But it was like he inverted a bottle of robot usen before he got on
the boat, you know what I mean? Yeah, he did, and
then we learned because we get a little sea rat history right out of the
gate here. Oh yeah, comes from a home of abuse and drunken parents.
And I hate to say this, Dylan Buttock, we know. Yeah,
welcome aboard another brand's banking new season of another Below deck podcast. My
name is Dylan. I'm setting up next to one Patrick Kicky. Permission to
come aboard. Granted, Kaylin is fired. We didn't fire him. A
tear shed for Kaylin. I know that everybody missed his laugh or they're gonna
miss his laughter. But uh, but the kid had a sandwich problem and
we can't have people like that around this operation. That's fair, right,
Yeah, I mean he deleted two episodes. That's it, puts And also
we're kidding he his wife is mad at him for working. I think we
didn't fire he quit. Okay, So we have a new season to get
into. Also, quick public service announcement. Did we say our names?
Yeah? We did it? Okay. Great Frasier interview is out. Hope
everybody's enjoying it. It's free on this free and yeah, it's everywhere.
Love Frasier so much. He was very candid and we just had a We
just had a gay old time with him, you know what I mean.
Yeah, some of our best work, I think. So are you being
patitious or not at all? Yeah? I know, I think it's some
of our best way. Well, and you know what, if you want
to see us interview him, go to our YouTube channel, Bad TV Podcasts.
Right, is that the right one? Well, we just launched another
YouTube channel a little bit hard to find. We're gonna get some some YouTube
videos up there, but it's called another Below Deck podcast. Search it out
if it lands on a YouTube channel called Real Nick Davis. You know,
you might be a little confused, but you know that's just how the algorithm
works. But we'll start it out. But the important news here is that
we're here to break down a brand new season of Below Deck Mediterranean with none
other than Captain Sandy herself, Captain Leadership Conference, Captain Timeshare. Yes,
she's back, and you know in my when I give my thoughts and not
the audience is to be quite surprised that I will be one of her biggest
advocates in this whole mess up with the MCU, and how do you let
a guy on board that the Marvel Cinematic Universe. No, I don't even
know what the what it stands for, but it's very important and they can
shut you down if if you don't have your originals. They're John Taffer,
what are you doing? Yeah, yeah, they're like that. They're like
that. But for boats any other public service announcements have I Love is Blind?
Go to Patreon dot com. Slash another podcast network. We drop our
next three episodes this weekend. Yeah, it's pretty phenomenal television. As always,
Nick and Vanessa, although they're both alcoholics, they do a pretty good
job producing that show. For now, when we do the show, I
will give this fan credit. But izz he said he loves to dance and
then also said that his mom didn't let him do there's a little bit of
they're all liars on the show. Yeah, they're all fucking liars. So
anyways, that is a great time. Join us at patreon dot com if
you would like to hear that Golden Bachelor starts Thursday on the Bad TV Feed.
That is going to be a blast and we're gonna get to some iTunes
ratings and reviews later on the episode. I know you guys want us to
get into the show right now, but iTunes ratings and reviews, We'll take
a little break for that later. Let's get in to a pat thoughts and
pots for this first episode. Okay, let me just say this flavor you're
sucking on. Oh, it's a new flavor. It's called BlackBerry. Well
that's not a it's not a new one. They have black cherry, don't
they. Oh is BlackBerry a new flavor? I think Let me take a
lick. Okay, I don't think you're gonna like it? Do you not
like it? What is wrong with beer? What is wrong with light beer?
What happened? It fills me up too much? It makes me sleepy.
There's some chemicals that they put in this white cloth stuff. It keeps
me up. Yeah yeah, yeah, I think I could drink a bunch
of them. It is. It's like the Mountain dew of beer. Yeah
yeah, yeah, yeah, it's really gross. So I'm back on the
sauce good Okay, So not very often on below Deck and Dylan, I
have been covering this show for quite SubTime. Is there an original first episode,
it's generally you meet the new crew and uh, that's about it.
First episodes usually suck. It sucks. This one had intrigue okay, and
had some twists and turns. We have a in a new character. I
think his name's Ruin. Yeah, like the god of Schadriel. Oh my
god. Oh by the way, fun little news I have to say.
Allegedly at this we had some listeners that happened to be yacht He's reach out
to me this morning and share a little information about Ruan. I don't want
to destroy that guy's career, because it is all just here say at this
point. But I think he's done that already though you know you might as
well just you know, if a house is on fire, and it's really
on fire, you could throw a cup of like a little Dixie cup of
kerosene on it. That's true. Well, let's just say these people had
not so nice things to say about Ruin having worked with him, or no
people that worked with him. So wow. Sure, I don't know how
he thought he was going to get away with this. I guess we're still
kind of trying to understand how this has all gone unraveled. But Luca put
it perfectly. It's like, if you get pulled over and you just pull
out a eight and a half by eleven photocopy of your license, the CoP's
gonna be like, and it's not you, it's a forty year old ball
man, which I think I saw in the background. All right, So
that was phenomenal. If you're white, you'll be scolded with a finger point.
