck for every time somebody 81 00:07:56,480 --> 00:07:59,120 said, why don't you recorded your own album? Why haven't you recorded your 82 00:07:59,160 --> 00:08:03,199 own album? Why just recorded your own album? That is not an easy 83 00:08:03,240 --> 00:08:09,399 answer. I could say and point and target one situation, but it's it's 84 00:08:09,480 --> 00:08:13,920 more complicated than that, right, you know. We can start as a 85 00:08:13,959 --> 00:08:18,920 teenager, I was told music was a hobby, not a profession, and 86 00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:26,800 I was forbidden to play, and I sought refuge in a church from the 87 00:08:26,839 --> 00:08:31,799 abuse of my teenage years. And they, of course had a very specific 88 00:08:31,840 --> 00:08:37,360 style and type of music they wanted to have played and were only interested in 89 00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:43,399 what it is that they wanted to play. Any given sunday, I got 90 00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:48,480 married, raised a family, ran a couple businesses, and always thought about 91 00:08:48,519 --> 00:08:52,799 it, thought about what I'd want to share. But I had a lot 92 00:08:52,879 --> 00:08:56,519 of healing to do and a lot of confidence I would say to build. 93 00:08:58,039 --> 00:09:03,080 I just did as me If that makes sense, Like you know, just 94 00:09:03,480 --> 00:09:07,559 in my house, I played played on stages for years and years and years, 95 00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:11,720 but still lacked the confidence or the belief that maybe people would want to 96 00:09:11,720 --> 00:09:16,039 hear what I wanted to say and play, not what I was being told 97 00:09:16,080 --> 00:09:20,720 to say and play. And I think that that is probably one of the 98 00:09:20,759 --> 00:09:28,200 biggest you want to talk about mental health overcoming being told you can't, being 99 00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:31,919 told you couldn't, being told you can't say that, being told you can't 100 00:09:31,960 --> 00:09:37,399 think that you shouldn't question that. And that was a long road for me 101 00:09:37,559 --> 00:09:46,399 to move through. And really in twenty twenty, when we were all homebound, 102 00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:52,840 was the first time that I had not stood on a worship stage. 103 00:09:52,080 --> 00:09:56,279 And again, you know, I not again because I haven't said it yet, 104 00:09:56,320 --> 00:10:01,799 but it's not a war that I have against the established Christian Church. 105 00:10:01,879 --> 00:10:05,039 But it was very oppressive for me as a musician and as a woman, 106 00:10:05,840 --> 00:10:09,960 and it was the first time that I was really not part of that community. 107 00:10:11,960 --> 00:10:16,000 And I called my worship pastor and said, I don't ever want to 108 00:10:16,039 --> 00:10:20,039 play on the stage again. Wow, I'm done, and I'm going to 109 00:10:20,039 --> 00:10:22,120 go write my own stuff. And there's a lot more to that as well 110 00:10:22,279 --> 00:10:31,000 to abusive marriages, one that ended in you know, just tragic ending and 111 00:10:31,320 --> 00:10:37,320 scary and never thought I would really come out into the public again. Wow, 112 00:10:39,039 --> 00:10:41,679 And I decided that what I have to share and what I want to 113 00:10:41,720 --> 00:10:50,159 say and is more important than me staying comfortable behind my doors in the middle 114 00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:54,200 of nowhere, right right. That is so powerful. That is so powerful 115 00:10:54,399 --> 00:10:58,919 especially, I mean, I think that's something that I admire you for and 116 00:10:58,960 --> 00:11:03,000 I'm so happy that you're out there sharing that because that's a really hard thing 117 00:11:03,440 --> 00:11:07,080 for women especially, And I can kind of relate a little bit to what 118 00:11:07,120 --> 00:11:11,080 you're talking about in that you're you're told what your place is and how you're 119 00:11:11,120 --> 00:11:16,240 supposed to behave to have the ability to break away from that and go in 120 00:11:16,240 --> 00:11:20,200 your own direction is very It's it's amazing to see, and I'm so happy 121 00:11:20,240 --> 00:11:24,360 that you're out there sharing that, because that's that's what it takes sometimes for 122 00:11:24,480 --> 00:11:26,759 somebody else to get that moment, is maybe they hear your song and they 123 00:11:26,759 --> 00:11:28,679 hear your voice and they go, all right, I'm going to walk out 124 00:11:28,720 --> 00:11:37,759 the door this time, yes, yes, and and find one I'll you 125 00:11:37,799 --> 00:11:41,200 know, find our own path. What is that for you as a unique 126 00:11:41,279 --> 00:11:46,799 human walking this planet individually and yet collectively, right because we're not We're not 127 00:11:48,919 --> 00:11:52,200 you know, I actually I didn't know you were going to spin to love 128 00:11:52,200 --> 00:11:56,159 you and me, And we're not you know, here alone. We're not 129 00:11:56,360 --> 00:12:03,519 doing this alone. And that I think if we can see that there's other 130 00:12:03,559 --> 00:12:07,120 people on this journey with us, and we can encourage one another wherever we 131 00:12:07,159 --> 00:12:11,039 are in whatever phase that is. And a lot of it's recovery. You 132 00:12:11,080 --> 00:12:16,000 know, we've gone through some massive changes since I was a child, and 133 00:12:16,320 --> 00:12:22,360 we are morphine as a people, as a human race, and there's a 134 00:12:22,360 --> 00:12:26,159 lot of resistance. And yet there's a good number of us that are saying, 135 00:12:26,320 --> 00:12:31,399 yeah, we want to create something that's beautiful and lovely and heal, 136 00:12:31,039 --> 00:12:35,360 and let's do that, and let's do that together. So if I can 137 00:12:35,399 --> 00:12:39,720 be part of that, and I can help encourage people that they can lose 138 00:12:39,759 --> 00:12:45,039 it all. They can you know, live on you know, food stamps 139 00:12:45,080 --> 00:12:50,919 and dig themselves out of the whole. They can be beaten and abused and 140 00:12:52,240 --> 00:12:56,000 held back and told no, and they can still find a way to get 141 00:12:56,000 --> 00:13:01,360 out that there will be people there cheering them along. One of them. 142 00:13:01,879 --> 00:13:05,720 Yeah, Yeah, I'm curious going back to your childhood for a moment. 143 00:13:05,799 --> 00:13:11,320 So you mentioned being forbidden to did your family initially did they forbid you to 144 00:13:11,960 --> 00:13:16,840 learn a musical instrument or sing? No? So I was a ward of 145 00:13:16,840 --> 00:13:22,080 the state at birth and was in two foster homes to start, and then 146 00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:26,000 relatively, you know, three or six months into the foster system, I 147 00:13:26,080 --> 00:13:31,120 was placed in a home that became my permanent home. So that family adopted 148 00:13:31,240 --> 00:13:37,240 me. I refer to them as my adoptive family. I had an amazing 149 00:13:37,360 --> 00:13:39,480 father. And when you when you say amazing, or I say, or 150 00:13:39,480 --> 00:13:43,000 anybody says they have a great dad. I had the world's best dad. 151 00:13:45,080 --> 00:13:50,399 And his story is a is a you know, come from nothing and build 152 00:13:50,480 --> 00:13:54,440 himself into not just an extraordinary financial success, but was an incredible human. 153 00:13:54,799 --> 00:14:01,159 And everywhere he went, everybody that he interacted with just he treated them with 154 00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:05,679 such kindness and respect. And it didn't matter who you were, you his 155 00:14:05,720 --> 00:14:11,240 greatest client, or the girl you know at the diner serving him coffee. 