Two, two, three too far. Friday found the headphones nearly just twisted
off on everyone. He nearly felt my wrath, but we found him.
Desroy accidentally took his headphones home yesterday and we're Gucci fam. Guess what nine
o'clock today a special guest joins us has any other show in the metchbooks had
a Jeopardy Tournament of champion contestant on it matters not if they did. Yeah,
we had Ken Jennings on a bunch of unsert damn it probably the most
famous Jeopardy dude of all time. That was Saturday Show. Do you have
other things you wanted to say right now? Or is that pretty much it?
Why don't you go out? I'm it's hard to track whatevery every show
and the Metrobukes is doing nothing. Not oh you're on sir a day until
I fired you two years, just in different roles. He didn't great,
it was it was a pleasure working with you. Kevin largely kept to myself.
Why we moved that paper towel because I don't like it. It's right
in front of our sight line. Yeah, and I sit on the ground.
How's that local guy? Jeopardy Tournament of Champions. Ken Jennings isn't from
here. Local guy boom suck it. What a safe down on the nuts.
Kevin is a hot pistol this morning. I like this. It's Friday.
He's got energy. Hot Kevin ready for the weekend. He came in
here all blasted out of his mind on god knows what. He discovered that
his headphones were seemingly missing. Could you immediately go stolen? He thought someone
stole his headphones. Yeah, what happened was the Ben and Skin had a
guest yesterday and they probably needed access and they ended up somewhere else. And
typically there are two sets of headphones, yours and his together, and they
were both gone. Mikey took his home yesterday, so only one was missing,
and you found them within I don't know, ninety seconds and everything was
fine, but you're still there's the residual that needs to burn off. Kevin's
Hot. We're good now. Kevin's Hot Tonight Friday. Yes, Kevin's Hot
Tonight, I spin off of Randy's Hot Tonight. Danny, Yeah, Danny,
that's a song by Electric six right. Yeah, it's gonna be hot
tonight Kessler Theater. Come join us yes, come on out, everyone,
get your tickets at pre Kindle. I might get just hammered tonight. Danny,
and your name are you clearing? Tam a steak? Got a driver?
I need it? Rocks is like I'm not going too hard, and
I'm like, well in that case, oh, she isn't. Really.
Yeah, she just said I'll drive and I was like oh, And I
put my hand over my heart and started to think about the many orders of
alcohol going to be having. Probably get gin and tonic loose tonight, which
is when you find me at my best. Oh no, that's when you
find me most likely to scale a building. There's always that one friend of
yours that has the extra excitement about going out and they claim that they're going
to have their drink, and it just means the night is going to He's
sleeping on your couch tonight with with his fiance. That's fine. She's not
gonna allow that. I have a guest room. You're welcome to use it.
Yeah. After Kevin gets uh craned off the Marquee at the Kessler pretending
he's climbing the sphere, Yeah, like King Kong. Yeah, I'm thrown
out of the coast I'm feeling tequila tonight. It's like, oh no,
I won't go out as much as I used to. Used to go out
all the time. Now hardly ever go out weekend special event. You're releasing
a single, the Silver Skylarks. I want to support my friends here,
Danny and Skin's new project, and we want to support the food and bed
department at Kesler. He goes, they're hosting your event. We want them
to have a big night. So that's a good seven gin and tonics for
Kevio. Yes, have a good friend of mine. I probably won't use
his name, but I might go ahead. And you know Corby, No,
it's not Corby, but we went out a few nights a few weekends
back and we're just sitting having a nice conversation and he gets up to he's
got tiny bladder, and he goes to the restroom probably, you know,
five or six times throughout the evening and we're just nursing a couple of beers
there for like an hour and a half. You know. The rare occasion
that I even venture out into the world and I suck at drinking. Now,
and it's been pretty fairly well documented that after like two beers I had
pretty much done, and it affects me in a way that it never used
to. And by the end of the night, we're saying goodbye, and
I'm like, dude, you are blasted. What happened? And he lives
across the street, like, ude, you were sneaking shots when you went
to the toilet, weren't you. He was, yes, because he knew
that I wasn't gonna drink him, so rather than just shot being a bro
and just sitting down with his shot and having a shot in front of me,
he felt like, oh, well, Danny doesn't drink that much anymore,
but I still like to party nuts. I feel that every time he
went to the bathroom after the back or he'd order too and just slam them
out of my sight and then come back and sit down. It's like,
I'm not your dad. I've been best friends with you for like twenty five
years. You don't have to do this. It's so funny to say.
