Previously on ups al Bart's Belsernamil, heirs to the storied Sernamil family of Jubilantia,
uses her family connections to learn more about the events at commencement from the
Sovereign House staffers who were not at the graduation ceremonies. Most notably, Bell
discovers that most of the Sovereign House security team was dispatched to Memorial Stadium,
leaving the country's legislative center largely unprotected. Meanwhile, Mage and Marshall President Philamina
Blunderstool, Triarchislodora, Acting Secretary of War Gideon storm Caller, and a handful
of other members of the Mage and Marshall faculty have decided that while they work
on freeing the hostages in the stadium, not to mention a response to Malvaux's
seeming reappearance. The five newly minted bars should be dispatched to the Alcazar,
Malvox's former summer home and the apparent headquarters of his attempt to reclaim power.
There there to meet with Lucinda o'cor Malvox's former minister of propaganda, and negotiate
for an extended day line to address his demands. After protracted talks, the
Bards learn that Okor requires a hostage, specifically Triarch Odorra, led by Clarice
Sauerklaud, the daughter of two of Udvada's most notable political strategists. The Bards
agree to take ocourse demands back to sovereign House. However, before they even
make it off the grounds of the Alcazar, Abslo Nova, the famed best
bow of Pouchten, appears from the shadows. It is through Abslo Nova that
the Bards learn Malva's forces are also assembling in the north and have begun conscripting
the dog folk there, including the family of Pouchtin Rucus, into their effort.
Deciding he must come to the aid of his family, Rucus leaves with
Absolo Nova to join the resistance in the North, as the Bards bid him
of Vaughn, farewell, you wanted monsters all slain by their betters, but
you ain't seen nothing like arts and letters. Look who has answered the cry
of distress. Oops, it's all birds. Oh what a mess. You
think we're a joke, But in truth we're all in. We fight like
we learned it in books. Because we did, we all survived College with
charisma impressive. Oops, it's all Bards, and yes it's excessive. If
you're still confused, we'll explain to you. Thus, there's nobody left,
so that's why they call us. We'll fight or will otherwise roll for successes.
Oops, it's all birds. We hope that addresses all that you have
to know to enjoy listening to our all Bard party sent off on a mission.
Hell it go, Well, we're sure you can get Oops. It's
almars O Andrew Carroll. Hold, you're a bell Sonamo Blatwye Ha Colonian Stumps,
Salu Bear College, Clarie sour Cloud. It's Palmadge Hall. Welcome back
to Oops All Bards, the actual play D and D podcast that does what
it says on the box. I'm your host and game master, Jillian Ashley
Blair IVY. But if you see me on the street and call me anything
other than Jill, I'm almost certainly going to assume I'm in trouble for missing
curfew again with me? Are our bards? Bards? Please introduce yourselves?
All right, Hello and Coleman coming in as your girl. Clarice Flower Cloud.
Hi, my name is Ashley Banks and I'm playing Bell cernamo, I
am ross carry my pronouns are he him and I play Andrik harrowhold also he
him Hello, I'm Bob Kellyan. I will be playing as Keilonian Stumps,
very excited. And we are also joined by our producer, Nate Runkle,
the loudest guy on this podcast, who you will not be hearing from today.
So in our last episode we got some additional information about what happened the
day of graduation, thanks to Belle's familiarity with a lot of the folks in
the Sovereign House Legislature. And after that, trierk the Silladora and getting a
storm caller who is the interim Secretary of War, along with other members of
the Major and Marshall faculty who were not under the Energy Dome, decided for
some reason that it would be best if the Bards acted as emissaries for peace,
and so the Bards are dispatched to the alcazar phineas Melvo's former summer home
to meet with Lucinda o'cor so. The next morning, after spending quite a
bit of time figuring out which horses you want to take with you, you
Bards head off to the Alcazar, which you know from GoF Dromior, who
is the satyr that you had taken with you from the commencement ceremony, that
the Alcazar is apparently where the Malvo loyalists are currently based. And then when
you got to the Alcazar, thanks to a couple of really lucky dice rolls
on your part, you bards very easily located the room where Lucinda was.
In fact, she just opened the door up and called you upstairs. So
you met with Lucinda and you saw right as soon as you walked in that
she had two people with her, but you also detected there were some other
people in the room as well, and decided pretty wisely not to be violent
in this encounter. After some protracted negotiations led by Clarice, you learned that
what Lucinda wants in order to at least slow down the timeline on Malvo's demands
is a hostage. Specifically, she wants Triarcislodora to be a hostage, and
she expects this to be at the Alcazar by midnight that night. So,
with not a whole lot of time to lose, you all leave to deliver
this message to sovereign House. But you don't even get off the grounds of
the Alcazar before a large dog like creature approaches you. And this was Absolo
Nova, who is the other best Bow from Raucus's community, and she was
sent to retrieve him. Apparently, Malvo's supporters had actually descended on Poochtin and
were rounding up the dog folk and forcing them to support Malvo's cause. Sadly
that included Raucus's family. So Ruccus dutifully agreed to leave with Absolo Nova to
go rescue his family and presumably fight off the Malvo of actions in the north.
And as the two best Bow hurried away, the rest of you bards
sang a farewell song to him. So that about brings us to the present.
And now my question for you is are you all heading off from the
Alcazar right away? Short one member of your party or is there anything that
you need to say to each other or even just anything you need to check
on before you start to make your way back to Sovereign House. Weird,
right, that whole bow thing? No? Just me? Okay? Oh
no, super super super weird. It's a real shame. A friend,
Rucus won't be helping us. Really love that Ruckus's energy. Sure, but
apparently he's like a I don't know, chosen one or something. So you
know, maybe he's gonna just live his best life. Yeah, good for
him, Yeah, good for him. Also, was I the only one
who didn't know that, like they could talk it's specific to the best bow.