156 00:14:11,240 --> 00:14:16,679 He showed everyone the same amount of respect. And I shadowed him. He 157 00:14:16,879 --> 00:14:20,720 was my shadow. I mean I was his shadow, and he read me 158 00:14:20,799 --> 00:14:24,799 stories by you know, some of the old greats like Augmandino, were my 159 00:14:24,840 --> 00:14:30,159 bedtime stories, and he encouraged the gift of music. Okay, So around 160 00:14:30,320 --> 00:14:35,200 seven, we moved into a home that had a piano. I had taken 161 00:14:35,240 --> 00:14:37,799 some violin lessons, I believe right before that. We moved into a home 162 00:14:37,840 --> 00:14:41,720 with a piano, and from a practical standpoint, there was a piano. 163 00:14:41,879 --> 00:14:48,600 My adoptive mom said, play piano. I said, okay. Probably four 164 00:14:48,679 --> 00:14:54,600 or five years after that, the piano instructor told my parents she needs to 165 00:14:54,639 --> 00:15:01,399 be in a conservatory. Send her to a conservatory. Wow. Shortly thereafter, 166 00:15:01,559 --> 00:15:03,879 on Christmas even eighty one, my dad died of a massive heart attack. 167 00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:09,080 Oh god, what I was unaware of at the time, you know, 168 00:15:09,120 --> 00:15:13,960 because you're just a child. I was twelve. My mom has borderline 169 00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:20,200 personality disorder, so my adoptive family, and at that point she shattered, 170 00:15:20,960 --> 00:15:26,039 and so the rage, the abuse, the beatings just became commonplace, and 171 00:15:26,080 --> 00:15:31,480 I became I became household help, and which you know, I look back 172 00:15:31,519 --> 00:15:33,679 and go, okay, you know, great, I learned a really good 173 00:15:33,799 --> 00:15:39,000 cleaning skill because as an adult, I owned a carpet cleaning business. So 174 00:15:39,360 --> 00:15:46,440 yes, right, right, So when she came home from work, she 175 00:15:46,559 --> 00:15:52,440 didn't want to hear me play. When my adoptive brother was home. He 176 00:15:52,559 --> 00:15:58,039 was terrorizing and would threaten to beat if I touched the piano, So I 177 00:15:58,159 --> 00:16:03,240 stopped, didn't ever go to concert seravatory. She had started the enrollment into 178 00:16:03,279 --> 00:16:07,960 a Ramonte well into a convent, an all girls boarding school that's no longer 179 00:16:07,720 --> 00:16:12,080 in existence. So if my dad had been alive, I was likely heading 180 00:16:12,120 --> 00:16:18,159 off to the convent, not a conservatory. Wow, and knowing what we 181 00:16:18,279 --> 00:16:23,600 do you know know now about even more so about mental health. Borderline personality 182 00:16:23,639 --> 00:16:30,600 disorders seek to isolate or to remove who they perceive as the threat. And 183 00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:34,679 so it was. Oh maybe I was sixteen and I brought home a friend's 184 00:16:34,679 --> 00:16:38,679 of guitar electric thinking, you know, all just play quietly in my bedroom 185 00:16:38,679 --> 00:16:41,960 and we're going to form a garage band, of which I did not play 186 00:16:42,080 --> 00:16:48,240 the guitar. And there was the threat if I didn't return it she would 187 00:16:48,279 --> 00:16:52,080 throw it into the swimming pool. Oh, so music was just forbidden. 188 00:16:52,279 --> 00:16:56,799 And that summer of my graduating the year I graduated from high school, I 189 00:16:56,840 --> 00:17:03,279 was seventeen, I went and worked at a camp all summer and picked up 190 00:17:03,279 --> 00:17:07,119 a five dollars guitar and I think it was a kids a kid's guitar now 191 00:17:07,119 --> 00:17:12,640 that I look back, and a pitch pipe and a chord book and sat 192 00:17:12,720 --> 00:17:18,400 in the local mountains during my off time reading this chord book, pitching you 193 00:17:18,440 --> 00:17:23,400 know, with the pipe, the tuning, and discovered that I was also 194 00:17:23,440 --> 00:17:29,000 told I couldn't sing, that I was tone deaf, and I discovered I 195 00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:32,880 would discovered that I could sing. I was singing in the wrong keys, 196 00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:36,880 and I didn't know how to sing high notes yet because I was truly an 197 00:17:36,880 --> 00:17:41,200 alto. So I got home that summer I turned eighteen. She beat me 198 00:17:41,240 --> 00:17:44,839 the last time, and I said I'm out, and I said goodbye to 199 00:17:44,920 --> 00:17:48,279 the family money. I said goodbye to the brand new car, the condo, 200 00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:53,799 the full ride to college paid by my adoptive mother, and I lived 201 00:17:53,799 --> 00:17:59,039 in my car. Wow, and I bought a full like adult guitar at 202 00:17:59,039 --> 00:18:02,960 that time. You really you really committed, you were all in. I 203 00:18:02,960 --> 00:18:04,759 mean, that's a lot to walk away from. Good for you, I 204 00:18:04,799 --> 00:18:07,559 mean that's a that's a big roll of the dice. Where you were you 205 00:18:07,680 --> 00:18:11,200 scared or did or did you have the conviction that you were doing the right 206 00:18:11,240 --> 00:18:15,119 thing? Or how did you how did you do that? As a teenager. 207 00:18:15,359 --> 00:18:18,400 Sure I was scared out of my mind, but that was my touch 208 00:18:18,480 --> 00:18:21,720 point. So a few things, if you know, we really want to 209 00:18:21,720 --> 00:18:26,039 look back at that era of my life. And from a mental health standpoint, 210 00:18:26,720 --> 00:18:32,279 you never know who you are going to interact with and where they're coming 211 00:18:32,359 --> 00:18:37,160 from in life, and in a child, we see a child and and 212 00:18:37,160 --> 00:18:42,680 and they may they may be acting out, or they may be shy, 213 00:18:44,319 --> 00:18:48,039 or they may be boisterous. I was more boisterous. I never acted out 214 00:18:48,599 --> 00:18:53,160 in a negative way, but you never know what's going on at home. 215 00:18:53,240 --> 00:19:02,920 And an encouraging word and kindness and you know, lifting them up, even 216 00:19:03,039 --> 00:19:06,680 in a moment, you do not know how that could change that child's life. 217 00:19:06,759 --> 00:19:11,279 And I will say there were key adults that intersected. And when somebody's 218 00:19:11,319 --> 00:19:17,359 abused, they're used to crumbs and they find their encouragement on crumbs. I 219 00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:21,720 mean, it's terrible, but it is what happens. And those crumbs, 220 00:19:21,759 --> 00:19:27,400 those trail of crumbs at people throughout my teenage life left me was enough for 221 00:19:27,440 --> 00:19:32,480 me to say I can do this. There is hope, There is hope. 222 00:19:32,599 --> 00:19:34,880 That clock is eighteen. I was twelve, thirteen years old, and 223 00:19:34,920 --> 00:19:41,599 I said that eighteen years old, I'm out. I'm out at eighteen and 224 00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:45,279 so yeah, scared. What was I going to do? But I was 225 00:19:45,319 --> 00:19:48,480 in my car and I wasn't going to get hit again. And then I 226 00:19:48,519 --> 00:19:52,640 can figure it out and how to pull a little bit of the silver spoon 227 00:19:52,640 --> 00:19:55,720 out of my mouth. I didn't know what. I didn't know. My 228 00:19:55,839 --> 00:19:59,279 parents were, you know, I shared earlier. My dad did very well. 229 00:20:00,039 --> 00:20:02,680 So there are a lot of things. I had zero street smarts, 230 00:20:03,720 --> 00:20:07,440 zero, very naive, and I thought, well, okay, I'll go 231 00:20:07,480 --> 00:20:11,119 figure this out. And I did. Found a place to live with an 232 00:20:11,160 --> 00:20:18,720 elderly lady and took care of her and had room and board. So that's 233 00:20:18,720 --> 00:20:22,200 how I entered adult life. And I will say this the other saving grace 234 00:20:22,240 --> 00:20:26,200 for me and why I chose to do it is one of the things in 235 00:20:26,240 --> 00:20:30,920 the mental health community that they do say you're kind of an anomaly, Nancy. 