Yeah, now, oh, a little tease here. Possibly, I'm
not going to tease a Cewright interview. Okay, we interviewed Frazier and one
of the things that he gave us during that wonderful interview was, if you're
a chief stew or a boson or Captain Sandy, you don't choose who works
on that boat. They show up and part of the fun is them catching
the camera coop catching the castmer, or the workers on the boat scramble to
try and find glasses and drawers, and so it's we can't fall Captain Sandy
for ruin. And what took place here. It was her that she was
informed that that was a question that guy was in question, and then I
think she did the right thing. So Captain Sandy, this is a rarity,
but thumbs up for you. Okay. As far as this episode,
though, I have to say I was overwhelmed with the number of cast members.
I can't keep track of everybody. That all the sea rats on the
boat. It's like a clown car. It was. I can't believe he
gave Captain Sandy a thumbs up. Well, I thought she handled it well.
Uh, don't worry, I'll go. I'm just saying it. Please
don't have that be the last I don't want to start this season off like
that. I understand, I understand, but very unsett I gotta call it
how I see it, Okay, chef uh, Chef Jack. I can't.
I can't understand a damn thing that he says. But he's but he
is charming as hell. I can't wait to hear what Dylan has seen full
really Yeah, i'd need a subtitle for that. Yeah, you can't understand
it? Well, okay, anyway, wonderful episode. I don't know some
of these. I guess when Kyle shows up, they're gonna throw some of
these sea rats off the boat or something. It's beile. There's like nineteen
of them here. But anyway, wonderful episode. I give it an eighty
knots. Great start. I'm gonna give it eighty knots as well. Ruined
the most bizarre character we've ever had on this show. Someone who was here
for a flash was you know, catch me if you can. Of course,
it was kind of like a bad version of that, you know,
because there was no like trysts with Amy Adams or any success with the fraud,
you know, but it was entertaining. It was kind kind of a
whirlwind. I mean, the guy gets on, he's we'll talk about it,
but he's got the friend passing away. I mean, you're just like,
what is going on? Hes he throws spears at fucking fish for a
living? What does Yeah, well, before he got before he went into
yachting. That's what he said his career was. I don't think he paid
a lot to do that. Probably not. It's kind of hot though,
I think I love like sexually. Yeah. I think people are like,
oh, wow, you make a career spearing fish. Yeah, yeah,
hot if you want to like live in Squalor, you know, and do
a lot of drugs. Anyways, we're gonna get into the whole thing.
I give it eighty potts. Let's go. It's a beautiful day to go
boating. Yes, it as well with it. We're in the Italian Riviera
Delan, of course it is. We're in Jenoa, and we cut back
to Sandy's days in Genoa. She's rocking her sporty spice. Look I love
that hairstyle, and Italia hits the boat first. She is the thought he
with readers U the season is already a shit show, obviously, because every
season has to begin with It's like, you know, how Commitists stabbed Maximus
before their final bout. Every season of Below Deck is like if he chopped
his foot off, you know, and the right He's just not gonna do
good. So that's what this season is like to me. And Kyle have
gotten caught up in immigration and or customs. I wasn't sure what was going
on with those two. I don't know how this happens. I don't know
how much is planned. I don't know how much is just haphazard, sea
rat sloppy shit. But it always seems as though there is this floor of
there's this floor of standard work and behavior that is beneath the fucking ocean.
You know, it's just wild how sloppy this is. Yeah, but it
makes for great television. Did you mention that when Natalia came in, Ah,
she hits Sandy up with some flattery. She's like, oh, the
white Capris. Yeah. Have we ever not seen Sandy and white Capris?
No? And I admire that about Sandy. I'm gonna give her a little
kudos too. I think that when you find an article of clothing that speaks
to you in a way that it kind of beckons you to choose it as
your day to day uniform. That's a powerful bond, and to shirk it
it would be impractical. Yeah. I think I kind of think that she's
addicted to wearing them. I think she'd wear them to a wedding. They're
like glue doors. She can't get away from them. They're like the Siamese
Twins of apparel. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, She's like Tobias
Fumek, but she instead of Jeane Shorts, it's White Caprice. But we've
got more show to talk about, of course. Of course, so Natalia,
because to me and Kyle are stuck in an airport somewhere, She's gonna
get temps. One of the temps will be an heiress to sprouts. What
is going on, she's got to be worth fucking fifty million dollars. I
don't understand what is going on now, I'll say this, If that is
in fact true, then isn't doesn't that make it so much core that she'd
go on to just do blue collar sea rat stuff. No, is my
answer, So let's me Jack the chimney sweep. We see lots of pictures
of him and his three lions, Jersey or I don't know how many lions
they got on the front. They got one star though. That's it.
The guy's fucking a scouser. He's like, you know, he eats like
chip buddies. You know, they put fries in between pieces of white bread,
they put butter on it, and that's what he likes to eat.
So I'm a little concerned about what this guy can churn out. But he
does a pretty good job tonight, Okay. I can't wait to hear your
critique of him. Yeah, he doesn't. I mean, obviously we've got
you know, your standard fair. It would be not a premiere episode of
Below Deck if we did not have a caprazy salad, and we do have
a caprazy salad. But he might be a talented chef. I mean,
you can't understand a single word, he says. But we meet the chiefs
do next? Oh no, excuse me, he is right off the rip.