No, to be clear, Belle thought that they were all like regular
dogs, like, you know, they understand words and they can learn to
speaking so far as like the singular words that Rucus was using, but did
not understand that they actually had a language. So you just you thought that
they were really like the dogs on it Instagram with the buttons. Yes,
yes, because Bell is not bright, y'all, or is at least pretending
not to be bright. Yeah, let's go with that. But yes,
so Belle thought like they were shockingly intelligent dogs like the ones on Instagram.
So you've learned. You learned something about your departing party member. You also
have to go back to Sovereign House and tell them that you need that bill.
You need to go back to Sovereign House and tell them that Thistle needs
to give herself up as a hostage to Malvo. There anything that you guys
needed to talk about with your conversation with Lucinda nop Okay. So you have
an uneventful ride back to Sovereign House, and as you approach Sovereign House,
you see a gnomish woman standing outside pretty eagerly awaiting your return, even though
she's not somebody who had been at Sovereign House when you departed. Does anybody
want to roll a history check and see if you know who this person is?
Clarice is all about that. That's a fifteen. Yeah, so Clarice,
you've definitely given you your family history would know the person that you were
seeing outside of Sovereign House is Raylan Dawn Shout. Raylan is a late night
anchor on the Echo Shard News network, but she's generally regarded as kind of
a tabloid journalist, think like in our world, more weekly world news than
National Enquirer, like really ridiculous, impossible stories. And because of that,
she wasn't even invited to commencement. Now, the fact that she wasn't invited
to commencement means that she is the only journalist in Shalamir and one of the
only journalists in UFA who is not now trapped under the Energy Dome at the
stadium. So this is her chance. She is real excited to see all
of you, really really excited to be there. So as you come back
to Sovereign House, Raylan is going to come trotting up to you, and
she's got a microphone. She's like, hello, hello, uh Raylan,
Hello Raylan, Dawn shout. I'm from the Echo Shard News Network. Man,
I ask you a few questions. No, okay, somebody else.
Sure, you can ask me whatever you want. So you what's your name?
Could you please tell me and spell it? Please? Oh? Sure?
My name is Kelonian Stumps. And you know, spelling, I think
is something that depends on people. You know, you don't have to have
an official spelling for everything. But we'll just figure it out. Could you
were you at graduation today? Well, I was sort of outside of the
graduation. I can tell you about it for a little bit if you'd like.
Yes, I'd love to know I was in this account what happened today.
I was at the graduation, but I didn't go inside because I was
at the graduation. But I'm a protesting man, all right. So so
you were protesting graduation. That's great. What were you protesting? Oh?
Well, you know, they had the speaker come to the graduation, Gideon
Storm Caller. I'm sure he's a nice guy and all that. Nothing against
him personally, but you know what, I think our republicanly needs a little
bit of a reminder of peace, especially in this troubled time, and having
this the Minister of War come and speak is just another reminder of the awful
violence of war. Ironic. Don't you think that the sec Acting Secretary of
War was here during a declaration of war? No, that's not irony.
Well, okay, then she's going to look around the rest of the party.
So it's my understanding that actually, is there one of you missing?
No, because I thought that there were supposed to be five bards who were
dispatched to try and make peace negotiations. Nobody's missing. We know where everyone
is. I guess I just got some information wrong I did. Where are
you coming from? That's classified? Could you share with me anything that you've
learned? What do you want? Well, is it true that Malva was
actually a vampire and that's why he's not dead? No? What about his
alleged love child with Lucido kor the bad boy. You're making shit up?
Can I just say, I think I think Belle probably is very familiar with
the sort of tabloids reports, and I think that she is just like loving,
like Kelonian, like she was hoping Thatian would go on a whole stump
speech, if you will, pardon the pun. But now with Clarice,
like she's just having a great time watching this, like just not even trying
to hide it, biggest grin on her face, thinks this is hilarious.
All right, Well, Raylan notices that big in on your face and turns
and says, what about you? Who are you? I'm gonna I'm gonna
actually, Jill tell me if this feels wrong or right to you. But
I feel like the surrenamios have probably been covered, oh yes, in the
tabloids. Yes. So I don't know if she would know who Belle is
or not. I feel like in certain contexts she certainly would. But she's
not expecting Belle to be sent on a diplomatic mission. That's fair, all
right, So in that case, Belle is going to like her. She's
going to do her best to do a straight face and fail utterly and she's
gonna be like me, Oh, I'm nobody. If you're nobody, why
were you sent off on this diplomatic mission? I don't know, why are
you reporting on us? I'm gonna just cut in a friend who I'm not
gonna name. You're gonna just let this one flounder. I think, why
are you the one reporting on like the biggest news event of the decade.
You see Raylan's face kind of fall a little bit at that question, and
she goes, all of my colleagues are out of the dome, and so
they sent me to report on this because there was nobody else, right,
So you get it. So maybe just maybe you should ask us questions like
that they would ask. Maybe not about like the made up love child stuff.
I mean, my sources are pretty strong about the bat boy child.
I'm gonna refer you to comment a with all respect. I'm sure the administration
has a public information officer, and we really should be moving on and completing
our business. Yeah, no time to check, gotta go save the world.
Kay, Thanks by love you. So as you all go walking back
into sovereign House, she's like a one woman paparazzi scrum. So she's just
running out. She's like, wait, what are Malvo's demands? Is Malvoux
really back? What about listening to a churuse? She's the one running the
show after all, And so you just have all of these questions following you
as you walk into sovereign house and close the door behind you, And the
moment the door closes, Belle presumably joins Clarice in turning to Colonian and being
like you were so controlled you didn't even make a statement. Really, And
I have to be on Bell's part, that is so much just appointment,
Like she was like, this was your moment, dude? Oh wait for
which part? Just like I was kind of expecting you to talk to the
people about peace. Oh why I feel like I did. Okay, old
friend, I really am going to have to ask you to clarify this protest
because we've been at peace for thirty years. So what were you protesting?