It's interesting, Like, seriously, he had two beers the same amount that
as I did and was wobbly and you called him out on that. He
admits it was like what the well, yeah, dude, talking about poker
faces. This guy has zero so the second and look, his nickname is
the drink Raccoon. So I knew that this was on the table, which
it has been in the past. So yeah, I just brought it up
and he just folded like a cheap chair. But yes, I'm sorry.
Don't have to do that, man, you can just sit down and drink
all you want. You're a grown ass man. Well, you're a bit
of a father figure. Maybe I'm just a few years older than him,
It doesn't matter. Okay, he may portray you as that. Well,
that's a mistake on many levels. That doesn't make sense. If you're with
like your parents at a bar, or at a funeral maybe a funeral,
yeh, or the girl and you don't want to show all your cards with
your lush yeah for sure. But you're nervous. But you're nervous or freaking
out. Yeah, so I can see like those reasons to do it.
But I was your friend, Danny. It's kind of like I equate it.
Yeah, I kind of equate it to the guy that drives home and
stops through Popeyes and eats a bucket of chicken on his way home because he
knows his wife is making salad for dinner. Yeah, we have a good
friend Jake that is notorious for hitting a pizza hut and wolfing down a medium
when he knows his wife is making vegan tacos and then getting home and quietly
stuffing the taco bell bag in the bottom of the trash can under everything.
And look, I don't know what the circumstances are, but we've all done
that. But anytime you're manipulating the trash to put whatever you're holding at the
very bottom some sad moment sometime yeah, yes I'm not look all cards on
the table. We're in the truth tree and the trust tree right now.
I've done that at work with underwear. Whoa it worked? Yeah not here,
but you know at the past, you know you do, and it's
more than you bargain for it. And you gotta go to the restroom and
you got to throw your drawers away and you're just commando for the next few
hours. Your pa, I have crapped my pants at work. You capt
your pants at the White House. Have you ever crapped your pants? No?
Yeah, I'm not talking about like a fold, you know, yeah,
like straight packed, just you know, a little any bit of manure.
But you know it's just going to be uncomfortable at the end of your
shift. It's gonna be itchy, so you just you ditch the drawers and
you go just pants. We were doing so good. Look these things are
real. Oh I've done that exactly. This is relatable. I was in
sixth grade. I remember it vividly. But and I had my name sewn
into the underwear still, so they knew no id bury it deep in case
they identified a victim. Why it was your name when you're underwear, I
don't know that common. Oh that's what moms used to do. They put
your name on everything underwear. Well, maybe when you're in like kindergarten.
And now it's a good question why it was happening in sixth grade. But
did it just say Siroy or did it say Mikey. That's a great question
to do. It may have said Mike Siroy mls and your underwear, because
then you realize what happened. I'm like, all right, I'm gonna bury
this thing in this I'll be all right. I know for a fact it
was in recess, and I jumped as high as I could to make an
interception and upon landing we had a disaster. But yes, when you take
it off, I'm like, oh, Mike, my name is on it.
You know what, It's not a bad idea. We're very diligent about
packing our computers or copy points for live spots, headphones, whatever. It's
not a bad idea to stuff just one extra pair of drawers in your backpack.
You never know. That's always that's probably fair, especially the old you
get to right, No, this happened when I was in my twenties.
Oh my god. Yeah, it's so weird. Ye, maybe it's not.