He's a little too cool for school do He doesn't pass the eye test
for me. I thought he was on ketamine when he got on the Yeah,
something was something's going on there, you know. Yeah, a handsome
guy though, uh three years as a boast and he says, he says
being the operative two words. Yeah, And my thought when he arrived on
the bone, I'm like, oh, wow, he's gonna be having sex
with a lot of ce rats. Yeah, me too, of course.
And because he brags it. He throws a stick with a knife on the
end of it fish and turns it into a kebab well in the last minutes
of its life. Yeah, but a lot of female ce rats think that
that's hot. Then can you say a lot of female ce rats think that's
hot? Do you mean to say you think that's hot? Oh? Yeah,
just comes off as kind of dangerous, you know. But it was
like he inverted bottle of robot us and before he got on the boat,
you know what I mean, Yeah, he did. And then we learned
because we get a little sea rat history right out of the gate here.
Oh yeah, comes from a home of abuse, uh and and drunken parents.
And I hate to say this, Dylan, but we know. Yeah,
sorry, smooth Seas never made a good sailor. His name is ru
like Sandias, Michi and Euphoria, and we're I'm I'm kind of happy that
we don't have to be confused by that bizarre South African name for the entire
season. Yeah, you know, because we're Americans. You know, we
don't like to be confused about foreign stuff. Exactly. Well, we were
just out. I just weirds us out. Oh weird. Yeah, yeah,
yeah. I also want to note here what the fuck is up with
bosons? There is a consistency here among bosons, and I don't think it's
just this show. Maybe it is Sea Rats. You let me know.
All right, let's review our last couple. I love where you're going with
this. I think I have the psychoanalytical answer. Okay, they're either verbally
abusive and or have an alcohol problem, a problem with sex addiction, and
pathological liars. Yeah, yeah, so I think this is this is the
common thread between a lot of bosons. Obviously see red history, which means
pain, pain. But there's also a motor so they've reached the top of
this whatever you want to call this ladder. So there's a certain amount of
healthy aggression to them and drive. But when you couple that with the sex
addiction, the sea red history, the pain, the alcohol addiction, the
lying, you get a person who's really not suited for a seat of power
in any way, shape or form, you know. And that's kind of
what I think is going on here, because you know, a lot of
men with addiction problems, we'll just kind of relax in squalor until they're in
the floor permanently. But not these Bosun's. They got enough to get them
to the top of the stool, you know what I mean? Yeah,
yep. Well he won't be around for long. No, no, I
mean he'll get hell, he's done this episode. Next step we get a
trio introduction. Here we get Lara, Haley and Jessica. Okay, so
Jessica wols see you later on in the season. Fairly middling episode from her.
The cameras can't capture the magic of everybody. In the first episode,
Hailey and Laura could be the MVPs of this season. The two of them
together, the two of them individually, this double dragon of Weirdo wild Thornberry
and South African Dike. I think she proposed to be called the Dike.
They come from two different worlds combined together in this beautiful thing that I think
we're gonna have on Deck. I think Luca is the perfect person to lead
them. He doesn't have a chip on his shoulder. But we haven't seen
enough of Luca. Luca's you know, demons may come out eventually, well
technically by from an occupational standpoint, we were never supposed to see Luca.
His background is an electrical engineer. Dylan not a Deckie, but fuck it,
he's too good looking to be stuck with those weird old trolls. Dude.
My wife was going, it's the fucking double standard is so ridiculous.
I'm sure we talk about you know, we both think Kate Blanchet is beautiful,
but when my wife sees somebody that she finds attractive, I mean,
there's no limitter. She's just like, my god, is he gorgeous.
I'm like, yeah, no he is. She's like he's a little too
short, but he's so hot. I'm like what if he was tall,
then he'd be really fucking I'm like, good God, my wife does that
to me. She'll like make a sex noise, like, O hey,
hey, I'm in here. You don't do that to me. Don't make
U Does that mean that we're not comfortable? No? I think it's fucking
rude. Okay, the checks that I think are hot, you'll never know
because I go in the bathroom and beat off to them by myself. Have
a little respect, Yeah, okay, yeah, all right. Anyway,
Natalia, very much like your lovely wife Cecilia, takes immediate liking to Luca.
I think those two are going to hit it off. Doing when we
get to Natalia, who claims she's in a relationship, at some point,
I don't know what the hell that relationship is because it's not a relationship.
It's an open relationship, which I believe should not be called an open relationship,
but called dating. Yeah, you're you're dating, You're just dating,
but not even dating because when you're dating, I guess, like I don't
know, it's not even as serious as the upper echelon of dating, because
when you're seriously dating somebody, there is this assumption that you're not going to
fuck a bunch of other people. I think it could be, you know,
understood if that were to happen, But you'd have serious second thoughts if
you did stumble upon that revelation and you were seriously dating. Somebody helped me.