Well, you know, Andreck, that's a pretty good point. You know.
I don't know if you've noticed, but occasionally I seem to sort of
forget the details of our nation and our republic and all those sorts of things.
But you know, Drec, I gotta say I think that well,
there ain't nothing like peace. And I think we can all use a little
reminder here now and again at this college of Major and Marshall. You know,
the major part, Marshall part. That's a lot of fighting. So
I believe that what you were protesting was just that the acting Secretary of War
was the commencement speaver. That's correct, Yes, okay, the acting Secretary
of War who has had nothing to do for thirty years. Yeah, so
let's let me just provide you with a little bit of history here. The
reason that he is the acting Secretary of War is because it has not been
a priority for the legislature to confirm the nomination of any secretary of War in
the last thirty years because the country has been at peace. So like other
secretaries get confirmed because they need to move through the process, and for him,
it's like, well, we're not at war, so we don't necessarily
need a real secretary of war. We'll just call him the acting Secretary of
War and it's fine. It's very much like the trumpetant in that regard.
So it's not because there's I don't know, a single senator holding up any
confirmations of military no El just that they haven't even bothered to do confirmation hearings
for this role because they don't really see a need for it. It's one
of the action item that keeps getting bumped to the bottom of the list,
like it's on the agenda literally every meeting, and they literally never get to
it. Yeah. Now that being said, I think that Belle and Clarice
are probably the only ones who would actually know this. Clarice for sure knows
this, Belle probably is aware. The rest of you just probably wonder why
every couple of years there's a different acting Secretary of War. So you get
inside of Sovereign House, Clarice and Belle compliment Kelonian on his composure and ability
to say a lot without actually saying anything. Compliment, complain, I'm nothing
if not chill. Waiting just inside the door for you is Fi the university
President, Thistle the Triarch, and Gideon. Philamina mentions as you're coming in
that the other professors who were there have have gone off to try and see
if they can figure out how to break the energy dome. Gideon is going
to go up to Clarice and say, so, how did it go one
week for a hostage? Oh, Dora and Thistle looks at you's me Yeah,
sorry, babes. How how do they expect us to be able to
to make anything happen, to negotiate to just figure out this conflict if one
of the triarchs is a hostage? I think that is the idea they're Yeah,
I mean, Andrick said it, like they're not running a tip top
operation. This is as close to a war strategy as I've seen. Like
they're just saying, you need a little bit more time before we crush you.
Here's what you can do to get that time, Like there was no
consideration of other brokering. How do I know that they're not just going to
kill me on the spot. I don't think you do. Yeah, I
mean, she made no promises, but among the things she seemed to indicate
and Andreick, I hope you'll check my work on this, she seemed to
have a very specific idea about what she could do once she had you.
And I think the fact that it wasn't just any triarch or sort of a
generic power swap suggests that she has some interest in leveraging your ability is in
position. That was my read as well. I mean, we also said
that the other triarchs are like not available. Well they are on their way.
But yeah, but like you're the one who she can take his hostage.
Now now I think that this is more personal. My parents worked directly
with Lucinda before they've defected. Yeah, it felt personal. Okay, I
am I will figure this out in the meanwhile, I've asked Acting Secretary storm
Caller to go gather the standing army, and he has asked if he can
bring the four of you. Actually four, where did the dog go?
He's a dog folk first of all, and he's doing an important family related
just initiative. At the risk of making a pun, I believe he's on
a fetch quest. I was hoping that we would have more muscle for Secretary
storm Collar. But okay, yeah, the four of you are. You're
going up to Tubwartsava as his bodyguards. I guess wait what, I'm sorry
what He's asked if you can accompany them? If it makes you feel any
better. I'm pretty sure that Ruckus was like eighty percent fluff. So like
muscle wise, I think we're like doing okay. I just like, obviously
I'm happy to go with Uncle Gideon, but like, don't we have some
other options. I think if there were other options, they wouldn't be asking
us. Come on, guys, we got this. We are newly graduated,
excited, competent, and capable adventuvers. Yeah, I agree, we
can do this. Do you mind if we're called friends instead of bodyguards.
Belle definitely puts her hand out for a high five. Gideon just looks at
you. He's like, yeah, we can call you whatever you want,
like I just and he looks at Clarious and your parents wanted me to bring
you, and I figured we should bring the rest of them too. Fair
enough. Excuse me for seconds, but I gotta have a word with thistle
Bell's high five is still hanging in the air. Keilonian gives you a high
five. Yeah, body friends. No, wait, that's no. Clarice
is gonna try to take this all aside for a sec and genuinely like far
enough to be out of hearing. She's also going to drop a little of
her performative rasp because this is rough. I know we don't always see eye
to eye, and I just want to make sure you know if there's anything
you want me to convey to my mother or to anyone, really, I
know what you've done for her, and I know that she would have your
back, and so I do too. I'm really sorry about this. I
appreciate that your mother. If we all get out of this, if I
don't get out of this, but everyone else does, if the country is
still standing, to make sure whoever succeeds me does a better job. Okay,
I I will, And just you know, don't don't let them see
you sweat. Oh, I've got a glamor for that. You know what
I mean? Be the try arc. Shekes sends a hand to you,
and Clarice returns the handshake. I think you all have a trained catch and
I think you've got a long ride. So is there anything that anybody needs
to do before your train? You don't have a lot of time, but
you have a little bit of time if there's anything that you need to gather
or talk about or anything else. As we pan back to the rest of
the group, Belle is workshopping the group name with anybody who's willing to participate.