236 00:20:30,759 --> 00:20:37,559 I chose to volunteer and give back during my teenage years. I volunteered 237 00:20:37,559 --> 00:20:40,720 for students against drunk driving, you know, getting my friends home safely on 238 00:20:40,759 --> 00:20:44,400 the weekend. I volunteered at soup kitchens. I volunteered at the hospital as 239 00:20:44,440 --> 00:20:48,599 a candy striper, I just poured myself into service. I realized, then 240 00:20:48,759 --> 00:20:53,640 there are people that are way way worse off than I was. And I 241 00:20:53,799 --> 00:21:00,160 think I look back now and I thought, wow, that was cultivated in 242 00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:03,680 that season in my life. So no matter what season I've walked through in 243 00:21:03,759 --> 00:21:08,440 my own mental health journey, which included making some really unhealthy choices when you 244 00:21:08,440 --> 00:21:11,440 don't even know why you're making them, right, Like, why do we 245 00:21:11,519 --> 00:21:17,319 attract unhealthy people into our lives? Well, there's more work to do, 246 00:21:17,599 --> 00:21:21,920 you know, right, But I believe that framework set me up. And 247 00:21:22,440 --> 00:21:26,000 then at eighteen or nineteen, I moved in with a roommate. Found the 248 00:21:26,039 --> 00:21:27,400 piano. I don't know if you could see me, but I have a 249 00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:32,000 piano behind me. I bought it when I was eighteen or nineteen years old 250 00:21:32,400 --> 00:21:37,359 for five hundred bucks, and I had it restored when I was forty three. 251 00:21:37,160 --> 00:21:41,839 Yeah. Wow, that's what I write on and I've played ever since 252 00:21:41,279 --> 00:21:45,519 in the closet. I've played the piano in the closet. Wow. Now 253 00:21:45,519 --> 00:21:51,000 I'm curious, and I kind of think I might know the answer. But 254 00:21:51,359 --> 00:21:56,799 did you if you had any contact with your the family that you left My 255 00:21:56,839 --> 00:22:02,359 adoptive family? Absolutely? Oh, you have. Well, it took six 256 00:22:02,440 --> 00:22:07,519 months before I, you know, spoke with my adoptive mom again. And 257 00:22:07,559 --> 00:22:11,640 it was actually one of my best friend's mothers who pretty much stood in the 258 00:22:11,680 --> 00:22:18,799 gap. You know. She was very strong, very very strong, Laura 259 00:22:18,839 --> 00:22:23,359 Fishman. She deserves to be honored. She stood in the gap for me 260 00:22:23,519 --> 00:22:29,880 many, many, many times, and her home became the place of my 261 00:22:29,960 --> 00:22:33,319 refuge. And the Fishmens would leave their home open for me if it got 262 00:22:33,359 --> 00:22:37,640 too difficult at my house and I would know whether they were home or not. 263 00:22:37,720 --> 00:22:41,839 I had a safe place to go, and no, I stayed in 264 00:22:41,880 --> 00:22:45,880 contact, and you know, read what I thought was rebuilding a relationship. 265 00:22:45,640 --> 00:22:53,119 And somewhere in my I believe I was in my mid forties, I discovered 266 00:22:53,920 --> 00:23:00,559 I was being used. It was a scam, I or just it was 267 00:23:00,599 --> 00:23:04,240 fake. It was what a borderline personality disorder does, pitying the children against 268 00:23:04,279 --> 00:23:07,640 each other. One's the good child, one's the bad child. And for 269 00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:11,640 most of my life I was just the bad child. But there was a 270 00:23:11,680 --> 00:23:15,160 season where I suppose I became the good child in this dynamic with my siblings, 271 00:23:15,880 --> 00:23:23,359 and my siblings became very jealous and very angry and retaliated emotionally, and 272 00:23:23,480 --> 00:23:30,160 eventually I learned things about the family that I had not known, and I 273 00:23:30,279 --> 00:23:36,079 said, okay, this is unhealthy. I need to draw stronger boundaries. 274 00:23:36,839 --> 00:23:41,680 And then let's just fast forward my second marriage. I thought, you know, 275 00:23:41,079 --> 00:23:47,400 we lost my kid's dad, not to death, but to the streets 276 00:23:47,480 --> 00:23:52,079 to addiction. So my kids after eighteen years of marriage, my kid's dad 277 00:23:52,440 --> 00:24:00,119 was a fallout of the cotton and hydrocodones and the you know, the narcotics 278 00:24:00,160 --> 00:24:07,480 in pain management. And he was a pastor and a businessman, and we 279 00:24:07,559 --> 00:24:11,599 lost him and he was just he was gone. And four years after that, 280 00:24:11,680 --> 00:24:15,279 I remarried who I thought was just the love of my life. And 281 00:24:17,720 --> 00:24:23,920 about five years into that I detected things were really wrong and I questioned him, 282 00:24:25,440 --> 00:24:30,799 are you having an affair? And of course he said no, And 283 00:24:30,480 --> 00:24:34,680 long story short, that relationship ended with a pillow over my head, Oh 284 00:24:34,799 --> 00:24:41,680 my god, and he demanded that I sleep with him or the pillow stayed 285 00:24:41,680 --> 00:24:47,359 over my head. And in a split second, you ask yourself in that 286 00:24:47,440 --> 00:24:52,160 situation. Now we were at our cabin. He had destroyed our personal home 287 00:24:52,480 --> 00:24:56,839 and so it was being remodeled or rebuilt. It destroyed it. How what 288 00:24:56,880 --> 00:25:04,559 do you mean. He We were taking down some dry wall, and I 289 00:25:04,599 --> 00:25:08,920 asked him, hey, before you start that project, please make sure you 290 00:25:10,039 --> 00:25:15,599 protect everything and cover and seal off zones, because we don't know what's behind 291 00:25:15,599 --> 00:25:18,079 that wall. We knew there was a chimney, but we don't know what's 292 00:25:18,119 --> 00:25:25,200 in it. But he really believed nothing. You know, the laws of 293 00:25:25,240 --> 00:25:32,599 the universe did not apply, and go nowhere and there would be no troubles 294 00:25:32,640 --> 00:25:41,640 ever one of those and the chimney fell with like from the nineteen hundreds, 295 00:25:41,640 --> 00:25:45,039 and it had cold dust in it. Oh my god, and the central 296 00:25:45,119 --> 00:25:48,640 units were on, and it sucked it through the house. It was like 297 00:25:48,640 --> 00:25:52,519 a fire without the flame. But it destroyed everything in its path. It 298 00:25:52,559 --> 00:25:56,880 was uninhabitable. Every electronic had to be replaced. It ate through surfaces. 299 00:25:57,400 --> 00:26:00,839 It was awful. It looked like there was a fire, but there was 300 00:26:00,880 --> 00:26:07,440 actually no heat. So I moved up to our cabin. He traveled for 301 00:26:07,480 --> 00:26:12,240 a living. He would come up occasionally and visit. And it was in 302 00:26:12,240 --> 00:26:18,799 one of those evenings that we had a fight. And I went to the 303 00:26:18,839 --> 00:26:22,920 loft to sleep, and I woke up with a pillow over my head. 304 00:26:22,200 --> 00:26:26,160 Oh my god. And he said, no, woman of mine will ever 305 00:26:26,279 --> 00:26:30,400 sleep, you know, somewhere else but our own bed. And in that 306 00:26:30,599 --> 00:26:37,920 split second, you have to ask yourself, do I have enough air to 307 00:26:37,039 --> 00:26:42,160 navigate this situation? And it's nano seconds, do I nenee him in the 308 00:26:42,160 --> 00:26:48,960 groin and go run in for the car because cell phones did not work, 309 00:26:48,079 --> 00:26:55,440 only landlines worked up in that area of the Pacific Northwest, and I could 310 00:26:55,480 --> 00:26:57,880 breathe. I had enough air, and so I went down and slept with 311 00:26:57,960 --> 00:27:03,519 him when I shared this, And then after that the marriage started to crumble 312 00:27:03,559 --> 00:27:06,880 and we found out that, you know, he essentially had another family. 313 00:27:07,480 --> 00:27:11,319 He had been vacationing, buying, you know, household goods. And when 314 00:27:11,319 --> 00:27:17,359 I confronted it all, confronted him on it, he was very adamant they 315 00:27:17,359 --> 00:27:19,440 were his family. I was like, well, but we're your family. 