I'm in a loop. All right. Well we'll get some sea rat
background from Haley. She's from Philly. Dad raised her to be more like
his son he than he never had and he wished she'd drink beer and Burtmore
and uh, but she loves beer pong and also because she's from Philly,
enjoys throwing rocks at Santa Claus, darting Philly Christmas Parade, batteries, feces,
rocks all at Santa Claus. I don't know why the collective soul of
that city is so ill tempered. They're just angry people. And it extends
to South Jersey too. You know these people are just they're all fucking razor
blades. You know you got steaks, Be happy, you got history,
you got happen, you got the Eagles, you got Jason Kelsey. I
mean, isn't that enough? You got Rocky Balboa? Yeah? Okay,
by the way, did you know that Philadelphia has the most heavyweight champions from
there. Yeah, but they erected a statue of Sylvester Stallone correct a fake
box. All right, yeah, Filly's great. Laura says, get all
your money done in one month, and then piss off. Do you live
in Cambodia? Like, what the fuck? You don't make that much money
in one month? I mean, my god, you got to string a
couple of months together. So this season is very different. We've got a
commercial built vessel. This vessel is two times bigger than the last one that
Sandy Pot captained. I was gonna say piloted, but I don't know if
that's the right word. You know, now the Marvel Cinematic Universe, narc
is going to be getting on whenever he wants. Okay, And I can't
stand these kinds of people. You know, this this kind of system where
it's like health inspectors. But dylant, Dylant, hold on, hold on,
hold on. These are important bureaucracies. Okay, yeah, you pointed
this out. What did you say, the health what is that? The
health people? Don't you want someone looking out for you. They walk into
a restaurant randomly and they go ay, open up your freezer and then they
see some pork chops that have hair growing on them. Yeah, we need
those kind of administrative bodies to protect the public. Yeah, so you're an
advocate of big government, correct. I am not, sir, But I
don't want to eat pork chops that had hair on it. No. I
also don't want to be on a yacht where a guy who's in charge of
making sure sandy can drive out of the fucking doc No, listen, I
kill me. I fucking I love government. I love all these things that
keep us safe. They're vitally important. But you know, let's call spade
a spade. These guys are dorks. I mean they're entire It's like you
go into an airport and you're happy the TSA is there, right because they're
padding down people. And what would we do if everybody had big, big
bottles of shampoo on flights. But the people that get those jobs are just
inherently they're a little bit. They're fucking you know, their door, they're
mind. You also have to be a complete asshole that you can completely shut
off your empathy for potentially someone going like, okay, he's gonna get his
You know he'll get his things in order. Actually, this guy seemed rather
nice. He did. When I owned one of my companies, I had
a bunch of fucking buy the book assholes come through and basically like they own
my own business the way they talk to me. Well, speaking of a
let's take a break and let's read a couple of iTunes ratings and reviews.
We told you guys last week and the week before that we would do this.
I am very sorry that we haven't done it, but I think it's
vitally important to tell people that we need your help in the review section because
Patrick, what happens in the review section well as far as reviews that we
believe reviews, Oh yeah, they leave reviews and Dylan and I prefer either
one stars or five stars. So here's the five star. This is great.
This is from super User nine eight seven s five f That's a great
one. Not going to read the whole thing, but two dudes two in
it right. They remind me of what a recap conversation with my husband would
be if he actually enjoyed watching the soap proper that is below deck. That
is a great review. Yeah, a really great review. This one not
so much. Oh okay. This one is from Jenny eight sixty seven five
three zero nine. What she have to say is that the song at six
seven five three oner, that's the song very original Jenny eight six seven five
three. This is called the title. I love the title. It's just
no, no, okay, one star. That usually isn't to be good
for us when that's the title. No, it's not. It's one star.
I started listening because they seem to be getting guests from the show,
and that's great. We're gonna have more guests coming on, right. But
Dylan is the worst. He interrupts Patrick. His voice is dull and grading.
He pretends to care about people, but he's just afraid of being canceled.
And this is what I wanted to get to. He's a conspiracy theorist,
although Pat tries to stop him from espousing his garbage. I know he's
anti vax. I mean, boy, they know you. I got so
many shots. I I don't know. This is this is why we need
to do this, because we have really no recourse. You know, you
can write to Apple, but it's they'll really only you know, he Dylan
got eighteen boosters and I'm like what did you do today? You are already
have seventeen you anti vaxer, So yeah, jumping the iTunes, red injury
reviews, leave five stars, kind words, don't leave one. We don't
want any more ones. Help us out, all right, let's get back
to this show, okay. So Ruin is called up to the gallows.
We'll call it the gallows for him because every time he is brought to the
higher tiers of the boat, he is not delivering a good performance because he's
he's in the middle of a web of lies. The MCA says, you,
we've got a bit of a problem here because you don't have original licenses,
so essentially you have five days to get them here. All right,
So this is the leniency. They would allow him to leave the deck on
this boat for that interim period. Now that is seems fair to me.
Yeah, also insane because LENI, you've given someone that kind of that kind
of room. You could discover later on that he'd actually used a photo of
a bald man. Well it's nothing like him. Yeah, and you don't
know if he killed that man or not. You know, it's like that
that one guy, that one murderer who took pictures of the people, and
you thought they were alive, but they weren't. He had just showed their
eyes open. That's scary. Ruin could be doing something like that. So
let's move on to Jessica. She likes people. She's a strong second stew
because she is a good follower. That is what you need in a second
stew. Now it's interesting, Dylan, because we get a little background on
her being a follower. She says she had a best friend who is the
life of the party and also always knew what to do. And I thought,
at this point the story she was going to tell us that her friend
lost her head in a bad bungee jumping incident, but she didn't think.