Okay, why did we come up with so far? I think I
think she's like still riffing on on friends and bodyguards, so she's like going
like buddyguards Barty body friends, friends, Bartie bart Bartie Barti guards Bardiguards,
Parties, Party, Party, Bartie Party. If the problem that Kilonian had
with the name bodyguards the body part or the guard cart, Belle doesn't know,
and she doesn't seem to think it matters. Oh no, I just
like friends. I like friends too, friends, friends and fabulous friends,
friendly friendy buddies, I like buddyguards. Wow, guys, while this is
going on, Uh, Clarice is going to use one of her special racial
traits. Okay, she has silent speech and can telepathically speak to one creature
that she shares a language with, So she's gonna try to get into Gideon's
head. Do you need to roll for that or is it just it's just
automatic automatic? Yeah? Uh, uncle, Gideon, don't react. Oh,
it's it's Clarice. This is not the first time that you've communicated with
Gideon this way, and if I if it's a racial trade, it's not
even the first time somebody in your family has communicated with him this way.
So he's just shuffling through some papers like that he just picked up off of
a desk. They're not even his papers, but he's trying to look very
nonchalant. What do we need to be ready for? Here? A train
ride? Okay, but like, I'm happy to accompany you. Obviously,
I get that my parents are worried, but like, if we're pretending to
be bodyguards, what's the threat. We don't know how deep this incursion has
gotten. We don't know what's been infiltrated. We don't know if the military
base is safe. We don't know if the trains are safe. So I
mean, that's the real reason that I would need bodyguards. But I think
that your parents are operating on the assumption that all of that stuff is going
to be fine, and we're just kind of trying to take you out of
the path of danger. Okay, what do you need from us? Really?
Realistically, when we get to Tabritsava, I'm not entirely sure what we're
going to encounter. The last time I was there, the army was kind
of in shambles. You know, we haven't really needed an army in three
decades. So yeah, that all right. Well, I don't know the
Andraik guy as well, But Colonian is a good like motivator of people.
He's kind, he can see what people have as strengths. You can definitely
use him to sort of identify like the people who are loyal versus disloyal,
that kind of stuff. But isn't he like a pacifist? Is he really
going to be helpful trying to rally the troops? I mean, I'm not
saying that you use him for a pep rally, but like I think if
you're if you're trying to understand how people are feeling, how they're handling the
fear, that kind of stuff, I think he's got a good sense of
it. Whereas like anric like what I know about him is just like he
is all in, hard worker, just like trying to do right in this
world. He's the one that you want to trust as like a deputy.
Okay, I will take that under advisement. We should get going. Okay,
is there anything that was happening while that conversation was happening making sure I
have enough chicken feed for the Angel? Yes, Actually, let's check in
with Angel. How is Angel doing well? Angel is hanging out in the
portable chicken coop m on Keilonian's shell and Angel's Angel's doing great. Angel.
You know, there's a little window on the side Angel, folks are head
out, you know, looks around. Sometimes bugs fly in there, that's
great. Angel eats them up. And you know, every once in a
while, Kilnian throws some feed in the chicken coop and Angel's okay, do
you have enough feed to get through? You know, like you you're about
to go on a trip. You don't know how long you're going to be
gone for do I? I don't know, but you can if you're worried
about it, you can roll an investigation check and see if you can find
the sovereign house kitchen. Oh yes, nineteen yeah, you there's a big
sign this is catering kitchen. This way chicken feed. So yeah, when
you get to the the catering pantry, you're going to see there's like,
you know, all the dry goods they would need for lunches and stuff,
so like chips, bread, lots of like plates, flatwear, that sort
of thing. And for whatever reason, one of the cabinets is gardening supplies.
And in that cabinet there is a bag of grass seed that could probably
work just fine for Angel. Beautiful Angel, you're gonna love this not too
much at once. Now, I'm sorry, did somebody just balk yep,
okay, anything else if it's quite important that uh, Gideon or I'm sorry
Secretary storm Collar be kept safe and you think there may be a friend.
Do you have healers, kits, potions, anything that we might benefit from
supply wise that we should bring with us. Are you asking Thistle or Gideon
or who are you asking the assembled folks at Sovereign House, Like you know,
I don't know if they have a quartermaster who's yeah, I'm Clarva is
going to step out and just kind of point to the like there's there's a
map of Sovereign House on the wall, and he's going to point. It's
just going to be like supply closet. I'm gonna go look and see if
there's anything useful in the supply closet. As assuming that we are permitted access
to it, there's pretty much nobody who's gonna be able to stop you.
So I feel like Belle is familiar with that supply closet, but not with
the contents. Oh no, Bell has Bell has had some good times in
that closet. That is all. That's my contribution. Enjoy. So you
get to the supply closet, what are you looking for, uh, if
there's anything like healing potion, you know, additional crossbow bolts like that kind
of thing. Like, I'm not looking for anything super fancy, right,
So this is it's a supply closet, not ammunition's closet, So you're not
going to find crossbow bolts other weapons, but there might be some other useful
goods. Why don't you real an investigation? Jack? All right, that's
not too bad. Twenty two non natural twenty nineteen plus three. Okay,
So in the closet you find a half empty box of healing potions. Box
it's supposed to hold six, so there are three bottles of healing potions.
You also find a couple of medicinal kits, which might be useful for Kilonians
since he's got some clerical training. And you find a bunch of like hard
tack tie rations. Take them, taking everything. Okay. Bell wants to
ask if there are any bags of holding, because like we're going places,
we're doing things, we're making moves. But like you know, it'd be
cool if we could put everything into one spot, so there wouldn't be in
the supply closet. But if you go back to the cloakroom outside of the
legislative chambers, you might be able to find one. Cool, I'm gonna
do that. I'm sure she's familiar with that room as well. I'm sure
she is. That's a soundproof. So why do you head back to that
cloakroom and roll an investigation check? Ah? Yes, the thing I'm so
good at. Uh oh, that's a fifteen. Okay, with a fifteen,
it takes you several minutes. But stashed deep in the pocket of a
coat that belongs to who knows who, you find a silk pouch and when
you reach a hand into it, you find that there's way more stuff already
in that pouch than should ever fit in something of that size. Yes,
I'm going to take it, and I'm going to I assume there's We've mentioned
that there's like papers and pens and stuff in that room outside of the cloak
room. Well, there isn't the legislative chamber, so you can go in
there. So I'm going to like write a note and it's going to have
the most pristine and truly bouncy handwriting that you've ever seen. You know,
we're talking hearts over the eyes, yep, bubble lettering. She was that
girl in school. She's gonna leave a note that's like, took your bag
of holding, needed it to save the world. We'll bring it back asap.