It's just something that happened. Admitted all that often. I have been
an al roker at the White House one time, and that was it really
didn't Yeah, and he admitted it. Yeah, but he was in his
you know, sixties or seventies, and you're like, it can happen.
I know a group of guys, well I don't know them. Well,
they're actually like been Skins friends or Skins friends. I think four or five
I think I've told you guys this before or four. They one of them
crafts their pants once a year and they've got a big bet on it every
single year. Really, it's like five of them, and I think it's
largely due to their drinking habits. By the way, these guys are like
doctors and lawyers. They all like went to extra college to do whatever they
do, you know, and one of them, it just happens, will
crap their pants in that year and that one of the big bet payoffs was
for one year was he had to skate down the Katie Trail and the boar
at Onesie. It's always the boar at Onesie roller roller roller skating down the
Katie Trail and the boar at Onesie. The bet, the thong and the
butt crack, the butt cheeks hanging out, darnay Holmes and it's uh okay.
So they had like evidence and they're like there's a lot of integrity with
that group, Like if it happens, they own up to it and accept
it no matter what. Is there a close knit circle of people. I'm
trying to be in their thirty modern man of integrity. That's why I'm willing
to admit these I like you. I'd like to hear from listeners that have
had similar situations or have you eaten a medium pizza on the way home to
tofu night knowing that you were going to get just a tiny dinner on Tuesday.
Yeah, they guys have brought you some gifts. Really yeah, I
love gift. So we played the lottery the other night, right, mega
million's paraball a million, half a billion was at stake. Put thirty bucks
in and we won two dollars. Yeah, so we're negative twenty eight.
So I was like, you know what, I had fond memories of get
I just stopped to get a diet coke today it's Friday, said something,
let loose, let your hair down, and I saw one of my favorite
lottery tickets of all time, to break the bank. So I got you
guys some scratch offs, Kevin. These a the fake ones where we win
ten g's and get all excited and then yes one is the fake one get
arrested for punch Kevin in the nose. So you know that's sweet man.
Thank you. It's like to each one, we'll do them and break or
something. See if we're going break the bank, you know what I do?
Thanks KEVINYJ. Do we agree that if we win win the big prize,
we pull it or are we keeping it for ourselves? Yeah? My
goal is to pull it I'll tell you what. If I win, Kevin,
I'll pay you all of the lottery tickets that you paid for. Yeah,
that's the fair thing. Actually, I'll double it if Kevin wins.
Will pull well, now, no, no, no, here's the problem.
Now we're down forty eight dollars. Soon you get this forty eight dollars
back. Okay, this is where we stem the tide. Yes, right
back on top. Now it's a thirty thousand dollars top prize playing the Texas
Lottery. Break the bank, scratchy thirty k Okay, I say we just
keep them. I could do a lot with thirty k. You know what
in a move I do. I try to be nice to people. I
know, I've told you before. Every year I get my mailman like twenty
dollars in scratchers and I leave it on the mailbox, you know, and
I'm like, hey, for you, good luck, you know, for
what you do. It's a hard job. For the first time ever,
Mikey, because you told me this last year, or you shared this on
the air, that you give a little Christmas bonus gift to your mailman for
the first time ever, I left an envelope at the end of the year
and it said on it, mister postman, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year,
and I put a twenty in it. Okay, I've never done that
before. That's really sweet. Yeah, it's almost like your friend. It's
not really your friend. Yeah, it's maybe your wave friend, but they're
come to your house every day. The only human other than yourself. It
comes to your house every single day, well most every day, every week
day. It's just nice. And I think that's really sweet. And I
guarantee he's like whoa, and I'll do something good for you too. Yeah.