316 00:27:19,720 --> 00:27:23,200 Wow, So he actually had Yeah. You hear about men doing that, 317 00:27:23,279 --> 00:27:26,799 and it's always like how does how does anybody pull that off? But how 318 00:27:26,799 --> 00:27:30,720 do you pull it off? It's exhausting. I just think it's so much 319 00:27:30,759 --> 00:27:34,599 easier to be honest, yeah, because it's just exhausting. And he hadn't 320 00:27:34,640 --> 00:27:38,640 married her. They weren't his biological kids, but he was adamant they were 321 00:27:38,680 --> 00:27:42,319 his family, and they had they'd been vacationing together. They actually had a 322 00:27:42,319 --> 00:27:48,839 cruise planned, and so the marriage was ending. And as I shared this 323 00:27:48,440 --> 00:27:56,839 with my adoptive mother, she said, well, Nancy, he's a good 324 00:27:56,880 --> 00:28:00,759 provider and sometimes you just have to put up with the other woman. Oh 325 00:28:00,880 --> 00:28:06,079 my god, And I thought, heck no. And then she continued to 326 00:28:06,079 --> 00:28:07,720 have a relationship with him. And I said, here's the thing, mom, 327 00:28:08,359 --> 00:28:11,920 the man tried to kill me. Do you dispute that. No? 328 00:28:11,559 --> 00:28:17,599 Okay, he forced me to sleep with him. That's called rape. Mom. 329 00:28:18,319 --> 00:28:22,799 Yeah, I'm like, okay, where's the disconnect? And she said, 330 00:28:22,799 --> 00:28:25,680 well, I talked to him and it wasn't his intention to kill you. 331 00:28:25,920 --> 00:28:32,039 He just wanted to get your attention. Wow. I drew a boundary, 332 00:28:32,160 --> 00:28:36,000 and I said, okay, adoptive mother, I didn't call her that 333 00:28:36,119 --> 00:28:41,000 and call her mom, I said, And I differentiate because I've had contact 334 00:28:41,000 --> 00:28:44,240 with my birth mom, and so I want to make sure I'm never referencing 335 00:28:44,240 --> 00:28:48,519 this horror story to my birth mom who forced to give me up. But 336 00:28:48,640 --> 00:28:51,640 my adoptive mother, I said, okay, here's your boundary. You have 337 00:28:51,680 --> 00:28:55,079 a relationship with him, or you have one with me. You choose because 338 00:28:55,119 --> 00:28:57,599 he's not allowed in our life, and he's scary and he stalks, and 339 00:28:57,640 --> 00:29:00,960 he stalked me when I still lived in the Pacific Northwest. He stalked my 340 00:29:02,039 --> 00:29:06,799 daughter and I said, you got to choose. It's one or the other. 341 00:29:07,119 --> 00:29:10,000 And she said, I resent you telling me who you could be friends 342 00:29:10,039 --> 00:29:12,519 with. And I said, okay, I can respect that. That's a 343 00:29:12,720 --> 00:29:19,720 valid feeling. My boundary still sits and stands, so okay, we travel 344 00:29:19,880 --> 00:29:26,799 four or five years down the road. This last December, I was with 345 00:29:26,920 --> 00:29:32,759 a videography of film crew and we were going through the different areas locations of 346 00:29:32,799 --> 00:29:37,839 where I lived, and we're preparing to do a documentary. And I had 347 00:29:37,839 --> 00:29:41,680 written a Christmas song that reminded me of my mom, and I thought, 348 00:29:41,680 --> 00:29:45,079 you know, she's in her mid eighties, she's getting older. You know. 349 00:29:45,119 --> 00:29:48,759 It's okay, you know I love is love, you know, extend 350 00:29:48,759 --> 00:29:53,319 love to all. And I'll come by and say hello. And I had 351 00:29:53,319 --> 00:29:56,799 the film crew with me, but nope, they can sit in the car. 352 00:29:56,000 --> 00:30:00,920 That's fine, But I want to share this this Christmas song I wrote 353 00:30:00,920 --> 00:30:04,559 because I realized, oh my gosh, it's about you, and it's about 354 00:30:04,599 --> 00:30:11,440 every person. Who's had loss and is suffering, and it's not just once 355 00:30:11,480 --> 00:30:15,720 a year. Generosity is all year long. And receive a hug from me, 356 00:30:15,240 --> 00:30:19,319 and having the loss that I did during Christmas time. Christmas has become 357 00:30:19,759 --> 00:30:26,519 my favorite season and just the theme behind Christmas is generosity. So let's just 358 00:30:26,599 --> 00:30:30,839 live that in our hearts all and long. So I went to share that 359 00:30:30,960 --> 00:30:37,359 song with her, and I was greeted by again my very terrorizing, hostile, 360 00:30:37,720 --> 00:30:45,799 angry adoptive brother and threatening me, threatening to sue me, threatening to 361 00:30:45,960 --> 00:30:51,839 I'm like, wait what It was the craziest thing I'd ever seen. I 362 00:30:51,920 --> 00:30:56,839 walked in and she said the same thing. Because I'm sharing the story of 363 00:30:56,920 --> 00:31:02,759 abuse to hope. He was like, Mom, you never denied it. 364 00:31:03,319 --> 00:31:07,799 We've talked about it, we've talked about mental and oh it was. It 365 00:31:07,880 --> 00:31:12,039 was verbally violent, so much so my film crew had witnessed the beginning. 366 00:31:12,400 --> 00:31:18,359 They were actually scared. This was December, you guys, last December. 367 00:31:18,799 --> 00:31:21,839 And I get in the car and I burst into tears and I said, 368 00:31:21,920 --> 00:31:26,960 Okay, you will never have access to me again, never again. And 369 00:31:27,400 --> 00:31:32,680 it's sad because I believe there's true hope, there's really hope, And I 370 00:31:32,720 --> 00:31:36,160 thought, Wow, I am so far down this road. I joke that 371 00:31:36,240 --> 00:31:41,000 I have a PhD In being therapied because I've been through so much therapy and 372 00:31:41,599 --> 00:31:47,279 so much healing. And then yet wow, okay, now I do choose 373 00:31:47,319 --> 00:31:49,960 to see it with a heart of compassion and heartompathy and even a heart of 374 00:31:51,000 --> 00:31:56,119 gratitude, because the heart of bitterness and the heart of anger just destroys us, 375 00:31:56,160 --> 00:31:59,359 and it destroys our bodies, and it keeps us from doing the things 376 00:31:59,400 --> 00:32:02,920 that we're really here to go do, right, and and so but that 377 00:32:04,039 --> 00:32:07,799 was that was as recent, you guys, as as a December. Wow. 378 00:32:08,799 --> 00:32:12,759 Oh sorry, you don't deserve that pain. Yeah, that is horrible 379 00:32:13,440 --> 00:32:17,160 in my experience. I mean, I assume, uh, I assume she's 380 00:32:17,240 --> 00:32:22,680 she doesn't she hasn't sought help for her BPD. I assume no, no, 381 00:32:22,799 --> 00:32:25,319 and most don't, right, and the and the and I think the 382 00:32:25,359 --> 00:32:29,319 reality is and and you know, those of us who have dealt with people 383 00:32:29,359 --> 00:32:32,400 with that who don't get help, it's that there's never any winning. In 384 00:32:32,440 --> 00:32:37,400 other words, if you had gone to her, and uh, you know, 385 00:32:37,480 --> 00:32:40,759 it could have been under any circumstances, she would have found some sort 386 00:32:40,799 --> 00:32:45,160 of reason to be angry with you. Yes, And it wouldn't have it 387 00:32:45,160 --> 00:32:47,839 could have been anything, you know, it wouldn't have. It wouldn't have 388 00:32:47,920 --> 00:32:53,920 mattered what the circumstances were, because someone who has that, who has that 389 00:32:54,000 --> 00:33:00,319 condition and does not get help, there's there's no winning with them. And 390 00:33:00,319 --> 00:33:02,279 and you know, and I want to approach it with compassion and empathy as 391 00:33:02,319 --> 00:33:07,920 well, because obviously it's you know, they're sick, but but if they're 392 00:33:07,960 --> 00:33:12,759 not going to get help, then there really is no I I heard a 393 00:33:12,839 --> 00:33:14,880 joke once, but I'm not going to tell it, but because I don't 394 00:33:14,880 --> 00:33:15,599 want to want to. I don't want no, I don't want to hurt 395 00:33:15,599 --> 00:33:20,480 anybody, but I'll I'll email it to you. But it's