Xoxo Bell, got it? Will me another investigation check? Oh boy,
oh my god. Sorry that was a fourteen. Guys, I have
a negative one to investigation. This is amazing. With a fourteen, you
realize that maybe you should see what's already in that bag? Uh yeah,
okay, yeah, what's in the bag? Think of like the most discussing
granny purse you've ever encountered, like hard candy, used tissues, a lot
of crumbs, a Sudoku book, but also there is another healing potion in
that bag. Yeah when okay, Bell is going to find like a random
bag, like a probably like a your equivalent of like a you know,
a grocery store bag. Yeah, to put all of the the oldly things
in and just like hang it with the note next to the quat that she
got the bag of holding from, like over the hangar. Yeah. Yeah,
She's going to turn over the bag of holding and like shake out the
crumbs. You want to gather those crumbs up for angel or anything? Uh?
You know, I don't think that Belle thinks that many steps ahead.
Okay, fair, so I think yes, but I think Belle. Now,
so she's shaking out the crumbs, but she's being very considerate. She's
like, maybe she the person who owns this was saving those crumbs for a
reason. I'm not just gonna throw them out. So she shakes the crumbs
into the bag, into the plastic bag, Yeah, hands it up,
leaves the note. She does take the healing potion. She's like, I
can replace that. That's fine, Okay, all right, you can add
one healing potion to your inventory. And the other thing that I will tell
you is that as you are kind of exploring and trying to get yourselves together
before you head off on this train, you will realize that you've seen some
serious shit in the last twenty four hours, and you level up. Who
we realized this? You realize you could level up. It's like a whole
year's worth of university education just just happened to you since yesterday morning. I
will say, when when rejoining the group from the supply closet, I'd like
to go to Colonian Uh huh. I know, escorting the Secretary of War
is not exactly your idea of a good time, but if things go south,
we would appreciate your help. And I'm going to give them the healer's
kit that I pulled from the two of them say no more endck. I
really appreciate it. Thank you. This will be helping, very helpful for
me to help, so it'll be helpful for my help on this. Thank
you very much. And for the record, I don't I'm just quoting Gideon
at all. I have nothing against Gideon personally. I'm sure Gideon's a great
guy. And I'm also gonna give I'm gonna keep one of the three healing
potions. I'm giving one to Bell and one to Gideon. Okay, so
Bell now has two healing postions, Clarice saying to give one to Clarice and
one to Gideon. Okay. Great, And just to clarify, are those
just regular potions of healing, just regular old potions of healing? Right?
Just checking before I add it. Yeah, if you had rolled a little
bit higher in your second investigation check because the DC was fifteen, you might
have found out that those hard candies had some healing properties too. That's listen.
I am so proud of my girl getting above five. Yeah. The
bars in Giddon leave Sovereign House and head to the train station, which is
only a few blocks away. Chelamere train Station is a grand pre autocracy structure
made of marble, wrought iron, and leaded glass. A giant clock takes
up most of the roofline of the outer facade, and grotesques gaze down at
everyone who enters or exits the structure. The interior of the station is unusually
busy at all hours, but because so many citizens were trapped under the energy
dome, it is eerily quiet, even though the people who are there are
full of phrenetic chaotic energy, clearly eager to get far away from whatever Malvo
and his supporters have planned next. The bars and Acting Secretary's storm caller quickly
advanced to their platform, but before they can board their waiting train, storm
caller speaks, hold on, we're waiting for one more. Do any of
you know Cretaceio thunder Thigh h Like define no, I mean, I'm asked,
do you know him? Do you know who he is? He plays
in the cafe sometimes. Okay, so we need to keep an eye out
for him. Well. Crtasio thunder Thigh I'd know those thighs anywhere. He
and I are jam buddies. Oh, no, Belle is going to pretend
like she didn't look down at her own thighs immediately upon hearing the name Cretasio
thunder Thigh. You would know him from open mics. Sure, but it
was just an instant for the record. By jams, I mean music,
not legs, which you might think I was talking about. I've heard jams.
I've never heard cham oh jam oh. I thought you'd taken to making
jelly in your free time. Well, we also make jams jelly as well's.
We call it jams and jams. Do you wear your pajamas? We
do? Yes? How did you know jams and jams and jams? Oh
my godness. After a few moments of scanning the crowd the party and acting
Secretary's Storm collars about a particularly tall and distinct figure. He notices you too,
and calls out uncle Gideon over here. We're going to pause here for
a moment because we actually have a new player to introduce. Tage, Please
introduce yourself first, and then tell us about your character. Hi. My
name is Tate Sinha das he him, and my character is Cretaceal thunder thigh
also he him, so tell us what does Cretaceia look like. Cretatio thunder
thigh is a sort of subspecies of lizard folk called rex folk. In effect,
they are Tyrannosaurus rex lizard folk, very large, about seven feet tall,
although Cretaceia is particularly large even for his species, but critically they do
have the comparatively small, stubby little t rex arms. He has two big
claws on his hand and then a thumb. He usually, however, wears
mitten because these are very large claws and he doesn't want to break stuff.