God, the reason she was telling us was to drive home the point that
she's a follower. Yeah, kind of sad. They even had pictures of
a friend. I'm like, Okay, what happened to her? That friend
seems like a Regina George character, and that poor Jessica was driven into the
ground by her various high school pressures. It's really messy when you're a young
kid. So Laura is happy to be on yachts because she is not so
much fleeing from the pain, but fleeing from a different kind of life.
I don't know what that note fucking means. I can tell you she was
fucking taking noves dives into cowshit in South Africa. Oh that's right, that's
right. How could I have forgotten that? She tells a whimsical shire like
tale of her diving into mounds of various different colored fucking feces. And I
think the producer says that you can catch serious strains of bacteria, and she's
says, well, I it never went in any holes. I really don't
think. I feel like skin is too porous, you know, but kids
do the darnedest thing. Oh you drink off garden hoses that I could kill
you too, man. Yeah. Not as quickly though, is diving in
mounds of shit? I mean, that is really something else. You know.
It's like the first one of the early scenes in Tommy Boy. But
but that's like a comedy, you know, right, it's not real.
It's not real. So anyways, this is what I'm saying. She has
MVP caliber stuff to her. She's just hilarious. So an Italian captain Sandy
have a little chat. M Sandy says, what happened to storm, Yeah,
asking me about my dating life, let me alone. Yeah, but
they get to talking about open relationships, open relationships, say, and he's
like, oh, I hope that works out. So then, rue,
we were going to meet mile By the way, did we point out it's
worth mentioning at least with chronic We stumbling a little bit here. I feel
like we're stumbling at all. It's just ruined right now. I hadn't been
convinced that anything was that weird. Okay. So at this point he has
called his roommate, who has those documents in his apartment, and he's gonna
work on getting them mailed here. Okay. And it's important to note that
he's not calling his roommate. He's leaving voice memos for his roommate, which
is a it's a minor detail, but it reeks of somebody who's not really
that concerned about getting the ball over the lad and also a minor detail that
if you didn't know the ending of the movie, you would have just glossed
over, you know, the serial killer. You're like, oh, maybe
he's he's a chef. That's why he has all those nuns, right right,
right, Yeah, It's like you gotta watch a rival couple of times
for it to really hit you. You know, hate that movie. Oh
do you? Yeah? I do? Okay, So well, that's because
you don't get it all right, So Rue needs to get his licenses.
Provisions arrived and the chef evidently had a develop mental disorder that he got over
at the age of eight. That is what the you know, people in
the northern kind of fingers of the United Kingdom, they're made of tough stuff.
You have some kind of mental disorder when you're a kid, you're just
tough through it. You know, somebody hits you over the head with a
bottle of Buckfast and then you're just changed. I forget. I listened to
a podcast today where the podcast host had a famous comedian from Ireland one and
he was kind of joking because this podcaster was from California's like, you know,
you guys over in America are all emotional, working out your feelings,
trying to be better people. And he openly admitted in Ireland, like where
not fucking there yet? The filthy scouts are literally said that he just didn't
say anything really until he was eight years old. But he's blossomed. So
Brooke, the heiress to Sprouts Grossers hits the boat. She is a deckhand
who has worked on smaller boats, but really just like day charters, which
are just not even in the same fucking league as this and that. By
the way, that is so ambiguous. That could be in Long Beach.
You can go for a whale watching expedition. I just went on one last
week, Like she's on, those could be there. Yeah, yeah,
And this boat weighs five hundred pounds. You know, it's a very big
boat. I don't know what the fuck this industry is like how this is
You would think that with a piece of machinery this large and with this much
liability, she's not on deck. But still, I mean it's terrifying,
quite franky. It's just in a loof one percenter that you've just allowed onto
this boat. I mean, people could die. I don't understand it.
The Boson is doing some kind of borne identity forgery. I mean, what
the fuck is going on? So Rue calls a deck cremating Sandy hops over
the walking I'd like to join that actually, and then she puts Rue through
the distance check. Yeah, I love this. This is what I actually
meant to point out in my thoughts and knots this was this is really what
I was giving the thumbs up to for Sandy, because I was like,
all right, I didn't realize she was being Sherlock Holmes at this point,
but I do think there was definitely an element of that. Yeah, she
goes, all right, how far is that boat from our boat? And
he shouts out hundred made us. Yeah. Then Lucas like, no,
it's and then Regis Philbin stage left, are you sure? But that she
should have been your first tellent? What the fuck is going on? I
love how she's like later on in the episode, she sees that the person
on his not licenses, his pieces of paper are not him, and she's
like, this is a giant red flag. That's not a red flag.
That's like the ied has gone off and your fucking legs are blown up.
That's not a red flag. We're here now, that's not a warning.