but it's a 396 00:33:20,759 --> 00:33:25,079 it's about dealing with someone with bipolar disorders. So but yeah, so that 397 00:33:25,160 --> 00:33:30,839 was that was pretty recent then? Wow, yep. Yes, And what 398 00:33:30,000 --> 00:33:36,480 was shocking was my adoptive brother. I had pretty much written him out of 399 00:33:36,680 --> 00:33:39,400 like my life and never even really thought about him. And he really wasn't. 400 00:33:39,440 --> 00:33:45,440 In fact, this first project, he really wasn't. He's not weaved 401 00:33:45,640 --> 00:33:50,920 throughout it the way you know. There there are some there are some songs 402 00:33:51,000 --> 00:33:53,640 or just some experiences that I really reference back to my my adoptive mom. 403 00:33:54,000 --> 00:34:00,039 I really kind of left him out of the story and I realized, I 404 00:34:00,079 --> 00:34:04,119 realize, then, oh my gosh, you were the terror. You were 405 00:34:04,119 --> 00:34:14,360 really the monster you and and he was so angry about a promotional video saying 406 00:34:14,639 --> 00:34:17,880 that that I opened it with. He had me pinned up against the piano, 407 00:34:19,000 --> 00:34:20,960 saying, hit me, Nancy, hit me, Nancy, hit me, 408 00:34:21,039 --> 00:34:27,039 Nancy. I'm referring to my second husband that night preceding the pillow where 409 00:34:27,079 --> 00:34:30,559 he had me pinned up against the piano at the cabin that we owned as 410 00:34:30,599 --> 00:34:35,280 adults, right wow. And I couldn't get I couldn't figure out in the 411 00:34:35,320 --> 00:34:40,079 moment, why was my adoptive brother so angry? Why was he so upset, 412 00:34:40,840 --> 00:34:44,639 you know, your spew and lies about the piano. And I was 413 00:34:44,639 --> 00:34:46,880 like, wait, I don't what are you talking about? And then it 414 00:34:46,960 --> 00:34:51,079 dawned on me. As a kid, we had a cabin in the local 415 00:34:51,360 --> 00:34:57,039 mountains of southern California, so in Big Bear, and Gosh, we had 416 00:34:57,039 --> 00:35:00,559 that cabin since I was five years old till I was probably forty five, 417 00:35:00,239 --> 00:35:05,559 and there was a piano there, and all of a sudden, I'm catapulted 418 00:35:05,639 --> 00:35:08,519 back to my childhood when he would threaten and I'm like, oh my gosh, 419 00:35:08,519 --> 00:35:13,719 he thinks it's about him. Wow, he thinks the stories about him 420 00:35:14,239 --> 00:35:19,159 and it's not. It was about pillow Man, but you're so guilty. 421 00:35:19,239 --> 00:35:21,719 And I realized, and I kid you, not you guys. I went 422 00:35:21,760 --> 00:35:23,559 home and I wrote a song called it Monster. It's not on this album, 423 00:35:23,840 --> 00:35:28,760 but it will be on the next we record. In this coming June, 424 00:35:28,800 --> 00:35:32,119 We're going back to Abby Road to record two more and I'm so excited 425 00:35:32,159 --> 00:35:37,599 about it because I was like an insert the adoptive brother into the story. 426 00:35:39,440 --> 00:35:45,760 Does he also have BPD? You know? I? Is he a borderline? 427 00:35:45,000 --> 00:35:49,039 I? You know, I don't know. I don't I really haven't 428 00:35:49,039 --> 00:35:52,360 had a lot of contact with him as an adult. I would say I 429 00:35:52,400 --> 00:35:59,679 would say very aggressive narcissistic tendencies for sure, hands down, because because when 430 00:35:59,679 --> 00:36:02,079 you look back at my childhood and then all of a sudden, these memories 431 00:36:02,119 --> 00:36:07,280 are flooding, and then you know, we met with some girls. I've 432 00:36:07,320 --> 00:36:09,599 known some of them since I was five years old, and we all got 433 00:36:09,639 --> 00:36:13,280 together for a dinner, and I had my film crew with me and my 434 00:36:13,400 --> 00:36:17,800 film producer actually just started to share, Yeah, we saw her brother and 435 00:36:17,840 --> 00:36:22,400 her mom and the girls, some of them I haven't seen since high school. 436 00:36:22,000 --> 00:36:28,519 Said oh my gosh, her brother is a monster, and started to 437 00:36:28,519 --> 00:36:31,519 recount times where he would be dragging me by my hair across the floor at 438 00:36:31,519 --> 00:36:37,239 the church gym. And again I was like, wow, I really kind 439 00:36:37,239 --> 00:36:39,239 of wrote him out of my memory. Yeah, and I thought, oh 440 00:36:39,280 --> 00:36:42,960 my gosh. And of course, you know, I call my therapist. 441 00:36:43,039 --> 00:36:46,159 I'm like, well, we may need to process the monster. And you 442 00:36:46,199 --> 00:36:49,639 know, I've come so much further down this road, and I thought, 443 00:36:49,679 --> 00:36:52,280 wow, okay, okay, Wow, this all right, this is part 444 00:36:52,280 --> 00:36:54,800 of the story and part of the healing, and part of you know, 445 00:36:54,840 --> 00:37:00,719 we circle it back. Why didn't you have the confidence or believe that you 446 00:37:00,760 --> 00:37:05,519 could really do it sooner? Nancy? For all those reasons, he was 447 00:37:05,559 --> 00:37:08,039 the one that was marched me back to the store. And I was not 448 00:37:08,159 --> 00:37:12,679 allowed to listen to Ozzy Osbourne. Oh good, girls do not listen to 449 00:37:12,679 --> 00:37:16,239 heavy metal. Wow. So I was not allowed. I was restricted to 450 00:37:16,239 --> 00:37:20,480 what music I was allowed to listen to when he was home or And at 451 00:37:20,480 --> 00:37:22,079 that point, I was just like, Okay, you know, he's the 452 00:37:22,159 --> 00:37:27,440 obedient, He's not only a monster, but a very cliche one at that, 453 00:37:28,840 --> 00:37:32,800 with the you know, can't listen to Ozzy. So here, I 454 00:37:32,880 --> 00:37:37,920 am forty nine years old. We're all shut down, and I have been 455 00:37:38,000 --> 00:37:45,039 advised by my advisors. You are sitting duck. It's dangerous now because the 456 00:37:45,119 --> 00:37:50,159 reason that you know, he continued. The second husband continued to stalk the 457 00:37:50,199 --> 00:37:57,000 woman he was with. Supposedly his family had killed her husband and had done 458 00:37:57,000 --> 00:38:00,280 seven and a half years in prison. Oh my god, I know, 459 00:38:00,159 --> 00:38:05,280 just is the story real? Wow? And my advisors were actually worried for 460 00:38:05,360 --> 00:38:07,719 my safety. They said, Nanty, it's one thing to have the freedom 461 00:38:07,719 --> 00:38:10,400 of movement, it's another that they know where you are at all times. 462 00:38:12,800 --> 00:38:15,159 And do you have anywhere to go? And I said, you know what, 463 00:38:15,559 --> 00:38:22,960 I spent eighteen years in Wisconsin. I have family there. I will 464 00:38:22,559 --> 00:38:27,039 My kid's uncle actually lives there and we've stayed very, very close. And 465 00:38:27,079 --> 00:38:30,159 I said, I'll head towards Wisconsin. At the time, I had re 466 00:38:30,320 --> 00:38:37,039 enrolled back in college, the local community college, and was taking music courses 467 00:38:37,519 --> 00:38:42,119 with the intention of getting a music degree because I couldn't read music well, 468 00:38:42,280 --> 00:38:45,239 if at all, and I didn't really speak the language. When I spoke 469 00:38:45,280 --> 00:38:50,760 with other musicians. I just didn't understand something. So I was in my 470 00:38:50,920 --> 00:38:58,599 third quarter of theory and my piano instructor, and it wasn't the department at 471 00:38:58,679 --> 00:39:02,079 chair, it was someone else, but with in that rank. They they 472 00:39:02,239 --> 00:39:06,320 said to me, you're in the wrong school. This is a teaching track. 