It's very thoughtful him. Yeah, he's ah, yes, he's about he's
just under seven feet tall. He's green with some black sort of stripes and
spots. He also critically has very large legs. The thunder thigh family are
are famous for their for their power in battle, so they have big teeth,
big jaws. They don't really use the claws on their hands very much,
but they also like to kick stuff because they have such big, thick,
juicy quads. And Cretasio is from this stock, however, he doesn't
really indulge that side of himself very much. So I take it that Cretatio
is also a student at Masion Marshall. That is correct, Cretasio also is
part of the graduating class of Majun Marshall this year. He attended Sluvera College
as a bard, primarily as an operatic singer, as that was the skill
that he was able to sort of do well in Bart College with. But
he really wants to get into playing, and he carries around a little instrument
called a strum viol very much like a violin or viola, but using a
bow with his limited mobility on a violin or viola would be a little bit
tough, so it's mainly just a strumming instrument. So I take it that
you, as as Slovertian know Keilonian I do. Colonian is a good friend
of mine. Well, yeah, it's about as close as a friend's get
for a Cretatio. He's a very grumpy person, not mean, but definitely
grumpy. Colonian, however, is sort of a jam buddy and is one
of the only people who doesn't really ask questions or try to get me to
calm down. He just likes to jam, and you know, and I
like to jam with him and play a little bit and sort of increase my
skill level in a very comfortable, low pressure environment, which is something that
Colonian really excels at creating. Okay, so I want to I want to
take us back because you're not under the energy jme, but you're not with
the other bards. So I'd like to take us back to the morning of
graduation. How did your day start? All right? So the I guess
the night before graduation. Curtasio has a sort of internship coming up. He's
going to be a very conspicuously large ensemble member in an opera after graduation,
so he has been up late nights practicing. So it's kind of sore in
his throat. He's grumpy, he's sleepy, he's tired, but he does
attend a brief jam session with Kilonian. Tell me a little bit about this
this jam session that you guys are having. Yeah, so just strumming along,
play in my my strum veal kiloonion on the guitar. Yeah, what
kind of what kind of stuff do we like to play? Kilonian? Oh,
well, I know i'd probably be getting ready with a few protest songs.
Uh huh. You sound really exasperated about Kilonian's protest songs. Do you
wanna do you want to just kind of show us how that encounter went?
Yeah, all right, all right, buddy, ready to do this next
one? You're gonna like this one. It's called war. We don't like
it, no, sirih uh yeah, yeah, yeah, are you ready?
You seem like it may be a little down there. Well, I
mean, I'm not a huge proponent of war either. I mean, especially
since my my family is so big into military and stuff. But uh,
you know, I'm not necessarily against it either. It's important. It's just
I don't know, it's just, oh, I'm surprised to hear this.
I just figured, you know, the big those big joes of yours,
that those were meant for singing. Well, thank you. Yeah, that's
that's what I wanted to use them for. And you know, obviously my
family doesn't see eyed eye with me for that. They want to use their
teeth for crushing bow and whatever else. But yeah, I mean, I
I want to sing, I want to play, and my family, just
especially my mom being so big in the military and everything, she just doesn't
respect that. So, I mean, I don't know if I mentioned this,
but they're of course not coming tomorrow because they don't care that I'm a
bard and that I and you know, and I'll fight, I'm a little
little wimpy big boy and all that stuff. But you know what, if
they're not going, I'm not going. Yeah, you know what. I
just I don't need this. I don't need it. I'm sorry to hear
that. You know what might make you feel better? A rousing rendition of
don't go into battle? No Surrey, Sure, sure, I guess.
I just I don't know, man, my heart's not in this kind of
stuff right now. I just I mean, I'm, like I said,
I'm not I'm not a pacifist like you. I get it, I respect
it. It's just that's not what this is about for me. Are you
saying you don't want to come with me to the protest? Look, I
just I don't want to be anywhere near graduation, all right. I'm not
gonna walk in graduation, so I don't want to. I don't want to
be out there. And I know it's important to you, but I just
I don't. I don't want to do it, Okay, I don't.
Why why do you not get this? I just don't want to be there.
Oh okay, buddy, I guess I better better get going. Yeah,
I'm just gonna I'm gonna go sleep this off, all right, I'll
see her around. You want to say, you want to say good night
to Angel like you always do, good night Angel. Okay, that's good.
Good. I mean, it didn't sound like your heart was in it,
but I'm sure, I'm sure she appreciate it. So that was the
night before graduation, and then you've decided to skip graduation ceremony, so you
don't have an alarm set or anything. What time do you wake up?
Cretaceia wakes up around noon, groggy, grumpy, has slept basically the entire
evening of yesterday and all throughout the night and all through the morning. So
you got like twelve hours of sleep last night. You should be feeling pretty
rested. Now. Uh yeah, that's not really how sleep works for for
me. Uh yeah, I'm just the more sleep you get, the more
you just want to keep sleeping, you know, So especially you wake up
and you toss and turn, You're just trying to get another five more minutes
and another five more minutes, and it just kind of makes you feel worse
and worse. So I get up and smack my head on the ceiling as
usual because it's so short, there's a little big there's a little dent up
there right where my head has very often bumped into the ceiling. But you
know, it is what it is. So how do you what do you
do after you wake up? Presumably you get dressed, brush your very large
teeth. Than what, Well, I've been sleeping for a while, so
I'm pretty groggy, so I'm going to go to Enchanted Grounds and get a
cup of coffee. Okay, So you walk out of slu of Air,
which is is kind of on the edge of campus, and there's the botanical
gardens to walk through. And as you we're from the botanical gardens, now
you're you're kind of in the central area of campus. Will you roll a
perception check? Sure, a total of eight. So I'll tell you what
you don't notice. You you tage, the player will will know that it
is very quiet as you were walking through campus. But critasio, it's probably
just a little too tired to really notice any of that. Yeah, So
you head over toward the kind of central courtyard of campus and you get to
the door of Enchanted Grounds and there's a sign on it that says, uh
back in all five, what do you do? Well, that's interesting.