All right. So this is also my favorite part with Sandy, the Captain's
meeting Dylan. Yeah, may I give a rundown of this. Sandy does
the dues and don'ts, mostly the don'ts that have plagued her boat and this
franchise. Don't do drugs. Oh yeah, Hi Hannah, no drinking on
charter, Hi Camille, Hi Margo, Hi, filthy scouser, Hi,
Queen of the Sea. Hi pretty much anybody, all of them. Uh,
and no racist comment. I love that we have progressed, but it's
sad to know that that needs to be explicitly said. Yeah, we got
to cover our bases here, but it is a sad state of affairs out
on the ocean waters that you have to make sure people know that it's inappropriate
to say racist things. Thank you, Heather. All right, so we
need to get to the preference sheet and meal. Oh well, let me
see if I can call our former producer. Yeah, I hope he's not
too busy. Well, he might be. He said he was at a
soccer game with his kids, so we can't give him too much hit.
What like an Angel City game something like that. No, I think that
his kids were playing. No, you can take a call. Hey man,
Sorry, Uh, are you available to do the preference she meeting.
Oh great, okay, ask him if he's eating anything. Dylan wants to
know if you've eating anything. I'm just sitting down for tacos. Right now,
there you go. What kind of tacos? What kind of tacos like
homemade? Let us let us cup tacos. That sounds delicious. All right,
Klin, thank you for your time tonight. So whenever you're ready,
Oh, will you ask him what kind of meat or the tacas? You're
talking over him? Yeah? Start over? I'm sorry, I don't think
that's okay, go ahead, Kyle. First charter of the season seven Guests
primary is doctor Kean Karini. Yeah, he's a personal friend of Captain Sandy's
as well as her doctor. When Sandy was in a car crash a few
years ago, she couldn't close her right eye all the way. Doctor KARENI
took the skin from her left eye, added to the right, fixed her
right up. Oh wow, yeah, he turned from you the phone.
Are you able to celebrate the style with his friends? All of what you
are boys Italia's favorite? Hey? Hey, kay, can I ask you
something real quick? Yes? Yes? Are you charging us for this?
No? No? Okay? All right? Okay? Great? Yeah,
okay, great, okay, okay, great things. Guests want access to
all water toys. As soon as the anchors dropped, water toys come out
uh dinner Night one primaries celebrating his birthday. He wants a coastal Italian neal
and to have Captain Sandy joint. Yeah, and that concludes the preference she
meeting. How do you think you did? Uh solid eight? I don't
think so. Hey, I think he'd did a great job, Klin,
what kind of what kind of meter in the tacos turkey? Oh yes,
turkey tacos man on my own kids getting healthy? The kid is getting healthy
turkey tacos in lettuce wraps. My god, Kaylin, you want to plug
anything? Water Cooler podcast, check it out. It's water Cooler podcast.
Check it out. I think there's two two episodes. All right, I
have have fun with your family. By all right, we move on past
the preference sheep meeting and we venture into a night when we get a horrific
call. Ruin's best friend was killed in a head on collision with a bus.
Now I will go ahead and be the asshole. What do you think
I was gonna say? I was just gonna say this is just no.
I was gonna say it's a horrible, painful thing. How dare you even
float? Oh well, let let me be the cynical side of a bit.
I think there is a likelihood that this was made up. Maybe maybe
not a likelihood, but there's a chance that it was made up. He
was really, really crying now fucking cough. Syrup addicts are pretty manipulative people,
so who knows. I think think it was probably real and he's just
having a really really bad spell in his life. But given his fraudulent behavior,
there is a chance that he is this fucking bad Okay. I think
that my opinion of him has been by the multiple messages that I received this
morning about some of his past activities. Yeah, and that may have colored
my perception of that. And and I didn't want to make it. I
don't want to do this thing where like I felt the bit was pretty clear
that we both felt the exact same thing. But I don't want to do
the thing where I'm like putting you as the bad guy. We both thought
that there is a likelihood that this could be concocted, but his tears were
so real, though, Well, have you ever met someone that's very manipulative?
Yes, they can turn it on, Matt, Yes I have.
But I you know, I apologize if this was in fact a real tragedy.
But yes, very very sad. Can only recaut the show based on
what we see. Yeah, and what cerets. Saint patrick In direct sag
in box, correct, all right, what happens next, Well, it's
worth mentioning Luca is there to comfort him. Gosh, Lucas, lucas such
a lovely, lovely guy. I was gonna say lovely little guy, and
that's I don't need to do that. Yeah, hey, I do want
to say this is and this has happened in many reality TV shows. Again,
this just colors my thoughts on on ruin and what's real and what's not
real here. If your best friend just died, wouldn't you just get off
this goddamn tell. I was just wondering when we get to the next day,
he's still having a hard time in the morning, and I'm just like,
listen, these sea rats have a certain amount of gumption and they are
running away from things that are very painful. But kudos to you for sticking
it out. I mean, I would be fucking off that boat in a
harp if I was the Bachelor. ABC's The Bachelor and they said that you,
I don't know, you got your fucking died or somehow. I I
would leave the Bachelor to come console your family. Yeah, I mean it's
it's well not if I was the Bachelor. I mean that's that's a pretty
big deal. But if I was definitely on like Winterhouse or something like that,
I'd be out of there in a second. Oh yeah, no,
Winterhouse is that doesn't really help anybody, you know, at least if when
you're on the Bachelor you get to go on Kimmel and Good Morning America.