473 00:39:06,440 --> 00:39:08,960 We think you should be in a conservatory. And at that point I 474 00:39:08,960 --> 00:39:14,480 said, oh wait, this sounds familiar. And you recommended if I stayed 475 00:39:14,519 --> 00:39:17,559 local, go to Seattle or they said, we really think if you could, 476 00:39:17,679 --> 00:39:21,760 if you could make it work, like it means a move Nancy, 477 00:39:22,199 --> 00:39:25,199 go to Berkeley College of Music. So on that road trip, I said, 478 00:39:25,199 --> 00:39:28,679 well, let's head to Boston. And it was the shutdown. So 479 00:39:28,719 --> 00:39:31,559 it was me in my car, of which I am familiar. I had 480 00:39:31,599 --> 00:39:36,440 my guitar, I had my keyboard, I had my bicycle, and I 481 00:39:36,519 --> 00:39:39,079 had my baseball glove. And I'm like, what more does a girl need 482 00:39:39,559 --> 00:39:45,760 other than those four essential items, Like I may find somebody who want to 483 00:39:45,760 --> 00:39:52,199 play catch, and I could certainly ride my bike freely, and I did, 484 00:39:52,199 --> 00:39:58,679 and I eventually made it all the way out to Boston, stayed near 485 00:39:58,760 --> 00:40:07,559 Fenway, of course, and went for long walks and walked around the Berkeley 486 00:40:07,559 --> 00:40:08,639 College of Music. You know, it was shut down, but I was 487 00:40:09,039 --> 00:40:12,280 thinking and like, you know, you kind of get a feel of what 488 00:40:12,280 --> 00:40:15,679 you should be doing. Yeah. Well, somebody not at Berkeley but a 489 00:40:16,239 --> 00:40:21,199 Her name is Sue Lancer. She's a professor on the East Coast in women's 490 00:40:21,239 --> 00:40:28,079 studies and literature. And she told her son, who was a good friend 491 00:40:28,079 --> 00:40:30,800 of mine, why is Nancy thinking of going to Berkeley? She just needs 492 00:40:30,920 --> 00:40:36,000 you know, here's a PhD who promotes, you know, university. And 493 00:40:36,079 --> 00:40:37,719 she said she just needs to go out and do it. Just tell her 494 00:40:37,719 --> 00:40:40,639 to go do it. And when her son called me, he's like, 495 00:40:40,760 --> 00:40:46,079 Nancy my mom. I'm like, okay, okay, so you know, 496 00:40:46,280 --> 00:40:52,760 come full circle, Sue Lancer, Nancy, just go do it. I'm 497 00:40:52,760 --> 00:40:55,639 like, okay, I guess I will. And I wrote four songs on 498 00:40:55,679 --> 00:41:00,800 that trip and I was out for three months. I got home and then 499 00:41:00,920 --> 00:41:06,000 really started to consider where should I move because I didn't feel safe. Yeah, 500 00:41:06,519 --> 00:41:13,519 and and here I am present day. Wow, So how did it? 501 00:41:13,800 --> 00:41:16,639 How did it come about? Again? What you do? Have a 502 00:41:16,719 --> 00:41:20,400 You have a hell of a story, Jaz, You've really been through it, 503 00:41:20,480 --> 00:41:22,800 Like I said, but now, how did this come about recording this 504 00:41:22,840 --> 00:41:28,000 album the way that you did working with Dave pal is that how you say 505 00:41:28,039 --> 00:41:32,480 is yes, working with Dave for okay, so that stories. I love 506 00:41:32,559 --> 00:41:37,480 this story. I love the story so much. Okay, So okay, 507 00:41:37,519 --> 00:41:40,199 So for all intents and purposes, let's just say I am a city girl. 508 00:41:42,039 --> 00:41:45,280 The answer to that is yes, absolutely. Now, I've always loved 509 00:41:45,360 --> 00:41:49,320 nature, and so the time in the mountains. I actually thought at one 510 00:41:49,320 --> 00:41:52,119 point I'd be a forest ranger. Oh I, oh my goodness, Yes, 511 00:41:52,159 --> 00:41:54,719 because I love the mountains, I love the you know, horses I 512 00:41:54,760 --> 00:42:00,159 loved. I love trees. I save trees. I have saved trees since 513 00:42:00,239 --> 00:42:02,239 I was a child. You know, trees that are being grown under power 514 00:42:02,280 --> 00:42:05,960 lines that they're going to, you know, cut down. I'll keep a 515 00:42:06,400 --> 00:42:08,559 you know something in my car to get them out and I'll replant them somewhere. 516 00:42:09,920 --> 00:42:15,119 Oh yes, yes, save trees, and save animals, be kind 517 00:42:15,639 --> 00:42:22,400 to all of nature, and and and so all of that to say here, 518 00:42:22,440 --> 00:42:25,159 I am a city girl, and I'm looking for you know, at 519 00:42:25,159 --> 00:42:29,159 the time, you know, I had sold my carpet cleaning business before I 520 00:42:29,199 --> 00:42:31,840 married Pillowman and moved to the Pacific Northwest. But when I was in the 521 00:42:31,880 --> 00:42:39,559 Pacific Northwest, I started investing in real estate and found my lane and and 522 00:42:40,199 --> 00:42:47,639 did a lot of work in five years that I really focused on. I 523 00:42:47,639 --> 00:42:51,719 guess that job, I suppose is what would say. But I built up, 524 00:42:51,840 --> 00:42:54,880 you know, a rental portfolio. I also did some flipping, but 525 00:42:55,679 --> 00:42:59,760 and I tied it to a mission of every working class human deserves to buy 526 00:42:59,760 --> 00:43:02,760 a home. And because everybody wanted all the fancy houses, you know, 527 00:43:02,800 --> 00:43:06,480 on the rich side of town, I'm like, what about these two bedrooms 528 00:43:06,480 --> 00:43:13,039 that are dilapidated in neighborhoods that people forgot right? And that's that's my heartbeat, 529 00:43:13,199 --> 00:43:17,800 you know, whether it's old homes and you know, old neighborhoods that 530 00:43:19,079 --> 00:43:21,719 people don't want to care about, Like, no, why don't we rebuild 531 00:43:21,719 --> 00:43:24,199 these neighborhoods the way they want them. We don't need, you know, 532 00:43:24,239 --> 00:43:30,239 a fancy coffee shop on every corner. What about the foods in the community 533 00:43:30,280 --> 00:43:35,960 they want to build? And these homes are beautiful. We don't all need 534 00:43:36,000 --> 00:43:38,880 a McMansion or even want at this point, who want? Who wants? 535 00:43:39,519 --> 00:43:42,840 So all that to say, I was looking for, well, where can 536 00:43:42,920 --> 00:43:47,760 I go and continue to invest and feel safe. Well, I started traveling 537 00:43:47,800 --> 00:43:52,320 to Texas, of which my daughter was very angry when I moved here, 538 00:43:52,000 --> 00:43:57,280 very upset. Oh really why? Oh yeah? My daughter is queer and 539 00:43:58,039 --> 00:44:02,760 from a women's right standpoint and from a LGBTQIA standpoint, she was really She's 540 00:44:02,800 --> 00:44:06,440 like, Mom, what the heck are you doing? And I said, 541 00:44:06,840 --> 00:44:14,000 they need good people in Texas too, babe. And so I landed north 542 00:44:14,039 --> 00:44:20,000 of the Houston market in the country, in the middle of nowhere. And 543 00:44:20,039 --> 00:44:22,480 so again, here you have this city girl in the middle of the country. 544 00:44:22,559 --> 00:44:24,960 So what do we do when we live in the country. We learned 545 00:44:24,960 --> 00:44:29,719 a two step, so I was like, I'm a dancer. I can 546 00:44:29,800 --> 00:44:31,519 dance like a ballroom dance. I can, but I didn't know how to 547 00:44:31,599 --> 00:44:35,480 two step. And I'd never listened to country music, so I was like, 548 00:44:35,559 --> 00:44:38,320 wow, what is this stuff called? You know? Country music? 549 00:44:38,480 --> 00:44:44,159 And I mean I listened to some of course, Texans have their whole different 550 00:44:44,199 --> 00:44:46,159 style and it was just so much fun. So I ended up at a 551 00:44:46,159 --> 00:44:52,079 bar with a girlfriend and we were two step in and there was this fantastic 552 00:44:52,159 --> 00:44:57,840 band plane and one of the band members came down and sat at our table, 553 00:44:58,039 --> 00:45:00,679 older gentleman, and you know, it was flirting a little bit and 554 00:45:00,719 --> 00:45:04,639 telling us about what they were doing. And they were heading to Austin the 555 00:45:04,679 --> 00:45:07,519 next day to record an album at Yellow Dog Studios, and I asked some 556 00:45:07,679 --> 00:45:10,920 questions. Didn't tell them that I was a musician, because it's not about 557 00:45:10,920 --> 00:45:15,440 me, right, I'm there to two step and encourage them and send them 558 00:45:15,440 --> 00:45:17,159 on their way. But I filed it away in my head. I'm like, 559 00:45:17,280 --> 00:45:22,320 huh, because I had, prior to that, been searching for a 560 00:45:22,559 --> 00:45:27,239 recording studio that I could just get in and start recording the music I was 561 00:45:27,280 --> 00:45:35,199 writing. But I couldn't really find traction, and not because they weren't interested. 