I attempt to push the pull door for a while. That definitely, before
finally deciding, all right, yep, it's not a prank. She's not
inside, just you being her usual off putting self. This place is definitely
closed. That's that sucks. That's I really needed this got all right,
so I'll just go back to my room then, uh so, yeah,
I'm just gonna trudge back to my room kind of stomping my way along.
Will me another perception check? All right? Six total. I have very
large eyes too, as a t rex, they're supposed to be very visually
perceived, right, because like they see things that you right. Well,
so that's that's why you don't perceive anything because nothing is moving. There is
nobody out nor about on campus. You are so groggy. I just I
don't care. You just you you don't even notice. There are probably more
nature sounds than you would normally hear on campus, but you're not hearing,
like there's there's no hustle and bustle. And this is after gre situation would
have happened, So like you don't notice any of this. But for the
sake of our listeners. That. Yeah, so you get back, You
walk back through the botanical garden, back into Sluver, back to your dorm
room with the divot on the ceiling right over your bed. What do you
do now, Well, I've been in the midst of packing since the semester
is ending, So pack for a little bit and throw on the radio.
Just see what's playing. The radio, as you refer to it is it's
an echo shard. What station do you tune it to? First? I'll
turn it to the news. When you turn on the news, you're going
to hear a voice that's somewhat familiar to you, but you have it's going
to take you a moment to place it because it's not a voice that you're
used to hearing at this time of day. Will you roll me a history
check and see if you can place it? Seventeenth total? Okay, so
you're hearing the voice of Raylan. Dawn shout, dawn shout. Yes,
this is an art time slot. It's not fall asleep for twelve hours and
everything just goes all knupside out. Yeah, so what you are going to
hear is going to tell you what you've missed in the last twelve hours while
you were sleeping. Good evening. I'm here on the grounds of the Shalamir
University of the Magical and Martial Arts, perhaps better known to some of our
listeners as Mage and Marshall. Today was supposed to be a festive day,
celebrating both Mage and Marshall's newest batch of graduates and three decades of freedom from
the autocrat Phineas Malvo, who previously ruled over our country with an iron fist.
Shortly after graduation kicked off this morning, a loud crack of magical thunders
showed that all was not well here in Shallowmere. As robes supporters of Malvo
filed into Memorial Stadium, a seemingly impenetrable energy dome descended over the entire graduating
class as well as the graduation audience, trapping everyone inside, and then,
to the surprise of all who had long believed Malvo to be dead, the
likeness of a seemingly alive Malvau was beamed into the sky and began to address
the crowd. Well, hello there, Shalomir. I am sorry to interrupt
your festivities today, but gosh I missed you these last thirty years. Looky
for all of you. I'm pretty hard to kill. So now I'm back.
Babies, you miss me, don't worry about answering. I won't be
able to hear you. I'm in an undisclosed location until the mechanisms are all
in place for me to come back again. Malvaux or the very believable Malvo
impersonator went on to demand the immediate resignation of the triarchy and the complete restoration
of the autocracy to power triarch this Elodora and Uveda's acting Secretary of War Gideon
storm Caller, who were both at the graduation but not trapped under the dome,
have retreated with members of Maje and Marshall's faculty to Sovereign House. That's
where they're likely discussing how to handle this incursion and trying to determine how to
free those trapped under the energy Dome. We've now learned that the two others,
Harry and Cantrell and Karlada Abeldown, have been notified of what's happening and
are reportedly en route from Platacema to Shallow Mirror Now. Earlier today we reported
that Odora storm Collar and the Major and Marshalls faculty who headed to Sovereign House
were accompanied by five would be grads of the university who were not trapped under
the dome. I can now confirm the identities of the five students who were
trying to aid in today's rescue attempts after the majority of the attendees of Major
and Marshall's graduation were trapped under the Energy dome. I have their university badge
signatures here. Dendra Carrol Holt. You're at a Hall Clarie sour Clad how
Muche Hall, Belsnamio, Flatley Hall, Colonial Stumps, Sluvia College, Brucus.
Don them go bananas now. Sources are telling me, oh oh no,
that can't be good. Sources are telling me that the five newly minted
Bards are being tasked with assisting the trio and fending off the coup attempt being
led by Phineas Melvow and his supporters. We'll have more details on the story
as it develops. You know, the gods help us all, Cretatio,
You've just heard some pretty shocking news. How do you react? Wow,
all my classmates are in there. I don't I I don't know what to
do. I mean, I can't go do anything. I don't really want
to go home either. I don't know. I just kind of sit there
for a while, as you might, I have no idea what well one
could possibly try to do. At that time, you're in shock. Yeah,
you lose track of time. Yeah, it could be twenty minutes,
it could be three hours, just pondering what's happening. The radio broadcast the
Shard is still playing in the background, so you're getting updates. It would
appear that that Raylan is the the only reporter who wasn't trapped in the dome.
But but she's there now, and she's she's your source of information.
And so you're you're listening to this and you're really not doing much of anything
else. And you hear a knock on the door. Do you open it?
I'm still here. Yeah, I guess I'll go open it and see
what's up. So you open the door and there is a gnome dressed in
kind of business casual it's the way that a lot of the pages at Sovereign
House are usually dressed when they don't have to be on the floor of the
legislature. And he looks up at you quite a bit from his from his
nomage height are you? Are you Cretaceo thunder Thigh? Unfortunately, Yeah,
that's that's me. I have a letter for you. I'm glad. I'm
glad you're here. I'll let them know that you're here. I have a
letter for you. Here you go. I have to get back. Yeah,
yeah, I'm sure you do. He's already gone. He's already gone.
All right, then, all right, I should struggle to close the
door with a little arm there, do you do? You open the letter?