Don't forget Dancing with the Stars. Yeah, I've always wanted to do the
cha cha. You know, there's lots of places you can go out dancing,
not in front of twenty million people, Dylan, Oh you needed that
big of an audience. Huh? And you think twenty million people are watching
Dancing with Stars? What is it called Dancing with the Stars? Dancing with
the Stars? That show? All right? Gosh, what's a better show?
Dancing with the Stars or the masked singer? All right? So sweating
like a horn church, and we get to getting ready for the guest arrival.
They'll be there in thirty minutes. And then they arrived. Natalia pulls
a little flirty move with Luca, Oh do you see that? Can you
help me with my epaulets? Natalie? You can? You can do your
own epaulets. I like it though. Yeah, starting to heat up there
big time. The guests have had twenty Michelin Stars in their European vacation,
so scows are get ready great, you are special. I appreciate that you
need to humble brag this how so many Michelin Stars. There's such amazing food
that's not in the Michelin Guide to get that many Michelin Stars on a vacation.
I just don't want to eat like that, you know, because it's
obviously the Michelin Guide has expanded to more approachable fair but there there's a lot
of Michelin dining that's just it's just too stuffy. You want to go to
a run down steakhouse in Florence. You don't want to go to some hoity
toity place where they have stools for your purses and there are you know,
Taiwanese dignitary sitting next to you. You know, Dylan, I want to
focus my attention on this to form primary Yeah, okay, why do you
feel the need to have to brag like that? Openly. Just say we've
eaten out a lot of good places. We've had a wonderful culinary experience while
we've been here. Our standards are very high. Jokingly, or say none
of that and just go we like to eat, so, you know,
n get out of the park. Yeah, don't be an assholes, storry
to be a jerk. I don't know how long we've been going, but
this is why I hate Heather to Brow and Terry to Bro. All they
do on their reality shows is brag about their wealth. They disgusted me.
I saw my wife was watching OC which is bad, right, Uh,
it's kind of good bad. I don't understand why some of those people are
still on that show. They have a they have an entire like fridge of
voof clicko, like yes, floor to ceiling boof. Yeah that's a fifty
dollars bottle of champagne, so congratulations. Well I'm sure they have different vintages
that are much more expensive than that. But also, you know, fucking
find a high high ledge. M uh So we move on to some other
documents. Stuff Rue is not the not only a boast but also an identity
thief. Captain Sandy sits him down and asks where did you get these fraudulent
licenses? And why is there some other man on the fraudulent and why doesn't
he have hair? Yeah? And rue, I you know, going back
and rewashing it is really the best way to see just how bad he tries
to get out of this wet paperback, but he's he just stumbles through it
so horribly. We lies about a sea rat school because we I was on
a boat in Monaco. Do you mean you were in a classroom? Like,
what are you fucking saying? But he's fucked up, dude, he's
on downers right now, allegedly. No. I mean he seemed pretty loucid,
I mean, stupid, but lucid in this situation. But this is
one of those things where I don't know how people got it. Did a
mosquito just land on something in Adamant? I mean that is a rarity,
is it? I don't even think I got it. That's as slow I
am. We got to shut these doors. Get a bit up. Yeah.
So anyways, this is uh, this is a pathetic performance from real
trying to get out of the fly. And this is when Sandy says,
this is a giant red flag and again, I would say this is more
akin to what Jason did with the boat than a red flag. This is
you running through a dock of people and into numerous restaurants. It's not so
much a warning until we get that all this worked out. Maybe you can
rejoin us on a tinder while we're out at sea, but for now you
need to get the fuck on. So we get our first meal. Wouldn't
be below deck without a caprazy salad. We've also got Keenuan Kalen Beats salad.
Uh. These people are Michelin star diners, so of course they want
Caprazy salad and Keenwa and Kalen Beats, right, because you know, does
Jinkies Cafe have a Michelin stuff? I think they do. Yeah, that's
why they expanded to two locations in Studio City. Yeah. So we also
have some gnarled lamb chops, lollipops cut very thick, almost too thick to
where they are not lollipops, and brand zino. We also get a pasta
dish. I'm joking around. Obviously this is choogie below deck fair, but
you know it's first meal. I thought he did a great job. And
it is lunch too, and it's lunch. You know. The guest seems
to like it. That's the only thing that matters. So Luca heads up
and the Chiron hits the scream provisional boson. That is how you get promoted
in this game. The Chiron lets you know that you have just gotten Yeah.
Yeah, she promotes him to Temp Boson. Yeah, and to remind
the audience, previously, he was supposed to be living in the bottom boat,
unclogging toilets and making sure the fucking boat doesn't tip over. Yeah yeah,
but because he's good looking, he'll be in charge of making sure this
boat doesn't sink well. And also Captain Jason said he was okay, so
of course, yeah, we just take people out their work, all right.
Meanwhile, you stop me when you want to, okay, Brooke.
The temp aris to sprouts doesn't know how to fold socks. Hailey talks to
Rue about how he's leaving but how he's coming back. Yeah right, he
says, I'll just I just I just gotta get a few more licenses and
the tender is going to bring me back. You're right, And then the
guest drops a phone in the jacuzzi. That was very good. I want
to say that Luca and Sandy at some point during those meanwhiles, I believe
in the timeline laid out a plan to leave the dock and not killing anybody.