So another one I do is often when I check out at a grocery
store and I get a wild hair, maybe one in ten trips, I'll
buy a scratch off, right, like Christine is coming over, I'll have
one, and I'll get two ten dollars scratchers right from the girl or sure,
and they're you know, they're whipped because that's hard job. Can't imagine
having to scan all that crap and then bag it. It's just a hard
it's just another drug. But I'll get I'll get I'll say twenty bucks,
I want two of those tens, right, and then they whip. They're
whipped and they rip them off and they give them to me, and then
I hold amount like all right, one for me, one's for you,
and then their face brightens up really and then I let them take one and
they lose. They probably lose. I never hear the story, and it's
not like I go in there and follow up. But just for that moment,
they're like whoa, and they snap out of their malaise, they're redundant
malaise and they look at me and it's just a moment of optimism and hope.
And then I don't know when they scratch it off, maybe at night
or maybe moments later. What grocery store is selling the lotto tickets, all
of them, the tom thumb right on Hampton and it's right at the checkout
thing. It's like you if you did write a check still you write it
on like top of the panel where all the grocery or the scratchers are.
But it's also sad. You ever see someone whom you can tell at the
seven eleven or gas station, and it's like you shouldn't be dropping forty bucks
on scratchers right now, Like if you are actually clinging to these things with
any hope whatsoever. That's a tough spot, man. Yeah, steel reserve
in the hand is worth five lottery tickets in the bush. Ah, that's
fair. Looks like we had a collar. Remind you talk bath sons at
seven, neighborhood watch coming up at eight. It's back. I don't know
here. We did so good off the craft the pants thing. We got
off of it, and now this guy's gonna bring us back. He put
the phone number out there. I did not. I just didn't call in.
All right, pant crabber, what's well? You know. The lucky
part was it wasn't actually me. But way back in the day, this
is twenty years ago, I worked at a small automotive dealership and uh,
the service manager and the GM one by one took all the guys that worked
at the dealership into the office and I said, we need to see if
you're wearing underwear, Like, all right, it's weird, but okay,
I got mine on. So twenty guys were paraded in and out of the
office, and I finally went back him. I said, all right,
what the hell's going on? But that's a weird request to if somebody it's
their underwear in the bathroom. Well that's not a problem, And I'm like,
yeah, but they stuffed it in the toilet. Oh no, oh
no, the devil whammy if well, that person's an idiot. I was
just gonna say, what kind of narc sleuth is like I need to let's
do some underwear. But I suppose in that case, if the toilet is
now clogged and we got a problem, and he wants to know who the
moron is, because it's fine if you crap yourself, but don't don't try
to flush it. It's also tiptoe in the lines of sexual harassment to we're
having a parade of undies. Well I don't think twenty years ago was such
a big deal, Kevin, but maybe now, Yeah, Kevin, there
was a different time, Kevin. Oh so that absolves us from any responsibility
just to say those yords. Yeah, so things that happened in the past
are all just fine. Yeah, right, fine. It's like Dandy driving
past four houses in Frisco. It's all good. Yeah, yeah, never
slowed down, just kept driving. What do you get what you keep saying?
What are you getting into this morning? Man? I am uh,
well, happily on my way to work, it's Friday. I don't work
weekends, So there's that you coming to Kestler tonight. I am not.
We are babysitting grandchildren today, and man, I'm not sure they're up for
the Kestler. I'm not sure they're up for Kevin drinking. Get some gin
and tonics for the kids. I don't think any of us up for that.
Okay, how and the weird thing is there about the same height.
And I just don't want them to get over served, Like Kevin, Mike,
I like you a lot, man, I like this dude a lot.
Like cheap digs. Cool guy. Yep, you don't just stay on
the phone with the whole show and just kind of be a part of it.
Sure, why not? You would love nothing more? He calls all
the time. We could use a hand today, Kevin. I've never called
before. That's you have to perfect Tommy or whatever. Perfect tom is it?
No? No, it's not perfect. No, it's honest, Mike.
You got me. It's a guy who's got an adjective before the name.
I know it's honest, Mike. It's honest, Mike. Yeah,
no it's not. It's what he just said. Well, he's lying.