Let's see, h does it say anything about who it's from on the
outside? Roll me? Let's see, roll me a history check that is
the seven total. It doesn't say who it's from. And you were having
trouble placing the handwriting on it. All right, well, I'll open this
bad boy up. See well this could possibly be about at a time like
this, And so you you open the letter and I the thunder Thigh family
crest is on the top of the letter. Oh boy, all right,
I guess I'll have to read this. Okay, So here's here's the uh,
the urgent message that you receive. Son. We've just heard about what
happened to graduation this morning. I'm hoping you're as stubborn as ever and decided
to boycott graduation like you told us you would when we told you we wouldn't
come. I know your uncle Gideon is still alive, and I've asked him
to bring you home, as he sent a message ahead that he'll be heading
to tabert Sava to call up the reserves cretatio. I know this isn't the
life you wanted, but we need you here training to join the fight if
it comes to that. Gideon has a train ticket for you first thing tomorrow
morning. Be there. Please believe me when I say that I do love
you. Your mother. Yeah, I'm sure that sounded nice to while she
was writing it, but look I can hear the passive aggression in there,
all right. I just tomorrow morning, she wants me back at the barracks
to train. She wants you on a train to get to the barracks to
do your training. Different different kinds of training there. Yes, great,
great. I've spent the last four years trying to get away from this stuff.
I mean, yeah, I guess I keep in shape a little bit.
I mean I have some weights in my room and stuff, but roll
me up. I can't do this, roll a perception check not twenty for
this. I just love what the best roles happened for Yeah it was was
it Ashley the first day who rolled a gnat one and then also in that
twenty I think so? Yeah? All right, So with your NAT twenty,
you hold the letter up to the light and imprinted on the letter,
very faintly is a watermark that you've never seen before, but it is an
image of you as a child next to your mother, And in seeing that
image, you realize that she does actually mean what she says. Wow,
I guess, well, maybe being away all this time, maybe she kind
of softened up a little. I mean she wanted me to be tough,
right, I mean, that's that's not a bad thing out here in the
in the real world. But I guess I guess mom needs me. I
guess Uvra needs me. I have to do this. I want to be
an artist and I want to sing, but this has to happen first.
I have to I have to butcher up for this. I have to I
have to train, I have to I have to work out, I have
to get into shape. And my mom needs me. I have to fight,
and if I'm going to fight, then I will sing about it.
It's time for a training montage. Yes, all right, Cretasio is gonna
start working out. Not that a single workout session is going to make up
for years and years of not doing actual formal combat training, but he's gonna
work out. Nonetheless. He's he's psyched, he's into it. He's doing
bicep curls. They are like max ten pounds because his arms are comparatively tiny,
but he is doing bicep curls. He's doing pushups again, not really
humongous push ups. He can like barely do five and he gets maybe four
inches off the ground. But he is doing a lot of push ups,
so he's trying. He's doing a lot of squats because he has very big,
powerful thighs. His siblings and his parents could probably go well into the
hundreds. Curtisio can hit maybe two hundred on a good day, all right.
But he's he's doing some power squads. He's he's curling some weights with
his tail. He's he's he's jogging around his room, shaking the whole building
as he does it. He's getting into it. His jaws are sweaty knees,
weak claws are heavy. This poor je on a sweater all ready law
spaghetti. He's nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready to
kick ass. But he keeps on remembering his mom's face when he said that
he was off to college. A part. He sings and plates and amasses
knowledge, an embarrassment to a war REarth society whose only talent is fighting it
and violence. But his family needs him now. He must get into shape.
He must realize his conflict and assume its rightful place as the year to
a war like dynasty of beasts. The ones who see the realm are the
ones with coffee. You'll forget about his opera. He'll lock away his strings,
you report to the barracks. But all he'd rather do is sing amazing
thank you. Yes the end really makes it. Yeah. So, after
after the training montage and that very stirring song, what does Critatio do?
All? Right? Well, the train is, the train is in the
evening. Cretasia works out for about an hour before he realizes how out of
shape he is and just kind of slumps and starts packing again. But uh,
not really gonna do anything else. Just gonna head to the train station
in the evening. Okay, so you search to make your way to the
train station. Roll me. We'll do another perception check. We'll see how
this one goes for you. Total of nine. I have a plus three
h perception. That's just the way that the dice goes sometimes. So yeah,
you still don't really notice anything in particular, and you don't notice just
this overwhelming sense of panic and chaos in the train station, even though it's
much quieter than usual. But you still don't notice all of all of the
panic, all of the chaos. You are just a man on a mission,
and now you need to find your uncle Gideon because he's got your train
ticket. And that is where we're going to pick up with the rest of
the party, but not until our next episode. Please join us in two
weeks for our next installment of the Bardbecue, where we'll do a deep dive
into episode five of Oops All Bards, and then two weeks after that for
episode six of Oops All Bards. Right here on the same fee that you're
listening to now, as always, I've been your game master, Jillian Ashley
Blair IVY and on behalf of all of our bards. Thanks for joining us.
Oops All Bards is created, GMed, and directed by Jillian Ashley Blair
Ivy. This episode was produced, edited, and sound designed by Nate Runkle.
Oops All Bards stars Ashley Banks as Bell's Sernamio and Coleman as Clarice Sauerkloud,
Ross Curry as Andrew Carroll Hold, Bob Killian as Colonian Stumps, and
introducing Tage Sinha Das as Cretaceio thunder Thigh. The Oops all bard theme song
is by Bob Killian with additional lyrics by Jillian Ashley Blair Ivy. Oops all
Bards is executive produced by TheRoom. We are part of the porch Room Network
on spreaker Prime. For more information, visit oopsoalbards dot com. Thanks and
be sure to rate, review, and subscribe to Oops all Bards on Spotify,
Apple Podcasts, or your podcatcher of choice, and follow us on Instagram
and Twitter at oops all Bards. We'll see you next time. Oops It's
all bars, oh one. Another quality podcast from the porch Room