562 00:45:35,239 --> 00:45:38,559 It was timing. It was all timing, sure, And so it 563 00:45:38,679 --> 00:45:44,599 was a month later. I got a call from my girlfriend and she said, 564 00:45:44,679 --> 00:45:49,400 if you don't, someone else will have you sent your music. I'm 565 00:45:49,440 --> 00:45:51,760 just like she was, Nancy, do you hunno? How many stories are 566 00:45:51,800 --> 00:45:53,760 out there that other people have written, what other people have written and they 567 00:45:53,800 --> 00:45:58,960 never even knew each other. Because inspiration will go where it's going to go 568 00:45:59,159 --> 00:46:01,320 and whoever's going to be responsible for it? So are you going to pick 569 00:46:01,400 --> 00:46:04,920 up the mantle? Are you going to pick it up and do something with 570 00:46:04,960 --> 00:46:07,559 it because somebody else will. I was like, oh, my gosh, 571 00:46:07,599 --> 00:46:12,400 what's the name of that studio? He likes dogs. I like dogs, 572 00:46:13,400 --> 00:46:21,519 And I literally googled dog record Studio Austin and then it popped up Yellow Dogs 573 00:46:22,119 --> 00:46:25,599 and I'm like, that's it. They liked labs and I'm like, if 574 00:46:25,639 --> 00:46:30,239 he likes dogs and I like dogs, well he's probably pretty cool, so 575 00:46:30,239 --> 00:46:32,119 why don't I send him an email? And that is literally how it happened. 576 00:46:32,519 --> 00:46:37,079 I met a band they like the you know, I remembered the name 577 00:46:37,159 --> 00:46:40,079 because he liked dogs. So if we didn't like dogs, we would not 578 00:46:40,199 --> 00:46:46,239 be having this conversation today. And then I sent him a message and I 579 00:46:46,239 --> 00:46:49,719 said, hello, David, you know this is who I am. I 580 00:46:49,760 --> 00:46:52,960 have a body of work. I need composition. I would like strings added 581 00:46:53,000 --> 00:46:57,440 to it, and somebody that can help with the composing and the conducting. 582 00:46:58,039 --> 00:47:00,400 That's not my wheelhouse. And he said, sim what you've got. I 583 00:47:00,440 --> 00:47:04,840 said, are you okay with just iPhone recordings? Because I am not an 584 00:47:04,840 --> 00:47:07,920 engineer and wouldn't even know the first thing, And he goes, that's better. 585 00:47:08,039 --> 00:47:12,599 I want to hear you know, the raws footage you've got. So 586 00:47:12,639 --> 00:47:19,119 I sent him all of the music and my sixty five page backstory that I 587 00:47:19,119 --> 00:47:22,199 had written. I had written why, I had written every song, and 588 00:47:22,239 --> 00:47:24,599 he said, I will dig into it and get back to you. And 589 00:47:24,639 --> 00:47:28,719 I said okay. And a week later he said, I don't know if 590 00:47:28,760 --> 00:47:32,079 that is more chilling or more inspirational. When can we meet? Wow? 591 00:47:32,679 --> 00:47:36,679 And he said, you know, he goes, are you local? I'm 592 00:47:36,719 --> 00:47:43,639 like, yes, four and a half hours local, absolutely, what time 593 00:47:43,800 --> 00:47:47,920 and where? And you know, a few days later we met and we 594 00:47:49,119 --> 00:47:57,800 have been running ever since and it's just been it's it's really a beautiful story 595 00:47:57,880 --> 00:48:02,360 to watch and even just to see the way we interact. And he, 596 00:48:02,800 --> 00:48:07,239 you know, what I will say is that he saw it, he saw 597 00:48:07,280 --> 00:48:09,639 me, he believed in it. I was still a little bit gun shy. 598 00:48:09,760 --> 00:48:14,639 I'm like, well what about this? And you know, well, 599 00:48:14,639 --> 00:48:17,960 oh, and I'm going to add another song. I added two songs. 600 00:48:17,960 --> 00:48:22,000 In fact, to Love You and Me is the last song I wrote. 601 00:48:22,119 --> 00:48:29,079 Oh. I realized I couldn't because the Nancy Mine album that is coming out 602 00:48:29,159 --> 00:48:34,519 on May twenty ninth is a companion piece to a larger work, and that 603 00:48:34,679 --> 00:48:38,280 larger work tells the entire story, and I realized I can't open the story 604 00:48:38,320 --> 00:48:42,280 with trauma. I need to have some hope, you know, I need 605 00:48:42,280 --> 00:48:45,159 to be like and so then of course I start to love you and me, 606 00:48:45,800 --> 00:48:47,679 which you know starts off. I just wanted to hie. I just 607 00:48:47,719 --> 00:48:51,559 want to go to sleep and not wake up. And then it was like, 608 00:48:52,000 --> 00:48:53,800 no, I don't. I believe in this world and that we have 609 00:48:53,880 --> 00:48:58,360 hope and that we can all band together and we can create something beautiful. 610 00:48:58,960 --> 00:49:05,840 And you know, not very long after I was feeling forlorn, I wrote 611 00:49:05,880 --> 00:49:07,960 that song. You know, an hour later it was done. Wow. 612 00:49:08,719 --> 00:49:14,559 Yeah, we're gonna be uh wow. The time goes so quick, Nancy. 613 00:49:14,880 --> 00:49:17,639 But we're gonna be in a couple of moments. We're gonna we're gonna 614 00:49:17,719 --> 00:49:21,480 end with uh don't let her ruin You, which I assume is this the 615 00:49:21,840 --> 00:49:28,360 single? It is the single. Now there is a there is a an 616 00:49:28,400 --> 00:49:31,280 E word at the end of it, so I want to make sure that 617 00:49:31,400 --> 00:49:37,000 everybody's aware of that. For radio play, there's an E word. There's 618 00:49:37,039 --> 00:49:40,480 the F word. Oh oh oh yeah, no, that's uh yeah, 619 00:49:40,639 --> 00:49:45,840 okay, no, no, I'm not gonna actually I'm not gonna play that 620 00:49:45,880 --> 00:49:51,320 one I the FCC would No, I guess. I guess I didn't listen 621 00:49:51,320 --> 00:49:52,920 to that one all the way through. I thought I did. Oh, 622 00:49:52,000 --> 00:49:55,280 you never miss I know, I know, I want you. I was 623 00:49:55,679 --> 00:50:00,760 just one time at the very end of the build in the choru. Yeah. 624 00:50:00,440 --> 00:50:02,840 No, that's one time too many, you know what, you know 625 00:50:02,880 --> 00:50:06,360 what I will do though, because I did listen to the song, I 626 00:50:06,400 --> 00:50:07,960 guess I didn't hear the end of it. I will, Uh, I 627 00:50:07,960 --> 00:50:12,559 can always make a radio edit of it. Just do that, you know, 628 00:50:12,719 --> 00:50:15,519 and play it at a future date. But I'll let you pick what 629 00:50:15,519 --> 00:50:21,519 should I play. Why don't you spin Insecurities? Okay, yeah, I 630 00:50:21,639 --> 00:50:24,719 like that one too. Yeah, i'll play I'll play that. But yeah, 631 00:50:25,000 --> 00:50:28,840 all the time goes so quick. But but I'm glad. I'm glad 632 00:50:28,840 --> 00:50:31,960 we got to hear your story or I mean, you know, there's always 633 00:50:31,960 --> 00:50:35,079 more, of course, but and we'll definitely have you back. I mean, 634 00:50:35,119 --> 00:50:37,480 you've got to you've got something, You've got something new coming out in 635 00:50:37,800 --> 00:50:42,280 May, you said, I do, okay, very good. Yeah, 636 00:50:42,320 --> 00:50:45,159 So I'll also be in your neck of the woods at that time, too, 637 00:50:45,400 --> 00:50:47,599 you will, I will, oh, well, very good, Yes, 638 00:50:47,679 --> 00:50:52,599 I have that on my calendar. You're going to be around. Yeah, 639 00:50:52,840 --> 00:50:58,519 the possibility that you could stop in and see us maybehind. I believe 640 00:50:58,559 --> 00:51:00,519 it's the date. Oh, very very good, very good. All right, 641 00:51:01,039 --> 00:51:06,800 well that is excellent, Nancy. What should people know about how to 642 00:51:06,800 --> 00:51:09,079 find you online? How to keep up with everything that you're doing? Follow 643 00:51:09,119 --> 00:51:13,119 you? Uh, I don't know if you're playing any shows, but any 644 00:51:13,159 --> 00:51:15,440 shows you might have coming up or yeah, well, we are going to 645 00:51:15,480 --> 00:51:22,039 be updating the website, so Nancy maney so n A n as in Nancy 646 00:51:22,159 --> 00:51:28,639 see why m A is an Apple n e T dot com. We will 647 00:51:28,679 --> 00:51:32,800 be updating the events where people can find me or listen or the different shows 648 00:51:32,800 --> 00:51:40,159 that will be coming come the goodness summer. Okay, I'm actually healing from 649 00:51:40,159 --> 00:51:44,159 a surgery that I had, so you know, I get back on the 650 00:51:44,239 --> 00:51:47,199 road in May actually, and so we'll update all of that on at my 651 00:51:47,280 --> 00:51:57,400 website as well as find me on Facebook. Yeah, you know my Instagram. 