Who is this tell the mike, Okay, thanks for calling Mike. Then
call you guys and drive but not work, so sorry, deal with it.
JJ, not to answer the damn phone. That's why she loves answering
the phone. Loves it as the damn phone. That's pretty funny. Have
a good all right, dragon Bragg? What is going on? You know
it's bad when the caller is the one that lets us go. Yeah,
if you're what momentum works? All right, guys, uh, holler on
the radio. You guy should probably transition and something else. And now shouldn't
you? You stayed on this crap your pants topic entirely too long. He
did sound like he was at a corvette race. What was that he did?
I'm down here in innis. That's funny. Do you guys want to
hear Tony from yesterday again in downbeat dollars? Actually? Yeah, it was
fun I got up square up with you. What was our total that we
paid up? It was only thirty five bucks. You scare up with me
after you scratch off those lotto tickets? All right? All right, this
is sorry, JJ. Here we go plugging in. This is Tony who
called it yesterday during downbeat dollars to what what I believe is the only game
in the Metroplex where the host are giving you money directly out of their pockets.
I think, man, I thought this was kind of funny. So
here you I've edited down for brevity. Okay, Ahi, what's your name?
Tony? Up man? What are you getting into today? Well?
I didn't think I was gonna naked. I was on line five, but
that guy drops his calls him here. Now let's play. Yes, stop,
all right, six dollars and fifty cents. It's a great start.
Your foot's in the door, Tony, your foot's in the door. That's
a good need more money, given some more money? All right, I
don't even need that you get the full sumner. Jesus, squeeze Tony your
thoughts. I couldn't be more upset. I'm really hoping that I get free
lunch today, and now I have to wait until I get off work to
eat my beans and rice. Yet again, beans, I mean you could
have took your six What is the dollars gonna get me? Mike? Okay,
that's not You have nothing right now, Tony, you have zero.
So we'll take a TALKO or two. Give me another spin right now,
No, you hit a whammy. Hold on, he does the man another
spin? Okay, if you get a whammy, you have to Venmo six
and fifty spents. I will do that, or Tony, the college baseball
tickets are there for you. I don't want them there we go. Hold
on, hold on? How about if he gets a whammy, he has
to go to the college baseball thing? Actually a good beta off because I
hate base make it go. Okay, all right, this is good.
We want spin. You have to yell baseball whatever you want to stop them.
God, what a ride. Here's a fireball right out of the gates.
It's funny because when they bad when you go get their Venmo account right
so, I'm like, you know, looking forward and the venmo's accounts are
weird because there's we all have Venmo tension right before you clear it, go
double check and it's like, what's yours? Is it hyphened this too?
And everyone's like, I don't know, it's you know, there's just a
little tension right at the end before you click it his picture. I knew
it was him because it's a guy who's in a hammock like one foot's on
the ground kind of half out of the hammock full legs bread. His legs
are spread so he glasses on like he's posing for the camera, and I
was like, that's I feel like that's the Tony we just had on.
It was great, it's the jackpot. He crapped out and got the whammy
and said I demand another spin. We're like, hang on, Well,
if he demanded it, I like that the energy Okay, one willing to
bend the rules for a good collar him. I wonder what his energy level
would have declined to how he landed on his second whammy and be stuck at
a damn baseball game. We that home state. Wow, that was something.
I think. We still do have a pair of baseball tickets to go
away too, We do, we do? We also, I do want
to mention I just probably get more of a call out for this from the
neighborhood Watch at eight if you got weird stuff happening in your neighborhood or on
your next doorrap or something, there's something texture calling at eight o'clock two and
four eight one seven seven eight seven one nine seven one. I got a
bunch of weird ones and Danny sent a few in listener emailed me a couple
of crazy ones too, So we'll cover that at eight because we're the comedy
first responders, but we're also trying to clean up your neighborhood. That's probably
a better way to put that. So coming up next, Mike, Oh
yeah, Jesus blanking sea and a chicken basket. We're on the Moon.
The Moon,