And I hate to spoil the drama for everyone. It's like telling a
six year old Sanda doesn't exist. But Sandy is a TV captain. She
could be sleeping while the boat was moving. It's gonna make its way out
of that dock. Yep, don't you worry about yepp And And this is
what this show does. It never ceases to do unsafe things that are miraculously
anti climactic. So we have a boat, the biggest we've ever had,
no boats in one man down and yeah, of course it just gets out.
It leaves, it leaves. It's a gigantic gateway to exit that area.
There, you know, a season one Dylan and I are coving covering
on Patreon, dot com, Slash another podcast networks. Yeah, Captain Lee,
that boat was anchored in the some little port in the Caribbean. He
literally had six feet on both sides of that vessel. Yeah, to get
out of there. Now, that was compelling television boat leaving a dock.
Sure, and still anti climactic and not compelling, you know. Well,
so the boat heads out and then it's nighttime, and that's when Luca lets
us know he's shitting himself. And then he adds this quote. He says,
well, I'll fake it till I make it, ye, which you've
heard me say this. If you want a job at the Gap and you
kind of trump up your resume that you've made all these sales of jeans and
whatnot. Yeah, you worked at urban outfitters for this, feel free to
lean on. Fake it till you make it. You're in charge of a
vessel that could kill twenty nine people while they sleep, feel free to hold
that. I'll fake it till I make it, Yeah, Because what's the
worst thing that happens at Gap? If you're faking it till you make it?
Jenna Lions walks in and starts asking you about hims. Nobody's gonna die,
but Luca, he might kill people. And speaking of faking it till
you make it, he says, if you fuck up on this boat,
you're gonna be on the news. We know somebody who's on the news.
You know those beautiful big blue eyes. All right, So the scouser has
big shoes to fill evidently kind of you know, Dave was fine, Dave
was great, can't hold to a scheduled kind of cancels a lot on people.
You know, he kind of cancels a lot of people. And it's
it's kind of thing where it's like, you know, we don't really need
to have you on. You know, it's not gonna do a ton for
us. So I think the rule of never announcing a sea rats gonna be
in the studio in any given week until they actually show up here and we
can touch them. All right. So Sandy sits down for dinner and a
story is told. She says, I was a upstanding citizen till I was
given a seven one four Quelude? Were you like a fucking commodities trader?
Like, how do you have? What happened? Somebody gave you a fucking
quay lude? And I listen, I guess that's how things happen. It's
just so funny that Sandy with that haircut. And I know that she was
on the straight and narrow, but she probably had that haircut for a while,
the thought of her just getting fucked up on queludes running through lesbians is
just amazing. I kind of wish she was back there, but I'm happy
she's not. For her yeah, well there's a cameo where she was back
there for a minute. I appreciate her honesty, and I also appreciate that,
unlike some of the Captain's Captain hot pants Captain Lee, she is willing
to sit down for dinner and share. Yeah, although I will openly say
that I felt a lot of the guests were bummed out by that story.
I'm kind of like, yeah, yeah, yeah, and the food hit
the table. They didn't even get to say what it was because Sandy was
in the middle of her bummer sobriety story. But you know, she's being
honest, she's sharing. She's a good seat at the table. Jason's just
like you know, I mean, he just doesn't add that much. He's
hot. But the dish is sere tuna tie, ginger dressing, pickled quail
egg and later we'll be a chocolate cake. Fine, fine, fine,
fine, sixty two pots. And again I think they're not showing us courses.
Maybe I missed it, but it's astounding to me that you either have
one course and a dinner after binge drinking for an entire day, or you
have fifteen courses and people are throwing up. That's true. There's no middle
ground, you know, it's just wild. I also, let's give the
young ladd a little bit of room here. Price spend half the preparation of
whatever meal trying to find where the fu steak mat. So we find out
that Brooks dad started sprouts. Oh okay, we we kind of have a
lot of winding downtime. Towards the end of the episode, rugive Sandy a
call. He says, uh, hey, Captain, I'm not gonna be
coming back. Uh yeah, we know. She goes, Hey, those
licenses, they're on the way to the boat right. He goes, oh,
no, you know, I told my friend not to send him because
he's far and he doesn't exist. So in Italia and Jess get into a
little tiff. There is a list that has been prepared for the Sprouts.
Heiress Jess wants Natalia to give her said list and tell you thinks it's gonna
overwhelm her. Hey, Jess, let'spe it down. This is the first
day. Let's I know, you're trying to make some good TV here,
make some waves. But I know when it's uh little pipe little down,
a little too much, a little too world. I think you said you
were good at following. Let's pipe it down a little bit. Okay.
Next day we awake and we find out that we are not going to get
a boast and for another two weeks. Norma, you bitch. That's it
for us. Everybody jumping the iTunes, writing reviews. Join us on Patreon
for love is Blind. Golden Bats are coming to bad TV. Search us
out on YouTube. That's gonna be the only place you can find the video.
So god speed for everybody. We'll put it in the show notes.
Love you very much. Follow us on socials. Give Pat hugs, Give
me Pat hug. We'll see you next week. I'm Dylan saying goodbye,
Pat, Say goodbye.