652 00:51:57,800 --> 00:52:01,360 We're you know, everybody asked why why aren't you on Instagram? Like, 653 00:52:01,360 --> 00:52:06,039 because I'm fifty four years old and we built Facebook. We all found 654 00:52:06,039 --> 00:52:08,400 each other on Facebook. But we'll get Instagram, I laughed, so hard 655 00:52:08,440 --> 00:52:13,119 about it. But yeah, there's there's uh you know, find me Nancy 656 00:52:13,159 --> 00:52:15,159 Minee on Facebook and I will tell you. If you reach out to me, 657 00:52:15,320 --> 00:52:21,320 I will respond. I love connecting with people. I will write you 658 00:52:21,440 --> 00:52:23,480 back. I will send you a voice note, sometimes even send a little 659 00:52:23,559 --> 00:52:30,519 video. I love connecting with other people, and so please please reach out 660 00:52:30,679 --> 00:52:36,039 and you will hear from me. Outstanding, outstanding. All Right, Nancy, 661 00:52:36,039 --> 00:52:37,719 we'll let you go for now, but it sounds like we're going to 662 00:52:37,760 --> 00:52:40,199 be talking again soon and hopefully meeting you, so that'll be uh, that'll 663 00:52:40,199 --> 00:52:45,239 be wonderful. But thank you so much for joining us today. We're gonna 664 00:52:45,599 --> 00:52:47,400 thank you, Jenny. We're gonna wrap up and then and then we'll spin 665 00:52:47,519 --> 00:52:52,320 that track in Securities. But Nancy Manet, thank you so much. This 666 00:52:52,360 --> 00:52:54,239 has been great. Thank you. All right, we'll talk to you soon. 667 00:52:54,440 --> 00:52:59,320 Bye bye byebye. All right, wonderful. Yeah that was Wow. 668 00:52:59,360 --> 00:53:01,719 She's got quite a story, huh very much. So, yes, and 669 00:53:01,760 --> 00:53:06,159 I love all the history in her songs. Yes, yes, it's definitely 670 00:53:06,159 --> 00:53:08,480 worth reading her background. Yeah, yeah, absolutely yeah. Miriam in the 671 00:53:08,519 --> 00:53:14,400 chatroom was commenting she was riveted by her story. Oh and our friend Rocky 672 00:53:14,480 --> 00:53:15,639 Huber. We haven't seen him in there in a while, but hey, 673 00:53:15,719 --> 00:53:22,159 he's also in the chat room. Hello. Hello. So before we go, 674 00:53:22,480 --> 00:53:27,079 and by the way, we should mention you have a video that's been 675 00:53:27,119 --> 00:53:30,000 getting a lot of attention. I'm a little viral on Twitter. Yes, 676 00:53:30,320 --> 00:53:34,679 on the tweet. Yes, we should mention that. For people who haven't 677 00:53:34,679 --> 00:53:37,119 seen it so they curious. Nowhere to check it out? You can. 678 00:53:37,320 --> 00:53:42,400 It's actually quite a different few places that have it. But if you look 679 00:53:42,480 --> 00:53:46,039 up be a Hero on Twitter, it's actually the pinned post. And we're 680 00:53:47,320 --> 00:53:51,719 looking like we might cross a line here. We're at one hundred and ninety 681 00:53:51,800 --> 00:53:55,880 six thousand views on Twitter alone, outstanding. Yeah, it's well over four 682 00:53:55,960 --> 00:54:01,000 hundred shares, and yeah, it's been an incredible thing we've gotten. There's 683 00:54:01,039 --> 00:54:06,360 a petition attached to it. We're asking people to sign and the petitions at 684 00:54:06,400 --> 00:54:09,280 twenty three thousand and ninety nine signatures right now. I have a hope to 685 00:54:09,280 --> 00:54:14,360 get it to twenty five thousand. Help me meet bike. Oh, feel 686 00:54:14,400 --> 00:54:16,480 free to reach out to me. Go to Gencoffee dot com, j E 687 00:54:16,599 --> 00:54:21,320 N N C O F f Ey dot com. You can find more information 688 00:54:21,360 --> 00:54:23,199 in my blog or you know, feel free to just drop me a line 689 00:54:23,199 --> 00:54:27,800 and be happy to talk with you. Absolutely, absolutely, all right. 690 00:54:27,800 --> 00:54:30,320 We're gonna wrap up in a moment with one more track from Nancy Mane. 691 00:54:30,519 --> 00:54:32,639 And by the way, thank you to everybody who joined us today. We 692 00:54:32,679 --> 00:54:37,400 had Pop Farmers in the Pop Farmers, I should say, in the first 693 00:54:37,400 --> 00:54:39,920 hour, and of course I then we had Eric Pilter's classic film review, 694 00:54:39,920 --> 00:54:45,119 and then mister Jesse Coffee was here with us. Who's that sounding great? 695 00:54:45,440 --> 00:54:49,880 I think I think you might be related, just possibly the O F. 696 00:54:49,960 --> 00:54:52,519 F Ey and of course Nance Nancy Mane in the third hour. We're gonna 697 00:54:52,519 --> 00:54:55,679 close with this track from Nancy and if you missed any part of today's show 698 00:54:55,679 --> 00:55:00,199 and we'll be up in just a little bit at Wmnhradio dot org and at 699 00:55:00,199 --> 00:55:04,119 my website Matt Connorton dot com. But here it is. This track is 700 00:55:04,159 --> 00:55:13,639 called Insecurities. Oh your insecurities, they are not mind bear, and I 701 00:55:13,920 --> 00:55:22,000 will not appall the jizz. I will not be compared. And I belong 702 00:55:22,760 --> 00:55:30,719 in this world exactly as I am. It's not my fault. Be you 703 00:55:30,719 --> 00:55:37,760 yourself, accuse and blame your man. I have spent years working on myself 704 00:55:38,400 --> 00:55:45,519 to be who I am today. There are days that I just could not 705 00:55:45,760 --> 00:55:52,000 see. So I fell to my knees and pray. If you don't like 706 00:55:52,119 --> 00:55:59,599 who you have become, decide and change your ways, take some time and 707 00:56:00,079 --> 00:56:10,639 again side you might have some to blame. Are insecurities. They are not 708 00:56:12,239 --> 00:56:20,679 my bear and I will not call the jide. I will not be compared, 709 00:56:22,000 --> 00:56:30,159 and I belong in this world exactly as I am. It's not my 710 00:56:30,559 --> 00:56:38,360 fall that yourself accused, and blame your mar to down your wall and build 711 00:56:38,519 --> 00:56:47,960 again, create something madnessness, love yourself and who you are. Make no 712 00:56:49,159 --> 00:56:54,039 excuse in your go far. Don't play games. Who has the time? 713 00:56:54,920 --> 00:57:04,039 Take your authority? If you're not happy, just walk away. Not your 714 00:57:04,320 --> 00:57:17,519 target. I'm not your cross How are you Tuesday the wood? You chosen 715 00:57:19,639 --> 00:57:30,840 to speak to me Tuesday? No, it's not Oh are you Tuesday the 716 00:57:30,079 --> 00:57:43,639 wood? You chosen to speak to me Tuesday? Oh? Your insecure tees 717 00:57:43,840 --> 00:57:52,000 aren't my cross bear? Why not? What not call the giant? Not 718 00:57:52,679 --> 00:58:01,800 be her? Why not boing this world exactly as I am. It's not 719 00:58:02,119 --> 00:58:10,760 my mom that you yourself bart willing to expand. It's not my fault that 720 00:58:10,960 --> 00:58:21,119 you yourself are willing to expand. No, it's not love. How are 721 00:58:21,199 --> 00:58:29,679 you tues? Say no word? You know John's up to speak to me 722 00:58:30,039 --> 00:59:27,480 today. No, it's not all a lot, Come loud. I am 723 00:59:27,679 --> 00:59:31,440 the one who does say all thank the grim and don't think the fall. 724 00:59:32,079 --> 00:59:42,239 Don't mew from you when doll day. Most of time, listen to me. 725 00:59:42,559 --> 00:59:50,760 I'm always sorry. I'll pay your face from you. I was you 726 00:59:51,000 --> 00:59:52,039 way I feel